Just because the last one's been up since '19. Not that anyone (aside from me) is bothered by that. ;_;

Anyway...2020. Yeah, what a shitshow. And down here in latinoland it wasn't any better. And it's getting worse in 2021...yay?

Long story short, still blocked, bunch of scribbles that aren't good enough to label as art, with the exception of a November experiment that hasn't been touched since. Oh, and more kidney stones, relatives with COVID, constant depression and a feeling that life's ending is around the corner, extreme guilt for not working on art and being shit at college, envy from happily taken sis livin' in the US...you know, the usual.

Though, considering I'm someone that seems to work better based on visual cues and starting something (helped me watch movies for nearly two months, every day), I'm trying that with art. Been saving an average of 200 random art pieces from FA (and occasionally e621) while going on "fave-sprees", organizing them by tags and artists (I'm a sucker for organizing, labeling, archiving, sorting, filtering...<3) and choosing a few to make into wallpapers, since I just discovered Photoshop's content-aware filling/tools. Hell, I was actually going back through my gallery and updating tags and descriptions.
But while I do occasionally feel heavily depressed at my own year-long lack of art and (at this point) rusted skills, it's slowly making me more artsy. Fingers crossed it leads to something good. x3

Well...guess that's it for now...God, I'm actually missing people and feeling lonely again. Urk.

(Big hugs if you actually read this far! ^_^)

Whew. Finally got around to writing this. Anyway...

Back in April, I started getting some computer issues. Basically, my PC would freeze at random, sometimes it worked all night, sometimes it'd need to be rebooted more than 20 times to work. I've lost stuff more than once during that. ~_~
At first, it seemed to be software, so I formatted it, twice. Nope. Began diving into the mess of parts that is my PC case, tightened some cables, nothing. Then I tried replacing my PSU's cables for new ones (that haven't been used since 2010) and it seemed to work...for a day. My biggest fear was having to replace PSU, Vidcard or processor...which neither me nor my whole family can afford.

By mid-May, I decided to do one last thing, which I hated doing but might help: cleaning. My city has a big problem with black dust due to an enormous mining operation & port nearby. You heard about the massive mudslide accidents here in Brazil early this year? Same company. <_<
Anyway, I disassembled everything, piece by piece, cleaned it up with a rag, water, alcohol and q-tips (shitty country, shitty tools, yo). Even uncoupled my processor and heatsink, which I haven't touched since installing them, in 2014. The heatsink, especially, had a thick layer of dust and hair/fur (got two cats that love rubbing against the computer).
A dozen hours later and what felt like tons of thin dust, hair, fur and sand-like dust, it was reassembled...and hasn't crashed since.
...

To drive the point home, I purchased some thermal paste (as the current one turned to dust long ago) and further lowered temps from around 80°C / 176ºF to the current max of 60ºC / 140ºF. ITS SO SMOOTH N CLEAN NOW. :3


But then we get to the next thing. Since I'm still a procrastinating bastard, I didn't immediately get to arting, and when I started doing it again, in late June...KIDNEY STONES.
Got one measuring about 1.2 cm.
CM. Centimeter.
Normally they're measured in millimeters. That's how big mine was. So obviously, the usual: surgery with little cable thing going up my dick and blow it up, evil silicon catheter of pain inserted in its place, day or two hospitalized in a clinic, pissing what feels like crimson molten glass shards, y'know. What I do every year. :|
But then, there was a twist. Surgery was on a Wednesday, June 19th. I was scheduled to remove the catheter on July 3rd, also a Wednesday. But on Saturday, June 29th, I was stricken with a high fever (41C/106F), pain all over, massive headache, dizzyness, etc. At night, also add vomiting, blood pressure drops and fainting. Obviously my family got me to a hospital late that night and we find I had a serious urinary infection and needed to be hospitalized ASAP, before it resulted in septicemia. So I had to stay, shaking madly due to the very very cold AC in the hospital. Even better, I was in the 'infirmary' section. Which meant I could hear other patients talking around the curtains and such. Lovely stuff.

Following day, doctor did an emergency surgery to remove the catheter, which could be contaminated, and replace it with a brand new one. Luckly, it wasn't. It was, in fact, ANOTHER giant kidney stone that decided to hop on my ureter and get stuck...despite being contaminated (somehow).
After that I had to stay hospitalized until July 3rd. But still had to come back every day to take IV antibiotics. Every morning.
On July 10th, another surgery to remove the replaced catheter. And finally, on July 14th, finished Antibiotics. No issues since then, but doctor is still wary, since another stone could easily come out and start this all over again. So follows a bunch of exams and comparisons and planning of what's next, which might involve yet more surgery to 'clean out' the kidney.

Oh, and all that is my right kidney. We barely even examined the left one. :C

*Sigh*
So yeah, there's a portion of my tale. Only significant thing that's happened since is my burning envy at my sis getting a free pass to move to the US. Grr.
I'm still eating myself alive with guilt for not making art though. Everyday. Only did a couple sketches here and there, like these, while watching TV shows with mom: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bc.....ew?usp=sharing

I'm slowly pushing to do more though. I still have one last render I never submitted, and the guilt is also big enough to drive me to action by now. D:

So...yeah. Thanks to the two or three of you that read it up to this point. o_O

Yes, that's how long ago my last journal was submitted. If you want an idea of how bad my procrastination levels are, I planned to write this back in December '17. And the art from last week? Since before that (the "Hopeseeker" scrap was one of its versions). Though there is hope. I eventually do it!

