okay now i get trains and why everybody likes them like that. though cool as it would be, trains realistically need a lot of logistics to run and can't be primary transportation. imagine a train stopping at every building. it would never get anywhere! i believe monorails can work in local passenger lines where busses can't be accommodated for, they're basically just aboveground subways and those work just fine. and i am a bonefied trolly-lover so please y'all jump on the trolly as the future of public transit and drop the dw trains. they even work in smaller towns and for towns that want to stay small, coachbuilders make trollies that can run on the road. no, not busses, trollies are more like, pick-it-up-anywhere and tug to be let off whereas busses are primary station to station rigid. theoretically, middle-20th century busses could be used as trollies depending on the vibe of the town, especially those made on commercial pickup truck platforms such as the 1958 chevy viking models. that said, trollies made to look like trollies are ideal. ;3
but also, back on trains, i think those shorter and local railroads that keep closing from mass-market demand can and should have plenty of other uses and lives after that. Perhaps even spawning communities of train-lovers as the old train-indifferents die and/or move out.

just some thoughts!

I'm gonna go cast bells in Austria or someshiz. better than hoodies and subarus and npc drone masks.

There used to be a community of kind souls here who built a community on accepting each other regardless of the social awkwardness or potential story-path they were on. They'd help each other through rough times and problems with the wisdom of someone who'd been there before. A Community like that would keep a young wandering loser alive and hopeful that things would, in fact, get better.

Then all the social media fuckheads showed up. Superficial, nitpicky, ungrateful gasbags preaching acceotance only as far as it gets them in the door. but did they understand the headspace behind pup play, or why someone may feel like a babyfur? No, of course not. they shouted their ignorant human bullshit without ever even bothering to understand a goddamn thing about this community. Number goes up at any cost, they believe. Modernize no matter the repercussions or whether "modern" is even what it needs. Motherfuckers come in like stompers in their rumblecrushers to tear down the fucking forest while promising the animals free access to the goddamn shopping center they've put up. They hate Donald Trump and yet all they do is tear down community centers to build condos like a character based on his real estate developer days in a 1980s movie. Oh and god forbid you say a swear. I used to know this guy named Cam. He would throw a hissy fit any time anybody said like "damn" or "hell" and nobody liked him because that's all he did. When you included him, he took over the group and forced us all to play a guessing game he stole from a TV show. Don't be Cam.

And don't for a second think these morons are telling the truth when they say they're on the side of us Queers, these dipshits wouldn't know queer culture if it bit them in the ass and asked for the same in return. They censor actual queer culture and rely heavily and specifically on a labeling system that's incredibly easy to defraud. Meanwhile they say all these big words about acceptance and unconditional love and what do they do when they have decided you no longer fit their paradigm? that's right, they act like they don't know you and kick you to the curb. Turns out, yeah when that shit happens to a person, they get a little bit angry. a bit feral. might even start turning against those who hurt them, you know? Don't be mistaken by the blue hair and pronouns, these people aren't going to help anybody but the gray-uniform ghouls coming up behind them.

Am I "no longer trans" because I've realized my actual gender is a mix of a lot of stuff and not so rigid? According to these people, I'm apparently not non-binary, but rather a HORRIBLE CIS MAN. They can't even use their own goddamn labeling system correctly, because what I am is neither male nor female though I have traits of both but feel something more and different. That's non-binary. Some fucking acceptance. I renounce any friendships or doings I've ever had or done with those people. And now I'm left with a terrifying situation where all anyone says is about politics thanks to these idiots (Furry isn't political because its a place where we're supposed to be able to cool down from the campaigns, roleplay turning each other into heffalumps and woozles to blow off the steam, then return to civil decorum. if politics, like anything, is always on then it gets burnt-out and the words become meaningless) and I don't know where my people even are anymore. Do i fit in with the snow leopards? The videografurs? Filmmaker furs? A kink in particular? I don't know because those spaces are all poisoned by number-go-up clout chasing too. Show a video you care about having made and nobody cares. nah, somebody did a generic convention video with the same shots that are only steady because their stupid camera does all the work so they don't have to learn how to use it. FUCK. Does ANYBODY, ANYWHERE NOT SUCK IN THIS STUPID YEAR??? PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF SKILTAIRES, WHO ARE YOU AND WHERE CAN I FIND YOU

If you have literally anything about you to express, you can find a way to give your fursona it and rock it. Otherwise, go back to your little egg-guessing game where you have to compliment everything...OR ELSE...and get your self that way. I grew mine myself without any of that, so quit forcing it on me.

