I updated below my channel forgot to update my YouTube channel. But thanks to people who supported me on my last channel and meeting a new friend. I somehow regained confidence in myself. I am sorry for my last journal but it stung. But you know what I plan to make my own Vtuber channel in the future. Once I get a PC a good one I'll be doing fun stuff but for now baby steps.;) Till then I hope you all enjoy!

Twitch
Twitch.tv/gogreenranger6

YouTube
https://youtube.com/@sonicthesparta.....2mMlGtWgZfHchC

Your support will mean a lot to me! 🙏

I just went to a server on discord to a favorite channel. I won't say the channels name on discord because the owner it wasn't her fault. I'm still a fan but if she saw that she be disgusted but I told her I will never chat her server again.

I just came to there general sever and said hi with a Optimus prime landing. Just to fit in since they did there's. Well...instead of saying hi they just made fun of him but one said Autism Crime. I told them I have Autism and one responded that's some news. It's not. This is proof why now. This is proof enough how we are treated. It's fucking funny to them? Really? This is what I get for fitting in.

I fucking hate myself I hate living now. I'll never have a life or ever be treated equal none of us will. That really just....I don't care anymore. Heck I don't care if anyone even comments here because I barely get any but a few people who do. If you guys are reading this and don't like Autism people like me under Asperger's....then just unwatch me. I don't care. I rather die alone or just... disappear no one will miss me.

I hate myself....I always will. Love doesn't exist for me. That's proof. Why was I born for huh. So we can be treated as freaks?

Well...i hope something just takes me away cause this world sucks.

How many Valentine's I missed out. All it's doing is making me depressed. First crush ended up cheating and getting her friends to tell me to commit suicide. Then had a friend who defended me and treated me like a brother. She loved me like one then....she turned too. She had new friends and ever since these friends came in. Her attitude changed she divorced her husband by listening to them and played the victim card. She did the same thing too. So for 11 years I had trouble trusting anyone anymore.

Don't get me wrong I did try dating but one decided to control me not seeing my family. Then another pretended to have cancer. Big fucking turn off considering my grandmother died slowly from it. Not a good childhood to remember. I have my best friend still and a few others here but I hardly been talkative because....I'm in a dark place guys. Very dark place and this wasn't the first time I tried to take my own damn life.

Because I asked myself this what's the point...I was bullied my whole life tried doing that as a kid. A girl tricked me of a phone number and they laughed at me. They don't know not even I know I have Asperger's. They couldn't test that at my time till college found that out. If I had found out maybe I wouldn't have been bullied.

Maybe if I saw through my ex I wouldn't feel like this same with my former Ex best friend or sister. The hell with her. If I hadn't met them I would have tried. Love to me doesn't exist soon as your vulnerable like me they get ya. Hit you to that core...no matter how many times of physical pain I dealt with....either it's me or by accident. I barely feel anything of pain....the only pain I ever felt was getting my heart shattered over and iver and over again! They just throw you away like trash cause your either boring or your embarrassed to he friends with someone who has problems. I don't know...I'm just cursed.

I'm just waiting for something to just pull that damn plug for me because I'm god damn coward to do it myself! It's not like anyone cares...I tried talking but to who a doctor last time I did the pills they pop me for depression made it worse. No matter how many times I try I can't trust myself to trust others cause I don't want to get hurt again!

All I am is nothing....nothing. I even ask my God why am I down here what the hell is my purpose here. To be nice and take it...I say he wasted me down her for nothing.

I'm a nice guy I never get in trouble. Hard worker and even helping others. Yet I'm still...alone. To be rejected or lied to...I'm sick of being alone....because the one thing I can never accomplish is what most of y'all have. Someone to love...who loves you back....which I don't know if my last one wasn't real...hell I don't know what is real love anymore. I want kids one day...a good husband. That's my dream...it's a dumb one. I'm 33 and ever since my birthday I had flashes of my ex...and for a few weeks now today I feel....empty...broken.

I'm sorry to you all for reading this. But I don't know who to talk to or say anything to. I want to talk to my parents and brothers but...last time that happened it went down south. I can't even cry anymore of this feeling because I feel nothing. Nothing is what I am. Nothing.