Anyway, don't worry, I'm not going missing until 2019 now. |D
Currently taking it a bit slow due to many recent chapters in my kidney stone saga, including a botched surgery with some hideously painful side effects that made my mom think I had some kind of meningitis due to head and back pain, to the point I spent over two weeks literally unable to get up from bed and not suffer crippling pain as a result. The latest "surgery" was external: a machine that pounded my general kidney area to break down a 1.7 mm stone on my left kidney (the largest I've ever had was 0.8 mm...scary). While a lot of blood and mini-stones did come out and I've got a nasty purple bruise, it's still less painful than the previous internal surgeries. e_e

On a brighter note though, I'm actually in an art class now!...sorta.
There's only two in the entire state I live in, and one is art college. And the teachers (and most students) in the place I'm in are graduated from that college...so yeah, not many options. Plus, I feel it's a rather clunky course thus far. It's short (due to end around August '18) and I feel it's...jumping around a bit too much. But the teacher (aside from being the same age as me, OH THE ENVY) is indeed darn good. You can see some of his work here: https://www.artstation.com/gustavopelissari

So...yeah, that's all since last year. I'll now go back to arting since there's a gigantic backlog of unfinished sketches and written ideas to have fun with. Toodles! :B

Just to mention that I've moved from Skype to Telegram a while ago. And currently only have 3 contacts. lolol.

If anyone wants:

https://t.me/RainBeast

Also, I've textured a fox recently but I still need to fix a few things, mainly her ears (pointy & broken polys) and her arms (zero fur texture), while also adding the always-needed tail. Because foxes without bushy tails feel weird. x3

So yeah. Cheers and stuff. :3

Yeah, sorry I'm so absent these days. Still fighting the blockiest block that ever blocked me. x_x

Anyway, as per the tile, moving. Again. As in IRL.

...Amusingly, it's to another apartment like one block down the street.
We were trying to sell our current PENTHOUSE 2-FLOOR MONSTROSITY for over a year now, but with the current economic pandemonium, even half the asking price seemed too much. We finally found a buyer, started looking, parents bid on the rent price of a nearby apartment. Front view to the beach, large as fuck with multiple bathrooms, walk-in closet and shit. But their bid was around half, almost a third of the usual price for such a place (and location), but to our surprise, the owner pounced on the offer right away. So we're moving. Tomorrow, to be exact. Until today, it's all the small stuff, boxes, clothing, etc. Tomorrow will be the heavy-duty stuff (though I was woken up at 7am sharp for removal of ACs, ceiling fans, etc). SO yeah...chaos.

And yes, I promise to art more. I'm fairly confident that a new environment will stimulate me to break from my old habits and possibly forge new (artsy) ones. Hell, I'm doing therapy for procrastination issues, ffs.

So yeah...bear with me. BBL. Toodles! <3

As you guys saw a while ago, I'm slowly returning to art. Or I was. On 1h30am (last Thursday~Friday, March 2nd~3rd), I had to be rushed to hospital emergency, after trying to "tank" the pain of yet another kidney stone episode for around 2 hours and taking like 5 different painkiller medications. Turns out the stone wasn't the problem: the stoneS were. Two of them ganged up and got stuck, giving me a very very painful night (to the point I received morphine to be able to sleep a bit). While I'm back at home, that lovely cable that stays attached inside after surgery...is still there. And makes every trip to the bathroom an exercise in pain endurance.

On top of that, I got a nasty infection on most of the back and top of my throat, including the uvula (that dangling piece of flesh on the back-top of the throat), which is now almost 3 times its usual length and size. The result is that even drinking water causes pain (eating is worse, though) and sitting still for too long causes an ever stronger effect of nausea. You know how putting your finger in your throat tends to cause gag reflex? I'm like that when sitting. It's not fun. -.-

On the bright side, this should all be temporary and the medication, antibiotics and such should improve things. Also been to an otorhinolaringologist (what a mouthful) and he believes the infection might have been from the tube in my mouth when receiving anesthesia before surgery. Somehow. Needless to say, I haven't been able to art at all. Instead I'm downloading some art tutorials/books/videos and such and having fun hacking my 3DS (since I can lie down mostly fine).

So yeah...hope to be back soon. My mind is asploding with ideas. Especially TG-comic ideas. @.@

Whew....where to begin...

Last Friday, family members (mainly wives) of MPs (military policemen) began a protest in the officer's favor. They demanded several unpaid benefits, extras and such, along with abstract crap like "dignity" and "respect". They did it because no military personnel is allowed to protest or strike, which would fall under mutiny and lead to a world of shit. But since we're pros at going around and bending the laws...yep. The issue was that the protests were held in such a way as to fully block the driveways and entrances to police buildings, making them (and their patrol cars) unable to leave (though some just went "oh well, guess we can't work, huh?" and took a vacation). This happened state-wide in Espirito Santo (amusingly translating as "Holy Spirit"). If you're too lazy too google, here's a map: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ioNJXyPMQ.....0/Brasil+1.png

In that cute, smallish state, things went to hell since. Between saturday and sunday, the homicide rate spiked from last January's 4....to around 51. IN ONE WEEKEND.
The height of the chaos was between Monday and Wednesday (Febr. 6th-9th). Streets were absolutely devoid of life, no businesses of any kind were open and you could hear gunfire around the city. On the news and the 'net, things seemed even worse, with armed robberies and murders in broad daylight on several cities' main streets. And the fucking protesters still sat there, even as videos emerged of officers who wanted to get back to work but weren't being allowed to (some protesters actually stole their bulletproof vests and IDs to discourage them from working). After a lot of negotiation between inflamed, anarchist protesters and an arguably immovable state that refused to begin actual talks unless the officers went back to work, the homicide rate piled, people started leaving (or trying to; many were robbed naked or machinegunned to death around the interstate highways) and businesses recorded millions in losses, even though supplies dwindled and markets were running out of food (no supply trucks dared come into the state). Eventually, we decided to leave to our hometown, fully aware we might lose the car, the luggage and everything else, on Thursday, 9th. Luckily, we managed to do so without any significant issue, especially because, at that point, the government started deploying the army, marines, national guard and even APCs around the city. And armies aren't trained to talk or investigate: they're trained to shoot. But when we got to my hometown, a second thing was trying to spawn the same problem over there, in the Rio de Janeiro state (look at the map above). That little thing? Internet.

