# The Critique Thread (May/June)



## M. LeRenard (May 2, 2010)

Copying the rules:



SSJ3Mewtwo said:


> Please use this thread to ask for critique. *Do not start a new  thread.*
> 
> The original rules were written up by Poetigress.  Please read the  guidelines before posting.
> 
> ...


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## M. LeRenard (May 2, 2010)

And in the past two weeks we had this, so here it is again:



kitreshawn said:


> *Title:* White Avalanche
> *Summary:*Faris, a young chess player, has been competing in a regional chess tournament and has a chance at attaining the National Championship if he wins this last game. The last one standing in his way is an older International Master who recently moved in from another country. Will Faris be able to find the key to defeating this more experienced player?
> *Content Advisories:* None
> *Type of Critique:* General critique of the overall story.  Proof reading would be nice but not asked for.
> ...



And as per request:


sunandshadow said:


> *Titles:* Synopsis of a 3-gender race story (any of the 4 in my gallery)
> *
> Summary:* Three of the synopses involve different types of incest, one has no incest, so I thought I'd let you all pick which you preferred to read.  Each synopsis file also contains an explanation of my 3-gender race.
> *
> ...


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## sunandshadow (May 3, 2010)

Edit: NVM I just got a second critique so I'm happy.


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## FelixBandercoot (May 4, 2010)

Er... do I still get my critique when I posted it in the Apr/May thread? 

-Felix


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## sunandshadow (May 4, 2010)

FelixBandercoot said:


> Er... do I still get my critique when I posted it in the Apr/May thread?
> 
> -Felix


Did you look at that thread?  Your post was removed because you hadn't done your two crits yet.  So, do them and post here and all will be good.


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## M. LeRenard (May 4, 2010)

sunandshadow said:


> Edit: NVM I just got a second critique so I'm happy.


Too late.  I already put it up there. 


			
				FelixBandercoot said:
			
		

> Er... do I still get my critique when I posted it in the Apr/May thread?
> 
> -Felix


I had to delete your last request because you didn't link to two pieces you've critiqued yourself.  Quoted from the rules:


> *You must critique at least two (2) other submitted pieces for your work to be be looked at. Link to both of the critiques that you have made.


So make sure you critique two other pieces before resubmitting your request.  Or if you have already, make sure you link to them so we know you have.


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## darkr3x (May 5, 2010)

sunandshadow said:


> Edit: NVM I just got a second critique so I'm happy.



I plan on getting to the rest of them too


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## sunandshadow (May 5, 2010)

darkr3x said:


> I plan on getting to the rest of them too


Ooo really? Awesome!   One of the major questions I have is whether the stories are too similar to each other to make a good story collection, and only someone who has looked at most or all of them can comment on that.  Do tell me if you want anything critted in return, I'm happy to do that.


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## FelixBandercoot (May 5, 2010)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3781472/ ("Providence" by Sarhea)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3282449 ("Roar 2" by Teiran)

I apologize for last time; I hope this is okay. BTW, do I need to submit my work's info again?

-Felix


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## Zolen (May 6, 2010)

Hm, can't decide on what to critique. So I really can't offer mine yet umm, anyone else want to suggest?

I kinda am confused as to whats being asked to be critiqued


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## M. LeRenard (May 6, 2010)

FelixBandercoot said:


> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3781472/ ("Providence" by Sarhea)
> 
> http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3282449 ("Roar 2" by Teiran)
> 
> ...


Well... usually we ask that you critique two other works submitted to these critique threads.  I didn't find either of these, looking all the way back to January.
Looking at the pieces, though, I see that Sarhea did ask for constructive criticism, so I'll make an executive judgment and say that one's okay.  The other one, though, looks like the intro to an already published work, so I'd appreciate it if you would do one more critique to replace that one, this time from this thread or the thread from the previous two months.
And once you get that done, yes, you'll want to resubmit the story information.
Sorry for being such a pain in the butt, but the point is to create a feedback loop for the forum users.  I pat your back, you pat mine.  Right?  So you should stick with the requests in the critique threads.


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## Poetigress (May 6, 2010)

The current rule 



> You must critique at least two (2) other submitted pieces for your work to be be looked at. Link to both of the critiques that you have made.



is a little confusing, since I can see where it could be read as "pieces submitted to FA" instead of "pieces submitted to this thread." 

