# The Worst Movies You've Seen, Take Two



## Ben (Sep 21, 2010)

So, the other thread was kind of lacking, since most people were simply just stating a movie that they hated, and not explaining why. However, the thread was too big, so it makes more sense to just start over.
*
In this thread, you're to explain why you disliked a movie, and not just state that you hated it.*

There is a general spoiler warning for this entire thread. As a rule,* bold all your movie titles*, so people will know what movie you're talking about, and will know to skip your post if they don't want anything spoiled. We're doing this instead of spoiler tags, since it's a given that nearly every post in this thread will contain spoilers.

Don't mess it up, guys.

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Up until a few nights ago, I'd never actually seen an M Night Shyamalan movie, the Sixth Sense included. I had heard plenty of things to convince me that he was a bad filmmaker, but I had no hands-on experience with why. So, deciding I should get familiar with his work, I downloaded* The Happening.*

I understand that Shyamalan did at one point have a good point in his career, but this movie is almost bad enough to convince me that his entire filmography resembles this. Although the film has an intriguing premise, an airbourne virus spread as a defense mechanism by plants that drives people to suicide, the idea is poorly realized. Let's go over why:

*The script is full of terrible dialogue.* There's a lot of good examples, including "I SEE... CALCULUS! CALCULUS!" and "Are you eyein' my lemon drink?" The entire script is just very clunky, and filled with lines that nobody would ever say, or are too absurd to maintain any tone of horror.

*Characters are introduced, and killed off arbitrarily.* I understand the point of this was to make the impact of the threat more real, but M Night just killed off too many people. You feel nothing when the characters are killed (and neither do the characters themselves-- one even just stood there staring at his friend, even though his life was in immediate danger), and they're all so bone-headed, annoying and contradictory (Why would you violently slap someone's hand for taking a biscuit, berate them, and then give them the biscuit 30 seconds later?), that you honestly could care less if they died.

*Trying to have the movie be too many things at once.* In many interviews, Shyamalan refuted criticism of the movie by stating "We were trying to make a good B movie," which would  theoretically justify the movie's ridiculousness. Thing is though, this is directly contradicted by just how hard Shyamalan tries to sell the idea of this being plausible, which would give the impression that the film is a serious plea to treat the environment better, and not just a cheesy B movie, making the movie incredibly uneven. Shyamalan himself didn't know what he wanted the movie to be, making this pile of dreck even more baffling.

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There's other small things, like the main characters walking super slowly when their lives were in danger at the end, and the really stupid subplot about Zooey Deschanel eating tiramisu with some guy, but I could probably go on for awhile. At least Devil is supposed to be an improvement, although the fact that M. Night didn't direct it kind of makes it a moot point.

Alright, your turn guys.


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Sep 21, 2010)

Worst movies I've seen? Well, I tend to avoid movies I probably won't like, but i'll give it a shot.
-*Star Trek V: The Final Frontier *   It was painful to watch. Though I kind of laughed when "God" is obliterated by technology. Also Kirk tries to fight God and doesn't afraid of anything lololololololol....

I wasn't all too impressed with the *Max Payne* film adaption either; it wasn't gritty enough.


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## Aden (Sep 21, 2010)

You really ought to see *Sixth Sense* and some of his other "golden days" movies. I enjoy them greatly.

About a week ago, my sister had the privilege of choosing what movie we would watch on pizza night (well kinda, we have our netflix queue and one of her picks just happened to be there at that time). The movie she chose was a recent one: "*Old Dogs*", starring John Travolta and Robin Williams. In it, Robin William's character finds out he is a father out of the blue and has to take care of his kids on his own for two weeks.

This abortion had (almost) everything I dislike in a movie, condensed into a little under 90 minutes. The wooden lines are there, the bad jokes are there. There's toilet humor, bad slapstick (but hey, if you're the kind of person that's entertained by Seth Green badly pantomiming being hit in the crotch, this movie is for you!), slightly racist Japanese characters, reactions that don't make sense, and phoned-in poignant moments. Oh, and child actors. God damn child actors. Child actors are sometimes passable, maybe even good (think Sixth Sense), but don't hold out any hope here. Bad all around.

