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Suggestions Go Here (Ask Me To Draw Shit!)
Posted 5 days agoIf you'd like to see me draw something, here's where you can let me know. Reply to this post with your idea and if I like it enough I might just turn it into something (no promises.)
Please read these rules first though. Any suggestions that break the rules will be deleted/ignored:
= Fanart, wider concepts, anything is fine EXCEPT YOUR OCs. There will be other times for that.
= I'm most interested in, and encourage, people to request things I've never drawn before.
= I'm not interested in suggestions including gore, porn, fetishes, etc. SFW only, PG13 at worst.
= Suggest whatever, but note the kinda stuff I make. Does your idea align with my interests?
= 1 per person. If you change your mind, just edit/delete the old suggestion and leave a new one.
And that's it! Thanks in advance if you share an idea. You'll be credited for it if ever I create it.
Cheers.
Please read these rules first though. Any suggestions that break the rules will be deleted/ignored:
= Fanart, wider concepts, anything is fine EXCEPT YOUR OCs. There will be other times for that.
= I'm most interested in, and encourage, people to request things I've never drawn before.
= I'm not interested in suggestions including gore, porn, fetishes, etc. SFW only, PG13 at worst.
= Suggest whatever, but note the kinda stuff I make. Does your idea align with my interests?
= 1 per person. If you change your mind, just edit/delete the old suggestion and leave a new one.
And that's it! Thanks in advance if you share an idea. You'll be credited for it if ever I create it.
Cheers.
Journal Meme But Made for deviantArt Specifically
Posted 3 weeks agoFiguring out where I'm going with art right now and needed a distraction because I've been gettin' sillay. I don't think this one is as funny as the last one, oopsie.
Content warning for idk everything ig. If you're triggered by something common, don't read this how 'bout it?
DA Username:
shitfucker482
Name:
i most often hear "you cocksucker" and "goddamnit shut the fuck up" when people have something to say to me. i can't read so i can't compare this to my birth certificate for accuracy but i prefer letting others think for me so i'll take their word for it VwV
Nicknames and/or Preferred Names:
i prefer to be called nothing bc there's no good reason you bitchos and bitchettes should be talking about me
Gender and Pronouns:
hey pal i want you to guess. could you guess for me. could you maybe fucking chance a guess. could you guess maybe. i'd like it if you guessed. i bet you'd be real good at guessing. how bout you guess. could you guess maybe. maybe guess
Age:
what is this, YouTube circa August 2025? i have been watching only videos on the Internet Archive btw
Country:
i have heard it yassified as various poetic and bodacious pleasantries such as "Freedomland," (said super duper sarcastically) "AmeriKKKa," (if you're a 20smth commie on Tumblr mostly) and (my favorite) "Third World Country Cosplaying As First World County (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (COPS CALLED)"
Zodiac Sign:
teehee erm i identify as them all depending on what's most frustrating to the person physically closest to me <333 bc when i was like 21 or whatever age is low enough that sudden realizations aren't obstructive to daily living but high enough for said obvious realizations to be embarrassing, i realized that astrology is one of many dogshit modes of """self-actualization""" that encourages the organization of people into immutable groups based on the pointless circumstances of their birth by assigning them a duo-dogma of prescriptive and descriptive behavioral and personality traits based on those coincidental circumstances, which is, as in any scenario it emerges, fucking stupid and fake and gay and kinda pisses me off til i cry tears of blood lol :^D
Your face: wouldnt you rather hear about my ass or perhaps my bunions instead?????
-YOUR DA-
Number of Past Accounts:
1 except for this one Alvin and the Chipmunks screenshot recolor account where i recolored screenshots from Alvin and the Chipmunks. it was the live action films specifically EFF WHY EYE. i quickly got bored of it bc a simulacra of shameless, joyful still frame debasement is never as funny or beautiful as the genuine article, but not before having an argument on it where someone larping as hall monitor for film companys' IP took it seriously, which ended up being kinda fweaking smexy bc even when i broke character they were too stupid to realize i was joking ex dee dee dee. i think about these things when i'm in the dark taking a shower all alone (read: doing giga-kegels)
Number of Past Usernames:
a lot, none of which were good bc none of which included "AssLancer68+1" or "GodsWorstSidePiece" or, and this one i'm really kicking myself over passing on, "Pee"
First Username:
fuckshitter284
Original Join Date:
sorry but i cant remember my birthday rn. if you check back later i may be sober enough to pull sumn outta my ass but yer chances of knowing when i hatched are as good as mine
Premium Member?
the only premium website memberships ive ever gotten were from extremely generous ppl acting out of the kindness of their precious and compassionate hearts who had no idea how little i wanted them to do that
Watchers:
none, they all unfollowed me when i admitted to being attracted to Jack Black in a heterosexual sorta way. the ostracism may sting, but i know its deserved
Deviations:
none, i don't draw
Favorites:
19,756,929,201,047 pitchers. they are mostly .jpegs of non-human children's cartoon characters from 90s media granted human anatomy and with their muscles inflated to 17 times their original size. they grant me oodles of sexual arousal but i'm to 'tistic to know how to touch myself in a way that doesn't make my teeth hurt so i mostly just caress the screen and whisper "he belongs with you, Me," as i browse them. this collection is the only thing in my will. i want to raise children exclusively so i can pass it down to them when they're in their 40s
- FAVORITES -
Favorite Digital Art Program:
MS Paint but specifically the version with the grey toolbar bc that's the one a fragment of the messiah's soul is trapped in. i know this bc of all the Sonic the Hedgehog as Jesus drawings that are lovingly and expertly crafted with it
Favorite Traditional Art Medium:
board with a nail in it
Favorite DA Artists:
speaking of Em Ess Pain(t), anyone who ever made those comics where you'd take a few recoloring bases traced from like The Lion King and Ginga Densetsu Weed and Balto 2: Fanfic Quest and color them with the default MS Paint palette colors and string together a difficult-to-decipher story about murder and intrigue which was basically just plagiarizing parts of TLK, parts of Wolf's Rain, and parts of The Blackblood Alliance (which itself plagiarizes everything). you'll never have what they had
Favorite Movies:
Greeny Phatom the Movie, Where the Dead Go to Die, and Cinematronic's Alice in Wonderland
Favorite TV Shows:
i don't watch tv, i just watch the same 5 YouTube videos i downloaded 4 years ago on loop in the background while drawing or playing emulated video games or massaging my ass. also 101 Dalmatians The Series
Favorite Music Artists/Bands:
i think if you make music on purpose you should die or, if that is too inconvenient, slip into a coma that lasts for the rest of time
Fandoms You're Stuck In:
it is impossible for me to understand what this question is asking bc "belonging to a fandom" as a concept has been diluted to the point of meaning everything from "has dedicated a significant portion of their life worshiping an intellectual property they don't legally possess for the sake of connecting with and finding importance among a group of people who probably can't separate their fantastical lives from their waking ones all too good cus theyre infected with the terminally onlines" to "watched a movie once and liked it." that said, i'm obviously in the epicaricacy community
- PERSONAL -
Sexual Orientation:
not queer as in "fuck you" but faggot as in "kill yourself"
Pets:
they are not my pets but instead my brothers and sisters because speciesism is wrong and all animals are exactly equivalent to each other <3 if you question the ways in which my dogs' priorities, cognition, or theory of mind may differ from mine i will literally get down on all fours and shit on your carpet to prove you wrong bc peta told me thatd win hearts and change minds <33 i identify as a dog for F Slur reasons too as well also bc that makes sense <333
Number of Family Members in Household:
hey dipshit theres nobody in my family strong enough to hold an entire house lmfao get a load of this guy
Scars?:
it makes me sad anytime someone on a Socializing Multimedia Webbed Site bemoans his existence as A Disfigured Wretch due to having some unfortunately visible scar tissue on his face or chest or wiener or something bc he's usually asking "so do people ACTUALLY think scars are cool or hot or what" and i haven't the heart to tell him that they do the fuck not and will instead shame you out of public life and then put trigger warnings on your selfies when you hide your shame at home behind a screen :^B its chill tho cuz trust me bro only people with prominent scarring count as real human beings in the eyes of god and smoothskins don't get 1) into the kingdom of heaven, nor 2) the kids' menu
Tattoos?:
if i die before getting at least one tattoo im literally gonna kill myself
Piercings?:
all of my piercings are temporary in the sense that when a sharp metal instrument enters my flesh it inevitably comes out and isnt there for aesthetics and probably isnt there on purpose and im probably dying real bad
Alcohol?:
booze is only fun when you're 19 and your internal organs aren't at that point where they'll wage century-long wars with you over getting 2 minutes less sleep at night then usual or eating a single cheese curd from Dairy Queen
Drugs?:
in a dimension parallel to this one i'm one of those Reddit stoners who treats cannabis like it's a "hard drug" bc thats what D.A.R.E. taught me to think of it as (but that i really only treat that way in the modern day bc i believe it entitles me to enter discussions about "being a druggie" with ppl who've done coke and heroin n shit so i can continue my life's mission of steering every conversation i ever witness towards being about Me). in this dimension i am also a piece of shit
Height:
fuck you
Weight:
skinny cunt eat more wanker? idk im not allowed to own a scale anymore (counts as the Evil Eye in my culture. that culture is, of course, the clinically insane) but i can see all my ribs and even some extras and even some extra extras which miiight be something unriblike :o}
- PREFERENCES -
Digital or Traditional?:
hey hey, there is no superiority to be found in medium. i can assure you that all art is shit
Beach or Mountains?:
the beach sucks ass bc its always where the hippie dippie types who love indie animation too hard and open information booths about voluntary human extinction live. these ppl suck bc they remind me of myself. mountains are cool bc theyre literally colder and that makes people die perfectly preserved and unreachable. def one of the top 10 places to perish tragically
Dolphins or Sharks?:
i hate dolphins almost as much as i hate every species of primate except orangutans and sometimes gorillas. people say they like animals bc "they dont judge" but this is untrue, they just judge based on a lower level of understanding. dogs are based as shit bc they hate the guy who beats them and love the guy who treats them. dolphins are cuckfucks who like getting high off pufferfish, raping each others' babies to death, and eating like 1 out of every 10 autistic kids they save from boating accidents. in other words theyre the humans of the ocean which makes them cool as the protagonists of sociopolitically charged xenofiction and absolute horseshit as animals to admire for the sake of their animality. sharks are cool cuz they got big tooths
Would you rather fight 100 third graders one at a time? Or 50 all at once?:
sorry but i dont play MMOs anymore
On sunny days, you:
shit
On rainy days, you:
piss
On cold days, you:
wait patiently for it to be either sunny or rainy so i can finally relieve myself
- TEN FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF -
1) My bologna has a first name
2) It's O-S-C-A-R
3) My bologna has a second name
4) It's M-A-Y-E-R
5) Oh I love to eat it
6) Everyday
7) And if you ask me why
8) I'll say
9) 'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with
10) B-O-L-O-G-N-A
- YOUR CHARACTERS -
How many OCs do you have?:
erm i forgor xoxo
What fandom do most of them belong to?:
saur one of my enduring issues with Fandumb Culture is the reckless consumption aspect. smashing fictional dolls together to make them kiss consumes conversation about a work's structural themes, becoming a micro niche internet pseudo-celebrity among one kind of weeaboo/furfag/goofball manchild consumes one's creative motivations, wanting to salivate over the minutia of make-believe people and their made-up world's Lore Implications consumes the capacity to see art as an exploration of one person's efforts to share their ideas instead of another excuse to get into a flame war about shit that doesnt motherfucking matter Liek Ya Knawr? inb4 i start talking about the consumerist/capitalist aspect of that malarky and hogwash, here it is simply: none of my characters "belong to fandom" but if you assume they do by virtue of them not belonging to Disney or fallin outta Don Bluth's ass or slutever then you can always belong to the fandom of slurping my toejam ya midwit
Which one is your favourite?:
my dwarf camab enby anthro terrier shitrat dogthing is probably the single greatest character i've ever created and may ever create. this is the only wholly serious answer in the whole meme btw
Which one do you draw the most?:
who cares, i need to get back to drawing My Little Pony fanart bc otherwise i'll fall into obscurity on the internet, a fate so terrible my furniture started floating as i wrote it out
Do you commission work of them?:
nah bc i like creating my own shit + not spending money i dont have + no one else ever draws their buttcheeks in an upsetting enough manner no matter how much i ask
Do you request work of them?:
thru ArtFight if that counts, but i'll never straight ask someone to draw me something for free. not bc of any bullshit like gratitude or respect for others' finite time but bc i can't ask someone for anything without crying til i choke. pls do not tell anyone i get into online fights with about this
Do you ship them with other people's characters, or your own?:
im gonna be so fr rn. i dont care about shipping outside of half-jokingly hating it for how annoying everyone who likes it is, just like i dont care about powerscaling outside of non-jokingly hating it for how annoying everyone who likes it is. the only thing i like seeing characters do in fanfiction is have dream sequences and kill the guy everyone in the audience likes
Do you roleplay with them?:
i havent roleplayed for like idk half a decade and its not bc i aged out of playing pretend or fell out of scenes where it was normal and expected and fun but bc every rp'er on earth is incapable of not controlling your characters w/o your say bc they cant admit to themselves that they wanna write a book but are too inept at outlining and unassisted character development to do so. they cant help it, its the savantism (capacity to only read Pokemon fanfic)
How do you keep track of them?:
if you loathe something you set it free........................
