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- - A Confession - -
5 years ago
General
So to elaborate a little on the last journal I made about being friendly and approachable, I'd like to clarify something.
I always strive to be friendly and professional to everyone, commissioner or regular joe! I value your custom and your viewership, without you, I would have literally nothing. So don't think for a second I don't appreciate each and every one of you, because I do! <3
Secondly, in regards to my enthusiasm on commissions -
I am Asexual. Many of the commissions I am given are of a sexual nature. I do not in any way, hate this work. I just find it hard to be very enthusiastic about something which ultimately doesn't do anything for me. While I may be completely blank to the subject matter, I enjoy the process of creating art. After all, that is ultimately why I am an artist and why I do art as a job.
So please, please don't take my indifference towards porn as a slight against you or the things you enjoy. It really isn't. I just cannot wire myself to be a certain way. Porn has never done anything for me, and in my 30's, I highly doubt that is going to change. I apologize if this makes me seem cold and unfriendly. If you wish to commission me for NSFW material, feel free. I have absolutely no issues with it and would be happy to work for you. (Aside things on my clear NO list XD)
I've always felt a little out of place in the furry fandom due to my Asexuality and the fact that this is a very sexual fandom. I have never connected with that side of the fandom though it's not for lack of trying. I am sorry, I cannot change the way I am in that regard.
I do enjoy the social, SFW and creative aspects of this fandom very much, though!
When it comes to my enthusiasm - I am most enthusiastic when creating things for Terra Cruxis, my own setting and story. I absolutely love storytelling and worldbuilding and I have even thrown in some NSFW, lewd aspects because I know so many people DO enjoy that.
I hope this helps to clarify some things about me as a person and how I operate. I apologize if I offend anyone with this little confession! 
As to your point about not necessarily being enthusiastic about commissions, I think that's okay. When I commission someone I try to look through their gallery and their TOS and pick an idea that fits the kind of work they draw, and if it's something they genuinely enjoy, then great! But just as I don't expect an artist I commission to treat me like their bestest ever friend, I don't expect them to be into the same things I am, or to see my commission as anything other than a job. And I'd far rather have them turn me down than try to draw something they find uncomfortable or objectionable.
Sorry for the huge wall of text, but I appreciate your taking the time to explain and I hope you can find a way to feel more a part of this community. I, for one, am glad you're with us.
Sometimes I feel like people really want me to be enthusiastic, or even turned on by their NSFW commissions and I feel hella awkward when I just can't return their enthusiasm. I can't force myself to feel a way I don't and at the same time I don't want to turn people away by seeming 'cold'. Hopefully this journal helps clarify where I stand in it all!
Art is fun. Doing furry stuff doesn't have to include anything sexual!
And at the same time I enjoy trying to make a piece of art pleasing to look at, no matter the subject matter.
It's good to see another Asexual though! I feel like we're few and far between here XD
I've actually seen a few others around here, though I can't bring any specific folks to mind. But yeah, most people don't expect us haha.