could you guys link me references to the characters you wanted your commissions of?
it would be much appreciated, thank you!

also, once i get everything done, i am leaving this site. ive been able to get back onto deviantART and ive been on there regularly. i will only come back here if something happens to my deviantART, to notify people as to where i went.

HH IM SO SORRY FOR NOT DOING ANY WORK LATELY IVE BEEN SICK WITH SOMETHING AND IVE FELT TOO SHITTY TO EVEN DRAW PERSONAL ART? IM GONNA START TRYING TO GET MYSELF BACK INTO THE GROOVE OF DRAWING NOW THO ILL BE GETTING STUFF DONE SOON, SORRY FOR THE WAIT. ;__;

i found a really good chrome extension that hides my IP and changes it every time i re-open my browser. this should work for good, now, and i shouldnt have to worry about being banned again. ill be less active here, but dont worry, ill get commissions done! sorry for the lack of art lately, last week was shit.

http://cerberus-txt.deviantart.com/

"A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. Live long and prosper."
rest in peace, leonard nimroy 1931-2015

furaffinity is so scary and weird i hate it here

I WENT TO MY THERAPY SESSION TODAY AND MY THERAPIST TOLD ME THAT I DONT ACTUALLY NEED THERAPY BC IM HEALTHY AND THERES NOTHING I ACTUALLY NEED HELP WITH AND SHE SAID SHES JUST GOING TO GIVE ME! MY LETTER! TO START TESTOSTERONE! SHES WRITING IT NOW! HOYL SFUCKING SHIT!!!!

full body and torso shot for knightngale (P)
full body for mokkou (P)

(P) = paid
(F) = finished

everythings open note me if youre interested

I NEED IT

http://spillit.me/hellsdogs

sorry i didnt get any done last week, last week was absolutely horrible and i didnt even do much personal art until just yesterday-ish. if all goes well with school work i should be able to work on commissions this coming week. again, sorry for the delay. :^(

i dont get why people get so pissed about same sex marriage. like its legalized in a state and they get fuckin angry about it AS IF SOME STRANGERS MARRIAGE IS GOING TO KILL YOUR FAMILY OR SMTH LMAO. piss off. mind your own business and stop involving yourself in situations that seriously dont concern you and will NEVER even effect you. its literally the fucking same as cis people trying to outlaw transitioning for trans* individuals. its fucking ridiculous. like? in what situation is someones marriage or transition going to effect YOU personally? in what scenario is it going to prevent YOUR marriage and put your life plans on hold? seriously get the ffuck out of other peoples business. these are all consenting adults and america is supposed to be a free country. gay marriage will never threaten your life or the health of the country, what the fuck is the point of trying to ruin other peoples marriage? god people need to stop being afraid of people just because theyre different im so fucking tired of this people are stupid.

that vent was so big im sorry i had to write smth else to get that thing off of my page it was too long

i dont usually post vents on the internet, im sort of one to not talk about my feelings and keep things like this to myself but i just want to fucking say some shit and leave it here. maybe for future reference so i can come back to it when things arent shitty and laugh about it.


this fucking school year has been the worst. im even cyber schooled and the work and responsibility combined with everfything fucking else im going through is a horrible combination of things and as a result, ive had -300 motivation to put effort into practically everything school related this year. its fucking horrible and i hate it. im so sick of beingin school. sooo sick holy shit. ive wasted quite literally my entire fucking life on school and im so ready to just be done but i still have two years to go, three years if i want to finish since i got fucking held back last year because i was missing LITERALLY ONE CREDIT that i didnt get because of some fucking math class. im probably going to get held back this year because ive done so bad this year so far i dont know if i can redeem myself before school ends. great! thats a whole fucking four years that i still have to do this shit and its my fault. it makes me so fucking angry but also sad.

