So I did a clean Golurk (Pokemon) TF for Amber-Aria and then turned around and caught a shiny Golett with Klutz as an ability and a Lax nature. I lol'd, so hard.

For many people, this will possibly be TL:DR. If you don't care to read a bit of slightly whiny introspection, move on, or go find something pleasant to fap to.

I was born this day, 27 years, and 10 hours ago, in those long years I have done a great many things successfully, but love, and companionship is difficult. I don't want to say it's impossible, because that is to make it a certainty.

My friends in the area know me as a crass, nihilistic individual who occasionally looks to others on guidance in personal matters, and reflection on feelings that I'm bearing that I can't understand or come to terms with. I wield sarcasm hard enough to cause blunt force trauma, and made a 19 year old cry once in pleasant company.

This isn't me... this isn't who I am, or who I want to be. The real me doesn't come out around my parents... that's a self-serving, withdrawn individual who lives as a hermit in his room. It doesn't come out around my sister... that facade is guarded and protective. It doesn't come out around my co-workers... I'm all business.

The real Me. I desire closeness with everyone I can call friend, I ache for it. The real me came out for the first time in almost a year last night. I have a big heart, a great sense of humor, and love to cuddle. I desire to do well without stepping on toes, to receive love in return, to feel appreciated and respected despite some of my less than desirable traits or appearance.

Streaks, even if she doesn't realize it, gave me a very important experience... and the hugs from her, Airguitar, Altenia, and especially Fuzzy made me feel so wonderful. All that aside, I had a really great time just getting to talk with them all again. It was a happiness deeper then I can remember in some time. Why does it have to hurt so much now that it's over?

I don't know why I'm crying. If it's lamenting time lost with people I know are so incredible as those that had to return to their own lives, far away, or the sudden gap where one had only just closed. I hope I can get to know everyone better, and that it's not still another year before I can make it to Canada. I don't know how much longer I'll last at this rate.

I can't seem to get moving on my story, and my head is full of ponies, so I've started developing a working supplement for Equestrian Adventures... I may actually call it that too, it's kinda catchy. I'd like to run the module sometime for playtesting when it's done. Working on medieval fantasy weaponry that can be used in the mouth... any idea how hard that is to do with ranged weapons? lol

SIXTEEN EPISODES OF PONIES IN ONE DAY... AUGH... *Pinkie Pie rips out of his chest like an infant xenomorph and he collapses, foaming at the mouth.*

I have to laugh at myself a bit, wondering how far I've backslid where the last several mornings, I've been watching MLP:FiM in my undies eating cream of wheat. I'm 27, but I can't get away from it now, it's a sinister, evil, addicting thing. Rithy tried to get me away from it but no! I had to push buttons until my curiosity and a friendly nudge threw me into the darkest pits of self indulgence. I don't think there's any turning back now, much though it pains me, I even have a ponysona... It's like something out of lovecraftian horror, forbidden knowledge is forbidden for a reason!

Save yourselves, it's too late for me, I'm already halfway through the series. It's ingrained itself on my soul now.

Public service announcement aside, life is business as usual. Playing Neverwinter Nights 2 Platinum where I'm longing for constructed RPG time with friends. Work is on the upswing, we just started getting in back to school crap. Jiu-Jitsu and a music lesson tonight, and I've got a story premise that I really like but I can't get it started. The introduction to a story is supposed to be everything that draws the reader in and makes them interested.

It's a clean tale, though could go either way, for the sake of professionalism and to appease some of the smut farmers that exist on FA I might toss one scene in there. The gist of the story is set in the near future, centric around hardware to bioware interfacing (inspired by those moving cat ears everyone's fascinated with), and the dehumanization of soldiering. Sort of an adventure romance where the main protagonist isn't the man of action, just someone on the sidelines willing to put himself at risk to preserve the person he cares about.

I think it'll be a smashing read... --; if I could just get it started.

*Blushes profusely.*

So... in an effort to continue to push my boundaries and explore horizons I'm unfamiliar with... http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2445459/ this. I will be applying for this. I spent a little while talking about it with  furrydrake to make sure he was comfortable with it first, and with the go-ahead, I'll be making that attempt.  Lobolito as well as  Amber-Aria have both encouraged me to go out for it as well.

I hurt... so... so very much right now, and yet it's rare that I've found such a great sense of self-satisfaction. Rarer still when it comes after a rousing hour and a half, during which I experienced abdomen crushing exercise followed by being strangled by a man half my size for 20 minutes.

I think I needed this... not a good choking, there are many people that DO need a good choking, I am not one of them. No, I mean an event in my life that isn't work, or computer related, that I can engage in as part of a routine. Someplace where I can be social and take out my frustrations. Perhaps that's a bad thing to say right now, but I love to wrestle, so I guess it works.

I want to take to this on a professional level I think, not competitively, but enough study to learn to control myself, control my opponent, and seize my objective. It may take years, and a few different martial arts, but I think that I'm capable.

I'm starting to come to terms with the idea that without developing myself as a person, I'm just a part of the ignorant masses that never achieve their full potential. If I curl up and whine about it at the people I know, that have already found themselves, they can't do more for me then pat me on the shoulder. If, instead, I throw myself headlong into a task yelling at the top of my lungs like the Tourretts guy if he was a saiyan, I'll get it eventually.