What I've seen is the Zootopia fandom, a group of mostly immature teenagers and adults who don't see themselves as animals or understand anything about animals, see people having fun and decide to take over their spaces instead of making their own. Furry is not a fandom, its a lifestyle. If you want pretty pictures made generically by people proficient with software but having no real care for community building, want everything G-rated and "family friendly", and want a safe space to burn out your political zeal and realize that nothing ever changes, you just didn't see how it worked- Go take over Furry Amino instead of converting this site into it. Furry Amino is the epitome of what a platform catering to these bottom-of-the-barrel dweebs IS. But what everyone should definitely do is take your Zootopia Fandom and push it somewhere else, outside of our woods, and far away. We'll take whoever needs that help I had gotten in the real Furry community and anybody who wants to go a second round- I know how most humans just want everybody to be "normal", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean.

As for me, I want the Furries back. I've had more than enough of goddamn humans in dead animal skins.

And never forget that in actuality the humans' Crumbly Glass cries are about their internal demons, not about people who like to clear their mind of bullshit like taxes and bills to instead freely chase sticks in safe spaces among loving companions or letting go of all the dreary dullness of adult life for something more bright and hopeful. perhaps its time we were their echo and did as they say and kick the humans out. After all, a truly tolerant community does not tolerate intolerance. But always remember that it will also cure ignorance rather than banish its keeper.

We might be barking a bit "too loud", ah, but that never hurt no-one.

idk what the hell is going on anymore, i'm out of all the loops, and all i do know is that all changed at the same time during a specific event in a specific place where a specific person said a specific thing. i feel like i've been going crazy trying to figure out what i'm supposed to do now. and, of course, what i mean by "supposed to do" is find my hookups through the annoying things the algorithm keeps putting in my way. i will say it subsided when it actually does. but the good news is the internal noise that garbage would trigger in me is quieting. thank fuck for the cool off.

also, i'm getting tired of labels because it feels too cliquey these days. i just want to be.

anyways, i'm going to go put my collar on and enjoy the fresh tighty whities that came in the other day.

i don't speak smartphone and i'm not interested in learning to. if you have something to say to me, say it in fucking english. otherwise, fuck off.

still not funny. very not funny. knock it off.


my favorite part is how everybody else is doing the same damn thing i am but nobody else is getting shit for it. that's sarcasm meant to direct your attention to how this whole thing is asinine. people need to learn how to be animals that can contend with other animals or get over the fact they're going to be eaten. humanity need not apply, this is growling and teeth bearing territory. and if the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth makes you weak in the knees, either its time to develop a foot fetish or a vore fetish. Feelings get hurt in the real world, and the real world is where all that fun you miss is. the real world is the one where furry isn't your safespace from furries or the politics people you don't like, whichever ones it is you don't, its OUR safe space away from people who want to drag everybody into their human race rundown and make us stand still and be polite like some kind of fucked up tea party dolls. you need to ask consent to do that to people, you don't just get to manifest destiny community spaces like those people you are always complaining about (again, whichever one it is, you are all bickering the same thing and if you'd knock it off you'd see the answer is much more simple and the "literal" isn't literal)
idk, maybe we'll all die. but you know what will definitely happen if we do nothing? we will all die, but old and miserable and full of regrets. and fam, if that's all there is fuck the middle man let's just fucking be animals and fuck the comsequences

