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“Pass that shit.” you say to your friend Greg, who’s a white burnette, around 5’8, and as skinny as can be.
“Nah man, we almost out.” Greg says
“I got something new.” Chris says. He is another one of your friends, 6’0, white as well, and with hair as blond and long as your average surfer.
“What ya got?” you say
“Dude, I got this shit from some sciencey-type dude when I went up to Colorado. Like, he grows the shit, but he uses specific methods and shit. Man acts like he’s the greatest grower around. And I think he might be right.”
“Nah.” Greg says “Fuck that. There’s a million ‘greatest growers’ in Colorado alone, and ain’t one of them got shit on the emerald triangle guys.”
“Maybe so, but we should at least try it.”
“I’m game.” you say, and Chris passes you a bag of some odd colored weed. The weed is two toned, partly a regular green, and the other half has the color of mint ice cream. “Fuck it look like that for?”
“He said that shit was supposed to taste like mint chocolate chip, or smell like it.”
“Looks like it, sorta” you say and begin to roll some up
“I am not smoking gmo shit.” Greg says
“Bro, it’s gmo or basement stank and mold.” Chris says, annoyed
“Mold is natural.”
“So is lead dude, doesn’t mean you should put it in your mouth, dumb ass.”
“Gmo just means the shit is perfected.” you say, finishing rolling up the joint “They like do cross breeding between strains, they aren’t dumping agent orange on it or anything.” you finish saying, and then light up the joint. You take a puff of it, and it just tastes and smells generic. “Best in the business, my ass, this shit mid as fuck. You led me the fuck on.”
“Bullshit! That shit was not cheap!” Chris yells, and you feel a sharp pain in your chest
“Oh!” you say, and begin to cough. “No I- *hack* feel so- *cough* something.” you finish, and then breasts erupt from your chest. Perky and B sized.
“Man, what the fuck?” Chris says
“Gmos are safe, huh?” Greg yells
“Woah.” you say, and grab the breasts “I take it back, this shit ain’t mid. I can feel these things. This shit fucks.”
“Dude, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but that shit made you grow tits.” Greg says
“What?”
“Dude, you just grew breasts, like just- boom- titties!”
“Yeah man, that shit ain’t supposed to do that.” Chris says
“Wait, so you can see these too? I’m not just straight tripping? These are real?” you ask, still grabbing them
“Yes. Dude, we need to get you to a hospital.” Greg says
“I can’t afford that shit.”
“Fuck a hospital gonna do?” Chris says
“Breast reduction surgery.” Greg says and you feel a sweet-burning sensation in your crotch. You gasp, but no sound comes out and your friends continue arguing “You know Macy, or now Darius, he got some there when he went from he to she.”
“Fuck kind of a name is Darius, did he go from white chick to black dude too?”
“I don’t know. Like you know Chrissy, the one who was the other Chris, she like went male to female and I joked about picking a cooler name than fucking Chrissy. So like Darius is a step up, but I would have gone with like Goku or some shit. Something way cooler.”
“Your gmo shit gave me and std!” You yell as the feeling subsides
“Bro, what?” Chris says
“My dick was on fire, now I can’t feel it.”
“Is it still there?”
“Your dick doesn’t just fall off, it’s not like hair.” Greg says, and you agree, but fear makes you check anyways. You peak in and can’t see it, so you drop your pants and find it’s been replaced by a vagina
“Greg, you were saying.” Chris says, and you scream in horror
“You need a hospital! Chris, you go calm him down, and do not offer the mother fucker a hit. I’m gonna call Darius and see what selection of dicks they got at the clinic.” Greg says, bringing out his phone. You the feel an itching feeling cover your entire body, and it’s hot, real hot. But this isn’t like sexy hot, you’re burning up.
