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Posted 6 years agohappy shot out of the babycannon day unwillingly for me.
it's been an hour and i already cried once.
what the fuck is wrong with me, god.Medical Issues - An Apology
Posted 6 years agoThank you to all who have been so patient with me.
I have been trying my best to get back into being able to draw continuously and effectively like I used to - sadly my tendinitis has gotten worse I guess? I suppose it doesn't help that my nerve damage isn't all that great, either. It's been extremely difficult on my end to deal with.
I know that many will believe I don't owe anyone an explanation, but I feel that I should at least update here since I have no real means of contact aside from this, and an apology for all delays.
I have been going through a lot of emotional turmoil on top of medical - to the point that I have been made aware that I actually qualify for the needs of an actual service animal, certified etc, but I am, of course, unable to actually afford one, nor have a place for one as yet again my mother is hoisting things on me that I am under obligation to actually deal with.
I have very few days I'm not working 24/7 with this trophy business to keep what little I can in my bank, which sadly is rarely enough to actually afford anything along the lines of refunds. I know how irritating it can be with money tied up for so long, and I can only apologize for all of my negligence and for my friggin' body I have no control over. I wish I could fix it, and I had the medicine to help at least make it bearable but even that is too much to ask for from anyone.
I am slowly trying, and thanks to the support of my very close friends, I am slowly getting further and further each day. My depression has been terrifying, and my anxiety even worse - I don't want to be like the artists who disappear for ages on end and never tell anyone what's going on, I'm not someone who wants to be seen as unprofessional of course, though these last commissions will be my last.
I am not cut out for commission work anymore - I have to focus on a lot of things at once and I just find that drawing is extremely painful for me for many reasons. I have lost my love for it again, and while that is no one's fault but my own, I still wish to apologize again to those of you still waiting. I'm not even sure if this will reach everyone that it needs to, as I will try to contact those of you via a note if I can.
I have been awake for over... 72ish hours now, from the issues and from dealing with my current living situation as well as the gigantic to-do list I have had to deal with since January 30th. It's a mess. A long, long list.
I won't make excuses of course, but I am thankful that none of you have been in my inbox extremely angry over it like I have seen with other artists in a similar situation. It's been a gigantic mess and a horrible anxiety issue with me worried that the issues I've dealt with would be seen as petty or insignificant. I don't want to be a whiner, and I don't want to be seen as weak but I'm trying.
I have been trying my best to get back into being able to draw continuously and effectively like I used to - sadly my tendinitis has gotten worse I guess? I suppose it doesn't help that my nerve damage isn't all that great, either. It's been extremely difficult on my end to deal with.
I know that many will believe I don't owe anyone an explanation, but I feel that I should at least update here since I have no real means of contact aside from this, and an apology for all delays.
I have been going through a lot of emotional turmoil on top of medical - to the point that I have been made aware that I actually qualify for the needs of an actual service animal, certified etc, but I am, of course, unable to actually afford one, nor have a place for one as yet again my mother is hoisting things on me that I am under obligation to actually deal with.
I have very few days I'm not working 24/7 with this trophy business to keep what little I can in my bank, which sadly is rarely enough to actually afford anything along the lines of refunds. I know how irritating it can be with money tied up for so long, and I can only apologize for all of my negligence and for my friggin' body I have no control over. I wish I could fix it, and I had the medicine to help at least make it bearable but even that is too much to ask for from anyone.
I am slowly trying, and thanks to the support of my very close friends, I am slowly getting further and further each day. My depression has been terrifying, and my anxiety even worse - I don't want to be like the artists who disappear for ages on end and never tell anyone what's going on, I'm not someone who wants to be seen as unprofessional of course, though these last commissions will be my last.
I am not cut out for commission work anymore - I have to focus on a lot of things at once and I just find that drawing is extremely painful for me for many reasons. I have lost my love for it again, and while that is no one's fault but my own, I still wish to apologize again to those of you still waiting. I'm not even sure if this will reach everyone that it needs to, as I will try to contact those of you via a note if I can.
I have been awake for over... 72ish hours now, from the issues and from dealing with my current living situation as well as the gigantic to-do list I have had to deal with since January 30th. It's a mess. A long, long list.
I won't make excuses of course, but I am thankful that none of you have been in my inbox extremely angry over it like I have seen with other artists in a similar situation. It's been a gigantic mess and a horrible anxiety issue with me worried that the issues I've dealt with would be seen as petty or insignificant. I don't want to be a whiner, and I don't want to be seen as weak but I'm trying.
Character Resell
Posted 6 years agoUpdate: I'm going to start saving up for my waifu to visit me for graduation so we actually can have some cash to do things after the ceremony on May 4th. USD offers will all go to saving for that.
The Folder
Note, this is going to be on all of three different websites so if I say something's traded and it doesn't show on the journal / area you comment, it was sold on another one.
IF YOU IMMEDIATELY RESELL / TRADE THESE CHARACTERS YOU WILL BE BANNED FROM FURTHER CHARACTER PURCHASES.
I AM NOT RESELLING THESE FOR YOU TO HAVE TRADING FODDER.
I have a ton of adopts for trade, including CS, popufur, etc.
There's Cinnadogs, Blobunnies, trancelings, furry, feral, humanoid, etc. Just - just help.
There are a few for swap only, including an official Sushidog, a Kamishiba, and a Yevren.
Ranging from Poofylion, witchpaws, vanillatoxin, LucciolaCrown, kodirge, and more.
What to Offer:
USD > Art > Other HQ Characters
For Customs I would like :
Humans / Kenomimi High Quality
This means adoptables that are clean, detailed, and interesting / not just boring scene kids
For established design Trades:
Designs by LucciolaCrown, Poofylion, Witchpaws (Or her new name?), Swamplily, Citykings, just really pretty things that are high quality. Will trade multiples if I like the design, but be fair and understand that it adds up.
