# How do you tell your mate to stop...?



## ResuAiWolfwood (Jan 15, 2010)

I have a hard time telling my life-mate no and when he asked me if he coudl Rp with his friend i said okay...but now i think they like eachother...im scared. I dont want him to get upset with me but It really hurts when he choses another guy over me...

Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him? 

He has a bad temper and i dont want him to hate me for reading his mss messenger logs....but he's my husband..and i was worried...

help me ; ;


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

Hmm I dunno but I do have a friend that has a similar problem, her fiancee rp's with other people and doesn't really play around much with her but they still are in love so I guess you can let him mess around but if it really concerns you then ask why he doesn't do stuff with you that often :\


----------



## ResuAiWolfwood (Jan 15, 2010)

we do...i guess...its more of a "everyones home so be quiet and get done" thing for him...and yet he'll stay online for hours rp f**king the guy all day...

he KNOWS it hurts me and yet he still does it...does that mean he doesnt care anymore?


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

Whoa whoa whoa. Wait. Your husband is fucking another dude in online roleplay, and this friend_ is going to move in with you?_

Now I'll be the first to separate roleplay from reality, but there's a line here, and he's crossed it. Confront him. That's not really cool if he doesn't have your consent--in this community it's pretty fucking close to outright cheating.


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> we do...i guess...its more of a "everyones home so be quiet and get done" thing for him...and yet he'll stay online for hours rp f**king the guy all day...
> 
> he KNOWS it hurts me and yet he still does it...does that mean he doesnt care anymore?


 
That sounds like a problem, I know with my friend that her fiancee does rp with other guys but I don't think he does it all day and he does do some things with her and what not but if your boy friend doesn't really care that he is hurting you then you should worry. The only thing though is that its not likely he will meet the person he is rping with so I doubt there is any physical things going on but he should be more considerate about your feelings ya know.

Also what teh smexy otter said above me, if its a problem your going to have to work it out with him :\


----------



## ResuAiWolfwood (Jan 15, 2010)

I'm afraid to bring it up because he has a bad temper...i love him, but im afraid he doesnt love me anymore...

idk what to do...when i tell him i dont like him doing stuff with other people he just goes "its a furry thing" and won't listen...


----------



## Ricky (Jan 15, 2010)

I usually say the best advice is to be open and honest but seeing how you were reading through his chat logs he probably has a right to be pissed.

That being said...  I still say the best advice is to be open and honest about things with your mate...  especially when it comes to feelings.

Then stop reading his chatlogs.  That's creepy.


----------



## Takun (Jan 15, 2010)

Punch him in the dick.  If he gets up punch him again.


----------



## ResuAiWolfwood (Jan 15, 2010)

Im his wife and i was concerned because he wouldnt tell me what they were talking about and he went on about "he's in trouble and he doesnt want anyone else to know but me.." 

so he LIED to me to cover up that he was in the middle of a 3 way with 2 other guys, so i have a right to read his logs...


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I'm afraid to bring it up because he has a bad temper...i love him, but im afraid he doesnt love me anymore...


If he doesn't love you anymore, then you shouldn't be worried about severing the relationship, especially since you're clearly not comfortable in this situation. Respect yourself enough to cut yourself off if it's come to that; don't stay in a loveless marriage.



> idk what to do...when i tell him i dont like him doing stuff with other people he just goes "its a furry thing" and won't listen...


That is the worst excuse ever. It is not a furry thing, it is an unfaithful-misogynistic-manwhore thing. Not all furries, especially those in a committed relationship, go fucking other people. Especially not without their partner's consent. He's trying to justify what he knows is wrong (or worse, he doesn't realize it's wrong, and that is a serious problem).

This guy's no good, babe.


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I'm afraid to bring it up because he has a bad temper...i love him, but im afraid he doesnt love me anymore...
> 
> idk what to do...when i tell him i dont like him doing stuff with other people he just goes "its a furry thing" and won't listen...


 
Wow thats just not right, a relationship can't last if you two can't be honest with each other, if its hurting you then your going to have to be open and not pussy foot around it or else its just going to make it worst in the future.  Now you don't have to take my advice since I'm not in a relationship and I will make sure I don't get in one anytime soon but from what I've observed watching my mom and older sister, if you two can't even share opinions with each other then the two of you probably won't last that long together :[


----------



## Xipoid (Jan 15, 2010)

I am sure this can be handled in a mature, rational discussion. Tell him how you feel and what you think. Try to be calm and patient, but don't be hostile or meek. I would suggest avoiding making accusations that could be poorly supported or easily explained by some plausible circumstance.

I guess just ask him what is going on, but I question if it is a good idea to tell him you have read his logs. That could bring on some betrayal issues and prevent any further problem solving. While it may seem wrong to withhold such information, I must ask if you believe informing him would allow the both of you mature and work through the problem or if it would bring undesirable consequences. Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes it is wiser to realize them internally, but the other half of that is it might be better and more mature to admit to it. That's more personal view (and could be argued as a point of being mature).


----------



## ResuAiWolfwood (Jan 15, 2010)

i'll try talking to him in the morning, i dont want to lose him...

im afraid though...i left my family to be with him, he's all i have..


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> i'll try talking to him in the morning, i dont want to lose him...
> 
> im afraid though...i left my family to be with him, he's all i have..


 
You still have yourself, and if your family loves you they will understand in time.  I know it sounds harsh, but you _don't_ have him if he is blatantly disregarding your feelings.

There is nothing worse that you can do to yourself than to settle for an unfulfilling relationship with a hurtful and/or uncaring partner simply because you don't know what you would do on your own.  I see far too many women make this mistake.  You _can_ manage without him, and you will be happier in the longrun.

Try to work things out, but if the situation doesn't change please don't be afraid to drop him in favor of your own longterm happiness and wellbeing.


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> i'll try talking to him in the morning, i dont want to lose him...
> 
> im afraid though...i left my family to be with him, he's all i have..


 
:|

Well I can't say anything else, I just hope it goes alright for you


----------



## ResuAiWolfwood (Jan 15, 2010)

thanks everyone...

hopefully all will go well in the morning..


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

Good luck, hon.  Let us know how it goes.  ^^  *snug*


----------



## Ricky (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> Im his wife and i was concerned because he wouldnt tell me what they were talking about and he went on about "he's in trouble and he doesnt want anyone else to know but me.."
> 
> so he LIED to me to cover up that he was in the middle of a 3 way with 2 other guys, so i have a right to read his logs...



You don't trust him.

That's not a good thing...  Whether it says more about him or you -- THAT I don't know.


----------



## Vaelarsa (Jan 15, 2010)

Get a better husband.
Preferably someone who won't waste his time roleplaying instead of spending time with you.


----------



## Shred Uhh Sore Us (Jan 15, 2010)

get a divorce. im not even joking.
either that or punch him in the dick like takumi said, but dont wait to see if he gets up, do it several times.


then divorce him.

thats fucking ridiculous, you dont do that shit when your married.
hes obviously taking advantage of the fact that you love him.


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

Ricky said:


> You don't trust him.
> 
> That's not a good thing... Whether it says more about him or you -- THAT I don't know.


 
Seems like her distrust was pretty justified in this scenario.  Sure her actions invaded his privacy, but he lied to cover unfaithful behavior.  It would be different if she didn't uncover anything incriminating (and thus proving that she was simply being paranoid and distrustful), but she did.


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

Nylak said:


> Seems like her distrust was pretty justified in this scenario. Sure her actions invaded his privacy, but he lied to cover unfaithful behavior. It would be different if she didn't uncover anything incriminating (and thus proving that she was simply being paranoid and distrustful), but she did.


 
ilu :3


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

south syde fox said:


> ilu :3


 
ilu2 <3  :3


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

Nylak said:


> ilu2 <3 :3


 
aww <3


----------



## alicewater (Jan 15, 2010)

Your husband is cheating on you in RP land! And in truth is the moment this "friend" move's in and the first chance that they are alone he's going to cheat on you. End of story!


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

alicewater said:


> Your husband is cheating on you in RP land! And in truth is the moment this "friend" move's in and the first chance that they are alone he's going to cheat on you. End of story!


 
^ There.  That is the tl;dnr version of my entire argument/hissyfit.

Thank you.  Seriously.  xD


----------



## Jashwa (Jan 15, 2010)

leave.


him.


He's.

cheating.

on.

you.

and.

doesn't.

appreciate.

you.


----------



## Lupine Delusion (Jan 15, 2010)

Hints.....take them.


----------



## Duality Jack (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I have a hard time telling my life-mate no and when he asked me if he coudl Rp with his friend i said okay...but now i think they like eachother...im scared. I dont want him to get upset with me but It really hurts when he choses another guy over me...
> 
> Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him?
> 
> ...



Ask him to stop for a while as you feel uncomfortable now.


----------



## twelvestring (Jan 15, 2010)

Bad temper, sneaking around, lying. Does he have any good qualities?
I'm sorry but this sounds like one of those "if you love something, let it go"
type of situations.


----------



## Isen (Jan 15, 2010)

Since I don't know either of you, I don't feel like I can instantly jump on the "dump him" train.  I would suggest getting advice from a real marriage counselor or therapist or something.

Really, a furry forum is pretty much one of the worst place you can go for relationship advice.


----------



## Malkheus (Jan 15, 2010)

Just tell him how you feel and prepare a taser. It won't work if he just like them better than you. Just tell him how you feel and find a way in between. Make a schedule for the time with you and RPing. He will listen if he still care. If not there's still a lot of advice for that. Hope you guys can resolve it.


