# Make your favorite game sound as shit as possible



## Yakamaru (Nov 2, 2016)

Title says it all. Take one of your favorite games and make it sound as shitty as possible without mentioning the name or names in the game and being too obvious of which game it is. Profanity is to be expected in this thread. Makes it more spicey, you know.

Here goes.

The community is shit. MILLIONS of fucking cancer. The professional stage pretty much only have Koreans in it. Americans and Europeans even have Koreans on their teams. If they didn't have a limit on importing Koreans to their teams ALL the teams would practically be from Korea. Trained in hell. By Stan himself. They seem to be infesting everything(Obvious Zerg reference is obvious). 

If I could punch people through the screen I'd be bleeding from my knuckles from all the beating and pure exhaustion. Oh, and customization. Fuck that shit. So many builds you can go to totally fuck up your opponent. 

Doesn't help if the format is 5vs5 either. Means 4 other fuckwits you are forced to play with. And the other team ALWAYS have some super high smurf or some shit. Always. Playing with friends? Your friends are not fuckwits. Not at all. They are complete and utter morons who seem to have half their brain missing as they seem INCAPABLE of learning from their mistakes.

You go top? Mid and bot are retarded, or jungle is and feeds your lane. Go mid? Top and bot is retarded. Jungle seems to be average. Just average. Go jungle EVERY lane feed and bitch about not getting a gank. The way they feed they could feed the whole of fucking Africa. Botlane? Won't even touch that boringass cancer of a lane, even if I had to play damage. Would rather castrate myself with a rusty teaspoon.

Over a hundred different heroes, and yet like 80% of them aren't even played. One the rare occasion when all the planets align you see a hero of that pool of 80%, someone leaves. During a Ranked game. Throwing the hero back into the Void. The game developers seem to have a severe like for certain heroes while letting all the others rot until they get back to them MONTHS later.

And yet, I come back to this game. I fucking hate the community but love the game.


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## MaximusLupis (Nov 3, 2016)

the lastest game in the series is constantly shit on by parts of it's own community for not being an earlier installment in the series.
this earlier installment is considered the best game in the series is seldom taken seriously in actual pro fighting game communities.
all while the community of this game, instead of working on playing better they just shitpost in facebook groups about players much more skilled then they are because it would be less of a carpal tunnel risk if they did that instead of working on their "tech"

Its a fighting game on a boring 2d plane
the only things keeping the gameplay anything more than an exercise in procuring carpal tunnel gets removed in tournaments because it makes the game unbalanced.

Only like 6 out of the 20+ characters are competent to use half the time unless you're a fucking wizard or have been training your whole life

This games creator hates having to make more of these games, yet puts more time into each installment.

________________________________________________________________________

also, (another game)

Dispite this game being apart of the ending of the cold war by bringing together the USSR and the west with a decent computer game, it has been overdone to shit and its now owned by EA. nuff said


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## spaceybrains (Nov 3, 2016)

outer space zombie computer is fucking pissed


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## tucakeane (Nov 3, 2016)

Run around for two-butt-fucking hours just to kill some spiders and dragons and people and shit.


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## Rant (Nov 3, 2016)

tucakeane said:


> Run around for two-butt-fucking hours just to kill some spiders and dragons and people and shit.


Skyrim right?


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## tucakeane (Nov 3, 2016)

Rant said:


> Skyrim right?



OH yeah x)


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## Rant (Nov 3, 2016)

Get ready to loot and shoot shit up as you explore ancient temples with brand new lit candles! Take the one shiney thing you can then blow the place the fuck up ruining it for the world!


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## ariamis (Nov 3, 2016)

welcome to dark souls


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## PlusThirtyOne (Nov 3, 2016)

Push buttons, get frustrated, rage quite, go back to playing an hour later, rinse, repeat.


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## tucakeane (Nov 3, 2016)

PlusThirtyOne said:


> Push buttons, get frustrated, rage quite, go back to playing an hour later, rinse, repeat.



Which Nintendo game is that?


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## Rant (Nov 3, 2016)

Mario I bet


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## tucakeane (Nov 3, 2016)

Maybe Donkey Kong 64 too.


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## PlusThirtyOne (Nov 4, 2016)

tucakeane said:


> Which Nintendo game is that?


Wouldn't you like to know. Who says it's even a Nintendo game? :V


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## MaximusLupis (Nov 4, 2016)

tucakeane said:


> Which Nintendo game is that?



Battletoads


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## EdgyMemeLord0 (Nov 4, 2016)

Well, you start off with a group of 3 friends doing a small heist... One of them fakes his death, while taking a lot of the money they earned. These three go each their different way on their own. Later, the three of them reunite: A black man with a criminal history, a mentally unstable asshole and a complete psycho. They start doing more and more Heists, the score raises more and more on each one... Howerver their friendship is unstable... during the Heists, it is good, but sometimes it starts falling apart... in the end, either the asshole or the psychopath dies..  or they three take an epic fight with a private army, the government and another people who try to kill them. After all this merciless killing, they kill another 4 men and finally, the game is over...

A bit later online was introduced 
The concept is awesome, the community, however is complete cancer
What happens if you give retards a tank, a fighter jet or guns? Yes, the online mode of the game I'm describing


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## MaximusLupis (Nov 4, 2016)

spaceybrains said:


> outer space zombie computer is fucking pissed


system shock 2?


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## spaceybrains (Nov 4, 2016)

MaximusLupis said:


> system shock 2?


lmao yup!


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## nerdbat (Nov 4, 2016)

First one is where half the game you throw around boxes, the other half are driving sequences, and it ends on a cliffhanger that developers are still too lazy to resolve.

Second one consists of murdering babies and ends in 20 minutes, after which you do it all over again.

