# Is this idea a little too intense?



## Dover (Nov 11, 2013)

I'm in the midst of revising chapter two of my story, I want one of my characters to end up with a peg leg but it ended up broken and I don't know how to cut the broken leg off XD. 
I was going to go back earlier in the chapter and when a support beam falls down and blocks a door way, instead of it blocking the doorway, should I have it fall on the poor protagonist and have the guy's girlfriend amputate it right then and there so they can escape the burning building? It seems logical for her being able to do that even if she is a cute vixen because she is also a student doctor.

I want to know if this idea is to far fetched and "wtf no she too cute fo dat!" material for readers, or if readers would think its logical for her to hack off her bo's limb with minimal mental scarring.

this post is in efforts to save a multitude of hours rewriting the same thing in two different situations... Again... If you need additional info let me know! Do not hesitate to bother me.


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## Butters Shikkon (Nov 11, 2013)

It sounds intense...yes. But not in an unusual way. 

I mean how else would you describe cutting off a leg? Keep in mind that you'd have to have something incredibly sharp to cut through bone though.


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## chesse20 (Nov 11, 2013)

Butterflygoddess said:


> It sounds intense...yes. But not in an unusual way.
> 
> I mean how else would you describe cutting off a leg? Keep in mind that you'd have to have something incredibly sharp to cut through bone though.


What about the part in evil dead where her leg gets stuck and she just pulls on the leg so hard it rips into toe pieces

Or maybe Jason Kruger comes out with a chainsaw and cuts her leg off or she had too much fun with a furry sawfish


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## Dover (Nov 12, 2013)

Butterflygoddess said:


> It sounds intense...yes. But not in an unusual way.
> 
> I mean how else would you describe cutting off a leg? Keep in mind that you'd have to have something incredibly sharp to cut through bone though.



I was thinking that it would be at the joint of the knee but that would still need to break the knee cap I suppose. Common household items include, but are not limited to:
A shovel, a saw, the corners of legos, fireplace tools, possibly a decorative sword piece that actually is sharp, or maybe even a machete could be lying around the shed :U. Thanks for your input, it helps!



chesse20 said:


> What about the part in evil dead where her leg gets stuck and she just pulls on the leg so hard it rips into toe pieces
> 
> Or maybe Jason Kruger comes out with a chainsaw and cuts her leg off or she had too much fun with a furry sawfish



never saw either of those movies.

also its the girl cutting off the guy's leg .


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## Zenia (Nov 12, 2013)

Depending on the setting... you could also have them get out, but then he gets an infection in the leg or some other complication that leaves no alternative but amputation.


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## Spikey2k2 (Nov 12, 2013)

Burning building huh?
Okay so you don't HAVE to cut the bone. Crushing, or breaking it would work just as well once you get through the meaty parts. And givin' enough determination people can be very resourceful in removing their own limbs, rocks, swiss army knife whatever. A few good whacks with an axe, a shovel will do it if just looking to snap the fucker. It doesn't have to be neat it can be cleaned up later and since the place is on fire plenty around to cauterize again as a temporary fix.


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## RedSavage (Nov 12, 2013)

No idea is too intense. 
However--it is all how you portray it. How does the tone of the story lead up to it? What about the mental capacity of the characters? Will they act according to their character? This takes a bit of thinking. You can't just have it _there_ as a plot point, bolted on. 

Then you have to think--are you going to be carrying the effects of this event through the story? How _serious_ is the event?

Also--an idea. If you're worried about the girlfriend--then do something else. Take her out of the picture. What is the setting? Modern? Semi? You said peg leg so I don't know? 

Honestly, in my opinion, a burning house seems cliche (unless you set it up nice). Amputation events are usually hard and traumatic. Like--wrecking a motorcycle at sixty and slicing it halfway off on the edge of a guardrail? Graphic description of sinew, bone, and  angles that legs weren't designed to make. Or perhaps a tangled boat line that got wrapped and tangled, twisting it off. In that same note, falling on the subway tracks and crawling only most of the way up--one leg over. Sure way to lose a leg. 

Basically I'm sayin' that losing a leg in a burning house isn't too original, in all honesty. Plus--unrealistic, when you think about it. Consider the rate of smoke inhalation, heat, and the fact that a full swing would require standing up with bits of roof hanging down (and smoke--which rises). 

But hey that's just my two cents. I'll disclaim it all by saying it's all how you pull it off. If you set it up right--you'll nail it. If it still seems jarring (in the sense that it doesn't match the tone of the story) consider something new.


