# Being single



## DLewis28 (Feb 22, 2020)

I was wondering if anyone here is single. I've been single all myself. I don't mind it, but I do get lonely sometimes.


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## Arix (Feb 22, 2020)

Single here and enjoying it. Don't buy into media obsessed with the idea that the only way to be happy is to be in a romantic relationship.


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## Kinare (Feb 22, 2020)

Single and trying to convince myself that it's ok to be so far behind people who are younger than me (namely family members, I'm the last single one). I don't mind it most of the time, but then I get to remembering just how alone I am IRL, how it's hard to even make connections online anymore... and it's a tad depressing. I'd be satisfied with just a really good IRL friendship, I don't need a romantic relationship, but neither are gonna happen so... When my parents die, full hermit mode if I like it or not.


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## Telnac (Feb 22, 2020)

I'm in a wonderful relationship now but I needed to be single for years to become comfortable in my own skin again after more than a decade of one toxic relationship after another. Once I was comfortable being just me, I could be in a relationship where I wasn't drowning my significant other in a sea of codependance.


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Feb 23, 2020)

I'm single, but very much available and looking


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## AppleButt (Feb 23, 2020)

I’m single and not willing to mingle. 

I had a seven year relationship with someone I started out best friends with, and all I did was lose a best friend. 

However, now I am full on enjoying being single, I can do whatever I want and not have to worry about it.

Im not against a relationship maybe in the future, but right now I’m not interested.  Unless it’s a friends with benefits type deal.

If I stay single for the rest of my life I’m okay with that, too.


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## Punji (Feb 23, 2020)

I think it's better to be single than together with the wrong person.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Feb 23, 2020)

I'll be your boy toy, hit me up. I'm a total sub.


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## FrazzledFeline (Feb 23, 2020)

Single and wanting to not be. One Day. Eventually. Had a lot of shitty polycules that fell apart and realize I need something with a bit more substance :/


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## Fallowfox (Feb 23, 2020)

Single.


Spoiler



In need of spankings.


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## Borophagus Metropolis (Feb 23, 2020)

Single woof.
Would like mate, but fine without.
Like to keep it simple.
Needs regular alone time.


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## Raever (Feb 23, 2020)

At least this one knows how to live it up.



> Redacted by staff



Not a bad idea. I've debated on something like that for the sake of developing self confidence for regular preforming and such. I've heard that sort of thing can REALLY make you not give a crap about all the eyes on ya. Anyway, to get back on topic...

I'm...a mess, lol.

I'm in a Polyamorous relationship, but in reality it's more of a tattered, toxic open relationship with very little stability. I'm mostly a roommate to my SO over a partner, so I don't see myself lasting much longer. However I did pay over four thousand bucks for "his" (our) apartment so I might as well wait out the lease to prevent issues.

I think that's my biggest problem with relationships. I give up everything for them to function. Whenever I make any sort of money I spend it on my SO's. Sometimes because I want to, sometimes because they ask. I've given up friendships, past homes, etc. And almost every time it feels underappreciated and forgotten about. So when I do leave, I'll probably be single. Or at the very least in a very fluid circumstance where I have a trusted individual or two to spend time with.

I am never - EVER - trusting someone to be my Dominant though. I learned the hard way through two different doms that it's pretty much impossible to please a Master who isn't happy with themselves, and I refuse to play that game for ANOTHER four years.

What I'd give for a Mistress or Master who gave a shit...

If all relationships feel like as much of a job as the ones I've had, I wouldn't mind being paid to deal with the crap. I get to know a stranger, peek at their brains (I do love me some deep conversations), write sexy scenes, and know that worst case scenario my phone is active in case my Ex kicks me out of *our* apartment lol.

Besides, at least that way I'm not giving up my time (something I consider very valuable; as death is a thing that exists) in exchange for nothing more than empty promises and thoughtless words.


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## Bxb777 (Feb 23, 2020)

DLewis28 said:


> I was wondering if anyone here is single. I've been single all myself. I don't mind it, but I do get lonely sometimes.


I used to be a boyfriend jumper back when i was 14-15. They where not real mates to me. My last relationship ended with my ex dating another person behind my back. Still single and I feel like i'll die alone lol. I'm pretty poly on how i want my relationships to be. I don't like the idea of of only loving one person. Also I  got cheated on... a lot


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## Morisith (Feb 23, 2020)

Single and loving it. I've been in a few relationships, the longest was 5 years living together with the guy, and it took me a full year to learn to be independent again after that (it's very easy to become co-dependent and that is not good). Now I am completely unable to be in a relationship as I love the freedom of doing what I want when I want to. I have my everyday life and my friends to keep me busy anyways. People can get touch starved, so it greatly helps to have a pet you can cuddle with to not feel lonely - also the fact that my irl friends are furries mean there is a lower threshold for hugs and hair strokes anyways so that help. If I want to share bed with someone for anything other than sleeping, then there are hookup apps a plenty.


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## Glossolalia (Feb 23, 2020)

Kind of! I'm in a weird in-between state right now. I've been with my partner for about 8 years- at first in an open, romantic relationship, and now in kind of a platonic partnership while I look for a new primary romantic partner. Sometimes it's great to have a live-in best friend for company and support, and sometimes it makes me feel even more lonely. I'm happy with my situation overall though, and I feel very lucky to still have a good relationship with him.


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## GarthTheWereWolf (Feb 23, 2020)

Single werewolf

A great fire burns within me, but only a few people have stopped to warm themselves at it, and passers-by only see a wisp of smoke.

But that’s okay. Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes the night air smell better. <:


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## Lethe5683 (Feb 23, 2020)

I'm single and would love someone who suits my weirdness, unfortunately I'm certain such a person does not exist.


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## Raever (Feb 23, 2020)

Morisith said:


> Single and loving it. I've been in a few relationships, the longest was 5 years living together with the guy, and it took me a full year to learn to be independent again after that (it's very easy to become co-dependent and that is not good). Now I am completely unable to be in a relationship as I love the freedom of doing what I want when I want to. I have my everyday life and my friends to keep me busy anyways. People can get touch starved, so it greatly helps to have a pet you can cuddle with to not feel lonely - also the fact that my irl friends are furries mean there is a lower threshold for hugs and hair strokes anyways so that help. If I want to share bed with someone for anything other than sleeping, then there are hookup apps a plenty.



One day I shall be at your level of awesome.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Feb 24, 2020)

> Redacted by staff



Post linkz here!


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## Doomer (Feb 24, 2020)

Mr. Fox said:


> Post linkz here!



Sure thing!


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## HistoricalyIncorrect (Feb 24, 2020)

Im single due to many reasons.

First of all I know how jealous I can get so its better to stay single than to hurt myself and my partner.

Second of all I already have one woman to look after -_- my mother with starts of dementia. Honestly i do not mind being single but I am quite pissed that I still live with my mom at age of 25. At least she is not looking after me heh.

And last but not least, relationship is sacrificing a lot of things like hobbies, money, patience and more.
And honestly? I prefer to be on my own and do what I want instead of forcing myself into relationship.

When it comes to sex though?
Hookers are way cheaper than a date if you ask me.


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## MaelstromEyre (Feb 24, 2020)

Being single is not a bad thing.  I was single throughout my twenties, just dated a few times but never felt particularly attached to any of them, and one was extremely controlling.

Many of my friends during that time (all in their twenties) were in that mindset that "I HAVE to be married and have kids by the time I'm thirty or I'll be a total failure."  You know what happened?  At least two of them married and had kids and were DIVORCED again by the time they were thirty, because they married the first guy they got into a relationship with and were so desperate to meet their life goal that they didn't stop to think if the guy was actually a good match for them.

Others who had kids, only had kids because they thought it's what they were supposed to do as an adult. . .and they're stuck in a loveless marriage with a gaggle of kids.  They've lost their own identity because everything is about their spouse and kids, they don't do any of the things they used to enjoy.  And the saddest part is just seeing them force themselves to believe this is what life is supposed to be like.

Whether you're single or dating or married or in a long term relationship - just be sure you are HAPPY in that situation.  Not to say every relationship is perfect all the time, but if you feel like you're "losing" part of who you are all the time, if you have to give up things that make you YOU in order to appease your partner. . .stop and think about whether or not you're really happy.  It may not be worth continuing that relationship.


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## Bluefiremark II (Feb 24, 2020)

I am single. Not because i want to be and not because i don't want to be in a relationship.. i am fine being either one. I'm not desperate for love. Won't make any wrong decisions in it. Rather I'm patient tilli find the right moments to try. So, I'm single now, have been for a while and probably will stay that way a bit longer. Nothing wrong with that.


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## KimberVaile (Feb 24, 2020)

Single, it would make the third relationship I had that did not exactly pan out so well.
I've found I have a great difficulty staying with a single person, and am drawn towards the freedom of being able to pursue my own ambitions and more adult needs as I prefer. I suppose that reflects poorly on me and makes me seem selfish among other less flattering traits I have learned about myself. Or maybe I've not found the right person to commit to. Who's to say?


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## goldcatmask (Feb 24, 2020)

I'm single and not really looking. The freedom is very enjoyable and i don't like having to compromise on my own life goals for the sake of keeping someone around


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## Doomer (Feb 24, 2020)

What do you guys think of poly relationships? 

For me they combine the best parts of being in relationship and being single. Sucks I cant find anyone into that. For some reason people assume it's like being in normal relationship except you have sex with others. That is just not true.


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## Deleted member 115426 (Feb 24, 2020)

Just a note to all those who have had "failed" relationships in the past. Just because you broke up doesn't mean it was a failure. If you truly enjoyed the time you spent with them then it was absolutely a successful relationship. Relationships sometimes don't last forever and that's okay.


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## Filter (Feb 24, 2020)

Happily single, and not looking. Sure, if I cross paths with someone who is a good match for me, I might be interested, but I'm not in a hurry. I can wait. The kind of partner I'd be interested in is hard to find, and can't be rushed. In the meantime, my life is pretty great.


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## Borophagus Metropolis (Feb 24, 2020)

Doomer said:


> What do you guys think of poly relationships?
> 
> For me they combine the best parts of being in relationship and being single. Sucks I cant find anyone into that. For some reason people assume it's like being in normal relationship except you have sex with others. That is just not true.



I think it's fine as long as all parties involved are honest with each other and themselves.


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## GarthTheWereWolf (Feb 24, 2020)

Doomer said:


> What do you guys think of poly relationships?
> 
> For me they combine the best parts of being in relationship and being single. Sucks I cant find anyone into that. For some reason people assume it's like being in normal relationship except you have sex with others. That is just not true.



I could never do it.

I'm too jealous in relationships. I don't want to share.


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## KimberVaile (Feb 24, 2020)

Doomer said:


> What do you guys think of poly relationships?
> 
> For me they combine the best parts of being in relationship and being single. Sucks I cant find anyone into that. For some reason people assume it's like being in normal relationship except you have sex with others. That is just not true.


Somebody will get jealous eventually, I do not feel poly relationships are built to last. But that's just me.
I'd certainly start to get jealous at some point, which would just become a catalyst for a lot of drama. I suppose there are some who wouldn't get like that, but I imagine they're quite rare.


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## Fentanyl (Feb 24, 2020)

Does a fuck-buddy count?

Lol, my relationship status is a wild ride. Not how I like it but what can I do?


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## Bxb777 (Feb 24, 2020)

So I just found out one of my friends of all time just got into a relationship. This is like the third time I had like a crush on someone then them man getting into a relationship. I'm unlucky


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## Tyno (Feb 24, 2020)

Bxb777 said:


> So I just found out one of my friends of all time just got into a relationship. This is like the third time I had like a crush on someone then them man getting into a relationship. I'm unlucky


or don't try to get into relationships in highschool reeeee


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## Bxb777 (Feb 24, 2020)

Tyno said:


> or don't try to get into relationships in highschool reeeee


Ohok


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## Deleted member 82554 (Feb 24, 2020)

Just shut up and kiss me.


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## Tyno (Feb 25, 2020)

Mr. Fox said:


> Just shut up and kiss me.


Sir, this is a wendy's.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Feb 25, 2020)

Welcome to Wendy's, how may I take your order?


