# What is a true Asexual?



## Xitheon (May 21, 2021)

I'm celibate by personal choice, and at 33 I'm still a virgin. I'm totally okay with this, but I *do* have sexual feelings. I can get "turned on" and I do masturbate occasionally. I just lack the desire to share the experience with anyone else. I'm happy to fly solo and I am puzzled by the obsession with sex.

I can fall in love, and I regard myself as biromantic, but still, I don't want to have sex with anyone. Not even with the people I've loved or felt romantically devoted to.

Question: I'm guessing that there are asexual people in this forum. What makes you a *true* asexual? Do some people really lack sexual feelings, don't get turned on, etc? Or is it just the lack of a desire for a sexual partner? I'm curious.


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## Guifrog (May 21, 2021)

Haven't interacted within the circles anymore but there's loads of info and an entire community here:






						Overview | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org
					

The Asexual Visbility and Education Network hosts the world's largest online asexual community and archive of resources on asexuality



					www.asexuality.org
				








						General FAQ | The Asexual Visibility and Education Network | asexuality.org
					

The Asexual Visbility and Education Network hosts the world's largest online asexual community and archive of resources on asexuality



					www.asexuality.org
				








						Asexual Visibility and Education Network
					






					www.asexuality.org
				




All in all, "asexuality" may be seen as an umbrella term for a wide range of feelings and experiences, but common ground seems to be that of the absence of an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships

I'm more in the gray area myself


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## The_biscuits_532 (May 21, 2021)

I getcha. I'm 19, still a virgin, never really had any interest. Not been in any romantic relationships either.

That being said, I think I get turned on the regular amount. I won't go into specifics.

There's a fair amount of NSFW stuff in my faves on the main site. I should note around half though I only like artistically, they don't do anything for me that way

I consider myself Demisexual.


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## Attaman (May 22, 2021)

I'll note you can very well feel sexual urges yet still identify as asexual, likewise / alternatively derive sexual pleasure and still be so. You can be an asexual who loves to go down or be gone down on. The main thing about asexuality in regard to its use to describe a human sexuality is that there's... no real sexual attraction to people. Or it's so marginal as to generally be irrelevant.

That's really the meat of asexuality. That nine times out of ten, outside situations explicitly designed to invoke sexual stimulation (and potentially many times even then), you're just... not going to be feeling it. Bombshell walking past you in the street? "That's nice. So, are we still talking about last night's game?" Somebody getting a bit flirty and dirty at the bar? "Excuse me, I'm trying to drink here." It doesn't require any sort of obliviousness, or an inability to feel arousal, or any of that sort. It's part of why asexual and demisexual can be so difficult to separate without the context of experience, because demisexual _is_ essentially "Asexual, except for people you have strong emotional / romantic bonds with".


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## Nexus Cabler (May 22, 2021)

I'm going to especially agree with those who are Ace themselves. They are best at explaining this, but I have Ace friends, and they all have their own way of describing it, but one that is common from my experience is that while they aren't interested in intercorse , many are still happy in to be in a relationship with others.


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## Xitheon (May 22, 2021)

Guifrog said:


> Haven't interacted within the circles anymore but there's loads of info and an entire community here:
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I had a serious relationship for a long time (with a man.) We kissed and cuddled but I didn't feel at all aroused. And I was in love with him. We even slept in the same bed but I never felt any desire to do anything else with him. I'm still not sure how typical this is of asexual people.


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## Guifrog (May 22, 2021)

Xitheon said:


> I had a serious relationship for a long time (with a man.) We kissed and cuddled but I didn't feel at all aroused. And I was in love with him. We even slept in the same bed but I never felt any desire to do anything else with him. I'm still not sure how typical this is of asexual people.


I'd say it's pretty much a typical story. Some may still masturbate, have sexual feelings etc, as you've mentioned you do. Some may even enjoy sharing it with others, but it's not like needs won't be met if they don't. And some don't experience those feelings at all

So when it comes to labeling yourself asexual, the importance you put to sex in your life is what tends to be more taken into account


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## JuniperW (May 25, 2021)

No such thing as a ‘true’ asexual. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to express your sexuality (or lack thereof, in this case.) Everyones’ experiences are different.


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## Xitheon (May 27, 2021)

JuniperW said:


> No such thing as a ‘true’ asexual. There’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to express your sexuality (or lack thereof, in this case.) Everyones’ experiences are different.


I'm just curious to know if there are people who are incapable of feeling aroused. There probably are, somewhere, and I wonder if this would be classed as a neurological/physical abnormality. Perhaps I should ask a physician.


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