im hyper insecure. really obvious, im sure, but i am, and it can be a massive bitch sometimes. it makes you act stupidly to people who are your freinds, avoid them, thinking they hate you in secret, or lash out when perception turns you bitter, no matter how incorrect. when i browse this sight, i become insanely insecure, so i dont. when i browse uploads, i also dont, when i see other artists do fanarts and be friendly, i automatically turn it in my head into"well, they are both so mcuh better then me, or they would have done the same for me" or" everything i make is so bad noone would want to". this is of course, stupid. you cant make everything about you, and when your insanely insecure i believe in a sense, there is a l evel of ego centrism to it. like you SHOULD be that person, you SHOULD be the center of attention. the silly popularity game played i think does, for some, create that mentality of using attention and views and view as some kind of self-affirmation of your self worth, and its silly. i know ti has for me, and im trying to stop

in short. i love drawing. and it has become a numbers game. if i dont get as many faves as others, it pierces my heart, because i have turned it into a competition with myself to get what i think i should and if i dont, i cut myself down and turn bitter. if anyone else deals with this, it isnt worth it. it will make you hate what you love.



i dunno, i have been thinking about this from last night. i want to be an artist that gets alot of faves, views comments, i want to be a better artist, but i think the need for that attention and the need to improve can be detrimental of priority is on the attention. drawing purely for views i dont think si helpful and it has defined me as an artist.

any way LOVE YOU GUYS! emily and committed updates coming next day or so, for patrons and shortly after for here! been behind, but getting there!