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## Arix (Feb 25, 2020)

...by listening to it and entering it in that little computer thing you have there, probably.


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## Doomer (Feb 25, 2020)

Mr. Fox said:


> Welcome to Wendy's, how may I take your order?



I'd like it with extra sausage


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## Thrashy (Feb 25, 2020)

Relationship? I'll just stay with cake


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## Rarum (Feb 25, 2020)

I fancy myself a romantic, and no, I don’t like that I’m single. However, there are a few definite positives to it. For one thing, I’m busy enough right now that I don’t think I’d have the means to devote enough time to a relationship without having everything else suffer. And in addition to that, I’ve learned how to enjoy myself being single, so not all my happiness is resting on my romantic status. And since I haven’t found the one I’m looking for yet — and I know for sure what I want — it doesn’t bother me all that much now. I have fun, and although a relationship would be wonderful it’s probably best if I wait until my life stabilizes a bit more.


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## Deleted member 132067 (Feb 25, 2020)

It baffles me how often I read things along the lines of "Since I'm single I can devote time to my hobbies, which I couldn't in a relationship", or just generally "I need to sacrifice x if I weren't single". What kinda weird relationships are some of you having where you need to stop doing things you loved doing? Either do it with your partner or, well, don't and do it for yourself. You're still two individuals with largely varying tastes and preferences, it's fine if one likes a thing that the other doesn't.


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## Rarum (Feb 25, 2020)

^ That’s a good point. Personally I’m just really over-scheduled right now, like I don’t finish working on projects or attending things until 8 or 9 pm and then I just want to sleep because I get up pretty early. 

I suppose if I was in a relationship and we had similar interests it wouldn’t be a problem, though.


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## Telnac (Feb 25, 2020)

Doomer said:


> What do you guys think of poly relationships?
> 
> For me they combine the best parts of being in relationship and being single. Sucks I cant find anyone into that. For some reason people assume it's like being in normal relationship except you have sex with others. That is just not true.


Poly relationships hard to maintain. I have no experience with it myself but I've known several ppl who were in poly relationships. The biggest problem with any relationship is that you're an imperfect person trying to share an intimate life with another imperfect person. Conflicts inevitably arise and how you cope with those as a couple determine whether or not your relationship will survive.

Poly relationships are more complicated and harder to maintain because the number of potential conflicts rise with the number of partners. Person A may not have a conflict with person B but they do have a conflict with person C. I doesn't take a mathematician to see how much harder that is to maintain. It requires incredible patience and empathy from all partners to handle the type of complicated dynamics that might arise.

I've only known a few lasting poly relationships. Those that didn't last ended in very messy breakups. That's why I've avoided that scene entirely. More power to those who want to give it a go, but just make sure you know what you're getting into and that you have a safe way to get out of it if you need to.


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## Pipistrele (Feb 25, 2020)

Single folk here. Wouldn't mind getting into relationship, but just not in the right state right now - too many things to take care of at the moment



Doomer said:


> What do you guys think of poly relationships?
> 
> For me they combine the best parts of being in relationship and being single.


I tried to get into them, but for me, they just happened to escalate the suckiest parts of being in relationship without benefits of being single. They're hard to maintain, require larger amount of mutual trust, and leave you with less personal space. I think Telnac described the possible issues pretty well overall, and I've already encountered a few of those myself during my poly stints.


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## Doomer (Feb 25, 2020)

Telnac said:


> Poly relationships hard to maintain. I have no experience with it myself but I've known several ppl who were in poly relationships. The biggest problem with any relationship is that you're an imperfect person trying to share an intimate life with another imperfect person. Conflicts inevitably arise and how you cope with those as a couple determine whether or not your relationship will survive.
> 
> Poly relationships are more complicated and harder to maintain because the number of potential conflicts rise with the number of partners. Person A may not have a conflict with person B but they do have a conflict with person C. I doesn't take a mathematician to see how much harder that is to maintain. It requires incredible patience and empathy from all partners to handle the type of complicated dynamics that might arise.
> 
> I've only known a few lasting poly relationships. Those that didn't last ended in very messy breakups. That's why I've avoided that scene entirely. More power to those who want to give it a go, but just make sure you know what you're getting into and that you have a safe way to get out of it if you need to.



Maybe I'm misunderstand poly relationships. I see it as having multiple close friends. They don't have to like or know about each other.


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## Pipistrele (Feb 25, 2020)

Doomer said:


> Maybe I'm misunderstand poly relationships. I see it as having multiple close friends. They don't have to like or know about each other.


..they kinda need to know about each other - polyamory implies consent of every partner involved, and mutual trust is still a large part of the whole thing.


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## Doomer (Feb 25, 2020)

Pipistrele said:


> ..they kinda need to know about each other - polyamory implies consent of every partner involved, and mutual trust is still a large part of the whole thing.



Doesnt sound all that different from monogamy to be honest. I just enjoy my partners company. They can live whatever way they like


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## hecko (Feb 25, 2020)

Personally, I'm single, but not looking. If I want to date someone, I'd have to be great friends with them first.
However I'm always looking forward to meeting new friends!


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## Deleted member 132067 (Feb 25, 2020)

Doomer said:


> Doesnt sound all that different from monogamy to be honest. I just enjoy my partners company. They can live whatever way they like


Someone needs to desperately faceplant right into a dictionary to understand the difference between the prefixes mono & poly.


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## DariusTheLoony (Feb 25, 2020)

Single and looking for a voodoo doll


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## Pygmepatl (Feb 25, 2020)

All the Single Furries! Sing this song along me!


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## Guifrog (Feb 25, 2020)

Single here~! I've always been recluse and self-centered, to the point that it feels kinda uncomfy when others get attached to me. Which doesn't mean I don't like some nice, casual physical contact, once in a while, and when I haven't eaten too much poisonous bugs so it doesn't hurt you ;p

While I'm not into romance, I've had my experiences. My longest relationship lasted 4 years. Personally, I found it to be very productive for a while, but then again our notes wouldn't harmonize anymore and there was plenty of weight in the different ways we were going. Twas an amicable end, and still a successful relationship from my perspective, since I carry good memories, got to know lots of interesting music and gaming apps, and learned things about myself (and tax returns) from it.

When I chose my sona species, the fact that blue poison frogs are solitary and territorial was one of many things to keep in mind.


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## DariusTheLoony (Feb 25, 2020)

For me being single is like having a pin stabbed into your shoulder waiting to see how many would go in after that the next one. It feels like a waiting game for me because none of my relationships last long because of the fact that I used to be scared of going into relationship with people that I have things in common with but when it comes to people trying to buy me so that they get what they want while I don't get shit what they want to give me.  I have been through the craziest relationships and A lot of suicidal relationships, to the point where I am in relationships that can easily make someone become broken. I have made my mistakes to get myself into a situation where I'm single because it's hard to jump into a good relationship and not take it serious after the fact that you've been in horrible relationships for far too long. Now I am just waiting for the opportunity to be in a good relationship again but this time I am hoping that the monster girl of my dreams it turns out to be the one.


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## Captain TrashPanda (Feb 25, 2020)

Spilogale Pygmaea said:


> All the Single Furries! Sing this song along me!


my last three brain cells the night before an exam be like


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## LeFay (Feb 25, 2020)

Single as well. But I used to date a lot when I was younger. I just got out of a recent relationship after taking a 3 year hiatus from dating.

I'm a loner by nature so it really doesn't bother me and you learn to enjoy your own company. A relationship should be something that enhances your life rather then filling a hole.

But I'm waiting till I get more stable which could take a couple years. But I'd rather wait then jump in and fuck it up due to instability.


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## MunchiiMoon (Feb 25, 2020)

I'm single but I live too far out in the country to really find anyone. Especially since I don't have a drivers license or car yet so it's kinda difficult to even meet friends out here let alone a boyfriend. So until I move more into town I gotta be a single pringle


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## FlannelFox (Feb 26, 2020)

I'm having a hard time meeting people that could be interested because of my semi mobile minimalist thing I've got going on. There's a narrow margin of people that are smart and responsible and are also interested in full time travel. 
And I could also stand to be less of an introvert, it's true~


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## CocoMuffin (Feb 29, 2020)

I'm single as well and I was never interested in romantic relationships. The highest achievable thing for me, when it comes to relationships, is friendship.


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## Telnac (Feb 29, 2020)

CocoMuffin said:


> I'm single as well and I was never interested in romantic relationships. The highest achievable thing for me, when it comes to relationships, is friendship.


There's nothing wrong with a good friendship.


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## SkyboundTerror (Mar 1, 2020)

I am incredibly single. Must be my 'sona. He's not sexy enough.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Mar 1, 2020)

Checked on a YouTube comment and it's at 6.3k likes. That's all the love I need...


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## Fallowfox (Mar 1, 2020)

Gonna die alone. :}


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## Deleted member 134556 (Mar 1, 2020)

I'm not single anymore but I was for a while and now I realize being single has lots of benefits and perks.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Mar 1, 2020)

Fallowfox said:


> Gonna die alone. :}


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## Fallowfox (Mar 1, 2020)

Mr. Fox said:


> View attachment 82065


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## DariusTheLoony (Mar 1, 2020)

My persona have a better chance of getting someone than me even though I believe that I have options out there for me but it just seems like every single person I meet has more than one defect. part of me is happy to be single and not in those relationships that just lead to me feeling inadequate or as if I have to put on an act just so she is happy. Trust me when I say that list shift like that are not worth keeping but right now I am happy that I'm trying to get my life back in order and I'm also happy that I have my goals in mind that I believe I can reach as long as I continue on this trail. There's nothing wrong with being single as I wish that I had a companion to have on this journey but I feel deep down in my heart that she is out there somewhere.


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## Paws the Opinicus (Mar 1, 2020)

49, forever single. D:


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## Canis Dirus (Mar 1, 2020)

ClumsyWitch said:


> It baffles me how often I read things along the lines of "Since I'm single I can devote time to my hobbies, which I couldn't in a relationship", or just generally "I need to sacrifice x if I weren't single". What kinda weird relationships are some of you having where you need to stop doing things you loved doing? Either do it with your partner or, well, don't and do it for yourself.


The end of such relationships is a bit predictable. And it's well described in Gromov's “Шаг влево, шаг вправо”:


> Три-четыре часа сна перед наблюдениями. И после наблюдений те же три-четыре часа сна, если только с утра не надо ехать на службу. Иначе — меньше. Так примерно каждый третий день, вернее, ночь. В течение тридцати лет. Две трети ночей в году не пригодны для наблюдений по причине непогоды, неспокойствия атмосферы, светлого фона неба в период летнего солнцестояния или просто потому, что дела не отпускают на дачу. А случается, примчишься, поверив прогнозу о безоблачности, и зря. Такой режим сна-бодрствования не нравится организму. И редко какой жене он понравится. Федор Федорович был разведен, жена ушла от него давным-давно, поставив перед выбором: или я, или твой вонючий телескоп, понятно?
> Возможно, Федор Федорович, в те годы еще молодой и любивший жену, по глупости сделал бы неправильный выбор, не употреби жена обидный эпитет «вонючий» по отношению к честному и неплохо себя зарекомендовавшему инструменту. Жена ушла, как ее и не было. Ушла и забылась.


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## WitherSDL (Mar 1, 2020)

I was in a 6 year relationship that just ended.  I was happy with someone, but now it's almost a relief that I can focus on myself and my goals rather than splitting that focus on someone else.


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## Alopecoid (Mar 3, 2020)

Single foxo here. I had my first quasi-relationship last year. It didn't really go anywhere and I'm still not sure what it was ^_^ But it was kinda nice to have that new experience.

I've come to accept that finding a significant other is just tough. I think there are way more single people out there than we're led to believe. Sadly, it seems like the highest-probability way of finding someone is through dating apps. I don't like them (does anyone?), but it just seems to be how people meet each other nowadays. I've learned to expect nothing from them, since 99.9% of interactions go nowhere. That way, when you do a get a bite, it's a pleasant surprise.

