# Dominance or Submission: Which do you prefer?



## Aggybyte (Oct 1, 2013)

Do you prefer to be dominant or submissive over others? This could have anything to do with roleplay or real life. I'm more of the submissive/slave/pet type. I'm not good at making my own decisions.


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## septango (Oct 1, 2013)

submissive I guess, Im kindof a doormat actually


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## Inciatus (Oct 1, 2013)

What? Why are you posting this here or at all?


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## septango (Oct 1, 2013)

Inciatus said:


> What? Why are you posting this here or at all?


honestly, (and this goes for any wwwwhhhhyyy? posts) does it really matter?


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## Willow (Oct 1, 2013)

Uke from womb to tomb :v (which fujoshi speak for submissive) 
Wait a second. Why do you need to know this?



Inciatus said:


> What? Why are you posting this here or at all?


Someone really needs to get outside and fast.


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## Kitsune Cross (Oct 1, 2013)

Where is the FUCK YOU option?


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## Aggybyte (Oct 1, 2013)

What's with all of the why posting? I started a topic... I don't see what else I did wrong.


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## Willow (Oct 1, 2013)

Aggybyte said:


> What's with all of the why posting? I started a topic... I don't see what else I did wrong.


For what it's worth, it's a bit out of the blue. I won't say tmi but it is prying and a bit of an awkward question to ask.


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## septango (Oct 1, 2013)

Aggybyte said:


> What's with all of the why posting? I started a topic... I don't see what else I did wrong.


It would seem to me that people are not confortable talking about this BUT dont seem to reilize they can just, ya know, not post anything


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## Dire Newt (Oct 1, 2013)

Submissive.

#NOSHAME


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## Aggybyte (Oct 1, 2013)

Willow said:


> For what it's worth, it's a bit out of the blue. I won't say tmi but it is prying and a bit of an awkward question to ask.


REALLY? I can think of a ton of threads on FA that ask more awkward questions than this one.


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## Willow (Oct 1, 2013)

septango said:


> It would seem to me that people are not confortable talking about this BUT dont seem to reilize they can just, ya know, not post anything


inb4 hurr you guize r just prudes. look at how open i am.



Aggybyte said:


> REALLY? I can think of a ton of threads on FA that ask more awkward questions than this one.


Well if you also remember, they all started and ended the same way. A lot of why and people asserting that they're the better person because they're open about certain things.


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## Misomie (Oct 1, 2013)

I've always been pretty dominant. I realized this when I began training dogs because of how awesome I felt when they obeyed without question. For the most part I'm a very relaxed dom, to the point I might appear submissive, but even while in this state, people trying to have authority or dominance over me just ticks me off. Very rarely I'm ok with being submissive but even then I can revert to my dominant state in mere moments. I dunno, I just love power and being in control.


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## Aggybyte (Oct 1, 2013)

I didn't intend for this thread to be completely sexual in nature. Just your personality.


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## Dire Newt (Oct 1, 2013)

Aggybyte said:


> I didn't intend for this thread to be completely sexual in nature. Just your personality.



If that is the case, why bother putting the genders in there?


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## Willow (Oct 1, 2013)

Aggybyte said:


> I didn't intend for this thread to be completely sexual in nature. Just your personality.


The words you're looking for are passive and assertive then.


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## Aetius (Oct 1, 2013)

Ohh jesus, not another one of these threads.


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## Misomie (Oct 1, 2013)

Willow said:


> The words you're looking for are passive and assertive then.


I assumed that's what OP wanted so I replied accordingly. I just forgot those words. XD But yeah OP, dom/sub are pretty much always used for sexual situations. I personally assume them to be leader/in charge and follower.


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## Lexicom (Oct 1, 2013)

oH MY GAWd.


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## Distorted (Oct 1, 2013)

I get the discussion, but I fear that someone will come by and just run with it and get it locked. But to answer the question...

I'm a rather submissive person. Or passive is a better word. I don't take lead at all, even if I'm the most qualified to do so. I hang back and let others do what they want. And I do what they ask for some reason. I do it without realizing sometimes. I have my lines I don't cross, but most requests and orders are done without question. I sorta blame my upbringing on my passive nature since my parents were rather strict and militaristic (my Dad was a Sergeant in the army). 

I used to hate myself for being so passive, but I don't really think about it anymore. And I've learned to assert myself more to save myself a load of grief when dealing with others. But there are certain people that I simply can't assert myself with and I fall into this rather shameful display of agreeableness that I only notice in hindsight. People are quick to pick up my nature though, and they tend to go a bit too far when teasing me about how passive I am.


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## septango (Oct 1, 2013)

Distorted said:


> I get the discussion, but I fear that someone will come by and just run with it and get it locked. But to answer the question...
> 
> I'm a rather submissive person. Or passive is a better word. I don't take lead at all, even if I'm the most qualified to do so. I hang back and let others do what they want. And I do what they ask for some reason. I do it without realizing sometimes. I have my lines I don't cross, but most requests and orders are done without question. I sorta blame my upbringing on my passive nature since my parents were rather strict and militaristic (my Dad was a Sergeant in the army).
> 
> I used to hate myself for being so passive, but I don't really think about it anymore. And I've learned to assert myself more to save myself a load of grief when dealing with others. But there are certain people that I simply can't assert myself with and I fall into this rather shameful display of agreeableness that I only notice in hindsight. People are quick to pick up my nature though, and they tend to go a bit too far when teasing me about how passive I am.



whats with your posts being 100% relatable recently?


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## Dire Newt (Oct 1, 2013)

Y'know it's like 2 sides of the coin with me. When I'm with friends I'm the loudest and most outspoken guy but any other time I'm extremely passive.


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## Willow (Oct 1, 2013)

Misomie said:


> I assumed that's what OP wanted so I replied accordingly. I just forgot those words. XD But yeah OP, dom/sub are pretty much always used for sexual situations. I personally assume them to be leader/in charge and follower.


I did too sort of but I'm tired so my immediate thought was whether I liked giving or receiving. It doesn't help how the OP is worded though.


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## Butters Shikkon (Oct 1, 2013)

Dire Newt said:


> Y'know it's like 2 sides of the coin with me. When I'm with friends I'm the loudest and most outspoken guy but any other time I'm extremely passive.



It changes for me as well. 

At work I'm very passive, with my friends I'm assertive. And I'm a mix of both with my man. 

I don't think anyone is really the same way all the time.


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## Distorted (Oct 1, 2013)

septango said:


> whats with your posts being 100% relatable recently?



I have been on a roll lately, I guess. But seeing as how this forum is full of users in their early 20's trying to figure out life and people then I suppose I would've said something familiar here and there.


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## SkyboundTerror (Oct 1, 2013)

Dominant. I grew up with two older brothers, so of course I became competitive and of course I wanted to be better than anyone else so I wouldn't be ignored. Fast-forward ten years later, and you get me, the egotistical douche who doesn't take shit from anyone. I talk down to people more than I'd like to admit. 

...but I'm a nice guy. I don't instigate arguments and I don't look for trouble.


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## LadyToorima (Oct 1, 2013)

When it comes to everyday life, I'm pretty assertive. At work I tend to take the lead on projects, or set up a certain set of rules or guidelines I expect to be followed while working in my specific area. It is also this way with all my friends with the exception of one, and with my family as well. 

When it comes to my relationship however, I'm very passive. I will put my foot down in a few rare occasions, but for the most part I pretty much do what I'm told. ><


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## Hewge (Oct 1, 2013)

Why's there no "Both!" option?!


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## Wither (Oct 1, 2013)

Honestly submissive is always the best. Work free pleasure bitches! Though it mostly works out to 50/50 because no one wants to do _everything_. 

Guys halp. How do I poll. 
Do I say guy because I'm a guy or woman for partner. 
My brain hurts awfully bad now.


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## DrDingo (Oct 1, 2013)

Let's see.. I don't generally like being dominant over others because that would make me look like an asshole, but I'd prefer not to think I am submissive because it would make me seem dependant on others and easily manipulated. I might be closer to being a submissive person than a dominant one, as my decisions are often swayed by others and I hate saying no to people, but I'm not going to vote. The categories seem too definite for my liking.


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## BRN (Oct 1, 2013)

I'm laid-back to hell!

But that's largely because I think that very little is important, within boundaries - like "what do you want to do tonight?".. 

Outside of those comfortable boundaries, I'm a very assertive debater. I'm not inflexible in my opinions, but I can defend them quite strongly; I have an insane tenacity and strongly principled convictions, so I'm not easily swayed from core beliefs.

Most of the time, though, I'm too busy being laid-back to get into situations like that. <: let's go bowling, wee


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## barkinupyourtree14 (Oct 1, 2013)

I can't really say.


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## Wither (Oct 1, 2013)

SIX said:


> Most of the time, though, I'm too busy being laid-back to get into situations like that. <: let's go bowling, wee



I'd take up a game of bowling. Damn this ocean between us.


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## Heliophobic (Oct 1, 2013)

Everyone that responded seriously in this thread is part of the problem.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

FEMALE DOMINANT. because I'm lazy

Only 3 people voted female dominant, but 5 people voted male submissive.

