# ridiculous things in rpg's.



## EmoWolf (Jan 31, 2009)

1. All of your party members wears the same clothes. Those clothes must smell really bad after beating Bahamut.
2. Unlimited inventory. Where do they keep the stuff? In real life, most people would have problems, carrying around 3 swords, let alone 50 swords, 15 potions, 13 bows, etc...
3. The time span. Really, (I'm not trying to criticize here.) in FF XII, the entire plots seems like its all wrapped up in a week.
There is some really crazy stuff going on in those games.


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## Alchera (Jan 31, 2009)

That which you've mentioned, plus:

1. Awkward dialogue people wouldn't speak.
2. Awkward weapons, such as the gunblade and ridiculous keyblade.
3. Armor is exquisitely ornamented...yeah...like you're going to wear that in battle.
4. Weapons are exquisitely ornamented...same as above.
5. There is, a lot of the time, some kind of 'evil' that's just there to be 'evil'. 
6. Don't these people ever go to the bathroom?
7. Striking a pose upon completion of mundane task or after battle. 
8. Voice overs...in battles. (I really hate this one).


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## reian (Jan 31, 2009)

Party members are rarely useful outside of batter...Thanks for the directions you jerks! *angerly waves fists at party members*


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## EmoWolf (Jan 31, 2009)

Alchera said:


> 3. Armor is exquisitely ornamented...yeah...like you're going to wear that in battle.
> 4. Weapons are exquisitely ornamented...same as above.
> 6. Don't these people ever go to the bathroom?
> 7. Striking a pose upon completion of mundane task or after battle.



yes, those irk me. 
there are sewers, apperently, so bathrooms must exist. (FF XII) And like you're going to fight with that intricately designed shield.


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## Alchera (Jan 31, 2009)

EmoWolf said:


> yes, those irk me.
> there are sewers, apperently, so bathrooms must exist. (FF XII) And like you're going to fight with that intricately designed shield.



Funny thing about those sewers. Not once have I ever seen a character make any remark about the smell, or voice any object to wading through the water.


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## Holsety (Jan 31, 2009)

Puzzles tend to be either annoyingly hard or pathetically easy, never a middle ground of "Mildly challenging"


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## EmoWolf (Jan 31, 2009)

EmoWolf said:


> yes, those irk me.
> there are sewers, apperently, so bathrooms must exist. (FF XII) And like you're going to fight with that intricately designed shield.





Alchera said:


> Funny thing about those sewers. Not once have I ever seen a character make any remark about the smell, or voice any object to wading through the water.



Fran: *walks through water, not paying attention to sewer junk*
Rest of party: *does the same*
Ashe: Ugh! How are you doing that?
*Persistent glares*
Ashe: What? Are you insane? I'm not treading through that!
Party (Chanting): Must eliminate individuality... *zombie*


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## ceacar99 (Feb 1, 2009)

> carrying around 3 swords



a marine running around in iraq can have as much as 300lbs stacked on his back(clothing, body armor, water, ammo, and whatever space is left goes for some food).... the weight of 3 swords(18-27 lbs for the whole stack) is NOTHING..... my body armor weighs more then that. though unlimited inventory IS crazy.... ever play the gothic series? you aren't even worried about picking up something. you see an item, you grab it, period. if you cant use it then at least its worth some coin and who cares? you never run out of space to carry shit....

anyway....

1: quests with no motivation. like "hey run over there and do this rediculously mundane and or stupid thing, i'll give you some pocket change for it"...... "okay....."
2: over the top villians. see the raiders in fallout 3. honestly, they are so over the top that they are like straight out of the twilight zone.
3: removing options in the name of simplifying gameplay
4:rpgs that force you to create the entire party rather then seek out allies in the game.


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## Tycho (Feb 1, 2009)

ceacar99 said:


> a marine running around in iraq can have as much as 300lbs stacked on his back(clothing, body armor, water, ammo, and whatever space is left goes for some food).... the weight of 3 swords(18-27 lbs for the whole stack) is NOTHING..... my body armor weighs more then that. though unlimited inventory IS crazy.... ever play the gothic series? you aren't even worried about picking up something. you see an item, you grab it, period. if you cant use it then at least its worth some coin and who cares? you never run out of space to carry shit....



Are you fucking high? An honest-to-goodness quality sword weighs more than 9 pounds.


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## Raithah (Feb 1, 2009)

Muhahaha, watch in fear as hours of your life are spent plumbing the absurdly spacious [sewers] of TVTropes!

Edit: ceacar's post reminded me, on a thoroughly offtopic tangent, the [BLEEX] is just awesome.

Edit2: A quick search turned [this] up. If you believe what they say, the average medieval sword was only as massive as ~2 kilos.


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## Tycho (Feb 1, 2009)

Raithah said:


> Edit2: A quick search turned [this] up. If you believe what they say, the average medieval sword was only as massive as ~2 kilos.



...Holy fuck.  I could handle a sword that weight no problem...

OK, I rescind my previous comment about the weight of swords.


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## ceacar99 (Feb 1, 2009)

Tycho The Itinerant said:


> Are you fucking high? An honest-to-goodness quality sword weighs more than 9 pounds.



'high quality" huh? lol. well, a good ol sword one handed ranges from 3-9 pounds. 3x9=27, easy math bud. now a good ol longsword doesnt get much heavier then 9-10 pounds. there are no 40lb swords like in fucking oblivion. you wouldnt be able to lift such a thing one handed, much less swing it(hell, i havent seen anyone who can wield the m2 browning 20lb barrels like a sword either, 20lbs is A LOT for one hand to handle. even with two those barrels are so heavy that in almost everyone's hands they'd be pretty useless)



			
				http://www.thearma.org/essays/weights.htm said:
			
		

> Even the big hand-and-a-half 'war' swords rarely weigh more than 4.5 lbs.



its IRON based metal, NOT lead.....

added: whoop someone allready posted that link, lol. anyway, you'd be amazed at how hard a 2-4lb weapon can be to swing around. especially if its unbalanced so it focuses on hacking damage.


