So lately, I’ve been seeing lots and lots of hate all over the internet… Maybe all over the real world, too, but I don’t get out much. Why is that, though? I don’t get it… Like, we were doing pretty good for a while! Not awesome, but okay… We were headed in the right direction, where people were starting to get along, and people were trying to be more inclusive or whatever, but now… Everyone is so dead-set on being unique and special, both as individuals, and everything else, too, that we’re becoming exclusive instead. Again.
I’ve seen so many problems with all the different races, and genders, and sexualities, and… Everything and anything that can make someone different. You can’t even praise someone else’s race anymore without being a racist. I saw someone say you can’t do anything having to do with the Day of the Dead because it’s strictly a Hispanic thing and it’s insulting to them. You can’t celebrate foreign holidays, or appreciate their styles, or… Anything, anymore, apparently. Except white people. Have at white people. Attack them all you want. That’s still racism, though, and people seem to forget that.
As for genders… Transgender, agender, cisgender… Fine. They’re all fine. None of them are wrong… So why do people from each “group” have to attack everyone else? I’ve seen transgendered people attack cisgendered people just for having genders and sexes that line up. What’s so gross and awful and terrible about that?
Sexualities, I don’t even have to go into… They’ve been a problem for as long as sexualities have been a huge thing… I still don’t understand why people have to attack others over them, though… I mean, who are they hurting by loving who they love?
I also don’t understand feminism. Feminism is awesome. Feminism is great. Women are people too! Absolutely! But the people that take it way too far have managed to ruin feminism. I didn’t even think that was possible! Feminism isn’t about “women are better than everybody else and we should kill all men”. Feminism is about “women are people too”. Feminazis scare me. A lot.

I’ve heard a lot of people that are minorities, and women, and transgendered, or gay, or… whatever, and things like that, attack “cis, white, men” really, really hard just for existing. I’ve heard them attack the three individually a lot too. “OH YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND OUR STUGGLE AND YOU’VE NEVER HAD TO WORK A DAY IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND PAIN”… Whining like that and attacking people isn’t going to make anyone want to understand you… It’s going to make people dislike you… And everyone knows pain. I mean, I’m cis and white, so I’ve got two out of the three horrible, awful things down, right? But I’m still looked over for jobs, and I’m ignored, and scoffed at for being big. Obviously, the people that attack the cis, white, men don’t really know any cis, white, men. Most of them are miserable. They work so hard to put up this façade of functionality and normalness that they don’t have time to be an actual person. They all have someone that hates them, someone they hate, someone they love that’s disappointed in them… Everyone knows pain, and I hate the people that say they’re the only ones that do.

As the child of a hippie, all this hate makes my heart hurt so, so badly, and it’s all uncalled for. Why not, instead of attacking people we don’t know, and wasting our time driving wedges between everyone for every little thing that’s different… We just focus on weeding out those jerks that are actually bad to people? The people that do things for nothing other than to hurt other people?

Eh… I dunno… Just thoughts… I hate hate.

Hope everyone has a great day of hotdogs and hamburgers and fireworks! I'll be cooped up in my house getting mad at my neighbors for setting off fireworks for the rest of the day and scaring my pets, but that's okay. (It'd be more acceptable if it wasn't all month they did it. |:c )
Um.. Yanyways, hope everyone else has a great day with family and friends. <3


On a side note... My birthday is in like, two months. Idk how to handle almost being 21..

So... I fucked up today and burned the pad of my index finger, which is where my pen rests when I'm drawing, and where my finger hits the keys when I'm typing, and both hurt to do unless I have a bandaid (which only helps a little bit) on my finger, and that only helps with typing.. That makes drawing impossible.

Unfortunately, it'll be a few days at least until I can get any new art up, commission or otherwise.. Gotta wait until it blisters all the way and I can get it open and on the way to healing.. ;A;

The last journal was short and dumb so... let's see...

-Well, my hunt for a computer has been set back about $60 'cause I decided I'd use the money that I was given for (thank you Drak <3) what it was given to me for and I got Mario Kart 8 and I'm terrible at it but it's amazing. (If anyone wants to play with me lemme know so you can kick my butt.)

