...but forgive me if I don't really feel much like celebrating. Today also marks the one-year anniversary of one of the most life-changing moments in my adult years. I won't go into the details too much (I think it was addressed in earlier journals), except to say that the end result was me moving to a new state, back in with my parents, and trying to rebuild what might be remaining of my life. And, in some ways, I'm still reeling from everything. While some things are moving in the right direction (I'm lucky I've been able to find some contract work through a temp agency), others are just...well, frozen.

My furry life, for example, is now on indefinite hold until I can secure full-time employment and get a place of my own. With my schedule being so up in the air right now, it's very difficult for me to plan anything out more than a month in advance...let along ONE YEAR. And living with my parents just doesn't allow for the kind of "furry life" I used to enjoy but took for granted until it vanished. I'm hoping that things will sort themselves out so I can get back to actively participating in this crazy fandom instead of just lurking in its shadows.

However, especially after what I've been through, I've been questioning if maybe I've outlived my time in the fandom. I HAVE to get my real life situation straightened out before I can go back to the furry world, but when that happens, will we still want each other? Take fursuiting, for example...when I left my last place my character was one of the things that got left behind...which means no Nahren Snow Ox for any time in the near future. And even though I have it on good authority that my suit is actually being held by one of the few remaining friends I had left, I find myself questioning whether or not I even want him back. Maybe not enough time has passed that I can look at things from an objective point of view and come to a rational decision, but I can't help but question nonetheless. (I just hope at this point that when and if I DO reach a decision, someone else hadn't already got the idea to throw Nahren's carcass onto a bonfire...but we'll see.)

Relationship-wise...that's pretty much dead right now. I now have a rep for turning gay guys straight (meaning I'm now cursed for life), and though a part of me wants to have another go at a significant other, I...just don't see that happening. I REALLY hope I'm proven wrong.

I think I might have said this before, so skip over this paragraph if you've already read it...but when everything ended like it did, the one thing I did NOT want to do was isolate myself from everyone. I needed to maintain some kind of open communication just to keep my sanity. And in the end, isolating myself was the only thing I had really succeeded in doing. So when I moved from Milwaukee, it felt as though I had burned every single bridge that had been built...and that really makes me sad. I have no way of knowing if I had left on good terms with most people or if the demonizing started the moment I pulled away from the house I called home for nearly 3 years. It's...really disheartening, tbh...but that's life, I guess.

And then...there are the health concerns. First came the lump in my neck detected by my new doctor, which necessitated an ultrasound scan, then a radioactive iodine scan...then two biopsies. THANKFULLY, I don't have a thyroid cancer diagnosis now, but I'm now on watch as I have a follow-up ultrasound scan scheduled in late summer. Then came a spot on my nose. As of right now, my nose is healing from surgery to remove what turned out to be a skin cancer mass. The prognosis is good, but I'll get confirmation with my doctor next week.

I guess that's all I can write about right now...if you made it through my rambling, thank you for sticking with me. I just hope that my 2016 ends up to be the year which everything turns around...

...then again, if it doesn't, and a certain someone gets elected President, I can always move across the border...if the wall hasn't been completed yet. :-P

Take care, everyone,

Colin *^.^*