# Is real life dead in the UK?



## Jubatian (Aug 8, 2021)

Apologies for the bit extreme title, it is just how it comes though to me living in this country since two and a half years, in regards to furry sort of people.

I basically have nobody I could interact with with any regularity in real life, essentially constrained onto the Internet. Not really looking for anything special, about anyone would do who have some interest in furry sort of things, and is open to share that in real life, outdoors walks, whatever.

In the past half year, I picked up communication with a dozen of local people through Howlr (eh, that's all I can think of as a source of furs I could realistically access in real life), and my experiences were / are mostly very disappointing. Not in the way I see people typically describing dating apps. Didn't really stumble upon any creep, neither did experience anyone trying to hook up with me. What I get is that I end up chatting with one or another person over internet for months, with a real life meet never happening, and not because of me. Or it happens, once, and then never again.

I feel very much lost and alone, not having any friend, any person at all I am at least somewhat comfortable with who I could access in real life, while all these online activities are disappointing, demotivating, and outright depressing, how they drag on ad infinitum. Honestly I wouldn't mind to stumble upon some creep, that I feel I could judge and possibly work with to maybe tone down those traits and get something positive out of it, at least in that sense someone I can hang out with. But nope, all I get are people who I frankly mostly fail to grasp why even signed up to a dating app which helps connecting local furs if they are not open to actually meet.

I am a Hungarian by nationality, and from there I know they are already meeting up and all, regularly, it is a strongly real life oriented culture. Of course hearing about those only makes me feel the more lost. There are strong reasons why I left Hungary, but having doubts, with the UK feeling like real life among furry sort of people is just dead.

Just to give me a bit of reassurement, anyone from the UK, did you make any new connection since Covid? How do you feel, would furmeets (outside London in smaller cities, I am in Derbyshire) eventually return? Or was the Covid the last nail in real life's coffin?

(Or any other idea where I might be able to find such furs in accessible distance who like the idea of socializing in real life?)


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## Makoto95 (Aug 8, 2021)

I might be biased but in my experience the English are pretty anti-social but not in like an aggressive get out of my face way but more like a recluse not wanting to go out to any kind of place other than work kind of way.

I think that's why they lose their minds over sports because it's the only time they socialise.

Here in Scotland if you drink in the same place you're automatically on friendly terms, but as said i might be biased.


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## The_biscuits_532 (Aug 8, 2021)

I met a bunch of new people but that's because I started university halfway through the pandemic

I'm not too familiar with the furry scene in the UK but there's an anime convention in Liverpool coming up that a few people on Furry Amino fursuit at on occasion. 

We're quite a reserved culture. I remember getting scammed in Italy because I couldn't tell the difference between normally friendly people and I'm-going-to-rob-you friendly.


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## sushy (Aug 8, 2021)

I guess covid makes things different. I believe in Hungary the rules regarding covid are quite different too, so that may be why they are meeting eachother more in Hungary? 
Perhaps you could join a club or gym to get some more social connections? Those are not furry-oriented of course, but perhaps that would help too?


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## Jubatian (Aug 8, 2021)

@Makoto95 Thank you, yes, unfortunately I feel about the same about it, as if only work existed here. Feeling bitter about it as I absolutely didn't want to come to the UK with the intent of working, making money, taking said money back to my former home-country once done here. I would like to settle, be part of this country (even consciously trying to buy locally produced things).

@The_biscuits_532 Liverpool is a bit far off, but good to know something is still going on then! And yes, in Hungary you could get into similar sort of situation, hope you made out of that with only tolerable losses!

@sushy Hungary, yes, there were differences, what was really notable to me that even that authoritarian Hungarian government didn't dare to make similar restrictions on individuals meeting up like here. Lockdowns, controversial curfews yes, but individuals weren't restricted from meeting each other throughout the pandemic, I believe that would have been a move which could have undone them given how important connections are to Hungarians. Basically here I feel like people trust the system, while there the general feeling is that any part of the system exists to screw you up, thus you rely on your network of connections. So the UK honestly feels somewhat cold, slightly a futuristic dystopia where you are alone, the system is good, the system (Big Brother) takes care of you.

