I've been performing at weddings for about 6 years now, and when you've done it for a while, you begin to make observations about how people behave around a wedding and in the planning and everything that goes around it. After playing the same music for so many times; for example, I've probably played Pachelbel Canon in D more than 100 times now), you get bored and start just observing patterns that tend to play themselves out at weddings.

I've played both fully secular and sacred weddings, Jewish and pretty much every denomination of Christian: Baptist, Episcopalian, Catholic, Methodist, Congregational, and others out there, and there are some things that just happen no matter what the nature of the wedding. Most of the people I do weddings for are upper-middle to upper class families, for no particular reason, they just seem to be the ones who book me the most. In any case, here are some of the patterns I have witness both during the wedding and during the planning stages in my time being a wedding musician.

Unhealthy Obsession to Detail and Size
The wedding party, the bride and groom, and/or the parents tend to get unhealthy obsessed with every little detail to the point they get stressed out and you can clearly see they are not having fun, and they set themselves up to be disappointed if one little detail goes wrong; and despite that, once they're in the actual wedding, they forget about everything anyway and end up just following the ceremony. Then the weddings are stupidly expensive and have so many people and so many elements that are hard to manage all together. Some of these weddings have so many elements it's ridiculous: A flower girl, children's procession, massive bridal procession, who knows what other kinds of processions, to the point where it's stressful for everyone to get this right. Me as the musician, I end up getting endless calls and emails asking if this detail is going to happen or this other song is going to be played and what version, and get super into the details that it stresses me out as I know for a fact that they won't even really notice, and even if they did, why do you care so much whether or not I play that extra measure at the end?

Family Members' Sense of Entitlement
This one tends to happen more with the upper middle and upper class weddings I do. It never fails that some random family member who I don't even know asks a pointless question, like "Do you know who I am?" Being super self-absorbed. No you jackass, I don't know who you are, why the hell would I know? Then they might ask something like, "You are going to play song 'x' right?" And the thing with that is, they all have wedding programs where they could easily see what music is going to be played. They just want to be able to tell me what to do even though I'm already going to do it. They have some kind of power trip. Suddenly because it's their relative or friend that's getting married suddenly they're some kind of royalty in this environment where the weddings are happening.

Everyone is Miserable!
This is another one that tends to pertain more to upper middle and upper class weddings. I walk into the venue whether it be outdoors or a church or any kind of space, and everyone is there, super serious-faced, uptight, uncomfortably sitting on their seats. Very few people are smiling. Is this a wedding or a funeral? Good God lighten up! Not even when I am playing something very cheerful do they light up or even hint at a smile. What are you guys so miserable about? This is perhaps the one that bugs me the most. People spend so much on the details of this wedding, and they don't even enjoy it. It just goes to show that not even all that money spent will make people happy. Maybe some people just choose to be miserable. By contrast, not long ago I played at a wedding for a Dominican couple. Very humble people. But people were extremely cheerful and were dancing to my music in a way that was so exciting for me to see. I'm not making this up, it's almost comical the way money seems to make people miserable.

Bridezillas
Actually, you'd be surprised to know that they're not anywhere near as common as you might think. I've had very few brides where I've felt frustrated by her attitude. It might just be my luck so far but really, usually brides are nowhere near as difficult to work with as one might think and I find this worth mentioning since I know brides get such a bad rep in the media and in gossip, but I can tell you, I usually don't hold my tongue, brides for me are rarely difficult to work with.

I'm Not the Demographic You Expected
So this one doesn't happen too often either luckily, or maybe some people are better at hiding it, but yes, I know, you didn't expect your wedding organist to be an American Indian in their 20s. Maybe you pictured I would be white and in my late 30s but yes here I am. I don't believe this bugs most people once they get over that initial shock. There have been a few times where I could clearly see that it was a problem, again, usually with the upper class clients. One was recent, I met with a bride and her mother. The bride was very friendly and we got along great but her mother did not even try to hide the fact she was not happy with me as she stared at me very condescendingly and spoke that way too. They ended up hiring me anyway. Another time I was working with a bride who asked me where I went to school, a common question I have no problem answering. I told her I went to Boston Conservatory, and her response was, "Oh how wonderful! Isn't affirmative action a great thing?" I had to hold in my anger at being so blatantly insulted until after the meeting was done. Because I couldn't have possibly made it into BoCo by my own merit right? Obviously, very angering and frustrating. Every single one of my clients have not only found me to be competent at my job but even outstanding, again, by my own merit.

Parents of the Bride
Okay, so here is where the real problem people. I've had so many instances where one of the parents, usually the mother, is super controlling of everything going on in every aspect of the wedding. In many cases, and I am sad to see this, the bride ends up consulting with the mother for her to approve everything as if she was the one getting married. I suppose I could understand wanting to please your parents, but I sometimes want to tell the bride and groom, it's YOUR wedding, why are you asking your mom for approval? Furthermore, mom, why don't you back off? You had your wedding, let your daughter/son have theirs.

Photographers
I don't know what it is about photographers, but I already don't like photographers in general. Why? Because they come in uninvited to pow wows a lot as well, and too often they're just so fascinated with all these Indians everywhere that they're shoving cameras up everyone's faces, including mine as I'm drumming or something, and I almost want to break their camera. The same happens at weddings. They think they are the center of the world and that their job is the only job on this day. They LITERALLY push people aside to get a particular photograph, they rudely just stand in someone's way out of nowhere, and of course, they've in more than one instance, shoved a camera at my face as I'm playing music. Remarkably rude and annoying.

People Don't Know Their Holy Books
This one is usually exclusive to Christian weddings, though, even when a poem or something is read in secular weddings this sort of happens a lot. People don't know what they're reading. They don't even know how to pronounce key names in the passage. They pronounce "Tobit" like "Tawbit", "Sirach" like "Sur-ratch" or pronounce "Ecclesiates" like "Ecclessissasssteesseeeeeeees" and no it's not that they have an accent, or they stumble trying to pronounce Epphesians or Corinthians or something like that. Then throughout the reading they stumble through it. I seriously don't get how they wouldn't at least practice what they're about to read to at least hide the fact that they don't go to church every Sunday. I played in one Jewish wedding a while back, the readings were actually read in the Hebrew language though so I had no way of knowing how good they were but I can say that I think it's impressive considering how much I've seen reading fails in other weddings.

Overdone Speeches, Sermons, and Jokes
I've probably heard certain jokes so many times that they get a groan out of me when I've heard them for the 100th time, and these usually come during speeches from family members or sermons from the minister/priest. The most simple example I can give is, there are so many jokes that revolve around the husband being obedient to the wife's demands and saying "yes dear". But there are a lot of awful jokes I wish would just die already. Sometimes someone giving a speech just blurts out a really inappropriate joke that leaves us all O_O Like... WHY did you think that was funny?


Yeah I know, it's an odd thing to complain about. Actually playing for weddings can be rewarding, and I don't just mean the money, though that's a part of it I suppose. I do love the feeling of having played a beautiful piece of music (albeit I've likely played it 100+ times by now) and looking out and seeing everyone just looking mesmerized and speechless. I feel that satisfaction of a job well done, NAILED IT! Though EEP! No one said it was an easy job. I am glad to be performing for so many people each year. With that said too, you know you guys have a musician right here who would gladly play at your wedding!