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An Update, XIV - I'm Back
Posted 6 years agoHey, friends!
Looks like I did not commit at all when I said I'd be back three years ago, haha, but hopefully that will change. My interest in the furry community has waxed and waned a lot over the past 10 years (mostly waned, but only due to conflicting interests and time), but this turned around recently when my childhood best friend took me to a furry convention in Minneapolis last weekend. Nostalgia struck like a brick and I remembered how this community was truly a foundational stone to the person I am today.
It appears that most of my friends from all those years past are less active now or just gone, which is understandable. I'm curious to see who's still around so please drop by and say hi! I want a good reason to keep myself present. You can reply here, private message, or hit me up on my new-fangled Telegram: cookedsocks !!
A brief update, as I could never truly catch up from where I left off: I graduated with a bachelors of arts in Philosophy from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and now I'm working extremely hard on building my professional music career. My main project is Wurk which specializes in funk, jazz fusion, and progressive rock. I do music about half-time, and I work half-time at a distribution company that deals with pro audio, lighting, and video equipment.
The best way to follow my music career is on Facebook: fb.com/saxchke
I hope to keep chatting with you all soon and begin to make new friends here..!
Daniel
Looks like I did not commit at all when I said I'd be back three years ago, haha, but hopefully that will change. My interest in the furry community has waxed and waned a lot over the past 10 years (mostly waned, but only due to conflicting interests and time), but this turned around recently when my childhood best friend took me to a furry convention in Minneapolis last weekend. Nostalgia struck like a brick and I remembered how this community was truly a foundational stone to the person I am today.
It appears that most of my friends from all those years past are less active now or just gone, which is understandable. I'm curious to see who's still around so please drop by and say hi! I want a good reason to keep myself present. You can reply here, private message, or hit me up on my new-fangled Telegram: cookedsocks !!
A brief update, as I could never truly catch up from where I left off: I graduated with a bachelors of arts in Philosophy from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and now I'm working extremely hard on building my professional music career. My main project is Wurk which specializes in funk, jazz fusion, and progressive rock. I do music about half-time, and I work half-time at a distribution company that deals with pro audio, lighting, and video equipment.
The best way to follow my music career is on Facebook: fb.com/saxchke
I hope to keep chatting with you all soon and begin to make new friends here..!
Daniel
XIII.3 - Personal Health
Posted 9 years agoThis is part three of four journals where I've been sharing the important identity-changing moments in my life during the past four years that I've been gone from Fur Affinity and in college. Each journal stands alone, but if you missed them and want to catch up, start with "An Update, XIII" which is currently featured on my page. (:
I've alluded to you in the past that my health has been increasingly been getting influencing the direction of my life, so this journal is dedicated to explaining that more thoroughly. I think it'll be shorter than last time.
Before college, my health was generally spectacular in nearly every sense. I think the stresses and demands of college work, music, and religion slowly brought me down, though, to a state of depressive and apprehensive symptoms. From there it snowballed; a developed apathy led to under-performance, which lead to anxiety and self-depreciation, which led to... you get the idea. I also developed a unhealthy relationship with sleep (i.e. sleeping way too much). I am not sure at which point this began (because it blended so well with my already poor school habits), but I didn't actually notice and name the problems until my fourth year in college after discovering I even held apathy and poor work ethic while working for the Wisconsin Singers, a performance troupe that was almost literally the focus of my education, enjoyment, and identity at UW-Madison. Also around that time were my first anxiety attacks. Around November I was diagnosed with depressive symptoms and anxiety and from there I started figuring out a prescription regimen, a process that took several months. That year in school was a dramatic decrease in my academia; I got my first D that semester and it only got worse from there.
I also briefly mentioned last week an unhealthy relationship with sex which started the summer before my fourth year in school. Perhaps now it is more clear to you why. I was dwelling in my own self-depreciation and I guess was looking for validation, even if for an hour at a time from sexy strangers. Even while dating my first boyfriend, I occasionally looked and had hookups. It's what kept me going. I don't want to validate or excuse cheating, but that's what it was. The following semester, after failing to find UW mental health services that worked for me, I joined a LGBT support group held by the mental health clinic which ended up being great. I don't have much more to say on that, just wanted to say it and recommend it to anyone who is interested.
Due to surmounting stresses, poor sleep, and bad sex habits, I became very physically sick around March or April. It was a combination of mono and strep which lasted around a month. School suffered tremendously and I ended up failing two classes, therefore no longer eligible to graduate college on time.
A month later, on May 18th, I discovered that that was just a symptom of an even bigger problem: I had contracted HIV-1 some time in March. I realized then how little I knew about the reality of the disease and from then on I grew to become an advocate for awareness, but at the time I was crushed and defeating myself. I stayed rather strong, though, as I continued to pursue medical treatment for both HIV and depression (with the help of a wonderful case worker), and rather quickly (in the course of a few months) came out publicly as HIV+.
Lastly, while with my last boyfriend this past fall, he pointed out that I might have sleep apnea as I was gasping in my sleep. After some tests it turns out I do, and have been treated on a machine since late December. The apnea, I think, contributed largely to my depression as I'm feeling worlds better than before, but I know I have a long ways to go in order to keep myself healthy. Advocating gives me strength, I think, and having a case worker helps tremendously.
Also, I tested HIV-Undetectable in January, which is really fucking awesome.
Stay tuned for the final installment of the epic of Daniel, titled XIII.4 - Music, Work, and Passion.
Like I said, I find advocating for HIV awareness extremely important. If you have any questions about it or would like to learn more, shoot me any questions you have via private message or in the comments. I love you all!
I've alluded to you in the past that my health has been increasingly been getting influencing the direction of my life, so this journal is dedicated to explaining that more thoroughly. I think it'll be shorter than last time.
Before college, my health was generally spectacular in nearly every sense. I think the stresses and demands of college work, music, and religion slowly brought me down, though, to a state of depressive and apprehensive symptoms. From there it snowballed; a developed apathy led to under-performance, which lead to anxiety and self-depreciation, which led to... you get the idea. I also developed a unhealthy relationship with sleep (i.e. sleeping way too much). I am not sure at which point this began (because it blended so well with my already poor school habits), but I didn't actually notice and name the problems until my fourth year in college after discovering I even held apathy and poor work ethic while working for the Wisconsin Singers, a performance troupe that was almost literally the focus of my education, enjoyment, and identity at UW-Madison. Also around that time were my first anxiety attacks. Around November I was diagnosed with depressive symptoms and anxiety and from there I started figuring out a prescription regimen, a process that took several months. That year in school was a dramatic decrease in my academia; I got my first D that semester and it only got worse from there.
I also briefly mentioned last week an unhealthy relationship with sex which started the summer before my fourth year in school. Perhaps now it is more clear to you why. I was dwelling in my own self-depreciation and I guess was looking for validation, even if for an hour at a time from sexy strangers. Even while dating my first boyfriend, I occasionally looked and had hookups. It's what kept me going. I don't want to validate or excuse cheating, but that's what it was. The following semester, after failing to find UW mental health services that worked for me, I joined a LGBT support group held by the mental health clinic which ended up being great. I don't have much more to say on that, just wanted to say it and recommend it to anyone who is interested.
Due to surmounting stresses, poor sleep, and bad sex habits, I became very physically sick around March or April. It was a combination of mono and strep which lasted around a month. School suffered tremendously and I ended up failing two classes, therefore no longer eligible to graduate college on time.
A month later, on May 18th, I discovered that that was just a symptom of an even bigger problem: I had contracted HIV-1 some time in March. I realized then how little I knew about the reality of the disease and from then on I grew to become an advocate for awareness, but at the time I was crushed and defeating myself. I stayed rather strong, though, as I continued to pursue medical treatment for both HIV and depression (with the help of a wonderful case worker), and rather quickly (in the course of a few months) came out publicly as HIV+.
Lastly, while with my last boyfriend this past fall, he pointed out that I might have sleep apnea as I was gasping in my sleep. After some tests it turns out I do, and have been treated on a machine since late December. The apnea, I think, contributed largely to my depression as I'm feeling worlds better than before, but I know I have a long ways to go in order to keep myself healthy. Advocating gives me strength, I think, and having a case worker helps tremendously.
Also, I tested HIV-Undetectable in January, which is really fucking awesome.
Stay tuned for the final installment of the epic of Daniel, titled XIII.4 - Music, Work, and Passion.
Like I said, I find advocating for HIV awareness extremely important. If you have any questions about it or would like to learn more, shoot me any questions you have via private message or in the comments. I love you all!
XIII.2 - God, Drugs & Sex
Posted 9 years agoIf you remember anything about me from my past journals, one important piece of my identity was my connection to God through Christianity. This continued to be true but waned until I put it to rest sometime between my sophomore and junior years of college.
Let me elaborate on this a bit. As someone who is into philosophical thought, the basis of "faith" and feeling, although very strong, aren't enough for me to buy into it, especially if the going gets rough. For a long time, I battled through different ideas of the role of a queer man in the Church, whether that meant repentance or embrace or some other third thing. I spent a lot of time in high school and college trying to figure it out for myself. The thing is, it got draining and tiring, and my academics and health suffered because of it. There was a point where I had to say, "I need to put this down and not come back until I'm in a better position to do so." This time hasn't come just yet. So currently I guess I would say I'm agnostic. I can elaborate on this more if you want but I have to work eventually tonight and can't be writing this journal all day, haha.
While reading through all my old journals here, I noticed a conversation I had with JumpOffAWall that I think truly sparked my serious inquiry about religion and self. So, I just want to give a quick thanks again to the furry community for helping me evolve as a human being. ( The journal is here if anyone is wondering: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2608998/ )
Moving on. College life as also forced me to ask some moral questions concerning drugs that I didn't think I'd ever challenge. As a naive high school Christian and "good student," I held the belief handed to me that drugs are bad and although they may be fun they're destructive in the end. Also, I grew up with parents who at the time had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which had me vow to never drink (or, less strongly, get drunk). But at university, specifically with the performance troupe that became my closest friends and allies, I was put in situations previously unimaginable; sitting in at parties and observing drunk life, and more importantly candid conversations with people on their drinking habits and their own beliefs on the subject. It took a while, but I eventually became comfortable with drinking and being drunk. (The first time I ever became intoxicated was just three months before my 21st birthday.) Still to this day I don't go out terribly often, but when I do I have truly opposite judgements of drinking as I did just four years ago.
Marijuana is a similar story. As I began to seriously entertain arguments for and against its use, the fear of it that I was taught to believe began to wane. But it wasn't until my junior year when I decided to live in a house with five other (straight) men, all of whom smoked pot regularly (two of them daily), did I decide to try the drug several times. For me, I don't really like it. I don't like the sensation of smoking it and the buzz isn't good enough to continue its use. I don't smoke it anymore and don't intend to pick it up any time soon, but again the change between four years ago and now is pretty substantial.
