# Group Therapy



## Oakie-Dokie (May 21, 2018)

We all need to talk every once in a while, rant, let things go, yaddah yaddah yaddah. It's natural. Well, this is a place for you to do so freely, without judgement, and to receive support, encouragement, and advice. Feel free to make someone's day or to have your own day made, in whatever way: big, small, or in between.


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## Mikazuki Marazhu (May 21, 2018)

I'm down :V
As in I'll help not that I have down syndrome


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## ResolutionBlaze (May 21, 2018)

You ever feel like if you do rant to other people you feel like you're begging for attention or that you'll look like you're begging for attention?
Yeah.  I feel that all the time, especially as I was growing up.


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 21, 2018)

ResolutionBlaze said:


> You ever feel like if you do rant to other people you feel like you're begging for attention or that you'll look like you're begging for attention?
> Yeah.  I feel that all the time, especially as I was growing up.


all the time dude! if anything this thread is to divert attention from everyone seeing your posts unless they really want to help out or talk to people :3 no need to feel like a beggar here


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## Some Moron (May 21, 2018)

Tell me I'm not a moron.


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 21, 2018)

Some Moron said:


> Tell me I'm not a moron.


Are you competent enough to use proper grammar in your post?
(yes)
Then you're not a moron. Pretty intelligent actually.


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## Some Moron (May 21, 2018)

Oakie-Dokie said:


> Are you competent enough to use proper grammar in your post?
> (yes)
> Then you're not a moron. Pretty intelligent actually.


I claim to be a moron so that when I accidentally comment something dumb I can claim I did it deliberately. LIFE HACK!


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 21, 2018)

Some Moron said:


> I claim to be a moron so that when I accidentally comment something dumb I can claim I did it deliberately. LIFE HACK!


That's the spirit!!


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## Some Moron (May 21, 2018)

Oakie-Dokie said:


> That's the spirit!!


Yay! I win!


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## Mosie (May 21, 2018)

I've been feeling used lately kinda sucks, like I'm kind and usually do kind things but sometimes I feel like I don't get the respect I deserve


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## InvertSilhouette (May 21, 2018)

Mosie said:


> I've been feeling used lately kinda sucks, like I'm kind and usually do kind things but sometimes I feel like I don't get the respect I deserve



That’s always rough. The best advice I can give is to perhaps try and surround yourself with other kind people and yeah, maybe avoid everyone else. (Some people are better at a distance.) Hopefully you can find some good ones in all this mess, good luck!


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## AppleButt (May 21, 2018)

ResolutionBlaze said:


> You ever feel like if you do rant to other people you feel like you're begging for attention or that you'll look like you're begging for attention?
> Yeah.  I feel that all the time, especially as I was growing up.




I’m usually pretty quiet about my problems online because I’m always worried someone will use my problems/insecurities against me.


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## ResolutionBlaze (May 21, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I’m usually pretty quiet about my problems online because I’m always worried someone will use my problems/insecurities against me.


Honestly, you're probably wise to do so.


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## Mosie (May 21, 2018)

I'm usually careful of bad people, it's just somehow in the beginning they look nice but later on they get SUPER picky with something I give for free so I'm like come on....gimme slack


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## InvertSilhouette (May 21, 2018)

Mosie said:


> I'm usually careful of bad people, it's just somehow in the beginning they look nice but later on they get SUPER picky with something I give for free so I'm like come on....gimme slack



 Ah yeah, that can be frustrating all on its own, regardless of your relationship with them. Sometimes people don’t understand the work that goes into stuff, and other times they just don’t care (though I like to hope that’s the minority).

 Unfortunately there’s not a lot of way to look out for that aside from not giving out free things at all. :/


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## Simo (May 21, 2018)

Eric Berne, among the founders of group therapy/transnational analysis, looking at how we spend our lives filling time, playing games, following scripts, roles...(interview, 1966)


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## Deleted member 82554 (May 22, 2018)

Have quite a lot to rant about but this forum hardly seems like the best place to do that. People have a way of exploiting weaknesses in this fandom so anything to personal can be bad for your health.


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## ResolutionBlaze (May 22, 2018)

Mr. Fox said:


> Have quite a lot to rant about but this forum hardly seems like the best peace to do that. People have a way of exploiting weaknesses in this fandom so anything to personal can be bad for your health.


Right.
Lord knows a _particular someone_ loves to remind me of that one time that I wasn't quite right about something and admitted I was wrong.


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## Yakamaru (May 22, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I’m usually pretty quiet about my problems online because I’m always worried someone will use my problems/insecurities against me.


Hence why you should only talk with those whom you trust on these matters. Having someone whom you can vent your problems to does wonders to your mental/psychological health.


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## AppleButt (May 22, 2018)

Yakamaru said:


> Hence why you should only talk with those whom you trust on these matters. Having someone whom you can vent your problems to does wonders to your mental/psychological health.



I totally learned that the hard way, lol.

I learned a lot about the existence cyber bullying. Though I was more annoyed with getting it everyday than I was bothered by it.


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## Yakamaru (May 22, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I totally learned that the hard way, lol.
> 
> I learned a lot about the existence cyber bullying. Though I was more annoyed with getting it everyday than I was bothered by it.


Ah yes, good old cyberbullying. I just mute/block and move on with my life.


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## Mosie (May 22, 2018)

I can't imagine another furry using something I said on the internet against me lol I'm too nice and bullying just never got under my skin. Kill them with kindness or ignore them.


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## Kurgarra Lilitu (May 22, 2018)

Situations are pushing my life such that, for the second time in my life, I might be the only person in an apartment supporting two other people. 
While I love them very much, if they don't keep this from happening and help me out... 
I hope they don't break up with me, but I might go out on my own without them then. 
It's not in that situation yet and I hope that's not what's happening but this all seems too familiar. 
And I've learned my lesson, even if people love you, even if they don't intend to, people can and will use you if you let them. 
Do you folks... do you think I'd be being too harsh on them? 
After all they're trying to learn programming while they don't have a job and that would give them a skill at least...


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## JinxiFox (May 22, 2018)

I feel really lonely since my sister died. I've withdrawn from just about everyone and everything that includes any kind of social interaction.
I feel really awkward and stupid for reaching out a hand for help. I agree with ResolutionBlaze, while I am totally not seeking attention, I feel like everyone sees it that way.


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## Mosie (May 22, 2018)

Yeah like with depression, adhd and other disorders it's becoming a joke. Kinda a shame we don't take things as seriously as we use to and how some bad apples ruin it for the actual victims, like fake diagosners or dark humorists. So the whole seeking attention thing kinda stems from there if you don't know how to bond with someone and tell them your issues, cause of course if you tell the wrong stranger their gonna think your nuts


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## TrishaCat (May 23, 2018)

Please make my crippling loneliness go away.
I'm so tired of this back and forth of being at peace one moment and then hating myself and feeling alone the next. I want to feel loved by someone in real life. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I obsess over video games and anime is to distract myself from these negative feelings. Like I'm constantly running away.
I can't help but constantly have this feeling that I'll be alone forever.

Also I feel like I'm going insane. I remember several years ago never feeling like this. But it seems like this is becoming more and more of a worsening consistency in my life. I feel too dependent on others. I'm only typing this here (instead of my Twitter which I treat like a blog) to get my feelings out since I can't stand holding things in anymore and I feel like I whine too much on Twitter as it is.

People often offer to talk to me but what's the point? The few times I have spoken about my personal problems with someone it made me feel temporarily better, but the discomfort just comes back after a couple weeks. And it's always the same problem so it just gets redundant.


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## Mikazuki Marazhu (May 23, 2018)

Battlechili said:


> Please make my crippling loneliness go away.
> I'm so tired of this back and forth of being at peace one moment and then hating myself and feeling alone the next. I want to feel loved by someone in real life. Sometimes I wonder if the only reason I obsess over video games and anime is to distract myself from these negative feelings. Like I'm constantly running away.
> I can't help but constantly have this feeling that I'll be alone forever.
> 
> ...


I'm not an expert but you can bury your face on my fluffy chest if it makes you feel better :V


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## TrishaCat (May 23, 2018)

Mikazuki Marazhu said:


> I'm not an expert but you can bury your face on my fluffy chest if it makes you feel better :V


You're wonderful Mika.
I appreciate the thought but I need real fluff. 
The internet can only do so much.