ive been sick, too, ive felt so shitty lately and my mom got an email from my teacher earlier and was angry and basically i feel like a fucking failure. i tried explaining myself but she just threatened to put me back in public school. i cant go back to public school, ill be fucking bullied everyday and people will use the wrong pronousn on me and ill be sad i just fucking cant. i left that school four years ago BECAUSE of bullying and since them, ive come out trans and people will bully me even fucking harder for that and im scared. im legitimately scared.

next week i have to go get evaluated by a psychiatrist so that i can get diagnosed with a learning disorder for math. i dont know if i actually have a learning disorder, probably not, ive just been slacking math since 4th grade and i just never redeemed myself and ive fallen so far behind. at least thatll be a ticket excuse to keep me safe when it comes to the keystone tests. but i wont be doing those next year anyway if im going to fail again. buuuuuuuut im afraid of doctors so im actually scared to go get evaluated! great! thats something to look forward to!

im ready to be done with school and get a job, a car, a life! not that anyone actually WANTS to get a job because jobs are"fun", but because if youre human and you dont have a job, youre useless to everyone else. most jobs arent fun, especially first jobs. i aspire to become a tattoo artist, man, you dont even need to graduate to do that, you just need to be 18, but what am i going to do until then? i have fucking things to pay off. im expected to get a car, if not this year, next year and ill have to pay for that. i have shit i want to do and im expected to do soon but im not even allowed to get a job until im doing satisfactory in school and all of this FUCKING pressure is making it so unbelievably hard to do well in school.

distance, too, thats another thing thats fucking stressing the hell out of me. my boyfriend lives across state, hes the reason that im still motivated to be alive and well in this situation. i look forward to seeing him every month, we talk almost constantly. right now, im relying so heavily on him and i feel so bad. we are fine, everything is fine, but distance is a bitch and it fucking sucks. when im with him, everything is perfect and we are both happy. he has problems with his mother, though, she abuses him emotionally and she doesnt give a shit about it. she acts like shes sorry and then she turns around, tells everyone hes cried out for help to that everything he said was bullshit and does it all again. so im always fucking worried about him and how hes doing. hes going on 9 months clean (self harm recovery), used to harm himself quite literally EVERYDAY and im the reason he stopped. im coooooonstantly worrying about him falling back into that and every time hes upset i get really scared even though he promises he wont.

earlier in november he kicked a kid that harassed us (off school property) on the bus in the stomach and the kids parents decided to get him in legal trouble for it. hes in an alternative school for fucking standing up for himself, basically. he has to fucking go to court sometime this month, we are still waiting on the date for that. he has a fucking probation officer and everything and will have one until july. fortunately, he didnt get placed as a resident in this alternative school, because if he had, we wouldnt be able to communicate at all, only on weekends and holidays. the residents ONLY come home on weekends and holidays and for the longest time we were fucking horrified that he would be placed. im glad he wasnt, but everything still fucking sucks and its stressful for both of us.


with this whole deviantART ban thing, ive been cut off from pretty much all of my fucking friends online. SOME of them are on FA and nabyn but most of them were over there and people dont know where the hell i went and theres no way for them to find out where i went now because of this fucking stupid IP ban. deviantART rejected my appeal and basically didnt believe a fucking word i said. im just going to have to wait to get a new router or to move into an entirely new house but by then everyone will have forgotten about me. i used deviantART for almost 6 years before i was banned and im pretty fucking disappointed, even though the sites staff had gone to shit. i was making money there too, and now, all i have is FA and nobody buys anything from me here barely ever so im short of money. i actually got a paypal set up just a few days prior to being banned, originally because A LOT OF PEOPLE ON DEVIANTART WERE INTERESTED IN BUYING THINGS FROM ME! oh but now im here and nobody buys shit, what the fuck was the point of that even then.

