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just some rambleing to fix my thoughts
14 years ago
I'm laying in bed now, trying to relax.
My happy go lucky attitude can change in seconds when stress is involved, although most of the time I don't know what I'm stressed about until I think very hard about it.
It started with me watching some people babble about how great their time at Anthrocon will be and that they cant wait to meet each other and all of their online friends. I don't say much at that point, my experience at the last AC was mediocre at best and I think the most fun I had there was in the hotel room with my roommate or raving. The best parts of AC had nothing to do with the con or congoers, I knew no one and the people I was introduced to meant nothing to me at the time until I further investigated and realized these people probably thought it was odd that I wasn't all fan gay fur girl on them.
My mood turned rather sour. Recalling even at Furfright, if I hadnt met Nemmy, I would have had a real shitty time.
I've come to the realization that most of the people I know have their own cliques, they go to cons to meet people they haven't seen in a while or at all which may or may not include me because I always seem to be on the outskirts of the friendship circle.
If you're not a fursuiter or a fursuit maker, you're pretty much a nobody like me. I almost feel embarassed when people give me that look when I'm in suit, they're confused because they've never seen me before and most likely cant figure out what I am. I'm still new to the idea and certainly a thorn in the eye for not being a gay boy fur.
And then I tell my mate I wish AC didnt exist. Its a distracting and overwhelming place to meet new people. I'm excited to go, but sad that it is going to be extremely predictable. I feel like it was the same way at FurFrght, I teared up at the last dance on saturday knowing I only had Nemmy and Lindz to hang out with.
I think I'm just really sad about being alone. My parents are leaving on friday for a 8 week trip around the world and my best friend is off to complete her last semester of college. I dont have anyone now, which I find frightening. I worry about myself, I always want someone there when I feel off. Now I just have Roger's fur and a few e-friends, if they count as something.
Yes I have a mate, but like I've said before, its a bit like falling for a character in a book. Its excruciating and requires patients to wait for them to come to life.
I know last year, I was alone for 2 weeks while my mom joined the rest of my family on their roadtrip out to Yellowstone park. I had opted to stay home to watch the animals and to have a nice and peaceful time, but I found the majority of it to be a bit scary. I slept in my parents bed next to the dog. I kept worrying about being sure to take my medication and now I have to be extra sure because I have nobody to go to ( i could care less about my younger brother ).
I dont want people replying about being here for me because you wont be. I need a physical human being to tell me its going to be ok as I play mom for 8 weeks. I was really hoping to see my mate by the end of that, but seeing as we keep getting snowdays, I'll have nothing but scraps to maybe be used for AC.
My happy go lucky attitude can change in seconds when stress is involved, although most of the time I don't know what I'm stressed about until I think very hard about it.
It started with me watching some people babble about how great their time at Anthrocon will be and that they cant wait to meet each other and all of their online friends. I don't say much at that point, my experience at the last AC was mediocre at best and I think the most fun I had there was in the hotel room with my roommate or raving. The best parts of AC had nothing to do with the con or congoers, I knew no one and the people I was introduced to meant nothing to me at the time until I further investigated and realized these people probably thought it was odd that I wasn't all fan gay fur girl on them.
My mood turned rather sour. Recalling even at Furfright, if I hadnt met Nemmy, I would have had a real shitty time.
I've come to the realization that most of the people I know have their own cliques, they go to cons to meet people they haven't seen in a while or at all which may or may not include me because I always seem to be on the outskirts of the friendship circle.
If you're not a fursuiter or a fursuit maker, you're pretty much a nobody like me. I almost feel embarassed when people give me that look when I'm in suit, they're confused because they've never seen me before and most likely cant figure out what I am. I'm still new to the idea and certainly a thorn in the eye for not being a gay boy fur.
And then I tell my mate I wish AC didnt exist. Its a distracting and overwhelming place to meet new people. I'm excited to go, but sad that it is going to be extremely predictable. I feel like it was the same way at FurFrght, I teared up at the last dance on saturday knowing I only had Nemmy and Lindz to hang out with.
I think I'm just really sad about being alone. My parents are leaving on friday for a 8 week trip around the world and my best friend is off to complete her last semester of college. I dont have anyone now, which I find frightening. I worry about myself, I always want someone there when I feel off. Now I just have Roger's fur and a few e-friends, if they count as something.
Yes I have a mate, but like I've said before, its a bit like falling for a character in a book. Its excruciating and requires patients to wait for them to come to life.
I know last year, I was alone for 2 weeks while my mom joined the rest of my family on their roadtrip out to Yellowstone park. I had opted to stay home to watch the animals and to have a nice and peaceful time, but I found the majority of it to be a bit scary. I slept in my parents bed next to the dog. I kept worrying about being sure to take my medication and now I have to be extra sure because I have nobody to go to ( i could care less about my younger brother ).
I dont want people replying about being here for me because you wont be. I need a physical human being to tell me its going to be ok as I play mom for 8 weeks. I was really hoping to see my mate by the end of that, but seeing as we keep getting snowdays, I'll have nothing but scraps to maybe be used for AC.
My cons weren't really fun until this year. my third time around. A lot more people knew who I was, both people I was planning and not planning on seeing.
As for Furfright, the feeling is mutual there, I really had a good time hanging out with you and starting to get to know you a bit, heck I had it in my head to try to really get to know you better afterwards but I sort of backed off a bit when I heard you had a mate then, felt like it'd be kinda creeperish of me then.
It took me a few cons as well before I started to hit my comfort zone, so I encourage you to keep at it if you enjoy the fandom. I would love to hang out with you at AC and introduce you to the friends I will have there, a few had already asked me about you after I told my FF stories.
*hugs* You know, you're not that far off from me, I could be there for you if you needed me to.
Hey, if you're still interested in cons in a couple of years time, I would be interested in meeting you there at least :p
Otherwise, I can somewhat relate to your issues there, but I know I can't really be of any consolence, being probably further away than the majority of people who will comment. Good luck to you though, the internet is still a good lifeline, as unfortunate as that can be..
(Be thankful and happier. I have even less than you. XD)