# Can you take a joke?



## Maximus B. Panda (May 20, 2016)

Can you take a joke? Do you have a sense of humor?

If you have something funny (A joke, pun, funny video, memes, whatever), then please share. Offensive and dark humor is welcome. 

No explanation is necessary, although it would be convenient for me to know who has a sense of humor and who doesn't.

Warning: I am not liable for any degree of emotional trauma caused to you or loved ones viewing this thread. You view this thread, you agree that I am not responsible for shit. You get into a flame war, then it's your fault.


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## Azrion/Zhalo (May 20, 2016)




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## Traven V (May 20, 2016)




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## PlusThirtyOne (May 20, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> Can you take a joke? Do you have a sense of humor?


No! -And i find your inquiries both inappropriate and offensive!
i am reporting your harassing questions to the interweb cyber police as we speak. Good day to you, sir.​


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## AsheSkyler (May 20, 2016)

I'm mostly into word play, puns, random quotes, and silliness.

"Cogito eggo sum. I think, therefor, I am a waffle.

"Give 100% in all you do! Unless you're giving blood."
"Vegetarians eat vegetables. Beware of humanitarians."

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is."

"If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"Tonight's meeting at the clairvoyants' society has been cancelled due to unforseen circumstances."

"I have ADOS: Attention Defici... Oooo Squirrel!"

"I have CDO, not OCD. It's like OCD, but the letters are in correct alphabetical order."

"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone."

"Never play strip poker in a nursing home."

"You been married nine times... hell, maybe its you."

A policeman radios in to headquarters. "Hello. Is that you sarge?"
"Yes. Go ahead."
"We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"No, sir. The floor is still wet."

"I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me."
"Gravity is pleased with your human sacrifice."​
As far as the more "controversial" stuff goes, I do love some good gender, religion, and culture jokes when it's people poking fun at themselves and not anything hateful. Tim Wilson's First Baptist Bar and Grill is one of my favorite, er, "religious" songs.


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## Wither (May 20, 2016)

Azrion/Zhalo said:


>


That's it, that's the thread. You win. It's over.


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## BayouBaby (May 20, 2016)

I always say I was born without a funny bone.

I have like, 0% humor sense


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## BayouBaby (May 20, 2016)




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## Volvom (May 20, 2016)

__
		http://instagr.am/p/BFYnPwwLr5D/
Obey her middlefingers!


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## Astus (May 20, 2016)

What's a joke?


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## SpiritMachine (May 21, 2016)

...Those poll results are a GODDAM LIE and am willing to bet that some who voted yes were also thinking "So long as_______"

also... where the brothas at, I propose a trade... 2 louisiana style fried chicken pieces for 2 tamales


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## reptile logic (May 21, 2016)

Another loaded poll. 

Funny joke? Yes. Practical joke? My opinion is that most tend to be infantile if not actually harmful; so no. Witty remarks and counter remarks? Absolutely. 

Am I serious and no fun? Only when the situation is serious. 

Do I get butt-hurt? Only when my butt hurts.


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## sawarineko (May 22, 2016)

i'm from germany so the "dark humor" i know is mostly nazi and jew jokes
i do love dark humor though, especially russian black humor
my father had to forbid my mom to make jokes because they were too morbid for him :')) (russian mom and german dad). honestly i think everything is allowed in jokes, as long as you make sure the others know it's not supposed to be serious. and a bit of common sense to know when to tell what sort of jokes


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 22, 2016)

SpiritMachine said:


> ...Those poll results are a GODDAM LIE and am willing to bet that some who voted yes were also thinking "So long as_______"
> 
> also... where the brothas at, I propose a trade... 2 louisiana style fried chicken pieces for 2 tamales


Observant. The poll is a lie, I wonder why I even added it. I see people laughing and having fun elsewhere, able to get humor, but not here. Well, at least the one person who said they can't take a joke was telling the truth.

Also, a joke. What's the worst thing your wife/husband can say during sex? "Honey, I'm home."


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 22, 2016)

sawarineko said:


> i'm from germany so the "dark humor" i know is mostly nazi and jew jokes
> i do love dark humor though, especially russian black humor
> my father had to forbid my mom to make jokes because they were too morbid for him :')) (russian mom and german dad). honestly i think everything is allowed in jokes, as long as you make sure the others know it's not supposed to be serious. and a bit of common sense to know when to tell what sort of jokes


Russian black humor? YOU GOT MY ATTENTION!