So if you're looking for a throwaway movie that'll shut your kids up for an hour and a half while you go take your migraine pills and contemplate suicide, "*Old Dogs*" has you covered. Otherwise don't even think about bothering. The fact that this has grossed more than three times its budget makes me want to punch bricks with my head.

Edit: sorry ben :V


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## SindirisLeptailurus (Sep 22, 2010)

*The Toxic Avenger*  Just wow... so horrible...


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## Endless Humiliation (Sep 22, 2010)

*speed 2: electric boogaloo* is literally the worst action movie 
it stars sandra bullock WHO I HATE and jason patric WHO I AM AMBIVALENT ABOUT and willem dafoe WHO IS OKAY SOMETIMES LIKE IN ANTICHRIST WHEN YOU SEE HIS ASS SORT OF but was my first introduction to "bad bad movies" as opposed to "good bad movies" or at least funny bad movies like _manos_ or_ plan 9_ or _the room_ which arent great movies but at least have enough of a personal touch and are inept in a funny way and not bad in a godawfully boring way

i said it before but mass market shit will always be worse than independently produced shit

anyways its speed ON A BOAT which i dont even remember what happened but there was a scene where willem dafoe stuck leeches all over himself and cackled maniacally 
which i guess sort of owned

but then there was an interminable 30 minute ending where the boat CANT SLOW DOWN and plows into a giant pier/boardwalk which sounds cool but was really just annoying 
ugh

anyways besides that there was *leonard part 6* which at least gets credit for being a comedy with ABSOLUTELY NO JOKES which makes me think of it more as an art film 
it also features the incredibly ridiculous ACTIONMAX (aka the only video game system to can play on your vcr) which catapults the film to a level of metakitsch, or hyperkitsch

i could write a thesis on it if i wanted


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## 8-bit (Sep 22, 2010)

whatever your favorite movie is >:3

nah, I kid. Anything with that guy from crank.


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## Willow (Sep 22, 2010)

Almost anything that comes on the *Syfy *channel. To be more specific, the made for TV or straight to DVD movies. Like *Megafault*. I feel really bad for Britney Murphy because that was one of the last movies she was in before she died.


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## Icky (Sep 22, 2010)

*Inception.*

nah, just kidding, i love that movie :3


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## 8-bit (Sep 22, 2010)

*The Princess and the Frog*

I just saw it yesterday. 

It was cute, and probably the best non-CGI kid flick since Aladdin, but I felt it focused to much on specific spots(singing and the swamp), and the fight with the shadowman was so cheesy. Like, friendship speech cheesy.

I mean, it was okay, but the singing felt like it went on forever. And good god, the ending was hilariously derpy(I wont spoil it).
Also, not enough shadowman :3


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## Atona (Sep 22, 2010)

*District 9* was a fucking horrible movie. Like the game Mirror's Edge, it tries too hard to be touching and artsy and ends up looking and acting like a parody. 2 hours of having the theater screen shit into my eyes with your typical manly fight scenes, breaking into labs, destroying things, escaping places, blowing shit up. aliens robots omg space ships technobabble more blowing shit up, and then when we get out of the theater, people with FUCKING TEARS IN THEIR FUCKING EYES SAYING THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING ART OH MY GOD CAN I PLEASE JUST WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE UNTIL YOU STOP MOVING.

What a joke of a movie. You can't call this art; it's symbolism is laughable. Yes, aliens are treated badly. Yes they're here against their will initially, and only want a place to fit in. Yes, we segregate them and want to keep them out of society. Yes they live in slums and we unfairly judge them. Yes, they try to fight back but we put them down like animals and then call them volatile. Yes, we've come up with slang terms and slurs to belittle them. I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS MOVIE, YOU CAN STOP NOW. JUST ONE OR TWO OF THOSE THINGS COULD'VE BEEN ENOUGH FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT RACISM. When you make it that obvious, you're insulting the person watching- OH WAIT EVERYONE CALLED YOUR SHITTY MOVIE ART. Guess you found the perfect freaking medium, didn't you?

God DAMN I hate people.