And finally, sex. Ah, sex. First off, I will clarify my current understanding of my own sexual identity since it has changed quite a bit since before. I use the umbrella term "queer" to describe myself because I find that other terms carry significant assumptions that aren't true for me. Let me explain. When one speaks of sexual identity a lot is implied, but let me stress on three points: sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and sexual preference. Sexual orientation, strictly speaking, describes who an individual is DRAWN to, who they DESIRE or have a BIOLOGICAL DISPOSITION toward. For me, as you may already know, this is largely, almost entirely towards men. Men are hot and sexy; I fantasize about men. Rarely women, so much so that it's nearly negligible; thus I consider myself gay or "mostly gay". But while for many people that also implies a romantic drive towards the same sex, for me (and many others) this isn't necessarily true. In my experience, I've had just as many romantic "crushes" with women as I have with men. I can see myself emotionally loving anyone regardless of their sex or gender. In other words, my ROMANTIC orientation is more pansexual. Sexual preference, unlike orientation, implies a choice. Many people choose to have sex with whom they are attracted because they enjoy it with them (and only them). I'm not exactly sure about my preference. I can imagine myself enjoying sex and being fulfilled by sex with a woman as much as with a man, but I don't have any experience to back that up. I feel strongly enough about it, however, that using the term "gay" to describe me feels more like a hindrance. But "bisexual" implies an attraction to women that I don't really have. Here lies the dilemma. For simplicity's sake, I go by the label "queer".
I had my first sexual encounter just before I turned twenty-one. It was via the dating/hook-up website Adam4Adam, and it sparked an era of promiscuity that went on and off for about a year or so. Now I find that it was a bit unhealthy in my case as I think I used it to cope with depression and anxiety, but I definitely don't regret liberating myself into the sexual world, especially considering that just a few years prior I would have preferred to castrate myself. I had two boyfriends, one in the fall of 2014 and one in the summer and fall of 2015, the latter of which I would consider my first "love". Maybe I'll expand on these another time as I'm growing tired of typing and I'm sure you're growing tired of reading. Currently I'm on a hiatus from sex and romance in an attempt to "get my shit together" which I'm mostly fine with. Although I was the one who broke up with my last love, I do miss him (or perhaps more truthfully his attention).
Yes, I think I'll leave this here. I have two more of these updates to give before I feel satisfied, haha. Again I'm not expecting any feedback as this is more of an exercise in expressing and recording my evolution as a person, but if you want to chat about anything I would love to entertain you.
Be on the lookout in the near future for XIII.3 - Personal Health.
Let me elaborate on this a bit. As someone who is into philosophical thought, the basis of "faith" and feeling, although very strong, aren't enough for me to buy into it, especially if the going gets rough. For a long time, I battled through different ideas of the role of a queer man in the Church, whether that meant repentance or embrace or some other third thing. I spent a lot of time in high school and college trying to figure it out for myself. The thing is, it got draining and tiring, and my academics and health suffered because of it. There was a point where I had to say, "I need to put this down and not come back until I'm in a better position to do so." This time hasn't come just yet. So currently I guess I would say I'm agnostic. I can elaborate on this more if you want but I have to work eventually tonight and can't be writing this journal all day, haha.
While reading through all my old journals here, I noticed a conversation I had with JumpOffAWall that I think truly sparked my serious inquiry about religion and self. So, I just want to give a quick thanks again to the furry community for helping me evolve as a human being. ( The journal is here if anyone is wondering: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2608998/ )
Moving on. College life as also forced me to ask some moral questions concerning drugs that I didn't think I'd ever challenge. As a naive high school Christian and "good student," I held the belief handed to me that drugs are bad and although they may be fun they're destructive in the end. Also, I grew up with parents who at the time had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which had me vow to never drink (or, less strongly, get drunk). But at university, specifically with the performance troupe that became my closest friends and allies, I was put in situations previously unimaginable; sitting in at parties and observing drunk life, and more importantly candid conversations with people on their drinking habits and their own beliefs on the subject. It took a while, but I eventually became comfortable with drinking and being drunk. (The first time I ever became intoxicated was just three months before my 21st birthday.) Still to this day I don't go out terribly often, but when I do I have truly opposite judgements of drinking as I did just four years ago.
Marijuana is a similar story. As I began to seriously entertain arguments for and against its use, the fear of it that I was taught to believe began to wane. But it wasn't until my junior year when I decided to live in a house with five other (straight) men, all of whom smoked pot regularly (two of them daily), did I decide to try the drug several times. For me, I don't really like it. I don't like the sensation of smoking it and the buzz isn't good enough to continue its use. I don't smoke it anymore and don't intend to pick it up any time soon, but again the change between four years ago and now is pretty substantial.
And finally, sex. Ah, sex. First off, I will clarify my current understanding of my own sexual identity since it has changed quite a bit since before. I use the umbrella term "queer" to describe myself because I find that other terms carry significant assumptions that aren't true for me. Let me explain. When one speaks of sexual identity a lot is implied, but let me stress on three points: sexual orientation, romantic orientation, and sexual preference. Sexual orientation, strictly speaking, describes who an individual is DRAWN to, who they DESIRE or have a BIOLOGICAL DISPOSITION toward. For me, as you may already know, this is largely, almost entirely towards men. Men are hot and sexy; I fantasize about men. Rarely women, so much so that it's nearly negligible; thus I consider myself gay or "mostly gay". But while for many people that also implies a romantic drive towards the same sex, for me (and many others) this isn't necessarily true. In my experience, I've had just as many romantic "crushes" with women as I have with men. I can see myself emotionally loving anyone regardless of their sex or gender. In other words, my ROMANTIC orientation is more pansexual. Sexual preference, unlike orientation, implies a choice. Many people choose to have sex with whom they are attracted because they enjoy it with them (and only them). I'm not exactly sure about my preference. I can imagine myself enjoying sex and being fulfilled by sex with a woman as much as with a man, but I don't have any experience to back that up. I feel strongly enough about it, however, that using the term "gay" to describe me feels more like a hindrance. But "bisexual" implies an attraction to women that I don't really have. Here lies the dilemma. For simplicity's sake, I go by the label "queer".
I had my first sexual encounter just before I turned twenty-one. It was via the dating/hook-up website Adam4Adam, and it sparked an era of promiscuity that went on and off for about a year or so. Now I find that it was a bit unhealthy in my case as I think I used it to cope with depression and anxiety, but I definitely don't regret liberating myself into the sexual world, especially considering that just a few years prior I would have preferred to castrate myself. I had two boyfriends, one in the fall of 2014 and one in the summer and fall of 2015, the latter of which I would consider my first "love". Maybe I'll expand on these another time as I'm growing tired of typing and I'm sure you're growing tired of reading. Currently I'm on a hiatus from sex and romance in an attempt to "get my shit together" which I'm mostly fine with. Although I was the one who broke up with my last love, I do miss him (or perhaps more truthfully his attention).
Yes, I think I'll leave this here. I have two more of these updates to give before I feel satisfied, haha. Again I'm not expecting any feedback as this is more of an exercise in expressing and recording my evolution as a person, but if you want to chat about anything I would love to entertain you.
Be on the lookout in the near future for XIII.3 - Personal Health.
XIII.1 - Friends and Academia
Posted 9 years agoI've planned a series of four journals to reintroduce myself and help allow you to follow where I've been and who I've become these past few years. Instead of doing everything chronologically all at once, I've broken it up into categories that I think will help me convey my blogging more clearly and concisely.
One of my last journals (An Update, XII) explained that after only one semester of university that I would be leaving the music performance program and listed a series of reasons why. In hindsight, this was largely a poor choice. I still got a lot of legitimate experience and growth through music which I will explain in another journal, but I lost a true sense of accountability and the resource of a private saxophone instructor. In high school and the beginning pf college I never built up any real work ethic or discipline, and by the time I realized this I was already too far in (or out, I guess). I have been reading a lot of past conversations with WildeandProkofiev where he gave a lot of great advice from the perspective of someone who went to an arts school and continued to study clarinet, but at that time I took none of it. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking.
I don't hold a ton of regret, though. College was largely great. I ended up majoring in philosophy which I find fascinating. I have no interest in pursuing a career "in philosophy" or remembering philosophers names or even what they said (mostly), but it was the process in how they observed, argued, and learned that really inspired me to grow intellectually. Also, at UW-Madison the undergraduate philosophy program is laughably lax, so it gave me a lot of room to study a breadth of topics and take advantage of the different departments the UW has, all while having time to continue my music career.
The only I friend from high school that I still talk to on a semi-regular basis is Blitz. I'm hugely thankful for this. I talked a lot on here about my incredibly close connection with TJ, but we seem to have grown apart. I really miss him, but he has a lot going for him and I have a lot going on so I don't want to force anything. Plus, I've become a bit evasive of Christianity where he has dived deeper into it. I'll talk more about that tomorrow.
My initial goal was to graduate in May of 2015 (four years), but it didn't go as planned. Although the philosophy department is kind of a joke here in Madison, my work ethic got the best of me, plus some serious mental and physical health problems which I will touch on another day. So now I'm still a student taking my final three credits and aiming to graduate in May of this year.
That's all for today. Tomorrow's post will be much longer, I'm sure. Sorry not sorry. (:
One of my last journals (An Update, XII) explained that after only one semester of university that I would be leaving the music performance program and listed a series of reasons why. In hindsight, this was largely a poor choice. I still got a lot of legitimate experience and growth through music which I will explain in another journal, but I lost a true sense of accountability and the resource of a private saxophone instructor. In high school and the beginning pf college I never built up any real work ethic or discipline, and by the time I realized this I was already too far in (or out, I guess). I have been reading a lot of past conversations with WildeandProkofiev where he gave a lot of great advice from the perspective of someone who went to an arts school and continued to study clarinet, but at that time I took none of it. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking.
I don't hold a ton of regret, though. College was largely great. I ended up majoring in philosophy which I find fascinating. I have no interest in pursuing a career "in philosophy" or remembering philosophers names or even what they said (mostly), but it was the process in how they observed, argued, and learned that really inspired me to grow intellectually. Also, at UW-Madison the undergraduate philosophy program is laughably lax, so it gave me a lot of room to study a breadth of topics and take advantage of the different departments the UW has, all while having time to continue my music career.
The only I friend from high school that I still talk to on a semi-regular basis is Blitz. I'm hugely thankful for this. I talked a lot on here about my incredibly close connection with TJ, but we seem to have grown apart. I really miss him, but he has a lot going for him and I have a lot going on so I don't want to force anything. Plus, I've become a bit evasive of Christianity where he has dived deeper into it. I'll talk more about that tomorrow.
My initial goal was to graduate in May of 2015 (four years), but it didn't go as planned. Although the philosophy department is kind of a joke here in Madison, my work ethic got the best of me, plus some serious mental and physical health problems which I will touch on another day. So now I'm still a student taking my final three credits and aiming to graduate in May of this year.
That's all for today. Tomorrow's post will be much longer, I'm sure. Sorry not sorry. (:
An Update, XIII
Posted 9 years agoHello again, you wonderfully furry world. It's only been about four years and two months since I last posted a journal on here. I guess it was a combination of being caught up in "real life" and a disconnect with "feeling furry," both of which are okay of course. I was hanging out with ThunderBlitz this past Saturday and she convinced me to re-try this whole Fur Affinity thing. We also saw Disney's Zootopia together which I think rekindled my dormant furry self.