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## Dover (Nov 12, 2013)

Based in a semi-modern time where warfare has yet to be developed. A major port city called Accalia is being raided in order to seize the extreme wealth that floods the city. The family that once controlled the city, appointed by the King of Aftland, had its bloodline ended and the King is has yet to replace it. Due to the King's slow actions, the city is weaker than ever, and with nobody able to pay the mercenaries who protect the city, nobody is there to defend the city.

The city is made of stone, made from earlier civilization, making it a historical city. The only way that it's on fire is that the pirates have this special type of oil that acts as napalm and can burn on stone for a long while before the fuel is runes out. (Similar to Greek fire) this eliminates most of the smoke factor. Inside of the buildings, the floors and stairs are made of stone but have been reinforced by wooden support beams. Basically what happens is that one of the fire bombs gets launched from the pirate ship and hits the house the two characters are in. It hits the front of the house, cracking the stone and causing one of the inner support beams to fall. 

this is my idea so far. Also I value your two cents, or anyone that has useful suggestions. Thanks.

Alex is a wolf with a very high sense of pain tolerance. He was adopted by a servant to the family of Lynette (who's family actually treated the servants good), the vixen who he falls in love with, but she only views him as a best friend. They are both attending the University in the Accalia city. Lynette's family was chosen by the king to be the next bloodline to hold the city. 

this is the setting summary of the story.(I know I said the house is on fire, from what's already written, it is. But I just thought of it hitting the building from the outside last night. It seemed to make more sense.)


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## RedSavage (Nov 12, 2013)

Alright so for future reference, learn how to summarize and give only essential bits. Learn to condense the big idea. It'll make writing pitches easier if you ever plan on publishing it. 

So here's what you just wrote, trimmed to a manageable level. 



Dover said:


> Based in a semi-modern time where warfare has yet to be developed. A port city called Accalia is being raided . The family that once controlled the city had its bloodline ended and the King is has yet to replace it. Due to the King's slow actions nobody is there to defend the city.



Okay, there's the setting. Cool. I like the premise. 



Dover said:


> The city is made from earlier civilization.... a historical city. Stone. But the pirates have a type of oil that acts as a sort of napalm . (Similar to Greek fire) this eliminates most of the smoke factor. Inside of the buildings, the floors and stairs are made of stone but have been reinforced by wooden support beams. Basically what happens is that one of the fire bombs gets launched from the pirate ship and hits the house the two characters are in. It hits the front of the house, cracking the stone and causing one of the inner support beams to fall.



Well that...certainly fills your plot hole there. You'll have to really work to make the idea of pirates with napalm-like material to work (perhaps a pirate that is strangely intelligent, or he kidnaps an early scientist/alchemist). 




Dover said:


> Alex is a wolf with a very high sense of pain tolerance. He was adopted by a servant to the family of Lynette (who's family actually treated the servants good), the vixen who he falls in love with, but she only views him as a best friend. They are both attending the University in the Accalia city. Lynette's family was chosen by the king to be the next bloodline to hold the city.



Okay, why does he have a high pain tolerance? I mean is just something you want to make him, just a badass who feels nothing? Or would it _perhaps _be more intense to have someone of normal pain tolerance pushing themselves through equally painful situations? Just a though. I'm just bouncing alternating ideas. Also the servant idea is... well it's been used. Hopefully you got a twist beyond benevolent cartaker. The bit about her not being interested in him romantically, though, is interesting.  You mention that they are boyfriend and girlfriend? Does this mean they get together and then fall apart, or do you go back on that part of her character and have them together by the end?




Dover said:


> this is the setting summary of the story.(I know I said the house is on fire, from what's already written, it is. But I just thought of it hitting the building from the outside last night. It seemed to make more sense.)



Yes, it is an excellent idea! I could imagine if it was a cannon ball of sorts, it hits the side of the house, and there's chaos everywhere. His leg gets trapped, fire in random areas. In fact, his leg is getting burned. And the cannon filled with the flaming liquid didn't break all the way, so it's spluttering and splashing fire, leaking napalm-like liquid that is slowly coating the room in flames. And it's a stone slab--no hope of getting it off--until _she_ comes in and hacks off his leg with a sloppy but effective slice with her father's ax or something. 

Or something something or another. You've got a decent lead now. But carry that creativity all the way through.


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## ACraZ (Nov 12, 2013)

Corners of legos... dear god. 
That was too intense, no using my childhood toys of choice to cut off a leg.


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## Conker (Nov 12, 2013)

Dover said:


> I want to know if this idea is to far fetched and "wtf no she too cute fo dat!" material for readers,


I do hope that isn't a serious concern unless her character is like afraid of blood or something. 