Oh my.

Edit: Wait, only 1 person voted female submissive

y'all is gei


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## Sarcastic Coffeecup (Oct 1, 2013)

Whichever gets me sex :VVV


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## Littlerock (Oct 1, 2013)

Gibby said:


> because I'm lazy
> y'all is gei



I think you mean _*FABULOUS~*_.

But yeah, doormats unite. If you want to, I _guess_.
No pressure :I


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## Dreaming (Oct 1, 2013)

Depends on the terms and conditions, is all I'm saying


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## Littlerock (Oct 1, 2013)

Saliva said:


> Everyone that responded seriously in this thread is part of the problem.



Says the only one here being serious :y
hehehe


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## Neon Poi (Oct 1, 2013)

I'm dominant all the way. I find that a lot of women tend to be dominant, more than some people would believe. That stereotype that women = submissive needs to go die. 

I aggressively pursue anything that I care about, be that a job, a degree, or any other accomplishment. I know how to say no to people and put my foot down. I don't take shit from anybody.


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## Fernin (Oct 1, 2013)

I prefer jam on my toast instead of butter.

Wait, that is what this thread's about isn't it?


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## Fallowfox (Oct 1, 2013)

I'm not sure...

In academic or ethical situations and debates I like to be assertive and involved. It is, after all, an interrogation with reality. 
In social situations I am unfortunately very passive and I will work to change that.
Sexy situations I've no idea, because that's never happened to me. :c


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## Machine (Oct 1, 2013)

As a professional skullfucker, I can say I am 99.9% dominant. You massive cuntburger.

:V


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## Wither (Oct 1, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I'm not sure...
> 
> In academic or ethical situations and debates I like to be assertive and involved. It is, after all, an interrogation with reality.
> In social situations I am unfortunately very passive and I will work to change that.
> Sexy situations I've no idea, because that's never happened to me. :c



I bet you'd be the biggest dom in the throes of passion.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

Machine said:


> As a professional skullfucker, I can say I am 99.9% dominant. You massive cuntburger.
> 
> :V



According to this penis simulator where I enter your name, this may indeed be true.

(Don't ask me how I discovered this take on name-generators but it's oodles of immature fun)


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## Machine (Oct 1, 2013)

Gibby said:


> According to this penis simulator where I enter your name, this may indeed be true.
> 
> (Don't ask me how I discovered this take on name-generators but it's oodles of immature fun)


I'M GOING TO USE THIS GENERATOR FOREVER AND EVER BECAUSE WHY NOT.

Oh my god my sides.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

Machine said:


> I'M GOING TO USE THIS GENERATOR FOREVER AND EVER BECAUSE WHY NOT.
> 
> Oh my god my sides.



My penis peeks over people's garden fences.


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## CaptainCool (Oct 1, 2013)

That simulator is bullshit.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

CaptainCool said:


> That simulator is bullshit.



Looks like all the girls have us beat :[


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## Machine (Oct 1, 2013)

I put in Mentova, got lulz.

Put in Richard, got bigger lulz.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

Machine said:


> I put in Mentova, got lulz.
> 
> Put in Richard, got bigger lulz.



It's funny because Ozriel's black


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## CaptainCool (Oct 1, 2013)

Gibby said:


> It's funny because Ozriel's black



It's too big to support it's own weight! :O


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## Distorted (Oct 1, 2013)

What is this...

I don't even....


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## BRN (Oct 1, 2013)

http://en.inkei.net/Six!Reno


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## Littlerock (Oct 1, 2013)

Gibby said:


> Looks like all the girls have us beat :[



_PFFFFFFFFFT_
oh god my sides
I AM DEAD NOW,_ THANKS _


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## Aleu (Oct 1, 2013)

I....don't....even



Aggybyte said:


> I didn't intend for this thread to be completely sexual in nature. Just your personality.



Uh...what?



Aggybyte said:


> Do you prefer to be dominant or submissive over  others? This could have anything to do with roleplay or real life. I'm  more of the *submissive/slave/pet type.* I'm not good at making my own  decisions.


How is that not sexual?


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

So I suppose that we conclude that the closer you are to female, the bigger your dick is.


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## Sarcastic Coffeecup (Oct 1, 2013)

My god. It even threw in a fur pun
http://en.inkei.net/SarcasticCoffeecup

Bigger lol http://en.inkei.net/Coffee


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## Dire Newt (Oct 1, 2013)

http://en.inkei.net/Newt

Guys, something's wrong. Help.


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## Troj (Oct 1, 2013)

Upon reflection, I'd say I'm a controlling submissive. 

Once everything is in its place, and I've set satisfying parameters, I'm often more than happy to submit. It's largely a matter of trust.

While I can be brassy or bold in a humorous way, I don't tend to be overtly dominant or aggressive, and I prefer the polite, gentle, and/or indirect approach to making demands or issuing commands.


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 1, 2013)

I really haven't been a submissive in my relationships. I've wanted to off and on.
But in the end I end up being the one putting the cuffs on him.


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## Jabberwocky (Oct 1, 2013)

I am mostly a dominant but I can be submissive sometimes. A switch with a more dominant nature.


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## Judge Spear (Oct 1, 2013)

Passive till I'm being bullshitted. Submissive till it hurts. I don't like leadership roles in any situation.

...
I think I voted wrong.


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## BRN (Oct 1, 2013)

XoPachi said:


> Submissive till it hurts.



;3


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## Littlerock (Oct 1, 2013)

I always_ knew_ faf would have the windsock thing goin' on.


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## Alexxx-Returns (Oct 1, 2013)

Gibby said:


> So I suppose that we conclude that the closer you are to female, the bigger your dick is.



This seems like a bit of a waste of a big penis =(

OT, I am a follower but I'd love to be a leader. In other words, I prefer to take orders rather than give them because giving orders would also involve planning orders, and I try not to think about things unless I have to, so being a leader would be extra work for me. I'm a lazy fuck. I can be a leader if necessary but I would end up reverting to a follower state of mind to relax.
In social situations I could not be more of a follower. I can't lead a conversation to save my life and if I meet someone coming out of a door, I immediately say 'sorry' even though I've done nothing wrong. My logic is that if you just apologise every five seconds, no one can get angry with you :V


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## Judge Spear (Oct 1, 2013)

SIX said:


> ;3



I meant that. As soon as something begins to make me the slightest bit uncomfortable or even nervous, gg.


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## Dreaming (Oct 1, 2013)

Littlerock said:


> I always_ knew_ faf would have the windsock thing goin' on.


Hah! Cock like a sock


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## Kalmor (Oct 1, 2013)

Generally, I do like to take the lead in decision making/being selected as a team/group leader, yet at times I just can't get by without someone telling me what to do which is why I just say equal-ish.

Sexually - I don't know, never had the experience. XD


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## Judge Spear (Oct 1, 2013)

Raptros said:


> Sexually - I don't know, never had the experience. XD



I thought you hung out with Mentova?


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## Inpw (Oct 1, 2013)

Generally: I have an assertive attitude. Not the asshole type but I kinda speak my mind alot. 

Sex: dominant and a tiny bit submissive if I'm with the "fun type" of girl.

Why is this topic so strange for some members?


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## CaptainCool (Oct 1, 2013)

Raptros said:


> Sexually - I don't know, never had the experience. XD



Oh babOH WAIT SHIT YOU ARE 15 OOPS!


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## Aleu (Oct 1, 2013)

XoPachi said:


> I thought you hung out with Mentova?



Raptros is 15...



Accretion said:


> Why is this topic so strange for some members?



Going up to strangers all "hey what's your sex life like?"
Maybe some of us like to keep private things private because it's not any of your fucking business?


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## BRN (Oct 1, 2013)

XoPachi said:


> I meant that. As soon as something begins to make me the slightest bit uncomfortable or even nervous, gg.



Awh, shame. I can be a bit rough with my toys. Or very, if they let me.

But that said, I switch, and I pretty much demand to be treated rough on the other side, too. You know, 'be selfish'.

I guess it's not any particular position that thrills me, so much as the power element of it.



Aleu said:


> Raptros is 15...


ohbby


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## Jabberwocky (Oct 1, 2013)

oh god you guys found the penis analyzer
this is gonna be fun.


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## Corto (Oct 1, 2013)

CaptainCool said:


> Oh babOH WAIT SHIT YOU ARE 15 OOPS!



Wait what the fuck?

We need to start getting full fucking profiles when we select new mods. I know literally nothing about anyone, and end up learning about it in the weirdest places. Now I'm wondering if there's any other revelations waiting to unfold in this th...



Gibby said:


> It's funny because Ozriel's black



OZRIEL'S BLACK?


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## BRN (Oct 1, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Going up to strangers all "hey what's your sex life like?"
> Maybe some of us like to keep private things private because it's not any of your fucking business?



Nobody went up to any strangers. 

The strangers clicked on the thread. Voluntary participation.


