• My Birthday was both yesterday and was pretty good.

• runzu's Birthday is this Thursday (no avoiding it woman!)

• Stuff to upload.

So I had a Birthday yesterday, and I'm now 25! It was a very nice day and I got some pretty awesome stuff, but more importantly its the lovely Runzu's day on Thursday, so ya'll go bother her!

Thanks to Mimi:you know what you made and I thought it was adoribrilliant, thanks to my family: your love is always so warming, thanks to Evelyn; I hope you know I still care, and thanks to my love and her little one; you are the greatest adventure I have ever had and I hope it never ends.

•I am here, trying to to be as lazxy and easily distra

•I like bulletin points, makes a memo much easier to read.

I haven’t been active on here for a while, and that fault is entirely my own. I am too lazy, and I have resolved to actually start participating more in FA and its various circles.

The problem I have really is that all that I want to say is rather grandiose, I’m a man of big words and bigger ideas and to simply say “that’s great” for me is a terrible understatement. I suppose it is still a statement, and all statements are valid as long as they are constructive and not based upon fallacy, but I feel why say what everyone is already saying? Especially if I agree.

Either way, positive step forward, gonna try and be less of a flake and post art as I receive it for once.

♥

•runzu's net is still out and her situation isn’t getting any better. I worry about her deeply and her stress is only increasing, but she may be back online sooner than we thought. Also the lack of capitalization in front of her name is a continued source of distress.

•My financial and employment situation is still a cause for concern. I will still be able to eat but beyond that I am skint.

•The weather here in Britain is abnormally pleasant; sunshine for days and the only breeze is pleasant and inviting. Makes me wonder if God is plotting something.

•Still have lots to write and stuff to upload, but I have been busy the past few days trying to find a job.

It hasn’t been very long since I came out as a furry, since I admitted it to myself and since I embraced all what it is to be a furry. Still my family at large doesn’t actually know about it, and the reason why isn’t because of any shame I feel but simply because I cannot really elaborate what a furry is. I wanted to have a conversation about what it means to be a furry or a member of the furry community. The conversation is rather pedantic. You have been warned.

To start off with, let me first address the common definition of furry without the contextual noun, which is: “someone with an interest in anthropomorphic animals with human characteristics.” For most people thats all you need, and to most people I would send you merrily on your way, but for those who take issue with the definition or are interested in the debate lets blow holes through it, shall we?

Firstly let me just say that anthropomorphic means to have human traits so that bit about having “human characteristics” is entirely redundant. Its like describing a ball as “a sphere that is round and circle-shaped,” redundant to the point of silliness.

So now we are left with “someone with an interest in fictional anthropomorphic animals,” which is where we generate a source of contention. Are they animals with human traits, making anyone that likes furry characters sexually (a topic for another time) a zoophile, or are they the reverse, humans with animal traits. To many the latter is much easier to stomach, but to most there isn’t even a debate. Humans with animal traits, animals with human traits, it all manifests in the same visual equivalent, why should it matter?

Well I say it matters not only because several groups try to define themselves away from us, for understandable reasons, but because it doesn’t manifest in the same visual equivalent. Bronies and sonic fans, for example, both largely meet the literal definition for furry and even share typical traits and values with what I would call a differentiated furry, and many do conflate the fandoms altogether. To make matters even more confusing many furries are also bronies and sonic fans and yet many more take offence to the very idea that we might all be one in the same. So non-furries don’t want to be furries, furries don't want non-furries burdened with what we are and yet if we keep the definition as it stands we don’t really have a basis to argue otherwise.

Beyond semantics around the literal definition many people, myself included, feel that the definition is too light if simply unfitting for what we feel (as vague as that is) the community is. I for one believe the furry community goes deeper than simply an affiliation to a collection of similarly designed characters.

In my own mind we furries are a community that likes characters with animal traits that go as far as actually being animals in all ways aside from mind, ranging from a passing interest to a sexual fetish, and to the extent where most have our own fictionalized character that represents us. That is one hefty sentence, cobbled together from a myriad of ideas and even then if I look back on it I feel it is a grossly inaccurate statement. We are so much more than that, there is so much about us that is left undescribed and to anyone that encountered the community.

