Okay.. so, yes I am still alive.. A TON of stuff has been going on over the summer. My last journal here was done 4+ months ago.. Last thing I did was an auction and then, well, nothing since aside from fave art that caught my eye mostly...

So, what have I been up to? Well, my grandmother passed away start of the summer, she's now in the Afterlife with my grandfather, they're finally reunited together. I found that after she went, both of their passing affected me more then I'd realized. I'm very standoffish about death in general. People might see it as cold, but that's not the case. For me? I believe it's a necessity to return to where one came from. In this case? Earth. We came from Earth, we must return there to renew the Earth so new life can flourish. It's a part of the life cycle. I still am detached from the super heavy emotion of it and I can't really change that. The part that hurts, is simply.. missing them. I am glad they don't suffer anymore. I am glad they are at peace and I am glad they lived a life they both where more then satisfied to have lived. They got to see their children's children's children. They told us not to be sad when they're gone, because they'll be glad to have had the life they did, with the family we have and we'll all meet again on the other side, should we be destined.

So, in light of this, I've taken time to focus mostly on just.. finding the self. I'm totally at peace with it, but I don't think I will ever stop missing them. They where extremely beautiful people who accepted me for me, not someone I wasn't. In loving memory, I love you both and as grandpa always said.. 'Keep Smilin!' I will never forget that.

*Deep breaths* Ahh.. so what else have I been up to? Nothing super special, aside from general work and help with tobacco growing, gardening, tomatoes, fruit gathering, wood winter prep.. I decided to put more thought into my creative side on Second Life..

An old friend has helped me iron out things, make the store actually look professional (I just couldn't be arsed at the time) and gave me the actual PUSH to just.. get it done. It was literally.. 'here's some graphics, put these in'. No discussion. JUST DO IT! (ahhh see what I did there? :P )

I love painting as people know, I love to color, so making texture mods is the best avenue for me to do stuff like that and share it with other people.

The store is called Aten'Ka [Sun Soul] the name was one I had for a roleplay character I never got to use much, but I loved the name and have had it for quite some time. I was delighted to find it wasn't in use and titled my store after it because it just really seemed to fit well.

LINK TO MAH STORE! https://marketplace.secondlife.com/stores/170486

I've had people ask 'what about different colors' for my Solarian mods.. I initially did not want to because I enjoy the more natural vibe.. but, I will consider the option of offering a few hues. I just don't have oodles of Linden Dollars to upload them all, each set is 12 textures :< It gets pretty pricey if one is not careful!

As said, I'll think about it.. and I think I've written enough for now! :)

In about 6hrs, I will be closing the Creature Auction I had posted a few days ago.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16306670/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16306670/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16306670/

If anyone's curious and wants to take a look.. Even though majority of journals tend to be ignored ha! This is why I am posting one last reminder!


Gods.. I hate dealing with foreign time zones.. I previously put 4 hours or so because I'm on EST time zone.. blarg. *fixed it*

My first solo experimental auction is less then 24 hours before closing bids.

No idea if people are interested but it can't hurt to bump this a bit in case some folks missed it and may like to take a look.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/16306670/

I like the update appearance wise.

It feels more crisp and not 'out of date' color-wise. I use the dark look personally, it's easier on my eyes.

The things I would change if I could?

1. UI scale is too large. It needs to be halfed, with a large monitor and a high resolution I feel as if it's still too large and my screen isn't quite big enough for it.

2. I'd like to be able to decide the order of content boxes. Submissions, Journal etc.

3. Statistics and profile information should be short and sweet in the top banner where the profile image is, but that's just me and I prefer order rather then having information spread all over the place.

4. I enjoy the larger preview of thumbnails when mousing over, but the recent submissions or past submissions of X number are too far spaced apart and just seem too far spread out and could stand to be tightened up and closer together to make it feel more organized rather then just kinda thrown in.

Aside from that? I don't mind it.. I haven't done much surfing or anything beyond my normal checking my own profile and a few other folks' journals and I'm sure I'll find more things that could stand to be updated or addressed.

Also, yes, I'm still alive. *waves* Hi! :P

Love you all, hope your weekend is going well!
~Feng

They're calling for shitty snow Nov 1st... thankfully it won't last.. but that doesn't mean it's welcome!

GET LOST SNOW!

Soo I haven't done squat in awhile... decided to collab with a friend.

This will appeal to the dragons and reptilian sorts that may watch me :) It also has that fiery flare, one of my favorite things to paint with a great comic art style edge to it. Really happy with how it turned out.

Check it out over here at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14806881/

ALL the information is in the link above. :D

This is a Collab between myself and  Smooshkin

Basically what the title says.. Working on a scribble sketch of an avatar I'd like help making..