I am looking for pastel creatures (felines and foxes are generally what I prefer), galaxy / star based that is tasteful, high quality designs of either chubby (NOT OBESE) characters, and most importantly FEMALE or ANDROGYNOUS.
What Not to Offer:
Traditional Work (Unless you can ship it) > Points > MYO Slots (I suck at designing okay) > Lowball Offers > Cheapo Based Adopts
Ferals - I'm trying to get RID of a bunch of them or have my ferals humanized.
You are allowed 2 weeks to finish art trades for the adoptables, and if you do not complete you will not be humored for offers later (Unless given good reason like death in the family etc). Update: I forgot to post here whoops.
Posted 6 years agoStill alive to any and all still following me -
To those I owe art too, please don’t worry. I’m steadily working on it between flu bouts and dealing with having to raise a puppy on my own, as my mother dropped the canine on me without warning after breaking a vertebrae in her back between her shoulder blades.
I’m barely making end’s meet at this point, trying to find work, etc. I’m going to do my best to see if I can refund folks if I have to, as I understand folks have been waiting a while. I just have no cash to do so at the moment thanks to not even being able to leave the house to job hunt or anything.
Please let me know if you need / want as such, and I will do my best. I need to get my sketchbook over here, as I’ve been having to live with my mother for over a month to tend to her since Worker’s Comp refuses to address the fact her spine is BROKEN.
To those I owe art too, please don’t worry. I’m steadily working on it between flu bouts and dealing with having to raise a puppy on my own, as my mother dropped the canine on me without warning after breaking a vertebrae in her back between her shoulder blades.
I’m barely making end’s meet at this point, trying to find work, etc. I’m going to do my best to see if I can refund folks if I have to, as I understand folks have been waiting a while. I just have no cash to do so at the moment thanks to not even being able to leave the house to job hunt or anything.
Please let me know if you need / want as such, and I will do my best. I need to get my sketchbook over here, as I’ve been having to live with my mother for over a month to tend to her since Worker’s Comp refuses to address the fact her spine is BROKEN.
Happy Holidays
Posted 6 years agoHappy holidays to all my watchers, friends, and art family. I appreciate all of your love and support throughout the year and hope all of you can meet the goals you set for yourself at the end of the year. My current goal is to get me a decent enough job to get health insurance and stick with it. My credentials are finally good enough that I might be able to actually land a type of job I want, even if it's just entry level.
Here's a small tip on how to avoid depression about new years resolutions: set small goals for yourself to reach, then build on them. Don't set goals like "lose 300 pounds" or "get my dream job" because if you didn't set the "get the internship to start getting my dream job first" you probably won't reach that goal this year. But if you did, I am SO rooting for you no matter what! Smaller goals are the best way to build confidence toward setting long term goals.
My goal this year is to get a job and get health insurance. Sounds easy enough, right? Not really, but because I have an associates, I will be guaranteed to not start at the bare bottom minimum wage like I did at my last job. No more 7$ an hour for me! But I set a goal this year to finish my degree no matter what, and to get an A.
I studied super hard all year long and guess what? I DID IT. I got that A, and in May, I'll be graduating with my Associates of Science degree. Once I get me a job, I'll be taking small secretarial courses so I can have certificates and training toward my goal for 2020, which is to finally move out. It's - it's a long term goal I've been trying to work toward for the last few years, but it's something I know I can't do right away.
Knowing what you are capable of is one thing, but setting yourself up for failure is another. A lot of folks that follow me here on fA suffer from depression, bipolarism, and many other different disorders that makes the holidays or goal setting so difficult and the disappointment of not reaching these goals leaves a lot of us feeling like worthless failures, so I'm leaving you with this bit of advice: don't overshoot. I'm not saying don't believe you can reach a goal you set for yourself eventually, but if you're doing what everyone else is doing and setting a new year's resolution, start with what you know you can do; sometimes just setting a resolution to get up early is good enough. Or maybe walking for 10 minutes every other day is good enough. Or perhaps learning a new technique for a hobby or a skill is good enough.
You don't have to make huge goals and resolutions to feel like you did something productive, because I know a lot of folks have the horrific side effect that they don't reach that goal, and feel like an utter failure.
You're not. You tried, and that is really important. So what if you didn't make partner, or you didn't get into the first school you wanted for college (For those of you who want to go that is) you still tried. You tried your best and you can hold on to that, too.
Most of you have goals of completing tasks that are over the moon: mastering new techniques, moving out by X date, raising enough money to buy a house, etc etc. And those are insanely fantastic and blow my mind! I want you guys to know I'm proud of all of you that are working to strive toward that and make a name for yourself, but I also want you to know that it's okay if you don't reach them, too. Sometimes techniques can take years, and saving money for a house can take even longer. It's not saying you're bad or awful at something such as saving or time management if you do not reach these goals, it's just a hard, tough place right now. We have emergencies, we have families, we have things that take up our time and sometimes take our money that makes it impossible to reach the goals we set for ourselves right away. The market isn't what it used to be for any one, be it real estate or commission work.
I'm not going to tell you 'you're not going to make it', but I am going to say that I'm proud of you for trying. And I wish you even better luck, and more energy, and more strength and inspiration and everything you need to get even closer toward your goals.
I also want you guys to know that even though the holidays are tough, be it the loss of someone recently or in the past hurting, or simply celebrating with family members you can't stand, you are valid, you are loved, and you don't have to take the word of some random person on the internet to know that. Your friends are there for you, and you can reach out to them for any reason if you feel you're in a dark place. I've been in your shoes, I've suffered the loss of two loved ones around this time of year and I have problems with my family, too. We have our ups and downs, more downs than I'd like to admit, but I do know what it's like to feel that you're completely alone and you're lonely for it. I've reached out to my closest friend for that, and she has been a beautiful soul who trusted me, and I trusted her with our worst days.
