# Sonic-Final Warp



## Zolen (Sep 8, 2009)

My one and only furry (sorta) story, using Sonic as the base, and then I want tot he point of it being where I over welmed it with my own OC's anyway, please tell me what you think of part one, I need to know what I would probibly need to change.

Part one: Warp
~Facing a world untold we find our own ideas as naught~
Warp the hedgehog, sighed as he walked through the empty streets of Defro city, street lights flashed on and off as he walked.
â€œWhy did I come to this city anywayâ€¦â€¦Iâ€™m not going to find it here.â€ Warp closed his hands into a fist, the purple glowing daggers levitating over the back of his hands seemed to shake. 
â€œWhoâ€™s there?â€ Warp looked back as he said, nobody, yet he had a feeling that someone was watching him. The metal of his gold plated shoes clanking on the side walk. 
â€œAnd now Iâ€™m talking to myselfâ€¦..â€ Warp looked to his left his gold eyes spotting a stray shadow with what looked like bat wings on it. â€˜Oddâ€¦â€¦â€™ Warp shrugged and jumped the dagger started to spin rapidly and then his blinked out of sight, reappearing on the roof of a building overlooking the clock tower, possibly the tallest thing in this city. 
Warp sighed as he looked up at the moon, his black and gold fur moving in the wind. The Winds Dagger, a odd name that was placed on him, he had a interesting ability that went with them, the ability to warp himself into different areas in almost a instant. He had been int his town after he read a newspaper talking about a strange gem that they called a Chaos Emerald. There was not images of it but it may be the stone he needs, the stone that his people called Selaâ€™s light. 

â€œWell, well shadow we meet again.â€ Warp looked back, a girl was flapping her bat wings lifting her up to the roof, her head was almost like a cats and she seemed to a heart shaped breast plate. 
â€œWho are you?â€ Warp said, confused, most of the people who he has meant here have mostly been human, this girl had a animal like form to her, although it is not the same as himself its closer then he is used to. 
â€œHmm, your not shadow, my name is Rouge.â€ Rouge said, Warp looked away and said, 
â€œWhateverâ€¦.I donâ€™t feel like small talk.â€ Rouge shrugged, 
â€œYou asked, by the way, who might you be?â€ 
Warp looked up at the moon again, as if he was transfixed on it. 
â€œWarp, Warp the Hedgehogâ€¦..â€ Rouge jumped slightly taking on a calm hovering and moved around till Warp and Rouge were face to face. 

â€œThe winds dagger? Youâ€™re the one who is traveling the world in search of Selaâ€™s light as you call itâ€¦.funny that I happen to know where it is.â€ Warp held his arms still but he felt like shaking her till she told him where. 
â€œIs that so?â€ Warp calmly replied, holding in his eager feeling to know under his golden eyes. 
â€œBut I need you to do me one favorâ€¦I need help getting a jewel of my own.â€ She lifted up a news paper showing the bit about the Chaos Emerald. Warp glanced at the paper, he had already read about it, it was being held at a museum. 
â€œSo you want me to steal from a museum?â€ Rouge shrugged as she put the newspaper in a unseen pocket. 
â€œI am just going to BARROW it, thatâ€™s no problum for you is it? I hear you are really desperate for that stone of yours.â€ Rouge said as she landed beside Warp. Warp looked over his mind in wondering, 

â€œWhy should I trust that you know anythingâ€¦..â€ Warp said as he started walking away. 
â€œWell I guess I donâ€™t need ya I guess that village or something your from will just go up in flames.â€ Warp looked back as Rouge said that, 
â€œFine!â€ Warp reached out his hand, â€œWe have a deal?â€ Rouge looked down at his hand and said, â€œFi-â€ A boom sounded off, Up above a massive red ship had rammed head first into the clock tower, it was heading their way, 
â€œWhoâ€™s driving that thingâ€¦.â€ Warp shoved Rouge away just as the top slammed into the roof, knocking it to the floor below. Rouge lifted up into the air, â€œWarp?â€ There was a buzzing sound as rubble fell in from below. 

