# Curious



## Wolfsun (Dec 25, 2008)

hi im curious to what yall think about this poem that basically poped up out of my head and took like 3 minutes or less to type :/ *yeah i half ass my writing* but i just wanna know what yall think about XD thx 

           Warrior of the Elysian Field

  Burning buildings and crying Lands
The land raped and torn by my hands
  Thrill of the slaughter I am the martyr
Hand me the torch for I am the fire starter
  Blood lays down as bodies hits the ground
The fear raises as hearts start to pound
  Your fear is my Ecstasy and lust
Ripping you limb from limb I feel I must
   My sword draws your pink mist
Or ill just rape your face with my fist
   Screams of mercy I do not hear
All I want is your crying fear
   I am the punisher and the judge
My will be done or taste my grudge 
   Bow down and put your face in the mud
Or else ill bathe in your dripping blood
   I am your fear in the night
I am the one unholy tear of fright
    Feel my hands of death and war
And ill teach your eyes to see no more
    I am the Cruel and the forgiving
I am the angel of both fear and reaping
    Feel my hands of life and peace
As the blood that falls shall increase
    I am mercy of all and I am death
I can give you and I can take your breath
    Life I have brought and life I shall take
fight me and put your life at stake
    Try my sword of war and pain
and ill make you die but not in vain
    I am your life bringer and taker
so come to me and challenge the maker
    for I am a god of war and strife
I promise to quickly take your petty life
    No more suffering or sickness of ways
I'll be more than happy to end your days
    For Glory of battle and Honor of death
I still stand in my field of bodies
    All faught and challenged well
but all failed and where given Gods Shell
    A lust for war a lust for rest
i am tired of my ways and my agony
    so now i stand here and wait to the end
Please come and kill me my new freind
    I am the warrior of the Elysian Field
Raise your sword and your battered shield
    I am ready for death and repentance
Kill me now and prove your Acceptance...
                                                   ~UVAAKA WOLFSUN

and if you want to read it the full length version is on my FA page as Wolfsun.


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## Oryxe (Dec 25, 2008)

It's well constructed but seems... well, a little overdramatic. It's all good and fine to write about a victorious slaughter taking place, but the poem seems a bit devoid of meaning beyond the carnal joy of "pwning" someone. If that is what you were going for then I think the poem is a success.

However, I think that you might want to break out of the rhyme scheme and try to either write in free or alternative verse for a more 'effective' poem.

This is just my opinion - take it how you will (preferable with a pinch of salt).


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## Wolfsun (Dec 25, 2008)

Oryxe said:


> It's well constructed but seems... well, a little overdramatic. It's all good and fine to write about a victorious slaughter taking place, but the poem seems a bit devoid of meaning beyond the carnal joy of "pwning" someone. If that is what you were going for then I think the poem is a success.
> 
> However, I think that you might want to break out of the rhyme scheme and try to either write in free or alternative verse for a more 'effective' poem.
> 
> This is just my opinion - take it how you will (preferable with a pinch of salt).



Thx for the info ^.^ ill take it with salt and a lil sugar ^.^ nomnom
. but yeah its mainly about killing ppl. no point to it but that. as far as the rhyme sceme  yeah i really gotta work on that XD and grammer XD thx for the crit ^.^ *hugz


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