As for a Jew joke (I don't know many good Nazi jokes), what language do gay Jews speak? He-Blew.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 22, 2016)

AsheSkyler said:


> I'm mostly into word play, puns, random quotes, and silliness.
> 
> "Cogito eggo sum. I think, therefor, I am a waffle.
> 
> ...


Ohh, I like some of those, especially the wet floor one! I also love Tim Wilson and I recognize those lyrics from my favorite of his songs.




"Say you love her till she lays down the butchers knife"

What does a white woman make for dinner? Reservations.


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## RinkuTheRuffian (May 22, 2016)

My greatest performance and a solid way to jew in some recognition:


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 22, 2016)

RinkuTheRuffian said:


> My greatest performance and a solid way to jew in some recognition:


Was this your work?


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## RinkuTheRuffian (May 22, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> Was this your work?


Work?  You give me too much credit.
But yes.


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## sawarineko (May 22, 2016)

what's a jewish kid on a swing? 
teasing german marksmen

(im having a hard time to translate most jokes i know T _ T )


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 22, 2016)

RinkuTheRuffian said:


> Work?  You give me too much credit.
> But yes.


It's funny. Surprised it doesn't have any more views.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 22, 2016)

sawarineko said:


> what's a jewish kid on a swing?
> teasing german marksmen
> 
> (im having a hard time to translate most jokes i know T _ T )


OMG! That is a good one, I'm gonna remember it.

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe? A canoe tips.


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## RinkuTheRuffian (May 22, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> It's funny. Surprised it doesn't have any more views.


The most views we have is on the "Here in my garage" parody video my friend/chump did at 6 in the morning.  Fuck trending trends, we worked hard on these memes.


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## AsheSkyler (May 22, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> Ohh, I like some of those, especially the wet floor one! I also love Tim Wilson and I recognize those lyrics from my favorite of his songs.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Heehee, yup, that's where I got it! I love that song. He's one of my favorite comedians too. 
'Tis a shame he passed away so young. Er, I guess middle-aged isn't that bad, but still pretty young.

I could probably spam the heck out of this thread with quotes from Gabriel Iglesias, Tim Wilson, Jeff Foxworthy, Russel Peters, and goodness knows who else. Although it probably would be a lot of fun if everybody did start posting a bunch of YouTube clips to all the goofy things we like. 

Oh hell, I'll do one anyway:





I have been quoting this one little clip sooo many times. "Hiiii, welcome to hey-yell." My mom couldn't keep a straight face visiting me at work for _months_. One of the few times my native accent actually came out. It likes to hide for some reason.


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## Zipline (May 23, 2016)

What did the grape say when the badger stood on it? 
Nothing, it just let out a little wine! ha, such fun! :3


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## Sergei Nóhomo (May 23, 2016)

No I'm an uptight fagit okay now leave me alone and stop harassing me


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

AsheSkyler said:


> Heehee, yup, that's where I got it! I love that song. He's one of my favorite comedians too.
> 'Tis a shame he passed away so young. Er, I guess middle-aged isn't that bad, but still pretty young.
> 
> I could probably spam the heck out of this thread with quotes from Gabriel Iglesias, Tim Wilson, Jeff Foxworthy, Russel Peters, and goodness knows who else. Although it probably would be a lot of fun if everybody did start posting a bunch of YouTube clips to all the goofy things we like.
> ...


It really sucks how many of the good ones are dead now. I also love George Carlin (also dead), his sketches were over the top. Here is an example.




George Carlin also narrated Thomas and Friends, he really did. Here is how it would have been if it were rated R, if you're up for it.




Feel free to spam this thread with more funny quotes and videos, I'm enjoying them.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Zipline said:


> What did the grape say when the badger stood on it?
> Nothing, it just let out a little wine! ha, such fun! :3


That's a good clean one. Speaking of wines....what's the oldest wine in America? "I want my land back!"


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## AsheSkyler (May 24, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> It really sucks how many of the good ones are dead now. I also love George Carlin (also dead), his sketches were over the top. Here is an example.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh, Mr. Carlin... I still have that goofy face stuck in my that he made during his bit about how apparently the belief is that dead people have nothing better to do than just stand around and _stare_ at the living. XD

I never realized he was the narrator until my kid was watching Thomas some months ago and the voice sounded strangely familiar. I watched the opening credits on the next episode and, holy cow! Reading reviews from the staff they say that he was a very warm and gentle fellow when he was the narrator. I knew he was the grouchy old ape on Disney's Tarzan 2, but it was something else knowing he's in Thomas.