(warp is my avatar, yes I know he looks a lot like Shadow[in fact hs is a color edited image of him], thats the idea.)


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## AshleyAshes (Sep 8, 2009)

Is that writing or a chat RP log?


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## Zolen (Sep 8, 2009)

Writing, I know it has a lot of talking, and its kinda short, but the original plan when i started this a while ago was to make it effected by the suggestions of readers, but I stoped relitivly soon after the fact that nobody ever even commented. 

But I am thinking of bringing it back, seeing as how it was my one and only fan fic and I figured that I would never make another, (beacuse I am not really a fan of writing them, but felt that writing them might improve my writing skills.) But in short this is set up to be a very short per part, three part per chapter story that is entirely effected by comments.


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## M. LeRenard (Sep 8, 2009)

If you post a critique request in the critique thread, please don't make a new topic requesting a critique for that same story.  All it does is clutter up the forum.


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## Zolen (Sep 9, 2009)

Forgive me, but this is simply beacuse I see the fact that most likly on that thread I will gain no critique. So I saw it more effective to put this here, but only after puting that there. I plan to remove it soon from that thread.


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## M. LeRenard (Sep 10, 2009)

If you must, I guess, though I'd much prefer people to just stick to that thread.
I'd give it a looking over myself, but the two things I never critique (or read, for that matter) are erotica and fanfiction.
Anyway, good luck.


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## nybx4life (Sep 10, 2009)

Zolen said:


> Forgive me, but this is simply beacuse I see the fact that most likly on that thread I will gain no critique. So I saw it more effective to put this here, but only after puting that there. I plan to remove it soon from that thread.



I guess you need to gain some reputation as a writer first before you start writing "Choose your own adventure" type stories

At least so you have a fanbase large (and hopefully interested) enough to do this with you.

And yeah, not much of a fanfiction reader myself. Sorry.


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## Zolen (Sep 10, 2009)

nybx4life said:


> I guess you need to gain some reputation as a writer first before you start writing "Choose your own adventure" type stories
> 
> At least so you have a fanbase large (and hopefully interested) enough to do this with you.
> 
> And yeah, not much of a fanfiction reader myself. Sorry.


 
*Shrugs*, I only did the whole fanfiction thing because I heard that they tend to gain popularity. This is my one and only fanfic, dasigned when I was 9, so I did not at the time think of that fact I would have to be already popular for it to go anywhere at the time. But I still feel the need to finish this or at least get past chapter two before I can happly drop this off.


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## TShaw (Sep 10, 2009)

Since no one else has taken up the challenge yet I thought Iâ€™d give it a go. Putting my reactions and thoughts on it in brackets just behind the things that stick out. Before I get to it though I should warn you Iâ€™m being fairly hard on this, mainly because I think fan fiction is kind of self defeating. Your audience will always be like minded individuals that are overly appreciative just to have someone write anything in their tiny little fanboy world. Theyâ€™re not going to be critical of anything, and you wonâ€™t grow as a write as a result. So donâ€™t take this personally.