I know there are FAR more capable and knowledgeable people on here who know where to get parts and pieces and bits.. and stuff..

I have this mental image I'd love to construct of a bulky, muscle-ish?... Reptilian humanoid of sorts and perhaps some folks have ideas. I been thinking of making this character for awhile and it's about time I get started..

First thing's first. The sketch, working on it now, but I have a hard time sticking with a reptilian/dragon-like head?.. Or going with a more human face.

I'd like it to be mesh for the most part.

What I want is stupidly simple.. if I could make the mesh body myself.. but seeing as I can't even figure out any programs I'm kinda at a loss.. I'll have to do it the hard way, via modding parts together and making a custom texture set for it.

Anyone know friendly folks with some patience willing to help me out?

Edited: Figured I'd clarify this is for Second Life..
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14757427/ is the image sketch I made to give an idea..
Update 1: I MAY.. have an avatar builder interested.. and if so, it may become available to public too.. we shall see. :D

... got a phone call while I was out helping my father in the shop. My buddy Martin was found dead on the floor at his girlfriend's house. We knew he had huge health problems, severe ones.. but we didn't think he would just.. expire that fast.. He had appointments to get some work done to help improve his health situation too, such a shame.

He was only mid-20's. Seems lately that a lot of good people are being taken from this planet.

R.I.P. Martin

:S

I been sporadic but that's the joy of summer months.

We've been working our tobacco and the picking/curing process has started, we just continue crossing our fingers each time weather systems bring storms that what we've spent all summer growing won't be wiped out. They really don't do well with hail. Shreds it like tissue paper.

Wood has been spoken for by us, 10 bundles, 200 dollars, we've got to cut it and do some modifications to the property/house so we can store it. Last year sucked, having to go out to the shop every 4-6 hours to bring it in the house by arm-load.. This year we're going to change that up, building a proper wood wrack in the front porch so we'd only need to bring wood from the shop once a week, rather then multiple times a day.

House repairs need to get finished, changing out old bricks for new bricks and filling cracks and seams where parts fell out from age and weathering, tightening up the windows and changing out wood bordering. Then we get to bag them all and seal off the double basement doors to cut the draft. Old school house, these places are EXTREMELY drafty and weren't built with the intention that people live in them, but hey, it is what it is and it is home.

This is more or less a list of 'to do' crap for me... really.

First week of September I go to see about a surgery in the city, been fighting for this surgery for the past 2 years now and I may get stuck paying out of pocket for it in the end because I'm tired of their bureaucratic bullshit and will not be subjected to the embarrassing treatment of CAMH in Toronto ever again so I get it covered via government health care. As they say? Money talks, bullshit walks, this is true even in Canada when it comes to getting shit done medically.

Got a dentist appointment second week of September, then end of September I have to do an ultrasound for my liver.. yay.. A waste of tax payer's dollars doing that in all honesty... I'm fat, so of course my liver will be fatty. It's an EXTREMELY COMMON THING and my doc already knows this crap ANYWAY.. yet decided to have me set up a waste of time appointment for it. Swear they just want to pad their wallet as they get paid for all these appointments...

Then more blood work come October.. I'm REALLY sick and tired of being stabbed for blood. Like.. REALLY tired of it.

This summer alone I've probably had a total of 10 blood tests done, most back in June and early July.. and I'm getting real cranky now. Doesn't help they seem to think my hormone level is 'too high'.. yet the lower they keep taking it? The most annoyed, irritable I am becoming. You'd think that would be reverse considering I'm on Testosterone...

Art stuff is kinda.. slow. It's more of a 'when I feel like it' sort of thing. People may have noticed I've done a few things for Jakthedrox a week or so ago. A few things of my own as well.. as well as things people don't see at all. I made a texture set for a friend and holy god.. talk about frustrating. Muscle mesh bodies, GOOD LUCK trying to get scales to line up and not distort.. I tried it on separate layers for arms and lower legs and yeah.. It looked like total ballsac and I am not going to do crap work... so those layers ended up in the trash. The base body textures look really good however. May or may not post those on FA later..

Gamessss time, well, Warlords of Draenor is due out mid-November, that leaves 3 months of twiddling my thumbs I guess. Bored out of my tree with it as it stands currently, got into a raid, did great the one night then last night failed.. for some reason. Perhaps it's because every fucking time adds phase happened on Nazgrim, I KEPT BEING TARGETED BY ROGUES. I was told like.. stun, bash, etc etc from them.. dude, that shit would all be on CD because people took FOREVER to kill the Warshamans that spawned.. and I can only take 2 hits from these rogues... before -I- die. They just say 'oh don't turn your back to them!' well no shit Sherlock.. THEY STILL WILL KILL ME ANYWAY even facing them.. unless I go bear form and? Do no damage. Yep.

