# Is role playing cheating?



## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

It got me wondering, when you have a naughty RP with a stranger while being in a closed relationship, does that mean you cheated? IMO yes, because I think cheating happens not in a bed, but in the heart.

By the way, happy Easter everyone!


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## Sforzie (Mar 27, 2016)

If it were a casual sexual RP with no real emotional attachments included (RPing smut for smut's sake, as it were), then no. That would be just somewhat interactive porn. Even if the characters being RP'd have some sort of emotional attachment, if you don't really feel the same way towards their player, then it's just smut. Of course, some people are insecure and feel that if their partner looks at smut then they're cheating. Eh.


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## Strangeguy32000 (Mar 27, 2016)

If you're in a closed relationship and you happen upon Hot Coffee mode in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, does _that_ count as cheating?


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## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

idk maybe it's just the way I view whole porn thing.  It's hard to believe for me that a dude who ferociously fap to the hot pornstar in the screen would not have even the slightest desire to do her irl


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## JinxiFox (Mar 27, 2016)

I have to say no, unless you have actual feelings for the other person. 
I've table top and LARPed for decades, and while my characters  had flings with other characters that were not played by my SO or hubby, so it's just a game. No harm no foul, as long as that's all it is.


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## ZacAttackk (Mar 27, 2016)

If I were in a relationship I'd be a bit more hesitant about ERPing with others, as I'd want to be faithful to my partner, however it would be OK if said partner is OK with that sort of thing.


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## RaverMonki (Mar 27, 2016)

I would say so if it is your persona with anyone else, but if your partner is okay with such then go ahead I guess


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## Ahkrin Descol (Mar 27, 2016)

Is writing porn, as opposed to just looking at it, cheating?  Righto


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## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

Ahkrin Descol said:


> Is writing porn, as opposed to just looking at it, cheating?  Righto



I do consider both as cheating, but watching porn is less bad because at least you are not participating


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## Glor666 (Mar 27, 2016)

Idk man it depends on how you feel about it. It's a ROLE PLAY so that's not you doing stuff as long as you dont feel personaly attached and neglect person you're in relationship with. Still, I like to keep my gf informed bout all my rps, I dont want her to think I prefer someone (real or imaginery) to her.


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## Dazreiello (Mar 27, 2016)

Well I think the definite key trait about this is that it's subjective. Depends on both parties of the relationship, communication comes first of all anyway so to do such things behind their back sort of might say something about you. Granted you dont HAVE to inform them of every little detail or how many times but just that communicate about the general concept, like, how eachother would feel about it happening at all.

That aside, hate to admit but Im actually quite the jealous type, but even then if My partner wanted to ERP I would atleast be completely fine by basically getting more attention and fun than the ERPers overall ;3 This would definitely douse any of my lame insecurities for good, knowing and convincing my anxiety prone mind that I AM still worth more to them. Also, needless to say I'd do the same for my partner if I wanted to ERP and she had the same general feelings about it. Even if she was fine without the compensation I'd still be giving more attention to her anyway XD Cuz, randoms are randoms. Sometimes youre in the mood for a different kink, but definitely not more often than your own lover if you were truly still interested in them.


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## PlusThirtyOne (Mar 27, 2016)

it depends on MANY circumstances but to keep things simple:
As someone who actually got burned in this department, i would consider it cheating generally if the parties knew each other intimately. Roleplaying with a stranger is like playing a game with a computer or watching porn because there's no emotional connection. That gets a pass. However, if the 'playing parties have (or had) a personal relationship of any kind outside the game, yes, i would consider that cheating.
Not as bad as physical/sexual cheating but emotionally, yes.


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## Suki262 (Mar 27, 2016)

Role-Playing (RP) is NOT considered cheating only because there is nothing physically going on between you and the person your rping with. Unless you plan on hooking up with the person to go somewhere and mess around then it's a different story. If your spouse/significant other suspects that you are cheating due to the fact that you do mature rp's with someone else then their either completely insecure due to their previous relationships of cheating bfs/gfs or their actually cheating themselves.

I have had my experience with dating as I am in a current relationship now and I would tell them off the bat that it's just an rp as there is NOTHING going on between me and the guy that I role-play with and they see nothing wrong with it because people look at and talk to other women/men all the time and they don't act intimately on what their spouse would not approved of because you made a commitment to be with that person so your gonna devote your time with the person you choose to be with. By breaking that trust by actually cheating on them would, excuse my french when I say this, would make you a fuckboy or floozy.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Mar 27, 2016)

It's only cheating if he knows.


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## Suki262 (Mar 27, 2016)

PlusThirtyOne said:


> it depends on MANY circumstances but to keep things simple:
> As someone who actually got burned in this department, i would consider it cheating generally if the parties knew each other intimately. Roleplaying with a stranger is like playing a game with a computer or watching porn because there's no emotional connection. That gets a pass. However, if the 'playing parties have (or had) a personal relationship of any kind outside the game, yes, i would consider that cheating.
> Not as bad as physical/sexual cheating but emotionally, yes.



