Well, haven't written a new Journal in a while and since i've a few moments to sit and chill before I get busy, might as well sit and put some fresh news up.

So, what have I been doing recently? well besides the recent pics of me in full suit (and my mess up putting one up twice, but was the computer's fault *whimpers*) i've been spinning thoughts in my head and while i've a lot of IRL stuff still, i'm feeling that i'm relaxing somewhat more at times, while still being a pain in the ass to someone IRL *whimpers* and I know I shouldn't be soo annoying IRL with a certain someone, but seem to clash a lot, but hopefully will get things done over the next few weeks and try to improve both our moods *wags*

Oh, before I go any further, anyone who has BlogTV, should seriously check  bleis out on there and... actually, never mind just checking him out, Sub to him on there if you've got an account, since he's such a laugh and one of two people who've really brought my mood up. Actually, i'll pop the link to his BlogTV here also for people who want to check him out, he's got some recorded videos there and generally see him on about 11 PM: www.blogtv.com/people/bleis01

Also, got wonderful plans in mind and while some know, i'm gonna keep it under wraps till i'm good and ready *giggles* so be patient =)

Da dum tsh! pardon the silly Subject name, just having a title block amongst other things.

I looked through all my writing or the little i've got really, given i've just not had the frame of mind for it and seem to have lost notes I made and generally used for future reference incase I had some sorta gem in amongst the lines and lines of chaos.

I will eventually try to get back into it, because i did leave a story unfinished and I hate doing that.

I wish I could say about how I actually am these days, since i'm actually hurting a lot inside, with one major personal issue affecting my family as well as me and numerous issues both between me and my mum and also medical issues, it's badly stacked up and it's taking it's toll.

Here's one thing I can share, which i've never shared with anyone I know in the furs, bar 1 whom i've known for way long enough. I do suffer from terrible anxiety and it's not all the time, there are times i'm overconfident in situations and will often land myself into either a long conversation or rarely into a long argument.

but other times, I just shut down and am seriously minimal in response and I know i've done it with soo many people in my life from family to going through school and with teachers, from college with some tutors to doctors and recently with some furs.

I did always excused it on situations like being busy or not being well or diabetes or bullying in school, but i've had no real excuse the past two years, yet i've drifted away from soo many good friends just because I end up like this.

Anyway, didn't wanna turn this into a whiny Journal and actually promised myself I wouldn't, but i've written it now and I do feel better putting it somewhere.

anyways, ttfn

Don't know why i'm posting a journal since I can't really speak about what's wrong due to things being personal, but what I can say is i'm feeling it more and more as the days go by and more and more is going wrong.

I can't even get myself a release these days to get away from it all and recharge, in effect a prisoner of my own making maybe? or just a prisoner? I don't know anymore.

What makes it worse is when you have made your personal goals to keep you going and you feel after it's been a waste, to which one that was quitting smoking feels like, while I am happy to have made it, the recent few weeks have had me wanting to go backwards on that.

I think what doesn't actually help me is I do get overemotional and sometimes overthink things, which tend to go hand in hand, but trying to change that isn't ever going to be easy for me.

Besides all that, hope everyone watching is OK and sorry for whining, but I guess I need to somewhere, even through I can't go into details.

You know, when there's a lot that happens at one time, does anyone ever get the feeling that they can't cope at all?

I don't know how to exactly describe the way i'm feeling, even through it'd be a good idea.

I won't go into details, as it's all mainly personal things, through a recent issue where I volunteer didn't help and pushed me even more.

I think that's all for now, since I havn't much I want to say really and also that there won't be any new updates here for a while, part in parcel to ongoing issues.

This is just a small update, through i've personal things this past week which I can't mention here that've had me from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other, i've actually made it a full year without smokes.

Still can't believe i've done it, without any aids and stuff, so makes it all the sweeter for me.

Well, I was actually pondering whether or not to continue where I left off with my writings, moreso as I need a big distraction from things elsewhere, RL being the biggest thorn in my side and through I won't go into the most of it, due to personal reasons, let's just say when it adds up quickly, it does push on you hard.

