# (Insert issues with relationships here)



## um_pineapplez (Dec 22, 2016)

Basically I'm starting to think that all this reassuring, shoosh-pap-ish bullsh!t about how "there's someone out there for me" is bullsh!t. Maybe it's because my standards are too high, but I don't think that everyone gets to be in a romantic relationship. I'm probably one of those people.

Eh, there are probably more positives about being single than I think there are.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 22, 2016)

Basically what I'm saying is that no matter how much I think that I'll find a relationship, I'm never going to get one that'll last.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 22, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Basically what I'm saying is that no matter how much I think that I'll find a relationship, I'm never going to get one that'll last.


Uh....you're 14. It'll be ok.


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## Sarachaga (Dec 22, 2016)

Yeah , don't stress it out too much. You've got plenty of time .


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## Zenoth (Dec 22, 2016)

You are too young to have standards yet really, you are in the point in your life where you start to form said standards. Give it time, and continue to learn who you 'are' first.


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## Yakamaru (Dec 22, 2016)

This "there's someone for you out there" thing IS bullshit.

You're not even 18. Your worries should be about which game to get, or if the guy/girl you have a crush on like you back, hell, even a driver's license before worrying about this relationship crap.

Live life, have FUN and interact with people on your terms. Who knows, maybe the one for you were there from the start. 

Do not worry about it. Cheers, mate.


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## Xaroin (Dec 22, 2016)

I'm pretty sure somebody at my high school has a crush on me (it feels like one of those Anime stalker trope style things). This confuses me because 1) I'm a very unattractive person 2) I'm that "weird kid" in the classes (you know what I mean)


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## Jarren (Dec 22, 2016)

Two things:

1- As others have said, you're still VERY young. You've got time, no need to go blindly seeking after companionship.

2- Being single is WAY easier on the wallet and the schedule. Seriously, you've got so much more time for yourself and your own pursuits/friendships, and you aren't spending your cash one someone else in an attempt to woo them. It's a win-win!


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 23, 2016)

Looking never seemed to work for me, as a method of finding a partner. Stop looking, work on loving yourself, and they may well fall in your lap, though. I was 19 before I had my first "real" boyfriend (elementary school "do you like me yes/no" type things don't count, at least not for me), and it wasn't until that relationship had crashed and burned that I really started to realize what I'd been wanting all along. And all of my significant others have started out as friends.

It'll likely fall into place with time; you don't need to push it now.

I do personally believe there IS someone out there for everyone; there's billions of people in the world so the odds that at least one is compatible with you are pretty good. That's kind of a philosophical belief, however; while I sincerely think that is the case, the world is a pretty big place so it's perfectly possible to be unlucky and be hella far away from all of one's potential someones, too. Hey, my husband' in Canada and our boyfriend's American! Meanwhile I'm sitting here in Sweden with my two furry babies like some crazy cat lady. 



Jarren said:


> you aren't spending your cash one someone else in an attempt to woo them.


What? Is that how it's supposed to work? I've been doing relationships wrong for over a decade!?
(Seriously, though, that is honestly something that'll depend on your relationship. I've never felt a need to "attempt to woo" my partners, but when I have extra cash I tend to be pretty generous towards my friends/partners because making people happy makes ME happy. I've no illusions about material gifts in any way changing how they feel about me, though. My husband and boyfriend love me because they love me, not because I might buy them shit.)


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## Somnium (Dec 23, 2016)

Why do you need someone? I remember when I was younger I wanted to be in a relationship to feel better about myself. Unsurprisingly I never found anyone.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 23, 2016)

Somnium said:


> Why do you need someone? I remember when I was younger I wanted to be in a relationship to feel better about myself. Unsurprisingly I never found anyone.


Because emo teen loneliness issues. Also when it comes to hope I'm literally a swirling void that destroys it. Look, at least I'm not fucking Chris-chan. I have standards. Oh also I'm still fucking trapped in this god-awful state, so that nullifies any hope of meeting someone from a different country or elsewhere.


quoting_mungo said:


> My husband and boyfriend love me because they love me, not because I might buy them shit.)


Wait wat.


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## Jarren (Dec 23, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> What? Is that how it's supposed to work? I've been doing relationships wrong for over a decade!?
> (Seriously, though, that is honestly something that'll depend on your relationship. I've never felt a need to "attempt to woo" my partners, but when I have extra cash I tend to be pretty generous towards my friends/partners because making people happy makes ME happy. I've no illusions about material gifts in any way changing how they feel about me, though. My husband and boyfriend love me because they love me, not because I might buy them shit.)



Perhaps I worded that poorly. I'm primarily referring to all the little expenses that are incurred between partners during their time together. Footing the bill on dates (be it dinner, movie/event tickets, gas to get there), presents around holidays and birthdays and valentines. Also, there may or may not have been some snark in my first comment.


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## nerdbat (Dec 23, 2016)

You know, relationships are fleeting, but right hand is forever. So, nothing to worry much about, just have fun with your life and do stuff you enjoy (like, dunno, playing vidya, drawing, being depressed, etc)



quoting_mungo said:


> My husband and boyfriend love me because they love me



But If they love you because they love you, then why do they love you?


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## Jarren (Dec 23, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> right hand is forever.


Not if you get into a terrible industrial accident :v


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 23, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> You know, relationships are fleeting, but right hand is forever. So, nothing to worry much about, just have fun with your life and do stuff you enjoy (like, dunno, playing vidya, drawing, being depressed, etc)
> 
> 
> 
> But If they love you because they love you, then why do they love you?


Are you implying masturbation?





That's kinda sick.


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## nerdbat (Dec 23, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> That's kinda sick.


Like, "That's cool to the extreme, dude" kind of sick?



Jarren said:


> Not if you get into a terrible industrial accident :v


Welp, if right hand dumped you, you can always hook up with the left one. Gotta stay versatile, after all


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 23, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Basically I'm starting to think that all this reassuring, shoosh-pap-ish bullsh!t about how "there's someone out there for me" is bullsh!t. Maybe it's because my standards are too high, but I don't think that everyone gets to be in a romantic relationship. I'm probably one of those people.
> 
> Eh, there are probably more positives about being single than I think there are.



I was thinking the same thing when I was a little younger, after a string of bad relationships.

I'm not gonna tell you that you should still believe there's someone out there and blah blah blah, but I will say this: don't focus on trying to find a relationship right now. Find other priorities. You are young, you do have time. I am about to turn 27, and I *JUST* recently found my "one" when I was not looking for a relationship.

I figured out that when I was trying too hard and actively looking, I never found anything that lasted. So... yeah. Don't sweat it.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 23, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> Like, "That's cool to the extreme, dude" kind of sick?
> 
> 
> Welp, if right hand dumped you, you can always hook up with the left one. Gotta stay versatile, after all


no, I mean sick as in a little disgusting.  



aloveablebunny said:


> I was thinking the same thing when I was a little younger, after a string of bad relationships.
> 
> I'm not gonna tell you that you should still believe there's someone out there and blah blah blah, but I will say this: don't focus on trying to find a relationship right now. Find other priorities. You are young, you do have time. I am about to turn 27, and I *JUST* recently found my "one" when I was not looking for a relationship.
> 
> I figured out that when I was trying too hard and actively looking, I never found anything that lasted. So... yeah. Don't sweat it.


But is age really all that important.......as long as said person is at least 14.......then again this is my generation I'm talking about.......I just nullified my own point, didn't I?


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 23, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> Uh....you're 14. It'll be ok.


Says the person who managed to find love without ever giving up hope.

Sadly I'm not that person.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 23, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Says the person who managed to find love without ever giving up hope.
> 
> Sadly I'm not that person.


Sweety, I did give up hope. Between the age of 17 to 23, those were hopless years. It'll take care of itself. Everyone I think goes through these feelings.  I think it is a part of growing up. You got time bro. Live. You don't have to give up on your quest for love, just don't let the quest consume you. Love found me. It can find you too.


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## nerdbat (Dec 23, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> no, I mean sick as in a little disgusting.


Welp, I actually implied drawing a cute smiley face on your hand and make an imaginary waifu out it, but hey, _you're_ the one who made it sound disgusting, don't look at me. Do I really look t0 y0u like a kind of person who would propose sexual activities to the minors? Jeez..


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## Zenoth (Dec 24, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Says the person who managed to find love without ever giving up hope.
> 
> Sadly I'm not that person.


Trust us, you are not the first person to feel this way, and you won't be the last. This is something we all go through. From 15 to 19 I was in a relationship, then from 21 to 23 as well, then gave up and now at 31 someone picked me.  We all go through those, forget about love phases and they always pass.  What we are trying to say to you is , rather than being focused on love, do your damn homework and focus on yourself. When you become comfortable in your own skin and love yourself, it puts you in a position where love has a higher chance to fall into your lap so to speak.   You are in the age area where you are bound to have a handful of unhealthy relationships and you can use those to build actual standards. Enjoy the train wreck that is hormones and being young and don't worry about it so much. Not gonna sugar coat it, it won't be easy times but keep in mind that life is just really starting for you, and things WILL get better, then worse , then better again.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 24, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Wait wat.


I'm not sure I entirely understand the question? I'm married since a bit over 2 years, and my husband and I have a lovely boyfriend. (We're polyamorous, if that's what you're confused about.)


Jarren said:


> Perhaps I worded that poorly. I'm primarily referring to all the little expenses that are incurred between partners during their time together. Footing the bill on dates (be it dinner, movie/event tickets, gas to get there), presents around holidays and birthdays and valentines. Also, there may or may not have been some snark in my first comment.


Haha, I figured there might be some exaggeration in there; I apologize if I didn't manage to make my response as blatantly over-the-top as I intended.


nerdbat said:


> But If they love you because they love you, then why do they love you?


Fuck knows; I'm still trying to figure that one out. 
Possibly because, believe it or not, I'm actually pretty nice!

Pretty sure it's not the puns, tho. They love me IN SPITE OF my great love of puns.


Zenoth said:


> You are in the age area where you are bound to have a handful of unhealthy relationships and you can use those to build actual standards. Enjoy the train wreck that is hormones and being young and don't worry about it so much. Not gonna sugar coat it, it won't be easy times but keep in mind that life is just really starting for you, and things WILL get better, then worse , then better again.


This is honestly a really good point - I was like... 20 or 21 when I had my first big dramatic/painful break-up, and it really made me aware of how much of a mistake it had been not to get that over with in my teens. The important thing is to temper your expectations - not a lot of people find their life partner in their teens, but that doesn't mean you can't collect valuable life experiences then. It's okay to hit 16, or 18, or 21, or 25, without having met "the love of your life". You don't need to have your whole life figured out yet, and what you see as impossible now won't seem as impossible when you get older.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> I'm not sure I entirely understand the question? I'm married since a bit over 2 years, and my husband and I have a lovely boyfriend. (We're polyamorous, if that's what you're confused about.)
> 
> Haha, I figured there might be some exaggeration in there; I apologize if I didn't manage to make my response as blatantly over-the-top as I intended.
> 
> ...


But I don't wanna only meet someone after having passed my prime. I want to at least have some strength left. Also sex has nothing to do with it BC (insert me contemplating my sexuality here.)

Also Merry Christmas, by the way.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> But I don't wanna only meet someone after having passed my prime. I want to at least have some strength left.
> 
> Also Merry Christmas, by the way.


Merry Christmas pineapplez!! And don't forget this fact: you do not have to be in a relationship with someone to have a "relationship" with them.


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## bhutrflai (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> But I don't wanna only meet someone after having passed my prime. I want to at least have some strength left. Also sex has nothing to do with it BC (insert me contemplating my sexuality here.)
> 
> Also Merry Christmas, by the way.


Merry Christmas, Pineapplez. 

You do realize that your body will still work the same, even after your 'prime' is technically over, right? (And btw, women don't hit their prime til their almost 40.) Just saying.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> Merry Christmas pineapplez!! And don't forget this fact: you do not have to be in a relationship with someone to have a "relationship" with them.


Last time I tried that the girl called me a d!ck for having a little meltdown then slammed the metaphorical door in my face. I think that's a good sign that life hates me.



bhutrflai said:


> Merry Christmas, Pineapplez.
> 
> You do realize that your body will still work the same, even after your 'prime' is technically over, right? (And btw, women don't hit their prime til their almost 40.) Just saying.


Yeah, but still. I just don't wanna get to the point where life is slapping me in the face telling me to realize that someone's interested in me long after I've given up trying to be in a relationship.


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## bhutrflai (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Last time I tried that the girl called me a d!ck for having a little meltdown then slammed the metaphorical door in my face. I think that's a good sign that life hates me.
> 
> 
> Yeah, but still. I just don't wanna get to the point where life is slapping me in the face telling me to realize that someone's interested in me long after I've given up trying to be in a relationship.


Girls don't like it when a guy has a bigger/better meltdown than they can. 

Dude, you're 14. You have plenty of time to be in relationships. 

And trust me...when the time is right, life/fate will make sure to let you in on what's going on.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

bhutrflai said:


> Girls don't like it when a guy has a bigger/better meltdown than they can.
> 
> Dude, you're 14. You have plenty of time to be in relationships.
> 
> And trust me...when the time is right, life/fate will make sure to let you in on what's going on.


And if I don't know when the time comes and I remain oblivious to it? I'm kinda slow when it comes to that kind of thing.

Also I'm 15. Not 14.

I dunno. Everyone around here has a mate and enjoys nuzzling each other, and here I am feeling left out. It doesn't seem fair.


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## galaxy-meow (Dec 25, 2016)

You are a literal child, you aren't even in your *prime* yet.
Do your schoolwork.
If you're just looking for someone to be with now so *you* don't feel left out, then you're just wasting her time and your own time. Wait until you've grown up and become a real person and know who you are. Unless you put in the effort, the people you know now might not be part of your life after you graduate. Wait until you're in a stable place.


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## Matohusky (Dec 25, 2016)

Honestly..... Without sound clique these are the years where you need to have fun explore and find yourself! Discover who you are before finding what you want out of life. Of course if you want a relationship then do it. 7 billions people live on this planet there's going to be one out there for you.

