# The laws of Anime Fights (mostly satirical)



## Digitalpotato (Feb 4, 2008)

-The Dragon Ball Z law:
Whenever you attack, you must yell as loud as you can.

-The Kaiba Law
If it is an anime in which the people are doing something like a children's card game or if the rules of the anime are actually EXPLAINED, the villans and sometimes the heroes can screw these rules anytime they want, because they have money/green hair/power/whatever. This also includes using moves and combos in a card game that are unable to be performed in a real duel of said game.

-The Naruto law:
EVIL ninjas are the ones who wear black and attack from the shadows. GOOD ninjas are the ones wearing brightly-coloured-clothing and will only attack when they are provoked.

-The Shikamaru Law:
Using the exact same trick in different or creative ways will win EVERY fight.
_Granted, this is the exact opposite of developing so many techniques the writers forget about them, but both can give a negative image of characters...this will simply assume they can't do anything else or the author doesn't care about 'em too much whereas having so many would be hard to keep track of._

-The episode-stretching law
A temporary cease-fire is called whenever a flashback or speech has to happen.

-The Dick Tracy Law
you can tell villains are evil if they have hideously-deformed faces. (Commonly seen in Ruroni Kenshin)
_In other words, you can tell the villains are evil because...they LOOK evil._

-The Sesshomaru law
Villains that AREN'T hideously-deformed/horribly scared are bishounens who are popular amongst fangirls.

-The Tea Gardner law
During a flashback, it is possible to remember something that happened if you were thrown accross the field or while you were knocked unconscious.

-The Zabuza law
If you one-up your enemy or your enemy one-ups you, then they MUST explain why so you or your enemy will learn to expect it. And if they learn what they just did, they will explain how they can counter it.
_A LOT of mainstream animes are like this. Bleach unfortunately seems to be going down the same path. The fight with Szayel or whatever the pink-haired-evil-Uryu is was just one one-up after another._

-The names of the attacks law
You must yell out the names of all your attacks so the viewers will know what attack you're using and when to use it in Fanfics.

-The law of men's clothing
Pants are indestructible, while shirts will be discarded of or destroyed very early.
_Women usually wear so little clothes it doesn't matter._

-The Hiei's dark-dragon-whatever-law
Shadow flames must ALWAYS be purple and black.

-The Naraku Law
90% of the fights with the main villians themselves are just to taunt the heroes, so thus the villain will escape at the very last second, giving more excuses to extend the series' run.

-The Kagura law
And sometimes the villain's sidekick/number one henchman will escape 100% of the time becuase s/he has an important plot role in the future. ;p

-The Digidestined law
There must be at least one set of filler characters who may or may not be important to the story by having a relationship to the hero or the villain. During fights, these people will sit back and make comments about the fight. Sometimes they will be the ones doing the explaining about what the attacks do or their fighting style, because obviously the villains don't have another ally who may be listening in.

-The Kuwabara exception:
The secondary characters may sometimes have powers and capabilities of their own, and will sometimes even fight, but all the important fights are to be fought by the hero only. During these fights, they will either sit back and comment or be unable to fight for whatever reason. Whether they're too exhausted to use their powers from a previous fight or were knocked unconscious/killed, they rarely help the hero out even though they'll be clearly outmatched until they go Super Saiyen, because the villain can slaughter them easily. ;p
_PLENTY of animes have Kuwabara-style-spectators. I often hesitate to call this "favouring" of the hero character. Digimon Season 4 is a big offender of this - In the 2nd half of the anime, J.P, Zoe, Tommy, and sometimes Kouichi just stand there 90% of the time while Takuya and Koji are going "oooh look at meee and my spirits!!!"_

-The Kamiya Kaoru law
Oftentimes, the secondary characters are important to the story and have a reason to be there because they are obviously the love-interest of the hero. ;p
_Again, Digidestined law, but this is a little more specific._

-The law of weapons
Anything can be used as a weapon, even puppets. 
_This includes huge overpowered charicatures(sp) of weapons. Such as that Kira dude in Bleach using a sword that looks like a question mark or Temari in Naruto using a gigantic Fan._


(before you cry "PLAGIRISM!", this IS HerbalDrink from Deviantart posting this)


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## Rostam The Grey (Feb 4, 2008)

-The law of superior battles
All fights WILL last more than 3 episodes. If a fight will not last more than 2, the characters will power up to extend it to the .