Oh but your ilvl is this and I know so and so who can do huge numbers in the same ilvl! Yes.. but you FORGET that SAME person has played said class/spec since the START over TEN years ago, I just picked it up this year? They also have their legendary quest done and would've LAST TIER.. so that means they WENT INTO the current tier.. WITH THOSE ITEMS that I do not yet have on that character... >>;

I swear, people don't.. stop and think. Blizzard tuned Siege around that legendary set AND broken OP warlocks (thus no nerfs to them and blizz confessed to it being so.)

I dunno, it kinda put me off, I got told 'stop thinking about what's holding you back, and think about what you can do to change it' well shit dude, I know what's holding me back. I lack the multri-strike trinkets as a balance druid, without my meta and poorly itemized gear, I also cannot reach the second haste break point which is DOUBLE what I got currently.. and the cloak too, huge dps increase, is just non-existent. OF COURSE my dps is gonna suck balls. I swear.. people who DO NOT know the class inside and out should just stick to the bloody role they fill. This person is just a tank. He's always been.. a tank, at best? He used to play a shadow priest.. but mainly, just a tank. Stick to it, please.

Perhaps it's a sign I should just stick to what I know best.. Elemental shaman, Feral cat druids, hunters and death knights and say fuck it. I would love to find a raid group of friends.. rather then strangers who think I should just shit out 350k dps with an ilvl of 552 on a balance druid without the gear setup for it.

Wellll yesterday morning I was in a semi-awake lethargy in my bed and then I seen this.. huge shimmer? Of light and dark over my window and heard the most odd sound ever.. Sounded like one of those bad dubstep songs you hear now n then the whole 'wubwubababooom' sound of something hitting the house.

Turns out a surprise storm arrived and I slept through all of it, except for the part where the tree fell against the side of the house my room is on.

Crap wood poplar took with it one of our prized cedars, destroyed the arbor and cleaned the face plate off the telephone box not far from our power line into the house. Line was okay, the phone was okay.. we get fiber anyway but that box was the copper loop they made that supplied the shop with phone access. Found the plate, gotta see if I can't pop it back on to protect it from any rain, they're calling for more thunderstorms today.

People often wonder why it is you see people buy land then clear all the trees off majority of it, especially if there are going to be buildings etc placed there. Well, trees hitting your house could flatten it, damage it, hurt people or worse.

A few years back we had a terrible down burst that took the one tree from it's mate and left the one standing, guess yesterday morning it decided it wanted to go to tree heaven with it's mate as it decided to fall over and uproot... on my house lol.

Thankfully, no one got hurt, damage was minimal, though our tobacco crop .. is kinda buggered. Nothing like making 200x 4 foot stakes to hold up the plants now. The wind I guess was strong enough it didn't bust the plants but it bent them and almost yanked them right out of the ground.

We seem to get a lot of bad luck weather here these days. Each year it gets worse, sometimes you're lucky and have a solid good summer like last year, but get a terrible violent winter in the off-turn that lasted too darn long.

Ahh wells, yes, I'm alive. Spent a lot of time doing damage control and clean up, yesterday it was soo darn hot that I came in and passed out/went to bed REALLY early.

At least I got in my contest entry, I got one more design to come up with before the end of July for the Kzk contest. Really not sure which I will come up with for that. Got a tattoo I did for my friend Aii to post as well. She's a lovely person with a good heart. Kind lady should you come across her at her store or rp sim on second life.

Also, other news, been watching closely the WoW beta and waiting on my key for entry. Really not sure which class I will chose to 'main' or if I won't just do it as I usually have and just play... everything! :D

Still alive, things just been super slow.

Needed a better outlet so I decided.. to try and rp some after reconnecting with some people I consider to be awesome friends on Second Life. I been really enjoying my time hanging with them over the past month or so.

Might do some more art of other forms my character has taken so far, maybe not. We shall see.

I haven't had any real activity in a long while.. Why?...

I lost my grandfather Feb 13th, 2014. The man who supported me through the trials and tribulations of transition and he and my grandmother both nurtured my creative spirit and everything in between, the good, the bad, and the ugly.. everything. Their love was unconditional.

Anytime they needed something, no matter what, or when, any crazy hour.. we ran to help.

He dropped from a severe stroke that took out half of his brain and left him a lethargic vegetable and they pinned us with the decision of removing the feeding tube we had him set up with at the hospital. The call was made and for two weeks of silence from the hospital, we get the call that it 'won't be long now'...

