# Slight vent



## Parabellum3 (Dec 8, 2020)

I have been rather depressed, stressed, and angry lately. I fear that I will delve back into the mental state I had a couple years ago, which was very bad to say the least. However, thanks to a friend who came to visit recently, they have introduced me to cannabis.

I initially tried it just for kicks, but when my friend had to leave, he had to leave behind a portion of it because he couldn’t fly with it. So I then decided to experiment with its effects and see if it will help. I did some research as well and I see that it has a lot of potential to help me with the specific problems that I have.

The problem that I’m started to notice is that I’m getting the urge to smoke more and more especially when I’m in a bad mood or having an episode. Is this a sign of addiction or what? The only other concern, at least from others is interference with my medications. However I do not see any changes so I do not think it is a serious problem.

The main question is if I do get addicted but it has positive effects on me, does it make sense to keep smoking? Because quite frankly, I would rather be high than be depressed. And I wouldn’t know how else to cope with my emotions with or without cannabis. Therapists are complete bullshit and my medications are doing maybe half of the job, but at times it’s just not enough.

I really do not want go back to the times were I was completely crippled, and I’m unsure how to prevent it from happening. I don’t have much options either it seems.


----------



## TyraWadman (Dec 8, 2020)

Is it still illegal where you are? 

You could always go with CBD oils, giving you the relaxation without the high. I personally wouldn't encourage smoking as it still means inhaling harmful chemicals- especially if you don't even know where the weed came from. Some people are willing to lace them with other things and for all we know that could be what is making you addicted.

Do not let it control your life. Remember to only use it when you need it and do not create a dependency for yourself. Doing it a lot will also build up a tolerance, and I can only imagine the potential breakdown you may have when you reach this point.


----------



## Parabellum3 (Dec 8, 2020)

TyraWadman said:


> Is it still illegal where you are?
> 
> You could always go with CBD oils, giving you the relaxation without the high. I personally wouldn't encourage smoking as it still means inhaling harmful chemicals- especially if you don't even know where the weed came from. Some people are willing to lace them with other things and for all we know that could be what is making you addicted.
> 
> Do not let it control your life. Remember to only use it when you need it and do not create a dependency for yourself. Doing it a lot will also build up a tolerance, and I can only imagine the potential breakdown you may have when you reach this point.


I’m in Cali so of course not. And is that something you rub on your skin? Also so far I usually use it when I’m in a desperate state. But I do hope to get rid of my problems without the aid of cannabis. Though I do not know how.


----------



## Punji (Dec 8, 2020)

I definitely think you should try to find another, more healthy coping mechanism. Relying on the drug every time you feel particularly bad may end up leading down a path where the only time you _don't_ feel bad is when you're smoking it. Not to mention I imagine that might get expensive in the long run.


----------



## Parabellum3 (Dec 8, 2020)

Punji said:


> I definitely think you should try to find another, more healthy coping mechanism. Relying on the drug every time you feel particularly bad may end up leading down a path where the only time you _don't_ feel bad is when you're smoking it. Not to mention I imagine that might get expensive in the long run.


I’ll try to. Some in person friends would be nice. Also it’s about 50 per jar so it’s not that expensive depending on how much you smoke.


----------



## TyraWadman (Dec 8, 2020)

Parabellum3 said:


> I’m in Cali so of course not. And is that something you rub on your skin? Also so far I usually use it when I’m in a desperate state. But I do hope to get rid of my problems without the aid of cannabis. Though I do not know how.



In order to make suggestions I'd have to know what your situation is exactly. But if it's just 'not feeling like shit' in general from chemical depression, I might not be able to do much more than say 'find out what makes you tick'. What makes those feelings go away without the use of drugs. Variety makes me perk up. Even if it's just trying a new product or doing something out of the norm. Working shitty jobs is shitty, but if you persist you can put those dollars towards a career that will be more satisfying, if not just let you get a better-paying job that will fund your exploration throughout life.

No stigma if you decide to use antidepressants. Just like weed, it can work for some, it's an uncomfortable experience for others. In the end, I feel like it is a better alternative to self harm, but again, don't go making these excuses to go and do it.

