# I need help fleshing out descriptions.



## Pronema (Jun 23, 2008)

I know that this is not really the place for this but no other forums fit as well as this one did, so I will attempt to describe my problem.

I don't have the patience for drawing, myself, but I would like to have an accurate description of characters that may one day be in some of my stories, if I ever get around to writing some that is, just in case someone wants to draw them for me or if they find them interesting enough to draw, the characters are still in need of more background writing, but that isn't the part I am having a problem with.  The problem I am currently having is actually completing the characters' descriptions.

The first character I created, who still doesn't have a name by the way, description is below.

Species:  Dromaeosauridae (Utah Raptor Variant)
Length/Height: 21'(from his head to the end of his tail)/ 6' 8" 
Weight: 1460 lb.

Build (Body Design, like tall, short, fat): Long, muscular

Eye Color/Design: Reptile like eyes, one red (left) and one yellow (right)

Unique Traits (e.g. Scars, birth marks) and Color:  He has a small scar-like (check mark shaped) mark under his right eye, and concave diamond shaped stripes on is back, from the base of his neck to the end of his tail.  Similar stripes mark his legs and arms.  His scales are a light brown, gravel-like color, and the stripes are black in color.  He has serrated teeth (like a sharks, which are saw-like on the side facing his throat), a scythe claw/talon (the two large disemboweling claws that stick upwards on a raptors feet) on each foot, and "bird of prey" or Harpy talons on the fingers of each hand.  What differentiates him from non-anthropomorphic raptors is the much more muscular build of his arms and of course the sentience humans possess.   I think I may have to draw something or have someone draw different eye designs (I am still set on the color) that could be used for reference.  I have a picture from a book that accurately depicts most of his traits but, as it is copyrighted material, I am hesitant to use it on my FA page.

Here is the image:





It is not so much the actual features I need help with but I do need help making descriptive sentences containing those features or describing those features accurately in a sentence.


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## M. LeRenard (Jun 25, 2008)

I guess I could give some basic advice on what I know....
Don't get bogged down in details, and always feel free to leave off common knowledge (anything you should think would be obvious to the mildly educated reader, like the talons, for example).  Only describe what you think is absolutely pertinent for the reader to know, because he wouldn't otherwise infer it by himself.
No sense just outright stating things: try some metaphors, similes, other interesting techniques to get the information out there.  Generally, if you just say 'he had brown scales with black stripes' or whatever, the reader's probably just gonna' shrug and forget about it in about two pages.  But if you put it instead like 'jagged black bolts interspersed themselves between bands of dusty brown scales along his back', your reader will more likely go 'Neat' and retain the information.
Basically, just try to show the reader exactly what you see in your mind in the most interesting way possible.  It's not a textbook or a lecture, so make it dramatic or poetic; whatever you think would get the message across best.  And be original about it, too.


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## lobosabio (Jun 26, 2008)

One of my rules is to be as succinct as possible.  That is, if it isn't needed, don't say it.  Also:  you don't need to throw out all the description at once.  That sort of info dump can cause an overload in the reader's head.


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