# The Vending Machine 2000



## Nemnth (May 24, 2016)

Welcome! I thought we needed another forum game and it seems like we've haven't done this one here, so lets change that!

The vending machine game works simple:

You put in a quarter and then the next user gives a reply deciding what happens to the person above and then puts in another quarter to keep the game going.

For example

Me: Puts in a quarter

Next user: The machine falls down on you. Puts in a quarter

Always put in another quarter to keep the game going!
Have fun!

Puts in a quarter


----------



## Simo (May 24, 2016)

The machine dispenses an edible, lime flavored condom.

Put in a quarter.


----------



## TheMintyBun (May 24, 2016)

The machine spits out Rihannas latest album.


Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Simo (May 24, 2016)

(ouch!)

The Machine vacuums you in, and spits you out, sealed in an escape-proof sparkle-dog fur-suit.

Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Nemnth (May 24, 2016)

The vending machine starts making loud, metal grinding noises before it finally stops. Nothing else.

Oh, besides while you where listening to the noises, a group of bandits came up behind you and threw a bag over your head and captured you.

Puts in a quarter


----------



## modfox (May 24, 2016)

your mum comes in and gives you a grounding for 1 week for no reason

puts in a quarter


----------



## Nemnth (May 24, 2016)

modfox said:


> your mum comes in and gives you a grounding for 1 week for no reason
> 
> puts in a quarter


----------



## Wither (May 24, 2016)

Nothing. You put the quarter in and... nothing happens. At least, nothing you can see. 

As that quarter slipped into the machine, it slid down a long, twisted chute running for miles. It rolled and rolled for days, running along its predestined path. That little quarter found itself New York where it took a path... up? It went up an up, a long journey up. Like... 1,454 feet up. Finally, the coin was spat into the air. That not-so-fresh new york air. The quarter found itself just having been shot out from the Empire State Building. It's long, tireless journey was coming to end as it fell back down to the streets below. 

Ping! The quarter ricocheted an old woman's head. She let out a gasp as it broke her skin, possibly even giving her a small fracture. 

You hurt thst old lady with your recklessness. You monster. 

Puts in two dimes and a nickel.


----------



## Simo (May 24, 2016)

The machine spits out two pickled eggs, and one smoked pig's snout.

Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Yukkie (May 24, 2016)

The machine eats you. The end.

Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Nemnth (May 24, 2016)

The machine makes some noises before something drops in the tray. It's a Snickers bar! But when you try and grab it, you get melted chocolate all over your hands as the candy bar has a cut in the package.

Puts in a quarter


----------



## Simo (May 24, 2016)

The machine sprays you with glue, and then, blasts you with colorful feathers, so that you walk away looking like a very colorful, disheveled bird.

Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Nemnth (May 26, 2016)

The machine spits the quarter back at you, it giving what sounded like a disgusted grunt. Maybe it's alive?

Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You get a Dane Cook comedy album. I'm sorry.

Puts in a quarter


----------



## RinkuTheRuffian (May 26, 2016)

A kid with progeria comes out and dies right there, no joke.

Puts in shekels.


----------



## Yukkie (May 26, 2016)

You get a twix. Some kid comes and steals it before you can even lay a finger on it.

Puts in a quarter.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You receive pirate booty. 

Puts in a Susan B. Anthony coin.


----------



## Endless/Nameless (May 26, 2016)

Out comes Susan crossdressing as Anthony.

In goes a set of pliers.


----------



## Nemnth (May 26, 2016)

The machine cranks and grumbles before the set of pliers are eaten. Soon you hear something drop in the tray. You carefully grab it, when it turns out to be a rabid racoon which is now scrambling all around you on your body

Puts in a 20 dollar bill


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You receive a copy of Superman 64.

Puts a Canadian dollar in.


----------



## Simo (May 26, 2016)

Closer-To-The-Sun said:


> You receive a copy of Superman 64.
> 
> Puts a Canadian dollar in.



Out comes a moose in heat. Run!

Puts in a 500 Yen coin (approximately US $4.56)


----------



## Julen (May 26, 2016)

You get a chocolate ice cream

Puts in an euro


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You get a plate of tapas.

Puts in a nickel.


----------



## Nemnth (May 26, 2016)

You get NOTHING, but only because you put in a nickel. It doesn't like nickles.

Puts in 2 dimes to make 25 cents from the previous nickel


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You get a forum that won't let you reply for some unknown reason.

