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On Ignorance
16 years ago
General
I've been reading up a lot on human rights issues and feminism recently and I just look back on some of the stuff I've said and done and I just cringe and my leg shakes like I'm getting a painful shot and I bite the inside of my mouth and go "Oh god why did I say that why did I do that, I'm such an ASSHOLE and I'm an even BIGGER asshole because I had no idea what I was saying was MEAN."
Then I calm down and I realize, no, I'm not an asshole, I just didn't know better and I was motivated by hatred and old grudges and ignorance. Oh, and I'm privileged, because when you are privileged you are blind to other peoples needs and it's easy to hurt when you don't think there is a problem in the first place. Most of the pain I've caused has been through stumbling and bumbling and just through not knowing better, but the worst stuff is out of some sort of anger I've held on to and I'm not sure why.
The pain I'm feeling right now is the ignorance being pushed out. I suppose ignorance is only bliss if you let it put you into a stupor.
I'm finding though, that it's being replaced with a clarity that's making life far richer and brighter than ignorance ever did.
Still, IT HURTS.
Then I calm down and I realize, no, I'm not an asshole, I just didn't know better and I was motivated by hatred and old grudges and ignorance. Oh, and I'm privileged, because when you are privileged you are blind to other peoples needs and it's easy to hurt when you don't think there is a problem in the first place. Most of the pain I've caused has been through stumbling and bumbling and just through not knowing better, but the worst stuff is out of some sort of anger I've held on to and I'm not sure why.
The pain I'm feeling right now is the ignorance being pushed out. I suppose ignorance is only bliss if you let it put you into a stupor.
I'm finding though, that it's being replaced with a clarity that's making life far richer and brighter than ignorance ever did.
Still, IT HURTS.
because dread
and
fox
I sure get tired of people completely disregarding my opinions because I chose a goofy username, while not realizing that 99% of the usernames here are completely goofy. Like dragonluvr 99 or MONKEYCAT (apologies to monkeycat)
My name is just slightly goofier
I'm not going to change it though, because really, why should I? And even if I did, the same set of people who go "Ur name is abutt, time to ignore you" would probably go "Why u talking about this stuff on a forry site ololol"
I also think the name is a pretty good indication of who I am because I have this ridiculous name, but I'm capable of being serious and talking about issues more than a guy who chooses something that's flowery and attempts to instill respect that isn't really there, like "Sephiroththekiller". This is why I made it my convention handle and not just my FA one.
Oh and apologies to sigil I just would like to keep this under the ASSBUTT comment string and out of the main discussion.
just kidding <3
your name is lovely and i love it. i have more respect for assbutts than dragonkinwolfheart738238238
Hence, you are awesome. :D
I tend to teeter totter alot on my veiws of subjects ,pending on how I am looking at it, there is no way to
avoid being an asshole,It tends to just come down to what you belive in,up until it gets challanged and loses, then it gets modified
and if you were a 100% wonderful and nice person who never hurt or offened anyone chances are noone would like you
because you would be horribly, horribly boring,and chances are, an asskisser
Also I go out of my way to make fun of yuppies, so I'm certainly not trying to be a paragon of NON OFFENSIVENESS. Half of my family finds me obnoxious. "Oh boo hoo tell me about how you can't vacation in europe for 5 months you might have to do TWO instead ohhhhhh :C" but I'm starting to find that the already marginalized don't need an extra dash of "Hey let me remind you of why society thinks you're crap with my lame cheap joke" Talk about low hanging fruit.
I prefer to laugh at the people who have earned it through poor behavior, but I'm not a moral paragon either, and "poor behavior" is not always cut and dry. I don't always make wise choices in regards to who I make fun of, and those are the ones I really regret.
But this is why I prefer to stay out of the arena of poking fun at a particular person in my comics these days, and stick to characters that are a collection of ideas.
It usually works for me, anyway. Of course, I'll oftentimes forget and revert to being a defensive know-it-all, but when I do remember, it works.
Also grudges are essentially the ego, cutting itself.
But I understand what you mean, trust me.
Don't feel bad. When I was a younger and dumber person I was just filled with HORRIBLE OPINIONS and said some pretty bad things.
And I am still pretty dumb about stuff, so who knows how much I'll be cringing over my past actions in a couple years.
My favorite "stupid opinion" trick was when I was 13 and militant atheist and hated all religions because grose you guys are dumb and don't GET IT all the sources of the worlds ills clearly, fuck the pope
Then I got worldly and smartened up and while I'm still an atheist I'm hardly militant and attempting to suck in some philosophy as a side dish
But my favorite stupid moment was "oh my god gay people are weeeeird" phase when I was 13. Then when I was like 14 I had a superboner crush on a member of the same sex. OOPS. So the problem all along was that I was scared, ignorant, and probably hated myself. But I grew up and got comfortable with the idea that I like boys and girls.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ21d_eSUkE
So many things I ramble about... I know I've said some asinine things, and I try my best to admit to them and see my faults, as well as see other's point of views. Doesn't always work. The fact that you're taking a moment to step back and take a look at the big picture is a good thing, I think. (At least I think that's what you're doing... sorry if I'm misinterpreting.)
I beat myself up all the time. It's good sometimes, 'cause it keeps you in check, but other times it can wear on you... and I, personally, end up feeling guilty for things that I shouldn't feel guilty for. Bad habit of mine. I guess I just always assume I'm wrong or somethin'.
I agree there is a point where you need to stop punishing yourself. You can do it all you want but if you don't learn anything than you'll just be slamming your head into a wall forever. I feel that learning a bit about what's bothering you and why really helps. It's penance, and again, it's pushing that ignorance out with some clarity.
let me know if you figure out the balance because i sure as hell haven't
Also do not change you name I like it :<