“What did you fucking give m-” you begin to yell and see mint-green fur crawling up your arm. You stare in shock and also see your hands reformed too. They’re more pawlike and ends in claws. You look up at your friends and see they’re also frozen in confusion. There’s near total silence besides Darius on the phone asking why he’s getting called at 2am. You feel the fur continue to spread, now covering most of your torso. You suddenly feel your spine move like a snake, and elongate out your ass. You turn around and see you sprouted a tail, also noticing your rear has plumped up and your, normally skinny, frame has shaped out into an hourglass figure. “Guys, I don’t- what do I SPRIG-” you say, with your voice being cut off with a word you were not trying to say. You feel your face change now, watching a snout form from your mouth and nose and having your eyes burn and widen and improve your vision simultaneously. The feelings and changes seem to finish, and the silence lingers on, as Darius has hung up by now, it seems.
“You’re a cat.” Greg says after around five minutes of silence.
“HOLY SHIT! WHAT DO I DO!?” you yell in a panic
“Bro, just… let us figure that out.” Chris says, turning on the tv “Just like distract yourself.”
“That’s hard when there’s A BIG FUCKING CAT SNOUT IN MY GOD DAMN FACE!”
“Like, you know how you don’t see your nose constantly? Your eyes blur it out, so the snout probably will to.” Greg says and so you scream at him in anger.
“Listen dude, let me call the guy and we’ll sort this out.” Chris says
“HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM?” you yell
“Just don’t think about it.” Chris says, and you’re about to berate him, but the guy picks up
“Worcester farms, how may I be of service?” the guy on the phone said, in a Californian accent
“Bro, we got major complications here dude.” Chris says
“Like?”
“Your shit turned my friend into a chick, but not just a chick, but also a cat.”
“Ok, and? Which strain was this?”
“Mint something.”
“Mint Chocolate Surprise?”
“I think.”
“Bro, you’re probably like totally mad right now-”
“No fucking shit.”
“But that’s the surprise!” he says and there is a silence for a second “Radical right?”
“No, this is fucked! Are you fucking insane, how the fuck?”
“Bro, so like it’s part of the surprise.”
“Do you think it’s ok to sell this shit?”
“Yeah.”
“How?”
“Who cares man. Shit’s fucking sick.”
“Do you smoke this shit yourself?”
“Nah, well kinda, I’m my own tester and shit, but the surprise franchise is tested in labs and shit. “
“Oh great. I want my money back!”
“Sucks dude, all sales are final!” The dude says, and then farts into the phone “Suck it.” he says and then hangs up.
“You want your money back? WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKING MONEY!” You yell “Look at me!”
“Call him back.” Greg says
“Why, he already made his remarks.” Chris says
“Yeah, but I’m gonna record him this time.”
“Smart.” Chris says and then calls the guy again
“Dude.” the guy says “I already told you, even if your friend got turned into a cat chick, you’re not getting your money back. Go fuck yourself, honestly. Annoying as hell, get off my phone, get some bitches. Fuck it, fuck your friend, they’re bitches now. Suck it!” he finishes and hangs up
“So, we got a confession now, right?” you say
“Yeah, but to do anything with it, we need a lawyer.” Greg says
“Where the hell would we find one of those?” you ask, and then hear something on the TV.
“Hi. I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do. And so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent. And that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque! Better call Saul. Saul Goodman, attorney at law.” It announces
“Well, then.” Greg says
“I guess we better call Saul.” you say
Epilogue:
You did call Saul, and after explaining your case, got in business. He was at first hesitant about your case, considering you’re not human, and had to do a lot of prep. However, the recording of the confession was one of the main points that convinced Saul to take your case. The case started with just suing the guy, James Worchestor, but evolved into a lawsuit against MED (Marijuana enforcement Division) for approving Worchestor, and then against Cedric Industries, who was linked to the transformative properties. Over all, Worcester lost all of his assets to you, and was imprisoned for 25 years, MED forked over half a million, and Cedric Industries lost around 3 million to you. You may have not come out of that courthouse a man, but you were a rich cat. You spent a lot of time as a television personality, becoming good friends with Snoop Dog, repeatedly showing up on Info Wars, due to Jones’ grudge against Cedric, and also leading many social movements, including the legalization of Marijuana in New Mexico (Saul helped here too). Over all, the stoner nobody that you once were was dead, but Goku El Gato (name credits to Greg) was born, and in all honesty, the life you live now was worth trading the ability to pee standing up
“Nah man, we almost out.” Greg says
“I got something new.” Chris says. He is another one of your friends, 6’0, white as well, and with hair as blond and long as your average surfer.
