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Can I just crawl under my blankets and hide now?
10 years ago
warning: this isn't as happy as my last journal
i’m just so far for being okay right now
i’ve left my medicine 4.5 hours away and maybe will get them on monday in the mail
it’s been an exceptionally crappy week as far as my emotions
ray left ah and i’m so stoked for him, but i think him leaving has caused me to realize that everything in my life is changing
i’m getting different friends
i’m graduating college something i never thought i would be able to do
i have a new job with benefits
i’m freaking moving to florida 14 hours away from my home from everything i’ve known and i did pretty swell there for the 6 months i was there for my internship and i love florida so far but what if it doesn’t work out
what if i fail
i’m terrified
i’m just so far for being okay right now
i’ve left my medicine 4.5 hours away and maybe will get them on monday in the mail
it’s been an exceptionally crappy week as far as my emotions
ray left ah and i’m so stoked for him, but i think him leaving has caused me to realize that everything in my life is changing
i’m getting different friends
i’m graduating college something i never thought i would be able to do
i have a new job with benefits
i’m freaking moving to florida 14 hours away from my home from everything i’ve known and i did pretty swell there for the 6 months i was there for my internship and i love florida so far but what if it doesn’t work out
what if i fail
i’m terrified
It's OK to be a bit freaked out. Big changes means heading into the unknown, which is always a pretty darn scary thing. That said, it also means experiencing a plethora of new and exciting emotions, feelings, friendships, and experiences.
But I just finished my final sound design and rounding up everything to move/selling what I can. I'm happy with it being like this. I really cannot complain about graduating with a job at my dream work place, I just feel melancholy sometimes because I COULDA HAD IT ALL WITH IMAGINEERING (but okay not really bc it was another temp internship) /sobs.
I'm happy to be moving on with this part of my life and I'm taking my dog with me so at least I have a partner! I talked to my mom about it and she is probably going to come stay for a week after I move in just while I get adjusted to everything. Living alone has its perks, but it also means I don't have anyone to come home too/another presence in the house besides my dog. And I know I have my boys from work that are willing to back me. We'll always have Moe's Mondays and I can bribe them with beer to help me build bad IKEA furniture.
also sexuality crisis out of the butt would you believe it. This summer I was like, 'omg yes aromantic asexual perfect this is my box' and then cuties happened and i was like, 'okay maybe gray but still def ace, and aro as far as I wouldn't mind queerplatonic relationships (because from what i've read i'm in two) and i still don't want romantic relationships' literally someone to come home too that i'm comfortable with and forge a nice friendship with would be fab who likes dogs and the same things i do and cooks me things when i forget
//sorry for ranting this is me all the time okay
Glad to hear you're looking towards the future, and kudos for discovering new things about yourself in the sexuality department (What a bag of madness that can be sometimes).
I've also been keeping busy with my show. Baby's last sound design at school and I think I nailed it! I'm happy with what I've put out there and the team is happy. I can't do underscoring since it's an opera and the orchestra is killin' it tbh, but the director and I agreed on pertinent effects to the show so that's always nice. also hella sexuality problems but what's new. I want a box and what I like is not in a box.