# CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer



## Dee (Oct 4, 2010)

Okay guys. This is my new webcomic. It just started today. It's called:

'CHEVALIER: THE QUEEN'S MOUSEKETEER"

In the magical of The Hither and Yon the noble kingdoms of The Land Ever After and The Far, Far Away are on the verge of war. A sinister plot is in play. The young Princess Faere of the land of The Shire, betrothed to Prince Charming of the Land Ever After, has been mysteriously kidnapped. And all the evidence of the foul deed points to The Far, Far Away.

With his kingdom on the verge of war with Ever After, Chevalier the mouse (a blacksmith who fancies himself a dashing "mouseketeer") volunteers his services to the High Queen of the Far, Far Away to find the missing Princess and bring her back in time to stop the war. So Chevalier and his young nephew/squire Tom-Tom go off on a quest to save the fair Princess Faere and fulfill his destiny.

"CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer" by writer/creator Darryl Hughes ("GAAK", "The Continentals") and artist Tiffany Ross ("Alien Dice", "Black Rose", "Darius"). It's a fabled fairy tale of enor-mouse proportions.







CHEVALIER: The Queen's Mouseketeer
http://www.shivae.net/chevalier

Let me know what you think.

Dee


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## Aegis (Oct 11, 2010)

So like, why did you include a thumbs down for the thread?


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## Dee (Oct 11, 2010)

Aegis said:


> So like, why did you include a thumbs down for the thread?


 
I had no idea I had.

Dee

EDIT--Fixed it.


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## Dee (Nov 5, 2010)

Comic fox?

Dee


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## Smelge (Nov 5, 2010)

Quick comment/critique.

Quit with the anime expressions. You've got a fairly good thing on the go there, and those bloody ^^ style eyes just bring the whole tone down. Other than that, it's a bit saccharine for my tastes, and "Enor-mouse" is unforgiveable, but it's not bad. Just please avoid those damn anime eyes.


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## Taralack (Nov 5, 2010)

I agreed with Smeldge, the ^^ eyes are a bit too exaggerated and seem unnatural compared to the rest of the comic.

Another thing, why doesn't the site have the typical "previous, next, first" etc. buttons? I want to see the rest of the strips without having to access them via a dropdown. :V


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## OfficerBadger (Nov 5, 2010)

Dee, you're the writer, correct? Where is the artist? I don't want to write a critique and have them not see it, unless you are willing to forward it to them.


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## Dee (Nov 6, 2010)

Smelge said:


> Quick comment/critique.
> 
> Quit with the anime expressions. You've got a fairly good thing on the go there, and those bloody ^^ style eyes just bring the whole tone down. Other than that, it's a bit saccharine for my tastes, and "Enor-mouse" is unforgiveable, but it's not bad. Just please avoid those damn anime eyes.




Ultimately it's gonna be a children's book. So "enor-mouse" is a fun word for kids. And it's basicly at the world building stage now so you know where you are. But it's a fantasy ADVENTURE. So it'll get darker when the kidnappings, sword fights, and build up to war between kingdoms starts happening.

Dee


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## Dee (Nov 6, 2010)

Toraneko said:


> I agreed with Smeldge, the ^^ eyes are a bit too exaggerated and seem unnatural compared to the rest of the comic.
> 
> Another thing, why doesn't the site have the typical "previous, next, first" etc. buttons? I want to see the rest of the strips without having to access them via a dropdown. :V



The anime thing is Tiffany's style. And what you may not like, others may love. It's a matter of taste. This just doesn't suit yours.

And the "first and previous" buttons are directly underneath the comic page. They're a little small, but they're there.

Dee


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## Dee (Nov 6, 2010)

OfficerBadger said:


> Dee, you're the writer, correct? Where is the artist? I don't want to write a critique and have them not see it, unless you are willing to forward it to them.


 

Yeah, I'm the writer. If you write a critique I'll definitely let Tiffany know what you've written. 

Oh, just to mention it. My publisher for my new book "G.A.A.K: Groovy Ass Alien Kreatures" went to the Long Beach Comic Con last weekend to promote the book. He also took some art samples of Chevalier. He tells me that parents and kids at the Con went crazy for Chevalier and told him they'll definitely be on the look out for it when its published. Pretty cool, huh? 

