I don't post life updates much but I think this one is important.

A few years ago I tried to live up to my childhood dream of being a police officer, but I was unsuccessful for a number of reasons. Officially I was let go for "not progressing fast enough" and I was not given an opportunity to retrain. I blame myself for most of it. After that is was a dark place for a long time. I felt like a bad caricature of a better man, the punch line of a bad joke. I tried for 2 years to get back into the police force. Interview after interview always led to the same point; "sorry but you have not been selected, another more qualified candidate has gotten the position, feel free to apply again." I just felt so burnt out on all the wasted time and energy. I figure that mark of being fired made it impossible to get rehired by another police agency. I bounced around from job to job trying to find any purpose I did medical transport then security, but neither were really satisfying. When I was working my dead end job in security I started to study on my own and try and learn some IT skills. Thankfully a few months later, with some help from a good friend I was picked up by an IT company and I have been working there for the past few months now.

I have not felt this way in a while. Like I have some purpose now. I am looking forward to advancing my career and seeing where it takes me. The important thing to me was instead of dwelling on the past and trying to cling on to the identity of what I was trying so hard to be, learn from my mistakes and move on. A part of me will always wonder how things would have turned out if I were still a police officer, but I cant dwell on my mistakes. I will still support the police but I have no delusions about that chapter being over in my life.

I am looking forward to a new year with new opportunities. Thank you to all my friends and family who gave me the will to keep fighting and to keep moving forward; One day at a time.