Third one is about psycho fursuiters dying in appartments while some 80s synth crap plays at the background.

My taste is awful, I know


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## DrtraumaTy (Nov 4, 2016)

343i took over.


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## Akinyi (Nov 4, 2016)

Your dad runs off and leaves you in an underground prison, you break out and realise the prison was better, but now you're stuck out there in deep sh*t and everyone wants you to run errands for them instead of just helping you. One woman even pays you to go out and break a few limbs just for the lols.


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## EdgyMemeLord0 (Nov 4, 2016)

Akinyi said:


> Your dad runs off and leaves you in an underground prison, you break out and realise the prison was better, but now you're stuck out there in deep sh*t and everyone wants you to run errands for them instead of just helping you. One woman even pays you to go out and break a few limbs just for the lols.


Fallout?


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## Akinyi (Nov 4, 2016)

EdgyMemeLord0 said:


> Fallout?


Yep, 3 to be exact.
Just want to say I love your username XD


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## EdgyMemeLord0 (Nov 4, 2016)

Akinyi said:


> Yep, 3 to be exact.
> Just want to say I love your username XD


Awww, thank you :3


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## Guilleum2 (Nov 4, 2016)

A pink ball eats everything


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## Akinyi (Nov 4, 2016)

Guilleum2 said:


> A pink ball eats everything


You've made me realise that I am secretly Kirby!


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## spaceybrains (Nov 4, 2016)

Akinyi said:


> Your dad runs off and leaves you in an underground prison, you break out and realise the prison was better, but now you're stuck out there in deep sh*t and everyone wants you to run errands for them instead of just helping you. One woman even pays you to go out and break a few limbs just for the lols.


fallout 3?


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## Akinyi (Nov 4, 2016)

spaceybrains said:


> fallout 3?


Indeed so.
I would have used 4 but I prefer 3 overall, I felt the difficult moral decisions you had in 3 weren't so prominent in 4.


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## spaceybrains (Nov 4, 2016)

Akinyi said:


> Indeed so.
> I would have used 4 but I prefer 3 overall, I felt the difficult moral decisions you had in 3 weren't so prominent in 4.


I've always wanted to get into the series, but I haven't played 3 or 4. Although, I have started playing New Vegas and I'm liking it a lot so far!


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## Akinyi (Nov 4, 2016)

spaceybrains said:


> I've always wanted to get into the series, but I haven't played 3 or 4. Although, I have started playing New Vegas and I'm liking it a lot so far!


New Vegas is a great game, though it can be short. If you really get into it though, there's a lot to get out of the experience.
I'd recommend 3 or 4 if you ever get the chance but New Vegas does have it's own kind of 'feel' to it.


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## spaceybrains (Nov 4, 2016)

Akinyi said:


> New Vegas is a great game, though it can be short. If you really get into it though, there's a lot to get out of the experience.
> I'd recommend 3 or 4 if you ever get the chance but New Vegas does have it's own kind of 'feel' to it.


Even though I've heard mixed things about 4, it definitely looks the most interesting to me. I would love to play once I get a more powerful computer.


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## Akinyi (Nov 4, 2016)

spaceybrains said:


> Even though I've heard mixed things about 4, it definitely looks the most interesting to me. I would love to play once I get a more powerful computer.


Good luck! There are some great things about 4, it's just that it lacked some great things from 3. Though I suppose that just means there are great things about both ^^


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## RileyTheOtter (Nov 28, 2016)

Rant said:


> Get ready to loot and shoot shit up as you explore ancient temples with brand new lit candles! Take the one shiney thing you can then blow the place the fuck up ruining it for the world!


Uncharted or Tomb Raider?

Game 1: space cat orphan who's never left his home planet gets thrust into a battle for the entire galaxy with a dinky little robot for a sidekick.

Game 2: 11 year old mute orphan gets arrested, thrown in prison,and tortured with experiments for 2 years, upon breaking out his first words are "i'm gonna kill *insert city leader's name here*" and then goes on a one-man army rampage single-handedly ruining the economy, infrastructure, and safety of the entire city while killing hundreds of police just for his personal revenge.

Game 3: alien comes to earth to harvest human dna to repair his own species DNA so he can have a "package".


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## tucakeane (Nov 28, 2016)

Abyssalrider said:


> Uncharted or Tomb Raider?
> 
> Game 1: space cat orphan who's never left his home planet gets thrust into a battle for the entire galaxy with a dinky little robot for a sidekick.
> 
> ...



Game 1- Ratchet and Clank

Am at a loss for the other two.


Furries fly spaceships. Toads are worthless.


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## RileyTheOtter (Nov 28, 2016)

tucakeane said:


> Game 1- Ratchet and Clank
> 
> Am at a loss for the other two.
> 
> ...


game 2 is Jak II (sequel for Jak & Daxter: The Precursor Legacy) and game 3 is Destroy All Humans.


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## tucakeane (Nov 28, 2016)

Abyssalrider said:


> game 2 is Jak II (sequel for Jak & Daxter: The Precursor Legacy)



Oh man...that was so specific it flew _right_ over my head xD Totally should've gotten that one!


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## RileyTheOtter (Nov 28, 2016)

tucakeane said:


> Oh man...that was so specific it flew _right_ over my head xD Totally should've gotten that one!


that's why I avoided mentioning specifics like his name, or descriptions of daxter, the powers or the KG. but really...he did ruin Haven's economy, infrastructure and safety...(the Haven City in Jak 3 kind of proved that one...)


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## Rant (Nov 28, 2016)

Abyssalrider said:


> Uncharted or Tomb Raider?
> 
> Game 1: space cat orphan who's never left his home planet gets thrust into a battle for the entire galaxy with a dinky little robot for a sidekick.
> 
> ...



Its both games

Aaannd Ratchet and Clank, 2nd one is jak and daxter. Love those games.


