# Spoonerisms and Freudian Slips



## CyrusTarber (Sep 13, 2011)

We all know those awkward moments, where you try to say something and it either becomes totally jumbled up in your mouth, or you say something you didn't mean to because of something else on your mind at the time...usually ending up funnier than it should have been, or just embarrassing yourself further. (Scott Pilgrim's _"I'm in lesbians with you"_ comes to mind.)

I know I'm plagued with them, seeing as my mind often runs faster than my mouth can...or my fingers, for that matter, and I can end up saying the most random of things.

Anyone brave enough to share some of their favorite moments?


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## Tycho (Sep 13, 2011)

One time I said "go to hell, asshole" when I actually meant to say "you have a valid point there"

ok not just one time


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## Schwimmwagen (Sep 13, 2011)

I wanted to say "hello there!" to a black guy who just moved in to our village and I said "sup nigga?" by mistake.

I regret that day very much.

So lesson learnt, I gotta learn to stop jokingly calling my sister "my nigga" to prevent these slips. I often have tourettes-esque moments where I'm alone, and I say the same word.  I hate me.


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## Stormtail (Sep 13, 2011)

Once I tried to say fleece, but it came out sleef. It took me a minute to figure out what word I had tried to say. I was so confused. 

I often end up mixing two words together when I am about to say a word, then I think of a word which would work better. Instead of saying one or the other they just mix.


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## Xenke (Sep 13, 2011)

Nope, I just have a bad habit is pronouncing stuff in weird ways. Mostly, accenting a syllable horribly wrong.


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## Aetius (Sep 13, 2011)

I once tried to ask someone "Can you give me a sec", and it came out as "Can you give me a sex" >_>
Worse when I asked someone for a dollar and instead it came out as "Can you give me your daughter"

I was sad


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## Unsilenced (Sep 13, 2011)

While I don't often do the "say the absolute wrong thing" thing, I do often say (or type) things that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. 

The most common one is I'm trying to make a statement that goes "A not B," but I confuse myself with the wording and end up instead saying "A not A" or some such. As best as I understand it, it's because I say "Not B, A" as much as I say "A not B." They both mean the same thing, but changing in the middle of the sentence fucks everything up.  

I also drop vocabulary, failing to recall extremely common words or names. This tends to happen when I'm tired (Read: all day every day,) and has the tendency to shift people's perception of me from "absent minded" to "downright retarded." 

... 

And then there's a thing where I mentally picture myself saying the absolute wrong thing, and that causes me to tic... sometimes even verbally. 

So... yeah. 

Thinking about unleashing a flurry of obscenities at in inopportune moment could actually cause me to unleash a flurry of obscenities at an inopportune moment. 

It hasn't happened yet, but the fact that it could is... a bit disturbing. 

"Oh boy. This is a very serious situation. I had better not think about what would happen if I were to... FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCK!!!!!"


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## Antonin Scalia (Sep 13, 2011)

Gibby said:


> I wanted to say "hello there!" to a black guy who just moved in to our village and I said "sup nigga?" by mistake.
> 
> I regret that day very much.
> 
> So lesson learnt, I gotta learn to stop jokingly calling my sister "my nigga" to prevent these slips. I often have tourettes-esque moments where I'm alone, and I say the same word.  I hate me.



_suuuuuuuuup nigga_


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## Stormtail (Sep 13, 2011)

Unsilenced said:


> I do often say (or type) things that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.



This reminds me, I often type "the" as "teh", but yesterday I actually typed "he t."


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## Dj_whoohoo (Sep 13, 2011)

I was talking to this girl and I had two basketball with me and I ask her if she wants to play with my balls. She stood with a look like " BITCH!". I asked her what's wrong and she flinched at me, this guy next to me says i'll play with your balls. He emphasized on the word balls, I was so scared after that and she thought I was a pedophile.


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## Rilvor (Sep 13, 2011)

I tend to find myself loathing more when I use words that I am painfully aware I could have used a more eloquent one.


