# Does the perfect mate exist?



## Maxwell _The Folf (Aug 23, 2016)

my name is maxwell and i have been trying to find the perfect mate the is a nerd like me that has alot of stuff to talk about and little time to do so


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## lockaboss (Aug 23, 2016)

_to put it simply _*NO*


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## Zenoth (Aug 24, 2016)

Not really. But if you just do what you love and become content alone, the universe has a way of leading someone amazing across your path when you're not expecting it.


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## Nataku (Aug 24, 2016)

So you want a... Nerd that has no time to talk to you?


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## SkyboundTerror (Aug 24, 2016)

You're not going to be happy if you create a "perfect" set of standards for a significant other to fall into. You'll only limit your options and possibly offend potential boyfriend/girlfriends.


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## Notkastar (Aug 24, 2016)

SkyboundTerror said:


> You're not going to be happy if you create a "perfect" set of standards for a significant other to fall into. You'll only limit your options and possibly offend potential boyfriend/girlfriends.



He's got a point man, "Perfect" doesn't exist.
Just finding someone you can spend more then 10 minutes with would be lucky
lol


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## ZacAttackk (Aug 24, 2016)

Just keep talking to people, and if you're slightly interested in one then talk to them more, and more. Something may happen.


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## quoting_mungo (Aug 24, 2016)

"Perfect" doesn't exist in any field - it's an unreachable ideal. With some patience and an open mind you can find people who are surprisingly good matches, though. 
You can definitely find plenty of nerds in and out of fandom, though. Like ZacAttackk says, talk to people and nurture relationships that seem to click for you.


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## _Hushy (Aug 24, 2016)

We're furries, of course purfect doesn't exist.. That's why we resort to art and RP and...


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## Somnium (Aug 24, 2016)

It all depends on how do you define perfect. People say heaven is a perfect place, well I wouldn't want to be laying in the clouds, drinking wine and eating for the eternity, it would get boring after a while.


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## darien (Aug 24, 2016)

Perfection is an ideal that nobody can ever live up to. Don't seek perfection, you will not find it. Often times opposites attract. I know it's a cliche, but such cliche's exist for a reason. If someone is too similar to you the relationship can be very boring (unless that's something you both want.) If you both share all of the same interests, same views, etc. After the initial infatuation what is there really to talk about? Nothing, because you both agree entirely on every viewpoint and have all the same interests, which means aside from silent companionship you have nothing to offer one another. I'm not saying go out and find your polar opposite, just be aware that your best chance for success in a relationship is probably going to be someone who will probably share some things in common but might have quite a few different tastes than you. Relationships are about give and take. Nobody likes a leech, it's best when you each have something to offer.

The best way to find a mate is to not look for one. I'm serious. Focus on yourself and what you want to better about yourself and your situation. While you're busy taking strides improve yourself and your life- chances are you'll find a mate along the way.


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## Saiko (Aug 24, 2016)

Part of being in a healthy relationship is learning to live with your partner's imperfections. If you're looking for perfection, you're doing it wrong.

I also second darien's point about not actively looking for a partner. If you can be happy being single, you'll more easily avoid settling for the first person available.


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## Sergei Nóhomo (Aug 24, 2016)

Silly person you'll never find out if you don't make the effort to put yourself forward

No effort = >tfw no tq3.14 GF


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## DravenDonovan (Aug 24, 2016)

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder.  If you truly love someone than you're going to think they are perfect, even with their imperfections ;3. If you can't love someone even for their flaws, than you shouldn't try to find someone to love, cause everyone has their imperfections.


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## Simo (Aug 24, 2016)

Yep! Here I am!

But in all seriousness, no. I have a mate I've been with for some years, and we get along well, but you also have to be willing to compromise; nobody is ever going to be a perfect match, and no person can magically fulfill all your social needs, or possibly even your sexual ones. Relationships are fun, and very rewarding, but they do take work.

But have hope, be yourself, keep looking, be social, and you're bound to meet somebody. I never thought I would, at one point, but looking back, I could have had any number of mates, in retrospect, had I not been as shy, at the time. Well, and fussy, and had more $ to travel.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Aug 25, 2016)

Depends on what is perfect to you.


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## KittenAdmin (Aug 25, 2016)

No. Perfection is a human invention, in nature it doesn't exist. Learning to love someone for their good traits and accepting their bad traits is key to a long healthy relationship.


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## LycanTheory (Aug 25, 2016)

Yeah, I found her and she was taken from me. Now I'm dammed to walk the earth, tainted by bitterness with a bloodlust for vengeance...

Seriously though, no. I imagine it's possible to find someone who's a good match for you that will reciprocate the same feelings. I've come close a few times but no cigar.


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## HappyHusky (Aug 27, 2016)

Maxwell _The Folf said:


> my name is maxwell and i have been trying to find the perfect mate the is a nerd like me that has alot of stuff to talk about and little time to do so


Same here. I'm not exactly a normal member of society, in the same way, I'm sure you are. So I'm just hoping I'm still eligible for a relationship XD


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## Sergei Nóhomo (Aug 27, 2016)

HappyHusky said:


> Same here. I'm not exactly a normal member of society, in the same way, I'm sure you are. So I'm just hoping I'm still eligible for a relationship XD



_Smooth_


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## FonzieThSuperWizard (Aug 27, 2016)

It exists, but it takes time and no dating or marriage while waiting for it to happen. :3


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## dominoc71 (Aug 28, 2016)

You shall die alone.


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## swooz (Aug 28, 2016)

Do what I do bruh.

GMOs.


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## Sergei Nóhomo (Aug 28, 2016)

swooz said:


> Do what I do bruh.
> 
> GMOs.



That's kinda kinky



dominoc71 said:


> You shall die alone.



This dude is speaking from experience so you better heed his advice


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## Zipline (Aug 28, 2016)

Did someone say perfection?


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## MEDS (Aug 28, 2016)

If the perfect mate doesn't exist, at least Bad Dragon can probably make it.


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## Zipline (Aug 28, 2016)

MEDS said:


> If the perfect mate doesn't exist, at least Bad Dragon can probably make it.


Spaghetti is the perfect mate!


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## MEDS (Aug 28, 2016)

There's always room for improvement. ie enhanced spaghetti.


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## Very Hairy Larry (Aug 28, 2016)

MEDS said:


> If the perfect mate doesn't exist, at least Bad Dragon can probably make it.
















good........gawd.......almighty..............no...please.......no


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## aefields (Aug 28, 2016)

Yes.

The problem is connecting with your perfect mate.  Out of billions of people, surely there is someone who would be 'perfect'.


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## Sergei Nóhomo (Aug 28, 2016)

aefields said:


> Yes.
> 
> The problem is connecting with your perfect mate.  Out of billions of people, surely there is someone who would be 'perfect'.



No that's not true


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## Zipline (Aug 28, 2016)

Very Hairy Larry said:


> good........gawd.......almighty..............yes...please.......yes


Larbear, what do you think of our wedding photo?


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## Sergei Nóhomo (Aug 29, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Larbear, what do you think of our wedding photo?



Just like something I would make. I love it


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## DravenDonovan (Aug 29, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Larbear, what do you think of our wedding photo?


Haha I just noticed Larry xD


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## Very Hairy Larry (Aug 29, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Larbear, what do you think of our wedding photo?


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## Zipline (Aug 29, 2016)

DravenDonovan said:


> Haha I just noticed Larry xD


Larry is camera shy and hungry so he will sometimes dive under the saucy water.


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## Very Hairy Larry (Aug 29, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Larry is camera shy and hungry so he will sometimes dive under the saucy water.


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## Sparrow-the-Wolfess (Aug 29, 2016)

If you cannot find the "perfect" mate... aspire to _be_ the perfect mate.


