# Will someone rate my story please?



## shebawolf145 (May 15, 2008)

It can be found here. http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1301650/

It is rated mature for blood and gore.


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## M. LeRenard (May 15, 2008)

Rate, or critique?

Speaking of which, for future reference, post such threads here instead.


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## shebawolf145 (May 22, 2008)

bleh nevermind...it is gone for some reason


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## Ikarus (May 26, 2008)

If you want a rating, I'd give it a 5/10 for the small part that you linked to.

A critique would be more my style to explain why I gave it the rating I did. It's not horrible, but it's not excellent. However to make it better you need to do more showing instead of telling. You just sorta explain what happened without really describing it. And when you described it you did it blandly. Use metaphors and similes where you can, and leave mundane descriptions out as much as possible.

In my opinion writing shouldn't be done in first person if you can help it. First person limits your writing quite a lot. Also in a personal opinion writing is better in past tense. It just sounds better.


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