Don't be afraid to talk to your friends. Some of them might not understand, and that's okay, too. Your family might not understand, which sucks but that's okay because they're different people. They don't know you better than you know you. But don't let the holidays turn dark for any reason to the point of worry. You're important, you're special, and you're someone that someone else would definitely miss if you weren't there anymore. So if you can't find a reason for the season for yourself, pick one for someone else. You can work on it later if you have to, but don't you worry.
It will get better. But you have to make it that way by growing at the right speed for you. Not the speed of someone else.
New Years is a hard holiday for all of us, but know this. You can set small goals for yourself, and still accomplish something. You don't have to reach for the stars right off the bat. Gotta get on the ladder first and sometimes, that's enough.
Here's a small tip on how to avoid depression about new years resolutions: set small goals for yourself to reach, then build on them. Don't set goals like "lose 300 pounds" or "get my dream job" because if you didn't set the "get the internship to start getting my dream job first" you probably won't reach that goal this year. But if you did, I am SO rooting for you no matter what! Smaller goals are the best way to build confidence toward setting long term goals.
My goal this year is to get a job and get health insurance. Sounds easy enough, right? Not really, but because I have an associates, I will be guaranteed to not start at the bare bottom minimum wage like I did at my last job. No more 7$ an hour for me! But I set a goal this year to finish my degree no matter what, and to get an A.
I studied super hard all year long and guess what? I DID IT. I got that A, and in May, I'll be graduating with my Associates of Science degree. Once I get me a job, I'll be taking small secretarial courses so I can have certificates and training toward my goal for 2020, which is to finally move out. It's - it's a long term goal I've been trying to work toward for the last few years, but it's something I know I can't do right away.
Knowing what you are capable of is one thing, but setting yourself up for failure is another. A lot of folks that follow me here on fA suffer from depression, bipolarism, and many other different disorders that makes the holidays or goal setting so difficult and the disappointment of not reaching these goals leaves a lot of us feeling like worthless failures, so I'm leaving you with this bit of advice: don't overshoot. I'm not saying don't believe you can reach a goal you set for yourself eventually, but if you're doing what everyone else is doing and setting a new year's resolution, start with what you know you can do; sometimes just setting a resolution to get up early is good enough. Or maybe walking for 10 minutes every other day is good enough. Or perhaps learning a new technique for a hobby or a skill is good enough.
You don't have to make huge goals and resolutions to feel like you did something productive, because I know a lot of folks have the horrific side effect that they don't reach that goal, and feel like an utter failure.
You're not. You tried, and that is really important. So what if you didn't make partner, or you didn't get into the first school you wanted for college (For those of you who want to go that is) you still tried. You tried your best and you can hold on to that, too.
Most of you have goals of completing tasks that are over the moon: mastering new techniques, moving out by X date, raising enough money to buy a house, etc etc. And those are insanely fantastic and blow my mind! I want you guys to know I'm proud of all of you that are working to strive toward that and make a name for yourself, but I also want you to know that it's okay if you don't reach them, too. Sometimes techniques can take years, and saving money for a house can take even longer. It's not saying you're bad or awful at something such as saving or time management if you do not reach these goals, it's just a hard, tough place right now. We have emergencies, we have families, we have things that take up our time and sometimes take our money that makes it impossible to reach the goals we set for ourselves right away. The market isn't what it used to be for any one, be it real estate or commission work.
I'm not going to tell you 'you're not going to make it', but I am going to say that I'm proud of you for trying. And I wish you even better luck, and more energy, and more strength and inspiration and everything you need to get even closer toward your goals.
I also want you guys to know that even though the holidays are tough, be it the loss of someone recently or in the past hurting, or simply celebrating with family members you can't stand, you are valid, you are loved, and you don't have to take the word of some random person on the internet to know that. Your friends are there for you, and you can reach out to them for any reason if you feel you're in a dark place. I've been in your shoes, I've suffered the loss of two loved ones around this time of year and I have problems with my family, too. We have our ups and downs, more downs than I'd like to admit, but I do know what it's like to feel that you're completely alone and you're lonely for it. I've reached out to my closest friend for that, and she has been a beautiful soul who trusted me, and I trusted her with our worst days.
Don't be afraid to talk to your friends. Some of them might not understand, and that's okay, too. Your family might not understand, which sucks but that's okay because they're different people. They don't know you better than you know you. But don't let the holidays turn dark for any reason to the point of worry. You're important, you're special, and you're someone that someone else would definitely miss if you weren't there anymore. So if you can't find a reason for the season for yourself, pick one for someone else. You can work on it later if you have to, but don't you worry.
It will get better. But you have to make it that way by growing at the right speed for you. Not the speed of someone else.
New Years is a hard holiday for all of us, but know this. You can set small goals for yourself, and still accomplish something. You don't have to reach for the stars right off the bat. Gotta get on the ladder first and sometimes, that's enough.
Freedom.
Posted 6 years agoI made it.
I passed.
I passed final.
I passed my class.
I'm officially graduated - the ceremony's later but -- I'm finally done with everything. I'm finally free of everything.
I'm taking the weekend for myself. I haven't -- I've cried twice today from sheer relief due to how much stress I was under for studying for so long. You guys do NOT understand.
I'll answer questions and the like of course, but for now?
Art in itself will be later. I can't even bring myself to pick up a pencil, my hands and tendinitis are killing me thanks to the nonstop studying, practicing, and ridiculously long final.Updates: 4 Days
Posted 7 years agoAll right last update for a bit -
My cintiq's not working. Meaning I have to basically mail it off since I'm still just BARELY within the one year manufacture's warranty or whatever it's called. So I'm going to try and work on some traditional stuffafter the 14th.
Why wait until after the 14th, Pancaked?
Because that's my last final. I am nowhere near prepared enough to get a semi-decent grade, so I am having to really buckle down more. Also my laptop is dying. My spacebar is fighting me at any chance it gets wow, I can't win.
