# Anatomy of the Sage's



## TheSaddestLandscape (Feb 24, 2009)

They placed my seat by a street corner.
Car's wreckage spread fast.
They taught me lessons, they knew how to educate me.
I merely watched as metal reproduced a sunâ€™s fulgent development for just a second as they came to pass.
Methods, capsized by those who lack the talent, the seemingly stupid, were then proven to be intentional and just as impressive, just as renowned as those who came before them. 
My destructive tendencies burnt metal as my palm touched the cheekbone, and my hands shook
The impact was completely necessary by my standards, and cogent.
Thereâ€™s a soaked novel on the road, and torn up newspaper shreds, yesterdayâ€™s lonely remainder blown across the saddest scenery, the coldest cheekbone, and I cannot keep my eyes from wandering away.
I wanted to lose track of the encounter, the lonely humor represented by nature, where one tree breaks and the bark becomes weak and no longer strong, and the leafs left the shade.
Unamazed by the unimpressive and cruely characterized defeat we preserved there, I threw my body for the concrete and begged to be put down.


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## heresydarling (Feb 24, 2009)

First of all, the title. It should be either "Anatomy of the Sages" or "The Sage's Anatomy" - I can't tell whether the 's' is supposed to be possessive or plural.

Second, passive voice. Not many people like it. 

"My destructive tendencies burnt metal as my palm touched the cheekbone etc" is stronger than "Metal was burnt by my destructive tendencies as my palm touched the cheekbone" in other words, "was *verbed* by" generally doesn't read well.

Apart from a few typos and my suggestions above, the piece is powerful. I like it, although I will admit I don't really get the context.


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## TheSaddestLandscape (Feb 24, 2009)

Thanks for the criticism, heresydarling. I really appreciate it. For some reason the title was cut short, but it was originally titled 'Anatomy of the Sage's Soapbox' which should have made more sense the way it was written, but still nonsensical.


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## heresydarling (Feb 24, 2009)

TheSaddestLandscape said:


> Thanks for the criticism, heresydarling. I really appreciate it. For some reason the title was cut short, but it was originally titled 'Anatomy of the Sage's Soapbox' which should have made more sense the way it was written, but still nonsensical.



Ahh that makes far more sense, carry on then


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