Might want to edit to something like

"You must critique at least two (2) other pieces from this thread before submitting your own work for critique. Below your work's description, please link to your 2 critiques, or your post will be deleted."


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## M. LeRenard (May 6, 2010)

Got it.  Hopefully that clarifies things a little better.


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## FelixBandercoot (May 6, 2010)

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:28423004 "White Avalanche" by kitreshawn. (There's a link, I believe, in Post #2 of this thread). I'm sorry if I'm doing this wrong; I'm really new to the FA Forums, and still haven't figured it all out yet.  

(sigh)...Let's see if we can do this right this time.

Title_: Rogue_

Summary_: The main character, Charley Jensen, lives on the planet Terra with his wife, Beth, and his son, Dray. However, this world is ruled by a tyrannical and deranged wolf named Lord Tempest. Tempest's Iron Empire has slowly taken away the basic rights of all furs; furs who are dubbed as "rebels" are dragged out into the night by Tempest's spies, never to be seen from again._
_After Charley speaks ill of Lord Tempest, Simon Bougere (Charley's best friend), kills Charley's family but spares the fox before fleeing back to the capital. _
_Charley joins the rebellion against Tempest, and fights the Iron Empire alongside his new friends and comrades. However, there are many ancient whispers that may very well decide the fate of the planet. Who will win the battle for Terra? _

Content advisories: _Adult language; graphic violence._

What type of critique: _Any kind, really. I'd really appreciate suggestions, comments, tips, critiques, criticisms, etc. I'm not really looking for grammar/spelling, as I'm going to run through it all once I finish._

Link: _You can find it on my FA page--- http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/_
_BTW, I've split the novel into chapters, so don't expect it all to be on one page._

Thanks, and I really, really hope I did everything right this time. 

-Felix


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## M. LeRenard (May 6, 2010)

Lovely.  Thanks.


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## FelixBandercoot (May 7, 2010)

No, thank you.  Yay! Finally, I can get critiques! XD

Update: BTW, I finished "Rogue" today.  You can find the novel in its entirety on my FA page. Thanks!  _http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/_

-Felix


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## mcfuzzy20 (May 11, 2010)

Hullo, all. I hope I did this right.

Title: _Promise_
Summary: _A short Christmas story that was inspired by a talk with a friend, "Promise" is a short story about a quiet Christmas between two lovers that quickly becomes something more._
Advisories: _None, unless you're homophobic._
Critique Types: _Anything really. Every little bit helps._
Links:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:28605167
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3781472/#cid:28605424

Thanks all. 

-Fuzzy


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## HidesHisFace (May 25, 2010)

Hi there!

Title: _Cleansing Light Chapter 1_ (part 1)

Description: _It's a story about young Shata'lin soldier and a day of her last battle. It is concentrated on feelings of the main character - Aranya - her fears, beliefs etc. more than on the action. It is written in first person perspective and in present tense - just a little experiment. 

This part is only the beginning of the whole story, as I decided to post it in parts to make working on translation easier and more fluent - original is written in Polish._

Advisories: _Mature filter on - because the rest of the text contains some really violent stuff. This part however should be relatively clean - there is naked character mentioned and some killing but nothing really graphic. The following parts however will contain some really cruel content (when translation is finished) and as they all are part of the same story, I decided to use the same rating for them all._

Critique type: _Mainly plot and character development - I'd like to know how well is it done here and if my experiment with form was a success or failure. Grammar/spelling critique would also be nice, but not necessary._

Link to the story:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3907056

Critiques given:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:29155225
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3167384/#cid:29158338

I hope everything with this post is fine ^.=.^


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## Shomti (Jun 4, 2010)

First critique: Promise
Second critique: White Avalanche

Title: Consanguine

Description: A novel written to see what I can do with the generic idea of "wakes up as a furry," mostly a huge experiment in style and, thanks to my lovely unreliable narrator, full of psychological study into what makes someone human, what love is, et cetera. First person, written as the (unnamed) protagonist's "autobiography", and uses quotation marks exactly twice, both times for good reason. Can be read as either nihilistic and cynical, or idealistic and hopeful; I won't presume either one is right or wrong in itself.

