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A rough year
Posted 4 years agoSo I know my loved ones are tired of hearing about it, but. I almost died twice this year. Once on the recovery table after my hysto, and once when my appendix burst - I was already in the hospital waiting for surgery, but they left me there for 9 hours alone with no communication and sometime during the night my appendix just burst on its own.
Needless to say my creative juices have been drained to hell.
But there's been good news too! I'm on ADHD and bipolar meds, after decades of being undiagnosed. I'm making gifs again and hopefully, if i can switch to T Gel, I'll have the creative energy I used to when I first got on T. Shots havent been working, my numbers are low as hell and my red blood count is through the roof, I'm kind of a mess.
But I'm back, at least!Still waiting.
Posted 5 years agoMy insurance denied my bottom surgery because they claimed I didn’t have both my WPATHs. But I do. The surgeon said he’d contact them but I’m still waiting to hear back.
This sucks, lol.
This sucks, lol.
Grinfok is holding a raffle!
Posted 5 years agoBottom Surgery
Posted 5 years agoSo I might be getting bottom surgery as soon as August!
Full centurion metoidioplasty, with a vaginectomy and a gusto at the same time!
I went for my physical consult today. My bladder and kidneys are healthy, my growth is good, I just need to go for a ct scan to make sure I don’t have too many kidney stones and then to a doctor to break them sonically, and pump for two months, and I’m literally all good to go.
I never thought I’d get this far. Holy shit.
Full centurion metoidioplasty, with a vaginectomy and a gusto at the same time!
I went for my physical consult today. My bladder and kidneys are healthy, my growth is good, I just need to go for a ct scan to make sure I don’t have too many kidney stones and then to a doctor to break them sonically, and pump for two months, and I’m literally all good to go.
I never thought I’d get this far. Holy shit.
Lonely
Posted 6 years agoI know I don't like. Have much engagement here because I don't like uploading my writing to such a terribly-coded site for uploading writing to (You still have to download shit to read it??? It won't parse most punctuation if you upload a .txt??? in 20-goddamn-19???) and my art is amateurish, but I really wanna like. I dunno. Make more furry friends.
I miss it, I miss engaging with other furs and building friendship and making them gifts and just having a community.
As a trans man, like, I dunno. I feel super left out. I left the fandom for a long while because of how just utterly terrible it was to cis women and I still thought I was cis. Times have started changing - there's still not much trans masc rep here - and I wanna feel safe and welcome here again. They're fuckin' GONE
Posted 6 years agoheeeeeyyy.
I got my top surgery.
I'm flat, I'm happy, I feel more like the man I am than ever before :3
And I'm gonna start working on more art I can upload here. Probably of gus. I love him.
I got my top surgery.
I'm flat, I'm happy, I feel more like the man I am than ever before :3
And I'm gonna start working on more art I can upload here. Probably of gus. I love him.
TOP SURGERY DATE CONFIRMED
Posted 7 years agoHEY EVERYONE!!
SORRY I'VE BEEN SILENT HERE, AND NOT DRAWING - I'VE BEEN WORKING OUT THE ISSUES AND I'VE FINALLY!
FINALLY!!
FUCKING FINALLY GOT A TOP SURGERY DATE!!!
CHRISTMAS EVE THESE TIDDIES ARE GONE
I'M SO FUCKING EXCITEDGeneral Blah
Posted 7 years agoMy brain is mush, my anxiety is through the roof, I'm having trouble People-ing, and writing/video editing isn't... happening.
And college isn't either. I can't. I just... I can't.
But, hey. At least I'm cute.Computer junk!
Posted 7 years agoHey friends! I haven’t been active here this past week or so because my computer can barely handle running a browser :/
I’ve got a story in the works though!
My uncle is going to fix it, my girlfriend is buying the parts, and we’re gonna roll back a few versions because High Sierra is too much for my five year old Mac to handle XD
So I’ll be replying to notes soon!!!
I’ve got a story in the works though!
My uncle is going to fix it, my girlfriend is buying the parts, and we’re gonna roll back a few versions because High Sierra is too much for my five year old Mac to handle XD
So I’ll be replying to notes soon!!!
The Problem With Being An Extreme Fetish Author
Posted 8 years agoTW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
Fox said I should start a patreon, because we need more income and with college (and my mental illness) I can't physically or mentally handle a retail or food service job. So he suggested, hey, you should set up a Patreon for your work! You can write anywhere with your laptop and I have friends who make good supplemental income through it!
There's a huge, glaring problem though.
I write extreme content. Guro, necophilia, dubcon, shota, noncon, demons, incest, plain old gore, monsters, bestiality (usually human/werewolf), transformation, just really fucked up stuff because my sexual trauma left me with really fucked up kinks.
I like filling the niche I do. My most popular story on AO3 has 24,000 hits - it features drugging, kidnapping, dub-con, a fucking machine, and voyeurism.
Patreon's new policy doesn't allow any underage work, which. Ugh, okay. Lemme lay this out without reopening old wounds.
+I was molested repeatedly when I was in diapers
+It traumatized the fuck out of me
+It left me with really fucked up kinks that I only like in fiction
+I deal with my trauma through writing
+My therapist told me that's very common in his CSA survivor patients
+And that non-con stories and art are common among sexual abuse survivors
But it also doesn't allow non/dubcon, again, a kink I have because of the sexual abuse I've suffered. It allows me to take control of what my molester did to me and change the narrative - take away my fear, my guilt, my tears.
And, of course, "We also do not allow other fringe sexual fetish content, such as incest, necrophilia, or fetish content that is hard to distinguish from non-consensual sex."
So no hypnotism or vampires. No necrophilia or incest. No possession. The no bestiality rule could EASILY be forced on vanilla furry stories, so that's right out too.
