# Writing Workshop 6/20/2010: Weak Adjectives and Adverbs



## kitreshawn (Jun 20, 2010)

This is an exercise for people who are looking to improve their existing writing.

John Gardner said: "Adverbs are either the dullest tools or the sharpest tools in the novelist's toolbox."

The thing here is that Adverbs (and Adjectives) tend to get overused.  You may think they are bolstering a noun or action, but in reality they tend to weaken them unless used properly.  A good piece of advice is that when you catch an adverb or adjective in your story you should attempt to squish it immediately.

Not 100% of them, obviously, but a good number.  Consider:

He walked _slowly_.

What does the word 'slowly' add to the above statement?  It not very much.  Walking is already a rather slow way of getting around (after all, if you wanted to go faster you could jog, or run, or sprint).  It isn't even nuanced, instead deciding to bludgen the reader over the head with what is happening.

Why is he walking slowly?  Is it because he is worried about falling down?  In that case it would be better to say "He picked each step with care" or some such to demonstrate that.  Maybe he is trying to be quiet?  Then why not simply say "He crept" or "He sneaked" or something similar?

Adverbs and Adjectives do best not when reinforcing an existing action but rather to create _friction_ with it.  Consider this next example:

He brandished the sword.
He brandished the sword _timidly_.

Notice how a well placed adverb completely alters the tone of the statement.  Timidly works in opposition to the more aggressive 'brandished' to completely change the perception of the event.  It gives a wonderful tension to the piece that wasn't there before.

Another thing to consider about adjectives and adverbs is that when you use a lot of them they are greatly weakened.  They are much stronger when used carefully and sparingly.

*The Exercise:*
Take one of your finished stories (or a piece you are working on) and go through it.  With the exception of colors go through and circle every adverb and adjective in the story.  Decide which ones work, which ones do not, and which ones could be made stronger.  Try to keep the number used to a minimum.  After you are finished post a page or two here, highlighting the adverbs and adjectives you kept.

Comment on each other's postings, discuss which adverbs and adjectives seem to be the strongest and which are the weakest (and why!).

*The Objective*
To become alert of the strengths and weaknesses of these tools.  To avoid them except for when they do something necessary.  Learn that nouns and verbs are generally stronger alone than when coupled to things which modify them without adding nuance or meaning.


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## DJ_KFX (Jun 20, 2010)

This is an excellent exercise, and precisely the kind of thing I need to be thinking about as I try and polish up my stories! I guess I have relied on instincts quite a bit while I'm writing, but I did this exercise and was really surprised at how much unnecessary fluff and redundancy is added with those adjectives and adverbs.

I have chosen to use an excerpt from my latest story, "Companions Forever". I had considered doing a before and after to show how much stuff I trimmed out, but I did not want the post to be 8 pages long. As I went through the process, it occurred to me why it takes so long to go through the revision and editing process. This story took me a month to write, and I have already gone through several editing sweeps, and at least one major revisions (with another revision needed!). Here it is a month later after I finished "writing" and I'm still making changes.

As far as the actual exercise is concerned, I've marked all the adjectives/adverbs in red just as you suggested. I trimmed out about dozen or so, simply because they were superfluous to the intention of the sentence. The ones (especially the adverbs) I left in, I felt were useful in specifically refining the mood.

I would appreciate any feedback anyone would like to offer.
Thanks.
Excerpt follows:

 	Within sight of the next sidewalk, Karson tripped and sprawled across the ground. Feeling rather embarrassed about his blunder, the Companion rolled over and sat up. He did not feel any injuries other than his pride but a middle-aged man appeared from behind a dumpster before he could rise to his feet. Karson felt wary about the presence of the stranger since he wore a ragged jacket and held a slim, mangled piece of wood.
	â€œYou should watch where you're going mutt,â€ the man said in a gravelly voice. â€œPeople often get lost going down my alley. I can help you find your way out of here for a price.â€
	Karson attempted to get to his feet, but the stranger pushed him back down with the piece of wood. The Companion knew that the man held the advantage and that he would not be able to escape before he was attacked. Karson asked, â€œWhat do you want from me?â€
	The man grinned wickedly and gave Karson a jab in the shoulder. â€œThat depends, what have you got?â€
	Karson's ears laid back and his shoulders slumped. â€œPlease, I'll give you whatever money I have just let me go.â€
	â€œOh don't worry about that. I'm interested in what else you might have. On your feet and hand over everything.â€
	The Companion kept his eyes on the man as he stood up and pulled out his bank card, a few dollars, and his keys. He desperately hoped the man would not notice the small bag still left in his pocket. The mugger snatched the money, tossed the keys on the ground and eyed the bank card. With disgust the man flipped the card away and said, â€œPff, can't do nothing with plastic, that stuff is traced anyway.â€ He waited for a moment as Karson stood under his gaze and poked him again with the wood. â€œNo watch? No phone? Don't you have anything?â€
	Karson winced as the man swatted his leg with the piece of wood and fear gripped him as the man laughed triumphantly. â€œI knew you had something! What is that in your pocket? Give it to me!â€ The Companion reluctantly pulled out the small bag which was snagged from his grasp.
	The mugger kept an eye on him as he greedily pulled open the bag and dug out the wooden box. The man popped open the box and his grin turned into an annoyed smirk as he saw the simple ring within. â€œWell, I suppose this will have to do.â€
	Karson cried out, â€œPlease I beg you don't take the ring, if it is money you want...â€
	The man's smirk turned into an angry frown as he crept behind the Companion. â€œI was just about to let you go, but the one thing I can't stand is beggars. Here I am doing you a favor by letting you pass through my alley and all you got to give me in return is this crappy ring.â€ The man flung the box down at Karson's feet. â€œGo ahead take it! I don't want your filthy ring anymore.â€
	Karson nervously eyed the box sitting within reach. The man screamed at him from behind, â€œTake it!â€ The Companion stooped and just as his fingers touched the box the man cracked the piece of wood across the back of his legs. Karson yelped in pain and crumpled to the ground.
	The man loomed over him with his crooked grin. â€œStinking mutt,â€ he mumbled and raised the wood to strike again. Karson took a chance and attempted to scramble away from his assailant. He did not make it to his feet before the man tripped him again.
	â€œThink you're clever huh?â€ The mugger raised the wood over his head and grinned again as he brought it down. Karson instinctively held up his left arm to deflect the blow and cried out in agony as the weapon struck, snapping the bone. The attacker laughed hysterically as Karson struggled to crawl away.
	â€œHelp! Help me somebody!â€ The Companion bellowed.
	â€œOh no you don't, you have to learn a lesson and class has just started my furry friend.â€ The mugger kicked Karson in the ribs, effectively silencing him as his breath whooshed from his lungs. He stomped on the injured arm and brought the weapon to bear again. Karson rolled to his left side in an attempt to shield his injury. â€œHelp,â€ he croaked feebly.
	The attacker swung the piece of wood and connected with Karson's right foot. He grinned in satisfaction at the crack and whimper of pain as he broke the Companion's ankle. â€œYou talking animals think you are entitled to go where ever you please, while decent folk have to live in the gutter?â€ The man stood over Karson and prodded him with the piece of wood as he preached self-righteously. He again raised the weapon over his head but stopped in surprise as a scream echoed a down the alley walls from several yards away. A woman happened to walk by and witness the mugger attacking the Companion. She pointed at the mugger, but disappeared seconds later.
	The man flew into a rage and yelled at his victim. â€œNow see what youâ€™ve caused? I'm afraid the end has come for you.â€ The stick crashed down across the left side of Karson's chest and he screamed as his collarbone was fractured. Karson fought to hang on to consciousness as his vision blurred and the world spun in a haze of pain. Somewhere in the distance he heard the sound of running feet and voices calling. The man grunted and swung the piece of wood one last time.
	The wooden stick the mugger used for a weapon struck a glancing blow across the left side of Karson's head. The man let out a surprised chuckle as he held the broken remains of his stick. He tossed it aside as he tore off down the alley away from the newcomers. Several pedestrians gathered around the severely beaten Companion as they tried to asses his condition.


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## Pliio8 (Jun 23, 2010)

Heres a bit of mine:



	Colben walked into his temporary room and sat down. He contemplated what had happened the previous day, and looked forward, with sadness towards the coming day. A fullscale, Peacekeeping mission, 13 men, one of whom was his best friend. He gathered up all the info he could, and weighed the odds. There was little doubt in him, either him or Taylor would die tomorrow, alongside any other number of people.
	He turned around in his chair, and looked at his desk, where a picture of Jim was, Jim and his family. He stared at the image, tears pooling in his eyes. He didn't want to lose Jim, but he didn't want to lose Taylor.
	A knock on the door carried him from the image on the table.

	"Co-Come in..." Colben said, clearly upset.

	The door opened and Taylor walked in, in little more than his pajamas. He walked on over to Colben after shutting the door. Colben turned around. Taylor was always the  strong one, he wanted to be strong too. He didn't want to have Taylor see him in this state. Taylor poked him on the shoulder, his touch weak. Colben turned around to see Taylor visibly upset, tears streaming down his cheeks and face.

	"Colben... I..."

	Colben got up and hugged Taylor, they stayed like that for a long time.

	"I've never seen you like this Taylor, you're always so calm... what happened?" Colben whispered in his ear.
	"I have mediaited, and prayed and reconciled with every God I have studied. I should feel shame, never in my life have I felt like I do now, never before have I felt these feelings. I'm dying today, and tomorrow I may die. I don't want to know what that is like. I feel emotions, something that i've never had before. I am scared, and for it, I am alive." 

	Colben got out of the embrace and grabbed Taylor's hands.
	"I feel like I need you, you over everyone Colben. You're my closest friend."
	"I'm always here for you Taylor."
	"Colben... I love you. Not in the way you think... but..."
	"I know Taylor, I know how you feel."
	"I'm scared. I don't want to die."
	"You're feeling the things you haven't for years now. I'm proud of you."
	"I'm alive now... I don't want to be."
	"There is nothing wrong with that. Your emotions are good Taylor."
	"Colben... I..."
	"Taylor. I want you to be alive."
	"I hate it. But I'm here, doing it for you."
	"Then tonight Taylor, be alive with me. One last time." 

Now: Either I have horrible trouble identifying Adverbs and Adjectives, or I don't use that many of them. :|


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