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## Zenoth (Aug 29, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Larbear, what do you think of our wedding photo?


Best picture I have seen alll day.


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## Zipline (Aug 29, 2016)

Zenoth said:


> Best picture I have seen alll day.


Thank you! ^_^ That site is not fur friendly so i could not add ears and had to remake that scene many times before I gave up trying to fix it and finally used the default circle tool.


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## Fopfox (Aug 30, 2016)

Not really, there's compromises that have to be made and ultimately, that's okay so long as you only change so much as you're willing and they accept that.

My partner is on the total opposite end of the political spectrum for example and I'm madly in love.


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## SharpUnforgiven (Aug 30, 2016)

im gonna say the "perfect" mate doesnt exist because 1 if they did and you met them you would want to leave them. and 2 i believe we settle for what we have because we dont like how it feels to be without it


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## LycanTheory (Sep 7, 2016)

SharpUnforgiven said:


> i believe we settle for what we have because we dont like how it feels to be without it



For some. I'd just as soon do without than go through the headaches and struggle of trying to maintain a relationship with someone who's not compatible with me in the slightest.

It's not like I need a mate to complete me as I'm fine by myself. As for anyone I let into my life on that level, it's not because I need someone or anyone, it's because I specifically want that person in my life in that way.


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## quoting_mungo (Sep 8, 2016)

LycanTheory said:


> For some. I'd just as soon do without than go through the headaches and struggle of trying to maintain a relationship with someone who's not compatible with me in the slightest.


While I'm not too keen on the wording of "settle for what we have" ("settle" has some connotations of "I'm not happy with this but I'll make do" that I'm not entirely comfortable with), there's a huge difference between accepting that your partner isn't 100% perfect and "trying to maintain a relationship with someone who's not compatible [...] in the slightest". 

In order to function in social situations with other human beings we kind of do have to accept each other's quirks to some degree, or at least tolerate them. My husband and I argue remarkably little (I honestly don't think I've met any couple who are quite as close to being pod people as we sometimes seem to be XD), but it absolutely happens that we don't entirely see eye to eye. People that you absolutely adore can still have little habits that you don't like for whatever reason.

If a relationship just isn't working, by all means, cut your losses before you start hating each other. Nothing gets better by trying to hold something together if there's nothing there to build on. Just realize that it's not black and white, but rather a sliding scale of how compatible any given two (or more) people are.


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## LycanTheory (Sep 9, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> While I'm not too keen on the wording of "settle for what we have" ("settle" has some connotations of "I'm not happy with this but I'll make do" that I'm not entirely comfortable with), there's a huge difference between accepting that your partner isn't 100% perfect and "trying to maintain a relationship with someone who's not compatible [...] in the slightest".
> 
> In order to function in social situations with other human beings we kind of do have to accept each other's quirks to some degree, or at least tolerate them. My husband and I argue remarkably little (I honestly don't think I've met any couple who are quite as close to being pod people as we sometimes seem to be XD), but it absolutely happens that we don't entirely see eye to eye. People that you absolutely adore can still have little habits that you don't like for whatever reason.
> 
> If a relationship just isn't working, by all means, cut your losses before you start hating each other. Nothing gets better by trying to hold something together if there's nothing there to build on. Just realize that it's not black and white, but rather a sliding scale of how compatible any given two (or more) people are.



I agree with this to a large extent and to clarify, my idea of a "perfect mate" is simply one who's open minded, accepting and reciprocates the same feelings of love and affection and, of course, one who would actually want to be with me for just being me. I mean, I know we've all got preferences but aside from the basics, what more could one really ask for?


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## Caraid (Sep 9, 2016)

"Perfect" doesn't exist because "perfect" can not be described. What is a perfect partner, exactly? How can you possibly know what combination of emotional and physical needs, wants and experiences a person must have for you to be able to share your life with them? I don't even know my_ own_ wants and needs most of the time.

I think this manner of thinking just demonstrates a lack of experience and romanticized standards for what a relationship should be.


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## JinxiFox (Sep 10, 2016)

No. 
People are imperfect, therefore a perfect mate can never exist.
You have to accept people with all their flaws. My husband does crap that drives me fucking insane, and I do the same for him, but I would never change that. We work because we are different and flawed, as well as having common ground.
If you are holding out for that 'perfect' person, you will never find them, instead, I suggest you look for that imperfectly lovely person who loves you for you.


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## swooz (Sep 10, 2016)

No. It does not. That only happens when you open a dimensional rift to the "perfect realm" and then you being there will make it the "imperfect realm" which will just make it Earth which will make your whole trip useless.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Sep 10, 2016)

Nothing perfect can exist in an imperfect world, some things are just...better...


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## _Hushy (Sep 10, 2016)

Okay, secrets out, I'm right here guys.


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## swooz (Sep 10, 2016)

Stew.


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## Wither (Sep 12, 2016)




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## Toby_Morpheus (Sep 13, 2016)

It really depends on your idea of perfect.

If that means lack of imperfections, then no. One does not exist.

If it means that you and your potential mate may be able to lessen the effects of each others' imperfections, then I'd say that is far more possible.


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## DoeDog (Sep 14, 2016)

married dude here, there is no perfect mate, all that matters is that you and that person play for the same team, support each other and have each other's back even if you don't agree on the topic at the moment, you don't even have to like the same things, sharing is ok, but as long as you love each other the rest will be fine, expecting the other person to be your dream mate is a narcissistic idea, and very naive, there is no perfect can't stress this enough.


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## aefields (Sep 16, 2016)

Sergei Nóhomo said:


> No that's not true


Er, which part?


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## Gaitsu (Sep 17, 2016)

In a world with multiple billions of people, the 'perfect' person for you is out there, but often times, the 'perfect' person for you, you are not 'perfect' for. Just keep an open mind, and potential will kinda just show up eventually.

And if, out of the billions around, you cant find someone you click with, wait a couple of dozen years, I hear all the hot chicks shack up on Epsilon Prime. HAHA! Sci-fi!


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## Yoi Ishiya (Sep 17, 2016)

Welp part of a healthy relationship is trust which is built on expectiations voiced early on. You dont find the perfect guy you make the perfect couple. 

Warning! This is opinion!
Take time to analyize what you really need in a healthy relationship. The perfect guy doesnt exist but you will find someone who completes you, your puzzle peice that helps create a balance between you and the partner. 

TLDR Build relationships on communication, trust, and a balance and you will make the perfect couple.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Sep 17, 2016)

The perfect mate DOES exist. For everyone!! You justvhave to be patient. It took many years of crazy lovers, being very lonely, being depressed, before I found mine. Married almost 17 years now. She is into everything I am into. We love cosplay at con's and ren fest. And we're looking into getting our partials made together so we can suit together. I am so freaking blessed!!!


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Sep 17, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> While I'm not too keen on the wording of "settle for what we have" ("settle" has some connotations of "I'm not happy with this but I'll make do" that I'm not entirely comfortable with), there's a huge difference between accepting that your partner isn't 100% perfect and "trying to maintain a relationship with someone who's not compatible [...] in the slightest".
> 
> In order to function in social situations with other human beings we kind of do have to accept each other's quirks to some degree, or at least tolerate them. My husband and I argue remarkably little (I honestly don't think I've met any couple who are quite as close to being pod people as we sometimes seem to be XD), but it absolutely happens that we don't entirely see eye to eye. People that you absolutely adore can still have little habits that you don't like for whatever reason.
> 
> If a relationship just isn't working, by all means, cut your losses before you start hating each other. Nothing gets better by trying to hold something together if there's nothing there to build on. Just realize that it's not black and white, but rather a sliding scale of how compatible any given two (or more) people are.


