# Hug your kids.



## DrakkenWulf (Feb 5, 2021)

For those of you with older children, please please please establish yourself as a safe place for them to bring you their mental health struggles and support them. Tell them you love them often and give them an extra big hug today.

Kids get used to hiding the truth from their parents early because they know they’ll get in trouble. We do need to ‘correct’ behavior but we can do it in loving ways, not harsh yelling matches.

A friend just lost their eldest son because he didn’t want to “burden” his family anymore. They are a loving group that did all the right stuff. My heart aches for all.


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## Telnac (Feb 5, 2021)

It can be a real struggle, and each child is different.  I'm sorry to hear about your friend's loss. That has to be devastating.


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## Pomorek (Feb 5, 2021)

I'm as if at the other end of this issue. My parents were downright gaslighting me all along and are one of main causes of my insanity. Granted, in that time and place they may have been at a complete loss, what to do with "weird" autistic son. But further destabilizing his already fragile emotionality and pushing him into ever greater madness is the most idiotic thing one can come up with. 

Don't be like my parents.


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## the sleepiest kitty (Feb 5, 2021)

I couldn't agree more as I came from an abusive household.


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## TyraWadman (Feb 5, 2021)

My father had an explosive temper and my privacy was under constant invasion. I couldn't lie because I'd get yelled at and if I didn't, id still be yelled at. Even when I had no part in whatever he was upset about, he was the kind of man that threatened to kill his own kids.

Even if those outbursts lessened slightly with age, that doesn't mean the child is automatically okay. It doesn't magically explain things to them and let them know that things have changed for the better. You have to actually sit down and let them know. Show some humility and apologize, acknowledge where things went wrong, and if you can't put it into words, consider hiring a family therapist to help.

Survivors of such neglect/abuse need to remember that there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Even if all seems hopeless, take a chance and ask for help. You never know what knowledge you might uncover. Take record of your progress and look back on it when you're at your lowest to remind you of the progress you've made, and will continue to make. Life might not have given you a fair start, but you can still reclaim what time you have left. Even if it means leaving your toxic family to find/make a new one.


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## Netanye Dakabi (Feb 6, 2021)

i wish i was hugged more


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## Tahr_Yrre (Feb 6, 2021)

Being the youngest isn't easy as well.
You get overly restricted with anything you wanna do.
I know mynparents loved me but as well they had no time to spend with me for most of my childhood so it's kinda a "there is love but it isn't there" thingie


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## DrakkenWulf (Feb 6, 2021)

TyraWadman said:


> My father had an explosive temper and my privacy was under constant invasion. I couldn't lie because I'd get yelled at and if I did, id still be yelled at. Even when I had no part in whatever he was upset about, he was the kind of man that threatened to kill his own kids.
> 
> Even if those outbursts lessened slightly with age, that doesn't mean the child is automatically okay. It doesn't magically explain things to them and let them know that things have changed for the better. You have to actually sit down and let them know. Show some humility and apologize, acknowledge where things went wrong, and if you can't put it into words, consider hiring a family therapist to help.
> 
> Survivors of such neglect/abuse need to remember that there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Even if all seems hopeless, take a chance and ask for help. You never know what knowledge you might uncover. Take record of your progress and look back on it when you're at your lowest to remind you of the progress you've made, and will continue to make. Life might not have given you a fair start, but you can still reclaim what time you have left. Even if it means leaving your toxic family to find/make a new one.


I am also a product of such a household. While I did make better choices, the scars never leave you.


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## Fallowfox (Feb 6, 2021)

Sorry to read about this Drakken.


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## the sleepiest kitty (Feb 6, 2021)

My stepfather got a rise out of starting arguements with me over everything and anything he could possibly think of. They usually ended up being screaming matches, then he would ground me for screaming even though he started the petty, meaningless arguements.

Examples:

"I didn't buy you the soda that I promised I'd get for you because I just remembered an arguement we had over 3 months ago."

"I don't care if you are playing Wii and that you have permission to play for 2 hours a day, I think 30 minutes is enough and I wanna use the Wii to watch Netflix. Get off the Wii right now. I'm the adult and I said so!"


I know they seem silly, but he was a big fan of power trips.

One time he misplaced a rental DVD and told me to search for it in my room (even though I never brought it up there) and if I didn't find it in 30 minutes, I'd be grounded for a month. I kept telling him it wasn't there, and he screamed at me. Well he found it under the sofa and apologised.


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## Pomorek (Feb 6, 2021)

sleepy kitty said:


> My stepfather got a rise out of starting arguements with me over everything and anything he could possibly think of. They usually ended up being screaming matches, then he would ground me for screaming even though he started the petty, meaningless arguements.
> 
> Examples:
> 
> ...


Oh, I feel you. Eves as details were different, the mechanism feels the same.


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## Telnac (Feb 8, 2021)

sleepy kitty said:


> My stepfather got a rise out of starting arguements with me over everything and anything he could possibly think of. They usually ended up being screaming matches, then he would ground me for screaming even though he started the petty, meaningless arguements.
> 
> Examples:
> 
> ...


Oy. That sucks!  I'm sorry you had to put up with that garbage.


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## the sleepiest kitty (Feb 8, 2021)

Telnac said:


> Oy. That sucks!  I'm sorry you had to put up with that garbage.


It's alright, my friend. It's over now and I am doing a lot better


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