Wow, over a year ago since I last left one of these and nothing new for a while.

Sometimes wishing life were easier, but at the same, if it were, I think i'd feel odd at it, but meh, RL is as RL is, a real PITA

Soo, gonna put a few Q&A bits here:

What's happening with my writings? have I stopped completely?
Answering that, is no, I do have a LOT of things in head, but trying to put them into context and make them worth anything is taking time, doesn't help when I let my head go with RL things and send myself on a spiral, but I am seriously hoping to start getting some pieces up here at some point

What about artwork and any Furvilla Characters in my character colours?
Well, again RL is a PITA, so me getting commissions from peeps isn't gonna be happening anytime soon and given I go into shut down when talking with others, doesn't help when I wanna look lol

More curiously, will there ever be any Fursuit pics or work?
That's a bit of a toughie, since it's been a while since I last wore Rotheswolf and he needs a lot of rework done, also again RL being at it is, just makes things soo awkward for me, even through I shouldn't feel that way, I can't help that feeling

What about meets and other plans?
Again, RL sucks and has me limited, more this year then any, down the future maybe, but now... I need my head in one piece and on the ball

and with that, I am gonna leave it there, there's lots of things I could throw in here, some good and some not so, but really, nothing that I feel like sharing ^^;;;

Well, yet again it's been a long while since I last posted a Journal, but finally got the head for it, or least I think, so let's start from what's been happening?

Before I go any further, I want to apologize to anyone who has my Skype contact, as I simply have shut down in sorts and kinda shelled back up to where I don't like just dropping PMs, except for with a rare few.

All in all, up, down and all about as I try not to wind up with more issues on top of everything else that's currently wrong and I try to piece things together. In saying that i've had a few good moments, but I badly need to get things on track and get my life into place again.

As for making it to local meets, that's just been out the window due to a mix of everything, from not being 100% to being stuck with no way to get out, it's been a little bit of a cluster, but hey, i'm sure as heck i'll get to one before the year ends, missing everyone there.

as can be guessed, any rework of my fursuit was put on hold back in 2013 and sadly, will be on permanent hold until further notice, as will most fur-related stuff, again as I put, I want to get to a meet or two, but yea, I badly need to focus on things outside what i'd like to focus on, but needs must sadly.

However, all is not completely at a stop, as I plan to restart on writing, so hopefully sometime soon, will start to get Project: Fusion going as well as a few ideas that have been floating round my head.

It's been too long since I last posted, i'd normally have something funny in title (or try too) but this time, it's down to earth and more thoughts and flashes back over events this year gone by.

It's weird how you never expect it to go soo wrong soo fast and for me at least, that's the way i've felt, save several times thanks to good friends and thinking of other friends who i've missed seeing this year gone.

The worst was losing my nana to Cancer, even now it's raw for all my family, through i'm constantly fighting back, cause I know she'd want me to stay strong, but it's really been hard without her, as we're used to everyday, phoning her and talking with her at length on times.

A number of other things got to me this year, mostly silly things with a fellow fur/close pal of mine, but he's starting to push in the right direction and I laugh, since he has big plans for the future, but at the same I wish him well, he does deserve any and every positive thing he can get.

As for gaming, which I find myself doing somewhat more, I kinda gave up on a game called City of Steam, the original game was better, but it's a shell of what it was, so I find myself playing games as and what grabs my interest, of which right now ShadowBound has me well and truely glued there.

I play on my Xbox 360 now and then, actually got 12 Month Gold, so messing somewhat on GTA, through before anyone asks, only Scratch knows who I am, so sorry to anyone who wants me to join a game, but right now I just wanna play at my leisure ^^

Also, thanks to help, I got myself a massive upgrade for my Tower, now using a Geforce GTX 660 with a 650w PSU, which I needed, since the stock only did 350w, so now exploring other things, including the possibility of doing 3D work, but we'll see, I need my head in the zone and right now, it's far from there lol

Anything elzse? Well Christmas Day for us was quiet, just me and mum this year and will be the same for New Years tbh, as much as i'd like to be with peeps, it's just the way we feel here, so yea.

Anyways, i'm out for the last time this year, Hope everyone had a Wonderful Christmas and Wishing you all the best for 2015!!!

For one, i'm sorry to everyone watching if you've been wondering "what's going on?" but life really has thrown a bad few my way and it's all taking it's toll on me.

So, like the title says, there will likely be nothing new being added here for a fair bit of time, not even my story projects, partially done, or otherwise.

