I know it’s been a while but I have a lot on my mind. This one is gonna be a REALLY LONG, so sit down and keep your eyes peeled... and don’t do that thing where you skim through it all to get to a cliffnotes section because I’m not making one.

You may know me as TuchimuchYoshi or whatever, I’ve grown past it. My name’s Prince (I’m not kidding that’s my real name. It’s kind of a kickass name that I never took advantage of, but it’s super symbolic so pay attention) (but also Uncle Tuchi is always gonna be fun to play with, this is so sad, but happy, it’s complicated lol)

But lately, there’s been this spot in my heart that wants to come back to this place. I do so much more watching and observing than I do making an impact or a statement... which feels so different than the person I am. Recently, I was on a podcast with my boyfriend — check it out, we’re hilarious and I had so much to say. And when I did something magical happened, I felt motivated.

I dunno, a part of me feels like I’ve had this irreverent act that was a symbolic representation of my true irreverence... that sounds fucking insane, and it totally is, but it makes sense to me and that’s the best analogy I could make. But if I have to put it in layman terms, I got over myself. I got over trying to appeal to the person I’m trying to be rather than just doing it? That sounds horribly pretentious too, that’s not how I’m trying to come across. I swear to god I’m not crazy, I’m normal (Ok, I’m not gonna kill you crazy, but def unhinged lol jk), but I’m hitting this weird point in my life. I’m 25, my quarter life crisis is starting and y’know how it goes...

Ok, let me stop escaping my inevitable feelings and cut to the chase, I wanna start over this whole thing. New account, clean slate, authentic me. Not that I was fake, but this account is so old, I cringe at every failing, every misstep, every leap I feared to take, every word gone unsaid... I’d give anything to turn back that clock and tell myself to say what I feel, but the world doesn’t work that way. I can’t wish for that, but I can do something that I find more enjoyable — being myself. So yeah, I’m starting over. I’ll rollback some of my favorites from here, but I’m ready to kill this account.

I want to be more professional, I’ve had a lot of experience over the past few years I’ve been gone and I want to explore the avenues I was too cowardly to take in my naïveté (simply nauseating to think about, I want to vomit my guts up thinking about it...) god I have a headache lol, I’m totally starting to lose track of the points I was trying to make...

Anyway, I want to open commissions again. But sadly, I just don’t have the most, eh... I just feel like I’m too pretentious to take it seriously. I have to be 100% honest, I’m haughty, I’m brash and I’m a love me or hate me kind of personality. It’s just not the most marketable nature but I want to be creative with a community again. I want to feel like I’ve got a spot for me somewhere on this internet sphere. Maybe it was the people I met, maybe it was me, probably a bit of both.

Real talk: I just want to make this shit fun for me... art hasn’t been fun for me in years and I just feel so motivated to be creative again, I don’t wanna lose it again. I don’t know why I feel like I have to anchor this emotion, but it’s hard to feel like a black sheep (hence my black sheep fursona, who is still my favorite and I wanna reuse him), even when you’re just a normal, albeit quirky guy... the delusions of how I saw myself are fading and I’m just ready to say something, make some art that I enjoy and people that enjoy me enjoying it too. I wanna make things for people and not feel like it’s a job or an obligation that I have to be chained to.

I wanna feel free to express myself how I see fir, and I just kind of have this desperate plea in my heart that this feeling isn’t just something I’m making up. That I can have fun making art, not just for me, but for everyone. Like I’ll stalk twitter and see all the commissions and envy how I never had the balls to find fun in what I was doing. feeling. I wanna share the stories I wanna tell openly, and I want you guys to share your stories with me, and to create together.

Yet I can’t shake the feeling that something about me having that is wrong. It’s a bullshit feeling and I’m ready to move past it, and I wanna know if anyone else feels what I’m feeling. I’m sure plenty of people do, I’m just having my character breakdown, and now I have to readjust and pick my sorry ass up and do what I want to be happy... god, I hate how self-aware I am, it makes me feel artificial when I’m not, I’m just really good at doing what I need to do to get past problems with the least amount of trouble, even if it’s driving me bonkers. So I try to avoid those problems, I’m a pessimist that wants to turn to a positive outlook. Sometimes I fear I’m too cynical to feel happy, but at the same time, I’m aware it’s a choice and I have to motivate myself to make them...

I know this has been fucking long, and full of words like feelings and whining and bitching from some unemployed loser in his bedroom, but at the same time, I know this is something I need to do to feel better about myself and get my shit together... Did I mention how much I hate how self aware I am? It’s the most ridiculous fucking bullshit...

I’ll post this journal before I make my new account and I’ll add a link to it later, but thanks for sticking around. Even if you didn’t, this has been a wild couple of years and I’m hitting this hump where I need to purge out all the old bullshit so I can move on. Like you have no idea lol, I’ve had to drop this journal like 6 times to keep myself from overwhelming myself. I blame all the Cancer placements in my natal chart jk, but I can read horoscopes and am learning how to read the tarot. I really love mysticism and astrology, it entertains me to postulate the possibilities that we can’t foresee. All those routes extending on forever... sorry, I went on another tangent, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, let me wrap this up. If you’ve been sticking around and read through all this, thanks, you’re fucking awesome. And if not, well fake it till you make it, bitch lol, it’s no skin off my back either way, I’m just happy to get this off my chest and aim for the future. Hopefully, you’ll stick around...

Yeah, anyway, see you soon in a bright future... that’s so danganronpa and I don’t give a fuck haha! I’m recording this shit with siri on my iphone, that bitch is getting most of it wrong and I don’t care, it’s the most authentic I’ve felt all damn day holy shit...

Have a nice fuckin decade, 2020 is gonna be a fucking trainwreck. I’m a muthafuckin trainwreck... (yaaaaas ari) I’m too gay and I’ll probably feel some regret but I want to do this!!