# Can’t meet like minded people irl



## Kope (May 5, 2022)

I never have seen to find any ever since high school. Am I destined to be alone due to things I can’t control?


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## ConorHyena (May 5, 2022)

If you keep this up yes.


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## Xitheon (May 5, 2022)

The only friends I have IRL are my family. I'm worried because my mum and dad are getting old and won't be around forever. They're two of the only people who understand me.


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## Kope (May 5, 2022)

ConorHyena said:


> If you keep this up yes.


Thanks for the brilliant advice


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## Kope (May 5, 2022)

Xitheon said:


> The only friends I have IRL are my family. I'm worried because my mum and dad are getting old and won't be around forever. They're two of the only people who understand me.


I’m Sorry


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## ConorHyena (May 5, 2022)

Kope said:


> Thanks for the brilliant advice


it's the stupid-question-stupid-answer principle.

Regardless of that, I'll elaborate as to what I'm referencing to. I promise none of this is designed to intentionally hurt you or piss you off.

Friends don't appear at random. People you meet will make a subconscious decision whenever to invest more emotional work into you or not. This decision is going to be influenced by your behaviour, e.g. if you are a nice person to be around. 

I don't know you personally, and I'm not active enough in the game threads to know if you post there or not, however the topics you have made and the posts I have read of yours give me the overwhelming impression that you are an extremely negative person to be around, and I'm fairly certain I'm not the only person who has come to that conclusion. 

We have very little influence over the cards we are dealt, I am acutely aware of that, however we can influence on how we approach the hand we have - and in case of building friendships this means, to a degree, to keep one's own negativity to oneself.

Be a force for good. Engage with people. Make them smile. There's more to you (and this goes for everyone) than sadness.


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## Kope (May 5, 2022)

ConorHyena said:


> it's the stupid-question-stupid-answer principle.
> 
> Regardless of that, I'll elaborate as to what I'm referencing to. I promise none of this is designed to intentionally hurt you or piss you off.
> 
> ...


Sure I’ll grow trees and stuff thanks.


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## Parabellum3 (May 5, 2022)

Aside from my own disabilities, I also particularly blame the city that I live in (LA). Which like any other major city in the USA, is full of the nastiest and degenerate scum that have ever existed in this world. I hope to move out soon and have better luck elsewhere.


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## Kope (May 5, 2022)

Parabellum3 said:


> Aside from my own disabilities, I also particularly blame the city that I live in (LA). Which like any other major city in the USA, is full of the nastiest and degenerate scum that have ever existed in this world. I hope to move out soon and have better luck elsewhere.


It has 12 million people so you will find a bad apple here and there. What’s wrong with them?


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## Raever (May 5, 2022)

ConorHyena said:


> If you keep this up yes.



Seconded. Though I'm sure @Kope  will, since it seems he loves the responses he gets. Negative or positive. :/
I genuinely wish the best for him but refuse to cater to his negativity, since it will only encourage his current mindset.


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## Parabellum3 (May 5, 2022)

Kope said:


> It has 12 million people so you will find a bad apple here and there. What’s wrong with them?


Most of the city's residents comprise of homeless, illegals, drug addicts, gangsters. And those who aren't in one of these four categories have some kind of twisted mindset of sorts that make them very unlikable and toxic to say the least. Only people there that I would consider decent enough are retirees from other places.


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## Bababooey (May 5, 2022)

Kope said:


> Sure I’ll grow trees and stuff thanks.


Way to totally ignore advice. Your attitude is garbage. Continue to mope in your little hole I guess. For someone named "Kope," you don't "kope" very well.


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## Kope (May 6, 2022)

Chomby said:


> Way to totally ignore advice. Your attitude is garbage. Continue to mope in your little hole I guess. For someone named "Kope," you don't "kope" very well.


lol ok


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## The_Happiest_Husky (May 6, 2022)

If you tried not being   s o   n o n s t o p   f u c k i n g   p o l i t i c a l   and listened to people's opinions/input/advice without being a total twit, I think you might find it easier to make friends

Just my advice, feel free to tell me off or make fun of me or whatever you think the appropriate response to criticism is
'Kope' and seethe, perhaps?


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## LameFox (May 6, 2022)

You can still have friends and be political lol. But Conor is right about the negativity. I think a lot of people when chronically depressed end up compounding their isolation because in their cries for help they reveal just how much baggage they are carrying and strangers feel no compulsion to deal with that. They don't want to add that misery to their own lives for someone they have no emotional bond with, and so it makes it that much harder for any bonds to form in the first place.