-The Doo law
Hairdoos determine the strength of a character and get more execessive and colorful as the character powers up.

-The Law of Taunts
Characters will tell their opponents how they beat them before delivering the finishing blow. This allows good characters, and good characters only, the time they need to replinish their energy and defeat the bad character or gain the upper hand in some other manner.

-The Pufferfish principle
Good characters never loose, even when they... um... loose. Loosing makes them more powerful and thus able to beat the bad guys they lost to 5 seconds ago. Bad characters only get stronger by killing people with the exception of bad characters who turn good. They gain this ability.

-The Head-On law
Every character has a signature move you will see every fight. Main characters WILL have a signature phrase or action you WILL see every episode at least once. And characters always have a closet full of exactly the same clothes.

-The three Wal-Mart principles
There will ALWAYS be a hot chick. The known universe will ALWAYS be in danger. There is ALWAYS a more powerful, more evil bad guy.


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## spikey2k (Feb 4, 2008)

-General law

It is prudent for the characters, mostly the protaginists to have their the name of their attack screamed out vocaly in some way shape or form.


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## spikey2k (Feb 4, 2008)

Piss that one was already posted. Oh well.


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## Marl Duothimir (Feb 4, 2008)

Shounen law - The good guys ALWAYS win. NO EXCEPTIONS.


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## KazukiFerret (Feb 4, 2008)

The Kenshin law/Kazuki Kitsune law (my character)
The dude who looks like an underendowed chick can kick the living piss out of a terminator. They often times can do alot more damage then the giant hulks of characters (see One Piece for examples)

Ferret's hair law
Hairgel is infinant in abundance in an anime universe.


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## E-mannor (Feb 4, 2008)

all purpose law: when ever a new enemy comes up

1. enemy gets some sort of secret ability or advantage.
2. good guy exclaims "oh no!" and gets a shaky camera close up on their face.
3. 15 seconds later good guy beats the shit out of the bad guy and throughly explains some huge hole in the enemy's attack... that they somehow knew all along...
4. bad guy runs away.

the only thing is that 4 step process can be repeated (the first 3 anyway) many times in one battle, and can take up to 5 episodes to reach step 4.

like DBZ the first 10 min in an episode is them explaining/bragging about their abilities and what they did the last episode, 5 min of staring at the enemy from a short distance and thinking to themselves, 5 min of random filler characters yelling crap about themselves being worthless... (i am looking at you Krillin >_< ) then in the last 10 min they might go through one or two cycles... if your lucky that is.


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## spikey2k (Feb 4, 2008)

The Yu-Gi-Oh Yugi to Yami law-

No one notices when you transform, get boots with heels, get taller and get a deeper voice.


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## Marl Duothimir (Feb 4, 2008)

Nana's law - Nana's womanly intuition is always right. ALWAYS.

Enigma's law - Enigma is the king of penguins. KING.

Marl's law - Smash my beer, and I will smash you. SMASH.

Mohawk's law - WEEDWHACKER! WHOOOOO!

(...Meh. Copy Crisis could technically be considered anime-kin, methinks. We're based on a Japanese video game.)

Anyway, a little more on topic:

General Villainy law - All villains are insane.


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## Fallen (Feb 4, 2008)

Lucy's law: Everyone can be ripped to shreds in an over the top bloody masacre, and doing so naked is perfectly acceptable as well.


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## Tundru (Feb 6, 2008)

Naruto law:

If you're the author's favorite character you WILL win every fight, even against people who normally should be able to kill you. This also means that, in the unlikely event of a 'villain' (who the fans are all really cheering for because they want to see you lose so badly) gaining the upper hand you can suddenly develop chakra reserves the size of Naruto's and pull summons out of your butt to save you at the last moment. 

An explosion can happen 5km away from a city and even though said explosion can destroy 10km, the city is untouched. 

You can wound (but not kill) over 1000 ninja that appear out of nowhere, then disappear in the next frame.

Villains can suddenly forget the 100+ years of battle experience they have and make a huge mistake they wouldn't normally make but it was necessary because the plot required that they die.  

Your allies sole purpose are that of cheerleaders for you. They do little or nothing to help you in the actual fight and instead just comment about how awesome you are.
DBZ law: 

You must spend several episodes doing nothing but powering up, giving someone time to kill you, but you can't die since you're the hero.