But, after the 14th, I'll finally be able to sit down, relax, cry for a few hours to release all the hell I've been through this semester all around, and I'll finally be able to release all of my hell. I'm tired and exhausted and ready to get through the damn semester.
I want to thank you guys for your patience, I've been trying to keep things updated, but I've also had some medical issues I've kept hush hush because I didn't want to seem like I was phishing for pity or anything. I don't want to make any more excuses - thankfully I owe like, what, 3 pieces I think? It's not as huge of a queue as I keep feeling like it is aha.
After this, I will no longer be offering commissions for a while unless for specials or what have you. I'll be learning to draw for myself again, to love my art again, and finally try to beat this damn guilt I've suffered through for drawing personal art for the longest time. Even before I owed anyone anything, I always felt awful drawing for myself, to the point I never did or wanted to and just felt like garbage. This isn't how it's supposed to work.
I don't have enough friends to draw for free for them, but I DO have enough friends to draw pairings with, so who knows, maybe you guys'll see my cute romantic couple images or whatever in the future of those pairings or another, though most might not be furry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My cintiq's not working. Meaning I have to basically mail it off since I'm still just BARELY within the one year manufacture's warranty or whatever it's called. So I'm going to try and work on some traditional stuffafter the 14th.
Why wait until after the 14th, Pancaked?
Because that's my last final. I am nowhere near prepared enough to get a semi-decent grade, so I am having to really buckle down more. Also my laptop is dying. My spacebar is fighting me at any chance it gets wow, I can't win.
But, after the 14th, I'll finally be able to sit down, relax, cry for a few hours to release all the hell I've been through this semester all around, and I'll finally be able to release all of my hell. I'm tired and exhausted and ready to get through the damn semester.
I want to thank you guys for your patience, I've been trying to keep things updated, but I've also had some medical issues I've kept hush hush because I didn't want to seem like I was phishing for pity or anything. I don't want to make any more excuses - thankfully I owe like, what, 3 pieces I think? It's not as huge of a queue as I keep feeling like it is aha.
After this, I will no longer be offering commissions for a while unless for specials or what have you. I'll be learning to draw for myself again, to love my art again, and finally try to beat this damn guilt I've suffered through for drawing personal art for the longest time. Even before I owed anyone anything, I always felt awful drawing for myself, to the point I never did or wanted to and just felt like garbage. This isn't how it's supposed to work.
I don't have enough friends to draw for free for them, but I DO have enough friends to draw pairings with, so who knows, maybe you guys'll see my cute romantic couple images or whatever in the future of those pairings or another, though most might not be furry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Almost Free
Posted 7 years agoI finished the last two exams that are basically just ‘exam exams’ for school, and now have finals and some weird end of the year assessment exam.
I’m going to try and get some art done this week since it’s finally a break from school but again, it’s a holiday and my family is kind of stupid about holidays and taking me along for the ride all the way to not-cool-town or.. Whatever.
I failed one of my exams even after studying night and day for like, a week so i’m sort of out of it right now and apologize.
Art will be worked on as much as I can this week, I want to try and finish SOMETHING that I owe considering how damn long I’m taking. If not for this god damn college course I’d be done with art ages ago, but crap got hard.
Don’t talk to me about ‘but it’s just math’ unless you’ve been six years without a math course and suddenly being told ‘yeah you did this last semester’ and I haven’t even been in a class room since 2008-ish soooo YUP. (Online classes for a while. Not a good idea.)
Thank you guys so much for your patience and understanding - I know it’s mostly wish-list art stuff that I owe and 2 commissions but just bear with me until the end and soon I’ll be free to jobhunt and be just as depressed as I was before the stress of school.
I’m going to try and get some art done this week since it’s finally a break from school but again, it’s a holiday and my family is kind of stupid about holidays and taking me along for the ride all the way to not-cool-town or.. Whatever.
I failed one of my exams even after studying night and day for like, a week so i’m sort of out of it right now and apologize.
Art will be worked on as much as I can this week, I want to try and finish SOMETHING that I owe considering how damn long I’m taking. If not for this god damn college course I’d be done with art ages ago, but crap got hard.
Don’t talk to me about ‘but it’s just math’ unless you’ve been six years without a math course and suddenly being told ‘yeah you did this last semester’ and I haven’t even been in a class room since 2008-ish soooo YUP. (Online classes for a while. Not a good idea.)
Thank you guys so much for your patience and understanding - I know it’s mostly wish-list art stuff that I owe and 2 commissions but just bear with me until the end and soon I’ll be free to jobhunt and be just as depressed as I was before the stress of school.
Update: Overload
Posted 7 years agoSo my graduation exam (that i was just informed of not too long ago) is this week.
As is a large exam for a good chunk of my coursework.
On top of a ton of my coursework being due.
I did manage to get some actual micron pens though, so there's hope for traditional art owed.
I haven't forgotten about the digital work that was purchased either - but there is a minor issue that has arose from my laptop.
For some reason, even when completely cold if it starts up at all no matter the mode (safemode or otherwise) my laptop fan goes off and all you can hear is it going for up to two to three minutes, and then after a while it kicks on again, even if I have little going on at the time.
It has randomly shut off on me like something out of a 90's hacker movie with black squares as the graphics driver (I assume) shut down first and then completely closed. I keep getting memory errors anytime I hook up my cintiq and I don't know what to do as I can't even afford a new laptop, nor am I able to work on owed art / open anything in order to get cash to save up.
I know I need to save up for a new laptop, my family still isn't helping me with anything financially, and I'm in the final stretch before my college is over.
I truly am sorry for the huge delay in everything - I know some of you are still waiting and have been extremely patient with me, and for that I am truly grateful. If you know any way that this error in my laptop could be fixed, please alert me so I can fix it and stop losing everything I do anytime I open this hunk of thing. ;;
As is a large exam for a good chunk of my coursework.
