WTF Scribbles
Posted 13 years agoSo obviously things haven't worked out the way I imagined. That is getting the new computer and having the freedom to focus on art and make money from that. No, shit keeps breaking around the house and it becomes my problem to get it fixed. There's even been the expectation that I was to balance home maker (cleaning/cooking/fixing), caretaker (ie watching over my grandmother), general purpose labour (building benches/fences, plumbing, painting) all together with my art, and that I was somehow supposed to be able to generate enough cash from art while catching up on the presold commissions to pay room and board.
Fortunately that's been sorted out. (Yay money for all the work I've been guilted/harassed into doing the last few weeks at the expense of catching up on these commissions.. Oh wait, no Id on't get any of that money, I just don't have to worry about room/board)
tl;dr I need to figure out a way to get out of here.
For the immeasurably patient people, all of my <3 for you folks. Between kicking caffeine, crazy family and my own stupid standards which make me think everything is crap, I honestly had no plans of it taking this long. No more promises on hard deadlines, I'm just going to be going at this as quickly as I can. I will try to get prelim sketches out to everyone asap and then follow up with inks and colours soon as possible. Hoping to get back to finishing one thing a day.
Fortunately that's been sorted out. (Yay money for all the work I've been guilted/harassed into doing the last few weeks at the expense of catching up on these commissions.. Oh wait, no Id on't get any of that money, I just don't have to worry about room/board)
tl;dr I need to figure out a way to get out of here.
For the immeasurably patient people, all of my <3 for you folks. Between kicking caffeine, crazy family and my own stupid standards which make me think everything is crap, I honestly had no plans of it taking this long. No more promises on hard deadlines, I'm just going to be going at this as quickly as I can. I will try to get prelim sketches out to everyone asap and then follow up with inks and colours soon as possible. Hoping to get back to finishing one thing a day.
Life
Posted 13 years agoWhat I personally loathe about life is that when we're not preoccupied, time drags on and nothing happens.
The moment we're working on something that demands our attention? Everything starts exploding.
Every last damn thing. People suddenly remember shit that's been sitting idle and rotting for months/weeks. The moment we're preoccupied, they remember and get indignant because we can't address their clusterfucks fast enough.
The moment we're working on something that demands our attention? Everything starts exploding.
Every last damn thing. People suddenly remember shit that's been sitting idle and rotting for months/weeks. The moment we're preoccupied, they remember and get indignant because we can't address their clusterfucks fast enough.
Not nearly so dead! (Streaming)
Posted 13 years agoStream is here: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
The bonus side now that my exodus from caffeine is complete is that I'm already starting to feel calm and more energetic in a mellow fashion.
The bonus side now that my exodus from caffeine is complete is that I'm already starting to feel calm and more energetic in a mellow fashion.
The wonders of caffeine
Posted 13 years agoWhich is to say, the wonderful 96 hour episode where upon my body realized it was no longer getting any significant amount of caffeine and decided to purge what little was left in my system.
Holy crap, I no longer hurt, but I still don't feel 100% o.x
And that is where I've been these last few days.
Holy crap, I no longer hurt, but I still don't feel 100% o.x
And that is where I've been these last few days.
Insomnia Rambles
Posted 13 years agotl;dr I want to make snu snu with a big, bulky bodied femme. IC of course.
Sort of along these lines http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7944488/ & http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7990903/
Let's see what crawls out of the woods *affixes artist skills as bait to the hook*
Sort of along these lines http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7944488/ & http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7990903/
Let's see what crawls out of the woods *affixes artist skills as bait to the hook*
Thursday Sketchstream Reminder
Posted 13 years agoWhere: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles Here
When: 6pm EST until 10pm EST or so (or later!)
Regular $10/$15 prices per character, $10 for simpler stuff $15 for more involved stuff. Come prepared to pay $15 and you'll no doubt be pleasantly surprised when I say it's only going to run you $10. This is not guaranteed, but if you come in expecting the $15 price tag, you won't be sticker shocked.
