# A Grand New Adventure



## sanatai_k (May 9, 2014)

I've come up with a new idea for a story I'm going to start right. It's about a Fox warrior princess and her Dragon lover saving her clan from an invasion of an army of bloodthirsty wolves from the next country over. It'll probably be a fairly long story that I will update as much as possible. I'd love to hear your input and ideas on the subject. Thanks, and enjoy the story!


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## sanatai_k (May 9, 2014)

Here's the first chapter:

*Chapter 1: The Quest Begins

**Kira yawned and spread out, lying on the ground. â€œFinally, some sleep for once.â€ Ravir chuckled and laid beside her, curling his tail around her and covering her with his wing. â€œ Yes, it has been awhile since we got a good nightâ€™s sleepâ€. Kira smiled and cuddled close to him, thinking back to the last time she slept. It was three days ago, the night before we left she thought to herself. As Ravir started to lightly snore beside her she started playing the events of the past few days in her mind.
Three days earlierâ€¦
â€œYou summoned me father?â€ Kira asked, stepping into the throne room of the Amaterasu King. â€œYes, I have something very important to ask of youâ€ Her father Orthanis said. He looked just like her, his medium length pure white fur making him look royal and elegant, the red markings of the Amaterasu making him look even more visually stunning, and his 4 tails showing that he was incredibly strong. â€œWhat is it?â€ Kira asked. â€œIt is hard of me to ask this of you at such a time, but you must leave on a very important missionâ€ Orthanis said, sitting in his throne. â€œWhat!?â€ Kira was shocked, how could her father ask this of her? â€œBut the scout earlier said that The Twilight Wolves are planning an invasion! I canâ€™t leave now, Iâ€™m our best warrior!â€ Orthanis sighed, â€œI know, thatâ€™s why I chose you to do this.â€ He shifted uneasily â€œYou have to go looking after Antares, the blade of the late Behemoth King.â€ Kira was taken back, â€œHOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!â€ she exclaimed. â€œEveryone whoâ€™s tried that never comes back!â€ Her father stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, even though she was tall for her species at five foot, eight inches, her father was still a good six inches taller. â€œI believe in you.â€ He smiled, â€œBesides, Ravir will be with youâ€ As if it was rehearsed Ravir walked in, having to duck to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling, the 10 foot ceilings being a good five feet too short for him. He smiled as he saw Kira â€œHeâ€™s right, if anyone can accomplish this impossible task, itâ€™s my loverâ€ Kira lightly blushed and placed a hand on the jet-black scales covering his hide. â€œBut what if we donâ€™t make it back before they get here?â€ Her father sat down again and looked at her, his eyes glazed over. â€œWell then youâ€™d be the last Amaterasu left aliveâ€ Kira was outraged â€œHow could you ask me to do this! If I leave you all might die!â€ Orthanis stomped his foot. â€œBut if you stay then thereâ€™s no chance of any of us living!â€ Kira took a step back, her father never shouted at her. Ravir slowly knelt down, placing a large hand on her shoulder. â€œHe speaks the truth, it is a chance that must be taken.â€ Kira looked up at him and held his hand to her face before looking to her father. â€œOk, weâ€™ll do it.â€ Orthanis nodded. â€œGood luck and Godspeed to you, my daughter. We will wait eagerly for you to return. As for you Ravir, you better protect the princess of the Amaterasu.â€ Ravir bowed low. â€œOf course my lord, I would do so without instruction.â€ The king smiled â€œThen do not wait another second, make haste to the Behemoth Kingâ€™s Tomb.â€ Kira and Ravir exited the throne room and made their way to their room to grab their supplies and equipment. Kira grabbed several days worth of food and water and opened the vault that held her armor. Ravir helped her put most of the plate mail on, but she left the helm off. The large dragon chuckled as Kira panicked a little when she saw it took her almost an hour to get ready. â€œShut upâ€ She said, â€œYouâ€™re lucky, you donâ€™t need anything like thisâ€ This only amused him more as they walked out to the courtyard. Everyone was lined up outside to see them off. Kira waved to everyone as she climbed on Ravirâ€™s back and held on as he flew up and away from her home.
Now, three days later and several thousand miles away, her thoughts drifted to home and her friends. Theyâ€™re probably preparing for the invasion, she thought. She pushed it form her mind as she cuddled closer to Ravirâ€™s large chest and slowly drifted off to sleep*


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## Conker (May 9, 2014)

Use new paragraph breaks every time you introduce someone new talking. That's a big ol wall of text, and the bold font doesn't help it at all. 

