# Vampires Suck Trailer Out! Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are at it again!



## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 10, 2010)

And it isn't pretty....

[yt]vHkPJ1ACLrg[/yt]

At least they're not goofing on movies that haven't come out yet. Then again, they haven't taken a dump all over the cineplexes of America for over 2 years...


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## Armaetus (Jul 11, 2010)

So they make fun of Twilight...good for them, it was needing of a good bashing anyways.


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## Evandeskunk (Jul 11, 2010)

Lol, shovel to the face.


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 11, 2010)

Glaice said:


> So they make fun of Twilight...good for them, it was needing of a good bashing anyways.


It's still needing of a good bashing. If you're satisfied with an extremely shitty bashing, though, well, here you go!



Evandenoob said:


> Lol, shovel to the face.


Stop reminding me of what I would rather do than watch this movie.

It looks like they're up to the same tricks... they still feel the need to explain the joke, as if the people watching this movie _didn't_ know, for instance, that Snooki is on _Jersey Shore_, or that the weird-dressed chick is actually Lady Gaga, or even that that tiny, yappy dog isn't a Great Dane!

Remember in Disaster Movie, the endless bouts of "Look, it's somebody famous!" This is going down the same route.



			
				Carlyle from Spill.com said:
			
		

> No one, let me repeat that, no one mistakes these films for anything but what they are. Friedberg and Seltzer arenâ€™t in any way talented. If they were they would have shown us a glimmer of some by now. They just have simply set the bar on their aspirations so low that they make films without pretension.


 


			
				Carlyle from Spill.com said:
			
		

> No one likes to feel stupid, especially not the morons and misfits that genetics and careful breeding have left behind. And really, thatâ€™s who this is for. And Friedberg and Seltzer know that. They take the time and care to explain every joke or reference that might be confusing. I mean _who the fuck is that overweight bald guy with the bad mustache?_ Donâ€™t worry, a character from the film is on their way to assist you by shouting â€œHey, look, itâ€™s Dr. Phil!â€ _Wait, whatâ€™s the girl who played Brittany Spears in that Spartans movie doing in that bad wig and a pink jersey_? â€œHey, look, itâ€™s Jessica Simpson!â€ â€œOh my God look, Hannah Montanaâ€™s dead!â€ â€œAmy Winehouse?â€ â€œIâ€™m Woof from American Gladiators!â€ You could make a drinking game out of these moments, but I wouldnâ€™t recommend it unless you have a liver like Artie Lange and have no plans on driving home.


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## Taralack (Jul 11, 2010)

Would love to see the Twitard outcry.


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 11, 2010)

Toraneko said:


> Would love to see the Twitard outcry.



Would they be begging for mercy as I would were I to watch this movie?


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## Evandeskunk (Jul 11, 2010)

RayO_ElGatubelo said:


> Would they be begging for mercy as I would were I to watch this movie?



I'd hate to say this but... They would like this movie...


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 11, 2010)

Evandenoob said:


> I'd hate to say this but... They would like this movie...



Twitards may be dumb, but they're not dumb enough to laugh a Seltzerberg movie!


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## Evandeskunk (Jul 11, 2010)

RayO_ElGatubelo said:


> Twitards may be dumb, but they're not dumb enough to laugh a Seltzerberg movie!



This movie will only encourage them to like twilight more...


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## Hir (Jul 12, 2010)

Chuckled for about half a second at the Black Eyed Peas bit. Facedesk'd to the rest of it.


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## Fenrari (Jul 12, 2010)

I actually want to see that now... Considering how much I hate the series... ;P


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 12, 2010)

Fenrari said:


> I actually want to see that now... Considering how much I hate the series... ;P



Don't give them any money. Let the Spill crew suffer instead.


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## Taralack (Jul 12, 2010)

RayO_ElGatubelo said:


> Don't give them any money. Let the Spill crew suffer instead.


 
I agree. Pirate it.


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## Isen (Jul 12, 2010)

Maybe it's a clever ploy or something to make me sympathetic towards Stephenie Meyer.

Who gave these guys cameras?