And let's not forget poor ol' Robin Williams. That dude had some amazing versatility as an actor. Depression sucks, or whatever psychology nuisance that got him in the end. Of all the things that he said that had me cackling the most, it's his "Was the Human Body Designed by Committee?" Genitalia, and obviously it is potentially NSFW.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

AsheSkyler said:


> Oh, Mr. Carlin... I still have that goofy face stuck in my that he made during his bit about how apparently the belief is that dead people have nothing better to do than just stand around and _stare_ at the living. XD
> 
> I never realized he was the narrator until my kid was watching Thomas some months ago and the voice sounded strangely familiar. I watched the opening credits on the next episode and, holy cow! Reading reviews from the staff they say that he was a very warm and gentle fellow when he was the narrator. I knew he was the grouchy old ape on Disney's Tarzan 2, but it was something else knowing he's in Thomas.
> 
> And let's not forget poor ol' Robin Williams. That dude had some amazing versatility as an actor. Depression sucks, or whatever psychology nuisance that got him in the end. Of all the things that he said that had me cackling the most, it's his "Was the Human Body Designed by Committee?" Genitalia, and obviously it is potentially NSFW.


Thomas and Friends was a good childhood show. The spectacular crashes and wrecks are still enjoyable though, even as an adult.

I missed out on Robin Williams when he was alive. That was a hilarious video.


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## Zipline (May 24, 2016)

Yes, but it has to be a really unfunny joke.


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## Darklordbambi (May 24, 2016)

I'll laugh at a joke about anything so long as I actually find it funny.


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## Zipline (May 24, 2016)

Darklordbambi said:


> I'll laugh at a joke about anything so long as I actually find it funny.


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kyle.
Kyle Who?
Kyle then broke into tears as he realized his mother's Alzheimers had progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Yes, but it has to be a really unfunny joke.


Pedophiles are fu*king immature assholes.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Darklordbambi said:


> I'll laugh at a joke about anything so long as I actually find it funny.


What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.


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## Zipline (May 24, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> Pedophiles are fu*king immature assholes.


What...? I am not a pedo. :c


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Zipline said:


> What...? I am not a pedo. :c


The hardest part for a pedophile is fitting in....

(These are jokes, you said you can take unfunny jokes. Read it again.)


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## Zipline (May 24, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> The hardest part for a pedophile is fitting in....
> 
> (These are jokes, you said you can take unfunny jokes. Read it again.)


ohh, immature because they like kids? Silly bear. :3


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## Wither (May 24, 2016)

Zipline said:


> ohh, immature because they like kids? Silly bear. :3


"Pedophiles are _having sex with_ immature assholes"

If jokes are like frogs, I just murdered that shit. 



Zipline said:


> Knock Knock
> Who's there?
> Kyle.
> Kyle Who?
> Kyle then broke into tears as he realized his mother's Alzheimers had progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.


Anti-jokes are the absolute best. 


An Irish man walks out of a bar.


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## Zipline (May 24, 2016)

Wither said:


> "Pedophiles are _having sex with_ immature assholes"


oh XD I was looking into it too hard.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Zipline said:


> ohh, immature because they like kids? Silly bear. :3


I'm a Red Panda. A RED FU*KING PANDA!!!!

Anyway, got any good ones or am I going to tell all of them?


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## Wither (May 24, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> I'm a Red Panda. A RED FU*KING PANDA!!!!


So... like a raccoon?


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## Zipline (May 24, 2016)

Maximor_Bloodpanda said:


> I'm a Red Panda. A RED FU*KING PANDA!!!!
> 
> Anyway, got any good ones or am I going to tell all of them?


It is not my thread, I do not have to. But here is one more. 
What kind of bees produce milk? 
Boobies


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Wither said:


> So... like a raccoon?


No, like a flipping hippopotamus!


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 24, 2016)

Zipline said:


> It is not my thread, I do not have to. But here is one more.
> What kind of bees produce milk?
> Boobies


Wow, as dumb as that one is, it still got me.

What do you do when someone is having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of dirty laundry....


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## Darklordbambi (May 25, 2016)

What do Jesus and gay porn stars have in common?

They're both known for working with wood and getting nailed.