No fringe sexual fetishes? So no tentacles? No S&M (because they could just flag it as non-con)? No Bondage (same reason)? No swirl, no transformation that focuses on the way the body cracks, breaks, and changes? No vore? Do they consider the sex lives of transgender people to be too fringe?
How the heck could I write anything my fans would ask me for?
Especially my fanfics. Most of my followers on Tumblr came from my fetish fics, especially my Kingsman friends. They too share the same kinks. We had a whole group for it!
I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest.
I can't use Patreon. I can't find a work around. I can't find a way to get paid what writers deserve while not offering fringe fetish smut.
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
TW FOR TALKS OF SEXUAL ABUSE, EXTREME FETISHES
Fox said I should start a patreon, because we need more income and with college (and my mental illness) I can't physically or mentally handle a retail or food service job. So he suggested, hey, you should set up a Patreon for your work! You can write anywhere with your laptop and I have friends who make good supplemental income through it!
There's a huge, glaring problem though.
I write extreme content. Guro, necophilia, dubcon, shota, noncon, demons, incest, plain old gore, monsters, bestiality (usually human/werewolf), transformation, just really fucked up stuff because my sexual trauma left me with really fucked up kinks.
I like filling the niche I do. My most popular story on AO3 has 24,000 hits - it features drugging, kidnapping, dub-con, a fucking machine, and voyeurism.
Patreon's new policy doesn't allow any underage work, which. Ugh, okay. Lemme lay this out without reopening old wounds.
+I was molested repeatedly when I was in diapers
+It traumatized the fuck out of me
+It left me with really fucked up kinks that I only like in fiction
+I deal with my trauma through writing
+My therapist told me that's very common in his CSA survivor patients
+And that non-con stories and art are common among sexual abuse survivors
But it also doesn't allow non/dubcon, again, a kink I have because of the sexual abuse I've suffered. It allows me to take control of what my molester did to me and change the narrative - take away my fear, my guilt, my tears.
And, of course, "We also do not allow other fringe sexual fetish content, such as incest, necrophilia, or fetish content that is hard to distinguish from non-consensual sex."
So no hypnotism or vampires. No necrophilia or incest. No possession. The no bestiality rule could EASILY be forced on vanilla furry stories, so that's right out too.
No fringe sexual fetishes? So no tentacles? No S&M (because they could just flag it as non-con)? No Bondage (same reason)? No swirl, no transformation that focuses on the way the body cracks, breaks, and changes? No vore? Do they consider the sex lives of transgender people to be too fringe?
How the heck could I write anything my fans would ask me for?
Especially my fanfics. Most of my followers on Tumblr came from my fetish fics, especially my Kingsman friends. They too share the same kinks. We had a whole group for it!
I don't know what I'm going to do to be honest.
I can't use Patreon. I can't find a work around. I can't find a way to get paid what writers deserve while not offering fringe fetish smut.
Requests?
Posted 8 years agoHey, so I know I have like only a few followers here, but I'd like to get back into writing.
I'm open for one request, 1000-3000 words, any species, any kink except scat/unbirthing/inflation/minority fetishization :DLegal Information OFFICIALLY CHANGED!!!! WOOOOOO!!!
Posted 8 years agoSocial Security? ✔️
State ID? ✔️
Birth Certificate? ✔️
I AM NOW LEGALLY A MAN, LEGALLY JOHN!!!
Some point soon I need to get my first ever passport before the current Evangelical Hellscape In Charge denies us our right to do that, but since I've never had one I don't need to -change- anything on it!!!
With HRT, with my legal business changed, all that's left for me is... affirmation.
I NEEEEEEED top surgery. My breasts are my biggest cause of dysphoria. I'm technically obese, so my bottom doesn't give me much problem except when I want to use it (once in a blue moon when Venus and Pluto align and unicorns roam the fields beneath falling stars), but I'd still like metoidioplasty if phalloplasty is out of the picture.
And of course I need my hysterectomy.
But all that costs tens of thousands of dollars I don't have, so let's all hope I win the lottery 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️SOON.
Posted 8 years agoThis week I mailed off my request for an updated birth certificate, changed my name and gender on the state insurance, and went to see my Endo. I've graduated to 100/mg every two weeks, and she even gave me smaller needles! It hurts so much less than it did before! Which is really great, to be honest - near the end of my first five months on T, the shots were hurting BAD.
Also, the semester got off to a rough start but I think I'm back in it! My shrink gave me new anxiety pills to take as needed and that makes it so much easier to go to class.
I have SOOOO many stories to upload, but they're all human.
They kinky tho.
I'll probably keep uploading them as .docs because FUCK RTFS. CAN YOU HEAR ME, ADMINS? FUCK RTFS!!!Another transition step!
Posted 8 years agoRight now I'm on my way to my psych so we can talk about my anxiety medication, and THEN I'm going to the DMV to finally get my new ID ordered. I have a note from my endo saying I've "completed all the steps to transition" from female to male, and like. The DMV wants it to mean I've had affirmation procedures but they said they'd accept it for HRT too. So bam! New account! New Vorel!
Posted 8 years agopsst the "beta" layout still sucks for writers lmao
Oh well!
I learned you can't change your username here, and... well, the account I made 9 years ago doesn't really reflect who I am as a person. It's too entrenched in who I was before I came out, and I don't really want to deal with that - especially with how far I've come in my transition.
Vorel's changed to reflect my transition as well. Now he's, well, a he.
I'll doodle myself up an avatar later, but for now, hello again FA!
I'm Vorel, I'm a transgender man, and I write the things!
p.s. having a text entry system like the journals for writing would make a huge difference and people could read them without being subjected to .rtfs but i've been championing that for almost a decade here lol 