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## Aleu (Oct 1, 2013)

SIX said:


> Nobody went up to any strangers.
> 
> The strangers clicked on the thread. Voluntary participation.



The thread was posted in the first place.


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## Hinalle K. (Oct 1, 2013)

I don't think this thread wolfaboo'o meter has been filled enough yet
moar rage and swear words
[she's totally dominant]


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## benignBiotic (Oct 1, 2013)

Depends on the situation. I'll do anything for people I like. Including acquaintances. But I have my limits.


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## Aleu (Oct 1, 2013)

Hinalle K. said:


> I don't think this thread wolfaboo'o meter has been filled enough yet
> moar rage and swear words
> [she's totally dominant]



Your obsession with me is unsettling.


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## Hinalle K. (Oct 1, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Your obsession with me is unsettling.



Don't look over your shoulder...


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## Fernin (Oct 1, 2013)

If you got that from the chatroom I think you did Gibby.......


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## Corto (Oct 1, 2013)

No need to lie, Ferm. No one has ever done Gibby.


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## Aleu (Oct 1, 2013)

Hinalle K. said:


> Don't look over your shoulder...



I don't have to. I have a mirror behind my computer.

HA!


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

Fernin said:


> If you got that from the chatroom I think you did Gibby.......



I don't go on any chatrooms.


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## Jags (Oct 1, 2013)

http://en.inkei.net/Rain_Wizard

Feels bad bro...


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## CaptainCool (Oct 1, 2013)

Corto said:


> Wait what the fuck?
> 
> We need to start getting full fucking profiles when we select new mods. I know literally nothing about anyone, and end up learning about it in the weirdest places. Now I'm wondering if there's any other revelations waiting to unfold in this th...



I think it's awesome to have a younger member on staff who is (in my opinion) doing such a great job^^



> OZRIEL'S BLACK?



I KNOW RIGHT?!

I found that penis analyzer on /m/ last week by the way. They were comparing the wangs of certain Gundam characters and characters from other mecha related shows. It was hilarious.


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## Kalmor (Oct 1, 2013)

CaptainCool said:


> I think it's awesome to have a younger member on staff who is (in my opinion) doing such a great job^^


I'm not sure if a compliment from CC is something I should be proud of. :V

Heh.


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## CaptainCool (Oct 1, 2013)

Raptros said:


> I'm not sure if a compliment from CC is something I should be proud of. :V
> 
> Heh.



WHY YOU LITTLE...! >:C


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## Hinalle K. (Oct 1, 2013)

I was under the impression the mods were all creepy old dudes and cat ladies

huh.


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## Heliophobic (Oct 1, 2013)

Littlerock said:


> Says the only one here being serious :y
> hehehe



That is wrong.


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## Judge Spear (Oct 1, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Raptros is 15...



I was making a joke. I'm always making jokes about Mentova.



SIX said:


> Awh, shame. I can be a bit rough with my toys. Or very, if they let me.



Excuse me...are you calling me a toy? Do I look like a playset at Toys'R'Us? Do I sell well during the holiday season? Am I made in China?


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## Reaginicwolf (Oct 1, 2013)

can i choice both dominance and submissive?


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## Khador (Oct 1, 2013)

I went with the dominance since I control the work radio and fear me any who changes the channel


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## Ikrit (Oct 1, 2013)

Aleu said:


> How is that not sexual?



a BDSM relationship doesn't have to be purely sexual


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## Machine (Oct 1, 2013)

Is this thread still about penises?


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

Machine said:


> Is this thread still about penises?



No, you're not allowed any more


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## Machine (Oct 1, 2013)

Gibby said:


> No, you're not allowed any more


Oh okay. :[


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## Fernin (Oct 1, 2013)

XoPachi said:


> Excuse me...are you calling me a toy? Do I look like a playset at Toys'R'Us? Do I sell well during the holiday season? Am I made in China?



Yes, Yes, Yes, and I think Yes.

So. Um. Yes!


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## Saiko (Oct 1, 2013)

Day-to-day a good wording would be "laid back" as long as the job gets done.

Now... in bed I'm sub as _fuck_ XD


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 1, 2013)

In IRL social situations I'm not sure what I would rate myself anyway. 

I'm more plain avoidant tbh.


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## Artillery Spam (Oct 1, 2013)

Since I can't be assed with leading a bunch of mindless sheep, I generally do my own thing, and actively resist the authority other people think they possess.


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## Scath-mac-tire (Oct 1, 2013)

I'm generally borderline, usually I'll listen to a person because I don't like taking the led, but that can change in an instant if I feel like someone is doing something they shouldn't.


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## Aleu (Oct 1, 2013)

Ikrit said:


> a BDSM relationship doesn't have to be purely sexual



HA

Sure


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## Fernin (Oct 1, 2013)

Aleu said:


> HA
> 
> Sure



Functionally a strict BDSM relationship HAS no sex anyways. Bondage play and actual BDSM are not the same thing.


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## Wither (Oct 1, 2013)

Aleu said:


> HA
> 
> Sure



Prove it ;3


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## Ranguvar (Oct 1, 2013)

Saiko said:


> Now... in bed I'm sub as _fuck_ XD


Ok, I can get to Lafayette county in about 6 hours.


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## Willow (Oct 1, 2013)

Fernin said:


> Functionally a strict BDSM relationship HAS no sex anyways.


This statement kind of contradicts itself. Seeing as how BDSM is technically considered a fetish, it really has no choice but to be sexual to some degree. Which includes relationships. 

Of course relationships aren't strictly sexual but to say it has no sex doesn't follow.


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## Fernin (Oct 2, 2013)

Willow said:


> This statement kind of contradicts itself. Seeing as how BDSM is technically considered a fetish, it really has no choice but to be sexual to some degree. Which includes relationships.
> 
> Of course relationships aren't strictly sexual but to say it has no sex doesn't follow.



You're incorrect, a fetish is not inherently sexual. Take it from someone with a fair amount of experience not just in the fetishy part, but in the social scene as well. Sex. Is. Not. Required.

For example. Let's say that I'm a submissive that enjoys playing the part of a dog. I enjoy the freedom from responsibility, the dehumanization that allows me freedom from complex human concerns and emotions and the notion of being in another's care. In turn, my dominant partner cares for me, feeds me, and asks nothing in return but my companionship not as a human but as a dog (puppy play gear such as muzzles, paws, tails and what have you optional) and my obedience. Basically, the same relationship you might have with your dog. There's no sex, but there IS a great deal of affection from both parties, and certain rules that must be followed for it to work and satisfy both the submissive and the dominant, but there does not have to be sex, or indeed any form of arousal. 

And that's just basic puppy play. There's alot of other things that can be done, and ways such a relationship can be approached, and almost every one of them can happen and work without any hint of sexuality.

Educate yourself: http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Psychology_of_BDSM (somewhat NSFW)


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## Saiko (Oct 2, 2013)

Green_Knight said:


> Ok, I can get to Lafayette county in about 6 hours.


Nu! Stay away. Only bf can haz this! >8C


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## Judge Spear (Oct 2, 2013)

Fernin said:


> Yes, Yes, Yes, and I think Yes.
> 
> So. Um. Yes!



Damn...I thought my disguise was flawless. :c


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## Aleu (Oct 2, 2013)

Fernin said:


> You're incorrect, a fetish is not inherently sexual. Take it from someone with a fair amount of experience not just in the fetishy part, but in the social scene as well. Sex. Is. Not. Required.
> 
> For example. Let's say that I'm a submissive that enjoys playing the part of a dog. I enjoy the freedom from responsibility, the dehumanization that allows me freedom from complex human concerns and emotions and the notion of being in another's care. In turn, my dominant partner cares for me, feeds me, and asks nothing in return but my companionship not as a human but as a dog (puppy play gear such as muzzles, paws, tails and what have you optional) and my obedience. Basically, the same relationship you might have with your dog. There's no sex, but there IS a great deal of affection from both parties, and certain rules that must be followed for it to work and satisfy both the submissive and the dominant, but there does not have to be sex, or indeed any form of arousal.
> 
> ...


Sorry but if it's a fetish then you're getting off to it. That's pretty much why it's a fetish.


----------



## Judge Spear (Oct 2, 2013)

Fetish has multiple definitions. And the first doesn't even have the word sex in it.

"a course of action to which one has an excessive and irrational commitment."

That'd be like saying an artist masturbates to the process of drawing. And before pointing out the "excessive and irrational" of that definition, read up on Dali's sleeping patterns.


----------



## Icky (Oct 2, 2013)

...I don't even know where this thread is anymore, but you guys are getting really worked up over someone just asking a question. Like the shitstorm that ensued when a simple "boxers or briefs" thread was posted. (Yeah I know, that OP quickly turned sour, but the initial reactions weren't necessary.)

Anyways, I prefer to be a leader in most of my daily activities and group meetings, but I'm a total sub in bed.


----------



## Judge Spear (Oct 2, 2013)

Icky said:


> ...I don't even know where this thread is anymore, but you guys are getting really worked up over someone just asking a question. Like the shitstorm that ensued when a simple "boxers or briefs" thread was posted. (Yeah I know, that OP quickly turned sour, but the initial reactions weren't necessary.)
> 
> Anyways, I prefer to be a leader in most of my daily activities and group meetings, but I'm a total sub in bed.



