Figured it was time for a change of journal there heh. Now that I've been in WA for a year now

Long story short:

- super busy with work. love my new job but it takes up almost all of my time. least it pays good but man I'm exhausted
- because of the above, have almost no time to draw, but I do what I can when I'm able
- unsure if/when I'll be able to open for commissions again

Yeah thats about it haha. Work work work

Also I should note, due to recent fun and excitement on twitter, I've pretty much abandoned that place for Bluesky:
https://bsky.app/profile/shindenwolf.bsky.social

I know I said it on twitter, but wanted to say it here too, rest well  dragoneer , thank you so much for everything you did keeping FA here going and making it such a wonderful place. I don't know where I would be now without it and being able to be around the absolutely amazing folks I've met over the years

Oops durf been drinking. In a state to be made huge, how would ya do it lol

(My one day off this week, I needed to unwind a little lol)

So, I guess its been a bit, I should probably post an update on things.

First off.....really all the replies I got made me feel quite a bit better. I didn't want to worry anyone there, really thank you all for that. I'm sorry I didn't respond to them all....but really, it meant a lot to hear what folks had to say on how I had been feeling.

I took the week to pretty much just get away. I spent it chasing Harriers at work, and few other odds and ends. Basically just staying offline for what I could for the most part. It gave me a break, and some time to think about what I want to do going forward.

I think pretty much I just need to take a bit of a drawing hiatus. Or at least slow down. I wont stop entirely. I don't think I could ever do that. But at least during the spring and summer, I just don't have the time I used to. It definitely seems to be more of a winter activity when I'm stuck indoors. That being said, I will for sure try to do stuff when I have the time. I really do miss doing rando doodles, rando giftarts, and trades. That's where I had the most fun over the years. Pretty much, I just have to accept that I'll have to just draw when I can, and I cant force myself (which is hard, because I always feel like I have to be doing something productive at all times)

As for the AI talk. Well, I guess that I'll have to work on with time. I know it can never measure up to an artist, but as someone with low self esteem and anxiety, it is always at the back of my mind....I just have to work on that durf

But yeah....I feel better then I did....and I think I just need to take some time....again....thank you all for the kind words and support....I really don't know where I'd be without all the wonderful folks I've met in this fandom over the years

This is gonna be a long one....bear with me please...

I've been horribly unproductive as of late. I've not been able to bring myself to get any sort of drawing done for this entire month. The drive has just totally evaporated, and it has gotten me into this sort of feedback loop where I get more and more depressed. The "you should be drawing now, you're not and you should feel bad loop" that becomes a deeper and deeper spial.

Some factors have been outside of my control. I went to that airshow in AZ, immediately after I got back I got stuck on those night shifts. What little energy and time I had during that, I spent playing games (I'm looking at you Helldivers). I was so wrecked every day I didnt even contemplate drawing anything.

But there have been some internal factors at play, some I've been dealing with for a long time now. The past couple years were rough. I did so much drawing because I simply had no choice. It went from a hobby to a source of income I depended on along with my job. Even with that I would barely get by and I really burned myself out. It became a job in and of itself, and it really lost the enjoyment I got out of it. After the move, and working at my current job and actually making a decent income, its been really hard to bring myself to draw now....even personal projects have been nearly impossible to work on....just got horribly burned out urf

Finally, other external factors have been at play. Honestly I've been quiet about it, seeing the spate of AI art out there, its like why do I bother? If someone can type in a few words and it farts out something that looks better then anything I could over come up with, why am I even trying? I've tried and tried over the years and no matter what I do, I feel like I'm never good enough. Why keep going with my crappy doodles when I never seem to get anywhere nor do I feel confident in my own abilities.

I've had so much on my mind lately, and I've not really had any moment of rest to be able to sit down and deal with them. April is going to be a busy month, both at work and outside of work. I get to help mom move again for the fourth time in as many years (and by help I mean do everything). I guess this only saving grace there is this time im in the same state....

