Bones = money.

Please consider commissioning my very good friend,  letrune. Her needs and details can be found here.

I'm also open for emergency coms. If anyone else needs an echo, hmu and I'll make a blog when I can.

Don't worry. I actually have a couple sketches to tinker with but I'm just so hyperfocused on having to move and buy new... Everything. Furniture, blankets, cookware...

I've needed new cookware for a long time coming but the rest of my shit, sans clothes and some choice things cannot be salvaged. So I'll be trying to figure out how to start my fuckin life over.

God, being poor sucks. I wish I had the mental fortitude to just like, apply myself...

Speaking of, does anyone want some art? I could use the commish.

He y'all.

So over the summer my apartment complex got a new owner. Who spent the summer painting and fixing the windows. Well. Haha. Now I have until the end of November to pack the fuck up cuz the don't want to renew my lease. It's not an eviction, but they would rather rent to someone else. This is the second time that's happened to me. And they don't have to say why (so after I move, Imma see how much my apartment goes, for) so yeah. And I wasn't planning on moving... I'd only lived there for 2 years. So it's not like I just got money laying around for this.

Anyway, if y'all want some commissions, I'll probably work on them when I'm not packing.

I'm alright. I have a few commissions I'm working on but I've been a bit distracted as usual. My elbow is getting better but I still don't trust it completely.

I recently got The World Ends, With You but I haven't played it yet. My dumbass got Neo because it was marked down on Amazon, not realizing that the game had a sequel. I'm still gonna play it but I'm like, so off put by gaming atm. Idk I might play Okami again.

My doc just put me on Zoloft for anxiety and I woke up incredibly dizzy this morning. I'm not excessively tired, just dizzy. I hope it passes... I feel sick. I mean it hasn't even been a whole week yet but hey...

...somebody's watching meeeee! 🎶

Nah, nothing to report today. I've just been really enjoying music. I got my Spotify subscription back in October, having switched from my 7 year old Pandora account and my library expanded multidimensionally. I'm discovering genres left and right, never mind whole bands.

And I've never really followed media, so I base a band's obscurity on how easily I can locate their fucking lyrics. Without looking up lyrics, Disturbed is, just as obscure to me as Valis Ablaze. Two bands I do happen to know their relevance to the music world, lol. So like, yeah, I can make recommendations, but I have no idea, what groups you actually know of. So I might accidentally tell you to go listen to something you already know about. Perhaps more than me, lol.

To that end though, I feel like Puscifer is probably lesser known than Tool, but like it's not so obscure that people go, "Who?" when you play them.

Originally I disliked all the -core and -wave genres, but I see their relevance. I mean I liked the music but it annoyed me that they were using micro genres. But now I'm kinda able to see the subtleties. Back in my day, numetal and metal were basically one genre... Kinda. And numetal seemed to own the prog genre. So Tool was introduced to me as numetal, not prog. Which really, it's more art rock. Yeah, when I think prog, I think Tool, but art rock fits a 3 of Maynard's bands the best.

And that's my word vomit for the day.

Who knows how much my adhd will let me accomplish but I do it all for fun so. But the NA sequel struck me hardcore suddenly. I'd been listening to a lot of music lately and the themes I guess conjure ideas in my head. I mean, I guess I always listen to music but newer artists (to me. They're definitely not new) with their songs. So we'll ride that spiral and may just go where no one's been. XD

Yeah so I'm still pretty banged up but I did make a small sketch. I don't wanna, post it yet, cuz I'm hoping to color it. But it was difficult to keep going, so I probably won't do too many detailed pieces.

I'm gonna try to draw something over my next few days off because I've been resting. But it's not really getting any better.

Might just make a barrage of sketches since that's not really hardcore arting for me. A sketch of a character can take like... An hour uninterrupted? Idk. I keep getting motivated.

"IS THAT A REALLY PRETTY HUE OF PURPLE?"

"LOOK AT THE SHAPE OF THAT CHEEK!"

Well I went to the er over my elbow and now I have to miss a week of work because of the pain. If it persists, I'm supposed to come back to the doctor for more treatment before my time off expires.

Which sucks. I can't even take commissions to make up for the loss of income. I don't know what I'm gonna do...

My elbow is almost better. I didn't wind up sketching the other day, but that's alright. Better to let it rest than exert it. I work today, and I hope it doesn't backslide because of that. But we'll see I guess.

If I'm ok, I definitely will be doodling again.

Well it's been around 8 - 10 days and it's starting to feel better. Maybe at this rate I won't need to go to the doctor. Which would be amazing, I really don't want to. I might do some sketching later today, but I won't be doing hardcore art until I'm 100%.

Idk I think I have tendinitis in my left elbow and I'm left handed so I haven't been too into art lately. Been fucking with me for a little over a week. I'm still working, and soaking my arm in hot water kinda helps, but I don't know. I'm reading mixed messages about whether or not I'm supposed to play through the pain and it'll go away on its own or not so I'm going to give it another week before I call my doc.

If you follow me on Insta or Twitter, you'll see my last sketch, but yeah, that's kinda all I got for now.

Sucks, I got so many plans now. I feel like that episode of the Outer Limits where dude is alone and goes to read a book but his glasses go sailing off only to break. And no one is around to fix them.

Yep, I'm working on my Toyhou.se. I put it off for a super long time, but I wanna build it up now. It's kinda motivating to give love to my lesser OCs.

On that, I've decided not to cancel my current story, but crop it so it's less daunting. I may eventually even write the stupid story out, but we'll see, lol. I began the first page for my Graphic Novel over a year ago. It's almost done too... Dx

Anyway, for anyone who might not know me there my Toyhou.se is: https://toyhou.se/Catt

There's gotta be a way to draw Yoshi as the Grateful Dead bears, I'm just not seeing it.