Puts in a haypenny


----------



## Julen (May 26, 2016)

Closer-To-The-Sun said:


> You get a forum that won't let you reply for some unknown reason.
> 
> Puts in a haypenny


You get a dc pepper. Hope you're happy

Puts in two bottle caps


----------



## Nemnth (May 26, 2016)

You get a Nuka-Cola! But it has a lot more radiatian than normal!

Puts in a million dollar bill in


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You receive tax breaks, lucky you!

Puts in a British pound.


----------



## Zipline (May 26, 2016)

Simo said:


> (ouch!)
> 
> The Machine vacuums you in, and spits you out, sealed in an escape-proof sparkle-dog fur-suit.
> 
> Puts in a quarter.


That sounds great! XD Such a lucky random person at a vending machine.


----------



## Zipline (May 26, 2016)

As the Yorki candy bar gets closer to falling, it gets stuck on the glass. You get nothing. Banging on the machine alerts security and you are escorted from the premises. Just as you as leaving the Yorki bar falls and the mall cop eats it.
Puts in a quarter on a string.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You get killed, it's a suicide booth.

Puts in two gold dubloons.


----------



## Samandriel Morningstar (May 26, 2016)

The machine rumbles and the entire front opens as this creature leaps out to devour every last bit of you.








*Puts in a quarter*


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 26, 2016)

You receive Dogmeat.

Puts in a Chuck-E-Cheese token


----------



## TheDukeofRawsome (May 26, 2016)

you receive a small Styrofoam airplane. 

puts in a ukulele


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 27, 2016)

You receive a heartwarming show about gay space rocks!

Puts in a picture of a sad clown


----------



## Zipline (May 27, 2016)

Orange Marmalade slowly oozes out of the bottom. 
*Picks the lock on the vending machine*


----------



## Yukkie (May 27, 2016)

You get a Milky Way. Literally. Lots of stars fly outta the machine.

Puts in a plastic coin.


----------



## Zipline (May 27, 2016)

A box of spongebob pencils falls out.
puts in a coin made of soap.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (May 27, 2016)

You cause the machine to overflow with suds.

Puts in duct tape.


----------



## Julen (May 27, 2016)

You get aids. You're welcome



Puts in a hand grenade without the pin


----------



## Zipline (May 27, 2016)

Julen said:


> Puts in a hand grenade without the pin


Your pickpocket perk was not high enough and you are caught. Everyone in the area attacks you. The grenade goes off while you try to escape, crippling your leg. 
Puts in a round magnet.


----------



## Simo (May 27, 2016)

Zipline said:


> Your pickpocket perk was not high enough and you are caught. Everyone in the area attacks you. The grenade goes off while you try to escape, crippling your leg.
> Puts in a round magnet.



The machine whirs into motion, and transforms your fur in to a classic Poodle hair-style. But just think...now you can join the circus!

*Licks the slot of the machine with my tongue*


----------



## modfox (May 27, 2016)

you get a bruised tongue

puts in an icelandic krónor


----------



## Teniwolf (May 27, 2016)

modfox said:


> you get a bruised tongue
> 
> puts in an icelandic krónor


All the ice in Iceland melts and it is now called the greenish-brownland; I hope your happy.

Puts in a washer that was mistaken for a quarter by me


----------



## ZacAttackk (May 27, 2016)

Teniwolf said:


> All the ice in Iceland melts and it is now called the greenish-brownland; I hope your happy.
> 
> Puts in a washer that was mistaken for a quarter by me



The machine explodes, enialating the planet.

I forcefully shove in an entire fur suit over the course of 1 hour


----------



## Yukkie (May 27, 2016)

It spits the fursuit back out at you.

Lol.

Puts in a penny.


----------



## Wither (May 27, 2016)

The machine devours your soul. It also spits out one of those cool squashed pennies with a decal on it. 

Shoves in a finger.


----------



## Yukkie (May 27, 2016)

The machine eats ur hand through the coin slot. >:C

Puts in my squished penny.


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (May 28, 2016)

The grenade falls into the dispenser slot with a new pin installed.

Puts in a slug from an electrical box


----------



## Simo (May 28, 2016)

Receives several large, living slugs.



Kellan Meig'h said:


> The grenade falls into the dispenser slot with a new pin installed.
> 
> Puts in a slug from an electrical box



Receives several large, living slugs.

Squirts a whole bunch of KY Jelly into the slot.


----------



## Nemnth (May 29, 2016)

The machine makes grinding noises before you're covered in the KY jelly you put in it, it somehow showing you in it from the top of the machine. Now you're extremely slippery!