I don’t want to make this post any longer than it has to be, and so I shall call an end to it here, but if you have your own thoughts do please share them. I will go into other aspects of the community over the coming weeks, regardless of interest really. I want to get back into writing but I no longer feel in good consciousness that I can write the shitty smut I used to. Either way, this helps me write and allows me to escape my situation for a while.

•RAF Sandhurst on high alert incase she likes a man in uniform.
•Cabinet retreated into seclusion for their own good.
•Jimmy Saville possibly arisen from the grave.
•Semen clean-up could take months.

Up to fourteen people, including three playas, were lost last night after a category five booty owned by “Runzu”, a visiting American tourist. Supplies of clean pants and sunglasses are dangerously low and the entire city centre is still closed off to only the flyest mofos.

Sightings in the Ashton and Hyde area of a massive booty, reportedly too game for most, had been recorded over the previous days but had been discredited for being too unbelievable. “I aint falling for it this time,” MP John Leech said moments before the booty attack. “Last time she was a seven at best, I aint falling for it this time.”

Mr Leech was unavailable for further comment.

The attack began some time before midday and continued until five o’clock. At the height of the attack, when the American bent over to retrieve a dropped tissue, four people were reportedly lost.

“The game was too good!” Said Mr Baranoski, a survivor near the epicentre of the attack. “I aint ever seen a honey so fine, came so hard I nearly entered orbit.”

US President Brarack Obama was scheduled to visit Manchester this weekend in order to scout out a world class side chick, but cancelled shortly after hearing of the attack. Mr Obama reportedly had a forty minute argument with Mrs Obama about Mayor Taveres (his previous side chick) that allegedly caused the cancellation.

The joint trip between Clinton and Bush Jr has been both extended and pushed forward, however, following a press conference where they declared their intention to get their game on.

Twelve of the fourteen lost were found grouped travelling down the Buxton Road between the turnoff for New Mills and Furnace Vale, mumbling about how they were completely done with everything. A full recovery was ruled out by a GP.

One of the survivors was last reported jacking himself to extinction on Wessenden Moor, and the booty was so good it captured the soul of a Miss Judy Dench. Miss Dench’s mother was reported as saying “GG, no RE.”

A man called “Chair” claims to be the boyfriend of the American, and was seen leaning back in his chair with a shit eating grin and writing false news articles.

---oOo---

Okay so in all honesty runzu is feeling pretty down so I made this fake article to amuse her. She seemed to like it, once she managed to reattach her sides, so I decided to share it with you losers.

FYI I actually talk like that sometimes, injecting Americanisms into regular British conversational English. Nyes.

So just as I decided to take it upon myself to upload all that back-logged art I had stored up and create a journal telling you lovely people just how things where my keyboard finally decides to kick the bucket and I have to use my old keyboard. It is wireless, and the liberation that affords me is a breath of fresh air, but its an old one, a none clacky one and one that feels at oince soft and brittle and also hard and clunky. Its like typing on a piece of wood and I cannot stand it much longer, so I will say what I have to say, what I must say and then cleanse myself.

Recently you might have noticed a lot of my artwork if not all of my artwork involves the lovely runzu in some way, something that is becoming increasingly apparent as I upload more stuff. IU have never concealed my feelings for her, our history or the plans we have made together, but as of two weeks ago, on Wednesday the First of April her and I finally decided to start dating. You might be asking yourself why it has taken so long to announce such a thing, and while I would like to say that I have been tel;ling people in person and that announcing things on here is something I always have a massive delay on the honest truth is slightly more complex and both wonderfully wonderful and horribly horrible.

Shortly following our uniting of hearts the lovely runzu also departed on her first international flight, to come and see me, and for ten of the last eighteen days we have been preoccupied traveling around the country, meeting friends, picking leaves and eating all manner of food that makes her pull faces and look disgusted. And we didn't even give her tripe, black pudding or jellied eels. The past few weeks have been our own little slice of heaven, genuinely perfect days we where gifted to know how great they where as they were happening. Too often do days of golden perfection only appear in hindsight, to have her here and know how great I felt as I felt it is a gift few are afforded.