So very true! Don't just settle. If there are more differences than likenesses, you will spend a lot of time fighting. My wife and I rarely ever "fight" anymore. We did in our early days, but that wasn't about differences, it was about stress and money, two things that can make or break you. She's my soulmate. I couldn't imagine life without her because she DOES complete me. We finish each others sentences for christsakes!!


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Sep 17, 2016)

And dont be afraid to try new and unusual things either. A love triangle is how we found each other!


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## nerdbat (Sep 17, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> A love triangle is how we found each other!


If anything, it sounds like an advice to steal girlfriends from other people


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## Sl0shy (Sep 17, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> And dont be afraid to try new and unusual things either. A love triangle is how we found each other!


it will probably be how your wife finds her next partner too


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## RandomNinja11 (Sep 17, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> it will probably be how your wife finds her next partner too





nerdbat said:


> If anything, it sounds like an advice to steal girlfriends from other people


Well that took a turn for the negative o.o


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## Gaitsu (Sep 17, 2016)

17 years together people. If she were going to leave him, she would have already. Instead of trying to bring him down, be happy that someone in your comunity found happiness.


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## RandomNinja11 (Sep 17, 2016)

Gaitsu said:


> 17 years together people. If she were going to leave him, she would have already. Instead of trying to bring him down, be happy that someone in your comunity found happiness.


holy shit positivity!


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## nerdbat (Sep 17, 2016)

Gaitsu said:


> 17 years together people. If she were going to leave him, she would have already. Instead of trying to bring him down, be happy that someone in your comunity found happiness.


Cool for him and stuff, I just think that advice itself sounds kinda weird, at least in the way it was said. I still can't really understand what the poster implied with that.


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## _Hushy (Sep 17, 2016)

Well if you want positivity..

I recently found myself my own little dragon and I am so F'ing happy I finally want to stay in this world :')

Lel.


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## Gaitsu (Sep 17, 2016)

RandomNinja11 said:


> holy shit positivity!



I know, such an old, outdated tradition



nerdbat said:


> Cool for him and stuff, I just think that advice itself sounds kinda weird, at least in the way it was said. I still can't really understand what the poster implied with that.



Then ask what he ment before getting negative. You might learn something.


_Hushy said:


> Well if you want positivity..
> 
> I recently found myself my own little dragon and I am so F'ing happy I finally want to stay in this world :')
> 
> Lel.



Grats.


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## nerdbat (Sep 17, 2016)

Gaitsu said:


> Then ask what he ment before getting negative. You might learn something


Did I said anything negative at all? I think you're making things up.


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## Gaitsu (Sep 17, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> Did I said anything negative at all? I think you're making things up.





nerdbat said:


> If anything, it sounds like an advice to steal girlfriends from other people




The case rests.


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## quoting_mungo (Sep 17, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> If anything, it sounds like an advice to steal girlfriends from other people


Girlfriends (and boyfriends!) are people, with their own wants, needs, and emotions. They are not possessions. Ergo, you cannot "steal" someone's partner, and honestly this idea that you can is kind of toxic and should be stamped out.

I'm not saying go out and sleep with other people's partners (unless they're cool with that), because that's pretty disrespectful. But if Person A decides to break up with Person B in order to date Person C who's been sending them roses every week for the past month, that's still a choice Person A made and it shouldn't be invalidated by trying to frame it like it was all Person C's nefarious doing.


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## Sl0shy (Sep 17, 2016)

Gaitsu said:


> 17 years together people. If she were going to leave him, she would have already. Instead of trying to bring him down, be happy that someone in your comunity found happiness.


yea because playing devil's advocate has to be a bad thing.



quoting_mungo said:


> Girlfriends (and boyfriends!) are people, with their own wants, needs, and emotions. They are not possessions. Ergo, you cannot "steal" someone's partner, and honestly this idea that you can is kind of toxic and should be stamped out.
> 
> I'm not saying go out and sleep with other people's partners (unless they're cool with that), because that's pretty disrespectful. But if Person A decides to break up with Person B in order to date Person C who's been sending them roses every week for the past month, that's still a choice Person A made and it shouldn't be invalidated by trying to frame it like it was all Person C's nefarious doing.



>expecting any less than objectification of women from nerbat.


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## Yakamaru (Sep 17, 2016)

This thread still going? Shit.

Short answer to thread question: No.

Long answer: Nope.


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## Gaitsu (Sep 17, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> >expecting any less than objectification of women from nerbat.



Not sure what that had to do with his advice


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## quoting_mungo (Sep 17, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> >expecting any less than objectification of women from nerbat.


Please don't snipe at other users. It's rude. 

The notion that significant others can be "stolen" is pretty damn widespread (look at... pretty much any high school/college movie with female main characters, tbh), so it's definitely not something you should be targeting individuals over. If that's what you're taking away from what I said, you're missing the point.


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## Kellan Meig'h (Sep 17, 2016)

Been married for 36 years, but it ain't perfect. Pretty close to perfect, though. We still have our disagreements but I wouldn't trade her for all of the riches.

BTW, first marriage lasted less than a year.


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## nerdbat (Sep 18, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> Girlfriends (and boyfriends!) are people, with their own wants, needs, and emotions. They are not possessions. Ergo, you cannot "steal" someone's partner, and honestly this idea that you can is kind of toxic and should be stamped out.
> 
> I'm not saying go out and sleep with other people's partners (unless they're cool with that), because that's pretty disrespectful. But if Person A decides to break up with Person B in order to date Person C who's been sending them roses every week for the past month, that's still a choice Person A made and it shouldn't be invalidated by trying to frame it like it was all Person C's nefarious doing.


You're mostly right on your arguments, but I think you're missing the point a bit on the concept of "stealing" in general. I can agree that it's a personal right for everybody to choose their own partners and pick from whoever is more worthy, breaking up with those you don't really feel happy with in the process. However, there is a thing like messing up with otherwise perfectly fine relationships in order to get to someone engaged - including, but not limited to stalking, instigating a couple against each other, even stuff like setting up fake text messages and trying mess up with both persons on social media, which sadly gets increasingly easier to do, considering that quarells over Facebook statuses are already a thing. This is what people usually considering "stealing someone", and it's a real thing - when you just invade someone's relationship and start to ruin it, sometimes from inside, doing it deliberately and with a full knowledge of what you're doing. And it's not like it's that hard to turn a happy couple against each other - google "how to break up a couple" for example, there are enough examples of screwing with people to make you paranoid. And going outside the topic, there's also a concern of trust - for example, so-called "bro code", an unspoken rule of "not dating/sleeping with/having romantic involvement with a friend's ex (without asking first)". Without citing several reasons of why it's a wrong thing to do, let's just say that breaking it is a good way to lose your friend forever.

(also, it's not the first time Sl0shy gets agressive over me. There's a thread where she insulted me several times, called me a vampire and told me to f"ck myself. I sent a report ticket, but nobody seemed to care, so despite the hilariousness of the situation, I'll also use this post to adress the mod personally. Seriously, do something about her, she just doesn't leave me alone )


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## quoting_mungo (Sep 18, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> However, there is a thing like messing up with otherwise perfectly fine relationships in order to get to someone engaged - including, but not limited to stalking, instigating a couple against each other, even stuff like setting up fake text messages and trying mess up with both persons on social media, which sadly gets increasingly easier to do, considering that quarells over Facebook statuses are already a thing. This is what people usually considering "stealing someone", and it's a real thing - when you just invade someone's relationship and start to ruin it, sometimes from inside, doing it deliberately and with a full knowledge of what you're doing. And it's not like it's that hard to turn a happy couple against each other - google "how to break up a couple" for example, there are enough examples of screwing with people to make you paranoid.