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## Inpw (Nov 28, 2016)

Get wasted, wake up with a hangover, return home to your girlfriend.

Includes: 
cringy parodies
Guns
Evil stuffed animals


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## tucakeane (Nov 28, 2016)

Inpw said:


> Get wasted, wake up with a hangover, return home to your girlfriend.
> 
> Includes:
> cringy parodies
> ...



!!!!!!!!


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## Wonderloaf (Jan 9, 2017)

I hate fireflies and have a daughter kink.


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## Xaroin (Jan 9, 2017)

Imagine Leauge of Legends, now take away two lanes, one jungle, and 4/5 the heroes.


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## Caraid (Jan 12, 2017)

You either keep people happy or set them on fire to expand your ring of influence and have more people to either keep happy or set on fire and this is how you win the game.

You can use your pet to do this for you, too.


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## Jin-Lust-4-Sin (Jan 12, 2017)

GAME 1 : A human falls to the underground and lands on flowers. Wakes up talking to a flower itself.

GAME 2 (pretty old) : Play as a student. Late school, go home at night only to get hit and pinned to a wall by a car. Wake up later, ready a knife, and start fighting zombies and shit. Get guns along the way. Bat-shit crazy/insane hallucinations/nightmares after the boss fights.


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## Jakinator178 (Jan 12, 2017)

An Alien and a Marine are forced into counseling.


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## modfox (Jan 12, 2017)

I took an arrow in the knee


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## SSJ3Mewtwo (Jan 12, 2017)

Alien: Isolation could be renamed to "Desk and Locker Inspection"


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## Karatine (Jan 12, 2017)

You run around as a short yellow robot shooting other robots like a _*MILLION*_ times. Then go through the game shooting every robot there ever was like a _*BILLION *_times.


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## Sarachaga (Jan 13, 2017)

Naruto _but it takes place ... *IN SPACE.*_
Also endless grinding.


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## RileyTheOtter (Jan 13, 2017)

Sarachaga said:


> Naruto _but it takes place ... *IN SPACE.*_
> Also endless grinding.


Warframe for life


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## Sarachaga (Jan 13, 2017)

Abyssalrider said:


> Warframe for life


I agree. I've quit playing this game for 3 months due to my computer dying...and gosh I missed it. Now I'm trying Nidus ^^

Also, to stay on the subject, here's another shitty description for warframe: Beating up old people in space


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## MrFranco (Jan 28, 2017)

You control a fuckton of little men that carry oversized machine pieces, fight against giant monsters or weird shits, and get overwhelmed by being attacked while trying to save your dependent, mindless army, and also see how they're dying by very specific hazards that are next to these monsters. Oh, did I mention there's time limit for the whole game?


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## Alex K (Jan 28, 2017)

You play as a Hispanic plumber who jumps boxes and stomps on brown men and turtles to kill them. All to save a princess that should've been Queen ages ago


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## Jin-Lust-4-Sin (Jan 28, 2017)

Alex K said:


> You play as a Hispanic plumber who jumps boxes and stomps on brown men and turtles to kill them. All to save a princess that should've been Queen ages ago


Mario be damned


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## Yakamaru (Jan 28, 2017)

Alex K said:


> You play as a Hispanic plumber who jumps boxes and stomps on brown men and turtles to kill them. All to save a princess that should've been Queen ages ago


Mario is Italian. Not Hispanic.


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## Alex K (Jan 28, 2017)

Yakamaru said:


> Mario is Italian. Not Hispanic.



Well technically he has a mustache and says potato a lot


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## RileyTheOtter (Jan 29, 2017)

MrFranco said:


> You control a fuckton of little men that carry oversized machine pieces, fight against giant monsters or weird shits, and get overwhelmed by being attacked while trying to save your dependent, mindless army, and also see how they're dying by very specific hazards that are next to these monsters. Oh, did I mention there's time limit for the whole game?


Pikmin


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## nerdbat (Jan 29, 2017)

JoJo meets high school drama


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## nerdbat (Jan 29, 2017)

(I just realised I accidentaly made it sound _cooler_ .з. )


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## Khazius (Jan 29, 2017)

You break out of prison to murder and steal your way into killing overgrown lizards.


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## Diretooth (Jan 29, 2017)

Game 1: Procedurally generated two-dimensional minecraft clone.

Game 2: Game saved from developmental hell, has a badly told story, a character nobody knows dies and it's apparently a big deal, and there's cup noodles everywhere.

Game 3: You are a space marine, the graphics are shit and the engine very limited. Later versions of the same game are easier.

Game 4: Roguelike game made up of ASCII characters that's bigger than dicks and confusing as fuck. Still in development.

Game 5: You're a kid with psychic powers, you walk the earth looking for a song so you can go back in time and abort the big bad.


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## Sarachaga (Jan 29, 2017)

Diretooth said:


> Game 1: Procedurally generated two-dimensional minecraft clone.


Is it Terraria ? 
(There's actually so many minecraft clones that this can fit to a lot of games )


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## Diretooth (Jan 29, 2017)

Yeah, it's Terraria. If It had been Starbound, I would have added, 'Laggy as all hell.'


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## LittleWoodlouse (Jan 29, 2017)

You get turned into a kinda anthropomorphic animal and lose your memories during a storm and get discovered by another animal. This second animal, a complete stranger tries to recruit you into their non-existent team to join an exploration guild. The guild IDs you by your footprint. It's surprisingly effective for everyone but you.

You and your partner spend the majority of the game wandering around the same enclosed spaces doing missions with slight variation, the guild takes 90% of your income for doing these quests. A lot of the areas you do quests in are full of traps, the game tells you you can check for traps, but really there's no way of knowing where they'll be. If you try to steal from a shop keeper, he will obliterate you.

