# Hopelessly Lost: A piece of my innermost intellect.



## Ren-Raku (Dec 5, 2008)

This is 1 of 2 poems I wrote on a Sunday about 2 years ago, each taking me about 45 minutes from scratch to write. It's about a man who's married a woman, and hated her enough to have killed her, believing that it was God's and Satan's might, but he still loves her enough to regret it. He also still believes that she still loves him, even after what he's done. I may post the other one up, depending on if I can find my hard copy of it. Please read and enjoy!

*Hopelessly Lost*

I'm all alone,
Hopelessly lost.
Between states of mind,
Of what is, and what's not.

I look at the photos,
Of things that should be.
Me kissing her lips,
And her caressing me.

This is the time
That I would hold her now.
But my thoughts just say,
"Know not why, but know how."

I hear her voice in my mind,
I feel her hands on my soul.
I want to be with her.
To comfort her. To break down this wall.

What man deserves this?
What sin has he led?
To know the discomfort,
Of the heart that I bled.

But I am not alone,
I know I must cease,
To be this empty being,
To rid of this beast.

She is there beside me,
Though not in reflection.
She is still mine,
Just beyond detection.

I know she still loves me,
I feel it, I do.
I feel warmth in my fingers,
She says, "I love you".

Although she's departed,
From this mortal world,
She will not feel
The wrath of it unfurled.

But, I look at my reflection,
It's not a pretty sight.
She could not defend herself,
Against all Satan's might.

I am still alone,
But all is not lost.
I know who I am,
But at extra cost.

How treacherous!
Yet wonderful!
I cannot explain it,
As I am the fool.

I know her too well,
When we were engage'ed,*1
I left things too long,
And things were unsaid.

Invincible doom,
Thou hast my true love!
An invincible force,
To smite from above.

I remember - I remember the face.
The eyes - Oh the eyes!
The lips I knew so well.
But the ring. The only ring I despise.

I ask myself "Why?"
"Why is this her fate?"
My head on her heart,
I feel her heart rate!

"She lives!" I cry,
We've been so many faces,
I feel the false hope,
So many people, so many faces.

I list'en once more,
But the sound is insipid.
It's silence once more,
No life she has gripp'd.*2

I am not alone,
Yet all now is lost.
It's amazing how He,
Smote her with a feeling like frost.

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_*1 - Pronounced "Engage Ed"
*2 - Pronounced "Grip Id"_​


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## mrredfox (Dec 5, 2008)

im not a big fan of poetry, but that was pretty good.


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## electmeking (Dec 5, 2008)

If it means anything, I like it.

If youre looking for more meaningful feedback,
you might try:
http://forums.furaffinity.net/forumdisplay.php?f=45


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## Tweek (Dec 5, 2008)

Very nice, I like abstract stuff but your meter is good and kept me reading =)

Did you take any of this from your experience, because it seems like it, for better or worse.


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## SnowFox (Dec 5, 2008)

I came.

sorry I couldn't resist saying that.


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 5, 2008)

Tweek said:


> Very nice, I like abstract stuff but your meter is good and kept me reading =)
> 
> Did you take any of this from your experience, because it seems like it, for better or worse.



Thanks, glad you liked it. And yes and no depending on how you look at it. Yes in the way that I used to like someone and we got along, and I just did something (can't remember what) that really pissed her off, and we never were friends again, so you could view it as our friendship dying. But no I haven't actually killed someone :3


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 5, 2008)

SnowFox said:


> I came.
> 
> sorry I couldn't resist saying that.



I expect nothing less of you :3 After all, there's nothing else you can do strapped up like that :3


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 5, 2008)

Alright, I'm off to sleep. Please do read and leave comments, and yes I did just triple post. G'night FAF.


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Bah, poetry. Give me a yiffy story instead...


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

szopaw said:


> Bah, poetry. Give me a yiffy story instead...



Don't need to write one, we can create one together :3


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> Don't need to write one, we can create one together :3



I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself >.>

Seriously, i find it creepy when guys are coming on to me. Even in jokes.


