Hey all! I really need help. I've become more or less completely disabled recently and have been edging on a mental health crisis for months now.

I'm diagnosed with DID PTSD GAD and MDD, another provider has diagnosed me with BPD and ADHD though there is disagreement on whether or not I have those. We've been having regular flashbacks and amnesia, I struggle to remember what I did even yesterday. we often forget how to draw (dissociative skill loss) or experience so much distress and dissociation I can't manage to draw. I have to take long breaks with anything and have adrenaline for many hours any day I'm trying to work. I cant sleep or cook full meals for myself consistently. I've been horribly ashamed at what I've become and I'm in therapy twice a week trying to accept none of this is my fault, none of the past decade of struggle in my career. I didn't know just how much was going on under the hood to keep me safe from the pain or why I was so fucking tired all the time. I've been living a nightmare with no real escape but through.

I'm applying for disability benefits but it may be a long time before those go through. I've been living off my credit cards off and on for the past year and have no way of clearing the debt in the foreseeable future. Neither do I have a way to reliably complete commissions or raise money for myself. which is hard to admit. I feel like I've committed the ultimate failure and I'm really struggling with it. I'll be starting a DBT program soon to get more intensive help getting my head back on straight and bearing the pain of the flashbacks.

In good news, my prognosis is good within a few years and I have wonderful friends and partners that are keeping me stable. I've never felt as safe and loved as I do now. life has been a roller coaster of my highest highs and lowest lows, hours of crying every other day, lots of healing.

I feel bad asking for money when I have no way to return anything at all to the community atm. we still dream of making something impactful other people can enjoy and will be trying to do so as my energy and funds allow. unfortunately we don't know who all of us even are and we don't know where we want to go in life anymore. some want to be a therapist-- I want to help other people with dissociative disorders that are hurting and not knowing what's wrong with them. but one thing is remaining strong; I've been a furry since I was young and the fandom is such a huge part of my life, I will be around and interacting and making art here for the rest of my life <3 I feel like I have a bright future ahead of us with a beautiful sky and wonderful vistas, but there's a mountain in the way we must scale first.

If you wish to help, I will be needing assistance for many months to come. I'll also continue to lean on my local support network for help and while they have been great but can only go so far. I can't promise anything in return and I'm so sorry for that. I hope that I'll have wonderful art to share in the future that makes it feel worth the investment. and I'll keep giving support for my trans chickadees that need mom's advice as much as I can-- it's currently the only way I have to pay anything forward is by being a shoulder to those hurting in my community

Patreon.com/ManeframeArt
Ko-fi.com/maneframe
Paypal.me/maneframe
Cashapp: $Maneframe

Thank you so much for reading and I'm so sorry for anyone I've let down~
- Maney

if you are having thoughts of suicide there is help available to you, please contact 988 for the national suicide prevention hotline. They have helped me before