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## Mosie (May 23, 2018)

Dude I'm suprised I haven't been playing video games lately and that's my college major lol. Still got the witcher 3 begging to be played on my laptop. But don't think of it as being a waste of time if you like it. If you feel like it helps you embrace it. Try to pinpoint why you feel bad, that's what has helped me.


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## Summer (May 23, 2018)

I feel conflicted about being more active on an artist webpage forum.  One the hand, I would like to spend less time on the computer and be on the internet less.  On the other hand, I would like to be involved again with art in some way and that means reaching out to people over the internet.


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## Dongding (May 25, 2018)

Mosie said:


> Still got the witcher 3 begging to be played on my laptop.


Me too. (XB1) I don't know why I can't get into that magnificent game. It's like being a medieval ninja. I find the controls a little weird to come back to however.

Also @Battlechili , it sucks you're feeling that way. No one is comfortable with limitations when it's not generally viewed as such by others. It makes you feel lesser, so at least you're not avoiding the problem. You have the humility to bear it publicly instead of bottling it inside, scared of what others will think. I don't think there's a real solution outside of anything suggested by other users previously in other topics.

I'd hate to tell you something you already know so I'll stop here. Just good luck with your shit and I hope you find someone you enjoy spending time with. I guarantee you aren't the only person who's dealing with something like this. Maybe even just continuing to vent on FAF and talking with us about things in the meantime can provide a small amount of comfort while you sort things out.

Limitations aren't something to be ashamed of.


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## DarkoKavinsky (May 25, 2018)

I have a lot of issues in my life as frankly my world is filled to brink with negativity. What happens is this becomes the norm when you're exposed too it and it beats you down. I realized recently I haven't had any healthy relationship in my life, and frankly I don't know what accounts for 'normal'. There's been abuse in my life from all angles. I've been through plenty of heavy stuff and as a result my viewpoint of the world has been tinted. 

I think I have some diagnosed issues. I'm pretty sure I have PTSD from my traumatic experiences in the city, as well as I suspect depression which sucks as it seems to be a common thing, but from what I've heard from other people who deal with it hits the nail right on the head. I also have been feeling a lot of anxiety and hopelessness recently which is only compounded by issues I see  on a daily basis.

But I'm trying my best to work past this, but I do feel utterly alone as I am by my nature a extrovert who loves reaching out to people and being a chatty batty.  I suspect to many this is a bad thing as I can come off as nosy or pestering, but in all reality these little conversations give me energy.

I'm trying my best to better myself, and I've gotten a taste of another world. I want to experience that world, and I am slowly trying to get my way to there. I'm challenging myself on a daily basis and I have already made leaps and bounds in myself as well as building up my self esteem that everybody shattered. Oddly enough this forum and the people I've met here have helped me so much in realizing I'm not what others always told me I was.

There's only one me (As everybody lets out a sigh of relief and mutters *thank god!*) and that's it. Everything can be fixed if you want it to be fixed. The major thing is not whether people can help you or not, it is if you can help yourself.

People are there in the way of "Help me, help you." They won't fix you. Only you can fix you. That's something I've learned this year that I wish I knew years ago.   I wish  I could have given the old me what I know now, but I can't do that. So instead I can only hope my words help those who need it. 

If somebody's having issues I will gladly listen. I'm all ears and a good listener.


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## Dongding (May 25, 2018)

I always keep an eye out for your updates @DarkoKavinsky . I know that's creepy and uncalled for but proffessional stuff interests me and honestly I wonder how you're getting along sometimes so I enjoy the updates lol. Getting laid off blows.


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## DarkoKavinsky (May 25, 2018)

Dongding said:


> I always keep an eye out for your updates @DarkoKavinsky . I know that's creepy and uncalled for but proffessional stuff interests me and honestly I wonder how you're getting along sometimes so I enjoy the updates lol. Getting laid off blows.


well to explain it simply I have 1082 dollars in the bank and my monthly expenses are around 450 give or take. So i can survive for two months without getting desperate. I have a staffing company looking for welding jobs but there is nothing avaliable right now. I was offered an press operator position, but frankly I'm not keen on doing that. (thats something I'd have to learn and honestly not up for the whole being the new guy with a new task thing.)

Right now I'm currently editing the shit out of my recording. I've been splicing it so much the game audio is really fucked up. However theres a way to get around that (thankfully the game is ONLY music and getting the music files was trivial. I'm trying to make youtube videos and I'm hoping this could work out. I'm putting everything I got into this as it is a dream of mine. Even if i have to work a part time bringing enough to cover my bills while I work on this I think it's worth it.


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## Relix-Zonin (May 29, 2018)

This thread looks SO much better than paying money to see an unreliable (to me) therpaist!
I wouldn't  want to look my therapist in the eyes and say this! So... I will just write it here...
(P.S. I don't see him anymore)

I have pretty much everything I want in real life. I don't need new computers, cars, housing... I really don't feel the need for romance... yeah whatever it's all good to me. Well... almost.

I have a few fetishes. Strong ones. This is the only thing missing from me. The thing is, they NEVER get fulfilled. Because it never gets satisfied, it grew over time... I had this when I was a kid! Now there is a big gaping hole in my soul. Sad isn't the right word. I just feel like a part of me is missing. I don't really want to say what it is here. If someone there is someone who is okay with pure weirdness, I would like to... have a talk with them. Maybe you could call it a little vent. Personal message me on furaffinity. Same username. Preferably with just one person. There is no way I am going to talk about this with my family!

God I hope I don't regret this... I have been keeping it secret since I was a kid!


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## Shadow of Bucephalus (May 29, 2018)

Oakie-Dokie said:


> We all need to talk every once in a while, rant, let things go, yaddah yaddah yaddah. It's natural. Well, this is a place for you to do so freely, without judgement, and to receive support, encouragement, and advice. Feel free to make someone's day or to have your own day made, in whatever way: big, small, or in between.
> View attachment 32746



'Group Therapy' is the antidote to that terrible feeling of, "I'm all alone.  No one else could possibly understand (insert whatever it might be that they couldn't understand)..."  It's most effective face-to-face.  Online texting just doesn't have the same import as tone of voice, and all the myriad physical expressions that make us 'Human'.

As an ice-breaker?  In that capacity it is invaluable.  Extremely intense.

Some people are 'Loners'.  They're wired that way, and feel most comfortable AWAY from people, or groups of people.  To open-up deep thoughts to a 'Group' would be tantamount to psychological torture for them.

Most folks are very social.  Even if they do their damndest to stand-out as 'Unique' (Furries, take a *BOW*.  People with extensive tattoos, you're next.  Body Modification enthusiasts?  :: backs-away slowly, not making eye contact... ::     :-D  ).    You get the gist.

Group Therapy is everywhere.  Politics, Religion, Sports (yes I'm Proper-Nouning the fuck out this.  Deal.), Clothing/Jewelry, the list is a damned long one ('Keep up with the Joneses' concept).  If it makes you feel like you're a part of 'Life'?  If you're doing good things by participating in it?   Good for you!!

Can't say if 'Group Therapy' will help anyone.  People are too damned unique in very intense ways.   

I will say this-

If you're troubled, or enthusiastic about something, and want to be around others who share your concerns/interests?

Go for it.


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## DarkoKavinsky (May 29, 2018)

Hopefully things are coming to a close with me. Hilariously as a storm is blowing through again so is the final chapter hopefully of my ex. This has been a long freaking ride of just abusive, slander and false accusations, and a person exhibiting psychotic tendencies.

Hopefully things will be able to move on, but its just hard dealing with the pains of it all, especially when things look uncertain and not stable.


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## AppleButt (May 29, 2018)

I hate how the breakup I had in April has made me terrified to ever have a relationship again. All it did was make me lose a friend, and I hate how much it hurts.

Maybe this is a normal feeling for everyone.

I don’t even feel comfortable giving the reason why she broke up with me.  I can’t even tell my own family why.  I have to make up some lie to them. 

Now she didn’t break up because I was a shitty person or anything.  It’s just really too hard and kind of humiliating to explain.