Can I give examples of what will cost $10 and what will cost $15 as a guide? No, it really depends on my mood, as is for the time I put into these sketches, it's already dirt cheap art. There are plenty of other people out there who are ready and willing to take your money, if you want my style, this is how the system works.
See you all there. :D
When: 6pm EST until 10pm EST or so (or later!)
Regular $10/$15 prices per character, $10 for simpler stuff $15 for more involved stuff. Come prepared to pay $15 and you'll no doubt be pleasantly surprised when I say it's only going to run you $10. This is not guaranteed, but if you come in expecting the $15 price tag, you won't be sticker shocked.
Can I give examples of what will cost $10 and what will cost $15 as a guide? No, it really depends on my mood, as is for the time I put into these sketches, it's already dirt cheap art. There are plenty of other people out there who are ready and willing to take your money, if you want my style, this is how the system works.
See you all there. :D
Thursday the *featherbamf*
Posted 13 years agoSo tonight, probably starting at around 6pm EST, I'm going to run a sketch stream to break up the monotony of working down my pile of owed art.
Regular $10/$15 prices per character, $10 for simpler stuff $15 for more involved stuff. Come prepared to pay $15 and you'll no doubt be pleasantly surprised when I say it's only going to run you $10. This is not guaranteed, but if you come in expecting the $15 price tag, you won't be sticker shocked.
Can I give examples of what will cost $10 and what will cost $15 as a guide? No, it really depends on my mood, as is for the time I put into these sketches, it's already dirt cheap art. There are plenty of other people out there who are ready and willing to take your money, if you want my style, this is how the system works.
Looking forward to later tonight. :D
Regular $10/$15 prices per character, $10 for simpler stuff $15 for more involved stuff. Come prepared to pay $15 and you'll no doubt be pleasantly surprised when I say it's only going to run you $10. This is not guaranteed, but if you come in expecting the $15 price tag, you won't be sticker shocked.
Can I give examples of what will cost $10 and what will cost $15 as a guide? No, it really depends on my mood, as is for the time I put into these sketches, it's already dirt cheap art. There are plenty of other people out there who are ready and willing to take your money, if you want my style, this is how the system works.
Looking forward to later tonight. :D
The three thoughts on my mind right now
Posted 13 years ago1) Blue raspberry licorice seems impossible to get right. Why do I keep torturing myself with this crap?
2) Cutting pop (soda for people who aren't futurized like the rest of the metric using world) is a challenge. I want to go grab a bottle of pepsi or dr pepper and suckle on that sweet fizzy sugar syrup, but no, I am sticking to water. Getting 2.15 liters of nice chilled water a day. I'm hoping to see my mood level out after a while without the caffeine/sugar spiking my mood.
3) One of the big reasons I want a companion/significant other is that growing up, I never really had anyone to show my creative exploration off to. I want to brag and show off. But I don't want to do it to the world at large, I want the intimate connection and to know that someone important to me is genuinely proud of what I've achieved.
Now I realize I've got family and friends who are incredibly (and I'd say insanely, but I am my own worst critic) proud of my talents. I wouldn't be where I am today without those people backing me up and helping me rebound from my insane moods.
At the end of the day though I want that special someone to share moments with. One of these days I'll find you.
I'm still fucking disappointed no one has figured out decent tasting blue raspberry licorice that doesn't have an ass flavored aftertaste.
P.S. This journal is not an invitation or solicitation to be hit on, flirted with or otherwise molested with intent to become intimate. I'm a fairly private person and I've never had any luck with long distance or internet relationships. Thanks for reading this far.
2) Cutting pop (soda for people who aren't futurized like the rest of the metric using world) is a challenge. I want to go grab a bottle of pepsi or dr pepper and suckle on that sweet fizzy sugar syrup, but no, I am sticking to water. Getting 2.15 liters of nice chilled water a day. I'm hoping to see my mood level out after a while without the caffeine/sugar spiking my mood.