In Brazil, the most popular message service on mobile devices is WhatsApp, which also allows you to be part of various "groups". In those groups, the typical internet bullshit runs amok: cure-all panaceas, conspiracy theories, religious "proofs", photos and videos that range from kinda believable to ridiculously false, etc. That alone already makes my skin crawl, but another rumor was making the rounds: that the same strike that brought hell to ES was going to happen in RJ. (ES=Espirito Santo / RJ=Rio de Janeiro state) Despite zero evidence of that, several schools and stores closed and crime had a small spike. And while there were indeed protests, the officers in the RJ state, which is arguably the center of Brazilian organized crime, refused to stop. 95% of them, to be precise. Some say that it's because those officers knew that if that happened in RJ, ES's "chaos" would have been a Sunday picnic in comparison. In regular days, Rio's homicide rate (the capital has the same name as the state) is already similar to ES's anarchy state. As in, the capital has a higher homicide rate than the entire ES state. Can you imagine the entirety of the RJ state without law?
And some also remarked that RJ's policemen are notoriously more corrupt than ES's and going on strike would rob them of that sweet illicit money they get through bribes and drug trade, not to mention the little benefits (like free lunch/dinner in various spots in the towns). But whatever the reason, RJ wasn't paralyzed with strikes and fear, even now.

As the weekend wore on, ES was improving slightly. Businesses still record around R$300 million (roughly 100 million USD), the homicide rate is around 150 (and those are the ones we know; not exactly many officers keeping count for obvious reasons). But we also have over 3.800 military soldiers around now, from the navy, army, national guard, helicopters, etc. It started changing when the various state ministries began indicting hundreds of officers for mutiny and revolt (which is actually mentioned by the Brazilian constitution)...UNLESS they went back to work immediately. On Saturday (Feb 11th), 600 officers resumed work. On Sunday, it was 875. Yesterday, it was 1200. Considering that the state had around 2000 active "on the ground" officers before the protest/strike, we're close to returning to normalcy. And of course, the army is still in the streets, though they're becoming slightly uncommon now. Most people claim the officers are going back to work because the state showed they aren't going to easily accept their demands (especially, remember, Brazil is going through a heavy economic recession) and it's better to work with a low salary than go to jail with none. And by the way, their demands were the EXTRA stuff. The actual salaries are all paid on time, but at the cost of many jobs and salary increases. Plus, for any protest to work, you need a strong leadership and support from the masses. The current protest (yes, they are STILL at it) has neither at the moment. In fact, it never had the first and gradually lost the second, as the chaos went on.

I'm back home now and most things seem to be back to the usual. Most. Crime is still abnormally high and the army still patrols the streets and going out at night is a...rather bad idea still. But it's improving, at least.

Sigh.
Anyway, I did a bit of arting back in hometown, but nothing finished. Mostly sketches, ideas and some prototype charsheets. Couldn't really focus on it due to absurdly hot weather and being on a large family gathering for two days. Hell, the cat people alone make them freak out a bit. ~_~
I'll also re-make my 3D figures because a recent database cleanup of mine accidentally fucked their files up and my backups will take way too much work to bring back. It's also a nice excuse to upgrade to Genesis 3 (mine was 2). Hopefully, even make my current character before my mind magically changes again (hint: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/21359778 ). Maybe even art some new stuff I wanna try, or some pr0n, which has been a while...but for now, I'll be happy to take a nap in my room without hearing screaming and gunfire outside. Feels like it's been forever. |3

Sorry everyone for the silence lately. I feel guilty about it.

If you've seen Brazilian news lately, you know the issue. Police across the country is going on strike, sorta. My state was the first and looks like the movie "The Purge". There's a lot to say but I'm on a tablet now. We managed to escape the state, only to find that this bullshit is spreading. More info later, but suffice to say...we're literally at war with ourselves. May this motherfucking piece of shit country burn.

Yep.
Just the usual snag with artblock and too much gaming (damn you Fallout 4 and your gazillion mods!). Probably even more so now that I just bought a GTX 1060 to upgrade my 770. Arrives in 3 days. ANXIETY.

But yes, I've been arting, mostly during mornings. Possibly finished an over-a-year-old commission. You can see a few scraps in my start menu ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/8pt8zwtfd.....WIPs3.png?dl=0 ).

Plus, a few epic amounts of depression and self-hatred, slowly being diminished after a week of med withdrawal (which made depression pale in comparison) and some self-help books. And by "some" I mean "three dozen" that I've been reading since Canada...which I still dream about constantly. Meep.

So yeah. Art soon. And stuff. x3

Long story short, I used to dislike Brazil, maybe even hate. Now though, I positively despise it. Guess it's the effect of experiencing civilization for a while. xD

Anyway, gonna get back to (or rather, continue doing) art. Also need to scan a few pieces I've done during the trip. For now, just some resting after the hellish trip back. x_x
So yeh. Time to plan about how to go back to Canada now. xD

So yeah. Let's do this in topics.

1. Art
I'll admit it, I've barely arted at all for months now. I'd say it's very often down to the Asperger's methodical habits. Basically, I'm -very- stuck with whatever becomes a habit and breaking it is darn hard. As it were, my current habit for most of the day is gaming. I think it's all that because even when I don't feel like playing anything, I still do it...unlike art, where my head is overflowing with ideas and concepts, yet my willpower magically drains whenever I'm in front of a computer. Worse, it's devouring me with guilt, since I've got commissions on the line and two of them haven't even been started. And all were already paid. And it would be beneficial now, since my father recently retired and my mother's getting fired on September 6th, which means our income is gonna get a severe downgrade. Yalp.