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## Kiara Everfrost (May 25, 2016)




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## Endless/Nameless (May 25, 2016)

Can you take a joke up your


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## Somnium (May 25, 2016)

Here's a good one

I come to the eye doctor for a regular eye examination and he says to me
- Oh, Somnium, you won't be needing glasses soon.
- But how, doctor? I can barely read without them.
- Soon you'll be reading with your fingers, with your fingers.

And the funniest part is that he's probably right.


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## Nemnth (May 25, 2016)

So a smart blonde chick, Santa Claus, and a regular blonde chick are walking down a sidewalk when they find a dollar bill. Which one picks it up?

The regular blonde chick because the other two don't exist


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## Julen (May 25, 2016)

The only word beggining by b that you should call a women is beatiful  because bitches love when they call them beatiful.


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## Zipline (May 25, 2016)

Why don't orphans play baseball? 
They don't know where home is.
This joke battle is heating up now.


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## Julen (May 25, 2016)

What's the smartest thing that came out of a womens mouth? 

Einsteins dick


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## Zipline (May 25, 2016)

What does it mean when your girlfriend is panting and shouting your name in bed? 
You are not holding the pillow down long enough.


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## Julen (May 25, 2016)

How do i you give more freedom to a woman?



You make the kitchen bigger


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 26, 2016)

Darklordbambi said:


> What do Jesus and gay porn stars have in common?
> 
> They're both known for working with wood and getting nailed.


That is brutal! I love it!

What's the worst way to spend Easter? Getting crucified.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 26, 2016)

Endless/Nameless said:


> Can you take a joke up your


That doesn't look complete. Let me provide one.

What do you call a gay midget? Low-blow.


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

How are children like cellphones? If you’ve lost one and haven’t found it in a couple days, chances are it’s probably dead.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 26, 2016)

Kioskask said:


> How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
> 
> Depends how hard you throw them...


I love dead baby jokes!

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well apparently not 23, since my basement is still dark.....


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?




Juan

I'm so sorry


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 26, 2016)

Julen said:


> How many mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I love Mexican jokes!

Why does Mexico have no gold medals in the Olympics? Because all of their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

What did a mexican kid get for christmas?
My bike


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## RinkuTheRuffian (May 26, 2016)

Where did you get those shoes?
Bazinga, I don't care.



























Ha.


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## BRN (May 26, 2016)

What is this 'humour' you speak of


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## Ricky (May 26, 2016)

_Life is a joke_.

If it's there I either eat it, fuck it, or laugh at it :V


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?  I don’t know… I can’t tell time with an erection. 





I'm SO sorry. That was REALLY FUCKED UP


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## Ricky (May 26, 2016)

Julen said:


> How long does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?  I don’t know… I can’t tell time with an erection.




Just lay down outside and use it like a sundial x3


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

What’s the difference between a Iraqi school and a Taliban training center?
I don’t know either, I just control the drone.


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## Crestego (May 26, 2016)

I love me some Dank memes... the only jokes I find slightly offensive are asthma jokes. Only reason is because there's a lot of really stupid and assoholic stereotypes about asthma as a whole, so no one takes it seriously IRL (though luckily most of the people I've met do take it for realsies). That shit'll kill you if you're not careful... if it was taken more seriously outside of jokes, then i'd be cool with it.

What's the difference between 10 dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

So you like dank memes huh?




Well there you have a montage parody that you may enjoy :3


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## Crestego (May 26, 2016)

Julen said:


> So you like dank memes huh?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


<3  Thank you.


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

Crestego said:


> <3  Thank you.


You're welcome friend!
There you have another one




P.s: watch out for tesco


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## Crestego (May 26, 2016)

Julen said:


> You're welcome friend!
> There you have another one
> 
> 
> ...


I feel like a kid at Christmas. <3  Also, been messaging these jokes to my dad; he thinks they're awesome enough to send to my mom. Well played guys.


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

Alright. There comes another one


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## Crestego (May 26, 2016)

Julen said:


> Alright. There comes another one


Alright, this guy's earned a sub. I'll probably binge-watch him later. XD


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes


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## Julen (May 26, 2016)

Here comes the last one. God this one broke me...







God why


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## Crestego (May 26, 2016)

Julen said:


> Here comes the last one. God this one broke me...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Love me dem Doritos.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 26, 2016)

How many Irish men does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to hold the light bulb and the other to drink until the room spins.

One time I fucked this bitch so hard that she almost came back to life.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 26, 2016)

Kioskask said:


> Did you hear about the score of the Ethiopia vs Egypt football game?
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> ...