I feel like I’m just too flawed to have a serious relationship.

  Maybe I just need to be single.  I just don’t want to lose a friend again.  Because the last three friends I had a relationship with it ended up crashing and burning and I lost them too.


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## Mosie (May 29, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I hate how the breakup I had in April has made me terrified to ever have a relationship again. All it did was make me lose a friend, and I hate how much it hurts.
> 
> Maybe this is a normal feeling for everyone.
> 
> ...



Its okay it happens. I never really dated but coming from a very single person, I've learned being single is way better than a relationship. I don't think people should be pressured to be married/be in some relationship. It takes a lot of understanding and responsibility, plus lots of management. And kids.....bleh. I think you should hang low for a bit and recover, the right one will come to you eventually if you look for it. See the good and the freedom in your situation. If she truly is a good friend, she will come back and settle what happened.


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## Dongding (May 29, 2018)

Aw dude. 3:
@AppleButt 
I've never had a relationship that long. Going 3 years right now with mine. Did it happen quickly or was it something you felt a long time coming?


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## Rochat (May 29, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I hate how the breakup I had in April has made me terrified to ever have a relationship again. All it did was make me lose a friend, and I hate how much it hurts.
> 
> Maybe this is a normal feeling for everyone.
> 
> ...



Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll eventually learn to overcome it or adapt to it.  You aren't alone in how you feel after a break up. I got out of a two/three year relationship last summer and even though I was the one to start the breakup, it hurt man. There were times I'd stay up all night regretting it and replaying the best and worst moments in my head. Don't pressure yourself into another relationship, but don't swear love off. And don't beat yourself up either. As cliche as it sounds have a little confidence that you'll find yours one day.


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## AppleButt (May 29, 2018)

Dongding said:


> Aw dude. 3:
> @AppleButt
> I've never had a relationship that long. Going 3 years right now with mine. Did it happen quickly or was it something you felt a long time coming?



I kinda had a feeling it was coming for awhile, I guess I just wanted to ignore it and pretend it would go away.  The break up did kind of come sudden though when it did happen.  We were having fun that day, then she suddenly just said, "Take me home, I'm not doing this anymore." 



Rochat said:


> Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll eventually learn to overcome it or adapt to it.  You aren't alone in how you feel after a break up. I got out of a two/three year relationship last summer and even though I was the one to start the breakup, it hurt man. There were times I'd stay up all night regretting it and replaying the best and worst moments in my head. Don't pressure yourself into another relationship, but don't swear love off. And don't beat yourself up either. As cliche as it sounds have a little confidence that you'll find yours one day.






Mosie said:


> Its okay it happens. I never really dated but coming from a very single person, I've learned being single is way better than a relationship. I don't think people should be pressured to be married/be in some relationship. It takes a lot of understanding and responsibility, plus lots of management. And kids.....bleh. I think you should hang low for a bit and recover, the right one will come to you eventually if you look for it. See the good and the freedom in your situation. If she truly is a good friend, she will come back and settle what happened.



Thank y'all for the advice.  

And Rochat don't worry,  I don't care if it's cliche or not.  I appreciate you taking the time to respond, it means a lot. 

 I know none of you have the magic pill to fix it, it's all up to me to take the advice when I receive it, and solve it the best I can from there.


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## Dongding (May 30, 2018)

Yeah man. Just focus on yourself for now. Can't help the situation by stressing and I'm sure you can handle it even if you took a little dose of compassion from us squishy furries. :3


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## DarkoKavinsky (May 30, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I hate how the breakup I had in April has made me terrified to ever have a relationship again. All it did was make me lose a friend, and I hate how much it hurts.
> 
> Maybe this is a normal feeling for everyone.
> 
> ...


I'm the opposite. I don't like being single, and frankly my break up was horrible. It ended with being cheated on and false criminal accusations. Yupe... gotta love that shit. 

its bitter for me as I was taken for a ride.  It was a pretty abusive relationship honestly. 

However, I have not let it taint my idea of dating in general. what is has tainted is  my view of pool of possible candidates in my region as the mindset exhibited and the cultural trends are that which excuse this. Ergo its expected to cheated on up here and cheat, and polyamorousity is becoming the norm in my generation locally. Which honestly to a demisexual, especially of my type.. this is a bit.. non compatible... and frankly terrifying. Even my ex after cheating on me became a proud bisexual polyamorous fur.

A part of me is a bit afraid of such things becoming more and more common till the point of somebody wanting to be in a monogamous  relationship is viewed as a turn off and ousted. This might be a silly thought to some but at least where i live this is a thing.  Also I feel almost obligated to say this. If you're in a polyamorous relationship and its working out for you good for you, but as a demisexual (Asexual until a strong emotional bond is formed) and being highly romantic a polyamorous relationship isn't something that would work.  I've reflected heavily on this in recent times, and to word it simply. If i was forced into a polyamorous relationship it would basically feel like I'm getting cheated on. Which honestly is my biggest fear, which does stem from trust issues  due to abuse growing up, and being left out to dry numerous times by the environment I grew up in.

We all have damages, we all have issues.

Frankly I've been going through a lot and its been dragging me down the ground. So I've been pondering and trying to figure out why i feel the way I do, and is it me personality or my environment making me feel this way. A lot of these factors I've noticed are poisoning from the environment over time. It's a pretty complex issue, but I've done enough self reflection where I could write out why I feel the way I do and what causes it.

I wonder how many people are capable of doing that?


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## Pompadork (May 30, 2018)

After 6 months of living in another state I’m back in my hometown for an anime con and this is gonna fuck me up so bad when I have to fly home I’m sure of it. I was telling one of my friends it’s been so long since I’ve had friends and have genuinely laughed and made jokes with people I actually fucking know in person. It doesn’t feel like I actually left, it just feels like we’re staying in a hotel for a fun staycation or whatever but you can really tell me being gone has fucked up my small handful of friends by the way they talk to me and hug me a lot. One said the other day “God I missed your laugh.” and another said they can’t listen to my favorite band without thinking of me and getting really sad and holy shit I am just...a mess? I don’t wanna go home yall, I hate not having any real life friends there.


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 30, 2018)

quietinthepeanutgallery said:


> After 6 months of living in another state I’m back in my hometown for an anime con and this is gonna fuck me up so bad when I have to fly home I’m sure of it. I was telling one of my friends it’s been so long since I’ve had friends and have genuinely laughed and made jokes with people I actually fucking know in person. It doesn’t feel like I actually left, it just feels like we’re staying in a hotel for a fun staycation or whatever but you can really tell me being gone has fucked up my small handful of friends by the way they talk to me and hug me a lot. One said the other day “God I missed your laugh.” and another said they can’t listen to my favorite band without thinking of me and getting really sad and holy shit I am just...a mess? I don’t wanna go home yall, I hate not having any real life friends there.


is there any way you can stay in contect with them whilst at home? like on facetime or something?


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## Pompadork (May 30, 2018)

Oakie-Dokie said:


> is there any way you can stay in contect with them whilst at home? like on facetime or something?


I have before but it’s definitely not the same. They usually call when they all go out cause they all have varying schedules but it’s really uncomfy because you can tell just how sad they are that they’ve gone to like a restaurant or something we went to all the time without me? We’re all kind of shut ins and I was the only person that got them out of the house so it’s that thing of I was always the first person they’d go out with because I had a car and a relatively open schedule. So without me they’ve all said they really cant go out because it’s either the friend who drives is at work or they dont wanna go out sad and alone.


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## Dongding (May 30, 2018)

Ever think about going to a meet and greet thingy?


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 30, 2018)

quietinthepeanutgallery said:


> I have before but it’s definitely not the same. They usually call when they all go out cause they all have varying schedules but it’s really uncomfy because you can tell just how sad they are that they’ve gone to like a restaurant or something we went to all the time without me? We’re all kind of shut ins and I was the only person that got them out of the house so it’s that thing of I was always the first person they’d go out with because I had a car and a relatively open schedule. So without me they’ve all said they really cant go out because it’s either the friend who drives is at work or they dont wanna go out sad and alone.


ahh. How long will you be at home?


