# critique?



## emptyF (Oct 15, 2008)

i need some.  no one seems to remember that i'm alive and i make music.  so i would like to make an announcement:

i am alive and i make music.

also, if you are alive and make music, i will critique you if you critique me.  this is probably the most important part.  i should put that in bold or something.

*I WILL CRITIQUE YOU IF YOU CRITIQUE ME*

i would love love love to have some feedback on the new stuff that i'm doing, and i would love love love to hear some new stuff from you guise.  this can be a mutually beneficial  relationship here.

new stuff from emptyF:

welcome to mowgli's world
never sculpt the instrument of death
how did we fail to know love? v.2
how did we fail to know love? v.1

please.  thank you.  i love you all.


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## Tiarhlu (Oct 15, 2008)

Alright, I'll critique you. If you are indeed alive and making music. I gotta be sure about that. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to look at?


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## emptyF (Oct 16, 2008)

Tiarhlu said:


> Alright, I'll critique you. If you are indeed alive and making music. I gotta be sure about that. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to look at?



thank you!  the kind of advice i'm looking for on the songs above are things like production quality (is it good enough to be on the radio/that you would buy a cd/are certain parts too loud or quiet), mood (how does it make you feel?), and perofrmance (did i f'up the bassline?)

something i can critique for you?


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## Tiarhlu (Oct 24, 2008)

Mowgli's World:

I really like the swirling effect you get at the beginning with the panning. Also throughout the song your entrances and exits were effective; they grow out of each other like a complex living organism. Nothing is glaring when it comes or goes, and it seems that that's what you want.

It's harmonically rather static. There may have been a subtle change I didn't catch, but for the most part it seemed to sit in one spot. It gets a bit tiring after a while, especially with the repetitive bass line. Now, I liked the bass. I found myself grooving with and planning to figure it out for myself, but the ear is going to tune it out pretty fast. If you want to keep this minimalist approach with the song you should do some more with the various sounds to keep it interesting. It can be subtle too, but just things like altering the EQ on a particular sound as you go along, or adding in a filter can keep the interest going even if the harmonic and melodic material is the same.

It was refreshing when the vocal part came in. I found myself wanting to hear more earlier. I don't think you need to write any new lyrics, but perhaps something as simple as a hum or nonsense syllable here and there could work well. Then when the lyrics start it would fit better. Up until then I was thinking that this was purely instrumental. You should consider if you want the vocal part to be a surprise or not. Right now it kind of is.

I don't want to comment too much on the balance because I'm having to listen through my head phones. Coming through a good set of speakers it's going to sound quite different. 

Oh one other thing about the vocal part. I like the effects on it, but it does make it quite difficult to understand you. If that's not intended, toy with it a bit. If so, cool. But be sure you can say why you want to blur it. 

Good job.

EDIT: Oh yeah, you can look at something of mine once I get it uploaded. I'm finally getting a band together, and hopefully we'll record a song or two sometime in the next month.


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