However, in trying to get back to where I was, i've sat at a blank document for the past few hours with nothing actually coming out, so again I won't be finishing off where I left off.

So now, after going through some old PSX Games just cause I had them out, well some of them as the rest are in a folder out of reach, mainly cause i'm forgetful and tend to leave game discs lying out.

Anyways, was going through and ended up starting on Final Fantasy VII, while it might sound like i'm a big fanboy of the FF series of games, that isn't true, since the only 4 FF Games i've ever bothered with have been VII, X, XIII and XIII-2

but Final Fantasy VII hold a lot of memories for me an' all, but anyways I will leave this where it is and leave a vid



btw, anyone have any favourites to mention? cause always curious and always adding games to my collection ^^

Well, should be sleeping, but given i've been a bit of an addict to Final Fantasy XIII-2 since I got it back saturday, there's one theme that's seriously got stuck in that pea-shaped brain of mine and it's this one:



Anyways, gone since I need sleep ^^;

Well, more or less posting this over before I forget and given i'm flat out exhausted with being up since about 6am, not to mention I didn't sleep till 4am means i'm about 2 seconds from having a face meets keyboard moment ^^;

So, what did I get for my b'day? well I had a lot of stuff pre-birthday, since mum was letting me get my paws on stuff as it all came.

Couple pair of Denims, My HTC Explorer, HD TV which was supposed to be for the living room, but she couldn't get used to it lol

What else? Well, the Suitwork she did for me was also supposed to be an early b'day, but was infact earlier then planned.

Also had £60 to myself, through I made a bit of a blunder the other day and got wrong tools, so me being me, I used £20 that I had early to get stuff and then spent another £20 between silly stuff and stuff for my Xbox 360, since I wanted it all setup in HD ^^

So, what did I get up too? Well, was in and out and also had  dragonfox1989 round with me in the afternoon, we sat and messed on, watched a few silly vids, sat in awe of my TV and basically enjoyed ourselves.

btw, I did forget something and i'm kicking myself for it since this was the day before my b'day. I actually got to meet up with someone i'd been wanting to meet for about a year and that someone would be  Karznah

Funny enough, I was out and about and crossed my mind to send a text to him, since i'd kinda had bad timings where i'd be on and he'd be offline or vice-versa (through most times, I leave myself logged on and not be there) and so began us texting back and forth.

Ended up meeting up with him for about an hour or so and it was nice to actually see him in the flesh for once, here's hoping that we get to see more of eachother as time goes on ^.^

Anyways, this turned out longer then planned, so gonna put the keyboard down before I go.... ZZZ

Well, today's my 25th birthday and it's funny, since almost everyone I know asks me if I feel any smarter being a year older.

My response? "I don't think i'm any smarter this year, just as silly as usual" cause afterall, if I got any smarter then I am, not that i'm saying i'm an egghead like, but i I was any smarter, i'd be boring and me + boring = NG.

Soo... What are my plans for the day? well... I have  dragonfox1989 coming up sometime in the day, through really there is no plans for it.

Anyways, that's all I gotta say for now, will be in, out and all about somewhere at sometime, in otherwords catch y'all later ;P

Not sure if the title is much of a pun really, but is too the point really.

Had a good day back Sunday gone, since it was the first time taking my Partial out and the fact that we walked to get to the Green festival in suit and also I walked back in my partial really made me proud of myself, given the lack of time to get used to walking about with the head on thanks to issues prior to the meet, it was awesome.

Through people might ask "I see your pics, but I don't see your feet." That is true, through I did have my feet with me, the pads actually gave way about 2/3eds of the walk up and was forced to change into my Trainers en-route

Another issue with them is they're too heavy also, through I can understand about have a bit of weight in them, I was unprepared for the weight these have in them, so there's plans to either do some work on them or remake them using a new base.

As for my brain, it's been buzzing with different things and through I can't share everything, let's just say i'm surprised that i'm actually doing some things at the moment.

Well, I think that's all I got for now, so stay tuned ~.^

Well, another journal up in such little time, not the first and probably not the last.

So, why the title? well right now it seems like I am just making some silly choices and through annoying, are actually funny to me.