I see your point there and that is also true... But that would mean that the person rping with someone that they know in rl, then it's a case that person hasn't done it yet would plan on cheating with you on that person or it's already happened without the partner's knowledge


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## Suki262 (Mar 27, 2016)

Mr. Fox said:


> It's only cheating if he knows.



Lol yo that's a typical fuckboy response.... But if that's how you wanna handle it that's on you. Just make sure you know how to cover-up your tracks well enough for the partner not to catch on


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## TJwolf123 (Mar 27, 2016)

I used to think that rping with others was completely fine, back in my younger roleplaying years. I don't rp anymore and I won't unless it's dealing with story because I see no purpose in screwing random people anymore. (Thank god I calmed my hormones down) But, if you really love the person you're with, even though it's long distance and you have no way of meeting face to face, keep on that road I guess? But if it's a relationship in the real world, why message others for sexual stuff when you have your mate? If that makes sense to any of you..


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## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

Suki262 said:


> Role-Playing (RP) is NOT considered cheating only because there is nothing physically going on between you and the person your rping with. Unless you plan on hooking up with the person to go somewhere and mess around then it's a different story. If your spouse/significant other suspects that you are cheating due to the fact that you do mature rp's with someone else then their either completely insecure due to their previous relationships of cheating bfs/gfs or their actually cheating themselves.
> 
> I have had my experience with dating as I am in a current relationship now and I would tell them off the bat that it's just an rp as there is NOTHING going on between me and the guy that I role-play with and they see nothing wrong with it because people look at and talk to other women/men all the time and they don't act intimately on what their spouse would not approved of because you made a commitment to be with that person so your gonna devote your time with the person you choose to be with. By breaking that trust by actually cheating on them would, excuse my french when I say this, would make you a fuckboy or floozy.



So are you saying webcamming together isn't cheating? Or better do it irl in one room, as long as no one physically touches each other, it's not cheating. And tbh commitment sounds more like a slavery in this case.


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## LindyHop (Mar 27, 2016)

This is a tough one, on one hand If my partner was sexting another girl on his phone I would consider that cheating on the other hand if he was roleplaying a character online with a stranger I could possibly let it slide depending on the content. The mind is a powerful sexual organ and sometimes your partner could have fantasies that are close to impossible to fulfill in real life. I know I have some pretty benign ones that my partner just will not go for so I do sometimes read erotica or watch porn to have that part of my sexuality fulfilled. Things like vore and macro/micro are fetishes as far as I know and there would probably be some problems reenacting that in real life. As far as porn being cheating obviously I don't believe so, if it comes down to a person preferring porn over real intimate contact with another person that's not cheating, that's an addiction. As long as there's still a healthy emotional and physical relationship between two people I don't see a problem.


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## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

LindyHop said:


> This is a tough one, on one hand If my partner was sexting another girl on his phone I would consider that cheating on the other hand if he was roleplaying a character online with a stranger I could possibly let it slide depending on the content. The mind is a powerful sexual organ and sometimes your partner could have fantasies that are close to impossible to fulfill in real life. I know I have some pretty benign ones that my partner just will not go for so I do sometimes read erotica or watch porn to have that part of my sexuality fulfilled. Things like vore and macro/micro are fetishes as far as I know and there would probably be some problems reenacting that in real life. As far as porn being cheating obviously I don't believe so, if it comes down to a person preferring porn over real intimate contact with another person that's not cheating, that's an addiction. As long as there's still a healthy emotional and physical relationship between two people I don't see a problem.



wait isn't yiffing a form of cybersex aka sexting? What about one night stands? Do they count if there is still a healthy relationship between long term partners?
That's why I don't like strictly closed relationships, a single human female would not be able to satisfy all my deepest desires.


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## Suki262 (Mar 27, 2016)

Somnium said:


> So are you saying webcamming together isn't cheating? Or better do it irl in one room, as long as no one physically touches each other, it's not cheating. And tbh commitment sounds more like a slavery in this case.



That is not what I am saying at all. Infact if you have to start webcamming in order to get your rocks off to pretty much masturbate to a person that is in another state or country then that person has some serious issues that they need to handle and they need to break up with their spouse if their not satisfied with them. All I am saying from growing up rping as a teen to my adult years, your impersonating a different character and you don't embody the character to the point where it made you wanna actually screw around with the person in rl that is just nuts. Probably other people take rping seriously and need to seek help but that is just me coming from a person who has only used rping for story idea purposes and nothing else.


