# A sneak peak at my novel



## Gavrill (Nov 4, 2008)

It doesn't have a name yet, but it's shaping up rather well. I enjoy writing it.

Critique, comments, and questions welcome.

   There were always rumors about me. It was no wonder though. I had a lot of past that required some sort of explanation. I wasnâ€™t about to put my heart on a proverbial string, no way. Kids could make up whatever they wanted; I didnâ€™t care, as long as they didnâ€™t mess with Brad. If they messed with him, there would be some serious hurt around here. 
              I had Brad at that time for about two years. I loved him to death, seeing as he was the best motorcycle to ever tear through uptown at three am for the hell of it. He was the perfect cherry red Ducati. A true racing bike; it was a Desmosedici GP6. The night I met Molly was the night I sacrificed him. Thatâ€™s probably getting too far ahead, though.  That morning was where the real story began.

              â€œFang, toss me that gauge. I think my tire pressure is low,â€ Boss John called across the room. I was sitting on the cool cement floor of the workshop, passing time by polishing Brad. 
  [FONT=&quot]â€œGet it yourself,â€ I said. I stood up to get it anyways. I was always messing with him like that. He was my father figure. As I picked up the small gauge I noticed the oil stained newspaper beneath it. The headline read â€œLocal Music Thief Still At Largeâ€. _Whoâ€™d want to steal music? Weird.

_*This is a continuation of my idea from: *Here.
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## Xipoid (Nov 5, 2008)

That's rather short and not very revealing. I'm not sure if that was what you were shooting for or not, but it could be beneficial to give a small synopsis.


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## Gavrill (Nov 5, 2008)

Yeah, I realize that now...

I posted the idea earlier.

It's about my main character (Emily, better known as Fang) being "saved" by Molly, a werewolf. Emily doesn't know that of course. 
Emily (who was an innocent bystander in a drug bust) is being chased by the cops and the FBI. Molly, who turns out to be the "music theif" (as will be revealed later, of course) takes in Emily in an attempt to hide her from the cops. She does this because Emily "looks like someone she knew". 

The premise is that Molly accidentally killed her female lover in the Victorian Age, and calls the incident "The Last Dance". This is because she waltzed with her lover the night before things turned ugly. Emily is very similar to the girl Molly loved, and soon gets wrapped up in Molly's past.

The main story "point" is Emily learning to let go of material goods for the bigger picture.


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## Xipoid (Nov 5, 2008)

Ah yes, that. I did read that thread but did not make the connection.


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## Gavrill (Nov 5, 2008)

I apologize, I'll post a link in the OP.


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## Hydramon (Nov 5, 2008)

Haha nice. Although I don't believe the First-Person view helps the story too much. But I can't really talk. I can't write at all >_<
If you want an example of some really good writing, maybe to inspire you or something, check out Sanada's works on FA


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## Gavrill (Nov 6, 2008)

Hydramon said:


> Haha nice. Although I don't believe the First-Person view helps the story too much. But I can't really talk. I can't write at all >_<
> If you want an example of some really good writing, maybe to inspire you or something, check out Sanada's works on FA


I'll be sure to check the work.

Also, does the first person seem a bit sketchy? Would it be better in third? *bites nails*


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## Poetigress (Nov 6, 2008)

Shenzi said:


> Also, does the first person seem a bit sketchy? Would it be better in third? *bites nails*



It's hard to tell with that small of a sample.  You might just try writing some of it in third person limited and see how it works.  Sometimes I start out writing in one POV or tense, and if things don't feel right, I switch around until something clicks.


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## mottled.kitten (Nov 6, 2008)

A lot can be said for first person. It gives the reader insight on one person's view of the entire thing, but often sacrifices detail for experience. I like to describe, so when I write it's usually in third-person. It also gives the opportunity to character-jump in different chapters.


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## Gavrill (Nov 6, 2008)

True about all those, mottled and Poetigress. I'm going to write some more, both in first and third person, and then post those samples. Thanks!


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