Just be happy and don't regret doing anything. Otherwise you will be old and grey and full of regrets


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

No offense to anyone here, but to really say that it's not something to worry about doesn't help much.
To a teenager, this sort of thing is a big deal and no amount of "get over it" will help.

However, I can say this:
If you're looking to be in a relationship so you can feel good about yourself, it's not going to go well.
I think that when you're at the point where you love yourself enough to not need a relationship is when you're ready for one.
It makes you much less likely to be selfish, which tends to ruin things.

However, on the other hand, not a lot of young people seem to understand this, whether it be immaturity or the rising stress teenagers endure nowadays.
Doesn't matter.

In the end, it really just depends on what you're looking for, I suppose.


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## heteroclite (Dec 25, 2016)

This is actually pretty entertaining to read.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

I'm not a fucking child. I'm almost age of consent up here. Granted, it's not the same as being a legal adult, but hey, at least it's better than nothing.



Prometheus_Fox said:


> No offense to anyone here, but to really say that it's not something to worry about doesn't help much.
> To a teenager, this sort of thing is a big deal and no amount of "get over it" will help.
> 
> However, I can say this:
> ...



also, Less likely to be selfish? That sounds like a good thing. I could do with a little more generosity. (yawn) then again, I probably shouldn't be allowed to write forum posts when I'm so tired;.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Also I'm sorry for wasting everyone's time. It's just that I don't get any counseling until next week and even then I don't feel comfortable talking about these things with my counselor (says the guy who managed to work up the guts to sit down and explain what furries are to her for once in his lifetime.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> also, Less likely to be selfish? That sounds like a good thing. I could do with a little more generosity. (yawn) then again, I probably shouldn't be allowed to write forum posts when I'm so tired;.


Well, if you can reach the point where you want to be, you'll have a better chance of attracting the right people.
Plus, self-love and confidence are pretty desirable traits.
Just don't take it too far. Humility can be pretty important, too


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> Well, if you can reach the point where you want to be, you'll have a better chance of attracting the right people.
> Plus, self-love and confidence are pretty desirable traits.
> Just don't take it too far. Humility can be pretty important, too


Hmmm.......Well, I still don't really like myself all that much (but hey, at least I'm not threatening suicide every week now. That's a plus). I ain't confident in anything that isn't swimming (and even then I still don't like myself for that because of how my last 100 freestyle turned out.) I constantly fight with other people when I'm hyper or tense (although at least I'm more civilized) and I'm literally so horny that I sleep hugging a pillow as if it's a dakimakura.

Of course I want to be happier. If I'm happy then I won't be as sexually frustrated.......I think.......(insert snoring here) god this new hoodie is warm and cozy. It's like a nice, warm blanket of emotional angst and nothingness.


If you don't know what I'm talking about, I got this hoodie for Christmas: http://www.welovefine.com/hero-of-void-pullover-hoodie-10091.html For an aspect that's literally nothing, it's surprisingly warm.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Hmmm.......Well, I still don't really like myself all that much (but hey, at least I'm not threatening suicide every week now. That's a plus). I ain't confident in anything that isn't swimming (and even then I still don't like myself for that because of how my last 100 freestyle turned out.) I constantly fight with other people when I'm hyper or tense (although at least I'm more civilized) and I'm literally so horny that I sleep hugging a pillow as if it's a dakimakura.
> 
> Of course I want to be happier. If I'm happy then I won't be as sexually frustrated.......I think.......(insert snoring here) god this new hoodie is warm and cozy. It's like a nice, warm blanket of emotional angst and nothingness.
> 
> ...


Well, you hopefully know some of this comes from your physiology.
The frustration and angst do tend to die down in the 20s, but not for everyone.
Best thing to do is to make note of your abilities and shortcomings and try to focus on where they come from and how to handle them.
But if you get too upset with yourself for your shortcomings, you're going to have a tough time being able to overcome them.
It's alright to feel disappointed in yourself for not living up to your own standards, so use that energy to understand what needs work.

Also, having someone with a camcorder helps.
Helped me back in high school when I used to lose a lot of wrestling matches


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## heteroclite (Dec 25, 2016)

My solution is "Don't give a shit. We're kids."


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> Well, you hopefully know some of this comes from your physiology.
> The frustration and angst do tend to die down in the 20s, but not for everyone.
> Best thing to do is to make note of your abilities and shortcomings and try to focus on where they come from and how to handle them.
> But if you get too upset with yourself for your shortcomings, you're going to have a tough time being able to overcome them.
> ...


Camc-ohhhhh! Like when my mom records my races?


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Camc-ohhhhh! Like when my mom records my races?


If you get a good shot, they can be invaluable study tools.
Especially if you can turn them into digital files and slow them down.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 25, 2016)

I have to say it sounds like you are a pretty normal teenager.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> I have to say it sounds like you are a pretty normal teenager.


In what regard?


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> In what regard?


Well, the confusing emotions and confrontational demeanor aren't uncommon in teenagers.
The severe libido is certainly not uncommon.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> Well, the confusing emotions and confrontational demeanor aren't uncommon in teenagers.
> The severe libido is certainly not uncommon.


Well yeah, I understand the first part, but I feel like the second part might be a little more intense than normal.

(insert rant about being on the autistic spectrum here, but that's a stupid thing to do because it's no excuse)


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Well yeah, I understand the first part, but I feel like the second part might be a little more intense than normal.
> 
> (insert rant about being on the autistic spectrum here, but that's a stupid thing to do because it's no excuse)


I have autism and I spent a LOT of time studying it since my father didn't want to admit there was anything wrong with me. (Even though it was almost totally obvious)
But there are some things you just have to do to work around what you're held back in because of it.
But sometimes, there are real issues you won't be able to work around.
It took me a pretty long time to learn how to ask for help.
I was too proud and I could have gotten the help I needed earlier.

Ended up going homeless for a few years because of it.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 25, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> Well, the confusing emotions and confrontational demeanor aren't uncommon in teenagers.
> The severe libido is certainly not uncommon.


What he said.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

.


Prometheus_Fox said:


> I have autism and I spent a LOT of time studying it since my father didn't want to admit there was anything wrong with me. (Even though it was almost totally obvious)
> But there are some things you just have to do to work around what you're held back in because of it.
> But sometimes, there are real issues you won't be able to work around.
> It took me a pretty long time to learn how to ask for help.
> ...


I'll admit, I am working on that. It took me a year to acknowledge that I might need anti-anxiety medication because I wanted to work through it without needing medicine (also the sheer paranoia obtained from health class.)


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> .
> 
> I'll admit, I am working on that. It took me a year to acknowledge that I might need anti-anxiety medication because I wanted to work through it without needing medicine (also the sheer paranoia obtained from health class.)


Well, if you're being honest, you're further ahead of my peers when I was in school.
Tons of kids had issues and no one wanted to do anything about it.
We had a pretty decent drop-out rate, bullies, etc.

Can't blame them all entirely, though.
Some of their parents were just as bad as their kids.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 25, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> Well, if you're being honest, you're further ahead of my peers when I was in school.
> Tons of kids had issues and no one wanted to do anything about it.
> We had a pretty decent drop-out rate, bullies, etc.
> 
> ...


Yeah. I'm glad I don't have that problem. My parents can have pretty big fights (they're also on the spectrum), but they haven't separated because I'm in their lives......Makes me feel kinda important. I'll admit that I have shit that needs to be dealt with, but I don't necessarily know how to tackle it all at once.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 25, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Yeah. I'm glad I don't have that problem. My parents can have pretty big fights (they're also on the spectrum), but they haven't separated because I'm in their lives......Makes me feel kinda important. I'll admit that I have shit that needs to be dealt with, but I don't necessarily know how to tackle it all at once.


I know exactly how it goes. I've been right there.

Best advice I can give is to try and take it one day at a time.
Sometimes, my goal is to just get through the day.
At least then I don't get overwhelmed with chores, work, etc.
Can't work fulltime, but still. It can get tough because I have more going on here besides just the autism.

And maybe you can find a friend you can confide in.
Back when I used to do my own home suicide hotline on the weekends, I learned that teens would rather talk to someone their own age than some old dude getting paid to hear them speak, not to necessarily care.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> But I don't wanna only meet someone after having passed my prime. I want to at least have some strength left. Also sex has nothing to do with it BC (insert me contemplating my sexuality here.)


Are you calling me old, whippersnapper?  
The point I was trying to make was actually the opposite - don't worry about whether someone you meet now is someone you want to grow old with. A relationship that's only for now can still be enjoyable, and a valuable life experience. Obviously you should still care about your partner, but you can care deeply about someone without feeling like they're a suitable life mate for you.

I wouldn't suggest looking for a relationship as a solution to sexual frustration, in the short term, though. Most people don't like it if they get the impression you're dating them primarily to get your rocks off.

I won't lie - being on the autism spectrum might work against you in finding someone, but it's still far from impossible. Things like this have a way of falling into place sooner or later. If it's causing you this much distress I do think you should talk to your counselor about it when you can. They're more familiar with your strengths and limitations, so in a better position to suggest things you might be able to do to improve your odds. You don't have to bring it up all at once; "I really want to date someone" might be easier to say than "I need a girlfriend so I can stop humping my pillows". 



um_pineapplez said:


> And if I don't know when the time comes and I remain oblivious to it? I'm kinda slow when it comes to that kind of thing.


Then either the person who's interested in you will eventually tell you, or you'll both awkward about until you do realize. It's really not more complicated than that, and being slow to realize someone's interested in you is pretty common. It's highly unlikely to significantly impact your chances.



Prometheus_Fox said:


> No offense to anyone here, but to really say that it's not something to worry about doesn't help much.
> To a teenager, this sort of thing is a big deal and no amount of "get over it" will help.


It's less "get over it" and more "try not to make it the priority of your existence". Pining for something you don't have is a good way to make yourself miserable, and for most people geographical limitations on their dating pool lessen with age. 

Realizing that whatever you feel is stopping you right now isn't going to be there forever turns hopelessness into a waiting game. Waiting games are a lot easier, at least for me, than standing in front of a solid brick wall.


----------



## Somnium (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> I have autism



lol no you don't.


----------



## quoting_mungo (Dec 26, 2016)

Somnium said:


> lol no you don't.


Somnium, don't. You're not their MD, you don't get to say whether they have a particular diagnosis. It's rude, off topic, and it'll make the mods cross with you.


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## Somnium (Dec 26, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> Somnium, don't. You're not their MD, you don't get to say whether they have a particular diagnosis. It's rude, off topic, and it'll make the mods cross with you.



Sorry, I have aspergers. I can't do anything about it.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> It's less "get over it" and more "try not to make it the priority of your existence". Pining for something you don't have is a good way to make yourself miserable, and for most people geographical limitations on their dating pool lessen with age.
> 
> Realizing that whatever you feel is stopping you right now isn't going to be there forever turns hopelessness into a waiting game. Waiting games are a lot easier, at least for me, than standing in front of a solid brick wall.


I understand.
At the same time, some people don't understand that even though it might seem like a menial issue, to some, it's a big deal.
It just helps to understand from the other person's perspective rather than to brush it off as something unimportant, you know?

You're not wrong, though.


----------



## Royn (Dec 26, 2016)

Know what a relationship really is?  Its a Catamaran, thats what.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> I know exactly how it goes. I've been right there.
> 
> Best advice I can give is to try and take it one day at a time.
> Sometimes, my goal is to just get through the day.
> ...


Used to have someone like that.

Did I mention that she called me a dick and slammed the metaphorical door on me yet?



quoting_mungo said:


> Then either the person who's interested in you will eventually tell you, or you'll both awkward about until you do realize. It's really not more complicated than that, and being slow to realize someone's interested in you is pretty common. It's highly unlikely to significantly impact your chances.
> 
> 
> It's less "get over it" and more "try not to make it the priority of your existence". Pining for something you don't have is a good way to make yourself miserable, and for most people geographical limitations on their dating pool lessen with age.
> ...



Well okay, being paranoid about something that's common is pretty stupid, but I'm still worried that if I wait too long, I'll basically seal myself off from ever having a relationship and turn down any chance of having one.



Royn said:


> Know what a relationship really is?  It's a Catamaran, that's what.


I don't even know what that means.....


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Used to have someone like that.
> 
> Did I mention that she called me a dick and slammed the metaphorical door on me yet?


Sorry to hear that, man.
Really.

Best I can do is to offer my ear if you'd ever want it.

I'll try to keep away the dick comments.
And since I'm all the way on the other side of the Internet, I can't slam any doors around you


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Somnium said:


> Sorry, I have aspergers. I can't do anything about it.


Also, I just happen to have that diagnosis as well, and I can control it.


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Also I might as well start with one thing at a time instead of looking at the whole problem in a greater scope.


(insert mindless drivel about how I'm starting to think that I might be bisexual and my dad would kill me if he found out here, nullifying any lesson that I might have learned from the whole panic about telling them that I'm a furry as well.)


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Also I might as well start with one thing at a time instead of looking at the whole problem in a greater scope.
> 
> 
> (insert mindless drivel about how I'm starting to think that I might be bisexual and my dad would kill me if he found out here, nullifying any lesson that I might have learned from the whole panic about telling them that I'm a furry as well.)


lol I've been there.
I had to lie to my family about it by saying it was a lie to keep other students away from me.


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> lol I've been there.
> I had to lie to my family about it by saying it was a lie to keep other students away from me.


Well, to be honest, I do kind of doubt that I might be bisexual. Basically I'm starting to find the concept of two men dating and sleeping with each other to be a little more......sexy than most people would, but I'm most assuredly not purely gay. Of course, I think that most of that might stem from my sexual frustration.

I just don't need to put emphasis on it because there are more important things in my life than sexuality, so I wouldn't bring it up until someone asked me.\

tl;dr I'm starting to think I might be bisexual, but I also think it could just be me being so horny that literally any form of sex seems appealing at this point.


