# What if Christopher Paolini and Stephanie Meyers collaberated on books?



## BakuryuuTyranno (Sep 18, 2009)

What if they fell in love and started a new series of books intended to merge their franchises into one?

EDIT: I mention them falling in love because both of them use author avatars in their stories


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## Smelge (Sep 18, 2009)

Then I'd be forced to kill you.


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## FoxPhantom (Sep 18, 2009)

that would be interesting. love story combined with fantasy.


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## Jashwa (Sep 18, 2009)

Who's the first guy?


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## BakuryuuTyranno (Sep 18, 2009)

The author of the Eragon books


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## Endless Humiliation (Sep 18, 2009)

I would probably have to look at it in the window every time I walked by a Barnes & Noble


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## CAThulu (Sep 18, 2009)

BakuryuuTyranno said:


> What if they fell in love and started a new series of books intended to merge their franchises into one?
> 
> EDIT: I mention them falling in love because both of them use author avatars in their stories




Armageddon.  The next day I'd probably see Famine's horse munching on the lawn.


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## Digitalpotato (Sep 18, 2009)

They'd probably both be smiling along with their publishing companies because no matter how much everyone says "OMG THIS BOOK IS SHIT", people continue to buy them.


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## ChrisPanda (Sep 18, 2009)

I don't know probably CARRY ON NOT CARING


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## makmakmob (Sep 18, 2009)

I'd put a gun to my head and fucking end whatever travesty of a reality would allow that to happen.


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## Purnip (Sep 18, 2009)

They would create a story with a plot very similar to this:

A young girl with nothing special about her whatsoever. No super powers, no dramatic history, no distinguishing personality whatsoever. Suddenly, a wizard appears at her house, or so he claims to be one. Says she is 'the one' and that the whole world depends on her saving them. She's all like 'lolwhut' but somehow she grows a pair of ovaries and manages to become noble all of a sudden (like Neo in the Matrix going from clueless in the first movie to a Matrix guru in the second). She still has no interesting personality as she discovers that she does have powers to summon dragons and crap and she can shapeshift. She has the save the world because lycans are taking over, but one of the lycans is in love with her. Dramatic romance takes place, violent sex ensues, but the world is still plummeting into a pile of dust and ashes in the meantime. Even after slacking off and deviating with her unexplicable lovelife (unable to be explained because for whatever reason the lycan was suddenly in love with her for no particular reason) she somehow saves the planet using powers that even the creator of Heroes would headdesk at. The world is saved, no one remembers the girl who saved them though and she dies a tragic and noble death in the arms of the lycan who loved her. He cries out and carries her body to a safe burial ground while being shot at by a bunch of military men. More drama ensues. He dies on top of her and the world suddenly remembers who the girl is and everyone mourns her, her death turns into a national holiday which is celebrated every year by an hour of silence that even children carry out with tears in their eyes.

Until it is revealed that another book is coming out that would explain why the girl is still alive at the end, because she opens her eyes before they are about to bury her or something.

Yeah. Something like that.


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## ElizabethAlexandraMary (Sep 18, 2009)

FoxPhantom said:


> that would be interesting. love story combined with fantasy.


 You clearly missed something here. Or are cleverly trolling us.


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## Kittiara (Sep 18, 2009)

I would cry bitter tears of salty, black blood.


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## Zseliq (Sep 18, 2009)

Then me, Anne Rice, Stephen King, and Jesus would all pull together to defeat that beast!


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## ChrisPanda (Sep 18, 2009)

GummyBear said:


> Then me, Anne Rice, Stephen King, and Jesus would all pull together to defeat that beast!


 
That reminds me for terminator 5 they should send the terminator after jesus.
it would be awesome


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## Torrijos-sama (Sep 18, 2009)

GummyBear said:


> Then me, Anne Rice, Stephen King, and Jesus would all pull together to defeat that beast!


 
I would definately join in on this fight. 

Because the moment that those two would begin to even type away at a keyboard, the LHC would overload and accidentally open a blackhole to the Earth's core.


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## 8-bit (Sep 18, 2009)

Purnip said:


> They would create a story with a plot very similar to this:
> 
> A young girl with nothing special about her whatsoever. No super powers, no dramatic history, no distinguishing personality whatsoever. Suddenly, a wizard appears at her house, or so he claims to be one. Says she is 'the one' and that the whole world depends on her saving them. She's all like 'lolwhut' but somehow she grows a pair of ovaries and manages to become noble all of a sudden (like Neo in the Matrix going from clueless in the first movie to a Matrix guru in the second). She still has no interesting personality as she discovers that she does have powers to summon dragons and crap and she can shapeshift. She has the save the world because lycans are taking over, but one of the lycans is in love with her. Dramatic romance takes place, violent sex ensues, but the world is still plummeting into a pile of dust and ashes in the meantime. Even after slacking off and deviating with her unexplicable lovelife (unable to be explained because for whatever reason the lycan was suddenly in love with her for no particular reason) she somehow saves the planet using powers that even the creator of Heroes would headdesk at. The world is saved, no one remembers the girl who saved them though and she dies a tragic and noble death in the arms of the lycan who loved her. He cries out and carries her body to a safe burial ground while being shot at by a bunch of military men. More drama ensues. He dies on top of her and the world suddenly remembers who the girl is and everyone mourns her, her death turns into a national holiday which is celebrated every year by an hour of silence that even children carry out with tears in their eyes.
> 
> ...