As the game progresses you begin to have very conditional future visions, time freezes in specific areas, you're betrayed by a celebrity, your enemy turns out to be your best friend, you're both from the future, you go to the future, you go back to the past, your old best friend sacrifices himself, you try to stop time from freezing by fighting the Time God, and get erased from existence. Your partner's tears somehow bring you back.

In the following weeks the two of you get attacked by your guild, move onto a house on the edge of a cliff, climb a mountain, adopt a child, and recruit gods onto your team. I don't really remember what happens at the end of the game but I think it turned out that some dickbag was responsible for the events of the whole game and was still trying to kill you for some reason.


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## RileyTheOtter (Jan 29, 2017)

LittleWoodlouse said:


> You get turned into a kinda anthropomorphic animal and lose your memories during a storm and get discovered by another animal. This second animal, a complete stranger tries to recruit you into their non-existent team to join an exploration guild. The guild IDs you by your footprint. It's surprisingly effective for everyone but you.
> 
> You and your partner spend the majority of the game wandering around the same enclosed spaces doing missions with slight variation, the guild takes 90% of your income for doing these quests. A lot of the areas you do quests in are full of traps, the game tells you you can check for traps, but really there's no way of knowing where they'll be. If you try to steal from a shop keeper, he will obliterate you.
> 
> ...


Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Darkness/Time/Sky, great game.


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## TheOneRealPotato (Jan 29, 2017)

Mess with physics incorrectly, you'll crash. Mess with them correctly, you get insane G forces.


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## Aces (Feb 2, 2017)

This game has terrible balance issues. I've restarted over thirty times now.

No, I'm not going to kill a stray puppy! "What's the worst that can happen?"

Three minutes later, my character was a writhing lump at the base of the dungeon stairs- three of my limbs were in a heap, the fourth _was in a different room,_ and I was bleeding _everywhere_. I got so desperate that _I prayed to the Destroyer of Worlds.
_
He wasn't exactly pleased. (not that he was my first choice- after I lost the first arm, I reached out to the only other God I knew. He gave me a banana.)

Somehow, I survived being smited by the Lord of Chaos, only to have that same little puppy from before finally end my misery by utterly eviscerating my groin.


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## Karatine (Feb 2, 2017)

Diretooth said:


> Game 3: You are a space marine, the graphics are shit and the engine very limited. Later versions of the same game are easier.
> 
> Game 4: Roguelike game made up of ASCII characters that's bigger than dicks and confusing as fuck. Still in development.



3. Halo: Combat Evolved???

4. It's gotta be Dwarf Fortress


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## Diretooth (Feb 2, 2017)

Karatine said:


> 3. Halo: Combat Evolved???


Nope, think earlier.


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## Rystren (Feb 15, 2017)

You're time will be wasted in a single three day three night session of sending a seemingly endless amounts of ships halfway across the galaxy in attempts to destroy your rival empire only for each and every fleet to be decimated as he steadily marches toward your worlds. 

Assuming you survive the brutal pirate attacks long enough to boost your economy.


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## Draig Calon (Feb 15, 2017)

Game 1:
Run around with guns trying to kill the enemy team or plant a bomb that apparently kills people but doesn't destroy any of the land around it. Also you have one bomb so if that one gets defused there is no way to re-activate it or plant another one. Also you end up dying in the first ten seconds as some guy shoots you in the face with a high powered sniper rifle through two walls when he had no way of knowing you where there (without his obvious wall hacks on).

Game 2:
Stranded on a planet made of water with one island and a huge land mass held up by random big floaty things on the bottom. Massive ship that got destroyed when you crashed on it. Big giant sea creatures who will try to kill you, and will succeed in one or two hits if you are not in your submarine/robot suit thingy. Also when help comes it gets destroyed by the same big gun that shot you down and you have to run all over the place and meet the biggest monster of them all to turn off the gun then make your own ship to escape. Cause fuck those guys who go out of their way to rescue you, who needs them anyways?

Game 3:
You have to ignore the title of the game entirely to complete all except for one ending, and you have to a bunch of random shit to get the others, all of which are completely against what the name of the game and the only other character on the game tell you to do. Also most of the endings lead to the destruction of the world (which is just a city on a monitor in front of you).

Game 4:
A game where you can control the universe and make the universe you just spent hours creating destroy itself in a matter of seconds. At least for you. Also in this game you make worlds collide, literally as you can create several earths and then wait for 5 minutes for them to hit each other just for a few cheap animations. Also watch the world get obliterated by a basketball that was dropped from outer space.


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## Maximus B. Panda (Feb 16, 2017)

The game I want to talk about is a sandbox game that has lots of potential, but fails to deliver. It has single and online modes. The single player mode has you take control of a self-loathing rich asshole, a generic shallow gangbanger, and a psychotic canadian motherfucker. Online mode sets you up with your own custom character and plenty of overpriced customization options for them. You can spend a million dollars to buy a car, then a million more to upgrade it so you can spend even more money to modify it. You can also buy a lot of guns that you don't use because the RPG is a one hit kill. But why use guns when you can spend all your money on a jet, and continuously rain missiles and explosive gunfire on other players until you get kicked? Or be on the receiving end of jet fire that you can do nothing about. You can do jobs and things to earn your virtual currency, or you can buy it with real life money like everyone else, and not risk getting totally fucked while trying to earn something. You can also piss off other players by using game features, like setting a proximity mine in a tunnel where some asshole with an RPG is chasing you (and blow up his armored car and him when he comes for round 2), and disable the ability to damage and be damaged by other players within milliseconds of them trying to crash a plane into you. You can go and do bigger missions where you can earn more money than the usual jobs, but who ever knows how it ends? Every pussy ass bitch walks out on you if they don't get to be a part of the ground team, or if anyone in the team fails just once. The game's core mechanics are also just as wonderful, such as NPCs being able to drop you with a pistol from a mile away while you are in a fast moving car and they are too. The game also teases you with gore in a cutscene with a brutal headshot, but the actual game just features no gore, just tiny bullshit bullet holes with terrible effects. Don't get me started on the physics system, might as well be set on the fucking moon. You fall and slide down a hill for 15 feet, you die. You hit a tiny stupid object on the side of the road, you spin out or go flying. You hide behind cover, an RPG can still get you. The gun sound effects are absolute shit, especially compared to the ones used in the cutscenes. The cops in the game are fucking Orwellian oppressors who know exactly what you are doing, and know where to find you, and are just as stupid as most real cops. Aside from slaughtering NPCs like animals, playing repetitive missions, throwing your money away (virtual, but real cash can be spent by absolute morons), dying for the stupidest reason, flooring a squeaker and making them cry moments after they try to shoot you, and just wasting your day, there is not much to do.