So yeah, I'm still trying to meet a nice guy, but I've come to accept that it's tough, and that people are fickle, and that I have no control over when it happens. Accepting those things helps me feel a lot more at peace about it.


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## Pinky (Mar 4, 2020)

im used to it.


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## dragon-in-sight (Mar 4, 2020)

I'm single but don't mind it after all. I have been a lone wolf all my life, doing my on thing. And since I'm quite excentric there aren't much people who are compatible to me anyway.


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## Kaayn (Mar 4, 2020)

I'm single as well and open to relationships but I stop myself from seeking them out. When it comes naturally I find that the relationship is a lot healthier than if you try to find someone for the purpose of dating.


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## AdenineWolf (Mar 6, 2020)

As of now i'm currently single. I'm quite used to it though, I have been in a few relationships before, all of whom female. 
I used to show to everyone that i was desperate for wanting a partner or even friends. Not like that anymore, i try to avert that.
Right now, I am currently open for dating, but mostly looking for a boyfriend as i NEVER had a boyfriend before heh

Only thing that gets to me the most of being single while also hoping for love to come again is just the fact you have to WAIT 
and find the right person, which for weird goofballs like me is really hard to go through at times.
But hopefully when i have the opportunity to get out more often and meet new people, that gap should decrease.


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## Stray Cat Terry (Mar 11, 2020)

I'm single too. Have had 6 bfs and 4 gfs. (One at a time)
It might not be a great enough list of experiences to show, but for me, I have had everything I could have during these relationships.

The point is, if you want a straightforward advice:
Single is just great as it is, but only when you are not desired for relationships anymore.

Now that I have had all the expectations satisfyed, there's no need to risk myself into any further relationships. Relationship means your heart and mind, but also your love's conditions. I would rather not risk anyone getting screwed up by having me as a lover, and nor do I want to be screwed up trying to get everything going on the track. The problems aren't only you and your love, but also their families and their career, and your ability and/or luck not to have these collided with your conditions.

Now I'm not rushing to have a new relationship, but I'm also not trying to block out possible caring loves. Getting to such a state makes you cool at facing any SNS posts or ads discouraging being single, and also lower the anxiety or worries from facing other people, especially those who are potential dates.

In fact, it happens often that your 'normal' friends make you feel better than your present partner, more often than you would imagine! The key to loneliness is not always the love relationships, but the way the interactions go on, regardless of who you're dealing with. UwU

But still, if you havent ever tried yet, (according to the message I get from your words) it's definitely worth it to try. It may last long or short, and it may end one day as bitter pain or sweet nostalgia.
But remember: If you do, and no matter why and how you started it for, do your best to let your love feel worth their time with you, and so do take care of yours. So that you can learn one more thing until you finally find your everlasting partner or decide to settle on your own without a tiny bit of regret.

Best luck for you! :3

P.s. Never feel bad being a single! It's never a guilt but those social medias marketing their related products. Be proud of being yourself no matter you're single or couples!


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## Canopus the Dreamer (Mar 11, 2020)

I am single and have never really developed a deep and meaningful relationship. Normally one of 2 things happen:

1) We never really connect and the relationship just fails.

2) We get on like a house on fire. I then start to think that I am punching above my weight. Because I am kind hearted, I don't want to keep them stuck with me (as I perceive it). I then break the relationship off.

At the moment I am not looking for anyone, but no doubt I will look again in the future. I just need to stop listening to my inner saboteur.


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## Sir Thaikard (Mar 11, 2020)

My body pillow keeps me pretty warm at night.


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## cowboi (Mar 17, 2020)

I’m single right now for a few reasons, but mainly because I’m ace and it’s hard to find people who aren’t interested in some romantic or sexual aspect. Though, over time, I’ve figured out that really what* I want is a committed friendship, and I’ve been lucky enough to have a solid group of close friends. So, I suppose when the time is right I might find a special someone, but if not, I’m not too worried


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## skroge (Apr 1, 2020)

I'm 30 years old I'm single


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## Deleted member 82554 (Apr 1, 2020)




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## Rayd (Apr 1, 2020)

romance has never really been my top priority in my life. i've always been more worried about my life plans and working towards being as successful as i can be. but im afraid by the time it _is_ my top priority, it'll be too late to experience a "young and stupid" relationship with somebody. i don't think about it a lot but when i do it's kind of depressing. it sounds dumb but i crave that kind of stuff since i was never really able to experience being young all that much yet, and i feel like me pursuing success will waste those last few years of potential memories away. who knows, though.


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## Pseudo Stupidity (Apr 1, 2020)

Being single is cool, but being in a relationship has its own benefits. I'm fine with being either, and having gone through a divorce I wouldn't exchange my 10 years of being coupled for 10 years of being single. It's all good, but if you aren't cool with yourself you'll never be happy in whatever relationship configuration you come up with.


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## Jestwinged (Apr 1, 2020)

I'm single and don't really mind it, as someone else said above I don't openly seek it out rather just hope it comes to me I guess    I think online relationships are a good place to start or at least will be during this lockdown!  

Hope I do find someone eventually though


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## hologrammaton (Apr 1, 2020)

I'm a̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶g̶u̶l̶a̶r̶i̶t̶y̶  super single, but it's okay!  _I would ripple reality around you, break you down into binary data and compress your geometrically dissolved essence from all dimensional versions of you into a type of singularity considered impossible by current Earthly models of physics. _

f̠̘̳i̗̜̤̘r͈͖͉s͔̭͠t̘̰̞̦̩ ͙̞̤͚̬̬̳͡y̗͘o̤͕u̺̦͓̘̫̯r̴̩̯̤ ̘͇ḩ̣̭͙̤̜̞o̲̣͉p̀è̦͙̫​̻͍̲̖̱̰t̖̙̞he̩͘n̸͍̳͖̜͖̯ ̶̳̪̣͍ͅy̸̱̙̞̦͎o͓̠̙̪̬u͉̫̞͔̟r͏ ̧̲̭h̵ea͈r̠͈͎̹͘ͅt̖͖̜͝
̞̪̭̱t̛̼̝̣̞ḥ̺̼ȩ̘n̶̲̥̼̘̙̟ ̴y̻̕o̤̻̙͖̤̣͜u͕̯̬r̙͙̝ ̧͖̮̖͉͙̥̤s͘ ͚͙͔̳̞̻̘o ͢u ̠͈̰ḷ͙​

:3​


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## UwUCarlaUwU (Apr 1, 2020)

i am a lone wolf-er cat XD


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Apr 3, 2020)

Fucking sick of it. I'm not getting any more desirable as I get older, either.


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## Ringo the Wolf (Apr 3, 2020)

Deueaugh.


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## Kaayn (Apr 3, 2020)

Disregard my other post because now I remember how lonely I am :^)


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## Rouge166 (Apr 3, 2020)

Sinlge now, only one in my telegram group unfortunately it gets a little lonely when they mention their significant others. Not sure if I'm ready for relationship right now but would be nice to have intimacy.


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## Mr-Rose-Lizard (Apr 4, 2020)

I'm a confirmed batchelor.  After 2 botched blind dates (both of which didn't even get off the ground) I've learned the hard way that girls are mostly trouble.


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## Vesper The Coyusky (Jun 14, 2020)

Single fur here. Never was in a relationship due to my social skills not being the best. I get lonely at times, but sometimes I like to have a little fun doing what I like to do, accomplishing goals I'm proud of to cover up that gap. I try not to be depressed about it, and doing other things and being busy helps.


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## ErickBuck94 (Jun 15, 2020)

Am single since febuary, Been working on myself trying to overcome social anxiety as well as working on my career.


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## Lucidic (Jun 15, 2020)

I've stayed single my whole ass 18 year life and have kinda gained a fear towards dating. _Every time_ someone close to me (friends and family alike) get into a relationship, they end up stressed out with numerous problems and ultimately become unhappy being in one. Not exaggerating when I say that all I've ever heard and witnessed from people are upsetting--and some otherwise abusive--relationships and their stories about them. I'm not against being in one, but I refuse to get involved with a person I don't feel completely safe and compatible with on a mutual level beforehand.

Well...that and feeling like I'm too _o o f_ for dating, though. But that doesn't seem to stop some people.


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## Princess Flufflebutt (Jun 15, 2020)

Single and kinda tired of it ngl.


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## DireWolfJ4 (Jun 16, 2020)

Single life equals thug life


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## Deleted member 127940 (Jun 16, 2020)

Single. I seldom if ever feel lonely to be honest. I vastly prefer my own company and space and the thought of having to factor in someone else's perspectives and wants when deciding how I conduct my day-to-day life is downright repulsive to me. Only opinion that matters most is mine and I aim to keep it that way for years to come.

There's also the messy legal underpinnings of marriage.  You couldn't pay me enough to sign one of those bogus contracts as a man in 2020.


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## Stray Cat Terry (Jun 16, 2020)

A simple figure:

Do you want a car, having it maintained with your time, efforts and money? If you're still good with that and love your car, then yes.

If you would rather live without a car and go by whatever lifestyle without it(and the potential inconveniences), and it's totally fine for you, then no.

(Yes and no means to have a lover or not)

Even though I used the figure of speech to make it easier to understand, it never means that you can smash your lover into some walls or sell them away for a 'better' one. Love is tied to responsibilities...


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## TyraWadman (Jun 16, 2020)

Single. I've tried dating twice IRL. First one lasted 2 years before realizing I was just naive and being used, second one lasted a few months because I was cautious and called him out in his lie. 
Online (being younger at the time) was a joke and I'd never consider doing it again. 
If I had a social group to hang out with in person, I'd probably be pretty content. But I don't. I can only hope I find my equal, but it's hard to stay optimistic (how many non-religious/non-spiritual, non-drinking and non-drug using people do you know of?). I'll just keep drawing up some fictional hubbies for myself in the meantime.

I just want snuggles and head scratchies. ;n;


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## lemonadevik (Jun 17, 2020)

Single and lonely so like hmu I guess lmao. I've had a couple of serious relationships but nothing recent.


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## Eli_the_Wolf23 (Jun 17, 2020)

I've been single since Christmas but now since im turning 18 in September I think its time for me to just go out on a date but I cant really find anyone to date unfortunately but I would love to though and give it another go and I cant even find a female fur in my state to date and I have a bit of social anxiety and I hate it though but I know I still want to just date once again.


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## MrSpookyBoots (Jun 20, 2020)

This will probably sound very harsh, but I couldn't see myself enjoy being tethered to a single person for the rest of my life. I'd have to sacrifice a lot. I'm almost 30 years old and I still don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment.


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## JustAlex1997 (Jun 27, 2020)

Single, but looking. I haven't dated anyone local to me since 2018. I've done some long-distance talking since then (and one relationship), but I haven't found the right person yet.


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## Dinocanid (Jun 28, 2020)

Single, and I don't really plan on finding anyone tbh. I like being alone too much to be that close to another person. I would mind having friends, but nothing more than that


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## Stray_the_Kitsune (Jun 28, 2020)

Single here. I really enjoy the freedom of going wherever I feel like going and hanging out with whoever I feel like hanging out with on impulse. 

I really enjoy helping others, but I'd rather spread that love. The one person I chased for a while needed me to bail them and their mom out constantly for years. There was jealously and anxiety throughout that makes me so glad we never became a couple.

I'm moving to the Seattle area soon and I'm free to do that. Then I'll hang out with friends and go shopping ect.  I'll also occasionally give friends rides, or take them out 'cause I <3 charity :3


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## BabiNani (Jun 30, 2020)

Single here as well. I have had a few relationships in the past, but they were mostly online. I didn't used to, but lately I've been feeling very lonely. I really want someone I can wake up to everyday and shower with love and affection, which they generously return back. Make dinner together, go arcading, camping, etc. Maybe some day.


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## MysterPL (Jul 22, 2020)

Never have been able to get anyone interested for the right reasons. Last relationship I ever had was in uh high school if you even want to count that hm... So 6 yrs ago? After discovering I was asexual kinda have stopped seeking it IRL as I live in the middle of no where. Have tried Bumble once and found another ace woo! But they had no interest in me even as a friend.