90% or more of all "how to break up a couple" methods are easily defeated by good communication. They work because of a social climate of glorifying distrust and jealousy in relationships. Trying to sabotage other people's relationships (or friendships, no real difference) is shitty, yes, but it's going to be a whole lot harder if the people in the relationship refuse to play the jealousy game. I've been accused of stealing someone's boyfriend before (and while I did end up dating him later, I had no intention of breaking the two of them up, nor did I have any romantic interest in him at the time - we started dating something like half a year later), and the whole situation could have been avoided if she'd been honest and straightforward with her boyfriend, or even had deigned to communicate her concerns to me. Instead she decided to hold her worries back and let her jealousy and insecurity utterly poison her relationship. 

Unsurprisingly, I have very little patience for people getting dramatic over Facebook statuses and rumors etc. Hell, I'm still "engaged" according to Facebook, and I've been married for over two years at this point. (Hubby and I have talked about the reasons for this, but even if we hadn't, it's not something to get in a knot over.) Related post on my Tumblr (slightly NSFW-ish language).

Steering back onto the original topic, IMO that's the most important thing to look for in a partner. They can be otherwise "perfect" for you, but if the two of you can't effectively communicate to talk things out, things are bound to sooner or later get ugly. Having more differences but being able to have an open, honest conversation about anything that bothers you is going to land you a healthier, stronger relationship than having "everything" in common but holding stuff in all the time.


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## Sl0shy (Sep 18, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> (also, it's not the first time Sl0shy gets agressive over me. There's a thread where she insulted me several times, called me a vampire and told me to f"ck myself. I sent a report ticket, but nobody seemed to care, so despite the hilariousness of the situation, I'll also use this post to adress the mod personally. Seriously, do something about her, she just doesn't leave me alone )



wow could you possibly be displaying any more butthurt? bringing up something that's already over and done with. 
you want to be left alone? then stop posting in a public forum. its not like i'm posting on your profile jst to peck at you or anything. and just because i've come across another pisspoor public post from you and called you out, doesn't mean i am going out of my way to target you.
plus i was going to leave this alone after QM told me not to snip at ppl. but then you had to pull this shit.


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## nerdbat (Sep 18, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> text


Welp, I completely agree, you nailed the point. Though, as you already said, it doesn't make sabotaging relationships any less shittier - at least due to the fact that uncommunicative relationships can improve and open up over time (after partners got to know each other better and made some important conclusions about themselves), while involvement of one wrong person can ruin it forever. If coming to a compromise, I think there is a thing like "stealing a girlfriend/boyfriend" - it just goes beyond simple "choosing one over another" and includes personal involvement
in ruining the current relationship, and since people tend to overuse the term a bit too much, it lost its meaning.


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## nerdbat (Sep 18, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> wow could you possibly be displaying any more butthurt? bringing up something that's already over and done with.
> you want to be left alone? then stop posting in a public forum. its not like i'm posting on your profile jst to peck at you or anything. and just because i've come across another pisspoor public post from you and called you out, doesn't mean i am going out of my way to target you.
> plus i was going to leave this alone after QM told me not to snip at ppl. but then you had to pull this shit.


Well, I'm expressing my personal opinion on the subject - it just happens that everytime I say something you don't agree with, you go into fight mode and try to demonize me or drown me in insults, bringing it to a personal level. If you want a reasonable, cultured discussion about why I'm wrong, you're always welcome to talk it out, just like quoting_mungo did, but if you will constantly be like "HURR DUUR YOU'RE BAD", of course I'll report you again and again until you get warned or banned - who likes being insulted on constant basis for, well, saying stuff. I mean, your solution is basically "If you don't like being insulted by me, leave this forum" - it already seems like you're trying to bully me off from FAF.


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## Sl0shy (Sep 18, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> Well, I'm expressing my personal opinion on the subject - it just happens that everytime I say something you don't agree with, you go into fight mode and try to demonize me or drown me in insults, bringing it to a personal level. If you want a reasonable, cultured discussion about why I'm wrong, you're always welcome to talk it out, just like quoting_mungo did, but if you will constantly be like "HURR DUUR YOU'RE BAD", of course I'll report you again and again until you get warned or banned - who likes being insulted on constant basis for, well, saying stuff. I mean, your solution is basically "If you don't like being insulted by me, leave this forum" - it already seems like you're trying to bully me off from FAF.


you said 'stealing girlfriends' which clearly implies women are a possession. all that stuff about manipulating and sabotaging a couple doesn't negate that. YOU OBJECTIFIED WOMEN and there's no way around it. you wanna talk about insults? that's a pretty nasty insult to women everywhere. and you're surprised to see some animosity in return pfffft give me a break. aside from that, it doesn't help at all that you rekindled drama that was ALREADY DONE WITH for /no/ reason


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## Andromedahl (Sep 18, 2016)

Why can't we all just be friends.


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## Gaitsu (Sep 18, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> you said 'stealing girlfriends' which clearly implies women are a possession. all that stuff about manipulating and sabotaging a couple doesn't negate that. YOU OBJECTIFIED WOMEN and there's no way around it. you wanna talk about insults? that's a pretty nasty insult to women everywhere. and you're surprised to see some animosity in return pfffft give me a break. aside from that, it doesn't help at all that you rekindled drama that was ALREADY DONE WITH for /no/ reason




Now wait a minute, even as I argued with him, he never said anything about objectifying women, if anything, he was saying that stealing another person's girlfriend is wrong (And by extension, stealing another person's boyfriend,). Personally, I think he should be commended for attempting to retain an ounce of respect for women when dumb people like you forget the core argument that all women have, and throw that argument out the door whenever it suits you.

I also find it strange that he posted before you, saying nothing to you, you posted, saying nothing to him, never once did he mention anything about you, yet you felt the need to call him out for something he didn't even do on the topic in question.


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## Yakamaru (Sep 18, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> you said 'stealing girlfriends' which clearly implies women are a possession. all that stuff about manipulating and sabotaging a couple doesn't negate that. YOU OBJECTIFIED WOMEN and there's no way around it. you wanna talk about insults? that's a pretty nasty insult to women everywhere. and you're surprised to see some animosity in return pfffft give me a break. aside from that, it doesn't help at all that you rekindled drama that was ALREADY DONE WITH for /no/ reason


"Stealing girlfriends" is a metaphor you idiot. It pretty much means running off with someone elses partner. There's no STEALING involved. And women are objectified all the time.  And so are men. Stop pouting.

Hint: Spot the feminist. nerdbat sure as fuck ain't one.


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## Gaitsu (Sep 18, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> "Stealing girlfriends" is a metaphor you fucking idiot. It pretty much means running off with someone elses partner.
> 
> Hint: Spot the feminist.



There is a big difference between kidnapping and willfully going with someone. Unless the original poster of the, I got my girlfriend from a love triangle, post is a sicko, I think it means that his wife CHOSE to be with him, which means her old boyfriend was probably shit anyway. 

And "Stealing girlfriends" isn't a metaphor, it means what it says, however the term steal doesn't really fit if its the stolen's choice, now does it. I've never heard of a Flat Screen TV CHOOSING to go with the thief, I've never heard of a Car that becomes the thief's getaway driver because the original owner is a brutal appliance murderer.

Cheating is wrong, period. However, in the case of a Threesome, if thats what the op actually ment, then its a choice between all three people, and not cheating unless it continues without one of said three. A love triangle, as what the op actually said, doesn't have to involve sex in any way shape or form for a relationship to blossem for the "Woman Objectifying Male Thief" to become the choice for the woman in question.

It all comes down to, none of us know what the details are that the op went through, so STOP ARGUING ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES!


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## Sl0shy (Sep 18, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> And women are objectified all the time.  And so are men. Stop pouting.


so that makes it okay? and you say i'm the idiot.