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## lilEmber (Feb 6, 2008)

- The sword fight law -

EVERYTHING, and that means everything cut in half has to explode, be it a person or box of pillows.

- Law of matter - 

Everything you learned in physics class can and will be broken during a fight.


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## Aden (Feb 6, 2008)

The Law of Sword Cuts: When a vertical object is cut in half with a horizontal-like slash, the top half must slide along the cut for at least three seconds.

The Law of Enthusiasm: If a character experiences a large emotional outburst, the world around them temporarily changes to reflect the character's emotions.

The Law of Lines: Any high-speed leaping or flying actions must be accompanied by colorful and parallel lines behind the character that signify the direction of motion.


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## Lucedo (Feb 6, 2008)

- The One Piece Laws -

Note: In each fight a Straw Hat Pirate unleashes his/her new attack to defeat his foes.

-The Devil Fruit Law -
When a character reveals his Devil Fruit the first time, he/she must explain the fruit's speciality before moving on.

-The Recruitment Process Law-
At First a new character turns down Luffy's invitation to be one of the Straw Hat Pirates. Then that character fights an underling while Luffy fights the boss.

- The Monkey D. Luffy Law -
Luffy fights the leader of a villainous group or in rare cases, the most powerful member of the group.

-The Roronoa Zoro Law -
Zoro must fight a villain skilled with swords (Usually the villain is the second strongest).

-The Sanji Law -
Sanji must fight an enemy skilled in martial arts.

-The Nami Law -
Nami always goes against the female member of the group.

- The Usopp Law -
Usopp must fight enemies that use projectiles.

- The Tony Tony Chopper Law -
Chopper fights large enemies with amazing talents.

- The Nico Robin Law -
Nico Robin fights monster-like beings. Those who underestimated Robins Powers are defeated.

- The Franky Law -
Franky fights enemies with great speed, however Franky defeats them in the end.


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## Oni (Feb 6, 2008)

- The Law of Bastard -
The character must insult their opponent by stating age differences.


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## Marl Duothimir (Feb 6, 2008)

The law of Engrish: Every episode title begins with a single word or phrase and at least one exclamation point.


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## kitetsu (Feb 6, 2008)

The Ketchup Prop Law:

You're either seriously injured or in rare cases, be in a state of near-death, even when you've coughed up blood around 3 times the total amount of blood you carry from within your body.


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## Aden (Feb 7, 2008)

kitetsu said:
			
		

> The Ketchup Prop Law:
> 
> You're either seriously injured or in rare cases, be in a state of near-death, even when you've coughed up blood around 3 times the total amount of blood you carry from within your body.


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## Sylvine (Feb 8, 2008)

-The Law of Momentum-

...just disregard it. If the villain uses a super-special-punch attack ( announced loudly beforehand ) with enough force that even the wind generated by it disroots large trees, his opponent will be able to block it without moving an inch. 

Also appliable to  Dante when he's fighting Belial. Sheesh. 

~Sylv


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## Marl Duothimir (Feb 8, 2008)

The Law of Henchmen: All henchmen look almost exactly the same, and are terrible shots/poorly trained.


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## Ionic_Warrior (Feb 18, 2008)

The Law of Informativeness:
If the enemy does something that confuses the hero, the enemy, instead of not telling the hero so he might have an upper hand, explains what they're doing so the hero can (in a split second) counter the enemy's maneuver.

The Law of Weight Issues:
Everyone is ripped EXCEPT the comic relief, despite the fact that we only see them eat unhealthy food. And all the attractive chicks have noticeable breasts.

The Law of Bathroom Breaks:
No one pisses or takes a shit EVER.

The Law of Epicness:
All fights end in an explosion with the bodies intact. Only afterwards will someone die.

The Law of Monologues:
No actions occurs during them, even if the person giving the monologue is dying (if so, they will only die either after the monologue or just when they are about to finish).

The Law of Convince:
If the current status of the hero or his party cannot overcome a problem in the story, someone on the party (not the hero) will all-of-a-suddenly be able to overcome said obstacle. If not, then the solution lies elsewhere in the world, which won't take that long to accomplish.

The Law of Mind Clarity:
No one stutters, has a lisp, uses words incorrectly, pronounces them wrong, uses bad syntax or has dyslexia UNLESS it defines that character.

The Law of Monochromism:
Everyone is white (Japanese more likely) unless they're the typical embodiment of their race.