Hope you all have a good time. 🎃

While I'm battling COVID and don't worry I'm getting better just something I need to get off my chest.


To those that have watched me or new here I'm putting this out! Cause this is pissing me off and I know I ain't the only person who is going through it.

If your watching me but only cause you love to rp I want to point out I don't want to just rp I love to make friends. I thought I knew this friend but I won't mention the name cause I'm a better person! I tired of that crap! If your reading this you blocked me for no reason! You even said to me I only am doing this rp and nothing more well sorry but you don't know me well. I want friends! That's what I want. Of course I'll rp with you but if you just see me as that that's just hurting me more. I had friends I thought I trusted! I honestly thought you as a friend but I have to get to know you? Even after I told you what I went through? I find out you blocked me when I wanted to fav your oc drawing you posted and it said I'm blocked by you!? Why?

I bet you can't explain it can you!? I'm tired of this bullshit! Had one pretend she had cancer! She didn't so don't worry karma bit her. Then I had a friend like a sister who actually threw away her old friends and family for new ones and had her new ones to tell me to go kill myself.

I suffer with Autism bullied my whole life with social anxiety. There are days where I get panic attacks where I pass out! I never get close friends because I can easily be picked on or walked all over. I try it here and what do I get!? The same fucking results!

I had thoughts of suicide my whole life and I wished this fucking virus had finished me! I'm tired of being treated like I was nothing to you and others who treat me like that!


I don't fucking care anymore! I fucking hate my life! I fucking hate who I am because I always am treated different and thrown away by people here. Especially when they have a fucking life outside when they work hard to pay the bills! You had the choice to say hey you doing alright no you didn't! You didn't! I did! I said hey.

So to my response to those who wrongfully block me because I'm busy plus battling covid! You have a lot to learn about making friends! A lot to learn! I was there for them but they weren't there for me and I don't ask for that but sometimes I wish for it! Is that selfish of me asking to that!?

Fuck the world I don't care anymore I hope I do die because no one would fucking care if I'm gone. I'm having trouble trusting anyone because I feel they will throw me away like a few in the past had. I just got this happened to me today by someone I thought is a friend! Guess I was wrong!

My fault anyway I'm too stupid to trust or even believe there is ounce of humanity in this fucking world!

Got both my wisdom teeth out today. The one on the left had stiches in and they took a piece of bone out. The right didn't need stitches they said that one was easy. So I'm resting right now on pain meds.


We were talking about Spiderman no way home and doctor strange and after that he said we're done and I was like wait we were talking about marvel. He laughed. Basically I had amnesia from that gap we were talking and I was out and didn't remember that. Wasn't so bad as I thought. XD


I'm letting you guys know I'm hurting on the left and bleeding some more. I just want to say thank you all for supporting me through this and I love all you guys very much.

I'm gonna go rest. I take pics of my face but....I don't think you guys want to see that.

My infected wisdom teeth got infected again and to make it worse. The infection spread to my tonsils and it's swollen like I have strep throat. I'm taking antibiotics again only better ones then the last. These have me a bit of energy for work. I'm sorry for not speaking about when the surgery is. But it will be on May 6th 8:30 in the morning. I'm off for that while weekend even Monday. So till then I'm battling this infection before surgery.


I can't wait to get these fucking things out of my mouth cause I'm miserable with them. @_@

If your reading this then guess what I ain't getting my infected wisdom teeth pulled! These guys are such stingy dicks man. I have dental insurance to cover everything it even says it on my job description. They don't use that till after I pay and procedure? What? What do you mean after? Then they changed it to they cover my teeth for me now and I was like confused cause they told me my insurance can't cover them. They want me to pay over 1400 bucks in cash day one. Wtf! I don't have that money hell no one does. But they go with making up stuff with the pandemic making things hard. Yeah your fancy looking place sure made things hard for you that's for sure.

I was so pissed about this man so pissed the way they aren't gonna help me. Oh they have me liquid they will numb and fight the infection but it will make my teeth turn green maybe permanent and I was like what so about the pain I got to wait two weeks for your doctor to come back from vacation. They said ibproffen.