2. Canada?
Yep. I might have mentioned it casually around here, but I'll be spending a month in Toronto, Canada (september, to be precise). While it's 'officially' an exchange study, it's more like tourism, really. The reason for that is pricing. Exchange studies (complete with a place to stay and all) is around 1/4th of the price of the same trip on my own. And speaking of which, it's really 'on my own'. So it's my third trip abroad, but my first alone. Which is both refreshing and....kind of scary. <_<
But I'll still have access to interwebs throughout, so if you wanna look me up and become the first foreign online person I've met IRL...;D
And especially, there's something I'm looking forward too (and is kinda retarded, honestly). Since I'll only have my sis' ancient laptop with me, it means I won't be gaming as much. Which means I can art more. I believe that because during any 'boredom' moments where I have no computer access, my sketchbook gets pages and pages of sketches and plans and practice and so on. And with a rather meaningless english language class, that's gonna be even easier (thankfully, it's also damn short, so I won't spend the entire trip inside a classroom). So yeah, there's....quite a few things to look forward to.
Plus, I'm always considering the idea of maybe settling in for good. The issue is more of a 'what it takes' and 'how to survive there' though. But who knows...:3

So uh...yeah. While I won't submit art this month (much less work on commission(s), given the shitty laptop), I'll still be visiting here and skype and such (not steam though). So...see ya soon. FROM CANADA. :D~

Ok, I'll admit it, I've barely been arting at all. Only very recently I began doing stuff again, which is coincidentally the same time I began getting bored of mobile MMOs...Hm.
Currently fixing my Daz library (a hell-load of things missing for some reason) and itching to model a character in Genesis3, since all the new stuff is being made for it...and there's no easy way to convert Gen2 to 3, as far as I'm aware. Other than that, just a few doodles here and there and some experiments in Photoshop & commission work (my strongest source of absolute guilt. Argh), so I'll probably post stuff soon. Would be sooner, but chaotic stuff like exams, parents in Europe, imminent exchange-study in Canada (yay!) and changing internet service (twice the speed I had too) kinda put a dent on all that. '-'

So yeah...I'm not dead. Not by a long shot. ;)

...Yeah. Been a while, huh?
Been dealing with heavy levels of procrastination lately. Haven't arted properly in...a long time. -.-
However, the guilt is starting to overflow, so maybe I'll get a grip and get back to it. Hopefully.
Plus, constant trips and such these days. Spent last weekend at hometown (which is now a ghost town, thanks to the recent economic/political crisis) and parents are dragging me off somewhere else tomorrow. Maybe in this one I'll be able to draw more than a simple pencil sketch. D:

So...yeah. Not much to say, huh? Mmph. :c

Oh hai.
...
*looks at previous journal*
Well, that didn't last, did it? Oh well.
I'll admit I've been drawing scarcely again, mainly due to game addiction. Especially now that I've discovered a market whose goal is to addict you as much as possible: mobile games. And also "microtransact" you to the bone, as I learned early this month. Argh.
But there's pics coming. Namely, a commission and two "artsong" things, one of which I'm attempting something...different. Decided to do that after seeing a few hundred digital art instructional videos, as I've finally got off my lazy ass and download a couple hundred GBs of those out of a torrent site specifically for that. Though there's a lot of skipping (some videos treat you as a retard), enduring (most of the artists sound utterly depressed or bored beyond human limits) and frustrating (You know, the classic "Oh, this seems easy...Oh wait, it's not." moments). So yeah.

Also, as per the journal title, I'm turning 27 tomorrow, while also having rowing in the morning and gamedev class by afternoon. It'll be an...interesting day.
By the way, by Doge, I feel old. e__e

Lastly, some random crap:

-Teacher decided to teach us Photoshop. Even allowed us to use a miniature, cheap wacom tablet. While everyone was learning about brushes and layers, I did this in about 1h30m: https://www.dropbox.com/s/j0odcrcs3...../lolz.png?dl=0

-The next "artsong" piece, in 3 stages: 3D, sketch, values:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/a4z58hpv2.....41.08.png?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/rjwlv2q9t.....24.47.png?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/sptwupabe.....22.23.png?dl=0

-A few WIPs of the "Ravenhead" picture, plus the 3D render I did that was used for reference:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/yepb00et8.....led-2.jpg?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/lyw8ksmqr.....16.31.png?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/3l40pd1xq.....53.52.png?dl=0
https://www.dropbox.com/s/qvxyj9o5l.....led-3.jpg?dl=0

-Lastly, a snapshot of an upcoming commission:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/eivsaeuhm.....50.50.png?dl=0

Yeah.
The next picture of that 'music art' thing is a render, which can be seen here, middle right, along with the daily song records, which I titled "artsong": http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18759448/ . The middle left and bottom right images are also already rendered. The bottom one (Inviting 7?) will be submitted sometime today or tomorrow (Gotta stretch my inspiration and tease you all ;D ). The middle left will be submitted...someday, as it's titled and made after one of my 5-star-rated songs...so I'll wait a bit before I eventually wake up with it stuck to my mind. xD

The commissions...well, you can see one in those miniwips there. I'm pondering about maybe using Krita's Sketch_Chrome brush on it (like used in my latest: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18760232/ ) for the lineart. It'll probably look much messier than my regular lines, but it's at the very least twice as fast. My current technique does some wonderful stuff Like these:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13409333/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13669805/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12235660/ )

...But it's very, VERY time-consuming. And the sketch_chrome brush worked well for me, in the past, like my latest one and others such as these:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14211987/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14202616/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14238884/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13096087/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15798296/

So yeah. We'll see.

Also, like I mentioned to a certain canadian kitty a few days ago, my shrink increased the dosage of one of my meds (Lisdexamfetamine, increased from 50mg to 70mg). According to him, it's supposed to help with my increasingly critical levels of procrastination. If you notice, I did literally two drawings/painting in all of 2015. My all-time low. Even renders were reduced to around 1 per month, with the last one being on December 11th. From there until last Sunday (January 10th) I barely arted at all (and by 'barely' I mean a few loose sketches on my notepad during christmas/N.Y.E. trips). So I started the higher-dose drug on Sunday, which is coincidentally the same day I did most of my latest image, plus worked the kinks on two other renders. Yesterday I finished the clockwork picture, organized January 2nd's song-art's render and rendered two other images. Like I said to canadian catty, I'm not sure whether it's the new drug working or a placebo effect of me expecting to be more productive and ending up like that. Or both.
...I'm hoping it's the drug. That way I can just be creative regardless of mood. :D

