# Anyone Ever Feel Not Good Enough



## babykitty (Sep 26, 2018)

This was posted on my FA, Inkbunny, and DeviantArt page, but I'm curious either way to what others think. I've also modified it to better suit this post. 

While working on some stories, updating current stories and writing a new one, I reflected over my years of writing. About 9-12 years or so, from doing shitty Animaniacs and subpar Bakugan fanfics, to diaperfur fiction, to original stories, I feel like I've remained the same. That among storytellers, I'm still in that 90% that suck. My old fanfictions are gone, but I've kept the comments for them. Occasionally, I go back and read the negative ones since positive reviews were basically "omg super good" or "update plz". Granted all the negatives comments amount to "stop writing you suck". Lol, I even remember a review someone left protesting ff.net to make writers improve. 

In those negative reviews, however, I can't deny they were right. That my writing is garbage and I should quit. I feel as though I've made minor improves: i.e I can write full paragraphs and, questionably, better dialogue. Yet, everything else still feels the same. That the characters I spent so long writing and are just god awful Mary Sues and shameless self-inserts. That despite my best efforts, I'm still not satisfied with any of my cast of characters.

Thinking back to when I tried to learn to draw, I quit waaaaay to earlier. Yet, I couldn't stomach the thought of sucking at it for years. That like my writing, no matter how much self-reflection I'd do, it would still suck. I understand plenty of artists and writers feel this way, but I still want some level of satisfaction from a written piece. Only _Uncertain Future_ and _Caninoid Invaders_ (a sequel to now a personal project) have I felt any pride in. Granted the last one needs MAJOR revisions, but I still feel satisfied with it overall.

That's part of the reason it takes me so long to update anything, I felt too dissatisfied to write it. Yet, I don't wanna delete anything anymore, because I want to make something people enjoy and that I'm comfortable with. I could probably go on and on about this. About the myriad of stories that I felt embarrassed writing, but I don't want to waste anyone's time. This was just something I wanted to get off my chest.


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## AsheSkyler (Sep 27, 2018)

But at least you're in good company. From my observations, only the rampant egomaniacs aren't embarrassed by their work. My work is just way too technical and dry, and just a touch skewed. Drives me bonkers.


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## babykitty (Sep 27, 2018)

AsheSkyler said:


> But at least you're in good company. From my observations, only the rampant egomaniacs aren't embarrassed by their work. My work is just way too technical and dry, and just a touch skewed. Drives me bonkers.


I dunno how good the company I have nowadays is, honestly. Although, we do share dryness. I think of my own work as dry and boring for others to read.


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## AsheSkyler (Sep 28, 2018)

babykitty said:


> I dunno how good the company I have nowadays is, honestly. Although, we do share dryness. I think of my own work as dry and boring for others to read.


In general I meant most other creative folk since they frequently lament their lack of skill in one area or another. 

As far as a fanbase and reader base goes, that can be such a fickle crowd I'm not sure how it counts.


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## HistoricalyIncorrect (Sep 28, 2018)

Could you please show me one of your works? Maybe the best and the worst one? I could give you a proper review. I would ask for original stories
I feel that I suck as I want to write descriptive but also entertaining which makes me think that I rush too much with a story.


AsheSkyler said:


> But at least you're in good company. From my observations, only the rampant egomaniacs aren't embarrassed by their work. My work is just way too technical and dry, and just a touch skewed. Drives me bonkers.


I completely back it up. I hear that my stories are good but I do not believe it. Entire campaign in 16 pages? The goddamn siege that is for 1-2 pages long when they lasted sometimes for 15 years? Bullshit, I just want it to be entertaining for others. I am writing Historical-Fictions (furry of course) mainly, I mess up history way too much sometimes. Also the language difficulty...


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## babykitty (Sep 28, 2018)

HistoricalyIncorrect said:


> Could you please show me one of your works? Maybe the best and the worst one? I could give you a proper review. I would ask for original stories


Sure, why not. Although, the worst I've written was fanfictions, _however, _those are mostly lost due to poor management of laptops.  Either way, here's something from 5 years, Stork Inc, I think it's the worst thing I've ever written. It so bad, I never wrote another chapter. Link: www.furaffinity.net: Stork Inc Ch1 by babykitty
The best one I've written is actually about 5-6 years olds, ignoring the posted date on FA. Link: www.furaffinity.net: Uncertain Future (Repost) by babykitty


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## HistoricalyIncorrect (Sep 28, 2018)

Of course! I will give it a read when I will find some time... who knows maybe it will be me that will learn something


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## AsheSkyler (Sep 28, 2018)

HistoricalyIncorrect said:


> I completely back it up. I hear that my stories are good but I do not believe it. Entire campaign in 16 pages? The goddamn siege that is for 1-2 pages long when they lasted sometimes for 15 years? Bullshit, I just want it to be entertaining for others. I am writing Historical-Fictions (furry of course) mainly, I mess up history way too much sometimes. Also the language difficulty...