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## DragonRift (Feb 1, 2009)

1:  The amount of items and gold your party's able to carry around with them.  Especially when you have "99" of everything and money ranging in the millions.... not to mention all the weapons and armor you're holding onto.

2:  JRPGs often have an obsession with amnesiac heroes who lose their home village in some sort of mystical disaster... Or a royal figure (almost always a princess) who's been sheltered all her life...  Or a magic user with a mysterious past.

3:  JRPGs also obsess with "monsters are increasing everywhere!" story elements, like they were a fucking biblical sign of a coming apocalypse.  Why can't these creatures just be considered as part of the wildlife on the planet?

4:  In most RPGs, your party's physical appearance never reflects the armor/weapons they're wearing.

5:  The world is about to end, but the party has no problem stopping at a casino to gamble... or like some games, play hours of Blitzball.

6:  A futuristic world with guns, spaceships, and massive amounts of technology, yet somehow swords, crossbows, and daggers are more effective than using high-tech firearms.

7:  Final bosses that have to have forty-seven different "final forms".  Why can't a final battle be just one big fucking epic fight?

8:  Dying at a boss, and having to sit through the same five minutes of text all over again before making another attempt.

9:  The fact that revive spells and potions can bring back a comrade in battle, but if the story says he's supposed to die, they're magically ineffective.  I never understood that, even back in the days of *Final Fantasy IV* on the SNES...  What the hell made Tellah so goddamn special?!

10:  The fact that most RPGs consist of heroes that are a bunch of kids and teenagers.


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## ceacar99 (Feb 1, 2009)

> 3: JRPGs also obsess with "monsters are increasing everywhere!" story elements, like they were a fucking biblical sign of a coming apocalypse. Why can't these creatures just be considered as part of the wildlife on the planet?



well the one exception of this i'd have to say is in the witcher. its part of the plot because witchers are becoming extinct so monsters are starting to prevail because normal human hunters simply cant deal with some of the more awesome monsters out there.


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 1, 2009)

1. How so many RPGs are trying to be as much like D&D as possible.

2. When you see people who just say the same things over and over again. No matter what happens you see them minding their own business when there's a ****ing WAR GOING ON!!!

3. The emperor or corrupt ruler is almost always either possessed or being manipulated by their trusted advisor. JRPGs, you are the ones most guilty of this.
3a. Oh look I just killed the emperor...and his advisor/son/general is still alive. GUESS WHO THE FINAL BOSS IS GONNA BE?!

4. How everything in some Western RPGs is so damn BROWN AND GRAY!!!!

5. How all the enemies and NPCs miraculously have the *exact* same statistics.

6. Games that give you "Customization" options that either 
a) make everybody the same overpowered thing hitting for 9999
b) Make your character powerful enough to buff the living hell out of them and blur lines between classes.

7. When my Jedi can learn Force Lightning. Isn't that supposed to be the pinnacle of dark force powers and yet she has light-side-mastery?

8. Status inducing spells that are RARELY of any use because they NEVER work on the enemies.

9. Random Number Generators often screwing your characters statistics. 

10. The fact that Women exist wearing armour that are essentially armour-plated bikinis alongside men who cover up as much of their bodies as possible. 
10a. The fact that they never complain about being cold, beacuse if oyu put that in people would complain about how they have to constantly heal the women so they don't die of hypothermia.
10b. The fact that the men never complain about being hot, because if you put that in people would complain because they have to cool the men down so they don't die of heat stroke.
10C. The fact that men can withstand taking a shot to the chest when they have no shirt on and yet squishies can't even take a knife poking them in the side without going into critical status. 

11. Colette Brunels. 

12. Light is ALWAYS Good! Dark is ALWAYS evil! Except for the exceptions in which Light is obviously deluded and you have to stop them from acting out on their delusional crusade against all things that are not like them. 

13. Whenever you see a villain who is NOT just being evil for the sake of it, they are actually trying to save the world and try to make sure that you know they are. You rarely ever see villains like Zagi which are just repetitive bosses to kill you due to their psychological damage. 

14. The fact that your hero is almost always going to have to have a fight alone against either a party member or an important boss. 

15. When you get forced to use a party member you shelved back on Disc 2 only to realize you're forced to use them.

16. The fact that "Non Linear" almost always seems to mean that you have the option to do sidequsts, can murder people all you want, and have an option between good and evil.

17. You see people carrying weapons like straws, urns, Toy Eggs, Broomsticks, rings, and their pets into the field of battle. 
17a. These are almost always the mages adding some flavour to the RPG field, since in Western RPGs mages almost ALWAYS fight with staves. 
17b. And that weapon stores actually sell upgrades to these things. 
17c. For that matter, that they actually MAKE These things.

18. Surprise surprise...the ultimate weapon is almost ALWAYS a sword! 
18a. Because that's what the hero starts off with.

19. The hero can often learn how to use a sword effectively when they had JUST picked up the nearest weapon in sight to fight off a random soldier or a monster that attacked.

20. The fact that you could summon a persona by holding a gun to your face and pulling the trigger.

21. How monsters NEVER seem to enter the town grounds unless it's being attacked. That must be ONE powerful fence!

22. Miraculously learning a new spell or ability just from leveling up or by selecting a feat out of a possible book of spells and abilities.

