# Short story



## AnthroHorse (Feb 19, 2008)

Tell me what you think


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## Poetigress (Feb 19, 2008)

Um... what kind of story is it (rating, subject matter, drama, comedy, fantasy, etc.)?  What kind of critique are you looking for?  

No offense, but I'm not into clicking on attachments with no clue what I'm going to be reading -- I've read some things I wish I hadn't that way.  >@_@<

If this is a story you have in your FA gallery, there's also a "Crits Wanted" thread here where you can post your info and see if anyone wants to have a look...


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## AnthroHorse (Feb 19, 2008)

Poetigress said:
			
		

> Um... what kind of story is it (rating, subject matter, drama, comedy, fantasy, etc.)?  What kind of critique are you looking for?
> 
> No offense, but I'm not into clicking on attachments with no clue what I'm going to be reading -- I've read some things I wish I hadn't that way.  >@_@<
> 
> If this is a story you have in your FA gallery, there's also a "Crits Wanted" thread here where you can post your info and see if anyone wants to have a look...


The story is suppose to be very sad. (No yiff or any thing)


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## larkin (Feb 20, 2008)

the writing is not bad, but barely yiffy,  
I cant help but think your story would be more engaging if instead of saying Carl did this or that, you said I did this. 
As an experiment, try re-writing Carl in first person as yourself.  You might be surprised to see how the story will jump.  
I wouldnt make that suggest that if there wasnt potential


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## AnthroHorse (Feb 28, 2008)

larkin said:
			
		

> the writing is not bad, but barely yiffy,
> I cant help but think your story would be more engaging if instead of saying Carl did this or that, you said I did this.
> As an experiment, try re-writing Carl in first person as yourself.  You might be surprised to see how the story will jump.
> I wouldnt make that suggest that if there wasnt potential


Thanks for the input. I was trying to wright in the same style as the book "No Country For Old Men". I have done a lot of first person in life and what'd to try some thing new. I Might wright a yiff story over spring brake. Thanks again for the input.


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