----------



## Shred Uhh Sore Us (Jan 15, 2010)

Isen said:


> Really, a furry forum is pretty much one of the worst place you can go for relationship advice.



this


----------



## Nylak (Jan 15, 2010)

Are you suggesting that furries in general develop unhealthy, atypical, dysfunctional relationships?  I think that's a completely unfounded generalization about the community and I don't appreciate that stereotype.  >:[

....*snort*  >__>


----------



## FluffMouse (Jan 15, 2010)

What everyone else said. Leave him. He's cheating on you now, he'll do it later.
There's no reason you should stay with someone if you obviously cannot trust him
and have good reason not to. You'll be better off finding someone else, regardless of the situation.


----------



## Revy (Jan 15, 2010)

RPing shudnt matter when you're RLing the guy...


----------



## FluffMouse (Jan 15, 2010)

Revy said:


> RPing shudnt matter when you're RLing the guy...



It does if she's not okay with it, and he lies to her about it, 
and spends more time doing that then spending time with her. >>


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Nylak said:


> Whoa whoa whoa. Wait. Your husband is fucking another dude in online roleplay, and this friend_ is going to move in with you?_
> 
> Now I'll be the first to separate roleplay from reality, but there's a line here, and he's crossed it. Confront him. That's not really cool if he doesn't have your consent--in this community it's pretty fucking close to outright cheating.



I got as far as this post and stopped reading. I agree fully with Nylak. You need to confront him, if he is willing to RP fucking this guy all day, then want him to move in? Personally I smell something a wee bit fishy there lass. If it were me it would be pissing me off that he spends more time on the computer than with me.


----------



## twelvestring (Jan 15, 2010)

Isen said:


> Since I don't know either of you, I don't feel like I can instantly jump on the "dump him" train.  I would suggest getting advice from a real marriage counselor or therapist or something.
> 
> Really, a furry forum is pretty much one of the worst place you can go for relationship advice.


It doesn't really take a phd to see what's going on here. He's moving his
"friend" in with them. You ain't gonna council the gay away. The guy needs
to be on his own and figure out what he wants, guilt free. Same with op.
Op, you need to seriously think about what you want out of a relationship
because it looks like you're willing to sell yourself short.
Sorry about the issue op. It's a toughie. Wish you all the best.


----------



## Korex (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I have a hard time telling my life-mate no and when he asked me if he coudl Rp with his friend i said okay...but now i think they like eachother...im scared. I dont want him to get upset with me but It really hurts when he choses another guy over me...
> 
> Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him?
> 
> ...



If he shows signs that he's not interested with you anymore then approach and talk to him instead.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Isen said:


> Really, a furry forum is pretty much one of the worst place you can go for relationship advice.



Are you saying furries are incapable of giving advice? Are you saying we furries shouldn't or are incapable of offering help to another furry? Cause that is what I see you as implying here.


----------



## Icarus (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I have a hard time telling my life-mate no and when he asked me if he coudl Rp with his friend i said okay...but now i think they like eachother...im scared. I dont want him to get upset with me but It really hurts when he choses another guy over me...
> 
> Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him?
> 
> ...



If he's like me then we have something similar, our lust goes in a circle.  Give it a week, then he'll be crawling for you.  But then a month later he'll lose interest again.
shitsux, it's why I can't keep any relationship.


----------



## ToeClaws (Jan 15, 2010)

Okay... let's review some basic facts that you have so far stated about the situation:



Your mate has a bad temper
Your mate may not love you any longer
You still love him
Said RP "friend" gets more attention/affection
Said RP "friend" will be moving in with you IRL
Your mate writes off intimate interaction with others as "a furry thing"
You have trouble saying no
Okay.... before I say anything about your situation, let me quickly mention a few things about my own.  I have a furry mate, and we have an agreement and understanding that role play CAN cross intimate boundaries.  We therefore do not engage in furry RP out of respect for one another's feelings.  In fact, we pretty much inform each other of _anything_ we do in our lives that could be the least bit potentially intimate to make sure the other is okay with it.  It comes down to simply understanding each other's emotional concerns and respecting each other's feelings.

So... back to your situation.  Your mate waving off all concerns with a blanket statement like "it's a furry thing" is an action that is in complete disregard for your feelings.  It's _not_ a furry thing - he's just using that as an excuse that, in his mind, should be a form of reasoning that you hear and go "Oh, hee durrrr... right!"  That's bullshit.  Whether you are a fur, or not, straight or gay or whatever, two partners MUST have a respect and understanding of the other's feelings if things are to work out.

That one barrier in your situation seems to be the cause of a lot of grief, and soon the reason for another person moving in.  That bit is the real jaw-dropper - not only is your mate not respecting your feelings (or apparently even acknowledging that they exist), he's invited this person to come live with you, which is only going to escalate the current problem.

You're not completely innocent in all this either though - as you also stated, you have trouble saying "no".  Initially, not talking about things or putting your foot down meant that your mate took greater and greater liberties with things.  If there is one thing many years of relationships have taught me it's that you need to be blatantly honest up front, right from day one.  The more you sugar coat or give in, the worse it makes problems.  It is, however, better late than never to at least be honest to him about how you feel.  If does have feelings for you, then he should care enough to listen.  If he doesn't want to listen, or doesn't like your stance, then it's probably time for you to move on and find a more respectful mate.

Will that be easy?  Hell no - especially when you still love the guy.  It's hard to have to do that, but ultimately it comes down to respecting yourself as much as a mate needs to respect you.  If you stay with someone who never much cares what you think or feel, and in this case seems to like making you a third wheel, that's not much of a rewarding life or relationship!  Don't do that to yourself.


----------



## Kyoujin (Jan 15, 2010)

RP is a questionable thing, I've done it for 11 years now though I keep a fine line between reality and fiction (and I never play as myself, just characters I've made up). Always considered it as writing a book with someone.

However, it does cross the line when something like this happens.. and the fact that this guy is apparently moving in with you is.. well.. WAY past the line.

Relationships can really get screwed up when bad things like that are kept to yourself, as it just tends to exacerbate over time and then it'll eventually blow up. There needs to be communication. And he needs to give up some things in order to keep the relationship going.

I'd confront him and try having a serious talk with him and let him know why you're worried, what needs to be changed, etc. If you think he's violent or such, then I'd recommend having a friend or two close by. ;/ Stuff like this isn't easy and I can relate, but it'll hurt more if something like this is drawn out. If he won't change, then don't force yourself to stay in a situation where it's only going to get worse for you. I wish you the best.


----------



## Term_the_Schmuck (Jan 15, 2010)

OP needs to consult a lawyer instead of being online.

Like now.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 15, 2010)

There's only one reason why you won't confront him and ask him to stop. Because you're afraid that you'll lose him when you do. You're afraid he'll choose this other guy over you.

The truth of the matter is, given the way he treats you, he already has. You simply don't want to be honest with yourself about that, so that you can keep holding onto the pretense that you're still married and still both in love with each other.

You're not, and he's not.

I'm not saying this to be mean, to the contrary. You're holding off on confronting him out of fear of something that has already happened. You need to go get on with your life, and holding onto a false hope isn't helping any of you, especially yourself.

I'm sorry. I want to give you hope, but it's not my place to do it. He had the chance to give you that hope, but the time has passed.

Things are over for your relationship. He's already cheating, you are only there for his physical use now. To tell you otherwise, to give you hope, would be to continue to help you waste your life just getting more and more heartsore and more and more dependent upon the affection that you want... and will never get from him again.

If you want to find happiness with someone, you will need to accept the fact that it will have to be someone else. There's no love there anymore. If there were, he wouldn't treat you the way he does. He wouldn't be planning to move his lover in and cheat on you with him.

There can be no other reason whatsoever that he's intending to move this fellow in with you.

He's already cheating on you, and you have to face that fact. 

Confronting him will end things, yes. But they're already ended, you're just being used right now. You have to decide whether or not you're going to accept being used (in a very cruel way) because you're hoping for some scrap of affection that will never come your way again.

I'm really sorry to hurt you with these things. But I think that lying to you or giving you false hope about this situation will be no favor to you. It'll hurt even worse when you're thrown aside like a rag doll for his new toy in a more physical and concrete way.


----------



## Zseliq (Jan 15, 2010)

Plenty of good advice given. Now want to see how this plays out.


----------



## Whitenoise (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I have a hard time telling my life-mate no and when he asked me if he coudl Rp with his friend i said okay...but now i think they like eachother...im scared. I dont want him to get upset with me but It really hurts when he choses another guy over me...
> 
> Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him?
> 
> ...



Holy fuck lol, this thread's hilarious. Seriously though OP, that's what you get for dating a furfag. Cut your losses and try not to make this mistake again :V .


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

I just find it amazing that almost 3 pages into this, once again, _I'm_ the one who's got to inject a little reality into this (what you guys are talking about is based purely on emotion) and ask, ok, this guy's moving in and contributing exactly what? Does he have a job lined up? What prospects does he have, realistically, of finding one? What money does he have to pull his weight with in the meantime? Again, realistically, how will having a third person effect your guys' lives/schedules? I mean you guys have a routine by now that will have to be adjusted if you got another person using your kitchen/bathroom/living room etc. Oh, and sleep is a precious thing. I know because I've spent the past 5 years of my life not getting nearly enough, and it's almost always all to do with the other person(s) I'm living with being loud basically just by existing.

How much do you _or_ he know about this person?

Basically my "Don't, just don't" thread again.


----------



## Hir (Jan 15, 2010)

"Hey husband, I was wondering if you'd fuck me instead of fucking your friend online hypothetically. Thanks."


----------



## Term_the_Schmuck (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I just find it amazing that almost 3 pages into this, once again, _I'm_ the one who's got to inject a little reality into this (what you guys are talking about is based purely on emotion) and ask, ok, this guy's moving in and contributing exactly what?



The unwarranted self importance in this first sentence is astounding.


----------



## CynicalCirno (Jan 15, 2010)

DarkNoctus said:


> "Hey husband, I was wondering if you'd fuck me instead of fucking your friend online hypothetically. Thanks."