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 30, 2018)

Dongding said:


> Ever think about going to a meet and greet thingy?


all the friggin time!! never have tho :/


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## Dongding (May 30, 2018)

I met up with Minecraft buddies once. There were like 5 of us in the same city so we linked up at a bar.


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## Pompadork (May 30, 2018)

Oakie-Dokie said:


> ahh. How long will you be at home?


Only here til theeeee 6th I think? And that’s not too bad but I don’t have a car since I flew here so it’s a lot of us waiting for the one friend who has a car to get off work and three of those days are gonna be at the anime con so everyone who’s not going to that is fucked and it’s a mess of us trying to cram in all the shit we can while I’m here. ;-;


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## AppleButt (May 30, 2018)

DarkoKavinsky said:


> I'm the opposite. I don't like being single, and frankly my break up was horrible. It ended with being cheated on and false criminal accusations. Yupe... gotta love that shit.
> 
> its bitter for me as I was taken for a ride.  It was a pretty abusive relationship honestly.
> 
> ...



 I actually do go through some days where I really don’t want to be alone.  Part of me feels like my acceptance of being alone is just a defense mechanism at realizing I may be alone from now on.  Even though I could really not be okay with that, but ignore it.  

I’m always worried that I’ll never get the courage to fix my flaws.  

I’m not demisexual so I’m not sure I can give you advice there.  My friend is demisexual and he seems to struggle to find someone as well.


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## Oakie-Dokie (May 31, 2018)

quietinthepeanutgallery said:


> Only here til theeeee 6th I think? And that’s not too bad but I don’t have a car since I flew here so it’s a lot of us waiting for the one friend who has a car to get off work and three of those days are gonna be at the anime con so everyone who’s not going to that is fucked and it’s a mess of us trying to cram in all the shit we can while I’m here. ;-;


aughh that sucks :/ i'd say maybe try to get the friends who aren't going to the con to meet for lunch or something? would that maybe work?


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## Pompadork (May 31, 2018)

actual picture of me trying not to cry in front of everyone cause i just realized im leaving sooner than i thought and im sad as fuuuuck


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## Dongding (May 31, 2018)

I like that. >:3

Just kidding. That sucks dood. That's got to be so hard going back. I wish I could just say something and make you feel better. Life's a ho.


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## Skychickens (Jun 27, 2018)

I sometimes feel bad about ranting on anything. Like I’m attention begging. But then I justify it due to having such a tiny support group in the real world. 

But then I feel terrible again because god why are you complaining online. It’s a vicious cycle.


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## Nakita (Jun 27, 2018)




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## Nakita (Jun 27, 2018)

Skychickens said:


> I sometimes feel bad about ranting on anything. Like I’m attention begging. But then I justify it due to having such a tiny support group in the real world.
> 
> But then I feel terrible again because god why are you complaining online. It’s a vicious cycle.


The feel is real. I can't even begin to tell you how accurate that is.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Jun 27, 2018)

I smoke weed. That's all the therapy I need.


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## Joni (Jun 28, 2018)

Some Moron said:


> I did something stupid and now I hate myself again. Any reason I shouldn't delete my account?






Just kidding.  But you could work on your stupidity


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## TrishaCat (Jul 1, 2018)

I'm losing my ability to trust people...

As I browse Twitter I run into something infuriating all the time, even from friends. I'm always afraid my friends will abandon me at some point, and it seems like nearly everyone is awful in some way. I can't stand people much anymore and yet
I still badly want to feel loved. I want someone to hug and spend time with. To be happy. To be able to trust someone. To love someone. I feel so very alone.

It's contradictory. How can I both hate being alone but become increasingly upset with other people? Why is my mind fighting me so hard, making each day harder to bear, mocking me and turning me into a ball of sorrow fear and frustration? Why can't I go back and be the happy go lucky kid I once was?
What's even the pint of me typing all this? Getting my feelings out won't make tomorrow better.


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## Summer (Jul 2, 2018)

Battlechili said:


> I'm losing my ability to trust people...
> 
> As I browse Twitter I run into something infuriating all the time, even from friends. I'm always afraid my friends will abandon me at some point, and it seems like nearly everyone is awful in some way. I can't stand people much anymore and yet
> I still badly want to feel loved. I want someone to hug and spend time with. To be happy. To be able to trust someone. To love someone. I feel so very alone.
> ...



Trust issues are a fundamental problem for me as well.


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## AppleButt (Sep 3, 2018)

A childhood friend of mine who I used to be really close with committed suicide yesterday.  I have so many good memories with him. 

I haven’t seen him in over 10 years though.  We stopped being close when he started going through a terrible phase.  He got pretty wild and would break the law.  He got put under house arrest once in high school for breaking into a house.  

I hated that I lost him as a friend, I hated knowing he was doing bad things like that, but now I regret I didn’t try harder to keep connected with him.  Maybe I could have helped lead him toward a different path...


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## Infrarednexus (Sep 3, 2018)

I feel like a burden to my family and to the world around me. I have to rely on others for support to keep me from breaking down, instead of taking on my challenges and struggles myself. I'm afraid of being alone in this world, but also afraid of trying to meet new people. I have to rely on expensive mood stabilizers and antidepressants to keep me from falling apart, when others can succeed in life just fine without them. I feel defective and unfit to function in society because of my illnesses.

I make mistakes that others don't, and struggle to maintain a reasonable personality like those around me. I trust very few people, and feel that those I call friends will betray me and abuse my kindness, or just pretend to enjoy my presence but secretly hate me. I beat myself to a crippling state for every time I hurt or upset someone, and carry that regret, shame, and guilt with me for weeks or even months. Sometimes I isolate myself from my friends because I feel I don't deserve their kindness, or that I have somehow wronged them and am unaware of it.

Sometimes I am happy and content, but other times I have to put on a mask of joy and positivety to convince others that I am fine, because I am ashamed to ask for help and afraid that my trust and weaknesses will be used against me. I have to be strong and confident, but sometimes that is an obstacle I cannot overcome. I never felt like talking about these things to others because the last thing I want is to cause others grief or worries, so I keep it bottled up in the hopes that it will go away eventually. 

These feelings have driven me on the brink of suicide many times in life, and caused my family so much sadness that I can never forgive myself for. If I continue on in life, I will keep suffering, but if I end my life, it will cause those I love to suffer too.


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## Fursuitsandmore1022 (Sep 3, 2018)

Hope yall feel better, Im going through the same thing.


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## CertifiedCervine (Sep 3, 2018)

Infrarednexus said:


> I feel like a burden to my family and to the world around me. I have to rely on others for support to keep me from breaking down, instead of taking on my challenges and struggles myself. I'm afraid of being alone in this world, but also afraid of trying to meet new people. I have to rely on expensive mood stabilizers and antidepressants to keep me from falling apart, when others can succeed in life just fine without them. I feel defective and unfit to function in society because of my illnesses.
> 
> I make mistakes that others don't, and struggle to maintain a reasonable personality like those around me. I trust very few people, and feel that those I call friends will betray me and abuse my kindness, or just pretend to enjoy my presence but secretly hate me. I beat myself to a crippling state for every time I hurt or upset someone, and carry that regret, shame, and guilt with me for weeks or even months. Sometimes I isolate myself from my friends because I feel I don't deserve their kindness, or that I have somehow wronged them and am unaware of it.
> 
> ...


I don’t know if I’ll be the best help, but I can try,

 A couple years ago, my mother experienced some life changing medical conditions, where she wasn’t able to do a lot of things, I had to take the parental role in the family, because dad was gone at work, and mom wasn’t able to help, I’d take care of my 3 siblings, 10,12 and 1, 

I wasn’t able to do a lot of things teens do, I’d miss a party to babysit, I’d not be able to do homework as I was constantly yelled at every day,my grades and friendships started to vanish, this eventually led to me developing anxiety and depression, I didn’t talk to anyone at school, and barely ate anything, and barely made it through everyday. I’d make so many mistakes to the point where I could barely function, I burned myself out, and I felt hiding my feelings would help everyone out

I remember one day, where my dad sent me a poem, and sat down to explain what was happening, I told him how I felt, and we cried together, something I realized is that hiding feelings can make your loved ones feel even worse, they care and worry for you, even when you don’t know it, your all in life together, why else would you be born into a family?

and there are so many people out there that are rooting for you, even when you don’t know it. That friendly neighbor down the street, or that lady that gave you a friendly smile. 

