well another year older this month and life still just going nowhere. insomnia still here on top of not wanting to sleep.

Why dose it always so much esayer for other people to have a decent life? why is it i'm always haveing to strugle just to get to bed and to wake up?

just so dam tierd of life. not many ways for my life to get worse. if hell exsists i cant see it beeing worse then my life at this point. bout the only thing keeping me alive i feel is my computer games and not wanting to acualy die. so dam hard for me to get out and do stuff always so dam afraid to be with people and always feeling like i'm not worth anything. not many places for me to vent if this helps i'm not sure. nothing ever feels like worth doing just stuck in this loop of hell. i start to feel somwhat better then bam right back to feeling like shit just before i feel like doing anything. on top of that just so hard to keep a good feeling this time of year.

i "know" that there are probably people worse off in a lot of ways but at least they have an idea what they want in life even when its unfesable to obtain it. at my point in life just liveing day to day no path just mindless wondering and fear of being around others. just so dam insignificant. and very few people in my life that acualy seem to support me. always feeling like i'm attempting to help others but gotten to the point were the good feeling that come from it just never seem to pay off in any long term way. life is rather a void were i try to fill with something good or happy just seems to just end up draining away in the next few minuts. life just hard for me to grab on to anything in this lousy contry any more. in the world of jobd i ether nedd less then i have or more no one wants to help those who have more then then uneducated or less then a collage lvl degree. they either want you to know a lot so they can use you or not enough so they can walk al over you.

life is just so dam anoying and the way things are going in the world i'd welcome a war just so i can get a job o thin out the world enough to where people acualy matter again.

i'm just in the area were my mood is rather drained and nothing sounds good. and there i go again exsplaneing what i'm saying. :|