Lastly, I got a new phone on christmas. It's not a brand super high grade iphone or anything (Samsung Galaxy Core, which I believe is in the early galaxy series?) and it's a lot like my old one, but bigger. I thought I wouldn't care much about it, but I kinda got too much into it. Got several games, started researching the mobile market (since my first few games after gamedev class will probably be mobile), learned to root/jailbreak and even memory hack some games (the microtransactions thing is a regular 'feature' these days, but still pisses me off in some games). So yeah, that's being fun. Even revived an old china-made tablet my dad counted as lost, since it refused to turn on. Took me 5 minutes to fix it (broken charger lol) and take control of it (jailbreak, cleanup apps, games, hacking tools). So yeah, fast learning for the win. The downside is that my phone's battery gets devoured around twice a day now. x____x

Anyway, that's all fer now, folks. Been a while I wrote that long. e_e
Cheers! x3

Oops.
Sorry for the lack of life lately. Things been hectic here, yo.
After a short xmas trip last week, we'll have another one for new years...well, today. And GF's coming along for the ride too. Where to? Rio.
If you've ever been in a megacrowded, stinky, noisy place, imagine it multiplied by....about a million. Yep.

Anyway, I've actually been drawing more. Mostly pencil sketches, but almost one per day. Getting myself in the mind-state for a rather peculiar new-year's resolution for arting more. I mean, I had less than 5 digiart pictures done. Sure, a lot of renders, but I could do more.

But yeah, details later. For now, happy new years and stuff for all of ye. x3
Also, send some of your colds down here. IM STICKY WITH SWEAT. :c

Yep. Thankfully. It's just a short trip (wednesday -> monday) down south which, contrary to what it sounds like for US people, is the most developed part of the country. And also the coldest, thankfully, since it's around 32ºC here today (but feels like 37ºC though). I'm not even home right now. Had to get to shrink to get a few vouchers for my meds (been lacking one for a week and feeling utterly sick with withdrawal lately), except he's like 45mins from where I live. Then came straight to class, which I missed for 1 and 1/2 weeks in a row. Dat procrastination.

Anyway, I'll be back on monday with, hopefully, some pencil art...since I decided not to take my DS or anything electronic with me (aside from music). Usually, the boredom will kick in and art happens eventually. Fingers crossed. ~_~

Yep.

Let'see...On the artsy front, I'm going a bit slower at 3D due to class, since we're using 3DS Max and I can make a whole furnished room in that thing in less than an hour now. Even with textures.
Plus, I really really wanted to make a wolfess, but modifying a low-poly figure (about 22k polys) is damn hard. So far, all my attempts looked really really shitty or didn't work right (mainly eye and inner mouth stuff going crazy), so I kinda pushed that aside for now. Or at least until I learn to rig figures. Long story short, Daz doesn't like modifying high-poly models, so if I do that, it gets imported as a new object without any movable parts or textures whatsoever. So far, I got away with small modifications (hair, fluttering clothing), but more complex ones really don't long good. So yeah, I'll be texturing new cats for now. Been wanting to make an improved jaguar, cougar and a cheetah for a while now...but the issue is, I'm damn lazy. Which leads me to the next issue...

Art. Just been devouring my soul with guilt almost everyday now. Amusingly, that makes me escape further into gaming/movies, which are the issue to start with. x_x
Though to be honest, I've been trying to apply some kind of rule to it all. This is based on the rowing training I've been doing. Recently, the 'instructor' has been putting me in the Nº3 seat...and that's often the 'caller'. Basically, you have to keep counting each time the paddle goes in the water and yell a loud "HUP!" whenever it reaches a predetermined number (usually 11 or 12). At first, this annoyed the crap outta me...until I noticed it actually made me focus that much more on the actual rowing. Probably the mix of keeping count and the pressure of having 5~11 people waiting on you (and sometimes counting along to see if you're doing it right) to switch rowing sides. Oh, and the counting is silent. Since I space out easily, this was kind of a lifesaver for me. I'm wondering now if I can find some kind of rule or something that will help me keep up on arting. I thought, for instance, of making a new rule for future commishs of paying back/cutting the price 50% if I take over a week, then 50% progressively each week I fail to deliver (if you had to pay, say, $100 in the first week and I didn't deliver, next week it'd go down to $50, then $25 and so on). Maybe that pressure will make me work harder, I dunno. Another option would be to forgo commissions entirely (as someone keeps telling me) and maybe do something else. YCHs maybe. We'll see.
Though in the end I suspect all this is a mix of insecurity and laziness. But then again, I got similar issues with gaming (the usual 'cheat, restart without cheat, cheat again, repeat). I might just need to find a way to keep someone yelling "DEAL WITH IT" at me every couple hours. lol

And yeah, I'm working on a commission right now. The top commission is already in final lineart stages. If I kept up, I'd be able to finish it tomorrow...but I know I won't. -.-

So yeah. kthxbai. And achievement points if you actually read all that. o.O

Yeh.

Most of things are pretty much the same. Though my un-artness is at critical levels now. I haven't drawn 'for real' for over a month now (not counting random bored sketches in class). And everytime I even try to think about it, lazyness overcomes me, much like right now. Hell, even 3D art seems like too much of an effort these days. I suspect it's because of two reasons. One, game addiction. Those tend to kill my imagination. I've been playing Okami and Zelda Twilight Princess (wolf overdose!), since I've never finished either. But then I noticed that coming up with random stories before/after sleeping or even fapping fantasies became nigh impossible. My head kept being populated with both of those games, which is yet another hazard to add, in addition to my paranoia over "to cheat or not to cheat?!?!?" BS. I tried cutting some time off yesterday, but that lasted until I sat in front of the screen. Meanwhile, those commissions still stare menacingly at me, college keeps sending me emails about how I'm falling back and those broken-texture anthro models just sit in my hdd crying for fixes. Fwee.