IRL though? For that I think there's no simple answer. It's highly dependent on where you are and what sort of people you're looking to meet.


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## Xitheon (May 6, 2022)

ConorHyena said:


> it's the stupid-question-stupid-answer principle.
> 
> Regardless of that, I'll elaborate as to what I'm referencing to. I promise none of this is designed to intentionally hurt you or piss you off.
> 
> ...


I hate to say it but this makes perfect sense.


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## Rimna (May 6, 2022)

yes uwu


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## Fallowfox (May 22, 2022)

My last social meeting with anybody in real life was pre-pandemic. 

RIP social life.


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## MaelstromEyre (May 22, 2022)

The thing that sucked about high school was that, especially if it was a smaller school, people were just sort of friends by default.  Like, you had known them since grade school and just grown up together, so you just hung out with them even if you didn't have all the same interests.  After graduation, especially if you go on to college or move elsewhere for a job or whatever else, you may not ever see "high school friends" again.  And you may come to realize you really didn't have THAT much in common to begin with.

The good thing about it is, you have the opportunity to meet and become friends with people who have similar interests, similar sense of humor, etc.  It takes time, though.


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## Kinguyakki (May 24, 2022)

LameFox said:


> You can still have friends and be political lol. But Conor is right about the negativity. I think a lot of people when chronically depressed end up compounding their isolation because in their cries for help they reveal just how much baggage they are carrying and strangers feel no compulsion to deal with that. They don't want to add that misery to their own lives for someone they have no emotional bond with, and so it makes it that much harder for any bonds to form in the first place.
> 
> IRL though? For that I think there's no simple answer. It's highly dependent on where you are and what sort of people you're looking to meet.


 Agreed.

I get that people go through rough times or need to vent.  

I just don't want to be around people who are like that all the time, especially if we don't know each other well to begin with.  Nothing about them will make me think "yeah, this is a person I want to be friends with and hang out with a lot."


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## Inafox (May 31, 2022)

Like-mindedness is the result of building rapport with people. If you socialise with any person from a younger age you increase the chances of them developing similar views to you. In other words, instead of seeking those who are like-minded, you can always find an open-minded person and let you both create a shared mindset over time. Older people will get more set in their ways, so it's generally important to form relationships with others when you are in the 10-40 year age period. Ever noticed how very close friends have similar humour and memories? It's because they developed their mindset together. Clearly, for many this tends to be the family (though not always, some don't have the most relatable or open-minded families).

It takes time, at the very least 6 months, to build a genuine friendship and it'll be common humours and subject matters that keep both of you interested. I'd avoid socialising over purely play or games if you don't develop a genuine rapport, because if they get bored of how you play they'll just replace you due to very little positive emotional connection. Also negative emotions can create familiar connections to someone but in general this is bad for your health as your brain will be forever associating that person with the negative emotions whenever you see them (and definitely don't let anyone use you as an emotional doormat). Seek positive but not too much of a competitive or energetic connection (that too can wear you out and you don't want a relationship that works only based on your state of mood).

When it comes to something like furry, you can't expect someone to be interested in furry per se, but it's very common for people to develop an interest in animals.
Animal-lovers are very likely to at least appreciate their furry friends and the art they enjoy but outside of SFW things might get iffy with such persons. On the adult side of things, LGBTQIA+ folk "tend" to be more open-minded as many such persons don't wish oppression on anyone when they may experience it themselves. You don't need to be LGBTQIA+ yourself, it's the open-minded part that matters, and not all LGBTQIA+ are furry-friendly. Similarly, people who have wide-set humour tend to be more friendly in this regard, this is because anything that's seen typically socially inappropriate is just amusing to them even if they have no interest in it themselves.

If you're depressed or feeling lonely, it's a good idea to learn social skills before diving into actual friendships. For example, going to some form of club or engaging in some form of activity. This just helps you develop your own sense of presence around others and as such even making acquaintances can help you work out what kind of energy level or demeanours in people work best when you seek out making friends. You don't need to make friends at groups, but they help you work out your boundaries when you start actually pursuing closer relationships. Finding the right level of positivity for yourself is also very attractive to others in friendship-building.

You don't need to meet in real life all the time with friends, either, ideally local and supportive, much of your communication can be done regularly online and you can just agree to meet physically as you both need. Just bare in mind everyone has their own life and may not be always readily available.
I'm a pretty private person in a private area yet I can get fur-friendly friends despite not wanting such irl. So I am pretty sure most of you can. Have confidence :3


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