# Something I want...



## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

Something I want
By: Jacob Johnson (foxboy2009)

Something I want but will not get,
Its when your around that i worry,
Always wondering what you think of me,
When i look into you eyes i only see me.
Something I want but will not get,
Its breaking my heart as you walk away,
Always wanting to be at your side,
When your gone i feel as though part of me is missing.
Something I want but will not get,Its when you next to me that i feel safe,
Always holding your hands,
When we kiss my heart skips a beat,
Something I want but will not get..



wat do u guys thinkk...not my best srry..


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## Leon (Feb 12, 2010)

Not to bad, but i think this is in the wrong forum..


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## Duality Jack (Feb 12, 2010)

Foxboy2009 said:


> Something I want
> By: Jacob Johnson (foxboy2009)
> 
> Something I want but will not get,
> ...


Great prose I put the lines that hit hardest to me in bold,  just to allow you to have some "reader perspective" on your stronger lines (in my eyes) 
You repeat the same words in some situations allot "me" "Side" in powerful spots (the ends of lines) and it is a little abrasive and inconsistent but i love it still.

 Keep it up man! I'd love to see you do some structured stuff sometime


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## footfoe (Feb 12, 2010)

I like it


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## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

leon said:


> Not to bad, but i think this is in the wrong forum..


 lol i dont care


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## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

footfoe said:


> I like it


thanx


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## Leon (Feb 12, 2010)

Foxboy2009 said:


> lol i dont care


 
Well it might get moved to Writers bloc where it will go to die a slow and unwatched death.


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## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

The Drunken Ace said:


> Great prose I put the lines that hit hardest to me in bold, just to allow you to have some "reader perspective" on your stronger lines (in my eyes)
> You repeat the same words in some situations allot "me" "Side" in powerful spots (the ends of lines) and it is a little abrasive and inconsistent but i love it still.
> 
> Keep it up man! I'd love to see you do some structured stuff sometime


 Thanx ^_^


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## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

leon said:


> Well it might get moved to Writers bloc where it will go to die a slow and unwatched death.


 XD thanx... lol


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## Leon (Feb 12, 2010)

Sorry but its true the writers bloc is almost as unused as Palette town, and dude you are the worst person when it comes to double posting, it's called the edit button.


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## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

leon said:


> Sorry but its true the writers bloc is almost as unused as Palette town, and dude you are the worst person when it comes to double posting, it's called the edit button.


 
Dont you mean multi quote? and i know i just dont feel like it... plus i get more posts lol


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## Leon (Feb 12, 2010)

Well it pisses people off and no I dont mean multi quote I mean the edit button to add or change something to a previous post.


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## Icky (Feb 12, 2010)

I really liked it, for one who never reads poetry. ( Aww man, we read this really sad one in english today and now I'm remembering it and feeling sad now. :[ ) 
The only thing I could suggest is some proofreading, if anything.


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## Foxboy2009 (Feb 12, 2010)

Icarus615 said:


> I really liked it, for one who never reads poetry. ( Aww man, we read this really sad one in english today and now I'm remembering it and feeling sad now. :[ )
> The only thing I could suggest is some proofreading, if anything.


 go here http://forums.furaffinity.net/showthread.php?p=1551840#post1551840


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## Ratte (Feb 12, 2010)

Foxboy2009 said:


> Something I want
> By: Jacob Johnson (foxboy2009)
> 
> Something I want but will not get,
> ...



try fixing these.
capitalization doesn't bother me as much as grammatical confusion.


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