Last journal I said I was waiting on a new case coming? well I was not only a little wrong, but completely wrong to the point i'd be waiting till the start of August in effect, so rather then wait two months for it, gonna look about at some point when I can.

Also, been thinking a lot recently, since i'm actually not helping myself or anyone at the moment the way i've been going on. I have been a bit out of sorts with some stuff (personal things mostly) and I know i've not exactly been chatty. I also feel like i'm holding myself back in a way, cause there's a lot i'd love to say and do, i'd like to chat with people, get to know people and have a laugh, through it's breaking out of the sorta "Barrier" you could call it that I built about me.

I am going to break it down and hope that I can be the pure me that  dragonfox1989 knows all too well and a few others have seen bits of, rather then be silent with a lot of good peeps.

In otherwords, "This wolf is coming out to play and play he will." ~.^

Anyways, ~Rotheswo... oh to heck with that bit, since I don't need to do it xD

Catch y'all somewhere I guess ;)

Well, been a little while since I posted, so what's been happening in my little world recently?

Well,as the title sorta hints at, my glasses finally burst and the irony is that they survived a beating and a ball to the face, yet somehow it just went click and that was it. Another issue with my eyes is that I woke up about Wednesday lunchtime (Went back to bed since I was sleepy) to my left eye being sore and I had dismissed this as just having something in my eye, but boy could I be wrong as later in the evening, the vision through my left went blurred.

I thankfully had an appointment the Thursday morning with the doctor, who'd told me it was Conjunctivitis and ended up prescribing me drops, through it's clear for me, the infection hasn't cleared and i'm keeping on top of the drops as I don't want this to linger.

Had a blast from the past today through, since both myself and  dragonfox1989 decided to go for a walk from mine into Gateshead and we decided to take what I like to call a sorta scenic route. It's funny how many memories can come back to you and also even funnier when you meet up with others whom you knew in Primary.

Anyway, I think that's all I gotta say really for now, got a new case coming tomorrow, so I can dump the old case I used for Rotheswolf. Also, got the last thing wanted to go with him, the tartan scarf should be on it's way here.

What of Rotheswolf? Well, since I can't wear the head at the moment, i've not been able to get more used to the vision, but that hasn't hindered me walking with the oversized feet as I can fairly walk about and get used to things like making sure not to bring my feet right together while walking and also the dreaded walking up and down stairs.

If this eye clears by Wednesday, I can spend time with the head on with the stairs and get the few worry points I have sorted out.

and this time, I think that's all I gotta say for now.

~Rotheswolf Lycurgus - Signing Out~

Well, was interesting today (or yesterday if you see it that way now, since I pick daft times to write and also times where my head only partially works ^.^;) as i've had my close buddy  dragonfox1989 up with me this afternoon, which was a blast as i'd been wearing my partial suit to get used to both Sight and Movement. He's a great help, more so cause we tend to torment the life out each other and we've been doing simple things.

One thing I was aware of was that Sight would be an issue, but I need to keep in mind that for all I actually have 20:20 vision, i've still an issue with my eyes after a prolonged time without them, but usually is after a few hours so shouldn't cause me any issues.

Also, been practising with taking water in and we've got it under wraps, so all is good there and also trying to get used to the handpaws, through they're awkward to do things with, i'm actually adapting quickly with them.

Tail will be getting a bit of a tweak soon as will the feetpaws.

It's funny, cause a number of times i've thought since the start of the year about things i've wanted to do, not just for myself, but for others also and yet, always kinda thought that i'd never really do anything, but i've seen it in myself since last year that i've slowly changing for the better and hopefully, things'll keep going upwards from here.

Not gonna turn this into a sobstory 101 of me and all, but will say i'm thankful that I know a lot of great people soo far and hope that things only get much better from here ;)

~Rotheswolf Lycurgus - Signing Out~

I've been thinking for the past while on things with a number of things happened since the start of the year, both good and bad. It's funny, since I try to avoid it, but i've actually changed somewhat and yet, haven't changed at all in the same, which does make me laugh.

