I'm considering opening a new account, that way my saber furry butt can catch up and meet new people! This account will be deleted once I create my new, and set it up how I want!~~


::::NEW ACCOOOUUUNT:::::

https://www.furaffinity.net/user/midnightmxnstr/

Anybody remember me?
I had to recover my account and didn't know, actually forgot about this for a while-
Interested in recovering friendships and following new art!! Tell me what everyone has been up to!!!

Well hello! *waves* It's been a while, and I gotta admit, wow. What an insane insane insane year.
I'm not sure who is watching or following me at the moment, but I do plan on posting some yiff I've written recently, tis pretty spicy stuff ^w^

I wanted to update the world, and tell you all (and excuse myself for a leave of absence)

I spent this year, finding myself. And in return, I lost myself just the same. I spent countless hours working on figuring out who I was, and what I wanted to be, that I wasted precious time. I already knew who I was, and now I'm certain. I'm a furry, and there's no way around it. I am very very comfy with who I am, and I love myself more than I have before.


But. It's not that simple.
Often I referred to FurAffinity as being my safe haven, where I can truly express myself and make myself feel loved and passionate towards my work and many of yours! Yous guys are so talented!
However, yesterday, something tragic happened and I am just not being able to fully process/cope with this.
It's seriously without a doubt, tearing me to absolute shreds inside and out, and I'm truly at a loss for words. I don't know what to do. I just wanna get in a plane and go. I wanna go figure this shit out, and get down to the dirt about it. Give out names, find that person, find anybody who will give me insight on what the fuck just happened to me. My heart is torn to pieces. I never asked for this, and I don't know what I did to deserve losing my best friend to some female. It's just impossible to grasp. I've spent so much time, and effort, and love, and dedication. The only one to ever understand a thing I've ever said, is now gone from my life. Without a better excuse.

BUT. I am strong! I'm a Saber! Saber Tooth's are strong! I gotta maintain that and be strong for myself. I'm all I really have left......

Thank you guys for your patience, and if you're reading this, thank you for your never- ending friendship.
I'll post more work/art as soon as I possibly can. I love you all.
-Regards,
Midnight.

Hi so I'm finally popping back around!
Sorry I've been gone for so long, what's everyone been up too?
I've been good with school, and I can finally say that as of August 25th 2014, it's been nearly four months that I haven't selfharmed! ^u^

*bounces around back and forth, pouncing on butterflies*

Well hello! Long time no see everyone! c: I trust you guys are doing well!
Sorry for not being around, I have no internet at the household right now, but i'm working on it.
I hope all of you are doing well, and are looking forward to spring as much as I am!
If anyone would like to get ahold of me during the weekdays, just add my skype, and my username is on my profile I do believe.

Nothing new to report, starting these new therapy classes that seem to be slow and not worth what I thought, but it's only the beginning I suppose.
Anywho, till next time.
~Night.

Well hello hello once again!
After a very long partial break, I am back in art. Now, I know, I'm just a beginner, and I'm just a girl whose art really isn't all that great, but I really do try! And I can only hope to achieve your respect as an artist. But when I do my work, I don't expect a million comments, shares, or even views to be honest. I just love to share my work with the furry world and I love you all enough to think that I can share! I haven't been updating a whole lot, but I can explain why.
You see, I hate to admit this.. But I am no longer a model.
I don't have a modeling career as of right now.
When you're a model, you're not supposed to have flaws. And if you do, well, you're either branded or your shoved into this file cabinet just hoping that someday some editor or modeling agency will grab you. It's a bunch of waiting, and sometimes never getting.
My modeling agency has dropped me, after a long 7 or 8 months. Due to the fact that I started self harm again.
You see, I've harmed myself in the past, but the scars were just a reminder that the past is where I can't be anymore... And they stated that if I were to continue, they'd have to discontinue me.
So a few days ago, I went to see my manager (he called me in). He had me do a body search, in which two security officers had to have me strip naked while they searched me for new scars...
And they found them. :/ In a place I never expected anybody to pay attention to when I was doing a photoshoot. They found several new ones, and some old ones from a few months ago.
Which made my manager look at me and say, "Sorry Sierra, we have to let you go."


