# i make a book



## olivar (Sep 30, 2016)

*The Birth of The Phoenix King and Queen*​Once upon a time there was a boy with the name Phoenix. He was a high school kid, he was a smart kid, but one day it all change. He turned 18 next week and when he turned 18 his Phoenix power woke up. He asked his mother what is happening to him. She said it is your powers.

He had red clothes that were fireproof .He had a red helmet.He asked his mother :”what powers?”
His mother answered they are called the power of the phoenix. You have to find your dad he can tell you everything. He asked his mother: “Do I have a dad and why didn't you tell me?” She said :” yes and I am sorry, I should have told you sooner!” Then he asked:” Who is my dad?” His mother replied:” He is the Phoenix king” He asked, “where can I find him?” His mother told were to find him.

He went to find his father. On the way, he met his sister whom he didn't know about. She asked him:”Where are you going?” and he said :”I am going to find my dad!” She asked him :”Who is your father, “he said: “He is the Phoenix king, “She said that she was also going to find him. He asked her a question who are you and She answered I am your sister. He got shocked he never knew he had a sister, but inside himself, he didn't care. He was ok with it and they went to find their father. So when they stopped they saw a problem. She asked her big brother what is wrong. He said we have a problem.
He told her what the problem was. They saw an old warship in space.

They went in it ,they saw a lot of corpses. The little sister told Phoenix that she didn't like it a bit, she hated the smell of rotten corps. She asked her brother if they could leave, but he said that they have to check what happen. So they did. They found one who was alive. He told them what happen, so they got the wounded one out.

Phoenix`s little sister heard something. Phoenix asked her what is wrong, she said this ship is self-destructing.He asked his little sister do you have a name ? She told him what her name was. He became shocked and then it got awkward.

They went camping.So your name is Phoenicia and she replied “yep”. Then they heard a noise that came from the bush. There was a boy that came out of the bushes ,the little boy asked for help. Then there were two men who came out of the bush as well, so the boy hid between the brother and the sister. The brother asked what is it to the two men said that boy is a thief, then the brother got mad at the two men. The two men got scared and got away ,but the boy got shocked. The little sister talked to the boy. She said it is ok we are not dangerous.we are the good guys what is your name kid and the brother said I think he doesn't have a name and the sister answers don't say that you don't know that the boy said that he don't have a name, and the brother knew she was right and the
sister gave the boy a name.

The boy's new name was Felix.Felix said thx you , and then Felix said that he is an orphan The brother and the sister said that they will look after him as if he was their little brother.

The big brother and the little brother and the little sister went to find their father. One night they found a ship, but not a normal ship.It had the Phoenix logo on it .The big brother said that it must have been their father's ship. There was a crew member on the ship,who was alive. They asked him what his name was ,he said it was Devil Lord. The big brother said their names and Devil Lord was in shock.The little sister asks what is it Devil Lord said. that the father is waiting on them so Devil Lord got them to their father but before they got to their new home that they

are getting attacked by pirates. Devil Lord told the big brother and the little sister to use the power of the Phoenix the little sister told Felix to stay with Devil Lord Felix did what his. Big sister told him what to do Phoenix and Phoenicia used the power of the phoenix they

beat the pirates and got to the castle and they met their father king Phoenix the father to Phoenix and Phoenicia and Felix told them that he is dying their father is sick.ther father told Phoenix and Phoenicia that Felix is the real little brother and that the pirates were a test. Phoenix said to his father that he knew it all the time. The little brother to Phoenix and Phoenicia said that he have a name that their father gave to him before he left the castle to look for his big sister and big brother, he said his name is Phoenix in Phoenix said I knew it you hide you real name it was a test which you too pass and we have devils here their masters name is Rias, Gremory

and Phoenix got shocked and he said that he knew who she is and that she is going to his school  back on earth and Phoenixes got surprised of his big brother and got jealous  but Phoenicia knew it cuz Phoenix told her but he didn't  tell her everything  until she saw them kiss on the lips and got mad on Phoenix and his little is yelling at him asking him why he did that 

and he said that she is his girlfriend and that he knew that she is a devil both the little sister and the little brother got shocked but he said to them that he is married to her and that she is his wife from the beginning and that his full name is Phoenix gremory  the little sister of Phoenix was walking around the castle what she found is a Libraries and there is a  Librarian with the name of Sarah she knew everything about the castle and  Library has everything of what a girl 