Are there any that you would make real if you had the chance?:
whichever one would be the most likely to kill me and get away with it. or whichever one could rob a bank and get away with it
(A)re you single:
uh duh????? im not a conjoined twin DUMBASS. if i was i'd have made it my only personality trait by now (instead of, like, the gay shit)
(B)est Friend:
this hideous motherfucking bootleg Garfield plush that blew up on social media a few years ago. i only got him recently and it makes me feel better knowing his eyes are looking in opposite directions over me while i sleep
©rush:
im not 10 y/o so i dont have crushes anymore. i am a big boy with big pants and chest hair and a lack of respect for people lower on the social ladder then me - the only true mark of social maturity - ergo i simply see a cool guy, think "he'd make quite the husband if i do say so myself," and then cry myself to sleep that night. grow up
(D)rink you last had:
carbonated water with cherry flavoring in it. it tastes like shit and makes me wanna throw up so of course im chugging it
(E)asiest person to talk to:
any given dead guy. don't believe me? visit your local morgue and try it out!
(F)avourite song:
MEME ANSWER: Show Me Your Genitals by MC Vagina; few compositions crafted by this many skilled musicians have meshed every idea, element, and emotion nearly as succinctly or to such great result. I have never heard a song quite like it before or since. It is peace, it is mystery, it is intrigue, it is anxiety, it is love. It is standing outside someone's window in the middle of a snowy night and praying they notice as you watch your breath hang in the air before you. Its soft, fluffy, distant vibe is as romantic as it is haunting
SERIOUS ANSWER: Light and Night by Tally Hall; lol penis
(G)reatest memory:
the first time i listened to Show Me Your Genitals
(H)ometown:
on the one hand the hysteria the average Numbshit McNobody feels about being doxxed by either chronically crybullying Callout Harassment Lefties or master-of-projection KeeweeFirms Phaggoat Rightoids is laughably exaggerated by said Shitnumb's bloated ego - baybee ur just not that fookin inch-resting innit - but on the other hand no, random fella on deviantArse, i will NOT be telling you my general location bc what if you come to my house and break some things and tell everyone i did it >:^O
(I)n love with:
the coco
(J)ealous of:
i was gonna write something referencing Mr. Brightside here but its late and im an irresponsible bitch whomst is under the influence so this is the audience participation part of the post. how would YOU work in elements of both jealousy and turning saints into the sea in YOUR joke? holler it at the screen now! be nice and loud!
(K)nown longest:
that i was gonna grow up to be Like This
(L)ongest relationship:
ive had a relationship with God since before i was ever bornded <3 he said i was his favorite and to not believe anyone who told me he tells everyone that and also that if i ever wanted to bite other people in the leg i could do it and just say he gave me permission <3
(M)iddle name:
this shit straight turning into Dox Yourself: The Journal Meme. its Fuckadocious btw
(N)umber of siblings:
words unrelated but i just realized how much i've been joking about God and religion. i want to make a few things clear so we can all have a fun time in happyland aka my fuckin post here. i did not have sexual relations with that deity
(O)ne wish:
i know i shittalked the "voluntary human extinction" guy from before but uh. he was handing out pamphlets right. like. does he have more copies or
(P)erson last called:
i tried a fun, wacky, and heartwarming experiment wherein i went under the nearest bridge during the rain and called out "JARED!!!!" (note: i do not know any Jareds) at the top of my lungs. one of the homeless guys who was trying to sleep and was curled up into a ball started shaking and screaming.
his friend laying beside him shot up, gave me an ugly look, and spat at me like a hissing cat. his eyes were so wide and full of alarm and hatred. he waved around a butterfly knife i hadn't seen him holding, muttered some things like "you cocksucker" and "goddamnit shut the fuck up".
i noticed the screaming guy was wearing a tattered pair of camo-print pants. the left leg had mostly fallen away, and where it exposed his skin i could see a large, irregular patch of flesh which i now realize was a graft. pants could've just been whatever he could find to wear, injury could've been caused by anything, but a thought crossed my mind that made me fall silent. i left at a stilted but leisurely pace because i was ashamed enough of myself that i felt i would have deserved any physical altercation that may have followed. no such karma.
when i went home i retreated to where i tried going to to settle my nerves, though i now realize how poorly i've found myself doing after visiting it. i scrolled through Tumblr for a while, looking for inspirational paintings and moodboards, wallowing in self loathing as punishment for my moral transgressions. the parasite that lives in my head that people/pricks with degrees call OCD demands it or else i will not sleep. the feeling welling up in me had been familiar in a way that felt disgusting to not have recognized, and it wasn't obsessional. it was something more embarrassing.
i found a post that was a screencap of a reddit thread where the selfie of a man with heavy scarring (self harm, i believe? it looked familiar) was posted to a body positivity subreddit. the OP, the scarred man, had titled the post "Okay, be honest. Does anyone ACTUALLY think scars are cool or sexy?" the screencap had been cropped not to show any comments, but the Tumblr tags read "#self harm #aesthetic #tw body horror".
immediately under that post was a text post from a user with a remarkably hard to read username and a bloodied anime girl's face as the accompanying avatar. it was a positivity post written for the consumption of self-identified pedophiles which had been tagged "#self love" and "#equality".
i'd rather have become disconnected from myself as i found that more familiar and comfortable at times like this, but nah dude. karma came to collect after all, convincing the magical thinking part of my brain that it is real and worth listening to yet again. the stupid fucking haha funnee name i'd picked out for my experiment rang in my head, and it reverberated through my ears and behind my eyes and against my teeth with the pounding of my heart and the quickening of my breath.
fucking idiot. i set myself up to experience all of this despite having my own Jared. fucking idiot. goddamn my soul im a fucking idiot.
now when i'm Effected - the word "triggered" cannot be in the vocabulary of any crazy person hoping to be taken seriously, though this itself is definitionally a hopeless ambition - when my psychological wounds are made unignorable, i think Jared. Jared. knife Jared. shut up Jared. honest Jared scars are cool Jared. body horror Jared body horror Jared. Jared body horror Jared pedophile Jared scars horror Jared pedo equality Jared Jared Jared Jared Jared Jared Ja
i close the tab when i can see again.
i. am a fucking idiot.
(Q)uestions I'm always asked:
"did that story actually happen?"
®eason to smile:
no. like, what? c'mon, duh dude, i'm just clowning. chill out lmao, shit like that doesn't happen irl :)
(T)ime you woke up:
i like to wake up as early as possible and by that i mean i like to stay up as late as possible and by that i mean i like to not sleep as much as possible and only people who do not frequently engage in sexual congress or who went to elementary school think this is an issue
(U)r favourite color:
i think if you like color theres something wrong w/ u and its prolly that ur gay. i hear that gay ppl invented the rainbow, or like god did but bc gays are more omnipotent then god they won it from him in a game of cock-popper-scissoring, and so the entire expanse of spectra is kinda fruity tbqh ://///
(V)iolent moment:
I am legally required not to answer this question.
(W)orst habit:
i like to fill in journal memes that were probably written in 2011 (which when adjusted for inflation is like 1826 in normal time when converted from internet time) when i feel the need for my words to be recognized by other, less terrible human beings. this is usually accompanied by trying too hard to be funny and getting a really numb ass. i also like throwing old copies of Playboy and Scientific American at the fucking squirrels in my backyard but in my defense they make fun of my shitty little dogs
(Y)our last hug:
shoutout to that mall Santa i met 3 months ago bc he wasnt actually supposed to be there. i'm willing to take you up on that offer of blowing your back out (i believe you playfully phrased it as, "shoving some fun toys up Santa's chimney or shit that would be shoving down right because its a chimney but you dont shove things down an asshole aw fuck i ruined it LOOK IM DL ALRIGHT CAN YOU HOST") but only if you bring the wife so she can distract the stray cats blocking the way into my garage/sex dungeon
(Z)odiac sign:
just now realizing this is multiple journal memes stitched together and not a variety meme. as a lifelong journal memer this is like finding out your cousins are also your siblings
-Did you change at all this year?
i have remained exactly the same as when i was 13 or something. this is only a problem when you refuse to ignore The Agonies which is tbh pretty immature of you dontcha think
-Did you dye your hair?
no but my hair died :'^( is the line i will use when i go bald someday B'^)
-Did you get your hair cut?
once and it hurt so bad i swear i'll never get another haircut again unless i feel like it
-Did you get good grades?
see this really must be a meme from 2010 bc nobody on dA is below the age of 24 anymore. no new children have been invented since about 2001 and i'm pretty sure school doesn't exist for adults bc once you hit 18 you begin living at The Office (not the show but the phenomenon) fulltime until you die of old age at 35. you cannot outwit me you bastard of the text
-Did you drive?
yeah drove everyone CUHRAYZEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Did you move at all?
hi guys. sorry to interrupt this meme with an answer to one of the meme's questions, but i'm afraid that the allegations against me in autistichankhill's callout are true. their googledoc describes me using slurs against gay people and mentally ill people as well as writing irresponsible depictions of suicide and self harm. i cannot and will not deny these transgressions. they go on to assert that for my use of The F Slur (f*****), The C Slur (c****), and discompassion towards sensitive topics (finding it uncool to put a trigger warning on a real human's body and being annoyed over it being tagged as "body horror") i am homophobic, ableist, and glorifying suicide and self harm. due to my strong personally held social and political convictions, i would like to put forward this statement in the hopes that it will serve as a respectful, considerate, illuminating reply: lol
-Did you go on any vacations?
i had a staycation where i stayed in one garbage can for a 48 hour period and dont come out when they call my name (some of this is due to them using my past usernames which i cant fuckin remember for the life of me dude)
FRIENDS AND ENEMIES:
-Did you meet any new friends this year?
no and its been great!
