So it is just me, or have a lot more people turned into assholes on here these days? Since my last journal, I've been lurking and sort of hiding out keeping my head down to see if it was wise or not to stay around and honestly it's been a bit hit or miss. Especially seeing some drama with some of my close friends and what they've been going through.

It's the year 2024 and people can't seem to be open and honest with each other, hold civil conversation, avoid talking to each other rather than just confronting one another with problems to talk things out like adults. Maybe I'm just old fashioned kind of gay, but when ever me and my husband have issues we always take the time to sit down and have a conversation and get things sorted so ill feelings don't fester. But from what I've been seeing on here, people act like it's middle/high school all over again and instead of just coming out and giving each other proper time to air out issues they've been struggling with, with one another. They avoid it, skirt around problems, let it fester, upset each other more and more, and just make the community as a whole even worse to the point one of the two parties involved breaks down and snaps making it even worse...

Seriously, stop it. Just balls up, or whatever and sit down with your significant other/friend/friends and finally have that civil conversation so that all parties involved can have some sort of understanding and closer. If at that time, an understanding can't be reached, then at least both parties have closer and you can move on from the situation without making it worse for the both of you by dragging it into the public eye.

I never understood why it's so difficult for some people just to sit down and have a talk, to clear the air and come to some sort of understanding...... you're not kids, you're not tweens, you're adults, act it..

I just see it a lot, and don't get me started on the artist who can't even communicate with their clients... ffffffff...

Trying to figure out if I should stick around and give FA and the community another try. But working, my hubs and fam in general keeps me so busy. Also still sorta getting some mad toxic vibes from some folks since coming back in general.

Also feels like all the artist I once knew, and adored aren't as active these days or over all have vanished.

You sign up for something using one of your old emails you don't wish to get spammed on, and then you forget what email you use! It's the worst. I'm trying to get an F-list account of mine recovered, along with a friend trying to help me do it also haha, but goodness it's been five years since I've last logged into it xD

The new place is turning out nice, my husband will be joining me from Alaska here at the start of the next year. Really looking forward to moving into the new place. Currently staying with friends who've have been kind enough to let me crash in their guest room for the last month or so while me and the people I've gathered keep working on the house. [Yep, it's a fixer upper!] When it's closer to being finished I can move more of my stuff from our place in Alaska to here, which I'm already expecting to be a bit costly. But that's the price of a long move!

Some people asked me why I moved back to NY state, with how things are going, so I'll answer some of the curious individuals here. Because family, and close friends. I lived in NYC most of my life, but a lot of my family and friends are spread all across the state and I figured now that mine and David's contracts were up with Alyeska Pipeline Service Company as team welders. We choose to move back towards familiar territory, [That and I just really miss my family, my mother and all my friends. David also happens to have some relatives that live in the state, which was the ultimate decider! ]

You all know I took a long stent away from FA, mainly to focus on my marriage, my child and my over all career, given where we were located net wasn't stable and for long periods of time we'd be out in the wilderness with no net connectivity at al except emergency satellite service. Was the nature of the repair jobs we took. [High pay!]

Also we both choose to step back do to all the crazy political stuff that had started to take root into the community, no longer making it feel as if it was the same open and welcoming place that it used to be, for various walks of life. [Frankly, we didn't want to choose sides, or be forced into a situation to choose one. ] So we just choose to focus on the family we were building. We also adopted a young girl who was struggling with a terrible abusive situation in the foster system [Which desperately needs to be improved in our country.] So that was a big thing for us! Finally giving her a forever home. So we had that big step in our lives that occurred. Over all, it's been a crazy time, and the pandemic kicking up didn't make things easier.

But here we are, trying to make the best of things. I'm slowly opening up to the community again [Stepping on egg shells it feels sometimes] as I try to navigate my way back towards the people I called friend. For those whom lost contact with me for such a long time, I apologize. I should of made open communication via a discord, skype or where ever else more available. For those who do with to reconnect with me. You're more than welcome to note me here any time! I'll throw you my deets in a DM.

Now, as for art? I've been thinking of getting a few things since its been such a long time since I've gotten anything of Cristian. Wonder what I should get, any suggestions!?

A lot has been going on in my life, and what a crazy few years its been in Alaska. Though I can happily say, I'm back in new york. Staying with friends for the time being, my Husband is currently still back in Alaska with my son and right now we're getting ready for a big move back here to N.Y state.