cigarettes too. cigs, cigs, cigs, cigs, cigs, cigs, cigs. ive been so stressed out lately that theyre on my mind all the time, everyday. my friends mom rolls me cigarettes every now and again, i think i have myself all set up and that im gonna save them and make them last but im just such a fucking mess that they never do and i wind up smoking the 8 cigarettes their mom gave me in 2 days and then i just plummet into a fucking angry and even more disturbed void that drags on forever and makes everything worse. i have access to them when im with dans family, they buy them for us and they try to make sure we have enough to last us, they understand and they just want us to be happy. im pissed that i have to rely on other people for them, its fucking stupid. i hate hate HATE having to rely on ADULTS to buy me things because im a year and a half from being old enough to legally buy them myself. i have money and i would be more than happy to buy them myself if i was legally able to. when i dont have any i dream about them, about smoking them, holding them, touching them, stealing them, buying them- its fucking crazy and i have a problem, i know, but i am in no condition right now to fucking fix that and honestly its the least of my concern.

and on top of all of that, fucking dysphoria and all of this other trans shit! i started therapy to get approved for testosterone last month, i need to get 12 sessions in before i can actually start hormones. we can only afford to go twice monthly, thats 6 fucking months. the basic plan is four times a month, every week, for three months, god i wish we had the money to do that. i could help with that, if id get a JOB but im far to hesitant to get a job or car because im uncomfortable with being in public and being recognized as female, i just cant fucking do it. in 4 months (june) ill finally start hormone therapy and hopefully after that ill start feeling better about myself, i can get shit changed and get a job. im planning on getting a job around the start of the next school year, because by then ill be ready to actually begin my life. it all comes down to this, really, its the primary reason im so stressed over shit, it has me down all the time, i feel like i cant even begin my life or do good until i am truly myself and it stupid. i know its stupid.

i cant wait for june to roll around. summer, oh summer. last summer, i spent the entire summer by dans side and i was the happiest guy in the world legit. when i think back to last summer, i can almost feel it, that free feeling i had. i was so happy. i cant wait for that to come back around again, i cant wait and im glad its only 4 months away. dans moving in with his dad this summer, too, after his probation ends (he can go see his dad, he just cant change residences until its over). instead of six hours away, he will be an hour away. next school year, ill have a job and a car and ill do good. my parents even expect me to move in with his dad around next year. itll all be okay then. but thats all so far away. i just feel so far away from everything i want, i feel so far away from happiness and i dont know what to do. i cant help but be sad.

wow i really needed to get that out. being a person sucks. responsibilities suck.

im fuckin hungry my mom should feed me
god

these hiccups are extremely annoying and kind of painful

FOOD MEME -
xx = i enjoy it a lot and i eat it practically regularly
x = i enjoy it and eat it often
/ = i enjoy it but i dont eat it regularly
// = i dont hate it and ill eat it sometimes but this is almost never
blank space = never or rarely

[ ] chips
[ ] candy
[ ] popcorn
[ ] pretzels
[/] peanut butter
[x] ranch
[/] chicken wings
[/] pizza
[/] burgers
[//] hot dogs
[ ] grilled cheese


Vegetables-
[//] broccoli
[ ] carrots
[//] cauliflower
[/] green beans
[/] beans
[/] onions
[/] tomatoes
[/] pickles
[ ] cucumber
[ ] zucchini
[ ] celery
[x] peppers
[ ] peas
[/] potatoes
[ ] beets
[ ] brussel sprouts
[/] spinach
[/] lima beans
[/] lettuce
[//] asparagus

Fruit-
[//] oranges
[x] strawberries
[/] apples
[x] bananas
[/] pineapple
[/] pears
[x] peaches
[x] grapes
[x] plums
[ ] grapefruit
[//] clementines
[/] tangerines
[/] raspberries
[x] blueberries
[//] limes
[//] lemons
[x] mangoes
[x] cherries
[x] watermelon
[x] cantalope
[x] honeydew

Meat-
[x] ham
[xx] chicken
[ ] lamb
[x] pork
[x] steak
[x] turkey
[x] bologna
[ ] fish
[//] deer
[ ] bird
[ ] alligator

