# I need to know how well this works



## Amadeus_Raphiel (Oct 23, 2008)

Here's a story that I've had laying around for awhile, and they gave me all right reviews on Fiction Press...that being said, it's not a furry story, but I still think it's all right. It's supposed to be written like a book of the Bible, so you might also want to let me know how well I did with that.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1653028/


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## M. LeRenard (Oct 23, 2008)

Doesn't exactly read the like the Bible in a number of spots.  I wouldn't suggest trying to make it, unless you really do a serious study in how the Bible was written/translated, because otherwise you're not going to be successful reproducing it.  It's the product of a 2000 year old culture and about 100 translations from a plethora of ancient languages: getting it right would take time.  Right now it sounds like an awkward mix of modern usage and quasi-Biblical narrative style, so it doesn't quite work the way you want it to.
As for the story itself, it makes sense if you think about it for a bit, which is good.  The science is vague enough to be correct in every aspect you used it, which is also good.  The only complaint I would have (as a non-Christian reader) is that it doesn't lead up to an entirely convincing thesis for the real world, though I'm not sure if it meant to.  In other words, if you were trying to teach people a lesson, it's a lesson only Christians can appreciate.  Not that that's a bad thing in and of itself, because if the story is merely self-contained it works really well.
So I guess consider working harder on your Bible-style is the main point.  All in all, though, it's a pretty good story.  Though I'm not quite sure what the point of the intelligent animals is with regard to the whole thing.  Maybe work that in a little more, too.


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