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Well, to be honest, I do kind of doubt that I might be bisexual. Basically I'm starting to find the concept of two men dating and sleeping with each other to be a little more......sexy than most people would, but I'm most assuredly not purely gay. Of course, I think that most of that might stem from my sexual frustration.
> 
> I just don't need to put emphasis on it because there are more important things in my life than sexuality, so I wouldn't bring it up until someone asked me.\
> 
> tl;dr I'm starting to think I might be bisexual, but I also think it could just be me being so horny that literally any form of sex seems appealing at this point.


lol well, that could be.
But sexuality isn't exactly something you choose and there is a scale of bisexuality people have.
You might just like the appearance of it but never participate.
Many people in same-sex relationships will only enjoy one variety of sex over others or just prefer the snuggling etc without 'going all the way'
You get it :3


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> lol well, that could be.
> But sexuality isn't exactly something you choose and there is a scale of bisexuality people have.
> You might just like the appearance of it but never participate.
> Many people in same-sex relationships will only enjoy one variety of sex over others or just prefer the snuggling etc without 'going all the way'
> You get it :3


tell that second point to my dad. He's one of those people who thinks it's a choice. Also that it's against nature's design. He just happens to be a very devout Christian as well. (although he never goes to church because he works so much)

(insert gay giraffes here)

Also I'm fine with most forms of sex. Anal sounds like it would be a little painful at first, but also seems that it could be erotic. it probably depends on the endurance and tolerance of pain one has.

How do I know so much about intercourse when I'm not even age of consent?


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> How do I know so much about intercourse when I'm not even age of consent?


You have access to the Internet... or the stash of Penthouse Forum under your parents' bed.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Granted, I have seen a ton of furry pronz, but still. As much as I love my dad, I'm scared of what he might do if I come out as something that he disapproves of (and I still haven't told him that I'm a furry because I'm still scared of what he'd think)


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Granted, I have seen a ton of furry pronz, but still. As much as I love my dad, I'm scared of what he might do if I come out as something that he disapproves of (and I still haven't told him that I'm a furry because I'm still scared of what he'd think)


My father was pretty bad.
It was a combative relationship, to say the least.
But, I guess it really isn't his business anyways, right?
I mean, it has nothing to do with him after all.


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> My father was pretty bad.
> It was a combative relationship, to say the least.
> But, I guess it really isn't his business anyways, right?
> I mean, it has nothing to do with him after all.


True, but I'd kind of have to come out if I were to end up with a male.

Which begs the question: How do people know their sexuality? Like, how do people know if they're straight or homosexual or bi or whatever?


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> True, but I'd kind of have to come out if I were to end up with a male.
> 
> Which begs the question: How do people know their sexuality?


That's a tough one.
When would be a tough question, too.
I'd argue that it isn't exactly something we choose, but how we make connections with other things at a younger age.
We see something and are told it's sexual or we start having dreams of things we haven't had before.
But for me, I have a tough time really understanding what the difference between men and women are. Like gender roles, etc.
I always saw people as just people first, so I think that helped draw the realization of my bisexuality into light.
At the same time, though, I will respond to female pheromones rather heavily, so much so that it can change my behavior wildly.
Because of this, I actually avoid physical relationships with most women.
So I prefer relationships with men mostly because I don't have nearly as high of a chemical reaction to them, allowing me to stay level-headed.
I know my love for a male partner is more me than pheromones, if that makes sense.

But it's going to be different for everyone.
Thought maybe knowing my story might unlock some secrets for yourself.

Oh, and anal is only really painful if you're tense and you're not thoroughly lubed.


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> That's a tough one.
> When would be a tough question, too.
> I'd argue that it isn't exactly something we choose, but how we make connections with other things at a younger age.
> We see something and are told it's sexual or we start having dreams of things we haven't had before.
> ...


Idk. I've never really had much of an attraction to men until recently. It's kind of why I'm doubting that I'd be bisexual.

Plus I've never actually had a relationship with anyone, so how would I know that stuff? (in other words, it's right back to square one.) How would I be able to tell the difference between the stuff I legit think about someone and hormones influencing my thinking? I have so many f*cking questions right now and I don't know where to get all the answers. And my Health teacher isn't an option because that class was so paranoia-inducing that it actually became hazardous to me when it convinced me that taking meds for depression and anxiety was a bad thing.


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Idk. I've never really had much of an attraction to men until recently. It's kind of why I'm doubting that I'd be bisexual.
> 
> Plus I've never actually had a relationship, so how would I know that stuff? (in other words, it's right back to square one.)


Well, some of that is preprogrammed.
Asking why you're attracted to something sexually is like asking why you like The Rolling Stones, for instance.

You just do.
It's not exactly something you can change.

Which is why anti-gay "therapy" is so heavily looked down upon.


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> Well, some of that is preprogrammed.
> Asking why you're attracted to something sexually is like asking why you like The Rolling Stones, for instance.
> 
> You just do.
> ...


Still tho. I have so many questions about all this shit that are confusing me to the point where I feel like I should just give up and try to be asexual. It'd probably be easier to seal myself off from ever having a relationship.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Still tho. I have so many questions about all this shit that are confusing me to the point where I feel like I should just give up and try to be asexual. It'd probably be easier to seal myself off from ever having a relationship.


That's probably one of the worst things you can do.
To deny your own feelings like that is to only bottle them up, letting them build pressure until... you become a Catholic priest.
lol


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> That's probably one of the worst things you can do.
> To deny your own feelings like that is to only bottle them up, letting them build pressure until... you become a Catholic priest.
> lol


So? What else am I supposed to do? I'm confused and unsure of what to make of everything, and I don't know where to look to understand I don't even know what my feelings are right now. It's impossible to make heads or tails of them, and that frightens me. I have so many questions that need answering and I don't know where to find those answers.


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> So? What else am I supposed to do? I'm confused and unsure of what to make of everything, and I don't know where to look to understand I don't even know what my feelings are right now. It's impossible to make heads or tails of them, and that frightens me. I have so many questions that need answering and I don't know where to find those answers.


Yeah. That's how it goes for a lot of people your age.
Perhaps keeping a daily journal would help you sort it out.
The writing is useful for getting your anxiety out constructively and then you can read it later and make connections with daily activity and emotions.
Try to organize the chaos, if you will.

And with the sexual buildup... well... you can take care of that yourself; I'm sure you've figured that out already.

Hey, you know what, though? I'm pretty happy to talk to you about it, though.
So many problems can come up if you just keep all this stuff in, you know?
And hell, you're story isn't that much dissimilar from mine at 15, so I can really relate to you.


----------



## quoting_mungo (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Well, to be honest, I do kind of doubt that I might be bisexual. Basically I'm starting to find the concept of two men dating and sleeping with each other to be a little more......sexy than most people would, but I'm most assuredly not purely gay. Of course, I think that most of that might stem from my sexual frustration.


Male sexuality, generally speaking, is wired to respond to sex. Basically, your body is primed to find _anyone_ having sex a turn-on to some degree. (Actually, that's true for human sexuality as a whole, but it tends to be more pronounced in males.) That's not to say you might not be bisexual, just something to keep in mind.


um_pineapplez said:


> Which begs the question: How do people know their sexuality? Like, how do people know if they're straight or homosexual or bi or whatever?


Honestly? "Knowing" your own sexuality is pretty much a "best guess". My boyfriend spent a good chunk of his life identifying as gay. I figured I was straight until I was a little younger than you are now. There's absolutely no harm in that; sexuality isn't really something that lends itself to being neatly defined into precise categories. What most people do is pick what feels like the best fit at the time, and if at some future point it doesn't feel like a good fit anymore, they reconsider and pick a new label if you think that new label fits you better. 

Take your time and get to know yourself.


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> no, I mean sick as in a little disgusting.
> 
> 
> But is age really all that important.......as long as said person is at least 14.......then again this is my generation I'm talking about.......I just nullified my own point, didn't I?



You have a lot to learn and you also have a lot of emotional maturing to do yet.

I've had a LOT of failed relationships, most of which have sucked when they fell apart, but I wouldn't take any of it back... because a) each one taught me valuable lessons and b) I would not be where I am today had these relationships gone any other direction.

I was supposed to move to another state in April of this year, to follow who I thought was the guy I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Who I was in love with and fought for and so on. That didn't happen, because he moved states and then dumped me despite promises of "making it work". Yeah, it fucking hurt. And I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know how I was going to recover from this... I really didn't.

But you know what?

I recovered. I made some brainless choices during my healing period, but I got over it. And I am GLAD we did not work out... because in hindsight, there was a lot that was wrong with that relationship, which I was blind to because my stubborn love kept making excuses for it all.

And here I am. Got a lot of scars, but the hell if I'm ever going to let someone do that to me again.

What I'm trying to say is... you live and you learn. Age DOES matter in this aspect, because you have not experienced enough of life yet to really have a concrete idea of who you are, what you will/won't tolerate, what direction you want your future to go on, and more.

I sense impatience with this post because you don't think there's hope. Stop! Enjoy your youth! Worry about settling down and falling in love later. I'm serious. You put too much focus on it now, you're gonna miss other opportunities that you won't get again when you're older.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 26, 2016)

aloveablebunny said:


> You have a lot to learn and you also have a lot of emotional maturing to do yet.
> 
> I've had a LOT of failed relationships, most of which have sucked when they fell apart, but I wouldn't take any of it back... because a) each one taught me valuable lessons and b) I would not be where I am today had these relationships gone any other direction.
> 
> ...


So if I never have a relationship that doesn't work out, then how will I ever get enough experience to have one that does work? (Wow that could be worded better)


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 26, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> So if I never have a relationship that doesn't work out, then how will I ever get enough experience to have one that does work? (Wow that could be worded better)


Same with anything else.
You keep doing it until you get it right.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> So if I never have a relationship that doesn't work out, then how will I ever get enough experience to have one that does work? (Wow that could be worded better)


I think what Bunny is trying to say is more that you're treating the whole relationship thing as an all-or-nothing, right now. Realistically, you're going to have several relationships throughout your life, and the impression I'm getting is that you want to get into a long-lasting, serious, sexual relationship as soon as you can, for fear that if you don't do it now, it'll never happen. That's not a healthy outlook to have, and is a good way of ending up in an unhealthy relationship. There truly isn't any rush; you've got time to figure it out. 

It's not just relationships you need experience with. You need experience with everything around them - engaging with friends (in a good relationship, in my view, you're friends before anything else!), asking people out, getting a yes, getting a no. I've learned a lot that's benefitted my current relationship just from going about my day-to-day and, well, aging. One thing that tends to change as you grow older is your perspective on time - while time, obviously, runs at the same pace by the clock, you tend to rush through it when you're younger, and take it with more peace as you age. The more you practise communicating with other people, as well, the better any relationship you get into in the future is likely to work out, because in the long run, no relationship can survive without communication.

Yes, there are some aspects of being in a relationship that you're only likely to really learn through being in one, but there are plenty that you can learn in other contexts, and then apply to a relationship you get into. Communicating your feelings and needs, while being willing to listen to and consider others', is one of those things. Compromising based on your needs and those the people around you express, is another. Learning to cope with the different manners in which people communicate - yourself included - is yet another important skill. (As an example, I have a bad habit of getting argumentative when I feel I'm not understanding something. What I'm trying to get is a different wording or explanation, but quite often I come across as arguing against the thing I want explained, instead. I'm over 30 years old and I've been doing this at least since my mid-late teens, and I still don't always realize I'm doing it. So to improve my relationship with my partners, I need to learn to catch myself doing this and _ask_ instead of arguing, and they need to learn to identify it and respond by explaining rather than letting themselves get provoked into an argument.)

Romantic relationships, when you get down to it, really aren't all that different from friendships, or your relationship with family members. Yes, there are things you might do in one relationship that would be inappropriate with another, but there are also things you'll do with one friend that you'd never do with another. Talk to the people around you! If a friend of yours gets a girl- or boyfriend, make an effort to build a cordial relationship with them - what your best friend's partner says about their relationship with your best friend might end up teaching you something about romantic relationships in general, without having experienced it first hand, as well. And while TV series are scripted and not always realistic, it may help you as someone on the autism spectrum to watch an episode of some series and (to yourself or in discussion with someone else watching it with you) trying to figure out the characters' motivations. 

I will reiterate that I do think you should talk to your councelor about this in some form. It's clearly something that's bothering you and it's their job to help you work through it.


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 27, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> I think what Bunny is trying to say is more that you're treating the whole relationship thing as an all-or-nothing, right now. Realistically, you're going to have several relationships throughout your life, and the impression I'm getting is that you want to get into a long-lasting, serious, sexual relationship as soon as you can, for fear that if you don't do it now, it'll never happen. That's not a healthy outlook to have, and is a good way of ending up in an unhealthy relationship. There truly isn't any rush; you've got time to figure it out.
> 
> It's not just relationships you need experience with. You need experience with everything around them - engaging with friends (in a good relationship, in my view, you're friends before anything else!), asking people out, getting a yes, getting a no. I've learned a lot that's benefitted my current relationship just from going about my day-to-day and, well, aging. One thing that tends to change as you grow older is your perspective on time - while time, obviously, runs at the same pace by the clock, you tend to rush through it when you're younger, and take it with more peace as you age. The more you practise communicating with other people, as well, the better any relationship you get into in the future is likely to work out, because in the long run, no relationship can survive without communication.
> 
> ...



This, all of this, @um_pineapplez ! @quoting_mungo  articulated it better than I was able to.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 27, 2016)

I'll admit, that article seems reasonable, but I still would like to know how one asks someone out without either seeming like a pathetic loser (like I would seem to be in my school) or a creepy stalker/serial killer.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> I'll admit, that article seems reasonable, but I still would like to know how one asks someone out without either seeming like a pathetic loser (like I would seem to be in my school) or a creepy stalker/serial killer.


That's going to be partially on the other person, too.
Everyone has their preconceptions of what their ideal person to be.

Some people think that shyness, shakiness of breath, and lack of eye contact to be creepy.
Others think it's really cute.