I have never felt so poor than I have over the last few days, so much I wanted to do and couldn't and so much more we simply hadn't the time to do, I was so stressed that everything would go wrong and I would have no money-lined parachute to save me. Then she got here, and we spent long days on our bed, reading comics and watching films, days so blissful I want to cry just thinking of them. We went to visit friends and had friends visit and each time they brought or bought something that spiced our day just right, asking nothing in return other than giving her a good day. At the end I confided in her that my lack of cash was making me sad, but in doing so I managed to tickle her ire like never before. "I'm not here to see the sights Chris, I'm here to see you," she told me.

I have never felt so poor in my life, but neither have I felt so rich.

But then, as she got home, things turned a shade worse.

She is without means to communicate regularly, which explains her continued absence, and I have bills mounting up so high I can't help her. I am not going to suffer much, but it looks like over the coming months she may, and all I can do is sit here and apply for jobs hoping that maybe, maybe I can get a job. Things are dark and bleak as they can be, making this a summer of darkness to me, and though not being able to talk to her hurts hard knowing I have the love iof her and her l;ittle one gives me the fuel I need to soldier of and knuckle down to find work.

I can still type, my computer is thankfully going nowhere but for now I wont be getting any new artwork. If any of you know of any jobs in the Manchester area that could use a hard-working and self-motivated man experienced in admin and office work as well as art and the arts, shoot me a note.

Thank you guys so much for any thoughts and support, and thank you Kitty, Jessie, Not Chris (Steve) and Jack for being so awesome to us. Expect more art uploaded throughout the day and for all those that have got this far: mthanks for reading.

~Chair

Coming Out
I wrote about a page of words before realizing that in my haste to ramble and explain that which neither warranted nor needing explanation I actually forgot to clarify what exactly it is that I am coming out as. Yup. I wouldn't be so irksome if it wasn't for the fact that runzu is probably completely unsurprised by it and indeed may have actually predicted it.

"So you decided to come out but forgot to say what you came our as eh? How very. You." She would say if she spoke like a fellow Briton for some reason.

So, to clarify:

This isn't so much of an announcement as it is just a declaration and clarification; I have uploaded and talked about the person formally known as Christina before and anyone that knows me enough to care has either talked to me about it directly or generally knows about it somehow, so this is more to clear off any fog that this game of Chinese Whispers may have created while providing a means for any future friends to find out about this side of me without awkwardly probing me about it. I, in some way, want to be a lady. No, that does not mean here comes the HRT and the operator's knife, I don't want to be lady in that sense, I just wish that I could have the chance or the choice to be both really, maybe one permanently for a bit, but generally I don't know. I have tossed up undergoing procedures in the past but what they can provide me and what I am seeking are two things too different to reconcile and I am not completely sure if I want to be a lady to begin with.

So what is it that I want to do? Well quite simply I want to live out my my female alter ego through online interactions sometimes but I don't have the heart to lie to anyone about who I am beyond protection of my identity for security sake. What this means is that unless you bump into me on Second Life or maybe some other online game this won't effect you at all, use male pronouns, talk about my other identity either as me or as another person altogether, it really makes no difference. That being said if you do encounter me in-game and I am in female getup or rag please don't be surprised. I would ask you kindly here as I would there to please use female pronouns and all that other lovely stuff, and I won't ever voice as her so you don't have to worry about a strange mix of lady's body and male voice or worse, me trying to affect a female voice.

Thanking People For It
I always feel a strange mixture of shyness and satisfaction when I talk about the female version of myself, partly this is because of my background in the TG community. So much of what it produced had a sexual bent to it, I can hardly talk about it without mentioning it and it just leaves and awful taste in my mouth. Its not that sex is wrong, quite the contrary, I like to paraphrase Stephen Fry when it comes to sexuality and say that the only people with an unhealthy obsession with sex are those that are addicts and those that want none of it. We are mammals after all, rigged by our very nature to have sex and make babies, but sometimes I don’t want to have sex, sometimes I want to live out a life vicariously even with all the mornings waking up on the Japanese Flag and awkward fart-generated clam bubbles. That being said I must admit the community is only a small fraction of what makes me nervous.