“What ya got?” you say
“Dude, I got this shit from some sciencey-type dude when I went up to Colorado. Like, he grows the shit, but he uses specific methods and shit. Man acts like he’s the greatest grower around. And I think he might be right.”
“Nah.” Greg says “Fuck that. There’s a million ‘greatest growers’ in Colorado alone, and ain’t one of them got shit on the emerald triangle guys.”
“Maybe so, but we should at least try it.”
“I’m game.” you say, and Chris passes you a bag of some odd colored weed. The weed is two toned, partly a regular green, and the other half has the color of mint ice cream. “Fuck it look like that for?”
“He said that shit was supposed to taste like mint chocolate chip, or smell like it.”
“Looks like it, sorta” you say and begin to roll some up
“I am not smoking gmo shit.” Greg says
“Bro, it’s gmo or basement stank and mold.” Chris says, annoyed
“Mold is natural.”
“So is lead dude, doesn’t mean you should put it in your mouth, dumb ass.”
“Gmo just means the shit is perfected.” you say, finishing rolling up the joint “They like do cross breeding between strains, they aren’t dumping agent orange on it or anything.” you finish saying, and then light up the joint. You take a puff of it, and it just tastes and smells generic. “Best in the business, my ass, this shit mid as fuck. You led me the fuck on.”
“Bullshit! That shit was not cheap!” Chris yells, and you feel a sharp pain in your chest
“Oh!” you say, and begin to cough. “No I- *hack* feel so- *cough* something.” you finish, and then breasts erupt from your chest. Perky and B sized.
“Man, what the fuck?” Chris says
“Gmos are safe, huh?” Greg yells
“Woah.” you say, and grab the breasts “I take it back, this shit ain’t mid. I can feel these things. This shit fucks.”
“Dude, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but that shit made you grow tits.” Greg says
“What?”
“Dude, you just grew breasts, like just- boom- titties!”
“Yeah man, that shit ain’t supposed to do that.” Chris says
“Wait, so you can see these too? I’m not just straight tripping? These are real?” you ask, still grabbing them
“Yes. Dude, we need to get you to a hospital.” Greg says
“I can’t afford that shit.”
“Fuck a hospital gonna do?” Chris says
“Breast reduction surgery.” Greg says and you feel a sweet-burning sensation in your crotch. You gasp, but no sound comes out and your friends continue arguing “You know Macy, or now Darius, he got some there when he went from he to she.”
“Fuck kind of a name is Darius, did he go from white chick to black dude too?”
“I don’t know. Like you know Chrissy, the one who was the other Chris, she like went male to female and I joked about picking a cooler name than fucking Chrissy. So like Darius is a step up, but I would have gone with like Goku or some shit. Something way cooler.”
“Your gmo shit gave me and std!” You yell as the feeling subsides
“Bro, what?” Chris says
“My dick was on fire, now I can’t feel it.”
“Is it still there?”
“Your dick doesn’t just fall off, it’s not like hair.” Greg says, and you agree, but fear makes you check anyways. You peak in and can’t see it, so you drop your pants and find it’s been replaced by a vagina
“Greg, you were saying.” Chris says, and you scream in horror
“You need a hospital! Chris, you go calm him down, and do not offer the mother fucker a hit. I’m gonna call Darius and see what selection of dicks they got at the clinic.” Greg says, bringing out his phone. You the feel an itching feeling cover your entire body, and it’s hot, real hot. But this isn’t like sexy hot, you’re burning up.
“What did you fucking give m-” you begin to yell and see mint-green fur crawling up your arm. You stare in shock and also see your hands reformed too. They’re more pawlike and ends in claws. You look up at your friends and see they’re also frozen in confusion. There’s near total silence besides Darius on the phone asking why he’s getting called at 2am. You feel the fur continue to spread, now covering most of your torso. You suddenly feel your spine move like a snake, and elongate out your ass. You turn around and see you sprouted a tail, also noticing your rear has plumped up and your, normally skinny, frame has shaped out into an hourglass figure. “Guys, I don’t- what do I SPRIG-” you say, with your voice being cut off with a word you were not trying to say. You feel your face change now, watching a snout form from your mouth and nose and having your eyes burn and widen and improve your vision simultaneously. The feelings and changes seem to finish, and the silence lingers on, as Darius has hung up by now, it seems.
