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just let go | personal
-she/it-
I actually had a clear idea of what this means and what I wanted to draw when I started this one so I'll share--
It's about my independent nature and how hard (impossible) it is for me to give up control in any context, but especially asking for that kind of thing in sex/BDSM. If I could just Do it Myself instead of relying on anyone else I would. 1000%. Always. And that's not healthy! It's something I want to work on.
She's holding her own leash and looks leery about giving it up, she wants to trust someone else to hold it. She wants to, so bad. But it's so. fucking. hard.
I also have this idea of her holding the tattered remains of the leash, gripping it so tight she's destroyed it. So unable to give up control that it's self harm.
I actually had a clear idea of what this means and what I wanted to draw when I started this one so I'll share--
It's about my independent nature and how hard (impossible) it is for me to give up control in any context, but especially asking for that kind of thing in sex/BDSM. If I could just Do it Myself instead of relying on anyone else I would. 1000%. Always. And that's not healthy! It's something I want to work on.
She's holding her own leash and looks leery about giving it up, she wants to trust someone else to hold it. She wants to, so bad. But it's so. fucking. hard.
I also have this idea of her holding the tattered remains of the leash, gripping it so tight she's destroyed it. So unable to give up control that it's self harm.
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 3325 x 2494px
File Size 5.87 MB
Listed in Folders
Speaking from the experience of my mate (now of 11 years) having been in a similar situation - there's an order to this kind of thing. Establish friendship first, build the relationship, and build trust. This isn't fast, and might take years. THEN you can work on sharing control, and even moving it into sex - but the important bit is to build the trust *first*, and not push it too fast.
This one really touches me. I had quite literally played this part at a recent function, walking myself with my brand new gear, watching the other creatures mingle & come close as naturally as a matter of course. There's certainly something about "must I do everything myself?" that has a grip on me. I am of so many minds on the subject. It is my wish that her desire can be fulfilled. While also being in a particularly solitary disposition at the time I leave this comment, myself. Being your own #1 is important, but oh the yearning. To have a sanctuary, to trust, to be vulnerable. It really is such sweet sorrow.
Glad this resonates w you!
I have! I don't think that really fits me since i dont really... I don't have to do things perfectly myself. And I'm pretty chill as far as "good enough" and whatnot. The perfectionism angle seems pretty important in that diagnosis from what I read.
It's more that...
To trust someone else to actually get things done that need to be done. Or to trust someone to fulfill things I need...its very hard. its very hard to ASK for anything i want if it isn't essential.
An example; once- it took me three days work up the courage to ask my boyfriend (of over a decade!) if we could get McDonald's because I was craving their chicken nuggets. I have no reason to believe he would say no, or give me any problem about such a simple request. But it sometimes feels impossible to even ask.
I have! I don't think that really fits me since i dont really... I don't have to do things perfectly myself. And I'm pretty chill as far as "good enough" and whatnot. The perfectionism angle seems pretty important in that diagnosis from what I read.
It's more that...
To trust someone else to actually get things done that need to be done. Or to trust someone to fulfill things I need...its very hard. its very hard to ASK for anything i want if it isn't essential.
An example; once- it took me three days work up the courage to ask my boyfriend (of over a decade!) if we could get McDonald's because I was craving their chicken nuggets. I have no reason to believe he would say no, or give me any problem about such a simple request. But it sometimes feels impossible to even ask.
Your description really speaks to me. I've found it difficult to impossible to trust people and allow myself to be vulnerable. But I really want to. Maybe I might even enjoy myself. Just seems like nobody wants to be patient enough even when you are really trying. They move on or call you a tease or say they can't deal with your hangups. Its frustrating and lonely and it feels like you are the one at fault. I haven't figured out how yet.
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