# I'm bored so read this poem



## Uberskunk (Nov 25, 2008)

_Like we were when the deception of your heart moved for progession
Our souls play that somber tune
Where love and hate exist as mere slang for the weak
Come forth, my dark Blood Angel
For the cold bears ice
What's no more, these legions of conceled bones
Borne of the greatest fiction ever told
Dances with the demons are a legacy of bliss
For the loved ones we've never kissed
For the rights of selective meanings
You view them everywhere; such origins are clear
Protect me, fight for me, it is all for you
Relics of lies shimmer gold in the blaze
Fools, present your ill informed accolades
Bestow a feeling meant to penetrate the wall of mortality
Come the end, our lost souls knew so well
What we left behind falls lower than the graves you granted

*~Skunk*
_


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## MichaelOlnet (Nov 26, 2008)

Free verse, eh? A risky genre to get into.

First off, why did you feel the need to capitoize Blood Angel? Second, I feel that a lot of this is abstraction for the sake of abstraction. Remember, the reader cannot think what you are thinking upon first glance. The art of poetry is condensing something complex into so few words in an artful way. If your audience, ie the common person, has no connections or physical holds on the poem, they won't be able to easily connect. So think about what you're really trying to say here...and write it for them. Also, try not to use abstractions inside a poem. Your goal is to convey abstractions, not use them.

Not a bad first try, though. Just think about the audience. Poetry is for them, usually, not you.


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## Uberskunk (Nov 26, 2008)

First of all, it was an improvisation when created, and second, if I were to write for other people they would mean nothing.

I did forget to include the title though, which is "White Crosses."


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## MichaelOlnet (Nov 27, 2008)

So you're writing poetry...that only you can understand? That doesn't seem like wise thinking to me.

And sorry I decided to try providing comments. Next time, I'll just let your poem sit there like moss on a stone.


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## ScottyDM (Nov 28, 2008)

Uberskunk said:


> ... if I were to write for other people they would mean nothing.


Then please don't post your personal stuff where others can see it.

Seriously. If you solicit readers--which you did when you posted your poem online--then you have an obligation to start writing for those readers. Your poem is no longer your own, but a shared experience with your readers. If you don't want to share the experience, then don't post your poem online.

Scotty


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## Uberskunk (Nov 28, 2008)

Poetry is something that allows me to take its criticism in stride. I was essentially testing the water of this forum as I know that most forums that have sections for artistic what-nots are essentially where bitter and pretentious people wait for somebody to try to chop down. A fantastic example of this is the sticky in the visual art section where they basically tell you not to post if certain things are already flawed. I wouldn't call it bitter here, though. There's a completely different word for people who think that other writers should rewrite their expressions just because the message was lost on them.

_*~Skunk*_


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## ScottyDM (Nov 28, 2008)

So I'm really not clear about this. Did you want people to read your poem?

S-


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## Frasque (Nov 28, 2008)

I think they wanted it to be read and loved.


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## Aden (Nov 29, 2008)

Uberskunk said:


> First of all, it was an improvisation when created,



Start working on stuff more before you show it to people so you can stop using this excuse about _everything_ if someone doesn't like it.


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