I'm on Bluesky now (lurfleman.bsky.social), but I'm not really posting.

Medication issues and major depression are a bitch, especially with the current political climate.

That being said, please stay safe everyone. You matter.

I should upload more. I'll do that.

OK SO UH

I've been dealing with a lot and talking with my therapist and ... really trying to get into the swing of things again.

It's really hard to get out of this mood where I need to apologize and ask approval and permission to do ... anything. Recent events have not helped that but I am getting better. Or I'm trying to get better.

I feel like I might have hurt my relationship with some people by becoming reclusive and not being able to work up the nerve to talk or interact in group chats, abandoning said chats, and just... being a huge mess all the time. I wanna apologize for that.

I had some revelations about how I react to things and how I deal with stuff and I'm resolving to try and stick with things and focus more on being productive and doing what I want too instead of trying to reinvent myself every time something shakes me up.

I'm very grateful to my friends and the people who continue to talk with and support me despite being a constant mess. Ya'll are excessively patient and I wish I was better already so I could return the favor somehow. Regardless I'm gonna try and do art more regularly, so hopefully there's more of that.

hopefully moving stuff around doesn't spam peoples inboxes. just clearing the air.

I WASN'T EXPECTING SO MANY COOL COMMENTS AAAAA ya'll are a treat thank ya so much <33333

Glad it went well, the only thing I really did for it was the "Lurflander" submission I threw up earlier. Really happy with how it came out, it's got me drawin' again so woo. I'll try and upload stuff a little more frequently than

once a year

oof

Either way thank ya'll so much for bein' cool and putting up with me for so long.

merry birthmas

Sorry! Just trying to remember to upload to FA.

So important stuff out of the way.

Ain' doing commissions for a while. If you see any posted it's me cleaning up stuff I owe people because oh my god I owe people stuff.

Part of the reason is my mental health took a really sharp nose dive for a while and it's taken me until now to get to a point where I'm feeling ...stable.

I still feel like anyone talking too or interacting with me is purposefully punishing themselves and anything good that happens is a cruel joke waiting to twist into something horribly wrong and undermine me, but I'm actively fighting against that mentality so that's nice. Doesn't stop me from thinking it but I'm at a point where I'm recognizing it's wrong again.

I have an appointment with a .... really stupid mental health thing I can't possibly afford on the 27'th. Assuming this doesn't turn out like the last couple of times, where I'm so upset with the service provided that it's healthier NOT to go, or where their solution for horrible mental issues is a year of self help books. Fun!

I'm ok though. Like I said I'm stable and I'm not gonna do anything crazy, just not up for much of anything commission wise right now. Hard enough to catch up.

Hope ya'll are doin' ok though! Have a good weekend. And following week. And month. And I hope ya have a good life in general, really.

We got enough to cover Mom's surgery! The Donation didn't cover everything, but it covered enough for us to pool our money with relatives and get it sorted out.

We'll be paying them back when we can. The hope is that Mom wont need me as much and can actually move around and be a lil' self sufficient once the surgery's sorted out, so here's hoping.

https://www.facebook.com/donate/276.....e=external_url

So there's the link. Things at home are just kind of... falling apart. Brought to a head this morning when we found out a surgery my Mother wanted to get on the 1st - which should get her off of a massive amount of pain pills and get her more mobile and self sufficient - requires at least $2,500 up front, $5,000 in total.

We only just found out this morning. Mom's working on selling whatever we can but imo it's just too much money. So I'm advertising it.

about all I can do atm.

https://www.patreon.com/user?u=16790712

SO THE LAST TIME I DID A PATREON I did it wrong and terrible things happened that threatened my livelihood and agh

I'm feeling much more stable and secure and want to do larger projects, so I thought I'd start it up again.

Working on other stuff to do as backing incentives, but for now all I've got up there is the raw PNG's from some recent animations.

If you like my stuff and wanna see more things with my original characters, maybe consider supporting it. If ya just wanna wait for whenever I can open for commissions publicly again, that's fine too. Have a good day either way.

So I ran into an issue with the latest animation I put together

https://twitter.com/Lurfleman/statu.....48168801161216
which is here

every format I can throw it in is just too big for FA to deal with as a Gif, and it doesn't feel long or impactful enough to upload as a Flash file.

that and it's stuck at 1080P resolution unless I do some major reworks and iiiiii kinda dun' wanna do that.

should I try and figure out a way to cram it onto FA, just link offsite, or what?

TO ME

This year's kind of silly so far but I think I'm making progress in some personal goals involving animating more and just getting faster in general when it comes to art, so we'll see what happens!

Hope ya'll have a wonderful day!

MY GALLERY IS SO BAAAAD AND LOW QUALITY C'AUSE IT'S SO OLD OOF I REALLY GOTTA DO MORE AND BURY MY PAST

EVERYTHING ON HERE IS ANCIENT OH GOD DID I DIE OR SOMETHING

So I'm struggling with a lot of really dumb personal issues that I hate and don't make sense.