You expect different on this place? lol


----------



## Fernin (Oct 2, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Sorry but if it's a fetish then you're getting off to it. That's pretty much why it's a fetish.



The problem is you're incorrect on both counts. That's like saying an apple is automatically a pie on its own because it's used in pies. Your perception may be subjective, but facts are not. So while you may 'think' fetish equals sex, that doesn't mean it is infact so.


----------



## Tailmon1 (Oct 2, 2013)

This thread was a derailed train wreck even before I answered the question a page ago.


----------



## Judge Spear (Oct 2, 2013)

I never did answer seriously with experiences. I honestly don't think I've been in anything other than a neutral relationship. I know this usually ISN'T the but I feel like I'd be looked at as mildly abusive or controlling if I were the dominant one in a relationship. Though I have enough self respect to not let a bitch walk all over me just out of fear of _looking_ bad when I'm actually not doing anything wrong. I've seen friends in that situation drop a girl like hot steel and not give it a second thought. 



Tailmon1 said:


> This thread was a derailed train wreck even before I answered the question a page ago.



Posting stuff like this and ONLY this will not help.


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Even if it fetish doesn't necessarily mean sex what really is the point of this? 

Also, what's the point of BDSM without being sexual aroused?


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 2, 2013)

Fernin said:


> Functionally a strict BDSM relationship HAS no sex anyways. Bondage play and actual BDSM are not the same thing.



I do not understand.



Fernin said:


> The problem is you're incorrect on both counts.  That's like saying an apple is automatically a pie on its own because  it's used in pies. Your perception may be subjective, but facts are not.  So while you may 'think' fetish equals sex, that doesn't mean it is  infact so.



A fetish is definitively about sexual arousal. 

The word 'fetish' can sometimes be used to describe obsessive behaviour 'she cleaned everything with a fetishistic obsession,' but that doesn't seem applicable in this case.


----------



## BRN (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I do not understand.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Representin' the devil here.

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Submission and Masochism, as far as I'm aware - correct me on this if I'm wrong - and you can easily see that Bondage makes up just one of several words of the acronym.

It's not really even that simple, though. The concept of a whole is about control and authority.

If the Master wants to bind his submissive, then that's the master's pejorative. It might be to teach them a lesson, or it might be just to enforce their authority - after all, the submissive doesn't have the voice to disagree.

Whether or not this is applied in a sexual way is, again, the Master's pejorative.

But it's totally modular; BDSM is a lifestyle while sex is just an action.

More simply, BDSM isn't a sexual fetish innately. It's just that sex can be one more punitive or rewarding affair in the master and submissive's relationship, or it can be a neutral couple's engagement that just incorporates their BDSM rules.


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 2, 2013)

SIX said:


> Representin' the devil here.
> 
> BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Submission and Masochism, as far as I'm aware - correct me on this if I'm wrong - and you can easily see that Bondage makes up just one of several words of the acronym.
> 
> ...



I thought that the submission and dominance was itself sexually rewarding, at least psychologically?


----------



## Neon Poi (Oct 2, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Sorry but if it's a fetish then you're getting off to it. That's pretty much why it's a fetish.



This. No one said that sex is a part of a fetish. A fetish is something that causes arousal in a person. It's not arousal to engage in the act of sex necessarily, but you are still feeling pretty fucking horny.


----------



## BRN (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I thought that the submission and dominance was itself sexually rewarding, at least psychologically?



That's not my area, really. I deal with physics and sociology and philosophy, but I'm amateur with neurobiology and psychology.

But if I had to answer that... is an everyday sexual fantasy at work or in school sexually rewarding? Carnally rewarding, sure; but you're not gonna get off from it. 


Hrr... I'm reluctant to allow experiences that simply aren't sex to be described as 'sexually rewarding'. Let me try again; does the following make sense? It's a little rough.

If a BDSM lifestyle is the lifestyle that thrills you, like professional extreme sports satisfies an adrenaline junkie, that's not sexually rewarding; that's simply life satisfaction. The fact that some kinky shit is involved and that those kinks can be employed sexually, and probably also are, doesn't mean the lifestyle is a sexual one.

At the risk of derision by making this comparison, the Furry fandom is drowned in sexualisation, but sex isn't some core aspect of it, nor is sexual reward the only pleasure to be derived from being part of it. The analogy sticks, especially for lifestylers.


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

SIX said:


> Representin' the devil here.
> 
> BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Submission and Masochism, as far as I'm aware - correct me on this if I'm wrong - and you can easily see that Bondage makes up just one of several words of the acronym.
> 
> ...



So like torture/slavery/something like that (I can't think of a word that accurately describes this) 
Seems kinda... 
Awful without the boner part. 
:c
(btw I see yer point. Not inherently sexual. I agree but oh god why would you if you don't get pleasure D


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 2, 2013)

SIX said:


> That's not my area, really. I deal with physics and sociology and philosophy, but I'm amateur with neurobiology and psychology.
> 
> But if I had to answer that... is an everyday sexual fantasy at work or in school sexually rewarding? Carnally rewarding, sure; but you're not gonna get off from it.
> 
> ...



Orgasm and physical arousal won't necessarily be achieved but sexual fantasy _is_ sexual. 
There may well be BDSM lifestylers who derive no fetishistic pleasure from dominating or submitting, perhaps fulfilling a different psychological need, but I think that the overwhelming trend is of a sexual nature, to the point that claiming BDSM 'isn't about sex' is misleading. 

A lot of fur suiters are quite adamant that they _aren't_ fulfilling a psychological sexual fantasy when they are in costume- to the point that those who are may actually be a minority. I'm not sure if this is also the case in the BDSM community and if it is I suppose I should concede. 

I'm not sure how the discussion of whether BDSM is sexual was arrived at, but I feel that people are trying to dissociate it from sexuality because sexual connotation is viewed as an undesirable thing.



Wither said:


> So like torture/slavery/something like that (I can't think of a word that accurately describes this)
> Seems kinda...
> Awful without the boner part.
> :c
> (btw I see yer point. Not inherently sexual. I agree but oh god why would you if you don't get pleasure D:smile:




I think he is arguing that people can derive pleasure from consensual BDSM, without it being a sexual pleasure.


----------



## BRN (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> Orgasm and physical arousal won't necessarily be achieved but sexual fantasy _is_ sexual.
> There may well be BDSM lifestylers who derive no fetishistic pleasure from dominating or submitting, perhaps fulfilling a different psychological need, but I think that the overwhelming trend is of a sexual nature, to the point that claiming BDSM 'isn't about sex' is misleading.
> 
> A lot of fur suiters are quite adamant that they _aren't_ fulfilling a psychological sexual fantasy when they are in costume- to the point that those who are may actually be a minority. I'm not sure if this is also the case in the BDSM community and if it is I suppose I should concede.
> ...


I should probably define my claim; I'm not saying that BDSM is not/never/not usually sexual; I'm trying to defend Fern's claim that BDSM activities can be seperated from sexual behaviour. My case came under question when it was pointed out that the pleasure earned from BDSM activites might be sexual even if sexual behaviour isn't involved; thus my case metamorphosed to try and show that carnal and sexual pleasure were different. Perhaps they're not, though; hell, that could even be beyond semantics and merely an opinion. 

I'm honestly not sure, and I feel like I lack the experience to know how this exchange turned out.



> I think he is arguing that people can derive pleasure from consensual BDSM, without it being a sexual pleasure.


Successfully or otherwise, pretty much.


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Keep it consensual then. 
Somehow Y'all made me feel awful about myself for being into BDSM even though I know none of you were against it. Wat. 

I'm going to hell. I'll bring some cards and chips to play poker with yall.


----------



## Bonobosoph (Oct 2, 2013)

In terms of sexuality, neither, being submissive would hurt my feelings and being dominant would make me feel guilty! I'm more of a vanilla equality type of lover.

Although with everyday social interaction I tend to be submissive by default.


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 2, 2013)

Wither said:


> Keep it consensual then.
> Somehow Y'all made me feel awful about myself for being into BDSM even though I know none of you were against it. Wat.
> 
> I'm going to hell. I'll bring some cards and chips to play poker with yall.



Wither shouldn't feel bad about himself. :c Unless wither is into that sort of thing, because he's been very naughty and we should all..

Okay I'll stop now.


----------



## Fernin (Oct 2, 2013)

I'm finding it interesting that folks here are having so much trouble wrapping their heads around the concept that BDSM and indeed a fetish in general are not strictly sexual. I'm not certain if it's because folks here are just ignorant, shallow, or whatever else since it shouldn't be that hard of a concept to understand. No offense intended. If anything consider the following facts.