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

szopaw said:


> I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself >.>
> 
> Seriously, i find it creepy when guys are coming on to me. Even in jokes.


 

O rly?


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> O rly?



Ya rly... I'm not gay...


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

szopaw said:


> Ya rly... I'm not gay...


 

Nor am I. But you're not homophobic, are you? Or else you wouldn't be on this forum, huh?


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> Nor am I. But you're not homophobic, are you? Or else you wouldn't be on this forum, huh?



You're bi from what I saw, that's the same in this matter...


And you don't have to be homophobic to dislike attention from the wrong sources....


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## mrredfox (Dec 6, 2008)

szopaw said:


> Ya rly... I'm not gay...


rofl nor am i but that dosnt mean i cant play around


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

mrredfox said:


> rofl nor am i but that dosnt mean i cant play around



it does that *I* can't >.>


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

szopaw said:


> You're bi from what I saw, that's the same in this matter...
> 
> 
> And you don't have to be homophobic to dislike attention from the wrong sources....



Whilst it's right that I'm bisexual, I do sort of resent that you say it's the same as being gay. Not angry about it, just stuck up about it.



mrredfox said:


> rofl nor am i but that dosnt mean i cant play around



Don't I know it :3 Man, if I knew you irl, I would definately consider you


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> Whilst it's right that I'm bisexual, I do sort of resent that you say it's the same as being gay. Not angry about it, just stuck up about it.



In this particular matter, I said. I know it's different universally.


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

Well in any case, it was a joke, and wasn't taken as one. Still, if you change your mind...


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> Well in any case, it was a joke, and wasn't taken as one. Still, if you change your mind...



No, I can assure you I won't... And still, I'd probably hit on Grim if I did XD


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

szopaw said:


> No, I can assure you I won't... And still, I'd probably hit on Grim if I did XD



You sure you wouldn't hit on a loaf of bread?


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## Thatch (Dec 6, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> You sure you wouldn't hit on a loaf of bread?



I'd sure consider vore for it.


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## Zseliq (Dec 6, 2008)

I liked it, the beat was good and the words were easy to read.


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

Vore <3


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 6, 2008)

GummyBear said:


> I liked it, the beat was good and the words were easy to read.



Thanks, I hope to write some more poetry this week. Glad you're on topic as well :3


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## Wolfsun (Dec 17, 2008)

thats beutifal ^.^


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 17, 2008)

Wolfsun said:


> thats beutifal ^.^



Why thank-you  It took me 45 minutes to write from scratch :3


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## Wolfsun (Dec 17, 2008)

Ren-Raku said:


> Why thank-you  It took me 45 minutes to write from scratch :3


now that shows a lot of promise ^.^
 hats off to ya 100%


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 17, 2008)

I wrote what's in my signature as well


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 18, 2008)

^up^


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## mrredfox (Dec 18, 2008)

upitty up?

why dont you post this on your fa?


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## Poetigress (Dec 18, 2008)

http://forums.furaffinity.net/announcement.php?f=45&a=7


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 23, 2008)

Poetigress said:


> http://forums.furaffinity.net/announcement.php?f=45&a=7



Whoops :/ Well, anyway. Thanks for the comments that were left here though.

Callum, I might do that in a few.


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## Oryxe (Dec 25, 2008)

Leaving aside all the horny writers... 




I don't have much experience with metered poetry, but I think that you've done an excellent job. I enjoyed reading the poem (although the meter did grow a little tiring at some points). 

What interests me much more, though, is the ideas here. I like the cycle of love and repentance you detailed in your poem, and the way that the protagonist is experiencing these emotions.

Once again it's not exactly my cup of tea, but well done =).



PS

And BTW I think you should give us a yiff story!


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## Ren-Raku (Dec 28, 2008)

Oryxe said:


> And BTW I think you should give us a yiff story!



Very well, you name a character and I shall.


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## Oryxe (Jan 2, 2009)

Micheal the Moose.


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