A large issue has been related to the content of stuff I've been working on. I've just been made woefully, unreasonably upset trying to draw certain themes and subjects.

And it's not like I have an issue with them -- a large portion of the stuff I even like! -- just trying to draw them turns me into a frustrated wreck.

I can't stop drawing though. I need to make enough money to pay bills by the 28'th. If I'm not in too much pain, I'll try doing something about it this coming Monday or Tuesday. Maybe try taking some discounted, heavily filtered stuff on stream i dunno.

I realize I've been really quiet on the FA front lately. I have been more active on Twitter, but that's mostly just sporadically throwing stuff around and replying to friends.

Regardless, I haven't done a whole lot of art lately? and the reasons are mixed. A big one was tablet difficulties, up until it became flat out unusable. Thanks to a friend and my roomate pulling together, we were able to get a new tablet situated in a timely manner, and I'm back to doing art again.

I intend to stream more often, so if you wanna see that -- I typically pose streaming notices on Twitter, but you can always follow me on Picarto too if you want. Either or. I try to stream from 9am CST to 4pm CST, but this varies a lot. Largely due to physical duress.

ANYWAY ACTUALLY IMPORTANT, RELEVANT STUFF.

I have a number of people in my queue waiting on Art from me. None of them were paid for in advance, so I wanted to make sure before I go on an art-binge -- Considering it's been such a long time, if you want to change the subject matter of your commission, or want to cancel for whatever reason, please let me know! I'll try to send notes the day before I start work on it, but considering I'm going to be busy this weekend anyway, I figured a public notice would be nice.

I'ma go ahead and try to upload some of the stuff I've done recently since I KEEP FORGETTING

AAAAHHHH

https://www.dropbox.com/s/21hz096qi.....foSFW.png?dl=0

I have no idea how well that Dropbox link will work but whatever. Looking to make 400$ to cover all my expenses, so I'ma take slots until I get around there.

In case the Dropbox link acts up, here's the setup:
Stills are arranged into 4 categories:
Small Sprites, for 20$
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22857700/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20844687/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21010523/

Medium Sprites, for 40$
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22263567/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22857610/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22864671/

Large Sprites, for 75$
Examples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22877578/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22857669/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/20644521/

100x100 Avatars for 20$
Example: See my own.
This is kind of an experimental thing, so I will be picky about what I do here -- until I'm more comfortable with doing them.

I take Payment in advance, so please take that into account when ordering.

Send me a note, instant message, or a Direct Message on Twitter (@Lurfleman) if you're interested.

UPDATE: THINGS ARE GOOD.

had a heart to heart with my mother. Turns out she was being.. unintentionally abusive? if that's a good way to put it? and we worked out a schedule. Which has been helping me out immensely!

Beforehand I was basically doing just enough commissions to get by, and then.. essentially crashing for a month. Or going into overblown schemes or projects I REALLY wanted to do (still do, but i'll get to that), only to crash AFTER the fact and end up way behind.

Now I'm working daily and getting stuff done regularly. Assuming my family keeps to their end of the bargain and ... leaves me alone long enough to do it.

I'm going to try and take more commissions in the future, catch up on stuff I owe people, and try to branch out on what I'm doing. Since I've been sort of in this small-still rut for the longest time. Not getting into anything too overblown or complicated after the fact, but I'd like to try doing more varied commissions. Once I get to it that is.

I USE TWITTER A LOT, BY THE WAY. If that wasn't readily apparent. You can find me Lurfleman . I've been taking commissions there for a while -- largely because using Furaffinity sort of REALLY tires me out for some reason -- But I realize I need to spread out, so I'll try and take 'em here first for the next round of stuff.

Hope ya'll are having a great day/week/month. Sorry for the inactivity and drama and ugh. Hope to be more productive coming up.

Trying to disable/deactivate my patreon account. I feel like having the option available to me is doing more harm than good -- On the bright side, I will be trying to work more on commissions.

....no not that second life.

Things have sort of stabilized with my grandparents. My Grandfather's dementia, weakness, and falls were brought about by a stroke, because he's stubborn and belligerent and was taking all of his medication wrong. He's excessively paranoid and falls into a belief that his Doctors are giving him the wrong medicines, or the wrong dosages, or they interact with one another -- and once he starts messing with it, it just spirals out of control.

Now that we KNOW that, we can take steps to prevent it. Especially with my mother living there. She's helped him get his pills sorted out and will hopefully be checking on them. He's still not 100% -- he sees things like water on the floor where there is none, or tiny spiders in the corners of his room -- but it's nowhere near as bad as it was when I posted the previous journal.