23. Somehow not being able to hit your allies when you use some ultimate-pentagram-soul-suck-horror spell.

24. The fact that Silver can actually be used to make weapons despite being too soft in real life.

25. That you never EVER run out of energy and can run for HOURS.

26. That in games like Earthbound that have a modern-setting or give you food to recover, you can take the time to scarf down a hamburger that never gets stale in the middle of combat and not actually be slowed down by how much pudding you just ingested.

27. That no one's allergic to anything unless it has plot significance. 

28. Big Eater characters. (Granted, some may argue that a mage would eat a LOT because magic burns a lot of calories, which is also why they are so thin.)

29. IF it's an elemental based game...Guess what element the hero's gonna be? That's right! FIRE!!!!

30. Of the four elements, Earth gets the shaft and is used only for armour. 

31. How many traps were put into place. How in the hell can people even walk around this castle?! 

32. How is killing a god or a demon even POSSIBLE? Aren't they like, IMMORTAL or something? Meaning they CAN'T die? 

33. Dragons are ALWAYS evil! And they're also mounts, if not just monsters. 

34. How the stores almost always pull a "Gamestop" tactic and refuse to sell weapons back at a feasible price. 
34a. Early on you get maybe 200g to spend on a new pair of boots. Then later on by the end you get 20,000G for beating random trash mobs and yet you have no use for it because the ultimate equipment is going to come from the final dungeon. That's when you start using the $toss ability to put that all to good use, unless you can throw a health-potion-keg party.

35. Civilians almost never give you a weird look even when you walk around carrying a sword with your arm extended. 



To you guys talking about the inventory...Would you rather we go back to games like Final Fantasy 2j or Earthbound where you had a limited inventory space and wound up carting around a bunch of shit you don't need and having to throw out recovery items or potential money-making trinkets to get to the storage, or being unable to throw out a quest item at all? And would you prefer having to lug around a quest item you can't get rid of and yet it keeps weighing you down? There's a reason they don't do that anymore....


And Dragonrift, about the monsters...I think they are considered part of the wildlife, although when there's a huge increase of them, usually because they're being summoned by some extra-dimensional being (ie the villain), it's when it's bad. *shrugs*


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## Laze (Feb 1, 2009)

I only have one real grievance with role playing games.

Nine times out of ten, some of the lower tier enemies will be Blob Monsters and I am sick to the back teeth of seeing those bloody things and their ilk.


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## AlexX (Feb 1, 2009)

Digitalpotato said:


> 11. Colette Brunels.


I really wish you'd stop using this term to refer to stereotypical RPG girls. I realize you hate Colette with a passion, but I'm afraid she's not a stereotypical RPG girl for a few reasons:

-She's not a princess
The main female lead character in an RPG is almost always a princess. Granted, she is a "chosen one", but it later turns out there's nothing all too special about that and there's even another one who joins you (compounded by the fact she isn't one anymore after the game ends).

-She has no healing magic to speak of (and no, Sacrifice doesn't count)
Rarily does the female lead in an RPG not specializing in healing magic, let alone not have any at all (since there's occasionally a few "mage knight" female leads like Terra/Celes). She has light magic, but it rarily gets any use unless the CPU is controlling her (since she's a far superior melee fighter), and if we wish to get technical the game calls it "angel" magic which just happens to deal light-based damage.

-She fights well. REALLY well.
This is strictly going in terms of the battle system, but it doesn't change the fact that because most female leads are healers, they can't fight too effectively and require protection. In combat Colette doesn't really need that unless the CPU is controlling her (and pretty much all CPU-controlled allies need handholding, anyways). If a person is using her, she can take care of herself just fine. The only thing that might be against this is the fact that she's kidnapped a few times in ToS1, but from what I can tell it never happens in ToS2, so it evens out.

If you were to ask me, I'd say Marle from Chrono Trigger is the embodiment of female RPG stereotypes.



> 20. The fact that you could summon a persona by holding a gun to your face and pulling the trigger.


Correction: This is an AWESOME thing to happen in an RPG.



> 23. Somehow not being able to hit your allies when you use some ultimate-pentagram-soul-suck-horror spell.


To be fair, it's fairly plausable for a spellcaster to be sure their magic can discriminate between friend and foe (I mean, they ARE controlling it...).



> 24. The fact that Silver can actually be used to make weapons despite being too soft in real life.


Gold is the metal that's too soft to make weapons out of. You can make ones out of silver, but they're not going to be anywhere near as durable as iron or steel-based weapons...



> 29. IF it's an elemental based game...Guess what element the hero's gonna be? That's right! FIRE!!!!


Or wind.

And Water will inevitably be the "healing" element.

And yeah, Earth tends to get the shaft...

EDIT:
To actually contribute to the topic I'll point it out that it's kinda interesting how male pirates always seem to want to fight you (even if they decide to help you in the end), while female pirates always seem to want to help out without bothering to make you prove yourself or anything like that (see: FF2 pirate girl and the pirate captain in DW/DQ3).


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## Nylak (Feb 1, 2009)

1. When a monster dies, MONEY POPS OUT.  Apparently evil demonic beasts bleed cash.  Awesome.
2. Horses don't trot.  Apparently they can just walk and run.
3. Horses also have manes on both sides of their neck.
4. Your mount can hear you from wherever you are, and will always come running obediantly when you call and show up within seconds, even if you left him a dozen miles away.
5. Chances are good that your mount is immortal.
6. When you kill a wolf and harvest its skin, it's body is still noticeably un-naked when you leave it.
7. When you kill a monster, it usually vanishes into thin air.  This is often accompanied by fireworks or super awesome lighting effects.  How do that _do_ that?  
8. Often when your party is attacked by a monster or a group of monsters, you never saw it coming.  Yep, you were just sauntering along and all of a sudden, BATTLE SCENE GO.  Where the FUCK did that critter come from?
9. Your party is noticeably absent while you're wandering around.  As soon as a fight starts they pop up again, but as soon as it's over, poof!  Just the player character.  Apparently they can either fit in your pocket, or they just get really bored and scram whenever blood's not flying.
10. Everyone in your party has a different weapon of choice.  There are never two swordsmen, and if there are, their swords are significantly different in style and use.
11. Chances are good that the sword-fighter is _not_ a female.
12. If there's a healer in your party, it's a chick.  _No exceptions_.
13. Treasure chests are everywhere: dungeons, forests, houses, what have you.  They're just lying around for you to loot, and no one seems to ever have beaten you to them.
14. Hacking down shrubs, running into trees, smashing pots, moving rocks, crushing boulders, and mowing the lawn will get you CASH.  People don't even seem to mind if you trash their house breaking shit in order to steal their money that's just lying around underneath (or apparently inside of) their stuff!  Awesome.