----------



## um_pineapplez (Dec 27, 2016)

Prometheus_Fox said:


> That's going to be partially on the other person, too.
> Everyone has their preconceptions of what their ideal person to be.
> 
> Some people think that shyness, shakiness of breath, and lack of eye contact to be creepy.
> Others think it's really cute.


Well sh!t. I guess I will have to wait a long time because I don't see myself improving any of those any time soon. I'm a giant introvert when it's not fraternizing with my swim team, I'm okay with controlling my breathing, and I suck at eye contact because I don't like staring into people's eyes.


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Well sh!t. I guess I will have to wait a long time because I don't see myself improving any of those any time soon. I'm a giant introvert when it's not fraternizing with my swim team, I'm okay with controlling my breathing, and I suck at eye contact because I don't like staring into people's eyes.


I do what they do in Asian countries.
Look at their mouth, neck, or upper chest.
Some people take direct eye contact to be threatening.

This all depends on the person, though.


----------



## quoting_mungo (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> I'll admit, that article seems reasonable, but I still would like to know how one asks someone out without either seeming like a pathetic loser (like I would seem to be in my school) or a creepy stalker/serial killer.


One step at a time. Say you think this girl named Anna two seats over in your Maths class seems like a nice girl. Start by talking to her about classwork. Then maybe try to find out if you have any interests in common. Get to know her a little, and by the time you've done that, you'll have gotten some of the awkwardness out of your system, _and_ will have a better idea of how you might work out as a couple. _Then_ ask her whether she'd like to do something relating to your common interest together.

I mean, or you can be an awkward dork like me, and be too worried to even manage to type out the question, and just... send a link to a dumb drawing. (No seriously. This is how I proposed to my husband. I popped the link to it in chat, and if I said anything about it, it was probably "I hope you're not offended" or something to that general effect.) And have a major anxiety attack that you somehow managed to offend them until they answer. That... sort of works, too? I guess? I mean, at least I'm married, so it must've worked out!

Point being, a lot of people are at least a bit awkward asking someone out, and that's okay. The species hasn't died out yet.  Chances are if the relationship lasts, you'll both look back at your first couple of dates and laugh at how awkward you were.


----------



## Hetnensilverfox (Dec 27, 2016)

I was very awkward as a teen (so not a ladies man).  Took me till 20 before I met my first girlfriend.  I married her, went through 11 years of abuse, and being locked away from friends and family before I escaped, and ran for a several thousand miles.  I was rescued by my current mate who treats me so very nice.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 27, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> One step at a time. Say you think this girl named Anna two seats over in your Maths class seems like a nice girl. Start by talking to her about classwork. Then maybe try to find out if you have any interests in common. Get to know her a little, and by the time you've done that, you'll have gotten some of the awkwardness out of your system, _and_ will have a better idea of how you might work out as a couple. _Then_ ask her whether she'd like to do something relating to your common interest together.
> 
> I mean, or you can be an awkward dork like me, and be too worried to even manage to type out the question, and just... send a link to a dumb drawing. (No seriously. This is how I proposed to my husband. I popped the link to it in chat, and if I said anything about it, it was probably "I hope you're not offended" or something to that general effect.) And have a major anxiety attack that you somehow managed to offend them until they answer. That... sort of works, too? I guess? I mean, at least I'm married, so it must've worked out!
> 
> Point being, a lot of people are at least a bit awkward asking someone out, and that's okay. The species hasn't died out yet.  Chances are if the relationship lasts, you'll both look back at your first couple of dates and laugh at how awkward you were.


I mean, usually I talk to this one girl about drawing and stuff like that, but I've never considered moving past the friendzone with her. she's too nice for me to screw up a friendship with her.

also what's the difference between being one's wife/husband and being one's mate here?


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## Hetnensilverfox (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> also what's the difference between being one's wife/husband and being one's mate here?


Probly different for others, but mine I will call a mate until I marry her.


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## Sergei Sóhomo (Dec 27, 2016)

Your standards are your own mate. Why settle for something you don't find appealing? That's just called empty

And bloody hell what is with all of these pity posts? I'm gone for over a week and it still goes on


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## bhutrflai (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> I still would like to know how one asks someone out without either seeming like a pathetic loser or a creepy stalker/serial killer.


This is the question of the ages. It has been asked since the dawn of man. There is no magic formula for you to be calm, cool, & collected. It comes with experience.


um_pineapplez said:


> I mean, usually I talk to this one girl about drawing and stuff like that, but I've never considered moving past the friendzone with her. she's too nice for me to screw up a friendship with her.


Then let the friendship follow it's path. And see where you wind up. Good relationships (friendship or romantic) take time to build into a solid foundation. (Okami & I built our friendship over the course of a few years before we ever got romantically involved. And from my experience, marrying the person who is your best friend in the entire world, is a pretty amazing thing.)



um_pineapplez said:


> also what's the difference between being one's wife/husband and being one's mate here?


To be mated with someone, is to be in a committed relationship, whether legally binding or otherwise. Alot of animal species mate for life. 

A husband/wife (or wife/wife, or hubby/hubby) combo is a couple who has had a commitment ceremony and announced that they are legally married.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 27, 2016)

bhutrflai said:


> This is the question of the ages. It has been asked since the dawn of man. There is no magic formula for you to be calm, cool, & collected. It comes with experience.
> 
> Then let the friendship follow it's path. And see where you wind up. Good relationships (friendship or romantic) take time to build into a solid foundation. (Okami & I built our friendship over the course of a few years before we ever got romantically involved. And from my experience, marrying the person who is your best friend in the entire world, is a pretty amazing thing.)



Too bad my current best friend's too depressed to ever do anything, even on his meds. Plus me and that girl never really talk outside of school. I've never been one for getting other people's phone numbers.



bhutrflai said:


> To be mated with someone, is to be in a committed relationship, whether legally binding or otherwise. A lot of animal species mate for life.
> 
> A husband/wife (or wife/wife, or hubby/hubby) combo is a couple who has had a commitment ceremony and announced that they are legally married.


Oh, well when one explains it like that, I guess I'm telling myself I want a mate.

These next 3+ years are going to be the most painful years of my life. someday i'll look back and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. and then cry because i probably won't have grown out of my sexual desires. Probably best to stop moping about shit I can't control.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> I mean, usually I talk to this one girl about drawing and stuff like that, but I've never considered moving past the friendzone with her. she's too nice for me to screw up a friendship with her.


Well, if you're not romantically interested in her, obviously you shouldn't try to ask her out just to have done it. That'd be a very poor basis for a relationship. If you are, you might find yourself reaching the point where you feel comfortable telling her, eventually. ("Comfortable" being relative.) There is no law that says attraction has to damage friendships - I've had a crush on my best friend since 8th grade, and she's known about it for almost as long. We're still besties, and hang out like besties. When her relationships are shaky, I joke that if her man isn't nice to her I'll come snatch her away on my tall white horse. We both know it's not gonna happen, since she's not poly and I'm done with monoamory. 


um_pineapplez said:


> also what's the difference between being one's wife/husband and being one's mate here?


That's going to be one of those things that'll be different from person to person; I refer to my husband as my husband since we're married, and our boyfriend as our/my boyfriend since that's what he's comfortable with. Others might use "mate" as part of their participation in fandom, and others yet might see it as a different level of relationship. (And, of course, if you're Australian, all your friends will be your mates. )


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 27, 2016)

You're  a lot like me when I was in elementary and junior high(middle school). Do you know what broke me out of my shell? JROTC. It turned me into someone totally different than who I was before. It taught me self esteem. Taught me to make eye contact. Taught me to be open. Taught me how to take charge instead of just following all the time. Before high school I had one girlfriend. One. During high school, I had a lot. You can change. You just need the proper motivation. Just stay strobg bud, keep your head held high, don't look down alot. You might even catch someone looking at you.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 27, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> Well, if you're not romantically interested in her, obviously you shouldn't try to ask her out just to have done it. That'd be a very poor basis for a relationship. If you are, you might find yourself reaching the point where you feel comfortable telling her, eventually. ("Comfortable" being relative.) There is no law that says attraction has to damage friendships - I've had a crush on my best friend since 8th grade, and she's known about it for almost as long. We're still besties, and hang out like besties. When her relationships are shaky, I joke that if her man isn't nice to her I'll come snatch her away on my tall white horse. We both know it's not gonna happen, since she's not poly and I'm done with monoamory.
> 
> That's going to be one of those things that'll be different from person to person; I refer to my husband as my husband since we're married, and our boyfriend as our/my boyfriend since that's what he's comfortable with. Others might use "mate" as part of their participation in fandom, and others yet might see it as a different level of relationship. (And, of course, if you're Australian, all your friends will be your mates. )


Actually I am kinda into her. Admittedly, she did kinda help me work through a ton of depression and artist's block. Plus the art she makes is really awesome (her fanfics are a little less than stellar, but I can't say different about myself.)

Also, I've never been one for poly. I just can't see myself dating multiple people at a time.



Okami_No_Heishi said:


> You're  a lot like me when I was in elementary and junior high(middle school). Do you know what broke me out of my shell? JROTC. It turned me into someone totally different than who I was before. It taught me self esteem. Taught me to make eye contact. Taught me to be open. Taught me how to take charge instead of just following all the time. Before high school I had one girlfriend. One. During high school, I had a lot. You can change. You just need the proper motivation. Just stay strobg bud, keep your head held high, don't look down alot. You might even catch someone looking at you.


the f*ck is that?


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 27, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Actually I am kinda into her. Admittedly, she did kinda help me work through a ton of depression and artist's block. Plus the art she makes is really awesome (her fanfics are a little less than stellar, but I can't say different about myself.)
> 
> Also, I've never been one for poly. I just can't see myself dating multiple people at a time.
> 
> ...


Junior Reserve Officer Training Corp. You may not even have it at your school.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 27, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> Junior Reserve Officer Training Corp. You may not even have it at your school.


.......Nope. never heard of it.



guess I'm f*cked then. Oh well. I'll try to manage.


I can feel my sanity breaking......Never mind that's an echo of the expensive china I broke while playing Sonic Spinball (long story that ended with me getting a shard of the stuff embedded in my foot......I got it out.)


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 27, 2016)




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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> View attachment 15857


....what does that have to do with anything? (them doggos tho.)


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## Saylor (Dec 28, 2016)

You know, I consider myself to be REALLY lucky. Over 7 months with my current girlfriend and we have not had a single fight over anything. We haven't even thought of saying anything mean to one another. Normally by now, most couples will have maybe had one fight or said one mean thing to each other.


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## Yakamaru (Dec 28, 2016)

....This thread still going on? 6 fucking pages. You going to ignore everything that has been said previously?


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## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> ....This thread still going on? 6 fucking pages. You going to ignore everything that has been said previously?


This is a sadboy thread, mate, of course he is .з.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> ....This thread still going on? 6 fucking pages. You going to ignore everything that has been said previously?


i haven't ignored everything. Really it's just boiled down to me asking questions that still haven't been answered.


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## Yakamaru (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> i haven't ignored everything. Really it's just boiled down to me asking questions that still haven't been answered.


What questions does still need answering? Thought I might as well join in.

A list would be nice.



nerdbat said:


> This is a sadboy thread, mate, of course he is .з.


Heh.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

How does one not be creepy towards women? i don't know why, but no matter what I say when I talk to girls, it feels.....forced and disturbing.
Hell, my original problem was that I was complaining about how everyone keeps saying that there's someone for everyone. Makes me think it's bullshit.
How did you guys who found mates when you were like 27 or something keep your hopes up? I can barely hold onto hope that I'd ever find someone.
Etc. I know there are other questions, but I just can't think of them right now.


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## Saylor (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> How does one not be creepy towards women? i don't know why, but no matter what I say when I talk to girls, it feels.....forced and disturbing.
> Hell, my original problem was that I was complaining about how everyone keeps saying that there's someone for everyone. Makes me think it's bullshit.
> How did you guys who found mates when you were like 27 or something keep your hopes up? I can barely hold onto hope that I'd ever find someone.
> Etc. I know there are other questions, but I just can't think of them right now.



I'll try and answer these questions the best way I can. My answers may not apply to anyone, so if anyone doesn't find my answer to be fitting, just keep in mind that it might not be your case. 

1: There are some barriers that you have to work through. If you feel like everything you say is creepy, then you aren't ready for a relationship yet. Either you can only think of creepy things or you have a lack of confidence which means you need time to work on yourself. It's not saying anything bad about you because there are many people who just aren't ready for relationships and they acknowledge it and they don't date. So, you need to take an external look at yourself and see what your issue might be before you take steps to change this aspect to make it one of your strengths. 

2: That can be true. However, most of it is about compromising and meeting somewhere in between. Relationships are rarely perfect personality matches where there is no compensation to be made in between the two partners. Not saying it doesn't happen, but what happens most of the time is it turns out to be small compensations. So, the answer to this problem is that it depends on how much you are willing to give and work with for your partner. 

3: Don't prioritize a lack of a relationship as a problem. You might not be in a relationship, but it's not the end of the world. You are still you and you are still kicking ass doing whatever you do. You don't need to crumble because you don't have a significant other. Just keep living your life and be open to the opportunities your life gives you. 

Again, these answers might not apply to some. But, this is MY best take on answering these questions. I hope you find this helpful!


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> How does one not be creepy towards women? i don't know why, but no matter what I say when I talk to girls, it feels.....forced and disturbing.
> Hell, my original problem was that I was complaining about how everyone keeps saying that there's someone for everyone. Makes me think it's bullshit.
> How did you guys who found mates when you were like 27 or something keep your hopes up? I can barely hold onto hope that I'd ever find someone.
> Etc. I know there are other questions, but I just can't think of them right now.



Q1 - Define "creepy"... or what you think is "creepy" towards women. People in general usually don't enjoy it when someone they aren't interested in talking to incessantly tries to talk to them (in a romantic and non-romantic sense). Also, you don't have to believe the idea that men always have to approach women first - that's bogus. Women can approach men too. At your age, you shouldn't expect anyone to be experts in talking to the opposite sex, because no one probably has much experience dating at all. If you feel like your approaches are met with disinterest, stop approaching. Really. Do your own thing. You don't have to be the one to approach everyone. I'm gonna piggyback on what @Saylor mentioned in the comment above mine and agree that if you feel like every approach you make is not right, then perhaps you aren't ready for a relationship. Perhaps there are things with yourself that you need to work through before you can be ready to give and receive equally.

