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Voyage to Avalon (2019), Part Two
Posted 7 months agoAh! Fresh commentary on my writing here
Posted 9 months agoErotica always treats genders like mine as an unpleasant surprise - and that begs the question, who the fuck in that scenario would let their gender be treated as a surprise at all?
It frustrated me, then, how in my writing as AmuziÄi I never quite bucked against this trope the way I wanted to. I wrote largely closeted characters living in worlds which largely didn't seem to have room for non-binary people - and it followed, then, that their genders would be seen as a surprise. All the while, I would wonder when I was going to have it in me to write characters more confident in themselves, living in worlds more understanding of who they are.
ā¦ Iāve gotten better at proactively announcing who I am, but I canāt say Iāve to this day developed much more confidence that thereās a place for me here. On that note, though: Thank you to everyone whoās reached out to me through my writing.
Addendum
It frustrated me, then, how in my writing as AmuziÄi I never quite bucked against this trope the way I wanted to. I wrote largely closeted characters living in worlds which largely didn't seem to have room for non-binary people - and it followed, then, that their genders would be seen as a surprise. All the while, I would wonder when I was going to have it in me to write characters more confident in themselves, living in worlds more understanding of who they are.
ā¦ Iāve gotten better at proactively announcing who I am, but I canāt say Iāve to this day developed much more confidence that thereās a place for me here. On that note, though: Thank you to everyone whoās reached out to me through my writing.
Addendum
happy nullvember :)
Posted 10 months agoWould you like to see me post my stories to other sites?
Posted 10 months agoPlease tell me if you would :)
I've enabled FA's tipping function :)
Posted 11 months agoHonestly, as a valued, productive member of the community and a broke wreck with crippling healthcare fees to pay, I should have done that a long time ago.
Did you know: I
Posted 12 months agohavenāt been writing my funny stories about my bottom dysphoria lately
The subject matter only makes me cry trying to think about it. Sorry. Wish fulfilment gender TF fantasies arenāt really something I can ingest anymore - and Iāve become increasingly uncomfortable with repackaging my own untreated gender dysphoria into jerk-off material as Iāve come to terms with just how badly my gender dysphoria has impacted my mental health. Sorry. You might surmise that this has been the case for a while.
I've been at this for so long, through a pain bad enough that I struggle to so much as think straight. Please consider donating to my healthcare fundraiser if you are able to do so.
The subject matter only makes me cry trying to think about it. Sorry. Wish fulfilment gender TF fantasies arenāt really something I can ingest anymore - and Iāve become increasingly uncomfortable with repackaging my own untreated gender dysphoria into jerk-off material as Iāve come to terms with just how badly my gender dysphoria has impacted my mental health. Sorry. You might surmise that this has been the case for a while.
I've been at this for so long, through a pain bad enough that I struggle to so much as think straight. Please consider donating to my healthcare fundraiser if you are able to do so.
I've posted the fundraiser for my medical transition:
Posted a year agohttps://ko-fi.com/joyeuse
Please consider donating if you can!
(Note that Iāve also posted the link to my fundraiser on BlueSky and Fedi. Resharing my fundraiser on either platform would be appreciated just as well:
https://bsky.app/profile/swordofcha...../3laeewlefm52l / https://critter.cafe/@swordofcharle.....83051313500406 )
My largely untreated gender dysphoria is debilitating - it is a drain on my life, and that drain on my life is a drain on my ability to seek treatment. Thank you so much to everyone who shares my fundraiser as well as to everyone who donates. What you're doing for me can't be overstated.
The Australian healthcare system presently expects gender-affirming treatments to be paid-for from out-of-pocket, though this may change later in this year with the (hopeful) passage of MSAC application 1754 (addendum: lol. lmao.). I've set my target amount ($18,000) based on estimates for surgeries similar to mine shared by other trans people in Australia and the USA. Note that an exact quote for my surgery fees will likely not be available to me until very close to the surgery itself, and that organising surgery is in itself a painstakingly long process which cannot begin until I am at least moderately confident I have the funds for my surgery, but reaching my target amount will hopefully mean being able to cover the expenses of my surgery itself as well as expenses to do with hospital insurance and the letter-writing process.