That night I couldn't sleep at all. At 6:30am I told dad mom would be getting an early phone call and at 6:45am we watched the stars in the early morning light and then 7am struck.. wind hit the house with a force to be reckoned with and a full out blizzard to the likes we've never seen hit here.. and I said 'He's gone.' Sure enough 7:20am we get a phone call announcing his passing from the hospital.

It's been pure hell.. dealing with the aftermath. You have family rubbing hands together eyeballing $$$$ and I find it purely.. disgusting.

Then I find out after my folks get back from going to my grandmother's prepping her for moving.. that my uncle's gold digging ~censored~.. walked off with something that doesn't belong to her.

A promise was made to me sooo soo long ago and I've never, ever forgotten it. I realize I'm not a girl, but the jewelry was mine. An opal set in gold, necklace, earings and ring. I can still remember sitting on the couch here in the family home and her showing me them and telling me 'you will get these when you're older because they're our birthstone.'

It was something EXTREMELY special to me then, and still is. This uncle of mine and his 'new wife' don't grasp the concept of sentimental value.. and these items are worth no money value to me. All the money in the world could never.. ever buy them, much less replace these things and I just am shattered...

To find out this ~beeeep~ took what was mine... Material junk doesn't eat me.. but this, this has me on verge of tears for some reason and I am so.. frustrated and upset. I don't know what else to do or think.

This is why I'm not active -anywhere-.. I been playing a little Final Fantasy 14 the past few weeks, thanks to a dear friend for getting it for me to help distract my mind from the choas.. but now this has just made my day. The little token that mattered so much to me because of the raw symbolism.. and sentiment is just.. gone and I'll never get it back.

Devastated.. and depressed. x.x;

I'm sorry if this is stuff no one wanted to read.. but I really needed someplace to just write. Figured my journal was a good enough spot for it.

I've had a Weasyl account for a while.. Since so many are jumping ship over drama, may as well post the link.

I only post here and there at this time.

Figure may as well update the other gallery so people who decided to leave this place will be still able to find my stuff.

https://www.weasyl.com/~fengzhou

... I had one apparently.

Never in my life have I ever 'got something terrible' like this before.

I've had minor itchy from medication before and ended up discovered to be allergic to penicillin and sulfa drugs. No biggy..

Well this, is something worse. I suppose since they say check back 2 months of what you've taken and I got desperate for antibiotics and took a few amoxicillin for a tooth to take the edge off until I got to the dentist to get a proper prescription. Guess I won't be doing THAT again.

I ended up getting the minor version of erethyma multiforme.. however it's spelled... Body broke out in horribly itchy welts that progressed to little pale rings. Got a fever that lasted over 2 days and made me feel like I'd been beaten black and blue by aluminum baseball bats.. Muscle and soft tissue was hateful. Couldn't stand sitting for long, and couldn't stand laying in bed long either.

SO far.. I'm glad it's over. Still got some blotches on my skin but they're rapidly healing. This took me out for almost a week. Didn't help I was snowed in for 6 days (right when this crap started).... Gods only knows what would've happened if I needed hospital ER right away. I'd probably be dead. 6 feet of snow would've said so, along with zero plows keeping roads clear despite town only being 15 minutes away.

So my last art piece was kinda 'eh'.. but that's what I get for working on it here n there when all messed up.

On the road to mending now.. thank god.

Game of Thrones theme sung by a cat... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEg4SEch27w

This had me in tears it was hilarious :D I had to share this!

... for sending all their stupid snow up here to Ontario!!

Another big ass storm on it's way, landing this afternoon. Then for the next five days we got nothing but storms and strong winds.

I don't think we've had windchill temps reach between -25'C to -40'C in a LONG time here. USUALLY our winters are fairly mild (hover around freezing at 0'C) or dip just a bit lower then that.

It never 'hurt' to touch a steel doorknob until yesterday when I went to bring in firewood for the night. Jeeze!

This song just ignites my inner fire...

Hall of Fame - Will.I.Am. Sick of seeing soo many people come down on everyone for being different, being real, being whatever.. and this is a really positive uplifting song that makes the heart sing for me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jukv9Q1eR2g

Sour fuzzy peach gummies are goood.

Kinda sad I ate most of the stuff I got for Christmas... suppose it's a good thing I got 25 dollar certificate for the dollar store... Hello junk food isle, here I come!... Tomorrow. LOL

To those who celebrate it. :)

Myself personally, I just enjoy the quiet and sitting on my duff. I could go out, but I don't feel like paying for overpriced drinks at the bar rofl..

Sooo hard out it sticks to the glass.. not just the screen.

Save me from this frozen hell lol...