Progress with Rotheswolf Fursuit (Or Rotheswolf v2.0 as i've called him, since there were tweaks as was thought before starting):

Head: Complete
Bodysuit: Incomplete
Handpaws: Complete
Feetpaws: Complete
Tail; Needs tweaked a little

Now, not thinking about putting the bodysuit to use quite yet, since I don't feel ready and i've still to get used to walking about with the feet and adapt to the limited vision inside the head, but thankfully with moth mum and  dragonfox1989 helping me with that, I dare say i'll be ok and will eventually put the bodysuit to use ^.^

On to other things and this one is something that i've actually been counting from last year, that is from stopping smoking. It's slowly coming to a full year and that has me feeling good about myself. Given I did it without advise or medical aids, my friends helped me, giving me encouragement to keep going and I didn't stop or break down wiith it, even through I did have a few personal hell days, I stayed strong enough to keep off, so looking forward to making it through the 1 year mark.

Also, less then a month till my 25th b'day and actually given i've had a lot since the start of the year, i'm looking forward to chillax with  dragonfox1989 at the least that day, but we'll see as it's a way to go yet.

Hmm... can't think of anything other then the next newcastle meet, which is on June 3rd, looking forward to it and hoping to take the wolf with me, I think it'll be a blast and let's hope I avoid another stupid bottle incident (JC has the video link here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7927353/) through I do think i'll get the correct bottles next time or have  dragonfox1989 take the actual lid off ^.^;

I think that's all I gotta say for now, it's actually a lot more then I planned too, but always the same when you sit down and think.

Almost forgot to say i'm sorry to those I have on Skype as i've not really been chatty online recently and kinda distanced myself from the volunteer job for a while, since it's kinda got too much with certain things happened, through it's always on away at the least it's on invisible, so feel free to contact me anytime for a chat ^.^

That's all I got for now, Stay Tuned ^.^

Well, we've got a little bit of a problem mum and I cause we're disagreeing about a certain issue and that is the head and mainly the eye positioning.

Mum believed that she can correct the eyes and while i've not a big doubt on it, at the same time I feel something else is making it off as while we're trying to correct it, her sight tests are all over the place where one point it's ok from centre, then next it's off where I can't see on the right and barely see on the left, so I don't know what is needed to be done if it's correctable, but i'm hoping seriously that it is correctable as I can't afford to buy one through commissions, let alone start again from scratch.

I know I shouldn't be whining either, but it's a setback that has us both going at each other and we're kinda pushing at each others buttons because we're disagreeing with each other, then trying to do anything.

Basically, it's kind of a plea for help (i'm normally stubborn) if anyone can.

Anyway, gonna find something to relax too, since i've not long arguing with mum on this.

---Edit---

Thing's are being sorted again and I did overreact to things before I typed this, which doesn't help any ^.^;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVCf.....eature=related

Am I the only one who has this stuck in my head and can't stop moving to it? ^.^;;;

Well, I have to say i'm more and more falling in love with the head as the both of us here talk about how it'll look once the final tweaks are done, however one tweak we planned on getting done is at a standstill, since we had vinyl sheets on the way (mother's idea with the eyes) and they came today, but let's just say that out of 20 sheets of vinyl, we'll probably only use one and even that one isn't what we were after.

We do have more on the way and it's cost a bit more, but it'll be worth it if what mother has planned works out.

We've still to start on feet, but it's on the burner until the Head and Bodysuit are done, Handpaws are ready with the new fur and will try to get new pics up in proper daylight (if we have a nice day) and the tail as far as I am aware is staying as is.

While all things are coming together quickly, it feels like they aren't and if it wern't for stupid delays with us both having this flu-type thing back in March and then blunders here and there, we'd have probably only used half the time on it, but it still amazes me how well mother has pushed to get things done and her complete support as well helps me.

Anyways, before I start sniffling and shiz, i'm gonna wrap it up there and I have forgotten about Perfect Memory PT3, but I will eventually get it finished and up at some point.

Well, remember how I said changes would be made as we worked on my fursuit? well it seems I was right to say it as there have been a few unplanned, but otherwise nice looking tweaks.