Seriously they seen I'm in pain and the swelling is more then the issue. I had to pay 80 bucks just to have a talk and blood pressure.

These guys didn't sound like they care at all man. That was fucked up.

Your reading the title right...my left wisdom tooth is really infected and I'm on pain meds and antibiotics. I'm going to get checked Friday and get a date when my oral surgery begins. Two bottom ones are coming out...not looking forward to it but I won't lie it is gonna be terrifying to be out to sleep. I never had that guys no joke never been put to sleep. I know it isn't scary and stuff but the aftermath I know is gonna suck...they told me my jaw bone is slowly decaying. Shit...

When the date begins I will let you guys know.

Okay I have a former friend she knows why that she goes around saying lies about me. Saying people warned her about me? Who is they do you speak of? She got caught in her own lies spreading that her cousin has cancer then she lies and says she has it. Now she tells one of my new friends that her friend died and I get an angry note of her doing her as per usual guilt trip bs like I am the liar. She deleted her account thank God. I have notes to prove to back my story luckily those haven't been deleted cause a part of me feels like this is evidence in case things go sour or crazy.


One thing I hate about people using the internet you don't know if they are telling the truth. When you lie about having cancer that's a fucking turn off on being friends. "Not that I don't care." No I do you just want me to feel sorry for you and let's be honest I don't when spread lies about cancer or people dying.:/

I'm fucking pissed off that fact she had the nerve to lie about saying everyone warned her about me who is fucking they? Now an evil human being would show who I am talking about but no I ain't that your name isn't on this journal! So you can't attack me for this. But you need serious help cause honestly I'm terrified what you will do since I told the truth about you. Now that you deleted your account again for the 100th time you been acting strange doing that. You see a guilty person would do that I ain't guilty.:/

God this world just fucking sucks man!

Can be anything even sexual if you just that.

Butch just passed away today on October 31st 2020. On Halloween day. Right now its been a very very depressing and sad day for all of us to lose a dog very close to our hearts. Butch passed away at the age of 17. He started having these seizures but this one was the worst one he had been constantly getting them now. He had them 4 times on our way to the vet and 4 more while examining him. The doctor said he would not be able to get out of it this time. So my brother Jordan who he is very close to Butch and his dog was given a choice. This morning he was moaning and whimpering but we usually would think he just needed to use the bathroom. But no. It was his time and we were very shocked about it.;( Doctor said even if he broke out of it he would have 2 months to live. They believe he has a tumor since the hurricane Florence hit us 2 years ago which made him go deaf. Jordan I hear him bawling on the phone of knowing what he has to do cause he was suffering. So...he had his 8th seizure when he was being put down in Jordans arms. We lost a very amazing dog but to us he was so much more. He behaves human all the time. He is our oldest living dog we ever got to be almost a quarter of our lives. We plan to cremate him and to get him a urn to put him in with a picture on it.

I wish you all a Happy Halloween and Butch we love you so much and you will be very missed. He is up there right now I hope with Bruiser my boxer and my grandparents. So I know he is safe and we will see him again.

Here is a picture of Butch.

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38970302/

For years I known a good friend of mine who saved me from committing suicide after what my ex put me through. We used to RP and chat more and most of all she see's me like a brother and I never had a real sister. Years later 2020...she creates this server for a group where she can get everyone to know each other. At first I am nervous but I went and tried it out. Her friends don't like me that much I know because the way they talk smart to me but SHE defends them. She went saying I have bad grammar on our RP, but she lies and tells me the real truth that she didn't want to use our characters for it and she didn't want to hurt my feelings. So saying Bad Grammar isn't gonna hurt my feelings. So I wanted to try out my other OC but I remembered her saying I have bad grammar. So I can't really tell anymore. She even RP's with them. Talks to them more then me. When I speak she then proceeds to move on with the others. Its like I am sitting in a group of students who talk and I am just sitting there quiet. So her server group on discord got to the point where its boring and SHE SAID THAT. I want to tell everyone what I did was heroic. I didn't know the women had breast cancer till after helping her. She had a seizure in my store while I was working and the employees panicked except me. Cause I knew what to do and they watched me do it and told them what they need to do. She is okay and instead of the group saying wow awesome. One of her friends is pitiful. Says the word cancer offended him or her. Even the word seizures. When I asked why she deletes my message and tells me to use it on rant. Rant is something to get off your chest? But not to them. So my sister or former friend I don't know anymore really. Attacks me calling me a jerk on her group server and she doesn't feel ashamed about it. So I talked to her privately and she said that he/she ( I don't know if its a male or female.) mother passed away 4 years ago and they were close? Okay? I didn't know that but what the fuck does that have to do what I did? She told me I started the drama and I am like WHAT? First of all that is BS I lost my grandma at a very young age from cancer I watched her slowly pass away from it. But does the word cancer offend me NO! I seen people like that kid use there dead relatives to start drama and attack the person seen it happen before. So she goes ahead and attacks me and I told her the truth that her server is filled with acid people who would start shit. I brought in a few of my friends in there and they said they felt uncomfortable. So she says fuck you to me calls me a hypocrite, and BS while I am sitting here like wtf?