I know the feels of not having IRL friends. It's rough. Incredibly lonely. But you can just focusing on spoiling yourself and keep yourself busy with entertainment things. Try not to overindulge by binge-watching shows though, so that you can give yourself something to look forward to tomorrow.


----------



## Parabellum3 (Dec 9, 2020)

TyraWadman said:


> In order to make suggestions I'd have to know what your situation is exactly. But if it's just 'not feeling like shit' in general from chemical depression, I might not be able to do much more than say 'find out what makes you tick'. What makes those feelings go away without the use of drugs. Variety makes me perk up. Even if it's just trying a new product or doing something out of the norm. Working shitty jobs is shitty, but if you persist you can put those dollars towards a career that will be more satisfying, if not just let you get a better-paying job that will fund your exploration throughout life.
> 
> No stigma if you decide to use antidepressants. Just like weed, it can work for some, it's an uncomfortable experience for others. In the end, I feel like it is a better alternative to self harm, but again, don't go making these excuses to go and do it.
> 
> I know the feels of not having IRL friends. It's rough. Incredibly lonely. But you can just focusing on spoiling yourself and keep yourself busy with entertainment things. Try not to overindulge by binge-watching shows though, so that you can give yourself something to look forward to tomorrow.


I'm honestly unsure if my depression is chronic or temporary, it feels like it's chronic but it only showed me it's true colors a couple years ago. And I've been for medications ever since I was a toddler, always trying new variations to this day. Even this has been the most "effective" treatment for me, it's not much. Also since I'm at online college during lockdown trying anything new is rather hard at the moment.


----------



## Xitheon (Dec 9, 2020)

I don't think it's any better or worse than prescribed medication. Both can have negative side effects. I'm basically addicted to the drugs my doctor gives me (antipsychotics and antidepressants) and can't feel okay without them.

The only worry is that you may not know what you're actually smoking. I know nothing about drug dealing but it could be laced with nasty stuff or some such. Be careful and keep yourself safe.


----------



## Parabellum3 (Dec 9, 2020)

Xitheon said:


> I don't think it's any better or worse than prescribed medication. Both can have negative side effects. I'm basically addicted to the drugs my doctor gives me (antipsychotics and antidepressants) and can't feel okay without them.
> 
> The only worry is that you may not know what you're actually smoking. I know nothing about drug dealing but it could be laced with nasty stuff or some such. Be careful and keep yourself safe.


Same here ngl. And the drugs are relatively safe since they appear to be have been bought from a dispensary (which are everywhere where I live) instead of some drug dealer junkie from Compton since it has a nice box and all "official" warnings and other crap.


----------



## Connor J. Coyote (Dec 10, 2020)

Parabellum3 said:


> I have been rather depressed, stressed, and angry lately. I fear that I will delve back into the mental state I had a couple years ago, which was very bad to say the least. However, thanks to a friend who came to visit recently, they have introduced me to cannabis.
> 
> I initially tried it just for kicks, but when my friend had to leave, he had to leave behind a portion of it because he couldn’t fly with it. So I then decided to experiment with its effects and see if it will help. I did some research as well and I see that it has a lot of potential to help me with the specific problems that I have.
> 
> ...


Honestly, it sounds like *yeah* you're getting addicted. Whilst cannabis is often times used for medical purposes, it *can* also be abused, as well - if it's not dispensed properly.

And so, if you live in a jurisdiction that allows cannabis usage (for medical reasons), then - probably talking to *your doctor* might be a good idea; as he/she can then monitor your usage, and adjust, (or recommend abstinence from it) - if needed; (and - seeing that it's under medical supervision) - that'd be a much more *safer* way to go about it, (I think)..... then doing it all alone, and hoping for the best.

If it's illegal where you live, then - you definitely need to cut it out..... as a drug charge is often times a felony charge (depending on the amount you're caught with).... and thus - weening yourself off from it, is a very good idea, if it may put you in legal trouble, as well..... (and your doctor again, would still be person to approach about that).