Q2 - There's nothing wrong in having your own opinion about there not being someone for everyone. However, I don't think you should hold firm to that belief as you don't have a lot of dating experience under your belt at this age to really have concrete reasons that "prove" that point to be correct. If you walk around believing there's not someone out there who can complement and match you well enough... well, you'll never allow yourself to meet them - it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Q3 - It was not *easy* to go through the negative relationships experiences that I have had. It was very trying on my resolve, my patience, and my self-esteem for these to fail. What got me through these times (and I've been dating since I was about 15, almost 27 now) is the belief that there is *more to life than a romantic relationship*. Seriously! In many cases, having a partner can make a lot of things and life experiences more enjoyable, but it is not the end all, be all of everything. I got used to dating and being in relationships so when I found myself single, I'm not going to lie - it was a weird feeling. I didn't know what to do with myself. It took me a little while to enjoy going out and doing things by myself. While healing, especially from the ending of my last relationship last November, there was a lot of "two steps forward, one step back" that I experienced until I was comfortable standing on my own two feet again. I watched one of my closest friends experience the same thing when the guy she wanted to spend her life with dumped her, and then hooked up with a mutual friend in their group of friends a few days later. It's been... almost 8 months since that's happened and she has come a long way.

What I'm trying to say with this is, give it time. If other aspects of your life are going well, and relationships are the only hangup you have, stop focusing on them. When you try too hard, that's usually when you feel the worst rejection and sense of failure if things don't work out. Do not keep your hopes up so high that it totally destroys you not to get what you want... learn to approach life with a realistic point of view. Understand that things aren't always going to work out in your favor. As you get older, you will experience this more and more. Take it in stride and learn.


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 28, 2016)

Saylor said:


> I'll try and answer these questions the best way I can. My answers may not apply to anyone, so if anyone doesn't find my answer to be fitting, just keep in mind that it might not be your case.
> 
> 1: There are some barriers that you have to work through. If you feel like everything you say is creepy, then you aren't ready for a relationship yet. Either you can only think of creepy things or you have a lack of confidence which means you need time to work on yourself. It's not saying anything bad about you because there are many people who just aren't ready for relationships and they acknowledge it and they don't date. So, you need to take an external look at yourself and see what your issue might be before you take steps to change this aspect to make it one of your strengths.
> 
> ...



Good answers/feedback


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## Yakamaru (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> How does one not be creepy towards women? i don't know why, but no matter what I say when I talk to girls, it feels.....forced and disturbing.
> Hell, my original problem was that I was complaining about how everyone keeps saying that there's someone for everyone. Makes me think it's bullshit.
> How did you guys who found mates when you were like 27 or something keep your hopes up? I can barely hold onto hope that I'd ever find someone.
> Etc. I know there are other questions, but I just can't think of them right now.


...I think these have already been covered several times early in the thread.

1. Think about what to say before saying it. Be calm. Get some actual interests/hobbies. But most importantly: Be yourself. Though "creepy" is a kinda vague definition..

2. "There's someone for everyone" is bullshit. Be out looking, but don't be desperate. Take your time to find someone who might be suitable. Life is the longest thing you'll ever do. You have TIME. 

3. You have to be out there actively looking. Yes, there is a high chance of your first experiences being bad or can be used as bad examples and learned from. However, if you truly want to find someone for you, don't stop until you land where you want to land.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> ...I think these have already been covered several times early in the thread.
> 
> 1. Think about what to say before saying it. Be calm. Get some actual interests/hobbies. But most importantly: Be yourself. Though "creepy" is a kinda vague definition..
> 
> ...


How does one actively look though? I'm shy as f*** and am always too nervous to attempt to initiate conversation with others. And my only real interests are legos, swimming, drawing, and gaming (and also furry sh!t, but that's not important.) I've never been inclined to do stuff outside of that (although I have been teaching myself how to skateboard.) Not to mention how I don't really know myself all that well. I've never really known exactly "who" I am.

Also there aren't that many furry chicks around here. I'd wager a few males, but I've never really contemplated bisexuality until recently.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

aloveablebunny said:


> What I'm trying to say with this is, give it time. If other aspects of your life are going well, and relationships are the only hangup you have, stop focusing on them. When you try too hard, that's usually when you feel the worst rejection and sense of failure if things don't work out. Do not keep your hopes up so high that it totally destroys you not to get what you want... learn to approach life with a realistic point of view. Understand that things aren't always going to work out in your favor. As you get older, you will experience this more and more. Take it in stride and learn.


Honestly that sounds like good advice to me. 

Now what is this thing you people call "hope"?


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## Yakamaru (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> How does one actively look though? I'm shy as f*** and am always too nervous to attempt to initiate conversation with others. And my only real interests are legos, swimming, drawing, and gaming (and also furry sh!t, but that's not important.) I've never been inclined to do stuff outside of that (although I have been teaching myself how to skateboard.) Not to mention how I don't really know myself all that well. I've never really known exactly "who" I am.
> 
> Also there aren't that many furry chicks around here. I'd wager a few males, but I've never really contemplated bisexuality until recently.


There's a ton of groups about on Skype, Discord, Kik, Telegram, etc. Try different forums/sites, see if some are interesting.

Legos, swimming, drawing and gaming is a good start. Finding people with similar interests/hobbies is often if not always a good starting point.

I would recommend finding out who and what you are and want to be. Go exploring. Do shit. Talk with people. If you're not certain on who and what you are and want to be how can someone else be sure of any of it?

If you can't find a Furry chick find a non-Furry chick. Simple as that.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> There's a ton of groups about on Skype, Discord, Kik, Telegram, etc. Try different forums/sites, see if some are interesting.
> 
> Legos, swimming, drawing and gaming is a good start. Finding people with similar interests/hobbies is often if not always a good starting point.
> 
> ...


Groups about what? Also I'm currently blocked off from any of those things until I get my laptop or android phone back (I'm stuck on this school chromebook that hasn't blocked this site yet)

Also I'd rather be with someone who's fine with me being furry and that stuff. There aren't exactly many people who like them that aren't furry themselves. at least not around here. (here's a fun game if you ever come to my town: take a shot every time you see a church.)

also, about finding people with similar hobbies, I can't exactly find many gamer girls, although I do know that one I mentioned earlier that I do kind of like but am too afraid to try to move outta the friend zone.


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## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Groups about what? Also I'm currently blocked off from any of those things until I get my laptop or android phone back (I'm stuck on this school chromebook that hasn't blocked this site yet)
> 
> Also I'd rather be with someone who's fine with me being furry and that stuff. There aren't exactly many people who like them that aren't furry themselves. at least not around here. (here's a fun game if you ever come to my town: take a shot every time you see a church.)
> 
> also, about finding people with similar hobbies, I can't exactly find many gamer girls, although I do know that one I mentioned earlier that I do kind of like but am too afraid to try to move outta the friend zone.


As for hobbies - you're practicing drawing as of now, do I remember correctly?


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> As for hobbies - you're practicing drawing as of now, do I remember correctly?


Well yeah, I've done a few really good drawings of stuff:

A Dragonite
Homestuck trolls
L0RD RENTAL (It's a long story involving SiIvagunner, a CANWC rip, and a pre-ordered game I was supposed to get in October but actually got this Christmas.)
Baby versions of the main Sinnoh trio of pokemon (kinda inspired by Cosmog)
Nick Wilde paw art (That I totally did only as a way to practice anthros and didn't do out of the fetish aspect because I ain't into that sh!t.)
The new version of my fantroll's god tier.


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## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Well yeah, I've done a few really good drawings of stuff:
> 
> A Dragonite
> Homestuck trolls
> ...


Well, you don't even need to find a hobby then, you already have one. Embrace it to the fullest and go socializing and stuff - I found my first long-time girlfriend through fooling around in artist circles, and many of my newly-found friends are "people who I asked to teach me how to draw better, and happened to create a bond with them in the process".


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> Well, you don't even need to find a hobby then, you already have one. Embrace it to the fullest and go socializing and stuff - I found my first long-time girlfriend through fooling around in artist circles, and many of my newly-found friends are "people who I asked to teach me how to draw better, and happened to create a bond with them in the process".


Actually yeah, that is how that girl and I (not the one who called me a dick, btw. the one who I like but don't wanna try to move outta the friendzone because I'm paranoid that she's either asexual or a lesbian. Why are all the nice girls that are actually likeable always lesbians?) met. I went through a point where I was desperately trying to become better to try to get unbanned on a livestream, but then she talked me down from that and actually helped me not kill myself. Too bad she's surrounded by other people that she's much closer to. feels kinda hard when you're pretty sure that she likes someone else because of how friendly she is with other boys (not that she and I don't get along when we talk)


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## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Actually yeah, that is how that girl and I (not the one who called me a dick, btw. the one who I like but don't wanna try to move outta the friendzone because I'm paranoid that she's either asexual or a lesbian. Why are all the nice girls that are actually likeable always lesbians?) met. I went through a point where I was desperately trying to become better to try to get unbanned on a livestream, but then she talked me down from that and actually helped me not kill myself. Too bad she's surrounded by other people that she's much closer to. feels kinda hard when you're pretty sure that she likes someone else because of how friendly she is with other boys (not that she and I don't get along when we talk)


Well, go for it, yeah. For socializing, that is. As for the mindset I see in majority of your posts, you should try to be less obsessive over people who offer sympathy to you. I mean, from what I see now, you seem to be kind of a clingy person - and in reality, by wasting time on "forcing" yourself into someone's life (especially if that's the one person who happens to be too kind/benevolent to you - kindness ≠ guaranteed sign of comradery, sometimes it's just a result  of plain pity), you're missing on opportunity of meeting new people, finding new connections with old people, making new bonds and learning new experiences, which is how actual friends are made.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> Well, go for it, yeah. For socializing, that is. As for the mindset I see in majority of your posts, you should try to be less obsessive over people who offer sympathy to you. I mean, from what I see now, you seem to be kind of a clingy person - and in reality, by wasting time on "forcing" yourself into someone's life (especially if that's the one person who happens to be too kind/benevolent to you - kindness ≠ comradery, a lot of times it's just a plain pity), you're missing on opportunity of meeting new people, finding new connections with old people, making new bonds and learning new experiences, which is how actual friends are made.


Golly, I never considered that before. The meeting new people thing. I've never been good at talking to people IRL. I lack face-to-face conversation skills (also autism spectrum.) It's much easier to get out what I want to say through writing/typing things. Plus people don't really tend to notice me until I force myself in. Either that or I'm so deluded that I just think that they ignore me.


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Honestly that sounds like good advice to me.
> 
> Now what is this thing you people call "hope"?



Hope is having something to look forward to, to be excited for, etc. You don't have to give up hope completely on relationships... you just need to not focus everything you have on trying to find one that'll last *RIGHT THIS INSTANT*. Don't put your eggs all in one basket basically.

People usually don't just drop into your lap by the way. 90% of life doesn't happen serendipitously like the movies suggest. Often it takes time to get to know people, and then from there make the determination on whether or not they seem to be a person you could get along with long term. The recurring trend here is... *IT TAKES TIME*!

Nothing great comes without a struggle.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

aloveablebunny said:


> Hope is having something to look forward to, to be excited for, etc. You don't have to give up hope completely on relationships... you just need to not focus everything you have on trying to find one that'll last *RIGHT THIS INSTANT*. Don't put your eggs all in one basket basically.
> 
> People usually don't just drop into your lap by the way. 90% of life doesn't happen serendipitously like the movies suggest. Often it takes time to get to know people, and then from there make the determination on whether or not they seem to be a person you could get along with long term. The recurring trend here is... *IT TAKES TIME*!
> 
> Nothing great comes without a struggle.


Well then, I guess I won't really have much luck. I haven't had much luck forming strong, long-term friendships with other people. Just one person who's so depressed that I'm never able to talk to him.


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## aloveablebunny (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Golly, I never considered that before. The meeting new people thing. I've never been good at talking to people IRL. I lack face-to-face conversation skills (also autism spectrum.) It's much easier to get out what I want to say through writing/typing things. Plus people don't really tend to notice me until I force myself in. Either that or I'm so deluded that I just think that they ignore me.



I can understand how that would inhibit your ability to be social. Are you seeing a counselor or therapist? They may be able to help you find ways to develop your social skills, especially if you are on the autism spectrum. I suffered a lot from social anxiety, and I know that it is not the same as that, but it severely inhibited my social skills and my ability to put myself out there. It has taken years of working in different jobs, around different people, and stepping outside of my comfort zone to be able to get past the majority of that. It may not be as simple for you, but acknowledging that it is not easy for you to be social and meet people is a big step in the right direction.


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## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Golly, I never considered that before. The meeting new people thing. I've never been good at talking to people IRL. I lack face-to-face conversation skills (also autism spectrum.) It's much easier to get out what I want to say through writing/typing things. Plus people don't really tend to notice me until I force myself in. Either that or I'm so deluded that I just think that they ignore me.


Well, skills are made to be learned, and I know many autistics who can give a stellar conversation if needed. Again, you can use your hobby as a starting point and build from there. That's why I mentioned the whole "teachers to friends" example above, since that's how I met some great people - at first I was like "Hi there, you seem to draw cool stuff, can you learn me a thing or two", then "By the way, tell me about yourself and stuff", and gradually, after a couple of months or so, we're already exchanging fart jokes and kicking each other asses in CoD  And that's pretty much how you find friends - by learning each other better, lurking for good mutual themes to talk about, and gradually opening up to each other, all step by step. Sometimes it doesn't work out, be it different views or something like that, but like with finding a girlfriend, the moment when it_ does_ totally makes up for all the failures.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

aloveablebunny said:


> I can understand how that would inhibit your ability to be social. Are you seeing a counselor or therapist? They may be able to help you find ways to develop your social skills, especially if you are on the autism spectrum. I suffered a lot from social anxiety, and I know that it is not the same as that, but it severely inhibited my social skills and my ability to put myself out there. It has taken years of working in different jobs, around different people, and stepping outside of my comfort zone to be able to get past the majority of that. It may not be as simple for you, but acknowledging that it is not easy for you to be social and meet people is a big step in the right direction.