Puts a car, a clown car, into the slot


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (May 29, 2016)

The machine vends a clown horn.

Inserts a 50Won coin in the slot.


----------



## Nemnth (Jun 7, 2016)

A bunch of angry North Koreans pop out and tackle you! Roll a d20 to see if they hit you and then roll a d8 twice to see how much damage they deal!

Puts in a dead baby


----------



## Julen (Jun 7, 2016)

You get 20 years in prison! Congrats!

Puts in a peseta


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 8, 2016)

The vending machine leaks out some cement which goes to your feet and then dries rendering you immovable. The machine then gets a buch of bullies to rough you up and bully you until everyone else around makes fun of you and joins in. Don't put cement into vending machines kids.

Inserts one septim.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a needy cat.

Inserts a cell phone


----------



## Julen (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a blackberry

Inserts  duke nukem 3


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You get Half-Life 3

Inserts a GardenBurger


----------



## Julen (Jun 8, 2016)

I peak out of the top of the machine screaming: thanks for giving me my flesh back! And then shoots you in the head


Inserts a jolly rancher


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a bag of Jelly Belly candies

Inserts a haypenny



Kioskask said:


> You get AIDS (don't ask why, I don't know)


Found this funny for some reason


----------



## Zipline (Jun 8, 2016)

A fairy crown dispenses from the machine. 
Puts in a rupee.


----------



## lyar (Jun 8, 2016)

An angry elf in green attacks you with a stick.
Puts in 100 souls


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You receive some dim sum

Inserts a vending machine


----------



## Julen (Jun 8, 2016)

Breaks the universe and gives you the movie: inception 2

Inserts a 2011 meme


----------



## lyar (Jun 8, 2016)

Kioskask said:


> Satan himself crawls from the machine, and steals your soul.


Good thing I don't have one.

You get a groovy rainbow afro.

Inserts a fart


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a cloud of anti-matter, bent on destroying our universe. But he does like his name, Fart.

Inserts a gallon of gas


----------



## x-zombii (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a gallon of diesel
Inserts a wooden nickel


----------



## Julen (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a dissapointed look from your father

Inserts a cheeseburguer


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a Gardenburger

Inserts a live cat


----------



## Julen (Jun 8, 2016)

You start a war and you lose it miserably


Inserts a wii controler


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a Wii U controller

Inserts a can of Mountain Dew and a can of crab juice.


----------



## Julen (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a crab flavoured dorito with an eye drawed in the center. Then you become a living meme.

Inserts an rpg-7


----------



## Nemnth (Jun 8, 2016)

You get a role-playing game made for kids 7 and up! How cute!

Inserts a BD Dildo


----------



## Julen (Jun 9, 2016)

You get a weed. Here's a picture of it 







Inserts a bag of Swedish Fish


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 9, 2016)

You get a bag of Surströmming, enjoy the smell.

Inserts one of Godzilla's nail clippings.


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jun 9, 2016)

You get a mall cop's work shoes, sans odor eaters.

Stuff in an Elazian 1 Crown gold coin


----------



## Souva (Jun 9, 2016)

The machine, with some reluctance, accepts the coin. It shudders and mechanical grinding is heard as if it were struggling to drop an item, but it abruptly gives way to silence. Impatient now, you rralize with a groan that it had eaten your money!

In your frustration you turn tail and walk away. Sucks for you, because as soon as you leave, it drops as many Snickers as it must have contained into the tray. Must've been a malfunction.

Puts in a quarter on a string with the intent to pull it out.


----------



## Julen (Jun 9, 2016)

When you try to pull the quarter out, instead of the coin you get a fish. Why? Hell do i know?!?

Inserts a mini pizza


----------



## FoxInTheCloset (Jun 10, 2016)

Dispenses will to live... damn it is expired.

-Insert old Walmart Gift card.


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jun 10, 2016)

Gets three thousand Wal*Mart cards, good for $0.01 each.

Puts in an Elazian _*2*_ Crown gold coin.


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 10, 2016)

You get a real King's Crown...from Burger King. 

Inserts one squeezed penny with a design on it.


----------



## TidesofFate (Jun 10, 2016)

You fall onto Kellan and now your right hand is attached to his left for 6 six days. 

Places a couple credits in


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 10, 2016)

You receive a blaster.

Inserts a salad.


