Greetings to my followers and close friends, since last year this month in particular has been a difficult time for me and for my family (what’s left of it that is). As stated in my previous journal my father was incarcerated a year ago, and has negatively impacted my mental and physical health. I couldn’t say much due to the legalities of the situation which prevented me from doing so. As of recently, that recently changed.

Disclaimer: before you read, my father and mother were divorced long before the events of August 2024.

What happened in the beginning

In July of last year, I was visiting my cousins for my birthday. During my stay however, my cousin, sister, and I were discussing a sensitive topic but not knowing what was going on. My father on the other hand gets a “revenge” call from his ex. I was completely oblivious to what was going on, but can’t help but have this quiet feeling of dread (rightfully so). After my sister and I had a conversation with my cousin, she went to talk to my dad. The conversation was about sexual abuse with my brother (the allegation that my father was soon about to face). He gave my brother a call, he was going to be kicked out from the house not just for the sexual abuse he caused, but posing a threat to everyone. At last, the peace that I was looking for was right around the corner, or so I thought.

The second day before heading down south for my college semester, my cousin talked to my sister and I about the situation. Making the feeling of dread even more prominent. She mentioned that my mother was given a key to my father’s house. I was getting messages from my mother constantly that she needed to get into the house. Me, getting tired of her constant text messages, told her where the house keys were. Little did I know, I inadvertently did something I didn’t intend to do as my mother wasn’t supposed to gain access to the house at all. I felt guilty and kept my mouth shut to confess to that mistake. Eventually the ride back home arrived the next day, we had some complications at first but improved and we got home at one in the morning. The next night, my father had a family meeting with myself, my brother, and my sister. He informed us what was happening and gave us contacts to his attorney. I was starting to get a little scared at the time, but calm hoping this will brush off.

Incarceration

As two weeks went by, I was attending my college classes as usual, completely oblivious to what was coming. On the third week of August on the 12th, I woke up to our roommate shouting my name one morning. She told me that the police were outside the door. I was like “OH SHIT!” I quickly put on some clothes and sat on the living room couch where an officer held the four of us. My mother came by, panicking and saying that she knew that my father was a bad man. My brother ran up to her and gave her a hug. The police confiscated my father’s electronic belongings. At that point, the life that I knew was now over. The same day I told my close high school friend that something went south and I needed to get away, he allowed me to come over to his place. Later, the word got out about my father and my family’s reputation was tarnished.

The officers that came in, gave us the warrant for the reason for his arrest. The reason was the sexual assault of two minors, remember that this is coming from my father’s ex’s daughter. I lived with my dad and known him for the majority of my life, I know that this is not who he is.

I called my cousin immediately after the police had left, telling them about what happened and to move up there with them. My college attendance was cut short, and focused on packing my belongings. On the days that followed it was nothing more than stress, I tried to continue college, after what happened I no longer had the mentality and sent my professors a note. My brother blamed me for the incarceration that I have no control over, one time the police were on their way and told my mother that now she has to pick sides. It was all nothing but stress, my chest was hurting pretty bad to a point as I was about to pass out and had to take ibuprofen to help it (I still struggle with the chest pain since then).

The CPS (Child Protective Services) came in about two weeks later, since my sister is a minor. My grandparents and cousins were there as well to give information about what has happened and information in regards to the case. I decided to tell the truth about my brother to the service lady that was doing the intake (this is to provide my sister with security and protection from my brother and making sure he was nowhere near my sister.) This was, however, out in the open and my brother was eavesdropping from the loft on the second story. Safe to say he didn’t like the truth of what he has been doing being out there, rightfully so. I wanted to make sure that my brother knows that he will not get away with it.

Later the same month, the middle school that my father worked for set up an event so victims of my father could come in to tell them what happened. To no shock, not a single student showed up. Which was a bit of hope that my father is innocent.



The Move

September rolled by, it was the week before I moved north of California. On Discord, I let my high school buddies know what was happening and about my move up north. We planned a last supper with the group at our local pizza joint, it was something to get away from the situation. On a long table, lay out four silver plates of pies in mushroom, ham and pineapple, cheese, and pepperoni. Me, being with my friends I have made in life on that table was the only comfort I ever got from the situation. Not knowing if I am ever coming back down to see them again. It was at least great to be with them one last time, having a good time and recalling our time in highschool, the best of things and the dumbest of things.

