There's that part of you that doesn't care and is prideful

Then there is that part of you that you wish you could eliminate, exterminate, annihilate, assassinate, destroy. That you despise most knowing there is nothing you can truly do about it except tolerate it. We all have that part. We can't hide from it. It knows.

For me, it's that part of me that is impressed by everything I see from others, but is full of hatred because of how much it destroys me on the inside seeing how talented others are. Why them? How come I couldn't be that skilled? I don't want to care and I'd be lying if I said I don't, but I do and that would be denial rather than acceptance and moving on. However, moving on is not an option. Neither is elimination. It is true torture. It is like PTSD. Hard to avoid and overcome. Nothing like fear. Fear can be conquered, but PTSD can not.

So where does that leave us be? Simple. We hide and we avoid, but the truth is an unavoidable thing. Isolation is not an option for it destroys you both mentally and physically. Be in intentionally or naturally and you know it. It knows. There is nothing you can do about it.

It is a mental fitness test. An exercise. Afterall, it can kill you. Typically through self harm. It knows it can not be harmed for harming it is harming yourself. You are it's shield and if you want to destroy it, you have to break that barrier. The Barrier is you. You will have to destroy yourself. In the end, it always wins. That is just reality. Something you most certainly do not wish for it to have. You deserve that victory. So what else is there to do?

The feeling is hard to describe. Some have ways to describe it, but there is no central definition for it comes in many shapes and forms to everyone for we are not clones of one another, even as twins and triplets and siblings. We are all unique like fingerprints. No two are ever alike.

The best way to deal with it is with an army. A team. A crew. A brotherhood. What do they all have in common? An enemy. A relation. Together we are stronger and we can all go against that enemy together and take it down and it knows that. So it defends itselves by cloning itself.

There is only one difference though. No matter how large it gets, it is still only one things. We are more than one. Together we are stronger. We socialize. We vent. We help. We relate. We empathize.

In the end, it brings out the best in us and strengthens our greatest weaknesses which were over powered by our doubts, our rage, our sadness, our flaws. Together we are stronger. No more will we isolate ourselves from one another because of our fears and doubts. No longer will we stand opressed and unheard. We. Are. Strong.

Will you join me in this battle? That how I feel.
What about you? --Keith S. 2025