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## Xavan (Sep 22, 2010)

Atona said:


> *District 9* was a fucking horrible movie. Like the game Mirror's Edge, it tries too hard to be touching and artsy and ends up looking and acting like a parody. 2 hours of having the theater screen shit into my eyes with your typical manly fight scenes, breaking into labs, destroying things, escaping places, blowing shit up. aliens robots omg space ships technobabble more blowing shit up, and then when we get out of the theater, people with FUCKING TEARS IN THEIR FUCKING EYES SAYING THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING ART OH MY GOD CAN I PLEASE JUST WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE UNTIL YOU STOP MOVING.
> 
> What a joke of a movie. You can't call this art; it's symbolism is laughable. Yes, aliens are treated badly. Yes they're here against their will initially, and only want a place to fit in. Yes, we segregate them and want to keep them out of society. Yes they live in slums and we unfairly judge them. Yes, they try to fight back but we put them down like animals and then call them volatile. Yes, we've come up with slang terms and slurs to belittle them. I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS MOVIE, YOU CAN STOP NOW. JUST ONE OR TWO OF THOSE THINGS COULD'VE BEEN ENOUGH FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT RACISM. When you make it that obvious, you're insulting the person watching- OH WAIT EVERYONE CALLED YOUR SHITTY MOVIE ART. Guess you found the perfect freaking medium, didn't you?
> 
> God DAMN I hate people.


 
....I thought it was funny.

*Lovely Bones*, big dissapointment, just flat out. Just like *Half-Blood Prince*, not nearly as much romance as there is in the book.


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## Endless Humiliation (Sep 22, 2010)

Atona said:


> people with FUCKING TEARS IN THEIR FUCKING EYES SAYING THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING ART OH MY GOD CAN I PLEASE JUST WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE UNTIL YOU STOP MOVING.


 
ahahahahahaah YES i know what you mean 


i dont think a movie where numerous peoples heads are exploded should be looked to for a message of BASIC TOLERANCE AND ACCEPTANCE

not to mention that they sort of pull a _Crash_ and are like "racism is BAD (unless you are a scary dark african)"

hahahaha


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## ToxicZombie (Sep 22, 2010)

Since I mentioned it before, *Alone in the Dark.*

You know a movie is bad when the sheer hilarity of Tara Reid trying to act smart can't save it. The "plot" so convoluted that Dr. Boll had to cram two minutes of text into the opening to explain it, and it still makes no fucking sense. Something about experiments, Indians, and the agency from Hellboy. The dialogue is straight out of an Ed Wood movie, with such gems as "Being afraid of the dark is what keeps most of us alive." And half the movie is shot in pitch black, so you can't even see what the fuck is going on. On a scale of 1 to 10, it's a -10.


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## 8-bit (Sep 22, 2010)

Atona said:


> *District 9* was a fucking horrible movie. Like the game Mirror's Edge, it tries too hard to be touching and artsy and ends up looking and acting like a parody. 2 hours of having the theater screen shit into my eyes with your typical manly fight scenes, breaking into labs, destroying things, escaping places, blowing shit up. aliens robots omg space ships technobabble more blowing shit up, and then when we get out of the theater, people with FUCKING TEARS IN THEIR FUCKING EYES SAYING THAT SHIT WAS FUCKING ART OH MY GOD CAN I PLEASE JUST WRAP MY HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK AND SQUEEZE UNTIL YOU STOP MOVING.
> 
> What a joke of a movie. You can't call this art; it's symbolism is laughable. Yes, aliens are treated badly. Yes they're here against their will initially, and only want a place to fit in. Yes, we segregate them and want to keep them out of society. Yes they live in slums and we unfairly judge them. Yes, they try to fight back but we put them down like animals and then call them volatile. Yes, we've come up with slang terms and slurs to belittle them. I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING WITH THIS MOVIE, YOU CAN STOP NOW. JUST ONE OR TWO OF THOSE THINGS COULD'VE BEEN ENOUGH FOR ME TO REALIZE THAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT RACISM. When you make it that obvious, you're insulting the person watching- OH WAIT EVERYONE CALLED YOUR SHITTY MOVIE ART. Guess you found the perfect freaking medium, didn't you?
> 
> God DAMN I hate people.