Just because she's cute looking doens't mean she has to be passive or excessively girly, and if she's going to be a doctor, she needs to have the stomach for blood and other kinds of problems one would find in a hospital. That means being cold and calculated in times of crisis.


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## Antronach (Nov 12, 2013)

Conker said:


> I do hope that isn't a serious concern unless her character is like afraid of blood or something.
> 
> Just because she's cute looking doens't mean she has to be passive or excessively girly, and if she's going to be a doctor, she needs to have the stomach for blood and other kinds of problems one would find in a hospital. That means being cold and calculated in times of crisis.


There's a part of me thinking that she should start out as such and develop into a person she need to be with all of the emotional baggabe that would bring with it. She'd hesitate to cut off the guy's leg, but by the end of the book she'd be perfectly fine applying a tourniquet.

But that's just me. I like cliches and either playing them so they work realistically or until they fix themselves.


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## Dover (Nov 12, 2013)

CoyoteCaliente said:


> Alright so for future reference, learn how to summarize and give only essential bits. Learn to condense the big idea. It'll make writing pitches easier if you ever plan on publishing


Alright, noted. Thanks so much for the tip, I really do appreciate it.


CoyoteCaliente said:


> You'll have to really work to make the idea of pirates with napalm-like material to work (perhaps a pirate that is strangely intelligent, or he kidnaps an early scientist/alchemist).


I think you're over thinking it, or I'm not clear enough. I was going more for the idea that its like a ceramic pot filled with something as along the lines of petroleum with the stamina of Greek fire or something.


CoyoteCaliente said:


> Okay, why does he have a high pain tolerance? I mean is just something you want to make him, just a badass who feels nothing? Or would it _perhaps _be more intense to have someone of normal pain tolerance pushing themselves through equally painful situations? Just a though. I'm just bouncing alternating ideas. Also the servant idea is... well it's been used. Hopefully you got a twist beyond benevolent cartaker. The bit about her not being interested in him romantically, though, is interesting.  You mention that they are boyfriend and girlfriend? Does this mean they get together and then fall apart, or do you go back on that part of her character and have them together by the end?


It was just an example, calling them boyfriend and girlfriend. They act as such, somewhat, in the story. But Lynette friendzoned Alex hard, yet she hints that she does like him and by the end they may or may not get married. This story might be a longer series, that's still has yet to be said though.

as for the high pain tolerance, I'm not exactly sure where I want to make it lie. Maybe a 7.5 on a 1-10 scale. Higher end being more tolerable.


CoyoteCaliente said:


> Yes, it is an excellent idea! I could imagine if it was a cannon ball of sorts, it hits the side of the house, and there's chaos everywhere. His leg gets trapped, fire in random areas. In fact, his leg is getting burned. And the cannon filled with the flaming liquid didn't break all the way, so it's spluttering and splashing fire, leaking napalm-like liquid that is slowly coating the room in flames. And it's a stone slab--no hope of getting it off--until _she_ comes in and hacks off his leg with a sloppy but effective slice with her father's ax or something.
> 
> Or something something or another. You've got a decent lead now. But carry that creativity all the way through.



thanks for the idea! If I take anything from it, I'll be sure to acknowledge you.



Conker said:


> I do hope that isn't a serious concern unless her character is like afraid of blood or something.
> 
> Just because she's cute looking doens't mean she has to be passive or excessively girly, and if she's going to be a doctor, she needs to have the stomach for blood and other kinds of problems one would find in a hospital. That means being cold and calculated in times of crisis.


Her personality is fun, but when its needed, she is cold and calculated, like you said, yes.




Antronach said:


> But that's just me. I like cliches and either playing them so they work realistically or until they fix themselves.


me too. :3


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## Shoiyo (Nov 13, 2013)

I remember reading a scene in "The Ruins" By Scott Smith, where one of the characters has to do a field amputation. The character's leg becomes infected with some king of gangrenous infection and must be removed. The character doing the amputation sterilizes a hatchet head with vodka, and severs down to the bone, then uses a sharpened stone to break the bone, and saws through the rest of the flesh. 
  A main point to consider is how the character survives the procedure, what types of sterilization techniques will be used? How will the vixen stop the bleeding? These kinds of things could leave an impact on the reader, as well as make a personality change in the character him/herself.


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## Dover (Nov 13, 2013)

Shoiyo said:


> A main point to consider is how the character survives the procedure, what types of sterilization techniques will be used? How will the vixen stop the bleeding? These kinds of things could leave an impact on the reader, as well as make a personality change in the character him/herself.