On top of a ton of my coursework being due.
I did manage to get some actual micron pens though, so there's hope for traditional art owed.
I haven't forgotten about the digital work that was purchased either - but there is a minor issue that has arose from my laptop.
For some reason, even when completely cold if it starts up at all no matter the mode (safemode or otherwise) my laptop fan goes off and all you can hear is it going for up to two to three minutes, and then after a while it kicks on again, even if I have little going on at the time.
It has randomly shut off on me like something out of a 90's hacker movie with black squares as the graphics driver (I assume) shut down first and then completely closed. I keep getting memory errors anytime I hook up my cintiq and I don't know what to do as I can't even afford a new laptop, nor am I able to work on owed art / open anything in order to get cash to save up.
I know I need to save up for a new laptop, my family still isn't helping me with anything financially, and I'm in the final stretch before my college is over.
I truly am sorry for the huge delay in everything - I know some of you are still waiting and have been extremely patient with me, and for that I am truly grateful. If you know any way that this error in my laptop could be fixed, please alert me so I can fix it and stop losing everything I do anytime I open this hunk of thing. ;;
Commissions Closed
Posted 7 years agoWelp.
That feel..
Posted 7 years agoWhen your old scanner is up for grabs on amazon for 58$ but you gotta make bill money cuz it's bills week.
God.
This is why I haven't posted anything recently - A lot of it is traditional work or I'm still WIP with several things.
I want to post more art dang it augh augh augh. I want to post stuff to my instagram and and I wanna draw moreeee.
My microns are on the way.
I've managed to get my hands on several sets of markers thanks to extremely awesome folks willing to pay for them and get art in return. You're all amazing - more so the ones who absolutely adore my traditional work and want me to repay them with traditional work for it! If I can get the right colors, or at least similar, I might try to color cardstock print if I can.
I'm in such a weird mood lately, too like - I never liked working on art or anything, because the pressure of owing work and not having money to pay back or not ever feeling good enough always weighted down on me. It always made me hurt in mind and body and I just wanted to cry a lot of the time. I felt worthless, unwanted, uncared about. I'd see other artists that could get 50+ people all wringing hands to get a chance at a commission from them and got nothing for myself.
I still don't get much, but what I do get I absolutely love you for - I am grateful that you all are patient with me, and allow me room to grow as both an artist as a person with each new piece. I want to grow as a hobby artist more than a commission artist, but I only have to survive the next 3-4 months until I get my degree and graduate and then get a decent job or at least a job that pays me something so I don't have to worry about my kidneys shutting down.
Yeah, medically I am getting worse, but I have no way of fixing it or getting medicine until I can get health insurance again. It's going to be a long time because of the whole 'special sign up' crap with the healthcare system being garbage right now but if it can get me my medicine that I desperately need for my nerve damage and my insulin and what have you, I'll do whatever I can.
God.
This is why I haven't posted anything recently - A lot of it is traditional work or I'm still WIP with several things.
I want to post more art dang it augh augh augh. I want to post stuff to my instagram and and I wanna draw moreeee.
My microns are on the way.
I've managed to get my hands on several sets of markers thanks to extremely awesome folks willing to pay for them and get art in return. You're all amazing - more so the ones who absolutely adore my traditional work and want me to repay them with traditional work for it! If I can get the right colors, or at least similar, I might try to color cardstock print if I can.
I'm in such a weird mood lately, too like - I never liked working on art or anything, because the pressure of owing work and not having money to pay back or not ever feeling good enough always weighted down on me. It always made me hurt in mind and body and I just wanted to cry a lot of the time. I felt worthless, unwanted, uncared about. I'd see other artists that could get 50+ people all wringing hands to get a chance at a commission from them and got nothing for myself.
I still don't get much, but what I do get I absolutely love you for - I am grateful that you all are patient with me, and allow me room to grow as both an artist as a person with each new piece. I want to grow as a hobby artist more than a commission artist, but I only have to survive the next 3-4 months until I get my degree and graduate and then get a decent job or at least a job that pays me something so I don't have to worry about my kidneys shutting down.
Yeah, medically I am getting worse, but I have no way of fixing it or getting medicine until I can get health insurance again. It's going to be a long time because of the whole 'special sign up' crap with the healthcare system being garbage right now but if it can get me my medicine that I desperately need for my nerve damage and my insulin and what have you, I'll do whatever I can.
Two Days Left!!!
Posted 7 years agoRaffle is finally in the home stretch!
If you have a problem with raffles, kindly fuck off please.
If you have a problem with artists trying to get commissions, fuck off please.
If you have a problem with tumblr -- that's totally fair and sorry but I'm not holding this raffle on FA until I can get 1.5k watchers here so - spread the word and who knows.
I want to get more folks on tumblr so I can have a reason to keep actively posting there!
Also, just a small reminder that:
Commissions are open
And if you want to purchase traditional art supplies for me instead, I will draw you something for anything over 15$ spent! For 25$+ you get digital or traditional options, 30$ gets you couples for chibis, etc etc!
If you can't afford art supplies, and just want to support an artist, feel free to toss me some ko-fi's! I will draw for anything upward of 9-15$ worth!
If you have a problem with raffles, kindly fuck off please.
If you have a problem with artists trying to get commissions, fuck off please.
If you have a problem with tumblr -- that's totally fair and sorry but I'm not holding this raffle on FA until I can get 1.5k watchers here so - spread the word and who knows.
I want to get more folks on tumblr so I can have a reason to keep actively posting there!
Also, just a small reminder that:
Commissions are open
And if you want to purchase traditional art supplies for me instead, I will draw you something for anything over 15$ spent! For 25$+ you get digital or traditional options, 30$ gets you couples for chibis, etc etc!
If you can't afford art supplies, and just want to support an artist, feel free to toss me some ko-fi's! I will draw for anything upward of 9-15$ worth!