-Did any of your friendships end?
erm okay uh this is a little awkward, a little quirky.......... *raises finger and forces an asymmetrical smile* erm, ive basically cut contact with everybody who i dont need to retain it with bc im distrustful of the human condition and also hate myself. if this were a tiktok or sumn i'd start playing an obnoxious remix of Bad Apple (the Vocaloid song, not the phenomenon) and throwing my concave ass in a circle
-Did you dislike anyone?
they say that if you go about your day and meet an asshole, big deal, you met an asshole, but if you go about your day and everyone you meet is an asshole, it's more likely that you yourself are being an asshole. i propose an extension of this theory from the safety of my self assuredness: if you think the whole world is exclusively assholes, you're probably a malignant narcissist or whatever word we use this week to mean People Whos Brains Are Sick Are Evil
-Did you make any new enemies?
well :)
-Did you resolve any fights?
ladies don't start fights but they can finish them. unfortunately i am not a lady so i DO start fights and i DON'T finish them. this is what keeps me young everywhere but my blood pressure!!!
-Who was your closest friend?
Honford..............................................................
-Did you grow apart from anyone?
repetitive meme questions piss me off rawr grrrawr snort grumble
-Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
wish i'd spent more time wandering the streets shootin the shit and trying to coax cats out of an animal hoarder's home but brother that ship has sailed
-Have you had your birthday yet?
every July i have a severe mental breakdown on a day that holds no significance whatsoever and that means nothing to me and that isn't even that big of a deal actually. unrelated
-Pulled an all nighter?
i was gonna say last night but that'd be a lie, i got a whopping 1:30 hours of sleep. you have my permission to be jealous B^X
-Drank Starbucks:
okay workers rights and production issues aside, Starbucks more like Starcucks lmao. if you still drink Starbucks on the regular idk what to tell you except that you should be putting that $52.93 you just spent on an 8 oz. caramel fuckiatto espresso progresso represso towards something that won't come out your peehole in the next 1-2 hours. like a bug zapper. or a tazer. or anything else you can electrify shit with
-Bought something(s)?
no i've gone a full year without buying anything bc money isn't real and i don't live in reliance on an economic system <3
-Met someone special who changed your life?
prolly Jared
INTIMATE DETAILS:
-What are you thinking about?
oh, nuthin......... *is thinking about black mold filling my lungs* sighs dreamily...........
-Would you get married if you could right now?
i dont love anyone and i hate committing to anything with more depth then a bowl of soup, so the answer is yes. according to every straight married person over 40 it's only true love if you hate the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with and a marriage isn't between two men or two women but instead a landowner and his servant. hope this helps <3
-How did you feel when you woke up today?
hey pal i want you to guess. could you guess for me. could you maybe fucking chance a guess. could you guess maybe. i'd like it if you guessed. i bet you'd be real good at guessing. how bout you guess. could you guess maybe. maybe guess
-Are you good at hiding your feelings?
i think this one is for the readers to decide bruh!
-Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
the moment i sense a whiff of conflict floating my way like a miasma of Bad Vibes TBH, i instantly block the other person on everything, get rid of all technological devices that they could use to contact me, dig a moat around my house, and start shooting paintballs at anyone who looks in the direction of my property. this has helped me tremendously aside from all the times i've been messily arrested :oD
-Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
i like to wear hats that hide all of it (makes it a surprise for other people when i take it off once every 20 years)
-Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
trying to think of something to say here that both endears me to an audience but also reveals the depth of my maladaptive social behaviors/my vulnerabilities but unfortunately they haven't invented a kinda guy who can do both without scaring away people with functional ethical codes. please make like a LLM AI and hallucinate something pleasing-sounding here for me kay babe
-Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
my best friend is anyone who is nice to me for a minute and my favorite topic of argumentation is whatever stupid hyper-specific reality-divergent cold take made its way to me that day before the edibles hit
-How many texts are in your inbox?
literally hundreds bc texting is for putzes and yups. like bitch how bout instead of sending me a digital carrier pigeon you make your scam job offers and nebulous political platitudes to me in person not online see what happens *kisses my biceps*
-Who was your last text message from?
Satan. he says i need to buy an amazon giftcard so a Nigerian prince can give me all his gold bars, cars, and most of Mars. also he's writing a kids' book
-Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
just finished hitchhiking with a family of 5 who had no room for me inside their sedan so they hitched me to the top of their vehicle which i promptly flew off of
-Who took / made your profile picture?
some stupid piece of shit who flies off of the tops of vehicles
-What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
carpet xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
-Do you trust people too easily?
yes i love people they are cool. every time i encounter a new human being i feel relieved, i don't sweat even a little, i don't keep my eyes on their hands and their faces to check for any minuscule change that suggests a shift in mood or intention, and i trust that everyone who interacts with me always has exclusively wholesome reasons for doing so. this is because life is kind and people have historically been proven non-violent and incapable of sadism
-Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
it could be worse and therefore it is immoral to complain. wait shit no one thing. i want strawberry toaster strudel and i'm gonna piss if i don't get it >:<
-Last thing you ate?
goddamn you for filling me with yearning. you oughta know by now that a lack of toaster strudel killed my father, married his widow, and then convinced her to throw me into the sea. thats it i'm reporting you for bullying and money laundering
-How many people are you texting?
just shitfucker483
Content warning for idk everything ig. If you're triggered by something common, don't read this how 'bout it?
DA Username:
shitfucker482
Name:
i most often hear "you cocksucker" and "goddamnit shut the fuck up" when people have something to say to me. i can't read so i can't compare this to my birth certificate for accuracy but i prefer letting others think for me so i'll take their word for it VwV
Nicknames and/or Preferred Names:
i prefer to be called nothing bc there's no good reason you bitchos and bitchettes should be talking about me
Gender and Pronouns:
hey pal i want you to guess. could you guess for me. could you maybe fucking chance a guess. could you guess maybe. i'd like it if you guessed. i bet you'd be real good at guessing. how bout you guess. could you guess maybe. maybe guess
Age:
what is this, YouTube circa August 2025? i have been watching only videos on the Internet Archive btw
Country:
i have heard it yassified as various poetic and bodacious pleasantries such as "Freedomland," (said super duper sarcastically) "AmeriKKKa," (if you're a 20smth commie on Tumblr mostly) and (my favorite) "Third World Country Cosplaying As First World County (GONE WRONG) (GONE SEXUAL) (COPS CALLED)"
Zodiac Sign:
teehee erm i identify as them all depending on what's most frustrating to the person physically closest to me <333 bc when i was like 21 or whatever age is low enough that sudden realizations aren't obstructive to daily living but high enough for said obvious realizations to be embarrassing, i realized that astrology is one of many dogshit modes of """self-actualization""" that encourages the organization of people into immutable groups based on the pointless circumstances of their birth by assigning them a duo-dogma of prescriptive and descriptive behavioral and personality traits based on those coincidental circumstances, which is, as in any scenario it emerges, fucking stupid and fake and gay and kinda pisses me off til i cry tears of blood lol :^D
Your face: wouldnt you rather hear about my ass or perhaps my bunions instead?????
-YOUR DA-
Number of Past Accounts:
1 except for this one Alvin and the Chipmunks screenshot recolor account where i recolored screenshots from Alvin and the Chipmunks. it was the live action films specifically EFF WHY EYE. i quickly got bored of it bc a simulacra of shameless, joyful still frame debasement is never as funny or beautiful as the genuine article, but not before having an argument on it where someone larping as hall monitor for film companys' IP took it seriously, which ended up being kinda fweaking smexy bc even when i broke character they were too stupid to realize i was joking ex dee dee dee. i think about these things when i'm in the dark taking a shower all alone (read: doing giga-kegels)
Number of Past Usernames:
a lot, none of which were good bc none of which included "AssLancer68+1" or "GodsWorstSidePiece" or, and this one i'm really kicking myself over passing on, "Pee"
First Username:
fuckshitter284
Original Join Date:
sorry but i cant remember my birthday rn. if you check back later i may be sober enough to pull sumn outta my ass but yer chances of knowing when i hatched are as good as mine
Premium Member?
the only premium website memberships ive ever gotten were from extremely generous ppl acting out of the kindness of their precious and compassionate hearts who had no idea how little i wanted them to do that
Watchers:
none, they all unfollowed me when i admitted to being attracted to Jack Black in a heterosexual sorta way. the ostracism may sting, but i know its deserved
Deviations:
none, i don't draw
Favorites:
19,756,929,201,047 pitchers. they are mostly .jpegs of non-human children's cartoon characters from 90s media granted human anatomy and with their muscles inflated to 17 times their original size. they grant me oodles of sexual arousal but i'm to 'tistic to know how to touch myself in a way that doesn't make my teeth hurt so i mostly just caress the screen and whisper "he belongs with you, Me," as i browse them. this collection is the only thing in my will. i want to raise children exclusively so i can pass it down to them when they're in their 40s
- FAVORITES -
Favorite Digital Art Program:
MS Paint but specifically the version with the grey toolbar bc that's the one a fragment of the messiah's soul is trapped in. i know this bc of all the Sonic the Hedgehog as Jesus drawings that are lovingly and expertly crafted with it
Favorite Traditional Art Medium:
board with a nail in it
Favorite DA Artists:
speaking of Em Ess Pain(t), anyone who ever made those comics where you'd take a few recoloring bases traced from like The Lion King and Ginga Densetsu Weed and Balto 2: Fanfic Quest and color them with the default MS Paint palette colors and string together a difficult-to-decipher story about murder and intrigue which was basically just plagiarizing parts of TLK, parts of Wolf's Rain, and parts of The Blackblood Alliance (which itself plagiarizes everything). you'll never have what they had
Favorite Movies:
Greeny Phatom the Movie, Where the Dead Go to Die, and Cinematronic's Alice in Wonderland
Favorite TV Shows:
i don't watch tv, i just watch the same 5 YouTube videos i downloaded 4 years ago on loop in the background while drawing or playing emulated video games or massaging my ass. also 101 Dalmatians The Series
Favorite Music Artists/Bands:
i think if you make music on purpose you should die or, if that is too inconvenient, slip into a coma that lasts for the rest of time
Fandoms You're Stuck In:
it is impossible for me to understand what this question is asking bc "belonging to a fandom" as a concept has been diluted to the point of meaning everything from "has dedicated a significant portion of their life worshiping an intellectual property they don't legally possess for the sake of connecting with and finding importance among a group of people who probably can't separate their fantastical lives from their waking ones all too good cus theyre infected with the terminally onlines" to "watched a movie once and liked it." that said, i'm obviously in the epicaricacy community
- PERSONAL -
Sexual Orientation:
not queer as in "fuck you" but faggot as in "kill yourself"
Pets:
they are not my pets but instead my brothers and sisters because speciesism is wrong and all animals are exactly equivalent to each other <3 if you question the ways in which my dogs' priorities, cognition, or theory of mind may differ from mine i will literally get down on all fours and shit on your carpet to prove you wrong bc peta told me thatd win hearts and change minds <33 i identify as a dog for F Slur reasons too as well also bc that makes sense <333
Number of Family Members in Household:
hey dipshit theres nobody in my family strong enough to hold an entire house lmfao get a load of this guy
Scars?:
it makes me sad anytime someone on a Socializing Multimedia Webbed Site bemoans his existence as A Disfigured Wretch due to having some unfortunately visible scar tissue on his face or chest or wiener or something bc he's usually asking "so do people ACTUALLY think scars are cool or hot or what" and i haven't the heart to tell him that they do the fuck not and will instead shame you out of public life and then put trigger warnings on your selfies when you hide your shame at home behind a screen :^B its chill tho cuz trust me bro only people with prominent scarring count as real human beings in the eyes of god and smoothskins don't get 1) into the kingdom of heaven, nor 2) the kids' menu
Tattoos?:
if i die before getting at least one tattoo im literally gonna kill myself
Piercings?:
all of my piercings are temporary in the sense that when a sharp metal instrument enters my flesh it inevitably comes out and isnt there for aesthetics and probably isnt there on purpose and im probably dying real bad
Alcohol?:
booze is only fun when you're 19 and your internal organs aren't at that point where they'll wage century-long wars with you over getting 2 minutes less sleep at night then usual or eating a single cheese curd from Dairy Queen
Drugs?:
in a dimension parallel to this one i'm one of those Reddit stoners who treats cannabis like it's a "hard drug" bc thats what D.A.R.E. taught me to think of it as (but that i really only treat that way in the modern day bc i believe it entitles me to enter discussions about "being a druggie" with ppl who've done coke and heroin n shit so i can continue my life's mission of steering every conversation i ever witness towards being about Me). in this dimension i am also a piece of shit
Height:
fuck you
Weight:
skinny cunt eat more wanker? idk im not allowed to own a scale anymore (counts as the Evil Eye in my culture. that culture is, of course, the clinically insane) but i can see all my ribs and even some extras and even some extra extras which miiight be something unriblike :o}
- PREFERENCES -
Digital or Traditional?:
hey hey, there is no superiority to be found in medium. i can assure you that all art is shit
Beach or Mountains?:
the beach sucks ass bc its always where the hippie dippie types who love indie animation too hard and open information booths about voluntary human extinction live. these ppl suck bc they remind me of myself. mountains are cool bc theyre literally colder and that makes people die perfectly preserved and unreachable. def one of the top 10 places to perish tragically
Dolphins or Sharks?:
i hate dolphins almost as much as i hate every species of primate except orangutans and sometimes gorillas. people say they like animals bc "they dont judge" but this is untrue, they just judge based on a lower level of understanding. dogs are based as shit bc they hate the guy who beats them and love the guy who treats them. dolphins are cuckfucks who like getting high off pufferfish, raping each others' babies to death, and eating like 1 out of every 10 autistic kids they save from boating accidents. in other words theyre the humans of the ocean which makes them cool as the protagonists of sociopolitically charged xenofiction and absolute horseshit as animals to admire for the sake of their animality. sharks are cool cuz they got big tooths
Would you rather fight 100 third graders one at a time? Or 50 all at once?:
sorry but i dont play MMOs anymore
On sunny days, you:
shit
On rainy days, you:
piss
On cold days, you:
wait patiently for it to be either sunny or rainy so i can finally relieve myself
- TEN FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF -
1) My bologna has a first name
2) It's O-S-C-A-R
3) My bologna has a second name
4) It's M-A-Y-E-R
5) Oh I love to eat it
6) Everyday
7) And if you ask me why
8) I'll say
9) 'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with
10) B-O-L-O-G-N-A
- YOUR CHARACTERS -
How many OCs do you have?:
erm i forgor xoxo
What fandom do most of them belong to?:
saur one of my enduring issues with Fandumb Culture is the reckless consumption aspect. smashing fictional dolls together to make them kiss consumes conversation about a work's structural themes, becoming a micro niche internet pseudo-celebrity among one kind of weeaboo/furfag/goofball manchild consumes one's creative motivations, wanting to salivate over the minutia of make-believe people and their made-up world's Lore Implications consumes the capacity to see art as an exploration of one person's efforts to share their ideas instead of another excuse to get into a flame war about shit that doesnt motherfucking matter Liek Ya Knawr? inb4 i start talking about the consumerist/capitalist aspect of that malarky and hogwash, here it is simply: none of my characters "belong to fandom" but if you assume they do by virtue of them not belonging to Disney or fallin outta Don Bluth's ass or slutever then you can always belong to the fandom of slurping my toejam ya midwit
Which one is your favourite?:
my dwarf camab enby anthro terrier shitrat dogthing is probably the single greatest character i've ever created and may ever create. this is the only wholly serious answer in the whole meme btw
Which one do you draw the most?:
who cares, i need to get back to drawing My Little Pony fanart bc otherwise i'll fall into obscurity on the internet, a fate so terrible my furniture started floating as i wrote it out
Do you commission work of them?:
nah bc i like creating my own shit + not spending money i dont have + no one else ever draws their buttcheeks in an upsetting enough manner no matter how much i ask
Do you request work of them?:
thru ArtFight if that counts, but i'll never straight ask someone to draw me something for free. not bc of any bullshit like gratitude or respect for others' finite time but bc i can't ask someone for anything without crying til i choke. pls do not tell anyone i get into online fights with about this
Do you ship them with other people's characters, or your own?:
im gonna be so fr rn. i dont care about shipping outside of half-jokingly hating it for how annoying everyone who likes it is, just like i dont care about powerscaling outside of non-jokingly hating it for how annoying everyone who likes it is. the only thing i like seeing characters do in fanfiction is have dream sequences and kill the guy everyone in the audience likes
Do you roleplay with them?:
i havent roleplayed for like idk half a decade and its not bc i aged out of playing pretend or fell out of scenes where it was normal and expected and fun but bc every rp'er on earth is incapable of not controlling your characters w/o your say bc they cant admit to themselves that they wanna write a book but are too inept at outlining and unassisted character development to do so. they cant help it, its the savantism (capacity to only read Pokemon fanfic)
How do you keep track of them?:
if you loathe something you set it free........................
Are there any that you would make real if you had the chance?:
whichever one would be the most likely to kill me and get away with it. or whichever one could rob a bank and get away with it
(A)re you single:
uh duh????? im not a conjoined twin DUMBASS. if i was i'd have made it my only personality trait by now (instead of, like, the gay shit)
(B)est Friend:
this hideous motherfucking bootleg Garfield plush that blew up on social media a few years ago. i only got him recently and it makes me feel better knowing his eyes are looking in opposite directions over me while i sleep
©rush:
im not 10 y/o so i dont have crushes anymore. i am a big boy with big pants and chest hair and a lack of respect for people lower on the social ladder then me - the only true mark of social maturity - ergo i simply see a cool guy, think "he'd make quite the husband if i do say so myself," and then cry myself to sleep that night. grow up
(D)rink you last had:
carbonated water with cherry flavoring in it. it tastes like shit and makes me wanna throw up so of course im chugging it
(E)asiest person to talk to:
any given dead guy. don't believe me? visit your local morgue and try it out!
(F)avourite song:
MEME ANSWER: Show Me Your Genitals by MC Vagina; few compositions crafted by this many skilled musicians have meshed every idea, element, and emotion nearly as succinctly or to such great result. I have never heard a song quite like it before or since. It is peace, it is mystery, it is intrigue, it is anxiety, it is love. It is standing outside someone's window in the middle of a snowy night and praying they notice as you watch your breath hang in the air before you. Its soft, fluffy, distant vibe is as romantic as it is haunting
SERIOUS ANSWER: Light and Night by Tally Hall; lol penis
(G)reatest memory:
the first time i listened to Show Me Your Genitals
(H)ometown:
on the one hand the hysteria the average Numbshit McNobody feels about being doxxed by either chronically crybullying Callout Harassment Lefties or master-of-projection KeeweeFirms Phaggoat Rightoids is laughably exaggerated by said Shitnumb's bloated ego - baybee ur just not that fookin inch-resting innit - but on the other hand no, random fella on deviantArse, i will NOT be telling you my general location bc what if you come to my house and break some things and tell everyone i did it >:^O
(I)n love with:
the coco
(J)ealous of:
i was gonna write something referencing Mr. Brightside here but its late and im an irresponsible bitch whomst is under the influence so this is the audience participation part of the post. how would YOU work in elements of both jealousy and turning saints into the sea in YOUR joke? holler it at the screen now! be nice and loud!
(K)nown longest:
that i was gonna grow up to be Like This
(L)ongest relationship:
ive had a relationship with God since before i was ever bornded <3 he said i was his favorite and to not believe anyone who told me he tells everyone that and also that if i ever wanted to bite other people in the leg i could do it and just say he gave me permission <3
(M)iddle name:
this shit straight turning into Dox Yourself: The Journal Meme. its Fuckadocious btw
(N)umber of siblings:
words unrelated but i just realized how much i've been joking about God and religion. i want to make a few things clear so we can all have a fun time in happyland aka my fuckin post here. i did not have sexual relations with that deity
(O)ne wish:
i know i shittalked the "voluntary human extinction" guy from before but uh. he was handing out pamphlets right. like. does he have more copies or
(P)erson last called:
i tried a fun, wacky, and heartwarming experiment wherein i went under the nearest bridge during the rain and called out "JARED!!!!" (note: i do not know any Jareds) at the top of my lungs. one of the homeless guys who was trying to sleep and was curled up into a ball started shaking and screaming.
his friend laying beside him shot up, gave me an ugly look, and spat at me like a hissing cat. his eyes were so wide and full of alarm and hatred. he waved around a butterfly knife i hadn't seen him holding, muttered some things like "you cocksucker" and "goddamnit shut the fuck up".
i noticed the screaming guy was wearing a tattered pair of camo-print pants. the left leg had mostly fallen away, and where it exposed his skin i could see a large, irregular patch of flesh which i now realize was a graft. pants could've just been whatever he could find to wear, injury could've been caused by anything, but a thought crossed my mind that made me fall silent. i left at a stilted but leisurely pace because i was ashamed enough of myself that i felt i would have deserved any physical altercation that may have followed. no such karma.
when i went home i retreated to where i tried going to to settle my nerves, though i now realize how poorly i've found myself doing after visiting it. i scrolled through Tumblr for a while, looking for inspirational paintings and moodboards, wallowing in self loathing as punishment for my moral transgressions. the parasite that lives in my head that people/pricks with degrees call OCD demands it or else i will not sleep. the feeling welling up in me had been familiar in a way that felt disgusting to not have recognized, and it wasn't obsessional. it was something more embarrassing.
i found a post that was a screencap of a reddit thread where the selfie of a man with heavy scarring (self harm, i believe? it looked familiar) was posted to a body positivity subreddit. the OP, the scarred man, had titled the post "Okay, be honest. Does anyone ACTUALLY think scars are cool or sexy?" the screencap had been cropped not to show any comments, but the Tumblr tags read "#self harm #aesthetic #tw body horror".
immediately under that post was a text post from a user with a remarkably hard to read username and a bloodied anime girl's face as the accompanying avatar. it was a positivity post written for the consumption of self-identified pedophiles which had been tagged "#self love" and "#equality".
i'd rather have become disconnected from myself as i found that more familiar and comfortable at times like this, but nah dude. karma came to collect after all, convincing the magical thinking part of my brain that it is real and worth listening to yet again. the stupid fucking haha funnee name i'd picked out for my experiment rang in my head, and it reverberated through my ears and behind my eyes and against my teeth with the pounding of my heart and the quickening of my breath.
fucking idiot. i set myself up to experience all of this despite having my own Jared. fucking idiot. goddamn my soul im a fucking idiot.
now when i'm Effected - the word "triggered" cannot be in the vocabulary of any crazy person hoping to be taken seriously, though this itself is definitionally a hopeless ambition - when my psychological wounds are made unignorable, i think Jared. Jared. knife Jared. shut up Jared. honest Jared scars are cool Jared. body horror Jared body horror Jared. Jared body horror Jared pedophile Jared scars horror Jared pedo equality Jared Jared Jared Jared Jared Jared Ja
i close the tab when i can see again.
i. am a fucking idiot.