Oh, I've known that I need to learn more about communication skills for a long time. I'm pretty much aware of every negative aspect about myself to this point. I could even make a drinking game out of it if I hadn't decided to swear off alcoholic beverages. And I have been seeing a counselor, but I won't have my next appointment until sometime next month because reasons that I've already forgotten.



nerdbat said:


> Well, skills are made to be learned, and I know many autistics who can give a stellar conversation if needed. Again, you can use your hobby as a starting point and build from there. That's why I mentioned the whole "teachers to friends" example above, since that's how I met some great people - at first I was like "Hi there, you seem to draw cool stuff, can you learn me a thing or two", then "By the way, tell me about yourself and stuff", and gradually, after a couple of months or so, we're already exchanging fart jokes and kicking each other asses in CoD  And that's pretty much how you find friends - by learning each other better, lurking for good mutual themes to talk about, and gradually opening up to each other, all step by step. Sometimes it doesn't work out, be it different views or something like that, but like with finding a girlfriend, the moment when it_ does_ totally makes up for all the failures.


Yeah. That's usually how I do it when I join a group on Discord. Like I've said before. It's so much easier to introduce yourself online because all you need to remember is basic English grammar.....or French. Or whatever language one speaks.

Suddenly I think I understand why furries like doing romantic roleplays so much.


----------



## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Yeah. That's usually how I do it when I join a group on Discord. Like I've said before. It's so much easier to introduce yourself online because all you need to remember is basic English grammar.....or French. Or whatever language one speaks.
> 
> Suddenly I think I understand why furries like doing romantic roleplays so much.


Well, in real life it's exactly like that, only without a mute button - nothing that difficult, if you think about it 

A bit of escapism, nothing more. Yiff or not, there's no denial it's a fandom that embraces attractiveness and romantic appeal of anthropomorphic animals - and since the closest thing to being an anthropomorphic animal and meeting other anthropomorphic animals is to simply pretend to be one and hang around with other pretenders, roleplay remains such a prominent thing in the fandom. It's totally cool to indulge yourself into such fantasy, if you ask me - at least as long as you're not losing connection with real world and not letting it ruin your personal life.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> ....what does that have to do with anything? (them doggos tho.)


I just wanted to give you something to smile about. Your threads are in dire need of some comic relief.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 28, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> Well, in real life it's exactly like that, only without a mute button - nothing that difficult, if you think about it
> 
> A bit of escapism, nothing more. Yiff or not, there's no denial it's a fandom that embraces attractiveness and romantic appeal of anthropomorphic animals - and since the closest thing to being an anthropomorphic animal and meeting other anthropomorphic animals is to simply pretend to be one and hang around with other pretenders, roleplay remains such a prominent thing in the fandom. It's totally cool to indulge yourself into such fantasy, if you ask me - at least as long as you're not losing connection with real world and not letting it ruin your personal life.


Yeh, I plead guilty to having a romantic RP with someone on Discord that's about our 'sonas. Haven't continued it in a few weeks because laptop.


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## nerdbat (Dec 28, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Yeh, I plead guilty to having a romantic RP with someone on Discord that's about our 'sonas. Haven't continued it in a few weeks because laptop.


wait a minute, aren't any extensions allowed on your chromebook? Like Browsec and stuff.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 29, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> wait a minute, aren't any extensions allowed on your chromebook? Like Browsec and stuff.


All extensions are banned.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 29, 2016)

Saylor said:


> You know, I consider myself to be REALLY lucky. Over 7 months with my current girlfriend and we have not had a single fight over anything. We haven't even thought of saying anything mean to one another. Normally by now, most couples will have maybe had one fight or said one mean thing to each other.


True. Sounds like a keeper, bud!


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## nerdbat (Dec 29, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> All extensions are banned.


Various proxy sites? When I was in college, majority of those were banned, but we eventually found the ones that aren't in the blacklist, and abused the hell out of them. At one point, during my third year or so, I actually created an extensive list of those and shared them with freshers for a little "fee" (one site at a time, obviously, to not get them all instantly banned in a worst-case scenario) - gained a $100 or so in total by doing that


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 29, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Golly, I never considered that before. The meeting new people thing. I've never been good at talking to people IRL. I lack face-to-face conversation skills (also autism spectrum.) It's much easier to get out what I want to say through writing/typing things. Plus people don't really tend to notice me until I force myself in. Either that or I'm so deluded that I just think that they ignore me.


I used to be that way. I used to not be able to get out my feelings or emotions unless I wrote a note or letter. But as the years went by I was finally able to let go my insecurities and let the words actually flow from my mouth.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 29, 2016)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> I used to be that way. I used to not be able to get out my feelings or emotions unless I wrote a note or letter. But as the years went by I was finally able to let go my insecurities and let the words actually flow from my mouth.


I've never been good about letting things go. I'm still holding onto regrets and shit that I did that's already been forgotten about by others.  I just can't let shit go because I don't have anything left.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 29, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> I've never been good about letting things go. I'm still holding onto regrets and shit that I did that's already been forgotten about by others.  I just can't let shit go because I don't have anything left.


Dude, I used to be that way. I didn't start "letting go" until I was 22/23. And even to this day, twenty years later, I am still letting things go that should have been gone decades ago. It's. Ok.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Dec 29, 2016)

There's a song by John Lennon called Beautiful Boy. I think it described me fairly well growing up. But there is a line in the song that says "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." And that is truth in it's essence. Just remember to live, buddy. LIVE!!!


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## Sarachaga (Dec 29, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> I've never been good about letting things go. I'm still holding onto regrets and shit that I did that's already been forgotten about by others.  I just can't let shit go because I don't have anything left.


I've had pretty bad heartbreaks over the last 3 years. At first it feels like everything is over but hey, life goes on.  There's plenty of things to do, dozens , if not hundreds of new people to meet. It's hard to let go, but it'll pass eventually.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 30, 2016)

Oh, also, being myself has gotten me banned from 2 livestreams so far. Are we sure that's valid advice?


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 30, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Oh, also, being myself has gotten me banned from 2 livestreams so far. Are we sure that's valid advice?


There's being yourself and there's turning off your brain-mouth filter. I can't say what you might have done to get kicked out from those streams, but you should always keep in mind that a livestream is someone else's space that you're visiting, and be respectful of that. Most people have some sort of stream rules posted, and it's important to follow those.

Basically, being yourself is great, but not if it comes at the expense of others; at that point you'll want to start thinking about changing who "yourself" is, because nobody likes a jerk. 

You also have a tendency to filter out advice when it isn't what you think you want to hear. When visiting someone else's space that's something you need to be wary of. I know social skills can be hard-won for people on the autism spectrum, but if you want relationships with other people, there really aren't any shortcuts there, you NEED to put in the work. Be on the lookout for signs that people are uncomfortable, listen if you're asked to change your behavior, and so on. Always accept responsibility for your actions; it's okay to say "I didn't realize" or "I didn't mean it", but it's never okay to try to dodge responsibility for words you put out there. All that will do is make you look like an asshole.


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## nerdbat (Dec 30, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Oh, also, being myself has gotten me banned from 2 livestreams so far. Are we sure that's valid advice?



"Being yourself" and "being sensible" aren't mutually exclusive, you know. Learning to act appropriately is a part of growing as a person. By "being yourself" people usually mean "be honest and clear with your intentions, and don't force yourself on things/people or don't let things/people be forced on you if it harms you in a long run". In other words, you can be polite, sensible and responsible while staying true to your points of view and honest with others, and that's what pretty much counts for "being yourself". And if you're still being thrown out for different opinions on stuff, and not for being a douchebag/plain dangerous person, then just leave such company alone, you won't find any good and understanding friends there anyway.


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## Yakamaru (Dec 30, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> Oh, also, being myself has gotten me banned from 2 livestreams so far. Are we sure that's valid advice?


The groups can be about anything or nothing, depending on what the creator of the group made it for. It can be anything from RP/ERP to gaming to just shitposting. It's all about which group(s) you join and what the purpose of the group is. 

You're not even 20 yet. Go exploring to find out who and what you are and what you want. Find things you like doing. As you interact with people friendships will come naturally when you're certain about who and what you are. There's a reason why not that many friendships from school last outside it, unless we're talking college+.


> Basically, being yourself is great, but not if it comes at the expense of others; at that point you'll want to start thinking about changing who "yourself" is, because nobody likes a jerk.


^ Be yourself. If some people don't like it that's their problem, not yours. Change yourself only if YOU want to, not because someone else wants it. You don't need anyone dictating who and what you are. Stand up for what you believe in, and don't budge. But be open minded, aka, change your stances on stuff as good evidence comes along that proves your stance/view wrong. And you're going to be wrong a LOT in your life.

However, that doesn't mean you are to throw common sense, your sense of privacy, respect and logic out the window. A lot of things are better kept to yourself and not said/done at all. Learning to put yourself into someone elses shoes is a good skill to have.
Be cynical and skeptical but try and give people the benefits of the doubt. Give them a chance to surprise you either way. Keep in mind that respect are to be earned, not given. Do not automatically give respect out to people. Give respect to those who deserve it, refrain from giving it to the ones who doesn't.

Think before you speak. Think before you type. Think before you act. Think with a calm and cool head.

If at the expense of others you might want to reconsider your words, actions and your thought patterns. Do some introspection. Be considerate of others in terms of what to say and what to act upon.

Some of this stuff is inconsistent on its own, as it's very situational-based. Take every situation on their own. 


> Always accept responsibility for your actions; it's okay to say "I didn't realize" or "I didn't mean it", but it's never okay to try to dodge responsibility for words you put out there.


^ This. You are responsible for you and you only. Take responsibility for who and what you are, what you say and do and stand by it. Apologize when you mean it.

If you can't say what you mean how can you mean what you say?

No human are telepathic(yet). And until we become telepathic, we only have words/actions to go by. If your words/actions are completely inconsistent with what you think/feel it will of course make people relate to you completely differently than how you want them to. Being consistent with the correlation between how you feel/think and your actions/words is important.

TL;DR: Don't worry about relationships or friendships in general, they come and go all the time. You're young. Have fun, enjoy life. When you're certain of who and what you are and what you want friendships will come naturally as you interact with people.

I could really go into detail, but that's the gist of it.


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## nerdbat (Dec 30, 2016)

(Are we finished with this thread yet? From the 8 pages of stuff I read here, half of the points made will probably be ignored, and more questions will inevitably appear, so I have a feeling that we're running in circles with this topic, and it needs some kind of closure)


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## Sergei Sóhomo (Dec 30, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> ....This thread still going on? 6 fucking pages. You going to ignore everything that has been said previously?



That's how it always is, friend


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 30, 2016)

i got banned this time because I kept talking about shit that was against the rules to talk about (namely me constantly hating on myself and talking about real life problems.)

so yeah. I'm sorry that I did it and I feel bad for doing it, but that's probably a sign that I shouldn't go on livestreams when I'm in one of my depressed moods.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 30, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> i got banned this time because I kept talking about shit that was against the rules to talk about (namely me constantly hating on myself and talking about real life problems.)
> 
> so yeah. I'm sorry that I did it and I feel bad for doing it, but that's probably a sign that I shouldn't go on livestreams when I'm in one of my depressed moods.


If you break the rules, you're setting yourself up to be kicked out. There's no two ways about that. Always keep in mind that a livestream is the host's place, where they're inviting viewers as guests - it's like coming over to someone's house. If you go to someone's house and they tell you to take your shoes off, or not to bring drinks into the living room, they're in their full rights to kick you out if you stomp in with your shoes on and spill wine on the living room carpet.

It's good to be aware of your own flaws, but it doesn't _do_ much if you don't also work on those flaws, and take responsibility for your own actions. Sometimes that's hard. But that's how coexisting with other people works.


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## Very Hairy Larry (Dec 30, 2016)

wtf is wrong with this kid?? xDDDD


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## Yakamaru (Dec 30, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> i got banned this time because I kept talking about shit that was against the rules to talk about (namely me constantly hating on myself and talking about real life problems.)


Rules are to be followed even if you've gone full emo.

You are not exempt of any rules just because you're moody.

Plenty of people have already said to get professional help if it's that bad. If you do not want help and instead want attention feel free to tell me, so I can fuck off permanently.


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## um_pineapplez (Dec 30, 2016)

Yakamaru said:


> Rules are to be followed even if you've gone full emo.
> 
> You are not exempt of any rules just because you're moody.
> 
> Plenty of people have already said to get professional help if it's that bad. If you do not want help and instead want attention feel free to tell me, so I can fuck off permanently.


I have gotten help.


Too bad I have a month of nothing until I can talk to my counselor again.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 31, 2016)

um_pineapplez said:


> How does one not be creepy towards women? i don't know why, but no matter what I say when I talk to girls, it feels.....forced and disturbing.


Basically, the same way you're not-creepy to anyone. I promise girls aren't some kind of... mystical other species with obscure rituals and customs (for the most part), though it's natural to feel like they are at your age. Just try to think of them as "humans" rather than "girls", and see if that makes it any easier to figure out. You're still looking at it from the perspective of talking to girls being a prelude to a relationship. While yes, you're going to have to talk to a girl in order to get a girlfriend, _all_ talking to girls is not going to be leading to that. If you only talk to girls when you want to date them, you're going to seem creepy because you're talking to them with an angle.



um_pineapplez said:


> Hell, my original problem was that I was complaining about how everyone keeps saying that there's someone for everyone. Makes me think it's bullshit.


And you're allowed to think that. It's a matter of philosophy more than a matter of universal truth.



um_pineapplez said:


> How did you guys who found mates when you were like 27 or something keep your hopes up? I can barely hold onto hope that I'd ever find someone.