Before writing this, I remembered how seriously I took blogging about my life on here and read a few past journals. I think I'll read them all this week. It's been really eye-opening remembering where I've been and how I've grown. I also think I'll reread "Fur-Piled" soon, which is the webcomic that made me a furry in the first place. I wish their forum was still up; the community both there and here really helped shape me to be who I am today, and I just now am really appreciating it.
Looking at the activity I missed in the past four years (817S, 384J, 2F, 6W), I'm glad to see that the ones who are still active posting journals are the people who I remember being great friends on here. Some of them are no longer following me, and that's okay; I wouldn't really expect that. But I'm glad I have the ability to catch up with them.
As much as I would love to fill you in on the four years that we've missed sharing together, it would just be impossible. I've grown and changed wildly since my last visit here. I'll post a series of short journals to catch you up in an abridged sort of way. I'm not expecting any responses because I'm sure I'm mostly long gone and forgotten; it's mostly an exercise for me, I guess.
I'm glad to be back. I hope my stay is more permanent than before.
Before writing this, I remembered how seriously I took blogging about my life on here and read a few past journals. I think I'll read them all this week. It's been really eye-opening remembering where I've been and how I've grown. I also think I'll reread "Fur-Piled" soon, which is the webcomic that made me a furry in the first place. I wish their forum was still up; the community both there and here really helped shape me to be who I am today, and I just now am really appreciating it.
Looking at the activity I missed in the past four years (817S, 384J, 2F, 6W), I'm glad to see that the ones who are still active posting journals are the people who I remember being great friends on here. Some of them are no longer following me, and that's okay; I wouldn't really expect that. But I'm glad I have the ability to catch up with them.
As much as I would love to fill you in on the four years that we've missed sharing together, it would just be impossible. I've grown and changed wildly since my last visit here. I'll post a series of short journals to catch you up in an abridged sort of way. I'm not expecting any responses because I'm sure I'm mostly long gone and forgotten; it's mostly an exercise for me, I guess.
I'm glad to be back. I hope my stay is more permanent than before.
#HairMusicVideo
Posted 13 years agoI am NEVER this kind of person, but watch this YouTube video! A lot of the dancers and the choreographer are my friends in Wisconsin Singers! The video does a fantastic job reaching out to queers who are bullied in high school for the It Gets Better Project. Lady Gaga tweeted it and posted it on Facebook, saying, "This is so AMAZING! #HairMusicVideo you guys did such an amazing job for #ItGetsBetter. The Choreo! I died!"
Check it out! Share it on Facebook and Twitter!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=ElvcAcg7yLA
Check it out! Share it on Facebook and Twitter!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?featur.....;v=ElvcAcg7yLA
Sooooo
Posted 13 years agohttp://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3127317/
Pimping out this cool raffle Blitz is doing. (:
Oh btw don't do this so I win.
Oh and I suck at updating my life. If you care note me or something, idk. I'm making a legit blog soon. O:
Pimping out this cool raffle Blitz is doing. (:
Oh btw don't do this so I win.
Oh and I suck at updating my life. If you care note me or something, idk. I'm making a legit blog soon. O:
As I Approach the End of This Semester
Posted 14 years agoI realize how quickly it went. I mean, things always end up being quick once it's over. But a month ago, it seemed like I've been here for years and I wanted out. That hardly ever happens.
But now, yeah. That was quick. I'm glad it's over. But I'm glad it happened, too.
I would say more, but I need to sleep. I guess this was just some shitty philosophical thing I wanted to blurt out. Yeah.
But now, yeah. That was quick. I'm glad it's over. But I'm glad it happened, too.
I would say more, but I need to sleep. I guess this was just some shitty philosophical thing I wanted to blurt out. Yeah.
Art? Lolwut?, II
Posted 14 years agoSo I was doodling in my Logic lecture today. On a visual-art prospective, this is progress (from not doing anything at all)! Lol! I didn't do much, though. I drew some derpy-looking Pokémon (Swalot and Lolli Lolli Washington [Trina knows what's up], an angry Voltorb, a Hitmonlee, and a Wobbuffet. Swalot and Wobbuffet were the best, fo' sho'.
I also was doodle-sketching some stuff inspired from a song in my head, "Audition / Be As Thou Wast Wont" from the musical movie Were the World Mine. I want to see this so badly!! I'm going to with my friend Anna this Tuesday. So pumped! I love the themes and the music.
Anyways, I drew "Be As Thou Wast Wont To Be" in different text styles, a foxy guy in some weird kneeling pose wearing fairy wings (which went actually great except his face) and tried to stylize the text "We fairies that do run from the presence of the sun, we follow darkness like a dream!" but that kind of went to hell. I really like that phrase, though.
Anyway, yeah. Been having an okay week, although I keep on oversleeping. It's become a terrible habit. Oh well.
I also was doodle-sketching some stuff inspired from a song in my head, "Audition / Be As Thou Wast Wont" from the musical movie Were the World Mine. I want to see this so badly!! I'm going to with my friend Anna this Tuesday. So pumped! I love the themes and the music.
Anyways, I drew "Be As Thou Wast Wont To Be" in different text styles, a foxy guy in some weird kneeling pose wearing fairy wings (which went actually great except his face) and tried to stylize the text "We fairies that do run from the presence of the sun, we follow darkness like a dream!" but that kind of went to hell. I really like that phrase, though.
Anyway, yeah. Been having an okay week, although I keep on oversleeping. It's become a terrible habit. Oh well.
Today and This Weekend
Posted 14 years agoToday! After concert band I invited a quasi-agnostic friend for dinner and then to IV Live worship and I think he really enjoyed it. (: That made my day!
Also tomorrow I'm going to visit my sister for the weekend! I'm so pumped!
Yeah, that's it. :b I just wanted to update this before I got shot I guess.
Oh and my Facebook profile picture is of a Stunfisk right now. Just sayin'.
Also tomorrow I'm going to visit my sister for the weekend! I'm so pumped!
Yeah, that's it. :b I just wanted to update this before I got shot I guess.
Oh and my Facebook profile picture is of a Stunfisk right now. Just sayin'.
An Update, XII
Posted 14 years agoI SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
Sorry guys. ): I don't have the time to update this thing (but still waste time lurking on here anyway... hm. lol). I'll try really hard to be more up-to-date with this. I really want to!
So school has been stressing me out big time. Unfortunately, the biggest stresses have been music-related (my professor expects too much of me, practicing has become a chore, practicing everyday is unpractical, etc) and I've decided (for now) to quit being a music major and look at other options. I'm trying to plan my schedule at this exact moment. It isn't going well. Sociology and philosophy seem kind of interesting I guess. And I think I'll continue French for one more semester. Maybe retailing? Idk but it won't fit in my schedule anyhow.
The thing is I really enjoy Wisconsin Singers and if I could make that a living I so would. I feel like the School of Music is too classical for my tastes, but at the same time I don't think people will take me seriously as a not-music major (I'm hoping Wisc Singers experience will be enough). And I will still be in concert band. So, idk.
In other news, InterVarsity seems to be my saving grace as far as college goes. I've developed a great family with them all and I really love their company. I go to a Bible study every Monday and worship on Thursdays which I enjoy. I've been nominated to be on the leader team for next year, but I don't know if I have the time or the spiritual experience for that kind of thing! We'll see soon enough I guess.
I finally was able to attend a Youth Fellowship of Madison outing (a LGBT Christian group I've been stalking) and found out a straight friend of mine is in it! That was cool. I think I will miss Bible study next week to go to one of their meetings. (:
Thanksgiving was low-key. Had dinner at Mom's with my sister on Thursday, worked Thurs-Sat, saw Trina on Saturday (and played Plants vs. Zombies, oh gawd), and had dinner at grandma's on Sunday. Nothing super interesting. I only was able to practice an hour-ish one day that weekend, which sucked, but oh well.
Also I found out yesterday that a guy in Singers is gay, and we've been hanging out for a while. A realization hit me last night that he might be interested in me. That is the weirdest feeling, the first time a guy I know personally possibly hitting on me. It's not bad though, and I like the guy enough. Hm, I wonder where this will go.
I think that's everything right now! I will update in three days or you can shoot me!
Sorry guys. ): I don't have the time to update this thing (but still waste time lurking on here anyway... hm. lol). I'll try really hard to be more up-to-date with this. I really want to!
So school has been stressing me out big time. Unfortunately, the biggest stresses have been music-related (my professor expects too much of me, practicing has become a chore, practicing everyday is unpractical, etc) and I've decided (for now) to quit being a music major and look at other options. I'm trying to plan my schedule at this exact moment. It isn't going well. Sociology and philosophy seem kind of interesting I guess. And I think I'll continue French for one more semester. Maybe retailing? Idk but it won't fit in my schedule anyhow.
The thing is I really enjoy Wisconsin Singers and if I could make that a living I so would. I feel like the School of Music is too classical for my tastes, but at the same time I don't think people will take me seriously as a not-music major (I'm hoping Wisc Singers experience will be enough). And I will still be in concert band. So, idk.
In other news, InterVarsity seems to be my saving grace as far as college goes. I've developed a great family with them all and I really love their company. I go to a Bible study every Monday and worship on Thursdays which I enjoy. I've been nominated to be on the leader team for next year, but I don't know if I have the time or the spiritual experience for that kind of thing! We'll see soon enough I guess.
I finally was able to attend a Youth Fellowship of Madison outing (a LGBT Christian group I've been stalking) and found out a straight friend of mine is in it! That was cool. I think I will miss Bible study next week to go to one of their meetings. (:
Thanksgiving was low-key. Had dinner at Mom's with my sister on Thursday, worked Thurs-Sat, saw Trina on Saturday (and played Plants vs. Zombies, oh gawd), and had dinner at grandma's on Sunday. Nothing super interesting. I only was able to practice an hour-ish one day that weekend, which sucked, but oh well.
Also I found out yesterday that a guy in Singers is gay, and we've been hanging out for a while. A realization hit me last night that he might be interested in me. That is the weirdest feeling, the first time a guy I know personally possibly hitting on me. It's not bad though, and I like the guy enough. Hm, I wonder where this will go.
I think that's everything right now! I will update in three days or you can shoot me!
An Update, XI
Posted 14 years agoI suck at keeping up-to-date. College gives me no time to do this kind of stuff.
Wow. College. The last few times I was here, I was freaking out about college and now here I am and it's perfectly normal. So crazy...
The Singers show is pulling together. We've had two shows already: one for family and an "actual" one. They both went alright! I'm pretty excited about the professionalism of it all. Oh, did I ever mention that I got a small flute solo in one of the songs? Well I did and it's super exciting. Really easy, though. "Reflection" from Mulan. I'm using Trina's (ThunderBlitz)'s flute (Thanks again!!!!).