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## Draig Calon (Feb 16, 2017)

sounds like you have a lot of hate towards GTA5... good job


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## KimberVaile (Apr 7, 2017)

Drive cars in stereotypical, generic environments until everybody's dead except you.


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## ariamis (Apr 9, 2017)

oops look like i died again. (dark souls)


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## estiniens (Apr 9, 2017)

i draw the sun. it solves your problems. you thank me. i am a dog. for some reason that doesn't stop you. 
you give me medicine. i bring it to a dying man. his daughter thanks me. i am a dog. 
a man dances for trees. i wag my tail. flowers happen. he thanks me. i am a dog.


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## Bidoyinn (Apr 9, 2017)

kid gets to travel the sea alone (sort of) on a boat trying to save the world and no one can stop him because he has a fantastic track record and a sword. makes faeries cry.


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## Rystren (Apr 10, 2017)

Simple Doom spinoff. Now with many items, but only three are off any use. And a sequel with classes. The weakest our which makes the final boss look weak.


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## Iovic (Apr 20, 2017)

Attempt #57
A flock of giant keas steal half your barrels of food and your only iron anvil.
Damnit, they stole the seed bag too.
No forage or trees.
No iron and an aquifer. Right...
PAUSE: CAVE IN: x 104
Lose one pick when a miner dies in a cave-in attempting to breach the aquifer.
Lose the other pick when the other miner gets trapped in ice.
Some time later...
3 of your fishers drown after getting attacked by a giant sponge. Which can't move.
Migrant wave. Three quarters of which are children and their pet cats. The adults can only make lye or keep bees.
Cat vomit all over the tavern floor.
Oh great, an artefact wolverine leather thong. NO ONE CAN EVEN WEAR THAT YOU IMBECILE! Just put it there next to the artefact tin battleaxe.
How the hell did a yeti get in?
Oh god, not another elven caravan. Bugger off you cannibalistic tree huggers!
Were-anteater attack ohgodohgod.
Survivors turn into were-anteaters next full moon ohgodohgodohgodohgod.
Survivors of THAT turn...
A noble mandates the production of slade beds, and kills your best carpenter with a silver hammer when he fails to make it.
2 year old goes berserk and slaughters your military, a legendary weaponsmith and your only doctor.
WHO THE HELL LET IN A STEEL TITAN!? Only one way to deal with this...
Clowns. Oh bugger.
One survivor, who walled himself into a corner when I wasn't looking.
It was inevitable.


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## Alstren (Apr 21, 2017)

Got 2 of em.

So you have to save some twit who doesn't even bother showing up for the sequel from a fat green thing with legs, so you kidnap your lover/roommate/pet and stuff them into your pack sack and walk outside. To immediately be harassed by some jerk who dug a tunnel network in your front lawn, and he insists on delaying your pursuit by beating you over the head with a tutorial. After putting up with the bad camera, janky controls, and complete lack of voice acting you climb inside of a giant head and spent the next 22 hours mindlessly collecting garbage and helping strangers while your previously mentioned roommate whines the entire time. Then right at the last hours of game play you have to run through a completely contrived and annoying boardgame that depending on a random dice roll will force you to answer a quiz about random stuff you've seen or heard in the game that you couldn't have possibly known you'd be quizzed on. And that's if your lucky, if your not you have to survive a boss rush with no healing items and if you die you restart the whole boardgame. After smashing your controller and wishing there was such a thing as a Wiki back when this game came out, you get to the final boss who has way too many stages, will force you to restart on death and WILL repeatedly kill you with the power of poor controls.


You climb into a multimillion dollar 20-100 ton war machine and get dropped off into a frozen hellhole with no buildings, cover, or landmarks along with 11 other people who have no idea what their doing. During the first 5 seconds of the game one of your "teammates" blows up the back side of your machine because they like the pretty colours their lasers make, and you spend the next 5 minutes walking in a straight line looking at your phone in boredom. You eventually find the enemy only to have your teammates suddenly runaway in fear of having their paint scratched leaving you to fight off 12 surprisingly competent people more or less by your self while you team mates repeatedly ask you to expose your self to enemy fire so they can they can do meagre amounts of damage from 800 meters away in a trench with indirect fire weapons. Then you either get turned into dust by 5000 missiles raining from the sky or shot right in the cockpit and die instantly from one shot fired by an aimbotter. Then you spend the next 5 minutes watching your team mates disappoint you in new and interesting ways as their machines have the most bewilderingly illogical weapon choices possible. Finally its 11-3 in your enemies favour and the last remaining member of your team is in a tiny fast vehicle with barely any weapons. For the next 5 minutes instead of facing his death with dignity and allowing everyone else to move onto the next match he outruns the enemy team and does nothing but run away in an attempt to save his precious kill/death ratio until someone gets lucky and kills him or the timer runs out and the enemy team wins anyway. The enemy team then says "GEEGEE" "ZOMG REKT" "lololololol" "IS OP!" and your team descends into childish insults and infighting, then the guy who wasted 5 minutes of everyone's time will then go and complain on the forums that everybody's mean to him.