DIY Clean Up project! -- Streaming Tomorrow
Posted 7 years agoWell guys, here's what's happened today.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....741_174755.jpg - this was the first photo I took before I moved my desk and cleaned everything off of it a month or so ago.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....19_1433462.jpg - this was taken before we started on the work today.
The next set of photos is what we did / the state of my living area today. Now it is a complete wreck but we went through seven boxes, tubs, and containers filled with shoes, movies, books, papework, etc and ended up tossing 3 gigantic garbage bags, and a huge box for donations!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_153404.jpg
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_153904.jpg - the cleaned up part
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_154140.jpg
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_154250.jpg - what's still left.
This was why I ended up taking a 2 hour nap and waking up to every muscle and joint in my body screaming. I'm going to livestream tomorrow and work on the two trades, and one commission that I owe all day regardless if anyone comes in or not. I hope to see some of you guys there of course, but it's going to guarantee I finish what I owe! Hopefully I can finish at least one of my trades for sure since the commission is already sketched out.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....741_174755.jpg - this was the first photo I took before I moved my desk and cleaned everything off of it a month or so ago.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....19_1433462.jpg - this was taken before we started on the work today.
The next set of photos is what we did / the state of my living area today. Now it is a complete wreck but we went through seven boxes, tubs, and containers filled with shoes, movies, books, papework, etc and ended up tossing 3 gigantic garbage bags, and a huge box for donations!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_153404.jpg
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_153904.jpg - the cleaned up part
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_154140.jpg
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachme.....011_154250.jpg - what's still left.
This was why I ended up taking a 2 hour nap and waking up to every muscle and joint in my body screaming. I'm going to livestream tomorrow and work on the two trades, and one commission that I owe all day regardless if anyone comes in or not. I hope to see some of you guys there of course, but it's going to guarantee I finish what I owe! Hopefully I can finish at least one of my trades for sure since the commission is already sketched out.
Huge Update
Posted 7 years agoNot in the journal though, sorry folks.
I promised you better lines and boy did I give it.
I scanned over 16 pieces of art today, and made sure to upload them all for you guys to enjoy and love as much as I do when I see them in my sketchbook.
I hope you guys will give my inked lines another looksee, as they're now finally inktober worthy!
I promised you better lines and boy did I give it.
I scanned over 16 pieces of art today, and made sure to upload them all for you guys to enjoy and love as much as I do when I see them in my sketchbook.
I hope you guys will give my inked lines another looksee, as they're now finally inktober worthy!
Supplies for Art!?
Posted 7 years agohttps://www.wish.com/wishlist/5bb3c.....16c25f835e7d26
Organized List!
Hey folks, just felt like I should drop this in becauuuseeeee
I'm going back to my roots as a traditional artist again. I want to be able to color more than just line my work though so I need your help doing that. I need microns, markers, pens, the whole shebang. So if you guys ever wanna feel generous and drop some my way please check out the list! I'm going to be keeping it updated and try to find the best deals! I'm not picky about namebrands because, well, copics are great but holy crud they're high and other markers work, too!
I am also going to be offering art for items purchased if they're up to 15$+ (traditional) 25$ (option of traditional or digital), 30$ (double traditional) etc etc.
Posted using PostyBirb
Organized List!
Hey folks, just felt like I should drop this in becauuuseeeee
I'm going back to my roots as a traditional artist again. I want to be able to color more than just line my work though so I need your help doing that. I need microns, markers, pens, the whole shebang. So if you guys ever wanna feel generous and drop some my way please check out the list! I'm going to be keeping it updated and try to find the best deals! I'm not picky about namebrands because, well, copics are great but holy crud they're high and other markers work, too!
I am also going to be offering art for items purchased if they're up to 15$+ (traditional) 25$ (option of traditional or digital), 30$ (double traditional) etc etc.
Posted using PostyBirb
Grocery Day!
Posted 7 years agoThis is the update for you guys!
I don't care if you see the walmart address it's not like anyone's gonna come after me but!!!
I wanted you guys to see that I got my groceries today and what all everyone's donations had put forth for me. The commissions I've received is saved toward gas and groceries in, like, 2 weeks or so depending but!!!
Thank you all so much for being such a huge support. I still have a way's to go to meet 320$ (an entire month's worth of gas and groceries) but I'm getting there!
I'll be working on commissions today, and have a couple of things to post from school that I did, and working on a digital commission or two today.
If I were to do it - would anyone like me to stream the work I'm doing today? It's not going to be a lot because I am in a good bit of pain from shopping so long and dealing with irl things, but I do want to finish a commission a day so I don't have any back-log!
Another reminder that my commissions are open! You can see them via my commissions tab (Ignore the number of slots, I just put the 1 so they would show up as green and available to order)
If you'd like to keep track of orders, my to-do list is available!I seriously need help -- I'm sorry
Posted 7 years agoUPDATE: Any donation over 9$ will receive a free traditional sketch doodle from me of a character of their choice.
It'll look like my others, and if it's feral I will TRY MY BEST, but ferals are now an option but only for donations.So I was just painfully reminded that I honestly mean very little to this family to the point that if I ask for gas money or for grocery money that I'm asking for way too much.
I have a pack of tea and three tv dinners that's supposed to last me the week. I don't have gas money to get to school unless I use what little bill money I've managed to save.
So I guess... I'll have to resort to begging. lol
If you guys feel generous at all, I need to make at least 80$ a week to cover grocery and gas costs in case my family, after arguing all morning, changes their mind (Which they always do).
If you could just - Ko-Fi me, or even just donate through paypal or something, even if it's just like, 5$ any little bit helps. I'm sitting here in my room, trying to decide if I want to eat a piece of bread for breakfast, or just drink a bunch of water because I don't really have any food that I, as a diabetic, can eat.