-Dominate/Submissive relationships are not the same as Master/Slave relationships.
-A Functional relationship in either case REQUIRES both parties to be consenting anyways.
-A fetish is a fixed interest that gives one satisfaction when fulfilled and does NOT inherently have to be sexual. (example: I love the fuck out of latex. I love the touch, feel, and smell of it. I'd coat everything in my house with it if I could. But I'm not popping boners over it.)
-Some of the opinions voiced here are akin to saying that furry is strictly about nothing but screwing in animal costumes or beating off while chat fucking on the computer.
-I think the folks here should seriously read the articles I'm going to link before trying to say they know what BDSM is again. I've been into this for years and I'd say I know quite a sight more about it than probably anyone here.

Useful Articles, some links moderately NSFW.

http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Psychology_of_BDSM
http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Motivations (If nothing else, READ THE MOTIVATIONS ARTICLES)
http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Fundamentals
http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Engagement
http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Understanding_Submission
http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Subspace


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> Wither shouldn't feel bad about himself. :c Unless wither is into that sort of thing, because he's been very naughty and we should all..
> 
> Okay I'll stop now.



Keep going D:

Btw everyone here knew what BDSM was. Thanks.


----------



## Jabberwocky (Oct 2, 2013)

Wither said:


> Keep going D:



omg no it's gonna turn into some kind of bad fanfiction


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Batsy said:


> omg no it's gonna turn into some kind of bad fanfiction


You like it. Don't lie Batsy-san!


----------



## Jabberwocky (Oct 2, 2013)

Wither said:


> You like it. Don't lie Batsy-san!



I LIKE MY SMUT TO BE TOP-QUALITY >:[


----------



## Hinalle K. (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> Wither shouldn't feel bad about himself. :c Unless wither is into that sort of thing, because he's been very naughty and we should all..


Spank him? :v

Coz..you know...I stalked your FA profile.


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Batsy said:


> I LIKE MY SMUT TO BE TOP-QUALITY >:[



Hawt
Dom or Sub? :v


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 2, 2013)

Fernin said:


> I'm finding it interesting that folks here are having so much trouble wrapping their heads around the concept that BDSM and indeed a fetish in general are not strictly sexual. I'm not certain if it's because folks here are just ignorant, shallow, or whatever else since it shouldn't be that hard of a concept to understand. No offense intended. If anything consider the following facts.
> 
> -Dominate/Submissive relationships are not the same as Master/Slave relationships.
> -A Functional relationship in either case REQUIRES both parties to be consenting anyways.
> ...



I'll concede, because apparently there are people who are into BDSM in asexual ways and I said I would concede if there were. 

I think you can probably appreciate however why lots of other people view handcuffs and getting flogged on the ass as carrying inherently sexual elements, not that there's anything wrong with that.


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I'll concede, because apparently there are people who are into BDSM in asexual ways and I said I would concede if there were.
> 
> I think you can probably appreciate however why lots of other people view handcuffs and getting flogged on the ass as carrying inherently sexual elements, not that there's anything wrong with that.


Flogging sounds disgusting. 
Goddamn brits. 
(for the sake of saving a bit of my own name; I'm only into bondage and master pet. For the love of god nobody whip me.)


----------



## Fernin (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I'll concede, because apparently there are people who are into BDSM in asexual ways and I said I would concede if there were.
> 
> I think you can probably appreciate however why lots of other people view handcuffs and getting flogged on the ass as carrying inherently sexual elements, not that there's anything wrong with that.



Whipping and cuffs are of course not required. You'd be surprised at the things that BDSM encompasses.


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 2, 2013)

Fernin said:


> Whipping and cuffs are of course not required. You'd be surprised at the things that BDSM encompasses.



Yes, I probably would.



Hinalle K. said:


> Spank him? :v
> 
> Coz..you know...I stalked your FA profile.



How dare you read personal information I linked to on a public forum! ;^;


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> Yes, I probably would.


Now I'm going to inject JalapeÃ±o extract into arm. I better not hear any pain or Fallow isn't getting any treats tonight.


----------



## Saga (Oct 2, 2013)

Dominate me, big boy.


----------



## Willow (Oct 2, 2013)

Fernin said:


> I'm finding it interesting that folks here are having so much trouble wrapping their heads around the concept that BDSM and indeed a fetish in general are not strictly sexual. I'm not certain if it's because folks here are just ignorant, shallow, or whatever else since it shouldn't be that hard of a concept to understand. No offense intended. If anything consider the following facts.
> 
> -Dominate/Submissive relationships are not the same as Master/Slave relationships.
> -A Functional relationship in either case REQUIRES both parties to be consenting anyways.
> ...


To be fair, BDSM as you said, encompasses a ton of stuff that a lot of people wouldn't even think of. So with that being said, it means a lot of different things to different people. Hence BDSM being a fetish and a lifestyle. Same with furries actually. Which of course there's a lot of differences between the two but the analogy I'm trying to draw is that both things mean different things for different people. 

But to most people who aren't really familiar with it, it's generally accepted as a fetish or at the very least those master/slave relationships.


----------



## Aleu (Oct 2, 2013)

Not very many dominant people here.

Like, damn.


----------



## Wither (Oct 2, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Not very many dominant people here.
> 
> Like, damn.


I'm dominant in most things. 
But, I mean, why wouldn't I want to be a loser and get pleasure and do jack shit? I'll take it. 
Being selfish and lazy is awesome if the other likes it that way :v


----------



## Tailmon1 (Oct 3, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Not very many dominant people here.
> 
> Like, damn.



I have cuffs And nice ball gag for you!


----------



## DarrylWolf (Oct 3, 2013)

Really, it's hard for me to say. Truth be told, when I actually have a girlfriend, I might want to wrap my arms as we sleep in bed, that's how most married couples sleep. But we could switch positions and I wouldn't feel a blow to my masculinity at all. To be wanted and embraced by a woman who thinks of me as her boyfriend (or husband, even better) would be awesome regardless. Of course, it looks might be a moot point for quite some time to come.


----------



## Plantar (Oct 3, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Not very many dominant people here.
> 
> Like, damn.


I don't see it as a problem.

More submissive people to prey on. :v

(with that said, I'm submissive more than half the time)


----------



## Fernin (Oct 3, 2013)

Willow said:


> But to most people who aren't really familiar with it, it's generally accepted as a fetish or at the very least those master/slave relationships.



The problem is an incorrect notion made in ignorance is still incorrect. That's why I prefer people educate themselves on an issue before commenting on it.

---------------------------------------------

And as for everyone being subby, of course they are. Everyone loves the cock! X3


----------



## Ranguvar (Oct 3, 2013)

Fernin said:


> --------------------------------------------
> And as for everyone being subby, of course they are. Everyone loves the cock! X3


No love for the mangina?


----------



## BRN (Oct 3, 2013)

Fuckkiiittttt

I have _no idea_ anymore. I'm so switch, I'm practically binary code. I polarise both sides that I'm splitting in the middle.

If I'm the alpha, I'm the damn alpha. If I ain't, then sure, fuck it; I'm your bitch for the night. But you gotta earn it.


----------



## Death's_Companion (Oct 3, 2013)

I believe I'm a submissive, mainly because i like the safety it creates when I take orders from someone who knows what they are doing


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 3, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Not very many dominant people here.
> 
> Like, damn.



Perhaps 1 leader for many followers is the natural order of things.


----------



## Judge Spear (Oct 3, 2013)

Another thing. If I were dominant...I'd hurt my girlfriends. ;~;
I'm 6'3. I'll pass.


----------



## Aleu (Oct 3, 2013)

Tailmon1 said:


> I have cuffs And nice ball gag for you!


oh murr~



Fallowfox said:


> Perhaps 1 leader for many followers is the natural order of things.


so the furry fandom is truly a harem of some sort then


----------



## Fernin (Oct 3, 2013)

Aleu said:


> oh murr~
> 
> 
> so the furry fandom is truly a harem of some sort then



Power bottoms not counting.


----------



## Aleu (Oct 3, 2013)

Fernin said:


> Power bottoms not counting.



wouldn't that technically count as dominant then?


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 3, 2013)

...What's a power bottom?


----------



## Machine (Oct 3, 2013)

There must be an option called "doesn't matter, had sex" in this thread.


----------



## Distorted (Oct 3, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> ...What's a power bottom?



Hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahha!!!

Um........a very aggressive bottom. They do most of the work in bed, even though they're recieving. I'll just say that much...


----------



## BRN (Oct 3, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> ...What's a power bottom?



Vega.

jkjk, it's someone who dominates the actions, despite doing the taking...

 They're fun.


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 3, 2013)

Machine said:


> There must be an option called "doesn't matter, had sex" in this thread.



'not sure/can't say' doesn't do it for you?


----------



## Alexxx-Returns (Oct 3, 2013)

There's nothing wrong with a bit of sexual submission once in a while

But it can be off-putting for a partner if it gets taken too far.


----------



## Kosdu (Oct 3, 2013)

Not submissive in anyway outside of relationship, especially the sexy times.


----------



## Migoto Da (Oct 3, 2013)

Bonnie Tyler-- Er, I mean... Versatile here.  I don't really mind either way.


----------



## Lomberdia (Oct 3, 2013)

I'm a dominant. 