......
It broke my heart. I've been sitting in my room aimlessly trying to wrap my head around this, and I can't.

I know what I've done, and because of it, my future possible career is down the shitter.
In the matter of a few hours...
Poof.
Gone.
All that hard work to lose weight, do what they said, and do what they wanted from me, all the new wardrobe, the makeup, the new hair.
Everything.
Gone.
Just like that.


So for the past couple days, I've been sitting here. Just ticking my time away, unsure of where to go.
I started drawing again, and like I said, I can only hope to please you all.
I'm still doing requests, but seeing as how I wasn't online here for the longest, I have virtually nobody.
So please, if you want something, just ask. Just.. Do something.



I've been sitting here trying to find myself all over again, and I just need something to distract myself from the slow grasp of depression. I can feel it kneading at me. It's just driving me crazy.


With all this, being said anyway, I do apologize in a great advance for anything upsetting, and or not to what my usual standards be.


I'm sorry...

Hooooooollllllyyy shiiieeet! :D
I finally don't need my brace!
Woop woop woop woopp! No more back brace for meeeee!
...Except for when I sleep but stiiiill!
No more back therapy, and no more pain killers for my back unless I extremely need/want them AND!!!
My camera lady for my modeling got a new camera and wants to test it with me tomorrow morning!

*purrs and bounces around*
And dad texted me, my furry tail came in the maaaail! Woo! Whatta great day! c:

Weeee hoooo! I can't wait, no more therapy no more brace and omfg I'm one step closer to walking normally again! <3
Woo! Woo! Woo! I cannot be happier... Well, I could, but that'd be extreme. XD

Had to share this with my family! (you) <3

Hello one and all! :D
I have the internet back! And I MISSED YOU!
Message me, send me notes. Do something!

Well hello one and all, sorry I haven't been around much, I'm grounded from the internet and I have no internet at my house at the moment so I'm at my friends.
Things are going incredibly well with the modeling, I go for the next photoshoot in I believe 3 weeks, and so far, I have lost about 7 pounds, so that's pretty great all in it's self for about 3 weeks time.
If you would like to get ahold of me, you may message my skype because I can get on that during school and then I can give you my cell phone number, but other than that, that's basically the only way to get a hold of me for now.
I'm so sorry for the problem, I am still working on my art and still willing to do requests and some writing on here when I get back, so until then my loves,
I'll be on when I can.
Thanks for reading. ^_^

Alright guys, sorry I havent been around. Things have been hell around here, my modeling and stuff, my poor grades, everything. just everything. I'm sorry for any inconvenience, and I'm still working on the art and everything. I'm sorry.

I decided I'm going to start doing requests! ^^
You guys can drop me a note describing what you want for the request, and though I can't promise when it will be done, I will do my very best to make it just the way you want! THESE DRAWINGS ARE FREE seeing how they might not be as perfect as you'd like! I do animals, furry, anything. Just drop me a line and I will make what you'd like!

I know a lot of you wont care, but I had to share with my friends here!(:

We went to his house, played Rockband, i failed, then we went out and walked around town and to the park and he pushed me on the swing until I got cold and he gave me his hoodie, then we went to a cute little restraunt in town and we sat beside each other because i was still cold. XD Then we sat in his car and drove to the mall and he bought me a stuffed animal! After that we just hung out around the mall and then we came back!


Pretty fun if you ask me XD
Didn't go as romantic as I planned, but it was just the way I liked it!

Well hello guys!(: Sorry I haven't been paying much attention to FA, a lot is going on!
With grades, I have a new kid in my school that I'm trying to be friends with, I'm in the middle of a TON of history and english homework, ANDD
Im going on a date tonight! :DD
Wish me luck!