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## Sl0shy (Sep 18, 2016)

Gaitsu:
*"Now wait a minute, even as I argued with him, he never said anything about objectifying women, if anything, he was saying that stealing another person's girlfriend is wrong (And by extension, stealing another person's boyfriend,). Personally, I think he should be commended for attempting to retain an ounce of respect for women when dumb people like you forget the core argument that all women have, and throw that argument out the door whenever it suits you.

I also find it strange that he posted before you, saying nothing to you, you posted, saying nothing to him, never once did he mention anything about you, yet you felt the need to call him out for something he didn't even do on the topic in question"*

if you don't see how he objectified women, then you're truly dumber than a sack of hammers. you're going off speculation. if he meant 'stealing boyfriends by extension too', he would have worded it different. not that hard. but with the way he nonchalantly worded like 'stealing girlfriends', he subconsciously referred to them as this thing that guys collect and obtain like some sort of pokemon or trophy. and for that to come out subconsciously just shows what kind of person he is whether he wants to admit it or not. durrrr

Gaitsu:
*"STOP ARGUING"*
Gaitsu:
*"dumb people like you"*

yeah that's gonna stop arguments. hyp! o! crit!

edited because Gaitsu deleted his account or something and so his quote no longer displayed on this post. luckily all the text he wrote was still here when i clicked 'edit'


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## KittenAdmin (Sep 18, 2016)

This thread is a fucking mess.


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## Somnium (Sep 18, 2016)

KittenAdmin said:


> This thread is a fucking mess.



I'm too lazy to read all the latest posts. What are we talking about now?


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## Sl0shy (Sep 18, 2016)

KittenAdmin said:


> This thread is a fucking mess.


gr8 post m8! i r8 8/8. at least we're /trying/ to make posts with more substance than yours


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## KittenAdmin (Sep 18, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> gr8 post m8! i r8 8/8. at least we're /trying/ to make posts with more substance than yours



You sure told me.


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## Gaitsu (Sep 18, 2016)

Moving on. Anyone know which mod to contact to clean up the off topic stuff?


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## Kellan Meig'h (Sep 18, 2016)

Well, this one went off the rails . . .


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Sep 18, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> it will probably be how your wife finds her next partner too


Nah. We've been together for a very long time.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Sep 18, 2016)

No.


nerdbat said:


> If anything, it sounds like an advice to steal girlfriends from other people


 I didn't mean it like THAT. My point is to not be afraid to take a chance on someone, no matter how crazy that chance is, because the end result may be the best thing to ever happen to you in your life, which is what it was fur me.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Sep 18, 2016)

You who are arguing over this thread should feel ashamed. Everyone is different in life. The one thing we DO all have in common is we are furries. Everyone loves differently, feels differently, and views things differently. That's why there are sayings like "different strokes for different folks", and "a picture says a thousands words". We should respect others opinions, even if we may not agree with them. Now touch paws, lick cheeks, and move on as friends, not enemies.


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## nerdbat (Sep 19, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> You who are arguing over this thread should feel ashamed. Everyone is different in life. The one thing we DO all have in common is we are furries. Everyone loves differently, feels differently, and views things differently. That's why there are sayings like "different strokes for different folks", and "a picture says a thousands words". We should respect others opinions, even if we may not agree with them. Now touch paws, lick cheeks, and move on as friends, not enemies.


Dunno, I'm a fan of a good, reasonable debate, and I don't see anything shameful in it, as long as it doesn't go into the territory of personal insults. Arguing on controversial or complicated matters is a good way to test your knowledge and charisma, challenge your opinions and beliefs, see different perspectives on the subject, and in the end result, get a little bit wiser. Of course, there's some edge in any kind of arguing, but it only makes things a bit more spicey and fun. The only problem is when it stops being a debate and turns into crap-flinging - this is where it gets toxic for everybody and loses an initial purpose. This is the primary problem people in the thread have with Sl0shy, I think - there are more insults in her posts than any actual arguments.
Either way, thanks for clearing things up, now I understand


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## Yakamaru (Sep 19, 2016)

Sl0shy said:


> so that makes it okay? and you say i'm the idiot.


Yes you are, because you make a big fuss about nothing. A fucking opinion. An opinion is neither right nor wrong unless it contradicts facts. It's like having different opinions on abortion. It's a topic that lives in the grey area where a lot of opinions, even if they contradict others, are correct. And frankly, this subject is a grey area.

You also clearly misunderstood what nerdbat meant by "stealing a girlfriend/boyfriend" by all the hostility you're showing.

Here are some examples of men and women getting objectified:
Underwear commercials
Men in novels
Sports
Models
Gender roles and stereotypes

Just because both genders gets objectified doesn't mean it's inherently/intentionally bad. It's only when an individual or a group objectifies someone in an intentionally bad way you might wanna call him or her out on it. And frankly, nothing nerdbad said is him objectifying women. Nor men, for that matter.

Again, get over it. Objectification will happen whether you like it or not.


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## quoting_mungo (Sep 19, 2016)

I've told you once already, and don't want to have to tell you again (it makes me cranky). Knock it off with the personal attacks. 

You're welcome to disagree with each other about the thread topic (and within reason the broader topic of relationships, as that relates to finding a long-term partner), and discuss your positions on that topic. This also means no more discussing whose fault it was that the thread veered off-topic or whatever; if everyone keeps trying to get the last word in it'll never end.


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## RandomNinja11 (Sep 19, 2016)

I think it's kinda funny how everyone here says the perfect mate could never possibly exist...
I'd say they do, it isnt perfection that makes somebody perfect (if that makes any sense at all) it's the imperfections & the quirks of the person that make them perfect.
The only part left is whether or not you actually accept them entirely.

Although being a serial killer(etc.) is not an imperfection/quirk, it's just wrong, don't kill people pls, thx c:


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## BritWolf (Oct 3, 2016)

Nobodies technically perfect but I like to think there could be someone out there for everyone. An if you happen to be so lucky to stumble across your mate then I'm sure in time you can grow to love eachother. An at the end of the day what you'll have together will be a true happiness an that must feel perfect.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 3, 2016)

BritWolf said:


> Nobodies technically perfect but I like to think there could be someone out there for everyone. An if you happen to be so lucky to stumble across your mate then I'm sure in time you can grow to love eachother. An at the end of the day what you'll have together will be a true happiness an that must feel perfect.


I was a lucky one! We'll celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in June. She IS my soulmate. I honestly don't think I could make it without her. I love her so freaking much!! The pefect mate IS out there!! You either have to find him or her, or LET them find you. Alot of people guard their emotions like Fort Knox. Sometimes you just have to let go and give in.


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## BritWolf (Oct 3, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> I was a lucky one! We'll celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in June. She IS my soulmate. I honestly don't think I could make it without her. I love her so freaking much!! The pefect mate IS out there!! You either have to find him or her, or LET them find you. Alot of people guard their emotions like Fort Knox. Sometimes you just have to let go and give in.


Congratulations on your 17th Wedding Anniversary!! That's quite the milestone an even better when you both still love eachother passionately. I wish everyone here to find the same in their lives.


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## lyar (Oct 3, 2016)

Sometimes its just a matter if the key fits the keyhole.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 3, 2016)

BritWolf said:


> Congratulations on your 17th Wedding Anniversary!! That's quite the milestone an even better when you both still love eachother passionately. I wish everyone here to find the same in their lives.


Me too.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 3, 2016)

BritWolf said:


> Congratulations on your 17th Wedding Anniversary!! That's quite the milestone an even better when you both still love eachother passionately. I wish everyone here to find the same in their lives.


Thank you fellow wolf!


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## Kellan Meig'h (Oct 4, 2016)

Thirty-six years with my wife this year. Yeah, the first few years were bumpy but now we're more in tune with one another. She is not totally perfect but neither am I. I have my quirks that she puts up with and I put up with hers.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 4, 2016)

Kellan Meig'h said:


> Thirty-six years with my wife this year. Yeah, the first few years were bumpy but now we're more in tune with one another. She is not totally perfect but neither am I. I have my quirks that she puts up with and I put up with hers.