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 12, 2010)

Isen said:


> Maybe it's a clever ploy or something to make me sympathetic towards Stephenie Meyer.
> 
> Who gave these guys cameras?


 
20th Century... it's hard to believe these are the guys who employ three of the funniest people on television, and yet they still hire these hacks.


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## Evandeskunk (Jul 12, 2010)

Fenrari said:


> I actually want to see that now... Considering how much I hate the series... ;P



They know a vast amount of people hate twilight... Your just encouraging them to continue this shitty work.


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## Isen (Jul 12, 2010)

Fenrari said:


> I actually want to see that now... Considering how much I hate the series... ;P


I would actually bet that Twilight is actually more entertaining, intelligent, and humorous than this will be.


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## Evandeskunk (Jul 12, 2010)

Isen said:


> I would actually bet that Twilight is actually more entertaining, intelligent, and humorous than this will be.



Lets call them even m'k...


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## Tiomara (Jul 15, 2010)

Normally I'm not into spoof movies like this, but to me THIS IS SO WORTH SEEING DAMNIT. XD


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Jul 15, 2010)

Tiomara said:


> Normally I'm not into spoof movies like this, but to me THIS IS SO WORTH SEEING DAMNIT. XD



You'd better been sarcastic, otherwise... you're lucky it isn't politically incorrect to slap a lady.


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## CannonFodder (Jul 15, 2010)

It'd hate to admit this, but I'd be willing to buy this on bluray just to piss off twitard sister.
I know it's not going to be haha funny, but I'd still buy it just to play the movie when her kids are over.


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## Isen (Jul 16, 2010)

Tiomara said:


> Normally I'm not into spoof movies like this, but to me THIS IS SO WORTH SEEING DAMNIT. XD



No.  Seriously, this movie is about as clever as replacing all of Edward's lines with fart noises and calling it "comedy".


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## Dr. Durr (Aug 7, 2010)

CannonFodder said:


> It'd hate to admit this, but I'd be willing to buy this on bluray just to piss off twitard sister.
> I know it's not going to be haha funny, but I'd still buy it just to play the movie when her kids are over.


 
It has a better plot than:
Dracula's retarded cousin dates a slut who dates dogs.


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## Scruffaluffagus (Aug 7, 2010)

I kinda wanna see it, lol. the raining men bit made me do a little chuckle. 

Don't be too mean, the first two Scary Movies were really funny.


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## Chibinight13 (Aug 7, 2010)

Im there! I must see this!


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## Machine (Aug 7, 2010)

I sort of giggled at that promo, but it looks like one of those [insert genre/whatever] Movie kind of movies.

You know, like the Scary Movies, Date Movie...on and on.

They're terrible.


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## Scruffaluffagus (Aug 7, 2010)

It's being made by the same dudes, so yeah. If they hadn't made Scary Movie 3 and onward i would be so excited. Because, as previously stated Scary Movies 1 and 2 were both hilarious.


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 7, 2010)

Scruffaluffagus said:


> It's being made by the same dudes, so yeah. If they hadn't made Scary Movie 3 and onward i would be so excited. Because, as previously stated Scary Movies 1 and 2 were both hilarious.



They didn't make Scary Movie 3 and onward. They made Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster, and as Korey from Spill.com will definitely yell out "THIS PIECE OF SHIT!"

In fact, Diasater Movie was the movie that caused Korey to make up a new rating for Spill.com: FUCK YOU!!!


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## Captain Howdy (Aug 7, 2010)

...Why.


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## Alstor (Aug 7, 2010)

Scruffaluffagus said:


> Don't be too mean, the first two Scary Movies were really funny.


 


Scruffaluffagus said:


> It's being made by the same dudes, so yeah. If they hadn't made Scary Movie 3 and onward i would be so excited. Because, as previously stated Scary Movies 1 and 2 were both hilarious.


 Actually, the Wayans brothers made Scary Movie 1 and 2.

Also, everyone in my family wants to see it because they think it looks hilarious.

*facepalm*


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 7, 2010)

Alstor said:


> Actually, the Wayans brothers made Scary Movie 1 and 2.
> 
> Also, everyone in my family wants to see it because they think it looks hilarious.
> 
> *facepalm*


 
Make them read this.