3) One of the big reasons I want a companion/significant other is that growing up, I never really had anyone to show my creative exploration off to. I want to brag and show off. But I don't want to do it to the world at large, I want the intimate connection and to know that someone important to me is genuinely proud of what I've achieved.
Now I realize I've got family and friends who are incredibly (and I'd say insanely, but I am my own worst critic) proud of my talents. I wouldn't be where I am today without those people backing me up and helping me rebound from my insane moods.
At the end of the day though I want that special someone to share moments with. One of these days I'll find you.
I'm still fucking disappointed no one has figured out decent tasting blue raspberry licorice that doesn't have an ass flavored aftertaste.
P.S. This journal is not an invitation or solicitation to be hit on, flirted with or otherwise molested with intent to become intimate. I'm a fairly private person and I've never had any luck with long distance or internet relationships. Thanks for reading this far.
Wishlisting
Posted 13 years agoBecause an artist can want for toys and tools that work as they should...
The big bad wishlist: $2700
Cintiq 21UX and an ergo arm, because I want to do this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJZlLF3chxo
ETA: Fall/Winter this year
More immediate Wishlist:
Logitech G510 Keyboard $130 - I want them 18 programmable macro buttons
New mouse of some variety $100 approx budget
(I've dropped my wireless keyboard/mice one too many times, they're getting fickle)
Netgear router to replace my current crappy D-Link $110 or so
New GPS for the Jeep, because we call our current one Crazy Face for a reason. Another $120 budget or so
I'm sure there are other things that can go on here, but for now I've also got a number of obligations that I need to fill. And art to do, so much art.
The big bad wishlist: $2700
Cintiq 21UX and an ergo arm, because I want to do this! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJZlLF3chxo
ETA: Fall/Winter this year
More immediate Wishlist:
Logitech G510 Keyboard $130 - I want them 18 programmable macro buttons
New mouse of some variety $100 approx budget
(I've dropped my wireless keyboard/mice one too many times, they're getting fickle)
Netgear router to replace my current crappy D-Link $110 or so
New GPS for the Jeep, because we call our current one Crazy Face for a reason. Another $120 budget or so
I'm sure there are other things that can go on here, but for now I've also got a number of obligations that I need to fill. And art to do, so much art.
Memorial Day Sketchstream
Posted 13 years agoI'll be doing $10/$15 sketches in stream. Pop in if you're interested:
Stream is here: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Journal full of samples can be found here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3438667/
Stream is here: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Journal full of samples can be found here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3438667/
Misconceptions
Posted 13 years agoInternet conversations are not like real world conversations, they can stop, be interrupted or experience lulls/pauses/. This is not rude, this is simply the reality of multitasking where people can get called away from their keyboard or get involved in tasks that don't tolerate interruptions well.
When someone rebuffs your offer of assistance in a very direct manner, don't instantly assume or launch into the typical 'well I'm here..' thing (I'm guilty of this myself). It very easily turns into an awkward guilt orgy, take some time to see how the situation evolves. If something is bothering someone they will reach out to the people they are comfortable reaching out to.
Launching into that 'I'm here for you' trope is a kind gesture, but it can also easily convey the notion that adults are too oblivious/stupid/ignorant of their own health and have to be lead by the nose to solutions that are freely available.
And that's my rant after this clusterfuck of a week.
When someone rebuffs your offer of assistance in a very direct manner, don't instantly assume or launch into the typical 'well I'm here..' thing (I'm guilty of this myself). It very easily turns into an awkward guilt orgy, take some time to see how the situation evolves. If something is bothering someone they will reach out to the people they are comfortable reaching out to.
Launching into that 'I'm here for you' trope is a kind gesture, but it can also easily convey the notion that adults are too oblivious/stupid/ignorant of their own health and have to be lead by the nose to solutions that are freely available.