(Q)uestions I'm always asked:
"did that story actually happen?"
®eason to smile:
no. like, what? c'mon, duh dude, i'm just clowning. chill out lmao, shit like that doesn't happen irl :)
(T)ime you woke up:
i like to wake up as early as possible and by that i mean i like to stay up as late as possible and by that i mean i like to not sleep as much as possible and only people who do not frequently engage in sexual congress or who went to elementary school think this is an issue
(U)r favourite color:
i think if you like color theres something wrong w/ u and its prolly that ur gay. i hear that gay ppl invented the rainbow, or like god did but bc gays are more omnipotent then god they won it from him in a game of cock-popper-scissoring, and so the entire expanse of spectra is kinda fruity tbqh ://///
(V)iolent moment:
I am legally required not to answer this question.
(W)orst habit:
i like to fill in journal memes that were probably written in 2011 (which when adjusted for inflation is like 1826 in normal time when converted from internet time) when i feel the need for my words to be recognized by other, less terrible human beings. this is usually accompanied by trying too hard to be funny and getting a really numb ass. i also like throwing old copies of Playboy and Scientific American at the fucking squirrels in my backyard but in my defense they make fun of my shitty little dogs
(Y)our last hug:
shoutout to that mall Santa i met 3 months ago bc he wasnt actually supposed to be there. i'm willing to take you up on that offer of blowing your back out (i believe you playfully phrased it as, "shoving some fun toys up Santa's chimney or shit that would be shoving down right because its a chimney but you dont shove things down an asshole aw fuck i ruined it LOOK IM DL ALRIGHT CAN YOU HOST") but only if you bring the wife so she can distract the stray cats blocking the way into my garage/sex dungeon
(Z)odiac sign:
just now realizing this is multiple journal memes stitched together and not a variety meme. as a lifelong journal memer this is like finding out your cousins are also your siblings
-Did you change at all this year?
i have remained exactly the same as when i was 13 or something. this is only a problem when you refuse to ignore The Agonies which is tbh pretty immature of you dontcha think
-Did you dye your hair?
no but my hair died :'^( is the line i will use when i go bald someday B'^)
-Did you get your hair cut?
once and it hurt so bad i swear i'll never get another haircut again unless i feel like it
-Did you get good grades?
see this really must be a meme from 2010 bc nobody on dA is below the age of 24 anymore. no new children have been invented since about 2001 and i'm pretty sure school doesn't exist for adults bc once you hit 18 you begin living at The Office (not the show but the phenomenon) fulltime until you die of old age at 35. you cannot outwit me you bastard of the text
-Did you drive?
yeah drove everyone CUHRAYZEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Did you move at all?
hi guys. sorry to interrupt this meme with an answer to one of the meme's questions, but i'm afraid that the allegations against me in autistichankhill's callout are true. their googledoc describes me using slurs against gay people and mentally ill people as well as writing irresponsible depictions of suicide and self harm. i cannot and will not deny these transgressions. they go on to assert that for my use of The F Slur (f*****), The C Slur (c****), and discompassion towards sensitive topics (finding it uncool to put a trigger warning on a real human's body and being annoyed over it being tagged as "body horror") i am homophobic, ableist, and glorifying suicide and self harm. due to my strong personally held social and political convictions, i would like to put forward this statement in the hopes that it will serve as a respectful, considerate, illuminating reply: lol
-Did you go on any vacations?
i had a staycation where i stayed in one garbage can for a 48 hour period and dont come out when they call my name (some of this is due to them using my past usernames which i cant fuckin remember for the life of me dude)
FRIENDS AND ENEMIES:
-Did you meet any new friends this year?
no and its been great!
-Did any of your friendships end?
erm okay uh this is a little awkward, a little quirky.......... *raises finger and forces an asymmetrical smile* erm, ive basically cut contact with everybody who i dont need to retain it with bc im distrustful of the human condition and also hate myself. if this were a tiktok or sumn i'd start playing an obnoxious remix of Bad Apple (the Vocaloid song, not the phenomenon) and throwing my concave ass in a circle
-Did you dislike anyone?
they say that if you go about your day and meet an asshole, big deal, you met an asshole, but if you go about your day and everyone you meet is an asshole, it's more likely that you yourself are being an asshole. i propose an extension of this theory from the safety of my self assuredness: if you think the whole world is exclusively assholes, you're probably a malignant narcissist or whatever word we use this week to mean People Whos Brains Are Sick Are Evil
-Did you make any new enemies?
well :)
-Did you resolve any fights?
ladies don't start fights but they can finish them. unfortunately i am not a lady so i DO start fights and i DON'T finish them. this is what keeps me young everywhere but my blood pressure!!!
-Who was your closest friend?
Honford..............................................................
-Did you grow apart from anyone?
repetitive meme questions piss me off rawr grrrawr snort grumble
-Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
wish i'd spent more time wandering the streets shootin the shit and trying to coax cats out of an animal hoarder's home but brother that ship has sailed
-Have you had your birthday yet?
every July i have a severe mental breakdown on a day that holds no significance whatsoever and that means nothing to me and that isn't even that big of a deal actually. unrelated
-Pulled an all nighter?
i was gonna say last night but that'd be a lie, i got a whopping 1:30 hours of sleep. you have my permission to be jealous B^X
-Drank Starbucks:
okay workers rights and production issues aside, Starbucks more like Starcucks lmao. if you still drink Starbucks on the regular idk what to tell you except that you should be putting that $52.93 you just spent on an 8 oz. caramel fuckiatto espresso progresso represso towards something that won't come out your peehole in the next 1-2 hours. like a bug zapper. or a tazer. or anything else you can electrify shit with
-Bought something(s)?
no i've gone a full year without buying anything bc money isn't real and i don't live in reliance on an economic system <3
-Met someone special who changed your life?
prolly Jared
INTIMATE DETAILS:
-What are you thinking about?
oh, nuthin......... *is thinking about black mold filling my lungs* sighs dreamily...........
-Would you get married if you could right now?
i dont love anyone and i hate committing to anything with more depth then a bowl of soup, so the answer is yes. according to every straight married person over 40 it's only true love if you hate the person you wanna spend the rest of your life with and a marriage isn't between two men or two women but instead a landowner and his servant. hope this helps <3
-How did you feel when you woke up today?
hey pal i want you to guess. could you guess for me. could you maybe fucking chance a guess. could you guess maybe. i'd like it if you guessed. i bet you'd be real good at guessing. how bout you guess. could you guess maybe. maybe guess
-Are you good at hiding your feelings?
i think this one is for the readers to decide bruh!
-Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
the moment i sense a whiff of conflict floating my way like a miasma of Bad Vibes TBH, i instantly block the other person on everything, get rid of all technological devices that they could use to contact me, dig a moat around my house, and start shooting paintballs at anyone who looks in the direction of my property. this has helped me tremendously aside from all the times i've been messily arrested :oD
-Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
i like to wear hats that hide all of it (makes it a surprise for other people when i take it off once every 20 years)
-Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn't feel it?
trying to think of something to say here that both endears me to an audience but also reveals the depth of my maladaptive social behaviors/my vulnerabilities but unfortunately they haven't invented a kinda guy who can do both without scaring away people with functional ethical codes. please make like a LLM AI and hallucinate something pleasing-sounding here for me kay babe
-Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
my best friend is anyone who is nice to me for a minute and my favorite topic of argumentation is whatever stupid hyper-specific reality-divergent cold take made its way to me that day before the edibles hit
-How many texts are in your inbox?
literally hundreds bc texting is for putzes and yups. like bitch how bout instead of sending me a digital carrier pigeon you make your scam job offers and nebulous political platitudes to me in person not online see what happens *kisses my biceps*
-Who was your last text message from?
Satan. he says i need to buy an amazon giftcard so a Nigerian prince can give me all his gold bars, cars, and most of Mars. also he's writing a kids' book
-Who was the last person you rode in a car with?
just finished hitchhiking with a family of 5 who had no room for me inside their sedan so they hitched me to the top of their vehicle which i promptly flew off of
-Who took / made your profile picture?
some stupid piece of shit who flies off of the tops of vehicles
-What’s on your bedroom floor right now?
carpet xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
-Do you trust people too easily?
yes i love people they are cool. every time i encounter a new human being i feel relieved, i don't sweat even a little, i don't keep my eyes on their hands and their faces to check for any minuscule change that suggests a shift in mood or intention, and i trust that everyone who interacts with me always has exclusively wholesome reasons for doing so. this is because life is kind and people have historically been proven non-violent and incapable of sadism
-Are you satisfied with what you currently have in life?
it could be worse and therefore it is immoral to complain. wait shit no one thing. i want strawberry toaster strudel and i'm gonna piss if i don't get it >:<
-Last thing you ate?
goddamn you for filling me with yearning. you oughta know by now that a lack of toaster strudel killed my father, married his widow, and then convinced her to throw me into the sea. thats it i'm reporting you for bullying and money laundering
-How many people are you texting?
just shitfucker483
JOURNAL MEME YAPPIN IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN
Posted a month agoStolen from deviantArt. If you're too young to remember what journal memes on sites like dA/Furaffinity/etc are you're too young to be reading this post.
YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING WARNING'D
1. This meme may be personal. You ready for it?
i'll have to ask a doctor first
2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
wow OP of this meme is kinda sussy and a little problematic :/ like literally why are you demanding i get into an incestuous marriage with my sister :/// i don't even like wimmin :///// you will pay for this when my google doc on you is complete ://////////
3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
i'm never happy when i wake up and if i can have my way about it i never will be <3
4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
i like sitting on my phone sometimes bc of the ass-centric sensations i get from the vibrations of texts sent by my mother when another barrel of pickles (we are pickle collectors, long story) falls on her and crushes her legs in so many ways. my phone is not large enough to accommodate anyone else's buttocks at the same time as i, a realization that made me stop bringing my phone on dates bc literally why bother
5. What are you excited for?
phone sittin time, aka 4:23 AM sharp
6. What were you doing yesterday?
sittin on my phone starting at 4:33 AM sharp (running late on account of playing archived flash games about shitting your pants) and ending at i forget (blacked out from rage at some point bc i kept losing the pants shitting games)
7. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
myself right now and it is okay that i am lying to me :)
8. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
i would like to be able to say dick or perhaps even ass so as not to embarrass myself in front of the internet on account of what if theres any girls listening but sadly i must report that its worse then the doctors thought: Yep. Sorry dude, but you just slurped up a fine can of Monster Energy ™ © ®
9. Have a best friend?
a smart gamer would likely try and deconstruct both the argument that establishing a hierarchy of affections in your mind will always result in the neglect of those lower on the ladder and the argument that a demonstrably more intimate emotional bond cannot reasonably be compared to an intentionally shallow, utility-based acquaintanceship, but i'm 1/4th Stupid Dipshit on my father's side and so i gotta say no instead B^)
10. Are you scared to fall in love?
i'm scared to fall in anything bc that shit hurts esp if you land on ur knees lol
11. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
i don't think teenagers can experience any emotion or, in fact, any facet of the human experience. as with all children, they are merely barely-sentient - and assuredly not sapient! - quasi-animate objects who only turn into actual people the moment they hit 18 or 21 or 25 or whatever other arbitrary age i decide law should say is objectively when the onset of autonomy/humanity begins. the real question is why do teenagers hate adults and authority so much???
12. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
me! happy to report that's one less desire left unfulfilled :^DDD
13. What time is it right this second?
so here's the problem pal, and please allow me to finish before interjecting. the amount of time it would take for me to look at a world clock, see what time it is down to the second, and type it out here would be more then one second, forcing me to repeat the process in vain for hours until i pass out from dehydration/crying too much. bet you feel pretty foolish now don't you
15. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
last picture i took was that handmade emulation of the Mona Lisa which my husbandwife/enemyfriend Honford helped me detach from that one school's library wall so that we could take it home to use as both a urinal and as a third on TTRPG night (read: the only nights we actually fuck)
16. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
i'm a faggot :]
17. When was the last time you cried?
crying is for pussy bitches and that's why babies are so weak. they cry so much that they don't even know how to walk or read or talk good or shoot big guns in video games. this is why, with your help and for just pennies a day, we can put an end to babies and free the world of the tyranny of water exiting your face while you look all ugly about it
18. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
hi sorry to DM you like this bc like i know we dont know each other or anything but id like to say two things to you. 1) i saw you posted a photo of yourself, your mother and father, and a birthday cake they had hand-decorated for you, and i cannot go on living until you acknowledge that this is an act of violence against me specifically on account of the psychological wounds imposed on me by my father and my ambivalence regarding the childcare decisions my mother made when i was a kid, and also this attack on Me is real and important bc i am indeed a homosex (please refer to question 16 of the "Journal Meme" i will be sending shortly) and therefore this is a hatecrime and literally why do you hate gay people and pls commit suicide while touching grass, and 2) your island isnt good enuff for raymond so you should send him to me right now please
19. Do you find it hard to trust others?
literally have a mental disorder about this ;x and yes, it is gucci
20. How fast does your mind change?
idk but this meme is cool :)
22. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
ya know what i changed my mind fuck you
23. Why do you think so many people cheat?
in relationships: greater context is always necessary wrt both the personalities and individual experiences of the parties involved. there's no ethical excuse for infidelity, as in there's no good reason it happens, but there are definitely reasons it happens, and trying to throw out a useless, obvious platitude about selfishness or having+eating cake collapses a complex interpersonal issue down into a soundbite that doesn't encourage the self-awareness or responsible thinking that prevents e.g. the denial of feeling lust/yearning beyond your partner and therefore increased likelihood of pursuing whoever your impulsive desires tell you to due to lack of introspection
in vody gams: its fun lmao
24. Tell me what's on your mind?
25. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
the possibility of death by vehicular manslaughter. a girl can dream!
26. Have you ever worn the opposite gender's clothing?
had the inclination to assert that clothing doesn't have a gender but remembered that overalls and sailor suits are inescapably Little Boy Coded so instead i have to make a joke about being a man in a dress or some shit. according to all media ever, this will deliver on big laughs and perhaps a guffaw or two from the most hateful person currently in the room
27. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
none of my friends are tops bc i don't like being faced with competition in the same ecological niche
28. When is your next road trip?
probably within the next three months
29. Do you have someone of the opposite gender you can tell anything to?
anytime a woman talks to me i remember that she's a femoid and i'm a memoid and because of the species barrier if i tried to talk back she WOULD kill me, take all my money, eat all my children, fuck all my cousins, kiss my brother on the mouth with tongue, kiss my father on the mouth with teeth, and then ignore me because she has earbuds in. i learned this from severely emotionally dysregulated men on the internet :D
30. How's your heart?
thanks for reminding me to check in with it. it's been a while since i texted. hold up brb
okay i texted and apparently it got fucking pwn'd to shit by unforeseeable and mysterious circumstances. bummer! anyway,
31. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
nah RIP to people who do but i'm built different. like duh moron grow up, life is pretty easy when you're incapable of hiding your deviations from the status quo so i've only ever felt like everyone loved me and that my life has intrinsic value. this is particularly true because my cock is massive xoxo
32. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
nah somebody's got his eyes on nobody right now and no matter how hard i try i just can't live up to the standard that nobody set >:{
33. What are you planning on doing after this?
dying [Author's Note: This project may take as long as three months to complete.]
34. Next time you will kiss someone?
i know little in the way of proper grammar - this has only become truer as i have allowed machines to do all my thinking for me and gave up on trying to clearly communicate with anyone i don't immediately empathize with, as God intended ofc - but isnt this a sentence fragment? usually that's not a problem but deadass whatever is hypothetically filling the space before "next" could and likely would change the context of the rest of the sentence. not to resort to threats but this is confusing me so much i just might kiss someone about it
35. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
no but i told about 50 people that i hated them. feel free to be inspired <3 peace and love
36. Who do you not get along with?
People I Do Not Enjoy The Company Of:
1) funnymen and jokesters
2) anyone taller then me/90% of the whole of human life
3) weird people i don't relate to #bringbackbullying #justnotforme
3 again) excessively facetious people
37. What does your 3rd recent text say?
"i'll have to ask a doctor first"
CONTEXT: corn
38. What are you wearing right now?
only boxer shorts HUBBA HUBBA ;P HOWEVER i am still considered pure in the eyes of The Lort bc i am tucked into my blankie thus covering my spiteful imperfect flesh and i am terribly fucking cozy about it
39. You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
> look around
The room is empty besides The Person You Last Kissed (Kissbitch for short), a table with a wobbling leg, a cardboard box, a pornographic novel titled The Hair That Rocks The Asscrack, and a Hello Kitty branded hairpin. The room's only door, locked from the inside, is to the north. What shall you do?
> punh Kissbitch
I do not know how to "punh Kissbitch"
> punch Kissbitch
I do not know how to "punch Kissbitch"
> fuck
I do not know how to "fuck"
> lol
Okay, that's it.
SHITQUEST.EXE has stopped working
Windows can check online for a solution to the problem.
> Check online for a solution and close the program
> Go fuck yourself four ways from Sunday
40. When’s the last time you had a grilled cheese?
i never feel more grilled-cheeseless then when someone asks me this question. oh fuck. im crying now. oh shit
41. What’s your favourite boy and girl name right now?
my favorite name for someone whomst is a boyandgirl would be boyandgirl bc it summarizes their situation and has a nice ring to it dontcha think c:
42. How did you feel when you woke up?
HEY WAIT A SECOND YOU FUCKING HACK FRAUD. YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. YOU OH MY GOD YOU ALREADY FUCKING ASKED THIS QUESTION. YOU UNFORGIVABLE PIECE OF CUNT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUUUUUU
43. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Honford..........................................................................................................................
44. Do you crack your knuckles?
no but i knuckle my crack lmao gottem
45. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
before i answer, i feel the need to address a recent transgression of mine. please read this in the voice of your favorite youtube personality or perhaps tiktok star. anyway here goes: a few minutes ago i made the egregious mistake of making a joke about anal masturbation that was directed at the OP of this meme for the purpose of amusing myself and a hypothetical audience of readers. it has come to my attention that this could be considered a vicious and predatory form of sexual harassment equivalent to no less then a bodily assault or prolonged project of psychological abuse, and thus i cannot apologize enough for having committed an evil this heinous. to make up for it i will be having a public temper tantrum about the people who called me out on it for being mean to me (remember: im gay so if u h8 me for how i behave u h8 queermosexuals as a class), temporarily lock all my social media accounts, throw a pity party on my private twitter that i said id disable after Musk started going fullblown neo but didnt bc thats where i vent about members of The Lion King fanbase who i disagree with and if i dont do that i'll literally kill myself, delete everything embarrassing when i'm lucid again, and then pretend none of this happened. if you ask me for context past this point i WILL be really fucking nasty to you UwU
the answer is shitting btw
46. What are your LEGAL initials?
sorry but i only respect the law when it achieves what i personally want. ask me what my biological initials are instead
47. Who’s the first B in your contacts?
Bitchkiss, who i met in the Chronicles of Shitquest fandom and who is fictionkin with the character Kissbitch. you may find that their name is a clever subversion of the structure of the name Kissbitch. ha ha, yeah, i know it may seem coincidental but this is actually a reference to their identity as Kissbitch as well as a very humorous and jolly "inside joke" (joke you can only tell indoors) shared within our social groups. just felt the need to specify in case you didn't get it. god i wish they hadn't died three months ago in that automobile accident
48. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
i don't laugh because laughter is a sin i think. like i think its one of those secret menu sins where they dont list it in the commandments or whatever but if you commit it and get to heaven they make you spend a few centuries in the Cube of Agony and Endless Torment before they're willing to register you as a new heaven membership cardholder. its cool though bc a Cube Visit comes free with a Groupon Kids Club membership card so it kinda evens out
49. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
again, i don't befriend other tops. they get so moody and bitchy when they find out that your asshole only opens for Boof Night and not fun stuff. hypocritical given this is something all people of penetrator experience endure but go off queen give us nothing
50. Explain your last awkward moment?
erm okay not to be a debbie downer but this question is so sussy and perhaps baka-like. like urm can't my little introverted quirky self NOT bear my totally awkwardsauce wounds to a cheugy, inhumane public? xDDDD
51. Are you afraid of the dark?
lol i loved that show as a kid, say another thing from the 90s so i can be happy for a second : )
52. Do you have good vision?
heh, i'll let you decide based on my vision of a perfect world: So, like, I wake up and I'm, like, The Joker, right? Yeah, from Batman, that guy. So, yeah, I'm The Joker, baby, I got the makeup and the clothes and the hair, I got the cool scars and the sociopathy born from endless societal mistreatment and losing too many competitive multiplayer video game matches, yeah? And so I'm walking down the street, right, and I see a lady and I go, "Good morrow to thee, m'lady," and, like, she turns around and she is ALSO The Joker baby. And she's holding, like, an infant or something, and IT TOO is The Joker Baby, as well as The Baby Joker. And like
sorry i had to stop writing so i could go and jerk off really, really joylessly
53. Have you ever tripped someone?
yeah and it was funny at first but they've kept stumbling ever since. doc says its terminal. i have to pay all their med bills. i can never forgive myself. i didnt realize i had the power to do that to someone and now im frightened of my capacity to commit harm. they look so fucking stupid every day and it makes me feel bad to laugh but its so funny :'''(
54. Have you ever slapped someone?
Honford.........................................................................................................................
55. Are you Irish?
if you saw me irl you would not be asking this question
56. Do you use chap stick?
chapstick sucks alright. it smells like its gonna taste good and then you take a big ole chomp and like fucking clockwork it always ends up tasting like shit. yet more evidence of corporate greed ruining the chapstick industry. at least when you bite into lipstick you know from how it smells that its gonna taste like shit, no false hope or dishonest advertising there, plus also you get that fun waxy glob of gunk in your teeth that you can playfully press into your cavities and merrily rub into your tonsils as well. no cap if you like chapstick you're not normal
57. Do you have any scars?
90% of my body is scar tissue and the rest is undigested paper from when i was 10 and loved eating the corners of my school textbooks' pages. perhaps this is why my childhood bathroom breaks consisted mostly of papercuts and going "OH MAN NOT AGAIN"
58. Is there someone you will never forgive?
was gonna say yeah but i cant remember their name or what they did or why i was mad at them
59. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
fr i don't remember the last time i held someone's hand. it's happened before, sure, and it's happened in many contexts. holding my mother's hand as she led me through a mall that felt gargantuan to a little boy, holding my best friend's hand to show she could trust me to lead us out of the woods and back home, holding my partner's hand during the first time we made love together. there is a unique intimacy to it, the expression of affection, closeness, and trust that comes from gripping such a meaningful body part in your own. we use our hands for all we do, not least of all communication. we are all so touch-starved and yet when we do offer each other physical support or affection, the hands are almost doubtlessly there. as with all communication, there is an inherent limit to the certainty of what's being expressed, and so i shall never know what these moments of handholding meant to the other person, but i am assured of their meaningfulness anyway. in a mind so fraught with noise and memories of past tribulation, that is to say the typical adult human mind, there must be some importance there for these memories to be so much clearer to me then even the greatest of pains i've learned.