And yes, I made it into volunteering (took 4 months), so weekly one occasion I am working outdoors, that's keeping me reasonably sane. Wouldn't pick up more, I am introvert with social anxieties, already pretty much stressed near breaking point with the connections I have, so overloaded with the wrong sorts of connections unfortunately.


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## Fallowfox (Aug 9, 2021)

I live in England, and the last time I went out to meet people socially was before covid. </3

Your comments about English social attitudes being austere and reserved are in agreement with what I have heard many other continental Europeans remark about us.


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## TyraWadman (Aug 9, 2021)

Real life is dead
Only cartoons and anime now


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## Jubatian (Aug 9, 2021)

@Fallowfox Thank you, just asking, don't you actually miss interacting with furs in real life? I see you are very active here, presuming you might have extensive online life otherwise as well.

For me interacting on Internet is not rewarding unfortunately. I am physically entirely alone since I am in this country, and I haven't got many connections in Hungary either. Felt very out of place there. However here isolation already got me hospitalized a while ago due to a severe mental health incident. Things are crap when there isn't even anybody you could ask to get you some freaking underwear while you are held there.

No comfort of a trusted friend, anyone, everything on my own. Was pretty much that back in Hungary as well, but there I could regularly have some "holiday" from it, visiting friends, there people like meeting up, don't regard internet being anything suitable for much beyond arranging stuff.


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## Fallowfox (Aug 10, 2021)

Jubatian said:


> @Fallowfox Thank you, just asking, don't you actually miss interacting with furs in real life? I see you are very active here, presuming you might have extensive online life otherwise as well.
> 
> For me interacting on Internet is not rewarding unfortunately. I am physically entirely alone since I am in this country, and I haven't got many connections in Hungary either. Felt very out of place there. However here isolation already got me hospitalized a while ago due to a severe mental health incident. Things are crap when there isn't even anybody you could ask to get you some freaking underwear while you are held there.
> 
> No comfort of a trusted friend, anyone, everything on my own. Was pretty much that back in Hungary as well, but there I could regularly have some "holiday" from it, visiting friends, there people like meeting up, don't regard internet being anything suitable for much beyond arranging stuff.


My life is almost entirely work and looking after my sister, since the pandemic.
I agree with you very much that talking to people on the internet is not a fulfilling substitute for real-life interaction.

If you have a workplace with a physical office, maybe you can build friendships with your coworkers. Perhaps you could regularly organise a visit to a bar or restaurant at the end of the week and it would give you something to look forward to. 

I hope you find the happiness you're seeking.


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## Jubatian (Aug 10, 2021)

@Fallowfox Sorry to hear that, hope at least it is a good community you are in.

For me unfortunately work was my problem back in Hungary and here as well, unfortunately having a profession where I can't relate much with my coworkers. Working fully remote at the moment. Was very messed up, involving a move from High Wycombe to Scotland and then back into Nottinghamshire, the latter following the only non-work real life connection I had after I totally broke down in Scotland. However it revealed that for various complicated reasons, it is not possible to meet them in real life (they would live in walking distance otherwise).

Currently I am employed by the company I was with back in High Wycombe, which job before the pandemic severely drained me mentally. They are good people though, fortunately understanding, and at least some stability, an employment relationship where I proved myself before. Was thinking about making another move back there, but it was really already something which I originally left due to my mental health there deteriorating.

What keeps me mentally somewhat afloat is volunteering, took four months to get there, so weekly once I travel there and work in green spaces.


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## Kyrick (Aug 13, 2021)

I haven't really made real life connections, but I am a little more open about my furry/scaly side, only because the people I work with are 19, 23 and 30 years old so they kind of get the gist, but still treat it like it's the worst thing ever and can have a laugh about it.
I feel i gotta point out the youngest guy wears a hentai jacket (very graphic, like you can see the 'finish') the girl is a cosplayer and the older guy is a nintendo fan (I know, that last part didn't really matter but it let's you know the kind of people I work with)

the only thing covid did was get me onto these forums. I know you're looking for real life friends, but I've only ever met one guy in uni who told me he is a furry. I wanted to go into a little bit more conversation but two of our friends got on the bus just as the conversation came up and we started talking about the music course were all on instead.
I tried to get in touch with him in June but as luck would have it my phone died and I lost his number.