Like your too... attached to someone? That no matter what, even if you want to and even if you feel like you have to, that you cant? This sucks. I hope you all had a Happy Happy Happy New Year!

Alright one and all! The results of my photo shoot, REMARKABLE.
According to the ladies and gentlemen who took my photos and reviewed my resume, they really like what they seen! They said my lips and cheek bones were 'perfect' and that my eyes 'were simply stunning'! So they liked what they seen and next week they want me to come in to set up the next couple photo shoots and get my hair and makeup done. I'm extremely happy, and it was all just so fast and unexpected! I'm one happy happy girl this holiday season! ^^ If all goes well I could have a possible contract!
Wish me luck everyone!

Do you ever wonder what life can bring? What's in store for you?
I mean, lets face it, we've all thought about the future and what we might do with it,
But where does the actions take place?
I have spent countless hours pondering.
Wondering if I'll ever be happy.
I used to wonder so much that it'd leave me depressed for months on end, and even to this day my mind wanders to that time.
That time when I was happy, when I didn't give a fuck what I looked like, or dressed like, or talked like.
That time when I was so much happier, and never gave a damn about people who had to but their nose into my business.
The time before I had my love, the time I had no idea what to even think of at that time. When I was happy with that person, who brightened my whole world up like the moon lights up the night.
When I was in love with him so much it seemed as if nothing else mattered to me. In fact, nothing really did. I was so focused on making him happy, mine. I was so content in making everything planned out, to have kids someday with him, to be married, to be away from all the abuse and hell my family put me through growing up. To live out in the country some where, where we'd just evolve around only us and our future family. The near thought of all of this just sent butterflies all over my body, and my mind in a constant happy.
Until I fucked up.
Until I realized that I was selfish enough to fuck up.
Until that first, and the last.
I have spent the past two years in a depression and saddist state. I don't remember the one time I was actually truly happy up until last December/January.
I've grown as a person now, from the drama.
I started cutting, smoking, even wishing I were dead. None of you know this.
None of you know how much that one person means to me, and how much that one single person changed my life for the worse and for the better.
Without this person in my life, I would've never believed I was worth something, or beautiful. Even to this day, I still don't think I'm a beautiful person, but I think I've been looking at this all the wrong way. I'm not ugly, I'm not horrible, and I'm not a mistake. That has taken me almost a whole year to figure out, and yes, I slip up and go into those moments where I know people dont give a fuck about me, but the more I think on it, the more I realize they do care! People love me! I've never said this to anyone in fear of being self-centered, or ignorant, or absorbed in only me, but it's time I said it. I know I'm not a selfish prick who just mocks people and hurt them. I love people, I love talking to people, I love giving advice, and I love making people happy. And I love getting the same in return. This past year alone I have made some pretty wonderful friends, friends who changed my life for the good, and help me forget the bad. The three friends that I can count on worth anything because they've been in my shoes. I love them, I do. They're like family to me in everyway. Just the two though, the one is who I shall not mention.
He's the person I've talked about in my sleep, seen in my dreams, stated over and over again how much I care, though the mere thought of us fucks me up deep inside. Heart wrenchingly enough, I've found the strength to overcome something I thought I'd never be able to. I've had hurdles the past few months alone, and several mistakes all throughout the year, but they've made me who I am today, and I can't imagine it any other way.
I am a stronger young woman because of all the hell I've been through in my life. I am a stronger woman from the help I've had along the way from those who matter. I'm stronger because I never once stopped. I always said I was going to give up, but I never did! And thats the greatest feeling ever because it let me remind myself just how independent I really am! When I get on my own feet within the next few years and start my life fully, I'll remember this. I'll remember the people who made me appreciate the little things, and the people who reminded me that I'm beautiful, strong, brave. The people I've held dear to my heart. That one person I've loved with all I have, and will continue to do so because our bond is something I can't possible disconnect. Him and I have this connection not a single person can understand. <3 He's not just my best friend, and most don't realize that enough. Most want me to leave him, to just drop and forget everything we've been through, but looking back on it, due to our history, theres no way in fuck I'm ever letting him leave my life. There's no way I'm just gonna say, "You know what? Leave me alone forever." I mean, get real. I don't have enough willpower to send anyone I love away, let alone him. Now, that I finally got that off my chest, I'm happy to say I feel good, I feel like a good person, and I know deep down that the hell I've been through wont go away, but at least I'll have ease in forgetting it along the way, and not feeling so bad to talk about it, and not having the nightmares that followed it. With all of this being said, I wouldn't change anything in my life for the world, and I'm blessed to have people that love me in my life, because I love them all with all my heart. <3