Other than that, just a few issues with meds (healthcare, in here, is horrid. I do mean it.), GF avoiding my sister like the plague, parents going half-paranoid with the mass-firings here (my mom's entire 'sector' in our hometown was fired. Over 2k people kicked out. Thanks Dilma! (a.k.a. Brazil's shitty presidentess)), etc. So...yeah. I need some training with priorities and focus. And possibly just travel somewhere far away without a single electronic, since I lack discipline to ignore them on my own. :c

So yeah. That's that. Move along now. <_<

As per the title, I'll be dropping the non-paid commissions for now and stick with 3 slots (and just so happens 3 of them are paid up). This is mostly because simply looking at that list makes me depressed these days. Not sure some of them even remember being there, honestly. It's been -that- long. x_x
Anyways, if you guys are wondering, the removed people on the slots are  31651 ,  naheleduskwalker ,  pyrewerepyre ,  Sonic_wolfe ,  emilwolf . Sorry guys. But I'll still be doing commissions and hopefully the smaller line will make me less discouraged to get on with it. ^_^v

The second point...well. My sister went on some retarded rant on saturday night after her flash drive with a pirated movie went missing. But she went too far. For example, both me and my father, who are usually kinda hard to get angry (depressed maybe, but not easily enraged) both went berserk. My mom had to intervene and make him stop hitting her, for instance. Me, I noticed something my sister wrote on our family's group in WhatsApp (which includes pretty much everyone in our family) and had to spend sunday and monday cooling down. She wrote -a lot- of crap, some of it targeted at me and our parents, but a lot of it also targeted at my girlfriend, calling her a 'whore', 'goldigger', 'miserable lazy liar', among other crap, along with a pile of plain lies and ignorant claims, like saying we never went to her home or met anyone of her family or that her son was a criminal. All of that is, obviously, plain BS. But what made me really enraged was just that. Me, I'm used to her crap. And I tend to analyze accusations logically, completely laughing them off if they're blatantly false. But my gf doesn't. She's at least twice as sensitive as me, easily going into a flood of tears and days of depression for the smallest things. She actually doesn't know about the crap my sister wrote IN AN OPEN FAMILY CHAT. She might actually go suicidal if she reads that, which is why we're avoiding it.
On the end of the message, the crazie also wrote that my parents 'rejected' her in 'favor' of me and my gf, adding that she 'couldn't wait to be out of this home of idiots', which I was tempted to reply "don't let the door hit you on the way out". We always took that as some kind of natural 'younger kid jealousy'. You know, how the younger kid keeps thinking the elder kid gets more than they do. But she's fucking 22. This episode was so fucking shitty that she left all of us either depressed or enraged, to the point where my dad gave up trying to organize any kind of birthday party (it's his 55th birthday this friday).
And honestly, the absolute worst part for me wasn't that. The worst is how she acts like nothing's wrong, like WE are the 'wrong' ones, like she's entirely right. I could hear her joking and laughing with our maid on sunday and had to close my door and force myself into sleep, or else I'd go yell and probably hit her in the face in a few minutes. Worse than someone who does shit is someone who doesn't admit they did shit.

Sigh. Anyway, that's that. I'll get back to gaming/arting/rendering/studying. e_e

As I mentioned, next week I'll get back to my regular art, especially the commissions, devouring my soul with absolute guilt. The current ones are  kogitsune 's, which had the lineart 90% done and now it's reduced to my last backup sketch ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/2wzxx44qr.....lPass.jpg?dl=0 ) and  sandyn 's, which, at least, is at the same stage I left it before crashing ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/3kqiqtjra.....ramed.jpg?dl=0 ), although it'll probably change a bit, as it's not the final sketch. Other than that, just two pieces of personal art and one I can resume from a screenshot (I can resize the sketch, since the detail loss isn't important on those). And hopefully get to the other ones afterwards, before I start getting epic notes of rage. D:

On a second note, since my psych profile indicated I have an extreme difficulty starting tasks, even if I'm very enthusiastic, My mom's been pushing me into things lately. The first one, as most heard, are the rowing classes/training, 3 times a week (Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays), which I have an extreme resistance to waking up for, leaves me mashed in pain afterwards, but also makes me really satisfied with it all. The second one, which started last week, is a game developer course, which lasts for two years. It's not like college-level or anything, but it's promising. According to the modules, goes from story planning, concept art, 3Ds Max modeling/animating/rigging and bringing it all together with UDK (a.k.a. Unreal Development Kit) and Scaleform. The first class was kind of amusing (a minecraft-addicted 14-year-old, a guy that literally didn't know who Mario was), but the teacher's methods and opinions led me to some 'philosophing'. Or ranting, more likely.

Mainly the fact his focus is 'mobile games are better to learn because they give more money'. You know, the kind of person that believes microtransactions and shitting out 12 games a year are good solely because you get cash. It's true, since most mobile games are shovelware with a ton of ads. The example he showed was a really shitty local game with a horrid soundtrack (think of the crappiest, cheapest gangsta rap ever made) and clipart-like graphics. Except it had 1.2 million downloads. Free, but with ads. Mathematically, the creator got around 180k BRL (Brazilian Reais) out of it. And the teacher encouraged others to make games in 1~2 days for that reason, actually going as far as praising the game known as "Era's Adventure", which is a rather shitty platformer with a very, very clearly copyright infringing character (youtube it and you'll know what I mean) that he somehow maneuvered around the legal issues. Made a pile of cash. Amusingly, those games reminded me heavily of the trash seen everyday on Steam Greenlight. Most of the stuff I laugh at madly on youtube (and particularly, Jim Sterling's "Best of Greenlight Trailers" videos) would be average or even 'great' games on mobile devices. This also reminded me of TotalBiscuit's "Why we can't have nice things" videos I watched just the day before the class, showcasing devs/games that didn't 'sacrifice' their vision or wishes with a particular game, which then became considered to be an innovative, unique classic...but also failed terribly in terms of sales. So I ended up discussing with myself, typically visualizing this slider, with one end being 'profits' and another end being 'originality' or 'artistic vision'. And how that also applies to other things...like my own art. I could be shitting out average-quality porn and TG comics almost daily, maybe even selling those for twice the price I do at the moment. But I guess I'm too enslaved by my own vision to do that. The downside, of course, is that I'm pennyless most of the time, though profit and vision occasionally merge together (would kinda be the case with that "Office Days" comic). In fact, I'm scared of even doing that, since exposing my visions and ideas to many people is -incredibly- discouraging, to say the least. One of my intended ideas for 3D art is making a few pictures showcasing a TFTG aftermath, which is incredibly easy in 3D. Maybe even making mini comics with those, since morph sliders and adapting gender-specific clothing is damn easy in 3D (slide a morph slowly every picture to see the character slowly, as the name implies, 'morphing' into the intended form). But I didn't yet becaaause, you guessed it, insecurity. Hell, if I drew every TG comic idea I've had, this gallery would explode. And it's far worse if it's different themes or stories. That, hilariously, happens with RPing. I take a -long- while to get into it, but once a sense of security sets in, I go all out. |D