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## Hakar Kerarmor (Feb 1, 2009)

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/VideogameTropes

That was easy.


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## ceacar99 (Feb 1, 2009)

> 7. When my Jedi can learn Force Lightning. Isn't that supposed to be the pinnacle of dark force powers and yet she has light-side-mastery?



it was like the third jedi knight game(where you aren't playing that same republic pilot) and your told by that pilot that "no ability is inherently good or evil, its how it is used that determines that". so to that end it explains why the character could branch into any given skill. though i think true mastery of it can only be gained when the character understands the driving energies of a "dark force user".



> 17a. These are almost always the mages adding some flavour to the RPG field, since in Western RPGs mages almost ALWAYS fight with staves.



reminds me of a mage i made under the d&d system once. had good rolls so he had a strength of 16, being human i had an extra feat and spent that on the ability to use great hammers. so the mage wasnt so much of a pussy anymore, monsters and enemies got a nasty surprise. "hey look the mage is squishy lets attack him first!" *mage casts haste and magic armor on himself, then proceeds to smear the enemy's brains on the pavement*



> 23. Somehow not being able to hit your allies when you use some ultimate-pentagram-soul-suck-horror spell.



cant remember what it was.... mustive been the bauldur's gate series where i had 3 mages in the party that cast fireball at once, indoors and killed the entire party in the atomic explosion that then went off..... lol.



> 24. The fact that Silver can actually be used to make weapons despite being too soft in real life.



*cough* they just leave out the word plated . 



> 31. How many traps were put into place. How in the hell can people even walk around this castle?!



ever play evil genius? you loose a whole shit load of tired and inattentive minions if you build an evil deathtrap maze leading into your underground layer. 



> Gold is the metal that's too soft to make weapons out of. You can make ones out of silver, but they're not going to be anywhere near as durable as iron or steel-based weapons...



lets put it this way..... silversmiths dont need a fire to do their trade. silver may not be quite as soft as gold but its well more then soft enough that it has absolutely no practical use.


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## Mikael Grizzly (Feb 1, 2009)

Good thing most of Western RPGs I play don't fall prey to that.


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## SirRob (Feb 1, 2009)

Sleeping at an inn does not seem to make time progress. >_>


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## Gavrill (Feb 1, 2009)

SirRob said:


> Sleeping at an inn does not seem to make time progress. >_>


It also can apparently raise the dead and heal the maimed.


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## pheonix (Feb 1, 2009)

Why buying certain items costs 300 gil and then you turn around and try to sell it and they want to buy it for 1 gil. WTF is the point of selling it for 1 gil? 

And why do monsters carry around gil when they don't have a need for it? What a strange world the RPG one is.


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## CalexTheNeko (Feb 1, 2009)

Keys always break when you use them. (Locksmiths must make a lot of money)

Castles where you have to constantly solve puzzles to go down different halls. (How does the owner go to the bathroom at night?)

Giant space fleas from nowhere. (I'm looking at you Necron)

Several animals are missing vital internal organs. (Especially in MMOs)


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## Stratelier (Feb 1, 2009)

AlexX said:


> And Water will inevitably be the "healing" element.


Or Light/Holy, or just plain "non-elemental".


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## AlexX (Feb 1, 2009)

Mikael Grizzly said:


> Good thing most of Western RPGs I play don't fall prey to that.


Unfortunately, WRPGs have their share of cliches as well.

Example: Each in-game  day a magic-user must take time out to get the proper components for their spells and prepare the ones they plan to be using and make sure to research spells they are trying to learn, while physical fighters must keep tabs on the condition of their weapons and armor to be sure to replace them (and if you're an archer you have to keep tabs on your arrow supply).

They also usually have a larger focus on plot development, causing character development to suffer a bit.


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## Kuekuatsheu (Feb 1, 2009)

animals, like boars, tigers, bears n stuff, can block and parry an attack, even tho you can't do it without a shield or a weapon, and you're desperately looking for an animal which wields a shield and a sword to parry and block you


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## Xaerun (Feb 1, 2009)

Digitalpotato said:


> 4. How everything in some Western RPGs is so damn BROWN AND GRAY!!!!


Don't you know? That's what reality looks like! :awesome:



Digitalpotato said:


> 7. When my Jedi can learn Force Lightning. Isn't that supposed to be the pinnacle of dark force powers and yet she has light-side-mastery?


If you'd watched the movies, Luke Skywalker uses Force Choke on a Gammorean. You don't have to be evil to use Dark powers (note the difference between evil and 'dark') but they are more effective because a) you're so used to using them b) you enjoy the pain caused. Light side Jedis probably treat it as a necessary but in no way preferable course of action.



Digitalpotato said:


> 14. The fact that your hero is almost always going to have to have a fight alone against either a party member or an important boss.


In all fairness, this is often explained, story-line wise.



Digitalpotato said:


> 21. How monsters NEVER seem to enter the town grounds unless it's being attacked. That must be ONE powerful fence!