seeing sentiments around again implying the fur is shallow and the flesh is deep, and these just super annoy me. if you knew me only as my stupid human meatbag you wouldn't know anything about me. i'm intensely uncomfortable around people and if left to Only Humans i shrink down and slink away. if you ask or imply wanting to know me "beyond the characters and the fursuits" i would be deeply hurt. this IS that deep me. i just don't hide it because all i've ever wanted is to be this way all the time (and of course with the easy things i keep trying to drill into particular people i could do better being me offline.). are you all treating this like a job? god please get off that insane grind addiction every millennial seems to have about social media and work, you're losing yourself and perhaps that's why you think you need to get to something else. that normal life you all claim to yearn for is nonsense, fake, doesn't exist. and let's be very real its a stupid and boring fantasy anyways. oh what, you want to lose everything that makes you you to be a breeder, pop out some brats and sit there while they grow into the next gen of awful people who know nothing while you get old and full of regrets. that's the reality bucko. the sooner you get over your internalized white fascism the better- you are queer (LGBTQ+ means the same thing, i like using the word because chunks of letters are too clunky for my writing flow and i love reclaiming it) and not part of a dozen plus six two-part baby factory. you are so much more than that, so beautiful. even if You consider yourself handsome, your soul is beautiful in a way beyond gendered understanding. your fursona is meant to be that deep part of you that the human flesh doesn't allow conveyance of. the part you keep trying to take it off to show. this isn't fucking celebrity corner, you are not expected to "put on a performance" and to be honest with you listening to everybody bitch and moan about how hard they made this on themselves by treating it like a job or some kind of life-or-death secret is INSANE, good lord do you throw a tantrum and act like you;re being made to break rocks with sticks when asked if you want to lay down and relax too? for fucks sake. i think i get the snowflake analogy now. you're all unique and beautiful but the seond there's anything going on you melt and lose all that. please grow some tougher skin, maybe even fur. no matter what in this world you're just gonna keep getting the short end if you go through life with that attitude.
i was like that, and if i didn't kick that mindset i would have offed myself. what you're getting isn't worth everything you give up. normal is so overrated i can't believe anybody is still having those sentiments.

yeah, like, idk. the more i look at modern furry culture the less i feel i associate with it, but i also feel like what we as a society have come to recognize as "modern" and think of as complete already since we're seeing it is just shit-at-the-wall-to-see-what-sticks prototyping. its so hollow and flimsy that must be what it is. anyways i can't stand it, i need stuff and people of substance in my life. furries who came back after the rainbow run part. god i wish everybody would start recognizing the stupid hypertube mindset and putting it down. its not really the tube from space mountain, but to begin to visualize it so you can out it away watch a ride pov if you haven't ridden it for that part at the beginning, you'll know what i mean when you see it. look here i even did the gosh darn legwork for you just click this https://youtu.be/WMMiZFPYg6M ......

what i really hope you take away from all this isn't my frustration or pointed tone or whatever other dumb flighty reaction nonsense, but that i want to see this community put roots back down imstead of constantly trying to take itself off. this is where you get to take off all of that shitty human garbage and be free. this place has always been the inverse of human, where the stuff that pisses you off turns you on instead. where you find a balance.
SO TAKE YOUR FAKE LUXURY GRAY PLASTIC AND TURN-YOUR-BRAIN-OFF E-Z-IGNORANCE AND EITHER THROW IT IN THE GARBAGE WHERE IT BELONGS OR GO BACK TO BEING ONLY A HUMAN AND SUFFER IN SILENCE. don't gentrify our community by bringing your cringey human baggage and kick furries like me to the wayside. we were here first, you manifest dipshits, and this is our community where we go to be SAFE FROM YOU.

i think i'm gonna die if i don't get outside of this fucking closet

cancelling is a braindead way of dealing with anything. it is meaningless and just an excuse for boring losers to pretend like someone else is the problem instead of reflecting on themselves. online used to be a lot of fun. used to be cool, when you could just vent whatever the fuck. when you have to identify yourself like in the real world, its just a shittier version of what offline was. if you think anything about the way things are now is okay or healthy or sustainable or anything, sorry bud but you're braindead and have no clue what's going on in reality outside of your metaverse hypertube.