Her and her ex are getting a divorce and I got a good hunch that sever of hers is that reason. Her friends she doesn't know who but is sending death threats to him. Fucked up right? Well she compared me to her ex. Her ex attacked her grandparents how the fuck are we alike? She tells me I can deny it but its the truth. BS.

She said she doesn't feel comfortable being called sis anymore it TRIGGERS her. But she then says I don't deserve to call her that. So she and I wanted a break till we got better.

FUCK YOU!

You got your DAMN FRIENDS ON MY EMAIL AND THEY SENT DEATH THREATS TO ME!!!! I hope one of your friends read this because I know one of your psycho friends of yours had something to do with it! Or maybe your just a part of it. All those things you called me keep telling yourself that BITCH! Your just as bad as what my ex did to me she cheated on me and lied to me! She even got her FANS sending death threats!

I have never been more hurt....my advice to everyone keep your friends close. Because you may never know how far this friendship will go. But sometimes you end up with a heartache.

I am broken in tears after writing this....I TRUSTED HER!

I am sorry for being quiet or dead but I am well...sort of. But I am in the mountains we finally moved out of the beach. Its beautiful here plus a lot of very nice people too. Now reason I been dead sort of you may have see me fav pics and such. But I am texting you all on my Xbox internet. My pc is broken so it will be a while till i get a new one. I am still connected here to my close friends but I miss writing a journal. Anyway I want to wish everyone that I hope your Christmas is well...I know its late but whatever. But you all have a Happy New Year. 2020 Baby!

My birthday was on the 22nd of this month but I had to wait a weeeeeek for this! I got Kingdom Hearts 3 Deluxe Edition! Its awesome guys just....awesome!

This whole year of 2018 sucks really bad. Its been the worst year. Beginning of 2018 after new years, my cousin was murdered by her husband. Soon as I heard her death it hurt me. A lot. She had problems in the past but I guess it runs in the family those who suffer depression. She has it. So do I. That ain't the only thing that's bad, my life working and with friends I felt like some outcast. Before everyone close gets angry or worried please try to understand. I had friends who I won't say there names. I respect them enough to consider them family. Some find my RP's to which we used to but now its like later not into it or my grammar has problems. I been RPing with details and most found me good at it. But some just...they try to have me understand how to type and what should be added like I am in an English class or something. More importantly honesty. Some wern't honest about it so I don't know if most of you are honest if my RP's are good. Heck I was picked on at work of my speech. I was treated like crap there guys. People don't understand about me plus what I go through and I know there are some out there who go through with there learning disability. But...what treat us different? I didn't ask to be born like this. Sometimes I wish I was normal. Maybe things would be different. But no...its not this reality and I hate it. I hate who I am. I have always been a non drinking, non smoking and never did drugs my whole life. But my depression for how I am being treated is getting me close to wanting to drink. Worse the hurricane nearly destroyed our rental house and we almost thought we were gonna be kicked out of the house.

Oh and to top it off I almost died! From a fucking Seizure!

I really hate living...being treated like shit. Its not helping me its making me feel more like shit. Typing this has put me in tears. I know I am about to be 27 in January and I should grow up about it. Everyone corrects me or becomes honest to me in a way that hurts my feelings.Its like I have to be perfect? And I mean PERFECT.