So I began my development with what I already know to a degree, martial arts, of which I only experienced Taekwondo before, and first aid certification, which I had years and years ago when I was still babysitting. I've begun singing lessons with  Lobolito and would love to find an artist to tutor under. I've desired to be good at a great many things for years, but never made the effort.

Until now.

Today has been ridiculous... I'm not sure what sort of cosmic rays were in effect, or if I was abducted by aliens and genetically modified... but I have drive? I got more accomplished in four hours this morning then I've done in the last three months. Chris seemed pleasantly surprised, and I'm excited about it, despite having to leave for work shortly. I feel motivated to simply get things done, it doesn't seem to matter what. I caught up with old WoW friends on Ventrilo, cleaned out my vehicle and inflated a tire, did three loads of laundry, mowed our entire 2 acre lawn (or at least most of it) and physically removed all of my sister's junk from my room. My room. Mine. I also made both her bed and my own, where that was part of the agreement. It's... uplifting but slightly ridiculous at the same time.

In addition to that I contacted a medical practitioner out of state about my immigration physical, which I imagine is going to be pretty thorough, being that one of the reasons for being denied permanent residence is having medical issues that'd be too large a burden on the Canadian system, so if I do have any sort of cancer I get to find that out I guess.

I think tomorrow, where I got all this indoor stuff done today, I might go search around for some deadwood clumped in the area to hunt for reptile and amphibian specimens for photography or detainment's sake (I do like to hold them, and other then the Timber Rattlesnake I don't know of any poisonous species in New England).

Also check out  Prismalin

Hey everyone,  Prismalin is giving away free art for advertising space on journals, it's pretty boss, see the profile for details.

As for me, 8 hours later I'm finally settled at home, I hate the drive from Halifax, it's always so lonely and depressing. At least I made some friends, got to spend time with  furrydrake and got some time away from work.

My time within the fandom is approaching it's fifth year now. I have progressively learned and grew with time (as is normal for all things). I've discovered my sexuality, being bi-romantic and exploring, I've given my heart to  furrydrake . Given that this learning and decision-making process took some 12-14 years to reach fruition, I'd say I'm pleased with the results.

As of Thursday of this week I'll begin taking singing lessons from my dear friend Lobo, who I have always had much love and respect for. I'm excited to finally be able to pursue something with a friend that is constructive, not having done anything beyond working for a paycheck and video gaming for the last 24 years. Lobo is a professional opera singer and a local celebrity in his hometown, and such a sweetheart to boot.

What The Fur was an interesting time, though I had a great deal of personalized drama during the period that I believe prevented me from enjoying it to it's fullest. Rather then focus on the adverse conditions that I landed myself in, I signed on for con security after the fursuit parade on day 2 and had a good time with it.

I feel as though I've accomplished something while working as staff, something I have not managed attending panels and hiding out in the dealer's den, or the gaming rooms. I've actually met people, made friends, and an impact on others. The size of the con may have also contributed to this, being that What The Fur was only some 221 people large this year.

My heart goes out to  Nexiivanadis, who experienced some of the events that negatively impacted my con time. Where she was more directly involved, the events impacted her with a much vaster degree of duress. I spent a great deal of time supporting her in her pursuits related to the incident, but sadly, shy of raising a civil case, or forcing a change of hotel policy, there was nothing that could have been done regarding the incident itself.

My personal warning to all con goers is to be alert in situations where you are taken from con space, or furry-saturated areas of the hotel or city you are in. Use your best judgment, and , should such an opportunity present itself, by invitation or otherwise, bring friends.

Well, this is my debut post on FA. I've joined the fandom for a little over a year now, and my first anthrocon has pushed me into the interest of finally taking an active role.

I suppose before I get into narrarating how my weekend went, I should explain the kind of person I was, before I left for the convention. I've been to conventions before, Anime North being one of them, huge, impersonal affairs. Before this weekend ended I was an introvert, and a social butterfly. I, like many other furs, tended to get very lonely, and be awkward around strangers.

I have never before, put myself so readily into these circumstances... into stranger's arms. It sounds really weird writing it like that, but AC really showed me what I think the free love of the 70s must have been like. There was so much acceptance to be had, all you had to do was look for it, and the over 3700 congoers were willing to provide. It was a beautiful experience, and I'm excited to press on in my life embracing the ideals I found there.

Furry isn't about the porn, it's not about hiding in an outfit, or playing a character. It's about community, and understanding. Yes, admittedly, furry drama is joked about at the convention, but I never saw the slightest.

I spent most of the con in the gaming panels, skipping in and out of the zoo once in awhile. I greeted people wherever I went, even sat down and played a few games of apples to apples. Working my way around, I saw the WoWFurs, the TF2 Furs... just so many different subgroups. The crowning moment of my weekend was standing in front of the audience at 'Who's Lion is it Anyway' and doing the #24 (Venture Brothers Cartoon) impression I'd been working on all weekend. I got personal congrats from Alkali (a very cool guy, just don't let him sell you anything. That hat still hasn't grown me any hair) and had a fantastic time. Between that impression (I was slipping into it all weekend) and FIRIN MAH LAZAHS, I got plenty of laughs, and really enjoyed myself.

I've come away with this with a new perspective on life. Honestly some of it was one of the 10 AM spirituality panels, with a wonderful meditation guide, the rest just the general attitude around the convention. I came home, proudly wearing the tail I'd bought at my first AC, and showed my co-workers, roommates, and friends. Even my sister knows I'm a furry now. This is absolutely divine. Thank you everyone, for making my first AC a memorable, and wonderful experience.