# A question regarding roleplaying



## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 6, 2020)

Is it truly the heart and soul of how many close relationships come to happen within this community or am I completely off the rails here? Just trying to figure out what it takes to be more than a measly lurking figure no one really pays any mind to.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

Life doesn't work in such a way that people will come to you randomly. You either have to approach people you find interesting or exempt some kind of positive, friendly characteristics that would draw people to you.


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

With all due respect but I wasn't born yesterday and not once in my life I've expected to befriend anyone after saying hi to them and I'm certainly not clueless about how human relationships are supposed to be formed and nurtured. 

I don't know why people are so quick to assume that one doesn't know how to approach others or expects certain scenarios for granted when accessing a post about loneliness, the reality is though, I've been struggling with it for a very long time, talked to so many people, did my best to be friendly, open minded and engaging and over 90% of the time I was rewarded with a painful dismissal of my presence and obvious lack of interest in furthering contacts with me.

I don't mind being told that I've proceeded incorrectly on some instances throughout my many, many attempts at socializing because that has happened as I'm only human and humans make mistakes but its frustrating to see that people continuously bring up these quite obvious and vague universal truths related to the social spectrum as if I'm a complete dummy who expects things to fall from the sky onto his backyard without moving a muscle to acquire them.

Its nothing personal, I don't mean to look rude, its just that I'm a bit fed up of being accused of not trying when that's been an ongoing situation for years now.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> With all due respect but I wasn't born yesterday and not once in my life I've expected to befriend anyone after saying hi to them and I'm certainly not clueless about how human relationships are supposed to be formed and nurtured.
> 
> I don't know why people are so quick to assume that one doesn't know how to approach others or expects certain scenarios for granted when accessing a post about loneliness, the reality is though, I've been struggling with it for a very long time, talked to so many people, did my best to be friendly, open minded and engaging and over 90% of the time I was rewarded with a painful dismissal of my presence and obvious lack of interest in furthering contacts with me.
> 
> ...



Why, if you gave us an essay the first time with way more context I wouldn't say that. It's a good starter, and I'm happy to see you came back with more detail, as I had hoped you would.

Clearly you won't mind going in-depth. What do you think of when you say "close relationships"? When socializing with others, as you said you do, do you chat with people through the internet or in real life?


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> Why, if you gave us an essay the first time with way more context I wouldn't say that. It's a good starter, and I'm happy to see you came back with more detail, as I had hoped you would.
> 
> Clearly you won't mind going in-depth. What do you think of when you say "close relationships"? When socializing with others, as you said you do, do you chat with people through the internet or in real life?


Yes, I should have indeed provided some more details but was doubtful on how a large post elaborating on a harsh long dated personal experience with loneliness would be received and I've already removed a bunch of my posts from feeling like they were way too preachy, somewhat unreasonable and filled with uncanny passive aggressive vibes as I wrote them under acute emotional distress.

To me a close relationship means that both sides are interested and motivated to engage with each other and there's a clear visible mutual desire to make things happen on each shared interaction instead of being only one person pulling all the strings on a conversation and bothering to reach out to their supposed friends.

I've been mostly talking with people through the internet as its easier for me to fully express myself because there is more wiggling room to ponder well about what we want to say, there's no pressure of having to deliver an answer straight away or it might look rude or awkward, unless of course, we're using voice chat.

To sum this matter up, I can convey much better the character I identify myself as and want to be when voice isn't a requirement for communication although it doesn't mean that I'm unable to maintain a coherent conversation in person, only that its not going to be nearly as elaborated and expressive when the appropriate timing for speech introduction becomes much slimmer.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> Yes, I should have indeed provided some more details but was doubtful on how a large post elaborating on a harsh long dated personal experience with loneliness would be received and I've already removed a bunch of my posts from feeling like they were way too preachy, somewhat unreasonable and filled with uncanny passive aggressive vibes as I wrote them under acute emotional distress.
> 
> To me a close relationship means that both sides are interested and motivated to engage with each other and there's a clear visible mutual desire to make things happen on each shared interaction instead of being only one person pulling all the strings on a conversation and bothering to reach out to their supposed friends.
> 
> ...



I can see that happening, don't worry. What's more important is that you bothered to respond.