I hope the new year brings all of you happiness and joy and love and everything you want! <3 Those who read this all deserve it, because good god I blabber. o.o
I love you all, Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. <3

Lolol, we're survivors.
Though I was expecting a zombie invasion, and am now FULLY DISAPPOINTED.
FUCK YOU WORLD. XD
I waited all damn day for this whole 'END' thing, and ya know what?
Not a thing happened.
;-;
My whole life. Poof. Didn't even happen.
Oh well, now I can't live it up in hell like I wanted.
Fuck.
But oh yeah!
I WILL SURVIVE! :DD (yet again)

This holiday season, I'm finally going somewhere! ^^ I should be leaving about the 20th to the 27th to Texas!!
My stepdad wants us to meet his family down there in Arlington and I am SO freaking excited I can't stand it! :DD
I get to meet my step sisters for the first time! This is something I've always wanted to do! I seriously can't even describe how excited I am! :D
I know I'm not leaving for a week or two, but in case I cant pop around, just thought you should all know ahead of time, and I just cant contain my excitement anymore!

How about this, you fucking douche bag.
I wait on you and hand fucking foot, every damn day. Doing what you want, agreeing to what you say, every fucking day. Well, guess what?! Start acting like an ass again, and you wont be apart of my life. I'm so sick of everyone stomping all around me like I'm some fucking toy, so the next time you think that you might miss me, or wonder what I'm up to, don't even bother. Just don't. Hope your happy, you know who you are. Well, at least I hope you do so that you'll open your fucking eyes to more possibilities.

Alright, enough with that rant, lets get down to thanksgiving, huh?!

Happy thanksgiving one and all! <3
I hope you're all having a wonderful day.
I just arrived at my moms house, the first time I've seen her in 4 months, and she gave me some cigs! Best day ever so far! Hehe, then on top of it, I get to spend time with my little bundle of joy: My baby brother! He's turning into such a sweet baby, I came in the door to him sitting in his walker, and I said "Heeeey!" and he started laughing at me and he just made my whole day! ^^ Babies are so cool! I can not WAIT to be a mother someday.
Alright, so besides this rant I just made, it's going to be a really good day. I just finished helping my mom cook dinner, and I'm about to eat, so before I go, I'm gonna tell you all what I'm thankful for! ^^

This thanksgiving, I am thankful for the time I get to spend with my family, weither it be months apart, days, weeks, hours. I am blessed to have a family, because some dont. I don't always see eye to eye with them, and they arent so good at showing their appreciation or love for me, but as my friend River said, they do care. Love has a funny way of showing things. I am thankful for my friends, the ones I've made recently, and the one's I've had before. I'm sooo happy to have Nico and River in my life, they make it worth the while. I can't wait to meet them some day! :DD

Now, I'm done with the "Thankfulness" So far, so what are YOU Thankful for?!