And this.


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## Scruffaluffagus (Aug 7, 2010)

Alstor said:


> Actually, the Wayans brothers made Scary Movie 1 and 2.



shit, my bad. I wondered why the Wayans weren't in any of the newer ones :c Shorty and Ray were my favorites


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## 8-bit (Aug 7, 2010)

Wesker > Edward


Thats what goes through my head every time someone mentions Twilight


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 16, 2010)

Well, the movie comes out this week, and I just want to ask if anybody had leaked the movie yet.

I _never_ watched pirated movies, but I think I'll make an exception here. This movie should _not_ make money. NEVER!

I'm calling on everyone, for the love of all that's sacred and of all that's funny, to boycott this cinematic turd!


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## Ariosto (Aug 16, 2010)

I have hated every single moment that I've seen in their movies. They are uncreative, unfunny, un-anything, save for "un-bad".

I wonder what sort of retarded teen would actually enjoy and buy these movies. Better said, I wonder why they even make them.

Then again, no witful person is going to waste his time in making a parody when he could be doing something better.


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 16, 2010)

Martino Venustiano Rosendo Zorrilla said:


> I have hated every single moment that I've seen in their movies. They are uncreative, unfunny, un-anything, save for "un-bad".


 
You forgot to mention un-[insert synonym for good in any language that has ever existed in the universe.]



> I wonder what sort of retarded teen would actually enjoy and buy these movies. Better said, I wonder why they even make them.


 
And you're Latin American, so.. ugggh, I can only imagine what these movies would sound like dubbed.



> Then again, no witful person is going to waste his time in making a parody when he could be doing something better.


 
Hey, parodies can be good. Remember _Airplane_ and _The Naked Gun_?


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## Ariosto (Aug 16, 2010)

RayO_ElGatubelo said:


> And you're Latin American, so.. ugggh, I can only imagine what these movies would sound like dubbed.
> 
> 
> 
> Hey, parodies can be good. Remember _Airplane_ and _The Naked Gun_?


 
To the first: A decir verdad, los doblajes mexicanos son (en ocasiones) mejores que el audio original. En especial, cuando mezclan los acentos de los actores de voz.

To the second: That is true. Then again, no witful mind would waste time amking a *Twilight* parody for a movie.


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## Ben (Aug 17, 2010)

Question: Has any film that's ever been a direct parody of another film ever been in the least bit funny? Because I'm starting to think that this entire genre as a whole is just majorly flawed. Not parody in general, just specifically parodying a certain movie in an incredibly blunt fashion.

Anyway, I watched the movie, and it was unbelievably horrible. To spare you, have some choice quotes:

"I knew I shouldn't have partied with Lindsay Lohan last night!"

"Promise to not do anything reckless."
"Okay, I promise not to date Chris Brown."

"You've got more angst than The Secret Life of an American Teenager!"

_*Upon Jacob having a large wolf nose*_ "I've been meaning to tell you... I'm Jewish. I just had my barmitzvah." "Oh, mazeltov!"

There's also a scene where Bella's father wants her to prove that she's prepared to defend herself, in where she sprays him with mace, kicks him in the balls, and rips off her father's mustache per her father's request. I can't imagine who the hell would laugh at that, because looking at a bunch of missing skin above someone's upper lip is a fucking awful image. It's like the writers sat in a room for 3 hours jerking each other off saying "Yeah, these are jokes! Yeah yeah!", without considering if they were actually amusing.

Shit. Fuck. So bad.


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## Ariosto (Aug 17, 2010)

Ben said:


> Question: Has any film that's ever been a direct parody of another film ever been in the least bit funny? Because I'm starting to think that this entire genre as a whole is just majorly flawed. Not parody in general, just specifically parodying a certain movie in an incredibly blunt fashion.
> 
> Anyway, I watched the movie, and it was unbelievably horrible. To spare you, have some choice quotes:
> 
> ...