But yeah....long story short. I haven't gotten anything done, I feel bad, and I wonder why I even bother any more and if it would be better just to throw in the towel and give up

Whelp its been awhile sure I'll update this journal hah

Quick life updates I suppose, work has been work, airshows have been airshows. But the biggest change is we (by we I mean myself and the airheads heheh) will be moving back to Washington hopefully before the end of this year. Just need a change of job and scenery I think, plus it will be nice to be back home in a familiar area near to my family and old friends there.

On the commission front, gonna be opening up the form again. Probably going to take more then normal to get ready for the above mentioned move

Form is here:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1.....rm?usp=sf_link

I'll keep the form open until Sunday the 20th around 8PM or so. At which point I'll pick a bunch. If ya got any questions let me know!

Commission form is closed! I'll be going through tonight and selecting the ones to do! Gosh again so many great ideas ;_; Definitely gonna do more then 10!

So I'm gonna go ahead and open up the commission form. I'll leave it open until Friday. I'm gonna probably pick 10 or so this time, though in all likelihood I'll take more then that lol (for perspective, last time I thought I was gonna take 5, I took 15 haha)

If yer interested fill out a form, if you have any further questions please feel free to ask!


https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1.....rm?usp=sf_link

-AND FORM CLOSED-

I'll be picking the selected ones tonight! Thank you for all the interest there!

Closing the form now! I'll pick a few and contact those concerned shortly. Thanks for the interest there!

Figured since Im almost done with the current batch, gonna open the form up again:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1.....rm?usp=sf_link

I'll leave it open for a day or so and then pick 3-5 more

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1.....rm?usp=sf_link

Gonna open up for coms again. I'll leave the form open until Wednesday at which point I will pick 3-5 slots after work!

OK

Finally going to reopen for commissions. Got the form reopened and intend to pick 3-5 on Sunday after I get home from work

If yer interested in a commission please fill out the form here:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1.....rm?usp=sf_link

Since Airshow season is winding down, I will probably do another batch once I finish these

All notes have been sent out for the raffle! Thanks to everyone for the interest there!

Figure it finally about time to get rid of that old journal lol

Planning on opening up for commissions again on Sunday 3/14 at 8PM EST

I'll be taking 5 slots to be selected via random generator

Prices are as follows:

$30 Single character
+$10 Extra Character
+$0 Color Gradient Background
+$10 for Simplistic background such as sky, space or landscape

---Sign Up form is here!---

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1.....rm?usp=sf_link

Yup, just want to get that old depressing journal off here

So yeah

Also I've been trying to get back in the swing of doing quick commissions again. I usually announce them over on Twitter. Unfortunately I cant say when I open them, kinda as able, so I guess just keep an eye out:

https://twitter.com/ShindenWolf

So 2017 can just end already....lets just put it that way.

Needless to say its been an extremely stressful year. It started off ok, but the last few months have been absolute hell for the most part.

Above all, on July 15th, my dad who I loved very much passed away from a blood clot at the age of 60. I had to fly home to WA for a week to be home with family. I think I'm still in a state of shock honestly. Hard to believe he had just been out in Indy visiting us not even a month prior. It was a complete shock to everyone at his sudden passing. Completely out of the blue. Dad is the one that got me into aviation: taking me to museums, airshows, and just sitting down at the end of the runway at local airports to watch the planes for hours on end. A huge part of my life and someone I looked up to more then any other is now gone and I miss him very much

I really love my job, I get paid to work around aircraft on a daily basis. Unfortunately two individuals have made that job hell. Its funny what can happen when you give someone a little authority. The positive I guess is the fact they've complained so much over such petty things that my boss can no longer take them seriously, and I think is just waiting on an excuse to get rid of them. Heres to hoping I suppose, but in the mean time it makes going into work a chore....it didn't used to be like that urf, even just a few months ago

I've been fighting off a sinus infection for the last week, think I picked it up returning from Oshkosh. There was a lot I wanted to do this week, but guess that aint happening, seeing as I was pretty much bed ridden when I wasnt dragging myself to work. Couldnt afford to miss any hours after being home all week long (not only that didnt want to screw over my coworkers any more with having to cover my shifts, even though they completely understood......at least the people I work directly with are cool heh)

So yeah, drawing has suffered as a result.....I have so much to do.....I'm sorry I'm so bloody slow. I owe a few commissions and a couple trades still, I'm doing what I can to get stuff done

Birthday is coming up on the 14th......but meh....without dad....I dunno....it feels like just another day.....I'll go to work, come home exhausted....and go to bed.....fun fun fun

But yeah.....guess thats all. So much going on, this is kinda why I've been so distant with a lot of folks as of late....I'm really sorry....