----------



## Parabellum3 (Dec 10, 2020)

Connor J. Coyote said:


> Honestly, it sounds like *yeah* you're getting addicted. Whilst cannabis is often times used for medical purposes, it *can* also be abused, as well - if it's not dispensed properly.
> 
> And so, if you live in a jurisdiction that allows cannabis usage (for medical reasons), then - probably talking to *your doctor* might be a good idea; as he/she can then monitor your usage, and adjust, (or recommend abstinence from it) - if needed; (and - seeing that it's under medical supervision) - that'd be a much more *safer* way to go about it, (I think)..... then doing it all alone, and hoping for the best.
> 
> If it's illegal where you live, then - you definitely need to cut it out..... as a drug charge is often times a felony charge (depending on the amount you're caught with).... and thus - weening yourself off from it, is a very good idea, if it may put you in legal trouble, as well..... (and your doctor again, would still be person to approach about that).


I already stated that I live in California so it is legal in all aspects. I might as well take advantage of it too. I don’t even think I need a medical license to get the “medical grade” cannabis.


----------



## Connor J. Coyote (Dec 10, 2020)

Parabellum3 said:


> I already stated that I live in California so it is legal in all aspects. I might as well take advantage of it too. I don’t even think I need a medical license to get the “medical grade” cannabis.


Well, perhaps...... but - it's always a good idea to have a medical doctor review anything one may be taking for medicinal purposes in any case, (I always say)..... and - that's not just being "preachy" about it.... it's just being smart, frankly.

As one never knows what negative impacts it may have on one's health, over the long term..... (especially if someone may have underlying medical conditions, that they may not be aware of) - or, is getting treated by other means, which I think you said you were/ and possibly still are.... or whatever situations like that.... and so - it's always a good idea to have a medical professional be aware of it.

And a doctor is usually the best person to wade someone through all that, and if I was in your shoes that's who'd I'd be consulting before I take any plunges into it - full force.


----------



## Parabellum3 (Dec 10, 2020)

Connor J. Coyote said:


> Well, perhaps...... but - it's always a good idea to have a medical doctor review anything one may be taking for medicinal purposes in any case, (I always say)..... and - that's not just being "preachy" about it.... it's just being smart, frankly.
> 
> As one never knows what negative impacts it may have on one's health, over the long term..... (especially if someone may have underlying medical conditions, that they may not be aware of) - or, is getting treated by other means, which I think you said you were/ and possibly still are.... or whatever situations like that.... and so - it's always a good idea to have a medical professional be aware of it.
> 
> And a doctor is usually the best person to wade someone through all that, and if I was in your shoes that's who'd I'd be consulting before I take any plunges into it - full force.


Yes. I have not mentioned to them for potentially getting a medical license for it so I will note that down.


----------



## Connor J. Coyote (Dec 11, 2020)

Parabellum3 said:


> Yes. I have not mentioned to them for potentially getting a medical license for it so I will note that down.


Well, it's ultimately up to you..... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

But, license or not - (I must say) that - it's *always* a good idea to speak to a doctor in any case, regardless..... as that's just a smart thing to do, whenever one is on other medications (especially prescribed kinds).... as - even talking to them about vitamins and supplements we're taking (when we see them), is something we're often recommended to do.

And it's always a good idea to do this - (not just for you, but for anyone else also) - to have one's doctor have a complete holistic understanding of one's circumstances - in order to provide you with the best care.


----------



## ConorHyena (Dec 11, 2020)

You should most definitly be talking to a doctor before self-medicating with anything (this goes for any type of drug, including alcohol)

pleasure drugs are no permanent solution to improve your mental health.


----------



## Kuuro (Dec 12, 2020)

It's normal imo to find yourself craving something when you feel particularly shitty, but if you have difficulty _not_ having it, that's bad news. Even if the craving is inherently harmless -- some people eat food when they feel shitty, and that's something we have to do to survive. 

You just have to be mindful of your intent. A person can drink like a fish but be less addicted than the guy who only drinks a few times a week. The real question is how the person handles themselves without it, if they even care. I don't imagine you want another dependency, it sounds like you don't necessarily enjoy your prescriptions, either, even if they have are somewhat helpful. I've been on and off many antidepressants, smoked LOTS of weed in the past, avid drinking for a while... Everybody's got their own journey but at least for me, any substance/habit used to help ease the shittiness eventually loses its touch unless used in moderation or used to elevate a preexisting good mood, instead of escaping a bad one.


----------

