# Woohoo, Finally done!



## Jenzo770 (Jan 12, 2009)

Hey everybody
I didn't really knew where to put this thread, so i guess this'll do.
I'm finally done with the first chapter of my story, and i have uploaded it on Furaffinity. Please read it and leave comments on what  can improve, since I intend to continue the story.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1882469/    <--- The story =D


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## Nargle (Jan 12, 2009)

I think this would be a more appropriate place:
http://forums.furaffinity.net/forumdisplay.php?f=51


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## Adelio Altomar (Jan 12, 2009)

Only one?

How many chapters do you have left to go?


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## Poetigress (Jan 12, 2009)

Nargle said:


> I think this would be a more appropriate place:
> http://forums.furaffinity.net/forumdisplay.php?f=51



No, this is the right place -- The Paper Mill seems to be more for discussion about publications (comics, zines, and so on).

That said, there is a Critique Thread up there in the wad of stickies for those looking for feedback on their work...


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## Jenzo770 (Jan 12, 2009)

Adelio Altomar said:


> Only one?
> 
> How many chapters do you have left to go?



For the moment, I got no idea =P
I have the whole story in my head, but I don't know where to cut and where to begin



Poetigress said:


> That said, there is a Critique Thread up there in the wad of stickies for those looking for feedback on their work...



Well, ofcourse i want feedback, but mostly I just want people to read it^^


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## ScottyDM (Jan 13, 2009)

What are you trying to accomplish with this?

The formatting is unlike any standard story presentation. What is the significance of the full-sized paragraph that leads with a hyphen? What is the significance of the narrow paragraphs? You seem to be leaping back and forth in either time or location (or both), but how is the reader to interpret this? Parts of this seem almost like a screenplay, but not really. The whole thing seems almost like a story outline, but not quite. Perhaps if we knew what you were trying to do with each paragraph someone could advise you on how to create a format/presentation that would be less confusing.

BTW, other than some oddly constructed sentences, grammar and spelling otherwise seem fine.

S-


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