And that's my rant after this clusterfuck of a week.
Thursday Song and Dance (Streaming)
Posted 13 years agoI'm going to be alternating between taking sketch commissions and finishing some more preliminary sketches.
As always stream is here http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
$10 for easier work, $15 for stuff that has more detail/takes more time. As always with the sketches it's paid on completion. My gallery is full of samples and examples.
I really need to figure out a better way to announce this kind of stuff. c.c So many things to consider, ponder and contemplate.
As always stream is here http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
$10 for easier work, $15 for stuff that has more detail/takes more time. As always with the sketches it's paid on completion. My gallery is full of samples and examples.
I really need to figure out a better way to announce this kind of stuff. c.c So many things to consider, ponder and contemplate.
Crazy Awesome Fun Times (ie back to work)
Posted 13 years agoSo because I'm not the most attentive individual, I completely missed out on the fact that Monday was Victoria day, so my trip out of town extended out a day. And then the shitty drive home in post holiday traffic left me a stressed out wreck.
Suffice to say, back to ze work!
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Probably going to be taking some sketch work this week.
Suffice to say, back to ze work!
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Probably going to be taking some sketch work this week.
Workdays Streamtime
Posted 13 years agoStreaming Happens Here: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
So I've updated my profile. I'm going to try and keep to a regular work week of Monday-Friday 9-5 for the bulk of my work. And this way there's some routine and reliability to my life.
This is my last work day before I head out for a much needed three day escape from the house around here.
Yesterday was a wash, but I got a bunch of sketches sent out and feedback sorted. This is by far and large just to cement the idea down, especially if you are interested in sitting in the livestream while I work on your art.
One of the things I am going to finish up while I'm out of town is the preliminary schedule. It's more just to put people into certain date ranges so I can try to coordinate with anyone that is interested in watching.
I was going to ramble in some other direction but I've forgotten. Back to work!
Edit: I am probably going to take a sketch or two today. I want the horrendously overpriced MW3 DLC and I'm shopping around for a new linksys router to replace my craptastic D-Link.
So I've updated my profile. I'm going to try and keep to a regular work week of Monday-Friday 9-5 for the bulk of my work. And this way there's some routine and reliability to my life.
This is my last work day before I head out for a much needed three day escape from the house around here.
Yesterday was a wash, but I got a bunch of sketches sent out and feedback sorted. This is by far and large just to cement the idea down, especially if you are interested in sitting in the livestream while I work on your art.
One of the things I am going to finish up while I'm out of town is the preliminary schedule. It's more just to put people into certain date ranges so I can try to coordinate with anyone that is interested in watching.
I was going to ramble in some other direction but I've forgotten. Back to work!
Edit: I am probably going to take a sketch or two today. I want the horrendously overpriced MW3 DLC and I'm shopping around for a new linksys router to replace my craptastic D-Link.
Zug Zug Work Start (Streaming)
Posted 13 years agoWell it's been a good weekend. I've managed to get all sorts of cozy with my new computer and catch most of the obscure conveniences I had set up once before.
Now it's time to get cracking on everyone who bought spots. The raffle has been done and the winner was picked last week.
So I will be getting in touch with everyone who bought spots to sort out the when, if you're interested in watching your commission happen on livestream and to confirm details for the spots you bought and those badges.
As always, stream is here: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
I will be working in work weeks of 4 days on, 1 day off and I will make a point of getting a calendar out to everyone this week. At this pace everything will be done within two months, and ideally quicker.
Also, pics of my case and crappy wiring job:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/20064488/Ca.....yWiringJob.png
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/20064488/CaseNoms.png
Now it's time to get cracking on everyone who bought spots. The raffle has been done and the winner was picked last week.
So I will be getting in touch with everyone who bought spots to sort out the when, if you're interested in watching your commission happen on livestream and to confirm details for the spots you bought and those badges.
