We lost a familiy member yesterday due to cancer. Her name was Luci and she was the coolest big dog ever. I will miss her.

On my way home last night a dear friend and I were talking. She was helping me get through the loss and she said that Luci has now found her castle in the sky. That really meant a lot and I thank her for the support.

*Pic © me
*Song: Castles in the Sky by Ian Van Dahl
The Real Luci

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Memorative:

Luci was a good dog and her and I shared a bond that was different than most. No, I did not spoil her with affection such as loving pets and baby talk belittling her strong spirit. To me, we were equals. I would say Hi and give her a few pets on the head when I saw her and she would follow me out to do horse chores when we watched the house and kept the critters away as I got eggs and locked up at night. She even snuck down into the Tree Farm with a friend and I on one of our horseback outings. I respected her like a human respects an idol.

She had a lump within her upper jaw removed last July and when I heard it resurfaced I was somewhat slighted. I was told there was nothing we can do for her except for just let nature run its course. It was obvious now that her time was limited. Unlike myself, my sister made it a point to travel out to the farm and see her as her time grew near. I saw her every week when I went out and each time her face on the left side was a bit more bloated then the previous visit. It was when the tumor ruptured inside her mouth that my mom called the vet.

The day before the procedure I found myself thinking about her a lot and how she had one more night with us on Earth. I cried on and off here and there just randomly as if something just triggered in me and told me to do so. It was hard at first but the more I thought about it the better I felt, or so I thought.

When the time came I travelled out to the farm and spent three hours digging a hole with my mom for her burial. The entire time I was okay, we joked about many things and talked about past times and what it was like on the old frontier for people that had to dig their own families graves. It must have been hard, especially if it was in the winter like it was for us. Snow still covered the ground and as we worked we found ourselves chipping away the earth as if it were rock. My mom would chip at it and then I would removed the dirt she had managed to loosen. Before long we had a very nice respectable deep hole of about three to three and a half feet deep. My sister soon joined us, watching on as we worked, her eyes shallow and full of despair. I felt bad for her and just looking at her brought the tears back to my eyes... and I was doing so good before at keeping it out.

Next we knew it was time, so I hoisted Luci up in the back of the Explorer and we travelled down to Solon. We parked and hooked her up, having to nearly drag her through the door. I knew she could tell something was up because of the look on her face. That and she could tell that there was sadness all around her. We got into the room and the vet assistant helped lift her to the table top in no time. She laid there as my family gathered around, petting her, telling her she was going to be okay while I crept back into a corner and over looked it all. The longer we stood there the slower time seemed to get. Luci looked out with her bright blue eyes over her puffy face to my dad, who was right in front of her, and then to my sister who was to her right, finally to my mom who was off to her immediate left and I who was tucked back between mom and dad. She seemed calm as they pet her, saying their final goodbyes. I just watched. Tears soon started rolling down my sisters cheek as she clasped a Kleenex to her face, followed by my mom. My dad remained silent and resolute before her, petting her gently. I continued to watch, my chin slightly quivering as soon as I saw her wince at the needle they stuck into her leg. We watched on, one by one breaking down into tears. There was no question whether or not she was still with us when the time came. Around 5:00 PM Wednesday Feb. 16, 2011 Luci passed on to the green meadows beyond the world of the living. At the very moment she left the room broke. As a family we stood there, having said good bye to one of our members, my sister began crying, my mom following in suit. I turned around and lost it. My entire body was shaking as I fought the urge to cry with no avail. It was over, she was gone. My dad hugged me as I wept at her departure, never knowing how painful it was to watch a loved one pass on, to physically see their spirit leave their body. My other pets would always be gone when we found them and the pain was never as hard as this pain was.

I will never forget her and her strong spirit or the gentle look she gave us before she left as she lay there on the table. My respect for her will forever be ongoing no matter where she is. Who knows, I am sure I will see Luci again. Once a beaten and battered pup found near the Tree Farm having fed off dear carcasses in the ditch to a proud and loving member of our family, she will be missed and her time with us will be cherish.