College life is okay. Super busy! Taking eighteen credits was the biggest mistake of my life. Honestly the biggest. I'm taking:
Wisconsin Singers
French
Music Theory
Elem. Logic
Piano
Concert Band
Sax MC and Private lessons
None of it is very hard but it's just a lot of work and takes up a lot of time. I'm also in InterVarsity, a Christian org, and I've also been going to miscellaneous LGBT events I have time for.
I don't know if I mentioned this before but I'm meeting up with a LGBT mentor through this program. I don't know why I did it or if I really need a mentor but I thought it was worth a try. I've already be in contact with her (Her name is Brinae.) and she seems super cool and a lot like me. We meet on Wednesday. I'm really excited.
I really miss people back home, and people in my class. I just miss the small town, all-faces-are-familiar feeling. I'm coming home for homecoming, which will be the first time I'll be home since August. I'm really excited to see the underclassmen and the band and some classmates that are coming back too. I know my friends Carlye and Carrie are returning, and maybe Dylan. TJ isn't coming back though, which, really upsets me. ): (Hey Trina, are you coming back?)
Did I mention that I was considering being in a pit band? It was for some zombie musical but I couldn't do it because of Singers which upset me but Singers is pretty legit so it was okay. Anyways I just saw it today. It was called Z-Town and it was a community musical. The vocals kind of stunk and the story at the end was kind of hard to follow but the band was awesome and it was overall pretty humorous and enjoyable. The band was really good. The only winds were saxophones so it was like this rock solo the whole time in the background. Pretty enjoyable. (: I got to meet up with the composer/band director afterwards, which was neat! She was a really enjoyable person and we got to just chat for a while. Also the bus driver on the drive home was this guy named Reggie who is the coolest. Yeah.
I will try to update more often. I was doing so well!
This Is How Production Camp Is Going:
Posted 14 years agoWell. Haha. That's the short, tl;dr version. If you don't like reading, it's likely true that you should stop here.
So I guess Wisconsin Singers is like a big show choir. I never really realized that a lot of show choirs have like a band that comes in the package because the one at my school just contains singers/dancers and a piano.
The music is cool. At first it totally blew because the arranger doesn't know how to arrange music and it honestly was "the worst", but our band director rearranged most of the pieces and it is a lot better. Everything we do is a medley, sorted by genre. The genre is pretty loose, though, because for example Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" and NSYNC's "Just Got Paid" are in a soul medley and Shirley Temple's "Animal Crackers" are in a medley of teen artists. The band has two feature pieces, too, that I guess we will have choreographed. One is a classical medley the other is a jazz medley.
Some of my favorite individual songs we play include "Funkier Than a Mosquito's Tweeter" by Nina Simone, "Telephone" by Lady Gaga, and "Salt Peanuts" by Dizzy Gillespie.
Our second trumpeter quit after three days. I guess she has anxiety problems. I feel pretty bad for not making her feel at home, but I guess there wasn't too much I could do. I just pray that she will do alright once she returns for dorm life and classes, etc.
My apartment host is interesting. He is a neat character, but he drinks a lot and that kind of makes it uncomfortable. Also the neighbors have partied every night since I've been here, which is annoying mainly. I'm also here with Eric (the other host and former Singers tenor saxophonist) and Marlena (the current alto/bari saxophonist). Eric is alright but he seems pretty critical. He's a fun guy, though. Marlena is cool, too. Very nice and easygoing.
The other members in the band include Samer, the bassist who also is from a town near mine, and Max, the drummer. They're in this bromance it seems, haha, which is pretty cool. The last person is Pamela, the pianist, and she's super cool. We have a lot in common and we kind of chat a lot. She has it kind of rough because she has to rehearse with both the band and do whatever the choir director tells her to do. Tonight she had to stay later than the band to practice a certain medley because "it has to be perfect for solo auditions" and I decided to stay back with her, which was cool, so she wasn't lonely and bored and I got to hang out with a cool person and had something to do really.
Also I Skyped my sister two nights ago. It was my first Skype conference ever. That was pretty cool.
That's about it for now.
So I guess Wisconsin Singers is like a big show choir. I never really realized that a lot of show choirs have like a band that comes in the package because the one at my school just contains singers/dancers and a piano.
The music is cool. At first it totally blew because the arranger doesn't know how to arrange music and it honestly was "the worst", but our band director rearranged most of the pieces and it is a lot better. Everything we do is a medley, sorted by genre. The genre is pretty loose, though, because for example Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" and NSYNC's "Just Got Paid" are in a soul medley and Shirley Temple's "Animal Crackers" are in a medley of teen artists. The band has two feature pieces, too, that I guess we will have choreographed. One is a classical medley the other is a jazz medley.
Some of my favorite individual songs we play include "Funkier Than a Mosquito's Tweeter" by Nina Simone, "Telephone" by Lady Gaga, and "Salt Peanuts" by Dizzy Gillespie.
Our second trumpeter quit after three days. I guess she has anxiety problems. I feel pretty bad for not making her feel at home, but I guess there wasn't too much I could do. I just pray that she will do alright once she returns for dorm life and classes, etc.
My apartment host is interesting. He is a neat character, but he drinks a lot and that kind of makes it uncomfortable. Also the neighbors have partied every night since I've been here, which is annoying mainly. I'm also here with Eric (the other host and former Singers tenor saxophonist) and Marlena (the current alto/bari saxophonist). Eric is alright but he seems pretty critical. He's a fun guy, though. Marlena is cool, too. Very nice and easygoing.
The other members in the band include Samer, the bassist who also is from a town near mine, and Max, the drummer. They're in this bromance it seems, haha, which is pretty cool. The last person is Pamela, the pianist, and she's super cool. We have a lot in common and we kind of chat a lot. She has it kind of rough because she has to rehearse with both the band and do whatever the choir director tells her to do. Tonight she had to stay later than the band to practice a certain medley because "it has to be perfect for solo auditions" and I decided to stay back with her, which was cool, so she wasn't lonely and bored and I got to hang out with a cool person and had something to do really.
Also I Skyped my sister two nights ago. It was my first Skype conference ever. That was pretty cool.
That's about it for now.
This Past Day and Today
Posted 14 years agoYesterday was busy, but not too busy I guess. First I shopped for pizzas and soda for the party, and then visited my grandma while I was in town. The idea was to have the whole family there but Nicole had therapy (which I later learned she never attended?) and Dad bailed for no reason so it was just Mom and I. And that went okay. Then I went to the dentist which was really dumb because basically they took x-rays and then retook them like five times just to say "Yeah, you need those out bro". No. Shit.
Then I packed and packed. So much packing. Coincidentally I just got done and TJ came over. I forgot to tell the family that he was coming at that time but it wasn't a big deal. We had nothing to do though so we just sat and talked, which is the coolest. It's so crazy how many dynamics each person has in their life. I see TJ through totally different eyes now. I love having the connection I have with him.
I guess I bring that up every time I bring him up. I guess I'm just so fortunate for that.
After hours of talking we went to the Morey's for dinner. TJ bought the steak--how thoughtful!--for Mr. Morey to grill. Their kids are so cute. And the Morey's are the coolest adult couple I know. It's cool how they try to connect with students and inspire them, and I was so glad I got to be friends with them out of school. Well we just chatted about our lives and just random stuff and just had a good time.
Then we came back to my place and everyone that I invited showed up! I was super stoked about that. We just sat and talked about whatever and had pizza and played Apples to Apples, which was a good time. I got movies from the library but none were watched. Which is fine. I'm just glad everyone showed up and had a good time.
Today surprising was a little less eventful. I pretty much bummed around until it was time to go and we left. Also Daisy texted me asking me why I didn't invite her and I tried to tell her. She seems content about it but I still feel a little bad. ): I guess her and TJ are on better terms, but I wasn't sure how good those terms were. But yeah then I went to the UW and listened to the choir which was pretty good! And then we had a rehearsal were we played crazy music, but most of it was pretty easy. The band was so small! Like two saxes, two trumpets, a pianist, a bassist, and a drummer. There were like sixteen in the choir, though. And I haven't even played a tenor yet lol. I only have two songs atm. Out of like 238497324. (:
Also like half the guys in the choir seemed stereotypically gay. It was cool to the point of annoying somehow. I don't even know if this observation is true though.
Now I'm chilling in an apartment. I went grocery shopping earlier and got cereal and sandwich supplies and Pringles. I think I'll be set until school starts.
FA journals is evolving into a daily thing. I thought this would reduce subject matter and the sheer weight of each journal but that did not happen at all.
Then I packed and packed. So much packing. Coincidentally I just got done and TJ came over. I forgot to tell the family that he was coming at that time but it wasn't a big deal. We had nothing to do though so we just sat and talked, which is the coolest. It's so crazy how many dynamics each person has in their life. I see TJ through totally different eyes now. I love having the connection I have with him.
I guess I bring that up every time I bring him up. I guess I'm just so fortunate for that.
After hours of talking we went to the Morey's for dinner. TJ bought the steak--how thoughtful!--for Mr. Morey to grill. Their kids are so cute. And the Morey's are the coolest adult couple I know. It's cool how they try to connect with students and inspire them, and I was so glad I got to be friends with them out of school. Well we just chatted about our lives and just random stuff and just had a good time.
Then we came back to my place and everyone that I invited showed up! I was super stoked about that. We just sat and talked about whatever and had pizza and played Apples to Apples, which was a good time. I got movies from the library but none were watched. Which is fine. I'm just glad everyone showed up and had a good time.
Today surprising was a little less eventful. I pretty much bummed around until it was time to go and we left. Also Daisy texted me asking me why I didn't invite her and I tried to tell her. She seems content about it but I still feel a little bad. ): I guess her and TJ are on better terms, but I wasn't sure how good those terms were. But yeah then I went to the UW and listened to the choir which was pretty good! And then we had a rehearsal were we played crazy music, but most of it was pretty easy. The band was so small! Like two saxes, two trumpets, a pianist, a bassist, and a drummer. There were like sixteen in the choir, though. And I haven't even played a tenor yet lol. I only have two songs atm. Out of like 238497324. (:
Also like half the guys in the choir seemed stereotypically gay. It was cool to the point of annoying somehow. I don't even know if this observation is true though.
Now I'm chilling in an apartment. I went grocery shopping earlier and got cereal and sandwich supplies and Pringles. I think I'll be set until school starts.
FA journals is evolving into a daily thing. I thought this would reduce subject matter and the sheer weight of each journal but that did not happen at all.
An Update, X
Posted 14 years agoLife is pretty crazy sometimes. Here's pretty much what happened!
I was looking for jobs for a work-study program (something I should have done in uhhh July) and I ran across a posting calling for a tenor saxophonist for the Wisconsin Singers Band. I received flyers from them before but never took them seriously because there were auditions and my lack of knowledge in pop/jazz music shied me away from trying. However, the desperation of the post and my desperation for a job made me decide to email the head honcho about the program.
She contacted me like right away via phone and pretty much told me to audition as soon as possible so I could move in as soon as possible. And I was like "Woah, I've played my sax like twice this summer" (no I didn't really say that) but found some classical pieces to practice. The call was on Saturday. I asked off work Sunday through Tuesday to rehearse on Sunday, audition on Monday, and possibly move in on Tuesday.