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## LizardKing (Sep 13, 2011)

Unsilenced said:


> And then there's a thing where I mentally picture myself saying the absolute wrong thing, and that causes me to tic... sometimes even verbally.



aaaaanononono

I hate that :c Along with thinking about 3 different ways of saying the same thing _while I'm saying it_, and sometimes mixing them up.


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## dinosaurdammit (Sep 13, 2011)

LizardKing said:


> aaaaanononono
> 
> I hate that :c Along with thinking about 3 different ways of saying the same thing _while I'm saying it_, and sometimes mixing them up.



OH DOAHOMO I HATE THAT. 

I also have an issue with talking and typing if someone talks to me when I type to someone and accidently send what the person was saying rather than what I was trying to say. Or do the opposite.

Worse of all distort my sentences as of late. Like put them in a blender and throw them out onto a yatzi table. Surgery wasn't kind.


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## Onnes (Sep 13, 2011)

This reminds me of ironic process theory, which attempts to explain why trying very hard not to do something makes you more likely to do it anyway. In short, when you are thinking about not doing something, you are still thinking about that thing, which then makes you more likely to do it. If you've ever wondered how someone can make the most perfectly inappropriate statements in any given situation, ironic process theory might be the answer.


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## Littlerock (Sep 13, 2011)

LizardKing said:


> I hate that :c Along with thinking about 3 different ways of saying the same thing _while I'm saying it_, and sometimes mixing them up.


I do this _constantly_. Every few sentences, I mix up a few words when speaking, or put the incorrect consonant sound at the beginning of a word in mid-sentence. 

So annoying ughhhhhhhhhh


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## CannonFodder (Sep 13, 2011)

I made a really bad freudian slip on FaF once I was trying to make a joke saying football is "gay" and accidentally typed, "It's a bunch of muscular sweety guys running around in tights trying to grab balls", I meant to say, "It's a bunch of muscular sweaty guys running around in tights trying to grab balls".


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## Unsilenced (Sep 13, 2011)

dinosaurdammit said:


> OH DOAHOMO I HATE THAT.
> *
> I also have an issue with talking and typing if someone talks to me when I type to someone and accidently send what the person was saying rather than what I was trying to say. Or do the opposite.*
> 
> Worse of all distort my sentences as of late. Like put them in a blender and throw them out onto a yatzi table. Surgery wasn't kind.



I've had some really weird things show up on my screen depending on what I'm thinking about/hearing.


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## Tomias_Redford (Sep 13, 2011)

I've accidentally called my teacher mom a few times.

The worst time was once, it was a guy teacher XD


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## Tycho (Sep 13, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> Well when I was first learning English, I ordered a meatball marijuana, at Subway.
> Whoops.



...well, did they give you a meatball marijuana?


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## dinosaurdammit (Sep 13, 2011)

Getting spooked by a teacher and calling them sir if they are female and ma'am if they are male X_X


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## Ley (Sep 13, 2011)

I once asked a guy if I could borrow his pen in front of his girlfriend... when I had gum in my mouth.

you can imagine how that went.


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## Tycho (Sep 13, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> Fortunately they did not.



You and I have different ideas of what constitutes good fortune, Comrade Batman.


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## Evan of Phrygia (Sep 13, 2011)

My instructor asked me a question last year, and I wasn't quite expecting it, and it was late in the rehearsal.

So my planned response was, "Yeah that makes sense."

Instead, "Go yeah sense that of makes--wh-wh-when...wait."

My best one.


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## CannonFodder (Sep 13, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> Fortunately they did not.


If they had I would've paid good money to see someone try to snort it.


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## meowtacles (Sep 13, 2011)

Mostly I think of two different things and say them as one word mixed together.