Wow!! Awsome!!!


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## Stormi (Oct 4, 2016)

While it's certainly likely that the perfect mate for my quirky personality does indeed exist somewhere in this sick world, the chances of meeting said individual probably aren't in my favor.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 4, 2016)

Stormi said:


> While it's certainly likely that the perfect mate for my quirky personality does indeed exist somewhere in this sick world, the chances of meeting said individual probably aren't in my favor.


You'd be surprised.


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## InpuOsirisson (Oct 4, 2016)

There is no perfect mate.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 4, 2016)

InpuOsirisson said:


> There is no perfect mate.


Nobody is. But I tell yah, I found one(or she found me?), that is close to perfect for ne as anyone can get. And I love her more than anything!


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## Stormi (Oct 4, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> You'd be surprised.



I'm autistic, have eating disorders and there is absolutely nothing masculine about me at all. I don't attract girls. I seem to attract a lot of guys though. While I'm confident that I can establish a relationship with someone it probably won't be ideal and we will get bored/annoyed of each other after a short period of time.


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## bhutrflai (Oct 4, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> I was a lucky one! We'll celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in June. She IS my soulmate. I honestly don't think I could make it without her. I love her so freaking much!! The pefect mate IS out there!! You either have to find him or her, or LET them find you. Alot of people guard their emotions like Fort Knox. Sometimes you just have to let go and give in.


You're so sappy! I love you!!


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## bhutrflai (Oct 4, 2016)

We found each other. Only thru the twists of fate. If we had gotten together when we first met, we would have imploded & burned each other out very quickly. But we had the good fortune of becoming friends first. Best friends.

I was actually married to a friend of his (from high school) for 3 yrs bf we got together. I was young (18) & stupid & thought I knew the answer to what I wanted, but I was WAY wrong. 6 months into it, I knew I had made a mistake. Stuck it out for a couple yrs bc I was not going to be there first one in my generation in my mom fam to get a divorce. But I knew I wanted out. So I made the choice to leave. I thank the gods everyday that we didn't have kids, so it was a mostly peaceful split. 

And bc Okami had been around us, as a third wheel of sorts, we decided to see if there was anything on the other side of our friendship & it was magic! So, 17yrs together & going strong!! We complete each other, as corny as that is.

We both have our faults & quirks, but they make us who we are as individuals. Being soulmates brings out the best of us for the rest of the world to see. We do finish each others sentences & thoughts. He brings me coffee every morning bc he knows I'm a biatch to get out of bed. And I make his back feel better faster than any drug out there. We love each other, for all the parts of us-good, bad, and ugly. We've been thru thru ringer a few times, been thru the death of multiple close family, thru our daughters chronic illness, but we always come back better. We are the rocks that each other stand on!


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 5, 2016)

bhutrflai said:


> We found each other. Only thru the twists of fate. If we had gotten together when we first met, we would have imploded & burned each other out very quickly. But we had the good fortune of becoming friends first. Best friends.
> 
> I was actually married to a friend of his (from high school) for 3 yrs bf we got together. I was young (18) & stupid & thought I knew the answer to what I wanted, but I was WAY wrong. 6 months into it, I knew I had made a mistake. Stuck it out for a couple yrs bc I was not going to be there first one in my generation in my mom fam to get a divorce. But I knew I wanted out. So I made the choice to leave. I thank the gods everyday that we didn't have kids, so it was a mostly peaceful split.
> 
> ...


Yeah. We're a whole bunch of Jerry Springer episodes.


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## BritWolf (Oct 5, 2016)

JERRY JERRY JERRY!!!  Not surprised with the amount of people you two have had in your bed last couple of days.


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## Stormi (Oct 5, 2016)

It's probably best that I fix my own problems before I go out and search for the "perfect mate".


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 6, 2016)

BritWolf said:


> JERRY JERRY JERRY!!!  Not surprised with the amount of people you two have had in your bed last couple of days.


There goes our secret!


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## LycanTheory (Oct 6, 2016)

Stormi said:


> It's probably best that I fix my own problems before I go out and search for the "perfect mate".



Actually, working on your own problems will not only improve your life from a personal standpoint but also make you more attractive to a potential mate. It's a win-win situation.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 6, 2016)

LycanTheory said:


> Actually, working on your own problems will not only improve your life from a personal standpoint but also make you more attractive to a potential mate. It's a win-win situation.


Sometimes you just can't work out your own problems. Sometimes it takes two to work them out. Me and bhutrflai were trainwrecks when we got together. But time, and love, enabled us to help each other work our problems out. Hell! We still have some problems! But having someone there to lean on, to cry on their shoulder, to provide a shoulder to cry on, makes a world of difference. So working out your problems by yourself may work for you. Or it may take you twenty or more years to work them out. Then you have squandered alot of your precious time, and believe me, coming from a 40 year old, time is a very precious commodity. When you realise that you have more years behind you than you have in front of you, that right there is a reality check from hell.


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## bhutrflai (Oct 6, 2016)

Working on yourself is a long process. It doesn't take effect overnight. And everyone around you has an influence on that process. Whether as a helping hand or as a learning experience. And sometimes your lucky enough to meet someone who makes you want to be a better person. That's what Okami does for me. Could I make it thru life without him? If I didn't already know him, yes. But to know each other as well as we do, there is no one else on this planet that I can imagine doing life with.

But sometimes, you do need to work around a few of the roadblocks in your mind, before you invite anyone else along for the ride. And that is a good thing for everyone.


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## LycanTheory (Oct 6, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> Sometimes you just can't work out your own problems. Sometimes it takes two to work them out. Me and bhutrflai were trainwrecks when we got together. But time, and love, enabled us to help each other work our problems out. Hell! We still have some problems! But having someone there to lean on, to cry on their shoulder, to provide a shoulder to cry on, makes a world of difference. So working out your problems by yourself may work for you. Or it may take you twenty or more years to work them out. Then you have squandered alot of your precious time, and believe me, coming from a 40 year old, time is a very precious commodity. When you realise that you have more years behind you than you have in front of you, that right there is a reality check from hell.



I agree. Working on one's issues and fixing them are two different things and sometimes it does take someone else, helping out, to fix things or even someone else to support a continued effort.

From a personal standpoint, I'd be far more attracted to a girl who had issues but made a steadfast determination to correct them than someone who, say, just accepted their problems. That's just my personal preference though. Most of the guys I associate with irl find attraction in physical attributes and very basic personality traits whereas I look for more specific personality traits and view physical attributes as a plus but not totally necessary.

Determination really attracts me, as well as intelligence and attitude. I guess I prefer females that are on the more competitive side. I like the thought of someone being equal to me in most aspects.

I'm ranting now, sorry.

On the age thing, I totally get ya. I'm 34 so I'm not that far behind and I hate thinking about that, not because I feel old in any way, yet, but the last thing I want to do is waste time. I'd much rather spend the time I have left enjoying all of the beautiful things and moments in my life with someone else who would apriceate them just as much as I do. I guess when you're my age and still looking that sort of adds another problem, feeling hopeless, but I've never given up and never will. The way I see it, the best things in life are worth the struggle you go through trying to find them.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 6, 2016)

LycanTheory said:


> I agree. Working on one's issues and fixing them are two different things and sometimes it does take someone else, helping out, to fix things or even someone else to support a continued effort.
> 
> From a personal standpoint, I'd be far more attracted to a girl who had issues but made a steadfast determination to correct them than someone who, say, just accepted their problems. That's just my personal preference though. Most of the guys I associate with irl find attraction in physical attributes and very basic personality traits whereas I look for more specific personality traits and view physical attributes as a plus but not totally necessary.
> 
> ...