So yeah, I'll cut my rant short here. Safe to say, I'm trying to work out this 'insecurity' shit at the moment. A good example is: if I try playing a game, say, Dark Souls, without cheating, I'm quite...reluctant to even start. If I use cheats, or, placebo-style, 'think' I'm using cheats, that gives me a sense of security that allows me to stride all over it or even get addicted. It's the same thing with art. I suspect that, after showing my 3D renders to others, the insecurity creeped in and my production was -severely- diminished. Argh.

Anyways...yeah. That's that. Achievement points to you if you managed to endure my senseless wall of text. |D

Though of writing this one due to the number of doubts I've received regarding the 3D art I've submitted recently. Since it's a WIP, I'll throw some more stuff in as it comes up. And no, I'm not a pro at this so go easy on poor little me. |D~

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1: What software(s) do you use?

Right now, Zbrush 4R7 for sculpting/adjusting geometry (Mostly for clipping/unfitting clothing and hair), Photoshop CS6 for texture editing (Extended editions only) and Daz Studio 4.8 to bring it all together, as it has a truckload of assets (backdrops, props, wardrobe, cameras, lights, rendering features, etc).

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2: Where do you get all your content?

Mostly from Daz's Store ( https://www.daz3d.com/shop ), sometimes other places like Renderosity, Renderotica, ShareCG, etc. Most of these have freebies or sales from time to time. But then again, I also create some things of my own.

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3: Can you make my character?

Not right now. To be honest, my current cougar figure is an adaptation of the default Genesis 2 Female model that comes along with Daz (which is free, by the way). I have RawArt's Cat World bundle ( http://www.daz3d.com/cat-world-bundle-set ), plus a few HD textures, but it's for Genesis 1. So I adapated the body morph first, mainly for their digitgrade feet (better than attaching Creature Creator's feet to a human figure) by using Transfer Utility to give the Genesis 2 model the Cat World models body form. Then, sculpted my own head & neck on top of their face AND the "lion head" morph, also from Creature Creator, in Zbrush. The last step was the texture, as the ones from CC are kind of bland (you can see them in some of my first 3D pictures). I tried using the ones in Cat World, but since they're for Genesis 1, the UV maps are different; a.k.a. I get horrid black spots and seams all over the model, not to mention severe texture misalignment (noses on chins, paw pads on top of shins, etc). So I use Photoshop to import the model and its textures and manually paint/clonetool the figure. In the case of my current one, it's a mix of the HD Sabretooth textures ( http://www.daz3d.com/cat-world-rege.....-hd-sabretooth ), some plain Photoshop brushing and my own details (like the black in the ears, 'cougary' face details, lips and brighter fur on the upper thighs/back).
Anyway, my point with all this is that most of what I have or do is still based or derived on others' work. While that makes it ok for posting, it's not ok for selling, unless I create them myself, from scratch. And I'm not that advanced yet (it's been less than a month since I first touched any 3D softwares, ever). I -might- make a character or two from others, for fun. But not that often. Right now, I'm mostly adapting textures and modeling heads and specific parts (like hands and feet).

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4: Can you teach me to do 3D stuff too?

Nope, since I'm still learning, myself. I actually feel extremely insecure in it, still (amusingly, the title of my latest 'ventish' render). Mostly because...honestly, aside from the aforementioned textures, body parts and geometry alteration, I'm mostly organizing assets from others into a rendered scene. While it's what most 3D artists do (that I see, at least), it's much, much faster than modeling everything by hand, which would be ten times worse than regular 2D art, both in effort and time spent. But I'm still working hard to 'streamline' my texturing and modeling skills, so that at least that part will be original and give me some measure of pride. x3
That said, I do understand why many have doubts with 3D software. I found most of the 3D community to not be exactly...beginner-friendly. Most tend to talk about & refer to aspects that most beginners have no idea about. For example, you wonder why your character doesn't have that 'fur' texture to them. Asking around, you're gonna be asked about your Bump Maps, Normal Maps, Specular Maps, maybe even a LAMH Plugin. So now instead of one question, you have several more (What are these, what do they do, what's their relation to textures, what plugin is that, how do you use plugins, etc). So yeah, it takes some googling to get going. But to get started, Daz itself has several 'interactive' lessons, plus some more in the store that are free. For Zbrush, the best resource I've found so far is Zclassroom ( http://pixologic.com/zclassroom/homeroom/ ), with several dozen (maybe hundreds?) of instruction videos entirely for free. It's very useful, since, at least in my case, softwares like that tend to leave me overwhelmed at first. e_e

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5: Have you used <softwarenamehere>?

Aside from the three mentioned in Nº1 (Zbrush, Photoshop, Daz Studio), I've tried just 3D Coat and RealityPaint, for 3D Texture painting/editing. However, the first left me overwhelmed...and frustrated. The second was buggy, confusing and frankly lackluster. Thanks to a suggestion from a certain veteran in the field though, I'm also trying Autodesk Mudbox right now and might try a few others in time (Blender, Maya, Mari). I've also used Poser, but that's in a veeeeery distant past. And those are just a few. Googling yields tons more softwares, of varied licenses. :3

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GLOSSARY:
(a.k.a. Some 3D terms I've used in the past that confused some people)

-RENDER: The finished 3D image I submit, as opposed to the 'preview' in the software, which is of far lower quality than what you see in the submitted image. Usually, depending on the amount of polygons and lights in the scene, it can take anywhere from 2 hours to 20 hours. The render details also affect the overall time (texture filtering & samples, filters, etc).

