# Clients From ...Space.  - Working with Loltastic People



## HipsterCoyote (Oct 9, 2012)

Chances are that a lot of you have drawn or worked artistically for other people and that within those experiences have found some fuckin' hilarious work situations.

Are there some war stories you have where someone has given you a request out of left field/out of the ballpark/beyond the stars?  With this being F.A. I'm sure the answer is, 'Yes,' and I'd like to know what they are, whether in the context of work or in the context of FA commissions.  I can't say I would condone being a jackass about your own clients so I mean this in a "humorous instances" way and not "Let's bitch about bad customers" way, that's for other corners of the internet. 

FA commission: I ran into someone who didn't want to pay cash/money/paypal, but had a shitload of eevees in a pokemon game and were like, "So 73 eevees is a fair trade right?  Gimme your info and I'll give you all my eevees."  ...It was tempting. 

At werk: There is a huge street side billboard advertising a realtor compliments of my workplace, ... but she looks like a fucking Edvard Munch painting and it's hands down the best ad I've ever made because of this.  She is not too keen on her physical appearance, apparently, so when she sent me her photograph that she wanted in the ad, she must have taken it in paint or photoshop and scaled it to half-width to make her appear more slender.  Because resizing was all she did she looked like some sort of freakish slenderman dumpster baby.  I popped it back to a proportional size and made the ad to her specifications and sent her a proof.  No, no, put the photo back "slender", I don't like how I look when in the original proportions, she says.  She's nice about her nitpickiness, but ultimately hers is one of those "Just go with it, man," cases.  She wasn't willing to pay for the photoshop retouch of making her look slender (understandable) in a way that wasn't jury rigged so I just, ... Scaled it the way she asked me to.  The next revision she makes is to superimpose her in front of a red sunset comparable to this, and she picks a photo she took herself and must have ran through a photoshop filter.  Blissfully unaware is she that her red sunset looks to the uninformed eye like a horrible fucking lake of hellfire.  So there's this 10' x 44' _The Scream_ Realty billboard out there somewhere in Texas that is so atrocious but I can't look at it and not just, be so fucking proud of it.  It seriously looks like The Scream, man.  It's the best.

So, stories? 

Lastly, if this is a contrived thread, I'm ... Sorry, I guess.  I went through a few pages and looked at the titles and it didn't look like this was brought up a lot.


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## drpickelle (Oct 9, 2012)

Slender man loves to visit the Bahamas on his days off.


I've got a few-- mostly from my early days of doing commissions, when I was untrained and new to it all. Just going to share a few of the 'wtf'/funny ones.

The first that comes to mind-- is the time someone on Fa hosted a free contest in their journal, telling others to post refs of their characters, and that he'd pick the 'winners', and then commission a picture of them all together. In the end, it turned out to be a fifteen character picture, on the beach, hummers, seagulls, surfboards-- the works... Anyway, I found out about this little contest, when the people who had won started contacting me... why me? Well-- guy had advertised in his contest journal, that the picture would be drawn by me... even though he had never asked me about it... or hell-- wasn't even watching me.
    I contacted him to sort things out. It seems his exceptions of what a 15 character, colored picture would cost and reality were varied. I ended up saying no to him-- partially because he was trying to get a hell lot of something for nothing, and kept trying to talk me down (despite lowering my prices for him anyway at the time-- I know-- I was new), and also because I was a bit peeved he had made all these promises to people, involving my work, without ever consulting me. 

Second story is more funny than anything... A guy on Fa commissioned me for a picture from a particular p.o.v... from the perspective of someone giving someone a (nsfw)--er-- 'snow blower'.
Anyway... me still new, and working by the wip code, had to re draw the same scene six times, and each time he changed his mind about the scene. It was an extreme angle and hard to draw-- and though I normally work without refs-- I was checking out goggle for help-- though, that two proved fruitless. Here comes the funny part... how did I end up getting that angle? The one from the eyes of someone giving a [redacted]? By asking my roommate for help of course. I got her to stand, looking down, while I sketched from the ground-- at the uh-- general height.


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## CerbrusNL (Oct 9, 2012)

HipsterCoyote said:


> So there's this 10' x 44' _The Scream_ Realty billboard out there somewhere in Texas that is so atrocious but I can't look at it and not just, be so fucking proud of it.  It seriously looks like The Scream, man.  It's the best.



You realize you're gonna -have- to show us now, right?


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## HipsterCoyote (Oct 9, 2012)

I might, I might.  

There is this one person I need to be all NDA vague about but 
We were taking bets around the office whether client was a freaky-deaky furry because, client gave us storyboards of something to be animated for children and everybody who worked on it or saw it was like,
"...

...

....Is that... Did, what?  Did... I know that [character] is just supposed to be picking [animal] up but, but, ... 

Does this picture look like bestiality to you, man?"