-I apologize for all the sketch pages lately, but they're really... therapeutic? I guess? Like, I've been hating my art a lot lately. Drawing hasn't been fun for me in a long time, simply because I've been running myself into the ground with it. I try to make everything into a finished piece and so nothing feels special and so I hate everything I do... but, these scribbles are different, because they're scribbles. Like.. I'm not trying as hard. I know they're not going anywhere, so I'm not pushing myself and I'm not trying to make them perfect and it feels really really good to do them. <3

-I don't think I ever apologized for the sudden jump (lol) from the goat to the bunny, but I have fallen so damn hard for this stupid rabbit. So.. if anyone was wondering who that is or where she came from... That's my 'sona. That's Toby. Yeah. She was supposed to be a dirty/porn fursona and... that didn't last. She just kind of got turned into a full on 'sona.

-I had strawberry milk today for the first time in years and it was amazing.

-I don't know if I ever announced this but my mom finally got to ring the gong at the doctor's office that we were going to every couple of weeks.. That's how they signal that the patient is fully healed. I don't remember if I ever announced that... But... yeah! She's done. I don't have to do wound cleanings n' packings anymore, and she doesn't have to go into the wound clinic anymore. She still hasn't started trying to get back into the work scene yet, so we're still a little tight on money, but we're finally free as far as that goes~ This happened a while ago, and... I don't know how I forgot to say anything about this... shit. Did I? Shit. Whatever.



And last but not least, Faith is sexy.




Okay. That's enough updates. That's all I can think of to say... Yeah. c:

woah
woah
woah
what
woah



i was watching my watches

i was at 995 last time i looked. where did i get ten of you.





(this is a mandatory 'i have 1000 watchers now' journal btw)

Finally.. Lol.

Uh... Yeah. All the different types are open. c:


BUT, there is a change, PLEASE READ!!

This is something that was mentioned only in a previous stream, and may or may not be a bit of a surprise to some of you. For a long time, I've avoided drawing multiple "kinks" that I've been asked about, just because I'm personally not into them. I've decided to finally change that~

More tame kinks, like diapers and gas are finally moving off the 'no' list, where they resided simply because they aren't something I like. If you want to know about anything that's been moved around, go ahead and ask! (Scat, watersports, and used diapers are still no, just to get that out of the way beforehand.)



Comment here or note for a slot~<3

A new computer.

This one that I've been using is slowing down... It's getting older, and while it's behaving better than it was when I was forced to start using it a few months ago, it's still not... amazing.


I'm shooting for a computer that's $650 before shipping and handling and all that jazz. It's got a huge screen for higher quality art, and is a faster, stronger computer, so hopefully it'll be able to handle Livestream as opposed to Join.Me, which would help me out considerably.

I've found in the last few days that I really, really enjoy in-stream commissions. Not just that I enjoy them above "normal" commissions, but I enjoy them by themselves, just for what they are. I love that the commissioner is right there as I do it, and I get the feedback immediately, and don't have to wait hours between finishing the sketch and getting the okay to work further on it. I love how... Quick everything is, and it's much less stressful and causes me exponentially less anxiety than normal commissions.

Unfortunately, however, Join.Me only allows 9 viewers, and the host. Who knows how many potential customers I'm missing because they can't get in! With Livestream, this limit is like, 50 or something, so it wouldn't be a problem anymore~

Now, I'm still going to be taking out of stream commissions, of course, because they bring in money, but I would still love it if people would spread the word about my streams as they come up!


ANYWAYS, back to the computer! I'm gonna save up to around $700, just to give myself a little wiggle room. I'm going to need to take commissions, both in stream and out, to be able to hit this goal, and I want to afford it as soon as possible.


Thank you for reading, and if you can help, or know someone who can, please point them in my direction!

So.. There's a few people that send notes just to chat.. And lots of people are fine with that, but personally, it makes me really, really anxious. I'd appreciate if it would stop... Especially if you have my Skype. If I'm not online, it's a good sign I don't want to talk, and noting me just puts me in an uncomfortable situation..

