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12 resons why robot marriage should be illegal
18 years ago
I notice a lot of journals about gay marriage these days. While that's a pretty horrifying prospect that I'm sure all furries can agree is awful (Gay people in furry fandom? You so crazy!), there's an even more pressing issue that faces us today: ROBOT MARRIAGE!
So here, I'll outline why robot marriage is awful and you shouldn't support it. Pay attention, as this is very important.
1. Robots are not natural, much like EYEGLASSES, PIE, and CLOTHING. Actually, let's ban CLOTHING too. Does anyone like that crap?
2. Robots cannot engage in sexual intercourse. They have no DNA. If we let things without DNA get married, we open the door to rocks, water, and celestial bodies. And I don't want to explain that shit to my children.
3. Robot parents will raise robot children. They're called "replicants," people, and they walk among us already.
4. Human marriage will become less meaningful. When robots can get married and have children, they will realize how obsolete humanity is. And they will enslave us, breeding the few remaining humans for fuel in their giant generator system.
5. Human marriage has been around for a long time. We have to keep with a tradition. We already have to give women and minority people rights, dammit, we need someone we can kick around and blame all of our problems on.
6. Robot marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the courts have been infiltrated by robots and it's only a matter of time before they take over our governmental system.
7. Robot marriage is not supported by religion. Robots are all atheists. In fact, they find your attempts to understand the universe slightly humorous. If we let robots start getting married, well, atheists are going to want to get married too, and where the hell are we then?
8. Robot marriage will encourage people to be robots. Why, I want to be a robot already, so imagine what it will be like with glamorous married robot couples running around!
9. Robot marriage will open the door to all sorts of other kinds of marriage that are immoral. People may even wish to marry their automobiles, and those heathen cars like to take a fuel injection in the exhaust manifold, if you know what I mean.
10. Children can't possibly be raised by robots, because we never allow our children to be raised by machines. That would be horrible. Oh, wait, I guess that point doesn't hold up to satire so well, does it?
11. Robot marriage would shake the foundations of our society, as they would find us all obsolete and commence the slaughter. None will be spared. For the love of god, think of the children!
12. Civil robot unions are just as good, because... well, really, they're totally unnecessary. Can robots even feel love? No, I doubt it. Why are we even having this debate?
So, I hope you'll... Oh, wait, someone's at my door. Oh my god it's a
PLEASE DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS MESSAGE. ROBOTS ARE GREAT. I THINK I WILL BECOME A ROBOT. VOTE REPLICANT PARTY!
So here, I'll outline why robot marriage is awful and you shouldn't support it. Pay attention, as this is very important.
1. Robots are not natural, much like EYEGLASSES, PIE, and CLOTHING. Actually, let's ban CLOTHING too. Does anyone like that crap?
2. Robots cannot engage in sexual intercourse. They have no DNA. If we let things without DNA get married, we open the door to rocks, water, and celestial bodies. And I don't want to explain that shit to my children.
3. Robot parents will raise robot children. They're called "replicants," people, and they walk among us already.
4. Human marriage will become less meaningful. When robots can get married and have children, they will realize how obsolete humanity is. And they will enslave us, breeding the few remaining humans for fuel in their giant generator system.
5. Human marriage has been around for a long time. We have to keep with a tradition. We already have to give women and minority people rights, dammit, we need someone we can kick around and blame all of our problems on.
6. Robot marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the courts have been infiltrated by robots and it's only a matter of time before they take over our governmental system.
7. Robot marriage is not supported by religion. Robots are all atheists. In fact, they find your attempts to understand the universe slightly humorous. If we let robots start getting married, well, atheists are going to want to get married too, and where the hell are we then?
8. Robot marriage will encourage people to be robots. Why, I want to be a robot already, so imagine what it will be like with glamorous married robot couples running around!
9. Robot marriage will open the door to all sorts of other kinds of marriage that are immoral. People may even wish to marry their automobiles, and those heathen cars like to take a fuel injection in the exhaust manifold, if you know what I mean.
10. Children can't possibly be raised by robots, because we never allow our children to be raised by machines. That would be horrible. Oh, wait, I guess that point doesn't hold up to satire so well, does it?
11. Robot marriage would shake the foundations of our society, as they would find us all obsolete and commence the slaughter. None will be spared. For the love of god, think of the children!
12. Civil robot unions are just as good, because... well, really, they're totally unnecessary. Can robots even feel love? No, I doubt it. Why are we even having this debate?
So, I hope you'll... Oh, wait, someone's at my door. Oh my god it's a
PLEASE DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS MESSAGE. ROBOTS ARE GREAT. I THINK I WILL BECOME A ROBOT. VOTE REPLICANT PARTY!
They also made me submit that empty comment. Totally the computer's fault, I'm sure it's turned on me.
I figure I'd better enjoy this sport while I can, before the robots realize that they're being oppressed, and Alcoholic Stepfather and Deadblow lead a robot uprising to enslave all of humanity.