For now, my focus has to be on rl and on health before anything, which to me burns as I wish to be out there a lot more, but when it happens, sadly it has to happen and has to be done >.<;;;

If I can get myself back down to it, i'll try to get some of Project: Fusion up and maybe unveil a new project that's been sitting in the wings, but we'll see how time goes ^.^

First off, really late, but hoping everyone had a good time back at the new year ^.^

So, why's it been soo long since I last updated? well, there's a lot of things been happening and a number of them detrimental to my health, more so recently.

Am I gonna say anything else on this? on some, but not others.

Why not all of it? For personal and family reasons.

Health has been bad of recent, so trying to get to grips with that and again, other things piled on, it's got me really spinning and not in a good way.

Will I be going to meets in the future this year? Providing my health and other things don't hold be back, I do plan on getting to other meets this year, however it all depends on how things are.

Anything special this year? Soo far, nothing special planned, through again could easily change depending how things go, just never know.

Where the heck are all your stories/why no uploads? Well, i've nothing to upload right now, with me having health issues and my head feeling like it's been ran over with a steamroller, i've not been working on anything, even with my music as well, i'm just completely flatline right now.

So, will there be anything soon? I can't guarantee anything to be added here for a while, like other questions answered, we'll have to wait and see.

Anyways, that's all I got for now.

Well, it's been a while since my last posting, so what's going and what's blowing eh?

Let's get the downer crud out the way, since medically i'm still up and down with having had a Throat Infection, Tooth Abcess and now i'm in the early stages of Diabetic Retinopathy with a fluid leak behind my right eye, so no rest for me there. Family things are setting in a lot too with an uncle of mine having black outs and still in a very bad situation that i'd rather not discuss online.

Personally, I feel like i've come to a point where i've shut down a lot, but at the same trying not to regress back into the mess I was in years back. I'll keep progressing hopefully, that's my only goal is to not go back now.

Anyways, with that out the way, i've had music and videos in my head swimming and recently realised something, that I kinda like My Little Pony. Now, this is something that i'd never in my life would've watched any of at all if it weren't for having a certain Track on my playlist called Discord (EuroChaos Mix) in my iTunes playlist and peaking my curiosity and things went on from there.
Now, I wouldn't call myself a Brony, but it's grown on me and i've watched a lot of stuff on YouTube and it's hard not to love the Mane 6, through if I had to pick amongst them....

...uhm...

I CAN'T CHOOSE!!!!!! *cries*

Actually, if I had to really make a choice, then I guess i'd go for AppleJack

I have to admit I have a real liking for Discord, but then again who couldn't like someone who can summon Cotton Candy clouds filled with Chocolate Rain *drools as he goes into a daydream*

Moving onwards, Treble is undergoing a number of changes, so right now things are under wraps until needed works on him are finished.

and I think that's it for now, hopefully it won't be as long before I post another Journal.

First off, I just want to apologize with me whining about my RL issues, a lot of 'em are really insignificant compared to most and i'm not saying that as a way to dig or anything, I am overreacting a lot and I know it in myself, so if anyone watching has been annoyed with me about that or upset, then I hope you can accept my apologies.

Right now trying hard to sort out my own head, what I want to do, what I need to do to get there and all that kinda stuff, mainly cause it's hitting home that a lot of things i'm not even going to get done or done right unless I can push myself.

I want to thank those who've been close to me through things, those who've talked to me at meets and also want to say sorry to those who I should spend time with and never seem too.

All in all, Here's a new start for me and hopefully a real start of change for me, since I need it.

Anyways, enough with the deep stuffs before I start to get weepy, planning on doing some tinkering with a few things, through as far as i'm concerned, me + tablet = BAD IDEA!!!

Haven't broke it, but let's just say my patience doesn't go far with that sadly and also I feel i'm getting worse if that's possible, so yea i'm kinda tinkering on giving up with that.

My Writings will be a while, soo much for trying to get at least trying to get a lot up this year, but I am reconsidering on the older stories before I started Project: Fusion in the fact that I may remove and rewrite them slightly, that and merge them where best. If I do that, then Project: Fusion will be delayed yet again, but we'll see how things go and stuffs.

I do have an unusual idea in mind, but that will be much later, so will be keeping my thoughts on that to myself ;)

Anyways... I think i've made this a lot longer then I planned. Hopefully there will be more activity here now and stuffs.

for now through, i'm outta here :p

Well, as the subject suggests, I feel like i'm not moving in any direction at the moment, since there's little good things going on and the bad things aren't going away as quick as i'd hoped.