I can either not open the note, and ignore and avoid it entirely, and the person will know I haven't opened it and am avoiding opening it because I'm still favoriting and posting things, or.. Or I can open it, and not answer, and the person will know I opened it and avoided answering and feel ignored anyways and it makes me feel bad either way...

I'm really not a social person. I really don't like talking to people all that often.. I even avoid my closest friends a lot of the time, and while it's easy to just... Not sign onto an instant messenger, I can't avoid a place that I conduct business, and I just... It makes me uncomfortable...

I can't close notes completely because I need them for easy access to commissioners, but if I can't fix this, I'll switch over to where I'll close notes entirely and ask commissioners to send me emails directly.

I'm sorry if this seems rude, and I hope I explained the situation it puts me in well enough that I don't come across as too much of a jerk, but... I would really appreciate it if notes that exist simply only to start a chat would stop.

So, I know it's happening very, very slowly, but this batch of commissions is going to be coming to a close within the next month or two.

What I want to ask, though, is that having a somewhat steady "income" is very, very helpful, but the anxiety of having to work on full on commissions (shading is hard.. ;A; ) is hard on my mind.. But, I think I could handle "smaller commissions. I could do quick sketches and doodles, which would be much faster to pump out, if anyone would be interested in them? They'd be maybe.. $10 a piece.. A bit more for multiple characters.


Maybe I should put up a couple example sketches first?

I started a nuzlocke run on X the other night and I just started loving on my Braixen in amie and just... That little happy wiggle he does... The sound I made... I've never seen anything so cute....;o;

Can someone help me get a slingshot please

(And yes i'm still working on the doodles from the last journal x3 )

Respond to this journal with a number along with a character of your choice (The options are the goat, Rei the skunk, my furfrou, and the floofeon, or the miltank because all the rest of my characters are too big or monstery for clothing yay) and I’ll draw up the ensuing ensemble! (If the character chosen wouldn’t wear the option given… go ahead and sub in something else!)

DRAW YOUR CHARACTER WEARING…

1. Underwear
2. Casual clothes
3. Work uniform
4. Night clothes
5. Swimwear
6. Formal gala garb
7. Lounging, lazy-time stuff
8. A party outfit
9. Date night threads
10. Something outdoorsy
11. Interview outfit
12. Tourist/travel wear
13. A costume!
14. Their sick day scrubs
15. Summer clothes
16. Winter clothes
17. Um, spring clothes?
18. Why not - fall clothes!
19. Workout wear
20. Last minute throw-ons
21. The most expensive thing they own
22. A fig leaf

Feel free to add, subtract, or alter as you please to fit your character bunch!



I found this on tumblr but since I have like.. 10 followers, I wouldn't get any responses, so... I decided to try here.. ;u;

Why do people that have a bunch of characters and roleplay say 'this character is in a a closed relationship so you can't roleplay with them'? That's like.. That's like saying once someone's in a relationship they're not allowed to go do anything.. Or am i just the only person that doesn't think roleplaying always has to be dirty?

I see this a lot and I think it's dumb. |:c

I apologize for that journal. I've just been having a really difficult time motivating myself and finding time to just.... sit down and draw... I've been finding it really hard to trust that what I'm drawing is any good, and I feel bad showing any of the sketches that I do to my commissioners, just because I don't think they're good... But... Here's where I need your opinion.. and if you know any of the commissioners and don't think they've looked at this, please ask them:
Do you care about the wait? I know it's been a while now... I know it's already been a wait... but none of you have complained. If it means the best quality you can get from me... do you mind the wait?

This is exactly why I told you I didn't want you to... I have one sketched out.. The one for lonewolf, and he's the only one that should have paid... Now I have the others... And I have to offer refunds with money I don't have. I can't do this... I can't draw... It's emotionally draining to even think about drawing for myself... Like I told Faith last night, I'm shutting down emotionally and I can't keep doing this... I'll refund the fifty some odd dollars I owe when I have it... I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry I'm being disappointing. I'm just... I'm sorry...