Uh... wouldn't the monsters entering the town grounds count as an attack? If you mean they never enter and have a quiet stroll around to see the sights, no they don't.



Digitalpotato said:


> 23. Somehow not being able to hit your allies when you use some ultimate-pentagram-soul-suck-horror spell.


Someone watches Zero Punctuation.



Digitalpotato said:


> 32. How is killing a god or a demon even POSSIBLE? Aren't they like, IMMORTAL or something? Meaning they CAN'T die?


Changes depending on the world's definition of God. Basically, no. Not necessarily.


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## AlexX (Feb 1, 2009)

Xaerun said:


> Changes depending on the world's definition of God. Basically, no. Not necessarily.


Though technically demons go back to hell when defeated, so they sorta can die.


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## RTDragon (Feb 1, 2009)

Here's one that should be talked about. Status Effects. effective against you when enemies use them against you. Not very effective when you use them on enemies.


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## Xaerun (Feb 1, 2009)

AlexX said:


> Though technically demons go back to hell when defeated, so they sorta can die.


So I guess you'd reason that Gods go to heaven/wherever, hmm? *ponders*


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## AlexX (Feb 1, 2009)

Xaerun said:


> So I guess you'd reason that Gods go to heaven/wherever, hmm? *ponders*


I'm mostly going off the myth that although demons don't "die", they just go back to hell and get a new form or whatever.

Not sure what to say about gods, though... Although most games these days claim gods aren't actually omnipotent, just capable of more things than any normal mortal (hence why they can lose to a particularly strong one).


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## SirRob (Feb 1, 2009)

Enemies seem to have a ton more HP than you, but also deal less damage than you.


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## AlexX (Feb 1, 2009)

SirRob said:


> Enemies seem to have a ton more HP than you, but also deal less damage than you.


And can't dodge as effectively without using a special skill that allows them to do so.


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## Lukar (Feb 1, 2009)

Bad cameras. I'm looking at you, Kingdom Hearts 1 and .hack 1-4.


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 1, 2009)

Mikael Grizzly said:


> Good thing most of Western RPGs I play don't fall prey to that.




Oh they have their OWN sets of cliches, although you can link many of them to D&D Logic. 



Alright Alex...

Colette Brunel and MArle are both textbook examples. I still hate her and think she's a cliche, but who the heck says the chosen one has to be a princess? Actually, what about Shana? 

-She can't fight.
She's the weakest physical attacker in the game, having no additions.
-She was royalty.
At least was if I recall. 
-She's still a chosen one.
-And she uses light magic. 
-And you have to save her numerous times. 

Maybe they should be called Shanas instead of Marle. Marle at least talks off her dad. Shana like, has NONE!

And Colette doesn't get kidnapped in Tales of Symphonia 2? HALLELUJAH!!! Let's see her actually fight off some 




> Correction: This is an AWESOME thing to happen in an RPG.



It's ridiculous things, and that IS something ridiculous...




> Gold is the metal that's too soft to make weapons out of. You can make ones out of silver, but they're not going to be anywhere near as durable as iron or steel-based weapons...



*Headdesks* oops. I thought it was Silver. Thanks.




> Or wind.
> 
> And Water will inevitably be the "healing" element.
> 
> And yeah, Earth tends to get the shaft...



I thought it was almost always fire. 

Yep, earth is almost always given the shaft. Most of its spells are limited to earthquakes, and they somehow hurt the enemies despite that an earthquake can't actually hurt someone in real life. 


Oh here's some more...


1. Mages use all the typical elements of Fire-water-wind-earth, mostly fire-ice-wind. And guess what the first spell they learn is going to be?

That's right...FIRE!!!!
1a. And it's usually fireball. 

2. Whilst mages have been known to dabble in the darkness, only priests and healers know light magic.

3. Priests ONLY know light magic. Dark mages ONLY know dark magic, with the occasional fire thrown in.

4. Wizards always wear those steepled hats. If it's a woman, she covers a lot more skin.

5. Dark is always hideously mutated while Light is always kept very youthful.
5a. The SECOND the Jedi Exile or Darth Revan start going to the dark side, they start to rapidly age.

6. Water is almost always Ice. 

7. Wind is almost always Lightning. 

8. And lightning is usually called Thunder.

9. Archers are actually pretty thin, despite that in real life they would actually be quite bulky. 

10. Archers cant' melee for SHIT, despite that with the muscles they'd develop they'd probably be able to at least hurt you with their fists.

11. Unless it's a martial arts character or a specialized character, hand-to-hand is always weak. 

12. And yet it is sometimes just as effective against droids.

13. A weapon will often show no signs of breaking until it already HAS broken. 

14. Bosses will actually be going at full strength even if they are at only 4 HP.

15. And so will characters, unless they limit-break. 

16. You almost never run out of arrows or thrown because it's annoying when you do so.

17. If something like a boomerang is used as a weapon, it is ALWAYS a returning boomerang. 
17a. Regarless of size.

18. In the GBA fire emblems, a tomahawk, Hatchet, or Hand-Axe returns when you throw it.
18a. You also never run out of Spears, Javelins, or Short spears. 

19. If your character can also equip ranged weapons, they will actually be as effective at it as someone who had trained for years. 
19a. And if not, simply firing a few arrows to build your skill up will make up for it.

20. When you gain HP from losing HP, someone can repeatedly smack you with a weak attack, causing you to lose health, and then you chug a health potion and you can continuously get stronger simply because you are taking damage from a weak attack. 

21. Towns have a population of maybe 20 people. 

22. Even a capital city is much smaller than it appears.

23. Sometimes poison actually CAN'T kill you and yet in real life you can die of poison.
23a. Speaking of poisons they're often the same kind of poison that only hurts you, unless it's described in detail.


