# Routine check out. (Advise please, yes, I know about the critique thread.)



## Baby Giraffe (Jul 11, 2008)

Before you chew me out: I know there is a critique page but due to the lack of FA I'm going to post my story here. As soon as FA is up I'm puting up the story there.
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The skinny of it.
Set in modern times, a lonely cop is sent to check out a disturbence in the forest and finds more than what she expects. She runs into a dragon in the forest and takes him in as the only suspect. Her friends advises her to take action after the dragon leaves the station.
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My thoughts.
It needs work. I re-read it and fixed all the errors I could find. I think it's a good rough beginning to a longer series, my skills are being buffed so be totally honest; Pick out anything that you find undesireable and tell me so I can work on it.
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Specs.
2,195 words, about 3 1/2 pages long,  PG-13 (obviously ), and 52 paragraphs.

So, Lets get the story out! Enjoy.
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Routine check out.
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 â€œâ€™Routine check outâ€™ they says â€˜probably just some kidsâ€™ yeah. My ass!â€ A police officer walked along a barely visible trail in the middle of the national forest; a tall, thin yet build female cougar was this angered officer. â€œIsnâ€™t this the rangerâ€™s territory?â€ she questioned her self. â€œOh yeah. The local district is on a god damned vacation!â€ She kicked a loose rock into the foliage and took off her shirt, revealing her firm breasts tight under her black tank top and hung the shirt over her left shoulder. â€œFucking asses. Ha ha ha, send the cougar.â€
              A passing hiking couple had reported strange sounds, popping, and some cracking as if trees were being broken. They called the local police station; her station, then they called the local Ranger Station where only the answering machine was present. The rest of the station convinced her to go and check it out. â€œAww come on Lora; itâ€™s probably just some kids. Nothing more than a Routine check out.â€ Was the final sentence that convinced her gullible heart. Bastards.

              According to the hikers; the disturbance was come from the direction of a clearing a mile and a half in the forest. This trail cut the walking distance to about three-fourths but that didnâ€™t make it any more pleasing. Loraâ€™s pace slowed as her attention returned to the real matter at hand, not her spite. The surrounding trees were scratched, scorched, and some were even bent or broken. She unclipped her pistol and let her hand hover over the grip as she slowly entered the clearing.

              It was beautiful; swaying grass surrounded a pond in the center. Tall pine, oak, and other native trees lined the clearingâ€™s edge. Emphasis on â€˜wasâ€™. Now not a single blade of grass remained un-blackened, every surrounding tree was burnt black, clawed deep, and some were broken completely over.

              Lora whistled as she spun around to get a panoramic look. â€œJesus Christâ€¦and I though I was pissy during PMS.â€ She moved toward the pond; the only part of the clearing that was still pristine. This place looked like a war zone the next morning, you know; bright, sunny, clear skies, and birds chirping. A sort of scene that would make Daâ€™Vinci cry.

              In the midst of the horrific beauty, Lora forgot to pay attention to where she was walking and tripped; falling face first into the pond with a yelp, wide eyes, and a big splash. After a moment of surprised floundering Lora broke the surface. â€œGod damn it!â€ she roared in the chest high surface. Her shirt had fallen off her shoulder and was now floating beside her. She grabbed it and threw it onto the burnt ground then began to wade back to shore. â€œI donâ€™t get paid enough for this crap.â€ She mumbled as she took off her tank top and wring it out. Lora wasnâ€™t wearing a bra, a good choice it seemed to be because sheâ€™d have to take it off at this moment anyways so save her self from chafing. Besides, she didnâ€™t like or need them. Her breasts held themselves up, just like the infamous fictitious species known as the Chakat.

              After slipping the tank top back on, she soon found that her holster was empty. Thinking back on it she should have been holding it rather than unclipping it. â€œBugger.â€ She sighed and waded back into the water to find her Glok 9. With another stroke of luck she located it quickly; resting on sand in deeper water. She dove down to retrieve it and swam to shallow water where she could stand up and shake off her pistol. Gloks were resilient enough to the point were she only needed to check to see if it wasnâ€™t completely busted before holstering and clipping it back in place.