"Uhh, sorry dear, I am quite busy now, well talk about divorce later, mkay?"


----------



## Hir (Jan 15, 2010)

ArrLeashen said:


> "Uhh, sorry dear, I am quite busy now, well talk about divorce later, mkay?"


"Cool, have fun yiffing online, you'll miss my clitoral hood when I'm gone >:0"


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I just find it amazing that almost 3 pages into this, once again, _I'm_ the one who's got to inject a little reality into this (what you guys are talking about is based purely on emotion) and ask, ok, this guy's moving in and contributing exactly what? Does he have a job lined up? What prospects does he have, realistically, of finding one? What money does he have to pull his weight with in the meantime? Again, realistically, how will having a third person effect your guys' lives/schedules? I mean you guys have a routine by now that will have to be adjusted if you got another person using your kitchen/bathroom/living room etc. Oh, and sleep is a precious thing. I know because I've spent the past 5 years of my life not getting nearly enough, and it's almost always all to do with the other person(s) I'm living with being loud basically just by existing.
> 
> How much do you _or_ he know about this person?
> 
> Basically my "Don't, just don't" thread again.



First off did you actually read the OP post? Did you miss the parts where she said he is RPing a lot more with said guy that is meant to move in with them? and that said RP's her husband has with said guy is sexual? 

I think the fact that her husband spends more time fucking this man online than with her has a lot more to do with the situation and is far more important than "does your husband have a job?" 

Ask yourself this wolf-bone, If you had a wife/bf/gf and they spent much more time on the computer having cybersex with someone else, and then wanted that internet person to move in with you, would YOU agree to that?

I wouldn't, if I had a wife doing that to me with another guy online and then said he was moving in with us I'd be like "Fuck you bitch"


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Term_the_Schmuck said:


> The unwarranted self importance in this first sentence is astounding.



What wolf-bone has infact done is miss the point entirely.


----------



## Term_the_Schmuck (Jan 15, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> What wolf-bone has infact done is miss the point entirely.



He also missed how incredibly awkward it would be to have that guy living with them.

"Oh yeah, so you must be the person who bones my husband online?"

"Yup!  Nice to meet you.  By the way, he's going to show me the bedroom so if you don't mind we'll be going now."


----------



## 8-bit (Jan 15, 2010)

This thread is starting to loop around.

OP, why not just tell him no?


----------



## AshleyAshes (Jan 15, 2010)

Whitenoise said:


> Holy fuck lol, this thread's hilarious. Seriously though OP, that's what you get for dating a furfag. Cut your losses and try not to make this mistake again :V .


 
And, depending on the laws of your state, if he's cheating on you it could give you sufficent legal basis to GAIN from the divorce!


----------



## Tabasco (Jan 15, 2010)

I will never understand why easily intimidated people just fucking flock to bad-tempered people for relationships. It's a guaranteed mess.

Anyway, dare to bring the subject up to him, have a friend there if you need some support. 

If he's willing to stop, great. Problem solved.

If not, I whole-heartedly suggest leaving.

It sounds harsh, but if he refuses to stop what he knows is hurting you, is he really the kind of guy you want to be with? Do you want to put up with him messing around with others like he is? Do you want to be with someone who puts his typefucking wants above your emotions?

I don't think RP is a huge deal, but partners should be able to agree on clear boundaries and stick to them regardless of what they are.

Food for thought.


----------



## AshleyAshes (Jan 15, 2010)

BlueberriHusky said:


> I will never understand why easily intimidated people just fucking flock to bad-tempered people for relationships. It's a guaranteed mess.


 
Because people that arn't so easily pacified tend to have higher standards and be less despirate to find someone to 'love' them.


----------



## Aden (Jan 15, 2010)

ITT: Nylak is right


----------



## CynicalCirno (Jan 15, 2010)

DarkNoctus said:


> "Cool, have fun yiffing online, you'll miss my clitoral hood when I'm gone >:0"



"I'm sorry link, I can't give credit, come back when you get a little  mmmmmmmmmmmmm this cake is good".


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 15, 2010)

Oh, and by the way, to add onto what I've already said, if your husband's new boyfriend is also bi, then you'll be expected to do threesomes, and they'll both be using you. And probably badmouthing you behind your back. It will become them against you while they both use you. You'll not just become their mutual dildo, but also their mutual scapegoat.

Since your husband has a nasty temper, it will only get worse when he has someone around to egg him on. Soon you will no longer be just facing his temper, but you will be actively abused (if you're not already, and I have my doubts).


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

PheonixStar said:


> Oh, and by the way, to add onto what I've already said, if your husband's new boyfriend is also bi, then you'll be expected to do threesomes, and they'll both be using you. And probably badmouthing you behind your back. It will become them against you while they both use you. You'll not just become their mutual dildo, but also their mutual scapegoat.
> 
> Since your husband has a nasty temper, it will only get worse when he has someone around to egg him on. Soon you will no longer be just facing his temper, but you will be actively abused (if you're not already, and I have my doubts).



Good point Pheonix. Either way I think the OP is better off out of that relationship. 

OP: walk to the front door, and leave him behind.


----------



## Tabasco (Jan 15, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> OP: walk to the front door, and leave him behind.



Take the dog/cat while you're at it.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I

I'll leave this here.

Read the lyrics in the side bar/listen to the song and you will understand why I chose this particular song.


----------



## Thatch (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him?



BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The thread could have ended after this.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> What wolf-bone has infact done is miss the point entirely.





Term_the_Schmuck said:


> He also missed how incredibly awkward it would be to have that guy living with them.
> 
> "Oh yeah, so you must be the person who bones my husband online?"
> 
> "Yup!  Nice to meet you.  By the way, he's going to show me the bedroom so if you don't mind we'll be going now."





BlueberriHusky said:


> I will never understand why easily intimidated people just fucking flock to bad-tempered people for relationships. It's a guaranteed mess.
> 
> Anyway, dare to bring the subject up to him, have a friend there if you need some support.
> 
> ...



BlueberriHusky brought the real point to light, that I didn't even realize actually needs to be put in such blunt terms to people. *Easily intimidated people flock to douchebags in relationships out of whatever security said douchebag provides. That's reality, and if you don't like it I'm sorry that's too bad*. Everything I said stems from that. Realistically, OP is not likely to leave her man just because of all the *emotional* reasons you guys used, even if she should. But for a person to have their money fucked with and their routine and just their personal space all thrown out the window for someone else, man I've seen family members pull guns on each other over that shit. No one can really tolerate it. Marriages are as much about necessity as love. The love has clearly been denied her, and now the necessities are very likely going to be as well.

Right or wrong, there's plenty of marriages that "last" that love's got nothing to do with, as long as what's essentially an arrangement of necessity (whether or not it started out that way) remains relatively safe, convenient etc. I'm telling OP that's probably about to change.


----------



## Foxstar (Jan 15, 2010)

Vaelarsa said:


> Get a better husband.
> Preferably someone who won't waste his time roleplaying instead of spending time with you.



This.

But given most furries meet each other typefucking, I expect nothing less.


----------



## Term_the_Schmuck (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> *snip*



You want non-emotional reasons?  Fine.

I have an aunt.  She was married for 25 years to a stockbroker husband.  They had three daughters, a frickin' huge ranch, and a supposedly happy marriage.

Turns out that for about half the time they've been married, the husband's been cheating on my aunt with a mistress he met during one of his business trips.  Husband decides it'd be a good idea to go into not only his savings, but also my aunt's and the kid's to go out on trips with the mistress, bought her a car, apartment, everything because he "loved" her.

Sure enough aunt finds out.  Here's the kicker though, aunt turns out to be completely indecisive.  She's still deeply in love with her husband, even though it's plenty obvious the husband wasn't with her, since he'd make up business trips to go out and see the mistress.  But aunt decides to forgive his sorry ass and they try to start over.

Nine months go by.  Aunt finds out that husband is STILL talking to the mistress.  Husband admits he's only been faithful for six of those nine months.  She kicks him out of the house.  They are, however, still legally married.  She doesn't want to divorce him because she STILL loves him and believes he might come back one day.  Meanwhile, instead of hiring a lawyer to assess the husband's assets to at least see what the guy's got should she choose to divorce, he's probably hidden his assets by now.  Remember, he's a stock broker.

I'm under the philosophy that if this guy apparently shows hardly any love to OP and is more interested in sexual activities or just spending time, RP or not, with someone else, then the guy's a lost cause.  It could end up costing you more if you wait around with your thumb up your ass, praying one day he'll choose that she's more important to him than some dude he's so willing to have live in THEIR home.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

Term_the_Schmuck said:


> You want non-emotional reasons?



No, I _have_ non-emotional reasons, in addition to emotional ones, that unlike _you_ I'm not begging for an excuse to baawwww about in someone elses thread (it might help that just a few days ago I caught wind of another sketchy/DO-NOT-WANT-ish situation a forum member was getting themselves into and made a separate thread about it). What's fucked up is that you and I are in total agreement on the important matter, which is OP needs to seriously evaluate their situation, and that most likely, said situation is simply not salvageable, and you insist on arguing over it because you're listening more to *hormones* than *common sense*.


----------



## Term_the_Schmuck (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> What's fucked up is that you and I are in total agreement on the important matter, which is OP needs to seriously evaluate their situation, and that most likely, said situation is simply not salvageable, and you insist on arguing over it because you're listening more to *hormones* than *common sense*.



Explain to me again what the fuck hormones have to do with my evaluation of OP's situation, taking into account a similar situation I've seen, and then basing my advice off of that?  I have no emotional investment in OP's case since A) I don't know her and B) Whatever she chooses doesn't affect me in any way.

You're right, we are in agreement on the main issue.  The problem I'm having with you is that your first post in this thread was some holier-than-thou, e-peen stroking blather, as if you have all the answers to life's questions, or at least those which furrys seem to bring up on this site.  Sure you had some useful information, but it was bookended by "Look at me!  I'M THE ONLY RELIABLE COUNCIL ON FAF!"