Africans have the best drinking games, like the last one to find the water dies.


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## Julen (May 27, 2016)

What do you say when you see your T.V. floating in the middle of the night? Drop it, thief!


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## Julen (May 27, 2016)

What’s the difference between a white baby and a black baby?
About 20 minutes in the microwave.


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## Maximus B. Panda (May 31, 2016)

Studies show that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.


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## Julen (May 31, 2016)

What’s the difference between a rock and a dead baby?  You can’t fuck a rock.


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## SpiritWolf15 (Jun 1, 2016)

*WARNING: KIND OF CRUEL/MORBID READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

My grandfather once told me, "Your generation is too reliant on technology."
 So I replied, "No, your generation is too reliant on technology!" 
Then I disconnected his life support.*


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## Julen (Jun 2, 2016)

What is the difference between a Russian and a bag of shit?  Nothing


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## Nemnth (Jun 2, 2016)

What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?
Unemployed.

Juan, Carlos and Antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. who wins?
Society.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 2, 2016)

What do you call 4 Mexican's at the bottom of a pool? Quatro Cinco.

What is the first thing new recruits learn in the French army? How to surrender in 17 different languages.

Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

What is the most useful thing in the French army? A rear-view mirror so they can see the war.


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## Julen (Jun 2, 2016)

What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys?  Coach


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## RinkuTheRuffian (Jun 2, 2016)




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## Cannabiskitty (Jun 2, 2016)

This thread is so wrong XD

Not all of it is funny, but so so wrong guys.


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## x-zombii (Jun 2, 2016)

Why did Sally fall off the swing


Spoiler



She had no arms


Knock, knock? Who's there?


Spoiler



Not Sally


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## Julen (Jun 2, 2016)

Why did the redneck cross the road? Because he couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.


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## Cannabiskitty (Jun 2, 2016)

Kioskask said:


> *Again, don't read if you get offended easily!*
> 
> Whats got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet?
> 
> ...



These ones are the best. They're horrible but while they are subversive they're done in a way that touches on some core realities in an unflinchingly lighthearted way.


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## Julen (Jun 2, 2016)

God... a friend of mine just told me theese jokes and i'm laughing my ass off right now:

How many house wives does it take to change a light bulb? None! what the hell they doing out of the kitchen! Get your ass back there!

What did Adolf Hitler get his neice for her birthday? An easy bake oven.

What’s the first thing a redneck says after losing her virginity? Get off of me Dad, you’re crushing my cigarettes.

The last one just gave me nightmares


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## x-zombii (Jun 2, 2016)

Whats the difference between jam and jelly


Spoiler



I can't jelly my dick up your ass


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 4, 2016)

What do you call a group of white guys running down a hill? An avalanche.

What do you call a group of black guys running down a hill? A mudslide.

What do you call a group of Mexicans running down a hill? A jailbreak.


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## Julen (Jun 4, 2016)

What do you call a group of white people having an orgy?
A snowball

What do you call a group of black people having an orgy?
A pile of shit


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## lockaboss (Jun 4, 2016)

HAY I DO  wait......its probs to offensive to go up on here..... never mind lol


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## SirRob (Jun 4, 2016)

For me it really depends on who's telling the joke, and the context of it. Like when I was in high school, my siblings would make fun of me a lot when I was feeling really self-conscious, and they were like, jeez, can't you take a joke? Some of my classmates were like that too, especially in gym class, heh. With my friends though, I know they care about me, so I can handle them beating me up a bit. And I've been getting better about it in general, because I like myself more than I used to.

Oh, was I supposed to tell a joke? How do you get a Pikachu on a bus? You poke 'em on.


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## x-zombii (Jun 4, 2016)

Honestly my entire life has been a joke, you either learn to laugh it off or you don't make it past middle school


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## nerdbat (Jun 4, 2016)

Welp, furry fandom itself is sort of a joke, so why not


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 5, 2016)

x-zombii said:


> Honestly my entire life has been a joke, you either learn to laugh it off or you don't make it past middle school


Well at least there is someone to laugh at it then.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 5, 2016)

A child is playing alone in his room. All of the sudden, there is a blinding flash of light and a man appears before the child.

The man says, "Johnny, I'm you from the future"

Little Johnny responds, "Aw cool! So what do I grow up to be?"