Because I've had a few people ask... I have been thinking a lot about them. I am closing them now. I will finish what I have on my list, but I will not be accepting anymore. Once I'm done with these, I will be cutting the list back down to five slots again, as ten is just... Much too overwhelming. I don't know when I'll be... Steady enough to open again.
With all the stress I've been put under to take care of my mom, and the stress that's caused by our financial issues (we haven't paid all the bills yet, and we're already overdrawn. We haven't paid the cellphone bills, and we can't afford the mortgage... Just to give you guys an idea where I'm at,) I'm having a lot of trouble focusing on anything that requires effort without having nervous breakdowns.. Art (in general, not just commissions) included.
I just.. I need patience... Which I've gotten from all of you, and I can't begin to thank you for it...and hopefully... Hopefully I'll have your work to you sooner rather than later...

Whooooooooo... so many updates... Mom's finally relaxing on letting me use her computer more often.. I'm sure you guys have noticed the postings, both here and on Weasyl (if you follow me there). Part of that is because my big, beautiful, Intuos 4 decided to stop working. That was Friday. I ordered a little $70 Intuos Pen (the new bamboo), and it got here Tuesday. It is much smaller than what I was using before, and the texture on it is different, too. The pen is smaller, and the sensitivity is half of what the other was.
The recent art is me trying to get used to it... To practice and break it in. Obviously, the quality's been picking up.. At least, it's obvious to me. I'll be back to commissions soon now that I'm pretty much used to it!~

Thank you for being so patient with me, everyone. Ilu all~<3

So.. Hi. I'm sorry I haven't gotten anything donce since mom got home. It seems like every time I'm not on her computer, she doesn't need it either, but the instant I sign onto it, she needs it, so... It's been weird. I want to get more work done.. :c

Anways, other stuff. My mom has finally agreed with me that Netflix is fantastic and has been watching Bones all day every day on my WiiU since she got back... I'm just waiting for it to overheat and blow up or something.

My cats seem to be very fond of the massage table we got to make changing the packing n' dressing in the wound easier. I finally got it set up this morning, and at least one has been chillin' on it all day.


And onto the question! I guess it's also kind if pimping out a great artist... this person is a really good artist.. Definitely better than I am, but she doesn't have as many watchers.. She doesn't get nearly enough attention, and I'm.. Not sure why, but it makes me sad. :c I guess it's not really a question but whatever.


Anyways! That's it! Until next time dudes~<3

I am NOT leaving FA anytime soon. I feel like a lot of the userbase is moving to Weasyl because of all the weird staff shit going on here, so why not take advantage of that to spread my gallery elsewhere?

My weasyl is here, and I'll do my best to keep it updated~<3

So, she saw the doctor the other day, and apparently... She's coming home either today or tomorrow~ Because of this, I won't be around as much as I've been able to be, and commissions are going to slow down a little more, but I'll sill get to them, I promise! This does not mean I'm going to be closing commissions, though. I'm pobably going to limit it to an actual number of slots (10), but I rather enjoy the steady flow of money, and almost all of it will be going to helping my mom pay bills n' stuff. Therestwillbegoingtonetflixshh

We're gonna be getting a nurse to come into our house once a day to clean the wound.... But it needs to be done twice a day... So.. Guess who gets to clean it the other time! Not excited about that, but hey.. Whatever I can do to help I guess.

Thank you everyone for your continued support through all of this. I can't even begin to tell you all how thankful and appreciative I have been. I also want to make sure everyone knows who started all of this.. I'm sure all of you know him... He's the biggest sweetheart in the world, and is quickly becoming one of my very best friends.. The lovely Roozard~<3 He was the one that pushed me to put up the first journal, and the first to spread all of this around.

Uh... Let's see... What else did I want to tell you all.... Uh.. Random things: I'm considering trying to do little doodles around the stupid things that I say to people (mostly faith). And random thing two, if you breathe really loudly at my cats, it worries them.. So I did it to my cat Bunny, and he drug himself across the couch with his claws.. Not bothering to stand up... Meowing at me the whole time.. And when he got close enough... He smacked me in the face.