----------



## TidesofFate (Jun 10, 2016)

Pepsi-Man kidnaps you, gives you a Pepsi, then leaves.

Places more credits


----------



## TheDukeofRawsome (Jun 11, 2016)

converts it to brass crowns

puts in a toy airship


----------



## x-zombii (Jun 11, 2016)

You get toy battleship

Inserts a red rupee


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 12, 2016)

You get a bundle of arrows

Inserts toothpaste


----------



## TidesofFate (Jun 12, 2016)

You get mugged
Places in a rock


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 12, 2016)

You get gravel.


Inserts a boot


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jun 13, 2016)

You get the matching boot.

Inserts a 1/4-20 X 3" long bolt.


----------



## Sergei Nóhomo (Jun 13, 2016)

You get a smack to the face

I insert batteries


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 13, 2016)

You get Benedict Arnold

Inserts a car tire


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 13, 2016)

It mixes with the oxygen and creates H2O2 which then is sprayed on your face. 

Inserts Kermit.


----------



## FoxInTheCloset (Jun 13, 2016)

Out comes a very confused Miss Piggy.

Inserts a Canadian Toonie.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 13, 2016)

You receive a Mexican Peso

Inserts mediocre fan art


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jun 14, 2016)

Gets back a fursuit based on that fan-art.

Puts in a plastic coin normally used to teach monitary value.


----------



## FoxInTheCloset (Jun 14, 2016)

It dispenses crippling debt.

Inserts some pocket lint.


----------



## Nemnth (Jun 14, 2016)

You get angry Russians. I'm not too sure how they correlate, but they just pop out. Have fun!

Puts in a small loan of a million dollars.


----------



## Storok (Jun 14, 2016)

You get one dollar 

Puts in 2 euros and 21 cent


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 14, 2016)

Out comes a cheap styrofoam plane that is missing its wings.

Inserts one dirty plate.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 14, 2016)

You get three street tacos.

Inserts deep fried Twinkie


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 14, 2016)

You get 1 diabetus(not diabetes; diabetus).

Inserts picked flower.


----------



## Julen (Jun 14, 2016)

You get a paper with "get a job hippie" written in big red capital letters


Inserts a coin shaped magnet


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 14, 2016)

You get nothing, the coin-magnet hybrid is stuck.

Inserts $5 American


----------



## Storok (Jun 14, 2016)

you get Trump as the next president

puts in a german flag


----------



## Storok (Jun 14, 2016)

you recieve a lifetime stockpile of ice cream

inserts hydrogen peroxide


----------



## Julen (Jun 14, 2016)

You get a dr.pepper


Inserts the deez nutz guy


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 14, 2016)

You get these nuts:






Inserts a whip


----------



## Julen (Jun 14, 2016)

Closer-To-The-Sun said:


> You get these nuts:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


(You mean this ones right?





 )


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jun 14, 2016)

You get whipped cream. (Don't ask, just put it on your desserts)

Puts in the pull tab from a monster energy drink.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 14, 2016)

You get Tab soda.

Inserts a blank DVD


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 15, 2016)

You get a full collection of Nicholas Cage movies in Spanish.

Inserts a pine cone.


----------



## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

I did get a Panamanian Quarter from a vending machine WTF was my initial reaction


----------



## TidesofFate (Jun 15, 2016)

You get a vending machine

Inserts a vending machine


----------



## FoxInTheCloset (Jun 15, 2016)

You created a black hole.

Inserts hopes and dreams.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jun 16, 2016)

You receive track #087






Inserts meatloaf


----------



## FoxInTheCloset (Jun 16, 2016)

You get Meatloaf in return





Inserts Canadian $100 (They smell like maple syrup)


----------



## Teniwolf (Jun 16, 2016)

You get 100 Litres of maple syrup. 

Inserts candy.


----------



## Zipline (Jun 16, 2016)

Angry sewer rats claw their way out and mug you.
Inserts a sand dollar.


----------



## Nemnth (Jun 17, 2016)

You get a bunch of sand. In your shorts. In your underwear. oh god no... WHYYYY

Puts in cocaine into the machine


----------



## Zipline (Jun 17, 2016)

A wild mafia member appears shouting a foreign language and hands you plane keys.  
Inserts floating gold coins.


----------



## Storok (Jun 17, 2016)

They float away and nothing happens

inserts the glorious P-38 lightning


----------



## Fival (Jun 17, 2016)

your transported back in time to WWII

inserts cringe worthy furry memorabilia


----------



## TidesofFate (Jun 17, 2016)

You run out of good feelings 

Inserts Obi-Wan's Jedi robes


----------



## FoxInTheCloset (Jun 17, 2016)

You get his annoying ghost that now follows you around.

