*swats*

*floofs*

*rolls a natural 1, trips and falls on his sword as he attempts to attack the ogre... proceeds to die with everyone laughing at him*

I used to have a really big hobby (wargame) shop and I knew Gary Gygas. He told me to tell him a D&D story and freak him out, so I related this one.
I played a lizard man once. Never had played one before. It was a new campaign with new level one characters. (Gary commented that it was refreshing to hear about a NEW character and not some 99th level ranger or some other twaddle.) We had our pitiful few coins and were buying typical crappy weapons from a crossroads vendor. I was looking at a rusty old sword and the vendor turned his back to deal with another character. I looked at the vendor's back and my rusty sword and thought I would "jump start" my new character. I swung my blade... I rolled a natural one, followed by a natural one. The DM told me my blade came out of the hilt and flew over the head of the vendor in a high, lazy arc and stuck out of the ground in the ditch across the road. The vendor grabbed a sword and turned, swinging as he pivoted... the DM rolled a natural 20, followed by a natural 20. The DM told me that the vendor literally cut my character in twain at the mid-section. Blood went everywhere and my former cohorts joyfully looted my lifeless corpse. The remains were unceremoniously rolled into the nearest ditch. I rolled up a new character... a human, to save time. The other adventurers were gearing up as my new character walked over the hill and down the road to the vendor. My new character was appalled by all the blood and asked what happened. Everyone pointed to the "ditch corpse" and said he had tried to rob the vendor. My new character asked, "Isn't that a lizard man?" to which there was an affirmative. "Are you going to eat that? That's a delicacy in my country!" So my new character proceeded to jerk strip the lizard man and he ATE my old character over the course of the next week or so. Gary Gygax replied, "I find that oddly disturbing." We both had a good laugh.

That... Was disturbing yes

I know... who plays a Lizard Man?

*raises a paw*

*Eyes you hungrily and gets out his skinning knife.*

Except I'm *not* a lizard man.

I'm otterly adorable.

*Skulks away... cullinary hopes dashed*

o.O

Roll....in ze hay? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqClWdOcWog

*pokes*

*Waves*

When these one word posts grab more attention than your serious posts x3

*catches the rolling spud with a big pile of fluffy fur*

*boops*

*rolls*