              â€œAre you ok maâ€™am?â€ Lora looked up at the shore to see a dragon looking her in the face. She yelped, drew her gun and aimed with well-practiced speed. The dragon quickly dropped to his stomach and put his fore claws in his head. â€œDonâ€™t shoot!â€ He mumbled loudly under the weight of his head and claws on his jaw. â€œIâ€¦I donâ€™t mean harm.â€

  â€œWhat is your name!â€ Ordered Lora as she reached the shore. Not letting her guard down for a second.

  â€œGâ€¦Gamma, Officer.â€ He stuttered.
  â€œWhat is your purpose here?â€

  â€œI, uh, well. I donâ€™t think youâ€™ll believe me.â€

  â€œDoesnâ€™t matter.â€ She stated. â€œTell me or Iâ€™ll have to arrest you for destruction of the national forest.â€

  â€œWhat?â€ Gamma looked up at Lora, sliding claws to the ground. Lora didnâ€™t flinch and kept the gun pointed at his head. â€œNo, no. I just woke up here.â€ Lora didnâ€™t seem convinced. â€œMâ€¦may I please stand up?â€

  Lora hesitated before taking a few steps back and nodding. â€œDonâ€™t try anything.â€

  â€œI wonâ€™t, thanks.â€ Gamma stood back up an all fours. The top of his head an inch or two over Loraâ€™s six foot stature. â€œI know this sounds odd. But I just woke up here.â€ He pointed at his feet to the only patch of green grass she had seen here. â€œRight here.â€

              Gamma had to have been here before and during the fire that caused this mess. And he must have been the thing she tripped over, as he was completely black. She lowered her gun. â€œDo you remember anything before waking up?â€ She asked.

              Gamma nodded. â€œI remember talking to my mother and leaving our abode. Thenâ€¦something hit me and I woke up to find you waist deep in the pond.â€
              So she did trip over him.


              Gamma looked up at Lora from his Chai across the CafÃ© table, herself holding a steaming mocha latte between her hands. â€œUh, Is this a date or an interrogation?â€

              Lora nearly got covered in her latte when she chuckled mid-drink. Some got on her cheek and the table, no other collateral damage and she made quick work of cleaning it up. Gamma apologized up and down but Lora only waved a hand to stop. â€œItâ€™s ok. Donâ€™t be so worried.â€

â€œBuâ€¦I didnâ€™t mean to-â€œ

              Lora glared at Gamma. A glare only a female could pull off that was only intensified by both her being a feline and a cop. â€œCalm down.â€ She sighed and took a sip from her latte. Gamma did the same to his Chai. â€œWe can call this an interrogation, just one done outside a CafÃ© in the middle of town.â€

              Gamma raised an eye ridge. â€œButâ€¦is that a wise decision? I mean, arenâ€™t you supposed to take me into a secure room or something?â€

              Lora nodded and pulled a free chair over to put her feet on. â€œWell, yes. But I find a better way to get truthful answers is to treat the suspect like a person rather than an encrypted message.â€ She leaned over to grab her drink. â€œBesides, there are too many people around for you to try something and get away.â€ She looked at Gamma over her the cup as she brought it up to her lips and took a drink with a raised eyebrow.

              Gamma looked around and slowly nodded. â€œYou have a point.â€ He raised his cup with a smile. â€œIâ€™m not complaining.â€ Lora chuckled, she liked this dragon. Heâ€™s honest and didnâ€™t seem rash, also a comedian from time to time. Speaking of time; she had to go back to the precinct and take Gamma in to fill out paper work. â€œOh jeez.â€ It was getting late and theyâ€™d have to head there now or sheâ€™d have to deal with the chief. â€œWe got to go, Gamma.â€

              Gamma was smiling at a passing child that waved to him, the other hand firmly clutched by the parent. He looked back at Lora, â€œHmm?â€

              â€œWe have to go. Fill out paper work at the station.â€ She repeated.

              â€œAh! Of course.â€ He finished his Chai and tossed the cup away before following behind Lora. The station was a good hourâ€™s walk, Lora could have called a taxi for herself and he could have flew but she refused. Later realizing that leaving the suspect alone isnâ€™t the greatest idea. But the small smile on her face told him that it wasnâ€™t the only reason.