Hey, I liked that movie. And Mirror's Edge :<

But I LOL at anyone who cries during a movie.
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*Pirates 3

*WHAT THE FUCK!? I mean the opening was pretty cool, but after that, it got completely absurd. You could tell they didn't really work on it like they did the other two. And they killed the Krakken :<

And then all this derping about gods and shit, really? I didn't know it was a JRPG I was watching.

I hated ending. "HURP DERP JACK STOLED R MAPZES! DARN IT, JACK SPAHROWWWWWW!"


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## CaptainCool (Sep 22, 2010)

*speed 2, the day after tomorrow, titanic, war of the worlds (the new one), the new star wars movies, transformers 1 and 2*... i think thats about it 

a movie that many people hate but that i really do enjoy is judge dredd by the way^^ "LAAAWWW!"

edit: fine! let me tell you why i hate them >_>

*speed 2*: this movie just bored the hell out of me. i think it was goofy, stupid and completely pointless, speed (which i didnt like as well) didnt need a sequel.

*the day after tomorrow*: i HATE the movies subject... plain and simple. the concept of global warming is stupid and making money off it in form of a movie made me vomit blood now and it still does today.

*titanic*: ugh... UGH! i just hated the entire concept of this movie. and the ending was entirely pointless! i never understood why "he" (i totally dont remember his name and never cared about it) had to die!

*war of the worlds*: the movie itself probably isnt that bad but i really dont like it overall. its just people running away from aliens. and at the end the aliens all die because of the earth's germs...
i have 2 problems with that:
1: it feels like nothing has been accomplished because the humans dont really do anything... they just run away all the time >_>
2: it makes no sense! why would an advanced alien civilisation not think about something like that? that always boggled my mind...

*the new star wars movies*: in my opinion they are a joke. the story is flat, the characters suck and the acting is goofy. i really dont know what else to say about this, i mean everyone hates them 

*the transformers movies*: these are the worst... ill focus on the second one because this is even worse than *transformers 1*.
the story _SUCKS_! the movie is more than 2 hours long and at the end it feels like NOTHING has been accomplished!
also the effects... the robots look like a huge mess of bolts and gears and when they fight you dont see anything at all! its just one huge metal mess...


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## Endless Humiliation (Sep 22, 2010)

CaptainCool said:


> war of the worlds (the new one)


 
tom cruises dumb nephew: I WANNA BE A SOLDIER
*Explosion*
*tom cruise and dakota fanning go to bahstan*
tom cruises dumb nephew: IM HERE AND SAFE

i remember the best part of the movie for me was when all the buildings were coming down and when everyone died

i was a misanthropic kid

also:
tom cruises dumb nephew: ARE THEY (the aliens) FROM EUROPE??!?!?

fffuuck 
hate that


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## Ben (Sep 22, 2010)

I saw *War of the Worlds* when I was a kid too, and I remember enjoying it pretty thoroughly. Dakota Fanning had a tendency to be overly annoying, but maybe that's my inner twelve year-old talking.


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## mystery_penguin (Sep 22, 2010)

National Treasure 2:
There wasn't hardly any use of US History to achieve the goal, the acting wasn't as good as the first, and the villain ends up going "Screw this, I'll save everyone's lives!".

Also, there's no freaking way you could kidnap the president that easily.


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## Samael234 (Sep 22, 2010)

*Plan 9 from Outer Space*
The title sais it all realy, amazing old b-movie, I enjoy it so much for it's crappyness, the set moves when people fall down, Bella Lagosi is in it but died half way through so they had to find someone to play him, the script is just appaling, and the whole idea of alians rasing the dead for no apparent reason! You have to watch this film!


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## Sef Highwind (Sep 22, 2010)

Well fortunately for me, I love quite a few bad movies manly because of their entertainment value. Now if you want an amazing bad movie I'd would have to say "*Yor Hunter From The Future*". This movie really can't be explained properly. All I can say is that the movie is very epic, and the movie has so many over the top action bits.

Now for a movie that was complete crap, I'd say M.Night's "*Last Air Bender*" movie. The characterization was very poor to non existent. The CG was very bland. But the worst bit of the entire movie was the damn story. They completely butchered the story of the first season, and it was just so damn bland a too predictable. Not to mention the dialogue was just bad.


