So, I hate to have to do this again, but I found out this past week that I'm behind on more medical bills than I knew, and taxes are still kicking me in the butt. PLEASE ONLY DONATE IF YOU CAN, and WHAT you can. We're all in it, so I fully understand if you're not able to help me in this situation.

HERE'S THE LINK IF YOU CAN/WANT TO DONATE, it would really mean the world if you could help.

Remember to leave your coordinates and your request so I can sketch your reward!

THE GOFUNDME HAS BEEN CLOSED DUE TO THE GOAL HAVING BEEN REACHED!! THANK YOU ALL SO SO SO MUCH!!!!

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Alright, time for a more general in depth update on stuff.

Remember two months ago when I said that I was finding a more or less stability? Well, the universe heard me and decided I'd been having it too easy. I mean, I do have good news too, one thing at a time.

I'm still awaiting the fated decision from the disability benefits, but one thing's for certain: I'm being denied the wheelchair coverage because the rheumatologist I'm seeing, who is responsible for the final decision on the matter, was against it. Seems like my pain is stress caused, and I'm "too afraid to walk", so I'm relying too much on the wheelchair. Obviously being constantly on the verge of debt isn't doing me any favours when it comes to stress, but what do I know. But yeah, seems like I'll be living with these pains chronically, and for now, I'm not getting any help from the doctors.

Before you tell me to look for a different rheumatologist, there's a 1 year wait list to get the first appointment if I see a new one, and then I'd have to find one that would have all the connections to the physiotherapy and all that the current one, that is connected to the hospital, would have. I've tried applying several times to a specialised clinic that would do a full 360 analysis of my issues, but insurance rejected it twice now because I'm "too young to have these issues". So yeah, I'm kind of out of energy to keep this up.

The positive side of this, is that I've finally bit the bullet and I've gotten myself my own, personal electric wheelchair with help from my parents. It's even foldable, which helps a lot with space management in my small flat. It's nowhere near as powerful as the rental one, but at least I have one that is mine and I don't have to pay 200chf every month.

Another thing is my wrists. I saw the hand surgeon, and she said pretty much the same thing as everyone else so far: my wrists have the unfortunate quirk of being too thin, so the ligaments are put under more pressure than they would be on a "normal" sized one, meaning that in the long run my wrists will always hurt. The only thing I can really do is do local injections of anti-inflammation medication, and hope that it sticks long enough between one session and the other. That is, if it even works to begin with.

I might have bad news about my job too, but that's still entirely speculation for now. So, I'll try my darndest not to think about it.

I've been fighting the constant urge to get a bigger space to live in by completely overhauling my apartment this past week. Maybe in a slightly manic episode, but hey, I feel like I've managed to organise the space much better this time around. I also got a fucking INSANE donation of a whole ass new computer (with old parts, but still!!!) from a friend, so while I'm still using my old laptop, I have a whole new tower computer to futz with. I'll eventually set up a weekend to migrate all my info and backups to the new device, but yeah. I'm still baffled and amazed at the generosity.

Thank you for all of you that stick around, honestly. I feel like I'm constantly on an emotional rollercoaster that drags me up to the highest joys, from you lovely people, from community, from my art, down to the lowest lows where I can't seem to justify my existence. This tiger I'm riding is putting up a fight, but I'm fighting even harder. I want to believe there is peace for me to be found somewhere.

I sincerely hope you can find joy in the little moments and gratitude in everyday existence.
I'll write another journal at some point, maybe the summer will bring some positive fruits ^^