The day finally arrived when I got on that U-Haul, it was dark as a nearby wild fire’s smoke covered the sky and saw nothing more than the raging fire from miles away. I gave my sister a picture frame with all three of us as a parting thing for her to take, knowing I won’t be with them any longer. As for my mother, I said my final goodbye to her and gave her a hug, this was the last time she would see me. One less son. Boarded the U-Haul and left the same night. We stopped at a hotel for the night before continuing the next morning.

New Home

We left the hotel early in the morning to do the one last stretch of the ride. Nothing more than endless farmland for miles. Eventually, we made it to my cousin’s hometown and settled down in the new room. I tried to adapt to the new home (despite my wishes of moving up north in the future anyway) as my mind was still stuck at my old home down south. The week I moved, my cousin's son picked me up so I could sleep with them that night and go to the shooting range to relieve myself of the stress I have endured. Alongside with providing the police department in the town information from my end about my father’s case.

Although my cousins have helped me adapt and get a job, I had some hardships with them. For a lack of better words, she doesn’t like my dynamics. I, myself; am sort of a pro-gun (the only one in the family, a black sheep). My cousin unfortunately had to deal with a school shooting which in return gave her trauma, she was a teacher herself. In which I understand completely well, I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. However, me going to the shooting range often was making them concerned for me, I still have that anger in me since I know the whole situation was mostly about my brother. She said if I had the intent to harm them (god no!), to them I said “I assure you I have no intent of doing so.” Despite that she still disliked me for that. At one point, she considered me a threat to her and to her family (what the actual fuck!) despite my reassurance that I wouldn’t do a thing.

While I was working the winter job at an HOA, I was working an overnight shift thinking it’ll be quick. Foolish of me things didn’t go as planned, and getting a ride from the local taxi service wasn’t doing me any favors. I let them know beforehand that I was foolish for not scheduling a ride back. I was on the phone with her, and she told me it was my fault, I told her I acknowledge it. I forgot what she said that was something horrendous and my response was “what? What do you mean?” and she hung up, she took it as yelling even though I was confused as to why she was saying it. Once she arrived, she left the front passenger seat and stormed to the back seat of their car (context: this was on Valentine’s Day). At the time I was waiting with my coworker and he saw the whole thing too. I knew my ride back home was going to be hell, and hell it was. She gave me shit for having them to come to pick me up in the cold and staying I should’ve waited out there in the cold since I “ruined” their night and that had a lot “planned” and that I belong in a group home (she saved me from chaos, and she’s putting me right back in.) The same night, I let her son know what happened, they said I deserved better than this and wanted to invite me over to his place. My cousin’s kids know what she’s like, and I don’t blame them. The day after, I went to work as usual, but after I got back I was ready to tell her “no, I will not say sorry because you gave me shit.” After I did that, it seemed like she took it as an attack on her and screamed Bloody Mary (which it wasn’t) and said to her parents that I was going to kill her (all these years… and this is how I am treated!?) The rest, she put words in my mouth to make her seem innocent. I could tell at this time she’s desperate.

This prompted them to kick me out, back with the chest pains once more. The next morning I went to the police station to ask what I should do. They couldn’t do anything as I wasn’t paying rent. As I was trying to figure out what to do next, I was dealing with the chest pains from stress once more. I was lucky enough that the HOA I am working at had employee housing for me to move into. Once I came back to work, I told my co-workers what happened. They were all in disbelief once they heard my story, all the days that went by I pushed through the suffrage so I could live tomorrow. My cousin knew that the story was going around the HOA and told my boss that everything I say is a lie. My boss was smart enough and told me that he doesn’t believe her, you shouldn’t kick your nephew (me) out just because he believes that you’re in the wrong.

They said they were proud of me for making the move (bullshit), me? I’m heart broken that they see me nothing more than a threat and kick me out to save her own skin? When I told them that I had ZERO intent on causing them harm? If I become 50 - 60 and become like her? I prefer isolation rather than becoming a burden.