Sunday was crazy because I played my saxophone like five hours that day, haha! It kind of sucked though because I missed out hanging with some friends from the Europe trip I took last summer. ): I however got to see Jenna and Jasmine late that night as a last-ditch effort to say bye to some friends before I leave.
Well today is Monday so this morning I had my audition and surprisingly it went without a hitch! I performed well and I interviewed well and around two-ish I received a call congratulating me about it all. I'm so pumped! (: I learned that I don't move in until Wednesday though, so I decided to invite a bunch of friends over to my house Tuesday night so I could say goodbye.
But then life got all up in my face and was all like "no, im gonna put more shit in your tuesday" and made me invite Grandma to lunch (she had been asking all month I guess), schedule a dentist appointment (because seriously my wisdom teeth hurt on again off again and if I'm going to be playing an instrument that's not good), and find time to have dinner with the Morey's (two great teachers, role models, and Christian youth leaders. I'm most excited for this tomorrow) and TJ.
I guess people that are coming over tomorrow for sure are TJ, Katrina (ex-gf) and AJ. Tiffany, Jasmine, and Trina (TJ's sister) might come. I haven't heard from Dylan or Jenna, but if Dylan comes then his gf Amanda surely will. I didn't invite Daisy because I wasn't sure if that would be awkward or not, and I thought about inviting Carlye and Carrie but I haven't talked to them all summer so I don't know if they'd even want to come. I also thought about inviting Keith but he isn't really friends with anyone else I invited (except Katrina... kind of).
That's it, really, but I forgot some fine details so if this wasn't tl;dr for you then read on I guess.
Wisconsin Singers is providing the tenor for me, which is super cool. (: They are also providing housing until I can move into the dorms. They aren't providing food though but that's expected, and I guess sometimes parents come in and make stuff for us. Oh and I guess we are being trained by Broadway choreographers, which is super cool. It's just so weird because it's going by so quickly, and I'm jumping into something totally strange and new. I hope I transition well, mainly. I'm going to miss so much, but there are so many new opportunities. It's a weird feeling.
I was looking for jobs for a work-study program (something I should have done in uhhh July) and I ran across a posting calling for a tenor saxophonist for the Wisconsin Singers Band. I received flyers from them before but never took them seriously because there were auditions and my lack of knowledge in pop/jazz music shied me away from trying. However, the desperation of the post and my desperation for a job made me decide to email the head honcho about the program.
She contacted me like right away via phone and pretty much told me to audition as soon as possible so I could move in as soon as possible. And I was like "Woah, I've played my sax like twice this summer" (no I didn't really say that) but found some classical pieces to practice. The call was on Saturday. I asked off work Sunday through Tuesday to rehearse on Sunday, audition on Monday, and possibly move in on Tuesday.
Sunday was crazy because I played my saxophone like five hours that day, haha! It kind of sucked though because I missed out hanging with some friends from the Europe trip I took last summer. ): I however got to see Jenna and Jasmine late that night as a last-ditch effort to say bye to some friends before I leave.
Well today is Monday so this morning I had my audition and surprisingly it went without a hitch! I performed well and I interviewed well and around two-ish I received a call congratulating me about it all. I'm so pumped! (: I learned that I don't move in until Wednesday though, so I decided to invite a bunch of friends over to my house Tuesday night so I could say goodbye.
But then life got all up in my face and was all like "no, im gonna put more shit in your tuesday" and made me invite Grandma to lunch (she had been asking all month I guess), schedule a dentist appointment (because seriously my wisdom teeth hurt on again off again and if I'm going to be playing an instrument that's not good), and find time to have dinner with the Morey's (two great teachers, role models, and Christian youth leaders. I'm most excited for this tomorrow) and TJ.
I guess people that are coming over tomorrow for sure are TJ, Katrina (ex-gf) and AJ. Tiffany, Jasmine, and Trina (TJ's sister) might come. I haven't heard from Dylan or Jenna, but if Dylan comes then his gf Amanda surely will. I didn't invite Daisy because I wasn't sure if that would be awkward or not, and I thought about inviting Carlye and Carrie but I haven't talked to them all summer so I don't know if they'd even want to come. I also thought about inviting Keith but he isn't really friends with anyone else I invited (except Katrina... kind of).
That's it, really, but I forgot some fine details so if this wasn't tl;dr for you then read on I guess.
Wisconsin Singers is providing the tenor for me, which is super cool. (: They are also providing housing until I can move into the dorms. They aren't providing food though but that's expected, and I guess sometimes parents come in and make stuff for us. Oh and I guess we are being trained by Broadway choreographers, which is super cool. It's just so weird because it's going by so quickly, and I'm jumping into something totally strange and new. I hope I transition well, mainly. I'm going to miss so much, but there are so many new opportunities. It's a weird feeling.
Yesterday, August the Eighth, at Exactly Ten Fifty-One,
Posted 14 years agoLast night, I stopped my last journal with, "I would be typing more on that but I just got chin-deep in emotional drama shit. I'll be back I guess." Well, I'm back I guess so let me tell you all that happened there.
1. Okay, so there is a girl named Daisy, whom TJ and I met through our friend Dylan. The first time I met her was at church last Wednesday because Dylan brought her, and we all went to her house afterwords to have a campfire and watch movies and chat and etc. (Everyone that was there was Daisy, Dylan, his gf Amanda, TJ, Katrina (his sister), and me.) I didn't really know Daisy obviously and I wasn't in a great mood that night so I was pretty quiet and not very personable. TJ met her a week or two earlier at Dylan's grad party and later at the movies, so he doesn't know her terribly well either.
That may seem like a tangent but hang on. (: Anyways while TJ and I hung out Sunday Daisy sent him like fifteen texts that day (to which TJ replied around four) and he told me that had been happening for a while, so it's like blatantly obvious that Daisy likes him, right? But the thing is that TJ JUST broke up with his girlfriend (of two years) three or four weeks ago (did I mention that here?) and TJ isn't really interested in Daisy anyway. But anyway, last night Daisy was chatting with me on Facebook and she was unloading a bunch of stuff on me like we've known each other for years. Which is kind of cool, I guess, but it was weird. Anyway she confessed that she had a thing for TJ (Woah really?) so I was trying to help her understand that he wasn't interested in a relationship without blatantly saying "He doesn't like you." So it was stressful I guess. I think she could be a cool person to try and build a platonic relationship with.
2. Yesterday, August the Eighth, at Exactly Ten Fifty-One, I came out to another close friend, Rachael, whom I met at Senior High Convo. I get especially cautious with my religious friends because there is of course that stigma between homosexuality and Christianity and I guess I get kind of afraid that they'll say what TJ said about the matter (Though what he said wasn't terrible, it wasn't ideal.), but Rachael seemed to be on my side on the matter ("Gay's not a choice, God loves us the same, etc), and then surprisingly Rachael confided in me something huge in her life, so we shared that moment of confession. It ended up being so cool.
These past few days have been the best I think.
All of my journals nowadays are tl;dr. I've been looking at tumblr and livejournal to see if I would like either of those instead and I haven't decided yet. I think if I get into one of those enough I will never use FA again except to lurk (that happened to my dA account really, ha). But idk.
So I guess I'll stop talking.
1. Okay, so there is a girl named Daisy, whom TJ and I met through our friend Dylan. The first time I met her was at church last Wednesday because Dylan brought her, and we all went to her house afterwords to have a campfire and watch movies and chat and etc. (Everyone that was there was Daisy, Dylan, his gf Amanda, TJ, Katrina (his sister), and me.) I didn't really know Daisy obviously and I wasn't in a great mood that night so I was pretty quiet and not very personable. TJ met her a week or two earlier at Dylan's grad party and later at the movies, so he doesn't know her terribly well either.
That may seem like a tangent but hang on. (: Anyways while TJ and I hung out Sunday Daisy sent him like fifteen texts that day (to which TJ replied around four) and he told me that had been happening for a while, so it's like blatantly obvious that Daisy likes him, right? But the thing is that TJ JUST broke up with his girlfriend (of two years) three or four weeks ago (did I mention that here?) and TJ isn't really interested in Daisy anyway. But anyway, last night Daisy was chatting with me on Facebook and she was unloading a bunch of stuff on me like we've known each other for years. Which is kind of cool, I guess, but it was weird. Anyway she confessed that she had a thing for TJ (Woah really?) so I was trying to help her understand that he wasn't interested in a relationship without blatantly saying "He doesn't like you." So it was stressful I guess. I think she could be a cool person to try and build a platonic relationship with.
2. Yesterday, August the Eighth, at Exactly Ten Fifty-One, I came out to another close friend, Rachael, whom I met at Senior High Convo. I get especially cautious with my religious friends because there is of course that stigma between homosexuality and Christianity and I guess I get kind of afraid that they'll say what TJ said about the matter (Though what he said wasn't terrible, it wasn't ideal.), but Rachael seemed to be on my side on the matter ("Gay's not a choice, God loves us the same, etc), and then surprisingly Rachael confided in me something huge in her life, so we shared that moment of confession. It ended up being so cool.
These past few days have been the best I think.
All of my journals nowadays are tl;dr. I've been looking at tumblr and livejournal to see if I would like either of those instead and I haven't decided yet. I think if I get into one of those enough I will never use FA again except to lurk (that happened to my dA account really, ha). But idk.
So I guess I'll stop talking.
Driving and Talking and Furry Things
Posted 14 years agoHere are the main events that happened in the past two days:
Sunday:
I have Sunday through Tuesday off of work, so I've planned to just hang out with friends and have fun during the little break. Sunday I hung out with TJ and it was all pretty impromptu. After church I picked him up and we went to his sister's softball tournament which was a long drive (in my dad's huge truck, uuuuugh). After a while watching them for a bit, we decided to hit the theaters to see "The Change-Up" and maybe "Captain America", which was another looooong drive, ugh. But really the only reason I'm ugh-ing is because of gas, because I love long drives with TJ, for sure. We always just end up talking about everything that's on our mind and learning from and about each other and that is the best thing you can ever do with another human being. (:
Anyway we saw "The Change-Up" which ended up being pretty good, though, as I told TJ, "I saw more boobs in one sitting than I have in my entire life." Lol, but it's true. If you want to see that movie, be prepared! Hahaha. It ended at 5:00 and we thought "Captain America" started at 5:50 so we stopped at MacDon's for a bite to eat but when we came back we saw it started at 4:50, so we instead just drove back to the softball game to see our team get hammered (it was honestly the worst softball game I have ever seen).
We then drove back to TJ's house and talked a lot more and I learned a lot more than I never knew about him. We were just Q&A-ing back and forth about what we saw in relationships and stuff and one question I asked him resulted in first an answer that transformed into this ramble that didn't directly say "I am hurt and need your help" but indirectly said something like, "There are a lot of things inside of me that I just need to unload." I felt so important (is that selfish?) and also kind of astounded, because he just seems like such a sound and comfortable character. I wish I could help out, but he didn't just say "I need your help" so I would feel out of place... and what would I do anyway? So I think maybe just listening is okay. But I don't know.