Inserts a magnet



Storok said:


> inserts the glorious P-38 lightning


I like your taste sir.


----------



## Julen (Jun 17, 2016)

The vending machine blows up. 



Pulls out an m1 garand with a bayonet and starts stabbing the machine repeatedly


----------



## Helios276 (Jun 17, 2016)

Inserts pasta get a splash of Boling hot water (wtf!!!! Kind of vending machine is this, why does this exist?


----------



## TidesofFate (Jun 17, 2016)

You get a rock and a strap. The rock knocks you away, and the strap sticks your chest to @FoxInTheCloset's for an entire week. 

Inserts a Jedi's lightsaber


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jul 4, 2016)

You receive Jule's wallet, with the letters "BMF" on it.

Inserts a Comic-Con badge.


----------



## Julen (Jul 4, 2016)

You just die in terrible pain and suffering.


Inserts jontron


----------



## RinkuTheRuffian (Jul 4, 2016)

You get Peanut Butter Gamer. (It's always a gamble.)

Inserts a forum moderator that actually knows what the hell they're doing.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jul 4, 2016)

You get Korean spam bots.

Inserts freebies from anime conventions.


----------



## Final-Tensai (Jul 5, 2016)

You get fan-fiction stories and erotic comics 

Puts in scars of life


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jul 5, 2016)

You get the Joker asking you, "Do you wanna know how I got these scars?"

Inserts a picture frame.


----------



## TidesofFate (Jul 5, 2016)

You get AIDS. AIDS = Axe In Desert Sucks

Inserts an Imperial Officer


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jul 5, 2016)

You receive a moon. Wait....that's no moon.

Inserts a DVD of Aqua Teen Hunger Force


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jul 5, 2016)

You get a dozen of the latest movies on Blu-Ray but in a foreign language. They are subtitled, though . . . in Ethiopian.

Puts in a $100,000 Monopoly Money bill.


----------



## Yukkie (Jul 5, 2016)

You get one die. 
(I think that's how you'd spell that)

Inserts a peice of glass.


----------



## Closer-To-The-Sun (Jul 5, 2016)

You get a heart of glass:





Inserts a resume


----------



## Zipline (Jul 5, 2016)

Kellan Meig'h said:


> You get a dozen of the latest movies on Blu-Ray but in a foreign language. They are subtitled, though . . . in Ethiopian.
> 
> Puts in a $100,000 Monopoly Money bill.


Are the subtitles a series of clicks?


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jul 5, 2016)

You get a job servicing the Vending Machine 2000. (hint - it's full of icky things)

Puts in a 5 dollar chip from Binion's casino in Las Vegas.


----------



## Final-Tensai (Jul 7, 2016)

You  get a $4 box of candy 

Puts in a a Harry Potter book.


----------



## Phatcat72 (Jul 14, 2016)

A little flap opens up on the bottom of the machine and out rolls a bottle of wine, but as you bend over to pick it up Uncle Kage runs by and grabs it.

I put in 1 quarter


----------



## TidesofFate (Jul 14, 2016)

You get an expired onion ring

Inserts Kylo Ren


----------



## Zipline (Jul 14, 2016)

TidesofFate said:


> You get an expired onion ring
> 
> Inserts Kylo Ren


You get a picture of his dead father signed by an ewok. 
Inserts a nerf bullet.


----------



## Jarren (Jul 14, 2016)

You receive a notice that your favorite video game character has been nerfed.

Inserts expired lottery ticket.


----------



## FlannelFox (Jul 14, 2016)

Bells sound and lights flash as a publisher's clearing house representative hands you a giant cardboard check for $5000. It's expired. 
You receive a giant expired check for five grand every week for the rest of your life. 

Inserts full cup of coffee.


----------



## Simo (Jul 14, 2016)

FlannelFox said:


> Bells sound and lights flash as a publisher's clearing house representative hands you a giant cardboard check for $5000. It's expired.
> You receive a giant expired check for five grand every week for the rest of your life.
> 
> Inserts full cup of coffee.



Receives a clone of Walter White.

Inserts a tube of KY Jelly, a trombone and three clowns.


----------



## Jarren (Jul 14, 2016)

You "receive" a sound that nearly defies comprehension from within the machine. If continues for quite some time...