The Law of Celibacy:
No one ever has ANY sexual urges unless they're the hardcore romantic or it's hentai. then it goes overboard.


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 18, 2008)

Just one of many Hot Springs Laws
Whenever the heroes are at a Hot Spring...there has GOT to be a scene involving a guy noticing one of the female heroes naked. or just a character. Sometimes a character may decide to play with them in the case of Yorouichi(sp)


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## ShaoShao (Feb 18, 2008)

The Yuuta Law:
A cute main character could never, _possibly, *EVER*_ steal an item with ill intent unless it is his job and only one part of his story. When the character is innocent he will be attacked as though guilty until by coincidence or good will he solves the problem.

The BL Sim Adaptation Law:
Each character must be a different stereotype of attractive young man and be introduced one by one to the main character. The story then follows the main character flirting with each and every one. Shirts will be removed and it will rain heavily as childhood angst is revealed. The chosen ending used in the series will make little to no sense compared to its equally ridiculous computer game counterpart.

Dramatic Mist Law:
Even if dramatic weather moves in on a fight, most side characters will arrive at a safe distance and still be able to see much of the action.

Barghest Law:
Black hounds with red eyes are fodder for good guys to kill, they are always controlled by a bad guy - the only exception is when the hound IS the (anti-)hero of the story.

Reverse Ku Klux Klan Rule:
The most sinister perps of conspiracies, forced marriage, kidnappings and murders all dress in black KKK outfits. _This also applies to live action adaptations of detective series; adds instant creepiness to any college student, snuff-video creator!_


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## Renian (Feb 19, 2008)

Incompetent Main Hero Rule - The main hero the the story, no matter how seemingly bad at his main job, will always end up fighting and beating or making a major contributions to defeating the current villain.

Taikobo's Exception to the Incompetent Main Hero Rule - If the main hero happens to have almost no skill in direct combat against nearly all adversaries, he actually uses silliness, distractions, cheats, lies, and cons his way out of everything, usually in a fairly humorous manner. Also, because he is not acting very heroic, he sometimes vanish for a few chapters in the story while it focuses on secondary characters.


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## ShaoShao (Feb 20, 2008)

Incompetent Main Hero Rule - MAOU EDITION:
loliunno, be moar powerful than anyone for no particular reason and the reason given doesn't even make sense? Just so long as there's a dating sim with a puppy costume...
_Applies to last episode and as solution to all problems_


I need to word this better.


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## Digitalpotato (Feb 20, 2008)

^^
The secondary character rule:
Secondary characters will vanish RIGHT back into the background right when the hero has returned


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## Seratuhl (Feb 20, 2008)

Mechanized Anime combat laws:

1. The good guy, during desperate moments,  will know how to pilot a mech prior to any form of training.

2. The bad guy, when piloting a titanic mech of extreme size and firepower, will always be slow and inarticulate. However, when a good guy pilots the same bulky war machine, it will be faster and will pose the same flexibility as a yoga practitioner.

3. A mech who's joints have been complete covered by immobilizing metal plates will ALWAYS be flexible.

4. A burning mech's malfunctioning ejection system will always work.

5. The prototype lasts longer than the final product

6. The effectiveness of a mech during combat is doubled when it's piloted by a metrosexual villain with a fucked-up past.

7. The main mech is always made in japan.

8. Stabilizer systems work perfectly when using a massive, mega particle cannon. However, the stabilizer systems cease to work with smaller, bullet-fed mecha handguns, giving a lot of recoil per shot.

9. The earth has enough metal to make a billion mechs and mobile armors.

10. The bigger the mech, the more episodes it will take to destroy it.

11. The bad guy never shoots the good guy's mech while it's in mid-transformation.


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## Renian (Feb 20, 2008)

Anime Firearm Laws-

#1 - No bullets will ever hit the main character except to create either an emotional scene or because the main character is immortal and will simply reform after a few seconds.

#2 - If the character does not have a name, they will be perfect shots until the main cast shows up, at which point they will not be able to hit anything other than walls, glass, or dirt.

#3 - Any weapon in the hand of a main character will always beat a non-main enemy that uses a gun. Also, unless both the main character and main villain use a gun, the one with the sword will win due to Samurai/Ninja Anime Physics Laws.

#4 - The bigger the gun, the more needless collateral damage it causes.

#5 - The myth of a bullet fired straight up into the air and causing death to someone has a rating of busted, plausible, and confirmed. 

