# Anthrofiction Short Story Critique Thread



## Shouden (Apr 9, 2009)

Figure that this can be started and this way, anyone who wants to to request one of their stories for the contest be critiqued the can, or even an exchanging of stories to be critiqued.

Anyways, I hope this gets used and doesn't get closed.


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## Shouden (Apr 11, 2009)

Here we go. Here's my first entry.

it's "Life on the Road" - 1565 words

If anyone is willing to critique for me, that'd be AWESOME! I am also open to do a critique or two. thanks. 

I probably WON'T toss my second submission up here 'cause I don't care that much about it.


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## RedNumberIX (Apr 11, 2009)

Hey I read the story. I thought it was pretty interesting. In all seriousness it gave me a few ideas about a few stories I want to do myself.

There were a couple of things that kind of piqued my interests that I wish you had developed more. For instance why were they all homosexual? You really seemed to have a pretty large idea but it seemed as though your central conflict was around a disparity between the purebreeds and halfbreeds. Really it felt as though you could have used any manner of races, sexual preferences or any group of people. It didn't really even seem as though the mentioning of the war contributed much there. I think you just needed a strong scene to really show the clash between these two races, and you accomplished that as the main characters are being pelted.

Also! I found it interesting your use of the word Purebreeds and Halfbreeds. It seems in your world as though the humans or purebreeds are dominant and in most senses would be the ones to make these terms. I suppose when I think of breeds I don't think that's something humans would refer to themselves as. But maybe I'm just nit-picking now.

I really only found one typo and that was in the paragraph right before the last line of asterisks:

"The V8 responded with like a horse"

Hmm...I really think (and I say this for a lot of furry stories that involve separate societies) you would benefit from reading stories from the Civil Rights Era for something like this. But a good story none the less. I wish you luck in the competition!


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## Shouden (Apr 11, 2009)

yeah, I had thought at one point to change the era so it took place in the 60's but it would take too much work. But thanks for your input. I will try to implement some changes today.


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## Shouden (Apr 12, 2009)

RedNumberIX said:


> There were a couple of things that kind of piqued my interests that I wish you had developed more. For instance why were they all homosexual?



Does there really have to be a reason why they're all homosexual. True, I originally meant this to be a bigger part of the story, but it still had nothing to do with them being anthros.



RedNumberIX said:


> You really seemed to have a pretty large idea but it seemed as though your central conflict was around a disparity between the purebreeds and halfbreeds. Really it felt as though you could have used any manner of races, sexual preferences or any group of people. It didn't really even seem as though the mentioning of the war contributed much there. I think you just needed a strong scene to really show the clash between these two races, and you accomplished that as the main characters are being pelted.



hmmm....It seems you just pointed out the need for a clash and then said it was fine 'cause I put one in. Do I need one sooner? I thought that was good with the State Trooper, but I can easily another one in if the need is there.



RedNumberIX said:


> Also! I found it interesting your use of the word Purebreeds and Halfbreeds. It seems in your world as though the humans or purebreeds are dominant and in most senses would be the ones to make these terms. I suppose when I think of breeds I don't think that's something humans would refer to themselves as. But maybe I'm just nit-picking now.



The humans aren't calling themselves Purebreeds. You have to remember that the story is from the POV of James who is an anthro.



RedNumberIX said:


> I really only found one typo and that was in the paragraph right before the last line of asterisks:
> 
> "The V8 responded with like a horse"



Thanks.  I'll snag that in the next revision.



RedNumberIX said:


> Hmm...I really think (and I say this for a lot of furry stories that involve separate societies) you would benefit from reading stories from the Civil Rights Era for something like this. But a good story none the less. I wish you luck in the competition!



Yeah. it does have a bit to do with racial discrimination. But, I'm not sure if I want to make it a Civil Rights parody, but thanks for your comments.


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## Shouden (Apr 12, 2009)

Oh, and I just wanted to mention, that I will be submitting my second entry in here. I changed up what I want to do with it, and I'm liking how it's turing out.


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## M. LeRenard (Apr 12, 2009)

You know, one problem with a thread like this is that it destroys the whole anonymous aspect of the judging system.  You post here, everyone knows which story is yours, and may judge accordingly.  Hence why I don't think I'll end up using this thread myself (in case I have any friends or enemies who would alter their score according to what they know of my other works and such).


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## Shouden (Apr 12, 2009)

this is true. I did think about that a moment, but whatever.


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## ScottyDM (Apr 12, 2009)

A possibility is to post, "I have a story ready and am looking for a critique partner." That way only you and the other person would know which story belongs to who.

Back when Nadan (a.k.a. Nathan Ryan) started the contest we didn't submit our stories, but posted them to some random location on the Web then sent Nadan the link. When I took over the contest in 2006 there were a couple of things I wanted to change: First, give all the stories the same uniform look and feel--previously some were in html and some in pdf, there were different fonts, sizes, colors, and different presentation styles such as paragraph indents (or lack of them). Second, I wanted to hide the authors' names. The purpose was so the judging would be based on the merits of the story.


About _The Long Road_. Shouden, I think you need to go back and reread the description for the theme.


If anyone has any questions feel free to send me an e-mail. I will comment on character outlines, plot synopses, and even first drafts. I won't do a detailed critique, but I will comment on large-scale issues. For example if your tiger character is reluctant to go swimming I'll point out that fear of water goes against natural tiger behavior, which is different from most other cats.

Scotty


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## Shouden (Apr 12, 2009)

lol. come on. it's a road trip through the stars. *sigh* fine, I think I'm just going to submit one story this time, then, even though, I like "The Long Road" better. but thanks for the comment, at least, Scotty. maybe it'll be ready for another contest.


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## ScottyDM (Apr 14, 2009)

Shouden said:


> lol. come on. it's a road trip through the stars.


True, but it misses the point of the theme and one of the major artifacts of the quintessential road trip--meeting the locals and seeing the sights.

S-


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