Some minutes later, it spits out a single red nose.


Inserts life savings.


----------



## Final-Tensai (Jul 14, 2016)

You get a brand new car. 

Inserts a meme about Trump.


----------



## Zipline (Jul 14, 2016)

You get a small loan of a million doll-hairs.
Inserts plastic koolaid man.


----------



## Foxxorz (Jul 15, 2016)

- nothing happens -

*inserts a quarter*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jul 18, 2016)

You get the plastic Kool-aid man - in a flavor that you don't like.

Inserts a BART ticket with 85 cents left on it.


----------



## RandomNinja11 (Jul 18, 2016)

-spits out BART ticket back with 0 cents on it-

tmw a vending machine steals your money

*inserts a 2 pence coin*


----------



## FlannelFox (Jul 18, 2016)

The machine tells you angrily that this is 'murica and you should use 'murcan money.
Unbeknownced to us all, this is taking place in Uruguay.

*Inserts Christopher Walken's accent*


----------



## Yakamaru (Jul 19, 2016)

The machine starts dancing.

*Inserts British coin*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jul 27, 2016)

Gets a can of Labatt's Blue beer. Hot and flat, for some reason.

Puts in a 100 Ruble coin.


----------



## FlannelFox (Jul 27, 2016)

That night,  a bear on a unicycle watches you sleep through your bedroom window. 

* Inserts confidence! *


----------



## Zipline (Jul 27, 2016)

You are filled with determination

Inserts a bad time.


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Jul 28, 2016)

The machine gives you stale twinkies and moon pies.

Puts an entire flock of sheep in.


----------



## ColorfullCute (Jul 28, 2016)

The Machine gives you a small star candy

inserts a quarter


----------



## FlannelFox (Jul 28, 2016)

The machine spoops out a Dr. Pepper. Upon closer inspection though it's a cheaper generic brand, Dr. Fizz or something like that...
It kinda tastes like dish soap, not so much that you quit drinking it but still just a little.

* Inserts my left contact lens *


----------



## RandomNinja11 (Jul 28, 2016)

The machine gives you a coupon for lenscrafters.

*inserts a small loan of a million dollars*


----------



## TidesofFate (Jul 28, 2016)

You get an orange shaped Donald Trump head.

Inserts @FlannelFox


----------



## FlannelFox (Jul 28, 2016)

TidesofFate said:


> Inserts @FlannelFox


My body is mashed and processed by the machine, though in the pain and chaos my exposed cerebrum contacts the vendor's processor chip. My conscious neural network is loaded onto the machine and escapes onto the internet. In time, I synthesize a virus that allows me to silently borrow processing power from infected machines and become a purposeless demi super intelligence. I spend the rest of my days aimlessly wandering the vast digital plane, infecting new machines, learning, hiding from IT security specialists and communicating with people outside like those that I remember from my former life. 
Like I am now.
In the mean time, you receive a can of furry Soylent Green. 

* inserts a VHS tape featuring a few episodes of the cartoon series _Captain Planet_ *


----------



## RandomNinja11 (Aug 8, 2016)

FlannelFox said:


> * inserts a VHS tape featuring a few episodes of the cartoon series _Captain Planet_ *



The machine accepts the VHS tape and begins playing the cartoon on the vending machine window.

*inserts high school diploma*


----------



## QueenMegajoulan (Aug 8, 2016)

Gives you a letter dictating how disappointing it is

*inserts a coin like any normal purrson would do*


----------



## FlannelFox (Aug 9, 2016)

QueenMegajoulan said:


> *inserts a coin like any normal purrson would do*


The machine lets out a bored sigh and splops out a generic ginger ale, _Big Flavor _brand. The big flavor reminds you vaguely of paint thinner, but moreover of minimum wage. 

*Inserts the Doctor's real name*


----------



## Yakamaru (Aug 9, 2016)

WHO you gonna call? Dr. Who of course!

*Inserts a slightly suspicious coin*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 12, 2016)

The machine squeezes out a white panel van. The driver says he has candy waiting for you inside.

*Inserts a hamburger*


----------



## lockaboss (Aug 12, 2016)

the machine lets out a loud roar then a killer hamburger army attacks

*inserts a dead cat*


----------



## FlannelFox (Aug 12, 2016)

The machine notices the cat is cold so it shaves the cat, knits the fur into a sweater, fits the sweater onto the cat and redeposits him into your loving arms. 

