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Dear Wyla
2 weeks ago
Dear Wyla,
Once upon a time, I was captivated by your work and inspired by you. I wanted to learn and be just like you, but I took it a step too far. November 30, 2021 is when I say I officially started drawing. There are many things I have drawn that i've never posted or did and took down because I was ashamed of my lack of skill. I was struggling and I wanted to be as skilled as you were! I knew it was wrong, though I couldn't tell you why I didn't see the harm in doing so at the time, but did it anyway and traced your reference sheet, as well as a couple other small things. Even more so, I showed it to you directly, you were none the wiser, so I made more. I gave you a half-assed apology a long time ago, and it's true that I didn't really mean it, more so being sorry that I got caught. However, after you caught me with Ophelia and confronted me head on, I did feel very guilty and genuinely sick, because I recognized the damage I caused. I thought about it for days, took a few hours to write my note, and meant every word of that lengthy apology, to which you never responded. To shortly reiterate, I am sorry I gravely disrespected you in such a manner, squandered your lengthy mentorship with all the advice you've given me over the years, and trying to play you for a fool. I was arrogant, looked for shortcuts, and fucked up in the worst way I possibly could.
In the aftermath, I disabled my account and spent the next two weeks redoing all of the reference sheets, and I admit some still look vaguely similar, but I confess that I still love your linework and somewhat aim to mimic the way you shape things. Even after that, all the art since that incident onward has absolutely been by own hand. I will also totally admit that do need to kick the habit of referencing things exactly, coming to the understanding in the last couple months about how references are really meant to work. A few pieces in my gallery are referenced from various sources and pictures of myself directly, as I more or less had a misconception that you draw what you see, but it's not so literal after all. As to the most recent allegation, where you think I have directly copied your sketch, I will not address, confirm, nor deny it, because what has happened has happened, and naturally, followers tend to side with the larger creator nearly every time and have likely already made up their mind, making any defense I have irrelevant. That being said, I have temporarily removed the image from my gallery out of respect and in the interest of avoiding further conflict. (With it being something new to try too, it was awful to look at anyway, so no complaints! Lol.) What I will address, however, in response to Wyla's thread, is that no way would I ever stoop so low as to trace/steal/copy someone else's work for a profit! At that point, i'd be no better than the AI "artist" grifters.
So, what now? Well, for one, I am going to keep drawing. I have actually been planning to put my commissions on pause so I can draw some things for myself, with an emphasis on trying to understand techniques, study some specific methods, generally learn and improve, all rightfully the correct way, just as all artists have! 'Embrace the suck', as it were. It is erroneously arrogant of me to lie to myself and think that I should be better than how I really am/was. I am also going to take the advice I get to heart and persevere no matter how long something takes. You will see on many of my art posts that I detail how much of, and sometimes what I have learned, from the process of drawing whatever it is. I always tell myself that 'practice makes progress.' I do not believe in perfection and certainly saw myself as a hypocrite when I relentlessly give people advice myself telling them to 'be proud of what they can do rather than dwelling on what they can't do.' Essentially, there should be no shame in your lack of skill, because the fact that you can even do anything is already better than most other people, and it's constantly learning from that lack of skill which is the entire point! And I think looking back on my old art, cringing at what I was incapable of, is 100% something I didn't want to experience. I sought instant gratification, then fucked around and found out. I need to learn and understand, and am learning, that I simply need to be satisfied with what I can achieve, embracing how far i've come whenever I look back! Since I did what I did, I and others have noted improvements with each new art piece, encouraging me to continue, and to be honest, i'm having a lot of fun! It's a nice, alternative way to relax, and I think I kind of enjoy looking back on what I did before, compared to the present. Regardless, I learned that being able to confidently say, "I made this/that!", no matter how terrible, is a good feeling. I intend to keep moving forward, doing my best, and stop letting the anxiety of...well, whatever exactly the hell it is that's getting to me, get to me. Truthfully, maybe I was just afraid of never being good enough, so I tried to cut corners, doing the thing that everyone relentlessly told me not to do, and I subconsciously compared myself to other artists after all; The only artist I ever need to compare myself to is my past self.
Wyla said not to come and harass me, which I appreciate, but if I may, I would like to keep this journal open for comments. I welcome anyone, in civility, to criticize me all you like on this journal. Of course, any hostility, and pertaining comments posted elsewhere on my profile, will be removed and yourself blocked. In addition, I ask that folks keep this away from my other platforms, as they are in no way associated with my furry stuff; it's just here on FA. I will also mention that I have temporarily blocked Wyla, because with us having history, I guess, I want to avoid more back-and-forth and/or any further accusations in the future. I hope you understand, though I have no doubt you'll make posts on your socials anyway. This journal marks september 1st, which is just perfect because that makes it easy to remember, and in one year's time, I hope I can message you, maybe not to receive forgiveness, but start over, in a way.
As I mentioned, currently, I have a lot of personal stuff planned that I have been itching to draw and am very excited to get going on. At this point, considering Wyla's beware on me, I aim to redeem myself and show everyone, most of all to you and to myself, Wyla, that I can in fact do it! If anyone would like to give me a watch, or just check in every few months, I would really like the opportunity to show you that I really mean what I say.