By finding other things to focus on. The reason this has so much power over you is because you're giving it that power. 
I have literally been working on getting my husband moved over here with me for years. It sucks. Sometimes I get disheartened. But it's not realistic to spend every waking moment of every day focusing on it, so I focus on other things, and work on getting him moved when there's something I can actually do to affect it. 

My experience says relationships are the same. You focus on living, and being a person you can if not love, so at least be reasonably comfortable with. You engage in your hobbies, you talk to your friends, you do your schoolwork, you volunteer. Get involved in extracurricular activities if your school offers them! If an opportunity presents itself, you rise to meet it. When I first fell in love with my husband, it took me something like half a year to work up the courage to tell him about it. In the meantime, we interacted as friends, spoke about shared interests, and kept in touch. That didn't really change once I did tell him and found out that he had feelings for me, as well. Our contact was more sporadic while I was dating my ex, but we got back in touch and picked up more or less where we'd left off when my ex dumped me, and we were never entirely _out_ of touch. Because he's my friend first. 

That's a solid foundation for a relationship. "Hey that girl is hot and seems like not a total bitch," isn't. Not to say such a relationship _couldn't_ work out, but odds are against it.



um_pineapplez said:


> Too bad I have a month of nothing until I can talk to my counselor again.


Holidays do suck that way. Sometimes just putting your thoughts into words can help - get a journal or something and write down what bothers you. It'll help you see what thoughts keep coming back, and give you a better idea of what to bring up when you do see your counselor again. It's possible, once you have it down in writing, that you'll even see a solution yourself to some of the issues you face. It helps put things into perspective, that way.

Maybe you can even look at the questions you wrote down and ask yourself what you think your counselor would say to it.



Very Hairy Larry said:


> wtf is wrong with this kid?? xDDDD


Not appropriate. If you're only in the thread to snipe at the OP, get out. (This is a general statement, as well, not just an admonishment to Larry - most of you are adults and even those of you who aren't should be adult _enough_ to understand that coming in to pick on people is not socially acceptable behavior.)


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## nerdbat (Dec 31, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> Not appropriate. If you're only in the thread to snipe at the OP, get out. (This is a general statement, as well, not just an admonishment to Larry - most of you are adults and even those of you who aren't should be adult _enough_ to understand that coming in to pick on people is not socially acceptable behavior.)


I think he means the whole "running in circle" thing. Questions are the same, answers are the same, yet we still happen to stay with more given questions and less unignored answers. We're not picking on the guy (in fact, we spent 8 pages trying to actively help him), it's just that the thread is slowly becoming genuinely obsolete, and questions themselves are turning from "How do I improve my life" ones to a blatant self-pity - something we can relate to, but can't approve, since such behavior is quite harmful in a long run.


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## quoting_mungo (Dec 31, 2016)

nerdbat said:


> I think he means the whole "running in circle" thing. Questions are the same, answers are the same, yet we still happen to stay with more given questions and less unignored answers. We're not picking on the guy (in fact, we spent 8 pages trying to actively help him), it's just that the thread is slowly becoming genuinely obsolete, and questions themselves are turning from "How do I improve my life" ones to a blatant self-pity - something we can relate to, but can't approve, since such behavior is quite harmful in a long run.


And that's when you say (to yourself) "okay, I tried, if he doesn't want to take my advice I'm done here" and either block him to take the whole matter out of sight or just stay out of the thread. Only engage as much as you feel you have the patience and energy for. 
Again, most of us are adults here. It's okay to be frustrated but taking it out on someone who's clearly already down isn't going to make him more inclined to take advice, nor help him feel better, now is it?


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## nerdbat (Dec 31, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> And that's when you say (to yourself) "okay, I tried, if he doesn't want to take my advice I'm done here" and either block him to take the whole matter out of sight or just stay out of the thread. Only engage as much as you feel you have the patience and energy for.
> Again, most of us are adults here. It's okay to be frustrated but taking it out on someone who's clearly already down isn't going to make him more inclined to take advice, nor help him feel better, now is it?


Good point, I have to agree.

(the thread is annoying though :^) )


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## Very Hairy Larry (Dec 31, 2016)

quoting_mungo said:


> Not appropriate. If you're only in the thread to snipe at the OP, get out. (This is a general statement, as well, not just an admonishment to Larry - most of you are adults and even those of you who aren't should be adult _enough_ to understand that coming in to pick on people is not socially acceptable behavior.)


God dayum. Sorry, mom.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 3, 2017)

No.......I don't believe it......it's not true!





















BELLWETHER'S VOICE ACTOR WAS IN THAT SHITTY 2012 LORAX FILM!!!!! 


I'll never be able to look at that hot villainous sheep ass the same way ever again.


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## heteroclite (Jan 3, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> No.......I don't believe it......it's not true!
> BELLWETHER'S VOICE ACTOR WAS IN THAT SHITTY 2012 LORAX FILM!!!!!
> I'll never be able to look at that hot villainous sheep ass the same way ever again.


Why are you so obsessed with furry porn, man?
Is that all you think about?
Can you just stop?


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## JumboWumbo (Jan 4, 2017)

heteroclite said:


> Why are you so obsessed with furry porn, man?
> Is that all you think about?
> Can you just stop?


----------



## Hetnensilverfox (Jan 4, 2017)

Kinda getting back on subject.  I found that building the relationship over the internet, emails, and the like tends too help.  I tend fall apart, and struggle when talking to the opposite sex face to face, and in the end little is accomplished.  From experience, it seems that I learn so much more, so much faster when learning about each-other via messages.  That's how I found my current Mate/fiance.  I discovered her inner beauty before I had the pleasure of seeing her outer beauty.  Of course, not saying this is a guarantee method, but worked so well for me.  Also, even though it may seem archaic, letters still seem to have a special personal effect on many people.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 4, 2017)

But ignoring the part where my second-favorite modern Disney villain had to be in a Seuss movie of all things, I _can_ find legit reasons to like the people I like.  I am literally only comfortable around one girl my age.


Hetnensilverfox said:


> Kinda getting back on subject.  I found that building the relationship over the internet, emails, and the like tends too help.  I tend fall apart, and struggle when talking to the opposite sex face to face, and in the end little is accomplished.  From experience, it seems that I learn so much more, so much faster when learning about each-other via messages.  That's how I found my current Mate/fiance.  I discovered her inner beauty before I had the pleasure of seeing her outer beauty.  Of course, not saying this is a guarantee method, but worked so well for me.  Also, even though it may seem archaic, letters still seem to have a special personal effect on many people.


I did that once with a friend.

Did I mention she- oh screw it I'm done with playing the pity card. Besides, we both acknowledged that it happened, and we both said shit we didn't mean to say, and now we're friends again. I gotta stop talking about it because friends quarrel. And when both friends are on the Autistic Spectrum, it can get a little heated. 

Not to mention I never meet anyone my age on the interwebz. Although you could never be too sure. They could be some 9 year-old CoD kid posing as a 33 year-old man. (That last part was sarcasm, but I'm serious about the first one.)


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## Snowfurry360 (Jan 4, 2017)

My problem? First off, I'm thirteen (which is why i probably shouldn't be here, but eh). Two, all the boys in my school are IDIOTS. Third (and most importantly) I'M ATTRACTED TO ANIME/GAME CHARACTERS...... there ya go....


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 4, 2017)

Snowfurry360 said:


> My problem? First off, I'm thirteen (which is why i probably shouldn't be here, but eh). Two, all the boys in my school are IDIOTS. Third (and most importantly) I'M ATTRACTED TO ANIME/GAME CHARACTERS...... there ya go....


Ya want me to show you the time I cosplayed as Sollux from Homestuck? That's an anime.

Also, people are saying I'm too young to complain about this. If I'm too young, you shouldn't even be thinking about it.


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## Snowfurry360 (Jan 4, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Ya want me to show you the time I cosplayed as Sollux from Homestuck? That's an anime.


Go ahead and hate me, but......... 

What's homestruck?


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 4, 2017)

Snowfurry360 said:


> Go ahead and hate me, but.........
> 
> What's homestruck?


I'd love to explain what it is, but then we'd be sitting here for 10 pages while I post very basic summaries of the plot. That's not what this is for. Let's stay on track.


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## Snowfurry360 (Jan 4, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> I'd love to explain what it is, but then we'd be sitting here for 10 pages while I post very basic summaries of the plot. That's not what this is for. Let's stay on track.


Mkay


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## heteroclite (Jan 4, 2017)

Snowfurry360 said:


> My problem? First off, I'm thirteen (which is why i probably shouldn't be here, but eh). Two, all the boys in my school are IDIOTS. Third (and most importantly) I'M ATTRACTED TO ANIME/GAME CHARACTERS...... there ya go....


Well, sweetie, growing up should fix that for you.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

heteroclite said:


> Well, sweetie, growing up should fix that for you.


IIIII'm pretty sure my sexual attraction to Nick Wilde's never gonna go away. But ignoring that, I think the problem's gotten worse. Basically I've become so pent up and desperate that it impacted my swimming. Like, during a segment where we were working on our abdominal strength today, I began feeling pent-up and started getting that desire for a mate, and when I stopped thinking about it, I just felt downright horrible and refused to talk to anyone until my mom picked me up (I haven't told her yet, but I did tell her about other things that were bothering me today that were more trivial.) I think I actually might need to start taking a higher dose of my meds.


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## Snowfurry360 (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> IIIII'm pretty sure my sexual attraction to Nick Wilde's never gonna go away. But ignoring that, I think the problem's gotten worse. Basically I've become so pent up and desperate that it impacted my swimming. Like, during a segment where we were working on our abdominal strength today, I began feeling pent-up and started getting that desire for a mate, and when I stopped thinking about it, I just felt downright horrible and refused to talk to anyone until my mom picked me up (I haven't told her yet, but I did tell her about other things that were bothering me today that were more trivial.) I think I actually might need to start taking a higher dose of my meds.


0.0..... you're on another level dude. It's a hobby for me (pretty sure I'm gonna regret saying this later...)


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

still tho. I feel like I need legit help at this point.


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## Snowfurry360 (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> still tho. I feel like I need legit help at this point.


No offense, but...... you really friggin' do.......


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

Not really. I'm sure there are other boys who feel like that........


Right? Someone please back me up.


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## lyar (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Not really. I'm sure there are other boys who feel like that........
> 
> 
> Right? Someone please back me up.


There is nick wilde porn so yea there are probably. There you go.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

lyar said:


> There is nick wilde porn so yea there are probably. There you go.


No, I mean about



um_pineapplez said:


> But ignoring that, I think the problem's gotten worse. Basically I've become so pent up and desperate that it impacted my swimming. Like, during a segment where we were working on our abdominal strength today, I began feeling pent-up and started getting that desire for a mate, and when I stopped thinking about it, I just felt downright horrible and refused to talk to anyone until my mom picked me up (I haven't told her yet, but I did tell her about other things that were bothering me today that were more trivial.) I think I actually might need to start taking a higher dose of my meds.


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## lyar (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> No, I mean about


Sexual frustration is more common than you think. I personally didn't experience it but someone close to me did. Also I don't think meds will help.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Jan 5, 2017)

lyar said:


> Sexual frustration is more common than you think. I personally didn't experience it but someone close to me did. Also I don't think meds will help.


I have to agree with lyar. That shit is enough in itself to drive you crazy.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> I have to agree with lyar. That shit is enough in itself to drive you crazy.


I'm worried it is, considering what happened today.


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## JumboWumbo (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> But ignoring that, I think the problem's gotten worse. Basically I've become so pent up and desperate that it impacted my swimming. Like, during a segment where we were working on our abdominal strength today, I began feeling pent-up and started getting that desire for a mate, and when I stopped thinking about it, I just felt downright horrible and refused to talk to anyone until my mom picked me up (I haven't told her yet, but I did tell her about other things that were bothering me today that were more trivial.) I think I actually might need to start taking a higher dose of my meds.



Try jacking off? idk


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

JumboWumbo said:


> Try jacking off? idk



















I did that. It hasn't helped. I literally have an insatiable sex drive. Wanna see what my horniness looks like? Here it is in ultra beast form: IT'S YA BOI *GUZZLORD*!!!!


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 5, 2017)

But in all honesty, I think I've got an actual legit problem now that I don't know how to solve.


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## lyar (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> But in all honesty, I think I've got an actual legit problem now that I don't know how to solve.


You do know how to solve it, have sex with someone. But obviously that's not an option open to you for some reason or another. I'd say it's a puberty thing so just deal with it and try to keep you mind off of it by doing other things.


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## heteroclite (Jan 5, 2017)

lyar said:


> You do know how to solve it, have sex with someone. But obviously that's not an option open to you for some reason or another. I'd say it's a puberty thing so just deal with it and try to keep you mind off of it by doing other things.


Like homework.


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## heteroclite (Jan 5, 2017)

heteroclite said:


> Like homework.


Says the guy who doesn't do his homework.


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## Sarachaga (Jan 5, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> still tho. I feel like I need legit help at this point.


Listen, if you feel that you need help, you _MUST_ get help. And by that I mean see your therapist and discuss the issues that you are having. These kind of problem don't magically disappear and the sooner you tackle them, the better you will be.

EDIT: Also you mentioned wanting to increase you med dosage. You shouldn't do it if you therapist hasn't told you so. Some medicaments can have terrible effects on your health if you don't take the correct dose.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 6, 2017)

Sarachaga said:


> Listen, if you feel that you need help, you _MUST_ get help. And by that I mean see your therapist and discuss the issues that you are having. These kind of problem don't magically disappear and the sooner you tackle them, the better you will be.
> 
> EDIT: Also you mentioned wanting to increase you med dosage. You shouldn't do it if you therapist hasn't told you so. Some medicaments can have terrible effects on your health if you don't take the correct dose.


Too bad I don't see my therapist for another month and I'm too afraid to tell anyone.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 31, 2017)

Heyy! Would you look at that! After moping about being single for weeks, someone actually confessed that he liked me, and now I've got myself a boyfriend!