I seriously doubt you've been in any sort of meaningful relationship.  There's no such thing as "common sense" in anything where "love" is involved.  But in this case, emotions will probably lead OP to do the smart thing and take inventory of the situation, which is why I said "get a lawyer."


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> I have a hard time telling my life-mate no and when he asked me if he coudl Rp with his friend i said okay...but now i think they like eachother...im scared. I dont want him to get upset with me but It really hurts when he choses another guy over me...
> 
> Should I just let him be and live with it (considering the guy is supposed to move in with us someday) or should i confront him?
> 
> ...


just say please stop and if he says no then say well no sex for you then!


----------



## Hir (Jan 15, 2010)

Don't take relationship advice from pedophiles. Their techniques may work on children, but they probably won't work on grown adults.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

DarkNoctus said:


> Don't take relationship advice from pedophiles. Their techniques may work on children, but they probably won't work on grown adults.


-_- what are you talking about I know It works because that's what my ex GF used on me...she was 17


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> BlueberriHusky brought the real point to light, that I didn't even realize actually needs to be put in such blunt terms to people. *Easily intimidated people flock to douchebags in relationships out of whatever security said douchebag provides. That's reality, and if you don't like it I'm sorry that's too bad*. Everything I said stems from that. Realistically, OP is not likely to leave her man just because of all the *emotional* reasons you guys used, even if she should. But for a person to have their money fucked with and their routine and just their personal space all thrown out the window for someone else, man I've seen family members pull guns on each other over that shit. No one can really tolerate it. Marriages are as much about necessity as love. The love has clearly been denied her, and now the necessities are very likely going to be as well.



So it is alright for her husband to take advantage of her weakness? She should be out and find a man who fucking cares for her feelings and not stay with some retard who doesn't give a fucking shit about her.

Remind me never to recommend anyone to marry you.


----------



## Hir (Jan 15, 2010)

EinTheCorgi said:


> -_- what are you talking about I know It works because that's what my ex GF used on me...she was 17


Emphasis on the word "ex".


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

It's sad if your nice to a girl and respect her it will usually land you in the friend section.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

DarkNoctus said:


> Emphasis on the word "ex".


Yeah ex, seeing how she died.


----------



## Hir (Jan 15, 2010)

EinTheCorgi said:


> Yeah ex, seeing how she died.


lol whoops


----------



## Tabasco (Jan 15, 2010)

EinTheCorgi said:


> It's sad if your nice to a girl and respect her it will usually land you in the friend section.



Speaking from experience as to what attracts, keeps, and is good for women--be a jerk with a heart beneath it all.

But those are rare. Usually it's one extreme or the other with guys.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

BlueberriHusky said:


> Speaking from experience as to what attracts, keeps, and is good for women--be a jerk with a heart beneath it all.
> 
> But those are rare. Usually it's one extreme or the other with guys.


So what your saying is be a dick,snag a lass then turn all nice and crud?


----------



## Tabasco (Jan 15, 2010)

EinTheCorgi said:


> So what your saying is be a dick,snag a lass then turn all nice and crud?



No. Be a guy with both a good heart and an attitude, or at least visible backbone.

They do exist.

I swear.

I saw one once, but we'd all been drinking so maybe--


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

BlueberriHusky said:


> No. Be a guy with both a good heart and an attitude, or at least visible backbone.
> 
> They do exist.
> 
> ...


Hmm then I should be ok, sadly if I get to much attitude I get all pervish. :/


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

Term_the_Schmuck said:


> The problem I'm having with you is that your first post in this thread was some holier-than-thou, e-peen stroking blather, as if you have all the answers to life's questions, or at least those which furrys seem to bring up on this site.  Sure you had some useful information, but it was bookended by "Look at me!  I'M THE ONLY RELIABLE COUNCIL ON FAF!"



I _am_ one of the few people on these forums who will tell you what you need to hear, and not give you this bullshit sense that "I'm there for you" or something when I do it. And I _was_ the one to appeal to reason, since emotions were a given (that they could keep her stuck as much as move her forward) and say "count on it, your money/personal space _will_ get fucked with if he moves in".

Really, your whole post could be summarized as "sure you were basically right, but I just don't like you as a person, so fuck you anyway!". But that's precisely why forums like these need people like me. Because some of y'all's shit's a little too emotional, and you won't say (if you allow yourself to even think it) what really needs to be said sometimes because you're afraid of what anonymous nobodies think of you.

Luckily, there's guys like me who have no regard for that. 



			
				Term_the_Schmuck said:
			
		

> I seriously doubt you've been in any sort of meaningful relationship.  There's no such thing as "common sense" in anything where "love" is involved.  But in this case, emotions will probably lead OP to do the smart thing and take inventory of the situation, which is why I said "get a lawyer."



I've been in tons of meaningful relationships, and I've been in many others where _I_ was the one giving up everything, both emotionally _and_ in terms of real shit (money, time, etc). And I know the difference. I know that any "love" that forces you to negate common sense completely is not love at all. It's being used and abused.

Now, please, shut up. I'm not interested in continuing to debate logic vs. emotions with a man who reminds me of past _girlfriends_.



RandyDarkshade said:


> So it is alright for her husband to take advantage of her weakness? fuck you, she should be out and find a man who fucking cares for her feelings and not stay with some retard who doesn't give a fucking shit about her.
> 
> Remind me never to recommend anyone to marry you.



How the hell do you extrapolate "I think taking advantage of someone's weakness is morally justified by the realities of human nature" from just me saying "It's reality that people will try to"? Fuck _me?_ Ok, we'll see about that...


----------



## Ieatcrackersandjumpcliffs (Jan 15, 2010)

You married a guy who thinks with his dick. Not only that but you married a guy whose sexual preference leans more to men. Marriages based on sex never last. This is why gay relationships fall apart after a while. I know, how blasphemous of me.


----------



## Ozriel (Jan 15, 2010)

Drop that mother fucker like a bad habit and get someone else who will care for you, both Non-sexually and sexually. :V


----------



## Ieatcrackersandjumpcliffs (Jan 15, 2010)

Yes. What Zeke said. Make sure there is a balance.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

Zeke Shadowfyre said:


> Intelligence


well said


----------



## Ozriel (Jan 15, 2010)

EinTheCorgi said:


> well said



Thank you. You all get cookies.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

Zeke Shadowfyre said:


> Thank you. You all get cookies.


Noms them.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I _am_ one of the few people on these forums who will tell you what you need to hear, and not give you this bullshit sense that "I'm there for you" or something when I do it. And I _was_ the one to appeal to reason, since emotions were a given (that they could keep her stuck as much as move her forward) and say "count on it, your money/personal space _will_ get fucked with if he moves in"



Well, first off, I was pretty blunt and straight-forward, too. Secondly, there is a reason why people try to say things as nicely as possible.

In fact, I don't at all know why you are so proud of being cruel to someone, without any attempt whatsoever to also be compassionate towards them. 

Being devoid of compassion isn't a point of pride. Being coldly and methodically "honest" and "pointed" towards someone is only something to be proud of when you can do it in such a manner that you're not an even bigger asshole about it than the person she needs to leave.

Yes, other people tried to be compassionate about it. Because doing so is the right thing to do. If you enjoy hurting people, in the name of being "brutally honest," then you have nothing to be proud of. It's not a score, it's not good, and when it's necessary, it should be something that you mourn, not take pride in.

There are some rare people that need a real setting down. But this person isn't really one-- she does need the bald truth, yes, but she doesn't need it put to her coldly and with hardness.

When you do need to really sit down and level someone some harsh, brutal honesty, it's NOT something you go around crowing about, AND it's something that you always follow up with kindness once you've broken through their shell.

Kindness is never a waste. Being considerate of other peoples' emotions and feelings is never a mistake.

Yes, get through to her. That's good.

But unless she really needs it, don't be an asshole about it. It's not a point of pride to dismiss and be careless of other people's feelings.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

PheonixStar said:


> Well, first off, I was pretty blunt and straight-forward, too. Secondly, there is a reason why people try to say things as nicely as possible.
> 
> In fact, I don't at all know why you are so proud of being cruel to someone, without any attempt whatsoever to also be compassionate towards them.
> 
> ...



And you assume this is a "point of pride" to me based on, what, exactly? I'm brutally honest, yes, but not a _sociopath_.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> And you assume this is a "point of pride" to me based on, what, exactly? I'm brutally honest, yes, but not a _sociopath_.


The fact that you bragged about it in the thread. People don't usually brag about things they're not proud of.


----------



## Duality Jack (Jan 15, 2010)

Allow him to bone your ass if he stops talking to him forever. ITs a fair trade.


Also Pegging.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> Luckily, there's guys like me who have no regard for that.



You also seem to have no regard for other peoples feelings either. The problem I have with what you said in your first post is, and this is how I interpreted it That she could just live with it and let him do as he pleases with his online BF, to keep it short.

I also understand that it is her fault for not standing up to him in the first place, but that does not make it right for him to take advantage of her weakness, and you made it sound like that it was tough she has to live her life like it now. People change, my mom was just like the OP until she saw sense one day.

My point is, she doesn't, she can walk out the door at any time she wants. She doesn't have to tell him, she can just get up and walk out if she is scared of his temper. I no doubt expect that she has some friends/family that can take her in, and if he goes around to where ever she is staying and starts being an ass, then the simple answer to that is dial 911 straight away.

What she really needs to do is sit down, perhaps with a friend and weigh up all the options and pro's and cons  of the situation, perhaps seek some advice from personal friends irl. She should ask herself some questions too like:

Does she want to continue living with a man who seemingly does not have any care about her emotions/feelings?

Does she want to continue feeling second best to a computer?