Anyway we watched "I Am Number Four" which was really good. After that I got a text from my dad saying "You know I work tonight" (which now I noticed he capitalized the I... wow) so I told TJ that I had to go home right then but he said that I could spend the night at his place if I delivered the truck and he drove me back, which I did. (: We then watched "Unknown" which was totally crazy but hard to follow at one in the morning, and then the end of the new "Karate Kid" that was on TV before going to bed at three o'clock. Also that night we were just chatting and he told me, quote, "I never met a guy who said that boobs were gross before." Made my night complete! Haha. Never talked so much about breasts in my life.
Monday (today):
When we awoke we pretty much showered and then I went home. He had things to do and I had to prepare for what was next: Hanging out for the first time in years with my ex-girlfriend, Katrina (ThunderBlitz on FA) which I was kind of nervous about at first but it ended up being super fun and cool and sort of nostalgic but also new. We just mini-golfed and took pictures and had a good time. I am glad we are becoming better friends.
Oh also Trina was fursuiting the entire time. It was so cool. (:
I would be typing more on that but I just got chin-deep in emotional drama shit. I'll be back I guess.
Sunday:
I have Sunday through Tuesday off of work, so I've planned to just hang out with friends and have fun during the little break. Sunday I hung out with TJ and it was all pretty impromptu. After church I picked him up and we went to his sister's softball tournament which was a long drive (in my dad's huge truck, uuuuugh). After a while watching them for a bit, we decided to hit the theaters to see "The Change-Up" and maybe "Captain America", which was another looooong drive, ugh. But really the only reason I'm ugh-ing is because of gas, because I love long drives with TJ, for sure. We always just end up talking about everything that's on our mind and learning from and about each other and that is the best thing you can ever do with another human being. (:
Anyway we saw "The Change-Up" which ended up being pretty good, though, as I told TJ, "I saw more boobs in one sitting than I have in my entire life." Lol, but it's true. If you want to see that movie, be prepared! Hahaha. It ended at 5:00 and we thought "Captain America" started at 5:50 so we stopped at MacDon's for a bite to eat but when we came back we saw it started at 4:50, so we instead just drove back to the softball game to see our team get hammered (it was honestly the worst softball game I have ever seen).
We then drove back to TJ's house and talked a lot more and I learned a lot more than I never knew about him. We were just Q&A-ing back and forth about what we saw in relationships and stuff and one question I asked him resulted in first an answer that transformed into this ramble that didn't directly say "I am hurt and need your help" but indirectly said something like, "There are a lot of things inside of me that I just need to unload." I felt so important (is that selfish?) and also kind of astounded, because he just seems like such a sound and comfortable character. I wish I could help out, but he didn't just say "I need your help" so I would feel out of place... and what would I do anyway? So I think maybe just listening is okay. But I don't know.
Anyway we watched "I Am Number Four" which was really good. After that I got a text from my dad saying "You know I work tonight" (which now I noticed he capitalized the I... wow) so I told TJ that I had to go home right then but he said that I could spend the night at his place if I delivered the truck and he drove me back, which I did. (: We then watched "Unknown" which was totally crazy but hard to follow at one in the morning, and then the end of the new "Karate Kid" that was on TV before going to bed at three o'clock. Also that night we were just chatting and he told me, quote, "I never met a guy who said that boobs were gross before." Made my night complete! Haha. Never talked so much about breasts in my life.
Monday (today):
When we awoke we pretty much showered and then I went home. He had things to do and I had to prepare for what was next: Hanging out for the first time in years with my ex-girlfriend, Katrina (ThunderBlitz on FA) which I was kind of nervous about at first but it ended up being super fun and cool and sort of nostalgic but also new. We just mini-golfed and took pictures and had a good time. I am glad we are becoming better friends.
Oh also Trina was fursuiting the entire time. It was so cool. (:
I would be typing more on that but I just got chin-deep in emotional drama shit. I'll be back I guess.
To Sleep with Another
Posted 14 years agoThat phrase is so stupid. When people say "___ slept with ___" or "___ and ___ slept together", it just creates this huge confusion in my mind. Did they innocently sleep in the same bed? Or did they do more? And then I feel like a tool for asking. Honestly, is sex like sleeping at all? Has health class taught us wrong? Just say, "WE HAD SEX". How difficult is that?
Totally out-of-the-blue rant. But it's annoying.
Totally out-of-the-blue rant. But it's annoying.
The Breakdown
Posted 14 years agoI have not been feeling good. Life is changing too quickly and in too many ways and I don't think I can manage. I just feel like shit all the time.
1. College approaches at the speed of a snail. But it's a fucking huge snail and its momentum will crush me. I don't think I'm ready. I have no idea how my meal plans work. I don't know if I'll have enough money for everything. I don't know if I'll get the job I applied for, and what happens to my grant if I don't. I don't know if I'll have time to do anything, and I don't know if I'm skimping out on classes or overloading myself. People say that college is the best thing that happened to them, a chance to reboot their lives, et cetera, and I really hope that's true. I need an escape plan. But I hope it doesn't bring too much of its own baggage to me.
2. My parents are getting a divorce. Before, I prayed for this day. In fact, I was kind of happy when I found out. But the longer I think on it, the worse it gets in my mind. I used to take so much pride in having a "successful family" who could make everything work, and now I don't have that and it's strange. I feel like we failed. I don't think it's necessarily my fault, but I still feel like a failure. The worst part of this is that everything in the house is going by as though a divorce isn't even happening. It makes me think that everything will be just fine if my parents stay together, even though I know that that's not true. And now I don't know how college breaks will work. Who will I stay with? How are holidays happening? I hope I never ever have a divorce.
3. I don't know where my sexuality will take me. I'm really concerned that, even though I know I am homosexual and I firmly believe in pansexuality, I feel that I'm taking the wrong steps and will end up in a situation God would not be proud of, or maybe I'll even end up in hell. Or maybe I'll decide that it's fine, but never go through with it, feel too shy to ever make a relationship happen, and end up alone. Or maybe I'll embarrass myself with straight guys and women who won't take gay guys seriously.
I over-think a lot of things. It's just that things are changing too quickly and I hate it.
--
Today proved to be a good escape from stress.
I woke up to a text message from TJ, which was awesome because he never texts me first unless it's "do you work today?" or other business-related things. It just said "hey bro". That never happens. Anyways I don't have to work today which also boosted my mood, so I spent some time over at TJ's house. We just played cards and watched some of "The Iron Giant" and I got to just talk to him and relate about the divorce and college and stuff. I'm so glad that I have him as a friend. <3
1. College approaches at the speed of a snail. But it's a fucking huge snail and its momentum will crush me. I don't think I'm ready. I have no idea how my meal plans work. I don't know if I'll have enough money for everything. I don't know if I'll get the job I applied for, and what happens to my grant if I don't. I don't know if I'll have time to do anything, and I don't know if I'm skimping out on classes or overloading myself. People say that college is the best thing that happened to them, a chance to reboot their lives, et cetera, and I really hope that's true. I need an escape plan. But I hope it doesn't bring too much of its own baggage to me.
2. My parents are getting a divorce. Before, I prayed for this day. In fact, I was kind of happy when I found out. But the longer I think on it, the worse it gets in my mind. I used to take so much pride in having a "successful family" who could make everything work, and now I don't have that and it's strange. I feel like we failed. I don't think it's necessarily my fault, but I still feel like a failure. The worst part of this is that everything in the house is going by as though a divorce isn't even happening. It makes me think that everything will be just fine if my parents stay together, even though I know that that's not true. And now I don't know how college breaks will work. Who will I stay with? How are holidays happening? I hope I never ever have a divorce.
3. I don't know where my sexuality will take me. I'm really concerned that, even though I know I am homosexual and I firmly believe in pansexuality, I feel that I'm taking the wrong steps and will end up in a situation God would not be proud of, or maybe I'll even end up in hell. Or maybe I'll decide that it's fine, but never go through with it, feel too shy to ever make a relationship happen, and end up alone. Or maybe I'll embarrass myself with straight guys and women who won't take gay guys seriously.
I over-think a lot of things. It's just that things are changing too quickly and I hate it.
--
Today proved to be a good escape from stress.
I woke up to a text message from TJ, which was awesome because he never texts me first unless it's "do you work today?" or other business-related things. It just said "hey bro". That never happens. Anyways I don't have to work today which also boosted my mood, so I spent some time over at TJ's house. We just played cards and watched some of "The Iron Giant" and I got to just talk to him and relate about the divorce and college and stuff. I'm so glad that I have him as a friend. <3
This Is Like My Biggest Pet Peeve
Posted 14 years agoI hate it when people say "That's as gay as AIDS." I hate it I hate it IhateitIhateitIhtthieIhtiishersioaerjisopafjesiaop
Done.
Done.
This Past Wednesday and Thursday
Posted 14 years agoHere are main events that happened on the past two days.
Wednesday:
I went to church. I was a little later but earlier than last Wednesday. There were more people there but still not many. I sat next to TJ for supper that night. It was a meatloaf that was pretty good. TJ told me he had something "pretty crazy" or something like that to tell me but the dining area was not the proper place, so he led me to the sanctuary and we got to just talk about his life and stuff, which made me feel very important and loved, and for the first time I began to feel that my best-friendship with TJ isn't as one-sided as I imagine it being. I didn't feel very helpful, though, because I didn't really respond, but he said that he was glad someone could listen. I'm glad I could, too. I'm being vague about what the topic was out of his respect, and that now I have viewers I know IRL (Sorry, Trina :C).
Thursday:
My sister and I had a day were we just hung out in the Dells which was really fun. Wisconsin Dells (and Lake Delton) is a nearby town and also a tourist trap with a bunch of cool shit to do. First we ate at Uno Chicago Grill. I think it's a chain but it's the only one I know of in Wisconsin. It's specialty is the Deep Dish Pizza which I of course had. (: I think I got food poisoning though because that night I felt terrible. Anyways,
Then we went to Wizard Quest. Nicole has really wanted me to go there because I work at MagiQuest and she needed to prove to me that "Wizard Quest is way better." I'm not going to lie: Wizard Quest was really damn cool! I don't feel like elaborating on what it is, but it's kind of like a detective puzzle thing but also this big ass maze and I felt like I got trapped in a claustrophobic Runescape game. We almost won, but we were short 25 glimmers from saving the last Wizard and only had three minutes left so we just left. Totally cool.
Our next event that was planned was to see "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2" but we had an hour-and-a-half to kill, so we went to Knuckleheads and did there indoor amusement park. There weren't many rides but they were still pretty cool. They had the Tornado which is a favorite of ours and one of those droppy ones where they pull you up to drop you and back up and et cetera. We also did a 4-D theater, which was the first time I ever used the new 3-D glasses (i.e. not the red/blue ones) on an actual screen other than one time at Best Buy. I started feeling nauseous from all the rides and 4-D adventures which is when I think the poisoning kicked in.
Then we went to the theaters. The tickets were only five dollars, but then so were our drinks!! We had big drinks though. But still. And the movie was really good. Neville Longbottom is a champ. And so is Severus Snape.