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## Gemi42 (Jul 22, 2020)

Been single all my life~! I'd like to find someone someday but I'd rather it happen naturally.
I honestly don't actually know what it's like to be 'in love' with someone. Never experienced any super strong emotions like that one.


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## switches (Jul 22, 2020)

MrSpooky said:


> This will probably sound very harsh, but I couldn't see myself enjoy being tethered to a single person for the rest of my life. I'd have to sacrifice a lot. I'm almost 30 years old and I still don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment.



It's not harsh, I don't think relationships should involve sacrifices anyway. People shouldn't be tethered to anybody.
I'm technically single and no longer believe in marriage, instead I'm just non-monogamous. Relationship Anarchy as a concept is worth looking into if you feel this way.


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## Ziggy Schlacht (Jul 22, 2020)

Just gonna offer that if your only dating experience was highschool, don't take it as how all dating is. Seriously, dating in high school sucks. No one's mature, no one knows who they are, it's a mess.

Pop culture really fucks up perceptions of relationships by glamorizing generally horribly toxic ones. The super naggy wife locking their husband at home, the husband who hates his wife and does everything to avoid her. I mean, how many TV relationships show variations on that? Of course this ignores that a full blown wedding-level relationship springs up overnight with neither party even trying, regardless of if its healthy or not. In other words, getting dating advice from movies is like getting sex advice from pornhub. So, don't take relationships as that either.

To everyone looking for a relationship, you'll never find the "one" until you yourself are happy being single. That is - you've found yourself, you're honest in who are you, and you've ideally worked out those niggling problems that are turn offs. The relationships you get when you finally do this are with people who like _you_ for who _you_ are, not who you are _trying_ to be.

To give an example - I'm a guy, and I didn't wind up in my wonderful, straight relationship until I'd asked a guy out (and failed... my gay-dar malfunctioned hard core). However, asking that guy out let me actually come to terms with being bi, in a way where I hadn't even realized I had a problem. But afterwards, there was an almost relaxation and confidence I didn't realize I'd lacked. And suddenly things started working.

"But of course I'm happy being single!" you might say. Thing is - are you? It turns out I wasn't, though I thought I was. There's a difference between actually being happy being single and just not looking for a relationship. It's easy to fall in the trap of saying "I'm happy being single" as a defense to being bad at relationships. How you get there... Uh. That's on you, sorry. I'm just a large cat.

To everyone who thinks they're happy being single - maybe you are, maybe you aren't. But all I can say is if you feel it's working, then I'm not gonna tell you it's wrong.


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## Deleted member 132067 (Jul 22, 2020)

Ziggy Schlacht said:


> "But of course I'm happy being single!" you might say. Thing is - are you?


There's a lot to unpack in that sentence. The question about the why's, how's and if's relating to a relationship can widely vary.
There's ones who are simply fine with being single because they went through a stressful relationship before or it's simply the kind of thing they feel the most relaxed with. A relationship demands work and energy, not everybody can or is willing to spend that.
Others are scared because of past experienced or because there were never any experiences made. Then there's the ones who need to come to terms with their sexuality and self first, because if either of those is off you won't make it far in the dating life.
I would say only a small bit is disillusioned about their stance on being willfully single. Which would be the asexual crowd or the kinds of people who are so incredibly insecure, for whatever reason, that they think of themselves as asexual.
Either way, it's hard to jump to conclusions. The person that usually knows best about all of the above is the person in question. But whatever the case, everything is fine.


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## DariusTheLoony (Jul 22, 2020)

When I was a teenager it sucks being single to the point where it messed with my own sanity,  but now that I'm an adult I get women on the high and low.
For my own backyard to  around the globe.

 So to me right now I don't mind if I'm single because I have success in my name.


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## Ziggy Schlacht (Jul 22, 2020)

ClumsyWitch said:


> There's a lot to unpack in that sentence. The question about the why's, how's and if's relating to a relationship can widely vary.
> There's ones who are simply fine with being single because they went through a stressful relationship before or it's simply the kind of thing they feel the most relaxed with. A relationship demands work and energy, not everybody can or is willing to spend that.
> 
> Others are scared because of past experienced or because there were never any experiences made. Then there's the ones who need to come to terms with their sexuality and self first, because if either of those is off you won't make it far in the dating life.
> ...



And sure, there's plenty of reasons they might be, or it's the right choice at the moment. "Yes" is a valid answer, or even "no, but I believe it's the right choice right now." However, my question about are you happy was not simply limited to people lying to themselves out of just being in denial. The question of asking yourself are you happy comes with everything you just said - it's in the why. Yes, I'm happy because [reason] or now that you ask, maybe not, but [reason]. Honestly, I cited my own experience because it turns out I wasn't happy being single because I'd never, really, confirmed I played for both teams and it turns out that unknown was a problem.


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## Saokymo (Jul 22, 2020)

I may be single, but I’m not alone - I have lots of supportive family and friends to help me out. Romance is fun and all, and I wouldn’t mind having a life partner of some fashion, but I’m not gonna stress myself out worrying about my relationship status when there’s so many other things I can do instead.


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## ZeroVoidTime (Jul 22, 2020)

It is hard being a single one dollar bill........ SINCE OBVIOUSLY THIS IS WHAT THIS THREAD IS ABOUT NYUK NYUK NYUK......... (I'm single since I barely make contact outside of this forum and I cannot meet anyone due to the COVID-19 outbreak.)


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## Bababooey (Jul 22, 2020)

Spilogale Pygmaea said:


> All the Single Furries! Sing this song along me!


Okay that video was so cringy I couldn't even finish it. God. Please tell me it's supposed to be a shitpost.

Anyway, I'm a single pringle who's currently not looking. I'm an introvert who likes my privacy and don't feel like diving into the deep end of a pool when I don't know how to swim. I have zero relationship experience.


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## MainHammond (Jul 22, 2020)

I'd use Tinder just to never watch that video ever again.


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Jul 22, 2020)

I think I may no longer be single. Met a musician fur online who might be moving to my area in the not-too-distant future.


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## Bronwen Campbell (Jul 24, 2020)

DLewis28 said:


> I was wondering if anyone here is single. I've been single all myself. I don't mind it, but I do get lonely sometimes.


It's ok to be single, as long as you enjoy your own company, there's nothing wrong.


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## inkbloom (Jul 24, 2020)

Now that I think about it, I have never been in a relationship. I have been chronically single my entire life. 
Mostly it has been a personal choice and something I have enjoyed, but I won't lie. Nowadays I find myself getting lonesome and wishing for some companionship. It's just difficult, being who I am  and the time that we're living in.


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## MainHammond (Jul 24, 2020)

I've been in 2 relationships.

The first one lasted for 5 years. The second one only one week.


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## tamara590 (Oct 26, 2020)

still single and looking, not easy as a  plussize demisexual person who cant travel. but wont give up


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## Ringo the Wolf (Oct 26, 2020)

Single again.
Loneliness is back.
Depression is back.
Help me...


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## DireDrag0n (Oct 27, 2020)

I'm single, but it's not something I usually mind. I'm a functional human and I don't have to be in a relationship to prove it.


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## Meta_Tiara (Oct 27, 2020)

I’m not in a relationship atm and I’m 29. My introversion doesn’t help in that department.


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## lolox (Oct 29, 2020)

I am single and I have been for quite some time. Not a virgin, just very lost as far as relationships go. I can't see how it could be any different though, given the way that my life was shaped.

As a child, I was abused both physically and mentally. My father suffered from anger issues, and he'd let that anger out on his family. That was very confusing to me, because I didn't understand why he hurt us the way he did. I seriously thought it was my own fault when I was abused. My two older siblings got the worst of it, but that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share as well. The things I was beaten for were trivial, and sometimes there wasn't any reason at all. I could be beaten for simply going to the bathroom when he needed to.

This made me very insecure as a person. I think about everything I do at least twice before I do it, especially in a social context. I'm always self aware. This means I usually stay quiet. The opportunity to express myself is long gone before I decide to actually say something. People perceive me as distant, which is probably true, but really I think I'm just thinking a lot.

My mother was (is) very religious, and for whatever reason, she taught us (me and my siblings) that sex is something bad. Perhaps it wasn't her intention, but that's definitely the way it came across to us. I think this at least in part ties into the reason why I became a furry. Me being a very sensitive and obedient child, I tried to appease my mother by suppressing my sexuality (which of course doesn't work). But, by sheer chance, I found an outlet - the furry fandom. I really liked the artwork. In my adolescent mind, furry adult artwork didn't feel quite as sinful as the real thing, _"because it's just cartoons"_. Little did I know that I was essentially programming my mind to be aroused by things that don't actually exist. I was definitely too young to be exposed to that kind of material. Not only that, but my affinity to the furry fandom would eventually evolve into something that could only be described as a religious devotion. By now, almost everything in my life revolves around the fandom in one way or another.

Being aroused by real people is exceedingly difficult for me, which naturally has had an influence on my motivation to actually get out there and meet someone. For the longest time, I was fine with this. I just accepted that this is the way that I am, and I'll have to live with it. But eventually, the fact that I was a virgin at X age really started to get to me, and thus I opened myself up to the opportunity of dating.

Some time passes, and I meet someone. She's older than me, but I don't really mind. I seem to have some sort of connection with middle aged women, and I finally just embraced it. Maybe it has something to do with my mother being quite old when she got me?

Sex isn't what I expected it to be, but I enjoy the sense of intimacy. We continue seeing each other. Unbekownst to me however, this lady already had a marriage. I eventually find out after a while. I brought it up with her the next time we met and an argument erupted. I wasn't against her marriage, I just wanted to know what I was to her. I thought I meant something to this person, but I was discarded as if nothing. I was her plaything. It really hurt me. I vouched to never let myself be hurt the same way again.

Years pass. Due to reasons I won't go into, I have a very sudden mental breakdown. It's really bad - I can't eat or sleep for a week. It's as if a void had suddenly emerged in me and I was craving all this love to fill it. I'm surprised and fascinated by this experience. I thought I had moved on from my need for love, but evidently I was wrong. Despite being in a poor state, I'm still thankful for this sudden realization. It's as if I had been struck by lightning, and I could see things clearly for the first time in a long while. I regret having wasted so many years living alone, and decide to try my luck with online dating.

I create profiles on various dating sites made for serious relationships. I write an honest and personal text and I don't expect much, but to my surprise I get a lot of interactions. Conversations seem asinine and a waste of time for the most part. Is this what online dating is like? I don't understand how people put up with it (and some of the people I chatted with had been there for many years). Of the few conversations that are actually interesting, they're all with openly flawed people. I guess that really says something about me, doesn't it? And yet, I'm terrified of letting them close. I'm afraid of being "found out" and being rejected for it. I think it's a mix of things - my complex childhood, the fact that I'm a furry, the fact I feel like a social failure and the fact that the only romantic relationship I've ever had ended in suffering.

Eventually, my motivation dwindles. More interactions on my profile occur, but at that point it was becoming more of a nuisance than anything. I'm disappointed in myself, because I know I want to find someone, but at the same time I can't seem find the energy to do so. I'm growing antagonistic towards this whole online dating thing in general. It feels forced. I prefer the spontaneity of real life interactions. It's more relaxed and no expectations. I cancel my subscriptions.

This was some time ago. By now, I feel like I'm getting back to my old self. Living quietly, as I used to. No ups or downs. Maybe it's better this way.

I think about my past a lot. I can't help but wonder what my life would have been like had my family not been so dysfunctional. I feel I was robbed of something that other people get by default. Things that come naturally to others, I have to invest a tremendous amount of effort just to fit in. And that's just for the normal stuff. Actually being intimate with others is even more difficult - especially now when I carry a trauma. I don't know if I am this way solely because of my experiences, or if it's genetic as well. Come to think of it, both of my parents are quite distant, too, and my brother was diagnosed with asbergers late in his life, and we were always much alike (although he always had more of "it" than I did).

Deep down, I want nothing more than to truly connect with someone on an intimate level. I want to feel loved. Or better yet - I want to feel understood. I want to be embraced for who I am. But the more I interact with other people, the more I am reminded of how fundamentally different I seem to be.

tldr; I want to be loved and I want to love someone, but the way I am shaped makes it difficult for me to connect with others in a way that feels meaningful.