Does she want to continue being on the receiving end of his bad temper?

I added the last question because I am willing to bet she has been on the receiving end of his temper more than once otherwise she wouldn't be scared of him. We also need to keep in mind there are men who bully their wives untill they get in such a state like the OP where they are scared to stand up to them, her husband may or may not be one of these types of men. What I am saying is wolf-bone you sound like you are assuming she has always been the scaredy type, she might not of been, she might of been bullied into it by her husband which does happen. The thing is, we don't know.

The only reason my advice to her is to GTFO of the relationship she is in, is because she deserves better, no one deserves to be treated the way he treats her, and no one should have to live their whole life in misery just to please someone else. Yes it is hard to leave someone you love, but it is not fair if he does not love her back. All I see from the relationship she has with this man is a one sided relationship in his favour. 

And I will guarantee you, that if they did talk about it and she threatened to leave he will make the usual promises "I will change! I wont do this, this and this anymore, I promise! I promise I wont hurt you ever again!" two months down line things will be back at square one.

It is not a healthy relationship, it is not one you, OP, should remain in, if you, op, are this unhappy you should get out of it. Op, you do not deserve to be treated the way he treats you.


----------



## Isen (Jan 15, 2010)

twelvestring said:


> It doesn't really take a phd to see what's going on here. He's moving his "friend" in with them. You ain't gonna council the gay away.


I didn't suggest trying to "council the gay away".  I figured if he RPs with guys and has a girlfriend, he's probably at least somewhat bisexual, which really isn't that uncommon in the fandom.

Right now, we are getting a one paragraph glimpse of their relationship coming from only one person.  I'm guessing that they have a lot to work through.  Considering that the OP seems seriously worried about her husband's temper, having a good talk with an objective mediator would probably help.  It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me either, but all I know about their entire lives is a few lines written on a forum.  If they want to try to salvage the relationship or break up, that's their business.  If there is any interest in working things out on their part, getting some real life mediation is their best bet.



RandyDarkshade said:


> Are you saying furries are incapable of giving advice? Are you saying we furries shouldn't or are incapable of offering help to another furry? Cause that is what I see you as implying here.


That part was more or less tongue in cheek.  By all means, offer advice.  It's not exactly a secret that the average furry is not exactly an expert on relationships.  A furry forum just would not be my first choice.

Eh, I can't be bothered to argue this point right now.  Just read any Whitenoise thread in the Den.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 15, 2010)

You can just kick him in the nuts


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

EinTheCorgi said:


> You can just kick him in the nuts



As hard as possible.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> You also seem to have no regard for other peoples feelings either. The problem I have with what you said in your first post is, and this is how I interpreted it That she could just live with it and let him do as he pleases with his online BF, to keep it short.
> 
> I also understand that it is her fault for not standing up to him in the first place, but that does not make it right for him to take advantage of her weakness, and you made it sound like that it was tough she has to live her life like it now. People change, my mom was just like the OP until she saw sense one day.
> 
> ...



LOL, guess how much of that I actually read. Yeah. Holy fucking wow. I don't completely disregard other people's feelings, but emotional investment is called that because it really is like a currency that one only has so much of to go around. A while back I realized mine was really out of whack. My priorities were just fucked. There's people and things that are a good investment, where sure, it's a risk, but the rewards are about equal. And then there's walls of text by people I've never shared a place with, never worked with on a project with, never worked at the same job with, or even talked to on IM/Facebook, or even this site except in the most casual of conversations.

Now, would you care to explain to me, in a slightly smaller wall of text if you can manage it, why I owe *strangers* the same as say, close friends and family? Here, I'm going to give you an example of what I'm talking about. PheonixStar contributed greatly to a thread I posted that was very personal and rooted in emotions as much as it was a warning to people making decisions based more on emotions than reality, and even made an offer to give me information about something important to me. So, I feel it necessary to entertain the thought they've just put forward, rather than dismiss it outright.

Observe...



PheonixStar said:


> The fact that you bragged about it in the thread. People don't usually brag about things they're not proud of.



So, explain to me, how exactly what I did was bragging, and not just your perception of bragging.


----------



## south syde dobe (Jan 15, 2010)

Zeke Shadowfyre said:


> Thank you. You all get cookies.


 
Damn I was too late T_T


----------



## capthavoc123 (Jan 15, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> i'll try talking to him in the morning, i dont want to lose him...
> 
> im afraid though...i left my family to be with him, he's all i have..



Things like this would be an awful lot easier if more people realized that it's a bad relationship if you have to cut off all your family ties to be with someone.

But no, there's this sentiment of "he/she is the person i love, and if my family/friends don't like him/her then screw them".

Never make your life dependent on one person, no matter how much you think you're giving up by not doing it. I could find the love of my life, my true soul mate, and I would not be with them if it meant leaving my family. I don't even like most of my family, and I still wouldn't do it.



			
				Isen said:
			
		

> I didn't suggest trying to "council the gay away". I figured if he RPs with guys and has a girlfriend, he's probably at least somewhat bisexual, which really isn't that uncommon in the fandom.



Or he's just in the closet, and has her for appearances' sake.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> *I am one of the few people on these forums who will tell you what you need to hear,* and not give you this bullshit sense that "I'm there for you" or something when I do it. *And I was* *the one to appeal to reason*, since emotions were a given (that they could keep her stuck as much as move her forward) and say "count on it, your money/personal space _will_ get fucked with if he moves in".
> 
> Really, your whole post could be summarized as "sure you were basically right, but I just don't like you as a person, so fuck you anyway!". *But that's precisely why forums like these need people like me.* Because some of y'all's shit's a little too emotional, and you won't say (if you allow yourself to even think it) what really needs to be said sometimes because you're afraid of what anonymous nobodies think of you.
> 
> *Luckily, there's guys like me who have no regard for that. *



boasting
bragging
prideful
arrogant

Oh, thank GOD there's GUYS LIKE YOU around to not give a shit about people's feelings. Because everyone else is just so weak and only cares about other people's OPINIONS of them. But what every forum needs is someone JUST LIKE YOU.

Because you're so special and unusual and the ONLY ONE who used anything like reason...

Except that you used no reason at all. The whole point of the other guy moving in is a moot point. She needs to leave long before that even has a chance to happen. So your vaunted reason failed before it even started. You were caught up in your own feelings about your own experiences and you didn't focus on what's important with her experience... which is to get out of there-- no matter what happens with the other guy. 

He has already cut her off from her family. This is a HUGE RED FLAG, and she needs to GO.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

PheonixStar said:


> boasting
> bragging
> prideful
> arrogant
> ...



You don't seem to realize, there is nothing at all self-congratulatory about any of the statements I made. In any free marketplace of ideas, there _needs_ to be at least a few people who can be willing to put emotions to the side. Needed even more are people who know, intuitively, when a conversation is getting too emotional, when people are getting too emotionally invested in a person/situation that they are not a part of. It's an unintended consequence that when people like me participate and naturally, people like you get all riled up over the mere fact that someone can be mostly emotionless in response to what are obviously situations in dire need of intervention, in trying to argue with me, you bring up points that are relevant to the actual topic, even as you debate what is _irrelevant_ to it (me).

Emotional types don't like logical types. You think we're arrogant, narcissistic, manipulators, sociopaths. But it's cool. Getting called names doesn't hurt us as much is it would hurt others. Though we're not completely emotionless. We just tend to be a bit more reserved, is all. It's why I didn't PM you, and probably won't.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> You don't seem to realize, there is nothing at all self-congratulatory about any of the statements I made. In any free marketplace of ideas, there _needs_ to be at least a few people who can be willing to put emotions to the side. Needed even more are people who know, intuitively, when a conversation is getting too emotional, when people are getting too emotionally invested in a person/situation that they are not a part of. It's an unintended consequence that when people like me participate and naturally, people like you get all riled up over the mere fact that someone can be mostly emotionless in response to what are obviously situations in dire need of intervention, in trying to argue with me, you bring up points that are relevant to the actual topic, even as you debate what is _irrelevant_ to it (me).
> 
> Emotional types don't like logical types. You think we're arrogant, narcissistic, manipulators, sociopaths. But it's cool. Getting called names doesn't hurt us as much is it would hurt others. Though we're not completely emotionless. We just tend to be a bit more reserved, is all. It's why I didn't PM you, and probably won't.



Perhaps a better choice in words to make it sound like you are not bragging? Cause your first post. You first post sounded like YOU were all high and mighty and better than everyone else in this thread. You came across as YOU had the answer and that WE shouldn't be emotional, like emotion is a bad thing or something. Personaly I doubt your advice would work, it would just make her suffer more in the future.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> Perhaps a better choice in words to make it sound like you are not bragging? Cause your first post. You first post sounded like YOU were all high and mighty and better than everyone else in this thread. You came across as YOU had the answer and that WE shouldn't be emotional, like emotion is a bad thing or something. Personaly I doubt your advice would work, it would just make her suffer more in the future.



I never implied anything of the sort Randy. Please, get back in touch with reality. I'm sure the world inside your head is a fuckin trip but if Richard Branson ain't bold enough to sell tickets to it, I probably don't trust it.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I never implied anything of the sort Randy. Please, get back in touch with reality. I'm sure the world inside your head is a fuckin trip but if Richard Branson ain't bold enough to sell tickets to it, I probably don't trust it.



I am well in tough with reality thank you. More than you it seems as you obviously can not remember what you put in your first post, I suggest you go back and read it over and over and over again untill you see what you did wrong.

Pheonix is right, you came across as a bragger. You are just too pig headed to realize it.

Now that is enough from me till morning. I am not going to debate with someone who can't see his own faults.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> I am not going to debate with someone who can't see his own faults.