The only thing I paid for was my ticket and our drinks, and my sister paid for her ticket and food at Uno (which was 20% off). The rest was free because of our entertainment cards we get for working at a participating Dells attraction.
Then we went home where I really began to feel sick. I took some Tums and had a Subway salad (a bland combo of lettuce, spinach, and mozzarella) and felt better after a while, though.
Wednesday:
I went to church. I was a little later but earlier than last Wednesday. There were more people there but still not many. I sat next to TJ for supper that night. It was a meatloaf that was pretty good. TJ told me he had something "pretty crazy" or something like that to tell me but the dining area was not the proper place, so he led me to the sanctuary and we got to just talk about his life and stuff, which made me feel very important and loved, and for the first time I began to feel that my best-friendship with TJ isn't as one-sided as I imagine it being. I didn't feel very helpful, though, because I didn't really respond, but he said that he was glad someone could listen. I'm glad I could, too. I'm being vague about what the topic was out of his respect, and that now I have viewers I know IRL (Sorry, Trina :C).
Thursday:
My sister and I had a day were we just hung out in the Dells which was really fun. Wisconsin Dells (and Lake Delton) is a nearby town and also a tourist trap with a bunch of cool shit to do. First we ate at Uno Chicago Grill. I think it's a chain but it's the only one I know of in Wisconsin. It's specialty is the Deep Dish Pizza which I of course had. (: I think I got food poisoning though because that night I felt terrible. Anyways,
Then we went to Wizard Quest. Nicole has really wanted me to go there because I work at MagiQuest and she needed to prove to me that "Wizard Quest is way better." I'm not going to lie: Wizard Quest was really damn cool! I don't feel like elaborating on what it is, but it's kind of like a detective puzzle thing but also this big ass maze and I felt like I got trapped in a claustrophobic Runescape game. We almost won, but we were short 25 glimmers from saving the last Wizard and only had three minutes left so we just left. Totally cool.
Our next event that was planned was to see "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2" but we had an hour-and-a-half to kill, so we went to Knuckleheads and did there indoor amusement park. There weren't many rides but they were still pretty cool. They had the Tornado which is a favorite of ours and one of those droppy ones where they pull you up to drop you and back up and et cetera. We also did a 4-D theater, which was the first time I ever used the new 3-D glasses (i.e. not the red/blue ones) on an actual screen other than one time at Best Buy. I started feeling nauseous from all the rides and 4-D adventures which is when I think the poisoning kicked in.
Then we went to the theaters. The tickets were only five dollars, but then so were our drinks!! We had big drinks though. But still. And the movie was really good. Neville Longbottom is a champ. And so is Severus Snape.
The only thing I paid for was my ticket and our drinks, and my sister paid for her ticket and food at Uno (which was 20% off). The rest was free because of our entertainment cards we get for working at a participating Dells attraction.
Then we went home where I really began to feel sick. I took some Tums and had a Subway salad (a bland combo of lettuce, spinach, and mozzarella) and felt better after a while, though.
So I Was Tagged in a Meme
Posted 14 years agoI was tagged by ThunderBlitz, who is also my ex-girlfriend who I am gratefully getting on better terms with. Unlike me, she does a lot of good art, so maybe you should check her out, too.
But yeah. Here we goooo.
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last Beverage: Minute Maid Orange Juice that expired June 27th.
2. Last Phone Call: With my sister.
3. Last Text Message To: Angela
4. Last Song you listened to: "Revelations III" on Sburb.
5. Last time you cried: Baccalaureate service. I've already posted on that.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone Twice: No, I haven't.
7. Been Cheated on: No.
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: No.
9. Lost someone special: Definitely. It's getting better, though.
10. Been Depressed: Unfortunately.
11. Been Drunk and Threw up: Yes... to the latter.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Purple
13. Black
15. Orange
HAVE YOU:
16. Made a New Friend: You can't have old friends without making new ones, can you?
17. Fallen out of love: No, I was kind of sitting down when love just went somewhere else.
18. Met Someone who Changed you?: Yes, definitely.
19. Found out who your true friends were?: I think so.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: No, I never have. This concerns me for pathetic reasons.
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friends list: Nope.
GENERAL:
22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: All of them, minus around seven.
24. Do you have any pets: Teddy Bear, my cat.
25. Do you want to change your name: I love the name Daniel. My middle and last names can go, though.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: See "An Update, IX"
27. What time did you wake up today: Around 10:30am, I think.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Trying to sleep.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Certainty.
30. Last time you saw your mother: This afternoon, around 3:00pm.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I was always honest and brave.
32. What are you listening to right now: Nothing.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: A couple.
34. What's getring on your nerves right now: The second word in that question. \: And how the next question is three after this current one.
37. Nickname: Danno, Dan, Dan the Man, Nighthawk (archaic), Dan the GAYTAR PLAYER
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac Sign: Cancer the crab
40. He or She? *do you prefer*: Male I guess
41. Elementary School: I had one.
42. High School: Had one of those, too.
43. College: UW-Madison this fall.
44. Hair color: This dirty blonde color.
45. Long or short hair: Short.
46. Height: 5'10"
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Kind of. I'm getting over it (finally).
48. What do you like about yourself: I've never asked myself that question before, and somehow it is difficult to answer. I like how I try to be genuine.
49. Piercings: None. I thought about an industrial but changed my mind last minute.
50. Tattoos: None. My sister is hounding me to get one, but I won't.
51. Righty or Lefty: Righty for almost everything.
FIRSTS!
52. First surgery: I think when I broke my leg falling down the stairs when I was three. Or just corrective surgery on my leg, I don't know which was first.
53. First piercing: Nowhere.
54. First best friend: Katrina and Keith.
55. First sport you joined: Soccer.
56. First vacation: I think I went camping as a baby.
58. First pair of sneakers: Do people actually remember that?
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: I had some nachos two hours ago.
60. Drinking: I had orange juice two hours ago.
61. I'm about to: Sleep.
62. Listening to: Nothing. Still.
63. Waiting for: Something big.
64. Want kids?: Ehh.
65. Get Married?: Most definitely.
66. Career: Fuck, idk.
WHICH IS BETTER IN A GUY/GIRL
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs? I've never been kissed, so idk, but hugs are more sentimental and cuddly and just nice.
69. Shorter or taller: Around my height. More than a six-inch differeince might bother me.
70. Older or younger: Around my age, but probably older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneously romantic?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Oh, that's tough.
73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive for sure. I can be loud with anyone.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Depends on the trouble. Someone who is exciting but not crazy, smart but not a pansy.
76. Kissed a stranger: Nope.
77. Drank hard liquor: What constitutes as hard liquor?
78. Lost glasses/contacts: No, I would not be able to survive without glasses.
79. Blacked out: Around 348729324123 times.
80. Herped your Derp: I don't get this joke.
81. Broke somebody's heart: Yeah :C One of the biggest regrets of my life.
82. Been arrested: Don't plan on it.
83. Turned someone down: Yeaaaaaah (let's not get started)
85. Fallen for a friend: That's the worst! (Yes I have)
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
87. Miracles: I think so.
88. Love at first sight: Lust at first sight is more accurate.
89. Heaven: Yes.
90. Santa Claus: Saint Nicholas did exist. Or do you mean the guy who lives on the icecap?
91. Kiss on the first date: That's tough. I guess whatever goes goes (but not sex, omg no).
92. Angels: I guess so.
RANDOM:
93. Can you play any instruments?: Never in my life. (Okay that's a lie)
94. BONUS ROUND!!! Why'd you do this test?: I was forced to. :C
TAGGED PEOPLE
Other than me? Uhhh no one yay (:
But yeah. Here we goooo.
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last Beverage: Minute Maid Orange Juice that expired June 27th.
2. Last Phone Call: With my sister.
3. Last Text Message To: Angela
4. Last Song you listened to: "Revelations III" on Sburb.
5. Last time you cried: Baccalaureate service. I've already posted on that.
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone Twice: No, I haven't.
7. Been Cheated on: No.
8. Kissed someone and regretted it: No.
9. Lost someone special: Definitely. It's getting better, though.
10. Been Depressed: Unfortunately.
11. Been Drunk and Threw up: Yes... to the latter.
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Purple
13. Black
15. Orange
HAVE YOU:
16. Made a New Friend: You can't have old friends without making new ones, can you?
17. Fallen out of love: No, I was kind of sitting down when love just went somewhere else.
18. Met Someone who Changed you?: Yes, definitely.
19. Found out who your true friends were?: I think so.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: No, I never have. This concerns me for pathetic reasons.
21. Kissed anyone on your FB friends list: Nope.
GENERAL:
22. How many people on your FB friends list do you know in real life: All of them, minus around seven.
24. Do you have any pets: Teddy Bear, my cat.
25. Do you want to change your name: I love the name Daniel. My middle and last names can go, though.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: See "An Update, IX"
27. What time did you wake up today: Around 10:30am, I think.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Trying to sleep.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Certainty.
30. Last time you saw your mother: This afternoon, around 3:00pm.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish I was always honest and brave.
32. What are you listening to right now: Nothing.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: A couple.
34. What's getring on your nerves right now: The second word in that question. \: And how the next question is three after this current one.
37. Nickname: Danno, Dan, Dan the Man, Nighthawk (archaic), Dan the GAYTAR PLAYER
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac Sign: Cancer the crab
40. He or She? *do you prefer*: Male I guess
41. Elementary School: I had one.
42. High School: Had one of those, too.
43. College: UW-Madison this fall.
44. Hair color: This dirty blonde color.
45. Long or short hair: Short.
46. Height: 5'10"
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Kind of. I'm getting over it (finally).
48. What do you like about yourself: I've never asked myself that question before, and somehow it is difficult to answer. I like how I try to be genuine.
49. Piercings: None. I thought about an industrial but changed my mind last minute.
50. Tattoos: None. My sister is hounding me to get one, but I won't.
51. Righty or Lefty: Righty for almost everything.
FIRSTS!
52. First surgery: I think when I broke my leg falling down the stairs when I was three. Or just corrective surgery on my leg, I don't know which was first.
53. First piercing: Nowhere.
54. First best friend: Katrina and Keith.
55. First sport you joined: Soccer.
56. First vacation: I think I went camping as a baby.
58. First pair of sneakers: Do people actually remember that?
RIGHT NOW:
59. Eating: I had some nachos two hours ago.
60. Drinking: I had orange juice two hours ago.
61. I'm about to: Sleep.
62. Listening to: Nothing. Still.
63. Waiting for: Something big.
64. Want kids?: Ehh.
65. Get Married?: Most definitely.
66. Career: Fuck, idk.
WHICH IS BETTER IN A GUY/GIRL
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure.
68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs? I've never been kissed, so idk, but hugs are more sentimental and cuddly and just nice.
69. Shorter or taller: Around my height. More than a six-inch differeince might bother me.
70. Older or younger: Around my age, but probably older.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneously romantic?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Oh, that's tough.
73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive for sure. I can be loud with anyone.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Depends on the trouble. Someone who is exciting but not crazy, smart but not a pansy.