Suppose I should probably update this thing already heh

I've not been able to accomplish as much as I'd like to have done drawing wise. All of last year I'd hoped to open proper for commissions like the old days. I've been trying to work through a few owed ones that had been started in some way. The current goal is to finish those. After that, for those that were cancelled....that decision haunts me still. I felt really bad having to do that...work stress sucks urf....well what I'd like to do is go to those individuals and ask if they still wanted a slot (I kept the ideas and names just in case)....if not, welp the hope is to be able to reopen this year. though on a MUCH limited scale....maybe one or two at a time

Work and airshows usually take up most of my time. At one point, I had at least one airshow a weekend from July to October lol busy busy busy wuff

But mainly yeah...not much to update. struggling along with the drawing, lots of work (though at least now its at a job I love). Still living with Jac and Chaotic, so many good times there lol

So heres to 2017, hope its a good one!

As the title says, thanks everyone for the birthday wishes there!

As the title says.....and with much regret, I'm cancelling all current commissions. This does exclude a couple that are paid for and one being sketched, but I just cant do it....

I don't have as much time as I used to with a full time job....I simply just cant keep up with everything....

Like I said, I'm going to finish ones either paid for or started sketching....but for awhile....no more....

That does not mean that I will be permanently be closing shop....I just need to take a LONG hiatus....

I'm sorry to everyone that was waiting on something....I guess I let ya all down there durf...

Bout time I updated this thing, lot has gone on recently....hard to know where to begin I guess.

First and foremost, I finally succeeded in landing a full time job. I've been incredibly happy and its been a bit of a confidence booster i desperately needed...only draw back is I work over the weekends Fri-Mon 10 hour days, but I can totally handle that (I worked more at my old crappy retail job on many an occasion....). Means I can finally hope to begin to tackle my student loans

That being said....I quite honestly think I'm gonna wrap up commissions for the foreseeable future... With a full time job, I just don't have the time I once had. This is just one thing though...to be frank I really just am not happy with my ability. Looking back I've hardly improved since 2013, I'm rather getting to the point where I just don't have the same fun I used to with it....I look around to see others improving left and right, while I just stagnate. I don't feel what I produce is good enough to be considered commissionable, as there's so many better artists out there, I don't think it would be much of a deal if I stopped. Doesn't mean I would entirely quit drawing.....just a huge slowdown really....it would definatley ease a lot of stress I've had these past few years. Short and simple....the motivation and joy I once had is gone sadly...

I intend to finish my current list of things, do have a few people I still owe things too (will have that posted at the bottom of this journal) and I want to finish those as quickly as I can. Might be a bit slower I will warn ya though durf.

Yes I'll be attending MFF this year. I'm pretty much gonna limit myself to just that con from now on....since its within easy driving distance, can do that one relatively cheaper then any other ones. So yeah look forward to seein ya all there!

But yeah...thats kinda how things have been here really. Just a bit of a life update I suppose

To Do List:

1.  sirkain (if yer still interested, know its been awhile)

2.  DantePD

3.  GrapeGator

So yeah.....figured it was about time I updated this. I'm REALLY sorry for those waiting on me....I've been beyond slow, and had a hard time getting my tail in gear to try to finish things. Currently the list looks as follows:

 MaxCoyote (3 page comic, currently flat coloring)
 artie (2x full works pics)
 KaiMitsuki (I think you still wanted one, not entirely sure)


As for the balloonies, I'm mostly done with them, and I know there were a few more individuals that expressed interest in getting one. I'll probably reopen for those this coming weekend. Current batch of those:

 UtopiaRayZexal (waiting on ok to start)

I also have a number of trades to finish, this doesnt mean I'm taking any more, I'm just super slow durf...