It's kinda funny how this thread pops up while I prepare to go to a local bdsm munch this weekend.


----------



## Migoto Da (Oct 3, 2013)

Lomberdia said:


> I'm a dominant.
> 
> It's kinda funny how this thread pops up while I prepare to go to a local bdsm munch this weekend.


That'll be... interesting.


----------



## Judge Spear (Oct 3, 2013)

SIX said:


> Vega.
> 
> jkjk, it's someone who dominates the actions, despite doing the taking...
> 
> They're fun.



I know what they're talking about now. 

Specific pic comes to mind.


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 3, 2013)

Since people are mentioning that kinda thing, if it involves spanking I am haplessly submissive.


----------



## Migoto Da (Oct 3, 2013)

Oh dear, here we go. This thread is going to go places nobody (everybody) has gone before.


----------



## PureObsidian (Oct 3, 2013)

I like being submissive... THEN AGAIN I haven't had sex yet. 
#18YearOldVirgin
Not sure I said this either BUT i'm gay! woo.


----------



## Hinalle K. (Oct 3, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> Since people are mentioning that kinda thing, if it involves spanking I am haplessly submissive.



It's so weird reading that from you.
You'd striken me as a prude!


----------



## Keeroh (Oct 3, 2013)

Mm, in play, I'm a switch. In terms of D/S relationships though, submissive. 
Huge sadist, but I'm too lazy to make rules.


----------



## Death's_Companion (Oct 3, 2013)

PureObsidian said:


> I like being submissive... THEN AGAIN I haven't had sex yet.
> #18YearOldVirgin
> Not sure I said this either BUT i'm gay! woo.


woot woot im not a loner! being gay rocks


----------



## Bambi (Oct 3, 2013)

Thought time: is it just me, or does it seem interesting that without the identity of a "weaker of the two", dominance and submission seems more a substitute for whose the male of the house, and whose the female, in gay relationships?

Never understood that myself, and I happen to like dicks and the people who are attached to them.


----------



## Jags (Oct 3, 2013)

Every guy thinks he's the male of the house. How mistaken we are.


----------



## Death's_Companion (Oct 3, 2013)

I must admit, the average male is bull headed, and thinks anything different is bad. Why do you think people hate change?


----------



## Neon Poi (Oct 3, 2013)

Bambi said:


> Thought time: is it just me, or does it seem interesting that without the identity of a "weaker of the two", dominance and submission seems more a substitute for whose the male of the house, and whose the female, in gay relationships?
> 
> Never understood that myself, and I happen to like dicks and the people who are attached to them.



I don't think it works that way. People do tend to move towards traditional masculine and feminine roles because that's what's so ingrained in US (and others) culture, but you also see a lot of counter stereotypic people too. They're not the majority, but they're a sizable minority. I have two friends who are gay and dating each other, and they're both just themselves - neither one acts more masculine or feminine than the other. They have a very equal relationship. I see that the most often, but I've seen what you're talking about too.


----------



## Wither (Oct 3, 2013)

Death's_Companion said:


> woot woot im not a loner! being gay rocks



About half this forum's user base is bi/gay/lesbian/Pansexual (pansexual pride, bitches! Stick my dick in everything, fuck yeah!)


----------



## Death's_Companion (Oct 3, 2013)

so thats what pansexual means ;p


----------



## LemonJayde (Oct 3, 2013)

*accidentally clicked on "male dominant"

oh well i swear i'm a woman


----------



## Death's_Companion (Oct 3, 2013)

lemon, i find your sig amusing


----------



## Schwimmwagen (Oct 3, 2013)

LemonJayde said:


> *accidentally clicked on "male dominant"
> 
> oh well i swear i'm a woman



I did a full retarded and voted wrong and picked Female Dominant, I just realised that now.

And lol so many male submissives.


----------



## Keeroh (Oct 3, 2013)

Gibby said:


> I did a full retarded and voted wrong and picked Female Dominant, I just realised that now.
> 
> And lol so many male submissives.


Eerbody wants to be tugged around on a leash methinks


----------



## BRN (Oct 3, 2013)

Keeroh said:


> Eerbody wants to be tugged around on a leash methinks



Sweet, I've been looking to expand my toy collection.


----------



## Fallowfox (Oct 3, 2013)

Gibby said:


> I did a full retarded and voted wrong and picked Female Dominant, I just realised that now.
> 
> And lol so many male submissives.





LemonJayde said:


> *accidentally clicked on "male dominant"
> 
> oh well i swear i'm a woman





At least you have cancelled eachother out.


----------



## Fernin (Oct 3, 2013)

Wither said:


> About half this forum's user base is bi/gay/lesbian/Pansexual (pansexual pride, bitches! Stick my dick in everything, fuck yeah!)



TV tropes sums this up well: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ExtremeOmnisexual


----------



## LemonJayde (Oct 3, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> At least you have cancelled eachother out.



Very good point. Yay for us \3)/



Death's_Companion said:


> lemon, i find your sig amusing


You won't find it amusing when you have to buy me flowers


----------



## LegitWaterfall (Oct 3, 2013)

Neither.


----------



## MochiElZorro (Oct 3, 2013)

Personality-wise, on the sliding scale of Dom/Sub I am slightly to the dominant side of center... Ironic because dom is supposedly the "male" side and all the "gender tests" that are supposed to guess my gender come out as "Ultra Mega Super female to the point of being ridiculous." But really,I never got dom/sub in terms of sex stuff... but then again I'm straight, so... erm, it's like a gay thing w/gender roles right? I really am kinda ignorant on this topic. Can I has educate?


----------



## Aleu (Oct 3, 2013)

MochiElZorro said:


> But really,I never got dom/sub in terms of sex stuff... but then again I'm straight, *so... erm, it's like a gay thing w/gender roles right?* I really am kinda ignorant on this topic. Can I has educate?


-headdesks-


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## Distorted (Oct 3, 2013)

No one has to be the girl or guy in the relationship. They can just be themselves y'know? It gets annoying having to tell people I'm not the girl in a gay relationship. That's just silly.


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## Keeroh (Oct 3, 2013)

MochiElZorro said:


> Personality-wise, on the sliding scale of Dom/Sub I am slightly to the dominant side of center... Ironic because dom is supposedly the "male" side and all the "gender tests" that are supposed to guess my gender come out as "Ultra Mega Super female to the point of being ridiculous." But really,I never got dom/sub in terms of sex stuff... but then again I'm straight, so... erm, it's like a gay thing w/gender roles right? I really am kinda ignorant on this topic. Can I has educate?


What? No.
Dom, dominant, like to take control.
Sub, submissive, like to be controlled. 
Ladies can be doms, boys can be subs, everyone can switch it up, et cetera. Gender isn't a part of it.


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## Lexicom (Oct 3, 2013)

Why not both?


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## Fernin (Oct 3, 2013)

Aleu said:


> -headdesks-



*offers you a cushioned headdesk pad (tm) with a bullseye on it* Here, I've found this very useful on these forums.


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## WolfmanThomas (Oct 3, 2013)

I tend to let the lady be in control, but I can take charge if need be and so far, none of the women I been with both IRL and in roleplay complained


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## Conker (Oct 3, 2013)

Holy shit, didn't expect the male submissive to be that high. Wonder if it's part of the fandom that attracts that or what?


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## Keeroh (Oct 3, 2013)

Conker said:


> Holy shit, didn't expect the male submissive to be that high. Wonder if it's part of the fandom that attracts that or what?



Mmm, no. If you go to places like fetlife, the male submissive to female dominant ratio is obscenely high. I think male dominant is about on par with male submissive, but the dude doms are an artificially inflated number.


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## tetrahedron (Oct 3, 2013)

Vanilla?


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## MochiElZorro (Oct 4, 2013)

Aleu said:


> -headdesks-



I openly admitted my ignorance and my misconceptions and asked what exactly it was anyways... and despite admitting my ignorance and showing my willingness to learn... I get THIS? That says something very sad about the human race. If someone doesn't know something and wants to, you educate them. Yeesh.



Keeroh said:


> What? No.
> Dom, dominant, like to take control.
> Sub, submissive, like to be controlled.
> Ladies can be doms, boys can be subs, everyone can switch it up, et cetera. Gender isn't a part of it.



Sorry, shoulda been more clear, I meant the classic psychological gender roles... not physical gender or percieved gender. But at least you were more informative and helpful than SOMEONE *cough* Aleu *cough*. Thanks for that.... I think I get it now.


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## Aleu (Oct 4, 2013)

MochiElZorro said:


> I openly admitted my ignorance and my misconceptions and asked what exactly it was anyways... and despite admitting my ignorance and showing my willingness to learn... I get THIS? That says something very sad about the human race. If someone doesn't know something and wants to, you educate them. Yeesh.
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry, shoulda been more clear, I meant the classic psychological gender roles... not physical gender or percieved gender. But at least you were more informative and helpful than SOMEONE *cough* Aleu *cough*. Thanks for that.... I think I get it now.