Older Johnny then replies, "A pedophile", and locks the door.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 7, 2016)

What is the difference between black guys and tires? Tires don't sing when you put them in chains.

What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross country.

Why didn't the white supremacist cross the road? Because he was afraid of the other side.

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Asian? A car thief who can't drive.

What do you call a Chinese rapper? Vanilla Rice.

What does DIANA stand for? Died In A Nasty Accident.

Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? Because they always have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened.


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## Julen (Jun 7, 2016)

What do you do after you rape a 12 year old deaf dumb and blind girl? Break her fingers so she cant tell her mom 



Jesus christ i'm messed up


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 8, 2016)

Julen said:


> What do you do after you rape a 12 year old deaf dumb and blind girl? Break her fingers so she cant tell her mom
> 
> 
> 
> Jesus christ i'm messed up


Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 9, 2016)

How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?  Put a gay guy into a coma.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 16, 2016)

Why did the terrorist blow himself up? Jihad nothing to live for.


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

Hello I'm new but I think I have a joke people will like. 

How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

2 men walk into a bar, the second one should have ducked.


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a bird? Broken powerlines.


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

I also have a good knock knock joke, but you need to say it out loud for it to work. 
Knock knock. Who's there? Eyemap. Eyemap who?


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he was a registered sex offender.


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

A man ordered a meal at a restaurant, but when it arrived, there was no sauce, so the man calls a waiter over and hands him a bottle of tomato sauce. He leans in close to them and says "give my condiments to the chef".


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

I'm honestly sorry for that last one. I know it was horrible.


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## Tissthalliss (Jun 16, 2016)

Two people are getting married on a cliff, when one falls and injures themselves. The paramedics reported it as a "rocky relationship".


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## Maximus B. Panda (Jun 21, 2016)

A man walks into a drug store and asks for birth control pills for his 7 year old daughter.
The clerk is shocked, asking, "Your daughter is 7 and already sexually active?!"

The man replies, "Well, not really. She sorta just lays there and cries."


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## TidesofFate (Oct 8, 2016)

I can. Here's some Star Wars jokes because why not?

How many Stormtroopers does it take to change a lightbulb? 2. One to change it, the other to shoot him and take credit for it.

How long does Luke Skywalker sleep? One Jedi Knight.

Why do TIE Fighters scream? They miss their mothership.

What do you call the person who brings a rancor its dinner? The appetizer

Say, what does an Imperial Star Destroyer wear to a formal occasion? A bow TIE!


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## Waraabe (Oct 10, 2016)

An untalented gymnast walks into a bar


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## Yakamaru (Oct 10, 2016)

Jokes? I fucking BATHE in them.

Literally nothing is off limit.


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## BlueWorrior (Oct 10, 2016)

Jokes are great, If i can tell when it's a joke...
An aspy like me can have difficulty interpreting sarcasm or elaborate set-ups to jokes :L


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## Sergei Nóhomo (Oct 10, 2016)

BlueWorrior said:


> Jokes are great, If i can tell when it's a joke...
> An aspy like me can have difficulty interpreting sarcasm or elaborate set-ups to jokes :L



If you adopt a "I ain't finna give a shit" attitude you can joke about anything and not care if someone gets their knickers in a knot! I highly suggest it


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## Stormi (Oct 10, 2016)

I can, so long as I can tell a joke right back at you.


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## Waraabe (Oct 10, 2016)

I make a lot of great jokes, sadly I'm the only one thinking they're good


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## Toby_Morpheus (Oct 10, 2016)

If you can't laugh at yourself, I dare say you don't have much business laughing at anyone else.
If you were to know me in person, you'd know I almost constantly lampoon myself as well as my closest friends and they reciprocate in kind.


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## Somnium (Oct 15, 2016)

Do you know why jews mutilate their penises?
Jewish girls cant resist something that's 10% off.


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## RileyTheOtter (Oct 15, 2016)

i'm legally blind in one eye and always cracking jokes about how my friends seem to have worse eyesight than I do or miss details that I don't. Usually saying they're more blind than I am, and i'm the blind one.


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## bhutrflai (Oct 15, 2016)

Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato & Baby Tomato are walking down the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind. Papa Tomato goes back & squishes him & says 'Ketchup'.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Oct 16, 2016)

bhutrflai said:


> Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato & Baby Tomato are walking down the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind. Papa Tomato goes back & squishes him & says 'Ketchup'.


Gotta love Pulp Fiction!!


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