I'm in tamworth here and i know one of the artists I follow is just a 20 minute train ride away? (I found him on howlr as one of the only people anywhere near me) and i think he's in between my town and derby? If I remember right? I don't use smartphones so i dont got howlr anymore.

as for conventions, I either live way too far away as I can't drive and i've never been to one. Plus I would much prefer to go with a fellow furry who i'd known for a while first because I don't know what to expect. I'm not into the suits side


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## Jubatian (Aug 14, 2021)

@Kyrick "I feel i gotta point out the youngest guy wears a hentai jacket ..." To put that "worst thing ever" in perspective! At least that's quite some crazy messed up company there!

Ouch, that's pretty crazy you just lost that guy that way by dead phone!

Tamworth... Huh, that's not even too far! That artist is maybe in Burton upon Trent? I am in Shirebrook, not near, but neither anything really horrible to cover (some 2 hours with a change in Nottingham).

Not fursuiting myself, rather art and writing, interactive fiction, elaborate sci-fi settings, there are quite some ways to relate to these sort of ideals.

Stumbled upon someone a couple of days ago, who actually does want to meet up with me (we did yesterday). Social anxiety crying out, ohshitohshit, eh, totally iff'd up introvert personality here! Among a whole bunch of other things (of course) we talked some about these (dang, finally with someone in-person!), he is English-native, yet feels about similar with connecting, that it is danged difficult to stumble upon anyone actually wanting to do anything at all.


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## Kyrick (Aug 16, 2021)

Good job on meeting someone! Was that on Howlr by any chance?

As for the art, writing and sci-fi settings, they're my interested areas aswell 
I also make my own music. It's not themed towards the furry scene or any thing, but it's just a hobby I like to make electronic tunes, which I've been doing for 10 years now.

There's plenty to talk about with someone other than the fandom, I guess quite a few of us on here are a little shy in real life. I'd certainly wouldn't be having this conversation with someone unless I know we are a part of the same community.

That's why I use these forums, I find a lot of people are much more likely to be open about most personal issues they're having, because they know they have a community to reach out to.

I find it's usually hard to meet up with fellow furs because of 2 two reasons:
1: They are not open about being a furry, or, are a little reluctant to go further on the subject. Getting someone's trust is a big step of course.
2: They live a million miles away if you find anybody you like.

At least in the real world that is.

Getting together and making friends in the real world is a hard thing to do, but it is very rewarding! I hope you had a good time dude 

Are you hoping to meet him again? (probably a silly question)


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## Jubatian (Aug 17, 2021)

Wow, nice, took a look / listening! 

And yup, it is a Howlr meet, and yup, seems like both of us hoping to meet again! Of course stuff can't just simply happen, right now I am totally messed up with a relocation (just within town, getting away from a bad apartment & letting agent combo).

Anyway, how things got this bad is that, well, I got here two and a half years ago, then it is okay I am alone and have to begin somehow in a new country. But then two and a half years later I am still in the same position, no confidence in anything / anyone in the real world. Hopefully getting out of it now (volunteering included for something non-furry and not workplace either).

Hobbies are a bit weird. I am embedded SW engineer and like doing these sorts of things as hobby as well (electronics and programming). However I don't really find company among these sorts of people, probably in part due to the overload from workplace. Though maybe could stumble upon some relevant real life community, maybe stuff like building robots for Robot Wars, but as with all things, covid shut down pretty much everything. Getting into volunteering took 4 months, applying to three places.

I am introvert, but going somewhere, to some event in real life is still something I am comfortable with to seek for connections, while doing the same on Internet is intimidating.

Feels like Hungary tends to work differently, there as far as my experience goes, you get more comfortable with someone on Internet after getting familiar with him/her in real life first. Not really the other way around. With first contact over Internet the goal is rather finding out whether it is worthwhile to meet (if not, then of course nothing, move on), a lot of experiences here ended up very stressful to me, keeping on communicating someone for months on Telegram only. Or getting dragged into some roleplay, which I am absolutely not comfortable with if I had never even seen the bloke for real.

Eh, anyway, hopefully getting out of it!


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## Kyrick (Aug 17, 2021)

Message me anytime mate


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