Being stuck where I am as well doesn't help, not being able to get pretty much anywhere, wanting to get to different places and enjoy days out, but leads into another problem being the fact i've no way to afford going out as i'd like.

Also, spinning in my own head as i'm doubting myself in what I can do.

Pulling myself away from everyone again as well, which doesn't help at all, but at the same time I have it in my head that i'd end up hurting my friends or annoying them to the point where i'd end up with them not liking or even worse, hating me, which i've had in my past before and that I don't want at all.

Right now, there'll be no writings from me, stopped attempting drawing cause I near broke the tablet in frustration, which is rare from me considering i've been patient with it a lot, but I snapped.

So all in all, no activity here until things change for the better really and at this point, for my sake, I hope they do.

Well, this is a first for me, always tried to stop smoking before, but this time i've actually made it 2 years without :D

Mind you, personally I don't feel any different, but I guess it's something to be happy about.

So, what's been happening? nothing much besides having a rather large abscess in the worst of places and ending up having to get it lanced, as well as normal rl junk making me think too much and also messing with my mind and the fact that i'm also getting rather petty and jealous at times over the stupidest of things, but I think that's a mix of stuff that's got me this way.

Right now, thing're gonna be massively tight for me regarding getting to furmeets and just getting together with furs I want to talk with. What makes me feel bad is the fact i've got skype, but I tend not to PM first with a lot of people I have and it's not badness, butI just seem to rarely be able to just PM unless i'm really either out of my mind or comfortable and to try to describe what I mean... won't work as I suck.

So I want to apologize to everyone who I have shared my skype contact with and not talked with or rarely talked with, I hope to talk sometime soon :)

Anyways, before I start spilling my head contents out here, i'm gonna leave it as is, right now with my writings they are on hold till I can get back into it properly.

I've been working on this for a little while now, through finding time to pick the ideas out my head and put them together like a jigsaw puzzle wasn't the way I wanted to do it, but guess it's worked out for now.

So, without me blabbering much, i'm gonna just put it out in here:

---

Name - Marcus
Species - Cyber Fox (CyFox)
Height - 5'8"

General Description - His facial markings are identical to that of a normal Red Fox, however his fur colouring is Blue, with Green Accents on his ears and Green on his Pawpads, both on his hand and feetpaws. His nose is Black with a normal colour tongue. Over his normal colours are pale lines in each colour, with them looking much like a circuit board, this goes from ear tips right down to his feet. His eyes are Lilac in colour and his Tail has an unusual off-white tip, while the tail itself is Green.
General clothing includes a Blue Denim Jacket and Either Grey or Black Denim Jeans.

Generally helpful in his nature, can be often too helpful or find himself on the wrong end of things.
Can often wind people up a bit if he finds an oppertunity and can be very sarcastic, but he likes to keep it in fun and knows when he oversteps the mark with people.

---

May do further work on him in the future, but for a character that kinda lacked a name for a good while and was underdone in my stories, I am happy with it :D

Only thing now will be getting a Ref Sheet done up at some point, when I can get one of course, through if anyone is kindly willing to do one for me, i would love that :D

Will not be abandoning Rotheswolf through, nor Treble, who needs a Bio himself and a Ref Sheet at some point, but will make that when my head is a working properly.

Well, can't say I had a bad day yesterday at all, through trying to sum it up quickly so I can flop back into bed'll be a challenge lol.

let's see... Getting a new computer delivered at some point, through it sets back plans a little, I am happy enough with getting this and the fact that i've time is no major loss.

Had my pal Scratch ( a.k.a.  dragonfox1989 ) for most of the day yesterday, we sat and played a few games, played some Magic and then I had a nice little surprise livestream from Night Moonbayer wishing me a happy b'day :D

After tea was lovely too, since both myself and Scratch were out, chilling with  Teravoc for a few hours, was nice to be out, even through was a shame I couldn't stay out for more time, also didn't really drink with my meds (through I did get a few interesting tastes *chuckles*)

When I got home, finished my day with a call to my nan and an e-mail to some of the rest of the family, then saw Scratch off before flopping into bed, unsuccessfully trying to sleep of course, only had about 2 hours sleep x.x

So nice day was nice and now, I need to try get another 2 hours at least. tttfn ^.^

Will do a proper journal later on, but nice and peaceful for now :D

Well, whatever was making me soo ill seems to have finally left me, which is good as it was slowly driving me insane making bathroom trips up to 6 times in a 2 hour period.