Now if only mom DIDN'T take away my only means of contacting him (because it's an online thing, and discord is blocked on my chromebook) just a few days after it happened because my grades were too low in English (long story short: I had to miss a day or two of school because someone tried to get me thrown in jail, and I fell behind on things.) Here's to hoping that he doesn't grow apart from me to the point where I get back on and I find out he's gotten into a relationship with someone else. (fortunately I'm only missing.....like, several things that only really take a few minutes to finish, so it should take a week at most, including the minutes I waste being distracted)


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 31, 2017)

Okay, so basically one night I was talkin' with a guy on Discord, and we were just hangin', chattin' about random sh!t, and then at one point I remarked that he wasn't a bad guy, then he said that he liked me as more than just a friend, and I admitted that I kinda liked him too, and now I have a boyfriend.

like....almost a week later, mom notifies me of my failing in English, so she takes my phone (i don't have my normal laptop at the time, so it's the only way I can access Discord) until my grades improve, so now I can't talk to him and I'm worried we'll grow apart and I'll lose the first real relationship I've actually had.

Doesn't help that I can't do shit about my english grade until I get back to school and get my grammar book.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Jan 31, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Okay, so basically one night I was talkin' with a guy on Discord, and we were just hangin', chattin' about random sh!t, and then at one point I remarked that he wasn't a bad guy, then he said that he liked me as more than just a friend, and I admitted that I kinda liked him too, and now I have a boyfriend.
> 
> like....almost a week later, mom notifies me of my failing in English, so she takes my phone (i don't have my normal laptop at the time, so it's the only way I can access Discord) until my grades improve, so now I can't talk to him and I'm worried we'll grow apart and I'll lose the first real relationship I've actually had.
> 
> Doesn't help that I can't do shit about my english grade until I get back to school and get my grammar book.


Do your school work before anything else. I took my sons phone for a year because he thought his games were more important. Took him a year to get right again. But now he is making A's! He got a new phone and new Nintendo 3DS.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 31, 2017)

Okami_No_Heishi said:


> Do your school work before anything else. I took my sons phone for a year because he thought his games were more important. Took him a year to get right again. But now he is making A's! He got a new phone and new Nintendo 3DS.


Well I did manage to get my laptop back, but now I just found out he had some medicine changes, so he's feeling unstable and doesn't really wanna talk.


I hope he feels better soon.


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 31, 2017)

In other words I'm worried we'll grow apart because of that now. What happens if he decides he doesn't love me like he said he did now that he's on different meds?


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## JumboWumbo (Jan 31, 2017)

Have you two even actually met?


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 31, 2017)

JumboWumbo said:


> Have you two even actually met?


Look, it's an online relationship. plenty of peeps here have those, right?


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## Sarachaga (Jan 31, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> In other words I'm worried we'll grow apart because of that now. What happens if he decides he doesn't love me like he said he did now that he's on different meds?


If he's feeling unstable because he changed his meds, and says he doesn't want to talk, you must respect this and give him some space. I'm sure he still loves you and there's nothing to worry about!


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## JumboWumbo (Jan 31, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Look, it's an online relationship. plenty of peeps here have those, right?


I guess... but I'd at least want to meet the person before I consider myself "in a relationship" with them.

Do you even know what he looks like?


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## um_pineapplez (Jan 31, 2017)

JumboWumbo said:


> I guess... but I'd at least want to meet the person before I consider myself "in a relationship" with them.
> 
> Do you even know what he looks like?


Yeah. He's not really attractive, but he's not bad-looking. I'd post the picture, but out of a respect for his privacy I won't.



Sarachaga said:


> If he's feeling unstable because he changed his meds, and says he doesn't want to talk, you must respect this and give him some space. I'm sure he still loves you and there's nothing to worry about!


I hope you're right.


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## Andromedahl (Jan 31, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Look, it's an online relationship. plenty of peeps here have those, right?


Be careful there; my dad and mom met online and she ended up leavin as soon as I happened.
_
 Don't rush._


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## Sergei Sóhomo (Jan 31, 2017)

Andromedahl said:


> Be careful there; my dad and mom met online and she ended up leavin as soon as I happened.
> _
> Don't rush._


Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn


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## Sarachaga (Jan 31, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> I hope you're right.


In my opinion that's the kind of situation where worrying will get you nowhere. A friend of mine changed her med(three months ago), and she she was really cold and distant for two weeks. After that, she went back to her cheerful self. So basically, wait until he gets better. I'm sure that he'll be glad to speak to you when that's the case.
Also:


Andromedahl said:


> Be careful there; my dad and mom met online and she ended up leavin as soon as I happened.
> _
> Don't rush._


^this is really good advice. Some things are harder to figure out when you're talking to someone online. When you meet, the person might not meet your expectations.


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## um_pineapplez (Feb 1, 2017)

Andromedahl said:


> Be careful there; my dad and mom met online and she ended up leavin as soon as I happened.
> _
> Don't rush._





Alex K said:


> Lately relationships on Telegraphs have just turned into cheap fetishization for male couples and prolonged climaxes


So it's a bad idea? I should just give up the relationship?


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## Sarachaga (Feb 1, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> So it's a bad idea? I should just give up the relationship?


Just take it slow. Making a relationship work over the internet is going to be complicated but that doesn't mean it won't work.


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## Andromedahl (Feb 1, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> So it's a bad idea? I should just give up the relationship?


I mean I'm gonna be naturally biased about internet relationships given what happened, so feel free to take what I say with lil grain of salt but uh, you're a kid, he's a kid, you're both kids, so feel free to go with what y'got but I'm willin to bet it's not gonna go far or last long.
Internet relationships -can- potentially work but generally when they are successful, it's between adults.
(also Alex K is a troll account, pay him little mind)


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## quoting_mungo (Feb 1, 2017)

Medicine changes can really mess someone up as they're happening. Don't jump to the doom-and-gloom conclusion just yet. Even *if* he should fall out of love with you, if the adjustments in his medication mean he feels better once the adjustment period has passed, that's the most important thing, right? Loving someone is a lot about wanting the best for them, even when it means you might not get what you, yourself, want.



Andromedahl said:


> Internet relationships -can- potentially work but generally when they are successful, it's between adults.


Goes for all relationships, tbfh. Not many people marry and grow old with someone they started dating first year of high school.  I was... under 18 (I honestly don't remember my exact age offhand) when I first fell in love with my now-husband, but I had another boyfriend and assorted life shenanigans go down between then and us actually getting engaged.

Don't expect teenage relationships to last forever, but don't throw them out as useless because they likely won't last into old age, either. The experiences you make now will be with you later regardless of the outcome.


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## Alex K (Feb 1, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> So it's a bad idea? I should just give up the relationship?



Children shouldn't be in relationships until they're older to be honest. 
Same thing for adults


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## Hetnensilverfox (Feb 1, 2017)

Yay's today is my one year anniversary of being rescued by my current mate.


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## um_pineapplez (Feb 1, 2017)

quoting_mungo said:


> Medicine changes can really mess someone up as they're happening. Don't jump to the doom-and-gloom conclusion just yet. Even *if* he should fall out of love with you, if the adjustments in his medication mean he feels better once the adjustment period has passed, that's the most important thing, right? Loving someone is a lot about wanting the best for them, even when it means you might not get what you, yourself, want.
> 
> 
> Goes for all relationships, tbfh. Not many people marry and grow old with someone they started dating first year of high school.  I was... under 18 (I honestly don't remember my exact age offhand) when I first fell in love with my now-husband, but I had another boyfriend and assorted life shenanigans go down between then and us actually getting engaged.
> ...


Hmmm....I'll try to remember that. If he decides he doesn't love me because he took some different meds than usual i'll just give him a big chewing-out for letting the meds control him that much.

But still. What's the average time it takes for someone to adjust? I've been thinking about asking him once the weekend rolls around, but I'm not sure. (I'm feeling starved of conversation already.)


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## um_pineapplez (Feb 1, 2017)

Hetnensilverfox said:


> Yay's today is my one year anniversary of being rescued by my current mate.


Also congratulations bruh. I'm just kinda happy that I'm not constantly ranting about being lonely and wanting love now.


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## quoting_mungo (Feb 1, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> But still. What's the average time it takes for someone to adjust? I've been thinking about asking him once the weekend rolls around, but I'm not sure. (I'm feeling starved of conversation already.)


Depends a lot on what sort of meds they are, to be honest, as well as individual reactions to them. There are, for instance, ADD/ADHD meds that may take upwards of 2 months before you see their full effect; many antidepressants will take a couple of weeks to a month to adjust to, and other substances may have different adjustment periods. Saying "hey, I miss you, how are you feeling?" when the weekend rolls around probably isn't unreasonable, just be prepared to give him his space if he's still not feeling well. 

In the meantime, you could always use the time to get ahead on schoolwork, so you run less of a risk of your mother taking your laptop or phone away again.


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## Okami_No_Heishi (Feb 1, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Well I did manage to get my laptop back, but now I just found out he had some medicine changes, so he's feeling unstable and doesn't really wanna talk.
> 
> 
> I hope he feels better soon.


Hope he does too.


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## xaliceonfire (Feb 2, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> In other words I'm worried we'll grow apart because of that now. What happens if he decides he doesn't love me like he said he did now that he's on different meds?


How long have you two been together that the world 'love' has been put out there? I have no problem with online/long distance relationships, but it's not something that should be thrown around without reason.

Also, if someone decides they don't 'love you' from a change of medicine, you should probably question that anyway.

Either way, take things SLOW- no matter what. Whether you're 14 or 54.

Make sure you have priorities as well. School should definitely be a forefront.


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## um_pineapplez (Feb 8, 2017)

Well, we're still together, but he hasn't been in discord as much. Last time I talked with him was on the weekend while playing tf2.


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## Iriastar (Feb 9, 2017)

Aah I was in two wonderful potential relationships in the past (online), but one was too young and the other too old... once we found out about that, the illusion broke and we parted slowly from each other. I hope the 3rd time I get together with someone close to my age.


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## um_pineapplez (Feb 9, 2017)

Iriastar said:


> Aah I was in two wonderful potential relationships in the past (online), but one was too young and the other too old... once we found out about that, the illusion broke and we parted slowly from each other. I hope the 3rd time I get together with someone close to my age.


 thankfully my bf is 16.


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## LycanTheory (Feb 9, 2017)

When I was a teenager, it seemed like everyone I was interested in was too old and now that I'm older, it seems everyone who meets my criteria are either too young or already have someone.


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## DuranWolf (Feb 9, 2017)

LycanTheory said:


> When I was a teenager, it seemed like everyone I was interested in was too old and now that I'm older, it seems everyone who meets my criteria are either too young or already have someone.


Are you going to AC this year?


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## LycanTheory (Feb 9, 2017)

DuranWolf said:


> Are you going to AC this year?



Hell yeah, it's in my back yard after all. 

I'm also going to FWA in April!


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## DuranWolf (Feb 9, 2017)

LycanTheory said:


> Hell yeah, it's in my back yard after all.
> 
> I'm also going to FWA in April!


Cool. I hope to see you at AC.


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## DuranWolf (Feb 9, 2017)

LycanTheory said:


> Hell yeah, it's in my back yard after all.
> 
> I'm also going to FWA in April!


Do you use Twitter?


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## Khazius (Feb 9, 2017)

LDR are rough. Takes a lot of dedication, trust and patience. Recently kinda got into one sorta.


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## Iriastar (Feb 9, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> thankfully my bf is 16.


And you are?


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## Iriastar (Feb 9, 2017)

Khazius said:


> LDR are rough. Takes a lot of dedication, trust and patience. Recently kinda got into one sorta.


It's easier to find someone of your liking that way though. In special when you're talking about furs and the like.


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## Khazius (Feb 9, 2017)

Iriastar said:


> It's easier to find someone of your liking that way though. In special when you're talking about furs and the like.


Yeah, it can just be tough because theres not much you can really do. You can play games together if your gamers, but mainly just talking.


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## LycanTheory (Feb 9, 2017)

DuranWolf said:


> Do you use Twitter?



Nah, I don't tweet. I'm on Discord, Skype and a few other IM platforms though.


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## DuranWolf (Feb 9, 2017)

LycanTheory said:


> Nah, I don't tweet. I'm on Discord, Skype and a few other IM platforms though.


Do you have a fursuit? And is Lycan Theory your actual fursona name?


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## LycanTheory (Feb 9, 2017)

DuranWolf said:


> Do you have a fursuit? And is Lycan Theory your actual fursona name?



Usually go by "Lyc"

And I will have a suit! I'm picking it up at FWA!


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## DuranWolf (Feb 9, 2017)

LycanTheory said:


> Usually go by "Lyc"
> 
> And I will have a suit! I'm picking it up at FWA!


Cool! I hope to see it!


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## um_pineapplez (Feb 10, 2017)

Iriastar said:


> And you are?


15.


DuranWolf said:


> Cool. I hope to see you at AC.


Stooooop! Stop fueling my deranged desire to go to a convention even though I will never have the time to! It's not fair that everyone around me gets to do awesome shit and I don't! It just ain't fair!


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## heteroclite (Feb 16, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> It's not fair that everyone around me gets to do awesome shit and I don't! It just ain't fair!


Quit whining, you bloody six-year-old!


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## Yakamaru (Feb 16, 2017)

um_pineapplez said:


> Stooooop! Stop fueling my deranged desire to go to a convention even though I will never have the time to! It's not fair that everyone around me gets to do awesome shit and I don't! It just ain't fair!


You're 15. The very least you can do is wait until you are 18 and can go to cons without having to worry.

A lot of older people would love to go back to their teenage years and live them over again, myself included.


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## ZacAttackk (Feb 16, 2017)




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## Ieatcrackersandjumpcliffs (Feb 16, 2017)

Depends. If they are holding you back then it is better to be alone. If they are willing to trailblaze with you then they are a keeper.


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## Khazius (Feb 17, 2017)

LDRs are a bitch.


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