I didn't want to debate with you in the first place, so if me just saying "yes, I am way too pig-headed to know what my own fucking posts mean and see my own faults" will keep you from replying to me, dude, guilty as charged.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> You don't seem to realize, there is nothing at all self-congratulatory about any of the statements I made. In any free marketplace of ideas, there _needs_ to be at least a few people who can be willing to put emotions to the side. Needed even more are people who know, intuitively, when a conversation is getting too emotional, when people are getting too emotionally invested in a person/situation that they are not a part of. It's an unintended consequence that when people like me participate and naturally, people like you get all riled up over the mere fact that someone can be mostly emotionless in response to what are obviously situations in dire need of intervention, in trying to argue with me, you bring up points that are relevant to the actual topic, even as you debate what is _irrelevant_ to it (me).
> 
> Emotional types don't like logical types. You think we're arrogant, narcissistic, manipulators, sociopaths. But it's cool. Getting called names doesn't hurt us as much is it would hurt others. Though we're not completely emotionless. We just tend to be a bit more reserved, is all. It's why I didn't PM you, and probably won't.



Actually, I'm far less emotionally invested in it than you are. As I already stated, you focused on the guy moving in, because that's where your emotions are. I'll repeat it for you, since in your upset, you seem to be missing it. 

She shouldn't even be there by the time the guy moves in. You focused on the guy moving in, and pretended that in doing so, you weren't being emotional. This isn't true. You were being VERY emotional. You're very angry about it. Anger is an emotion, too.

Honestly, I think your motives for being harsh were actually good. And they were based upon a good thing. I never once called you a sociopath, nor implied you are one.

You spoke in the thread at all because you care. You bragged, unfortunately, about how "unemotional" you were in your response to her, and now you're bragging about how intuitive you are and how able you are to stop all the bullshit emotion in its tracks... yet your very responses over all are emotional.

The point I'm making is that it's nothing to be proud of, to be harsh and cold towards someone.

The fact that you spoke up out of compassion is what you have to be proud of. You didn't do anything particularly helpful, though. You were cold and didn't show your compassion because "OMG, EMOTION, EEK!!" You focused on the guy moving in, rather than the fact that this woman needs to get out.

If your intuition was as great as you're bragging it is, you'd have focused on that. Heck, it doesn't even take intuition, it's clear from her posts. It's as good as stated clearly in her posts.

Yet you focused on how YOU feel about letting a leech move in with you. That had nothing to do with her, it was your emotional input. That you then bragged about being reasonable and rational.



Wolf-Bone said:


> I never implied anything of the sort Randy. Please, get back in touch with reality. I'm sure the world inside your head is a fuckin trip but if Richard Branson ain't bold enough to sell tickets to it, I probably don't trust it.



When two people are telling you that you sound like you're bragging, maybe you need to focus less on what you were intending to say, and more on how it appears to other people. After all, the point of writing is communication. How other people interpret it, especially when it's not just one person, matters in good communication.

You come of quite boastful. 

And angry.

What you mean to say or sound, and how you're sounding are quite different, apparently. Instead of telling people to interpret you the way you want them to, rather than the way your words would logically be interpreted by the majority of people, isn't very reasonable.


Oh, and contrary to your claims, I don't hate you at all. I actually really care about you. I think you've got a lot of great things in you. I think that in this case, you're just being proud of yourself for something that isn't worth being proud of. You've plenty of things to be proud of about yourself, you don't need to pick something that makes you come off uncaring. Especially since you aren't, at all.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 15, 2010)

part of me wants to stay up just to see if RandyDarkshade is _really_ "done for the night" but I'm still in the afterglow of the Ty Appreciation Thread and that's probably a better state of mind to go to sleep with than what will no doubt result in me wanting to kill people to _I'm_ done for the night.


----------



## capthavoc123 (Jan 15, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I never implied anything of the sort Randy. Please, get back in touch with reality. I'm sure the world inside your head is a fuckin trip but if Richard Branson ain't bold enough to sell tickets to it, I probably don't trust it.



Sorry, but when you say "lucky there's guys like me around" that's a pretty fucking big implication of thinking you're better than everyone else.


----------



## Mikael Grizzly (Jan 16, 2010)

Same impression I get. W-B, you might not be aware of it, but you sound really full of yourself. I mean, chock full.

On topic, I really suggest wrapping up the party and divorcing the bastard. Typefucking someone when you're in a relationship with someone is unfaithful and becomes full on cheating when married. 

On a side note, I'm amused by the person who tried to scold OP for reading chatlogs because she was suspicious.


----------



## Olaunn (Jan 16, 2010)

I'm afraid this type of situation must be met with a "stop...or else" attitude. What the "or else" should be is entirely up to you. Personally I think divorce is the only course of action.

 Obviously your husband is having his sexual and emotional needs met by someone other than you. Therefore the "love" chemical in his brain that attracted him to you has been redirected to his new lover and it will be hardly possible to re-establish the chemical reaction in your favor. It's a terrible fact and I wish you luck in getting everything resolved.


----------



## Whitenoise (Jan 16, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> i'll try talking to him in the morning, i dont want to lose him...
> 
> im afraid though...*i left my family to be with him, he's all i have..*



So you met him on the internet and left your family to marry him?



ResuAiWolfwood said:


> we do...i guess...*its more of a "everyones home so be quiet and get done" thing for him...and yet he'll stay online for hours rp f**king the guy all day...
> *
> he KNOWS it hurts me and yet he still does it...does that mean he doesnt care anymore?



And he's unemployed and lives with his parents?


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 16, 2010)

capthavoc123 said:


> Sorry, but when you say "lucky there's guys like me around" that's a pretty fucking big implication of thinking you're better than everyone else.



That's what me and pheonix have been trying to tell wolf-bone, but like I said he is too full of himself to see it.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 16, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> It's why I didn't PM you, and probably won't.



One more thing I wanted to say to you, but forgot.

You considered PMing me at all, because you want the hope, compassion, forgiveness, healing, and comfort that you feel I might be able to offer you. 

You didn't PM me because you don't think you deserve it. Your not PMing me had little to do with me being inadequate due to being too 'emotional,' and has and had everything to do with your own feelings. So did posting here, to this woman.

You're holding onto your feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing, fear, gullibility, shame, undeservingness (and others) in order to punish yourself for "being stupid."

You were trying to help this lady by warning her, but more than that, you were projecting your own feelings, your own shame, and your own hurt onto her situation. Then raging at them. Which is understandable and forgivable. 

But don't try to blame the fact that you didn't reach out to me on some inadequacy in me. That's projecting. You wanted to PM me because you want to be cared about. You didn't do it because you're punishing yourself.

You told me to hate you for being logical and reasoned and etc. and so totally unlike me. Again, to punish yourself. But you can't just tell me to hate you for some made up, spurious reason, and see it happen. I'm not gonna hate you so you can punish yourself. It's not what I do, or who I am.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 16, 2010)

PheonixStar said:


> One more thing I wanted to say to you, but forgot.
> 
> You considered PMing me at all, because you want the hope, compassion, forgiveness, healing, and comfort that you feel I might be able to offer you.
> 
> ...



Hate is a strong word and one I refrain from using. I prefer to use the word "dislike", I may dislike what he said in this thread but that does not mean I dislike him.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 16, 2010)

PheonixStar said:


> One more thing I wanted to say to you, but forgot.
> 
> You considered PMing me at all, because you want the hope, compassion, forgiveness, healing, and comfort that you feel I might be able to offer you.
> 
> ...





PheonixStar said:


> Actually, I'm far less emotionally invested in it than you are. As I already stated, you focused on the guy moving in, because that's where your emotions are. I'll repeat it for you, since in your upset, you seem to be missing it.
> 
> She shouldn't even be there by the time the guy moves in. You focused on the guy moving in, and pretended that in doing so, you weren't being emotional. This isn't true. You were being VERY emotional. You're very angry about it. Anger is an emotion, too.
> 
> ...



Wow, there are so many things completely wrong with what you're saying here that I don't even know where to begin. I think I'll just try to get the most important stuff out of the way first.

I was going to PM you to take you up on your offer of *information*. Why would I think I don't deserve *information?* I ultimately chose not to because, grateful as I was for the offer, my instincts were telling me something wasn't quite right with you, though I couldn't really put my finger on _what_. But you've more or less spelled it out for me right here. You "really care about" someone you've talked to a bit anonymously on some forums and think, based on that, that he's "got great things" in him. You proceed to try to psychoanalyze this person you don't really know at all and tell them that deep down, they want compassion from you, but don't feel they deserve it, and that's why they didn't delve any further into the matter. Ok, let me break it down.

You contributed your experience and knowledge to my thread and made a lot of points I wouldn't have thought to make. Actually, you did better than that. You expanded on a point I made about a very underhanded (yet at times, all too effective) manipulation tactic a vulnerable person finding themselves in a toxic living arrangement might face. I just said I shouldn't even have to explain how it's as dirty a trick as it is, and you, realizing it actually _does_ need to be explained to a lot of people because they just can't relate, basically did so on my behalf. And I'm very appreciative of that.

That doesn't mean I want compassion from you. That doesn't mean I'm performing some Orwellian Jedi mindtrick on myself to make myself think I don't and that this is out of some sort of guilt/shame/whatever that I then use the same technique on to also spirit it away into some emotional/mental void. This probably won't surprise you much (if at all), but I've been to a few shrinks over the years, though most of them when I was in school and for things a young person typically does need some kind of professional intervention for, like when my house burned down and my grandfather passed away in the middle of "crunch-time" at college (read: I feel *zero* shame for some "weakness" over that). One thing they've all said about me is that they meet few people my age that are as honest with/about themselves as me. So I think I'm probably self-aware enough that if I'd been seeking something more from you than information/knowledge based on your unique experience, I would know it.