Sorry for my long period of silence, my being away for so many years. Family life, a new marriage, and the struggles of being a pipe line welder have been a tough job to deal with. But I'm stepping away from my welding job, moving back closer to friends and family and going to be attending college once again for a new line of work thats less hazardous to my health now that I've a sizable nest egg under my rump.

Yea, I lurk. I'm still alive, just haven't been doing the art thing really. Been more or less spending time with my Hubby RL and son.

I know it's been a while since I've posted on here. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive, still married and still happily taking care of my loving kids. My son's in university and my new bundle of joy is a new addition to mine and my hubby's family. Adoption! We fell in absolute love with the little bugger the moment we laid eyes on her. Natalia is her precious name!

Besides that, just wanted to give heads up I've been avoiding the fandom mainly because of the huge divide that's stirred up over the past few years with all the nonsense. Crazy far left loons, and far rights sending me death threats just because I'm gay, and it hasn't just been me, a few other friends of mine have apparently been the target of the same individuals. I have my views, my stances but my family and raising my children takes priority over the drama FA and other social platforms provide on a daily basis.

I miss the old community of ten years ago to be honest, we were more close nit, caring and tolerant of each other.

Right now I'm working as an underwater welder, I got my certifications finally not to mention at the moment I'm on vacation visiting friends and family in N.Y state, going to be heading towards North Carolina soon and then to Florida to finish off the trip! If anyone is in the Tampa area by the end of my journey I'll be free for hello's!

As the title states I do still exist but I've been so busy with rl, kids and hubby things. A total crazy house you could say. Especially since it's so close to the holidays! I hope each and every one of you are doing well though!

Sorry for my lack of being around. Struggling a tad on my end with work and trying to get a new business opportunity in order. =( I'm still alive and I'm sorry for not being around as much as I'd like to be.

Wanting to find any one who can like, make mesh stuff or who can make 'textures' for bodies.' I kinda wanna learn how and could use advice.

Dealing with stress is annoying, more so annoying when it's stress caused by so many things. From work, to the people you care about and then even the relationship of others.

From a father's perspective I can't help but treat those younger than me as if they were just that, younger. Like my own kids from time to time I end up in these long lectures or it feels like I'm trying to push them along a specific path. Like I know what's better for them, because I had kids and have a kid right? Well that may not be the case.

I've worked long and hard, worked with my son as best I can, worked with the people I love and call my closest friends but even then it feels like I fall short of being able to provide much other than a safety net of support financially.

The hardest part is when you see people you care about who are together start drifting apart. Or when you know some one is doing something wrong, and when you try and tell them they take it the wrong way, or it push's that person further from you to the point they run into the arms of another person for the slightest of comfort.

I've done this far to many times and lately I'm starting to think perhaps I'm just no longer cut out for trying to handle friends relationship qualms or give advice. Most of it falls on deaf ears, or it's brushed off as I'm just being an irritation. By both parties.

Cheating, lies, sneaking around. It's all the same, again and again on this place. I got wrapped up into it myself and because of it I ruined what most likely would of been the best guy in my life to be with. Luckily we're talking again, sorting things out.... we want to try again but he doesn't know if he can trust me, doesn't know if he can look at me the same way any more. I know so many people dealing with the same thing and a part of me wants to strangle every one who does it, to scream at them don't fuck up something that can make you happy for the rest of your life because of a fluttering moment of brief flirtation from some one who you find attractive over the internet.

My opinion is to not give up those you are within reach, who will go the extra mile for you and then some. Those are the people you want to keep close. Sex is important I understand, doing things exciting, adventurous, even lewd it's all great and fun.... but is that brief moment of excitement worth losing some one who put their heart in your care and has time and time again tried to show you that they would always be there willing to walk side by side with you. When you were sick, wen you are mad... or happy.

I learned the hard way.... it wasn't worth it... and not a day goes by where I don't feel myself starting to cry when I realize that the person who would of been my perfect husband is no longer in the same bed besides me, because of mistake I made for a sudden thrill.

Also for those who read this, for those who are with people you love. Cherish it.... because you never know when it may end, and fight for it... fight for it as hard as you can, make things work... listen to the other person your with.

On a final note, I'm not sure if I want to fully come back to the fandom or not. At the moment, I'm starting to see a bit to much wrong with it in some ways, the negatives at current outweigh the positives.

Wanted to say hello to every one since it's been quite some time. I'm actually back around a lot despite my busy work hours here in Alaska. Yes, aalllassska! That's where I'm currently working, and might be here for another year possibly!

