I am frequently asked about the proper pronunciation of my family name, Arctos. Does it have a short 'o' sound, rhyming with cross or a long 'o', rhyming with dose?

To find the answer, you must go back several generations to my great, great, great, great, great uncle Artimus "Artie" Arctos who was the first to use the long 'o' pronunciation. Artie was a bit of a rebel and even went so far as to marry a polar bear, Ursula. But I digress...

Artie was quickly joined by his twin brother, Arthur, and their youngest sibling, Austin, who wanted to do everything Artie and Arthur did. But this did not go over well with older brothers Angus, Andy, and Alan, all of whom felt the long 'o' was a bastardization of what they claimed was the traditional pronunciation used by their father, Amos.

It may come as no surprise that this has caused quite a rift (and even some seriously hard feelings) between the two halves of the Arctos clan. On the other paw, this schism has made it easy to choose up sides for badminton or paintball games at family gatherings.

Now, you may be wondering which side of the badminton net I am on. As a descendant of Angus, I use the short 'o'. It may help you to remember that, if you throw something to me, the path it follows is an arc. Therefore, you have made an "arc toss".

*Ba-dump! Shisssss*