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## Yakamaru (Oct 29, 2020)

Hmm..

I don't mind being single, although I wouldn't mind a partner either.

Tho feels as if I am sticking out a little.. Too much, as I get hit on on a weekly basis. ^^''


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## Matt the Terrier (Oct 29, 2020)

I've never had a girlfriend. Most of the girls I've come across have either been taken, not interested in a relationship, I wasn't right for them, or they weren't right for me.

I've gone in and out of holding out hope for a girl to take a liking to me. Maybe I'll find one [on here], but I'm not getting my hopes up. I hope I'll find one someday. . .someday.


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## DemiRabis0 (Oct 31, 2020)

lolox said:


> I am single and I have been for quite some time. Not a virgin, just very lost as far as relationships go. I can't see how it could be any different though, given the way that my life was shaped.
> 
> As a child, I was abused both physically and mentally. My father suffered from anger issues, and he'd let that anger out on his family. That was very confusing to me, because I didn't understand why he hurt us the way he did. I seriously thought it was my own fault when I was abused. My two older siblings got the worst of it, but that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share as well. The things I was beaten for were trivial, and sometimes there wasn't any reason at all. I could be beaten for simply going to the bathroom when he needed to.
> 
> ...



I'm single now.
I came from a highly abusive and dysfunctional family as well. At least I can say I wasn't born into it. I was adopted. All my siblings were.
I was sexually abused and groomed to be my dad's wife number 2. For the longest time, I was terrified of both men and women, given that my mom was psychologically and emotionally abusive, as well as a jealous enabler. My first boyfriend was a 30+ man when I was on the verge of turning 18. I was barely able to think about kissing him. Intimacy was so far from my mind, I didn't know how to be intimate at the time. For the longest time I thought I was asexual. But it wasn't until I met somebody else, more my age, that was not pressuring me to give it up or using me, to finally feel what actual love was. I moved out/was kicked out. Lived with a few friends, then eventually ended up living with my boyfriend of 13 years. Our relationship eventually fell apart after that 13 years, but he's still my best friend and I live with him, and his boyfriend. Who I also dated for awhile, we were a poly relationship until everything fell apart.

So I'm single again. I did date somebody who turned out to be a replica of my mother soon after the breakup with my second boyfriend. The one of 13 years. That only lasted almost a year. 


I often wonder just how my life would have been without the abuse. I'm still learning the ins and outs of relationships. I'm learning to be okay by myself. For the most part I am, but I'm still looking for that person that will grow old with me. And understand me. And most of all accept me and all my quirks and crazy.

So. Yeah. That's more or less my story. I quoted you because I feel a kinship. One survivor to another. You are not alone in some of your experiences and thoughts. I've had definitely had similar. I too was also diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 14. So pretty late in life.


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## Toby_Morpheus (Oct 31, 2020)

I dont particularly mind being single but uh... I did get a boyfriend last night, so...

That's a thing.

I normally just try for friendships and whatever happens happens.


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## Ziggy Schlacht (Nov 1, 2020)

Toby_Morpheus said:


> I dont particularly mind being single but uh... I did get a boyfriend last night, so...
> 
> That's a thing.
> 
> I normally just try for friendships and whatever happens happens.



Ha! Gay! 

But really - the best relationships come when you're not trying. Then you're yourself.


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## Yakamaru (Nov 1, 2020)

Matt the Terrier said:


> I've never had a girlfriend. Most of the girls I've come across have either been taken, not interested in a relationship, I wasn't right for them, or they weren't right for me.
> 
> I've gone in and out of holding out hope for a girl to take a liking to me. Maybe I'll find one [on here], but I'm not getting my hopes up. I hope I'll find one someday. . .someday.


Mind if I make a recommendation?

Hop onto Discord and Telegram too if you haven't already. This forum is tiny in comparison to the total amount of Furries out there.


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Nov 1, 2020)

Ziggy Schlacht said:


> Ha! Gay!
> 
> But really - the best relationships come when you're not trying. Then you're yourself.


Well for a while, I was still working out what parts of me were and they happened to get in the way in spots.
Kinda hard to be yourself if you don't know who you are, right?

But I can't say these failures haven't been good in other regards.
Remember everyone: Don't be afraid of failure because it's experience that will keep you safe. Ignorance is dangerous. It goes for the dating scene just like it does everywhere else in life.
Leave your comfort zones as much as you can, just be aware of what you're comfortable with and back off when you feel you need.


----------



## Kharne (Nov 1, 2020)

Toby_Morpheus said:


> Well for a while, I was still working out what parts of me were and they happened to get in the way in spots.
> Kinda hard to be yourself if you don't know who you are, right?
> 
> But I can't say these failures haven't been good in other regards.
> ...


Failure is bad, ignorance is bliss, and something else opposite of what you said because I need some confrontation today


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Nov 1, 2020)

Kharne said:


> Failure is bad, ignorance is bliss, and something else opposite of what you said because I need some confrontation today


*lick*
;3


----------



## Kharne (Nov 1, 2020)

Toby_Morpheus said:


> *lick*
> ;3


LICKS ARE FIGHTING WORDS!

And to add onto the actual topic- 
Being single and in a relationship are equally hard, it's just that the struggles with both are different. While I've never been in an official relationship, I know not to rush things because that will waste both of our time. Still, I'd love to at least experience a relationship haha


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Nov 1, 2020)

Kharne said:


> LICKS ARE FIGHTING WORDS!
> 
> And to add onto the actual topic-
> Being single and in a relationship are equally hard, it's just that the struggles with both are different. While I've never been in an official relationship, I know not to rush things because that will waste both of our time. Still, I'd love to at least experience a relationship haha


Have to go the speed the slowest person goes.


----------



## Polaris (Nov 8, 2020)

Been single for a long time myself. It's been ages since I had any kind of meaningful relationship with another person and I've kind of grown used to being alone for the most part. It does get rather painful at times, sure and makes me wish I had that someone special in my life, but I try to keep myself distracted with other things keep myself from thinking about my current predicament of being single.


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## KippLink (Nov 8, 2020)

I think a lot of times there is a problem that many furries are located too far from one another and for a successful relationship to happen at least some visits are important. Nowadays its a very common case that you will run in to someone you like who is hundreds/thousands miles away from you. And as much as long distance relationships can be quite difficult to hold on to they are still possible depending on how serious you two are about your intentions. If you continue to keep contact, work towards your goals and save up than in some time you will be able to proceed with next step to finally be together. Everything takes time.


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## Minerva_Minx (Nov 8, 2020)

lolox said:


> I am single and I have been for quite some time. Not a virgin, just very lost as far as relationships go. I can't see how it could be any different though, given the way that my life was shaped.
> 
> As a child, I was abused both physically and mentally. My father suffered from anger issues, and he'd let that anger out on his family. That was very confusing to me, because I didn't understand why he hurt us the way he did. I seriously thought it was my own fault when I was abused. My two older siblings got the worst of it, but that doesn't mean I didn't get my fair share as well. The things I was beaten for were trivial, and sometimes there wasn't any reason at all. I could be beaten for simply going to the bathroom when he needed to.
> 
> ...


For older women - Maybe because we're a little more mature and open? Zero f***s to give?  Flaws are quite exquisite and definitely keep things interesting.  Sorry to hear about your problematic relationships.

I wouldn't worry too much.  If you want to get in a relationship, take your time.  Stopping the hunt for the perfect person and just talking over a coffee or trivial thing can lead to some surprising outcomes.  I have heard of some people getting lucky on dating sites: I used them once upon a time.  Mostly, yeah, it's a lot of work for a relationship that may never materialize.


----------



## Borophagus Metropolis (Nov 8, 2020)

I'm bored. Who wants a piece of this woof?


----------



## Punji (Nov 8, 2020)

Borophagus Monoclinous said:


> I'm bored. Who wants a piece of this woof?



Wrong thread! https://forums.furaffinity.net/threads/flirt-outrageously-with-the-fur-above-you.1651431/

But also me.


----------



## zandelux (Nov 10, 2020)

DireDrag0n said:


> I'm a functional human and I don't have to be in a relationship to prove it.



Funny, 'cause I'm a non-functional human and I also don't need to be in a relationship to prove it!


----------



## Artimis_Panda (Nov 10, 2020)

Single and looking here. Just hard to find someone close who actually wants something besides sex.


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## nan_nan_yakamoto (Nov 11, 2020)

Single lion~

I think being single is necessary . Just other's have said -- particularly after a bad or unfavorable break up -- it can be good for you. To just... get back to the foundation of "you" and who you are. Not the mask that you put up for friends or society, but the real tride and true you. And when you find that foundational person inside, you can start potentially looking again for a mate; particularly if you know now who you want or want to see as an amicable partner.

I do have a question for others though~ Anyone have this limbo feeling where they want to be in a relationship but are just...tapped out. You still have a libido and the want to love and be loved, but yet at the same token just the thought of pursuing a relationship ( i.e being the pursuer ) just makes you utterly lethargic? Y^Y


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Nov 11, 2020)

nan_nan_yakamoto said:


> I do have a question for others though~ Anyone have this limbo feeling where they want to be in a relationship but are just...tapped out. You still have a libido and the want to love and be loved, but yet at the same token just the thought of pursuing a relationship ( i.e being the pursuer ) just makes you utterly lethargic? Y^Y


Yeah I feel that.
I think that being in an open relationship alleviated it for me, though.
There's much less pressure. I don't have to worry about libido and I can still get physical affection if I need it, but my bf is also always there and he likes hanging out with me.

Probably helps that he's a good fit for me, too. He's patient with me during my occasional times of frustration and genuinely cares.

That patience and freedom combined appears to keep my worrying and expectations to a minimum while his interest in me keeps my desire for attention fed.


----------



## nan_nan_yakamoto (Nov 11, 2020)

And that's beautiful <3 Anyone that can find love and acceptance in this crazy world has found something to treasure. 

I know a couple of friends that are into the poly or open relationships. I always have wondered how they make work without one getting jealous or having issues. I know the potential common answer is communication but still...

From someone who's coming from a monogamous relationship background, to see that other poly/open relationships thrive is something that has genuinely surprised me.


----------



## Toby_Morpheus (Nov 11, 2020)

nan_nan_yakamoto said:


> I know a couple of friends that are into the poly or open relationships. I always have wondered how they make work without one getting jealous or having issues. I know the potential common answer is communication but still...
> 
> From someone who's coming from a monogamous relationship background, to see that other poly/open relationships thrive is something that has genuinely surprised me.


Yeah, it's not for everyone.
Personally, I'm a quality time person, so my 'love meter', so to speak, fills just doing stuff with my partner.
I don't care about when he does stuff with others and he doesn't when I do. We communicate every time and we find ways to get each other involved in some way ;p


----------



## Minerva_Minx (Nov 11, 2020)

nan_nan_yakamoto said:


> Single lion~
> 
> I think being single is necessary . Just other's have said -- particularly after a bad or unfavorable break up -- it can be good for you. To just... get back to the foundation of "you" and who you are. Not the mask that you put up for friends or society, but the real tride and true you. And when you find that foundational person inside, you can start potentially looking again for a mate; particularly if you know now who you want or want to see as an amicable partner.
> 
> I do have a question for others though~ Anyone have this limbo feeling where they want to be in a relationship but are just...tapped out. You still have a libido and the want to love and be loved, but yet at the same token just the thought of pursuing a relationship ( i.e being the pursuer ) just makes you utterly lethargic? Y^Y


I'm married, but relationships take a lot of time and effort.  That said, even in a committed relationship one or both of us gets in that stage of, "Hun, just not feeling it right now."  We back away from each other, do our things, and come back.  Dating when married is fun (not so much in an endemic) and we get lovey-dovey on each other.

Being married just means you're committing yourself to another, not giving up being a person.


----------



## Bababooey (Nov 11, 2020)

Reading the title immediately made me sad. Hm.
Well so did the celibacy one and the one asking people if they have a life. Lol

Anyway, single pringle that struggles to commit to friendships even, so I am certainly not in a position to date in the near future. *insert existential dread*

Edit: Yeah I've never dated anyone in my life. Maybe someday.