You don't have any right to claim the high horse while being passive aggressive


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## Willow (Oct 4, 2013)

MochiElZorro said:


> I openly admitted my ignorance and my misconceptions and asked what exactly it was anyways... and despite admitting my ignorance and showing my willingness to learn... I get THIS? That says something very sad about the human race. If someone doesn't know something and wants to, you educate them. Yeesh.
> 
> 
> 
> Sorry, shoulda been more clear, I meant the classic psychological gender roles... not physical gender or percieved gender. But at least you were more informative and helpful than SOMEONE *cough* Aleu *cough*. Thanks for that.... I think I get it now.


Pretty sure if you just took a few minutes to read the last few pages of the thread you would have found a bunch of links that could have helped. Hell you could have just read the last few pages and figured that out.

Aleu's reaction has more to do with your assumption that this is a thing exclusive to being gay though. Which it isn't.


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## BRN (Oct 4, 2013)

Willow said:


> Aleu's reaction has more to do with your assumption that this is a thing exclusive to being gay though. Which it isn't.



Oh, jeez. There was no assumption; Mochi asked a question phrased in terms of his current understanding, all the while fully admitting he knew he didn't know.

You've just said that he should take the time to go and figure out the answer? Well, that's what he was doing - asking.


ED: And if we're going to blame him for being passive-aggressive (which, sure, he was) - let's not ignore about the "-facedesk-" response, which was passive-aggressiveness at its least helpful.


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## Aleu (Oct 4, 2013)

BRN said:


> Oh, jeez. There was no assumption; Mochi asked a question phrased in terms of his current understanding, all the while fully admitting he knew he didn't know.
> 
> You've just said that he should take the time to go and figure out the answer? Well, that's what he was doing - asking.
> 
> And if we're going to blame him for being passive-aggressive (which, sure, he was) - let's talk about the "-facedesk-" response.


The answers were already in the thread if they bothered to take the time to read -which they didn't-

I don't bitch and moan about humanity simply because of a post on a forum, nor do I hold myself on a high horse. I acknowledge that every person is a jack-off with no exceptions.


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## Fallowfox (Oct 4, 2013)

I'm sure he knows now, so can we stop discussing the etiquette of how people told him? ._.


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 4, 2013)

I'm an older Fox and have played the Dom/Sub games. It takes two to tango as one can do with 
your partner. It can also be part of a special group. If your going to play the game. If you are a true 
Dom then you are. If you are a sub that will show really fast. People like to see the pictures and 
imagine things. However, its very different when your the one with the bondage gear on you and
the Dom is strapping the gag into you're mouth.

Most players have their own gear. Dom's have it and most require their subs to own their own also.
Role play and fetish is up to the players or group. I've learned that you don't go to a B/D bar and
flirt with a Dom and pass out. Waking up was not a comfortable experience.


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## MochiElZorro (Oct 4, 2013)

Willow said:


> Pretty sure if you just took a few minutes to read the last few pages of the thread you would have found a bunch of links that could have helped. Hell you could have just read the last few pages and figured that out.
> 
> Aleu's reaction has more to do with your assumption that this is a thing exclusive to being gay though. Which it isn't.



Yes, because EVERYONE has that much free time. -_-


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## Fallowfox (Oct 4, 2013)

MochiElZorro said:


> Yes, because EVERYONE has that much free time. -_-



You probably could have looked it up in about 30 seconds, but I think we're going over this point too much. You know what it is now, so there are no longer any problems.


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## thoughtmaster (Oct 4, 2013)

â€¦ I'm not even going to ask.


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## horndawg (Oct 4, 2013)

Switch. Voted submissive because I think I may prefer it slightly.


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## Sweetheartz22 (Oct 4, 2013)

The highest vote is "male submission"...I'm shocked to find that out to say the least.


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## LemonJayde (Oct 4, 2013)

MochiElZorro said:


> Yes, because EVERYONE has that much free time. -_-


Don't get salty


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## DrDingo (Oct 4, 2013)

Am I the only one here that _isn't _surprised by all the male submissive votes?


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## LemonJayde (Oct 4, 2013)

DrDingo said:


> Am I the only one here that _isn't _surprised by all the male submissive votes?


I was not surprised in the slightest.


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## Fallowfox (Oct 4, 2013)

I wonder what the reason for all those male subs is?


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## BRN (Oct 4, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I wonder what the reason for all those male subs is?



Getting dicked is pretty good.


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## Dire Newt (Oct 4, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> I wonder what the reason for all those male subs is?



We're all a bunch of lazy fucks.


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## Jabberwocky (Oct 4, 2013)

I actually am surprised by the fact that female doms outnumber male subs.


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## Ieatcrackersandjumpcliffs (Oct 4, 2013)

Am I being asked if I give it or take it more than the other?


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## Fallowfox (Oct 4, 2013)

Batsy said:


> I actually am surprised by the fact that female doms outnumber male subs.



They don't...well they do by proportion but not by numbers.




Ieatcrackersandjumpcliffs said:


> Am I being asked if I give it or take it more than the other?



As the chuckle brothers say 'To me? To you?'


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## Jabberwocky (Oct 4, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> They don't...well they do by proportion but not by numbers.



oh I see what you mean. I misread the poll.


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 4, 2013)

I hope all the submissive men have equipment for me to use. Also I don't have sex with you .
I will have fun though!


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## Zabrina (Oct 4, 2013)

You won't find me whimpering like a little puppy.


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## Icky (Oct 4, 2013)

Am I the only one here that _isn't_ a lazy malesub? It's the sub's job to get the dom off, and they do whatever the dom wants them to. ('Course, maybe that's because I use master/pet more than just dom/sub.)



Zabrina said:


> You won't find me whimpering like a little puppy.



Because of the gag?


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## Willow (Oct 4, 2013)

Icky said:


> Am I the only one here that _isn't_ a lazy malesub?


Those sound like fighting words.


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## Wither (Oct 4, 2013)

Icky said:


> Am I the only one here that _isn't_ a lazy malesub? It's the sub's job to get the dom off, and they do whatever the dom wants them to. ('Course, maybe that's because I use master/pet more than just dom/sub.)


I'll be a pet. 
I live to please, my good sir. 




> Because of the gag?


Oh god


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## Keeroh (Oct 4, 2013)

Zabrina said:


> You won't find me whimpering like a little puppy.



Is that a challenge?


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 4, 2013)

Keeroh said:


> Is that a challenge?



I see it as one! Hum now the question is?


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## thoughtmaster (Oct 5, 2013)

People forget that the relationship is two way, as the sub is meant to serve the Dom and do whatever is required of them, the Dom is meant to protect the sub from anything threatening to harm him/her and give him/her instructions so that the sub knows how they are suppost to act.


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 5, 2013)

thoughtmaster said:


> People forget that the relationship is two way, as the sub is meant to serve the Dom and do whatever is required of them, the Dom is meant to protect the sub from anything threatening to harm him/her and give him/her instructions so that the sub knows how they are suppost to act.



Two ways with reasonable agreed upon boundary's. You can't expect a sub to serve the Dom in every way. You don't want to treat them that bad. Also, As a Dom you have to help your sub to learn and grow and to encourage them to do so. if your sub is unhappy then they will leave. Much as the Dom will find another sub or may have more than one to keep them happy.


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## Death's_Companion (Oct 5, 2013)

is it selfish that a sub doesn't want to share their dom?


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## Fallowfox (Oct 5, 2013)

Death's_Companion said:


> is it selfish that a sub doesn't want to share their dom?



Not necessarily. A dom might not want their sub to be dominated by anybody else as well. They might both be committed to one another exclusively. 

...although given the ratio in the poll, unless this is a special case some subs will obviously have to share.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 5, 2013)

Death's_Companion said:


> is it selfish that a sub doesn't want to share their dom?



It's called a romantic relationship.


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## LemonJayde (Oct 5, 2013)

Gibby said:


> It's called a romantic relationship.



Can I have a definition, please


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 5, 2013)

LemonJayde said:


> Can I have a definition, please



no


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## Conker (Oct 5, 2013)

Gibby said:


> It's called a romantic relationship.


Uh, I think it's called a monogamous relationship, and those details are something to be worked out before the relationship really starts. 

I'd imagine some subs/doms are into the polyamory thing. All comes down to figuring out what the couple is comfortable with.


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## Death's_Companion (Oct 5, 2013)

a dominant wants to have a third party involved with himself and his sub, but the sub is against it. And the dom keeps pushing the subject, and keeps calling his sub selfish. i believe he is being an idiot, but what do you think?


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## Conker (Oct 5, 2013)

Death's_Companion said:


> a dominant wants to have a third party involved with himself and his sub, but the sub is against it. And the dom keeps pushing the subject, and keeps calling his sub selfish. i believe he is being an idiot, but what do you think?


Since I know almost nothing about poly relationships and have no experience with them in the wild, it's hard for me to wrap my head around the idea and defend them.

So in this case, if one party is against the idea, then the idea should maybe be dropped. 

The dom should respect the wishes of the sub in this scenario, and if the dom can't, then perhaps the relationship should be broken off.