I hope you did not watch it on the theater. :/


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## Ben (Aug 17, 2010)

Martino Venustiano Rosendo Zorrilla said:


> I hope you did not watch it on the theater. :/


 
I would never give money to those awful people. Besides, it's not even in theatres yet.


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 18, 2010)

Vampires Suck is out today!

And I have a special message for Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer.

[yt]Rl8Q-euIdDc[/yt]

By the way, Spill.com reviewed it already... I don't think the review is too positive...


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## greg-the-fox (Aug 19, 2010)

Eh I might pirate it


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 19, 2010)

greg-the-fox said:


> Eh I might pirate it



I've been thinking that as well. While we're at it, knife people who go see it in a local theater.

By the way, did you know that this movie is at 0% at the Tomatometer?


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## Ben (Aug 19, 2010)

RayO_ElGatubelo said:


> By the way, did you know that this movie is at 0% at the Tomatometer?


 
Were we supposed to expect otherwise?


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 19, 2010)

Have you seen their latest trailer, by the way?

They have quotes saying how hilarious the movie is under the names of "Hugh Jass", "Ivana Tinkle", and "Oliver Klothezoff".

Painful. If they had had real wit, they would put multiple quotes calling the movie 'riveting'. Ain't that the truth?

How much money has this pony shit made so far, I wonder.



Ben said:


> Were we supposed to expect otherwise?



HOOOOOOLLLDDD the fuck on!!!

The first positive review for _Vampires Suck_ has arrived. A _Los Angeles Times_ critic by the name of Michael OrdoÃ±a.

Pity we probably won't be seeing more of him, as he'll undoubtedly be tarred and feathered by the time Seltzerberg makes their next movie.


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## Wolf-Bone (Aug 19, 2010)

It's a wasted opportunity really. Like Ben said, this "genre" if it can even be called that is inherently flawed. How do you parody movies that are either not good parody material to start with or almost self-parodies, however unintentionally? That said, there's no reason there couldn't have been a movie called "Vampires Suck" that was a parody of some of the vampire and/or werewolf movies of the last decade like Blade, Underworld _and_ Twilight. There's gotta be _some_ humor potential in Twilight's vampires and werewolves meeting others, where they function according to completely different rules. Of course, that would've actually taken effort, and when you're essentially scamming frat boys (and maybe their dates) out of a few bucks they're just forking over because they know they'd just waste it on something else anyway, there's no motivation or even sensible reason.

This movie wasn't made for guys like us and the fact that these two jackoffs still have jobs after the umpteenth one only means they're making enough to justify their (no doubt abysmally low) budgets/fund their coke habits/whatever the rationale is in Sketchywood.


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## Joeyyy (Aug 19, 2010)

yes...  I will go see that movie

Vampires DONT sparkle


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 19, 2010)

Joeyyy said:


> yes... I will go see that movie
> 
> Vampires DONT sparkle



You're in for a dissapointment.

Please, pirate it. Don't fuel its success. These guys have haunted the cinema for ages.


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## Saintversa (Aug 20, 2010)

this movie looks horrible.. 

and no i like twilight.. 

both of them look stewpid.


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## Koronikov (Aug 20, 2010)

8-bit said:


> Wesker > Edward


 
agreed, RE > Twilight 
however this movie does look pretty funny


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## Saintversa (Aug 20, 2010)

8-bit said:


> Wesker > Edward
> 
> 
> Thats what goes through my head every time someone mentions Twilight



blade > the whole cast of twilight.

or helsing


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 20, 2010)

You know, really, if these guys want to make a movie that's all pop culture references, here's an idea. Have Robin Williams dress up in funny costumes and let him improvise the whole script. And that would be funny.


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## Runa (Aug 23, 2010)

RayO_ElGatubelo said:


> You know, really, if these guys want to make a movie that's all pop culture references, here's an idea. Have Robin Williams dress up in funny costumes and let him improvise the whole script. And that would be funny.



What he said...seriously, I don't know what's worse, Twilight or the movie trying to capitalize on Twilight's success by parodying it poorly.


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## RayO_ElGatubelo (Aug 23, 2010)

Well, guys expect another one of these motherfuckers. While not number #1, it took second place, raking in $12.2 million.


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