Absolutely!! Me and bhutrflai have struggled our whole lives. A lot less since we've been together. But it was all worth it to get to here. Every second of pain and suffering were worth it.


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## Stormi (Oct 7, 2016)

Slightly off topic but while I was engaging in conversation with a girl on OKCupid, she flat out told me that I'm not open minded. I have to disagree with her. I'm just very forward and blunt about my opinions sometimes.. in this case I stated that most of the people where I live are blundering idiots. Eh, whatever I suppose. I need to stay away from the dating sites for a while; it wastes my time and just pisses me off when things don't work out.

If I really need sex I have a few friends that'll take care of that.


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## LycanTheory (Oct 7, 2016)

Stormi said:


> Slightly off topic but while I was engaging in conversation with a girl on OKCupid, she flat out told me that I'm not open minded. I have to disagree with her. I'm just very forward and blunt about my opinions sometimes.. in this case I stated that most of the people where I live are blundering idiots. Eh, whatever I suppose. I need to stay away from the dating sites for a while; it wastes my time and just pisses me off when things don't work out.
> 
> If I really need sex I have a few friends that'll take care of that.



While I've heard of people having luck on dating sites, I never had and have since kinda given up on most of them. I think that, for the most part, dating sites are full of either people looking for a hook-up or there's some reason they are on there. Not saying you can't find a diamond in the rough who's just simply down on their luck and decided to give a dating site a try but more often than not, most of the girls I've talked to on dating sites have either been super flakey or quite argumentive or something.

My advise would be get heavily involved in things you like to do, both in online communities and irl and if any one happens to be single and shares mutual interest, perhaps something will take off.


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## Stormi (Oct 7, 2016)

LycanTheory said:


> While I've heard of people having luck on dating sites, I never had and have since kinda given up on most of them. I think that, for the most part, dating sites are full of either people looking for a hook-up or there's some reason they are on there. Not saying you can't find a diamond in the rough who's just simply down on their luck and decided to give a dating site a try but more often than not, most of the girls I've talked to on dating sites have either been super flakey or quite argumentive or something.
> 
> My advise would be get heavily involved in things you like to do, both in online communities and irl and if any one happens to be single and shares mutual interest, perhaps something will take off.



I'm a bit limited with meeting people online because I'm not much of an outdoors person and to be honest, I don't know where I can meet people my age at all. I don't do casinos (cigarette smoke), I don't drink (no bars), and although there are a few D&D card game shops nearby I'm actually not into that stuff and even then pretty much everyone there was like around 18. I'm 27.

About the only thing I really enjoy doing outside of my house is going to a movie or hanging out at the arcade. I go to the arcade every other weekend. I have met one or two cool people over time but nothing that would signify a potential relationship. The physical attraction has to be there as well as a relatable personality. Seeing as I live in the most obese state in the U.S. my choices are either extremely limited or just flat out don't exist. I love attending anime conventions but they're all out of state and I don't do online relationships anymore. I prefer to talk with someone online first then meet up in person somewhere.

Something else I'd like to make note of are the constant advancements in A.I.. I suspect in the near future people will be able to have virtual boyfriends/girlfriends. It may sound a bit far-fetched but I'm willing to bet there are people out there who will take advantage of it because they feel like they have no chance in the real world. Hell, I may even consider it at some point.


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## TidesofFate (Oct 11, 2016)

Nobody's perfect. Everyone has flaws. Some are more compatible to you and some aren't. What matters is that you can find a partner in which you can have a long lasting relationship. It isn't easy, otherwise, everyone would have wives and husbands. You need to accept them for who they are and they need to accept you as who you are. Don't give up if you want to be with someone, but don't try too hard. Go about your business and if you come across someone in your life who interests you and you feel the desire to see if something is there, go for it. You may end up regretting that you wasted your chance.

If all else fails, you can use this poem:

Palpatine's robes are red
My lightsaber is blue
Please understand
I don't like sand

or

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I don't like sand
Neither should you


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## AlphaGaming (Oct 11, 2016)

My tl;dr reply

It's unlikely for this to ever happen, because perfection doesn't exist


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## DexinHeart (Oct 13, 2016)

Well since perfection doesn't exist in any human being, technically no.
Now finding someone you click with and that you work exceptionally well in a relationship with...
Yeah, it's rare, but totally possible. You just have to work extra hard to find them :/


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## Stormi (Oct 13, 2016)

Shay_NuperJo said:


> Now finding someone you click with and that you work exceptionally well in a relationship with...
> Yeah, it's rare, but totally possible. You just have to work extra hard to find them :/



It can happen but chances are it won't last... and if it does it will likely end up being a depressing relationship that only continues to exist due to marriage, having offspring, etc. Oh sure, I may continue to live alone but I also won't have children to deal with and all of my money is mine, lmao.

It's not worth it. This is where FWBs are superior. Love and romance are two things I'll miss as time passes but when I'm reminded of all of my past failures because I'm not an adventurous jerkoff, I laugh it off. There's an overwhelming amount of scientific evidence that supports this. They want a brash alpha male and that's just not who I am. I'm beginning to experiment with dating guys but I have nearly zero physical attraction to men's bodies so it's very awkward.

All of this is really funny to me because I actually don't think I'm a bad person overall. I make decent attempts on keeping up my appearance, I'm financially responsible, I have my own place, I love to travel and try new things, I have no criminal record, and not once have I ever hit a woman. (Except for my sister.. but I was 9. Come on, lol.)

Perhaps in an irrational light I'm just "too good". I mean, that's all I can think of when my replacement is addicted to drugs and has no job.


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## DexinHeart (Oct 14, 2016)

Stormi said:


> It can happen but chances are it won't last... and if it does it will likely end up being a depressing relationship that only continues to exist due to marriage, having offspring, etc. Oh sure, I may continue to live alone but I also won't have children to deal with and all of my money is mine, lmao.
> 
> It's not worth it. This is where FWBs are superior. Love and romance are two things I'll miss as time passes but when I'm reminded of all of my past failures because I'm not an adventurous jerkoff, I laugh it off. There's an overwhelming amount of scientific evidence that supports this. They want a brash alpha male and that's just not who I am. I'm beginning to experiment with dating guys but I have nearly zero physical attraction to men's bodies so it's very awkward.
> 
> ...



1. Why am I quoted? I wasn't speaking to you nor did you really respond to anything I said?? 

and 

2. Maybe your ex got a replacement for you because your arrogant and totally cynical about life. I mean I almost asked you out. All that stuff about not being an alpha male type and trying to date dudes got me thinking we might be a good fit... however you shot yourself in the foot with the rest of the post. I've never heard such narcissism in my life, and I grew up with a narcissist as a farther OTL


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## Stormi (Oct 14, 2016)

Shay_NuperJo said:


> 1. Why am I quoted? I wasn't speaking to you nor did you really respond to anything I said??



Because I felt like it?



> and
> 
> 2. Maybe your ex got a replacement for you because your arrogant and totally cynical about life. I mean I almost asked you out. All that stuff about not being an alpha male type and trying to date dudes got me thinking we might be a good fit... however you shot yourself in the foot with the rest of the post. I've never heard such narcissism in my life, and I grew up with a narcissist as a farther OTL



Hm, I'm not really sure how I'm arrogant. Cynical? Occasionally. As for the narcissism, I can assure you that this is only the tip of the iceberg.

I'm sorry you feel that way but these are my thoughts.


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## quoting_mungo (Oct 14, 2016)

Stormi said:


> It can happen but chances are it won't last... and if it does it will likely end up being a depressing relationship that only continues to exist due to marriage, having offspring, etc.