From what you're saying, I assume you mostly meet people online and not in real life. That's fine, I also think it's way more fun and comfortable, but it also comes with some drawbacks.

Firstly, I have to appreciate your sense of friendship. It's definitely way deeper and wiser than the minds of most people, especially of those in our fandom. That said it would be quite a challenge to find someone who meets your valuable beliefs. I know that from personal experience, just as you do.

Social bonds are way more fragile through the internet than they are in real life, take that into account when someone bored of you just goes away. You'd be better off seeking bonds outside, where they're more rare, but me valuable.


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

First of all, thank you for your generosity, I very much appreciate it and I completely agree with your point of view. Unfortunately I can only get in contact with the furry community through the internet and its proving to be remarkably difficult to take anything positive out of my experience within this fandom. I'm reluctant about just saying "screw it" and give up altogether because its not like there is any other viable option as I have no non furry friends besides my two cousins who I only sporadically spend time with and to be fair, there are not all that many things in common between us.

I'm available to dedicate plenty of time and mental energy into getting to know someone properly but there must be at least a slight display of genuine care towards the same goal coming from the person on the other side and that has been a precious rarity to stumble upon over the course of hundreds of hours talking online.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> First of all, thank you for your generosity, I very much appreciate it and I completely agree with your point of view. Unfortunately I can only get in contact with the furry community through the internet and its proving to be remarkably difficult to take anything positive out of my experience within this fandom. I'm reluctant about just saying "screw it" and give up altogether because its not like there is any other viable option as I have no non furry friends besides my two cousins who I only sporadically spend time with and to be fair, there are not all that many things in common between us.
> 
> I'm available to dedicate plenty of time and mental energy into getting to know someone properly but there must be at least a slight display of genuine care towards the same goal coming from the person on the other side and that has been a precious rarity to stumble upon over the course of hundreds of hours talking online.



Well, in that case there is nothing stopping you from going outside. I can assure you that it would definitely pay off getting used to a new environment and people. Of course not to mention you won't find furries just like that outside; the chances are slim and you should probably get used to meeting "normal" people again. As for how you do that, I don't really have any tips. The easy way would be to find a person/group of people with similiar interests to yours. The best opportunity for this is probably in your school days, when you are forced to interact with others, but I can't say if you're in that stage anymore. Either way, good luck. It's not easy but it will definitely be worth the hassle.


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> Well, in that case there is nothing stopping you from going outside. I can assure you that it would definitely pay off getting used to a new environment and people. Of course not to mention you won't find furries just like that outside; the chances are slim and you should probably get used to meeting "normal" people again. As for how you do that, I don't really have any tips. The easy way would be to find a person/group of people with similiar interests to yours. The best opportunity for this is probably in your school days, when you are forced to interact with others, but I can't say if you're in that stage anymore. Either way, good luck. It's not easy but it will definitely be worth the hassle.


Well, nothing besides a huge lack of motivation, being clueless about where to look for groups of people I might be able to click with while not needing to entirely leave my comfort zone and not having the confidence to openly approach people on a completely unknown environment to me.

School days are well behind me at this point of time and every acquaintance I've had related to that place is gone too, all that's left now are the memories. Starting a whole new social cycle from scratch as an adult is a massive challenge, especially when depression has hunker itself down into your mind.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> Well, nothing besides a huge lack of motivation, being clueless about where to look for groups of people I might be able to click with while not needing to entirely leave my comfort zone and not having the confidence to openly approach people on a completely unknown environment to me.
> 
> School days are well behind me at this point of time and every acquaintance I've had related to that place is gone too, all that's left now are the memories. Starting a whole new social cycle from scratch as an adult is a massive challenge, especially when depression has hunker itself down into your mind.



What about work? It's also kind of like school, and you may be surrounded by people of similiar interests. Not like I'd instantly solve all your problems, though


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> What about work? It's also kind of like school, and you may be surrounded by people of similiar interests. Not like I'd instantly solve all your problems, though


I don't have a job atm, that's another issue that needs to be sorted out soon. The only place where I could strike some decent bantering action with other folks was back at the gym but I eventually figured that exercising totally on my own is more fulfilling and I'm able to up my performance this way so I've stopped going there. Its not like talking about gym shenanigans is that interesting to begin with anyway.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> I don't have a job atm, that's another issue that needs to be sorted out soon. The only place where I could strike some decent bantering action with other folks was back at the gym but I eventually figured that exercising totally on my own is more fulfilling and I'm able to up my performance this way so I've stopped going there. Its not like talking about gym shenanigans is that interesting to begin with anyway.