              The station was fairly straightforward, a desk greeted those who entered along with the woman sitting behind it. She was in her late thirties but managed to look ten years younger. Chairs lined the wall opposite of the desk and people moved about the maze of desks and chairs behind the main desk. Not much in the way of extravagant.

              The woman looked up at Lora as she approached the desk. â€œWell well well. The amazon returns.â€ She chuckled. Her smile fell when she noticed Gamma lurking behind Lora.
              â€œJust buzz us in Rita.â€ And so she did. Lora lead Gamma to her desk in the office room behind the main lobby. The close quarters werenâ€™t made for a dragon but he was nimble enough to avoid any collisions and every one else was eager to step away from him. Gamma sat in front of her desk. It was well kept: Computer, phone, Rolodex, bins, desk calendar, and pencils. Lora talked Gamma through the paper work, only enough to identify him and where he lived and how to reach him if they had to talk to him. It didnâ€™t take long and Gamma was done faster than he thought.

              He handed Lora the last paper and she placed it in a manila folder. â€œThank you.â€

              Gamma put the pen back in its respective cup next to the pencils. â€œNo problems. So, is that all?â€ He said, not breaking eye contact.

              Lora placed the folder in the â€œoutâ€ bin and looked back at him with a smile. â€œYup. Weâ€™ll contact you if we need any thing else. The CSI didnâ€™t find any evidence yet so youâ€™re free to go.â€
              â€œThanks, maâ€™am.â€ He replied with a smile before getting up to walk out. Lora watched him walk down desk alley, as this area was affectionately called, and wave back at her before he exited out of the double doors.

              The woman stationed in the desk next to Lora slid over beside her on her chair. Lora didnâ€™t seem to notice. â€œYo, Lora. Snap out of it sister!â€ This was Katrina, the black woman that would have been a panther had she not been human.

              Lora didnâ€™t hear her. But when Katrina flicked her sensitive ear and she immediately whipped her head around. â€œWhat!â€ She whimpered while rubbing her ear.

              â€œI saw that.â€ Katrina crossed her arms

              â€œSaw what?â€

              â€œI saw that dumb ass look on your face; watching that dragon walk out of here. Your eyes were glued to his ass like it was a freaking steak! The only way I can figure you kept from drooling was that stoned smile you had.â€

              Loraâ€™s ears face heated up. â€œWhat? No no, you got it allâ€”â€œ

              â€œWrong?â€ Interrupted Katrina. She leaned closer to Lora. â€œNo Iâ€™m not.â€ She pointed to Loraâ€™s desk. â€œYou donâ€™t have a single photo on that thing!â€ She pointed back to hers with a thumb. â€œI have tons of them, mother, father, sister, boyfriend, ex-boyfriends.â€

              Lora seemed lost. â€œWhat are you getting at?â€

              Katrina wore her poker face. â€œWhen was the last time you got laid?â€

              â€œWha!â€ Now she new. â€œNo!â€ Lora turned around and faced Katrina completely. â€œMy sex life is none of your business.â€

              â€œThought so.â€ Katrina threw her arm over Loraâ€™s shoulders, biting her bottom lip with a smile and looking at the double doors on the other side of the room. â€œGirl. You need to chase that fine figure of a dragon down and get your self in bed with him.â€ They both turned their heads and looked at each other, Katrina only had an eye brow lifted while the inside of Loraâ€™s ears had gone from pink to Fire Engine red at this point and a rather distraught expression. The both felt many eyes on them and they both looked around; almost every one in the room was looking at them.

              Lora quietly turned to her desk and slouched over it. Katrina stood up quickly and rather pissed. â€œWhat!â€ She yelled. â€œWhat chall lookinâ€™ at huh?â€ Every one flinched and immediately turned back to their work. â€œIâ€™d get the whoopinâ€™ on all you, just wait!â€ She fixed her hair, sat in her chair, and returned to her own desk.

              Lora turned here head over on the desk and looked at Katrina. â€œJaguar.â€

              Katrina glanced over at Lora. â€œYou know it.â€ She tossed a folded up note at Lora and returned to the computer.

              Lora sat up and unfolded the message. Her face went flat and she tossed it into her desk drawer.

*â€œHun, hook up with him and get laid before I MAKE you do it.â€*​ ​


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