#6 - One shot never kills any of the main cast including both heroes and villains unless they are incompetent and until that point have only existed for comic releif. Even then, this character must be generally disliked by all of the readers and deserves to be removed from the story.


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## Myoti (Feb 24, 2008)

Human skin is harder than diamonds DRAGONFORCE.


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## kitetsu (Feb 24, 2008)

*Light and Darkness will never marry!*

If you're a good guy, you'll be wearing sickly bright and "family" friendly clothing and wild flaming hair wielding weapons that look like they've been forcefed materia, whereas the bad guy is an insufferably cool dickwad with sleek and mature-looking clothing whilst wielding dashing weapons bearing a vague resemblance to rapiers. The antithesis could/would be just as bad.


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## sakket (Feb 27, 2008)

golden rule of gantz:
every character must die at least twice (including initiation into the gantz team)

gantz rule 2:
characters that matter must lose a limb or four at least 5 times during their gantz career.

gantz rule 3:
theres always a stronger gun to find.


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## Marl Duothimir (Feb 27, 2008)

FLCL Guitar law - Guitars can be used for EVERYTHING. Mainly as weapons of mass destruction.


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## kitetsu (Feb 27, 2008)

^ I approve of that rule.


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## sakket (Feb 27, 2008)

Marl Duothimir said:
			
		

> FLCL Guitar law - Guitars can be used for EVERYTHING. Mainly as weapons of mass destruction.



-rule only applies if character using guitar looks really cool while doing it


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## Kajet (Feb 27, 2008)

The Stampede law: The seemingly inept and idiotic main character can and will have a dark secret/past that makes them a bigger badass than any other good guy and nearly immortal, however they still act like an idiot  and don't even defend themselves when getting beaten for acting like a perv.

The Bebop laws: 
1 Guns don't need to be reloaded unless it's to add to the story/action.
2 The good guy always has an ace up his sleeve, whether it's a throwing knife under his jacket or a nuke from orbit he always thought ahead just in case the writers didn't give him enough ammo.
3 No matter what physical handicap the good guys have, or whatever systems on the ship can't be used they'll always make it out alive.


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## AlexInsane (Feb 27, 2008)

Law of Breasts:

All anime must have one or more large breasted individuals.

Law of Duh Boobs:

All anime must have one or more breast-obsessed individuals.


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## Marl Duothimir (Feb 27, 2008)

FLCL "Horn" law - Weird hornlike things protruding from your head will make you a girl magnet. (...Meh.)


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## Kajet (Feb 27, 2008)

FLCL/Eva Law of knowledge: Even if you think you know what's going on, even if you waste weeks researching online, you don't know what the hell is going on.


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## sakket (Feb 29, 2008)

Kajet said:
			
		

> FLCL/Eva Law of knowledge: Even if you think you know what's going on, even if you waste weeks researching online, you don't know what the hell is going on.



i watched all 6 eps in order and im pretty confident i understood it.. damned if i can explain it 4 years later though.

now i dare anyone to explain BLAME! without reading the whole comic.


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## Azure (Mar 5, 2008)

The Adult Swim Inuyasha Law-  No matter how many times they replay the series, it never gains a single new episode.  End the damn thing already!!!!!!!!

The Monologue Rule-  No matter how fucked up the good guy is, the bad guy will always allow him to catch his breath and stand up to fight again.  And they always talk mad shit while allowing this to happen.  Just break their neck and move on!!


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## Uzhas (Mar 11, 2008)

This should fit in;

The Military Size to Incompitence ratio (AKA The Stormtrooper law):

The Larger an army, The weaker it is.
If a massive, well equiped army is facing small group of sparsly armed main charecters, the main charecters will win.
No matter how well trained an enimy soldier is, his accuracy will be less than adiquet.

"Multi-Spectro-Keriticosis (a completly made-up word)"
All known colors are perfectly acceptable natural hair colors.


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## Kloudmutt (Mar 11, 2008)

Infinite bullet law: the gun of the good guy never needs a reload, if they do reload number of shoots betwen reloads will never mach

quantum katana law: katanas can cut anything exept another katana

useless wizard: wizards and witches with incredible spellcasting powers will fail in an atempt to ligth up a fireplace to cook 

inverse hobo clothing law: main character no exeption will almost always use the same outfit, but it will never smell bad or tear apart


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## twilightiger (Mar 13, 2008)

The catchphrase: All anime heroes should have an often over repeated catchphrase shouted in the midst of battle in order to increase their marketability. Adendum. When dubbing, all catchphrases should be reduced to utter piles of $%&* in order to synchronize the lip movements.