Guess that's where you could start, unless you have a better idea. Either way I don't think you should just listen to strangers on the internet like that; I may have aspirations, but it doesn't mean I'm right. Quite hurts not being able to help sometimes, but that's off-topic


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> Guess that's where you could start, unless you have a better idea. Either way I don't think you should just listen to strangers on the internet like that; I may have aspirations, but it doesn't mean I'm right. Quite hurts not being able to help sometimes, but that's off-topic


Everyone is a stranger until you get to know them properly, this applies to both people online and irl and if I'm going to blossom any new friendships that means facing the unknown, there's simply no alternative. The real problem is making that happen because there is a whole lot more that can go wrong than right on this regard and apparently I have a tendency to hit all the wrong buttoms in sequence.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> Everyone is a stranger until you get to know them properly, this applies to both people online and irl and if I'm going to blossom any new friendships that means facing the unknown, there's simply no alternative. The real problem is making that happen because there is a whole lot more that can go wrong than right on this regard and apparently I have a tendency to hit all the wrong buttoms in sequence.



I like that attitude, you'd be surprised how rare it is here. Still, there has to be a limit. Don't take any serious, possibly life changing advice from people you don't know or that are not professionals on the topic. And there's always a right and wrong response choice, sometimes you just have to hit the wrong answers and pull through, maybe learn from your mistakes, too.


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> I like that attitude, you'd be surprised how rare it is here. Still, there has to be a limit. Don't take any serious, possibly life changing advice from people you don't know or that are not professionals on the topic. And there's always a right and wrong response choice, sometimes you just have to hit the wrong answers and pull through, maybe learn from your mistakes, too.


By here do you mean in the fandom, right? If you've had similar experiences within this community I'm open to "listen" to them because sometimes I can't help feeling like my seemingly absurd case of astonishing failure in the field of human relationships is rather unique on this realm. Knowing that I'm not alone along these lines isn't going to make me happier but at least it provides something to relate about and feel a little less odd.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> By here do you mean in the fandom, right? If you've had similar experiences within this community I'm open to "listen" to them because sometimes I can't help feeling like my seemingly absurd case of astonishing failure in the field of human relationships is rather unique on this realm. Knowing that I'm not alone along these lines isn't going to make me happier but at least it provides something to relate about and feel a little less odd.



I had to circle back to this topic eventually. _Is it truly the heart and soul of how many close relationships come to happen within this community or am I completely off the rails here?
_
It's not hard to see the occasional couple on FA, posting their duo avatars, marriage dates and whatever everywhere. Or people announcing to everyone that they are in a relationship. That's fine, it's nice to see people happy, but most of this happens through the internet, through _long distance relationships. _These types of bonds are almost never good and as I have said before they are fragile.

The furry fandom isn't known for its rich, smart userbase; quite the opposite, really. People come here when they're lonely, lacking acceptance from others or, unfortunately, when they are sexually deprived. You're not alone with your feelings, as you're most likely in the majority. And when a community is mostly made out of (sorry) hopeless, depressed losers it's not hard for them to mistake thin, impulse-driven emotions for "close relationships". Such romantic relationships break easily.

Some people, like you, for example, actually try whilst others throw their feelings around everywhere, trying to get whatever serotonin may be left in their sad lives. Sad to see you had to socialize with such people.


_By here do you mean in the fandom, right? _Oh, and about that, too. By that I meant that some people just don't try to go out and meet others, instead staying in their comfort zone, crying to others about how alone they are. I won't quote anyperson, but in the unlikely case you're reading this, don't take it personally


This turned into a rant, sorry


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> I had to circle back to this topic eventually. _Is it truly the heart and soul of how many close relationships come to happen within this community or am I completely off the rails here?
> _
> It's not hard to see the occasional couple on FA, posting their duo avatars, marriage dates and whatever everywhere. Or people announcing to everyone that they are in a relationship. That's fine, it's nice to see people happy, but most of this happens through the internet, through _long distance relationships. _These types of bonds are almost never good and as I have said before they are fragile.
> 
> ...