I think the original poem of Mulan covered decades, and Disney had their movie cover roughly a few months, not to mention she never got caught in the original until her buddies came to visit after the war was over. I think trimming off a few years is excusable.


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## babykitty (Oct 3, 2018)

HistoricalyIncorrect said:


> Of course! I will give it a read when I will find some time... who knows maybe it will be me that will learn something


I kinda doubt that.


AsheSkyler said:


> I think the original poem of Mulan covered decades, and Disney had their movie cover roughly a few months, not to mention she never got caught in the original until her buddies came to visit after the war was over. I think trimming off a few years is excusable.


I mean, Disney has had no problem changing source material for narrative purposes. So long as the story isn't completely indistinguishable from the original, it's fine.


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## Sunburst_Odell (Oct 3, 2018)

I sometimes feel this way as well, as a fellow writer. I haven't spent nearly as much time writing as you, though. I began writing in third grade, back in 2012, writing "children's books," and stopped in 2014 because I felt limited in that category. Although a year later in 2015, when I turned 13, I went back to writing and quickly upped my target demographic to teens, making my stories "PG13" so I could write what I had wanted to, and make my stories darker.

That being said, I don't have a lot of experience. I consider myself to be mediocre, although most people tell me my work is "fantastic." It's not, really. I have trouble writing a story over 15,000 words; that sounds like a lot to someone who doesn't write/read much but it's hardly anything; about ~20 pages. BUT, I use to not be able to get a story over 8,000 words two years ago, so definitely an improvement!

Here's the thing; you can't give up. Write for yourself, not for others. If you like to write, keep at it. You may have a slow improvement pace but you're still improving.

Look up writing tips and advice; how to make balanced characters, organize the plot, etc. Whatever flaws you can identify; look up how to improve them.


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## babykitty (Oct 12, 2018)

Sunburst_Odell said:


> I sometimes feel this way as well, as a fellow writer. I haven't spent nearly as much time writing as you, though. I began writing in third grade, back in 2012, writing "children's books," and stopped in 2014 because I felt limited in that category. Although a year later in 2015, when I turned 13, I went back to writing and quickly upped my target demographic to teens, making my stories "PG13" so I could write what I had wanted to, and make my stories darker.
> 
> That being said, I don't have a lot of experience. I consider myself to be mediocre, although most people tell me my work is "fantastic." It's not, really. I have trouble writing a story over 15,000 words; that sounds like a lot to someone who doesn't write/read much but it's hardly anything; about ~20 pages. BUT, I use to not be able to get a story over 8,000 words two years ago, so definitely an improvement!
> 
> ...



Dude, I can't even write 8,000 words on a single piece. Not that I consider it a problem really but, its more of personal nuisance if anything. Although I'll be honest, I'm not certain if I enjoy writing anymore. My time on ff.net really killed any joy I had. 

The whole "write for you, not others" thing people sprout kinda annoys me. With the exception of having an online catalog (something I lament not doing in hindsight), people post stories because they want others to read it. That point, it's no longer written for them, its for others. For others to praise, mock and ridicule, or somewhere in the middle. I've been on the 'mock and ridicule' side of things for quite sometime so I'm kinda at a point it'll never satisfy me, personally. Hell, I'm at a point I can't even try without hesitation for fear that it'll just be dog shit.

I've done the 'writer's tips and advice' before but, never got the desired outcome. Besides outside of just being boring, I dunno what other problems I have are.


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## Skychickens (Oct 13, 2018)

Gonna try to fulfill the purpose of the thread here, no promises.

I have the issue where I am both too egotistical about my writing work and too hypercritical at the _exact same time_. I don't like posting my writing places because when I want critique, I want no holds barred vicious torn apart nitpicking and who does that while being sincere? Even when I was going through college I was constantly getting people going "Oh wow this is so good" "you're writing at a level higher than the rest of us" and even had professors constantly telling me they had to really work to find things to critique. It got boring fast. No, you're wrong, there's got to be things wrong! Come on people, I know I am looking at this from the viewpoint of a person who already knows everything, I _had_ to have missed something. 

But I am also like "Nope this is my strongest skill" and am pretty solid on the "I can do it better" when I'm reading things. It...makes me a mean person sometimes. Some people appreciate it though. In one of my colleges I had people begging me to edit their papers and I'd absolutely _cover_ their work in marker. 