“You’re a cat.” Greg says after around five minutes of silence.
“HOLY SHIT! WHAT DO I DO!?” you yell in a panic
“Bro, just… let us figure that out.” Chris says, turning on the tv “Just like distract yourself.”
“That’s hard when there’s A BIG FUCKING CAT SNOUT IN MY GOD DAMN FACE!”
“Like, you know how you don’t see your nose constantly? Your eyes blur it out, so the snout probably will to.” Greg says and so you scream at him in anger.
“Listen dude, let me call the guy and we’ll sort this out.” Chris says
“HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM?” you yell
“Just don’t think about it.” Chris says, and you’re about to berate him, but the guy picks up
“Worcester farms, how may I be of service?” the guy on the phone said, in a Californian accent
“Bro, we got major complications here dude.” Chris says
“Like?”
“Your shit turned my friend into a chick, but not just a chick, but also a cat.”
“Ok, and? Which strain was this?”
“Mint something.”
“Mint Chocolate Surprise?”
“I think.”
“Bro, you’re probably like totally mad right now-”
“No fucking shit.”
“But that’s the surprise!” he says and there is a silence for a second “Radical right?”
“No, this is fucked! Are you fucking insane, how the fuck?”
“Bro, so like it’s part of the surprise.”
“Do you think it’s ok to sell this shit?”
“Yeah.”
“How?”
“Who cares man. Shit’s fucking sick.”
“Do you smoke this shit yourself?”
“Nah, well kinda, I’m my own tester and shit, but the surprise franchise is tested in labs and shit. “
“Oh great. I want my money back!”
“Sucks dude, all sales are final!” The dude says, and then farts into the phone “Suck it.” he says and then hangs up.
“You want your money back? WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKING MONEY!” You yell “Look at me!”
“Call him back.” Greg says
“Why, he already made his remarks.” Chris says
“Yeah, but I’m gonna record him this time.”
“Smart.” Chris says and then calls the guy again
“Dude.” the guy says “I already told you, even if your friend got turned into a cat chick, you’re not getting your money back. Go fuck yourself, honestly. Annoying as hell, get off my phone, get some bitches. Fuck it, fuck your friend, they’re bitches now. Suck it!” he finishes and hangs up
“So, we got a confession now, right?” you say
“Yeah, but to do anything with it, we need a lawyer.” Greg says
“Where the hell would we find one of those?” you ask, and then hear something on the TV.
“Hi. I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do. And so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent. And that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque! Better call Saul. Saul Goodman, attorney at law.” It announces
“Well, then.” Greg says
“I guess we better call Saul.” you say
Epilogue:
You did call Saul, and after explaining your case, got in business. He was at first hesitant about your case, considering you’re not human, and had to do a lot of prep. However, the recording of the confession was one of the main points that convinced Saul to take your case. The case started with just suing the guy, James Worchestor, but evolved into a lawsuit against MED (Marijuana enforcement Division) for approving Worchestor, and then against Cedric Industries, who was linked to the transformative properties. Over all, Worcester lost all of his assets to you, and was imprisoned for 25 years, MED forked over half a million, and Cedric Industries lost around 3 million to you. You may have not come out of that courthouse a man, but you were a rich cat. You spent a lot of time as a television personality, becoming good friends with Snoop Dog, repeatedly showing up on Info Wars, due to Jones’ grudge against Cedric, and also leading many social movements, including the legalization of Marijuana in New Mexico (Saul helped here too). Over all, the stoner nobody that you once were was dead, but Goku El Gato (name credits to Greg) was born, and in all honesty, the life you live now was worth trading the ability to pee standing up
Category Story / TF / TG
Species Pokemon
Size 1200 x 700px
File Size 708.8 kB
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