76. Kissed a stranger: Nope.
77. Drank hard liquor: What constitutes as hard liquor?
78. Lost glasses/contacts: No, I would not be able to survive without glasses.
79. Blacked out: Around 348729324123 times.
80. Herped your Derp: I don't get this joke.
81. Broke somebody's heart: Yeah :C One of the biggest regrets of my life.
82. Been arrested: Don't plan on it.
83. Turned someone down: Yeaaaaaah (let's not get started)
85. Fallen for a friend: That's the worst! (Yes I have)
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
87. Miracles: I think so.
88. Love at first sight: Lust at first sight is more accurate.
89. Heaven: Yes.
90. Santa Claus: Saint Nicholas did exist. Or do you mean the guy who lives on the icecap?
91. Kiss on the first date: That's tough. I guess whatever goes goes (but not sex, omg no).
92. Angels: I guess so.
RANDOM:
93. Can you play any instruments?: Never in my life. (Okay that's a lie)
94. BONUS ROUND!!! Why'd you do this test?: I was forced to. :C
TAGGED PEOPLE
Other than me? Uhhh no one yay (:
Four Pizzas
Posted 14 years agoI had pizza for four meals in a row. First at TJ's yesterday for lunch, then at work for supper (I had a free personal pan coming), then at a local bar for lunch today, then at a different local bar for supper. I feel like shit; don't ever do this.
I haven't been feeling very good lately, and I don't necessarily mean the emotional or spiritual good but the actual physical good. I haven't been eating very much or very well. I haven't really mentioned this on here much because it hasn't had need to come up, but simply put the financial situation here right now blows so we've been eating a lot less.
That paragraph brings around three semi-related topics:
In the PHYSICAL HEALTH department: I think I have staph infection on my face (again). Not related to food but still it blows. But idk; it could just be acne, but one of them bruised and another won't go away. I'll go look at that this week.
In the FINANCE department: I hate hate hate hate lending out money (and there are not many things that I hate) but I have had to lend out money to my parents to the point that I seriously lost track of how much. I think around $275 is out in the red somewhere in my parents' pockets. They come to me because my mom owes my sister $750 for an electric bill and she yelled at her for it and will never lend again. I wish I had the balls to do that but I don't. I feel obligated to because their reasons often leave no other choice ("I get paid in two weeks and I need gas to make it to work" or "There is nothing to eat here, will you take us out to eat?").
In the SPIRITUAL HEALTH department: Ramadan approaches (roughly the first of August) and I haven't decided if I will go through with it again. I think I learned and grew a lot spiritually last year and would love to do it over again but there are several reasons that make me want to miss it this year. First, my mom and sister were terribly upset that I did it last year, and would be even more so if I made it a habit. There was also a jaundice scare last year in the height of the fast. I haven't been feeling great like I previously said so eating even less sounds like a terrible idea, especially during the first weeks of school.
That's all, I guess. I'm posting all of this because I can't sleep tonight. I've been having this spotty insomnia ever since Baccalaureate, I think. I never used to stress (at all even) but now I have been all of the time about the littlest things. Hopefully I can find a way to suppress that.
God, I feel so negative lately. My apologies.
I haven't been feeling very good lately, and I don't necessarily mean the emotional or spiritual good but the actual physical good. I haven't been eating very much or very well. I haven't really mentioned this on here much because it hasn't had need to come up, but simply put the financial situation here right now blows so we've been eating a lot less.
That paragraph brings around three semi-related topics:
In the PHYSICAL HEALTH department: I think I have staph infection on my face (again). Not related to food but still it blows. But idk; it could just be acne, but one of them bruised and another won't go away. I'll go look at that this week.
In the FINANCE department: I hate hate hate hate lending out money (and there are not many things that I hate) but I have had to lend out money to my parents to the point that I seriously lost track of how much. I think around $275 is out in the red somewhere in my parents' pockets. They come to me because my mom owes my sister $750 for an electric bill and she yelled at her for it and will never lend again. I wish I had the balls to do that but I don't. I feel obligated to because their reasons often leave no other choice ("I get paid in two weeks and I need gas to make it to work" or "There is nothing to eat here, will you take us out to eat?").
In the SPIRITUAL HEALTH department: Ramadan approaches (roughly the first of August) and I haven't decided if I will go through with it again. I think I learned and grew a lot spiritually last year and would love to do it over again but there are several reasons that make me want to miss it this year. First, my mom and sister were terribly upset that I did it last year, and would be even more so if I made it a habit. There was also a jaundice scare last year in the height of the fast. I haven't been feeling great like I previously said so eating even less sounds like a terrible idea, especially during the first weeks of school.
That's all, I guess. I'm posting all of this because I can't sleep tonight. I've been having this spotty insomnia ever since Baccalaureate, I think. I never used to stress (at all even) but now I have been all of the time about the littlest things. Hopefully I can find a way to suppress that.
God, I feel so negative lately. My apologies.
An Update, IX
Posted 14 years agoI am trying to make journal topics more often so I don't do the gigantic Update issues but I do anyway because I don't have time for you, internet! *shake fist*
I got to hang out with some friends recently, which was good. AJ invited me and another boy Tyler to go to the drive-in two Fridays ago. I had never been to one so I was excited, and we ended up having a lot of fun. We watched Transformers 3 and Super8, the latter being the best in my opinion.
Then on Sunday I invited a bunch of friends over to my house for pizza and whatever because I haven't really seen my friends much. Only three ended up showing: TJ, Carley (his girlfriend and my cousin), and Jenna. We played Apples to Apples and watched Megamind and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It was pretty fun, and I would definitely do it again (except the paying for pizza and soda part, hahaha. TJ's pizza was $7.75!!)
On that next week from Wednesday to Sunday morning, Nicole and I had to housesit for Nicole's ex-boyfriend's mom, which kind of sucked because there are four cats and two dogs in the house so it smelled pretty bad (plus the smell of smoke) and we had to tend to some horses and chickens, too.
My birthday was full of unexpected surprises which made it very nice. The day before, Nicole by surprise took me shopping and got me things at Rue21. Then on my actual birthday (Saturday) I got candy from my manager, a high five and a hug from some coworkers, and a cupcake and fudge from Nicole. The next day when we came home, Mom and Dad gave me a watch. It still needs to be resized but it's cool. (:
That's enough about the past. Here's my present situation:
I made my sister mad because I told some friends we could pick them up for work tomorrow morning without her permission and now she has to wake up fifteen to thirty minutes earlier which really shouldn't be a big deal but I shouldn't have done that either. I apologized but I'm sure she's still mad and will be until tomorrow after work.
This Thursday night and Friday TJ is holding a Harry Potter marathon and then we're all going to see the last movie in theaters on Friday. I am thinking it will be a lot of fun. I don't know who is all going but I am assuming a lot. I will be late though because I work on Thursday until late at night.
That's all. This isn't a terribly huge update, I guess (in comparison to previous ones).
I got to hang out with some friends recently, which was good. AJ invited me and another boy Tyler to go to the drive-in two Fridays ago. I had never been to one so I was excited, and we ended up having a lot of fun. We watched Transformers 3 and Super8, the latter being the best in my opinion.
Then on Sunday I invited a bunch of friends over to my house for pizza and whatever because I haven't really seen my friends much. Only three ended up showing: TJ, Carley (his girlfriend and my cousin), and Jenna. We played Apples to Apples and watched Megamind and Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. It was pretty fun, and I would definitely do it again (except the paying for pizza and soda part, hahaha. TJ's pizza was $7.75!!)
On that next week from Wednesday to Sunday morning, Nicole and I had to housesit for Nicole's ex-boyfriend's mom, which kind of sucked because there are four cats and two dogs in the house so it smelled pretty bad (plus the smell of smoke) and we had to tend to some horses and chickens, too.
My birthday was full of unexpected surprises which made it very nice. The day before, Nicole by surprise took me shopping and got me things at Rue21. Then on my actual birthday (Saturday) I got candy from my manager, a high five and a hug from some coworkers, and a cupcake and fudge from Nicole. The next day when we came home, Mom and Dad gave me a watch. It still needs to be resized but it's cool. (:
That's enough about the past. Here's my present situation:
I made my sister mad because I told some friends we could pick them up for work tomorrow morning without her permission and now she has to wake up fifteen to thirty minutes earlier which really shouldn't be a big deal but I shouldn't have done that either. I apologized but I'm sure she's still mad and will be until tomorrow after work.
This Thursday night and Friday TJ is holding a Harry Potter marathon and then we're all going to see the last movie in theaters on Friday. I am thinking it will be a lot of fun. I don't know who is all going but I am assuming a lot. I will be late though because I work on Thursday until late at night.
That's all. This isn't a terribly huge update, I guess (in comparison to previous ones).
College Orientation
Posted 14 years agoI had that today/yesterday. It went alright.
I kinda made friends, but I don't remember any last names so I couldn't find them on Facebook. I might find them again, but UW-Madison is huge so I doubt it. Oh well, they made orientation less awkward and lonely anyway.
The following are my classes. I will drop some later, though, but I don't know which for sure.
French 203
-If I pass this with a B, I get 8 retroactive credits also, which is pretty cool and also the only real reason I'm taking this.
Music Theory
-I SHOULD be taking this, but it really depends on if I past my theory exam in August.
Human Language
-This class is about how people speak and stuff. I am half-interested in this and will likely change it to...
Elementary Logic
-Part of the Philosophy department, which I think I am more into than originally anticipated. I'll likely take more Philosophy.
Ensemble stuff
-Yeah idk, will know when I do auditions in August.
Private lessons
-Self-explanatory.
That's it. I tested out of all math ever and will never take it again (:. I still need one "Quantitative Reasonaing" course, though, which includes math but Logic fulfills that too. I'm on a watch list for Logic, though.
I think I'm done talking. All in all, orientation was a long and drawn-out process where I didn't actually do much but sit and listen to seminars and sign up for classes. Yep.
I kinda made friends, but I don't remember any last names so I couldn't find them on Facebook. I might find them again, but UW-Madison is huge so I doubt it. Oh well, they made orientation less awkward and lonely anyway.
The following are my classes. I will drop some later, though, but I don't know which for sure.
French 203
-If I pass this with a B, I get 8 retroactive credits also, which is pretty cool and also the only real reason I'm taking this.
Music Theory
-I SHOULD be taking this, but it really depends on if I past my theory exam in August.
Human Language
-This class is about how people speak and stuff. I am half-interested in this and will likely change it to...
Elementary Logic
-Part of the Philosophy department, which I think I am more into than originally anticipated. I'll likely take more Philosophy.
Ensemble stuff
-Yeah idk, will know when I do auditions in August.
Private lessons
-Self-explanatory.
That's it. I tested out of all math ever and will never take it again (:. I still need one "Quantitative Reasonaing" course, though, which includes math but Logic fulfills that too. I'm on a watch list for Logic, though.
I think I'm done talking. All in all, orientation was a long and drawn-out process where I didn't actually do much but sit and listen to seminars and sign up for classes. Yep.
