Oh hey, uh been awhile. What maybe about five years or some shit?

Well OK I'm kinda lying a bit here but in case anyone who still follows me here and even gives a shit about me at all, I figured I'd at least try to put some things out there just for the hell of it. For obvious reasons I must warn this may very well not make any sense or sound dumb overall. I'm not exactly the best at this kind of thing and I sure as hell am not trying to do the textbook "le corporate sorry we fucked up" shit. I just want to make this to assure im still around and all.

Anyway, while I am still around I don't know why I haven't really been as frequent with making shit as I used to. Maybe it's likely because of me being lazy or depressed from how the living conditions are here. I prefer I not go into too much detail but it's basically just a borderline hoarding situation and I don't think it'll get any better unless a larger house was somehow obtained. The odds of such a thing is impossible given the circumstances but still it's something I one day hope will eventually happen as it's genuinely driving me insane how much of an obstacle course it is to get to anything but really as bullshit (and cliche) it is to say, all it would take is a lottery win to get that but let's get real, literally every person on the planet has this in mind.

For those who know me for the old video content I used to do as just me fucking around, I sorta just lost the motivation to do so. Looking back on some of the stuff I noticed that despite a good chunk of em were genuinely good, a lot of em felt like it was for the sake of making shit. It's pretty much the reason why I ended up removing a majority of em and in some cases it's just because they just sucked (i.e. I thought it was funnier in my head). Adding that certain matters played into it like MLP or some stuff I once supported with very rare exceptions. If I am to get back into doing this sort of thing, and this plays into the living condition situation, I would have to either be alone or have a room that's practically soundproof. I don't have any issues with the family or anything just as ironic it is of me to say (my younger brother yells throughout the night on Roblox constantly), my older sister keeps getting on everyone when it comes to anything loud. hell if you want me to make this relatively funny; That shit in Smiling Friends with the brother bitching at his batshit crazy scientist brother about "paper thin walls" is literally how the fuck she'd argue when it comes to it. Just to put this simple I can't have fun anymore and it's probably a factor in why I've been feeling kinda shitty constantly. When I do manage to have a good time, it's because she's away for the weekend or week (depending on holiday conditions) however this is obviously dependent on how shit went for me for the week or if any buddies of mine are okay and all.

One thing that does bother me a lot is how things go whenever the VRChat thing happens on Fridays, for some reason for me it's like the fucking lottery in if I even socialize at all. My guess with this is how many people join in and how much of a clusterfuck it becomes to keep up or focus on conversations. In short I almost constantly get a sensory overload and adding to the autism and shit, it doesn't really help since I tend to just not say shit or be unable to think of anything to say. Instead I just use the soundboard to do shit and eh...it kinda helps? Look I'm saying I kinda hate how I can be, I wouldn't be surprised if that was a reason for me drinking or even trying to use weed to help my ass. Though I'll only do either if I absolutely feel like it but even then I kinda prefer not to since I fucked up some connections with people years ago. I don't expect any sort of forgiveness or anything just that I'm willing to admit I should've been better about not overdoing it and all that.

Anyway I just wanted to get that all off my damn chest so I'll just end this post here.