Well, as to my main question I would love to know if any one knows how to Mesh, or make avatars on second life. I currently have a decent one buy it feels dated and I'd love some advice, or some help.


My skype is Talshufa so please feel free to add me, any one if they like. Be it for this, or to just talk!

Late last night it finally happened, there was nothing else the doctors could do for him, his body was just to far gone and to weak to keep up with things. He didn't suffer thankfully do to the medications he was on, and he was able to be awake for the most part during the entire thing, till his eyes closed one last time.

We were all there, my uncle, aunt, my mother and my son. We sat with him till the end, and I cried so hard. All I kept thinking about was how I would never see him again, just like my oldest who passed away last year. I cried even harder when he gripped my hand so tightly, and spoke to me in the best words that he could. "I'll make sure to look after little James, I wont be lonely."

I broke down, I just broke down, and it hurts so much right now. I know people lose loved ones every day, and I know there will be a day when I lose more, or they may even lose me. But in so many ways I'm happy, so happy to have had my son for the time that I had him with me, for being born into this world by my father and mother. I respect him so much, all the things he had done for me, for my kids. Despite his health slowly declining he would always think about me and my son more than anything.

I just hope that some day I can be as strong as he was, and as good of a father as he was to me. He was my hero and he still is my hero. I'm also sorry for my random typing on here, on this journal. But right now I just want to share my feelings with others, not to have those feel sorry for me, or to have people saying they wish the best. I just want to tell the world what an amazing man he was, what he means to me, and what I hope your parents might mean to you all as well.

Fights happen, arguments, even long periods of anger and silence. But the fact remains, your parents are your parents, be they biological and raised you, or those who were so close to you like family and took care of you, or a kind pair, or a single person who adopted you. Those people, those amazing fantastic people who gave it their all to make sure that you had a roof over your head, food on the table and so desperately struggled to make sure you would have a better life then they had.

That, that right there is what I define a hero. Never take those people for granted, never let time stretch so far and feelings fall so thin that you forget what those special some ones mean to you, and never let them forget how much you love them. Because as sad as this truth is, there is always that risk that the next time you see them, there is that possibility that could be the final time you see them, and let them know how much they mean to you.

If you could go any where in the world, where would you go right now if you were able to go there? You can only choose one place! No more then that!

I'd love to know where you all wish to go if you were able to go there!


I myself, would love to take myself and my family to visit the Galapagos islands.

I love rice, always have, always will. I ate it so much when growing up, and still do now!


What about the rest of you, what food do you just LOVE the most?

Went to take my son sledding [Sunday] as the local sledding hill and there were police there, telling families and their kids that sledding is no longer allowed there, that people needed to leave and any one caught sledding would be fined.

When parents asked why, or who is preventing the sledding, the two police offers wouldn't give any information, they said it was the 'law'.


After listening to this argument for a while between them, crying kids, and my own son who said "Daddy this is dumb". I got fed up with it and confronted the pair myself. I asked the two parents that were currently speaking with them to kindly allow me to talk with them.

I started off by asking the reasons for this change, because kids and parents have been coming here for over the past 10 years. They replied by saying "No, kids and parents haven't been coming here ten years, that was impossible." That just flabbergasted me. Because I personally have been taking my kids here for the past ten, and when they said that wasn't possible, I know something strange is going. "Excuse me? I've been bringing my kids here for the past ten years, and I have pictures dating back with my kids, to the point there was still the shed at the bottom of this large hill where Mister Franklin ALLOWED us to sled, since this was his property, and from what I believe, the property was sold to a Misses Roberts who was part of the school board, who once again gave permission, and this was last year.


By this time the two officers started to either look worried, or just getting mad. Maybe because I brought up the previous owner, and the current owner, BOTH who I've worked for on construction jobs, for the first personally on a job, and the second on the expansion of the school track. One of them went to the car, 'pretending' like they were calling on the radio, but they weren't, I'm sitting there watching him, him talking out, like he's calling into the station asking for 'backup'. The first officer that's standing in front of me then asks me to please leave. All this because of one question and me giving an answer?

