# Two takes on one story: Which is better?



## Marie (May 22, 2009)

I didn't put this in the critique thread for the main reason that these are merely two different versions of the same story. I don't want detailed critiques on them either, I just wanted to know if one was better than the other, and if so, why?
I wrote one version of the plot I had in mind, then became more and more unsatisfied with it after reading around this forum. The one thing that stood out to me was how people often stressed starting with action, and that they were uninterested in reading backstories and the like. So I proceeded to type up a second version, rewriting several things. The main character gets a complete personality change, and the antagonist gets a species switch.

What led me to create this thread was that although I started with the action first and trashed unneeded information, my new version seems horribly rushed and feels more like a short story/one shot than the opening chapter to a series.
Now I'm here to see if the writers of FA think I should rework the second version or go back to the first.
Second version

Both stories are Mature and contain gore.


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## Psi Xen (May 23, 2009)

Is there a reason why when I click the link, it says 'you are not allowed to view this image?'


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## Marie (May 23, 2009)

> Is there a reason why when I click the link, it says 'you are not allowed to view this image?'


 
A. You don't have an account, and so you cannot view mature material.
B. You have an account but have filtered out all mature material.


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## Psi Xen (May 24, 2009)

Oh, okay.  I've got it now.


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## Psi Xen (May 24, 2009)

I have to really say that the second version is very well written.

It does catch my attention with it's first sentence and beginning paragraph and holds it to the very end.

For the first version, it doesn't really catch my attention at first but starts to at the end.

But I would pick the second version as being the best out of the two.  It has more suspense, raises more questions for the reader, and has more of a magnetic feel.

Plus, I'm more intrigued by the characters.

I think you should absolutely go with the second version.

Can't wait for the second part.


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