The Wait

Ever since I moved in (partially, most of my stuff was still at their place), I tried to get used to it again. With the still aching chest, I lay in bed the majority of the time, just trying to process it all with little comfort and warm showers. I continued with the winter job as always, trying to move on. Hoping the situation will entirely blow over soon. As depressing as all of it was for me, I distracted myself with the perks that the HOA offers as an employee. I get the perks of using their saunas and hot tubs during the winter and go there whenever I get the chance during or off work days (epic). Once my winter job was over, I was moved to another department of my HOA cleaning dishes at a pizza joint. They don’t have in-between jobs, so this was the one I stuck to until the summer. At the same time I get calls from my dad every so often about the court and other information, one that stood out to me is that my own mother threw me under the bus after she said I was lying about my brother. Her colors showed that she was only using love as a game and nothing else, using me as a tool all this time.

I was now working at the Marina (still currently am, tail end of the summer). My job? Tending to the beach, helping with rental paddle boards, paddle boats, etc. Does it get crowded? Oh yes, tourism at its peak. One unspoken thing for working at an HOA, it’ll make you hate tourists from time to time. I now understand why people from other countries hate tourists thanks to this.

Beside that, my father’s trial was coming near and I was constantly worried about when I needed to go down south so I could testify. With that, I was getting both a little cranky, and cocky. Although, I believe I was having a mix of emotions, I desperately wanted it to be over. It was impacting how I work and my emotional state of mind.

My father was in the ten day period as they were preparing for his trial.

The Truth Prevails

My cousin told me that she needed to go down south to handle the legal stuff with my dad. I still was anxious about what was about to come. Two days later, my cousin texted me to do FaceTime with her. Thinking I’ve done something bad (due to the hardships and the new found trauma) I took a deep breath and accepted the call……. Dad? He was free. I was stunned, the anxiety and constant worrying about heading down south to a trial have completely melted off of me. I wasn’t excited, I was happy but not excited due to being stunned. After giving my dad a virtual tour of my apartment and hanging up the call, I went into town to celebrate. I didn’t care how much I was going to spend, my father’s free and that is something to celebrate about.

As of recently, my father got on a plane with my cousin back to town to visit me. He finally came by in person to my apartment, I finally get to hug him after a full year. I wanted to cry, but I somehow couldn't. I showed him my apartment in person this time, and went to Starbucks. From there he told me what happened during the ten day period when the trial was supposed to happen.

He told me that he went to the court building the first day, after not finding one they sent him back to his prison. His lawyer talked to him and stated that something was… off about the case (as it was in the very beginning) and gave my dad the option to take one charge and walk out, my father refused the offer. The second day my father woke up from three in the morning to get there at eight, they tried again with no luck, which sucks since he came all the way out for nothing. On the third day, his lawyer came to him and told my dad that his charges and the case was dismissed without trial. He left the prison at midnight with my cousin there to pick him up.

What happens now? (Conclusion)

With my father free, I no longer have the stress of having to step foot in court. Not only that, knowing how bad the US Justice system is could’ve jeopardized my father’s case. I can finally move onto bigger and better things for myself. Although, I am damaged from the mental stress this all had on me and having this long road towards recovery. As for my brother and sister? They’ll have to take care of their mother until she can't be helped any more. My sister still has a choice to move up north with the rest of us, and make a better future. My brother? After the police came in to do a check up with my sister, they saw him and he wasn’t supposed to be there and confessed that my father’s case was entirely his fault. He’s still with my mom, although everyday he’s technically breaking the law while he’s living with my mother. Last I heard he’s working at a bar, probably a step away from being homeless due to legalities, mental issues, and damaged reputation. This is a grave he has made for himself, and he will be buried with his regrets.

The lesson? If you’re doing so well in life despite horrible things that have been done to you, don’t ruin it by taking away some innocent person’s life for something they did not commit. If its true, make the charges but double check and think twice if the charges that you are about to make are true. If not, you’re just making the real criminal get away. If you’re going to make a case, make sure you get the right person, and double check if you have anything credible.

Sexual allegations/abuse/charges are no joke and shall be treated seriously. Unfortunately (like what has happened to my father), in recent times accusations like this get abused to get attention by damaging another over a false accusation. One gets hurt, the other tries to benefit from their ruined reputation to get attention. Only when the truth comes out, do they feel the suffrage that the other had to endure to something that wasn’t true. Both would struggle to build back what they lost, perhaps trying to move on from the fallout.

On the other hand, this is overall unfair. Not only can innocent people get caught in the crossfire, but can be unfair to other victims of sexual abuse.