Part one: Warp
~Facing a world untold we find our own ideas as naught~(What?)
Warp the hedgehog(normally Iâ€™d stop reading here if I hadnâ€™t already been told itâ€™s a fan fic. I tend to avoid them, and once something clues me in Iâ€™m gone, never to return. This will tend to limit you to an audience of those who read the same things.) sighed as he walked through the empty streets of Defro city, street lights flashed on and off as he walked. (Why are the lights flashing? Are the signal lights flashing because its late at night or is there problems with the power supply? Anything that is away from the character can help set mood, or tell us whatâ€™s going on in their head because they notice it. Expand on little things like this and your writing will keep people interested in the scene)
â€œWhy did I come to this city anywayâ€¦â€¦Iâ€™m not going to find it here.â€ Warp closed his hands into a fist, the purple glowing daggers levitating over the back of his hands seemed to shake. (Purple glowing daggers? This is a perfect example of why fan fiction has such a narrow audience. I know nothing of Sonic, and reading this reference to glowing daggers hovering in mid air cements the desire to continue knowing nothing. If you want people outside the tiny little fandom to understand what youâ€™re saying you have to explain what this is, but in doing so you bore the crap out of your fellow fans. Again, a major problem with fan fictions.)
â€œWhoâ€™s there?â€ Warp looked back as he said, nobody, yet he had a feeling that someone was watching him. The metal of his gold plated shoes clanking on the side walk. (Gold plated shoesâ€¦purple glowing daggersâ€¦unfortunately this character is tending more toward Elton John in my mind than the kick but thing you probably imagine in yours.)
â€œAnd now Iâ€™m talking to myselfâ€¦..â€ Warp looked to his left his gold eyes spotting a stray shadow with what looked like bat wings on it. â€˜Oddâ€¦â€¦â€™ Warp shrugged and jumped the dagger started to spin rapidly and then his blinked out of sight, reappearing on the roof of a building overlooking the clock tower, possibly the tallest thing in this city. (Ok, had to read this sentence five times before I could figure out what you might have been trying to say. First off, no one shrugs then jumps, its not a natural thing to do. Still not sure about the meaning or purpose of the dagger in this sentence, but things began to make a little more sense when I substituted he for his. At his point after having to go over just this one sentence in my mind so many times Iâ€™d given up on the story. Most people having the same difficulty would likely do the same. Keep practicing though, nobody starts writing perfectly. And leave the fan fictions behind.)


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## nybx4life (Sep 10, 2009)

Zolen said:


> *Shrugs*, I only did the whole fanfiction thing because I heard that they tend to gain popularity. This is my one and only fanfic, dasigned when I was 9, so I did not at the time think of that fact I would have to be already popular for it to go anywhere at the time. But I still feel the need to finish this or at least get past chapter two before I can happly drop this off.




You don't need to be popular to write a fanfic.
Hell, you don't need to know anybody in the world and you can still write a fanfic (maybe.)

I just heard you say that you wanted people to respond to how the story should go. That requires some popularity.

Any story you write now, from start to finish, not influenced by whoever else, can be done regardless of how many people follow your work.

You understand me, or did I lose you somewhere? (not trying to get on you, just trying to not be misunderstood)


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## Zolen (Sep 10, 2009)

TShaw said:


> Since no one else has taken up the challenge yet I thought Iâ€™d give it a go. Putting my reactions and thoughts on it in brackets just behind the things that stick out. Before I get to it though I should warn you Iâ€™m being fairly hard on this, mainly because I think fan fiction is kind of self defeating. Your audience will always be like minded individuals that are overly appreciative just to have someone write anything in their tiny little fanboy world. Theyâ€™re not going to be critical of anything, and you wonâ€™t grow as a write as a result. So donâ€™t take this personally.
> 
> Part one: Warp
> ~Facing a world untold we find our own ideas as naught~(What?)
> ...


 
Hmmm, one other sites that I put this one, I make sure to mark it as a fan fic, I just forgot on this as for that thing in ~ That was something I did when I was young, and sometimes now, in the hopes it might attract a strange line of text or confuing that may make you want to click it. 

The daggers, ya, I barly allowed this to be a Fan fic, the daggers have nothing to do with the game. 

and yea, I guess it does not sound as good reading over it, I typed it in a way that does not sound nearly as cool as it looks in my mind.

And *bows to TShaw* thank you for your help, I will try to repair the things marked.

@ nybx4life I understand you clearly, I tend to undertsand most things clearly when nobody else does. 

P.S. This is the only story I have that is truly influenced by others, most of the time I only show Summery stories, meaning storys that get really fast to the interesting parts, and are not big on details.


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