I know it’s almost cliche for me to put a Bambi quote, but it’s meaning really affects me

“And the colder the winter
The warmer the spring
The deeper the sorrow
The more our hearts sing”
-Bambi 2

If you ever want to talk, feel free to pm me, I’ll try to respond ASAP


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## Reiv (Sep 3, 2018)

I have a war within myself. I used to hate myself and now I no longer hate myself. The problem is that I still feel like I should hate myself.
In one side I say: "I'm a total weakling, not being able to raise your hand to anyone and always playing goody-two-shoes, moron myself."
And on the other side: "The strongest are those who dare to be weak. Always being kind and ready to help anyone, always forgiving anyone, that is the true strenght."
Now these two sides, two personalities fighting inside me. One that I born with and another one that born within me. And because of this battle inside me, I have a high chance of doing something that I regret later or doing something totally illogical/stupid.
*I'm confused. Who am I? I desire to murder and save life at the same time, which one is my choice? I'm angry, yet peaceful, what do I feel? I want happiness while I want pain, how is this even possible?*
And I'm in real danger. While concisesly I think that I have to live, subconcisely I think that it would be better if I would just die in pain, _slowly_. I had to hold back my tears so many times that it affected my sanity.


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## Infrarednexus (Sep 3, 2018)

TacomaTheDeer said:


> I don’t know if I’ll be the best help, but I can try,
> 
> A couple years ago, my mother experienced some life changing medical conditions, where she wasn’t able to do a lot of things, I had to take the parental role in the family, because dad was gone at work, and mom wasn’t able to help, I’d take care of my 3 siblings, 10,12 and 1,
> 
> ...


That's a beautiful quote. I really appreciate all that you wrote and shared. I'm sorry you went through all of that and I hope you don't have to go through any of that later in life. I'm also willing to listen to you if you wan't to talk to me. I'm no therapist, but I won't leave you all alone when you feel down.


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## CertifiedCervine (Sep 3, 2018)

Infrarednexus said:


> That's a beautiful quote. I really appreciate all that you wrote and shared. I'm sorry you went through all of that and I hope you don't have to go through any of that later in life. I'm also willing to listen to you if you wan't to talk to me. I'm no therapist, but I won't leave you all alone when you feel down.


Thanks dude, we’re all in this life together
:3
Strong trees are built by the strong winds


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## KILL.MAIM.KILL (Sep 3, 2018)

I'm miserable as fuck. 
My boyfriend and I are seriously struggling financially, on top of that I feel awful about myself, and the world gets worse every day.
I honestly don't think life is at all worth it. Would probably kill myself if it wasn't for him, or the fact that I'm too cowardly to die. So I guess eternal suffering it is.


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## Infrarednexus (Sep 3, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> A childhood friend of mine who I used to be really close with committed suicide yesterday.  I have so many good memories with him.
> 
> I haven’t seen him in over 10 years though.  We stopped being close when he started going through a terrible phase.  He got pretty wild and would break the law.  He got put under house arrest once in high school for breaking into a house.
> 
> I hated that I lost him as a friend, I hated knowing he was doing bad things like that, but now I regret I didn’t try harder to keep connected with him.  Maybe I could have helped lead him toward a different path...


We always think that we could have done more, but I know you. You are one of the nicest people here, and I know that you must have tried really hard to help him. The thought that you cared about him, even after your friendship ended, matters far more than you might think.


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## Luxibutt (Sep 3, 2018)

I feel like this is a small problem, but I feel like a boring person. I'm trying to start hobbies, but idk. 
I feel like I'm just coming out of my years of depression so it feels weird to actually be involved with people.


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## CertifiedCervine (Sep 3, 2018)

Reiv said:


> I have a war within myself. I used to hate myself and now I no longer hate myself. The problem is that I still feel like I should hate myself.
> In one side I say: "I'm a total weakling, not being able to raise your hand to anyone and always playing goody-two-shoes, moron myself."
> And on the other side: "The strongest are those who dare to be weak. Always being kind and ready to help anyone, always forgiving anyone, that is the true strenght."
> Now these two sides, two personalities fighting inside me. One that I born with and another one that born within me. And because of this battle inside me, I have a high chance of doing something that I regret later or doing something totally illogical/stupid.
> ...



Back when my mother was sick, I’d often feel a lot of these things, i felt that everything was my fault, and would beat myself up over little things, like forgetting a pencil for class, or tripping on a toy my sibling left out, we’ve got to remember that mistakes are something we all experience, and we should always remember what we got right that day, keeping a journal in those hard times helped me, I’d write 3 things that went right that day, there’s often way more than we can see in the rush of life. 

And sometimes, our mistakes can make our success feel more beautiful

I hope this helped a bit


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## JinxiFox (Sep 4, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> A childhood friend of mine who I used to be really close with committed suicide yesterday.  I have so many good memories with him.
> 
> I haven’t seen him in over 10 years though.  We stopped being close when he started going through a terrible phase.  He got pretty wild and would break the law.  He got put under house arrest once in high school for breaking into a house.
> 
> I hated that I lost him as a friend, I hated knowing he was doing bad things like that, but now I regret I didn’t try harder to keep connected with him.  Maybe I could have helped lead him toward a different path...


HUGS


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## Reiv (Sep 4, 2018)

TacomaTheDeer said:


> Back when my mother was sick, I’d often feel a lot of these things, i felt that everything was my fault, and would beat myself up over little things, like forgetting a pencil for class, or tripping on a toy my sibling left out, we’ve got to remember that mistakes are something we all experience, and we should always remember what we got right that day, keeping a journal in those hard times helped me, I’d write 3 things that went right that day, there’s often way more than we can see in the rush of life.
> 
> And sometimes, our mistakes can make our success feel more beautiful
> 
> I hope this helped a bit


Thanks, I'll try to do something, but my regrets and wrong decisions ate me up.
Man! The weather messes with me. Only if I would know why do I feel these strong ups and downs....


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## CertifiedCervine (Sep 4, 2018)

Reiv said:


> Thanks, I'll try to do something, but my regrets and wrong decisions ate me up.
> Man! The weather messes with me. Only if I would know why do I feel these strong ups and downs....


Yeah, I think I know what you mean, 
1. Sometimes winter here gets me depressed when it doesn’t snow, and it’s just dark and cold
2. Those happy spikes happen to me too! I’m not exactly sure the cause of it, but your not alone
3. I would recommend keeping a journal to help remember all the good things every day
Glad I could help!


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## KILL.MAIM.KILL (Sep 4, 2018)

I'm currently in a lot of distress because I think I might be bisexual/gay, and I REALLY don't want to be. For a long time now, I've been feeling a sense of guilt and shame that just won't go away.


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## CertifiedCervine (Sep 16, 2018)

Anxiety is fun because it can completely ruin your day in a couple of minutes


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## Simo (Sep 16, 2018)

TacomaTheDeer said:


> Anxiety is fun because it can completely ruin your day in a couple of minutes



It is odd, too, how it can just come out of the blue.

Also, I've always been a bit on the 'easily startled' side: it is as if my senses are more sensitive, or something? Hard to explain, but it seems that I notice more things, visually, sound-wise and smell wise than a lot of my friends do. I'll say something like, "Woah, smells like a building must be on fire, to the west", and they'll say, "Oh, didn't notice till now", and similar things. Sometimes, it's like I am an animal, that is 'hyper-observant' of my surrounding, or something.

Well, it seems to relate to anxiety, somehow. And so I tend to then seek calm places, or, on the other hand, drown out the other stimuli, with say, loud music: P Both seem to make me feel better.

And aside from just being 'sensitive', there's all the various worries, and things like that.

Hope ya feel OK there, Mr. Deer...


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## CertifiedCervine (Sep 16, 2018)

Simo said:


> It is odd, too, how it can just come out of the blue.
> 
> Also, I've always been a bit on the 'easily started' side: it is as if my senses are more sensitive, or something? Hard to explain, but it seems that I notice more things, visually, sound-wise and smell wise than a lot of my friends do. I'll say something like, "Woah, smells like a building must be on fire, to the west", and they'll say, "Oh, didn't notice till now", and similar things. Sometimes, it's like I am an animal, that is 'hyper-observant' of my surrounding, or something.
> 
> ...