I do tend to have some issues working on things though. If I don't like how something's going? I take a break. If that doesn't help? My solution is to go back to the drawing board and throw a ton of it to the wind, completely revamp, rework, and start again. To keep things going I work on fanfictions when things have gotten horribly rutty. Just to make _something_ happen. I always say they're bad but at the same point they're not terrible. I tend to drag on a lot though...for example I have a Skyrim fanfic I never actually finished that clocked over 300 pages. I'm working on a Suikoden one where I'm currently in the 80s. For my original work lately? HA! Lucky to get 10 pages out of it. Drives me _nuts._

However, I do often feel like I'm not good enough at things in writing. So then I go out of my way to write that sort of scene over. and over. and over. and over. I used to feel really shit at dialogue, but I think I finally have a good grip on it. Took me eons to stop making it sound dry as hell though. Spent a long time out people watching and transcribing how people spoke. I come up with challenges for myself often like "how would you describe x without using y descriptor?" or "How would you describe x to a blind man?" things like that. Or trying to describe things using senses I tend to neglect. I'm personally a _very_ visual person, so I tend to write a _lot_ of visuals, but something that really interests me is trying to convey sound through a visual medium such as writing. My current vice is fight scenes. I feel pretty terrible at them so I am using this current fanfic to practice a lot of fights.

Basically: I just practice so much it's embarrassing. I've also gone to two separate schools for this, one a high school where I spent 2 hours a day in a literary arts class, and I got a bachelor's degree in writing. I've been doing this as a hobby for 18 years now though, so I am constantly looking for minute things to fix and practice with. I simply _think_ differently at this point. So I am kinda an outlier that shouldn't be counted honestly. 

Maybe this will help. Maybe not. Either way, perhaps you need to take a step back for a little bit, or try something out of your comfort zone for a bit. Or do silly exercises. Come back later with fresh eyes.


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## Rumby (Oct 18, 2018)

I relate a lot but I'm very hesitant to post my stories (or even start writing and follow through) as a result. Like there's a high chance I'd just quit if I get negative feedback (like I understand criticism might be helpful but getting like 'you suck and should quit' really is discouraging and not helpful) Also there is a part of me who feels that readers might be pushy and attack me for not creating content they want.
But ultimately I just want to be appreciated for trying to write and write what I want. I really do appreciate writers who can commit and write their stories despite others's objections. 
And from what I can see in this thread, you already wrote a lot and should be proud for being able to accomplish and finish writing something ^^

I also think it's ok if you don't end up posting your work though, as I believe self-satisfaction is good enough. 
Like I used to not post my artwork, only share with my rp friends privately since I felt it wasn't that great, and it wasn't until what 3-4 years later I decided to post them because I felt comfortable doing so. So maybe try not posting your work until you feel comfortable.


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## babykitty (Oct 19, 2018)

Sorry if this comes as mean or harsh, I'm not really in the best state of mind to posting anything right at the moment. ​


Skychickens said:


> Gonna try to fulfill the purpose of the thread here, no promises.
> 
> I have the issue where I am both too egotistical about my writing work and too hypercritical at the _exact same time_. I don't like posting my writing places because when I want critique, I want no holds barred vicious torn apart nitpicking and who does that while being sincere? Even when I was going through college I was constantly getting people going "Oh wow this is so good" "you're writing at a level higher than the rest of us" and even had professors constantly telling me they had to really work to find things to critique. It got boring fast. No, you're wrong, there's got to be things wrong! Come on people, I know I am looking at this from the viewpoint of a person who already knows everything, I _had_ to have missed something.
> 
> ...



I have to admit that I'm jealous. Even if you are an outlier, I can't deny you sound impressive. Maybe a lot of my personal issues would be solved by practicing, but I don't know if I want to anymore. A large portion of earlier years of my writing is filled with constant negativity about how awful it was. Granted, it was mostly fanfiction but still, same basic rules of writing and story structure apply. Probably gonna quit after finishing my current projects. A shit ton of self-esteem issues I have stem from writing and my inability to tell a decent story.




Rumby said:


> I relate a lot but I'm very hesitant to post my stories (or even start writing and follow through) as a result. Like there's a high chance I'd just quit if I get negative feedback (like I understand criticism might be helpful but getting like 'you suck and should quit' really is discouraging and not helpful) Also there is a part of me who feels that readers might be pushy and attack me for not creating content they want.
> But ultimately I just want to be appreciated for trying to write and write what I want. I really do appreciate writers who can commit and write their stories despite others's objections.
> And from what I can see in this thread, you already wrote a lot and should be proud for being able to accomplish and finish writing something ^^
> 
> ...