Oh, if you're interested you can read GAAK here:

GAAK
http://www.webcomicsnation.com/moniquem/gaak/series.php

Dee


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## Smelge (Nov 6, 2010)

Dee said:


> The anime thing is Tiffany's style.


 
Worst answer possible.

Honestly, the art is good, and those arc eyes are the only thing letting it down. It's not anime that's being drawn, nowhere near it. And just because I'm not the target audience doesn't make the point invalid.


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## Dee (Nov 6, 2010)

Smelge said:


> Worst answer possible.
> 
> Honestly, the art is good, and those arc eyes are the only thing letting it down. It's not anime that's being drawn, nowhere near it. And just because I'm not the target audience doesn't make the point invalid.



You know what? I can appreciate you're not liking it and it not being to your particular taste. But someone else may infact like it and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's a matter of personal taste. How's about we leave it at that?

Dee


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## Smelge (Nov 6, 2010)

Dee said:


> You know what? I can appreciate you're not liking it and it not being to your particular taste. But someone else may infact like it and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. It's a matter of personal taste. How's about we leave it at that?
> 
> Dee


 
I get the impression that you think I'm needlessly picking on this because I hate your comic, or because I need something to pick away at.

Ok, maybe a little the second one.

But, I believe it is a valid point. The art throughout is semi-realism. It's coherent, and it works well together. There's effort put in to it. Which is why when you hit those anime eye arc things, it loses points. It's an entirely different art style suddenly inserted in there, and it clashes horribly with the previous pages. I've already stated that the story is far too twee for my tastes, which is fine, it's for kids, I get that, but really, look over those pages, then look back at those eyes and tell me honestly if they look horribly out of place.

With a lot of art and comics, it's all down to the small details. That's what makes a piece. You can overlook huge glaring errors easily, but it's the little details that catch in the mind and present a sense of wrongness. It's like when drawing the human face. Because it's something we identify with and see daily, in all it's forms, when you see a graphical representation of a face, you can tell instantly if it's not quite right. You may not be able to spot it right away, but the hindbrain picks up and recognises fault. Which is where we get back to those eyes. Imagine someone took a painting by Picasso. Cut out the eyes, and pasted them on to the Mona Lisa. Yes, they are both artworks, but it doesn't mean they work together.

And as to the "worst possible answer" comment, it honestly was. It's very bad form to justify something that is wrong with "it's my/her art style". True, slightly more justified in your case than when you get people doing terrible anatomy claiming it's their style to avoid admitting they suck at art.

But yeah. It is a good strip, it just has that glaring eye problem. Really, ask the artist to edit an alternative one with less anime expression. It would take less than 5 minutes. Compare them. Show them both to a group of people, and ask their opinion, and I can guarantee that they will pick the proper eye version.


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## Smelge (Nov 6, 2010)

And I know you're going to take this as horrible insult and all that shit.

Go and have a look at some of the other stuff I've criticised. I've torn them new orifices. This is not the horrible troll being needlessly mean about your project. This is a person actually trying to help you out by suggesting abandoning overused and lazy facial features to get rid of one of the few things that let your comic down.

Think about that before you fly off in a hissy fit, or claim that I don't know what I am talking about because I am not your target demographic.


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## Dee (Nov 11, 2010)

Nope. No hissy fit. You're entitled to your opinion.

But it is your opinion. And I'm not going to tell Tiffany how to draw the comic to suit your opinion. Because for every one like you who doesn't like it for their own reasons there are those who do like it for theirs. 

The bottom line is I do value your opinion but again it is your opinion. And I'm not going to change the way the comic is written or drawn just to suit you, your opinion, or anyone else and theirs.

I hope you continue to read the comic. I think you'll enjoy it in the long run. AND I hope you continue to give your opinion of it. But I'm not going to change anything about it just to suit you. Just not going to happen.

Dee


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## Taralack (Nov 11, 2010)

It's still worth giving it a shot though. As Smelge said, if your artist is anywhere near halfway as competent as you make her out to be, she should be able to edit that in no more than 10 minutes and compare the difference. At least try it out and see what it looks like. 

I mean, you did ask for our comments. We're simply trying to give as constructive comments as possible. That's how some of this forum works. If you came looking for asspats then I'm sorry but you've come to the wrong forum. :V


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## Istanbul (Nov 11, 2010)

Dee said:


> The anime thing is Tiffany's style. And what you may not like, others may love. It's a matter of taste. This just doesn't suit yours.
> 
> And the "first and previous" buttons are directly underneath the comic page. They're a little small, but they're there.
> 
> Dee



To be fair, I really had to work to find the "First" and "Previous" buttons. Perhaps make them slightly bigger?