It feels like my cripplie left arm sometimes. You know, you have this big thing there, this elephant in the room that make you somehow different, a tad more needy than everyone else, a tad more handicapped (literally in the arm’s case) and because of that you try to hide it just a little. Maybe it is a male thing but honestly I don’t want to be seen as weak, even if it does make me uncomfortable or handicapped, so I just hide it and get on with my life. Well I say that but that is honestly a thing of the past now, and that is largely thanks to three lovely ladies.

The first, as you might be able to tell, the lovely Runzu has proved to be a driving force behind my recent openness. She doesn’t take any of my timidity nonsense but she’s never means about it, she reassures, she dismisses and she builds confidence in me in ways few others can. Furthermore Runzu is that kind of person, and I do know a few, that accepts someone wholeheartedly regardless of identity without fuss or friction, carrying on as normal regardless of how you identify simply content that you are pursuing happiness on your own terms. Finally :linkRunzu is simply there for me, for when I do need to gush and stress and shout and cry, always catching me and never holding it against me. Runzu, my love, don’t you ever go changing, and when you get here into these cold and rainy isles the drinks as well as most everything is on me.

The next lady is someone who has done so much for this identity of mine but in all honestly and without meaning to be mean I think she is completely oblivious to the fact. You see as much as one person, my best friend, accepts me for who I am and as great as that is it really is one small drop in the bucket. I need more people I can interact with as in some way a female alter ego without having to pretend I am not also a twenty-four year old male. Finding furries that will indulge me on FA is easy, especially compared to other venues, but I tend to find that anything with a vagina generally gets fetishized in this community of ours, to a degree where I am uncomfortable, and while I need to come to terms with that and I need to grow a thicker skin for that it’s nice knowing that there is people out there, people who I can call friends right now, that accept me for who I am and wouldn’t have me any other way. I have talked to BeautifulSerendipity a few times about my female self and much like Runzu she fits into that comfortable zone of acceptance without being intrusive, obsessive or sexual. We talk, we laugh, and from time to time her and her friends and the lovely Runzu team up and get me some pretty neat artwork. She talks to me on my level without making me feel uncomfortable in any way all while occasionally making these cute little pictures that bring this side of me to life, what more can a man (or a, erm, whatever I am) ask for.

The piece this post is connected to was what got me writing this is in the first place. I really do love it; along with : linkBeautifulSerendipity:’s original piece she made for me it is up there with one of my favourite pieces I have gotten about her. Originally this was supposed to be just a comment for that piece but the more I thought about it the more I wrote, doing so is great catharsis for me, and while I could and probably should have kept this to myself (my word this is getting long) I feel that getting this out there might help me be a little bit more open as her. I am eternally grateful to you BeautifulSerendipity , and even if you don’t drink I owe you one.

The last lady I want to talk about is rather strange so I shall save her for another day. But don’t worry about me calling her strange, she can’t really feel bad or argue back largely because she is fictional.

Generally I feel very happy about Kali, she and I are starting to emerge from the proverbial closet into a world that is hostile and unforgiving and that is largely thanks to the support of people that wear down at society’s pointy edges. Writing this journal is one of the hardest things I have ever written to the point where every word, every sentiment feels physically painful and makes me want to delete everything and retreat to my inner santum of Turkish Delight and Pop-Tarts, but thanks ti the love and support I feel I will only do the latter after posting this. I am eternally thankful for this, for the acts of kindness that fuel my ambition to become whole, to become who I want to be rather than who I have to be. I love you guys, you are awesome, thanks for putting up with me and inspiring me onward.

NB: Is there a Hyphen in Pop-Tarts or is my mind conjuring that up from the nether realms of my creative mind like and "brang" and my fond memories of flying upstairs as a child?

What does a pretentious art fiend do when he can't sleep? Commission things and promote artists! Take a look at the link bellow, an artist (Freeze-pop88) that I adore (dat chibi though) is doing an art thing and I have asked for one! Huzzah!

Runzu, looking at you for this.