Content advisories: The main character's gay, but there's no sex; depending on how you read it, there might be a metaphor for it, but no real sex, implied or described. There's some violence, but there's never detailed description of said violence. There's adult language. And while nudity's mentioned, it's never explicitly described.

Critique types: I'm still in the editing phase, replacing phrases that sound awkward and such, so a grammar and spelling proofread is welcome but not really what I'm looking for. For the most part I just want to know what you think, what could be improved, et cetera. It's 44,000 words long, split into seven chapters, and no, I don't expect everyone to read it all. I'll send it by email to whoever's interested in .odt, .doc, or .txt format (whichever you prefer, please specify and provide your email in your PM). Read whatever amount you want and you can reply to this with your critique, so you can still get credit for the critique here. Given the length and the fact that I'll be sending it to literary agents after this, if anybody reads the whole thing and tells me what they think of it, I'll buy and sign a first-edition copy of the book for them should it end up published somewhere. After all, reading something this long takes time, and your time has value. *doesn't know if he's technically allowed to do this in this thread*


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## Amaru (Jun 19, 2010)

Is it worth posting a piece of writing up here that isn't complete? I'm working on a novel (though by the length of it so far it may end up a novella), and I'd like critique on what I've done, but obviously since it's unfinished it doesn't end, just stops xP 
I'll start having me a read of some of these other stories regardless though.


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## Warnndog (Jun 19, 2010)

Well I posted some critiques on the forum, in accordance with the rules. I hope that I manage to successfully fulfill the requirement. As of right now, I will wait for a response before I start posting anything for Critiques on the forum. Do keep in mind if you happen upon my FA acct. Constructive criticism of any of my stories are always welcome.  

I don't get how you do the CID thing but here are the two stories I commented on.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3660363/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3660363/


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## sunandshadow (Jun 19, 2010)

A novel as a whole is too long to post for critique (that goes for pretty much any writing site on the internet.  You can either post a synopsis of the whole plot if you want critique on that, or you can post the first chapter if you want critique on that.  After getting the first chapter critiqued you could probably post the second chapter, etc. (one at a time).


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## sunandshadow (Jun 19, 2010)

Warnndog said:


> Well I posted some critiques on the forum, in accordance with the rules. I hope that I manage to successfully fulfill the requirement. As of right now, I will wait for a response before I start posting anything for Critiques on the forum. Do keep in mind if you happen upon my FA acct. Constructive criticism of any of my stories are always welcome.
> 
> I don't get how you do the CID thing but here are the two stories I commented on.
> 
> ...


 Thanks for your comment, I replied to it. ^_^  BTW you have the same story linked here twice, I imagine that's a typo.


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## Warnndog (Jun 19, 2010)

sunandshadow said:


> Thanks for your comment, I replied to it. ^_^  BTW you have the same story linked here twice, I imagine that's a typo.



Yeah sorry about that. This is the second story I commented on. 

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207


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## Leros/Joltmar (Jun 21, 2010)

I have a quick question about this, I see we have to give crit. to get crit. I'm not so good about giving it ... so I guess I'm screwed?


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## sunandshadow (Jun 21, 2010)

If you don't give two you don't get any, period.  How hard is it to look at the links others have posted in this thread and leave feedback on two of them?


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## Amaru (Jun 22, 2010)

I critiqued by email to someone, they have stated that I wrote the critique on their profile, will that be ok as one of my critiques, or shall I upload the critique to my scraps or something and link that? Just 6 pages was a bit long to leave in a comment box xD (it was a long story though, very good too)


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## Poetigress (Jun 22, 2010)

Leros/Joltmar said:


> I have a quick question about this, I see we have to give crit. to get crit. I'm not so good about giving it ... so I guess I'm screwed?


 
There are three article links in the first post of this thread that can help you figure out how to critique. Here's another:

http://community.wizards.com/bookcl...w_to_critique_manuscripts__still_stay_friends

If you don't want to crit because you're afraid you're not good at it, read through those, follow their advice, and you'll be fine. 

If you don't want to crit because you just don't want to, then yeah, you're screwed. Especially when you consider that in the long run, you really learn more from critiquing others' work than you do from getting crits on your own work.