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## jmortiger (May 9, 2017)

I got a few.

1. It's a 2d, top-down, game. Dogs are NOT that hard to program, nor are normal human faces that hard to draw, pixel art or not. Gotta love them off-screen kills. Also, thanks for making the cursor tiny and white with no option to change it, it totally doesn't get lost at all. By the way, fuck windows. All of them. Stop. (What are hitboxes anyways?)

2. I'm Tommy Italian, the smoothest gangster ev- IS THAT WATER?!?!

3. Oh no, I'm surrounded by haunted killer robots in the middle of the night... Or you could just get a _*DIFFERENT* *FUCKING JOB*_.


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## jmortiger (May 9, 2017)

Diretooth said:


> Game 1: Procedurally generated two-dimensional minecraft clone.
> ...
> Game 3: You are a space marine, the graphics are shit and the engine very limited. Later versions of the same game are easier.


Terraria and DOOM (1993)


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## ChapterAquila92 (May 23, 2017)

As humanity's last line of defence, you send special forces rejects to their deaths fighting RNG bullshit. To make ends meet, you sometimes hold yard sales to fence whatever wasn't bolted down, because you're also the world's deadliest hobo.


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## Iovic (May 23, 2017)

You're a group of six mercs, and your ship gets shot down just as you're about to reach your destination, killing your employer.
You wash up on a beach. Hey cool, a treasure chest... protected by a group of giant crabs.
Ohgod that's a lot of crabs. Bad rolls on your part, get surrounded, total party kill.
Right, try again. Goes better, get a red potion that you don't know what the hell is for.
Enter some sort of abandoned monastery. Huh, it's crawling with slimes...
Ohgod, that slime is level 3 and has a spitting attack.
... Some time later ...
Right, forgot to bring someone who can pick locks, so we've had to bash this door down, knocking our fighter unconscious in the process.
OH SHIT THAT'S A BIG CRAB.
Room is full of loot though.
A room further up is full of roaches. This is where that red potion from earlier comes in, it's a cherry bomb.
Go to lob the cherry bomb at the roaches, fumble, drop it at my feet, total party kill.
When was my last save? Ah bugger.

On reroll later...
Right, made it out, barely. Two party members are dead.
Oh no, not more crabs...
Hide round the corner to make camp and rest...
Get woken up by a pack of bloody giant soldier ants.
One of my party members gets killed immediately, one gets knocked unconscious, and the other two are still asleep.
Bugger.


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## Mandragoras (May 23, 2017)

You walk around and do stupid puzzles and sometimes watch shitty videos.
Some dumb weeaboo bullshit where you make friends with a gay robot and a douchey flower.
It's all just text and you die a lot and fuck that.
Glitchy spooky house bullshit where you listen to tapes and so what.


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## Sarachaga (May 23, 2017)

The two that I am playing atm:

Spreadsheets in space (a classic)
A ripoff of warhammer 40k where the most important aspect of the game is making sure that your legs are ok.


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## Doodle Bunny (May 23, 2017)

Wander around aimlessly, trying to survive in some sort of Tim Burton wannabe world. Most things will probably kill you.


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## Dinosaur of the North (Jun 12, 2017)

Here's one I have. You're a dinosaur who has to put up with being the caretaker of some baby who will most likely jump off and have you fall to your doom when he becomes an adult anyway...


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## Pipistrele (Jun 12, 2017)

You glide around the floor in a shitty 3D maze while hand with a gun is sticking out of your chest, and all this time, somebody's concerned face is looking at you from the bottom of the screen (seriously, what did I do to that face?).


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## ChapterAquila92 (Jun 12, 2017)

Not!humans and not!elves fight blobs of goo.


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## Iovic (Jun 12, 2017)

Alert! One of your ships is under attack: Sector: Brennan's Triumph. -- "Oh no..."
Your Dolphin Superfreighter was destroyed in Sector Brennan's Triumph by Pirate Falcon. -- "What was it even doing there?"
"Oh hey, more messages I missed..."
Your Discoverer Hauler was destroyed in Sector Heron's Nebula by Asteroid. -- *Sigh* "Stupid autopilot."
Your Mercury Tanker: Sorry boss! Looks like someone got here before us. The price of Argnu beef isn't as good as we were expecting.
Your Mercury Tanker is awaiting new orders. -- "Argnu beef? Right... Got to find somewhere to sell that...
Your Albatross was destroyed in Sector Cloudbase South West by Asteroid. -- "Oh bloody hell, that was expensive. Stupid autopillok!"
Your Dolphin Superfreighter was destroyed in Sector Circle of Labour by South Gate. -- >:C 
Your Titan was destroyed in Sector Black Hole Sun by Xenon N. -- "Not another ship killed by... Wait. WHAT!? A BLOODY N!!??"

*Proceed to fly through a gate... straight into an oncoming Argon Colossus.* *Splat*


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## appsmartvn (Jun 15, 2017)

One woman even pays you to go out and break a few limbs just for the lols.


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## shapeless0ne (Jun 15, 2017)

left 4 dead: you shoot zombies, escape and shoot more zombies.........what a simple minded game.
TESO: you know the only reason your even still playing is for the furries there and the kitty RP.


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Jun 15, 2017)

An entire planet is trying to kill you, but  you spend hours wading into deeper and deeper shit because you have to pimp your outfit and have a grudge to settle with some giant flying asshole who killed your parents. That and you have a nerdy-ass hobby of playing space Darwin everywhere you go, can't resist the compulsion to analyze every patch of scum on every boring rock and rattling off technobabble like a Trektard.