For one, the scars are non-existent (yup, was sad at first, but not after) but the cheeks look awesome, have two bottom teeth and a nice looking tongue out of the muzzle. Also, on about the muzzle, it was a pain to sort out two different shades of grey, so the muzzle is now all white.

Also, as well as the obviousness of eyebrows, he has some grey hair now that actually looks neat, when I can, I will try to get a picture up to show how he looks and i've honestly got to say it, through I was bloody doubtful with it, mother has proven me wrong and seriously outdone herself in my eyes.

seriously looking forward to getting to try him on, through we're still short on the feet atm, it's looking like it'll be completed for may after all.

Thinking through, might get another head made and get the Scars done and stuff, but we'll wait and see, since it depends on mother, through she's over eager for more and I can't blame her, she gets a buzz out of doing creative stuff ^.^

Also, onto one personal thing, I passed 9 months smoke free back 13th April and as we're closing into may, i'm seriously happy even through i've other things on my plate, it's one goal that's been a long time coming and is something i'm proud of. The 1 Year date is 13th July and ironically is one day before my nana's 80th birthday as well, so it'll be double sweet for me and both my mum and nana.

What else? might actually start buying some more commissions from peeps, with the changes in my character it might be a nice idea, through i'll wait and see how things go, since I can't really go spending more money at the moment, it wouldn't really be right to do so after all the work mum has put in.

Anyways, I think that's all I got for now. ~.^

Well, as many are aware i've started messing on with internet radio streaming (and for some it's the god knows how many times i've gone doing it) and not got anything set in stone as to when i'll be on, but I do know that it'll be NSFW as certain words slip the tongue now and then ^^;

As for my suit, work is progressing at a slow, but steady pace and things look good for finishing it in may as long as we don't run into any disasters along the way. Despite my scepticism, the head has fairly taken shape and there are a few little changes between the outcome and the character, but we knew that before we even started. The Bodysuit still isn't finished, but is last on the list at the moment as the next focus will hopefully be redoing my handpaws and then will be on the feetpaws.

Also, I now have Skype working once again and thanks to getting a new headset (Which is another reason I started streaming again) I can actually call out, but some might know that I am not always online and it's not exactly that i'm off, but sometimes I hide invisible, so I can receive IMs at anytime when someone feels like IM'ing me, through i'm not always at the computer, i'd reply to any messages left and the same can be said for WLM as I most often stick it on away to hide from DC-related things.

Speaking of Dragon's Call, things are up and down there, but here's hoping that we find some sort of stability soon.

anyways, that's all I got for now, ttfn ~.^

Well, been over a week and no updates/no new pics from me, so what the heck is going on?

Well, for one I had an RL problem (Something of which I can't discuss) that's sorta impacted me at first, but might not be too bad, through we shall wait and see if i'm right or not with that.

Dragon's Call, well it's still the place of epic dramas between staff and ex-staff/players and to be honest i'm tempted to throw it all in, but at the same time I know if I do (Like I did before the new year) i'll both miss it and i'll be dragged back in by the good friends I have still on Volunteer Staff.

Now, on to the main thing I wanna update on and that is my suit development, which has slowed down considerably since we managed to get our hands on some white fur that is actually nicer then what we used, so re-working the Handpaws and also the white on the Tail with the new stuff. Bodysuit is practically done as said last time if I remember correctly, Footpaws we can start anythime and hope to actually start them soon.

Which leaves to the head and i'm honestly worried since mum herself (whom is the master crafter of the both of us) is having doubts as we move on, so while i'm excited in the thought that thing're coming together well, at the same time i'm very nervous and worrying about this head as we go.

and I think that's all I gotta say right now.

Well, it's been a while since I updated on things, so best do it now while i'm awake and got in my head and not when i'm soo sleepy I can't tell the difference between an open can of monster and an empty one (Yes, I do get that tired and stupid)

So, backtrack to Sunday with the furmeet, had a wonderful time with the group whom broke off to go to Saltwell Park despite having a face meets football incident, but was nice to try on my tail and handpaws. Was nice to see  ShanRattie enjoying herself in suit and also was nice to catch up with everyone as well, but man I tell ya, i'm glad I don't drink, cause I don't think I could look at  constantinefox and keep a straight face ^^;

However, when I returned home, I wasn't happy with my handpaws given that my initial fears with the fur we used proved to be right and it's showing through to the base material, through the tail is not affected by it. Both will be redone soon as we've set our eye's on longer white fur, which we shouldn't have any problems with.