Anyways! Happy journal for once! So.. Really, guys... All i can say is thank you for everything you've done for me and my family. <3

Alright.. I figured these would be better to put up in a journal, as opposed to just... changing them/adding them to my commissions tab that no one checks ANYWAYS.

Alright, so, here we go:
1) I will no longer be offering chibi commissions. I feel like, for $10, it's not fair to those paying for finished commissions, since they technically are finished images.
2) This has to do with asking for changes. Up to three changes can be made for free in the sketch stage. If it goes past three, I will be charging $5 for each change after that. I will charge $10 for changes once I've inked it, simply because fixing things after getting the lines all pretty and nice is kind of a bitch, and I will charge $15 for any changes made after the coloring and shading.

And the third one really isn't about commissions... But 904 watchers? Where are all of you coming from omg? I love all of you.. ;u;

So, my mom is letting me use her computer for art purposes, because she knows how important all of this is. Sometimes, it has crashing issues, but as for now, it seems like a really well functioning machine.
Because of this, I am... tentatively opening commissions again. I'm going to keep taking slots, all while finishing what I have. I will continue doing what I have been, and not having anyone pay anything until the sketch is done, just in case this computer decides to freak out again.

I'm going to get myself Starbound. It's $15 of the $200+ I've made, and I don't think something that can calm me down like a video game is that big of a waste of money. I will be explaining this to my mom, and I will be giving her another $15 of money out of my pocket as soon as I can.


Just... a PSA, because I know some of you have my steam, and I don't want anyone getting upset with me.

Alright... as much as I don't want to... as much as I can't, I think I have to close commissions when I'm done with what I have...
My computer is old, and has had problems for a year or two now, and I think it's finally giving up.. The charging cord isn't plugging in and connecting 100% of the time anymore, but... I'm sorry.. I need to continue.. I need more, but... I don't even know if I'm going to be able to make it through what I have... I'm sorry, everyone. You've all been amazing...

So... yeah. Hi. Shit's getting kind of uncomfortable right now, and I'd love to have a little more... wiggle room as far as money goes.

My mom is in the hospital, and will be unable to work for who knows how long...

My dad is old, retired, and recently had a stroke that took out his driving ability, and half of his sight. He gets angry and frustrated too easily to get a job. (There are other reasons, but those are a bit more personal...)

I am epileptic, have no work experience, no high school diploma, I am fat, and female, so I have quite a bit going against me as far as work goes... I mean, the epilepsy thing stops me from being able to get up early in the morning, and saying that I have a problem with a certain shift would get me even lower down on the "Can hire" list. The epilepsy also makes me less likely to be hired, since I could pretty easily get hurt on the job. I can't drive anyways, because of the epilepsy, and I have no real reliable way to get to any kind of job.

My mom was the only one working, and then got sick... And then got more sick... And now is in a nursing home where she's not getting any of the attention that she needs to get this cleaned out and start healing so she can come home.

Because of this, we have almost zero income (my dad was in the army for 20 years, so we get his retirement pay, but even that isn't enough to cover all the bills...) We're already having trouble paying the house payment, and so I might start losing things... Like, my mom might get rid of my unlimited texting (which isn't that big of a deal really, but.. why not put it down?). We might have to drop the internet, because it's really not that important. I'm probably not going back to school this spring. If it keeps going... we might lose the house... I always joked about winding up homeless, but now that it might actually be a reality... It's kind of terrifying.. We're having issues with affording groceries, and food for the cats.

I suppose I should get to the point: I need money so I can be doing something and not feel as utterly useless as I have been. I need commissions. I need work. I need to keep my mind busy, and I need to be bringing money in somehow... If you could commission me, or donate to me, I would be so, so grateful... And if you can't... If you could just broadcast this journal? Let your friends know I'm open. Let them know that I'll do all kinds of things... Just... Help me get my name out there... Someone please help me...


(A sidenote: I will be opening many, many more slots for the time being! You guys currently don't need to worry about the slots filling up. I'm going to keep opening them as long as people are asking. I just set it at ten for the time being, but it'll keep going up! From here on, I won't be charging anyone anything until I have the sketch done, so don't worry about being scammed out of anything~)