Dairy-
[x] milk
[xx] cheese
[x] yogurt
[//] butter

Desserts-
[/] ice cream
[//] chocolate
[x] sherbert
[//] cake
[//] cupcakes
[/] cookies
[/] coffee
[ ] caramel
[x] mousse
[/] whipped cream
[x] chocolate covered strawberries
[//] pie
[//] creme puffs
[/] jello

Wheat-
[x] bread
[x] pasta
[x] cereal
[x] bagels
[//] doughnuts
[x] crackers

a gland on the side of my neck has been swollen since like (this previous) thursday or friday and we couldnt figure out why but we decided to give it a week to clear up on its own even though we still had no idea why it was swelling. they swell to help fight infection and usually clear up on their own so?? we were just gonna give it time??
well like since sunday every morning ive been awaking up with a nasty headache behind my eyes and my nose has been dripping and stuff like crazy so apparently now im sick. my dad is sick too now, probably because i used the mouthpiece of his vape on friday lmao oops. the fucking snot must be getting to my stomach bc im not feeling well there either and i have like no appetite at all. im also kind of cold now, im not sure if its bc i just took off my jacket or bc i have a fever or smth. i cant tell. im tired, im sick now and on top of all of that, vaping isnt doing shit and i need cigarettes really bad but i have no one to get them for me. i have the money for them, but wow! bc im a year and a half from being 18 i cant make my own choices and buy cigarettes like a "responsible adult". smh.

maybe i can skip school tomorrow at least. my mom is pitying me bc im legit only sick once a year if ANYTHING so she will baby me like she always does and ill be able to skip school. i might take a nap and then maybe ill try eating smth when i get up if i dont feel shitty.

resting from art and school work this weekend sorry

I AM SO TIRED! OF BEING! UNDER 18! i bought a vape on ebay yesterday and they shipped it and everything, its already on its way, but upon going and trying to purchase ejuice, my payment was DENIED and now my cash balance is ON HOLD until the bank processes it back to me. they say itll take 21 fucking days to get it back and im so mad. i dont have any cigarettes left because i THOUGHT id have ejuice by this weekend. i was going to pay my mom the money and just have her order the juice for me at the same place, but since my CASH BALANCE is locked i CANT FUCKING PAY HER AND IM GIONG TO HAVE TO CONVINCE HER TO BUY IT FOR ME AND TELL HER THAT ILL PAY HER BACK ASAP. ugh im fuckin pissed. im so tired of being considered a "minor", seriously. if i can make fucking money myself, take care of myself and pay in full, i should be able to buy whatever the hell i want tyvm. i literally 2 years away from being 18 fucking seriously. im sick of having to convince adults to buy things that I CHOOSE TO DO and that IM PAYING FOR FULLY MYSELF.

thinking about it now, my payment likely wasnt declined by the seller but by paypal noticing that is a fucking VAPE SHOP. i have a mastercard debit paypal card, thats probably why and im so fucking mad.

so now, i spent $20 on a goddamn vape pen that came with everything BUT ejuice and im going to have to wait LONGER to get ejuice. GREAT HAHA. at least i was able to order a vape pen and get it shipped, though. since that was on ebay i guess paypal didnt really get the chance to notice that its a VAPE SHOP and they just let it go.

someone should buy SOMETHIGN from me bc im still a bit short on money uhgh its so hard to sell shit here i need like 10 dollars and nobody buys anything from me here

POW WA POW BOUGHT A VAPE B)

i dont think im going to sell him but if i really need money would anyone buy him

COULD SOMEONE LEND ME LIKE 20 BUCKS OR BUY SMTH I NEEDM ONEY SO BAD

I NEED MONEY IMMEDIATELY SO IM DOING A TINY SALE
FULL BODIES - > http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15688920/ THAT ARE USUALLY $8 ARE ON SALE FOR $5
THERE ARE 5 SLOTS OPEN!

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