Also Commissioning StupidShepherd for something, you will wait and see on that.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6207133/

Over the next few weeks/months/ect I plan to work on a number of art pieces that I have dreamt up. Some of these pictures are high priority; things I need to get done to formally consider my account "up", others are simply low concept pieces of fun but the lion's share are actually high-concept artworks, bathed in meaning and interpretation. I will be onest with you, I am a fairly pretentious man. I live in a pretentious house and ride on a pretentious tram to my pretentiuous job where I look after pretentious art for pretentious investors, and you can see this in the art I commission. So without further ado herwe lies the great list of art that I, in my infinite wisdom, plan to commission, it is by no means final and completely vague to the point of unintelligibility. Enjoy the read.


High Priority

All these pieces I plan to do over the next few weeks.


Icons - Strict Top Positioning

I currently don't have an icon, and I actually owe Runzu one too. Lets fix that!


The Arm - Strict Second Positioning

I really want to robotically augment the left arm of my character, not just in the art I want done of him but in SL too, and that requires concept art. The reason why I want this is rather personal; my real leftie is crippled in a way that makes levling out my hand or moving it in certain ways particularly painful, so when I see my character move his hands in that way I cringe a little (a whole lot) inside. In the past I can excuse it by claiming things like "my Pip-Boy cures it" or "I'm not Jason Brody", but with a thing that is meant to metaphorically represent me as well as occasionally actually being the body through which I interact with the world I really can't excuse it. The only way I can describe it is like seeing someone that is double jointed do their double-jointed thing while you look on in horror, if you look on in horror, which I do. I can, however, excuse this once again if I can make my arm robotic, and as I am a fan of Deus Ex and all its augmentations the prospect of turning my lame-arse limb into one that can play music and upload porn rather excites me.

Derp With Runzu By StupidShephard

A picture of me and :liunkRunzu: derping about on goats designed to look like each others Goatifications with a trail of destruction silhouetted in our wake. Specifically commissioned by StupidShephard as I really fell in love with my goatification and would love to realize the art concepts that emerged from the conversations my goat spawned. This is this high up due to my confidence with the artists and their skills.


Specific Pieces

Art pieces that I have a specific image for that must be met. These are really where I test my chops as a conceptual artist, so there is only a minimal amount of leeway. The descriptions here are merely prefaces, they will be discussed in greater details with the artists.


Elysian Homestead

A luscious painting of Runzu, myself and another character in a field of tall grass, armed with bow, sword and fishing rod respectively, observing a farmhouse in the not-too far distance, with dense woodland and high low Appalachian mountains dotting the far distance only just visible through the encroaching late-morning mist. Based upon the Greek version of heaven, Minecraft and my experience gaming online, this piece should emphasize family and cooperation with nature as well as the majesty and beauty of the world before us. The style should almost be impressionistic, with truth in character second to detail in the scene, a high angle putting the homestead and the fields afore it into the focus.
This is an emotionally charged scene for me, based on one of the most important memory of my life. It is the time where, for one minute, for one little space in time. I felt like an actual parent, with all the weight and responsibilities that brings and so I wanted it immortalized in digital paint.

Key points: Setting matching my vision, lighting and props used. The story is vital fort understanding the piece.
Free licence: The details of the home and the characters to an extent. If I hire someone I hire their vision so their interpretation of my description is what makes the image human.


Hyperborea

An almost voyeuristic piece depicting a couple on a beach at sunset glimpsed through a jungle, with a low sun painting a deep and passionate glow to the scene. Keeping with the Mythical land concept, this simply depicts a former lover and I in a intimate and loving but non-sexual setting huggling with tails entwined over a glowing computer screen. Again truth in character is secondary again, but less so this time. We need to be represented accurately to an extent and the details of our smiles clearly visible.
Another emotionally charged scene, this is based on various emotions I felt when I used to share a home with Runzu in second life. Its hard to say much more about it without divulging persona;l details, but seeing it might just reveal all that is left unsaid.

Key Points: The mood and the distinct amber-purple lighting that mirrors the characters. Definitely needs to be set correctly and the expressions on the characters faces need to be just right.
Free licence: Virtually everything else. Manifesting this image even in my own mind is nigh-on impossible as it depends entirely on the artists own vision.