Depending on the extent of the coverage granted by my Mental Health Treatment Plan, a portion of the proceeds from this fundraiser may go toward assessment and treatment for generalised anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and depersonalisation-derealization disorder. One way or another, those conditions (which in all likelihood are long-term knock-on effects of my experience of gender dysphoria) have got to be tackled too. Fingers crossed that'll even make for a two-for-one deal leading into the letter-writing process.
As it stands, I can't help but keep thinking to myself: "It's paralysing, vertigo-inducing to contemplate how I'm going to pay for any of my healthcare." "What I need is too much for anyone in this system to give." "No matter how I try to reach out, I'm invisible in the pain I've had all my life." "There's going to be sharp-pointed distress between my legs until I'm gone." Please help me.
I'll finally note here:
A long-term plan in my transition has been to create what will eventually be a comprehensive write-up on pursuing, receiving and recovering from my target genital reconstruction surgery ('nerve-preserving nullification'), with additional perspectives to be sought from my friends who have pursued and received the same kind of surgery themselves.
They say that you become the person who would have saved you, and I won't deny that a significant, motivating goal for me, as a person, is to create the resource which would have given me hope during the long period of my life in which I was convinced that I was alone; that nobody would ever understand why 'being male' (being in the sex binary at all) would make me feel like an alien passenger in my own body.
Please consider donating if you can!
(Note that Iāve also posted the link to my fundraiser on BlueSky and Fedi. Resharing my fundraiser on either platform would be appreciated just as well:
https://bsky.app/profile/swordofcha...../3laeewlefm52l / https://critter.cafe/@swordofcharle.....83051313500406 )
My largely untreated gender dysphoria is debilitating - it is a drain on my life, and that drain on my life is a drain on my ability to seek treatment. Thank you so much to everyone who shares my fundraiser as well as to everyone who donates. What you're doing for me can't be overstated.
The Australian healthcare system presently expects gender-affirming treatments to be paid-for from out-of-pocket, though this may change later in this year with the (hopeful) passage of MSAC application 1754 (addendum: lol. lmao.). I've set my target amount ($18,000) based on estimates for surgeries similar to mine shared by other trans people in Australia and the USA. Note that an exact quote for my surgery fees will likely not be available to me until very close to the surgery itself, and that organising surgery is in itself a painstakingly long process which cannot begin until I am at least moderately confident I have the funds for my surgery, but reaching my target amount will hopefully mean being able to cover the expenses of my surgery itself as well as expenses to do with hospital insurance and the letter-writing process.
Depending on the extent of the coverage granted by my Mental Health Treatment Plan, a portion of the proceeds from this fundraiser may go toward assessment and treatment for generalised anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and depersonalisation-derealization disorder. One way or another, those conditions (which in all likelihood are long-term knock-on effects of my experience of gender dysphoria) have got to be tackled too. Fingers crossed that'll even make for a two-for-one deal leading into the letter-writing process.
As it stands, I can't help but keep thinking to myself: "It's paralysing, vertigo-inducing to contemplate how I'm going to pay for any of my healthcare." "What I need is too much for anyone in this system to give." "No matter how I try to reach out, I'm invisible in the pain I've had all my life." "There's going to be sharp-pointed distress between my legs until I'm gone." Please help me.
I'll finally note here:
A long-term plan in my transition has been to create what will eventually be a comprehensive write-up on pursuing, receiving and recovering from my target genital reconstruction surgery ('nerve-preserving nullification'), with additional perspectives to be sought from my friends who have pursued and received the same kind of surgery themselves.
They say that you become the person who would have saved you, and I won't deny that a significant, motivating goal for me, as a person, is to create the resource which would have given me hope during the long period of my life in which I was convinced that I was alone; that nobody would ever understand why 'being male' (being in the sex binary at all) would make me feel like an alien passenger in my own body.
Would you contribute to a fund for my medical transition?
Posted a year agoPlease let me know if you would. I've been tossing the idea over in my mind, hoping that it would be enough to make something Happen. I'd posted previously about this on Cohost and gotten messages of support there, but I've figured I should put this question to my FA followers too.
AviYinglet's "Clover Arizona in: That Curious Sensation",...