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## Sergei Sóhomo (Jun 15, 2017)

You fight 2 other factions for land that does jack shit. The moment you begin to take land the owning faction will just drop numerous squads on your ass comprised of max level players who all have 2+ KDRs. If you do manage to take enough land to lock the continent then the bonuses you get do jack shit to help you. Wanna fly a plane? Good luck against squads of people who have 300+ hours of flight


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## Beatle9 (Jun 20, 2017)

A girl drops out of college, goes back to her hometown, and slowly comes to grips with what a horrible person she's been in life. Realizing that her friends are a lot better off without her.


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## Titanic-Wyvern (Jun 20, 2017)

You get shot in the head by a greedy, sad little man in a daisy suit because you were in the wrong place and had the thing he wanted, and what was originally revenge on the sad little shit turns into you deciding the fate of an entire irradiated wasteland. There's also shitty music that plays on repeat, people who either love or hate you no matter what you do, and a cowboy robot.


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## WolfNightV4X1 (Jun 21, 2017)

The gameplay is for amateurs and the quests are linear as fuck

...and you dont die when landing in a haystack from hundreds of feet in the air. 

---

You feed fish pills and fight aliens that invade your tank and try to kill them

-----

Galaga knockoff with space chickens

---

The flying assholes, cleft palate blobs, spider infested corpse babies, and other obnoxious pests  keep killing you and you'll probably never win the game after the first billion tries.

There's literal shit all over this damn game. The crap humor is oh so original. You as the protagonist literally want to go back and kill yourself.


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## ChapterAquila92 (Jun 21, 2017)

Titanic-Wyvern said:


> You get shot in the head by a greedy, sad little man in a daisy suit because you were in the wrong place and had the thing he wanted, and what was originally revenge on the sad little shit turns into you deciding the fate of an entire irradiated wasteland. There's also shitty music that plays on repeat, people who either love or hate you no matter what you do, and a cowboy robot.


Don't forget the Romans, Elvis impersonators, and zombie astronauts.


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## Sergei Sóhomo (Jun 21, 2017)

Beatle9 said:


> A girl drops out of college, goes back to her hometown, and slowly comes to grips with what a horrible person she's been in life. Realizing that her friends are a lot better off without her.


I only know this because my friend keeps gushing about it


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## katalistik (Jun 21, 2017)

Somewhere in our solar system some emo kids with supernatural powers try to maintain balance by fighting armies of robots and cloned humans. Ah and the kids eat pizza every day.


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## Sagt (Jun 21, 2017)

You start as a country of your choice in the 1830s, of which some are objectively impossible to survive as. You want to avoid democracy, entrepreneurs and decent living standards, but totalitarian governments, 100% taxes on the poor and middle classes, and war are pretty great though. Never ending waves of rebels are expected while as the possibility of you getting back any money you lent out to an AI country is not. The vanilla version of the game is broken and the total cost of the DLCs to fix it are together priced higher than the base game itself.


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## INCtastic (Jun 21, 2017)

Prisoner gets entrusted with the emperors holy necklace and carries it to jis bastard son to save the world from hell


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## Iovic (Jun 25, 2017)

Lcs said:


> You start as a country of your choice in the 1830s, of which some are objectively impossible to survive as. You want to avoid democracy, entrepreneurs and decent living standards, but totalitarian governments, 100% taxes on the poor and middle classes, and war are pretty great though. Never ending waves of rebels are expected while as the possibility of you getting back any money you lent out to an AI country is not. The vanilla version of the game is broken and the total cost of the DLCs to fix it are together priced higher than the base game itself.



And your friend playing as Brazil loses his entire army (including guards) to an inferior force due to sticking them on 0 maintenance, because "it costs him money" even though he has literally millions in the bank. We checked afterwards and found he had 1 gun per 1000 men.

He then accidentally becomes a puppet of Japan.


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## Yakamaru (Jun 25, 2017)

Space. Whatever the hell you find, you're going to get raped. Doesn't matter if it's some cunty neighbor(s) whose technology levels are higher than you, some ancient xenophobic empire having a hardon for you, some random ancient Leviathan having a hardon for your planet, or a shitty starting area.

Resources available are at times at garbage levels, and so is your species. Well, if you can make them being not-so-garbage, it does tend to help. Weirdass and annoying "end-game" events. It's either huge tentacle monsters from planet "Totally Hentai" who rapes entire planetary systems, or energy beings from another dimension going "Let me succ your..ENERGY". Either way, you're fucked.


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## septango (Jun 30, 2017)

a game with about 300 pieces of micro transaction dlc, newest game barely worked at launch, you have to exploit bugs to get the most out of it, and the community is flooded with scene/emo kids who steal credit from other players


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## GreenZone (Jun 30, 2017)

you kill Bambi's mum and sell her to buy more bullets then return return later to finish off Bambi only to find he runs around you in circles and kills you because he's moving at the speed of a thousand cats who have just seen a cucumber


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## Yvvki (Jun 30, 2017)

You play as a hipster girl, and your objective is to screw around in people's lives to maybe find your druggie "best friend's" real friend who may or may not be alive- while the town serial killer may or may not have a photograph fetish.


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## ChapterAquila92 (Jun 30, 2017)

Einstein shows why going back in time to erase Hitler from history is a bad idea. Years later, some Russians show why going back in time to erase Einstein from history is also a bad idea.