And to be quite honest, I don't think anything would've kept me from reaching out to you if that was the case. And here's why I think that. One thing I _was_ beating myself up over a lot, until a short while ago was the fact that I'd been to college living in the dorms for 3 (school) years plus a few months sharing an apartment with some classmates, really should've been able to handle "the real world" better than I did (or so I thought) and really, all I've got to show for my short brush with independence is a PS3 and some warnings about what "the real world" turns a lot of people into. I had all these "friends" on Facebook, those same people I shared apartments/dorms/classrooms with, and I wasn't talking to them out of some assumption that they've probably already decided I'm a loser/sketchbag if I bounced from one new province to another in _a year_ only to move back home.

I've kinda been getting over that. The more people I fess up to only to find they've gone through the same thing, or worse; the more people I tell my housemate horror stories to only to find I'm preaching to the choir, the less it starts to look like a problem _just_ with me and a problem we all need to solve together. Maybe even something I could be a leader in.

However, one thing that hasn't changed is this. I don't have even a fraction of the trust I once did for people I don't already know well enough to even consider a "Facebook friend", which is a higher standard than a lot of people's, as little as that might be saying. I don't know if this is what you're trying to do (I say a lot of people here perceive me the wrong way, but I never said I'm not just as capable of wrongly perceiving others) but a lot of what you said there sounded very manipulative, even bordering on stalkerish. You think you know what I want? Well, a better question is, what do _you_ want? That's what I'm forced to wonder right now.

Yeah, I don't even really feel like addressing the other stuff about how I'm trying too hard to come across as a tough-ass or whatever.


----------



## sateva9822 (Jan 16, 2010)

Nylak said:


> If he doesn't love you anymore, then you shouldn't be worried about severing the relationship, especially since you're clearly not comfortable in this situation. Respect yourself enough to cut yourself off if it's come to that; don't stay in a loveless marriage.
> 
> 
> That is the worst excuse ever. It is not a furry thing, it is an unfaithful-misogynistic-manwhore thing. Not all furries, especially those in a committed relationship, go fucking other people. Especially not without their partner's consent. He's trying to justify what he knows is wrong (or worse, he doesn't realize it's wrong, and that is a serious problem).
> ...



Woop woop.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 16, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I was going to PM you to take you up on your offer of *information*. Why would I think I don't deserve *information?*



I believe I covered that. 



> I ultimately chose not to because, grateful as I was for the offer, my instincts were telling me something wasn't quite right with you, though I couldn't really put my finger on _what_. But you've more or less spelled it out for me right here. You "really care about" someone you've talked to a bit anonymously on some forums and think, based on that, that he's "got great things" in him.



I really care about the OP in this thread, too. I really care about the people in Haiti who are suffering. Grow up a bit, "I really care about you" isn't tantamount to "please, let's fuck." I'm not in love with you, I just care about you. I'm not in love with the OP, I just care about her. I'm not in love with the people of Haiti, I just really care about them. 

It's part of my religion, let's just say. People, human beings, are precious.

As far as my comments about you having good in you, I'm sorry it's such a stretch for you to imagine. You cared enough to want to spare the OP sorrow and hurt, yet you can't imagine how anyone could think that there's good in you. And you wonder where someone might get the idea that you're angry at yourself (aside from how clear even otherwise you've made it).



> You proceed to try to psychoanalyze this person you don't really know at all and tell them that deep down, they want compassion from you, but don't feel they deserve it, and that's why they didn't delve any further into the matter. Ok, let me break it down.



Yeah, it's a habit I have. Comes from caring too much about humanity as a species, and adoptees in particular. It's pretty close to home, so I tend to try to help out when I feel I have something to offer.



> That doesn't mean I want compassion from you. That doesn't mean I'm performing some Orwellian Jedi mindtrick on myself to make myself think I don't and that this is out of some sort of guilt/shame/whatever that I then use the same technique on to also spirit it away into some emotional/mental void. This probably won't surprise you much (if at all), but I've been to a few shrinks over the years, though most of them when I was in school and for things a young person typically does need some kind of professional intervention for, like when my house burned down and my grandfather passed away in the middle of "crunch-time" at college (read: I feel *zero* shame for some "weakness" over that). One thing they've all said about me is that they meet few people my age that are as honest with/about themselves as me. So I think I'm probably self-aware enough that if I'd been seeking something more from you than information/knowledge based on your unique experience, I would know it.



That's great for you. I'm glad that you're so certain that you're not angry with yourself. Your posts call that a lie, but okay. If you weren't angry at yourself and subconsciously beating yourself up, you would have actually been on topic in this thread.

But you've repeatedly ignored the fact that your supposedly emotionless (yet obviously angry) post totally missed the point that this woman needs to leave long before the guy shows up.



> And to be quite honest, I don't think anything would've kept me from reaching out to you if that was the case. And here's why I think that. One thing I _was_ beating myself up over a lot, until a short while ago was the fact that I'd been to college living in the dorms for 3 (school) years plus a few months sharing an apartment with some classmates, really should've been able to handle "the real world" better than I did (or so I thought) and really, all I've got to show for my short brush with independence is a PS3 and some warnings about what "the real world" turns a lot of people into. I had all these "friends" on Facebook, those same people I shared apartments/dorms/classrooms with, and I wasn't talking to them out of some assumption that they've probably already decided I'm a loser/sketchbag if I bounced from one new province to another in _a year_ only to move back home.
> 
> I've kinda been getting over that. The more people I fess up to only to find they've gone through the same thing, or worse; the more people I tell my housemate horror stories to only to find I'm preaching to the choir, the less it starts to look like a problem _just_ with me and a problem we all need to solve together. Maybe even something I could be a leader in.



Why're you telling me this? 



> However, one thing that hasn't changed is this. I don't have even a fraction of the trust I once did for people I don't already know well enough to even consider a "Facebook friend", which is a higher standard than a lot of people's, as little as that might be saying. I don't know if this is what you're trying to do (I say a lot of people here perceive me the wrong way, but I never said I'm not just as capable of wrongly perceiving others) but a lot of what you said there sounded very manipulative, even bordering on stalkerish. You think you know what I want? Well, a better question is, what do _you_ want? That's what I'm forced to wonder right now.
> 
> Yeah, I don't even really feel like addressing the other stuff about how I'm trying too hard to come across as a tough-ass or whatever.



What I want isn't really all that strange. I'm not asking you to move in with me. I have a husband and a child... I'm not moving some stranger into my house. I protect my child first and foremost. I'm not looking for sex, nor am I interested in taking advantage of you. In what way could I possibly do that? What do you have to offer me? Sex? No thanks. Money? Uh, thanks, but I've got more than you do, to say the least.

You know, you're not the only one with intuition. I don't have any motivation to manipulate you. According to my spiritual beliefs, I have a moral obligation to offer help when I feel I can. It's my duty to my fellow man.

Whether it's you, the OP, the people in Haiti... whoever. 

I don't want to say that it's not personal, because from what I've read of your posts, and of the OP's post here... it's as personal as it can be in an impersonal format/context. But in a way, it's not personal, because I'm even obligated to help and comfort and care for those who I have personality clashes with. I'm obligated to treat people with as much dignity and REAL compassion as I can manage-- for no other reason than that they are humans.

And humans are beloved by the great Intelligence that created everything. Every human, no matter how despicable I might think they are. It's easy to care about people like you and the OP, who aren't despicable. But even if you WERE, I would still be obligated to care about you, as a human being.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 17, 2010)

Jesus, I'm not even going to _bother_ explaining anything this time beyond making a couple key points as clear as possible. Yes PheonixStar, you've nailed it, perfectly. I'm a sketchbag that's looking for a shoulder to cry on, sex, money, and (yet another) temporary living arrangement with a person I don't even really know. The heroin needle sticking out of my arm and painfully obvious meth-mouth when I speak or smile would've given it away IRL, which is why I'm forced to prey on people over the internet, but amazingly, you read between the lines of all my slick talk and dodged that bullet beautifully.

Protip: There's a lot of ways and reasons a person could manipulate another person over the internet by playing to their emotions. It's not always about easy sex, money and other favors. Some just do it to feed their ego, which is really what all this compassion they think they're giving strangers over the internet (or even people in some island in the Caribbean) is about*. When I said I don't really trust you enough to delve too deep into certain issues with you or even take certain information you have to offer, that's really all I was worried about. In any other capacity, you couldn't even touch me. Security wise, I'm fine, and will be for the foreseeable future. But if you derive some kind of emotional gratification from doing whatever to try to help people you think need it, I don't even want to give you that. Whatever you'd be offering, I can get elsewhere, when the time/situation is right. Basically, I want people to worry about their own fucking life.

Is there anything in that "religion" of yours about not being a douchebag? I mean almost by design, there's nothing very orthodox about _my_ religion either, but we at least _try_ to seek at least _some_ guidance from things grounded in *reality*, or at least concretely founded *ideas* like those found in the bible and the recorded words of people like Haile Selassie I, Marcus Garvey and Leonard Howell (in addition to other people with big ideas like Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, Mutabaruka etc) so that when we inevitably disagree, we can at least sincerely call it *reasoning* and not "my loosely defined personal truth is _the_ truth".

*have you even _been to_ that island? I have, and though it was years ago now, and I never even _set foot in_ Haiti, I'd be hard pressed to entertain the notion that _no one_ I met in the Dominican Republic has no friends/relatives in the neighboring country, or might've even _been there themselves_ when the earthquake killed the estimated 50,000. So you're not the only one who gets affected by things that shouldn't directly affect them. What's a "religion" to you is just *common sense* to some of us.


----------



## Thatch (Jan 17, 2010)

Whitenoise said:


> So you met him on the internet and left your family to marry him?
> 
> 
> 
> And he's unemployed and lives with his parents?



I can totally believe it.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 17, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> What's a "religion" to you is just *common sense* to some of us.



One of my favorite teachers once said, "Everyone has something to teach you about love."