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## AlexX (Feb 3, 2009)

Digitalpotato said:


> 18a. You also never run out of Spears, Javelins, or Short spears.


Um.. yeah you do. Javelins and short spears only have 20 uses while spears only have 15 uses.


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## Holsety (Feb 3, 2009)

AlexX said:


> Um.. yeah you do. Javelins and short spears only have 20 uses while spears only have 15 uses.



I think he means the fact that everyone seemingly runs around with 20 javelins strapped to their back, as the weapon disappears once thrown and they never seem to go get it :X


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## Hydramon (Feb 3, 2009)

1) You can be hit with a mace, sword, spear, club, shot with a gun, bow and crossbow, burnt, frozen, electrocuted, sucked into a different dimension, killed multiple times, and yet you go the whole game without any scars or visible injuries.
2) That, if you're high enough "level", even a gunshot to the face can't hurt you.
3) Guns are the weakest weapon in Final Fantasy XII
4) You need experience before you can learn to wear a hat or piece of clothing. Are they retards or something?
5) The characters never seem to AGE. No hair growth, no height or weight gained, NOTHING!
6) Characters don't seem to have to perform basic human functions like eating and toilet...ing?
7) Often when you equip armor, you can't even see it on your character. What, is it INVISIBLE armor now?
8) When they give you little pictures of the armor, even though you can't see it on your character. (Final Fantasy XII)
9) Characters can either not swim at all, and can't go in the water as if it's a wall or die when they touch it, or can swim expertly and can hold their breath for unlimited periods of time.
10) Weapons have different strengths. Yes, because this POLE is soooo much more effective than this big, kickass 2h sword... -__-
11) Monsters that only appear under certain conditions. Yes, because they just simply _wouldn't_ exist until you kill a certain amount of enemies
12) Fast respawning monsters. Didn't I just kill you?
13) Seperate Battle screens. Yes, because as soon as you encounter a previously invisible enemy, you will be magically transported to another dimension to battle them, and then return straight after.
14) Turn based battles. Because monsters have manners, and of _course_ it's going to wait until you've bashed it with your sword before having it's go at you.
15) Battles are never like what they would be in real life. I bash you, now you bash me, I block because of a rare chance, I bash you again in the exact same place, you bash me, I cast magic at you or something...
16) That bosses can't just be killed by shooting them in the head or hitting them with a sword. No, you have to hit them MULTIPLE times...
17) When monsters get stronger with you. Yes, because _that's_ likely.

That's enough ranting for me for now. ^___^


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## DragonRift (Feb 3, 2009)

Here's one...  Your party can be full of gorgeous, dashing-looking physically-fit men, normal-looking men, rugged-looking men, grotesquely fat men, and just flat-out ugly-looking men.  As for women?  They're all either hideously cute, jaw-droppingly gorgeous, or gracefully elegant looking... and they all sport some of the weirdest, and absurdly bare-braving armor and clothing when going out in battle.

... or they just wear robes...

Why aren't there any ugly-looking female characters?  Or hell, there are fat males, why can't there be a fat female?  Why can't we have a female in the party who looks like a walking tank, and wears heavy plate armor?

Ohhh...  Because then males who play JRPGs wouldn't have anything to wax their carrot off to.  That's why.


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## Rytes (Feb 3, 2009)

Hydramon said:


> 6) Characters don't seem to have to perform basic human functions like eating and toilet...ing?
> 
> *i figured all these necessities would be taken care of when visit an inn or a scene that forwards time happens... i mean, who's gonna show Cloud shittin in the toilet?
> 
> ...




level caps piss me off though


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## Rytes (Feb 3, 2009)

DragonRift said:


> Here's one...  Your party can be full of gorgeous, dashing-looking physically-fit men, normal-looking men, rugged-looking men, grotesquely fat men, and just flat-out ugly-looking men.  As for women?  They're all either hideously cute, jaw-droppingly gorgeous, or gracefully elegant looking... and they all sport some of the weirdest, and absurdly bare-braving armor and clothing when going out in battle.
> 
> ... or they just wear robes...
> 
> ...


haven't played Chrono Cross have ya?


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## Soren Tylus (Feb 3, 2009)

Rytes said:


> level caps piss me off though



Disgaea has a level cap of 9999.  High enough of a cap?

P.S.  Exploding penguins.  Any other reasons not to buy it?


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## Rytes (Feb 3, 2009)

Soren Tylus said:


> Disgaea has a level cap of 9999.  High enough of a cap?
> 
> P.S.  Exploding penguins.  Any other reasons not to buy it?




oh ah , sorry i meant to say "low level cap"... and holy shit!

fallout got that 20 lvl cap and that teasing 21 hanging in there. lvling up motivates me to keep playing the game and challenge tough enemies...


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## Soren Tylus (Feb 3, 2009)

And there are hard core gamers that get to that cap and reincarnate back to level one with boosted stats and then AGAIN get to the cap.  Think of the time needed to do that.  A real time consumer.


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## Rytes (Feb 3, 2009)

Soren Tylus said:


> And there are hard core gamers that get to that cap and reincarnate back to level one with boosted stats and then AGAIN get to the cap.  Think of the time needed to do that.  A real time consumer.



then there's the hardhardhardcore gamers that want to beat the game at level uno. that ish is crazy.


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## Soren Tylus (Feb 3, 2009)

Well, when I say boosted stats, I mean they start off a _few_ stast points higher and they increase more per level.


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## T_F0x (Feb 3, 2009)

TOO MUCH POINTLESS DIALOG!!!


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## Zeraio (Feb 3, 2009)

1: Being able to have a house but never being able to sit in the chairs or lay in the bed. 
2: books that CAN NOT be shelved anywhere... 
3: Having a house but being unable to move anything around (morrowind furniture) 
4: Women body armor (I am a guy FYI) that might as well be non-existant for a warrior class... All the enemy has to do is slash a lass in the gut and that is the end of the warrior. (guild wars which I hate)
5: Having nine back packs and only having ONE back... What is up with that!?