In Nature

A simple depiction of my character reading a book beneath a huge piece of modern abstract art in the gallery he works in, looking a tad bored. The lighting is dingy, but not dark, and the whole colouration and mood to the whole piece a little on the dull side. This is my lowest effort piece of high-concept art, as it simply depicts what I feel about my work and the modern art industry. I am tempted to include a few passing tourists, but it all depends on the eventual artists style and their opinion on tourists and patrons of an art gallery, as their opinion will definitely inform their work.

Key Point: The mood of the peice needs to be dull but not gloomy, the art needs to be abstract and dense to the point it is unintelligible.
Free Licence: Pretty much everything else, from the uniform to the art on display all the way down to how the artist evokes boredom.


Hyperborea Falls

Another intimate scene, this time depicting the same couple in the final hours of their relationship, dancing slowly to a favoured tune in their bedroom, embracing, but tainted by a sadness in their faces with looming clouds gathering outside the window foreshadowing the end of their love. The whole scene illuminated softly, almost blissful, but with darkness enveloping the outside and what little nature can be seen decaying and withered. The framing of this piece puts the clouds out the window at the centre of the piece and the lovers almost marginalized to one corner. In the other corner, however, there is something a little telling, briefly glimpsed on the corner of a bed that sits just about in shot there lies the foot paw of an unidentified suitor, waiting for the dance to end.
Needless to say this piece is highly emotionally charged for me and because of that I will say no more.

Key points: While the props and framing needs to be right they needn't necessarily be true to the scene as it happened in reality. All the furniture needs to be both rustic and tarnished.
Free Licence: Not a lot. i have a rather specific vision for this, and while I take artist's interpretation into account exactly what is a matter of debate.


Triptych

A series of three paintings. The first and central image depicts the lovely Runzu, resting on the bow of a crescent moon, ignoring the viewer for a script of some-kind with the shadowed moon revealing a silhouette of Hyperborea and a smoke train shooting across the background. The second piece is at quarter size to the centre and located to the lower right of it, simply depicting a purple-tinged Earth, joining to the central piece by the smoke trail and revealing that what caused it started on the planet itself. The Third and final piece sits somewhere between the first and the second in regards to size and should be situated on the left, simply depicting my character riding a a rocket as it speeds around a corner and toward Runzu's moon. A jokey piece, it should be very cartoonie and fun.


Unspecific Pieces

These pieces aren't so constructing. I want these things to exist but I am easy on the exact details. A lot of the descriptions are vague at best and thus are open to interpretation.


Autumn

A quaint and gloriously cute picture of Runzu walking to school with her child in anthro form. I want to get this done for her son's birthday and so I will be working on it all next month. Full colour, shaded with complex background.


Character Sheet

A character sheet for my avatar with augments I plan to add and a few outfits for reference. It will have to include the augmented arm as well as numerous outfits and as such will take a while.


Coffee House Finances
A delightful scene depicting me and Runzu at a coffee shop, a pile of papers afore us that I am tirelessly working through, mild annoyance on my face as Runzu looks on pleasantly. This is simply a play on the unfortunate fact that Runzu can't math very well and when she needs someone to math I usually take up the mantle. Full colour and shading, BG optional/dependent on costs.


HanMonster Commie

Imagine the scene; Runzu and I, blissful elated smiles on our faces, our eager hands grasping at a magical flying waffle of friendship, syrup twinkling in our wake. Amber came up with this idea a while ago, and I desperately want to realize it. Did I mention we are wearing flight goggles and scarves? 2/3hr quick sketch.


Snow

Another depiction of my character and Runzu's with her child. In this picture I am joyously frolicking in the new-winter snow, something I (as a Brit) haven't really experienced unlike Runzu and child, both of whom look on cold and disapprovingly. Full colour, shaded and simple BG.


Two Ferals

Simply me and Runzu in feral form, resting, with a Runzu above me playfully laying atop me with her paws on my head. Most important to the peice is simply the characters expression and the floofy-ness of their fur, and so acquiring an artist that can depict this accurately is vital. Beyond that, I'm easy, its just meant to be a fun pic between me and my former mate! Full colour, shaded but no BG.