I understand my family is struggling financially on their own because of frivolous spending on my grandmother's idiotic part, and my situation with my mother is really horrible and most of you are aware of that, but I don't really know what else to do.
Commissions are super scarce and I'm running out of options. School keeps me from getting a job that'll physically impair me even worse than what I have now (I'm lucky if I can stand upright, still, for more than 50 minutes without going into excruciating pain) and even then those jobs aren't hiring for the hours that I need to make it worth the drive into town.
I'm at the end of my rope - I've tried selling my art, selling my characters, doing a lot and just... Nothing.
I need help and I hate asking. Mainly because I feel I'm not worth the effort or the time - most don't read these journals or care about my financial situation unless I compensate with 10xs more than what I'm given and I'm really really struggling to make end's meet.
If you guys could even spread the word - hell even about commissions if you can't donate, I don't care. My commissions are here and here so it's not like I'm begging for free shit, I want to work for it, I need to work for it as donations always made me feel super skeevy but I just ... Need help. I really and truly need your help to make it or else I just... Don't. I don't own anything worth selling that's more than just 7-8 dollars and I'm unable to spend the gas money to go and sell it.
Free Art Raffle
Posted 7 years agoThis is to help promote my tumblr and gain followers on all of my other pages.
If you'd like to participate, please feel free to do the following:
Follow my tumblr
Reblog the post (as much as you want even) to your personal blog.
Follow my other art sites for a freebie entry.
What's to be won -
For every 40 reblogs (not counting my own for promotion), a new winner will be selected.
If there's over 50 different people out of 500+ reblogs, there will be a grand prize winner of a full body digital colored piece to win as well as all the other chibis that follow.
Note - I am still open for commissions which can be seen - here and here.
If interested in a commission, please feel free to note, and / or comment on the respected entries or note me via fA.
Posted using PostyBirb
If you'd like to participate, please feel free to do the following:
Follow my tumblr
Reblog the post (as much as you want even) to your personal blog.
Follow my other art sites for a freebie entry.
What's to be won -
For every 40 reblogs (not counting my own for promotion), a new winner will be selected.
If there's over 50 different people out of 500+ reblogs, there will be a grand prize winner of a full body digital colored piece to win as well as all the other chibis that follow.
Note - I am still open for commissions which can be seen - here and here.
If interested in a commission, please feel free to note, and / or comment on the respected entries or note me via fA.
Posted using PostyBirb
Chibis and Sketches
Posted 7 years agoLast ditch effort at this point to get some commissions here.
Check out my commissions tab for what's open / detailing but -
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28758144/ - 25$ digital colored chibis open.
- Robotics will cost extra
- Overly complicated characters cost extra
- Couples are 45$ depending on complexity.
1. golla - paid - completed
2. stoffeetoffee - paid - wip
3. tendriltherapy - paid - wip
4.
5.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28581407/ - 15$ traditional sketch waist ups, couples are 25$
- Robotics will cost extra
- Overly complicated characters cost extra
- Couples are 25$ depending on complexity.
1. wrytergirl - couple - paid - completed
2.
3.
4.
5.
If I can't even fill these out I will be closing down commissions for good. Please leave a comment with your reference and which you would like to order.
Please do not comment 'I would if I could' as that is not helpful in the least at this time.
I have bills, gas, food to pay for.
If you could spread the word, I'd greatly appreciate it. Every little bit helps at this point.
Check out my commissions tab for what's open / detailing but -
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28758144/ - 25$ digital colored chibis open.
- Robotics will cost extra
- Overly complicated characters cost extra
- Couples are 45$ depending on complexity.
1. golla - paid - completed
2. stoffeetoffee - paid - wip
3. tendriltherapy - paid - wip
4.
5.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/28581407/ - 15$ traditional sketch waist ups, couples are 25$
- Robotics will cost extra
- Overly complicated characters cost extra
- Couples are 25$ depending on complexity.
1. wrytergirl - couple - paid - completed
2.
3.
4.
5.
If I can't even fill these out I will be closing down commissions for good. Please leave a comment with your reference and which you would like to order.
Please do not comment 'I would if I could' as that is not helpful in the least at this time.
I have bills, gas, food to pay for.
If you could spread the word, I'd greatly appreciate it. Every little bit helps at this point.
Stay Out Of My Notes
Posted 7 years agoDo not note me with "hi" or "Hello" or "murry purry" things. I'm not looking for friends on fA, so please stop trying to buddy buddy me at random if I have never shown interest in being friendly with you in my notes. It's creepy. Comment on a journal, comment on an art piece, hell, shout on my page or something, but :
NOTES ARE FOR BUSINESS ONLY.
Do not note me begging me to: buy your commissions (if I've never watched you before, you're too high, your art is a carbon cookie cutter copy of someone else, or your art probably hurts my soul in one way, shape, or form), do not note me begging me to buy any product from you whatsoever.
I despise copy paste notes that are basically spam email, regardless of whatever product you're trying to shove off onto me, I'm now doubly not interested in it just because you couldn't be bothered to check if I was note friendly or not. Now there's no excuse.
If you're not buying something (and following through at some point) I don't want to talk to you in my notes.
If you want to chit chat with me, talk to me in livestreams, talk to me through comments. Do NOT note me for any reason unless you're donating money (lol yah sure) or purchasing a commission from me.
Seriously, it's the most frustrating thing to struggle as hard as I do to get any sort of interest in my work at all to see I have notes and it's just 'murrr draw me free thing' or 'buy my thing because you obviously have money' when I'm basically peddling my own wares at sub par pricing due to the fact that I spend so long on my work and deserve to be paid for my time.
Stay out of my notes.
I'm blocking folks who do this from now on. If you work around the block and get on another account and message me again, I will not only block, but report for harassment as I would have told you to NOT note me, or linked to this directly.
NOTES ARE FOR BUSINESS ONLY.