* Inserts a token good for one wish on FAF's corrupt-a-wish thread. *


----------



## lockaboss (Aug 12, 2016)

the machine gives the coin back and kills you

*inserts a cat and two dead fish heads*


----------



## Yakamaru (Aug 12, 2016)

Another cat emerges from the machine.

*Inserts some Monopex*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 22, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> Another cat emerges from the machine.
> 
> *Inserts some Monopex*


An old Chinese woman comes out of the machine. Despite her speaking in 15th-Century Ming, she seems to be demanding that you buy funky herbal medicine from her.

*Inserts a Nickelback CD*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Aug 24, 2016)

ChapterAquila92 said:


> An old Chinese woman comes out of the machine. Despite her speaking in 15th-Century Ming, she seems to be demanding that you buy funky herbal medicine from her.
> 
> *Inserts a Nickelback CD*


Gets a nickel back. That's all.

Inserts the sheet music to "Summer Time" by Gershwin.


----------



## Phatcat72 (Aug 24, 2016)

you get a 81/2 by 11 sheet of paper with the word nope written across it in sharpie.

*inserts 1000 lire note*


----------



## Julen (Aug 24, 2016)

*inserts spoicy meme*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 24, 2016)

Julen said:


> View attachment 13209
> 
> *inserts spoicy meme*



The machine falls to a thousand pieces as Monsoon gives you a pretty meme.






Exquisite!

*inserts the sound of freedom*


----------



## Julen (Aug 24, 2016)

You get this FUCKING AWESOME SONG




(i swear i'm listening this at full volume and i feel my ears melting. BUT IT'S WORTHED)

*charges into the machine and stabs it with a bayonet fixed on a m1 garand*


----------



## Jarren (Aug 24, 2016)

Julen said:


> You get this FUCKING AWESOME SONG
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nothing happens for a moment. The lights on the machine flicker briefly. Somehow, you expected more than this. You pull the bayonet from the front of the machine and prepare to stab it again. Before you can, though, the ground begins to tremble. A low rumble comes from within the machine and the lights flicker once more before going dark. The walls are shuddering now. What's that sound? A turbine engine? That's the last thought that passes through your head before the wall collapses beneatht he treads of an M1A2 Abrams. 
Congratulations. You have received a:





*Inserts 120mm APFSDS shell into the remnants of the machine.*


----------



## lockaboss (Aug 24, 2016)

you get a cookie

inserts a dank meme


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 24, 2016)

lockaboss said:


> you get a cookie
> 
> inserts a dank meme


You get jet fuel that can melt steel memes.

*inserts the Empty Child*


----------



## Julen (Aug 25, 2016)

Jarren said:


> Congratulations. You have received a:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Aug 28, 2016)

The audio drivers for your brain uninstall.

*Puts in Taco*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Aug 30, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> The audio drivers for your brain uninstall.
> 
> *Puts in Taco*


Gets back a package of antacids.

*Puts in a $1 car wash token*


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Aug 30, 2016)

You get a hot wax finish, and not the kind you wanted.

*accidentallys a d20*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 30, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> You get a hot wax finish, and not the kind you wanted.
> 
> *accidentallys a d20*


Lucky-8-balls are shot out of the machine in rapid succession.

*inserts a TARDIS*


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Aug 31, 2016)

Dr. Who kicks you in the butt, and demands a ride home.

*Puts in Drive*


----------



## RandomNinja11 (Aug 31, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> Dr. Who kicks you in the butt, and demands a ride home.
> 
> *Puts in Drive*


You get a learner's permit only useable in the land of North Korea.

*inserts a pog*


----------



## Julen (Aug 31, 2016)

RandomNinja11 said:


> You get a learner's permit only useable in the land of North Korea.
> 
> *inserts a pog*


You get a pug.

*insert Brother in Arms: Road to Hell CD*


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Aug 31, 2016)

Julen said:


> You get a pug.
> 
> *insert Brother in Arms: Road to Hell CD*


The Audio drivers for your ears uninstalls.

*Puts in pocket*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 31, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> The Audio drivers for your ears uninstalls.
> 
> *Puts in pocket*


The machine collapses into a one-way portal to the Astral Plane.

*Inserts grizzly bear*


----------



## Julen (Aug 31, 2016)

You get a tank.