As always, stream is here: http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
I will be working in work weeks of 4 days on, 1 day off and I will make a point of getting a calendar out to everyone this week. At this pace everything will be done within two months, and ideally quicker.
Also, pics of my case and crappy wiring job:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/20064488/Ca.....yWiringJob.png
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/20064488/CaseNoms.png
Digital Notebook Thing
Posted 13 years agoOkay, so what I'm looking for is some kind of web application or software that would work like a notebook where I can keep track of ideas, notes and stuff.
The main features I'm looking for is the ability to tag documents, search/sort by those tags, and categorize things.
Any ideas/leads on what programs I should be looking at?
The main features I'm looking for is the ability to tag documents, search/sort by those tags, and categorize things.
Any ideas/leads on what programs I should be looking at?
Free Art and Sketch Stream
Posted 13 years agoWhere? http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
More trivia if I can think of suitable questions, or I'll just rng for someone's name.
$10/$15 stuff.
I got a new chair and drawing (read golf gloves) so I stop murdering myself.
More trivia if I can think of suitable questions, or I'll just rng for someone's name.
$10/$15 stuff.
I got a new chair and drawing (read golf gloves) so I stop murdering myself.
Celebratory Weekend
Posted 13 years agoSo to launch into the new era of computer tower goodness, I'm going to take this weekend just to enjoy the immense power and stability of the new rig.
Where will you find me?
Right here -> http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
What will I be doing? Catching up and messing with projects that I was too paranoid to touch on my old computer for fear of a crash and losing work and the file getting corrupted.
Why would you want to show up? I'll be taking breaks and pitching out trivia questions, doing random number draws and basically cooking up whatever way I can to toss out free art to the crowd.
Simple little sketches in the vein of these http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7957269/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7957375/
Then come Monday after I've gotten as much sorted with my tower that I can, I'm going to launch into the $30 Computer Replacement Campaign buy ins.
Why take the weekend? Getting a new computer setup isn't really a simple process anymore. Every half hour or so I'm remembering some other little detail I enjoyed or that I want just -right-.
So the weekend is to break into the computer.
Where will you find me?
Right here -> http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
What will I be doing? Catching up and messing with projects that I was too paranoid to touch on my old computer for fear of a crash and losing work and the file getting corrupted.
Why would you want to show up? I'll be taking breaks and pitching out trivia questions, doing random number draws and basically cooking up whatever way I can to toss out free art to the crowd.
Simple little sketches in the vein of these http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7957269/ http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7957375/
Then come Monday after I've gotten as much sorted with my tower that I can, I'm going to launch into the $30 Computer Replacement Campaign buy ins.
Why take the weekend? Getting a new computer setup isn't really a simple process anymore. Every half hour or so I'm remembering some other little detail I enjoyed or that I want just -right-.
So the weekend is to break into the computer.
The behemoth lives! (Streaming)
Posted 13 years agoAfter all that non sense, the new computer is built and ready to go.
So to celebrate, I'm streaming (yup I'm an addict)
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
So to celebrate, I'm streaming (yup I'm an addict)
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Sketch Stream
Posted 13 years agoThe usual $10/$15 things over here http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Why? Because I'm a retard and accidentally put a diablo 3 purchase through my paypal. It'll just be easier to draw a bunch of smut instead of getting into a fight with three layers of customer service.
@w@
Why? Because I'm a retard and accidentally put a diablo 3 purchase through my paypal. It'll just be easier to draw a bunch of smut instead of getting into a fight with three layers of customer service.
@w@
I think I'm an addict. (Streaming)
Posted 13 years agohttp://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
Or I'm just bored with nothing else to do until my new computer gets here because I'm bored of the games that won't cause a BSOD.
Doubt I'll be taking commissions as I'm in more of a me mood. Although knowing my luck the computer will BSOD and corrupt the work file again. Here's to hoping otherwise though.