 

Funniest. Movie. Ever.





chrispenguin said:


> That reminds me for terminator 5 they should send the terminator after jesus.
> it would be awesome


 
That WOULD be awesome.


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## M. LeRenard (Sep 18, 2009)

Too bad Meyers is already married and Paolini is about as socially capable as the rotting carcass of a sea cucumber, because that book would be AWESOME.


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## Stawks (Sep 18, 2009)




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## CryoScales (Sep 18, 2009)

If they did collaborate I would instantly loose interest in all recent literature


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## Gonebatty (Sep 18, 2009)

GummyBear said:


> Then me, Anne Rice, Stephen King, and Jesus would all pull together to defeat that beast!



Room for meh? I'd love to get that twilight b**** .


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## GothDragon666 (Sep 27, 2009)

I'd fuckin' kill Meyer because I actually liked Paolini's stuff, and if that disgrace EVER outsteps her already horrible bounds, I'm gonna bitch flip.


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## Dass (Sep 27, 2009)

Okay, never heard of the first guy, and the second woman stinks, so... negative times negative = good book?


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## Zhael (Sep 27, 2009)

Both franchises are good.
Combining the two equals death.


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## Stawks (Sep 27, 2009)

Zhael said:


> Both franchises are good.
> Combining the two equals death.



I'm focusing all of my hatred on you.

Die.


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## Lucy Bones (Sep 27, 2009)

If this happened, I would kill myself. The two worst book series ever becoming one.... I'm sorry, the will to live would be gone.


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## Zhael (Sep 27, 2009)

I think it's funny how most shit Twilight gets is by people who haven't read them/only read 100 pages.


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## Lucy Bones (Sep 27, 2009)

Zhael said:


> I think it's funny how most shit Twilight gets is by people who haven't read them/only read 100 pages.


I got through about half of the first book and deduced that it is the leading cause of teenage suicide.


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## Skittle (Sep 28, 2009)

I'd sit in the Barnes and Noble and shoot everyone who touched the book.


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## Skittle (Sep 28, 2009)

Zhael said:


> I think it's funny how most shit Twilight gets is by people who haven't read them/only read 100 pages.


I got through 30 pages. I put it down and I think I lost half my brain cells in those 30 pages.


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## Ozriel (Sep 28, 2009)

Zhael said:


> I think it's funny how most shit Twilight gets is by people who haven't read them/only read 100 pages.



Read the whole series for a Library review. I am going to sue the library for mental anguish...
But then again, I got 7 hours pay for reading them.
And Eragon, best read by 13 year olds who can't tell the difference between Dragon Fantasy and the Original Star Wars.


Also, Twilight is for people with a very poor reading level, and/or introverts.


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## GothDragon666 (Oct 1, 2009)

Zhael said:


> I think it's funny how most shit Twilight gets is by people who haven't read them/only read 100 pages.


 
I read every single Twilight book, from TWILIGHT to BREAKING DAWN, so I have rights to hate. I think I murdered forty percent of my brain cells reading that shit. The series is a disgrace, and here are the top ten reasons why.
1-Vampyres don't fucking sparkle. Faggots sparkle.
2-Stalking is NOT romantic. It's fuckin' creepy.
3-Bella has no personality. She is a dry character.
4-Edward is a whiny emo bitch that seriously needs to shut up.
5-Jacob also needs to stop whining.
6-Pedophilia is NOT okay. Fuckin' imprinting on a fuckin' BABY?! That's creepy as shit.
7- The baby ripping out of Bella like fuckin' ALIEN, holy shit, need I say more on that?
8-They call her Renesme. WTF?!
9-Like a typical Mary-Sue, Bella is a perfect vampyre that can resist human blood, even though other vampyres can't.
10- And finally! We get to the end of BREAKING DAWN, and you're all hyped up, like "Fuck yeah! The Volturi and the faggots are finally going to have some bloodshed! Screaming mother of fuck yeah! Took this book long enough!" *NO!* THEY TALK IT OUT LIKE OLD LADIES IN A SEWING CLUB!!! WTF?!!!?!?!? THEY FUCKING TALK!? WHERE'S THE GOD DAMN BLOODSHED?! AAARRRRGH!!!


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## Trpdwarf (Oct 3, 2009)

The literary world would explode form the result of the combined lameness and plagiarism that will ensue. The lameness will come from woman who thinks vamps should sparkle, and the plagiarism would come from the guy who doesn't know how to not blatantly copy pasta from movies/other books.


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## Trpdwarf (Oct 3, 2009)

Zhael said:


> I think it's funny how most shit Twilight gets is by people who haven't read them/only read 100 pages.



It's also funny how most of the fan-base of Twilight is made up of overweight teenagers or young adults who have the reading level of ten year olds.


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## Dass (Oct 3, 2009)

Trpdwarf said:


> It's also funny how most of the fan-base of Twilight is made up of overweight teenagers or young adults who have the reading level of ten year olds.



You should specify females of this demographic.
I prefer books along the lines of good omens or hitchiker's guide.


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## Trpdwarf (Oct 3, 2009)

Dass said:


> You should specify females of this demographic.
> I prefer books along the lines of good omens or hitchiker's guide.



Shhhh, you'll wake the White Whale 
(NSFW)


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