Thanks, I just hate how it can come out of the blue like that, My day was just fine before!


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## Alrazvick (Sep 18, 2018)

Right now I’m trying to live a happy life and work on my stories but my anxiety keeps getting in the way. I constantly worry about the future and what I will have to deal with. Sometimes I worry about never getting a job, sometimes I worry that I will become depressed again and sometimes about something bad that I hear on the news. Right now what scaring me the most is the new EU copyright law that was recently passed and how it’s going to effect the internet I know and love. I know that I shouldn’t worry and that eventually everything will be alright because I have been through this before. I see something bad on the news, I imagine the worst case scenario, I get terrified, I burn myself out and then I find out that I had no reason to worry about it. I really hope that I can get over this soon so that I can continue with my life so that I can be happy for once and continue to work on my stories.


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## Reiv (Sep 18, 2018)

Alrazvick said:


> Right now I’m trying to live a happy life and work on my stories but my anxiety keeps getting in the way. I constantly worry about the future and what I will have to deal with. Sometimes I worry about never getting a job, sometimes I worry that I will become depressed again and sometimes about something bad that I hear on the news. Right now what scaring me the most is the new EU copyright law that was recently passed and how it’s going to effect the internet I know and love. I know that I shouldn’t worry and that eventually everything will be alright because I have been through this before. I see something bad on the news, I imagine the worst case scenario, I get terrified, I burn myself out and then I find out that I had no reason to worry about it. I really hope that I can get over this soon so that I can continue with my life so that I can be happy for once and continue to work on my stories.


Oh, well. I can quote my friend.
"Relax."
You have a hobby to write, if you are worried about something, shut off your mind and relax somehow. Try out new hobbies and stop worrying about every little thing. I hope this helps at least a little bit.


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## Alrazvick (Sep 18, 2018)

Reiv said:


> Oh, well. I can quote my friend.
> "Relax."
> You have a hobby to write, if you are worried about something, shut off your mind and relax somehow. Try out new hobbies and stop worrying about every little thing. I hope this helps at least a little bit.


Every little bit of advice and support helps. Thanks


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## Picklepaige (Sep 29, 2018)

So, two months ago I was diagnosed with PMDD. I haven't really told anyone about it because it's kind of embarrassing. I mean, I'm glad to have an answer as to why I turn into a completely different person for a week out of every month, but I have been having a massive internal debate about what exactly to DO about it. 

I have suspected something has been up for a few years now, but after a very emotionally-charged message I sent to my friend over Discord about her moving (it's really embarrassing but I straight up accused of her moving because she didn't want to hang around me anymore, which is STUPID and I KNOW she just moved because she hates this town and wants to get away from her family) she talked me into seeing my lady doctor, because my friend's a nurse and recognized some symptoms in me. I was told to keep a journal about how I feel every day, and I noticed that one week of every month (the same time apart each time) I get paranoid, massively depressed, self-loathing, and I lash out at everyone. The rest of the time, I am my regular chill, decently happy self. My physician diagnosed me with PMDD.

Here's my dilemma. She gave me the option of antidepressants, saying she has seen good success. I am TERRIFIED of taking these sort of drugs. Even if I KNOW they can help me, I am so scared of what other side effects they hold, and unwanted changes to my personality. Except for that one week, I like myself. Not many people like me, but I like me. I want those bad emotions dulled during that week, but I don't want my regular emotions dulled the rest of the time. I don't want to be a different person, I don't want to not feel anything. 

I've been driving myself crazy for months about this. I just don't know what to do. I can't keep going the way I am, it's ruining my life, but I also am so scared of the treatment. Ugh.


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## Picklepaige (Oct 7, 2018)

I don't want to do this anymore. I am so lost and so alone and I just can't. It doesn't "get better," it gets worse. What is even the point of struggling through each day when I'm not even happy and I don't see myself ever being happy again? Would medication even help or would that just be slapping a bandaid on a bullet wound?

I'm not a suicide risk, I'm scared of pain, but I wish there was a button I could press that would just make me sleep forever.


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## Infrarednexus (Oct 7, 2018)

Picklepaige said:


> I don't want to do this anymore. I am so lost and so alone and I just can't. It doesn't "get better," it gets worse. What is even the point of struggling through each day when I'm not even happy and I don't see myself ever being happy again? Would medication even help or would that just be slapping a bandaid on a bullet wound?
> 
> I'm not a suicide risk, I'm scared of pain, but I wish there was a button I could press that would just make me sleep forever.


I felt the same way not too long ago. Medication helped me get through the worst and I think you should see if it works for you. The truth is that you will most likely find happiness again, but to do that, you can't give up. Sometimes shutting off from the world seems like the only thing that will bring you comfort, but it ultimately won't. I made the mistake of thinking it would help me and I will never go down that path again.


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## Picklepaige (Oct 7, 2018)

Infrarednexus said:


> I felt the same way not too long ago. Medication helped me get through the worst and I think you should see if it works for you. The truth is that you will most likely find happiness again, but to do that, you can't give up. Sometimes shutting off from the world seems like the only thing that will bring you comfort, but it ultimately won't. I made the mistake of thinking it would help me and I will never go down that path again.



Thank you  <3

I know I should try antidepressants. I'm a big fat hypocrite; I throw out therapy and trying medication to everyone else, but I'm so hesitant with myself. And the tiny bit of therapy I went to did help me with certain issues I had, it really did. 

I try not to shut off the world, but sometimes that seems like the only thing I can do to protect myself. Even though I know it's not "the world" that is causing my problems, it's ME. I'm all the bad things that have happened to me.  I would do anything to just be able to wave a magic wand and fix the part of my brain that makes my hormones go haywire. Maybe it's just the hormones talking now, maybe next week I'll read this and cringe and roll my eyes at myself.

Last October, almost exactly a year ago, I remember walking in a tiny park and thinking to myself that I was just about the happiest I have ever been. Now I just want to disappear. 

If my life can go down the drain in a year, maybe it can rebuild itself in a year, maybe next October I'll be thinking to myself that I'm the happiest I've ever been.  I don't know. I'm so lost.


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## TrishaCat (Oct 10, 2018)

I still feel very alone these days...I just wanna have somebody I'm close to. I want someone to be there and hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right.
But anytime I feel this way, no one is ever there. And then I remember my asociability, and start to fear as usual that it'll always be like this when I'm down. That I'm doomed to be alone forever


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## CertifiedCervine (Oct 10, 2018)

Battlechili said:


> I still feel very alone these days...I just wanna have somebody I'm close to. I want someone to be there and hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right.
> But anytime I feel this way, no one is ever there. And then I remember my asociability, and start to fear as usual that it'll always be like this when I'm down. That I'm doomed to be alone forever


You have us at least 
Maybe someone out there will be destined to meet you?


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## TrishaCat (Oct 10, 2018)

TacomaTheDeer said:


> You have us at least
> Maybe someone out there will be destined to meet you?


I hope...
Dont get me wrong I appreciate you all. I appreciate all the online friends I have. But they dont fulfill that need for physical affection. Online interactions just dont feel the same.


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## CertifiedCervine (Oct 10, 2018)

Battlechili said:


> I hope...
> Dont get me wrong I appreciate you all. I appreciate all the online friends I have. But they dont fulfill that need for physical affection. Online interactions just dont feel the same.


I undestand completely, You just got to keep having hope that someone will find you, I’m sure someone will


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## FoxyForest (Oct 10, 2018)

Depression and Anxiety has been turning me to drugs and alcohol a lot more lately. Still missing my dead soulmate who died way too young. Friend in Canada wants me to visit in December for cuddles and maybe more. Still can barely make any money even though Canadian friend said he'll pay for half my ticket price.

Fucked up and called Finland friend out on his bad behavior (but I did it in a mean way with cussing) and he removed me and my other two furry friends.

I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I feel like such a pathetic burden on everyone.

I wish I could end my life but I still feel there might be a tiny bit of hope for me still.

*feels so f$#king tired of it all* 

I wish I wasn't such a horrible person.