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## TÃ¦farÃ³s (Feb 3, 2009)

Nylak said:


> 1. When a monster dies, MONEY POPS OUT. Apparently evil demonic beasts bleed cash. Awesome.


 
Well, dur. I see you haven't gone cutting your lawn recently, either. 

Excessive use of elipsises(seseses?). Seriously, there are so many ways to interpret "..." that it becomes a drinking game.


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## DragonRift (Feb 4, 2009)

Rytes said:


> haven't played Chrono Cross have ya?



Okay.... MOST of the time.  XD

Still, *Chrono Cross* sported a pretty hideous art style to begin with, IMO.  Everyone looked butt-ugly in that one.


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## Loki-Fox (Feb 4, 2009)

DragonRift said:


> Okay.... MOST of the time. XD
> 
> Still, *Chrono Cross* sported a pretty hideous art style to begin with, IMO. Everyone looked butt-ugly in that one.


yah although it IS a ps1 game lol, there graphic styles for face's says it all lol thats why it was like that, but the 3d graphic cut-scenes went off the chart, still to many character's to choose from when you have alot in your inventory to choose from, and plus i hated that you had to loose one of your frinds to gain a new one or do this quest and you can't get that other one in the game later -_-


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## Kajet (Feb 4, 2009)

Getting bitchslapped in "Story time" without any real lasting effects.
Bullet effectiveness varying (Final Fantasy 7/AC is really bad at this.)
Stupidly jarring differences in area levels.
"Hey you guys stand in a line and we'll stand in a line and occasionally smack each other!"
Meaningless minigames that only serve to waste your time and $ (Bird's nest on top of a reactor in FF7?)
Super awesome/fun stuff... that's only available once in a play through... (BoF3's cooking thing and IIRC boating)
"Sim Mayor" parts that don't give anything better than what you can find elsewhere (Fairy village in BoF3)
"Hey a group of people destined to save us all!!! Even though they can kill us easily and the world is in danger and they need our help let's blackmail them into a game of hide and seek!!!"
Arena/Colosseum fights that end after the story makes you leave that area.
In fact, just about any time your party of bad asses has to do some irritating BS for some guy you could easily kill to continue the plot.
"Well okay... now what?" parts where you have to wander around and figure out where you're supposed to go.
Your party being split up and you can't use the people you've been using the most. (See FF9)


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 5, 2009)

DragonRift said:


> ... or they just wear robes...
> 
> Why aren't there any ugly-looking female characters?  Or hell, there are fat males, why can't there be a fat female?  Why can't we have a female in the party who looks like a walking tank, and wears heavy plate armor?
> .




One may argue that the magic users, who usually lead a sedentary lifestyle and should usually be a blimp actually are as thin as they are in some games because magic burns a lot of calories. 

oh yeah, you want a woman with armour? DragonRift, meet Wendy. Wendy, DragonRift. http://www.eternalemblem.net/art/FE6_OA/Wendy.jpg

not done enough since women in Fire Emblem games are usually fast on their feet, and even when you make Amelia a general or a great knight she has high speed. 



Speaking of FIre emblem...how in the HELL Do some of those units manage to dodge?! It's understandable when you see some backstep, jump out of the way, step out of the way, but Mercenaries and Swordmasters just lean backwards, and bishops just pull their staff out of the way. Okay makes sense for some attacks, but how in the HELL do you avoid an Elfire or a Filmbetuver by just leaning back? It's not like they did some LIMBO ATTACK!


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## AlexX (Feb 5, 2009)

The stories of RPGs are almost always based off stuff from anchient mythology, causing those who know a decent amount about the subject to get a decent idea of where the story is going to go...



Digitalpotato said:


> not done enough since women in Fire Emblem games are usually fast on their feet, and even when you make Amelia a general or a great knight she has high speed.


Amelia is good in everything, really. From what I recall her specialty stat is actually luck (as with all the Sacred Stones trainees) and the rest is still pretty good to compensate for her being a pain to raise without taking the effort to grind in the tower for a bit.


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## DontForget (Feb 5, 2009)

Me and my GF Tanya were talking about the same thing, more focused on World of Warcrac...warcraft... [she plays it too much, the computer hog T.T] 

It was a very short conversation, ending with "Well, you can carry 4 fully grown horses, an elephant [elekk or w/e], a drake, and all the clothes your character is currently wearing in a bag made of less cloth then a pair of pants. and those pants can be sewn underwater in 3 seconds..."

Rpg's ARE ridiculous


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## lilEmber (Feb 5, 2009)

The ability to destroy any foe, solely on having more experience than them.


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## Kajet (Feb 5, 2009)

Being able to master EVERY kind of weapon, or being stuck with ONLY one kind of weapon. I can understand like WoW where you can only have a handfull of weapon talents but in games like oblivion where everything is fair game? Then again I LIKE being able to use more than a few kinds of weaponry...

Poisons being less lethal, Fires not burning as well, etc. Sure the thought of low level status effects knocking out someone several hundred levels above is stupid it does detract from realism doesn't it?

Running around with 1HP is the same as if you had full HP, it is kind of ridiculous but not a bad thing, if you were crawling around when you're just about to die you'd have a lot more deaths...

The first town, No matter when you go back everyone there says the same thing, even if the sun is blocked by a giant meteor about destroy the entire planet...


