# Need song Lyrics critiqued



## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

I was if Lyrically this stays on topic

Pre-chorus: I can't think properly, I've got something inside , and It's something i'd rather not see It's Not Me!
Chorus: We all have these parts in us, but they won't control us, We are Infinite x4
Verse : They will not see the light , they will see absolute darkness or any part of us , they will not desecrate us, they will not succeed
Chorus again Except (*) * They try to cling to our cages but we won't let them, and If they moan and howl we will make them suffocate in their own misery and guilt
Bridge: oh no , it's coming that demon that always drags me down, I just have believe and it's coming!!! Fuck you! You won't consume me anymore x3 
Chorus: all except (**) ** : We have the power to change , We can create or destroy , We can rise above, we are infinite 
How were my lyrics , have any suggestions?


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## lyar (Jun 15, 2016)

Helios276 said:


> I was if Lyrically this stays on topic
> 
> Pre-chorus: I can't think properly, I've got something inside , and It's something i'd rather not see It's Not Me!
> Chorus: We all have these parts in us, but they won't control us, We are Infinite x4
> ...


Pretty edgy but it'd be okay if it didn't _sound_ edgy. It'd be helpful if you explain what this is for or what feel you're going for.


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

I was going for mixture between red and system of a down and was going to use drop d tuning for guitars


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

It's supposed to be edgy


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

well system of a down sounds like this:


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

then red is like this :


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

They are quite different styles of metal but I wanted it to be melodic like red , I was going to add strings then the verses were going to be more system of a down.


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## lyar (Jun 15, 2016)

Helios276 said:


> They are quite different styles of metal but I wanted it to be melodic like red , I was going to add strings then the verses were going to be more system of a down.


I've heard these bands before back in my edgy days. Personally, when I read it I pictured a tone being more insane sounding like some of SOAD's songs. It really depends. But as it is lyric-wise I would prefer it to be more clever instead of something blunt. The lyrics seem too simple and stiff.


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

any suggestions?


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

I wrote it in like 30 minutes so i figured it would need some work.


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## Helios276 (Jun 15, 2016)

I mean I would rather have the red sound versus the SOAD sound idk


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