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## Titanic-Wyvern (Jun 30, 2017)

You're just minding your own business, about to graduate and become a protector of the galaxy... Then a gigantic tentacle monster thing shows up and fucks everything up. Plus Earth is torn apart, and you manage to survive by escaping on a ship that looks conveniently like something your culture would make, and now are flung into space where you basically go on fetch quests to unlock some gate and defeat the monster that screwed everything up. But you could care less and instead just build houses and kill innocent creatures on random planets without a care. :V


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## Yvvki (Jun 30, 2017)

Titanic-Wyvern said:


> You're just minding your own business, about to graduate and become a protector of the galaxy... Then a gigantic tentacle monster thing shows up and fucks everything up. Plus Earth is torn apart, and you manage to survive by escaping on a ship that looks conveniently like something your culture would make, and now are flung into space where you basically go on fetch quests to unlock some gate and defeat the monster that screwed everything up. But you could care less and instead just build houses and kill innocent creatures on random planets without a care. :V


Starbound.  XD


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## Titanic-Wyvern (Jun 30, 2017)

Yvvki said:


> Starbound.  XD



 You got it!


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## Rystren (Jul 2, 2017)

You start on a special mission to find the source of extreme EM radiation on an island just off the coast of Russia. Your helicopters are downed by an emp, and it is only downhill from there. After wandering around this deserted island, you find yourself inside a burnt out building. And then you immediately find yourself back in time inside the burning building. And just so happen to save the main antagonist of the game. Back to the present and surprise. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. Run around some more,  be hunted,  find a super overpowered weapon, and never save the world. The only way to save the world is to go back in time and murder yourself. Or you could rule the world.


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## ChapterAquila92 (Jul 2, 2017)

Rystren said:


> You start on a special mission to find the source of extreme EM radiation on an island just off the coast of Russia. Your helicopters are downed by an emp, and it is only downhill from there. After wandering around this deserted island, you find yourself inside a burnt out building. And then you immediately find yourself back in time inside the burning building. And just so happen to save the main antagonist of the game. Back to the present and surprise. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. Run around some more,  be hunted,  find a super overpowered weapon, and never save the world. The only way to save the world is to go back in time and murder yourself. Or you could rule the world.


Singularity


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## PlusThirtyOne (Jul 2, 2017)

Start game, crash to desktop, start game, crash to desktop, check mod load order, start game, crash to desktop, change mod load order, start game, game loads, "New game", get stuck in infinite loading screen, ctrl+alt+esc, kill game, change mod load order, start game, "New game", game successfully loads, create new character, name new character, save game, quit game.

Repeat again in a week.


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## Norros (Jul 2, 2017)

Some nerd gets involved in a dangerous experiment, kills aliens and saves the planet, but in the next game everything begins again.


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## 2dozen22s (Jul 3, 2017)

You download the latest patch to see if they finally fixed that game breaking bug or exploit they added last update, then you hit play and pray, hoping the game's performance has not gotten any worse. Of course by the time you log on, the only platoons are asian zergfits overpoping bases & abusing their 750ms ping to instagib you. Later in the day as more skilled players arrive you begin to wonder if the bullets even hit the guy who killed you, or if its the server. A yell chat confirms the server hamster is dying. Lucky the fight is going wel- the continent locks, now you must wait 20 minutes to find a similar fight.

Rise and repeat untill the salt consumes you.


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## voxuan (Jul 3, 2017)

Share with you some Free games today 
*Super Mario Run 
CC Music Stream 
N.O.V.A. Legacy Games
......
Hope you guys find it useful and interesting.
*


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## zombieraptor (Sep 29, 2017)

stupid fucking detective answers a call to a hospital and finds everyone straight up murdered, manages to let his guard down enough to get knocked the fuck out. then gets plunged into nightmarish hell, only to get out of said hell like nothing happened. Also his co workers are assholes.


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## ChapterAquila92 (Sep 30, 2017)

You use enslaved magical animals to bully people for fun and profit. Not to be outdone, your competition consists of a street gang, Yakuzas, eco-terrorists, doomsday cults, PETA, and a crazy woman with a thing for aliens.

Alternatively...

As a park ranger, you deputize magical animals into fighting a rock band, an oil company, and mercenary archeologists.

Alternatively...

You wake up in a non-MLP version of Equestria as part of a self-insert TF fanfic.


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## real time strategist (Sep 30, 2017)

It's not uncommon to have loincloth cave your skull in. Also changing the mode of the game makes the game go from feeling finished to feeling like it has only one way to play and that way is really bland and boring. The game, despite having no graphics, kills your computer and I have yet to see a computer that can handle this game at full speed later on in the game.


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## WolfoxeCrevan (Sep 30, 2017)

The graphics are crap.

I'm talking about pixel gun.

And like, it's not even a joke.


Edit: I did this wrong... didn't I?


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## MinhtheMage (Sep 30, 2017)

Surrounded by all manner of small children ages 9-12, insta-locking DPS and pretending they know how to play the cyborg ninja or magical dragon archer whilst also begging for healing and making my eardrums bleed. I'm always forced to play healer and I feel my IQ drop a few points each time I play it, as well as my skill rating. I usually barely scrape wins together amongst all the shitty players out there.


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## Lexiand (Sep 30, 2017)

Why does everyone like this game.
I mean all you do is click circles thats it.

 l
 l
 l
 l
V


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## Mabus (Sep 30, 2017)

Stellaris needs wolf race... ò^ó


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## Iovic (Sep 30, 2017)

The king of Serbia got the Pope to Excommunicate me for no reason whatsoever. Then my second son kills me in a plot, splitting the kingdom in half.
Wait. Why isn't the Pope living in Roma anymore? Why is he in Uppland? WHY IS THE POPE ALSO THE PRINCE OF SWEDEN*??
AND WHY HAVE THE INVADING AZTECS CONVERTED TO CATHOLICISM???


*Well, Svea Rike anyway.


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## ChapterAquila92 (Sep 30, 2017)

Everyone loses, but maybe you can lose the least.


Spoiler


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