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## LindyHop (Mar 27, 2016)

Somnium said:


> wait isn't yiffing a form of cybersex aka sexting? What about one night stands? Do they count if there is still a healthy relationship between long term partners?
> That's why I don't like strictly closed relationships, a single human female would not be able to satisfy all my deepest desires.



Unless both partners are okay with the arrangement one night stands are not part of a healthy relationship. And i make the distinction between sexting and 'yiffing' because I feel giving your phone number to someone is more personal than being generally anonymous under an online handle.


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## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

Suki262 said:


> That is not what I am saying at all. Infact if you have to start webcamming in order to get your rocks off to pretty much masturbate to a person that is in another state or country then that person has some serious issues that they need to handle and they need to break up with their spouse if their not satisfied with them. All I am saying from growing up rping as a teen to my adult years, your impersonating a different character and you don't embody the character to the point where it made you wanna actually screw around with the person in rl that is just nuts. Probably other people take rping seriously and need to seek help but that is just me coming from a person who has only used rping for story idea purposes and nothing else.



i definitely need help.. i stopped rping because of that


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## Suki262 (Mar 27, 2016)

Somnium said:


> i definitely need help.. i stopped rping because of that



Well damn... my bad o.o


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## Somnium (Mar 27, 2016)

Suki262 said:


> Well damn... my bad o.o



it's alright. it didn't take me long to figure out that i'm different


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## Suki262 (Mar 27, 2016)

Somnium said:


> it's alright. it didn't take me long to figure out that i'm different



I see


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## luxdreamer (Mar 27, 2016)

I think that if you are roleplaying you should let your partner know and have a conversation with them about it.
Some people may consider it cheating, others may not care. It is important to know what your partner thinks.
If my partner was having tons of roleplay sex with others and I didn't know about it and found out by other means
I would be absolutely heartbroken. BUT if they came to me and said 'this is what I want to do, how do you feel about 
it?" I wouldn't care at all. For me, it is malicious if they didn't talk to me about it beforehand.


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## inactive (Mar 27, 2016)

luxdreamer said:


> I think that if you are roleplaying you should let your partner know and have a conversation with them about it.
> Some people may consider it cheating, others may not care. It is important to know what your partner thinks.
> If my partner was having tons of roleplay sex with others and I didn't know about it and found out by other means
> I would be absolutely heartbroken. BUT if they came to me and said 'this is what I want to do, how do you feel about
> it?" I wouldn't care at all. For me, it is malicious if they didn't talk to me about it beforehand.



Thought I was gonna be the first one in this thread with that opinion, but you beat me to the punch!

I feel pretty strongly that there isn't some magic criterion that applies to everyone. "Roleplaying isn't cheating," "If there's any touching below waist level it's always cheating," "It's only cheating if you're emotionally invested." It's all the same to me, and I don't agree with any of it, personally; every person and every single relationship is unique. To me, being faithful is about being honest, and about caring about your partner's feelings.

Ask first, and in the exact words of luxdreamer, have a conversation with them about it. Communication is vital in every aspect of a relationship!


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## Wakor (Mar 29, 2016)

Yes and No. It depends ENTIRELY on your relationship with your partner.

Do you feel the need to keep it a secret from your partner? Do you believe they'd be uppset? Then yes, it's cheating.

If you know your partner is ok with it, and you can be honest with them about it? Then no, it's not cheating.

It's all about whether or not you betray the trust of your partner.


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## TR Grimm (Mar 29, 2016)

Strangeguy32000 said:


> If you're in a closed relationship and you happen upon Hot Coffee mode in Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, does _that_ count as cheating?




I don't think that's quitr the same thing, I personally don't view a cotrus scented rp as cheating personally but unlike Hot coffe you are interacting with another being, yes it's over a screen and yes it's sometimes with someone you have no conectuon to but it's still between two or more people. The real question is do you feel guilty about it. If you are in a relationship and you feel guilt over everytime you rp smut, even when its with strangers then don't do it. I also know people who have rp charecters in commited relationships with other rp charecters while in an rl relationship. It's a lot on you as a person and what your partner feels as well. If you are unsure but not feeling guilty talk to your rl partner, if they don't like it then stop, if they give you their blessing then keep on going.


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## ProxFox (Mar 31, 2016)

Nah. I wouldn't say it is. I look at it the same way as I do porn. It's not cheating to look at porn and all sexual roleplay is is choose your own adventure porn.


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## inactive (Mar 31, 2016)

ProxFox said:


> Nah. I wouldn't say it is. I look at it the same way as I do porn. It's not cheating to look at porn and all sexual roleplay is is choose your own adventure porn.



