I didn't talk about Yuki a whole lot on here, but I feel the need to share in case people see me at MFF and wonder why the sad mood or unexpected tears at weird moments.

Yuki had to be put down on Friday the 24th. He had been doing very bad for a couple of days. So Thanksgiving night Clemi took him to the emergency vet and they thought nothing of it. Maybe he just wasn't feeling well. Okay older cat he's allowed to have a bad day. I come home from working a double and find him hiding. He has never hidden in the 15 years he's been with us. I leave him on the couch and go to bed figuring he might feel better later on. Clemi comes home from work and finds him hiding under our mom's bed and goes to pick him up only to come back with a massive handful of fur. She calls me once he stops responding to even basic things. I leave work early uncaring of what it looked like because Yuki is my baby and if he's doing bad he needs a vet right away.

So I come home and see him laying on the floor not doing anything. I know it's bad. Clemi picks him up and all I hear is a tiny protest meow that doesn't sound like any of his normal meows. He meows a couple of times while I carry him in the carrier to the car to go to the vet. He meows once inside the vet and they take him back right away. That is when it got bad. Vet tells us his body temp has dropped, his breathing is slowing as is his pulse. I can figure what it means. I been a CNA for 11 years and I know when death is coming. Call our mom and she agrees the best thing for him was to put him down as no test would be worth putting him through more things.

The vet tech brings Yuki into the exam room wrapped in warm blankets and the fact he has no reaction to a stranger holding him told me this was it. The vet comes in with the medicine to put him to sleep and barely done flushing the IV and my precious furbaby was gone. No suffering. Just one last big deep breath. I've lost family members and friends, but never have I gone into a panic attack like I did with Yuki lying dead in my arms. When we adopted him I was the first to hold him and I was the last one to hold him. I cleaned his face and told him I was sorry I didn't know he was sick and that there wasn't more I could do for him. (Even writing this I'm in tears and it been almost 3 days)

Thankfully the vet was beyond understanding and compassionate far more than some hospice nurses I've worked with. What perhaps was saddest part was leaving his body on that table and feeling how cold he already was. They let us have some time with him and let us go to a different room to deal with paperwork. We had him cremated and his ashes will be spread at the place where it will take place and the spot they scatter the ashes for pets blooms with lots of flowers in the spring which seemed nice. They waved the exam fee, cut the euthanasia fee in half, and some other things because it had been so fast in less than 24 hours. We will have clay paw prints done for me, Clemi, and our mom.

However it sucked ass coming home without him. The better part of the weekend has been me in bed in tears. His birthday was christmas so it's going to suck horribly to not have him here. I understand he's gone but I miss seeing him and hearing him meow beg for food. It just hurts.

As a family we have talked about what we wish to do pet wise. Right now trying to decide if we want to adopt one or two kittens. As a staff member for MFF I have looked at the past charities we have worked with and seriously considering taking a visit out to those places. I don't know. No choice will be made before the con this week.

RIP Yuki December 25, 2001 - November 24, 2017