Double space between paragraphs if you don't plan on indenting.


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## Gnarl (May 10, 2014)

Dialogue is very hard to properly master but Conker is right, each person speaking should be on its owns line. Check your spacing and I like the fact that you did not use tagging (he said-she said) I have seen way to many people ruin a good story that way. Be careful if you use a format translater (from one format to another ie doc to html or txt) they do weird things to the story. It is an interesting start!


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## sanatai_k (May 10, 2014)

revised first chapter. Is this better? Also, thanks for the feedback.

*Chapter 1: The Quest Begins*

Kira yawned and spread out, lying on the ground. â€œFinally, some sleep for once.â€ Ravir chuckled and laid beside her, curling his tail around her and covering her with his wing.
â€œ Yes, it has been awhile since we got a good nightâ€™s sleepâ€. He said. Kira smiled and cuddled close to him, thinking back to the last time she slept. _It was three days ago, the night before we left_ she thought to herself. As Ravir started to lightly snore beside her she started playing the events of the past few days in her mind.
_Three days earlierâ€¦_
_â€œYou summoned me father?â€ Kira asked, stepping into the throne room of the Amaterasu King. _
_â€œYes, I have something very important to ask of youâ€ Her father Orthanis said. He looked just like her, his medium length pure white fur making him look royal and elegant, the red markings of the Amaterasu making him look even more visually stunning, and his 4 tails showing that he was incredibly strong, still a fair bit stronger than Kira, who had three._
_ â€œWhat is it?â€ Kira asked._
_ â€œIt is hard of me to ask this of you at such a time, but you must leave on a very important missionâ€ Orthanis said, sitting in his throne. _
_â€œWhat!â€ Kira was shocked, how could her father ask this of her? â€œBut the scout earlier said that The Twilight Wolves are planning an invasion! I canâ€™t leave now, Iâ€™m our best warrior!â€ _
_Orthanis sighed, â€œI know, thatâ€™s why I chose you to do this.â€ He shifted uneasily â€œYou have to go looking for Antares, the blade of the late Behemoth King.â€_
_Kira was taken back, â€œHOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!â€ she exclaimed. â€œEveryone whoâ€™s tried that never comes back!â€ _
_Her father stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder, even though she was tall for her species at five foot, eight inches, her father was still a good six inches taller. â€œI believe in you.â€ He smiled, â€œBesides, Ravir will be with youâ€ As if it was rehearsed Ravir walked in, having to duck to avoid hitting his head on the ceiling, the 10 foot ceilings being a good five feet too short for him. _
_He smiled as he saw Kira â€œHeâ€™s right, if anyone can accomplish this impossible task, itâ€™s my loverâ€ _
_            Kira lightly blushed and placed a hand on the jet-black scales covering his hide. â€œBut what if we donâ€™t make it back before they get here?â€ _
_Her father sat down again and looked at her, his eyes glazed over. â€œWell then youâ€™d be the last Amaterasu left aliveâ€ _
_Kira was outraged â€œHow could you ask me to do this! If I leave you all might die!â€ _
_Orthanis stomped his foot. â€œBut if you stay then thereâ€™s no chance of any of us living!â€ Kira took a step back, her father never shouted at her. _
_Ravir slowly knelt down, placing a large hand on her shoulder. â€œHe speaks the truth, it is a chance that must be taken.â€ Kira looked up at him and held his hand to her face before looking to her father. _
_â€œOk, weâ€™ll do it.â€ Orthanis nodded. â€œGood luck and Godspeed to you, my daughter. We will wait eagerly for you to return. As for you Ravir, you better protect the princess of the Amaterasu.â€ _
_Ravir bowed low. â€œOf course my lord, I would do so without instruction.â€ The king smiled _
_â€œThen do not wait another second, make haste to the Behemoth Kingâ€™s Tomb.â€ Kira and Ravir exited the throne room and made their way to their room to grab their supplies and equipment. Kira grabbed several days worth of food and water and opened the vault that held her armor. Ravir helped her put most of the plate mail on, but she left the helm off. The large dragon chuckled as Kira panicked a little when she saw it took her almost an hour to get ready. _
_â€œShut upâ€ She said, â€œYouâ€™re lucky, you donâ€™t need anything like thisâ€ This only amused him more as they walked out to the courtyard. Everyone was lined up outside to see them off. Kira waved to everyone as she climbed on Ravirâ€™s back and held on as he flew up and away from her home._
Now, three days later and several thousand miles away, her thoughts drifted to home and her friends. _Theyâ€™re probably preparing for the invasion_, she thought. She pushed it form her mind as she cuddled closer to Ravirâ€™s large chest and slowly drifted off to sleep.