Posted a year agoAviYinglet's "Clover Arizona in: That Curious Sensation", ten years on
an adapted Cohost post
I'd just been talking about this comic in a Cohost comment last night, but I want to come and talk about the comic here, too, ten years to the day after its first page had been published.
This comic came out five years before I would admit to myself that I'm non-binary; that I do have a hope of pursuing my transition goals (namely, as someone fucked by their bottom dysphoria in particular, pursuing genital reconstruction surgery in the form of 'nerve-preserving nullification'). It meant a lot to me, five years before I would find the strength to admit this to myself, to see this comic first plant the seed in my head, "what if it weren't a big deal to choose to have the gender anatomy which would be comfortable to you?" And when the comic came at that question with this very real 'trans egg taking these very hesitant, tentative steps toward admitting to themself that they can transition' energy, when it answered that question with an emphatic, "being able to transition, as frightening as transition is to consider, would help you find a measure of happiness in your life", it meant the world to me.
Thank you, Avi.
an adapted Cohost post
I'd just been talking about this comic in a Cohost comment last night, but I want to come and talk about the comic here, too, ten years to the day after its first page had been published.
This comic came out five years before I would admit to myself that I'm non-binary; that I do have a hope of pursuing my transition goals (namely, as someone fucked by their bottom dysphoria in particular, pursuing genital reconstruction surgery in the form of 'nerve-preserving nullification'). It meant a lot to me, five years before I would find the strength to admit this to myself, to see this comic first plant the seed in my head, "what if it weren't a big deal to choose to have the gender anatomy which would be comfortable to you?" And when the comic came at that question with this very real 'trans egg taking these very hesitant, tentative steps toward admitting to themself that they can transition' energy, when it answered that question with an emphatic, "being able to transition, as frightening as transition is to consider, would help you find a measure of happiness in your life", it meant the world to me.
Thank you, Avi.
MFC 2024 was really fun!
Posted a year agoMy partner and I might have made a couple of friends. It was really nice spending a few days physically surrounded by other queer, neurodivergent people. Thanks to the con's staff and volunteers!
Design notes for my fursona!
Posted a year agoAs I don't have a comprehensive reference for my fursona lemme take the opportunity to set out some notes now about my fursona's visual design.
My fursona is currently, as at time of writing, portrayed in two pieces of art: A design sketch (in profile) here and an NSFW piece (front on) here.
Artists are welcome and encouraged to use these pieces for reference - the written description below might be a lot to take in, but these pieces should give you a ready sense of how it fits together.
For a written description, my fursona is a hybrid character with:
. The tail and overall build (a lithe 'runner's build') of a cheetah
. The ears and nose of a red panda
. A pointed snout between that of a red panda and that of a fruit bat or flying fox
. Pointed horns akin to those of some species of goat
I might still like to experiment with their fur patterns, but as portrayed in their art so far they have:
. A colour scheme akin to Autumn foliage
. A red panda's broad fur patterns across their body and tail, with the exception that they have darkened lower arms and lower legs, along with darkened ears, in place of a red panda's darkened underbody
. A cheetah's brightened underbody (lighter-toned fur from the groin to the lower end of the snout)
. A cheetah's spots on their upper arms and legs
. A cheetah's 'tear marks' around their eyes
For nude art, please mind the note about their gender anatomy which I've written in the description of the NSFW piece. This note is emphatically important to me and I do not want my fursona to be portrayed without respect for it.
Also featured in the NSFW piece is that my fursona can have prehensile tendrils emerge from their body. Their tendrils are 'emanated' from their body's 'ethereal interior' and have a brilliantly-coloured, ethereally supernatural, perhaps 'eldritch' appearance. Theyāre slender, sinuous and flexible, and lack the visible āsuckersā of a cephalopod tentacle (their grip strength fills that role). My fursona's tendrils might stand out visually from the rest of their (exterior) body, but aside from appearance their tendrils should be depicted as a part of their body like any other.
My fursona's tendrils (and 'ethereal interior') are the least fleshed out element of their visual design and will require some artistic interpretation, but to have a bit more visual reference you might compare them...