For those with similar issues, they're on the top-right corner of the big orange text-bearing area beneath each comic.


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## Smelge (Nov 11, 2010)

Toraneko said:


> It's still worth giving it a shot though. As Smelge said, if your artist is anywhere near halfway as competent as you make her out to be, she should be able to edit that in no more than 10 minutes and compare the difference. At least try it out and see what it looks like.


 
She is competent. The rest of her stuff is pretty solid. I'm not getting where the whole anime arc-eye thing is her style though. I've not noticed it in the rest of her stuff.


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## Zoetrope (Nov 27, 2010)

I have to agree with the eye thing, I used to read Alien Dice back in the day, and I did find it jarring and clashing whenever the characters did the ^^ and several other inserted style differences from her norm. It has an almost forced feeling. This is going off of memory of course, and it does seem to be that Miss Ross has improved a great deal since then. In the end, it was her comics that did not have humans in them at all that I preferred, appreciating the style of her animals much more.

You do seem to be opposed to any sort of change that /might/ be done to improve the comic however, if you did not truly want critique you should not have asked for it. People here have given their recommendations and are only suggesting that you try a simple change, not rebuild the comic from the ground up. If it doesn't turn out to be better, then go back to the original. No harm done.

Let's put it this way, when I draw a piece of artwork or write a story, I do not ask my friends or family for advice because they simply do not know the technical aspect of it. They cannot point out what is a better stylistic choice, or wrongful anatomy proportions. They tell me it is "Very nice."

I instead ask people that have experience in the matter, as they can more intimately point out the flaws and finer points. The mothers and their children may like it, but they could like it more with the help of other creative minds such as the people on this thread.

As the story is just starting I do not have much to say yet about the writing. Perhaps once the prologue is over, I highly doubt the story will have this sort of pacing throughout.


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## HappyBunny (Nov 27, 2010)

The word play seems fun. I can see some kids tripping over it, but I think it will build nimbleness of the tongue. ...the pacing seems.... lop-sided to me, though. For instance, the first page doesn't end the rhyme until the second page. And there's one image with lots of text, after establishing multiple images with short lines of text. Then we see the format return to 4 images, but the text is condensed to one area. Then the next, see a similar format pictorially, but the text is again in a different format. And it continues this way, changing formats. For a children's book it breaks the rhythm. This is may perhaps be just considered opinion, but I feel it was asked for.

...also, I kind of agree with the anime eyes a bit. The other eyes are styled much differently. And she is obviously competent enough of an artist to do them without such extreme angles, but.


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## Dee (Nov 27, 2010)

HappyBunny said:


> The word play seems fun. I can see some kids tripping over it, but I think it will build nimbleness of the tongue. ...the pacing seems.... lop-sided to me, though. For instance, the first page doesn't end the rhyme until the second page. And there's one image with lots of text, after establishing multiple images with short lines of text. Then we see the format return to 4 images, but the text is condensed to one area. Then the next, see a similar format pictorially, but the text is again in a different format. And it continues this way, changing formats. For a children's book it breaks the rhythm. This is may perhaps be just considered opinion, but I feel it was asked for.
> 
> ...also, I kind of agree with the anime eyes a bit. The other eyes are styled much differently. And she is obviously competent enough of an artist to do them without such extreme angles, but.




It's hard for something that was written to be a book and read page after page when finished to be read one page a week.Especially something where, as you point out the rhyme is broken because you have to wait a week to see that it actually DOES rhyme. But fokls who're reading the past few pages now will have less of a jarring experience with the rhyme then folks who've been reading it from the beginning. And people who read it when it's all finished and in book form shouldn't have a problem at all because they can just flip to the next page without having to wait a week for the next update. I hope that makes sense.

As for how some of the pages are broken down? Tiffany felt she had to make some changes in what I wrote in script form on a few pages because of the difficulty of drawing what I'd scripted. Unfortunately altering the panels (say taking a page meant to be four panels and making it two two panel pages) also alters the placement of the story on the page.

I think in the end it'll be fine. Its just a fun little story and folks aren't going to concern themselves about how much rhyme is on this panel as opposed to that one.

Dee


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