# Good so far?



## dab (Dec 30, 2012)

Ever since I have been let out of school for winter break, I have been bored out of my mind. I figured I would start a "script", if you will, for a comic. I have never written anything, let alone something fictional, so please tell me if I could do something to improve the story so far. Here is the Google doc. 
https://docs.google.com/document/d/16gCoHYrsPVxjAPpsIkBjmV6L58TvHCViKwD6EJgBmsc/edit

After reading it, I thought it sounded _way_ too much like Twokinds.


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## Symlus (Dec 31, 2012)

Tbh, it IS a lot like Two Kinds. You might want to make the human's grievances a little more serious, like he attempted a burglary & accidentally killed a man. 

My main suggestion? Go and have him draw out the story prior to meeting the anthro- it should lengthen the comic, and make it seem less rushed. 

Hope my suggestions may be of some help to you!


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## dab (Dec 31, 2012)

Teh-Drahon said:


> Tbh, it IS a lot like Two Kinds. You might want to make the human's grievances a little more serious, like he attempted a burglary & accidentally killed a man.
> 
> My main suggestion? Go and have him draw out the story prior to meeting the anthro- it should lengthen the comic, and make it seem less rushed.
> 
> Hope my suggestions may be of some help to you!



Yeah, the story is a little rushed and sloppy. I think that I should scrap Akono's character and make a new one. Thanks for the suggestions.


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## Reggie12 (Feb 7, 2013)

I am trying on a girl and so far it is good and hope it makes me to last longer.


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## CharrwolfFan (Feb 8, 2013)

I like the fact that Akono is a tiger hybrid, while I have never read two kinds I do like the style you are going for. I do agree with Lev1athan that a more expanded intro would help the story along with a bit of back story, maybe for both of the characters. Good work


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