all i really have to say to people is
1. you're stupid if you think 20th century = bad politics- you're confusing an actual time with your own trail of mistakes.
2. i am absolutely too good for pointless menial labor- so are you, stop bootlicking.
3. i don't give a fuck about brands, i care about who/what gives me what i want and everything else can shove it.
4. tiktok is brainrot not because "its nonsense" but because instead of letting you the time to create something, it encourages shitting whatever half-assed trendy derivative nonsense out as quickly as possible thereby lowering your attention span, creativity, and honestly it makes you really fucking boring and sound dumb when you talk.
5. i do support detransitioners, and you should too. they're not some piece of you that if you are nice to them you'll do it too ya goon. next time leave your HOA human nonsense at the grassbreak instead of bringing it into the woods with you. the ghost stories about "going back to cis" are not the reality of the majority. they're still queer (surprise, queer isn't just a magic label you can place or strip, you either are or you're not no matter how you present) and honestly if you are all "support trans people who can;t transition/gay people in the closet" you're a hypocrite and a bigot to believe you shouldn't also support detransitioners. unless you want to start telling people they should obey you about what to do with their bodies, that there's a correct and incorrect way to present/identify/etc, that a certain group of people doesn't deserve rights or community..... maybe you should learn about people and their experiences before you write them all off.
6. i'm not sorry about the blue sky post because i'm fucking right and you know it. if you live in a hypertube, you end up getting fucked with whatever the hell anybody wants you to be fucked with. dragged along by peer pressure into making decisions you wouldn't want to make. i was on track to remove something i didn't actually hate, but was so wrapped up in wanting to be liked and part of the group i was setting plans in motion to get it cut off. if i had, i would have killed myself. especially after all those "friends" vanished into thin air long before all this happened. i'd be lost without it. but that, and my time learning more about how gender actually works for me has only made me more sure of who i am and what i want to be perceived as. and guess what? still girl. but of course there's no room for any actual discussion on this stuff anymore, everybody on all side is a shrieking reactionary looking for more randos to crucify. because i shared my deep gender experience, the same goobers who shared "talking gender with other trans people - greek philosophers, talking gender with the cis, screaming baby and a fed-up doctor" memes turned out to be shrieking babies and not the philosophers after all, and honestly that kind of regressive and decietful unconditional* love is exactly what i was sick of and thought i'd found something outside of. and to be absolutely clear, i'm a retransitioner. that means i transitioned, for some reason i had to detransition for a time, but ultimately i am transitioning. and yes, the dog is coming with me. you nee to be able to step away and ke a deep breath and reflect every so often. this is how some do it. if you want community, you have to actually coexist with others and their active idiosyncrasies- i'm sick to death of fuckos beating everyone down into conformity while pretending to be accepting- regardless of if the tie is red or blue. again, brands can shove it.


well. okay i guess we did figure out why everyone's all weird this time. doesn't explain the previous 4 years or so, but its good to maybe finally have someolace to start to get the fuck out of this living nightmare.

honestly i just really fucking hate mirrors. they never reflect what they should, only the ugly. also i get stuck because when there is a good reflection i do like it a lot and so its really just not something i have any clue how to navigate.

ever feel like everybody's talking about you off to the side, but nothing they're saying makes any sense, like a podcast about turtles generated by a program that was trained on how to play the bassoon. and likewise they either don't know, don't care or don't do it on purpose?

still just me?

have you ever felt like there was somebody or something that is trying really hard to show you a good reflection of yourself but they just clearly have no clue what they're doing and its incredibly uncomfortable in every way imaginable and you keep trying to tell them to stop, but they either aren't listening, don't care, or not doing it on purpose so have no idea what you're talking about?

just me?

okay, i lied at the end there. the la plumes weren't mine. they were my mother's. she was in the crafting sphere circa Dee Gruenig (you know, The Magic Sponge Lady- she was all over crafts culture back then) and in the age of Tim Holtz I'm very jealous of long-dried brush tips and inkpads.

