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Utter anger [Warning]
17 years ago
I've never felt so angry and betrayed and hateful towards someone as I do right now.
Someone just did the unforgivable. I hate them more right now then I can put into words. The sheer amount of loathing and seething mass inside of me sickens me. I didn't think I had it in me to feel like this.
I will not forgive them. There are somethings that just do no warrant it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm now paying for listening to someone's advice and their "best intentions". Their best intentions involved driving a wedge and positioning themselves where I was. Is that a friend? No, that is a horror that is too unspeakable to have a name. I wouldn't even debase a snake by comparing them.
I'm angry at myself at even letting them in. I feel betrayed by a mutaul friend. I don't know if things can be salvaged. How easy it is that love can turn distant and cold like the north star. It seems so far out of reach and unattainable. I used to feel there was happiness there, even if I didn't tell him. Ever fall in love with someone you shouldn't fall in love with? How you can love a friend so dearly that betrayal of this like can sicken you like a poison. It's gnawing at my gut, worming it's way in deeper into the farthest recesses of my soul. I feel like everything is lost and tarnished.
I'm a private person, I withdraw when I'm upset so as not to burden others because the last thing in the world I want to be is an annoyance. I'm told this is fine..then it's not..then it is. I want to scream outloud into the sky, a raw, bitter primal sound till my throat cries out from the pain.
I think my heart is breaking or is broken, I can't tell anymore. I want it to go away, far away where no one else can hurt it again.
The people involved will probably read this. I'm not mincing any words. I am feeling so utterly wretched right now that it's just bubbling to the surface and has to overflow somewhere befofe I shut down and go completely numb.
This is what you get for trusting people, for having faith, for loving. Love is a lie. It's a beautiful sweet lie.
Someone just did the unforgivable. I hate them more right now then I can put into words. The sheer amount of loathing and seething mass inside of me sickens me. I didn't think I had it in me to feel like this.
I will not forgive them. There are somethings that just do no warrant it. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm now paying for listening to someone's advice and their "best intentions". Their best intentions involved driving a wedge and positioning themselves where I was. Is that a friend? No, that is a horror that is too unspeakable to have a name. I wouldn't even debase a snake by comparing them.
I'm angry at myself at even letting them in. I feel betrayed by a mutaul friend. I don't know if things can be salvaged. How easy it is that love can turn distant and cold like the north star. It seems so far out of reach and unattainable. I used to feel there was happiness there, even if I didn't tell him. Ever fall in love with someone you shouldn't fall in love with? How you can love a friend so dearly that betrayal of this like can sicken you like a poison. It's gnawing at my gut, worming it's way in deeper into the farthest recesses of my soul. I feel like everything is lost and tarnished.
I'm a private person, I withdraw when I'm upset so as not to burden others because the last thing in the world I want to be is an annoyance. I'm told this is fine..then it's not..then it is. I want to scream outloud into the sky, a raw, bitter primal sound till my throat cries out from the pain.
I think my heart is breaking or is broken, I can't tell anymore. I want it to go away, far away where no one else can hurt it again.
The people involved will probably read this. I'm not mincing any words. I am feeling so utterly wretched right now that it's just bubbling to the surface and has to overflow somewhere befofe I shut down and go completely numb.
This is what you get for trusting people, for having faith, for loving. Love is a lie. It's a beautiful sweet lie.
I feel for you, Betrayal of the trust you gave people is the worst thing that can happen.
My advice is to let out all this anger and frustration through some very physically draining activities, go hang out with other friends, talk about it.
If you keep it inside it will fester and decay you.
If you want the truly assholish way, then you can always plan for revenge, although be warned it takes massive dedication and pacience for a good revenge scheme to unfold.
I could plan for revenge, I could forcibly contact said person who is hiding..but what's the point. The damage is done and looking irreversible.
I don't have many friends in the area since the move and the one I was planning on seeing cancelled. Nor do I even have a car right now. I'm jus trying to keep busy..
My apologies that I have nothing more to offer.
Go with my best, at the least. It seems you have good people here with concern for you, and if you'd like you may count me among them.