Ah thanks for reminding me! 
How about I take a bit of what CoyoteCaliente said earlier about the fire dropping onto the trapped leg? I could say some of the fire drops onto Alex's trapped leg and burns his flesh to the bone. Lynette has to get a bone saw from the tool shed and saw her way through the bone and remaining flesh. 

The fire provides means of wound cleaning and sealing (not completely of course but it does help). Fire also kills nerves so this can be why he can have a little higher toleration. Lynette can wrap up the chunk of flesh with some bandage wrap and gauze.

The mentality change would be important, even if its slight because I don't think taking off your best friends limb in a burning building would leave you quite the same xD. And as for Alex loosing the limb and the pain he endured, he can still be his joking self but inside he has a greater value for life as well as falling deeper in love with Alex. :B in turn, Lynette can see an admirable strength in Alex and starts to get feelings for him but won't let it show. 

I'm one of those lame people who thinks every great story has a bit of romance, and every romance has a bit of tragedy. Sacrifice and humor! Two most important things to have in a working relationship, and action story :3.


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## Conker (Nov 13, 2013)

Why is there a bone saw in the tool shed? Where does she get the bandage wrap and gauze? 

I"d go a bit more spontaneous.


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## Dover (Nov 13, 2013)

Conker said:


> Why is there a bone saw in the tool shed? Where does she get the bandage wrap and gauze?
> 
> I"d go a bit more spontaneous.



oops I meant a grinding saw, common hand saw thing. 
they have supplies like that. I've always grown up with having bandages and LOTS of gauze in my household. I thought it was common xD. Stuff like that is common in medical kits. She's also a medical student so I'd think she would have a higher priority of keeping things like that in the home.


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## Conker (Nov 13, 2013)

Dover said:


> oops I meant a grinding saw, common hand saw thing.
> they have supplies like that. I've always grown up with having bandages and LOTS of gauze in my household. I thought it was common xD. Stuff like that is common in medical kits. She's also a medical student so I'd think she would have a higher priority of keeping things like that in the home.


True, though my house is pretty bad at keeping that stuff.

But if there's a fire, she might not have time to run around and grab all the medical stuff. Something like a belt could be a suitable replacement for a tourniquet, but it all depends on how you set the scene up I suppose. Your story, your rules.


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## Dover (Nov 13, 2013)

Conker said:


> True, though my house is pretty bad at keeping that stuff.
> 
> But if there's a fire, she might not have time to run around and grab all the medical stuff. Something like a belt could be a suitable replacement for a tourniquet, but it all depends on how you set the scene up I suppose. Your story, your rules.



well really its just that half of the room xD the place is made of stone after all. But that's a really good idea, thank you! She doesn't treat him right there, she drags him to the bathroom directly across the hall. I think its realistic to do that and not have Alex loose uncontrollably copious amounts of blood due to the fire already sealing a lot of the flesh up.


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## Conker (Nov 13, 2013)

Dover said:


> well really its just that half of the room xD the place is made of stone after all. But that's a really good idea, thank you! She doesn't treat him right there, she drags him to the bathroom directly across the hall. I think its realistic to do that and not have Alex loose uncontrollably copious amounts of blood due to the fire already sealing a lot of the flesh up.


Yeah, but if the house is on fire wouldn't it make more sense to drag him out of the burning building and not to the bathroom?


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## Dover (Nov 13, 2013)

Conker said:


> Yeah, but if the house is on fire wouldn't it make more sense to drag him out of the burning building and not to the bathroom?



Stone does not catch on fire, and only the bedroom is unstable due to the missing support beam and fire being contained only in that room and downstairs. The bathroom and other rooms are safe. Lynette is looking to treat the more immediate dangers. After Alex is patched up and has crutches(Lynette has a pair in her room because she sprained her ankle a few months back and bought them), they are able to leave the house and chapter two ends there. Three picks up and the story shifts from Lynette having the heavy role to Alex being the main character of the 2. That chapter is about his past and crap then they go on wonderful adventures with pirates cause they were kidnapped :U. But I'm getting off topic from what I originally intended this thread to be about.
I want this chapter to piece together perfectly because its a major play on how the characters handle future situations in the story and it needs constant checking and approval to be physically possible and reasonable.


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## Hooky (Nov 24, 2013)

Well, if you're going to do that make sure that the reader knows fully well that she is capable of amputation in a difficult situation. A fire would, unfortunately, be a bane to write around. But i'm sure you could get away with your idea so far.


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