Some days I feel like I have no direction. I have a job that I enjoy somewhat, but there's no way they will afford to pay me what I'm worth when the time comes, or give me more hours. I have to move because of the financial bind this job has put me in. However, I have a possible option of a new place of employment. If it pans out, I will no longer be in a shitty money situation, but I will have less time to work on suits.
I find my desire for companionship and company rapidly deteriorating as well. I'm not sure why, but I feel like I impose myself on people, whether I'm invited or not, so I just choose to stay out of people's way and out of sight. But contrary to that, I find my craving for actual romance so strong and my standards are set impossibly high for such a shitty little town, finding someone who is open minded enough to accept the fandom I'm a part of, let alone one intelligent enough to have a damn conversation with. And when I say conversation, I mean one that actually holds my attention. I don't care much for gossip or what you watched on Netflix, but if you have something relevant to contribute, please open up and speak. Is it odd that I feel much more at home with people who are studying English, Philosophy, and Art, or does that make me another hipster? All of this just comes down to one thing for me, when I look in the mirror, I see someone quite unworthy of all the things they want. What makes me so damn special? I'm not entitled to any of these things, but it bothers me so much when they are out of my reach. I guess I have to learn to be more patient, more understanding, less...expectant? Things won't change without effort and I am tired.