-MORPHS: At least in Daz, morphs are different forms you can 'Morph' your object into by using a slider. For example, a regular female body figure may have a "Bodybuilder" morph slider, which you can increase to make the character more muscular, without needing to load a different object (although you can save that object with that morph applied as a new object). It's also very useful because you can create your own. In my case, I modified the original female head to the current cougar head, then saved it to Daz as a morph preset, thus allowing me to turn it on or off as needed. I also used this to adapt the default human female feet to the present digitgrade anthro feet. There's actually many morphs for sale on the Daz Store too.

-ASSETS/CONTENT: I refer to everything I got from online stores AND left unaltered (except basic geometries, due to clipping) as 'Assets' or 'Content' (Daz refers to them as the latter). Otherwise, I just call them custom or handmade.

-FIGURES: Literally, the 'person' you pose around. Can be Human, Animal, Anthro, Robot, Creature, Fantasy, etc. You can even convert other inanimate objects to figures and pose them around.

-RIGS/RIGGING: I don't know how to do rigging myself, yet. But as far as I know, they're the 'bones' within a figure. Without establishing those, you can't pose the figure around because it'll be just one large 'block', so to say. Since I don't know how to do that yet, I stick to modifying an existing rigged figure (in this case, Genesis 2 Female). I'll need to learn it eventually though, in order to create my own figures.

-UV MAPS: They're simply coordinates to make a 2D texture 'wrap' around a specific figure. Since figures are different, UV Maps also are different. Thus, textures made for one map may not fit correctly on a different figure (as I mentioned above). An example of what they look like (the texture must fill or fit within the dark lines): https://www.dropbox.com/s/yfz0qzp6d.....14.10.png?dl=0

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Feel free to ask your own questions here too. O:

I'll admit it, since the HDD failure over 3ish weeks ago, I haven't touched art, at all. I managed to recover about 78 thousand jpg files and 45 psd files...sadly, the only usable psds were two personal sketches and Kogi's comic commission...but only its very first, very basic scribble layer. Even thinking of redoing the lineart puts me in express procrastinator mode. D:

On the other hand though...I've been diving deep into 3D art, at an average of a render per day, save a few days I spent working on texturing, modeling, experimenting, etc. For a clear example, here's a basic picture done in July, 7th:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/t8nww1ncj.....atrol.jpg?dl=0

As you can see, it has no textures. That's because I planned to use 3D mainly as digiart reference, and the textures seemed like too much work, especially when my figure at the time had parts from other pictures, thus making some hideous borders on them. Plus, dat deformed alienlike face.
However, I redid the same picture a few days later, in the 11th. The very same picture, just with some...different stuff:

https://www.dropbox.com/s/jbn7i61xk.....emake.jpg?dl=0

See the difference? :P
I've also occasionally done some pinup-like pictures ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/gxfuped5f.....ting2.jpg?dl=0) , fantasy ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/v4qvnefsh.....emake.jpg?dl=0 ), sci-fi (https://www.dropbox.com/s/bj1bx83af.....rning.jpg?dl=0) , even dark venting ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/sxabem4ta.....allen.jpg?dl=0 ). Hell, even matureish pics involving couples ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/atkc03hq1.....line1.jpg?dl=0 ) or, since the only two people I talk with are fans of it, latex-like characters ( https://www.dropbox.com/s/koh9ae900.....bery2.jpg?dl=0 ).

ANYWAYS, my point is: I think those are good enough to be called art by now and I'm wondering if I should submit them here. My main fear is that the FA rules about 3D art are kind of...vague, even though most of the model and hair/clothing geometries are handsculpted in ZBrush. And also wondering if you guys would like that, seeing as my gallery has been in a coma for a while now. And OBVIOUSLY, I won't sell or make commission of those, at least not yet (might make model commissions once I get the steps down in the future). And the current ones, late and almost-forgotten as they may seem, will still be up.

So yeah...what do you guys think? Lemme know plz. :3
(Oh, and don't worry, everything else other than that is the same as always. xD)

The title is my mild reaction to a 3TB HDD's only partition getting corrupted. The bad is that all jpeg images (my art and all that derives from it), all game screenshots, videos, game setups, software setups, legit software keys, study material, etc. Losing all that is fucking annoying, but I can live with it. It's an opportunity to filter stuff anyway.

But what really, REALLY sucks is that all my unfinished PSD files were also in there. Mainly Kogi's and SandyN's commissions. Especially the former's comic page lineart, which was 90% done. Rrrrgh.

I'll try one last attempt with Parted Magic tonight to recover those lost files. Which is pretty hard to figure out, since the system is linux-based and keeps wanting to save stuff in /root. Where that is, I have no idea since the files in there don't exist anywhere in my entire system if I boot in Windows. But it might be because I had to cancel the recovery process twice and it didn't finish (takes 20+ hours to go through an HDD that large on regular USB, it seems). If that also fails...I'll have to try and play around with the few WIPs and screenshots I still have.

On a separate piece of news, I'm also playing around with Daz3D for art planning/posing and such. Only used it in two pieces (that are now lost. fffff) so far, but plan to use more. It's pretty rudimentary.
(Examples: https://www.dropbox.com/s/zmessc9yn.....Final.jpg?dl=0
and this shitty one https://www.dropbox.com/s/dv16d8alp.....ndGun.jpg?dl=0 ).

On top of that, bad grades in college and the return of the evil kidney pain. My, what a week. -_-

If one reads back on my journals, it feels like all of them are apologies for the lack of art. And this one is no different. :c

Life's the usual. Occasional girlfriend visits, occasional family trips and birthdays, occasional depression, etc. The main thing that kept me from arting was a sudden addiction to the vile, time-raping drugs known as MMOs. In this case, Guild Wars 2. I've opened Photoshop for barely an hour in the past 4 weeks. I just can't actually start. Just keep procrastinating and pushing it to 'maybe later'. Sigh. -.-

However, the guilt of having a dozen undone commissions might catch up and force me into action, like before I tried GW2. We'll see. And hope. :c