What if you add webcams?

please disregard that this would negate the "roleplaying" part of roleplaying


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## Filter (Mar 31, 2016)

I think a lot depends on whether one's partner approves. If it doesn't bother me when my girlfriend RPs, for instance, and if it doesn't bother her when I RP, then it isn't cheating as far as I'm concerned. That being said, mature RP isn't for everyone. Not everybody can, or even wants to, separate fantasy from reality, let alone engage in sexual things without forming an emotional attachment. If I was dating someone who had a problem with it, then I wouldn't do it. Likewise, I'd like to think she'd return the favor if I had a change of heart and considered it being unfaithful. When in doubt, don't do it. Either way, communication is very important. It's a good idea to make sure you're both on the same page.

Your own opinion is also important. If you feel in your heart like you're cheating, then you're probably cheating. Not everybody feels the same way.

FWIW, I basically see it as fictional characters interacting. Sure, some may be self-inserts or explorations of otherwise personal fantasies, but that's still worlds apart from porn or the kind of cybersex that involves webcams.


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## Gem-Wolf (Apr 1, 2016)

My fursona is allowed to role play. Her fursona partner says so ;-)


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## Fallowfox (Apr 1, 2016)

It depends whether your partner is comfortable with it, surely.


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## Ricky (Apr 1, 2016)

Simo said:


> I think it depends on the relationship





Fallowfox said:


> It depends whether your partner is comfortable with it, surely.



Yuh. You should be asking your partner this instead of a forum full of random furries :V

Things like relationships are very subjective which is why I hate it when they end up in objective media such as legislation.


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## Fallowfox (Apr 1, 2016)

Ricky said:


> Yuh. You should be asking your partner this instead of a forum full of random furries :V
> 
> Things like relationships are very subjective which is why I hate it when they end up in objective media such as legislation.



I am unsure what marriage has to do with roleplaying? Cheating isn't illegal, at least in the West.


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## Ricky (Apr 1, 2016)

Fallowfox said:


> I am unsure what marriage has to do with roleplaying? Cheating isn't illegal, at least in the West.



No, that was just my bitterness on the subject. Lol.

It was an example of the consequences taking relationships outside the context of subjective ideals.


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## Dandorm (Apr 1, 2016)

I was gonna say that I don't RP cause personally I feel that I don't need to when I have my partner.. But then I thought.. I've played Amorous recently so where does that fit in? I mean it's not quite RP'ing but it's still me taking part in a story of someone else's design which ultimately leads to naughtiness without my partner. I know it's not another person, but to be fair it was really well written and I did get a bit emotionally attached to the characters. 

I dunno, I kinda wanna say no but at the same time if I knew my partner was RP'ing with someone else or wanted to, I'd feel insecure and uncomfortable about it cause it'd be like I can't provide him something he wants.


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## Chemeli (Jun 28, 2018)

Well having sex role play is definitely having online sex with another person. It's basically giving them an online paw job. I mean if you have an open relationship and that's ok ... well .. ok.

It's a lot about whether one party or both are pawing off. If the characters are having sex but nobody's actually aroused then it's joint story writing,  and if you would do it with your mate sat in the corner of the room drinking coffee then you're obviously not feeling guilty/ashamed about anything. If you wait until they're out ... or offline then something's wrong.
Even then, you don't know what your role-partner is feeling. That could be significant. I mean if you're a girl and he's a guy, and you think he's getting off as one furry humping another that's one thing... but if he knows he's stimulating, sexually arousing and bringing off another guy's girlfriend !..  then maybe that's way more sexy than the role play. If the role partner's gender has to be in line with your orientation then you're probably in this category.

I guess having a real person paw you off online is what's exciting to a lot of people. Some of the comments here seem like people trying to normalise and trivialise their cheating.


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## KILL.MAIM.KILL (Jun 28, 2018)

Eh, I don't know. I can see why it could be considered cheating, and it would be upsetting to me.
Especially if they cheated on me with your average furry roleplayer. Like, that's rarely ever decent erotica. If someone thinks shitty, badly written smut containing the words "tailhole" ans "daddy" is better than being with me I'd dump them in a heartbeat.

But I'm in a relationship where we can have sexual interactions with other people, including RP. I'm okay with my boyfriend doing it as long as I know, and as long as he's not going for the wrong kind of person.


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## KILL.MAIM.KILL (Jun 28, 2018)

Dandorm said:


> I was gonna say that I don't RP cause personally I feel that I don't need to when I have my partner.. But then I thought.. I've played Amorous recently so where does that fit in? I mean it's not quite RP'ing but it's still me taking part in a story of someone else's design which ultimately leads to naughtiness without my partner. I know it's not another person, but to be fair it was really well written and I did get a bit emotionally attached to the characters.



If my partner was playing Amorous, I'd dump them.
Not because it's cheating.
Because I couldn't date someone with such a terrible taste in games/art/erotica.


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## SSJ3Mewtwo (Jul 1, 2018)

Closing due to 2+ year necro.

Seriously people, look at the dates which you are responding to.


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