Essentially work, worry about finances, rent, etc have been conspiring to wear me down, and I usually dont have a drive to work.....I need to fix this, and I really need help.....slowly but surely I suppose

Alrighty, just wanted to get this one to the front of the page so its easily availible. This is what my current commission list looks like:

Main Commissions:

 MaxCoyote (comic 3 pages)
 KaiMitsuki (I think you wanted one, just need to confirm that with ya soonish ^^')
 choice_d
 Kitami-Kitsune
 dragonsteve

Balloonies:

 SilverFox61
 UtopiaRayZexal

I've been trying to balance out work on both groups here. Finally gotten a bit settled after the move, so things should return to the normal work schedule soon.

I also have a couple trades I still owe, I've not forgotten heh. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M TAKING ANY, PLEASE DON'T ASK. Thank you.

So yeah.....wuffy got a lot on his plate atm lol, just a little status update there!

HOKIE......get comfortable in the briefing room because this is gonna be a long one.

So starting with the Vegas Part of the trip:

Had an uneventful flight from Bellingham to Vegas. I got to chat with the pilots and see the cockpit of the MD-83 I flew on, so wuffy had his airplane nerd out moment there lol. Arriving in Vegas, I met  acrufox  2chaotic and  jacfox at the airport before we headed over to the Luxor Hotel. Jac's luck got us a bigger room, since the hotel overbooked. We stayed there for a couple days, seeing the strip (both day and night), watching airplanes, avoiding bums, and just having a good time (btw windscar I found the wonka slot machine lol).

FC Part:

After being in Vegas a couple nights, we headed over to San Jose for FC. After about an 8 hour drive through thick fog and rocky hills we finally made it. FC was an interesting con to say the least, I dont think we'll be attending that one for awhile though. There were some really awsome people there!  cupricfox and  ChanceWolf you two were awsome!  RubbertexRaccoon it was a blast to hang out with ya blimpbutt lol.  redwulf always a pleasure to hang out with ya there. Many more people we saw and got to hang out with a bit. Though I have to say, I still prefer MFF much better frankly.

The last night of the con,  RoninFoxtail came by and we all did stuff that day (that poor chinese place never stood a chance :D)

Before we headed out on Monday, we stopped by Ronin's restruant.....holy crap that was some of the best chinese food I've ever had man, serious people go check that place out, ask Ronin lol

The Move:

So this is where the fun really began. After FC, we headed down to Mojave CA, to Jac's place to collect the rest of his stuff. We saw some things moving down the road we probably shouldn't have, I got kicked out of Mojave's Airport for taking pictures of the gate guard aircraft (but the cop was cool about it at least lol), and I got to hear a sonic boom finally heh.

We stayed the night there before loading up in Acru's horribly cramped Honda Civic (I'm about 6' 2", I had like no legroom for 8-9 hours with all the stuff in the car lol) to Medford OR, where we stayed the night before heading up to my house in Burlington WA. I spent one final night at home before beginning the long drive to Indianapolis.

With the drive.....we could not have lucked out any more than we did. The weather in the passes was perfect (although the Cabbage Hills in Oregon gave us a scare), the vehicles held up, and gas prices were so low I never filled up for more than $20. Over four days, we stopped in Boise Idaho, Denver Colorado (where we also had lunch with  gontovaan. Was a great time meeting you there!), and Kansas City Missouri.

I'm now currently in Indianapolis Indiana, sharing an apartment with  jacfox and  2chaotic. Relaxing for a few days before I begin the job hunt again heh.

Commissions:

I still have quite a list to go through, and there are a couple of you I started before the trip, and have paid for them, so those ones will be finished first. Now that I actually am in a place where I can draw without fear of discovery, I should be able to get a lot more done heh. Thank you everyone for being so patient with me!

So I'm finally in Indianapolis, moved in with  2chaotic and  jacfox

I'll do a proper report on both FC and the move when I'm less tired.....sleep tight round animal peoples *thuds*