The doctors reckoned the worst actually while looking for a reason why, but all my samples came back clear bar one bloods they retaken, but that's come clear too.

However, my attitude as of late has seen better days and the worrying thing is, I don't know why i'm being as I am.

Maybe i'm being bitter or resentful? maybe it's just cause i've gotten through my first Counseling session? I do not know, but I do know that whatever it is, I need to snap myself out fast before it damages any more of my friendships with people.

Moving onwards, closing into my birthday soon, three weeks today, starting to feel like the year just flies, but at the same time it feels like it's been ages as well.

Soo, enough with that, let's move into what's gonna happen soon here? Well, to be perfectly honest i've no story updates simply since i've not had the mind to sit and write with soo much going on irl, but it's not gonna be a write off, i'm gonna eventually find myself a pace and get stories on the go.

Also, got a pic i'm going to upload probably right after I post this journal, but other then that and maybe my written bios for my Characters, there'll most likely be little to no activity here for a while, since my suit... needs a lot more repairs and tweaks then first thought.

Anyways, I think that's all I gotta say for now.

Well, since last time things've moved up a bit for me, with counseling finally getting sorted, it's looking like i'll finally get help that I badly need, which is something I look forward too.

Finally, something that might go right for a change *sarcs* x3

We'll wait and see, good that i'm still a smartass, or think I am anyways.

Soo.... that's all for now... I think?

I don't know what other way top say it, but I do feel like i'm barricading myself from people now and if not that, then i'm making myself seem far more desperate to try talk with others.

It bothers me so, cause I done well to move forward from being like this, but now...

I don't know, maybe i'll find my way back up somehow, someway? I sure hope I do, cause I know in myself this isn't the way I want to go again, I don't want to close myself off and be alone.

Anyways, whining again I know, but sometimes helps me a bit, plus hopefully i'll be getting help soon, or at least I hope so.

Here's hoping I have something good soon, rather then being dull and deflating.

Just a random Journal atm, Prologue for Project: Fusion will be up sometime soon.

Sometimes, when you're working, or just pondering, what the right soundtrack can do to you, do for your feelings and what inspirations it gives you, what drive it gives in that moment.

I wonder who else feels that way and what music, whether it be from Anime, Film, Game or whatever helps you?

I rarely take Journals down, but this time is an exception, as was said in that I am discontinuing Perfect Memory and now working on a whole new Story project

While I was gonna wait and do a proper spoiler, i'm gonna just put this out there along with a WIP list of what's to come, starting with a Prologue to give some idea of where it's all starting off, this project is removed from the stories i've written before, while maintaining a lot of the elements of the original characters and back stories, the major changes will be mainly in locale and occupations and possibly other characters, but again the Prologue will help make things clear.

Without further talking, a small bit of my thoughts below along with my WIP List in my footer, which'll be my checklist incase I have a long absence from writing them.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Two halves of the same coin, what happened may be an accident by their foe, but one thing is for sure,
their combined spirit is strong.

A Dragon & a Wolf, while both sharing the same body, they have their own views and beliefs, they will fight
on against all odds, never giving in to temptations of abusing their power for their own benefit or turning
on those who care for them."

It's amazing what you think of, even when you don't even intend on doing something or even when you're kinda been floored due to some stomach bug (thankfully, not norovirus) for a week or so. I'm thinking on starting a whole new story with Rotheswolf and with other characters involved...

Now, i'm not gonna throw all my ideas in a journal, would ruin the point of writing the story, but my thoughts are really taking me to some wonderful ideas and would be ashame to let this all go to waste. Only thing on a downer is i'm thinking discontinuing Perfect Memory, mainly cause i'm both not really that happy with it reading it back and also the fact i've clogged on it as well, I can't seem to get anywhere trying to write a pt4.

Usually, about this time (2 weeks in plus) i'm stressed madly, somehow while i've melted down 2 times, I am not as bad as I was thinking I would be, through things are gonna be really nasty to come over the following few months, i'm finding myself not letting it overtake me.

Anyways, onwards to plans and boy, have I got a few little plans for myself within the next few months as well as some repairs to make on my suit, hopefully make some tweaks as well to the head, since he's feeling a little unclean round the face, through that's just me probably.

