Man I'm old, and really feeling it.

I know I get told many times 30s is when ya really start your life, 20s is for when ya deal with all the crap actually trying to figure out(and boy did I deal with a bunch of crap, figuring out mental health and whatnot), but, it doesn't feel like I'm mentally there yet.

I'm terribly inactive in many circles I wish I could be more active in, but time and energy leaves me lacking to do a lot that I want to do. Executive dysfunction, autism, adhd, a lot of issues there that I have some solutions for, but heck, this year getting cut from medicaid and was lead to not try to find a new insurance immediately left me stuck without insurance until November. Real good structure there USA. =3=;

It feels like excuses though, I want to do better, I want to be better; I want to accomplish goals that I dream about on the daily, but in practice I get anxiety just trying to do. For the stuff that's easier on my mind, I'm limited by lack of funds and outdated tech that gives me issues.

In the end, I'm not happy, so is turning 30 gonna be the turning point when I get my crap together, produce, create, and function, or, is it gonna be another decade of up and down rollercoasting misery?

Speaking of, this year's trip is gonna be to an amusement park. If I'm gonna do anything to make myself happy, it's keeping up these yearly trips with my friends.

Have a good day everyone, thank you for reading