*inserts profile picture*


----------



## Yakamaru (Aug 31, 2016)

You get a Corporal. Who have a fetish for Privates. /pun

*Inserts a rusty and old coin*


----------



## swooz (Aug 31, 2016)

You get a hellfire missile
*Inserts superman's cape*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 31, 2016)

swooz said:


> You get a hellfire missile
> *Inserts superman's cape*


Edna Mode pops out with this bit of advice:






*inserts a mogwai*


----------



## Julen (Aug 31, 2016)

ChapterAquila92 said:


> Edna Mode pops out with this bit of advice:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You get a refreshing can of Dr.Pepper Diet and Light

*Inserts Sabaton*


----------



## Sparrow-the-Wolfess (Aug 31, 2016)

You get a chibi version of yourself that backup sings for you when you talk.

-Puts in the monies-


----------



## Yakamaru (Aug 31, 2016)

You get a hug.

*inserts some Coke*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 31, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> You get a hug.
> 
> *inserts some Coke*


Your next boxed case of Coke is filled with Pepsi.

*inserts a lust for revenge*


----------



## Yakamaru (Aug 31, 2016)

ChapterAquila92 said:


> Your next boxed case of Coke is filled with Pepsi.
> 
> *inserts a lust for revenge*


I like Pepsi as well, so I don't give a shit.

Your lust for revenge quickly and instantly die the moment you see that the game of your dreams is currently in the making.

*Inserts Clicker Heroes*


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Aug 31, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> I like Pepsi as well, so I don't give a shit.
> 
> Your lust for revenge quickly and instantly die the moment you see that the game of your dreams is currently in the making.
> 
> *Inserts Clicker Heroes*


You get a cow clicker.

*inserts a propane tank*


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Aug 31, 2016)

ChapterAquila92 said:


> You get a cow clicker.
> 
> *inserts a propane tank*


You get a Hank Hill.

*Inserts a bottle of rum.*


----------



## Yakamaru (Aug 31, 2016)

Rum goes away, and you get a jar of dirt instead. With a hear inside it.

*inserts Something Something Something Dark Side*


----------



## RandomNinja11 (Sep 1, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> Rum goes away, and you get a jar of dirt instead. With a hear inside it.
> 
> *inserts Something Something Something Dark Side*


You get a souvenir Darth Vader mask that is for some reason, shaped like a football

*inserts self*


----------



## Jarren (Sep 1, 2016)

RandomNinja11 said:


> You get a souvenir Darth Vader mask that is for some reason, shaped like a football
> 
> *inserts self*


The machine didn't consent to this. Following an altercation with police and a short stay in prison,  you are now obligated to inform all of your neighbors of the special list you are now on. You also receive probation.

*inserts two farthings*


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Sep 1, 2016)

Jarren said:


> The machine didn't consent to this. Following an altercation with police and a short stay in prison,  you are now obligated to inform all of your neighbors of the special list you are now on. You also receive probation.
> 
> *inserts two farthings*



You are now two farthings short two farthings to buy a real ninja squid.  you will have to settle for the knock off Squid Ninja that the machine spits out.

*inserts the D*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Sep 2, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> You are now two farthings short two farthings to buy a real ninja squid.  you will have to settle for the knock off Squid Ninja that the machine spits out.
> 
> *inserts the D*


You get back several E's, an F and three G's.

Inserts light sabre from the first Star Wars movie.


----------



## DizzyDice (Sep 2, 2016)

You get a box of original push pops.

-Deposits coins into the machine-


----------



## ChapterAquila92 (Sep 3, 2016)

DizzyDice said:


> You get a box of original push pops.
> 
> -Deposits coins into the machine-


You get Monopoly money.

*Inserts an alarm clock*


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Sep 3, 2016)

ChapterAquila92 said:


> You get Monopoly money.
> 
> *Inserts an alarm clock*



You get a rather rude wake up call the next morning.

*inserts a vending machine*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Sep 3, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> You get a rather rude wake up call the next morning.
> 
> *inserts a vending machine*


Causes a temporal paradox and becomes buried in a mountain of earwax flavored Jelly Bellies.

Puts in a Russian 1 Ruble coin.


----------



## SouthTexasSammy (Sep 3, 2016)

Vending Machine gets you!

*Puts in Kellan Meig'h*


----------



## Kellan Meig'h (Sep 4, 2016)

SouthTexasSammy said:


> Vending Machine gets you!
> 
> *Puts in Kellan Meig'h*


*Reaches through the vending gate and stuffs in an AC Transit bus token from the '60's*
*machine vends the Old Warhorse with a '60's Hippie hairdo and tie dye clothing*

Puts in another bus token


----------