Trust me, there was a lot of times where I wanted to quit and give up. It's not fun trying to improve and do better, only to be constantly told otherwise. Even if it was probability just a bunch of trolls, I often see no reason to disagree in terms of writing quality. If multiple people (trolls or otherwise) say the same thing, there's probably some truth to it. Part of the reason I stayed on the site I was on for so long was I just wanted to be appreciated for the effort. Sadly or fortunately (depends on who you ask), all of those stories are or less gone, never to be seen or read again. 

I dunno if I should be proud of much of my written library of lost stories and half-baked projects._ Uncertain Future_ and_ Caninoid Invaders_ were special though. The first was something I wrote that people around me actually said nice things about. Whilst the second one, satisfaction just came from finishing it. Stills needs to be revised, nevertheless, I'm still fine with how it came out overall. By no means is it any good, I'm just glad's over and done with. Also, it doesn't really matter whether or not I post my work, plenty of better things to read anyway.

Although, while I get it, I'm not sure if I'd compare artwork and writing. While their both ART, they're entirely different mediums. Any artist, with enough time, can make improvements from stick figures to something impressive. Meanwhile you can be like me, a writer who's probably no better now than he first started. Probably minor improvements, but still the same. Plus, visual art is filled to the brim with tutorial and advice from hundreds of people, writing... doesn't have that. There will always be disagreements on what makes a story good or bad, differing tastes on how to make characters, story flow, etc. I could probably go on but, I don't want this thread to end up being a 'drawing vs writing' debate. There's enough of those on the internet honestly.

Staying on topic, I'll probably never be comfortable with writing. Like I've said, after finishing my current projects, I'll just quit. My joy for this activity has been dead longer than I'll admit, honestly.


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## Skychickens (Oct 19, 2018)

babykitty said:


> Sorry if this comes as mean or harsh, I'm not really in the best state of mind to posting anything right at the moment. ​
> 
> 
> I have to admit that I'm jealous. Even if you are an outlier, I can't deny you sound impressive. Maybe a lot of my personal issues would be solved by practicing, but I don't know if I want to anymore. A large portion of earlier years of my writing is filled with constant negativity about how awful it was. Granted, it was mostly fanfiction but still, same basic rules of writing and story structure apply. Probably gonna quit after finishing my current projects. A shit ton of self-esteem issues I have stem from writing and my inability to tell a decent story.
> ...


If you want my honest opinion? I think it sounds like you need a break. Maybe not quit but take a break. Even if that break is 6months or so. You sound _really_ burnt out.


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## Rumby (Oct 20, 2018)

babykitty said:


> Sorry if this comes as mean or harsh, I'm not really in the best state of mind to posting anything right at the moment. ​
> 
> 
> I have to admit that I'm jealous. Even if you are an outlier, I can't deny you sound impressive. Maybe a lot of my personal issues would be solved by practicing, but I don't know if I want to anymore. A large portion of earlier years of my writing is filled with constant negativity about how awful it was. Granted, it was mostly fanfiction but still, same basic rules of writing and story structure apply. Probably gonna quit after finishing my current projects. A shit ton of self-esteem issues I have stem from writing and my inability to tell a decent story.
> ...


But I'm glad that you're satisfied with your work. And yeah reading other great stories is what also distracts me from writing and something I'm guilty of doing.

Yeah I totally agree they're different mediums. Which is why I didn't mention art so much, only using it to relate that no posting might be a good suggestion in relation to it.
There's probably something more to writing which I can't come in terms to and be more confident and comfortable into even posting or motivating myself to write. If I knew there were people encouraging me and liking my stories, probably that would change, like how it did with my art. Just as you said the trolls and hate is what deters me the most. Even if you put a disclaimer that you don't want negative feedback/criticism, probably such rude comments will appear because they simply don't care about another's feelings, and lots of them are rather entitled to talk down on people, and rather enjoy people get hurt by their words. :<

But if the writing isn't making you happy, I think stepping away is good for your mental health.


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## babykitty (Oct 26, 2018)

Skychickens said:


> If you want my honest opinion? I think it sounds like you need a break. Maybe not quit but take a break. Even if that break is 6months or so. You sound _really_ burnt out.


I wouldn't call it burnt out. Just tired of doing an activity that has provided no joy in the many years of doing it with nothing to sure for my efforts.


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## PureHeart (Oct 26, 2018)

Just add the word block after wards, everyone will be like oooh I hope you get better.


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## babykitty (Oct 27, 2018)

PureHeart said:


> Just add the word block after wards, everyone will be like oooh I hope you get better.


What?


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## Lawkbutt (Nov 2, 2018)

At least you guys write. That is all.


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