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## Kiaara (Oct 10, 2018)

Eh... Lately my past has been bubbling up with all the abuse and shit...  And passive aggression and verbal abuse... Lately i've been happier but all I can do is think about how a month ago I made my body ugly and barren with scars all over my arms.... I can't leave my house without my gloves on anymore and it sucks... Life sucks...


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## Kiaara (Oct 10, 2018)

FoxyForest said:


> Depression and Anxiety has been turning me to drugs and alcohol a lot more lately. Still missing my dead soulmate who died way too young. Friend in Canada wants me to visit in December for cuddles and maybe more. Still can barely make any money even though Canadian friend said he'll pay for half my ticket price.
> 
> Fucked up and called Finland friend out on his bad behavior (but I did it in a mean way with cussing) and he removed me and my other two furry friends.
> 
> ...


Same dude, same...


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## Kiaara (Oct 10, 2018)

And I keep getting my ears peirced hoping that the pain will bring me some sort of satisfaction with my body but it dosen't ... It never does.


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## FoxyForest (Oct 10, 2018)

KiaraTC said:


> And I keep getting my ears peirced hoping that the pain will bring me some sort of satisfaction with my body but it dosen't ... It never does.



I want to see your piercings.


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## Kiaara (Oct 11, 2018)

FoxyForest said:


> I want to see your piercings.


They're on my ears tho lol


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## Kiaara (Oct 11, 2018)

FoxyForest said:


> I want to see your piercings.


Also I'm on computer which means no pictures


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## BlueGrrr (Oct 11, 2018)

I just made the mistake of watching through some music videos I liked from when I was younger and it brought up a lot of old feelings 
It'll take a while to simmer down again and rein in the urge to just take a sledge hammer to my life and start from scratch.


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## Kiaara (Oct 11, 2018)

BlueGrrr said:


> I just made the mistake of watching through some music videos I liked from when I was younger and it brought up a lot of old feelings
> It'll take a while to simmer down again and rein in the urge to just take a sledge hammer to my life and start from scratch.
> View attachment 43763


I do that all the time honestly


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## BlueGrrr (Oct 11, 2018)

KiaraTC said:


> I do that all the time honestly



I've done it a few times, but until I'm ready to fully face up to the issue(s) that are causing my unhappiness I'm just putting band-aids on bullet holes.
The most common regret people have on their death bed is having spent their lives living up to other peoples expectations and not living for themselves...I don't want that to be my last regret. I'd rather it be something like wishing I'd eaten more chocolate or owned a monster truck


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## Kiaara (Oct 11, 2018)

BlueGrrr said:


> I've done it a few times, but until I'm ready to fully face up to the issue(s) that are causing my unhappiness I'm just putting band-aids on bullet holes.
> The most common regret people have on their death bed is having spent their lives living up to other peoples expectations and not living for themselves...I don't want that to be my last regret. I'd rather it be something like wishing I'd eaten more chocolate or owned a monster truck


Mood


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## Kiaara (Oct 14, 2018)

Honestly right now it feels like i'm dancing around the fact that i'm not good at being a good person. I feel so engulfed in my own self-hatred and past that I can't find the motivation to do much of anything..


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## CertifiedCervine (Oct 14, 2018)

KiaraTC said:


> Honestly right now it feels like i'm dancing around the fact that i'm not good at being a good person. I feel so engulfed in my own self-hatred and past that I can't find the motivation to do much of anything..


We can’t exactly measure how good of a person someone is; As long as you try to be a good person is what matters


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## Simo (Oct 14, 2018)

KiaraTC said:


> Honestly right now it feels like i'm dancing around the fact that i'm not good at being a good person. I feel so engulfed in my own self-hatred and past that I can't find the motivation to do much of anything..[/QUOTE



This really sums up how I been feeling these days. Just no motivation and all this self doubt....

.....also....i need to send some PMs to a few furs will try on Monday....feeling kinda faint....maybe a cold as well? Weird but it gets herd to say whats wrong sometimes


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## Shoiyo (Oct 14, 2018)

Simo said:


> This really sums up how I been feeling these days. Just no motivation and all this self doubt....
> 
> .....also....i need to send some PMs to a few furs will try on Monday....feeling kinda faint....maybe a cold as well? Weird but it gets herd to say whats wrong sometimes



I know that feeling. For me, it's like I've been so dead inside lately that I have lost all concept of what emotions are, or what they used to feel like. It's not a horrible feeling, it's just empty and void.


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## Casey Fluffbat (Oct 14, 2018)

KiaraTC said:


> Honestly right now it feels like i'm dancing around the fact that i'm not good at being a good person. I feel so engulfed in my own self-hatred and past that I can't find the motivation to do much of anything..





Simo said:


> This really sums up how I been feeling these days. Just no motivation and all this self doubt....
> 
> .....also....i need to send some PMs to a few furs will try on Monday....feeling kinda faint....maybe a cold as well? Weird but it gets herd to say whats wrong sometimes




I've found that focusing on something immediate and changeable can help. Being overwhelmed can be overcome if taken a piece at a time.


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## Kiaara (Oct 15, 2018)

I talked to my best friend earlier and we talked about the night I ran away... How I got hurt..


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## Reiv (Oct 15, 2018)

Shoiyo said:


> I know that feeling. For me, it's like I've been so dead inside lately that I have lost all concept of what emotions are, or what they used to feel like. It's not a horrible feeling, it's just empty and void.


They will come back. But there's a reason you feel empty. You won't really feel well when your feelings come back. Just try to be happy. It's not the easiest thing, but you might find what's irritating you.


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## Kiaara (Oct 15, 2018)

I remember it so clearly... It was a cloudy night. It seemed appropriate. I was on my laptop like normal, texting my best friend because he was feeling upset so I was trying to help. My step dad busts into my room, takes it away, and threatens to text Zanny (My best friend) untrue things. I, infuriated, argued, And after he started calling me curse names (IE, Little whore, fucking retard, etc.), I tried to go into his room to get my laptop back, and put it in my bag for school. He slammed me into the door frame, and left a giant purple bruise on my left shoulder. After that, I tried to run out the frount doors, but he pushed me down and blocked them. At that point, tears and snot running down my hurt face, I locked myself in my room. I didn't know what to do. After an anxiety attack, I clenched my fists. I knew I had to leave. He was screaming at me through my door, for gods sakes. I pushed my backpack out the window, and I jumped head first too. I landed on my chest, and I remember the pain. Out of fear and adrenaline, I got up, and slung my backpack on. I started running. I ran faster and faster until I reached a main road. I ran across it, (Night time, no cars), And I ran into a steep ditch to hide while I ran. I ran until I couldn't muster up and breath, and stopped. At this point, I was at another road. I saw a car approaching. Out of pure fear of getting my ass beat, I jumped into the overgrown woods. I remember briars hitting my face, and I waited until the car passed. Then, I got up, and ran through the forest. I tripped over briars, got cut and eaten up by bugs, and started crying. I was determined. I kept going and going. Soon, I arrived at a house with the lights still on. I decided to knock and ask for some water, as I was very very parched and out of breath from running so much. As soon as they opened the door, and I explained my situation, they let me in to dress my wounds. I always carry extra supplies in my backpack, cuz I always knew something like this would happen, so I was able to dress my cuts and scratches. after about an hour, the lady drove me to my friends house, and me and her talked. I told her everything. The truth. I started crying, and she hugged me. I felt empty. I felt sick. She brought out her bearded dragon and said it cheers her up, so it might do the same for me. Sure enough, it did. I smiled. I felt okay. Then the police arrived, and they guarded me and asked me all kinds of questions. After about four hours of questioning, they made me go home. I felt so broken and empty. As soon as I got home I cried myself to sleep. The next day two of my closest friends came to me on the bus and asked me what happened, and said the police questioned them. I broke. I cried, and cried hard. I told them everything and I just broke inside.


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## Kiaara (Oct 15, 2018)

It kinda makes me feel bad about recent events... Ya know?


