(Entire journal is rambly)

Hey folks,

Haven't been active on this account for 12 years. Long enough that I don't know you anymore and you probably don't know me. So how are you? how have the past 12 years been? Uh, political and health crises... not aside, because they're important, but of course those things are happening. (Maybe remind me how we know each other, because my memory is holier than the holiest of that Swiss cheese you regret buying because it's more hole than cheese, but then you also don't regret buying because it's somehow amazing.)

Things here... I dunno. Left retail (2015), did dongs for a while, crashed out pretty epically and horribly (2020), doing digital designs (also wieners, artist at Uberrime), planning to cast more myself but house situation is a little tenuous at the moment (as in, can we afford to stay?). Had three long-term relationships, gave myself some microlabels of Panromantic-Demisexual ("queer," "bi," "ace," or those labels are fine, I do not care (also still she/her, and I care a bit about that)), single since who knows and I'm wildly okay with that. Rx'd with some mental health issues (2018+), medicated and therapy'd. Been losing loved ones consistently since 2014, and mad depressed all the time. I don't do much of anything nowadays and I'm torn between being stir-crazy and wanting to disappear into isolation. My "getting out" includes trips to my best friend's house and then also just like, stuff in online games. You're most likely to find me in Fallout 76 as KaySheep on PC, tho maybe on ESO. Or...Runescape? OS and current, just did a sub for current version; all I wanna do is craft. Art skills have not advanced in anything except color, and I largely do not do color in my sketches, which leads into the next thing:

I thought about making another new account or utilizing any of the ones I've attempted to use, but honestly I don't see a point in that. I had some blue and red framed pieces here (in scraps) (and no idea what the login is for that), and a couple pieces here a few years ago , but they're not...home? Here is, flawed though it may be. IDK, maybe you can hold me accountable to drawing something occasionally, even though that's definitely something I need to take control of on my end. I'm all monster f'er but, hey, furries kinda fit in that if you squint right. Still prefer scalies but it's weird since I'm in charge of just under four handfuls of crested geckos now - count the fingers, not one gecko per hand. If you at all remember when I'd do drawings based on silly prompts, I'd love some of those. But that's ambling.

I did some clean up last night on following, lots of folks reasonably deactivated accounts, and some folks have been gone for as long as I have. My work is all in scraps and I cleaned out a few pieces that "did not bring me joy." Not sure about copying over some of the other work to populate my gallery-gallery, although most except for the MommaMoth thing seem outdated. Also was thinking about turning all three of the tiny gourds I picked up to celebrate the season into characters, like I did with my gourd-man from a couple years ago (no idea where I posted this), but getting a little mixed up about the characters themselves. They could just be people bodies with gourd heads but god that's boring. Gotta make things more interesting, dunno. Help?

An aside, I used to buy these sketchbooks from Barnes and Noble that had some ultra smooth paper but the quality of the books has gone downhill, from at least a few years ago, so ended up spending Extra Money on Stillman&Birn which has almost as smooth paper. Very high quality and you pay for it. Another thing to look at is Yupo, which has disgustingly smooth plastic "paper". To some degree, I'm still afraid to properly break in the S&B book and I keep putting Yupo aside for something good, even knowing mediocrity is where I remain (and that's fine). I wish, ultimately, that I could stick with something for any length of time, or find that spark that had me drawing all the time many years ago. It seems out of reach? And maybe that's ultimately where things will fall, but maybe, hopefully, being here will reignite something. Who's still active, arting, who should I look to?

Anyway. Thanks, just for being you.

I'm here to throw graphite and I just got Sai2 working, because I'm never gonna let that Paint Tool Sai license go to waste.