"No, I'll be staying right here, because this place is a 'public' place. We have permission to be here, so why are you trying to make us all leave?" The police officer then raised his voice, got in my face, and yelled, which totally shocked me, and not just me, but the parents watching as well, but even the kids, my son who said "DON'T YELL AT DADDY MEAN MAN"

I kept my calm, didn't yell back, didn't do anything that could be seen as aggressive or intimidating. If the officer wished to try to use scare tactics, so be it. But as I was going to say something, the other officer spoke up and said that he called for additional police back up, and those who remained on the premisses would be taken to jail for trespassing, and re-fusion police orders. I wanted to laugh at that so much, because this all was total bunk.

I finally spoke up after slowly backing away from the man who was in my face "Well that's fine, I'll wait." Some parents did pack up and leave, but most stayed, their kids now in the cars. I spoke up once more "Excuse me please, just one moment" I dialed a number, and made sure I was connected to the right extension. I then started to talk and made sure to speak up so the two could hear me. "Hello Jessica, I have an issue, you know jay hills right? Yes yes, well there's an issue here, we have two police gentleman here saying people here are tress passing, and not allowed to be here... yes, I know. Thank you, that would be helpful, and I'm sorry to call you on your weekend. Thank you so much." I hung up, and closed the phone.

I walked back over to the officers with a smile on my face "Well I just spoke with miss Franklin and she'll be right over to sort this entire mess out." The one officer sort of started acting off, and the one that had screamed in my face, started to get red and what it seemed was even more angry, he started yelling again about us obstructing justice, that this place was off limits, no one is allowed here no more, and just as I looked down, I saw the man pulling out pepper spray, when I thought things were going to get worse, a car pulled up, and out stepped my angel. Miss Franklin must have tore her way here.


Both the officers looked to see who it was, and then one spoke "Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you to get back in your car, and leave, this area is off limits." The look at her face was one of disgust. The way she answered, was so fantastic "No it's not, not to me, it never will be either." The man who had the pepper spray in hand once again started acting belligerent and started to yell, but then she pulled out a few papers, and a copy of the deed to the land here. " This is MY land, I own it, I've given the school district permission to allow children to sled here, and so long as there is adult supervision in the area, which there always is, this place is closed after Ten pm. I even have the security guard drive by from time to time during his shift to make sure there are no kids remaining after the given time. I've also called up the local authorities to come at my request. I don't know what game you two are playing, but I don't like it, and I'm going to make sure it stops."


The two officers look as if they were in shock now, it was just so amazing, the way this woman was handling this situation, how she was giving them what for, it was bloody brilliant. Both of the officers stepped back and started talking amongst them selves. "We were told this place was off limits, we don't have the authority to change that, we still need to ask you all to leave". By this time the dear woman looked like she wanted to punch one of them for being to stupid. But she spoke out again to them. "No, I'll be staying here, along with every one else here." One of the officers then cut her off, but before he could finish talking, she cut back in "Well looks like my help is here" two other police car's started rolling in, the officers stepped out, one of them approaching the madam, "What's going on here?" She spoke to him, told them what was going on, showed them the paper work she had.

After about fifteen minutes of her talking with the new pair of officers who showed up, and me watching the first two who started all of this trying to 'slink' off as it looked. The new officers said "Ma'am, we're so sorry for this situation, there was no such orders to make this place off limits, and we'll handle the situation from here." When the other officers were then confronted by their fellow police members, the two looked like they were about to fall apart, the one who had been doing all the yelling was making excuse after excuse, but in the end things were settled, they were told to get in their car and follow the other two back to the station.


The owner of the land then asked us all to head home, till she can figure out what was causing all of this, we understood and all left, but I thanked her again for coming here like she did, and as I drove home my son asked "I thought police men were supposed to be good guys". I felt my heart break a bit, and the rest of the ride home, and most of the night I sat there trying to explain that they are, but they are just normal people like us all, and some of them aren't always as good as we may think.


So the day was ruined, but it wasn't a total loss, next week, or rather this week I hope to find out what caused that entire mess. Till then, no one can go sledding there, which is a total bummer. I do wish that these sort of police offers however would be removed from duty, because I know if it wasn't for her pulling up when she did, that officer would of sprayed me in front of my own son.

There are so many songs out there, so many types of music, and so many voices of the world that when their sound reaches your ears, it sends shivers along your spine. But here's the big question, out of them all, what is the single song that you adore, what song do you love most, in other words, what's your favorite song people of FA?


Mine currently is from an artist I've been following for a while, but a performance they did, a cover of another amazing song, but her rendition of it won me over, and to date this song remains my most loved, do to many reasons. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5Y8rYDv1jU - go check it out.

Also for those who want, post a link to your favorite song!