Also, gonna try travel somewhat this year, get myself to other meets, which is something that is gonna take a lot out of me and I know this simply cause the way I am, but a certain someone I know from the Newcastle Meet and also another few furs I know have really helped me think this through in their own way, now one of whom I don't know if he'd like being mentioned here, but if so, may make a mention at some point, but one I can mention is  wolfieoracle

others I want to mention, but thing is i'm a bit of a forgetful fool and don't always remember names, well not a forgetful fool really, just have a hard time with keeping names in my head or putting names to faces >.<;

Anyways, I think I said all I wanna soo far, stopped with trying to draw for now, while i'm finding myself enjoying it, at the same time I am really driving myself up the walls with it, so there'll not be any works from me, scrap or otherwise of drawings.

Will try to get some fresh pics of me in my Partial setup sometime, since it's been a while since there's been any pics, will also get some fullsuit pics up too, though really not ready to go about in that, as i'm flatout in about 20 mins or so, but i'll get there eventually.

Wew, soo much in this, and I didn't think i'd do one as long x3

Thinking I might get myself PLASTERED TO HECK!!!!

Nah, just joking, but hope everyone has a good one tonight and will catch up in the new year ^.^

I am crazy, but I think everyone who knows me knew that already x3

Actually, it's the drawing, cause i'm finding myself doodling a lot with my Graphics Tablet now, while I ain't exactly throwing out copies of the Mona Lisa here, i'm slowly starting to get comfortable, even if stuff right now is basic, it's all starting to feel natural somewhat.

So, how does the saying go? Jack of all trades and the master of none? maybe I do class under that lol.

Anyways, I think i'm back ^.^

Well, since I spent roughly 9 months without a conclusion to Perfect Memory, it's almost here finally with the 4th and what'll be the final part of the story coming very soon.

I've been reading back on my own stuff and know myself that there are a few things that don't fit between stories and i'm sure people will pick up on that, so I may at one point completely rewrite it into one story at a later date and also rewrite both Brothers & Situation in the Seapass so that both are complete instead of one being partially complete and the rest of it is stuck on the other, but for now I will leave that as is.

After Perfect Memory, I will most likely be writing a few backstoires for Darkscream and also on a few other characters whom are currently in or will be inside.

If anyone has any constructive criticism for me, that would always be welcome as I always try to perfect on things as much as possible and if I feel comfortable enough and can keep a steady writing pace without making multitudes of mistakes.

I think that's all for now, will be making plans for the coming month as well, since I don't intend to sit on the doors.

For now through, ttfn ^^

Well, think I said it all in the title, but need to try and stop dwelling on everything as much as i've done this year, between personal stuff and stuff online in certain places.

Gonna try to get back into my writing, as i've had numerous ideas and thoughts running though my head that've gone to waste.

Also, I am gonna need to write up a bit of a new character bio and ref sheet, since I feel in two minds in regards to my character and then looking at my fursuit.

that, and the current favorite name soo far is Russ T, however I am still deep in thought in this regard as well, given the fact i've got a Fox Character whom has only a story-based name, not one I wanna go for and one I want to change in story also.

Anyways, that's all I got to say for now, hopefully will have the continuation to Perfect Memory sometime soon, since.it's months overdue ^^;

For now through, ttfn

Not a big Journal entry from me, just feeling somewhat adrift from people.

and I think, that's all I gotta say.

Deep-thought Journal for once. Just right now feeling like i'm closed off and i'm feeling bad as I want to get to know people and I do respect a lot of those who talk with me, but while I think i'm making progress in myself in being confident,i feel like i'm going backwards a lot as well.

Maybe i'm being stupid, or maybe it's cause of personal things that's got me thinking this way, I do not know, but I do know that whatever has triggered this thought process in my head has me feeling a little down, since I know I can be pretty open and chatty when I want too, it's soo annoying that when I want to talk with people at times, I just close up and go either quiet, vanish elsewhere or talk with others.

If anyone has any thoughts to share with me, then please share with me.

Moving faaaar away from that now to something that quite caught in my head after and made me feel like an ignorant bugger, but before you go on, a question first, Have you ever had a day where, you see someone, you know in your head that's who it is and yet, don't say a word at all?

Well,I could've sworn I saw a certain someone today, other then  dragonfox1989 , whom surprised me as I passed him without paying attention as I kinda had my head up my arse in thoughts, only stopped when I dinged it was his voice behind me

Anyways, gonna go, since I got a very busy week ahead.