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## M. LeRenard (Jun 22, 2010)

Amaru said:


> I critiqued by email to someone, they have stated that I wrote the critique on their profile, will that be ok as one of my critiques, or shall I upload the critique to my scraps or something and link that? Just 6 pages was a bit long to leave in a comment box xD (it was a long story though, very good too)


 
Who is it?


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## Amaru (Jun 23, 2010)

Felixbandicoot: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/ I'm mentioned on the front page there, but I don't mind uploading the critique to my scraps, just I'm lazy xP also feels a bit odd to upload a critique to my scraps on another's story.


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## Warnndog (Jun 23, 2010)

Leros/Joltmar said:


> I have a quick question about this, I see we have to give crit. to get crit. I'm not so good about giving it ... so I guess I'm screwed?


 

Keep in mind that no one is perfect. I would suggest clicking on some of the links that help you with being a good critic and give it a Try .


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## M. LeRenard (Jun 23, 2010)

Amaru said:


> Felixbandicoot: http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/ I'm mentioned on the front page there, but I don't mind uploading the critique to my scraps, just I'm lazy xP also feels a bit odd to upload a critique to my scraps on another's story.


Looks good to me.  Consider that one counted.


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## Amaru (Jun 24, 2010)

M. Le Renard said:


> Looks good to me. Consider that one counted.


 
Thank Renard! Well then...

http://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/amaru/

Title: Makai (may change it) 
Summary: a cheetah is rescued from a circus in russia, but while in transit to being set free in south Africa the plane crashes. He's tasked with leading a young boy, who was on the plane, to the afterlife. When he's persued by his deceased former ring master, and fellow performing animal (and old friend, a wolf), it becomes a desperate race across the wilds of Africa to secure the boys place in the afterlife before it's stolen. 

Advisories: None, some animal abuse, some violence, but nothing a teenager can't take xP
Critique Types: anything thanks, it'll all help! But I'd like some on my dialogue, which I always struggle with, does it work? Sound natural? Can you tell the characters apart by the dialogue, or is it samey? Etc.

Critiques:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3907056/#cid:30177259
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/

enjoy! Also sorry, I suck at writing synopsis'! xP


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## Mediteral_Hart (Jul 7, 2010)

How do you know if we critiqued or not? I mean I'm all for critiquing others work to help and all that but I don't wanna go through hoops and a bunch of crap just so I can post on this forum and have it get deleted because I didn't do it, 'your way'

What I'm seeing from the posts so far is that, No only do we have to 'Pay 2 to get 1' we also gotta do it at the right time, link the right place, can't have any errors and then there's the chance that our request with 1 critique and another critique 'because you said so' will just happen to be overlooked and if it's at the end of the month, then forget about the request, it's getting deleted anyway.

I'm probably highly over-looking something but if not, this system is broken. By all means, someone educate me on this.


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## SSJ3Mewtwo (Jul 21, 2010)

I see this thread's been neglected for a bit.  So I'm unstickying it, and setting up the new one for July and August.

To answer Mediteral's question:  You'll notice in the rules that we ask members link to the critiques they've made.  That's how we know they've done what they said they've done.


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## M. LeRenard (Jul 21, 2010)

Mediteral_Hart said:


> How do you know if we critiqued or not? I mean I'm all for critiquing others work to help and all that but I don't wanna go through hoops and a bunch of crap just so I can post on this forum and have it get deleted because I didn't do it, 'your way'
> 
> What I'm seeing from the posts so far is that, No only do we have to 'Pay 2 to get 1' we also gotta do it at the right time, link the right place, can't have any errors and then there's the chance that our request with 1 critique and another critique 'because you said so' will just happen to be overlooked and if it's at the end of the month, then forget about the request, it's getting deleted anyway.
> 
> I'm probably highly over-looking something but if not, this system is broken. By all means, someone educate me on this.


Just critique two works *in the critique thread* (the one on this forum that's stickied up there) and link to them so we easily can check that you actually did it.  And if you post at the end of the month, not only do we get way behind in updating this thing, but we also move the requests from the past couple weeks to the new one.  If your work didn't get enough attention and doesn't fall in the 'past two weeks' timeline, just let us know and we'll post it again in the new thread.
That's all there is to it.


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