# Tips for violence-warning: adult/NSFW



## zangooselover (Jan 8, 2009)

I have recently read a couple of stories that supposedly had violence and gore.  All I got was a stupid fight scene and no gore what so ever.  Those guilty of this know who they are.  I have decided to help everybody with violence, gore, death, etc.

Before I give you the tips however I want you to read the following couple of paragraphs.  This is from my story After Armageddon.  Its the torture scene from chapter 3.  This example is to show everybody what good violence and gore is.

     Lando ties Brock to the chair he is sitting in.  He says to Brock then â€œOne of us is going to ask you a question.  You get to do one of two things.  First choice is answer the question with an answer other than I wonâ€™t tell you.  Second choice is to remain quiet.  If you respond to a question with the answer I wonâ€™t tell you or you donâ€™t say anything at all, I am going to break one of your legs.â€  Lando turns to Rebecca and asks, â€œHey Rebecca, want to help me with the breaking?â€  An evil smile spreads across her face and she says, â€œIâ€™d be more than happy to help.â€  Brock then asks Lando â€œAfter you break my legs then what?â€  Lando replies, â€œI break your arms.â€  Brock asks Lando again â€œAnd after that?â€  Lando thinks for a moment and then says, â€œI get creative.  Now then lets begin with a practice question.  Are you part of a group called The Hunters?â€  Brock replies, â€œI wonâ€™t answer that question.â€  Lando kicks Brocks right leg and breaks it making a satisfying snapping sound.  Brock screams in pain.

     Lando says to Brock â€œOnce again I ask you the question. Are you part of a group called The Hunters?â€  Brock says again â€œI wonâ€™t answer that question.â€ Lando then says to Rebecca â€œWant a try?â€  Rebecca lifts up her right leg and shatters Brockâ€™s kneecap. He screams out even louder than before.  Lando then says to Brock; â€œNow we move on to breaking your arms.  I ask you again: Are you part of a group called The Hunters?â€  Brock replies with the same answer, â€œI wonâ€™t answer that question.â€  Lando snaps Brockâ€™s right arm.  Brockâ€™s bone tears through his skin and sticks out of his arm.  He cries out in agony.  He stops screaming and says, â€œAlright, alright Iâ€™ll talk, just stop breaking my arms and legs.  Yes, Iâ€™m a member of The Hunters.â€

     Lando smiles and asks, â€œWho is the leader of The Hunters?â€  Brock replies, â€œI canâ€™t tell you.â€  Lando says to Rebecca â€œYour turn.â€  She rips Brocks left arm out of its socket and off of his body.  Brock screams again. Lando then says to Brock â€œNow that your arms and legs are broken or missing I start to get creative with what I do to you.  Now then I ask you again. Who is the leader of The Hunters?â€  Brock replies with the same answer â€œI wonâ€™t tell you.â€  Lando then asks my dad â€œDo you happened to have any salt or lemon juice?â€  My dad replies by going and getting a medium sized container of salt and a quart of lemon juice.  He hands them to Lando.  Lando puts the lemon juice on the ground and opens up the salt container.  He pours some salt and some lemon juice into the opening in Brockâ€™s right arm where his bone tore through his skin.

Please note that I do not make the victim lose too much blood but he is forced to experience agonizing pain.  I am going to give a few examples now of what is not torture: Elevator music or setting somebody's favorite food in front of them just out of reach.
The basics for a good torture activity are as follows: The torture activity must cause intense pain over a short period of time, the activity must not kill the torture victim, and the torture victim must be able to talk or do the action that the torturer is asking/wants the victim to do.  
Here are a few good torture activities off of the top of my head: surgery while awake and not drugged, salt or lemon juice in the urethra, ripping of limbs off of body, and my list goes on but I won't list all of my torture ideas here.

Now then my tips about violence, gore, death, diseases, etc.

Tip 1:  If somebody is out in a blizzard and are rescued, they aren't going to have a fever right after they are resecued. (I know this sounds like common sense but please remember some people are born without common sense)

Tip 2:  If your going to use diseases or medical terms get your symptoms and definitions right.

Tip 3:  If somebody gets shot in the head and part of their brain comes out or they get shot in the heart, they are dead. (see comment for tip 1)

Tip 4:  Make sure to add blood to violence scenes, if you want to you can add gore to make the scene even better.  Just remember that living beings do have a limited blood supply.  (see comment on tip 1 again)

Tip 5:  If somebody gets shot in the stomach and they don't recieve immediate medical help within a few minutes they are going to die from blood loss.

Tip 6:  Large explosion happening under lots of people=arms and legs blown off of the people and strewn about randomly and charred beyond recognition.

Hope you all found these tips helpful!  If you would like to view After Armageddon here is the url: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1864342

Please read it and learn about violence, gore, and death.


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## Internet Police Chief (Jan 8, 2009)

Tip:

Before giving tips, make sure your example is grammatically correct.