Once upon a time, I was captivated by your work and inspired by you. I wanted to learn and be just like you, but I took it a step too far. November 30, 2021 is when I say I officially started drawing. There are many things I have drawn that i've never posted or did and took down because I was ashamed of my lack of skill. I was struggling and I wanted to be as skilled as you were! I knew it was wrong, though I couldn't tell you why I didn't see the harm in doing so at the time, but did it anyway and traced your reference sheet, as well as a couple other small things. Even more so, I showed it to you directly, you were none the wiser, so I made more. I gave you a half-assed apology a long time ago, and it's true that I didn't really mean it, more so being sorry that I got caught. However, after you caught me with Ophelia and confronted me head on, I did feel very guilty and genuinely sick, because I recognized the damage I caused. I thought about it for days, took a few hours to write my note, and meant every word of that lengthy apology, to which you never responded. To shortly reiterate, I am sorry I gravely disrespected you in such a manner, squandered your lengthy mentorship with all the advice you've given me over the years, and trying to play you for a fool. I was arrogant, looked for shortcuts, and fucked up in the worst way I possibly could.
In the aftermath, I disabled my account and spent the next two weeks redoing all of the reference sheets, and I admit some still look vaguely similar, but I confess that I still love your linework and somewhat aim to mimic the way you shape things. Even after that, all the art since that incident onward has absolutely been by own hand. I will also totally admit that do need to kick the habit of referencing things exactly, coming to the understanding in the last couple months about how references are really meant to work. A few pieces in my gallery are referenced from various sources and pictures of myself directly, as I more or less had a misconception that you draw what you see, but it's not so literal after all. As to the most recent allegation, where you think I have directly copied your sketch, I will not address, confirm, nor deny it, because what has happened has happened, and naturally, followers tend to side with the larger creator nearly every time and have likely already made up their mind, making any defense I have irrelevant. That being said, I have temporarily removed the image from my gallery out of respect and in the interest of avoiding further conflict. (With it being something new to try too, it was awful to look at anyway, so no complaints! Lol.) What I will address, however, in response to Wyla's thread, is that no way would I ever stoop so low as to trace/steal/copy someone else's work for a profit! At that point, i'd be no better than the AI "artist" grifters.
So, what now? Well, for one, I am going to keep drawing. I have actually been planning to put my commissions on pause so I can draw some things for myself, with an emphasis on trying to understand techniques, study some specific methods, generally learn and improve, all rightfully the correct way, just as all artists have! 'Embrace the suck', as it were. It is erroneously arrogant of me to lie to myself and think that I should be better than how I really am/was. I am also going to take the advice I get to heart and persevere no matter how long something takes. You will see on many of my art posts that I detail how much of, and sometimes what I have learned, from the process of drawing whatever it is. I always tell myself that 'practice makes progress.' I do not believe in perfection and certainly saw myself as a hypocrite when I relentlessly give people advice myself telling them to 'be proud of what they can do rather than dwelling on what they can't do.' Essentially, there should be no shame in your lack of skill, because the fact that you can even do anything is already better than most other people, and it's constantly learning from that lack of skill which is the entire point! And I think looking back on my old art, cringing at what I was incapable of, is 100% something I didn't want to experience. I sought instant gratification, then fucked around and found out. I need to learn and understand, and am learning, that I simply need to be satisfied with what I can achieve, embracing how far i've come whenever I look back! Since I did what I did, I and others have noted improvements with each new art piece, encouraging me to continue, and to be honest, i'm having a lot of fun! It's a nice, alternative way to relax, and I think I kind of enjoy looking back on what I did before, compared to the present. Regardless, I learned that being able to confidently say, "I made this/that!", no matter how terrible, is a good feeling. I intend to keep moving forward, doing my best, and stop letting the anxiety of...well, whatever exactly the hell it is that's getting to me, get to me. Truthfully, maybe I was just afraid of never being good enough, so I tried to cut corners, doing the thing that everyone relentlessly told me not to do, and I subconsciously compared myself to other artists after all; The only artist I ever need to compare myself to is my past self.
Wyla said not to come and harass me, which I appreciate, but if I may, I would like to keep this journal open for comments. I welcome anyone, in civility, to criticize me all you like on this journal. Of course, any hostility, and pertaining comments posted elsewhere on my profile, will be removed and yourself blocked. In addition, I ask that folks keep this away from my other platforms, as they are in no way associated with my furry stuff; it's just here on FA. I will also mention that I have temporarily blocked Wyla, because with us having history, I guess, I want to avoid more back-and-forth and/or any further accusations in the future. I hope you understand, though I have no doubt you'll make posts on your socials anyway. This journal marks september 1st, which is just perfect because that makes it easy to remember, and in one year's time, I hope I can message you, maybe not to receive forgiveness, but start over, in a way.
As I mentioned, currently, I have a lot of personal stuff planned that I have been itching to draw and am very excited to get going on. At this point, considering Wyla's beware on me, I aim to redeem myself and show everyone, most of all to you and to myself, Wyla, that I can in fact do it! If anyone would like to give me a watch, or just check in every few months, I would really like the opportunity to show you that I really mean what I say.