Majority of relationships don't last. You know why? Because it basically takes only one failed relationship per person to break even. Most people I know dated more than one person by the time they graduated high school. I'm in the minority having had only one past boyfriend before getting married. HOWEVER. That's all statistics. You know that saying "lies, damned lies, and statistics"? It's basically pointing out that statistics mean fuck-all for the individual case.

If you want a relationship, go for a relationship. If you don't want one, that's okay. When you are in a relationship, enjoy it. You are likely to get hurt, but you are likely to have some good times, too.



Stormi said:


> They want a brash alpha male and that's just not who I am.


They who? The people you tried dating in the past? Women? Martians?

Because I can guarantee you wanting an "alpha male" type personality is not something that universally applies to women. I can also more or less guarantee that if you go after women who do want an alpha male, you're going to keep getting disappointed. 

My advice would be to stop thinking in terms of what a catch you are, or how whatever partner came after you is a "replacement". It's offputting to a lot of people to meet someone with an attitude of "I am so good my ex couldn't handle it", and it's insulting to everyone involved to imply the role of "boyfriend" is something so vital in a person's life that they have to go from one to the next as though they're patching a leaky roof.

My husband didn't replace my ex. I dated my ex during one period of my life. That ended. I eventually rekindled a spark I'd had with a friend and it turned into engagement and eventually marriage.


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## Stormi (Oct 14, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> Majority of relationships don't last. You know why? Because it basically takes only one failed relationship per person to break even. Most people I know dated more than one person by the time they graduated high school. I'm in the minority having had only one past boyfriend before getting married. HOWEVER. That's all statistics. You know that saying "lies, damned lies, and statistics"? It's basically pointing out that statistics mean fuck-all for the individual case.
> 
> If you want a relationship, go for a relationship. If you don't want one, that's okay. When you are in a relationship, enjoy it. You are likely to get hurt, but you are likely to have some good times, too.



Statistics aren't without errors of sorts. Of course I'm not trying to blanket every woman on this planet. Most? Yes.. although the numbers start to get wonky once you get past the age of 30 and of course there will always be a minority that can control or "shut off" their internal instincts so as to not be attracted to jerky guys or whatever. I'm 27 and one thing I've always noticed after most of my relationships have ended is I'm either "too weird" or "I'm not a man". Literally those two. To me, *that's insulting.* That just makes me want to hang myself because I'm not what people desire. I always gave my 110% in trying to make my mate happy, even playing along with stuff that I had little interest in as well as trying new things. I'm rarely ever told what went wrong other than those two vague responses that I just mentioned. I'm not a psychic so please, tell me how I can improve myself. That's how I feel about this.



> They who? The people you tried dating in the past? Women? Martians?
> 
> Because I can guarantee you wanting an "alpha male" type personality is not something that universally applies to women. I can also more or less guarantee that if you go after women who do want an alpha male, you're going to keep getting disappointed.
> 
> ...



1. Yes. (lol Martians?)

2. See my previous quote.

3. Normally I'm reserved about this stuff on a public forum but I am full of mental problems. Aspergers, anxiety, and depression being the big three. I visit a therapist every 2 months for evaluation purposes.
The reason I bring this up is because in actuality, in the back of my mind I really do feel like a worthless individual and that I'm "never good enough" so I finally decided to say "fuck it" and do a complete 180'.
Whether I'm actually being myself or if this is all an act to cover up who I really am on the inside is anyone's guess. As I previously mentioned, I'm full of mental disorders. I am a fucked up mess and the 
only thing keeping me from "offing" myself every other week is my medication. It's been a problem since I was 16.

4. I'm happy to hear that you were able to settle down with someone that later created a marriage. I personally don't support marriage simply because divorce rates are ridiculous and it's nothing but legal trouble to file divorce papers, etc. To me it's nothing more than a paper that entitles you to tax benefits.. and as I sign of trust, I guess.

Finally, I want to make it clear that I'm not trying to be rude or aggressive with any person in particular. I'm stating my opinions just as you are. I'm not saying that either of us are right or wrong here. Some people are just going to have wildly different views on this subject matter, such as myself.


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## Somnium (Oct 15, 2016)

I personally would run away from a person who's trying to be nice, but instantly fell in love with someone who's kind. And I would not like a person who's afraid of living alone forever and ever, because such person is still yet to be fully matured.


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## Stormi (Oct 15, 2016)

Somnium said:


> because such person is still yet to be fully matured.



That's rather worrying considering I'm less than 3 years away from 30.


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## Somnium (Oct 15, 2016)

Stormi said:


> That's rather worrying considering I'm less than 3 years away from 30.



Nah don't worry about that, many people don't even reach this stage. Just try to find a way to enjoy your life when being single. And love is overrated anyway. Yea of course it's an interesting thing to experience, but live is much more than just that.


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## Stormi (Oct 15, 2016)

Somnium said:


> Nah don't worry about that, many people don't even reach this stage. Just try to find a way to enjoy your life when being single. And love is overrated anyway. Yea of course it's an interesting thing to experience, but live is much more than just that.



Yeah.. I guess you're right about that. I closed all of my online dating accounts last night so I would stop getting tempted to disappoint myself. If someone wants me they have to find me. I don't like it when so many girls expect us to constantly do that instead. It's such an irritating stereotype.


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## Somnium (Oct 15, 2016)

Stormi said:


> Yeah.. I guess you're right about that. I closed all of my online dating accounts last night so I would stop getting tempted to disappoint myself. If someone wants me they have to find me. I don't like it when so many girls expect us to constantly do that instead. It's such an irritating stereotype.



You shouldn't be after those girls anyway even if they are the majority, but the good thing is boys aren't like that. Be someone and you will naturally attract people


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## Stormi (Oct 15, 2016)

Somnium said:


> Be someone and you will naturally attract people



Alright, but I'm holding you to those words, lol.


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## BlueWorrior (Oct 15, 2016)

Somebody who is perfect would be boring. I mean look at superman. Pretty much a perfect superhero and as a result, a really boring character.
To quote Kryten from Red Dwarf, "It's those cute little flaws that keep a guy interested!"


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## Zenoth (Oct 16, 2016)

Stormi said:


> Alright, but I'm holding you to those words, lol.


He's right though, just do you and do what makes you happy and when you least expect it someone amazing crosses your path and your be like...daaamn ^^


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## quoting_mungo (Oct 17, 2016)

Stormi said:


> Yeah.. I guess you're right about that. I closed all of my online dating accounts last night so I would stop getting tempted to disappoint myself. If someone wants me they have to find me. I don't like it when so many girls expect us to constantly do that instead. It's such an irritating stereotype.


It is an irritating stereotype. 
And just like any other stereotype it applies only to a limited subset of people.

This is me making an observation based on what you've expressed in this thread; I have no way of knowing how close to the mark I am and mean no harm by any of it. You seem to be rather preoccupied with a certain preconceived notion of girls/women. I can honestly say I've never had any female friends who desired an "alpha male" above all or who would motivate a break-up with anything even remotely like "you're not a man". I'm not saying this to discount your experiences, but more because it sounds like you've been going after the type of girl who'd say and do things like that.

That's not even close to the majority of women. Hell, I've got a pretty substantial submissive streak and most "alpha males" just irritate me. 

Not actively searching can still be a good idea, as love seems to have a way of finding you when you least expect it. But given your past romantic choices you might also want to think about and possibly reevaluate what it is you're looking for, both in terms of what you want out of a relationship and what you find attractive in a prospective partner.

What you've been doing here, and I mean this in the gentlest way possible, has largely been to alienate people by making broad and potentially hurtful generalizations. So you know you don't want girls who fit into those descriptions. Great! Now open yourself up to meeting people who don't by not expecting of them to fit into that same mold. (Experience has taught me that both animals and humans tend to be influenced by your expectations, and if you keep expecting them to act like dickholes they are more likely to eventually do so.)


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