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## Tiamat (Oct 13, 2012)

When I started working for publishers, I knew the workload would be intense. But I had no idea what was in store for me.
30 full colours in 2 weeks. Oh, our old illustrator was rejected, do these extra 10? It sounds ridiculous. But in the end its
your choice as to whether you accept the job or not. Don't ever miss a deadline. That's career suicide and as crazy as
the workload is, there's always someone who will step up and take the job you couldn't handle. I thought these guys
were insane, until I spoke to some of the experienced artists in the book industry who told me its the norm these days.
Especially when there is a big education drive. One of the artists I know actually got nerve damage in her arm from
pushing herself too hard.

I have rejected commissions when the workload was just too much, it felt weird at first but when they wanted 20 done
on a weekend, I had to draw the line. 

Puling a couple of all nighters in a row is just part of it now. I have to watch my caffeine intake and be sure to take breaks.
The first major job I did, I worked up until the point where they guy came to collect the images. Afterwards I was physically
spent, shaky, sick and exhausted. Got called the next day for another offer...I took it! I'm young and need the money after all. 
Pulling another all nighter tonight, but this current job is a real pleasure. Its for fables and the brief specifically asked that I dress
the animals in human clothes haha.


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## chaotikat (Oct 19, 2012)

Once upon a time I actually worked for well.. er... Basically.. On resumes I call it customer service. HA! In short, I spent nights replying text messages from lonely (weird) guys at $1 a piece (we used a computer program, I don't have thumbs of fury). There were some actual nice guys who I felt terrible for, knowing how much money they were paying to just talk to me. Then there were the weirdo's. One guy came back night after night, wanting to talk about crushing spiders with high heels and crushing his windpipe with bare feet. And the guy who was into dirty feminine hygiene product *blarhgf* After being unemployed for almost a year, I needed a job bad, but this... was special. I did it for about 11 months, then I ran away screaming like a little girl. I got paid $140 a night tho... But my dignity couldn't handle it anymore.

The past 3 years I worked as a manager in a family restaurant. The things that you encounter.. 

I've had my share of weird commissions, along the lines of the text message job haha. I had a big project once with spider women. Humans with extra limbs with silk coming out their hoo-has. Dolphin boners. Penis tails. Anything for a dollar, I'm afraid :\ *shrug* Gotta eat..

I find it hard to imagine having a job paying me more than $8 an hour without degrading myself in one way or another ($12 an hour with degrading!). 'tis a sad world.


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## Zenia (Oct 19, 2012)

I had a regular commissioner with a thing for "cowboys and indians" themes where one party (usually the Natives) getting shot to death. It was odd, as he is Native. Anyway, he was reeeeeeeally persnickity about the number, placement and blood flow from the wounds. He talked me into doing way too many revisions (even on things that I don't do revisions for since I only was getting $5 a picture). Also there were times when I wanted to draw something a certain way because of the laws of nature/science and he didn't want it like that. Like, if a character got shot from a certain direction/angle, they should fall in a predictable way, but he wanted them to go the opposite way and it drove me nuts. Almost all of the pictures, he requested to be private as well, so I can 't even post them. Because of this guy, I now charge a non-refundable fee of $20 on private commissions with the rule that if they end up posting it online, I can too and they don't get their $20 back.

He also wanted to be friends... but talked about things I didn't care about and it was just awkward talking to him. I decided then, to make my Skype name publicly available (I only get on when I want to chat, which isn't often) and keep my MSN name private since I am online nearly all the time on that one but only to talk with my sister.

He was a really generous commissioner though. I would have been ok if he wasn't so extremely picky. I think I earned between $600 and $700 just from his commissions alone.


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## Thaily (Oct 20, 2012)

Not really a customer, as he didn't want to pay and I wanted no part of his insanity; guy was telling me how he couldn't find an artist to draw a comic for him and was not-so-subtly hinting that I should do it. 
The comic? About a guy and how a spider crawled up his urethra while he was sleeping and laid it's eggs in his nutsack, and then he'd cum a flood of tiny little baby spiders into women he was having sex with and infect others and eventually his knobhead would get 8 eyes and fangs like a spider. I could barely believe he was sharing this little fantasy with someone, me, he didn't even know on our first IM conversation. Needless to say I wished him luck in finding an artist and blocked him.

A customer who was fired kept demanding I change changes he had previously approved and when I asked him to take some time to really determine what he wanted he told me to just "do the research" and that this commission would "complete me spiritually". And oh, his spiritually-completing character sheet was supposed to show his herm dog genitalia from angles you can't actually see them from, when he was already getting close-ups thereof. When I eventually told him I was going to charge extra for the huge amount of changes he wanted he flipped his shit and I fired/refunded him, despite the fact he had initially agreed to pay extra for additional changes. I posted him to artist_beware and he went in and responded to every single person who left a comment on the post to convince everyone he is batshit crazy an innocent little cherub, being taken advantage of by horrible artists who won't read his mind for minimum wage.