I can see where you're coming from, really do. I can't deny that I'm a loser of sorts, it should be obvious as I'm clearly not an happy person and have way more failures to my name than successes, no shame in admitting it because if there's one thing that's very unhealthy for the mind, more so than loneliness still is acting fake and fabricating a narrative attached to your person which only exists for the sake of achieving a more appealing social exposure, made to have a meaning to others while holding none to yourself since we are always aware of our own reality. Kind of describes the main premise of social media accounts these days.

I don't lie or sugar coat things, I express them as they are wether that's liable to subjectiveness or not and knowing that what's said might not be as well received as if I was to twist my perceptions to better merge into the general acceptable standards. Perhaps highly honest and genuine behaviour isn't something widely regarded as likeable at the present time.

I've left my comfort zone on numerous occasions to try and find something worth keeping, determined to be released of this curse but destiny hasn't been particularly kind to me yet. Perhaps I keep looking in the wrong places or its actually my mind being in the wrong place altogether in order for me to accomplish something worth being proud of, one thing is granted though, as soon as I leave the state of moaning, I'll think on ways to improve my situation and it certainly can't keep failing indefinitely.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> I can see where you're coming from, really do. I can't deny that I'm a loser of sorts, it should be obvious as I'm clearly not an happy person and have way more failures to my name than successes, no shame in admitting it because if there's one thing that's very unhealthy for the mind, more so than loneliness still is acting fake and fabricating a narrative attached to your person which only exists for the sake of achieving a more appealing social exposure, made to have a meaning to others while holding none to yourself since we are always aware of our own reality. Kind of describes the main premise of social media accounts these days.
> 
> I don't lie or sugar coat things, I express them as they are wether that's liable to subjectiveness or not and knowing that what's said might not be as well received as if I was to twist my perceptions to better merge into the general acceptable standards. Perhaps highly honest and genuine behaviour isn't something widely regarded as likeable at the present time.
> 
> I've left my comfort zone on numerous occasions to try and find something worth keeping, determined to be released of this curse but destiny hasn't been particularly kind to me yet. Perhaps I keep looking in the wrong places or its actually my mind being in the wrong place altogether in order for me to accomplish something worth being proud of, one thing is granted though, as soon as I leave the state of moaning, I'll think on ways to improve my situation and it certainly can't keep failing indefinitely.



The worst part of being a loser is accepting such fate and succumbing to it. That's also done a lot. Your mindset, again, is really refreshing. Don't worry about moaning, "venting" and just talking is great for freeing our thoughts. I wish you luck, but you probably don't need it.


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Luminouscales said:


> The worst part of being a loser is accepting such fate and succumbing to it. That's also done a lot. Your mindset, again, is really refreshing. Don't worry about moaning, "venting" and just talking is great for freeing our thoughts. I wish you luck, but you probably don't need it.


Thank you, I mostly need an enhanced ability to be competent towards what I'm trying to achieve and a good dose of patience too since that's been a scarce resource in recent times. On the field of human relationships though, it really doesn't matter how much one wants things to happen if whoever's the target of our efforts isn't remotely on the same wavelength.

From what I've seen and got faced with so far, people, especially those who spend a lot of their time writting online are often looking to recruit admirers, followers and/or personal entertainers instead of actual real friends.


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## Luminouscales (Jan 7, 2020)

SLB-Portu24 said:


> Thank you, I mostly need an enhanced ability to be competent towards what I'm trying to achieve and a good dose of patience too since that's been a scarce resource in recent times. On the field of human relationships though, it really doesn't matter how much one wants things to happen if whoever's the target of our efforts isn't remotely on the same wavelength.
> 
> From what I've seen and got faced with so far, people, especially those who spend a lot of their time writting online are often looking to recruit admirers, followers and/or personal entertainers instead of actual real friends.



I'm not too sure on that, but might be true. It's their problem, being shallow.


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## SLB-Portu24 (Jan 7, 2020)

Yeah, I guess it is so might be better to go look somewhere else because this clearly isn't the right environment for me to shine. Anyway, thanks for helping me clarify my ideias a good bit.


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