I'm thinking some kind of beefy and imposing lady character. As I'm still grumpy about my computer eating the Hanekeda picture from earlier.
Or I'm just bored with nothing else to do until my new computer gets here because I'm bored of the games that won't cause a BSOD.
Doubt I'll be taking commissions as I'm in more of a me mood. Although knowing my luck the computer will BSOD and corrupt the work file again. Here's to hoping otherwise though.
I'm thinking some kind of beefy and imposing lady character. As I'm still grumpy about my computer eating the Hanekeda picture from earlier.
Streaming and Murphy's Law
Posted 13 years ago Back to business. Paypal is all finally sorted. Computer was ordered yesterday on a friend's credit card, so now I've got a bunch of hoops to jump through.
Also, jesus christ I've got a growing backlog of art to post. So lazy :c
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
$10 Stuff, pay when it's done as usual.
Samples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7889521/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7885201/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904590/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904581/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7923734/
+$5 for extra heavy muscle for stuff like this:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916850/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916843/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7910733/ <- if the image works out like this where a lot gets hidden/obscured, the extra $5 is entirely volountary, however this is my discretion.
Also, jesus christ I've got a growing backlog of art to post. So lazy :c
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
$10 Stuff, pay when it's done as usual.
Samples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7889521/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7885201/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904590/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904581/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7923734/
+$5 for extra heavy muscle for stuff like this:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916850/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916843/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7910733/ <- if the image works out like this where a lot gets hidden/obscured, the extra $5 is entirely volountary, however this is my discretion.
Raffle'd
Posted 13 years agoOkay, computer ordered. With fancy fast shipping. With any luck it will be here by the end of the week.
Did the raffle in livestream with a few folks watching and :drumroll: the winner is this guy
achak
That's it for today. Back to being lazy and recouperating for tomorrow. I will try to get the sketch raffle thing sorted out in the very near future.
Did the raffle in livestream with a few folks watching and :drumroll: the winner is this guy

That's it for today. Back to being lazy and recouperating for tomorrow. I will try to get the sketch raffle thing sorted out in the very near future.
Not a stream journal
Posted 13 years agoHowever it would seem that my super power is the ability to go on drawing marathons. Nineteen hour stream yesterday that was quite productive.
Once again, I just want to thank everyone. You're all crazy awesome. I am going to double check notes, emails and my paperwork, because today I'm doing the raffle for that two character coloured illustration.
And because the sketch streams went so crazy amazing, I'm also going to put together a second smaller raffle. I'll be picking a few names and giving free sketches out.
However, for the next few days, I'm laying low and taking it easy. @w@ I'll post a few pieces here and there.
Once again, I just want to thank everyone. You're all crazy awesome. I am going to double check notes, emails and my paperwork, because today I'm doing the raffle for that two character coloured illustration.
And because the sketch streams went so crazy amazing, I'm also going to put together a second smaller raffle. I'll be picking a few names and giving free sketches out.
However, for the next few days, I'm laying low and taking it easy. @w@ I'll post a few pieces here and there.
Sunday Stream of Epicosity Continues
Posted 13 years agoCome get your epicosity on. Slots, spots and socks available.
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
$10 Stuff, pay when it's done as usual.
Samples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7889521/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7885201/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904590/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904581/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7923734/
+$5 for extra heavy muscle for stuff like this:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916850/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916843/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7910733/ <- if the image works out like this where a lot gets hidden/obscured, the extra $5 is entirely volountary, however this is my discretion.
http://www.livestream.com/stroppierscribbles
$10 Stuff, pay when it's done as usual.
Samples:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7889521/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7885201/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904590/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7904581/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7923734/
+$5 for extra heavy muscle for stuff like this:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916850/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7916843/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7910733/ <- if the image works out like this where a lot gets hidden/obscured, the extra $5 is entirely volountary, however this is my discretion.