60. Name the last person to text you.
it starts with a B and you're never gonna motherfucking believe who it is or where they got their name from (RIP)
61. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
no thats pedophilia bc theyd be old or something, not unlike how itd be pedophilia if they were taller then me. it makes me uncomfortable to consider that kind of age gap even as a grown manlet, but tbh looking into why i feel that way is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and kinda fucking gay, so i'd rather go with my gut instinct of associating my unexamined discomfort at something that doesn't appeal to me with an unforgivable evil like sexual child abuse bc that provides me both an easy out of examining why i believe what i do AND lets me call ppl who disagree w/ me immoral. this is good for society bc thinking too hard make me fart real bad so really my intentional obtuseness is a public service, ur welcome no need to thank me + if you smell something weird it wasnt me =^.^=
62. Can you go in public looking like you do?
fascinated by this question bc it could either be in the sense of "are you a social minority whos appearance gives that fact away and therefore opens you up to public ridicule and harassment" or "do you like shitting your pants and rubbing your own spooge into your eyes for fun and if yes do you do it unsubtley enough that your GTA police rating would go up by one star if you walked outside while doing it"
63. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
HEY im not married you hussy! pre-marital kissing is simply not something im comfortable with. i refuse to kiss anyone til ive been wed for at least 50 years so as to set a good example to my children, each of which will be born thanks to the power of violent gay sex and just a little bit of magic
64. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
we're not here to talk politics :/
65. What's the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
~*~kill my dad!~*~
66. Do you fall for people easily?
me trying really hard not to let people know that i'm always fighting the urge to fall down out of nowhere because i've become convinced that everyone loves the Stupid Man Fall Down routine in all life situations plus something possibly malignant vibrates in my head just right when i suddenly land on my bootyass and someone else notices: why do you say that
67. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
OP has asked so many questions about physical intimacy that i'm convinced that either they're befuddlingly horny, unashamedly invasive, or whimsically paranoid. OP is invited to put their arm around me if it'll make em fuckin feel better or whatever
68. Do you miss the way things used to be?
um okay awkward O.o........... uh peeps? this guy doesnt know that when you ruminate on what once was you're just dragging its dead weight forward............. sooooo not epic!!
69. Song you’re thinking of right now?
got this one from a goanimate video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXmOypTu6jo
it was from this video specifically: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4k6M-DBMCY
70. Want someone back in your life?
okay thats enough. *growls like an angry anime wolf gurl but then remembers to use "i feel" statements bc thats all they taught us about conflict resolution in the psych ward* sigh okay like uh. i. feel. like you dont listen to me when i feed you wannabe philosophizing. i feel like you will find that in Question 68. of subsection 420 clause Fuckyouidiot that i covered this topic already and in a way that renders this question moot. i also feel like you can suck my dick and kiss my anus hole. i'm glad to have discussed this like adults *smiles all smile-like*
71. Will tomorrow be better than today?
no but maybe three months from now that'll change
72. What's your favorite colour?
black bc i like that its every color at once to the degree it cancels itself out. symbolism for something (IQ score not high enuff to know what, still reading other ppl's poetry in the hopes of stealing an explanation)
73. Who was the first friend that you had?
tch... friends? ha... i've been a lone wolf since the day i was born... moment i came out, i was alone... mom evaporated, dad too... guess thats how it is, huh? ya live alone, ya die alone... never to be accepted for who you really are... oh, my name? heh... have you ever seen Joker (2019)? wanna know a geniouses' vision of a perfect world?
74. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
i really enjoy being lied to because it makes reality more precarious and therefore interesting. it is like i am playing a game of Cluedo or perhaps Guess Who? anytime a habitual liar opens their mouth in my direction and i am very bad at those games so every interaction with a fibber is a heartwarming and thrilling adventure to me :o)
75. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
with respect granted to the possibility that OP is an ESL speaker or just has a quirked up way of communicating, the wording of this question is so fucking funny. i THINK the implication is, like, "oh do outside observers know if you and your partner are an item or just friends or sumn else" or whatevs but the way its framed here makes me think the question is intended to be answered along the lines of "so does anyone even know what the fuck you and that other guys deal is?? do you and your homie behave incoherently and in irrational or perhaps stupid ways???"
76. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
i hate all human life that has existed, currently exists, or will ever exist, but yeah im a naturally very sunny and silly and not even slightly evil little goofball. i can be trusted with firearms and i know what its like to feel contentment trust me bro *sharts cutely* <333
77. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
i'll have to ask a doctor first
YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING WARNING'D
1. This meme may be personal. You ready for it?
i'll have to ask a doctor first
2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
wow OP of this meme is kinda sussy and a little problematic :/ like literally why are you demanding i get into an incestuous marriage with my sister :/// i don't even like wimmin :///// you will pay for this when my google doc on you is complete ://////////
3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
i'm never happy when i wake up and if i can have my way about it i never will be <3
4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
i like sitting on my phone sometimes bc of the ass-centric sensations i get from the vibrations of texts sent by my mother when another barrel of pickles (we are pickle collectors, long story) falls on her and crushes her legs in so many ways. my phone is not large enough to accommodate anyone else's buttocks at the same time as i, a realization that made me stop bringing my phone on dates bc literally why bother
5. What are you excited for?
phone sittin time, aka 4:23 AM sharp
6. What were you doing yesterday?
sittin on my phone starting at 4:33 AM sharp (running late on account of playing archived flash games about shitting your pants) and ending at i forget (blacked out from rage at some point bc i kept losing the pants shitting games)
7. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
myself right now and it is okay that i am lying to me :)
8. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
i would like to be able to say dick or perhaps even ass so as not to embarrass myself in front of the internet on account of what if theres any girls listening but sadly i must report that its worse then the doctors thought: Yep. Sorry dude, but you just slurped up a fine can of Monster Energy ™ © ®
9. Have a best friend?
a smart gamer would likely try and deconstruct both the argument that establishing a hierarchy of affections in your mind will always result in the neglect of those lower on the ladder and the argument that a demonstrably more intimate emotional bond cannot reasonably be compared to an intentionally shallow, utility-based acquaintanceship, but i'm 1/4th Stupid Dipshit on my father's side and so i gotta say no instead B^)
10. Are you scared to fall in love?
i'm scared to fall in anything bc that shit hurts esp if you land on ur knees lol
11. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
i don't think teenagers can experience any emotion or, in fact, any facet of the human experience. as with all children, they are merely barely-sentient - and assuredly not sapient! - quasi-animate objects who only turn into actual people the moment they hit 18 or 21 or 25 or whatever other arbitrary age i decide law should say is objectively when the onset of autonomy/humanity begins. the real question is why do teenagers hate adults and authority so much???
12. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
me! happy to report that's one less desire left unfulfilled :^DDD
13. What time is it right this second?
so here's the problem pal, and please allow me to finish before interjecting. the amount of time it would take for me to look at a world clock, see what time it is down to the second, and type it out here would be more then one second, forcing me to repeat the process in vain for hours until i pass out from dehydration/crying too much. bet you feel pretty foolish now don't you
15. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
last picture i took was that handmade emulation of the Mona Lisa which my husbandwife/enemyfriend Honford helped me detach from that one school's library wall so that we could take it home to use as both a urinal and as a third on TTRPG night (read: the only nights we actually fuck)
16. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
i'm a faggot :]
17. When was the last time you cried?
crying is for pussy bitches and that's why babies are so weak. they cry so much that they don't even know how to walk or read or talk good or shoot big guns in video games. this is why, with your help and for just pennies a day, we can put an end to babies and free the world of the tyranny of water exiting your face while you look all ugly about it
18. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
hi sorry to DM you like this bc like i know we dont know each other or anything but id like to say two things to you. 1) i saw you posted a photo of yourself, your mother and father, and a birthday cake they had hand-decorated for you, and i cannot go on living until you acknowledge that this is an act of violence against me specifically on account of the psychological wounds imposed on me by my father and my ambivalence regarding the childcare decisions my mother made when i was a kid, and also this attack on Me is real and important bc i am indeed a homosex (please refer to question 16 of the "Journal Meme" i will be sending shortly) and therefore this is a hatecrime and literally why do you hate gay people and pls commit suicide while touching grass, and 2) your island isnt good enuff for raymond so you should send him to me right now please
19. Do you find it hard to trust others?
literally have a mental disorder about this ;x and yes, it is gucci
20. How fast does your mind change?
idk but this meme is cool :)
22. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
ya know what i changed my mind fuck you
23. Why do you think so many people cheat?
in relationships: greater context is always necessary wrt both the personalities and individual experiences of the parties involved. there's no ethical excuse for infidelity, as in there's no good reason it happens, but there are definitely reasons it happens, and trying to throw out a useless, obvious platitude about selfishness or having+eating cake collapses a complex interpersonal issue down into a soundbite that doesn't encourage the self-awareness or responsible thinking that prevents e.g. the denial of feeling lust/yearning beyond your partner and therefore increased likelihood of pursuing whoever your impulsive desires tell you to due to lack of introspection
in vody gams: its fun lmao
24. Tell me what's on your mind?
25. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
the possibility of death by vehicular manslaughter. a girl can dream!
26. Have you ever worn the opposite gender's clothing?
had the inclination to assert that clothing doesn't have a gender but remembered that overalls and sailor suits are inescapably Little Boy Coded so instead i have to make a joke about being a man in a dress or some shit. according to all media ever, this will deliver on big laughs and perhaps a guffaw or two from the most hateful person currently in the room
27. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
none of my friends are tops bc i don't like being faced with competition in the same ecological niche
28. When is your next road trip?
probably within the next three months
29. Do you have someone of the opposite gender you can tell anything to?
anytime a woman talks to me i remember that she's a femoid and i'm a memoid and because of the species barrier if i tried to talk back she WOULD kill me, take all my money, eat all my children, fuck all my cousins, kiss my brother on the mouth with tongue, kiss my father on the mouth with teeth, and then ignore me because she has earbuds in. i learned this from severely emotionally dysregulated men on the internet :D
30. How's your heart?
thanks for reminding me to check in with it. it's been a while since i texted. hold up brb
okay i texted and apparently it got fucking pwn'd to shit by unforeseeable and mysterious circumstances. bummer! anyway,
31. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
nah RIP to people who do but i'm built different. like duh moron grow up, life is pretty easy when you're incapable of hiding your deviations from the status quo so i've only ever felt like everyone loved me and that my life has intrinsic value. this is particularly true because my cock is massive xoxo
32. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
nah somebody's got his eyes on nobody right now and no matter how hard i try i just can't live up to the standard that nobody set >:{
33. What are you planning on doing after this?
dying [Author's Note: This project may take as long as three months to complete.]
34. Next time you will kiss someone?
i know little in the way of proper grammar - this has only become truer as i have allowed machines to do all my thinking for me and gave up on trying to clearly communicate with anyone i don't immediately empathize with, as God intended ofc - but isnt this a sentence fragment? usually that's not a problem but deadass whatever is hypothetically filling the space before "next" could and likely would change the context of the rest of the sentence. not to resort to threats but this is confusing me so much i just might kiss someone about it
35. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
no but i told about 50 people that i hated them. feel free to be inspired <3 peace and love
36. Who do you not get along with?
People I Do Not Enjoy The Company Of:
1) funnymen and jokesters
2) anyone taller then me/90% of the whole of human life
3) weird people i don't relate to #bringbackbullying #justnotforme
3 again) excessively facetious people
37. What does your 3rd recent text say?
"i'll have to ask a doctor first"
CONTEXT: corn
38. What are you wearing right now?
only boxer shorts HUBBA HUBBA ;P HOWEVER i am still considered pure in the eyes of The Lort bc i am tucked into my blankie thus covering my spiteful imperfect flesh and i am terribly fucking cozy about it
39. You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
> look around
The room is empty besides The Person You Last Kissed (Kissbitch for short), a table with a wobbling leg, a cardboard box, a pornographic novel titled The Hair That Rocks The Asscrack, and a Hello Kitty branded hairpin. The room's only door, locked from the inside, is to the north. What shall you do?