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## sanatai_k (May 14, 2014)

Here's chapter two for you guys. Again, negative and positive comments and criticisms are welcome.
*Chapter 2: A Quick Stop*

            Ravir stretched slightly, careful not to wake Kira. _She is quite the heavy sleeper_ he thought, slowly getting up. Kira stirred and muttered several obscenities in her sleep, making Ravir wonder what she was dreaming about. He softly chuckled and thought to himself, _the only part of her sleeping that isnâ€™t peaceful is her language_. He decided to go for a quick walk, both to stretch and to hunt. He quickly got several deer and a few dozen fish, as well as a bear. _There, _Ravir thought to himself, _that should be enough for breakfast_. When he got back to the campsite Kira was just waking up.
â€œMorning Ravir.â€ She mumbled sleepily.
â€œGood morning, my love.â€ Ravir replied, grabbing her pack to hand her breakfast. Kira sat eating her light breakfast of berries and other fruits, leaning up against Ravir. When she was done she smiled up at him.
â€œReady to get moving? Just a couple more hours till we reach a small village with more supplies.â€ The dragon nodded and knelt down as she climbed onto his back again, taking off towards the village. As they landed near the village and entered it, Ravir couldnâ€™t help but notice the strange looks the townsfolk gave him. Kira grabbed onto his hand and looked up at him.
â€œI need to stop by an armor smith, one of the straps on my breastplate is breaking.â€ She said, lightly pulling him in the direction of the marketplace. He lightly chuckled.
â€œIs that necessarily a BAD thing?â€ Ravir whispered in her ear, making her lightly blush.
â€œOn the battlefield it isâ€ She smiled, playfully pushing him. â€œBut save that thinking for later and things will get funâ€ Kira said winking, as she walked into the shop. Ravir smiled and let his mind wander to thoughts of later. Kira came back soon and snapped him out of his stupor.
â€œOk, now we just need food and waterâ€ She said, dragging Ravir along. The Amaterasu princess grabbed plenty of food and water for herself, as well as some more supplies to repair any more damages to her armor and a sharpening stone for her greatsword. As it was getting late, Ravir suggested staying at an inn for the night, to which Kira agreed. As Kira moved her stuff to their room, Ravir paid the innkeeper and stayed in the tavern for a bit, talking to him, till Kira came down to join him.
â€œYou wanna have a couple drinks Ravir?â€ Kira asked hopefully. Ravir chuckled, making the mouse innkeeper jump at the low, guttural sound.
â€œAre you absolutely positive you would enjoy getting intoxicated this evening?â€ The mouse looked at him curiously.
â€œWhy such big words mate?â€ He asked. Kira answered for Ravir, as he was busy apologizing for his vocabulary.
â€œHe uses more formal language because heâ€™s a dragon noble, he lives in Castle Dregwarn with King Sanatai and a few other families. Heâ€™s also one of their greatest warriors.â€ Ravir was a little embarrassed by the compliments and the revealing of his heritage, but the mouse spoke quickly.
â€œOh wow!â€ He exclaimed, quickly bowing â€œa dragon noble, at my inn! This is a first.â€ Ravir was getting more embarrassed by the second, and Kira was enjoying it. They chatted for a little longer while they drank, but soon Ravir had to carry his lover up to their room.
â€œYou are quite the lightweight when it comes to alcohol, you know that?â€ He chuckled. Kira nodded and whispered.
â€œYou love it when Iâ€™m drunk though, cuz then I get more FRISKY than usualâ€ She slurred and giggled. Ravir smiled and laid her on the bed.
â€œQuite true, however that would be taking advantage of your current state, and I simply cannot do that.â€ Kira sighed and pulled him onto the bed and curled up close to him.
â€œYouâ€™re no fun.â€ she whispered before drifting off to sleep, Ravir soon following.


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