Other issue is the head, while we've got an idea on what we're doing, I am second guessing myself and mother as we go, which is kinda driving us both mad, since we know that we want to be the final product, but it's getting things done from scratch.

Bodysuit is no issue, as the bulk of that is done and only needs a bit more work, so the only thing that hasn't been done is the feet, but we should get those done in no time really when we come to do them.

As for me personally? well I can't really say too much (Seriously I can't) but let's jsut say things could be a bit better, though to be honest I think i'm overthinking things. Online? Well i'm still stuck in a volunteer position with Dragon's Call as a Chat Moderator, even through things there aren't looking too great, it's still something for me to do, but got to thank someone I know I can thank here and that is  Lao235 for being one of the voices of reason in the Volunteer staff, cause I don't like abandoning my friends when they need me.

and I think that's all I got for now, ttfn ^^

Well, i'm now on an Inhaler, since there's nothing they can see wrong with me, they've given me this inhaler i've to take roughly every 4 hours, but doubt i'll be doing that exactly.

Also, as seen i've got my Finished Handpaws up and my Tail is ready, but given being busy today, i've not had time to Photo my tail and upload.

Also, Work is being done on the body suit atm and I have to say i'm in love with the Grey we got.

Anyways, more to come before long, so stay tuned ^^

Ok, as many know, i've had the flu and i've still got this nasty cough after 10 days, so early this morning i'd managed to get myself an appointment at the local clinic.

Now, despite the fact the place was packed and I had to sit far longer then i'd have liked in a place that felt like a sauna, I was taken in by the Practice Nurse and she happens to be the same one that now sees me for my diabetes, since only her and my GP take Diabetic Patients, through my GP i've only seen once in 20 years according to my mum (cause I can't remember) and heard from her twice.

Anyways, she checked my throat and apparently it's clear, then she checks my Temperature, my ears, my chest and all seems normal to her, she took a swab from the back of my throat and and said she'd send it off. In the meantime, she's given me this stuff for my throat to numb it, even through there's no pain there and no other reason to use it.

So, nothing there and then this spray to numb my throat, doesn't exactly make sense now does it?

Anyway, off of that, we're changing build plans for the head, so waiting on more materials before we try again, since the first one we've been doing with just the foam is proving a little awkward for mum and I dare to get my hands on, cause i'd make it far worse.

Well, despite missing the post yesterday, I went and picked up a package this morning, thankfully it's the Glue Gun we've been waiting on and right now, despite her not feeling well, mum wants us to work on the head.

Speaking of not being well, I may have jumped the gun slightly as it was late when I put the update note on my Journal and me + late + not well = Brain as useful as a Paper bag in a rainstorm.

I'm still coughing a little and got a little sniffle, but don't think that it's anywhere near what I thought.

Writing is gonna be sidetracked yet again, through I do promise i'll get PT3 of Perfect Memory up eventually ^^;

And I think that's all I got for now.

Still not fully recovered from this cold and mum's got it full on, but we have a Development and that is the Handpaws

Also, we've got the Grey Fur in today and this stuff i'm in love with already, it looks awesome. but still need to wait for a few key things to come, one i'm more wanting to come sooner is the Boiler Suit as she's been brainstorming and wants to use that and tack it down so she can cut the Fur to the size we need it for the Bodysuit.

Once that's done, we can return to it at a later date, cause we'll then have an idea how much we've got left for other parts.

Writing has been at a stop and will try to get back to that at some point as I don't like leaving things hanging like that xD

And I think that's about it for now, more updates as and when they happen ^^

---Update---

It's bad, what was a cold has turned into a Secondary Infection and as such, is causing issues more so with my Diabetes, Right now, things are on a hold for me until further notice.