My hand is no longer a dolphin, and I'm looking to Get Down on Friday. Maybe in a cozy place, a Home away from Home. Perhaps we could get together and sew a fur-bearing trout, have a playful scene, or maybe just critique some comment etiquette. I'm game for what's fun~ Ruff, Ruff, AWOOOOOO This is an in invitation for biting.

i find it pretty funny that when i started in here, everyone else was doing these rad elaborate pieces with a ton of detail- then since i was just learning how to draw furries, i drew a bunch of my dog just standing around. then everybody started to do dogs standing around pictures and i was like "okay i'm ready to make big elaborate detail pictures now" but they were like "actually now only dogs standing around doing nothing and drinking coffee is acceptable" and i was like "well forget you then" and got practicing for drawing my big detail pictures and stuff which i did some already. but then! then you see what happened is i realized that i still like drawing my dog standing around or whatever- but now since i can actually draw backgrounds, i can put him places and its way more fun than it used to be! and i've got of course my actual fursona; my snep, and all my other better-developed characters to figure out how they interact both personally and aesthetically. and i'll be interested in seeing how what i'm doing now flows into that- but what matters to me right now specifically is whether or not i've outgrown using the smaller strathmore sketchbooks- and how many more markers i'm gonna go through coloring bigger pages! good golly i miss my la plume makers!

-water colors
-architecture illustration and blending with furries
-automotive illustration and blending with furries
-fashion illustration and blending with furries
-fursuiting
-digital effects photography
-MS Paint (windows XP)
-35mm photography
-garments
-pillows
-plush
-creature costuming
-YTP mashup vids
-painted appliances

bark bark

i can't even

okay i've been focusing on the youtube stuff lately and feel good about where that's going so i guess i'll get back to drawing now whether the horrors want to vacate or not.

speedpaint videos but they're at normal speed and recorded with a camcorder from 1985 at a distance where its still slightly blurry because its just outside the focus range on the close end.

but yeah, regarding the previous journal more directly- trying a new thing on the gaming channel, some will be in black and white. this does have a point and if you know how to watch they're an entirely different experience than the regular ones despite the similar format. the first one goes live on tuesday. then another color one after that. that's the gaming channel news.

one of the first two of the speedpaints is up tomorrow on my main channel. I've decided to rip the band-aid off and just Do The Thing instead of waiting to get it "perfect" because of how much I've been reminding others how crazy it is to not make art because you want to make better art. making art IS how you make better art. lmao. so i'm taking my own advice and sure maybe now its not a manicured type of art channel like Local 58 or the one that posted all the comedy central sports battlebots tapes. its gonna show development and growth as time goes by, and i like that better anyways.


maybe i should focus on starting some kind of artistic movement instead of going back to politics or trying to be a teacher when i'm clearly more of a teacher's pet. hm. at least i know the channel is more like a block of clay and less like a list of obligations- same intended outcome, but the context of how the challenge is met is absolutely crucial in whether or not the endeavor is a success.

what if all of a sudden all my gaming channel videos were in black and white

thank you i feel heard over here on classic mode, just the way i like it.

how can i move forward when i don't know which way i'm facing?

where the fuck are my people. where did they go. why did they all get replaced with zoomers i can't understand and boring people i want nothing to do with. why is this happening to me. why won't that jerkface fox just tell me they planned it and apologize for all the shit i've been put through. i deserve answers, i deserve to be loved, i deserve a life i actually want to live, i deserve to be listened to and understood, and you know what else, blue eyes? i deserve a hell of a lot better than what i'm stuck with thanks to you. and you fucking know it.

so the issue i had with how i'd entered my email back in 2023 has been solved, apparently back in like april of last year- i just don't have NEARLY enough actual emails to remember to check the dang thing. gosh i miss causal emailing. so just now i am realizing i can log into that account. that account which is snepperstepping.bsky.social.

and i'm not gonna pop this one like twitter and mastodon i swear, this time i've said all the stuff i want to elsewhere and with more effective outlets than tweeting. i'm not sure what to do with my bluesky, and honestly i think that's a good thing. i like how much i've broken my dopamine addictions, though there's some more work to do with anxious, idle refreshes for any new pics or comments despite knowing the answer is definitely not yet. I want to keep up that healing momentum, and not fall back into the social media pitfalls that i did on the other two famous microblogging platforms.