So, would anyone like a commission? I'm open to anything. If not that's ok too. Work kinda messed up my hours this month so stuffs a little tight. If I disappear for about a week, that'll be why. It would probably happen closer to the first of the month. I was just hoping to avoid a reconnect fee.

I'm studying to get my pharmacy tech certification so I can get into a hospital and abandon my crummy retail job. I have a lot of fears about doing this but I've been denied Disability for over 10 years now. And I can't afford living this way. So, I have to try to get a real job. I didn't like the retail aspects of being in the pharmacy in the past but I did like being a part of the pharmacy team.

My grandma is gonna help me financially, which isn't a whole lot, just the study materials and test cost. I have some of the study books now. I just have to make mental time to read it. Ugh.

I hadn't said anything sooner because I wasn't making as much progress on this as I thought I should be, but now that my neck/shoulder is feeling a little better, sitting and reading will be easier.

I don't like Metallica. Love lots of classic rock and metal but never got into Metallica hardcore. But I read he had a breakdown on stage about how he doesn't think he's good enough to play anymore because he's old. His band mates hugged him and it was all sweet and stuff. Made me happy he had them.

And while he's done some stupid shit over the years, I never really thought of him as a bad guy. If I WERE a fan, he's done nothing that'd change me. And I do like SOME of his songs. Think my favorite is Sad But True.

Oh but if your favorite album is Kill 'Em All, don't tell Reddit. You'll get permabanned. Saw a different article where a user got banned because he said that was his favorite. I guess reddit doesn't like the phrase.

I got myself a 2 day ban on fb for posting Mindless Self Indulgence lyrics that indicated I'd kill someone with a fax machine. That was a while back though, I'm ok now. But still. I didn't post the lyrics in a group, just as my own personal status. Flickie got himself a week ban from Twitter once because he told someone to step on a Lego.

I feel like an old Boomer who misses cruel humor from the 90s or something.

I just fucked up my shoulder. I slept weird and it's just been bad for the past 3 days. So naturally I don't want to draw.

So I got a lienart all ready for coloring of a famous person, lol. I was gonna do a few musicians I like. Also wanna do some Sailor Moon fanart... Somehow. I haven't settled on an, idea yet.

Might do some sketches when I get off work later though... Idk if I'll have the energy for coloring. Although in some respects, coloring IS the easiest aspect of art for me.

So it feels like I'm back to normal. In light of the normalcy, I'd like to officially offer commissions again.

I just gotta reup on everything and I'll be churning out more crap. I needed nibs, mechanical pencils and batteries. I haven't made my way to the store yet so there's been a delay. But I have so many ideas so... XD

I wasn't spell checked for the name of my blog so I looked it up. I guess it means proportional fear? I just liked the "noise" it made. Lol.

Anyway, I think I got my spark back but we'll see. I'm gonna get a battery for my USB mouse and tinker with pixels but I can't promise I'll post anything. I've struggled with pixels for a long time and gave up a few years back. So my triumphant return may not be so... Triumphant.

I have a new vision though. I drew, Maynard like 3 times and Ozzy once. The Ozzy and all previous attempts at Maynard were bad though. I liked my Wine Cellar piece of Maynard out of all of that.

Anyway. Digressing. I want to return to trying to draw musicians or famous people I like. Idk why... Maybe because they put themselves out there so the ref pics are like water.

This doesn't mean I'm not into my furry art though. It just means that I have new aim. And this new aim is inspiring. Having just done Caleb Shomo as a Carebear really pulled me back in. Flickie was explaining to me I got his bandanna wrong tho. He wears a specific one. I didn't know that, lol, I was just trying to make the colors work. I had a vision and I went for it.

My story will probably never be written. I had chapters on my Google Docs for a long time but they're meaningless to me. I can't work them into working Graphic Novel pages. I might still draw my cast doing cast things and whatever but idk. I think I have to shelve that dream. But I'm not putting it down without new visions. I just need a smaller story. Something more easily contained. And I can also reuse the majority of my cast since their persona and look are devised. Just because I haven't drawn them doesn't mean idk what they look like, lol.

Yeah so I got more shit I'm conceptualizing. I mean, I know that in it of itself doesn't mean anything, it means I'm thinking about drawing pictures, lol. But that msi shirt was a warmup that, I hope, would segue me back into the saddle.

I wanna draw a few musicians I like too but I also have an entirely new horizon on my mind lately. I don't know how I feel about my graphic novel I'd been trying to write my entire life, but there's something... Else. I can't put it to words yet. And it wouldn't require me to retire OCs, or mod much, but I think that it's just a new direction my heart may be wandering in. It could be just for fun. Just to explore. Or it could replace my stories entirely. I'll have to ride that spiral to find out. It's me in my own head, so no one can really know unless I go.

I'm hoping whichever direction this spark takes me, everyone is on board and is still amused.

Yeah so, I went to see Tool in Cleveland on the 20th. That was their last leg of the NA tour. I was so sad. For those of you who don't know, each show had a unique poster. And Cleveland got the best poster. I didn't even want a signed one, just one at all. But they're very limited and I had no attention span to sit in line well into the Acid Helps starting. Which was what would have happened.

Amazing show. I look forward to seeing one of Maynard's bands again.

I'm working on new art again and it's very weird. I'm struggling to focus on it because I'm rushing myself and am fighting with that. I keep having to manually tell myself to slow down and relax. I've been having to with many things in my world lately, not just the art. So it's not surprising that it's spilling into my art life.