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## Minuet (Sep 22, 2010)

*Anchorman*.  My friends made me watch it.  I didn't care for the humor style very much.


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## Mentova (Sep 22, 2010)

* I <3 Huckabees:* My parents were watching it and I just kinda sat down and joined them. They finished it but around the middle I just kinda left wondering what the fuck I just watched.

*DooM:* My dad and I were like, "FUCK YEAH DOOM! IT'LL HAVE CRAZY DEMONS AND SHIT AND SPACE MARINES AND EXPLOSIONS!" They turned it into a shitty Resident Evil ripoff...


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## Ames (Sep 22, 2010)

Star wars episode III.

It was utter shit.

The terribleness of the acting was so lulzy.


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## Aden (Sep 23, 2010)

JamesB said:


> Star wars episode III.
> 
> It was utter shit.
> 
> The terribleness of the acting was so lulzy.


 
I and II were much worse than III no matter what metric you use. Have you seen them?


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## Ames (Sep 23, 2010)

Aden said:


> I and II were much worse than III no matter what metric you use. Have you seen them?


 
Of course.  Countless times each.  I saw episode I and II the day they came out, skipping school for both of them. :V

I actually liked I, and I thought II was decent.


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## Aden (Sep 23, 2010)

JamesB said:


> Of course.  Countless times each.  I saw episode I and II the day they came out, skipping school for both of them. :V
> 
> I actually liked I, and I thought II was decent.


 
Man I don't know, I wanted to like them both but my brain just kept screaming about all the crap that didn't make sense and the scripwriting and the acting. I just couldn't.


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## Endless Humiliation (Sep 23, 2010)

why are you arguing about new star wars

we watched those movies when we were kids

we dont need to see them again

at least i dont

im a man


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## Folgrimeo (Sep 23, 2010)

*Balto 2*
Liked the backgrounds and loved Aleu, but the spiritualism fell flat for me, made the film seem too pretentious. Like the wolf morphing into a tree. The only spiritual part that worked for me was the raven and its cool motion-blur effect when moving. Songs were annoying, howling was a bit annoying, returning characters don't look or sound right (Jenna being the worst, I refuse to think she's the same Jenna from the first film. Balto didn't suffer much though, I thought he was good). And most of the time I wasn't sure where the movie was going, I didn't care for Aleu's plight to find out who she really was.

*Balto 3*
Technically not as unbearable to watch as Balto 2 was, but that they tried to link this to the first film in a half-hearted way is just inexcusable, making me hate this film more. The whole film just felt conservative. Balto 2 was way out there, but at least it was trying. This film just dawdles along without any real urgency, or villains that I can recall, Jenna's just as useless as ever, I didn't care for Kodi, and... ugh, Stella. Stella is the worst animated character I've ever seen, and the most embarrassing.

*The Ladykillers*
Trailer looked great, and I hadn't known a film yet starring Tom Hanks to be bad. Until now. It was too dark to be funny, any attempts at humor didn't work, one guy was way too profane, Tom Hanks' character completely failed to be interesting to watch, and it just meandered on. I guess the trailer had me thinking it'd be lighthearted.

*Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace*
Didn't care for the characters, the political scenes were unbelievably boring, Jar Jar Binks was kind of cute I suppose, podracer scene is what we all came to see... I didn't really get any majestic sense from any of it. It was a prequel story that didn't feel like it was leading up to anything important. I never saw Episode II or III.

*Tropic Thunder*
The humor wasn't my thing, the fake trailers at the beginning left me squirming, and I'm not a fan of the evil CEO who spouts heavy profanity. The movie looked good on paper, I wonder if it would have done any better if they just cut back on the raunch and profanity.