> punh Kissbitch
I do not know how to "punh Kissbitch"
> punch Kissbitch
I do not know how to "punch Kissbitch"
> fuck
I do not know how to "fuck"
> lol
Okay, that's it.
SHITQUEST.EXE has stopped working
Windows can check online for a solution to the problem.
> Check online for a solution and close the program
> Go fuck yourself four ways from Sunday
40. When’s the last time you had a grilled cheese?
i never feel more grilled-cheeseless then when someone asks me this question. oh fuck. im crying now. oh shit
41. What’s your favourite boy and girl name right now?
my favorite name for someone whomst is a boyandgirl would be boyandgirl bc it summarizes their situation and has a nice ring to it dontcha think c:
42. How did you feel when you woke up?
HEY WAIT A SECOND YOU FUCKING HACK FRAUD. YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. YOU OH MY GOD YOU ALREADY FUCKING ASKED THIS QUESTION. YOU UNFORGIVABLE PIECE OF CUNT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUUUUUU
43. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Honford..........................................................................................................................
44. Do you crack your knuckles?
no but i knuckle my crack lmao gottem
45. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
before i answer, i feel the need to address a recent transgression of mine. please read this in the voice of your favorite youtube personality or perhaps tiktok star. anyway here goes: a few minutes ago i made the egregious mistake of making a joke about anal masturbation that was directed at the OP of this meme for the purpose of amusing myself and a hypothetical audience of readers. it has come to my attention that this could be considered a vicious and predatory form of sexual harassment equivalent to no less then a bodily assault or prolonged project of psychological abuse, and thus i cannot apologize enough for having committed an evil this heinous. to make up for it i will be having a public temper tantrum about the people who called me out on it for being mean to me (remember: im gay so if u h8 me for how i behave u h8 queermosexuals as a class), temporarily lock all my social media accounts, throw a pity party on my private twitter that i said id disable after Musk started going fullblown neo but didnt bc thats where i vent about members of The Lion King fanbase who i disagree with and if i dont do that i'll literally kill myself, delete everything embarrassing when i'm lucid again, and then pretend none of this happened. if you ask me for context past this point i WILL be really fucking nasty to you UwU
the answer is shitting btw
46. What are your LEGAL initials?
sorry but i only respect the law when it achieves what i personally want. ask me what my biological initials are instead
47. Who’s the first B in your contacts?
Bitchkiss, who i met in the Chronicles of Shitquest fandom and who is fictionkin with the character Kissbitch. you may find that their name is a clever subversion of the structure of the name Kissbitch. ha ha, yeah, i know it may seem coincidental but this is actually a reference to their identity as Kissbitch as well as a very humorous and jolly "inside joke" (joke you can only tell indoors) shared within our social groups. just felt the need to specify in case you didn't get it. god i wish they hadn't died three months ago in that automobile accident
48. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
i don't laugh because laughter is a sin i think. like i think its one of those secret menu sins where they dont list it in the commandments or whatever but if you commit it and get to heaven they make you spend a few centuries in the Cube of Agony and Endless Torment before they're willing to register you as a new heaven membership cardholder. its cool though bc a Cube Visit comes free with a Groupon Kids Club membership card so it kinda evens out
49. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
again, i don't befriend other tops. they get so moody and bitchy when they find out that your asshole only opens for Boof Night and not fun stuff. hypocritical given this is something all people of penetrator experience endure but go off queen give us nothing
50. Explain your last awkward moment?
erm okay not to be a debbie downer but this question is so sussy and perhaps baka-like. like urm can't my little introverted quirky self NOT bear my totally awkwardsauce wounds to a cheugy, inhumane public? xDDDD
51. Are you afraid of the dark?
lol i loved that show as a kid, say another thing from the 90s so i can be happy for a second : )
52. Do you have good vision?
heh, i'll let you decide based on my vision of a perfect world: So, like, I wake up and I'm, like, The Joker, right? Yeah, from Batman, that guy. So, yeah, I'm The Joker, baby, I got the makeup and the clothes and the hair, I got the cool scars and the sociopathy born from endless societal mistreatment and losing too many competitive multiplayer video game matches, yeah? And so I'm walking down the street, right, and I see a lady and I go, "Good morrow to thee, m'lady," and, like, she turns around and she is ALSO The Joker baby. And she's holding, like, an infant or something, and IT TOO is The Joker Baby, as well as The Baby Joker. And like
sorry i had to stop writing so i could go and jerk off really, really joylessly
53. Have you ever tripped someone?
yeah and it was funny at first but they've kept stumbling ever since. doc says its terminal. i have to pay all their med bills. i can never forgive myself. i didnt realize i had the power to do that to someone and now im frightened of my capacity to commit harm. they look so fucking stupid every day and it makes me feel bad to laugh but its so funny :'''(
54. Have you ever slapped someone?
Honford.........................................................................................................................
55. Are you Irish?
if you saw me irl you would not be asking this question
56. Do you use chap stick?
chapstick sucks alright. it smells like its gonna taste good and then you take a big ole chomp and like fucking clockwork it always ends up tasting like shit. yet more evidence of corporate greed ruining the chapstick industry. at least when you bite into lipstick you know from how it smells that its gonna taste like shit, no false hope or dishonest advertising there, plus also you get that fun waxy glob of gunk in your teeth that you can playfully press into your cavities and merrily rub into your tonsils as well. no cap if you like chapstick you're not normal
57. Do you have any scars?
90% of my body is scar tissue and the rest is undigested paper from when i was 10 and loved eating the corners of my school textbooks' pages. perhaps this is why my childhood bathroom breaks consisted mostly of papercuts and going "OH MAN NOT AGAIN"
58. Is there someone you will never forgive?
was gonna say yeah but i cant remember their name or what they did or why i was mad at them
59. Are you dating the person you last held hands with?
fr i don't remember the last time i held someone's hand. it's happened before, sure, and it's happened in many contexts. holding my mother's hand as she led me through a mall that felt gargantuan to a little boy, holding my best friend's hand to show she could trust me to lead us out of the woods and back home, holding my partner's hand during the first time we made love together. there is a unique intimacy to it, the expression of affection, closeness, and trust that comes from gripping such a meaningful body part in your own. we use our hands for all we do, not least of all communication. we are all so touch-starved and yet when we do offer each other physical support or affection, the hands are almost doubtlessly there. as with all communication, there is an inherent limit to the certainty of what's being expressed, and so i shall never know what these moments of handholding meant to the other person, but i am assured of their meaningfulness anyway. in a mind so fraught with noise and memories of past tribulation, that is to say the typical adult human mind, there must be some importance there for these memories to be so much clearer to me then even the greatest of pains i've learned.
60. Name the last person to text you.
it starts with a B and you're never gonna motherfucking believe who it is or where they got their name from (RIP)
61. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
no thats pedophilia bc theyd be old or something, not unlike how itd be pedophilia if they were taller then me. it makes me uncomfortable to consider that kind of age gap even as a grown manlet, but tbh looking into why i feel that way is uncomfortable, inconvenient, and kinda fucking gay, so i'd rather go with my gut instinct of associating my unexamined discomfort at something that doesn't appeal to me with an unforgivable evil like sexual child abuse bc that provides me both an easy out of examining why i believe what i do AND lets me call ppl who disagree w/ me immoral. this is good for society bc thinking too hard make me fart real bad so really my intentional obtuseness is a public service, ur welcome no need to thank me + if you smell something weird it wasnt me =^.^=
62. Can you go in public looking like you do?
fascinated by this question bc it could either be in the sense of "are you a social minority whos appearance gives that fact away and therefore opens you up to public ridicule and harassment" or "do you like shitting your pants and rubbing your own spooge into your eyes for fun and if yes do you do it unsubtley enough that your GTA police rating would go up by one star if you walked outside while doing it"
63. Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a J?
HEY im not married you hussy! pre-marital kissing is simply not something im comfortable with. i refuse to kiss anyone til ive been wed for at least 50 years so as to set a good example to my children, each of which will be born thanks to the power of violent gay sex and just a little bit of magic
64. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
we're not here to talk politics :/
65. What's the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
~*~kill my dad!~*~
66. Do you fall for people easily?
me trying really hard not to let people know that i'm always fighting the urge to fall down out of nowhere because i've become convinced that everyone loves the Stupid Man Fall Down routine in all life situations plus something possibly malignant vibrates in my head just right when i suddenly land on my bootyass and someone else notices: why do you say that
67. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
OP has asked so many questions about physical intimacy that i'm convinced that either they're befuddlingly horny, unashamedly invasive, or whimsically paranoid. OP is invited to put their arm around me if it'll make em fuckin feel better or whatever
68. Do you miss the way things used to be?
um okay awkward O.o........... uh peeps? this guy doesnt know that when you ruminate on what once was you're just dragging its dead weight forward............. sooooo not epic!!
69. Song you’re thinking of right now?
got this one from a goanimate video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXmOypTu6jo
it was from this video specifically: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4k6M-DBMCY
70. Want someone back in your life?
okay thats enough. *growls like an angry anime wolf gurl but then remembers to use "i feel" statements bc thats all they taught us about conflict resolution in the psych ward* sigh okay like uh. i. feel. like you dont listen to me when i feed you wannabe philosophizing. i feel like you will find that in Question 68. of subsection 420 clause Fuckyouidiot that i covered this topic already and in a way that renders this question moot. i also feel like you can suck my dick and kiss my anus hole. i'm glad to have discussed this like adults *smiles all smile-like*
71. Will tomorrow be better than today?
no but maybe three months from now that'll change
72. What's your favorite colour?
black bc i like that its every color at once to the degree it cancels itself out. symbolism for something (IQ score not high enuff to know what, still reading other ppl's poetry in the hopes of stealing an explanation)
73. Who was the first friend that you had?
tch... friends? ha... i've been a lone wolf since the day i was born... moment i came out, i was alone... mom evaporated, dad too... guess thats how it is, huh? ya live alone, ya die alone... never to be accepted for who you really are... oh, my name? heh... have you ever seen Joker (2019)? wanna know a geniouses' vision of a perfect world?
74. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
i really enjoy being lied to because it makes reality more precarious and therefore interesting. it is like i am playing a game of Cluedo or perhaps Guess Who? anytime a habitual liar opens their mouth in my direction and i am very bad at those games so every interaction with a fibber is a heartwarming and thrilling adventure to me :o)
75. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
with respect granted to the possibility that OP is an ESL speaker or just has a quirked up way of communicating, the wording of this question is so fucking funny. i THINK the implication is, like, "oh do outside observers know if you and your partner are an item or just friends or sumn else" or whatevs but the way its framed here makes me think the question is intended to be answered along the lines of "so does anyone even know what the fuck you and that other guys deal is?? do you and your homie behave incoherently and in irrational or perhaps stupid ways???"
76. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
i hate all human life that has existed, currently exists, or will ever exist, but yeah im a naturally very sunny and silly and not even slightly evil little goofball. i can be trusted with firearms and i know what its like to feel contentment trust me bro *sharts cutely* <333
77. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
i'll have to ask a doctor first