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## Zenia (Oct 20, 2012)

Thaily said:


> A customer who was fired kept demanding I change changes he had previously approved and when I asked him to take some time to really determine what he wanted he told me to just "do the research" and that this commission would "complete me spiritually".


hahha I remember that guy!

And the spider fantasy? OMIGOD NONONONONONONONO!


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## Thaily (Oct 20, 2012)

Zenia said:


> hahha I remember that guy!



He's made himself a legend.



Zenia said:


> And the spider fantasy? OMIGOD NONONONONONONONO!



I knoooooow.
On a related note, look at this photo I made  
http://www.myriadofmagpies.com/uploads/images/photo2012/th-iheardyoulikespiders.jpg

Yo dawg, I heard you liked spiders, so I put spiders on your spiders...


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## Zenia (Oct 21, 2012)

Thaily said:


> Yo dawg, I heard you liked spiders, so I put spiders on your spiders...


I should have known better than to click that. *arachnophobia* 'Scuse me, I will be over there crying forever now. XD


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## stelcoon (Oct 21, 2012)

i put off requests and commissions for so long because i wanted no part of the situations described above.
smooth sailing so far, but ill undoubtedly have some stories for you in a years time.


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## Smelge (Oct 21, 2012)

stelcoon said:


> i put off requests and commissions for so long because i wanted no part of the situations described above.
> smooth sailing so far, but ill undoubtedly have some stories for you in a years time.



I tried to do commissions, but nobody wants anything done by me. So that's nice.


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## Namba (Oct 22, 2012)

I don't care if I become a modern-day van Gogh, I wouldn't open commisions for any of these fucknuts. If I ever get pretty alright at it, it'll be for me, myself and Jill.


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## Arshes Nei (Oct 22, 2012)

This guy wanted me to draw his girlfriend nude. I said I wanted a model release. Didn't go further.


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## chaotikat (Oct 22, 2012)

Arshes Nei said:


> This guy wanted me to draw his girlfriend nude. I said I wanted a model release. Didn't go further.



That reminds me of the middle aged lady that sent me a bunch of nudes to use as reference for her fursona. I actually did do it. I have no issue with nudity. But it was a little WTF at that time, especially since she did not warn me about the subject of the images I was being emailed. *laugh*


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## Taralack (Oct 22, 2012)

chaotikat said:


> That reminds me of the middle aged lady that sent me a bunch of nudes to use as reference for her fursona. I actually did do it. I have no issue with nudity. But it was a little WTF at that time, especially since she did not warn me about the subject of the images I was being emailed. *laugh*



For a moment there I read that as "sent you nudes of herself" lol


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## NorticRu (Oct 26, 2012)

This is off another site, where someone sent me a ton of what they consider reference pictures and a massive chunk of text. I polity refused and refunded there money. They posted me on a shady dealers list on the site and I haven't been looked at since. Some people :/ 

I've also had alot of "fun" dealing with younger people wanting a commission. *head desk*


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## Thaily (Oct 27, 2012)

You couldn't respond to said list?


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## HipsterCoyote (Oct 31, 2012)

Bahaha, these posts are the best, also, WHY DID ICLICK ON THAT SPIDER LINK AUGH IT HAD BABBIES IN IT D:

But, I need to say,

SlenderRealtor just corresponded with us last week and wants some revisions on her notorious advertisement series.

So

I might post those pictures. 

IT TURNS OUT HER HUSBAND WANTS A FUCKING MECHANICAL WAVING ARM ATTACHED TO THE SIDE OF THE BILLBOARD


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## Tiamat (Oct 31, 2012)

HipsterCoyote said:


> I might post those pictures.



Please do.


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## Hydric (Oct 31, 2012)

I don't do many commissions because i'm trying to get my name out there still and it's not working wellXD
However I do have an odd story out of the few that I did.
This was a panting commission, acrylic paint on a stretch canvas that the guy would have the original copy of. The first weird thing was that he wouldn't tell me what he wanted. He worked in my apartment building and live there, and he wanted me to see his apartment to get ideas. I went with a friend to see his apartment (sounded weird so I didnt want to go alone.) He had a very normal apartment, nothing special, but he kept seeing "As you can see I have a very artistic style so maybe my apartment will inspire you." It was SO normal I wasn't feeling anything. It was a lot of browns and tans, so I asked him if he would like a landscape. He said that sounded great and we agreed on the price of $50 For a small painting.
I did a nice landscape of a wheat field with a barn and I felt it was nice. It was 16"x24" (we said small)  
When I delivered the painting he said "Oh...it's a little small for $50, I was expecting at least 4 feet. At least you captured my artistic side...."
And that was that.....   ._.  I don't even.... At least he recommended me to someone and I got a few more commissions.


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## HipsterCoyote (Oct 31, 2012)

Oh my God. 4 feet?! 
At least he sent you to some more people.  Jesus, 4 feet of canvas for 50 bucks even for a beginning artist, no no no.


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