FILMS THAT WEREN'T QUITE HORRIBLE

*Legend of the Titanic* (bad but with a big exception)
This isn't Titanic: The Legend Lives On, this is the OTHER animated Titanic film. Nothing really to note about it, it was just boring and felt like it went on for ages. And a pointless dog named Smiley. But there was one saving grace about the whole film, kind of a biggie: it had a sailor mouse called Top Connors. That is the cutest male mouse I've ever seen in a film, it's a damn shame no fanart exists of him. Half the time he makes noises or poses, the other half he talks in a raspy voice that reminds me of a pirate. And then there's Ronnie, his companion. Looks goofy, not quite as good looking... he wouldn't be of note if it weren't for the odd relationship that Top and Connors have. They hug, they nuzzle, they dance... it's like they're made for each other. Which makes it all the more jarring considering Top has a love interest who appears for all of one minute and doesn't look anywhere as interesting (she doesn't even have any real personality to speak of). Top and Ronnie are clearly the more logical couple.

*The Trumpet of the Swan* (good movie, horrible trailer)
This is generally considered a horrible animated adaptation of the beloved book, completely destroying any childhood memories you may have of it. And for the first 10 minutes or so, yes, it is terrible. Ask me sometime about the scene in it that sends me into a rage like "Bat credit card" does for Nostalgia Critic (that is, the most childhood-ruining scene I've ever seen). The songs are bad, some of the characters are drawn poorly, some characters you just won't care about at all (like how the swan brothers and sisters all have colored wig hair, and that ugly looking squirrel with the beard). And it's a really bad sign when Louis's love interest Serena comes off as annoying in their first encounter (she eventually becomes a little more likeable). But, I never thought I would say this, the film becomes bearable later on and a decent adaptation. Yes, the events are completely out of order and they cut an entire location out BUT they change things to keep the motivations the same so the storyline's relatively intact. Louis is easily the most watchable character. I know he's called Louie in the film for no apparent reason, I just try to ignore that change. He somehow acts as I expected him to, being depressed most of the time for his lack of luck and how his travels take him away from his girl. It manages to adapt several memorable scenes fairly well, a highlight for me being when Louis is at the school. Not only do they nail the weird teacher's personality but the new scenes they add for it aren't bad either. One scene I'm sure everyone would like is a brief one where Louis holds Sam's hand, and then he pulls Sam's shoelace. It's like showing affection in two ways at once, one for the kids to understand, and one that fans of the book would be intimately familiar with. The trailer, though, seems to show off the worst of the film. It's what originally made me avoid the movie like the plague. If you watch it, it may destroy your childhood... or it might be a hidden treasure. By any measure it doesn't feel anywhere as professional as the animated Charlotte's Web, but I always felt Trumpet of the Swan had a better story, so it balances out.


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Sep 23, 2010)

Ben said:


> I saw *War of the Worlds* when I was a kid too, and I remember enjoying it pretty thoroughly. Dakota Fanning had a tendency to be overly annoying, but maybe that's my inner twelve year-old talking.



The real message in the story is "Prokaryotes are the real rightful rulers of Earth; humans just THINK they are".


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## Ferdie (Sep 23, 2010)

2012

It was about an hour too long. Also the action/special effects were so over the top that I couldn't lose myself in the movie.


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## Aegis (Sep 23, 2010)

*The Sorcerer's Apprentice *
If you have seen it, then you'll know what I am talking about.
There was no flow or sense in most of it and it was practically rush.
The acting wasn't great and the jokes were meh. You get to the end of the movie and you'll go "omg, I just wasted my money".

*Napoleon Dynamite
*If you haven't seen it, then you are blessed by the heaven's above.

**Insert Movies about the Underdog Team in a Major Sport**


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## Sef Highwind (Sep 23, 2010)

Hold it, since when did they make a Balto 2 and 3? Why, I mean the first one was a fantastic animated movie that ended on a high note.

On another note: another bad movie would have to be North. It does have heart to it, but the plot is very awkward. Not to mention the movie is very stereotype towards many cultures, but some of them are somewhat funny. Though I will admit that their version of Texas was almost dead on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljimiXRFOTY


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## Isen (Sep 24, 2010)

Heckler & Koch said:


> * I <3 Huckabees:* My parents were watching it and I just kinda sat down and joined them. They finished it but around the middle I just kinda left wondering what the fuck I just watched.


 
Haha, I find that movie adorable.

"Have you ever transcended time and space?"
"Yes. No. Time, not space. No I have no idea what you're talking about."


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