Do not note me begging me to: buy your commissions (if I've never watched you before, you're too high, your art is a carbon cookie cutter copy of someone else, or your art probably hurts my soul in one way, shape, or form), do not note me begging me to buy any product from you whatsoever.
I despise copy paste notes that are basically spam email, regardless of whatever product you're trying to shove off onto me, I'm now doubly not interested in it just because you couldn't be bothered to check if I was note friendly or not. Now there's no excuse.
If you're not buying something (and following through at some point) I don't want to talk to you in my notes.
If you want to chit chat with me, talk to me in livestreams, talk to me through comments. Do NOT note me for any reason unless you're donating money (lol yah sure) or purchasing a commission from me.
Seriously, it's the most frustrating thing to struggle as hard as I do to get any sort of interest in my work at all to see I have notes and it's just 'murrr draw me free thing' or 'buy my thing because you obviously have money' when I'm basically peddling my own wares at sub par pricing due to the fact that I spend so long on my work and deserve to be paid for my time.
Stay out of my notes.
I'm blocking folks who do this from now on. If you work around the block and get on another account and message me again, I will not only block, but report for harassment as I would have told you to NOT note me, or linked to this directly.
About F-List
Posted 7 years agoYeaah, I'm on it. A lot actually.
And I have most of my characters on there (or at least in the works of being put on there)
And I'd really like it if people would report to me if people are using my art or characters. I had someone using my actual persona as a slut bitch on there and basically now I feel like absolute garbage at being reduced to such a thing.
If you see anything linked anywhere on there that's not attached to this profile, please let me know. If they do not have contact information to their character page on toyhouse attached / no url attached to a profile here on fA, they are most likely stolen.
All of my profiles are generally fleshed out and well written (in my opinion) so I am not okay with folks using them for their personal fuckpersons. Namely because it makes ME look bad if they start acting a fool on the site.
This is not an open invitation for everyone to flood me with RP requests. This is just a public announcement that I am not cool with how folks are basically impersonating me as a fuckslut.
Thanks guys! first day of school
Posted 7 years agoi woke up 3 fucking hours early before i had to because of how nervous i am.
the hell is wrong with me ahhhh.
wish me luck guys, this is going to be a very long semester.
the hell is wrong with me ahhhh.
wish me luck guys, this is going to be a very long semester.
college graduation -- help?
Posted 7 years agoso uhm.
tah dah.
that's right folks. truth is, I'm at 65 credit hours over my Associates of Science degree, and just need one more class to graduate with a degree, cap and gown and everything and uh.
that's kinda what i've been trying to get for a very long time.
now, since no one's really responsive for journals and stuff, i'm going to try anyway. is anyone good at college algebra?
it's the only class i have to take, and my numerical dyslexia is ... it's a lot worse than it used to be.
i need help so i can finally get my degree.
it would... it would mean the world to me. you guys have no idea how horrific and worthless i've felt most of my life because everyone in my family graduated with honors and crap and i haven't. they eyeball me and jab at me daily about getting a degree or something and, well.
tah dah.
the school is going to cover the costs for the class since i'm literally only one class away from having my first degree but uh. yeah.
i'll never be able to get another one -cough- so this one has to count and i really need help on it.
if yo guys know extremely patient tutors that would be able to help i'd... be deeply grateful.
especially since i think if i graduate, i have to pay for cap and gown, so commissions might open up for that if i can get a good tutor or help with this computer only course. ;;
tah dah.
that's right folks. truth is, I'm at 65 credit hours over my Associates of Science degree, and just need one more class to graduate with a degree, cap and gown and everything and uh.
that's kinda what i've been trying to get for a very long time.
now, since no one's really responsive for journals and stuff, i'm going to try anyway. is anyone good at college algebra?
it's the only class i have to take, and my numerical dyslexia is ... it's a lot worse than it used to be.
i need help so i can finally get my degree.
it would... it would mean the world to me. you guys have no idea how horrific and worthless i've felt most of my life because everyone in my family graduated with honors and crap and i haven't. they eyeball me and jab at me daily about getting a degree or something and, well.
tah dah.
the school is going to cover the costs for the class since i'm literally only one class away from having my first degree but uh. yeah.
i'll never be able to get another one -cough- so this one has to count and i really need help on it.
if yo guys know extremely patient tutors that would be able to help i'd... be deeply grateful.
especially since i think if i graduate, i have to pay for cap and gown, so commissions might open up for that if i can get a good tutor or help with this computer only course. ;;
"Recruitment"
Posted 7 years agoIf anyone wants to read the full beware on this situation, feel free to check out my tumblr since I can't warn people on fA without getting slapped with a 'call out' warning. PLEASE read it as I have way more details on the situation there since I can't share it here, but I am positive he will approach a lot of you guys for 'free collaboration' art.
If you send me something or act anything like this
http://prntscr.com/jqi7f6
https://app.box.com/s/3g6xg9xbwj6k0.....rezussfjlel4fc
I will not only tell you no? I will flat out block you for being such an asshole.
I was approached by a certain user not too long ago begging for me to draw, sketch, whatever an entire comic series for him. He tried to break the general 'free art' begging by calling it a collaboration as he would be writing scripting, whatever you want to call it.
For absolutely no compensation on anyone whatsoever. He spat in the face of personal, professional, and hobby artists alike because they didn't want to do his project. He also threatens harassment if you do not give him an acceptable answer.
He has no respect for anyone, and only wants to see his comic completed so he can ride off fame like every other freebie sniper. There's no offer to use your own characters, it's all just about him and his own story.
Just. Ugh. My brain hurts.Birthday
Posted 7 years agoIt's tomorrow.
Yay.
Just putting that out there for.. I don't know, figured I'd say it, I guess. I got the gift of my month's paycheck in the mail from my last job at least.
Now if only I could get the gift of the 1k I'm owed from my mother. -SIGH-