Happy New Years Everyone...

Yes I am still here everyone! Sorry for being so quiet or dead or something.>.>; I had some ups and downs for a while that I had to handle on my own plus with work too. Cause of the Hurricane but now its all calmed down now and I can finally have a bit a break from work. Plus I got a week off this week.xD

I did get some goodies too!X3 Hope you all have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I am alright guys but sadly I didn't go to a doctor to meet. Things are getting really crazy and bad. Well reason is well....half the town maybe most where I live and even those who live in the East Coast. Were gonna be getting hit by a Hurricane Category 4. Its strong from what I been seeing on the news. Atlantic Beach which is right next to me where I live. I live in Morehead City. The Carolina's is gonna get hit hard by this thing and me and my folks. Right now we hardly have enough money to leave nor do we want to leave everything here.

Sheesh first my haunting nightmare and now this. We have a power generator we are borrowing till the storm has passed. So if you haven't been hearing from me I am trying to get better and help a little as I can so we can be prepared.

If I missed you guys letting you know this well here you go. In case the power goes out I can't get on here.

But we lived in the East Coast our whole lives and I know SOME of you guys or most have already dealt with this before. But just in case stay safe. Its gonna suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck with no freaking power.

This title is not a joke. I told my closest friends so...I figure talking about this with everyone who reads my journals should know. I am still scared ever since Wednesday ago.

Wednesday I was playing a game For Honor with my little brother Jack. We were gonna start until well....everything went black. When I woke up I see dad and mom in tears with a group of paramedics. I was still dazed and confused. One of the paramedics explained to me I had a huge seizure and I was lucky. Because the table was only a few inches away from my head. Also I bruised my chin. I must have had it while I stood up and fell forward on my face. Apparently I almost died from this guys....

I couldn't get it out of my head nor could I sleep because of what had happened to me. Heck I am even scared to go to sleep because what if I don't wake up!?

Apparently what caused it was my blood pressure being so low. Also the reason is I may have Diabetes cause this. So Monday I hope to meet a doctor to check on me on this.

The hype is on guys!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ye84Zrqndo

No offense but this holiday is just rubbing my face. Even to those who are single. Not really into it.>_>; I wouldn't mind a card from a friend here and there. But for all this lovey dovey stuff it just makes me feel depressed. Hard part is when you work at Food Lion you see all that EVERYWHERE!

So....I guess Happy Valentines day and....yeah.

I turn 26 today!:D Happy with what I got from my folks.c:

I had an amazing Christmas and my folks spoiled me this year since Fall Semester is my last.:3 I got 7 video games. Wow right? This is what I got.

Sonic Mania Collectors Edition ( I love it!!! Best Classic.)
LA NOIRE Switch ( Didn't get an SD card for it but got it as an early birthday present.)
Super Mario Odyssey Switch
Assassins Creed Origins Gold edition Xbox
Player Unknowns Battle Grounds Xbox
CupHead Xbox
Super Lucky's Tale

Great games I got guys. Best of all I am graduation this May! So soon I will get pics of me in my gown and getting my diploma. After 5 years I did it! I honestly am crying right now typing this. I been PUSHED so hard guys, I had teachers in regular school tell I can do it while some tell me I can't cause of my learning disability. Well those who doubt me....FUCK YOU. I did it! It feels soooo good to prove those who put me down and tell me I can't but I can I would rub it that in there faces. Even a couple of teachers at my college who are well...jackasses. But that didn't stop me. I had help and with this degree I am getting I am getting a Bachelors next. Top that off my little brothers Jack and Jared the twins just turned 17 sunday ago. Now I turn 26 on the 22nd!:3 After so much depression and so much hard work I am glad I did.

But I also want to thank everyone here! You all had put up with my journals of how hard it is and stuff. I like to thank you all for supporting and believing in me! I don't consider you guys just friends. I consider you all as a family to me. Thank you for all the help and I love everyone here!;w;

Hope everyone has a Happy New Year! And left something behind on 2017!<3 I did though.X3 To 2018!!!

Want to wish everyone a very and healthy Christmas!<3