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An endless night of YouTubing~
12 years ago
I'm honestly starting to believe that I'm an insomniac or something. Sleep loves to evade me when I don't have my husband next to me to help me sleep. :(
BUT...!
I spent a good deal of my night just watching YouTube videos. It was fun and I saw a lot of videos that made me laugh and smile. However, there was this one user that I came across that kind of took me by surprise. His username is Boogie2988. He's a rather large man that makes primarily funny and comedy-videos. A lot of them were quite hilarious. Then I came across some his more serious and down-to-earth videos. He spoke about his addiction to food and battling with it to reduce his weight. He talked about the psychological issues tied to food in particular. A lot of the things he said I could actually relate to. It was a bit scary and quite an eye opener for me. Now grant it, I don't have a weight problem exactly but I do love food and find myself "needing" more than I really do need. It's a comfort, a reminder, a solace, a conversation piece, a means of socializing, a way to relieve stress... a lot of the things that he said about what food MEANS to him applies to me as well. =/
As a diabetic, I have to be careful about what I eat and I've been blessed to have been able to keep eating wholesome and healthy foods. I usually try to avoid high starch products, soda and juice are pretty much out of the picture, I rarely ever eat candy or high sugar products (even though that one has been tough as of here lately), but even with all that... the options I still have left over are only good to me in moderation. That moderation is where I have an issue. I like to eat, and I like to eat a LOT. That within itself is not a good move for me. My blood sugar tends to stay high, it makes me sick, damages my body, and can cause serious life threatening complications later in life. It's scary... and I know what I need to do to tighten up and take better care of myself but the missing element is HOW to make myself do it. Saying "discipline" and "self-control" is not good enough. Yes, discipline and self-control are needed but how do I obtain those elements? It's not like a light switch you can just flip on and make it happen from square 1. It's something deeper than that... but what it is exactly is the mystery.
I get scared, quite often actually, about how I'm going to turn out a few years from now if I can't seem to get myself to where I need to be when it comes to managing my eating habits and how I manage my diabetes. I have already been diagnosed with Neuropathy in my legs (which for a long story made short it is just highly painful) and my eye sight is slowly degenerating. One would think that just those alone would be enough to scare me back into shape and do everything correctly and perfectly. No... it's not. I still crave and feel a uncontrollable urge to be normal, and not have to take shots, and prick my finger, and eat as much as I would like without a 2nd thought about it... I may have a small body but I really am mentally obese. And I don't know how to turn it off.
I went on a rather long rant there... I don't know. That Boogie2988 got me to thinking about a lot of things and it really hit way too close to home for me with the things he was talking about. I guess I felt like I had to share and get it off my chest. :P
Thanks for being an ear guys~
Naka~
BUT...!
I spent a good deal of my night just watching YouTube videos. It was fun and I saw a lot of videos that made me laugh and smile. However, there was this one user that I came across that kind of took me by surprise. His username is Boogie2988. He's a rather large man that makes primarily funny and comedy-videos. A lot of them were quite hilarious. Then I came across some his more serious and down-to-earth videos. He spoke about his addiction to food and battling with it to reduce his weight. He talked about the psychological issues tied to food in particular. A lot of the things he said I could actually relate to. It was a bit scary and quite an eye opener for me. Now grant it, I don't have a weight problem exactly but I do love food and find myself "needing" more than I really do need. It's a comfort, a reminder, a solace, a conversation piece, a means of socializing, a way to relieve stress... a lot of the things that he said about what food MEANS to him applies to me as well. =/
As a diabetic, I have to be careful about what I eat and I've been blessed to have been able to keep eating wholesome and healthy foods. I usually try to avoid high starch products, soda and juice are pretty much out of the picture, I rarely ever eat candy or high sugar products (even though that one has been tough as of here lately), but even with all that... the options I still have left over are only good to me in moderation. That moderation is where I have an issue. I like to eat, and I like to eat a LOT. That within itself is not a good move for me. My blood sugar tends to stay high, it makes me sick, damages my body, and can cause serious life threatening complications later in life. It's scary... and I know what I need to do to tighten up and take better care of myself but the missing element is HOW to make myself do it. Saying "discipline" and "self-control" is not good enough. Yes, discipline and self-control are needed but how do I obtain those elements? It's not like a light switch you can just flip on and make it happen from square 1. It's something deeper than that... but what it is exactly is the mystery.
I get scared, quite often actually, about how I'm going to turn out a few years from now if I can't seem to get myself to where I need to be when it comes to managing my eating habits and how I manage my diabetes. I have already been diagnosed with Neuropathy in my legs (which for a long story made short it is just highly painful) and my eye sight is slowly degenerating. One would think that just those alone would be enough to scare me back into shape and do everything correctly and perfectly. No... it's not. I still crave and feel a uncontrollable urge to be normal, and not have to take shots, and prick my finger, and eat as much as I would like without a 2nd thought about it... I may have a small body but I really am mentally obese. And I don't know how to turn it off.
I went on a rather long rant there... I don't know. That Boogie2988 got me to thinking about a lot of things and it really hit way too close to home for me with the things he was talking about. I guess I felt like I had to share and get it off my chest. :P
Thanks for being an ear guys~
Naka~
You silly thing. Ya just gotta buckle down and DO IT! I know its hard. *munches on a cookie* <.<... okay... so its REALLY hard. But you CAN do it! Just gotta set your mind to it. I personally don't try to stop eating completely. I just tone it down. For example. I just grabbed about 8 cookies, but only ate four of them. I'll put the rest away and save them for later. I still got my cookies. Still got the satisfaction, I just didn't eat all 8 of them. You can try that, and see how it works for you. Eat the food you like, given the diabetic issue, but instead of taking two or three spoon fulls, just take one. Try that, and see how it works for you.
Hey, wait a minute... what about drinking a SlimFast drink? Those always curb my appetite. But they may have too much sugar... 18grams. sounds like too much. Hmmmmmm... I don't know. I do know, cuz my Uncle has Diabetes, if you're not careful you can loose your legs. He's having that problem now. He's slowly turning it around, and getting better, but if he doesn't watch it. He's going to lose both legs.
I don't know. Sounds like you could use some helpful reminders from the people around you. Husband, family, friends... to help keep you on the right path.
There... now I'm going to bed, its' been a long night.
I do need to make some changes though. Consistent changes rather. I tend to do the roller coaster thing where I do everything GREAT for a while and then fall back down again. Up and down, up and down... :P It gets very tiring.