Protip:

Yours isn't. Remember that part you said about forgetting common sense? Yeah, seems like you did. When a new character talks, it begins a new paragraph.

This is like, middle school stuff, dude.

Ontop of that, this whole article is about torture, yet this is how you describe torture in your "story":



> She rips Brocks left arm out of its socket and off of his body. Brock screams again.



Thats it? What the hell, dude. That isn't even describing ANYTHING. Human bodies don't work like that - you can't just casually rip somebodies arm off. That would take a lot more than just one person pulling on it.

For god's sake, you don't even follow your own rules.



> Tip 4: Make sure to add blood to violence scenes



Where's the blood, man?

I'm not trying to be a dick, I just... Jesus Christ, this is so bad.


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## ScottyDM (Jan 9, 2009)

I'd also like to point out that the rules for this forum prohibit posting blood, gore, violence, etc. directly in a forum post. You may link to such if you label your link "NSFW" (not safe for work) or something similar. Zangoose, I think you should post your NSFW stories to your FA account and link to them from the forum.

That said, I see plenty of folks post _excerpts_ or story _samples_ then specifically ask for feedback. I suppose in that case it'd be best to not post the more gruesome examples, but limit the excerpts to something a touch more family friendly.

What a saw the other day was multiple chapters posted serially in a single thread--that's not a sample. Plus consider that after a few days threads that become inactive slide down to the bottom of the screen then vanish to the second page. That won't happen on your FA account pages. Plus, readers can leave limited feedback on a story page on your FA account.

Dude, please post your full stories/chapters to your FA account.

Scotty


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## Oryxe (Jan 9, 2009)

Wat?

Also, you don't randomly rip peoples arms off. Your story was pretty awful. Go back to torture school


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## Internet Police Chief (Jan 9, 2009)

ScottyDM said:


> I'd also like to point out that the rules for this forum prohibit posting blood, gore, violence, etc. directly in a forum post.



In all fairness, they don't say anything about blood or gore.

That being said, the story itself is still horrible.


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## M. LeRenard (Jan 9, 2009)

No need to get nasty, folks.  Let's try to keep at least one section of this forum civil.

Mayhaps you should have left your post as simply those six tips.  I don't know much about medical issues, so I can't verify how correct they are, but they seem reasonable to me.  But, as others have pointed out, the sample you posted suffers from a lack of ability and logic in several other ways, and so may not be the best example to demonstrate what you mean.  Gore and violence, like anything else in writing, shouldn't just rely on ideas, but on how you present them.  You can say, "He ripped his arm from his socket and there was lots of blood," but despite how gruesome that action is, it's still a boring sentence.  Details, man.  Specific details.  And not gratuitous gouts of blood and ripped flesh and all that; that's slasher material, and, contrary to popular belief, it's not as much fun to read as it is to watch.  The key here is suspense; build up to the moment so that the final action has that much more impact.  
If you want good torture scenes (maybe too good), read Terry Goodkind.  I guarantee it, no matter how much of a veteran to such things you might be, you'll feel uncomfortable.


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## zangooselover (Jan 9, 2009)

M. Le Renard said:


> The key here is suspense; build up to the moment so that the final action has that much more impact.
> If you want good torture scenes (maybe too good), read Terry Goodkind. I guarantee it, no matter how much of a veteran to such things you might be, you'll feel uncomfortable.


 
Couple of things: First, this is a cut from the full torture scene (full torture scene is much more gruesome and even then its nothing compared to the rest of the story) Second, it takes something extremely gruesome to make me feel uncomfortable.  Why? I have seen my own intestines after the skin on my stomach was ripped off.  Also my mom was an emergancy room doctor and she would bring home pictures of some of the patients  that had died from injuries from the crash (drunk crashes mainly because we lived in Oklahoma)  If you have ever viewed the pictures and stuff on rotten.com the pictures she brought home were worse than those.  So I really can't get uncomfortable from seeing or reading gore and such.


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## Internet Police Chief (Jan 9, 2009)

zangooselover said:


> Second, it takes something extremely gruesome to make me feel uncomfortable.  Why? I have seen my own intestines after the skin on my stomach was ripped off.  Also my mom was an emergancy room doctor and she would bring home pictures of some of the patients  that had died from injuries from the crash (drunk crashes mainly because we lived in Oklahoma)  If you have ever viewed the pictures and stuff on rotten.com the pictures she brought home were worse than those.  So I really can't get uncomfortable from seeing or reading gore and such.



cool story bro. I love how you avoided _everything_ about your writing, and instead focused on this.


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## ScottyDM (Jan 9, 2009)

Attorney At Lawl said:


> In all fairness, they don't say anything about blood or gore.


They don't say anything about sex and violence either. In fact, they don't define mature/adult material at all, but simply say keep posts PG-13.



