# New comic me and a friend have done.



## Caramell (Nov 15, 2010)

It's been going for a few months now and we've just picked it up, we're going to change the style from chibi to realistic. The website is http://sandlcomics.moonfruit.com
We'd love more readers and members to the site.


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## Enwon (Nov 15, 2010)

OP, don't photograph comic pages you made... scan them at least, and do something to make it look neater.  Because of your absolute laziness/inability to get a photo scanner, I refuse to read your comic.  Also, seeing as you made your first post just for the purpose of advertising your comic, I want to read it even less.


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## Smelge (Nov 15, 2010)

Whoa. What is going on with your site? It's very...busy. Stuff popping up everywhere.

I'm not going to criticise the art. I'm going to criticise your site. Sorry, but it's not fit for a comic strip. It's unintuitive and likely to drive away watchers just because of that. The homepage should feature the latest strip for starters. Always have the product on display. It helps people get in to it off the bat, rather than having to search for it. Second, the comic itself has no navigation that I could find. It is unoptimised, and doesn't fit the site, so you have those pop-out windows. The strip needs to be embedded in the site, not as an additional widget. And the ability to navigate is one of the big requirements.

It looks like you've made an effort with the site, but you seem to have gone for form over functionality, which you should never do, and I believe it is something you should seriously look in to.



Enwon said:


> OP, don't photograph comic pages you made... scan them at least, and do something to make it look neater. Because of your absolute laziness/inability to get a photo scanner, I refuse to read your comic. Also, seeing as you made your first post just for the purpose of advertising your comic, I want to read it even less.


 
And following on from that, I agree with the scanning comments. I suspect you are at school, which means you have access to a library which should have scanner equipment available. If not there, then your public library will. If you absolutely HAVE to photograph, then at least crop out the carpet. Or, stylistic suggestion here, incorporate the photography into the comic. Cut out the characters and props, and use the carpet as the background. A sort of comicstrip version of the Southpark style.


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## Aden (Nov 15, 2010)

Your presentation is obfuscating any funny that might have been there. It's so intrusive that I don't even want to take the time to look at the comic. Bad site, bad comic presentation. And why is it wanting me to register or connect with facebook.



Smelge said:


> *It looks like you've made an effort with the site*, but you seem to have gone for form over functionality, which you should never do, and I believe it is something you should seriously look in to.



It's a site builder. See the bottom of the page.


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## Smelge (Nov 15, 2010)

Aden said:


> It's a site builder. See the bottom of the page.


 
Ah.

Continuing on, OP, you need to use a spellchecker or dictionary. Your Archive page is spelt "arcive". Worse than that, there is nothing on the archive pages. Plenty of holes where stuff should be, but nothing. And it being in that format makes it even worse. Would the first page be at the top left? Or would that be latest, with the first at bottom right? And again, a lack of navigation means the user has to pull up each individual page, close it and hit the next page. That's a full three clicks when only one should be required.

If you are determined to use a sitebuilder, look in to Wordpress and the Comicpress add-on. You will need your own webspace to use it though, which is what it looks like you have done. If you want free webspace, look in to ComicGenesis. Failing that, forget a site with very little traffic, and put up camp somewhere like FA and post direct to the site. That way, you have a huge potential audience.

The other concern, is that you've called it "Chibi Mayhem" then claim you are aiming for a more realistic style. It sounds as though you don't actually know what it is you want to make yet. Putting in a ton of practice and actually sitting down and bashing out a plan of action would be the best start. Do you want it story based? One-shot strips? Joke format? Serious? Full-page, half-page or 3-panel? Characters, settings, and story. Write it down. All of it. Reine and refine over and again. Work on it until you have something you want to do that will work. All through that, practice your art skills and try again with an improved site or hosting, and hopefully something that people will want to read.


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## Smelge (Nov 15, 2010)

Also, technically, it should be "A new comic a friend and I have made" just for the grammar.


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## Taralack (Nov 15, 2010)

lol I think you guys scared off OP.


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## Fenrari (Nov 15, 2010)

You need to insert text with a program like photoshop or something. That pencil thin text is extremely hard to read. 

Your chibis have a very unique style but are hard to make out the parts of them. And...

Your layout is depressing + the fact that the first page appears to force people to sign in to read at all, which will limit your audience if people simply don't care enough.


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## Corto (Nov 15, 2010)

Whoa this may actually be _the_ worst comic I've seen online. Everything about it is so terrible I'm not entirely convinced this isn't a parody. A parody of what exactly I can't tell, but a parody of something.


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## Aleu (Nov 15, 2010)

Coming from someone who enjoys Furthia High...this is terrible.


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## Willow (Nov 15, 2010)

I'd say work on just basic drawing skills before you try making a comic. 

The feet look like potatoes.


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## Deo (Nov 15, 2010)

Please learn how to draw. And preferrably then find someone who can write a good plot.


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## Atona (Nov 16, 2010)

_*Two *_people work on this comic? 
OP, how old are you two? The writing in this hints that you're not what your profile says you are, that you're much younger... Possibly too young to be on forums in general. You don't write badly, it just seems like you haven't taken any middle school classes yet so you make a lot of child-like mistakes. 

The cussing in this puts me off because you use it sparingly and in such a way that it makes the writer seem young and insecure about them. Not only that, but things having character descriptions like


> This is Max, Max the rabbit.
> He stays at base and runs everything,
> he's the smartest one so he was put there.


and


> Kingpin, He's the boss of Secrenorm corp.
> He's the reasin for the zombie outbreak so the good guys are after him. He has a very dirty style of fighting.


make you sound like you're playing more with dolls and figurines rather than describing the character to a story. Especially since the entire bad guys page sounds like it was ripped out of some video game magazine.

In fact, this entire story,


> The story goes like this. It all began on halloween in 2012. The company Secronorm Corparation released a new kind of candy into the market. All seemed normal at first but, no one knew that the candy had a kind of virus in it, the C-5 virus, an alleged cancer fighting virus but the experiment went wrong. It's now a virus that turns a normal citizen into an overly argressive pshycopath.
> 
> The story follows four teams of kids who were going trick or treating. Some didn't eat any candy buy there was one unfortunate child who ate a zombie candy. his team help him get meds for him and survivors at The Holdout.


sort of gives that childish vibe, with names like "the c-5 virus" and "the Holdout" that make me think you're using vague, cool terms you've heard in movies before because you don't have the proper tools or understanding to create something that's both original and "cool."


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