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## Tycho (Sep 13, 2011)

CannonFodder said:


> If they had I would've paid good money to see someone try to snort it.



why the fuck would you snort a meatball sandwich with marijuana in it, just eat it for fuck's sake


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## CannonFodder (Sep 13, 2011)

Tycho said:


> why the fuck would you snort a meatball sandwich with marijuana in it, just eat it for fuck's sake


To record it so that when he ends up in the hospital having to remove a entire sandwich from his nasal cavity I can put it up on youtube with 5million hits going, "I didn't even know this was possible".


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## CannonFodder (Sep 13, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> What the hell is wrong with you man?  LOL


Admit it if someone managed to snort a entire meatball sandwich and got the sandwich stuck intact in his nose you would watch the video.


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## Littlerock (Sep 13, 2011)

CannonFodder said:


> Admit it if someone managed to snort a entire meatball sandwich and got the sandwich stuck intact in his nose you would watch the video.


Yes, I would. 

One of my more terribad mistakes was reading a tag on a pair of jeans aloud to my Mum across the rack from me: "Pair of boot cunt jeans over here.".
Thankfully, nobody was around, and we both fell into giggles for the next hour.


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## dinosaurdammit (Sep 13, 2011)

barefootfoof said:


> Yes, I would.
> 
> One of my more terribad mistakes was reading a tag on a pair of jeans aloud to my Mum across the rack from me: "Pair of boot cunt jeans over here.".
> Thankfully, nobody was around, and we both fell into giggles for the next hour.



Done the same when I was in buckle, I had a chuckle the dude didn't. :/


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## Unsilenced (Sep 13, 2011)

Heard a great one at a hardware store. I was making a potato cannon for a school science project and needed some help with how to go about this. The dude at the hardware store was nice and showed me what pipe sizes and glue types to use. 

Somewhere along the line he said something along the lines of "...and then you take some of the semen-I mean PVC cement..." 

In his defense, that was totally an accurate description of the glue.


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## Evan of Phrygia (Sep 13, 2011)

I once told my teacher either hajimemashite or marijuana during attendance when she called my name. Then there was the time i slipped up on my Japanese and instead of "shhhtei" sound, i got "shitty". in front of the class. and again in front of my mom. Then there are times when i get asked a question and i literally spout complete blibberish...like for instance "hadjagowatricy". -.-


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## Ad Hoc (Sep 14, 2011)

Not one about me, but my dad.

We have a neighbor named Dick, he's a great guy and my dad is very good friends with him. One time we were driving by and saw him working one of our other neighbor's fields, because the other neighbor had been diagnosed with cancer and couldn't tend to them himself. My pa related that to him and finished up with, "He's such a good man, I love Dick."

Some jokes were had at pa's expense.


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## Lunar (Sep 14, 2011)

I've called my teacher "Mom" once or twice, in dead silence, so EVERYONE heard it.


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## Lunar (Sep 14, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> I've managed to that to my drill instructor; let me tell you, the rest of that day sucked.


Oh man.  Oh man, oh man, oh man.  I can't wait for that to happen to me.  Kidding.  Or am I?


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## Lunar (Sep 14, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> Trust me, it's a whole new type of experience.


So, good for me? o3o  *refer to her signature*


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## Lunar (Sep 14, 2011)

Commie Bat said:


> Uhhh one of them was a woman.
> 
> So yeah about you signature.


DUDE WHAT DID SHE SAY.


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## Littlerock (Sep 14, 2011)

Female bodybuilders, huh. 

Whatever floats your boat I guess.


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## Lunar (Sep 14, 2011)

barefootfoof said:


> Female bodybuilders, huh.
> 
> Whatever floats your boat I guess.


As long as they're like this:
http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n138/calicass/bootcamp grad/drillinstructors.jpg


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## Unsilenced (Sep 14, 2011)

I've called a few people "dad" before.

I don't think I've ever said it to a female though, so that's something.


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## Lunar (Sep 14, 2011)

Not about me, but I had a teacher who was reading aloud from the textbook one day.  It was a science-y book, and she came across the word "organism".  Guess what she said instead.


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