What you've taught me about love is that your way of loving isn't a way that I can admire. When you are hateful towards people who are desperate and hurting, and spiteful towards people who are just reaching out to you in caring, then you're really a role model of how not to treat others.

It is a useful lesson: Even if the kind way is slower, it is still better.

I thank you for the lesson, and I wish you all the best.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 17, 2010)

PheonixStar said:


> One of my favorite teachers once said, "Everyone has something to teach you about love."
> 
> What you've taught me about love is that your way of loving isn't a way that I can admire. When you are hateful towards people who are desperate and hurting, and spiteful towards people who are just reaching out to you in caring, then you're really a role model of how not to treat others.
> 
> ...



The real lesson you should take from it is that some people's trust needs to be earned before they'll let down any barriers they've put up for some very good reasons just for you, no matter how good your intentions are. So, if I was actually _trying_ to "teach" you anything, I guess I would've failed because that certainly would've been my message, more than "this is my idea of 'love'". But then I've mostly stopped pretending that should even be my job. I'm in the middle of more than one career change right now. Perhaps you should consider one as well?


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 17, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> The real lesson you should take from it is that some people's *trust needs to be earned before they'll let down any barriers they've put up for some very good reasons just for you, no matter how good your intentions are*. So, if I was actually _trying_ to "teach" you anything, I guess I would've failed because that certainly would've been my message, more than "this is my idea of 'love'". But then I've mostly stopped pretending that should even be my job. I'm in the middle of more than one career change right now. Perhaps you should consider one as well?



I actually agree with you here. I wouldn't go telling any old stranger my life problems, I usually rely on those I can trust before I let down barriers. I don't like ranting about my problems to my friends let alone complete strangers. Unless I am seeking some advice like the OP here, which is rare for me to do.


----------



## Wolf-Bone (Jan 17, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> I actually agree with you here. I wouldn't go telling any old stranger my life problems, I usually rely on those I can trust before I let down barriers. I don't like ranting about my problems to my friends let alone complete strangers. Unless I am seeking some advice like the OP here, which is rare for me to do.



I've got no qualms with spilling the beans to strangers on the internet. I do it all the time. I find it therapeutic, and I often learn a lot more from people's reactions online than I would with people irl. I'm just as much a stranger to them as they are to me. That actually encourages total honesty more than it hinders it, I think (the only reason people have taken to saying "common sense isn't common" is because for so long, the people _defining it_ have been anything but common, with their cloistered environments and funds they don't really have to produce anything of worth in exchange for that put them far further out of touch with reality than the average online community member).

If I have people online I consider friends or at least friendly acquaintances, which I do, it's because we've found common ground as our actual selves. It sucks that "the real world" makes enemies out of people who really shouldn't be, based on the fucking character they play as in a game that moves far too slow and crashes more often than it should (the economy/job market, not an MMORPG). I sympathize with the OP because most likely, she married and started living with someone who was clearly one of the "baddies" all along, just he played his "character" at least well enough to fool her.

I can't say I like it. In fact I consider it a small miracle every day that goes by that I don't take molotovs to the entire fucking thing until the AIPoliceC's most kindly respond to what would obviously be a request for euthanasia. But until someone finds a way to crash the system without making it unsalvageable (or reboot in an even more corrupted form), the "reality" is going to be that this is what the majority of relationships of all kinds are based on, and the most realistic thing I'll be able to say to someone in OP's shoes is, look, you were obviously at least surviving with a bad character with a nice avatar for a while, but he/his persona has changed or is revealing itself to you, and even if you could "make it work" with this person, you're _not_ gonna come out of it okay if you let yet _another_ one in your life/home.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 17, 2010)

Wolf-Bone said:


> I've got no qualms with spilling the beans to strangers on the internet. I do it all the time. I find it therapeutic, and I often learn a lot more from people's reactions online than I would with people irl. I'm just as much a stranger to them as they are to me. That actually encourages total honesty more than it hinders it, I think (the only reason people have taken to saying "common sense isn't common" is because for so long, the people _defining it_ have been anything but common, with their cloistered environments and funds they don't really have to produce anything of worth in exchange for that put them far further out of touch with reality than the average online community member).
> 
> If I have people online I consider friends or at least friendly acquaintances, which I do, it's because we've found common ground as our actual selves. It sucks that "the real world" makes enemies out of people who really shouldn't be, based on the fucking character they play as in a game that moves far too slow and crashes more often than it should (the economy/job market, not an MMORPG). I sympathize with the OP because most likely, she married and started living with someone who was clearly one of the "baddies" all along, just he played his "character" at least well enough to fool her.
> 
> I can't say I like it. In fact I consider it a small miracle every day that goes by that I don't take molotovs to the entire fucking thing until the AIPoliceC's most kindly respond to what would obviously be a request for euthanasia. But until someone finds a way to crash the system without making it unsalvageable (or reboot in an even more corrupted form), the "reality" is going to be that this is what the majority of relationships of all kinds are based on, and the most realistic thing I'll be able to say to someone in OP's shoes is, look, you were obviously at least surviving with a bad character with a nice avatar for a while, but he/his persona has changed or is revealing itself to you, and even if you could "make it work" with this person, you're _not_ gonna come out of it okay if you let yet _another_ one in your life/home.



Yeah, for me though I couldn't just pick a random person on the forums and rant about how life is a bitch to me. If I have got to know them (If that is possible online) for like a week or so, then I'd feel comfortable talking to them.


----------



## Falconpunch (Jan 18, 2010)

Kill him. Haha.


----------



## Hottigress (Jan 18, 2010)

At least they have a libido.


----------



## chefzomagic (Jan 18, 2010)

BlueberriHusky said:


> I will never understand why easily intimidated people just fucking flock to bad-tempered people for relationships. It's a guaranteed mess.



To be really blunt, and maybe make you think about what you're saying there, consider that someone who is easily intimidated might be mistakenly accusing a person with a perfectly average temperment of being "bad tempered".  Because anything other than simpering wussiness is "bad tempered" to them.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 18, 2010)

chefzomagic said:


> To be really blunt, and maybe make you think about what you're saying there, consider that someone who is easily intimidated might be mistakenly accusing a person with a perfectly average temperment of being "bad tempered".  Because anything other than simpering wussiness is "bad tempered" to them.



Not necessarily, people who are easily intimidated also become easy targets for those who like to be "in control" all the time, I mean someone who likes to be "in control" is not going to go with a mate who is the same way are they?

A bully will ALWAYS pick on those weaker than them, same goes for such relationships.


----------



## EinTheCorgi (Jan 18, 2010)

Oh or go all PMS on him just one day be like "Hey hun you know what would really hit the spot...SOME FUCKING CHOCOLATE! I NEEEEED ITS! GO GET SOME NOW!" his balls will suck up into his ass and he'll be your bitch for a month ;3


----------



## jagdwolf (Jan 18, 2010)

The most important thing to remember is that it is your life, marriage does not end you caring about yourself.  If you can live with his bad tempter, online cheating, and inviting this person into your home, the do so.  I do not think thats healthy for you, but its your life....yes life.

He does not own you, and if you love him and he does not love you, then you are just wasting your time imho, but its your time....never forget that.  Many good points have been made here now its up to you to decide which ones to act on.


----------



## Lambzie (Jan 19, 2010)

ResuAiWolfwood said:


> *I'm afraid to bring it up because he has a bad temper*...i love him, *but im afraid he doesnt love me anymore*...
> 
> idk what to do...when i tell him i dont like him doing stuff with other people he just goes "its a furry thing" and won't listen...


 


ResuAiWolfwood said:


> i'll try talking to him in the morning, i dont want to lose him...
> 
> *im afraid though*...i left my family to be with him, he's all i have..


 


Ok this just makes me worried. Because of the husband has a temper. Now what type of temper?
Is it a temper 
1. Like he will yell at you (All that will end with is most likely fear and/or a broken heart)
2. Like he will throw items around in the house (has a possibility of hitting you with a flying object. may / may not be deliberated.)
3. Like he will punch you and fiscally hurt you with his hands. (Has the possibility of been in the emergency room)

Add on the fact that he may not love you and he will be less resilient to hurt you

If you have not said anything yet I would have support at the front door or back on the ready to come in hold back the guy while you get out and escape. But only do that if he is 2 or 3 not if he is number 1

Ok I might be over reacting but Iâ€™m just concerned. I have had to be one of the guys on standby before and I donâ€™t want to see you get hurt.

And please put a post up saying that youâ€™re ok or at least something


----------



## Hyenaworks (Jan 19, 2010)

You have no business being married to someone you're afraid to communicate with regardless of the circumstances.

If you won't talk to him, it'll just become a bigger problem.


----------



## the_donut_master (Jan 19, 2010)

Just to let you guys know since reusu seems to have disappeared from this thread... i think she solved her problems...


----------



## Lambzie (Jan 19, 2010)

Or is still fighting with him trying to get a answer out of him.


----------



## PheonixStar (Jan 19, 2010)

the_donut_master said:


> Just to let you guys know since reusu seems to have disappeared from this thread... i think she solved her problems...



More likely he cut her off from the Internet.


----------



## Zeep (Jan 19, 2010)

just tellem to
stop.


----------



## Randy-Darkshade (Jan 19, 2010)

Zeep said:


> just tellem to
> stop.



Easier said than done.


----------



## Zeep (Jan 19, 2010)

RandyDarkshade said:


> Easier said than done.


 

im gonna try to type without as many enters now.

its kinda fucked up that whoever is rping wth other faggots is with the OP

seriously.

its just them openly fantasizing about other faggots.


faggots.


----------



## Hyenaworks (Jan 20, 2010)

the_donut_master said:


> Just to let you guys know since reusu seems to have disappeared from this thread... i think she solved her problems...



If she got proactive and purchased a strap-on I bet her problems would be solved indeed.


----------