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## Simo (Oct 15, 2018)

KiaraTC said:


> I remember it so clearly... It was a cloudy night. It seemed appropriate. I was on my laptop like normal, texting my best friend because he was feeling upset so I was trying to help. My step dad busts into my room, takes it away, and threatens to text Zanny (My best friend) untrue things. I, infuriated, argued, And after he started calling me curse names (IE, Little whore, fucking retard, etc.), I tried to go into his room to get my laptop back, and put it in my bag for school. He slammed me into the door frame, and left a giant purple bruise on my left shoulder. After that, I tried to run out the frount doors, but he pushed me down and blocked them. At that point, tears and snot running down my hurt face, I locked myself in my room. I didn't know what to do. After an anxiety attack, I clenched my fists. I knew I had to leave. He was screaming at me through my door, for gods sakes. I pushed my backpack out the window, and I jumped head first too. I landed on my chest, and I remember the pain. Out of fear and adrenaline, I got up, and slung my backpack on. I started running. I ran faster and faster until I reached a main road. I ran across it, (Night time, no cars), And I ran into a steep ditch to hide while I ran. I ran until I couldn't muster up and breath, and stopped. At this point, I was at another road. I saw a car approaching. Out of pure fear of getting my ass beat, I jumped into the overgrown woods. I remember briars hitting my face, and I waited until the car passed. Then, I got up, and ran through the forest. I tripped over briars, got cut and eaten up by bugs, and started crying. I was determined. I kept going and going. Soon, I arrived at a house with the lights still on. I decided to knock and ask for some water, as I was very very parched and out of breath from running so much. As soon as they opened the door, and I explained my situation, they let me in to dress my wounds. I always carry extra supplies in my backpack, cuz I always knew something like this would happen, so I was able to dress my cuts and scratches. after about an hour, the lady drove me to my friends house, and me and her talked. I told her everything. The truth. I started crying, and she hugged me. I felt empty. I felt sick. She brought out her bearded dragon and said it cheers her up, so it might do the same for me. Sure enough, it did. I smiled. I felt okay. Then the police arrived, and they guarded me and asked me all kinds of questions. After about four hours of questioning, they made me go home. I felt so broken and empty. As soon as I got home I cried myself to sleep. The next day two of my closest friends came to me on the bus and asked me what happened, and said the police questioned them. I broke. I cried, and cried hard. I told them everything and I just broke inside.



As difficult as the material is you describe here, it is amazingly well written. Have you ever thought about taking up writing, more as a hobby? You definitely have a way of getting emotions across using images, action and a very direct manner of speech, that really hits a person; it's not at all flowery and fancy, but it gets your emotional state across very well.

That said, I do hope ya are feeling better!


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## Kiaara (Oct 15, 2018)

Simo said:


> As difficult as the material is you describe here, it is amazingly well written. Have you ever thought about taking up writing, more as a hobby? You definitely have a way of getting emotions across using images, action and a very direct m,anner of speech, that really hits a person; it's not at all flowery and fancy, but it gets your emotional state across very well.
> 
> That said, I do hope ya are feeling better!


I do write as a hobby. Here's one I wrote during summer: 
The Spider in the corner


Hi, I’m a spider. Spiders don’t have names. The human calls me ‘Black widow’, though. I live in her window. Sometimes she stares at me, but I can sense her fear. I don’t bother her. In fact, I protect her. Spiders can sense emotions, and she has some pretty strong fears. I hate to see human sad… I see her crying in her room sometimes. Once, I saw human hurt herself. Human is such a pretty specimen, I don’t understand why she is sad.


Since I hate seeing human so sad, I do not allow any pests to get in through the cracks in the window. I kill them, the only logical punishment for any pest that wants to bother Human when she is upset. Once, I left the window and crawled onto Human’s pillow while she was asleep to catch a pesky moth that was disturbing her. She never knew, but I liked being next to her. Human has a lot of warmth. I adore her for that.


I’ve spent my whole life watching over Human, and I hope my children will do the same. I must die in the same spot I’ve stayed in for my entire life. Goodbye, Human, my love. Don’t worry, My children will continue to watch over you.


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## AppleButt (Dec 23, 2018)

I don’t really want to be alive anymore.


However, I have family and friends and leaving them would be absolutely devastating to them, so I force myself to be strong and push through this meaningless bullshit, and that’s all I know how to do.


It’ll take a miracle rather than therapy to change this mindset. 


Oddly, I don’t hate my life.  I have fun, but it’s the shit around me.  I don’t have many achievements, and the ones I do have don’t make me feel anything, I don’t have anything I really enjoy that would make me feel worth living for other than family and friends, I mean I love my job, but I’d be full of shit if I said it would keep me going, I don’t make friends easily, and yeah.


And the few friends I do have don’t even know I feel this way.  I can’t tell them this.  I’m sure they’d be there for me not matter what, but they don’t need to know that I’d quite possibly end my life if they were to leave me.  I don’t want them to feel trapped.  And they don’t know I’m on this forum, so hence why here I am talking about this on a furry forum. 


But honestly, I don’t see myself living past 40-50 years old.  I always get this crushing feeling that my friends will move on with their lives and while they won’t quit being friends with me, they won’t have time for me, and my parents who mean the world to me will likely be gone by the time I’m that age.  So I’ve been pretty sure for awhile I’ll end my life by then, because absolutely nothing else in life will ever make me feel like I mean something like those I care about.  I guess I just don’t know how to deal with life very well, and I’m never going to do anything about it.  So I guess I’m just whining, but oh well.


It was hard to even talk about this in the first place because I don’t like talking too much about my feelings cause everyone will feel obligated to give me advice even though I know it won’t help, and I won’t take it.  And then everyone will think I’m seeking attention for just discussing how I really feel. 


But so be it I guess.  This is the way I feel, so that’s that.  All that’s likely  a long time from now so.   Yeah.


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## Fallowfox (Dec 23, 2018)

Do you express your darker feelings in art? Do any of you who do this find it helps?


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## Aznig (Dec 23, 2018)

Fallowfox said:


> Do you express your darker feelings in art? Do any of you who do this find it helps?



I do this a lot. In writing and any sort of drawings I do.

And yes, it helps me. Turns any bad emotions I’ve got into something beautiful.


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## AppleButt (Dec 23, 2018)

Fallowfox said:


> Do you express your darker feelings in art? Do any of you who do this find it helps?



I probably would if I knew how to art in any way, shape , or form.


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## Fallowfox (Dec 23, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> I probably would if I knew how to art in any way, shape , or form.



Nobody does! 
and if they claim that they're do they're a liar and a fool I tells ya. 

I just like pushing paint around; it's therapeutic.


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## Simo (Dec 23, 2018)

@AppleButt :I always thought you had a rare talent for conversation, and being down to earth, and amiable, in a way that not many do. And that leads me to think that no matter what, even if you might lose some friends here, and gain some friends here, you're the sort that's always going to draw people in. I mean face it: you have what a lotta folks lack today: charm.

On to the subject of art: It can seem daunting; for me, I've always taken to writing; visual art proved almost uniformly very frustrating, musically, things were so-so.

But how about photography? It's something that can be done on a walk in the woods, out at a bar, at work, home, anywhere really, and you can start even with just the camera on your phone. I've found it fun to play around with, even if my phone may be the cheapest one on earth; it's fun, walking around, taking quirky little shots of the city, often on the dark and gritty side. When I have the $$$, I'd like a real camera; holding a phone to take pics feels unnatural to me, somehow, and its hard to hold it as still. But it seems easier to get into, as an artform goes, and one can combine it with other things.


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## AppleButt (Dec 23, 2018)

@Simo Thank you.  You're a sweetie. 

But I'm really shy in person, but I've really been trying to work on it, but it's been  an extremely slow or not moving at all process for me.  

I didn't think about Photography.  I guess that is a form of art.  I've been told before I have an eye for that.    Probably should whip out my camera and try to get back into doing it again.


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## Fallowfox (Dec 24, 2018)

One other thing...How come the thread title isn't 'Group Furrapy' ?


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## Cannabiskitty (Dec 24, 2018)

AppleButt said:


> @Simo Thank you.  You're a sweetie.
> 
> But I'm really shy in person, but I've really been trying to work on it, but it's been  an extremely slow or not moving at all process for me.
> 
> I didn't think about Photography.  I guess that is a form of art.  I've been told before I have an eye for that.    Probably should whip out my camera and try to get back into doing it again.



Yes exactly, whip it out.


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