Oryxe said:


> Wat?
> 
> Also, you don't randomly rip peoples arms off. Your story was pretty awful. Go back to torture school


Precisely! The story is probably not about torture, at least not about torture as a technique to extract information, but about blood and gore and the torture is just an excuse. Sort of like a sex scene which isn't about some student trying to raise her grade, that's just an excuse for having a sex scene between a teenage girl and some old dude.

There is a science to torture as a method to extract information.
Always leave the victim hope. If the victim knows you will kill him he has zero incentive to cooperate.
Avoid physically damaging the victim, or at least minimize the damage. There are physiological limits to what a body can bear. Sure, someone may have ten fingers, but after you've smashed/ripped off about the third one the victim's nervous system shuts down and the torture session is over.
Even if you're not damaging flesh, but directly stimulating the nervous system, there are limits. Exceed the limit and the torture session is over for the day.
The information you want is in the victim's brain, not their body. The most effective torture works on the victim's mind.
You can mentally torture one person by physically torturing someone they care about. This doesn't have to be a wife or child, the other men in your military unit will do, or even just fellow countrymen.

Another effective method in certain circumstances is to line up your enemies--ring leader first, least committed to the cause last--then go down the line lopping of heads. Stop at the last person and say something like, "I don't believe this one is involved," and then let him go. If you've picked the right person you've just created a spy who will now report back to you on the plans of his former colleagues. There is something very powerful about _knowing_ you will die, _seeing_ death approach, then suddenly being handed back your life.

Dehumanize your victim. I know this sounds funny in connection with furry-fiction, but I think you know what I mean. Deprive your victim of the things that makes him a civilized being: his privacy, his dignity, his sleep, and even food--or at least the sort of food that civilized persons eat. The ultimate dehumanization could be when, stripped of dignity and physically starving, the only food you allow your victim is pieces cut from the body of one of his fellow countrymen. Doubly effective if he gets to watch the execution first.


Or you could forget about this torture to extract information junk, and just go straight for the torture because, "I'm a sick bastard and I'm only interested in making you suffer/die in the most horrible way I can imagine."


But yea, the moment you rip the guy's arm out of it's socket the torture session is over. And it probably won't resume again until several days later, if ever.

Scotty


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## Oryxe (Jan 9, 2009)

Attorney At Lawl said:


> cool story bro. I love how you avoided _everything_ about your writing, and instead focused on this.


You need to losen up. Constructive criticism is good, being a rude troll isn't/


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## Internet Police Chief (Jan 9, 2009)

Oryxe said:


> You need to losen up. Constructive criticism is good, being a rude troll isn't/



Uh actually, I'm not trolling. I'm being honest. If he wants to school us on how to write "good violence", he should probably follow his own tips, which, like I said above, he did not.


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## zangooselover (Jan 9, 2009)

Now then to everybody that keeps critizing me about the story, have you actually read the story yet?  Remember this is the censored version.  Read the story to see the rest of the story before posting any more comments so you all know what you all are talking about -.-


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## Internet Police Chief (Jan 9, 2009)

zangooselover said:


> Now then to everybody that keeps critizing me about the story, have you actually read the story yet?  Remember this is the censored version.  Read the story to see the rest of the story before posting any more comments so you all know what you all are talking about -.-



I did. When you posted it on the forums, where it got deleted for being a story about _fucking Pokemon_ and _torturing Brock to death._

It isn't any better "uncensored".


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## zangooselover (Jan 9, 2009)

First of all Attorney at Lawl no you didn't read it because if you had you would have realized that Rebecca wasn't human -.-

Second, I asked Nylak about the post and she gave me the green light to go ahead and do it.

Third, Scotty your nervous system can take more than you think.  Ripping off an arm isn't going to shut it down.  To shut the nervous sytem down you have to take some serious pain, like you getting shot in your genitilia.

Fourth, Since nobody here can actually carry on an inteligent conversation I now proclaim this:  The story is fiction, anything is possible.


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## Internet Police Chief (Jan 9, 2009)

zangooselover said:


> First of all Attorney at Lawl no you didn't read it because if you had you would have realized that Rebecca wasn't human -.-



Never said she was.



> Second, I asked Nylak about the post and she gave me the green light to go ahead and do it.



Yeah, that's why the thread was deleted, right?



> To shut the nervous sytem down you have to take some serious pain, like you getting shot in your genitilia.



Because having your arm ripped off isn't going to be excruciating pain, right?



> Fourth, Since nobody here can actually carry on an inteligent conversation I now proclaim this: The story is fiction, anything is possible.



Then stop screaming "REALISM REALISM THIS IS REALISTIC" at us like you have been this whole time.


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## zangooselover (Jan 9, 2009)

Attorney At Lawl said:


> Yeah, that's why the thread was deleted, right?


 
Not the story thread, the tips thread, this comment was made towards ScottyDM


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## Nylak (Jan 9, 2009)

*I'm closing this because of the drama, not the material.* He toned it down, he DID consult me before he posted it, and it was clearly marked as NSFW in the thread title.

Come on, guys; less hate, more maturity, please.


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