I understand that with the stroke, they've found out the cancer in his bladder has advanced, and is terminal, but that's.. sort of just been an inevitability. It hasn't shaken us up too much.

I'm currently staying in my house still. I don't have to move in with my grandparents, but I really need to focus on the art-backlog I have and work on paying the bills. They're willing to help out, but no one in the family is really in a position to take care of me financially, while I take care of them physically, so... That's a thing.

I'M HOPING TO GET BACK INTO DOING ART ACTIVELY SOON. I've managed a few simple things here or there, mostly because I've gotten sick now that things have calmed down, but they've been pretty sporadic. Few and far in between. Need to set up a proper schedule or something.

I really do appreciate all of the comments left on the previous journal. They really did help, just getting to sit down and read some of them when I had the energy. I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to put an update up like this, but hopefully this'll help reassure people that everything's getting sorted out.

It's far from perfect -- but it's getting better! Thank you all for your time and kind words. I really do appreciate it, and I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween coming up.

I am in fact still here. I'm... really sorry for the delay in- Seemingly everything. Real life has just become more and more of an uncontrollable mess.

I want to apologize to the few people still waiting on commissions from me. If I cannot get them finished I'll look into issuing out refunds, when I am able.

Immediate, relevant news out of the way, drama stuff below:

We finally got my mother moved out of her house and into my Grandparents house. Most of my mother's things are still up at her house -- so there's still a lot of work to do there, but the important bit is out of the way.

My grandparents... are not without issues of their own though. My grandfather is incredibly ill. His dementia has gotten to such a point that he has only a handful of lucid moments throughout the week. And his arms and legs have become so weak that he falls seemingly three times a day -- and is totally unable to pull himself up on anything. A large chunk of this past week, give or take a few days, has been just picking him up off of t he floor and trying to take care of him. We think - because of the issue with his arms/legs being so weak - that he suffered a stroke at some point, before the move. So we've had an ambulance pick him up this morning. I have no information on how he's doing or what's happening there.

My grandmother on the other hand is a hoarder. She has... so much garbage filling her house. REALLY EXPENSIVE GARBAGE, mind you, but still absolute garbage no one can or will use. And she keeps buying more of it on impulse. This is important because they're talking about having me move in with them to take care of grandpa full time, if this hospital visit doesn't work out.

...I really don't think I can. I can barely keep it together having to dress him, let alone do it every single day. On top of that, I'm still a mess mentally and emotionally, even without all of this piling on top of it.

I'm going to talk with my mother about it. And how I.. really don't think I can move in full time. But I doubt very seriously I'll have a choice in the matter. In a perfect world, the hospital will figure out what's wrong, and Grandpa will be back to his regular self. But I doubt that'll happen.

I can't guarantee that I'll be able to send regular updates about this. It's taking a lot just for me to send this - but I wanted to at least try and keep everyone informed. Thank you for your time.

Bills wont wait for my anxiety to calm the hell down, so here goes nothing.

::PRICES::
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....evendoing2.png

::RULES::
-Please be prepared to pay up front. I don't like taking payment up front but I don't feel like I have a choice in the matter.
-One commission per person. I'm fine with multiple characters and stuff, but multiple images/projects might be a little excessive.
-While I reserve the right to basically say no to something, I'm up for most anything, so don't be afraid to ask for weirder content.

Now that I'm home I'm hoping to work on these a lot more frequently than I have. Just send a note, or message me through whatever medium you feel like (Twitter, Skype, Discord, whatever), and I'll see what I can do.

I will stop taking commissions once I feel like I have enough slots to cover what I need.

WE'RE FULL UP. I hope that'll cover what I need -- i'm pretty sure it will -- but thank ya'll for that. I'll make another notice when I take them again. Hopefully I can work on these and get them out of the way pretty quickly now.

Apolgies to the people I have waiting on commissions -- there's some stuff going on IRL that's kind of running me ragged. I should still be able to finish things in a timely manner, I just haven't been able to do much in the past couple of days.

It shouldn't delay things too much, but I just wanted to give the heads up that things are a little ararara at the moment.

Unfortunately I'm still trying to finish an animation project, which I'm hoping to try and chip away at on the side. But for the time being, I need to do something to pay the bills.

falling so far behind because of stupid family guff really sucks. Anyway.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u.....ssionThing.png


I plan on having 8 slots in total. Trying to get out of a bad habit, and take money up front this time too, which will help get the bills situated. Just send me a note if you're looking to nab one -- we can work out the details and price and everything.

1:  Rovdyr (Paid) (Finished!)
2:  thatbritishdeer (Paid!)
3:  kylos-daikun (In Progress)(Paid!)
4:  PlaysWithFire (In Progress)(Paid)
5:  RaddaReam (Paid!)
6:  Arthro (Paid!)
7:  Mannoth (Paid!)
8:  Noone (Paid!)