----------



## nan_nan_yakamoto (Nov 11, 2020)

Minerva_Minx said:


> Being married just means you're committing yourself to another, not giving up being a person.


Very eloquently said <3 =^~^=


----------



## Monosuki the Aurian (Nov 11, 2020)

Done some dating here and there, but none of them really stuck. I mean, when looking at things objectively, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single, that's in fact one of the best times, mainly because when you aren't in a relationship, you have no commitment to another individual, and in my time with the....._extensive _numbers of those I've dated, it's safe to say that folk in my age group.....aren't necessarily mature yet. Their age may say one thing, but mentality might say another. For example, starting the relationship for one day, and the next, a friend-zone. I feel being single is ideal, especially now. But still, it does tend to get really lonesome. Like when you have all the success and talents you may/may not possess, you tend to wonder...."Why have them if nobody sees it?" I've asked myself that question for the longest, and yet, it seems relationships tend to get more and more....awkward over the times. My last one was just some horny 16 year old who did nothing but desire....._interesting things....._so to put it in a censorship manner. 

Overall, my point is that I don't mind being single, but being single for as long as I've been tends to be quite lonesome. Finding the right one is hard, especially by today's demanding societal norms. It's virtually impossible in that regard to find that one person who will at least stick with you for.....say, give or take, a couple of months. If you offer nothing to the table, then that common fact is likely to draw people away, and if you can across as those who possess nothing but libido of unworldly proportions, then that seems to attract more people, despite....differentiating ideologies. Well, yeah. Single is nothing bad, it would just be nice to find someone at least...


----------



## TemetNosce88 (Nov 11, 2020)

Sgt. Piru said:


> Done some dating here and there, but none of them really stuck. I mean, when looking at things objectively, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being single, that's in fact one of the best times, mainly because when you aren't in a relationship, you have no commitment to another individual, and in my time with the....._extensive _numbers of those I've dated, it's safe to say that folk in my age group.....aren't necessarily mature yet. Their age may say one thing, but mentality might say another. For example, starting the relationship for one day, and the next, a friend-zone. I feel being single is ideal, especially now. But still, it does tend to get really lonesome. Like when you have all the success and talents you may/may not possess, you tend to wonder...."Why have them if nobody sees it?" I've asked myself that question for the longest, and yet, it seems relationships tend to get more and more....awkward over the times. My last one was just some horny 16 year old who did nothing but desire....._interesting things....._so to put it in a censorship manner.
> 
> Overall, my point is that I don't mind being single, but being single for as long as I've been tends to be quite lonesome. Finding the right one is hard, especially by today's demanding societal norms. It's virtually impossible in that regard to find that one person who will at least stick with you for.....say, give or take, a couple of months. If you offer nothing to the table, then that common fact is likely to draw people away, and if you can across as those who possess nothing but libido of unworldly proportions, then that seems to attract more people, despite....differentiating ideologies. Well, yeah. Single is nothing bad, it would just be nice to find someone at least...


It probably doesn't help that you're dealing with younger people. Please don't interpret that as me trying to minimize your struggles, because I'm not; being a teenager/young adult was awkward and frustrating at the best of times. I remember being 17 and thinking that I'd be single forever, and as a result, wound up in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 4 years. I stayed in it because clearly, nobody else was ever going to want me so I'd have to make this one last. I was very wrong.

There's nothing wrong with being single while you're still trying to come into your own. Real honestly, I don't think I had a good grasp on who I was as a person or what I really wanted out of life until I was in my late 20s, which allowed me to find a partner that actually is a good fit for me. Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place when it's time.


----------



## Monosuki the Aurian (Nov 11, 2020)

TemetNosce88 said:


> It probably doesn't help that you're dealing with younger people. Please don't interpret that as me trying to minimize your struggles, because I'm not; being a teenager/young adult was awkward and frustrating at the best of times. I remember being 17 and thinking that I'd be single forever, and as a result, wound up in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost 4 years. I stayed in it because clearly, nobody else was ever going to want me so I'd have to make this one last. I was very wrong.
> 
> There's nothing wrong with being single while you're still trying to come into your own. Real honestly, I don't think I had a good grasp on who I was as a person or what I really wanted out of life until I was in my late 20s, which allowed me to find a partner that actually is a good fit for me. Take care of yourself, and the rest will fall into place when it's time.


I understand. Thanks again fro the supportive comment! I'll be sire to take it slow, figure myself out first, and warm up to the idea of being with others in due time. Thank you again for those words, it means a lot!


----------



## Ziggy Schlacht (Nov 11, 2020)

Sgt. Piru said:


> I understand. Thanks again fro the supportive comment! I'll be sire to take it slow, figure myself out first, and warm up to the idea of being with others in due time. Thank you again for those words, it means a lot!



To add - as it seems you are young. You ain't figured out who you are yet, so how are you gonna figure out what you want?

If it makes you feel better, some studies have found that those who were single during HS/early adulthood tend to wind up in better relationships as they've had much longer to figure out who they are. Those who've basically never not been in a relationship never learn how to be themselves.


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## zandelux (Nov 11, 2020)

The often repeated advice of figuring out who you are by yourself seems pretty true, in my experience. I actually worry about people who are afraid to be alone. Being alone is awesome, even if I don't want to be alone all the time. But then again maybe I'm a huge narcissist, and that's why I enjoy my own company so much. 

Even when I get into my next relationship, I'll still need alone time. I'm an introvert that needs recharge time anyway.


----------



## Yakamaru (Nov 11, 2020)

Toby_Morpheus said:


> Yeah, it's not for everyone.
> Personally, I'm a quality time person, so my 'love meter', so to speak, fills just doing stuff with my partner.
> I don't care about when he does stuff with others and he doesn't when I do. We communicate every time and we find ways to get each other involved in some way ;p


Inb4 a bloody game character in a dating sim.


----------



## Monosuki the Aurian (Nov 11, 2020)

Ziggy Schlacht said:


> To add - as it seems you are young. You ain't figured out who you are yet, so how are you gonna figure out what you want?
> 
> If it makes you feel better, some studies have found that those who were single during HS/early adulthood tend to wind up in better relationships as they've had much longer to figure out who they are. Those who've basically never not been in a relationship never learn how to be themselves.


Hmm...that makes sense, so I'll heed to those words, and hopefully, something great shall come from it! Indeed that reassured me friend, and I thank you for the kind words and the uplifting ones as well! I shall take them to heart!


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## Minerva_Minx (Nov 11, 2020)

zandelux said:


> The often repeated advice of figuring out who you are by yourself seems pretty true, in my experience. I actually worry about people who are afraid to be alone. Being alone is awesome, even if I don't want to be alone all the time. But then again maybe I'm a huge narcissist, and that's why I enjoy my own company so much.
> 
> Even when I get into my next relationship, I'll still need alone time. I'm an introvert that needs recharge time anyway.


I'm an introvert and my wife's the extrovert.  She's always at a party and I stay home to recharge and we occasionally drag the other person back.  It saves her from overextending herself and me from growing mold.


Sgt. Piru said:


> Hmm...that makes sense, so I'll heed to those words, and hopefully, something great shall come from it! Indeed that reassured me friend, and I thank you for the kind words and the uplifting ones as well! I shall take them to heart!


You're awesome and Guifrog and Yakamaru are right - don't take it dating seriously.  No one should.  If you're not having fun, you're in a bad spot.  Dates should always be fun and reflect your interests.  My wife and I hit it off on a passing comment, sarcastically making fun of our friends, realizing we both liked ice cream.

Our worst fights started as coffee vs tea.  When we realized that, we were good.


----------



## SolDirix (Nov 15, 2020)

Not single, but I remember believing I wanted to live my whole life being single and never settling down. I used to think that that was the life I wanted. After finding the love of my life, who has made me happier than anything else in the world, I will humbly admit that I was wrong.

That being said, I would _never _tell others they are wrong about thinking they want to remain single forever too, because I know what that feels like.

I don't want to be that old, 'out of touch' guy that badgers the college kids with crap like "You will get lonely some day! Just you wait! Yer just young n' dumb! You will want to settle down eventually!" We are all individuals with our own interests, and we shouldn't project ours onto others.


----------



## Deleted member 133545 (Nov 15, 2020)

I'm single, it's nothing to feel insecure about really, yes, you get lonely
but, what would a relationship that is most of the times unstable give you at the end?
a broken heart a pair of horns cause you either cucked your love done or he or she cucked you 
come on now, life is like the sea, you gotta go with the flow so the tide moves and delivers you a fresh batch of joy
there will be turbulence and beasts trying to devour you 
but as long as you keep yourself awaken on the rightful moments, you'll find your net filled with new memories....and maybe a land to settle down in, and escape the sea


----------



## Kit H. Ruppell (Nov 15, 2020)

Given the gender gap within the fandom, and the perception of furries by those outside of it, it's tempting on some days to tell straight or straight-leaning guys to stay out for their own good before they screw themselves over. That could just be the quarantine stress talking, though.


----------



## Deleted member 133545 (Nov 15, 2020)

Kit H. Ruppell said:


> Given the gender gap within the fandom, and the perception of furries outside of it, it's tempting on some days to tell straight or straight-leaning guys to stay out for their own good.


one's sexuality is decided through acts, not thoughts put into text on a website, that way we genuinely know (in my opinion)


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## Minerva_Minx (Nov 15, 2020)

Kit H. Ruppell said:


> Given the gender gap within the fandom, and the perception of furries by those outside of it, it's tempting on some days to tell straight or straight-leaning guys to stay out for their own good before they screw themselves over. That could just be the quarantine stress talking, though.


Most of us, I think, are not that shallow.


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## Deleted member 82554 (Nov 15, 2020)

You're never single when you're a cheeseburger, everyone wants you.


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## Deleted member 133545 (Nov 15, 2020)

Mr. Fox said:


> You're never single when you're a cheeseburger, everyone wants you.


I'm not touching those buns but I'm sending you hugs regardless


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## Deleted member 82554 (Nov 15, 2020)

I prefer to be kissed.


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## Punji (Nov 15, 2020)

Mr. Fox said:


> You're never single when you're a cheeseburger, everyone wants you.



A juicy double cheese is never alone for long.


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## zandelux (Nov 15, 2020)

But if you're not a double cheeseburger, doesn't that make you single?


----------



## Deleted member 133545 (Nov 15, 2020)

zandelux said:


> But if you're not a double cheeseburger, doesn't that make you single?


he has no fries, meaning that he has no sides
being double the cheeseburger means being double the taste, and double the desire


----------



## Jackpot Raccuki (Nov 16, 2020)

Being single? Couldn't be me.


----------



## PhyloSallas (Nov 17, 2020)

Well, this topic is really timely...I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I've gone through so many stages of denial and aversion to dating practices that I've let myself get quite a bit behind. But honestly I think I was just scared. I've lived a very sheltered life with a toxic family unit that basically co-opted me into husbandry for my two female family members, playing the role of supporter emotionally. It was codependant and awful. I got out a about a year and a half ago, and have bounced around the internet trying to get close to and have healthy relationships with people I met on there...I found a good few very good friends, but none are near me and it's left me feeling very alone. 
All of this has sort of led me to realize I wanted a relationship...something I denied for years because was terrified of the bleak outlook for a sheltered guy so far behind everyone else, with ZERO experience in these things. And it's pretty crushing even now, as I try to salvage some kind of future from the really rough start I was given. That's why I'm here, trying to meet people...it's really hard, because I don't naturally seek social interaction, I have to force myself. And worse is that I discovered I'm demi, so it's exceedingly difficult for me to feel anything for a person unless I'm already close to them. :'3
It's helpful to see some of the similar stories here though. :3 were a lot of you raised very sheltered?


----------



## TyraWadman (Nov 17, 2020)

PhyloSallas said:


> were a lot of you raised very sheltered?


YES. At least, for me. As a female, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. I wasn't allowed to take risks or even find out on my own that the friends I had weren't actually friends. Family was toxic and dysfunctional. I wasn't even allowed to have my shoes on the shoe rack with everyone's. It didn't help that the majority of my small family was sexist.