can ever dream of the is the royal guard captain Sanks both Sarah and Sanks are in love with each other so they went to Sarah's room and have some funtime and then Sanks asked Sarah to marry him and she said yes and the king helps with the wedding and that made Phoenix happy but his wife is in pain and she told him it is coming and Phoenix got shocked and happy at the same time he got happy to be a father himself the little sister of phoenix got happy too but the little brother was not happy so he ran away from the castle both the big brother and the little 

sister went out to look for him but they didn't find him anywhere where could he be asked phoenix to his little sister in fact cus they didn`t find him cuz the dark lord have him the dark lord see the hatred he has for his big brother  and the dark Lord is training Phoenixio after 2 

years  the kingdom of stormwind is under attack by the dark lord  Phoenix is fighting his little brother but he didn`t know it before he was gone Phoenix went to find his wife and child dead by the dark lord so he wants revenge for his family's death dragon is responsible for their death but he tried to 
defend them, and Phoenix  forgives him and gives him a slap to the back of his head   now  they  went to find the dark lord they stopped to rest but then they heard a scream coming to them it is a woman there are 2 ugly orcs that are after her but Phoenix killed the orcs and dragon asked the girl why are they after you  the girl say that that they are after getting cuz she is the dark lord`s daughter then 
Phoenix good if I kill her the dark lord would now how it feels to lose a family member and then dragon said no if you kill her you be exact like the dark lord  and then phoenix  say you are right lets get her to the castle when they got to the castle  the girl is allowed to have a shower by the king  he trust her and when she is done with her 
shower she can eat dinner with the king  and the king asked the girl her name she said it is Jessica and the  king said that is a good name I bet it is your mother's name when she died the girl said it was her name she was the best mother in the world I loved her to cancer my dad tried everything to save her but he failed and I blame him for her death and the king say why blame on your father I lost my wife and child to your father he killed them and dragon  couldn't save them but I don't blame him for it I know he tried to save them that is why I forgive him I blame your father 
cuz I get mad at him  you see that dragon is my brother and I trust him I trust everyone here in the castle you too you are part of this castle if you want I can be your father and the Jessica got happy and agreed so the king showed Jessica her room and she loves it the king have a jester too that can make him laugh and that made him happy a lot so does the king's daughter  think too about the jester she like him and the king knew that they are meant for each other and so he left the hall to let them get to know each other better


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## ElioteDarth (Sep 30, 2016)

Did you mean Birth?

If I may make a suggestion... you should ask for a friend of yours to proofread it. I'm not American (or British) and my English is very far from perfect, but by skimming I found several grammar mistakes. Getting one of those auto-correct tools, even through they are not perfect, also helps.

Regardless I wish you the best of luck in writing. I would take the pen too if not by the fact that I lose interest too fast. Do keep safe!


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## Aaron Whitepaw (Sep 30, 2016)

the plotline was ok. I you expanded it and the story was longer (in the region of 100,00 words at least), then it could be a very interesting book. I am thinking about writing a book myself, based on the game 'Rust'. I have quite a few ideas about the plotline, including: betrayals, politics, battles, backstabbing, murder, violence and good old family fun.


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## olivar (Sep 30, 2016)

yea but do you guys like it


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## Nyapano (Sep 30, 2016)

My main advice is that... Unless it's fanfiction, a crossover or a tribute story, try to avoid bringing characters from pre-existing stories over into it?


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## um_pineapplez (Sep 30, 2016)

The grammar is deadly close to levels of Full Life Consequences.


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## olivar (Sep 30, 2016)

yea but it is a crossover well it is more like a mash up


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## Flufy (Oct 25, 2017)

This is the most awful story I've ever read in my entire life. There is no context through the story, and the different scenarios seems completely random. Also the last paragraphs there is no pause at all, which makes it horribly hard to have narrator's voice.

Tips for further writing:
1. read more fantacy books, I see some World of Warcraft references in your story, Warcraft books might be interesting for you?
2. Try to work on your grammar, be aware when it is a natural to use pauses.
3. Context is really important, try to not bring in to many characters at the same time.


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## alexicography (Oct 27, 2017)

I can't tell if this is a troll or not.


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## Sagt (Oct 29, 2017)

When does the sequel come out?


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