With the tendrils had by different iterations of Mewgle's character Reed: Example 1 Example 2 Example 3
Or with the tendrils had by more recent iterations of Whygena's character Reggie: Example 1 Example 2 Example 3 (NSFW art)
My fursona is currently, as at time of writing, portrayed in two pieces of art: A design sketch (in profile) here and an NSFW piece (front on) here.
Artists are welcome and encouraged to use these pieces for reference - the written description below might be a lot to take in, but these pieces should give you a ready sense of how it fits together.
For a written description, my fursona is a hybrid character with:
. The tail and overall build (a lithe 'runner's build') of a cheetah
. The ears and nose of a red panda
. A pointed snout between that of a red panda and that of a fruit bat or flying fox
. Pointed horns akin to those of some species of goat
I might still like to experiment with their fur patterns, but as portrayed in their art so far they have:
. A colour scheme akin to Autumn foliage
. A red panda's broad fur patterns across their body and tail, with the exception that they have darkened lower arms and lower legs, along with darkened ears, in place of a red panda's darkened underbody
. A cheetah's brightened underbody (lighter-toned fur from the groin to the lower end of the snout)
. A cheetah's spots on their upper arms and legs
. A cheetah's 'tear marks' around their eyes
For nude art, please mind the note about their gender anatomy which I've written in the description of the NSFW piece. This note is emphatically important to me and I do not want my fursona to be portrayed without respect for it.
Also featured in the NSFW piece is that my fursona can have prehensile tendrils emerge from their body. Their tendrils are 'emanated' from their body's 'ethereal interior' and have a brilliantly-coloured, ethereally supernatural, perhaps 'eldritch' appearance. Theyāre slender, sinuous and flexible, and lack the visible āsuckersā of a cephalopod tentacle (their grip strength fills that role). My fursona's tendrils might stand out visually from the rest of their (exterior) body, but aside from appearance their tendrils should be depicted as a part of their body like any other.
My fursona's tendrils (and 'ethereal interior') are the least fleshed out element of their visual design and will require some artistic interpretation, but to have a bit more visual reference you might compare them...
With the tendrils had by different iterations of Mewgle's character Reed: Example 1 Example 2 Example 3
Or with the tendrils had by more recent iterations of Whygena's character Reggie: Example 1 Example 2 Example 3 (NSFW art)
Anyone going to Melbourne Furry Convention?
Posted a year agoCome say hi to my partner and me š¼
We'll be there all weekend. I'll probably have my pfp as a sticker on my con badge, alongside a couple of nb pride badges. Shoot me a message if you'll wanna say hi!
We'll be there all weekend. I'll probably have my pfp as a sticker on my con badge, alongside a couple of nb pride badges. Shoot me a message if you'll wanna say hi!
late November post
Posted 2 years agoit is Be Normal About My Gender Anatomy November
Signal-boosting a friend's writing
Posted 2 years agoFA's upcoming(?) update for written content!
Posted 3 years agoSo an update to how FA handles written content is supposed to be coming soon? I'm planning to convert all my story submissions over to FA's new system (and probably give them all an extra editing pass along the way) as soon as that new system comes out, so watch this space!
[Edit, 2023/05/18:]
Whenās that update coming out again?
[Edit, 2024/01/07:]
On God
[Edit, 2023/05/18:]
Whenās that update coming out again?
[Edit, 2024/01/07:]
On God
Happy International Month of Null Visibility!
Posted 3 years agohapp nullvember š
it nullvember,,,
Posted 5 years agohappy nullvember!
I'm on Twitter!
Posted 6 years agoI'll be using my Twitter to post bite-sized chunks of lewd fiction on a much more regular basis than I've been managing with my long-form writing, so come check me out on it here: https://twitter.com/amuzighi
Edit (2021/07/27 - the 27th of July 2021):
So to share an update on this, uh, I ended up putting the Twitter flashfiction thing on hold as I realised that Twitter really isn't a very good place for trying to share writing. Now my Twitter's kinda more like this!
Edit (2021/07/27 - the 27th of July 2021):
So to share an update on this, uh, I ended up putting the Twitter flashfiction thing on hold as I realised that Twitter really isn't a very good place for trying to share writing. Now my Twitter's kinda more like this!