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## Ikrit (Oct 5, 2013)

Icky said:


> Am I the only one here that _isn't_ a lazy malesub? It's the sub's job to get the dom off, and they do whatever the dom wants them to. ('Course, maybe that's because I use master/pet more than just dom/sub.)


male sub here, always willing to please.


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## Willow (Oct 5, 2013)

Death's_Companion said:


> a dominant wants to have a third party involved with himself and his sub, but the sub is against it. And the dom keeps pushing the subject, and keeps calling his sub selfish. i believe he is being an idiot, but what do you think?


This sounds like a personal problem that the two parties involved need to work out with each other honestly. Like we can give some general advice but to whomever it concerns (which I'm guessing is you), they need to talk it out with their partner. 

Communication is key. Ask him why he thinks you're selfish and in turn either voice your concerns or your reasons for refusing and maybe even come up with a compromise. Like Conker said, the dom should respect the sub's wishes and not press the subject or guilt them into doing anything they don't want to, but sometimes flat out refusal and no explanation doesn't really resolve much.

Of course if he's being forceful and manipulative and won't even compromise about it then it's better to just not be with him. 



Fallowfox said:


> ...although given the ratio in the poll, unless this is a special case some subs will obviously have to share.


I..what? Are we having an orgy?


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## Fallowfox (Oct 5, 2013)

Willow said:


> I..what? Are we having an orgy?



If we are I've got dibs on mentova.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 5, 2013)

Ikrit said:


> male sub here, always willing to please.





Willow said:


> This sounds like a personal problem that the two parties involved need to work out with each other honestly. Like we can give some general advice but to whomever it concerns (which I'm guessing is you), they need to talk it out with their partner.
> 
> Communication is key. Ask him why he thinks you're selfish and in turn either voice your concerns or your reasons for refusing and maybe even come up with a compromise. Like Conker said, the dom should respect the sub's wishes and not press the subject or guilt them into doing anything they don't want to, but sometimes flat out refusal and no explanation doesn't really resolve much.
> 
> ...





Fallowfox said:


> If we are I've got dibs on mentova.



http://forums.furaffinity.net/forums/48-The-Den


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## Inpw (Oct 5, 2013)

Willow said:


> I..what? Are we having an orgy?



No surprise that this thread is going into this direction now.


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## Fallowfox (Oct 5, 2013)

Gibby said:


> http://forums.furaffinity.net/forums/48-The-Den



Sorry, Gibby. 

Anyway, I was wondering if the distribution of choices in the poll is related to the distribution of choices in the sexuality thread. Since so many users here break the expected norms for their gender perhaps this is why the stereotypical gender roles of males being dominant and females submissive do not hold true.


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## Schwimmwagen (Oct 5, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> Sorry, Gibby.
> 
> Anyway, I was wondering if the distribution of choices in the poll is related to the distribution of choices in the sexuality thread. Since so many users here break the expected norms for their gender perhaps this is why the stereotypical gender roles of males being dominant and females submissive do not hold true.



So it holds true that furries in general are misfits, even the sane ones.

Not in a bad way, mind you.


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## Aleu (Oct 5, 2013)

Fallowfox said:


> If we are I've got dibs on mentova.



No I've got dibs on him >:C


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## MochiElZorro (Oct 5, 2013)

Aleu said:


> No I've got dibs on him >:C



Regardless of who wins this, I have dibs on the video. :3


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 5, 2013)

The true question is:
Are the Subs really what they say or are they fantasizing that I'm going to walk up and take them by the ear to the bedroom and
Hogtie them. Anyone serious best have their own gear. I don't buy it for you. And it's not cheap by any means.


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## Fallowfox (Oct 5, 2013)

Tailmon1 said:


> The true question is:
> Are the Subs really what they say or are they fantasizing that I'm going to walk up and take them by the ear to the bedroom and
> Hogtie them. Anyone serious best have their own gear. I don't buy it for you. And it's not cheap by any means.



The worst punishment of all. D:

Marching someone to the shops and making them buy things! You sadist!


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## Aleu (Oct 5, 2013)

Tailmon1 said:


> The true question is:
> Are the Subs really what they say or are they fantasizing that I'm going to walk up and take them by the ear to the bedroom and
> Hogtie them. Anyone serious best have their own gear. I don't buy it for you. And it's not cheap by any means.



Does it count if said gear was lost?


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## Percy (Oct 5, 2013)

I don't even know* what is going on in this thread right now

*My answer to the question


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## Aleu (Oct 5, 2013)

Percy said:


> I don't even know* what is going on in this thread right now
> 
> *My answer to the question



I think fighting over who gets Mentova's D


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## thoughtmaster (Oct 5, 2013)

Aleu said:


> I think fighting over who gets Mentova's D


I thought it was still about whether you prefer to have control of give it to someone else, though that may partially be because I have no idea who you are talking about.


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## Aleu (Oct 5, 2013)

thoughtmaster said:


> I thought it was still about whether you prefer to have control of give it to someone else, though that may partially be because I have no idea who you are talking about.



Read the previous page, holy shit.


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## BRN (Oct 5, 2013)

Aleu said:


> No I've got dibs on him >:C




C'mon now, I'm sure he's happy to share.


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## Aleu (Oct 5, 2013)

BRN said:


> C'mon now, I'm sure he's happy to share.


I wonder if Xaerun would share Corto

|
v       Apparently I'm suffering from the BRN status effect. Does anyone have a BRN Heal?


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 5, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Does it count if said gear was lost?



I do have minimal gear atm for you Aleu. However because Furrys come in many sizes that is why
I normally expect them to shop and pick up the items needed that fit them. On line has many nice 
reliable places to purchase and receive their gear. And they have sizing charts. Some items like head 
Gear is fairly adjustable and will cover many people Body harnesses and gloves require measurements.
Now if you are serious I can recomend a nice place on line that has good gear at decent prices. That 
kind of information needs to be handled through PM's do to the adult nature of things.


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## Aleu (Oct 5, 2013)

Tailmon1 said:


> I do have minimal gear atm for you Aleu. However because Furrys come in many sizes that is why
> I normally expect them to shop and pick up the items needed that fit them. On line has many nice
> reliable places to purchase and receive their gear. And they have sizing charts. Some items like head
> Gear is fairly adjustable and will cover many people Body harnesses and gloves require measurements.
> ...


Unfortunately, I barely can afford food so that will have to be put off. Though that does mean I can get creative when push comes to shove ;3
I'll keep that in mind for future reference though.


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## Willow (Oct 5, 2013)

Percy said:


> I don't even know* what is going on in this thread right now
> 
> *My answer to the question


I made a joke and this happened..something about an orgy :|


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## Tailmon1 (Oct 5, 2013)

Aleu said:


> Unfortunately, I barely can afford food so that will have to be put off. Though that does mean I can get creative when push comes to shove ;3
> I'll keep that in mind for future reference though.



Remember that Gear does not have to be purchased all at one time. I prefer that you get the nice leather cuffs with the riveted buckles and pieces where they can be locked. They run around twenty to fifty dollars a set depending upon the supplier and quality. They also come in wrist and ankle sizes of Small, medium and Large. Most of us fall into the medium category. Most leather strapped Ball gags run twenty to forty dollars again varying with the quality and what you want. Head harnesses run up over two hundred and again vary with what you want them to do. Many of the newer ones actually have a mouth area that can be fitted with many different attractants. (I'll leave that area up to your mind) So basic Cuffs. Ankles and a gag can be had for about a hundred bucks. if your really cheap they do sell the nice soft rope but unless you like to sit there and watch your Dom make nice wraps and knots in front of you. Leather is easier to use.


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## LemonJayde (Oct 5, 2013)

Gibby said:


> no



;c


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## Aggybyte (Oct 6, 2013)

Icky said:


> Am I the only one here that _isn't_ a lazy malesub? ('Course, maybe that's because I use master/pet more than just dom/sub.)


Pet here. Awaiting orders master.


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## Ames (Oct 6, 2013)

Oh look, another fucking top/bottom thread


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## Death's_Companion (Oct 6, 2013)

Willow said:


> This sounds like a personal problem that the two parties involved need to work out with each other honestly. Like we can give some general advice but to whomever it concerns (which I'm guessing is you), they need to talk it out with their partner.
> 
> Communication is key. Ask him why he thinks you're selfish and in turn either voice your concerns or your reasons for refusing and maybe even come up with a compromise. Like Conker said, the dom should respect the sub's wishes and not press the subject or guilt them into doing anything they don't want to, but sometimes flat out refusal and no explanation doesn't really resolve much.
> 
> Of course if he's being forceful and manipulative and won't even compromise about it then it's better to just not be with him.


Its not me, I'm just the subs besg friend, (kinda like that person you find so wierd but at the same time awesome)


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## Oneiric (Oct 6, 2013)

I guess I would say that I am submissive, it's just the way I am. I would be more outspoken if I could but I go to high school with a lot of judgmental jerks so I figure if I just keep to myself I can avoid a lot of extra stress and annoyance that I don't need. Thank god I am in senior year.


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