Crispen Freeman law: All male voiceovers in anime should be dubbed by Crispen Freeman.
Okay that's not really fight oriented but still. He talks during the fights doesn't he?


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## Kloudmutt (Mar 13, 2008)

donald trump law: the money spend on a journey equals the length of it, but the protagonists will rarely work for money as if they where rich


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## RedVein (Apr 1, 2008)

rule 34 law: there is porn of it no matter what.

rule 35 law: if there is no porn of it, there will be soon enough


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## OnyxVulpine (Apr 1, 2008)

Marl Duothimir said:
			
		

> Shounen law - The good guys ALWAYS win. NO EXCEPTIONS.



Sasuke = Good
Naruto = Bad

:3

-Onyx


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## Rhainor (Apr 1, 2008)

A lot of these have already been covered, stated in a less series-specific manner, over here:
The Laws of Anime

*Law of Metaphysical Irregularity*
The normal laws of physics do not apply.

*Law of Differentiated Gravitation*
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

*Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics*
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

*Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion*
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

*Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion*
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

*Law of Temporal Variability*
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

*First Law of Temporal Mortality*
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

*Second Law of Temporal Mortality*
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

*Law of Dramatic Emphasis*
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

*Law of Dramatic Multiplicity*
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

*Law of Inherent Combustability*
Everything explodes. Everything.
*First Corollary -* Anything that explodes bulges first.
*Second Corollary -* Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

*Law of Phlogistatic Emission*
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

*Law of Energetic Emission*
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustability.

*Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude*
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly proportional to its size.
*First Corollary -* Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also know as the A-Ko phenomenon.

*Law of Inexhaustability*
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

*Law of Inverse Accuracy*
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect)

Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
*First Corollary -* The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
*Second Corollary -* Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
*Third Corollary -* Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvres.

*Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability*
Minmei is a bimbo.

*Law of Hemoglobin Capacity*
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

*Law of Demonic Consistency*
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown (but black is not unknown), and can only be hurt by bladed weapons.

*Law of Militaristic Unreliability*
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.

*Law of Tactical Unreliability*
Tactical geniuses aren't....

*Law of Inconsequential Undetectability*
People never notice the little things... Like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

*Law of Juvenile Intellectuality*
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.

*Law of Americanthropomorphism*
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
*First Corollary -* The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect.)
*Second Corollary -* The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.

*Law of Mandibular Proportionality*
(from A. Hicks)

The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

*Law of Feline Mutation*
(from A. Hicks)

Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
   1. be female,
   2. will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation,
   3. and wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

*Law of Conservation of Firepower*
(from Tom Williams)

Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.

*Law of Technological User-Benevolence*
(from Tom Williams)

The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

*Law of Melee Luminescence*
(from Tom Williams)

Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

*Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism*
(from Tom Williams)

All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

*Law of Follicular Chroma Variability*
(from Spellweaver)

Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

*Law of Follicular Permanence*
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

*Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics*
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.

*Law of Probable Attire*
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.

Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).

Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper movement and billows out dramatically behind him.
*First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -* All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
*Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -* Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.

*Law of Musical Omnipotence*

Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they have never attempted these things before.

*Law of Quitupular Aggultination*
(from Daniel Mikula)

Also called "The Five-man Rule," when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:

   1. The Hero/Leader
   2. His girlfriend
   3. His Best Friend/Rival
   4. A Hulking Brute
   5. A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

   1. Extreme Coolness
   2. Amazing intelligence
   3. Incredible Irritation

*Law of Extradimensional Capacitance*
(from Jason Bustard)

All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
*First Corollary (The Hammer Rule) -* The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

*Law of Hydrostatic Emission*

Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

*Law of Inverse Attraction*

Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get.
*First Corollary -* Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...

*Law of Nasal Sanguination*
(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)

When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

*Law of Xylolaceration*
(from Lyndon Harris)

Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

*Law of Juvenile Omnipotence*
(from Erin Alia)

Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

*Law of Quadrotriscadecophobia*
There is no Law #43.

*Law of Nominative Clamovocation*
(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)

The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.

*Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis*
(from R. A. Hubby)

Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

*Law of Flimsy Incognition*
(from Conrad Knauer)

Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.


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