# CORE Chaos: The Stories



## Corwin Cross (Jul 28, 2010)

So, hey, peoples, I'm Grand Salamander. For a while now, I've been trying to write a story (not necessarily anthro), and finally, I think I've got it. This story is about a man named Sigmund Greenfield, an assassin hired by a company called Magenta Metallurgy. He eventually gets exposed to a rock called Cephatite that bonds him to an animal spirit named Orochi Pente. Sigmund goes insane, and kills his employer because of Orochi's influence... and, more to come. I'll leave you all hanging. Starting tomorrow (or later ), I'll be writing sections of the story down here, so feel free to comment! 

Also, is the premise any good? I'll ask for some help along the way if needed.


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## Asswings (Jul 28, 2010)

Mixing a japanese name such as Orochi (Mythical snake thing IIRC) with a german name like Sigmund is... very jarring.  Especially such a loaded name such as Orochi.


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## Corwin Cross (Jul 28, 2010)

Well, it's a blend of many cultures. I;m working on it with someone else not in the fandom as of yet...


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## Asswings (Jul 28, 2010)

Grand Salamander said:


> Well, it's a blend of many cultures.



Many times when this is done it just comes off as a clusterfuck of Things That Do Not Go Together. I would suggest avoiding that, or being heavily mindful of it at all times while writing. And I really wouldn't use Orochi. Not only is it the 8 headed mythological snake, but it's also a boss in Okami and part of Orochimaru from naruto.
Unless you're aiming for a purely japanese setting, this just makes you come off as having a severe Japan fetish, and makes it hard for you to be taken seriously.


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## Corwin Cross (Jul 28, 2010)

Thanks for the advice, Ticon. Won't *ugh* The Tiger Spirit Conjurer be pleased :v


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## Corwin Cross (Jul 29, 2010)

Now, I've decided to write this story in a play-like style, because in the original version (a short story I wrote for school), it was kinda difficult to know who the speaker was. So, without further ado...

CORE Chaos: The Awakening
Written by Grand Salamander and "The Tiger Spirit Conjurer"
*Part 1*
*Scene 1*
*~~*
_Sigmund: _You call me mad. Surely you jest.
_Xavier: _Yes, I do. For what logical reason did you kill Mr. Cutley?
_Sigmund: _You should know. He was a megalomaniac. He tortured me with that smoke. God, I hated that man.
_Theodore:_ There must be more reason. 
_Sigmund: _Yes. For I had power above his own. 
_Theodore: _How so? He was your employer. You owed him your life. 
_Sigmund: _Cephatite.
_Xavier:_ That stupid rock?
_Theodore: _It is no insignificant rock, Xavier.
_Theodore (to Sig_.): You... tell me exactly what happened in the mines last night. NOW!
_Sigmund_: Fine, I will tell you my story...


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## M. LeRenard (Jul 30, 2010)

If the point of this thread is either to advertise the work in question or to get a critique on the work in question, it's gonna' have to go (as denoted by the Bloc rules).  If you want to discuss anything in particular you might want more advice on regarding the story (issues with writing, plotting, research, etc.), I'll leave it open, but otherwise I'm going to have to ask you to use the threads we already have available for advertising and critique.


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