I had no social skills but I wanted to overcome this. It was long and painful, and while I'm still not a pro, I can definitely show my promotion into a customer service manager as a sign of progress. 

You sound like you're heading in the right direction. Even if you hit a few bumps in the road, you're at least living life on your own terms. Work for the things you desire so that you can live the life that you know you deserve.


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## PhyloSallas (Nov 17, 2020)

TyraWadman said:


> YES. At least, for me. As a female, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. I wasn't allowed to take risks or even find out on my own that the friends I had weren't actually friends. Family was toxic and dysfunctional. I wasn't even allowed to have my shoes on the shoe rack with everyone's. It didn't help that the majority of my small family was sexist.
> 
> I had no social skills but I wanted to overcome this. It was long and painful, and while I'm still not a pro, I can definitely show my promotion into a customer service manager as a sign of progress.
> 
> You sound like you're heading in the right direction. Even if you hit a few bumps in the road, you're at least living life on your own terms. Work for the things you desire so that you can live the life that you know you deserve.


Oh my gosh, that sounds absolutely awful... it's amazing you managed to build yourself up from that! These small family units can be so terrible when they make you believe there's nothing outside of the small scope of the unit, and that everyone else in the world is not to be trusted...pulling away honestly feels like you're tearing your own skin off one bit at a time. X( 
But we both managed it, and although I too am far from a pro, I think you're right about being on the right path. :3 you seem to have done very well yourself! It's funny, I'm a retail supervisor myself, and I deal with customer service all the time, lol. Honestly it helps, doesn't it? Exposes you to more people, y'know? 

Really...thank you so much for your reply, Tyra...^_^ It feels nice to not feel so alone. :3 though it sucks you had to go through stuff like that...I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.


----------



## zandelux (Nov 18, 2020)

PhyloSallas said:


> Well, this topic is really timely...I've been struggling with this a lot lately. I've gone through so many stages of denial and aversion to dating practices that I've let myself get quite a bit behind. But honestly I think I was just scared. I've lived a very sheltered life with a toxic family unit that basically co-opted me into husbandry for my two female family members, playing the role of supporter emotionally. It was codependant and awful. I got out a about a year and a half ago, and have bounced around the internet trying to get close to and have healthy relationships with people I met on there...I found a good few very good friends, but none are near me and it's left me feeling very alone.
> All of this has sort of led me to realize I wanted a relationship...something I denied for years because was terrified of the bleak outlook for a sheltered guy so far behind everyone else, with ZERO experience in these things. And it's pretty crushing even now, as I try to salvage some kind of future from the really rough start I was given. That's why I'm here, trying to meet people...it's really hard, because I don't naturally seek social interaction, I have to force myself. And worse is that I discovered I'm demi, so it's exceedingly difficult for me to feel anything for a person unless I'm already close to them. :'3
> It's helpful to see some of the similar stories here though. :3 were a lot of you raised very sheltered?


Wow, so many things you wrote fit my experience too. Toxic family? Check. Emotional supporter, A.K.A. stress ball? Check. You didn't mention passive-aggressive behavior, but it often shows up in these toxic family situations. It did for mine.

Luckily that's in the past for me. But it sucked for awhile because I still felt like I was behind everyone else. No matter how fast I ran, I could never seem to catch up. The good news is that what most of my peers were running towards (starting families), was not my path. Although I still get criticism from people that disagree with my life choices, I no longer feel behind because I am making my own path. Still, I would prefer to have a lifelong mate. I've dated a few people who expected me to know certain things about relationships despite my relative lack of experience... and were unwilling to teach me. I guess those people probably weren't good matches for me, but it still hurts.

I only know the dictionary definition of demisexual, but it doesn't sound all that different from wanting an emotional connection with someone before getting physical. And that seems pretty common to me. Do I have it wrong?


----------



## PhyloSallas (Nov 18, 2020)

zandelux said:


> Wow, so many things you wrote fit my experience too. Toxic family? Check. Emotional supporter, A.K.A. stress ball? Check. You didn't mention passive-aggressive behavior, but it often shows up in these toxic family situations. It did for mine.
> 
> Luckily that's in the past for me. But it sucked for awhile because I still felt like I was behind everyone else. No matter how fast I ran, I could never seem to catch up. The good news is that what most of my peers were running towards (starting families), was not my path. Although I still get criticism from people that disagree with my life choices, I no longer feel behind because I am making my own path. Still, I would prefer to have a lifelong mate. I've dated a few people who expected me to know certain things about relationships despite my relative lack of experience... and were unwilling to teach me. I guess those people probably weren't good matches for me, but it still hurts.
> 
> I only know the dictionary definition of demisexual, but it doesn't sound all that different from wanting an emotional connection with someone before getting physical. And that seems pretty common to me. Do I have it wrong?


Ah...Yeah, seems our experiences are very similar as well. And yes, passive aggressive behaviour was very common. I forgot to mention that, lol. 

Oh, that's good you've managed to be okay with your own path. :3 I'm mostly there too, because I'm not really interested in having a family either. I have my goals, but yeah, I'd like a partner too. :3 I'm sorry you had difficulties...hopefully one day you'll find someone patient who's right for you. 

Mmmm...Demi is more like, you don't feel attraction to a person at all until the emotional connection is deep. Unlike some people who will be attracted on sight, or take interest in a person based on little info. It's incredibly difficult for a Demi person to feel anything romantic or sexual for someone at that stage, and attempting to force it feels wrong. So dating at all is very difficult for demis. 

Or at least that's my understanding of it...


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## zandelux (Nov 18, 2020)

PhyloSallas said:


> Mmmm...Demi is more like, you don't feel attraction to a person at all until the emotional connection is deep. Unlike some people who will be attracted on sight, or take interest in a person based on little info. It's incredibly difficult for a Demi person to feel anything romantic or sexual for someone at that stage, and attempting to force it feels wrong. So dating at all is very difficult for demis.


Thanks for the explanation. So it's not even necessarily about the sex... you don't feel any romantic feelings at all for someone unless you have an emotional connection. Would friendship count as an emotional connection for you? Does it have to be something deeper than what you feel towards a close friend?

I wish you the very best in your romantic pursuits as well! :3


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## PhyloSallas (Nov 18, 2020)

zandelux said:


> Thanks for the explanation. So it's not even necessarily about the sex... you don't feel any romantic feelings at all for someone unless you have an emotional connection. Would friendship count as an emotional connection for you? Does it have to be something deeper than what you feel towards a close friend?
> 
> I wish you the very best in your romantic pursuits as well! :3


Yeah, that's how it is for me, at least. :3 I can't feel anything at all for a person without being close through other means, pretty much friendship. :3 basically, my closest friends I've felt attraction to at one point or another, whether they felt it too or not.:'3 and my desire from that attraction is being even closer, yes. Close friendships for me are kinda like unrequited love in a way. XD 

And thank you!! ^_^ that's very kind of you. <3


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## lavendercafe (Nov 18, 2020)

For me, I don't really mind being single atm. While it gets lonely sometimes, the way I see it, you can't really love anyone else until you love yourself ya know? Honestly I'd rather just have platonic friends C:


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## Simo (Nov 18, 2020)

One good thing about being single: You still have the entire world to choose from, without the complications of already being in some or other relationship. It's like you've just opened a box of chocolates, and they're all right there, an index of possibilities, made all the more exhilarating by anticipation.


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## TyraWadman (Nov 18, 2020)

Simo said:


> One good thing about being single: You still have the entire world to choose from, without the complications of already being in some or other relationship. It's like you've just opened a box of chocolates, and they're all right there, an index of possibilities, made all the more exhilarating by anticipation.



I only like certain kinds of chocolates! >:T


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## PhyloSallas (Nov 19, 2020)

Simo said:


> One good thing about being single: You still have the entire world to choose from, without the complications of already being in some or other relationship. It's like you've just opened a box of chocolates, and they're all right there, an index of possibilities, made all the more exhilarating by anticipation.


Lol I'd agree if there were that many options available to me. XD But it's difficult to find peeps who aren't taken. :'3


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## Glossolalia (Nov 19, 2020)

TyraWadman said:


> I only like certain kinds of chocolates! >:T



And sometimes you bite into the wrong one and it has a gross filling you didn't expect! And you already bit it, so you feel sort of guilty about throwing it out. And it's cute, and a nice enough guy, and you still sort of want to be friends, but it's too complicated. 

I mean, chocolate.


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## zandelux (Nov 19, 2020)

Also, sometimes the chocolate is actually nothing! D:


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## Kit the fox (Nov 19, 2020)

I know I'm a furry and I'm "genetically " Human but I would buy a quadsuit and be a pet (how weird is that n-n)


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## Kit the fox (Nov 19, 2020)

zandelux said:


> Also, sometimes the chocolate is actually nothing! D:


?


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## PhyloSallas (Nov 19, 2020)

I believe the implication is sometimes there isn't chocolate. XD that, or catfishing, lol


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## zandelux (Nov 19, 2020)

I think catfishing would be more like sneaking a non-chocolate into the chocolate box.

But what I meant by nothing is a lack of people to choose from.


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## Kit the fox (Nov 19, 2020)

PhyloSallas said:


> I believe the implication is sometimes there isn't chocolate. XD that, or catfishing, lol


Oh.... (Also, what do you call a furry who what's a quadsuit and mainly wants to be a fox?)


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## PhyloSallas (Nov 19, 2020)

zandelux said:


> I think catfishing would be more like sneaking a non-chocolate into the chocolate box.
> 
> But what I meant by nothing is a lack of people to choose from.


XDDDD yeah, lol. And I agree, in that case. :'3


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## TrishaCat (Nov 22, 2020)

I have been single all my life
I dont know how to meet people, and everyone I do like that likes me back lives far away ;_;
Shit sucks fam


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## The Matte-Black Cat (Nov 22, 2020)

Single after a (not so great) relationship of five years. It'll be a year since it ended the day after last Christmas.

I'm an oddball w/ morals. Along with that, my slight anger issues causes me to have zero tolerance when it comes to any sort of disrespect - even if it's a petty, little argument I could ignore..
I'm also hetero-demi, so the odds of me getting in relationships Often is super slim


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## PhyloSallas (Nov 22, 2020)

TrishaCat said:


> I have been single all my life
> I dont know how to meet people, and everyone I do like that likes me back lives far away ;_;
> Shit sucks fam


Ooof...this is my exact situation.  I'm sorry, I know how gut wrenching it feels to know people care about you but can't be near you...my best friend is Russian, most of my others are German, and the few in the US with me are mostly on the opposite coast. :'3 
But hey, this right here is how you meet people. :3 connecting and sharing experiences, and finding stuff in common. I can't guarantee I'm close to you, but I'm happy to meet you! *hug*


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Nov 29, 2020)

A long-winded way of saying "crawl off and die":




__





						How to Pick Up (Furry) Women | [adjective][species]
					






					adjectivespecies.com


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## VeeStars (Nov 29, 2020)

I'm a furry women I think


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## NitroFastFur (Dec 3, 2020)

Arix said:


> Single here and enjoying it. Don't buy into media obsessed with the idea that the only way to be happy is to be in a romantic relationship.


Me too, though I don't get hugged anywhere near enough. I'm 'fun sized' and very huggy, so miss that a lot.


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## StolenMadWolf (Dec 3, 2020)

I'm single and never been in a relationship. I would like to get together with someone eventully, but given my current circumstances I am more concerned about making sure I'm in a comfortable position before I start actually get into said relationships. And it would have to be something in real life, rather than online.


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## Monosuki the Aurian (Dec 3, 2020)

Minerva_Minx said:


> I'm an introvert and my wife's the extrovert.  She's always at a party and I stay home to recharge and we occasionally drag the other person back.  It saves her from overextending herself and me from growing mold.
> 
> You're awesome and Guifrog and Yakamaru are right - don't take it dating seriously.  No one should.  If you're not having fun, you're in a bad spot.  Dates should always be fun and reflect your interests.  My wife and I hit it off on a passing comment, sarcastically making fun of our friends, realizing we both liked ice cream.
> 
> Our worst fights started as coffee vs tea.  When we realized that, we were good.