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## Yojimaru (Feb 5, 2009)

Zeraio said:


> 4: Women body armor (I am a guy FYI) that might as well be non-existant for a warrior class... All the enemy has to do is slash a lass in the gut and that is the end of the warrior. (guild wars which I hate)



To be fair, female Warriors in Guild Wars only have 5 out of 32 sets of armor that leave the stomach unprotected.  Of course, the other professions are pretty bad about the 'skimpy armor syndrome', especially monks and necromancers of both genders.  Lol at full body tattoos/scars serving as armor.  But anyways, back on topic.

RPGS that make you fight battles that you can't win.  Yay for completely linear storylines.

Having a dynamic world filled with all kinds of races and peoples but rarely having any of them in your party. (Damn you FF XIII for not letting us have a Bangaa character)

The inclination for the main protagonist in WRPGS to be large ugly men, and young androgynous boys in JRPGS.

Having a plethora of status effects that would be useful if most of the games monsters weren't immune to said status effects.


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 7, 2009)

When someone asks you to meet them at an area for a sidequest, and then you just ignore it and come back after doing like a month's worth of stuff and they're still there waiting for you to trigger the event.


Almost every RPG can be set in the British Isles. And if it's a western RPG with races....

-Dwarves are OBVIOUSLY Scottish, Irish, or Russian. 
-They ALWAYS love alcohol. 
-They almost ALWAYS mine or dig tunnels. 
-Women dwarves are also rarely seen. 
-And dwarves always have beards. Whoever heard of a dwarf that believed in shaving?
-And where are the children?

-Gnomes are always a group of exotic people. 

-Humans are obviously anglo-saxon or Welsh. Or just have a fetish for using the letter "y". 
-Humans may also often be from asian-inspired settings and middle-eastern settings. These are often considered "Exotic", and their weapons "Exotic weaponry". (Usually though they're a secondary-culture within humans)
-Any native american or North African-inspired settings are always far more primitive than the european, middle eastern, or asian human cultures.
-Children actually ARE seen, because the player is most likely....A HUMAN!

-If they aren't just "RAAWR I AM A LIZARDMAN!", Scalies will probably have apostrophes in their names, sound like they bit their tongue, and will often just be background fodder.
-Where are the children? 

-If they aren't "RAWWWR I AM A BEASTMAN", it'd be the same for other anthros.
-And some beastmen may be musclefurs, much to Wolfoxokamichan's delight.
-Sometimes a beastman will suffer the "Breath of Fire" effect in which they are more or less just humans with an animal tail and ears. (JRPG exclusive, since Western RPGs often portray anthros as mentioned above)
-Where are the children?

-There is a 90-100% chance that elves will live in a forest.
-And will hate half-elves.
-And will be self-centered-stuck-up-snobs-who-think-they're-better-than-everybody-else.
-Meaning they are an even bigger bunch of bigots than every stereotype of an old woman.
-And are tree-huggers. 
-And sometimes may even be bordering on the PETA regarding their eating habits. 
-And are often magic-whores, meaning their bodies are extremely thin.
-And those who aren't magic-whores are extremely thin archers who don't seem to ahve any muscle at all. 
-And if they aren't any of the above, they use single-edged swords that seem inspired by Japanese or eastern-european weaponry. 
-And are almost always Legolas-lookalikes. 
-Or are females. 
-And obviously, guess who everyone likes? THat's right....DARK ELVES!!!!
-Where are the children?

-Orcs are always just a race of stereotypical football jocks.
-And primarily use axes.
-And are, like dwarves, seemingly a race of reverse-amazons and only men are on-screen.
-Where are the children? oh wait...that guy's 20...he's a child since elves live for HUNDREDS OF YEARS!!!! 

-And dragons are always western and are always like "RAAAAWR I R DRAGON!". 
-Occasionally an eastern dragon may appear. 
-Wyverns are far more common.



....oh wait...this also applies to so many fantasy novels as well....I wish I just pulled these out of Eragon.


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## dragonfire89 (Feb 7, 2009)

I hate when getting stronger just means getting a more powerful version of the same thing (fire->fira->firaga->I BURN YOU). Come on, I should be able to warp the fabric of reality and do cool creative things


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 7, 2009)

IN addition to what Dragonfire said, when the spells you start out with become so sickenly useless the only way to deal any damage is to use those thundajarara, Firagabalabla, and Blizzagaralablaja that take up a sizeable portion of your MP. Same thing with techniques and physical attacks.

Some tales of games remedy it but some more than others.


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## Tycho (Feb 8, 2009)

Your opponent doesn't wear a helmet.

You have a big nasty sword.

But you can't just one-shot the chump with an application of steel to skull.  You have to slash away at his ARMORED body until he's dead.

Has that already been brought up? I forget.  The Elder Scrolls games are particularly infuriating in this way, ESPECIALLY if you're an archer.

Also: robotic protagonists/party members who are susceptible to poison.


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## SirRob (Feb 8, 2009)

TÃ¦farÃ³s said:


> Well, dur. I see you haven't gone cutting your lawn recently, either.
> 
> Excessive use of elipsises(seseses?). Seriously, there are so many ways to interpret "..." that it becomes a drinking game.


...
...
...

...Ellipses... ...are really fun...

That's why... I tend to umm... use them a lot... ...


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## AlexX (Feb 8, 2009)

NewfDraggie said:


> The ability to destroy any foe, solely on having more experience than them.


This actually kinda bothers me... Why do most RPGs force you to fight battles you're clearly too powerful for? It's rather annoying to have to just run from small fry all the time just because they'd be too big a hassle to fight, made worse if it's an RPG that makes it so fighting monsters significantly weaker than you don't grant you any EXP.

Plus there's the fact most RPGs have you go back to (or at least near) the starting area for the final dungeon (or an important item to reach the final dungeon). That in itself probably makes for another annoying thing in an RPG.


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 8, 2009)

Though what about if it's a real-time game like Kingdom Hearts, Alex? You can just run away from them cause they are more of an annoyance at that point.


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