BUSY. This Saber has a lot of fucking things going on.
I'm wearing a hip brace, and it huuuuuurts! D: Lots of Physical Therapy, can't go back to work until my hip feels better.. >.< I just don't really know what to say, I just hurt a lot. -whimpers- The pain meds can't wear that off! But I've been managing and able to move around, wheelchairs help and make it easier to go to school and be apart of my friends lives. They stop by and see me when I can't go to school, and it means the world to me.. My good friends Nico, Riv, and Blade have helped me in unbelievable ways. I really think you guys should love on them, I try to do it, but I don't think they feel the love enough hehe! ^^

But on top of this stuff, I'm actually spending time with a significant other.. who is just the sweetest darn thing ever. ^^ Came to see me when I was sick, and has stayed by my side of the longest time! I'm in a relationship with him, and it's just going slow, but I already see this being a bright thing, and I know that I'm a better person thanks to him. It's really rather strange how someone can affect your life in such a weird way.. He will never affect my life as much as someone eles has, but he has made a difference, and I love him! <3

So, this being said, I hope you all have a very happy furry day! *purrs* much love!

Alright, two days ago I was at home, skyping, and i instantly got cramps. Not because of my cycle, they we're more painful then that, and I felt light headed.. I then started to throw up nonstop, and barfed the whole way to the hospital and into the ER and then into a room where they had to pump my stomach. I had to get hooked up to fluids immediately and wouldn't stop throwing up until my stomach was pumped. I threw up for a continue of 6 hours, on and off the last hour. The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, and still have no idea. I'm in a room with a sweet little 5 year old boy with cancer, and he's the sweetest. I'm in a bed, can't move, not allowed to, and I can't use the bathroom because its possible that my kidneys might be failing, and every time I move my lower body, pain strikes up my body and I throw up. Its kinda like being paralyzed, my butt and lower body is numb, can't feel my toes, and I'm always cold. I've been in here, and I don't know when I'm coming out because I just got all my testing done today (an MRI, X-Ray, etc..) And I'm scared to fucking death. I'm so scared, that I can't really stop crying. I'm worried and nervous, and I know I scared my good friends when they found out. so it hurt more to know that they are worried about me. But I wanted to keep you all up-to-date with me, and I hope all goes well... They think I'm dehydrated and sleep deprived.. Which I agree with, I haven't slept in 6 days. But this sweet little man in the room is in a bed beside mine and sings me songs and draws me pictures and we play checkers. He's a sweetie, and I wanna keep him. xD Well, that's really all I know about me so far.. :/

I can't believe how scared I am, its just tearing me apart. I miss my mom, I miss my friends, and I miss my bed at home..

I can still text, and I have my laptop on my bed with me at all times so you guys can message or skype me, I don't mind. It keeps me from being really lonely.. >_<

So, I'm pretty pissed.
I have mono.. fml..
Worst thing ever, no idea how i got it, and I cant go back to school until I feel better, left side of my whole face is swollen, and i cant turn my head or anything. The doctors said its a pretty severe case, lots of bed rest for this Saber! Gotta feel better, I can't even think about missing school, I need to pass this year, but how can I when I'm not there to learn anything? Makes me wonder why I always used to skip classes.. Or get in all of those fights, or end up in the back of that cop car a month and a half ago. -shaking my kitty head-

Mono sucks. I fucking hate it.
My body better feel better soon dammit.

I decided to just write down a bunch of the links I'm on daily, in case you wanted to get a hold of me, or want a drawing. (Which yes, I'm starting up to do so. And there free, so if you're interested, and want to see some of my work, here's how to get ahold of me)

Skype: deathbysnares

My YouTube: (Note: I have over 6 YouTube Channels, so if I don't respond to the one I'm giving you all right now, just find another way to contact me) www.youtube.com/user/SierraTheDinosawr

DeviantArt: SierraxDO22

Quotev: http://www.quotev.com/26365399
(Also Note: Quotev is where I'm keeping stories that I'm writing, however, my fursona stories aren't up yet, nor will they be for a little while longer. Sorry! But feel free to keep watch of me as I write my stories. As you can see, I currently am working on a story called "The Darkness Overwhelmed" And it should be done within the following few months)

My Email: (I'm passing out only when requested)