Ah, that's understandable! Thanks again! I'll take all your kind words in deep meaning! And I'll hang on to the lessons here! And you are even more awesome!


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## Fallowfox (Dec 4, 2020)

Is anybody going on real dates during the covid thing anyway?


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## Kit H. Ruppell (Dec 4, 2020)

Fallowfox said:


> Is anybody going on real dates during the covid thing anyway?


It's cold comfort, but I guess I'll take it.


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## soulbox (Dec 4, 2020)

I have terrible relationship anxiety (I think ocd levels), so... right now I’m being casual. It’s cool not having to worry about a relationship, but I don’t want my anxiety to control me like that, y’know? I still hope that one day, I’ll be able to handle being in a relationship.


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## ssaannttoo (Dec 4, 2020)

Well personally I believe both are a curse and a blessing (Being single and not). Having somebody means you can have somebody to confide in and have somebody who you know you can go to at the end of the day to talk about anything. The flip side to that is that you will NEED to make compromises with that person if you're going to be together. I was recently in a relationship with a guy who I was head over heels for. He was attractive and a relatively charming person. But the two of us had different political beliefs (I won't be getting into those.) And because of that, and our inability to work together we broke up.

Being single means you get to be your own person, completely independent. Being dependent on that one person isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as it is both ways. Personally I've been single longer than I have been "with" somebody, but both have a certain state of mind you need to be ready for. Neither is easy and comes with it's own set of challenges, but also their own rewards. you need to find the one you like the best and roll with it. 

However I firmly believe it is very beneficial to have somebody there to support you be it a significant other, family member, or very good friend. We all need a connection that is worth while and will be there with you thick and thin.


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## zandelux (Dec 4, 2020)

ssaannttoo said:


> Being single means you get to be your own person, completely independent. Being dependent on that one person isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as it is both ways. Personally I've been single longer than I have been "with" somebody, but both have a certain state of mind you need to be ready for. Neither is easy and comes with it's own set of challenges, but also their own rewards. you need to find the one you like the best and roll with it.


I'd like to add that you can be independent when you're in a relationship too. In fact, I think that's something a lot of couples lack. You won't have the level of independence when you're single, but there's nothing that says your SO has to meet all your needs. Some people make their lives about their SO, and if that's what you wanna do, you do you.

But there's also a lot of people that fall into a dependency trap because they think that's how relationships are supposed to work. My parents are prime examples, and spoiler alert: it didn't work out well for them. In my first serious relationship I followed this pattern too. I wanted to spend all my time with that person, to the detriment of my friendships and other areas of life. My next relationship was a lot better balanced, according to what worked for me.

I try to live my life mostly the same whether I'm in a relationship or not, and my SO is free to join me in my activities or not. The main difference for me is: when I'm in a relationship I just watch a lot less porn, and I get to put that time to other uses!

...like writing terrible erotic fanfiction.


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## TyraWadman (Dec 4, 2020)

zandelux said:


> when I'm in a relationship I just watch a lot less porn, and I get to put that time to other uses!



_*PREACH!!!*_


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## Xitheon (Dec 7, 2020)

I'm losing the ability to even try.


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## Lunataari (Dec 7, 2020)

I’ve been in a series of what I call “situation-ships” and they’ve all been awkward, leading to nothing. Even at my age (still young-ish, though) I feel like I’m discovering myself. I’m not necessarily attracted to anyone and to be honest, it’s a little frustrating. It seems like I’m just attracted to the idea of a relationship with a man and to things that don’t exist. I might be ase but I don’t know. Oh well, this isn’t my year to mingle. *[social distancing is in full effect] *


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## InfinityZ (Dec 7, 2020)

I've been single for a while now and i'm also polyamorous. Even though i used to be in an open relationship for almost two years before breaking up few months ago because i realized that my partner wasn't really my type in a lot of reasons. I've honestly been rather desperate in finding someone that i could really feel comfortable to be with because i feel so damn alone all the time and sick of the world since i always messed things up. Mainly, it's also because that i'm not really living in a good or healthy life and environment, that's why i'm in this much of need in relationship.

Though i'd rather have someone who i could share my feelings with and understand for who i am, but i could never find the right one, probably because i'm also super picky since i don't wanna be in a relationship with someone that i know it wouldn't last that long. However, every time i came across someone that might be right for me, they'll always either ignore me or be taken by someone else before i get a chance. 

I also often feel like i'm being selfish because it's like i only want a relationship just for myself to feel better, but i never intend it in that way. I only want to move out from this hellhole and be with the ones that i love, that's my main goal. I'd probably regret posting this, because i sound like a desperate kid who wants candies and might not make any sense...


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## TyraWadman (Dec 9, 2020)

InfinityZ said:


> I've been single for a while now and i'm also polyamorous. Even though i used to be in an open relationship for almost two years before breaking up few months ago because i realized that my partner wasn't really my type in a lot of reasons. I've honestly been rather desperate in finding someone that i could really feel comfortable to be with because i feel so damn alone all the time and sick of the world since i always messed things up. Mainly, it's also because that i'm not really living in a good or healthy life and environment, that's why i'm in this much of need in relationship.
> 
> Though i'd rather have someone who i could share my feelings with and understand for who i am, but i could never find the right one, probably because i'm also super picky since i don't wanna be in a relationship with someone that i know it wouldn't last that long. However, every time i came across someone that might be right for me, they'll always either ignore me or be taken by someone else before i get a chance.
> 
> I also often feel like i'm being selfish because it's like i only want a relationship just for myself to feel better, but i never intend it in that way. I only want to move out from this hellhole and be with the ones that i love, that's my main goal. I'd probably regret posting this, because i sound like a desperate kid who wants candies and might not make any sense...



You have a checklist but there are still things you can scratch off. Focus on trying to save up and move out of the hellhole first. As you move and live, you will have more opportunities to meet all.kinds of people.


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## Ziggy Schlacht (Dec 9, 2020)

I see the sentiment of "I don't want a relationship with someone I know won't last" a lot in this thread. To a certain degree, yes, you can get a feel real quick if there's love or lust, but at the same point - relationships do not magically just stay going. They take work. Don't think of it as "this relationship will or will not last" but rather "Do I want to put in the effort here to make it last." After all - a relationship takes two (minimum?). You need to be worth the effort for them just as much they need to be for you.

If you follow this logic, it helps explain this idea that gets flouted by many people roughly described as "You can't love someone until you love yourself." If you're fighting yourself, i.e. struggling to put in the effort to to be in a relationship with yourself, then you're not gonna have the mental strength to also put in the effort for someone else. Or worse - you use them as a substitute. That leads to all sorts of unhealthy problems. Basically, you want to be able to be happy with yourself solo.

@InfinityZ For you - sounds like you need to get out. Why do you need a relationship to get out? If it's your environment, can you change it without someone else? A new job, a new spot, bothering to clean your room, I dunno. Sounds like you'd wind up in a relationship based on a need that would disappear as soon as you got in one. That would make a long term one difficult.

What's this mean for all of you struggling? Probably just another way to think about it. Everyone's situation is different. But if you frame in your head as something you want to do, and not something you want to find, I feel you might find it easier to work things out. Now, it's also possible you just don't find someone like that, of course. But this a way to make it more likely.


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## Kharne (Dec 9, 2020)

While I won't stop myself from falling in love currently, I sure am shutting out most people until I finally get into a more stable part of my life. Currently, I'm doing ok, but to thrive in a good relationship I personally need to be doing either great of at least good.
This message can be ignored by all potential sugardaddies of course ;P


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## Jaredthefox92 (Dec 9, 2020)

I just see it as saving myself the effort for one good relationship rather than facing several shitty ones. My 80 year old grandmother found some man right after my grandfather died, so there's always going to people out there for anyone.


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## InfinityZ (Dec 10, 2020)

Ziggy Schlacht said:


> I see the sentiment of "I don't want a relationship with someone I know won't last" a lot in this thread. To a certain degree, yes, you can get a feel real quick if there's love or lust, but at the same point - relationships do not magically just stay going. They take work. Don't think of it as "this relationship will or will not last" but rather "Do I want to put in the effort here to make it last." After all - a relationship takes two (minimum?). You need to be worth the effort for them just as much they need to be for you.
> 
> If you follow this logic, it helps explain this idea that gets flouted by many people roughly described as "You can't love someone until you love yourself." If you're fighting yourself, i.e. struggling to put in the effort to to be in a relationship with yourself, then you're not gonna have the mental strength to also put in the effort for someone else. Or worse - you use them as a substitute. That leads to all sorts of unhealthy problems. Basically, you want to be able to be happy with yourself solo.
> 
> ...


It's rather personal to tell it on here, it's also a heavy topic and i don't wanna mess it up by telling it on here. Maybe DM me if you wanna know more (Same with anyone who may also wonder about it).


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## Ziggy Schlacht (Dec 10, 2020)

InfinityZ said:


> It's rather personal to tell it on here, it's also a heavy topic and i don't wanna mess it up by telling it on here. Maybe DM me if you wanna know more (Same with anyone who may also wonder about it).


Naw, that's fine. I mean, I can take a stab at being helpful, but I'm no life coach. If the advice has any merit, you can think on it. I'd ask that you DM if you really want, instead of the other way, don't want to intrude significantly if you don't want it.


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## NitroFastFur (Dec 12, 2020)

For what it's worth, I reckon the dating scene will be quite active in the next year or so, quarantine has undoubtedly strained some relationships which weren't ment to be. That might sound pessimistic, but those relationships would always have failed eventually and the people in them may find their forever partners. There is nothing like the status quo for preserving the status quo, even it if isn't right for anyone.


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## fawlkes (Dec 12, 2020)

A bit of first hand experience from myself here (for what it's worth). I was always the unpopular kid at school; the kind who would be invited to birthday parties only because everyone was. I never really had friends, and this even continued into high school (age 11-18 here in Scotland).
Throughout High School I would constantly pass notes to girls, trying to form a relationship with them, hoping someone would give me the time of day. It was a stupid thing to do, looking back, and I kick myself for doing it.
The first 'girlfriend' I had was a girl from the Special Needs group; she had a speech impediment, no friends and we only really kissed because others pushed us together. I felt bad a few years later and we consolidated, but I always feel guilty about it.

Moving onto when things actually picked up: closing in on my 20s, I sat myself down and asked myself what I was doing to make myself appealing to someone of the opposite sex. The answer was simple; dress better, wash more often, stop drinking every weekend, and go out socialising more often.
This worked, I got a lovely girlfriend and we spent four years together before breaking up amicably, and moving on.

 I've now been with my current girlfriend for 7 years, moved in together and making a life. What would I say to myself if I could talk to young me?

- Don't be pushy about trying to force a relationship
- Try being friends first, and then that could lead onto something, or they might link you up with one of their friends
- Be someone who someone would want to be with! But at the same time don't hate yourself, build yourself up and improve. Don't bury yourself away expecting love to come to you.
- Don't be the 'where's my hug?' person. Play it cool and accept a hug if offered.

And young men out there; wash more often, try to perhaps either shave, or clip your beard. Lose the hat, they cause hair-loss and catch all the grease that makes you look like a chip pan!

And most importantly!...

*LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! *


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## Parabellum3 (Dec 13, 2020)

This may sound like a cliché but being single, in my experience, is like a missing puzzle from my mind. At times it feels like I'm not a complete person without somebody else. Granted that I'm not a complete person in a psychological sense due to other unfixable or incurable circumstances. But that's just me. And then there are people who absolutely despise humans in general and refuse to even come out of their houses, so everyone is different and finding the "right one" out of 7 billion people is literally searching for a needle in a haystack.

While being single can have it's benefits, it's more worth it to have somebody especially as you get older. Admittedly, these are one of my superstitions where if I don't date or get married before like 40, I'll die alone (and maybe even a virgin). And that will suck for sure...

Also depending on your age, your sex drive may be at its peak (like mine atm) and therefore it can impact you and your emotions, making you even more desperate to be with somebody else (or simply lose your V-card to fulfill your sexual needs.)


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